How to return the interest of a husband: the secrets of experienced wives. How to get a guy back: first steps, major mistakes and advice from psychologists

Text: Alex Leslie, excerpt from the new book Bull Hunt, website only

Do you still think that a man “owes” you? We will tell you why this belief is dangerous, how to behave so as not to put an end to relationships, and how the female approach to quarrels differs from the male one.

We present an excerpt from the new book by Alex Leslie. Finally, the "seduction coach", who is often called the main pick-up artist of the country, switched to a female audience.

There is little theory in “Hunt for a Male”, only proven techniques for falling in love and valuable thoughts on how to properly communicate with a man.

Ultimatums: Why Courtship Shouldn't Become a Duty

If you think like this: “He used to do it. Now it has stopped. What the heck? You need to tell him that this will not work! He must take care, I'm a woman! ”, This is male logic, male construction of a phrase. And the male strategy of "ultimatum" suggests itself! And what do you get in return? “Yes, I don’t owe you anything, I gave you flowers on March 8th” or “Okay,” he says, lowering his head. And now wooing you is his job. And he used to enjoy it! But of course he won't tell you! You understand why! He comes to me and says this:
“I used to like taking care of her, but now it’s my duty. It's stressing me out. But I understand that I have to behave this way. And I want a flight, I want a brain explosion, I want emotions. That's why I want to find a mistress!" And he wants to find a mistress instead of you. And do it all for her. And why? Because now he does not “want” to look after as before, but “should” do it. It depresses him, he feels it. Routine, he thinks. But he comes home with a smile, brings you gifts. And at this time you think that nothing is happening. In the meantime, he is looking for another. Because a man wants to "want" and not "to be". Anything that restricts our freedom begins to oppress us.

Therefore, if you suddenly want at least once in your life during some showdown with him, or during a quarrel, tell him: “When was the last time you gave me flowers?” or “When was the last time you invited me out?” or “When was the last time you took me somewhere?” - better bite your tongue, so that you can never say it again. After all, this will put an end to his desire to fight for you! And we just need it. He will never tell you this, because to say such a thing to a woman is contrary to his masculine nature. But it's true!

Women's strategies: play off, competition, provocation

Instead of an ultimatum, use a female strategy. Bleeding! Competition! Provocation! You start to sob and want to give him: “Yes, when did you give me flowers for the last time!” - immediately replace it with another option: “They try to glue me under your nose, give me flowers, but you don’t see it! Do you want to lose me? Will I fall in love with myself? And will they take you away?" And here you will see how his face will change, believe me! You will see a dog whose territory someone has encroached on. And here they are! instincts! He will immediately switch to hitting you!

In any case, everything is always blamed on others. Never say you can leave!
Instead of "I can leave" - ​​say: "They want to take me away!"
Instead of "I can fall in love!" - "I can fall in love with myself!"
Instead of "I'll move away from you!" - "I'll be transported!"
Instead of "I'll get divorced!" - say: "I can be divorced from you!"

Any of your active role in any scene is masculine behavior. Any passive is feminine. A woman in a feminine way as a victim has a stronger effect on a man. Not even like that.

• In the first case, you have no influence at all. When you say: “I will leave,” he begins to answer like a man: “Well, go away, well, just try! Let's see what you get out of it!”. That is, you cause aggression on yourself. He thinks: “Yes, where are you going without me! Try it, go out the door of this house, I'll show you where the crayfish hibernate. There is life in the old dog yet".


• In the second case: “Why the hell are they trying to take her away from me? Who allowed them to? They don't take me for a man? Who is this? I will now show them my territory, and what happens when they try to climb on it. Imagine if the car said to the driver: “I will go to another owner!”. The reaction of the driver: "Die, it's better not to get to anyone!". And when something is taken away from him, this is a threat. And he will fight.

Private property for men

You say: “I'm not your thing! I don't belong to you!" In this you are wrong. You belong to him. He can deny it, we really think so, and there's nothing you can do about it! Remember - you are his property. Don't argue with it. Use it! You are the property that they are trying to take. And you shouldn't have any influence on it. It's his business. If he is not ready to fight for what is taken from him, he is not a man. He's not male, but female! Here's what I'll tell you. No man will tell you that! But ... Believe me, all the men would prefer that women behave this way! Cunningly. Thin. Smart and feminine! Replace!

Instead of "When did you give me flowers?" say: "All sorts of goats begin to court me." Instead of "Why don't you take me anywhere?" - "I was invited on a date, but I would prefer it if it was you!" Instead of "When was the last time you gave me something?" “They tried to give me a ring at work today. Can you imagine what you've come to? They think that I don’t have a boyfriend who can buy it for me!”

Some countries have this tradition. Pay attention to the female partner. If your partner cannot decorate his woman properly, then you should not do business with him. Bring it to our reality. You don’t want him to give you, and you don’t force him to do it. And it's about him that you start to think badly at your work. He does not follow his woman, so you can encroach on her. That is, it is not you who do not respect him, but others cease to respect him. Use public valuation to force him to court you. And never in reproach. “Imagine what they say. My crazy boss hinted to me that if I were his woman, he would spend more money on me. Guess what a jerk? You are so good with me, I don’t love you for money. ” You are greatly mistaken if you think that we men will pay attention to the part of the phrase in italics. When it comes to how we are perceived in society, we don't hear anything else!

Public perception is much more important to us than how we are perceived by one person, even the dearest, believe me. Therefore, the first instinct that any man will have is to prove to society that everything is wrong. Or give your boss in the face for such words. Or prove it in a more civilized way. For example, buy you a Porsche Cayenne. It would be nice, wouldn't it? Believe me, you yourself will never divorce him on a Porsche Cayenne. No matter how hard you try. Why would a man buy it for you? Just? And what will he get from this?

So, if he gets public recognition, respect, then it may be worth it. Forget about selfless expensive gifts. Women who believe this have never received them!

Conclusion

If you want to download rights with a man on his territory, you are doomed to failure. Remake phrases that have non-feminine notes into feminine options, resort to feminine tricks and tricks. You will defeat him only if you drag him into your territory.

Question to the psychologist:

Good afternoon, I met a guy for 3.5 years, we are 20 years old. The relationship itself was very warm, we shared and consulted with each other absolutely everything. We talked about the wedding. However, lately everything has become very boring, they did not know how to diversify. We saw each other twice a week because of school. And then he became interested in another girl from school, and I was told that we were taking a break in our relationship, he became unsure whether he loves. He began to communicate with this girl, but in terms of relationships, she rejected him, and naturally he became even more attracted to her. He called a couple of days later, said he didn't want to deceive me and we'd better finish this now. I said that now I don’t want anything after this either. We met, discussed everything and came to the conclusion that we would sometimes communicate, because we are not completely indifferent to each other. During the last meeting in every possible way I wanted to touch, hug, kiss on the cheek. Now I don’t know what to do, is there a chance that the indifference of that girl will push him away? He is a lion himself and very proud. Or is it necessary to somehow switch his attention? If so, how? In terms of appearance, I do not lose to this girl for sure. Or is it better to just get lost? (A week has passed since the breakup and all this time we have been communicating a little, I am the initiator).

The psychologist Lobova Elena Alekseevna answers the question.

Hello Alina!

I often ask myself: why do people, those who do not need them? what exactly does this guy give you? - feeds, shoes, clothes, contains? Or do you feel emotional or physical satisfaction with him? you hold on to the past, you hold on to what you and he were like before, but alas, no one has yet been able to return the expected relationship, that he will return to us and everything will be as before - sweets - bouquets, look at what is really happening - why should we waste time on those who do not need us? why worry and fill your head with thoughts, it was wonderful in the past, but this person has retreated from you and why hold on to him? I personally don't see the point.

did the person leave? - All! what else does he need? what is so valuable in him, if he has already left once, then at best, he will go back and forth, why do you need it? you all dissolved in these issues and lost yourself, behave like that girl who doesn’t need him for nothing, she understands all these subtleties and knows her own worth, he is good, he is wonderful, but why, with him? this is how those women talk about which men go crazy and they don’t hold on to anyone, because they consider men like buses - one left - the other will come) and the more fans, the wider the choice and opportunities and we already set conditions and dictate the rules, because we are the masters of the situation and they are already looking for meetings with us and listening to what we say.

Change the position of a dependent victim to an independent mistress of your life .... otherwise, you will continue to praise all sorts of squishy people and depend on their opinion, and they, realizing that you are holding on to them, will break down even more aggressively and inflate their own worth:

I got down to you...

shouldn't it be the other way around? what to pray for them? - if they don’t want, don’t, we’ll find someone better, and why are they needed at all, these pushers who believe that we can’t go anywhere without them, but for a long time already women have captured everything, from kindergarten to government posts. why hold on, that the breadwinner, drinker, sponsor?

feelings? what about feelings? - a chemical reaction of the brain and nothing more, but what we have a chemical reaction to is not at all obliged to experience a similar reaction in our address. respect yourself, stop letting him twirl you, they are not worth it ...

if a person treats us badly, what should we do to make him treat us well? yes, nothing, moreover, we will not do anything - what do we need those who treat us badly and for what purpose do we want to get his good attitude towards us? what is it for us? why do you want to return this guy, what is so special about him, if a person brings us suffering - we hardly need him. Why sit and wait for him to decide? But who is he to decide something in our life? Why do people who treat us badly acquire such power over us and decide something in our lives?

anna base

If the question is spinning in your head, how to return the interest of a man, boyfriend or husband to yourself, the advice of psychologists will help you answer it: a woman needs not to make basic mistakes in relationships and, first of all, love herself.

How to arouse a man's interest in yourself?

In life, it happens that a man, even after several years of a happy relationship, loses interest in his chosen one. It can be incredibly difficult for a woman to survive this, especially if feelings for her former lover have not yet cooled down. In such situations, it is difficult for ladies to listen to common sense, they begin to act impulsively, emotionally, which achieves a completely opposite result.

The guy holds the leaving girl by the hand

To help women - advice from psychologists on how to pull yourself together and not make mistakes in trying to return a loved one.

Women's mistakes

The actions taken by a woman who does not know how not to lose a man's interest are often the most common mistakes, after which the former lover not only does not gain lost interest, but runs away from the lady, losing her slippers. So, the top mistakes women make in an attempt to return a loved one

Pressure for pity. A woman with a weeping face, smeared with mascara, cries, begs, begs. Only the result is just the opposite. Many men cannot stand women's tears and do their best to limit their appearance in their lives. Especially this option will not help those who want to arouse interest in their husband. You have been together for a long time and such methods will definitely not cause interest, only irritation.
Attempts to appeal to logic. This is the case when an abandoned woman begins to give a man quite objective (as it seems to her) reasons why they simply have to be together. It can be: common children, common life, “we suit each other”, “we have been together for so many years”, “we feel good together” and others. In fact, this terribly annoys the gentleman.
Setting up random encounters. Beloved goes to work - the ex-girlfriend is right there. In the store, to my mother, in a cafe - she is everywhere. She pretends to be here unexpectedly, flapping her eyelashes in surprise, artificially smiling, trying to hug or even kiss. This is not quite the right move in the question of how to return the interest and attention of a guy. As a result, instead of the desired interest, it causes complete rejection.

The behavior of girls in case of a desire to return a guy is often absurd

Constant calls, sms, messages in social networks. The man sees that the former lover has grabbed him with a death grip and is not going to let go. What this leads to is easy to guess.
Eating grief. It's a shame, bitter, painful to lose the interest of a loved one. A woman intuitively begins to "sweeten" the bitterness of parting, absorbing sweets in unlimited quantities. Yes, as a result, the lady receives a certain dose of endorphins, but also an indefinite amount of extra pounds, which will definitely not become helpers in restoring past relationships.

What to do if the husband has lost interest?

Errors are clear. What should you do to get your loved one back? How to arouse interest in a husband? Here are the top tips.

Don't make the mistakes above.
Take a time out. Pause, cry properly if necessary, but not in front of your ex.
Switch your focus: meet and chat with friends, relatives, do needlework, focus on work.

Psychologists advise taking a three-month break from communicating with the former

At this time, it will not be superfluous to relax, go in for dancing, sports, swimming. Visit a beauty salon - take care of your appearance. Since a man has lost interest in you the way you are now, it is foolish to try to return him without changing anything: change is vital!

Do everything to please yourself. Only in this case it will be possible to appear before the former man in all its glory, a self-confident queen who turns around after her. Men are possessive by nature. Firstly, after a long break in communication, he will have time to get bored, and secondly, seeing how the “competitors” react to his (even former) beloved, the spirit of rivalry will automatically arouse remarkable interest.
As paradoxical as it may sound, but the main means of returning a beloved man is to become happy without him.

Live for your pleasure

Only in this case, the former lover will understand who he has lost, repent and regret his decision to leave. Communicate with him at ease, easily, no hints of restoration of relations. Let him be puzzled by your independence and aloofness.

At this stage, it may well happen that a man who once lost interest, as in a joke, thinks: “ I’ll go back to my wife (ex-girlfriend) - I can’t look at how she lives for her own pleasure". And then you will already be thinking about how to regain interest in your husband, who just recently was so bored with you. Does this person deserve even a modicum of your attention and is there a place for him in your new life?

The main remedy for the return of a beloved man is to become happy without him.

There are statistics that show that only one man out of four is capable of starting a new serious relationship with a former lover.

As a result of following these tips, it may turn out that the one whose interest you were desperately trying to return, you will no longer really need it, but so much the worse for him. The main thing is that you learn to be happy.

January 18, 2014, 15:54

Alas, the period of active courtship, which is also called bouquet-and-candy, cannot last forever, and relationships that so captivated with their novelty are gradually moving into the category of habitual ones. Increasingly, other things are pushing you out of the first place in the interests of a loved one, and you are increasingly wondering - how to renew his interest in you? For this, it is not at all necessary to give time to reverse.

Pay attention to your appearance. Remember that unlike women, men love with their eyes, not their ears. Do morning exercises every day. It will also be nice to go to the gym 2-3 times a week.

Spend more time on makeup. A man always wants to see a woman beautiful, no matter how much time they are together. Applying the simplest makeup, in the form of eyeliner and the use of tone, will not take much time, but will be noticed by your man.

Follow fashion trends and update your wardrobe more often. To become interesting for a man again, wear less black and gray things. In long-term relationships, men begin to pay attention to how a woman dresses at home.

You should look equally beautiful both at festive events and standing at the stove in the kitchen. Never wear face masks in front of your significant other.

Remember how you were when he first saw you. Of course, time has passed and you have changed. Perhaps these changes were for the better, but still. And if you show your man the same image, it is quite possible that he will be able, at least for a moment, to return to the origins of your relationship and this will make him experience the same feelings and return the man’s interest.

Nothing kills love like habit. Over time, a partner who is constantly nearby begins to be perceived as an integral part of life. However, it is worth reminding your husband that you are not a piece of furniture, but a free person who must be respected and protected.

And maybe even make and a little jealous. The most important thing is not to get carried away too much and not go too far, otherwise you risk destroying the fragile harmony of your family.

Another enemy of love is boredom. What do you do when you are alone? Watch TV? And what if you diversify your standard program a little? Go somewhere where you haven't been yet. Maybe even a circus. This will not only help bring something new into your life, but also enrich you with new experiences.

To return the interest of a man, become interesting for him. Think about it - have you been too busy with life lately? How long have you been pampering yourself with the fulfillment of your own desires, and not just the desires of your man?

Take a piece of paper and write on it what you would like most at this moment. Try to fulfill at least one of the smallest, but your desire, every day. When the wish list ends, write a new one.

Are you starting to feel like your married life is becoming boring and monotonous? Yes, this is an unpleasant feeling, it undermines self-esteem and self-confidence. It happens like this: routine eats everything around it. If you do not have free time, you are both absorbed in a career or other important matters, at first glance the situation may seem critical.

However, do not panic: just because you are used to each other does not mean that your marriage is in jeopardy. Let's take some of the simplest and most pleasant tricks that will help you regain a man's interest and feel needed and loved again.

Take a look at your husband. Maybe something upsets him? Problems at work, with friends ... Men are much more closed than women in the "exchange of secrets." And they experience all their hardships and quarrels much harder than women. Don't play Miss Marple, just be empathetic like a real loving woman;

Look in the mirror more often. Yes, you are married, which means that he chose you and loves you. But this does not mean permission to move around the house in old things and with an eternal ponytail. If it is important for you to regain the interest of your beloved man, stop putting off old things according to the principle “I will walk around the house in this” - buy home clothes, cute slippers, beautiful underwear, after all. Don't forget that you have to take care of yourself and be beautiful for yourself and for your husband - no one else. It's not that difficult!

Remember that you are the warmth and happiness of your family. It is known that a man is a head, a woman is a neck. You should be gentle and inconspicuous neck. A woman always acts gently, smartly and knows where it is better to remain silent and where to smile. Use to the fullest everything that your femininity has given you - be the support of your man, guide him, and then you will definitely be able to regain the interest of the man and become irreplaceable for him.

How to return the passion of a husband - women's secrets

It just so happens that over time, any, even the hottest and most passionate relationships, begin to “cool down”, losing their former significance.

Over time, many women simply stop paying attention to sexual relationships, gradually losing their man.

Therefore, for many women, the question of how to return passion is becoming more and more relevant every day.

In order to regain the interest of a man and increase a man's sexual desire and potency, natural remedies can be used very effectively.

To do this, add spices and foods that have aphrodisiac properties to your man's diet. So, for example, regular consumption of fish and meat is a guarantee that your man will be sexually active, since these products contain a large amount of substances that contribute to the production of testosterone.

What to include in the diet to return the passion of a man?

To increase the desire of a man, it is recommended to consume more fresh herbs, especially parsley. It is parsley that is one of the leaders among greens in terms of the amount of aphrodisiac, and, importantly, it can be used both as a separate dish and as part of various dishes, since its effectiveness in such cases is approximately the same.

In addition to products, it is certainly important to use various techniques for seducing a man if you want to regain your former passion. For these purposes, erotic massage is excellent, various techniques that can be learned at various trainings on the Internet.

In addition, to spend a stormy night with a loved one, you need to interest him in advance, you need to return the interest of a man. Erotic messages will not only increase his interest in you, but also guarantee his timely return from work. In such cases, a wild night full of sexual pleasure is guaranteed.

The chronicle of love relationships includes the emergence of sympathy, the strengthening of feelings, the achievement of the peak of passion and the emotional decline of falling in love. After that, people either stay together forever, fueling mutual attraction with “an old dish with a new sauce,” or they part. In how to return a man's interest in himself, the advice of a psychologist will help only if the woman wants to do this. Then she will make every effort in the difficult task of "reviving" the withering flower of her romantic story.

Experiences about the fading of feelings excite young ladies and ladies to a greater extent than men. The "fair sex" ages faster, physically suffers from a lack of spiritual and physical intimacy with a loved one, becomes depressed due to frequent love disappointments. The more painfully unsuccessful novels and everyday life hit a woman’s appearance, the harder it is to understand how to return a man’s interest in himself, the advice of a psychologist is powerless when a wife loses self-confidence. It is difficult to love and respect the one who cannot get along with herself, accept herself as the most beautiful creature in the world.

Why does a man lose interest? Typical reasons for indifference are:

• schematic family life;
• lack of new experiences;
• habit to the already known aspects of the body and character of a woman;
• predicted development of any situation, including quarrels, reactions to behavioral manifestations, sexual contacts.

Due to their polygamous nature, men are constantly in need of a "change of scenery." They are like big children: if the toy gets bored, it stays away. How can I get her back in his hands again? The interest of a man is an unstable phenomenon, and he treats himself, his shortcomings with much more reverence than his beloved. The advice of friends does not help, and a good psychologist is not easy to find. He would say that a woman should be a reward, not a used thing. She should be the reason for the return of a loved one home, and not another reason to stay longer at work or in a bar with friends. For the sake of experiment, it is worth meeting your husband after work not in a dressing gown or an incomprehensible T-shirt color, but in erotic lingerie coyly covered with a translucent peignoir.

Men prefer to "hunt, hunt, conquer" rather than just take what they are given. To become unpredictable, to surprise every day is within the power of every woman, and the implementation of the plan does not rest on a difficult financial situation or internal pseudo-moral constraints. It's all to blame - the unwillingness of a woman to change, improve, develop. Just as a read book or an outdated textbook is put on the shelf, sooner or later it will be written off in order to find “more interesting and relevant publications” on the side.

It is necessary to “stroke” him with words of appreciation and gratitude, follow professional achievements, change anger to mercy when it comes to passionate attachments: about a football broadcast, a desired vacation in the wilderness with a fishing rod or a gun. A non-standard twist is to make him fall in love with himself again, so that he wants to touch the body of his beloved, secretly follow her while she sleeps, rub cream on her slender legs the way he polishes the chrome parts of a motorcycle. Men are vain. Their attention returns to where they are pampered and glorified, and not “sawed” or plagued with suspicion.

Since it is not too productive to look for a way to return a man’s interest in himself for a long time, the advice of a psychologist will help you hit the target. It is necessary to achieve a new attack of male attention through the stomach of a loved one. A correction in favor of a more refined diet filled with natural aphrodisiacs is welcome. Skills in the original serving of familiar dishes should be used. In a restaurant where every guest is valued, the chef is not too lazy to invent great combinations of the same ingredients. When a zest appears in an ordinary cream, it immediately acquires piquant flavors. A woman should be the "icing" on the cake of family life so that her home gourmet does not go to another restaurant!

This method is used in case of constant feeling that a woman is in a house with a stranger. He no longer hides his hidden sides, is not afraid to offend with inattention, does not bother to notice large and small changes in the interior and utter mean words of support. If you switch to the "stranger woman" mode, then the algorithm of actions will tell you how to return the lost romance, rekindle interest, and tease the man's sense of ownership. He will definitely want to “drag the prey” to his cave, and there, if she agrees (!), He will assert his right to occupy a place in her heart. Psychologist's advice gives general recommendations: they should be adapted to a specific situation.

It’s worth fighting only for that man who just temporarily “forgot” how a woman needs care and participation. If a wife or a girl sees a drone in the face of her beloved, who is full of irresistible selfishness and callous, like a sole, it is hardly necessary to return to his eyes that romantic flame that has gone out forever.