The reasons for male lies. Premarital Relationships - How to Recognize Cheating

Good afternoon, dear readers! I won't tell you anything useful today. And that's a lie. We meet lies at work, at home, at school, with friends. It is unpleasant and disgusting to be deceived. I bring to your attention detailed instructions on how to recognize a lie: 10 mistakes of a liar.

A fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it

How many times in your life have you come across a person who seemed strange to you, you felt that he was not saying something, cunning. Have you noticed that you subconsciously do not trust his facial expressions, gestures, speech?

But how to identify deception and not fall for the bait of a liar?

If you want to become an expert in this field, then be sure to read Paul Ekman "Psychology of Lies" and Pamela Meyer "How to recognize a lie".

Now we will consider the most common signs by which you can bring a liar to clean water. Remember that a lot depends on the context, not always a certain gesture will mean a lie. Be attentive and vigilant.

Error number 1 "Left side"

Body language often speaks much louder than human speech. Right-handers tend to have good control over the right side of their body. Track the direction of your right arm and leg. You can easily subdue an unbridled hand.

Therefore, lie recognition experts advise looking closely at the left side of a person. His left hand will dangle randomly, actively gesticulate, touch his face, and so on.

The left side of our body shows our real emotions, experiences and feelings. With good quality observation, you can clearly see the signs of lies.

Mistake number 2 "Hands to face"

Pay close attention to the gestures of your interlocutor. Signs of lying - covering your mouth, rubbing your nose, holding on to your neck or scratching your neck, covering your ear, speaking through your teeth. All this, with repeated repetition, will practically scream that the person is cheating.

It is important here not to confuse such a gesture with a simple scratching of a bite, for example. Or, this demeanor may be characteristic of your interlocutor.

I have one friend who constantly scratches his nose. It doesn't matter if he is telling the truth or lying. Women resort to touching their neck or hair to show their interest in a man. So be extremely careful with such signals.

Mistake number 3 "Speech"

If you want to be convinced of the deceitfulness of a person, then carefully monitor his speech. In a conversation with a liar, you will notice a lot of innuendo, a crumpled pace of speech, sometimes he speaks quickly, sometimes slowly. Most often, the speech of a liar begins slowly, but then, due to fear of being revealed, he accelerates and, perhaps, even ends his story abruptly.

Liars often use a lot of pauses in their story. This gives them time to think, evaluate your reaction. In addition, you will notice fluctuations in speech. To make things easier for themselves, liars repeat your words. For example, when you ask a question, it will quickly repeat the last words. "Where were you last week?" - "Last week I was ..."

Mistake # 4 "Eyes"

It is not for nothing that they say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul. In the case of meeting a liar, eyes will be one of the main factors by which you can bring him to clean water. The deceivers try not to look directly at their interlocutor, they always look away.

You can even ask them to retell the story by looking into your eyes. The liar will be confused, embarrassed and will still try to look away.

Mistake number 5 "Emotions"

Facial expressions, as a component of body language, say a lot of things that a person would like to keep silent about. The most common example is when a person tells you that he is glad to see you, but only smiles a moment later.

True emotions are expressed in parallel with speech. But the fictitious emotion is displayed on the face with a delay.

Mistake number 6 "Brevity"

When a liar comes up with his speech, he tries to make it as short and concise as possible. You rarely hear a detailed and detailed story from the mouth of a professional liar.

Brevity allows you to quickly lay out your version and evaluate the opponent's reaction. Did he believe? But then the seventh mistake happens.

Mistake number 7 "Unnecessary parts"

When a person briefly told you the essence of his fake story, but begins to doubt your credulity, he immediately embellishes the story with detailed, unnecessary, sometimes pretentious details. Thus, he tries to make his story more believable.

Notice where the person starts adding details and details. Are they needed in the story, are they necessary and important in your conversation?

Error number 8 "Protection"

Another liar's move is to defend against your doubts. As soon as you express your disbelief, you will immediately hear “What do you think I look like a deceiver? Am I lying to you? You do not believe me?" etc.

Liars can use sarcasm and jokes to cover up their lies. Do not confuse with normal human demeanor.

There are comrades who all the time try to impress the interlocutor with their sense of humor.
In addition, being sarcastic and rude in a relationship between a husband and wife can mean that they have serious issues with respect.

Mistake number 9 "Mindfulness"

The cheater will watch your reaction very closely. The slightest change in your facial expressions, he will attribute to distrust or his complete victory. As soon as you frown slightly, he immediately changes tactics, because he considers this a sign of distrust.

The person who is telling the truth will be more carried away by their story than by your reaction to it. And the liar will try to understand whether you have swallowed his bait or not.

Mistake # 10 "Confusion"

If you ask the other person to tell the story backwards, the person who is telling the truth will easily do the trick. But the liar will start to get confused, remember what he said to you, and as a result, he may not give any answer at all.

In addition, in the speeches of a liar, there may be inconsistencies in dates, times, places. If you follow the story closely, you can find a couple of similar moments,

Summarize

Don't jump to conclusions. If you notice one or two of the signs described above, this does not always mean that the person is lying to you. A more correct approach would be to learn to see the totality of these signs.

When you know for sure that the person is lying to you, do not talk about it right away. Practice your observation skills. Study his facial expressions and gestures. Ask questions that don't have the intended answer.

A friend of mine came up with a spectacular maneuver. During his speech, he deliberately sneezed loudly when he wanted to convince the interlocutor that he was right. And with the words "I sneezed - that means I'm telling the truth", he solemnly smiled.

All the most honorable to you!

Sometimes a woman, obeying her mother's advice, begins to be insured in matters of joint real estate.

Nice and profitable. Often a woman does this on the advice of her mother, they say, who knows how your relationship will turn out.

You feel like you're in the beginning LIE and WRONG... Many people think that we are deceiving with the help of words, that if the husband is not explained and told, he will not understand. Maybe he will not understand, only intuitively he will feel that you are playing against him and not on his field, and that you are preparing departure paths in advance.

Why are we so anxious about percentages, about thousands and allow us not to be so anxious about our relationship? After all, by doing this, we are planting a time bomb called "Divorce". Don't start a relationship with such a lie. And it is better to consult with your husband, not your mother. Now your main advisor is your husband, any man appreciates such devotion.

You need to be very careful about the help of your parents. I repeat once again, it is no coincidence that everything material after the wedding passed to the husband, he owned it, he became the owner. The woman did not have any escape routes initially.

The next common lie in relationships is when a woman runs to work, disappears there from morning to evening, and tells the man about self-realization, about the fact that he will go crazy if he is a housewife. (This applies to those cases when the husband expresses dissatisfaction with your workload, offers to leave the job). The man seems to take your word for it, but does not believe in principle. But a woman runs to work in fear of persecution. Control everything and everything, do not lose sight of life, otherwise you will trust him, and he will leave, abandon, die, and where will I go? The woman keeps her way out, she does not trust the man. Childhood fear drives her. I know what I am writing about, so objections are not accepted. I will definitely write a separate article about this, so as not to miss subscribe to the newsletter.

A woman unable to start trusting her man will never open a door called "Femininity"... Never. Opening a little and a little doesn't count. It's like an egg, which is a little bit of an egg, but as a danger, it immediately turns into a sperm. Think for yourself. Is this possible? Why do we do this experiment in our life?

Very often, deception begins where the woman starts saving her money.“Your” money is “ours,” and mine is mine. And my mother taught me that it is better to postpone them. May I ask a question? If you've ever done this, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS MAN?

Money is a very strong and powerful energy. Life and survival are directly related to money. “Money is life. No one can survive in our society without money. Money allows us to live. "Bert Hellinger. And the best test in a relationship is money. Do we hide, hide them, hide them.

A woman who saves money has a strong subconscious desire to protect herself, she does not trust her partner. Therefore, she puts it off, in case she is left alone, for her independent life. The only question is how soon it will happen.

A woman who defends herself on all fronts will never open a door called FEMINITY. Femininity is defenseless(not to be confused with helplessness).

I can already hear the indignation of some women: - Lord, what else have you invented!

As one woman wrote in the comments: - "And support the man, and put him in the first place, but when will he live?" This is where our hardest job is, not office work. Office work is the easiest thing a woman can do. We know how to plow, sow and extinguish huts, but to be soft, defenseless, feminine is incredibly difficult.

Very often we are deceived, not knowing and not understanding the motives. For example, a man leaves for another city, to another country to work, his wife either follows him, or ...

But if you are not going to a man, if you have a bunch of reasons (the child does not want, I have a job, you cannot leave in any way, etc.), then this is also a deception. As a couple, you broke up. And if you did not follow him, then you "parted" long before his departure. Sometimes it's hard to admit it. But if a man and a woman do not live in the same apartment and do not sleep in the same bed for a month, two, three, then in fact they parted, even if they had not yet divorced.

Guest marriage is also a deception or self-deception. And the one who offers this kind of relationship is deceiving. He hasn't made his final choice yet.

The use of men. What could be worse? This is when a woman marries a man for the sake of some benefits, not always material, but in her heart she does not choose him. It will not work forever to endure a man for the sake of profit, once a woman, having got stronger and having received what she married for, will want to leave the relationship. It’s so easy and simple: - yesterday I needed you, but today I don't. As a rule, a check for payment is waiting at the "exit"

A man is such a deception, he just does not forgive and "hits" very painfully. How many stories today are about how men take children and leave women with nothing. These are stories about "used" men. A man will never just torment a woman and separate her from her children. Only his severe pain and resentment will make him do it. Men take revenge. This is how they work. I don’t presume to judge how good or bad it is.

At the end I will give examples of how I call "Harmless" deception. Why harmless, because it seems to us that by deceiving, we keep the relationship, save the nerves of the husband, etc.

It can be purchase prices, sometimes we underestimate them, sometimes we overestimate them, depending on what we want to get.

Or at the beginning of a relationship we want to impress on a young man and pretend to be one that we are not. Don't be afraid to be yourself, don't be afraid to assert your principles and outline your boundaries. Don't forget your dignity. which has generated an incredible response on the web. So a sore question. For example, if you do not smoke or drink, you should not do this just in order not to seem like a notorious black sheep. Be yourself and don't mislead anyone.

Sometimes deception penetrates into intimate relationships, a woman can pretend pleasure, at a time when she does not receive it. Fortunately, today there is where to see and learn.

Perhaps I missed some more examples, if they exist, you will definitely see them in your relationship.

Dear women, we communicate in pairs not only at the level of words, more often we communicate at the level of the soul, and the soul always knows who is telling the truth and who is lying. Honesty, sincerity, trust and- this is the foundation without which any human relationship is impossible, and even more so in a couple.

Remember that you are an adult woman and do not be afraid to communicate, talk with your man, do not be afraid candor... You yourself chose this person. Be natural, open in your desires and states. Love is, first of all, an atmosphere of trust.

“If a man feels that a woman is always with him, he has tremendous strength; he can take on any business. As soon as he feels that the woman is not with him, his energy dries up. Now he has only dreams, but they are powerless - they no longer have energy, they cannot be realized. A man creates a dream. The woman gives impetus to the realization of dreams. Osho.

If this article was helpful to you, please leave your comments below.

Tatiana Dzutseva

In contact with

It is not uncommon for a woman to hide something from her partner, lie, cheat, albeit in trifles. At first glance, it seems to be harmless. For example, conceal the real cost of a dress, boots, hairdressing, etc. More seriously, if you want to go somewhere, communicate with certain people, realize some of your interests, and your husband is against it. Here you already have to be more resourceful, and the circumstances are burdened by the fact that you have to prove something, make excuses if everything does not go as expected.

Many resort to reticence, deception (small or large) in order to simplify communication, maintain peace in relationships, and realize some of their needs. But the fact that deception helps is an illusion that eventually collapses harshly when the truth becomes known. And then you have to face the consequences.

What is hidden in a relationship behind the fact of deception?

Cheating is an indicator of a lack of intimacy, understanding, and trust in your couple's relationship.

"He will not understand me why I need it, it is useless to decide with him, he will reject me in my desire, because I better deceive, hide, hide."

Behind it all worth the fear. And when there is fear, then a person is so constructed that he is forced to defend himself. And in this case, we protect ourselves from the partner - the source of fear - by distance. We just move away from him, contact less, and do not approach much. And the relationship becomes more formal, superficial than deep.

Depth in a relationship is impossible without trust and openness.

Deceiving, you communicate with a person as if from a "false" part of yourself, from a certain created identity. And then, communicating from this position with your partner, especially if there is a lot of it, over time you cease to be interesting to him, because in the mask there is no authenticity, authenticity, respectively, the depth is unattainable. There is no pleasure from contact with a person, there is no unity that fills. The partner moves away, grows cold, intimacy disappears and the relationship begins to slowly collapse.

The person who cheats is forced to be constantly on the alert so that the deception is not revealed, especially if it is a serious deception. This creates tension. And in order to protect himself from the fact that the secret will become obvious, subconsciously chooses less contact with a partner.

Any relationship is possible when an intimacy is born between two people... And if you are in a relationship, then the intimacy between you was once born as a result of some kind of interaction. There would be no intimacy - there would be no relationship. This is the foundation on which everything rests. But when intimacy begins to decrease, distance appears - this is a signal that the relationship is at risk. And if intimacy, trust and understanding disappear completely, then the relationship ends. Of course, if there is not some benefit that you get, being in this relationship, even if it is not entirely comfortable there. But are you happy with this?

It is good if there is closeness, trust and understanding in other areas of your relationship, because it helps the relationship stick. But still, there is a risk zone that can subsequently develop if you do not pay attention to it!

Often, people resort to deception, to get some benefit or to fulfill some of your needs. And this is also a signal that something is wrong in the relationship, which prevents you from openly declaring your needs and realizing them.

Perhaps you are in the role of a daughter in a relationship, or you often fall into the position of a child when you need to ask, ask for time off, ask permission. The husband is perceived as a big, formidable parent who can punish, reject, if disobeyed. It's easier to hide something from him than to try to explain. But the main "puncture" happens in the fact that just the same, trying to explain or prove that we need it, comes from the role of a little girl who begins to take offense at prohibitions, to be capricious, or from the role of a rebellious teenager. And if the need is significant, then deception is like a way to realize it. This is how children and adolescents deceive their parents when they begin to overwhelm them.

The way out of here is strengthening your inner Adult. An adult cannot be prohibited from something. He can already make decisions and be responsible for his own choices. In addition, if you turn from your adult part to the adult part of your partner, you get a completely different dialogue. Adults communicate through negotiations, it is easier for them to find the necessary arguments to justify their choice and more readiness to understand each other's needs, to give opportunities for their implementation.

Well, maybe being honest and sincere is a challenge. A challenge in terms of going through fear, taking responsibility for your actions, roles in these relationships. It is a challenge to be an adult and to deal with issues, trying to come to a compromise, with the benefit of both parties. It will take courage and determination.

Let's be honest. Each of us has at least once told a lie in a relationship. You can't always tell my wife directly that the dress that she bought the day before and proudly put on to a meeting with her acquaintances doesn't sit well on her. Or to her husband that his luxurious car clearly makes up for the lack of something more in his life. They just close their eyes to something. You don't have to tell a lie. You can just keep silent. But the understatement cannot be called frank relationships, although in some cases keeping silent means not offending.

But deception differs from simple lies and understatement in that it is always committed deliberately and for selfish purposes. This is a deliberate misrepresentation of another person, requiring greater thoughtfulness of actions and words than just a lie told once. Cheating is almost a profession. People who have experienced deception in their lives know how skillful and cunning deceivers are, because deception is always closely related to their interest.

Most often, deception can be seen in cases of adultery or love affairs on the side. It is worth noting that all people are able to recognize deception, if not immediately, then after some time for sure. The only paradox is that not everyone wants to see the truth. Husband goes fishing for the fifth weekend, despite the fact that all his friends in the city - this is not a reason to doubt, is not it? Sometimes a castle in the air is better than the bitter truth.

When a pair plays according to the rules - one cheats, and the other “does not notice” the obvious, then this is no longer cheating. These are some rules of the game that people have chosen at a given time.

But there are times when a person deceives another person so that he really does not know about it. Not all husbands feel the betrayal of their wives, for many of them the relationship of their beloved woman on the side becomes a shock.

When will the deception fail?

The better people know each other, the less chance there is for deception. Not because people do not want to deceive each other, although in a trusting relationship this is true, but because deceiving a person who is attentive to you is more difficult. Facial expressions, gestures, manner of speaking, and just intuition will immediately make the deception obvious.

In general, deception is a rather humiliating thing. Once again, deception is precisely a deliberate deception. When a person sits and thinks over what he will say, do, etc. This is a lie told more than once. It is a constant act of misleading another person. It's too hard for a one-off lie. The interest that lies at the heart of deception should be so strong that a person will think, invent, think over the details - in general, he will do a great job to deceive another and make what he wants possible.

They resort to deception when they know for sure that the other person will not approve of the action. That is, when the way out is either to deceive or to refuse what you want. Agree, it's humiliating when a person you really love chooses to deceive you and get something else.

Let me give you an example. Some people are by their nature very reckless and, knowing the disapproval of their loved ones, resort to deception - they take the opportunity to leave to gamble.

Deception often carries consequences - either the mistress becomes pregnant, or all the money will be lost.

Sometimes, of course, people resort to deception by mistake that they have realized and fear that this mistake will destroy what they have. For example, one betrayal makes a person silent for many years. He feels the whole burden of deception upon himself. But you can't tell the truth - there is a great risk of losing your wife you really love.

Or situations when "I wanted the best, it turned out the worst." Or a child who, a few weeks ago, does not show the diary and does not talk about meetings, because there are many twos and absenteeism in the diary.

Deception is always associated with fear. Fear that the deception will be revealed.

Psychologically, cheating is a process at the level of adolescent thinking. When there are parents, and what you really want to do, and you need to deceive - in order to get what you want, while not being responsible for it. If people continue to deceive in adulthood - it is about systematic deception, and not about deception in the event of one mistake - then this indicates the level of human development. They solve their problems like adolescents - there are parents who need to be deceived, and there is something that they really want. And in order not to take responsibility, you can simply mislead. And then, it seems, everything is cool - I got what I wanted, and my parents did not know anything. But growing up is more than just thinking about what you want and how to get it.

Even a small but regular lie can eventually destroy any relationship, and even more so when it comes to the relationship between a man and a woman.

From time to time, almost every woman doubts her man, such is female psychology. But how to understand if these are empty experiences, or there are still reasons to worry? If you are looking for how to understand that a man is lying, then you should definitely pay attention to several important aspects. Having given them a little time, you will definitely be able to answer your question.

How to recognize cheating in a relationship?

Modern psychologists note several aspects, paying attention to which, you can easily recognize a lie or refute it. We will talk about them.

1 aspect. "Vanity movements"

If you are trying to understand that a man is lying, be sure to pay attention to the movements of his hands. Ask your partner if he is hiding something from you and watch.

A person who speaks the truth will answer calmly and confidently, and his hands will also be in a calm position.

If a man is hiding something, he will probably constantly fiddle with his buttons, watch, wedding ring or other small details during the conversation. So a man who is deceiving tries to randomly select thoughts, trying not to betray his lies. Involuntary concentration on the hands and vain movements are the first bells that they are lying to you.

2 aspect. Lip biting

Hands are calm - it means that your man is either clean in front of you, or well prepared. So either calm down, or ... look for other signs of how to recognize a lie and understand that you are being lied to. Another proven method will help here. If a man bites his lip during a conversation, it may also indicate that he is not completely sincere with you. This fact is confirmed by psychologists, and if you are interested in how to understand that they are lying to you, you should definitely take note of it.

3 aspect. "Look to the side"

It's easy to remember what children look like reciting a poem at school. Their gaze always leaves somewhere to the side, because in this way they try to remember everything that they managed to learn.

Do you suspect that the man wrote a legend for you? As he speaks, observe how he speaks.

If your eyes jump from corner to corner or freeze on one object, you have reason to think about the honesty of his words.

Such signs of lies are simply impossible not to notice.

4 aspect. "The lie is obvious"

Many people blush instantly when they feel nervous. And if it is not always possible to understand why men lie, then it is quite easy to catch them on this basis. Telling a lie, a man immediately begins to worry that he will be "bored". The body, responding to the same promptly, increases blood flow, and the lie becomes obvious. So you should definitely pay attention to this aspect.

5th aspect. "Diction"

If you want to know how to recognize cheating, pay attention to your man's answers. If he answers not as usual, for example, draws out words, or, on the contrary, speaks too quickly, this may directly indicate deception. Speaking quickly, a man can simply try to get away from revealing conversation, and slow speech helps to come up with another legend on the go. So, by paying attention to the diction of your man, you can recognize lies in a relationship really quickly.

6 aspect. "Response rate"

There is a proven way to understand that a man is lying when talking. Demand immediate answers from him. You don't need to think too long to tell the truth, but a lie will take a minute or two. If there is still a lie in the relationship, you will notice it. A man will constantly draw out words, speak interjections and breathe heavily in an attempt to figure out and choose the answers that are most similar to the truth.

7 aspect. "Compliance with what was said before"

To recognize the lie, ask your man to repeat to you yesterday's reasons for the delay at work or the events of the night before last. If a man speaks the truth, then his answers will agree in everything. When a person cheats, information will constantly change, and it will be very easy to bring him to clean water.

Ask clarifying questions, but do not turn into a sleuth and do not dig too deep trying to get the true answer to the question of why your man is lying.

Moreover, if he is honest with you.

8 aspect. "Manipulation"

When a woman is looking for a way to recognize a deception, and a man begins to understand this, he can use the mass. Statements like: "Don't you believe me?", "How can I deceive you?" - this is just a way to induce a sense of guilt in a woman who, having discovered the signs of a lie, wants to know the truth. Yielding to such manipulations, you are unlikely to be able to find out the truth. If you notice manipulation in the form of such statements, accusations or even aggression, try to ignore them and insist on a frank, but calm conversation.

Take note and take action!

By adopting these first signs of lying in a relationship, you can easily separate the lie from the truth, and understand whether your chosen one is sincere with you or not.