A look at modern relations: where is the truth, and where is the lie, it is up to you to decide. Why modern relationships are so fragile
Have you ever thought about how strong threads we are connected with everything that surrounds us? We spend our entire lives trying to strengthen or weaken these bonds. In psychology, the term "relationship" is used to define them. This is something without which our existence in society is impossible, therefore it is necessary to know all the nuances of building relationships. You should also be able to overcome problems in their structure.
What is relationship?
On the one hand, the term "relationship" is understandable to every child, because the baby learns to build them from the moment of birth. But on the other hand, they are a very subtle substance that cannot be touched or seen.
If we combine all the descriptions in books on psychology, then we can say that relationships are a set of connections between all the people around us. Every person with whom we have to contact becomes involved in a complex system. It can be short-lived, like with casual acquaintances. But, for example, we have a long-term relationship with our parents. They are constantly evolving and last all life, until the death of any of the participants.
Meaning
A person cannot exist without relationships. From early childhood, they become an important stage in his development and formation as a person. In the subconscious of a person, there is a craving for relationships. We are in dire need of friends and loved ones; we need their approval and recognition. Getting to know another person, we get to know ourselves and our inner world better. This gives us the strength to achieve our goals and creative development.
Psychologists have proven that relationship problems are solved primarily through changes in oneself. If you change your inner attitude to the world, then your connection with it will become completely different. This allows the connections to be in constant motion and stop, reaching certain stages.
Relationships: general principle of formation
Interpersonal relationships are formed at the level of emotional empathy and community of interests. Initially, they are built out of any contact and interaction of people, in the future they affect any joint activity.
Moreover, the relationship has the principle of selectivity. They are always brightly colored and depend on the scope of the needs of the participants in these relations. That is, each participant in the relationship pursues his own goals and needs in them. If they coincide, then until these goals are realized or until they change, the relationship will exist and develop.
Relationship types: characteristics and description
Wherever a person appears, relationships are formed between people. Even a fleeting meeting and short conversation are interpreted in this way. Based on this, they can be divided into two large groups:
- business;
- personal.
Business relationships arise from and are often supported by specific activities. They are controlled by legal norms, less often such ties are governed by the norms of morality and ethics. Personal relationships are based on personality traits and sympathy. They are governed only by moral standards and have a complex structure.
Each type of relationship has its own characteristics. But everyone is equally embroiled in business and personal connections. Moreover, psychologists note the relationship between the ability to build personal relationships and success in a career, which directly depends on the atmosphere in a particular group based on specific activities.
Relationships have their own clear structure, which in some sources is called a system. It can be represented as follows:
1. First contact. During the acquaintance between people, there is an active interaction at a subconscious level. Most of the information that will determine how pleasant or unpleasant the interlocutor is to us, gets into our brain in the first minutes of communication. In this time interval, the interlocutor's assessment in many parameters and the determination of the similarity or difference in life attitudes and goals are determined.
2. Friendly relationships. If the first contact turned out to be successful and repeated, then between partners they are formed. They are that transitional stage that can last for years and not develop into anything else. In a friendly relationship, the participants are closely connected on an emotional and rational level. They have common interests, similarity in life positions and actively exchange emotions, receiving and giving the necessary energy. But in such a system of ties, both partners feel absolutely free and unconnected by anything.
3. Companionship. This system of relationships implies a deeper penetration into each other's world. Both participants trust each other, participate in all matters and always provide all possible support.
All the people involved in the process go through these three stages of the system. In the future, the development of relationships goes along the multivariate branch of possibilities. They can become business-like or intimate. In any case, it all starts with the first stages described above.
How are they developing?
Please note that relationships cannot but develop. They are a dynamic substance that is constantly in motion. This is the main characteristic of absolutely any relationship. If they stop at some point in their development, then both participants cease to feel satisfied with them. Namely, satisfaction is the main component of the relationship. In the case when they stop developing, both partners begin to look for new sources of satisfaction and comfort, that is, they enter a new system of relationships. And this applies equally to personal and business relationships.
Relationships: problems
It is difficult to imagine interpersonal relationships not clouded by various problems. The problem of relationships is seriously occupying the minds of psychologists. Experts analyze them and suggest ways out of a difficult situation. The most common problem is conflicts that relate to absolutely all types and categories of interpersonal relationships.
History proves to us that it is almost impossible to solve this fundamental problem, it has existed at all times, but psychologists are able to identify its cause and work with it. The causes of conflicts, which are the main problem in relationships, can be summarized as follows:
1. Obstacle to achieving the desired. If one person gets on the way to the cherished goal of another person, then their relationship turns into a serious problem. A similar scenario for the development of a conflict is possible in business relations, when different people apply for the same position or wish to receive a prize for any achievement. In personal contacts, such problems are no less common.
2. Psychological differences. This problem significantly complicates the life of the participants in the relationship. They cannot come to a common opinion on various issues, they have an inexplicable antipathy towards each other, they cannot exist in the same space.
3. Wrong assessment of another person. This cause of problems is the most common. One person may ascribe non-existent virtues to another and subsequently experience disappointment from unjustified hopes. They also provoke a conflict situation and accusations against another person, they become the cause of long and protracted problems in the relationship, which can lead to their complete rupture, if this is possible in principle.
4. Real disadvantages. There is a category of people who find it difficult to build relationships with society. They have a quarrelsome character, which brings them a lot of problems and troubles. Such people often break off relationships and do not seek to build others.
5. Misunderstanding. In relationships, quite often problems cause misunderstandings between their participants. Both people have their own opinion and cannot come to a compromise due to certain differences. The relationship between children and parents often suffers from these problems. They are both surmountable and solvable.
Relationships are the most important thing a person has in life. Therefore, it is worth cherishing them and building them correctly so that you do not have to suffer from their loss in the future.
They are not like those that were several decades ago.
They have become more superficialand and many finish them faster than they can get used to them.
At the first signs of trouble, one or both parties are ready to exit the relationship, and no one understands why their so hard to maintain.
Why did people suddenly forget how to build relationships, love each other, or, perhaps, have completely forgotten what it is?
Here are the main the reasons why modern relationships are becoming so short-lived.
Problems of modern relations
1. We are not ready.
We are not ready to make sacrifices, compromises, unconditional love. We are not ready to waste the time and effort required to make the relationship work.
We want everything to be easy, and at the first difficulties we give up, not allowing love to grow, and just leave ahead of time.
2. We are not looking for love, but emotional excitement.
We want strong emotions and excitement. We want someone to go to the movies with or have fun with, not someone who understands us even when we're silent.
We spend time together, but we don't create memories. We don't want to live boringly. We do not need a partner for life, but simply someone who will make us feel alive right now at this very moment.
When the excitement subsides, we realize that no one has prepared us for the routine. The thrill overshadows the beauty of predictability.
3 ... We have no room for love.
We are immersed in the bustle of city life, where there is practically no place for love. We don't have the time or patience for a relationship.
We are all engaged in pursuing material possessions, and relationships become mere convenience.
4. We want quick rewards.
We want instant gratification in everything we do: when we post on social media, in our careers, and with the people we fall in love with.
We want the maturity of relationships that comes with time, the emotional connection that develops over the years, and a sense of belonging when we barely know the other person.
Apparently, nothing is worth our time and patience.
5. We have the illusion of choice.
We would rather spend an hour with a hundred people than spend a day with one person. We believe we have options.
We want to get to know people, but not get to know them. We become greedy and want everything.
We start relationships at the slightest attraction and we get out of them when we find someone better. We do not want to reveal everything better in a person, we just want him to be perfect.
We meet many people, but we rarely give them a real chance and are just disappointed in everyone.
Relationships in the modern world
6. Technology has replaced live communication.
Technology has brought us closer to the point where we have nothing to breathe. Our presence has been replaced by text messages, voice messages, video calls and more.
We are no longer so keenly aware of the need to spend time together. We already have enough of each other in full, and we do not know what to talk about.
7. We are afraid of commitment.
We are a generation of "eternal wanderers" who cannot stay in one place for too long. We believe that we are not made for relationships, and we do not want family life. Even the thought of it strikes us with horror.
We cannot imagine what it would be like to be with one person for life. We leaving. We hate constancy as if it were some kind of evil.
8. We are a sexually liberated generation.
We are a generation that easily separates sex from love, or as we used to think. We are a generation of casual ties. We first have sex, and then we decide if we want to love this person. Sex is easy, but not devotion. Sleeping now is like drinking too much.
You do this not because you love the other person, but because you want to have fun. This is just a temporary satisfaction of needs. Sex outside of a relationship is no longer taboo.
Relationships aren't that easy anymore. Now there are open relationships, friends with privileges, fleeting hobbies, a one-night stand, sex without obligation - there is not much room for love.
9. We are guided by logic, not feelings.
We are a practical generation driven by logic. We have forgotten how to fall madly in love.
We are not ready to fly to the other side of the world to see the one we love. We would rather part because of the distance. We are too intelligent for love and too intelligent for our own good.
10. We are afraid of love.
We are a scared generation that is afraid of falling in love, tying ourselves to someone, falling, getting hurt, breaking our hearts. We do not let anyone near us and are not ready to love unconditionally.
We peer out from behind the wall that we have created ourselves, in search of love and run as soon as we find it. We cannot deal with it and we do not want to be vulnerable.
We do not want to bare our souls to anyone. We're too careful.
11. We don't value relationships.
We stopped appreciating relationships. We release wonderful people from our lives in the hope of finding "another fish in the sea." We do not consider relationships to be something sacred.
There is nothing in this world that we cannot conquer, but we are completely mediocre in a game called love.
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Modern relationships have become like opportunism, where comfort is the top priority. We can be with a person as long as harmony and love reign in the relationship. As soon as the euphoria is replaced by disagreements and quarrels, we begin to look for a replacement. Each couple faces a variety of challenges.
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1. We are not sufficiently prepared.
Often we are not ready to compromise, sacrifice ourselves and love just like that, without any conditions. We do not want to wait, we need everything at once. We ourselves do not allow our feelings to grow, driving them into the time frame.
2. We confuse love with other feelings.
We want to meet someone who goes with us to a movie or a nightclub, not someone who will understand and support in moments of deepest sadness. We don't like living boring, so we are looking for a fun companion who can turn our life into an adventure. However, we are not always ready for the changes that inevitably come after a period of falling in love and mutual sympathy.
3. We are immersed in everyday life.
Over time, we do not have time and space for love, as we are too busy pursuing material goods.
4. We expect immediate results.
When we just fall in love, we already want to see a relationship with our companion mature, although this maturity, like mutual understanding, comes over the years. Most modern people believe that absolutely nothing in this life is worth their time and patience, not even love.
5. We love to trade.
Many of us would rather spend one hour with a hundred different people than a day with one. In today's world, there is an opinion that it is much better to meet people than to get to know them. We are greedy, and we want everything at once. We enter into relationships and end them as soon as we have a better "option." We do not give all the best to the person, but we want him to be perfect. We meet with many, but we give a chance to a few.
6. We have become addicted to technology.
Technology brought us closer to the point that it became difficult to breathe. Live communication changed texts, voice messages, chats and video calls. We don't have to spend time together anymore. We already know a lot about each other. We have nothing to discuss.
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Why modern relationships break down so easily: The best I've read lately. Each sentence is straight to the point, and it even hurts.
Why is it so difficult to maintain a relationship today? Why do we part so often, even though we try very hard to love? Why did people suddenly become incapable of long-term relationships? Have we forgotten how to love? Or worse, what is love in general?
Why modern relationships break down so easily
We're not ready. We are not ready for sacrifices, for compromises, for unconditional love. We are not ready to give our best for the sake of a relationship. We want everything to be easy. We are quitters. One obstacle is enough for us to give up. We don't let our love grow, we leave ahead of time.
We're not looking for love, but thrill. We want someone with whom we can go to the cinema and cafes, and not someone who can understand us, even when we are silent. We spend time together, but we don't create shared memories. We don't want to live boringly. We do not want a partner for life, but only one with whom we will feel good here and now, and this is very temporary. When passion fades away, we understand that no one prepared us for the routine of life. We don’t believe in the beauty of predictability because we are too blinded by our thirst for adventure.
We plunge into meaningless city life, leaving no place for love. We don't have time for love, we don't have the patience to deal with relationships. We are busy people chasing materialistic dreams, and love doesn't fit in here. Relationships are nothing more than convenience.
We seek instant gratification in everything we do.:
When we post something online, we immediately expect likes; when we choose a profession, we look forward to a successful career and recognition; when we choose a person, we expect great love. We want the maturity of the relationship that comes with time, the emotional connection that develops over the years - and we want it right away, but it doesn't work that way. And we have no time and patience.
We would rather spend an hour with a hundred people than spend a day with one person..
We believe in 'options'. We are "social" people. We believe in meeting people more than meeting them. We are greedy. We want to have everything. We easily enter into relationships at the slightest attraction to a person, and easily leave them as soon as we find someone better. We do not want to discover the best in this person. We want it to be perfect right away. We meet many, but we rarely give anyone a real chance. We are all disappointed.
Technology brings us closer together, so much so that it is impossible to breathe.
Our physical presence has been replaced by messages, chats, video calls. We don't feel the need to spend time together. We already have too many of each other in our lives: in every social network, in Skype, in Viber ... What else to talk about?
We are a generation of pilgrims who do not stay in one place for long. We are afraid of commitment. We believe we are not made for relationships. We do not want to "settle". Even the thought of this scares many. We cannot imagine what it would be like to be with one person for the rest of our lives. We are leaving. We despise consistency as a kind of social evil. We love to believe that we are not like everyone else. We love to believe that we are not up to social norms.
We are a generation that calls itself "sexually liberated."
We separate sex from love, or so we think. We are generations of sex and breakups. We first have sex, and then we decide whether we want to be with this person. Having sex is like going out for a drink. You do this not because you love the person, but because you want to feel pleasure, at least temporarily.
Side sex is no longer a taboo. There is even the concept of free relationships, friends with privileges, one night stand, sex without obligation.
We are a practical generation that is guided only by logic. We no longer know how to love madly. We do not rush to the distant lands to meet with our beloved. On the contrary, we part because of the distance. We are too intelligent for love.
We are a generation that is afraid - to fall in love, to marry, to fail, to feel pain, to break our hearts.
We do not admit anyone to us, and we do not approach anyone. We sit behind the high walls that have been erected around the heart, wait for love and run away, and hide every time it appears on the horizon. We don't want to be vulnerable. We do not want to expose our souls to anyone.
We don't value relationships anymore. We let go of even the finest people.
There is nothing that we cannot conquer in this world. And yet we are so helpless in this game of love - the main among human feelings.