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Why doesn't a man want to introduce his parents? If a loved one does not introduce parents

The psychology of men for the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity has been and remains a mystery. Your chosen one may not even know that you dream of meeting his friends. Men don't always give great importance such little things.

Tactics: Since you are not sure of the exact reason for what is happening, you should not take too fast action. Try to tell a funny situation in which you find yourself with your close friend. Most likely, your loved one will also tell you a similar story in response. After that, he may come to the conclusion that it is time to introduce you to your best friend. If this does not happen, take a wait-and-see attitude and keep analyzing.

Reason two

Representatives of the strong half of humanity, before telling the whole world about their feelings, want to be one hundred percent confident in the chosen one. Perhaps you are still being tested.

Tactics: In this situation, you should behave naturally. Never try to show yourself better than you really are. If you don't like cleaning your apartment, then a one-time general audit will definitely not be useful. After all, the first impression over time can collapse, and then the relationship will come to a standstill. In this situation, it is also not necessary to insist on acquaintance. Take a wait and see attitude. And your chosen one will definitely become a signal for you that the heart of your beloved belongs only to you.

Reason three

He considers you educated, well-mannered, ideal in all respects, therefore he thinks that his friends may seem simple to you.

Tactics: It is possible to understand and justify these fears. From childhood, folk wisdom teaches us that according to the behavior of people with whom we communicate, one can draw a conclusion about ourselves. How to behave in this situation? Try to show your loved one that you are an ordinary person, that sometimes you are capable of small adventures. However, do not overdo it so as not to frighten off the chosen one.

Cause hfourth

There are situations when men try to limit the communication of their girlfriend with representatives of the strong half of humanity. Here, for sure, it will not come to acquaintance with friends! The reason is commonplace and known to many: jealousy.

Tactics: No man confesses to this vice on the first date. However, if the reason lies precisely in this, the girl will need very little time to "see through" this tough nut. It is enough to accept a dance invitation from a stranger in a restaurant. If your boyfriend is a classic jealous person, you will immediately understand this. How to act in this situation is up to you. Sometimes jealousy goes beyond all boundaries and turns life into eternal control, reproaches, quarrels. In such a situation, you should think carefully, observe the behavior of your loved one before deciding on a serious relationship. It may even be advisable to go to extremes and part ways.

In any case, if your loved one is in no hurry to introduce you to friends, do not insist. Time will certainly put everything in its place. Be patient and listen to your heart - it will tell you the right decision!

ALYONA (22)
The frivolity of a young man's intentions is determined, in my opinion, simply: if he does not seek to introduce you to his friends, relatives, but, on the contrary, does everything to avoid your meetings, this is a bad sign! Also signs of indifference: you do not appear together in public, he did not agree to go to your girlfriend's birthday, does not accompany you home in the late evenings, referring to fatigue, offers only meetings in private. I had such a boyfriend - I suspected something was wrong when I noticed that he always sent his friends out, as soon as I appeared with him. And I decided to check whether his intentions were serious: I didn’t stay overnight with him, I constantly tried to drag him out with me to my friends.
A month later he was "baked". We parted peacefully, concluding that we were not a couple to each other.
A few days later, I found out that he began to "look after" someone else. More than a year has passed - from time to time rumors of his abandoned girlfriends and their broken hearts are heard. I am so pleased that my heart did not add to his collection!

A COMMENT:
"Doesn't want to introduce friends and family ..."
I would not equate relatives, who are sometimes disliked or shy, and friends, who are usually chosen by themselves.
Indeed, a man who is proud of his woman usually gladly brings her out, introduces her to friends and generally loves to show her. But this says, alas, not about the seriousness of his intentions, but only about the fact that this woman satisfies his "status" part. The seriousness of intentions is evidenced by the fact that a man introduces the chosen one to those whom he considers really close, his own, and also (if possible) demonstrates to her his professional activity, which he is proud of.

SVETLANA (18)
I define the intentions of a young man on several grounds. For example, if he talks little about himself, but asks everything about you and also does it with the subtext “don't sing, you walk, walk ...”, insists on meeting late in the evening and tete-a-tete - I understand that in front of me is a suspicious type and it is unlikely that he will love and protect me for the rest of his life. There was a time when such a guy looked after me. Once he tried to drag me to a place of entertainment, where it was supposed to rest in private, including an oriental dinner, that is, on a dostarkhan, without shoes and reclining. But chance saved me from all this and what might follow. Getting ready for the meeting, I hastily put on different socks. And therefore, having received an invitation “to rest in an oriental way,” she categorically refused. The young man could not understand what was the matter. It was funny to me that different socks broke his insidious plans.

A COMMENT
To be honest, I don’t seem suspicious of a man who is interested in listening to a woman, no matter what she’s talking about. I would rather call him a rare person, or I would think that he specially learned (from training or from books) to be a pleasant conversationalist: usually people, regardless of gender and age, like to talk more than listen.
The desire of a young man to meet with an adult chosen one in the evening and in private seems to me also quite natural. The fact that a young man wants sex or just kisses and romantic hugs (both, you must admit, it is more pleasant to do without witnesses), firstly, indicates that he is healthy physically and mentally. And secondly, this does not mean that he is not going to continue the relationship, and does not automatically indicate that he has no serious intentions. Many couples, who are now in their 30s, began to have sex life before marriage (this used to be "slept" was synonymous with "not marry because I lost respect for you").
If the libertine decided to dishonor the girl, then he would most likely invite her not to a restaurant (where waiters and other visitors usually come - even if there are separate "offices"), but to his home. Moreover, he would have done it in such a way that no thoughts of the upcoming fall from grace would even occur to her: for example, during the day and with assurances that his apartment would be full of relatives.
Yes, and I cannot call taking off shoes an exclusively intimate and erotic act, after which a man completely loses control of himself and, like a lustful satyr, pounces on the victim.
Therefore, I am afraid that Svetlana, being in different socks, did not save her honor, but simply missed an oriental dinner. On the other hand, what are her years? He'll have dinner again.

VADIM (20)
It doesn't take me long to figure out how a girl treats me - I can see it right away. I have one proven method: when communicating, I try to interest the girl only in myself. If she is not interested in me as a person, then there can be no talk of anything serious. There was once a story when they just wanted to use me ... I met a girl: a beauty, dressed with taste, the very charm. But in the process of communication I felt that something was wrong. The girl was very pretty, and I just didn’t believe that she didn’t have a boyfriend. We exchanged contacts with her, she gave her phone surprisingly quickly. A little later, I decided to write her an sms with an offer to meet. To which I received a message in response: “Hello, I will meet with you again only after you replenish my mobile account with an amount of 500 rubles. I ran out of money, let me know ... ”After such a message, I realized that this was a divorce and the girl was constantly engaged in such things. Of course, I didn't replenish her account, but I wrote that I had deposited the money, as agreed, and again asked about the meeting. There was no answer.

A COMMENT
I am confused in this story by the wording "only after ...". If the girl simply asked to put some amount of money into her account ("how much it does not bother you" - the choice is up to the man, in accordance with his desires and capabilities) money and did not put any conditions regarding the relationship, then in this request there would be nothing criminal.
If Vadim actually accurately quoted the girl, then it really was a divorce, to which he reasonably did not succumb.
But I was more interested in Vadim's confidence that “there is no young man so pretty”, and his surprise that the girl quickly gave the phone. I will comment on this in more detail.
Insecure men, pre-determined to fail their mission as a potential gentleman, often hear what they want to hear, and attribute to the girl who puzzled them with complaisance more pragmatism and bitchiness than she really is. This happens because a man unconsciously wants to give up the fight for this, as it seems to him, inaccessible person. However, I am not at all sure that this is Vadim's case.
By the way, a separate tragedy of beautiful (as well as popular and flamboyant) girls and women is another male stereotype: "Such as she is, of course, not free." They often remain “overboard” in courtship because of the fear of men even to approach them to get to know each other.

LENA (31)
There are several criteria of interest. First, getting to know your parents: you won't introduce the girl you are only going to use to relatives.
Second, the urgent request for assistance is instructive. In such situations, a true attitude is manifested.
For example, a girl calls a young man and says that she stumbled on the street, broke her heel, and there is not enough money for a taxi home. Will he offer his help? If yes, then everything is fine.
Thirdly, the choice of gifts is also indicative. Let the present be modest, the main thing is the desire to learn more about the girl's interests and to please her taste. Once I was courted by an intelligent young man. On the second date, he offered to choose any ring in a prestigious jewelry store, but only on condition that we continue to meet. This scene opened my eyes: sincerely interested people make gifts from the heart, without conditions.

A COMMENT
"You won't introduce the girl you are only going to use to your family ..."
There are not so few happy marriages in which men (less often women) did not want to introduce their chosen ones to their parents. As a rule, these are people who have difficult, sometimes difficult relationships with relatives. They did not want their loved ones to meet with their relatives for various reasons: “I don’t want my parents to discuss the person I love”, “I want to move away from my parents as far as possible, they are strangers to me”, “I’m afraid that my relatives will make such an unpleasant impression on her that she will refuse me "," I would not be surprised if my ancestors tell her nasty things about me, perhaps under the pretext of a friendly conversation "," my mother has already divorced me with one girl, I do not want repetition ".
It must be said that usually men do not strive (and often simply do not know how) to formulate directly and exhaustively the reasons for their unwillingness to introduce the girl to their parents. So try to understand first WHY he doesn't want to introduce you to them. The family difficulties of a beloved man can be treated in different ways, but I would not call their presence "diagnostic" for your future relationship, and even more so I would not conclude on this basis that his intentions are not serious.
People who do not have a "children's" family (mom-dad-me) often throw all their energy into building a wonderful family of their own. If you are ready to accept the ideas of your beloved about his parents, not try to "reconcile" him with your potential mother-in-law or get close to his family against his will, then you are even lucky: as the hero of the famous film said, "you need to marry an orphan." If this categorically does not suit you and your ideal is a strong large family, including him and your relatives, and not your isolated couple, then most likely such a man will not suit you, and not you for him.
"The request for urgent help is indicative ..."
Reading an example of a “showing true relationship” situation, I honestly tried to imagine a man who, in the middle of a work meeting, abandoning his work and colleagues, rushes to the aid of his beloved because she “broke his heel”. I could not.
More seriously, being willing to help is an important component of a relationship. If a man "always has no time" when you need help, or he agrees to help, but in fact does not help, this is a bad sign. Even if he has serious intentions, it is worth thinking a thousand times whether it will be difficult for you with such a person. He, quite possibly, is ready to be there always, but is it worth tying fate with an egoist?
However, a lot depends on you. First, you need to adequately formulate your requests. In other words, ask in such a way that you would like to help. Relevance (in terms of context and timing), tone and choice of words matter. This, of course, is not about absolutely critical situations (for example, if you have acute pain and you ask to be taken to the hospital), but such cases, you must admit, are not the rule, but the exception.
Second, what matters is what is meant by “urgent” situations. If we are talking about a lost umbrella or, as already mentioned, a broken heel, then one should not be surprised at the “callousness” of the chosen one, who is in no hurry to rescue with the enthusiasm of Chip and Dale.
The choice of gifts is indicative.
Rather, it is the presence or absence of care. There are men who NEVER give gifts: not their style. Some people avoid presents because they do not have the opportunity to give their beloved an expensive thing and are embarrassed to present a cheap one. Even more representatives of the stronger sex do not know how to choose gifts - this is quite typical (the opposite is rare).
But! A man who wants a lasting relationship usually shows concern.
Take a closer look: perhaps he does not give you things to your liking, but tries to help in a different way because of his ideas about life and opportunities (including material ones). He takes you to restaurants, fixes plumbing, negotiates repairs in your apartment, takes you to other countries or to his dacha, pays for your courses, prepares for you.
Two things are important here: the first is whether he shows concern, and the second is whether your ideas about what it is coincide.
But a gift given "on condition" is a truly ugly act. It is better to stay away from such a gentleman.

Samira Pavlova, consultant psychologist
Institute of Psychodrama and Role Training

In any relationship between a man and a woman, there are more than enough reasons for thought and concern. And unfortunately, it is rare in which pair to calmly and constructively clarify issues of concern. More often partners are silent about doubts. They confuse the clarification of relations, which leads to rapprochement and better understanding, with the clarification of these, which, on the contrary, is more likely to result in even greater distance and separation.

Naturally, insecurity is the main reason for the emergence of such agonizing questions as "Does he love me as much as I love him?", "Does he see me as part of his future?" and finally, "Why hasn't he introduced me to his parents yet?"

There may be several reasons why your partner is in no rush to arrange a meeting with their loved ones. Skeptical friends say that it is time to think about whether your beloved is serious about you, whether he has sincere and deep feelings for you, whether he wants to connect his life with you. Or is he just comfortable with you until he meets "the one"? Take your time to get upset, because this is not the only possible explanation.

If you go to see a counselor, most likely he will ask you to think about why not talk openly with your partner. After all, except for him, no one can know for sure. Are you being frank? What do you really want and do you know what your man wants? This research can help you get to know yourself, your loved one, and build a comfortable, enjoyable relationship for both of you.

What are the most common reasons that the acquaintance with the parents has not yet taken place?

1. He is ashamed of his family

The level of well-being, cultural, intellectual development, the peculiarities of the family structure, the temperament of relatives ... You never know what circumstances make your beloved experience unpleasant, mixed feelings at the thought that he will have to introduce you to his relatives! You already have a story together and probably a certain image of your man has formed in your head.

The way his relatives see him can be radically different from how he wants to appear in front of you. Curious dating stories with parents with stories about the first pimples or pictures on the potty look funny in movies, but in life everything may not be so fun. A man knows best of all how his mother purses his lips; he has heard his father's inappropriate jokes many times. Or maybe relations with relatives are so bad that he does not expect anything good from an acquaintance?

2. He doesn't think it's important

An adult man who has long been separated from his parental family may really not think about the fact that this is important to you. He himself does not attach importance to the traditions and opinions of others. He may simply not see the meaning in acquaintance, for a long time leading an independent life. He does not need the approval and advice of relatives on how and with whom to live.

It is likely that you will only meet his parents at the wedding, and that is because, by the will of circumstances, you will find yourself at the same table with them. This undoubtedly indicates the peculiar manner of your chosen one to build relationships, but, most likely, you are already familiar with her and she suits you.

3. He is afraid

Your partner may have a variety of fears, both rational and irrational. The man is afraid to introduce you to your parents, because he believes that the family (or you yourself) will take this as a step towards marriage, for which he is not yet ready. He can expect that the relationship will deteriorate, lose lightness, that the intervention of relatives will change the usual way, that this can serve as a means for manipulation.

A man may be afraid of repeating a family scenario, such as divorce. And in order not to go through this, he does not want to transfer the relationship to the status of "serious". Some people think that after the wedding, it is imperative to have children right away. In his fantasies, a frightening chain is formed - meeting his parents, marriage, children. And he is not sure that he wants children, or worries that he will be a bad father.

4. He is ashamed of you

No matter how unpleasant it may be to think about it, the fact that your beloved does not want to introduce you to your parents may indicate that he does not evaluate you highly, does not perceive you as a significant part of his life. If this is actually the case, chances are you can find several more signs that indicate this.

  • How much time do you spend together?
  • Does your partner include you in their daily life?
  • Whose territory are you meeting on?
  • What does your man do for you?
  • If he does, then himself or only at your request?
  • Did he introduce you to his friends?
  • Do you communicate with them?

If the answers to most of these questions are not encouraging, you may be in a relationship with the person who is using you.

5. He takes it too seriously.

It is important for the perfectionist that everything is perfect. Some men think carefully and plan for a long time how to furnish significant events in their lives. It has been ready for a long time, it just needs to add a couple more touches. Maybe he’s planning to introduce you to his parents in some special place. Or he cannot imagine this significant day without the presence of numerous relatives, which are scattered throughout the world.

It will take a lot of time and money to organize a wide feast. It is possible that his family has a difficult ritual for such an occasion. Maybe he promised himself to bring his only one to his parents' house in an expensive car or to organize a meeting of the future wife with relatives in his own apartment.

6. Parents against

Your partner's parents are adults with their own ideas about life and desires. They may simply not want to meet their son's girls until it comes to weddings or even children. If your partner was previously married, your parents may still be very fond of their ex, especially if they have grandchildren.

Sometimes parents are ready to communicate with their son's woman only if she becomes the mother of his children. Maybe they are too sensitive and do not want to get attached to the son's "passing" girlfriends, so as not to worry if a break occurs.

Whatever reason your partner has for not introducing you to their parents, you need to figure it out. Uncertainty, doubt, and suspicion can not only ruin a couple's relationship, but also harm your mental health.

Every woman from time to time begins to scroll in her head options for a wedding dress, possible names of children, home improvement plans and many other moments of living together with her other half. And he scrolls all this until he asks the question: how serious is her relationship and will it go so far?

Sign 1. Does not introduce relatives, parents

Usually, acquaintance with the girl's parents occurs in the early stages of the relationship. A family with a daughter rather than a son is more hectic. Mother and father want to know with whom their adult miracle rides a car, goes to bars at night, and who brings her home in the morning. To avoid additional questions and problems, the man, in turn, introduces himself to his parents. Acquaintance with his relatives often takes place much later.

It is possible to regard it as frivolity that he is delaying acquaintance only when a man has excellent relations with his parents. This can be determined by the stories about joint trips, by conversations and, in general, by the situations occurring in his family.
It is not by chance that we draw attention to this. A family in which misunderstanding and quarrels reign is not a source of pride. This only means that a man does not want to meet his beloved with relatives, because they can spoil the existing good impression of him, recommend him badly, does not want to discuss his relationship in the family, is afraid of a jealous mother's scandal or simply unworthy behavior. Therefore, to begin with, find the reason for unwillingness to meet, and only after that suspect of frivolity.

Sign 2. Doesn't introduce friends

Here is a completely different situation. After all, we do not choose parents and relatives, but friends - yes. A man who suits his companion loves to acquaint her with his surroundings. The most important thing is that this acquaintance does not resemble a demonstration at which he brags more about his status, and not the joy of communicating with such a sweet person. In a serious relationship, a man wants to introduce his woman only to his close circle.

Symptom 3. Rare meetings

A man who can forget about a meeting, rarely calls and appears at your place - is clearly not serious. After all, a loving person wants to spend all free minutes with his soul mate. And the point is not at all about constant employment or suddenly arising cases. As a rule, those who made a big mistake in the previous partner are hiding from a serious relationship. This is just a salvation from loneliness, which is necessary in moments when there are no friends around. This is a choice between them and you, in favor of the former.

Sign 4. Doesn't come to the rescue in Hard time
A frivolous relationship has a huge disadvantage - the lack of responsibility for their actions between a man and a woman, complete freedom of thought and action. This relationship is often referred to as bedding friendship. However, this "friendship" presupposes help, mutual assistance and respect. Their difference from a serious relationship is the lack of plans for the future, the prospects for creating a family. And if your partner does not want to help in a trumpet minute, is such a person really needed in your environment? What kind of relationship with him in general can we talk about.

Sign 5. Does not talk about plans for the future, about children

If a man does not talk about the future or about children, this does not mean at all that he is not serious. There is a category of men who do not want to make far-reaching plans in order not to jinx it. And nothing can be done about it. But when, when talking about children or marriage, he becomes irritable, harmful and picky - a sure sign that very little time will pass and your communication will completely stop, because now there is no development in the relationship. They stand still.
However, it should be borne in mind that a sharp reaction in a conversation about children, maybe even when a man already has one child from another woman, and he does not want a second. And also about the lack of physical ability to have them. This gives rise to complexes.

The Stilemania portal took an exclusive commentary from the soloists of the Assorti group Anna Alina and Maria Zaitseva. We asked the girls a few questions.

- In your opinion, how to determine whether a man is serious about a woman or not?

Anna Alina:

I can see it always. For me, these are, first of all, the actions of a man. Words are not always true. You can say whatever you want, but act completely differently.

Maria Zaitseva:

It seems to me that the desire to have children from this woman and a marriage proposal is a serious attitude. What can be more serious in life?

- What is the manifestation of a frivolous attitude towards the chosen one?

Anna Alina:

Consumer attitude, probably. You know, you can, after all, kind of want to see him, but not be interested in a person, and so, for a pastime to meet with him. This is especially striking when he asks for an appointment only at a convenient time for him. And also a lack of attention, or when they have been dating for a long time, but he does not introduce them to friends. And one more extreme, when suddenly they start right off the bat. Immediately from the second date, the promises of eternal love are poured, like from a cornucopia, a marriage proposal. This always puts me on my guard.

Maria Zaitseva:

For me, frivolity is when a man sees a woman only when it is convenient for him and uses her only as a sexual object.

- Do you think the prolonged acquaintance with his parents and close friends is an indicator of a frivolous relationship?

Anna Alina:

Yes. Certainly. This immediately suggests that he is either shy, or he has another. In general, something is clearly wrong!

Maria Zaitseva:

I think that it is impossible. Parents and relatives are different. And sometimes people simply have no desire to acquaint their other half with them ...

- What if it suddenly turns out that a man was just playing in a relationship, but did not live by it? Cry day and night in a pillow, drink sedatives, or, conversely, get into a whirlpool of fun and joy to forget. Or maybe rush in search of an honest man?

Anna Alina:

You just need to live on! After all, there are many different situations in life. But everything passes, it must be remembered.

Maria Zaitseva:

I know one thing for myself - to become a rag for a man and an object of use is simply awful. I do not condemn those who do this, but personally for myself I consider it unacceptable.

In any case, if your relationship fits one of the signs, you should not make a scandal for the man. Sometimes even the most frivolous relationship grows into deep feelings. It is better than swearing in love until the grave on the second day, on the third to jump out in marriage, and on the fourth to understand that you are completely unsuitable for each other and disperse.