How to work with the inner child. Inner Child Healing Exercises

Have you ever reacted to a situation “on the machine”, and then wonder how this could happen?
Why are you, suddenly, for no reason, offended, angry or crying.

The fact is that sometimes it is not we, adults, who react to certain events, but our inner child.

If you have already worked through the topic of the inner child, then most likely you know that this topic pops up again from time to time. At that moment, you, like me, probably think something like this: “Yes, how much is possible! I've been working on this for so long!"

The inner child reminds of itself again and again.

The whole secret is that we have not one inner child, but many of them, and even of different ages! There are as many of them as traumatic situations happened to us in childhood, situations that made an impression, had a strong influence on us, little ones. These situations are imprinted in the subconscious, and every time we find ourselves in similar conditions now, at that moment a certain child of a certain age reacts in us, with whom something similar happened.

The study of the theme of the inner child begins very strongly when your own children appear. Have you noticed that you react very sharply to certain actions of your children?
For a long time I could not understand why I was so annoyed by the whining of my son when he was five years old. It just brought me to white heat.

This happened until I understood what my inner girl was saying in me, the same age as my son.

When I started talking to her, she was very offended: “Why, why, he can cry, but I can’t!”

I was just over 2.5 years old when my little sister was born. From that moment I became big. Everyone around told me about this: “You are already big! Walk on your own, little sister is in a wheelchair!” I still remember that feeling of insane fatigue, on the verge of hysteria, which drives you crazy, and you can’t do anything about it.

Apparently, then I decided that, since I'm big, I shouldn't cry.

And so, every time my son cried, I began to tell him irritably: "Don't cry!"

He tried to hold back his tears, but he couldn't do it: "Mom, I can't stop crying!"

And that pissed me off even more. And everything was aggravated by a feeling of guilt and a pulsating thought in my head: “I am a terrible mother!”
He tried so hard not to upset his beloved mother, but he could not because he was still small. And I could not do anything with this boiling anger inside.

It was a shock for me when I realized that at that moment I was talking in me, a little one, forbidding myself to cry.
As an adult, I almost never cried, I did not allow myself to do this!
Then I allowed myself, a little one, to cry.

And she also sat her son in front of her, took him by the hands and said: “You can cry whenever you want, I allow you!”
You know, I was very surprised by his reaction. He looked into my eyes for a long time, and then, silently, nodded. I cannot express in words what was in the look of my five-year-old boy. Such a deep understanding of what happened, the wisdom of all generations.
And I allowed myself to cry too! And how good and sweet I now cry when I want it! I allowed myself to cry and realized how resourceful this condition is for a woman. It cleanses and brings relief. After tears, you feel calm, clean and renewed. From unnecessary emotions, tension, bad thoughts, mental pain. This state is like the sun after the rain, when everything around shines with freshness.

Since then, I have been calm about when my baby cries. And I can respond to these tears adequately, like an adult.

Algorithm for working with the inner child

1. In a calm environment, in a quiet place where no one will disturb you, sit or lie down comfortably, close your eyes and take a few slow deep breaths in and out.

2. Think about this situation.

3. Imagine your inner girl in front of you. What age is she? What is she? Her mood, emotions: frightened, angry, offended, or maybe crying?

4. Ask her to tell you what is bothering her. Listen carefully. Maybe some episode from your childhood pops up in your memory.

5. After she finishes her story, be sure to say: “You are small, and I am big! Don't worry, I'll take care of everything!" If necessary, repeat these phrases several times.

6. Hug her, give her your love

7. See how the inner girl has changed. Maybe she smiled and stopped crying, clapped her hands, started dancing? Maybe she asked you to play with her? Or maybe now you want to tell her what she will become when she grows up big? Tell her about what your life has become, how many wonderful things have happened to you, what successes you have achieved, what you have become! Give her this sense of security and confidence that everything is fine. Say that you are always there, and you can handle everything.

Just follow your intuition! The right words will come by themselves, and you will understand what to do next.

8. Then say goodbye to her. Tell her that she can always talk to you when she needs to, and that you love her very much.
9. Come back.

I wrote in great detail.
In short, the formula is:
they introduced the inner child - they asked what was bothering them - they listened - they said the right words and gave their love. All!

I wish you to be in harmony with your inner child!
How relevant is this topic for you?

Be sure to tell us how your encounter with your inner child went! Deal?)))

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In modern psychology, fashion for children. On the inside. Different directions and techniques offer to recognize your inner child. To meet with something forgotten inside, in need of support and giving inner strength. Talk, learn, accept and start listening to his needs.
The wonderful golden child is so seductive. Its purity, spontaneity and innocence give strength and beauty to our lives. In a romantic attitude towards the inner child, experts from various fields are in solidarity. They explain this phenomenon each in their own way. Although in one thing, they seem to be similar. The “inner child” is primarily a metaphor that helps open access to the creative, authentic, wise, joyful and tender part of yourself.
But ... even such a golden baby can turn into an insidious werewolf.

Being carried away by “working with the inner child”, we run the risk of falling into the old trap. Idealizing our bright sunny child, we forget about its reverse side - about the dark and eternally unsatisfied offspring. Approaching our inner world with the help of clear rational schemes, we ignore the hidden irrational. By focusing only on the positive, we unleash the negativity dormant inside.
And at the same time, a well-known paradox turns on: as soon as you discover some effective technique for yourself (or when something becomes a technique), this same technique stops working.

The old French fairy tale "The Magic Log" will help to understand the reverse essence of the inner child.
Once upon a time there was a grandfather and a woman, and they had no children. “Why do you need a baby, you are already poor, he will eat you,” the neighbors told them. But they really wanted him, their baby. So much so that one day a piece of log looked like a small child to my grandfather. He brought it to his wife. And they began to nurse him. But Log was very hungry. It constantly, constantly wanted to eat. Ate grandma. Ate grandfather. And then their omniscient neighbors.
In general, this insatiable kid walked around the village and said:
I am a hungry stump
I ate the whole pudding cold,
Drank a glass of milk
Ate a slice of bread.
But the food is over
Swallowed mom and dad.
And I'll eat you!
And swallowed everyone he met on the way. Such Kolobok is the opposite. And peasants, and their cattle, etc., etc. Until one quick-witted peasant woman in a cabbage field plunged her hoe into his stomach. And all the eaten villagers with cattle and equipment fell out of his belly. Including the woman with the grandfather, his parents. “And they didn’t want a baby anymore,” that tale ends.

A fairly well-known Czech film "Log" was shot based on this fairy tale. Its creator, Jan Shvankmajer, is not only a film director, but also a screenwriter, artist, set designer, sculptor, and animator. In his manifesto "The Magic of Objects", he calls for the return of the irrational to its space, "the adequate place that it occupies in the human psyche."
This film is scary, strange, absurd and ridiculous. And emotionally accurate. It makes us feel like we are caught up in our dark irrational experiences. How we pass before them. As we drown in their hopelessness. And we get eaten.

Psychotherapist Stephen Wolinsky has a book on this subject, The Dark Side of the Inner Child. “One day I was invited to give a presentation to a group of about forty psychotherapists. I asked the participants, “Have any of you healed your inner child? Do you know anyone who has done this?" I did not hear a single answer, ”Wolinsky writes.
The bottom line is that the wounded inner child doesn't really need to be healed. He's stuck in an old psychological defense mechanism. Left in the past and does not intend to get out of there. There is his bread and his song. Such a child sees the world frozen, he resists the present, he does not perceive reality as it appears here and now, because he is not now and not here. He is stuck in the old system of beliefs and stereotypes.

So a wounded child is not only a baby in need of our support, but also a monster ready to devour us. (There is another good book about this duality of the traumatic defense mechanism, The Inner World of Trauma by Donald Kalsched.)
Such a baby does not have a feeling of fullness, like a shark. And he is ready to endlessly absorb the psychic energy that you are ready to give him. He needs your fears, anger, resentment, hatred, dissatisfaction with yourself ... More and more. And he will never be fed up with them.
Moreover, each significant deep traumatic experience generates its own protective mechanism. Every painful story creates its own little disgruntled offspring, says Stephen Wolinsky. And there is more than one joyful and needy baby living in us. A whole orphanage.
Whose inhabitants can be even those pranksters. Capricious blackmailers. Eternally hungry gluttons. Even cannibals. They can prevent us from taking even a step. Binging. Treat us. Put in an awkward position. Chew resentment. And spit on them. Feed on anger. Pull down, back. They can take us hostage to our own past. Our traumatic experiences. Strakhov. And hate.

But most of the time we just don't notice it. Because when a wounded inner child wakes up in us, we fall into a trance. We turn on the usual protective automatisms that we do not control. We are indeed being eaten by this baby. Together with all our reality - with a cart, with a horse, neighbors, etc., etc.
And here it is important to understand what is happening. Understand that you are now covered by all this. Stick a hoe into the belly of this mechanism so that everything that was absorbed falls out from there. Our awareness flooded with childish feelings. Feeling yourself. The ability to manage yourself. The ability to make decisions and follow them. Our big me.

In general, miracles, of course, happen. But relying only on them is not the best way to reach them. Even Blessed Augustine ordered to pray as if everything depends only on God, and to work as if everything depends only on you.
To find genuine treasures, you have to go through difficult adventures. If you don't believe me, re-read Stevenson.
So the meeting with the inner child is not only a magical holiday with colorful balloons, strawberries with cream, soulful songs, dances and kisses. This is a whole company of hungry orphans inside.
And it is important not only to hope for a miracle within oneself, but also something else, also important. Attention to what is happening. Awareness. Honesty towards yourself. And acceptance. And also the ability to recognize internal trances when a little cannibal begins to hypnotize you. The ability to tear it from the chest when it starts to devour you. An inner opportunity to see what the needs are behind it all. The determination to meet these needs. In general, it is attention, love and compassion for yourself. Internal discipline and constant practice, too.

So the golden baby inside is often just an illusion, the sweet house of Baba Yaga. And if you go into it imprudently, you risk being eaten. However, there is always the opportunity to show a wooden stump instead of your own finger to the witch. There is always a chance to be saved.
To do this, you just need to wake up, get out of the trance. And take responsibility for what happens.

Svetlana Gamzaeva psychologist Nizhny Novgorod # spices of the soul

Today I had a dream. I am still under his influence.

Wounded Angel, 1903 Hugo Simberg

To traumatic events in our lives (traumatic specifically for us and, perhaps, quite insignificant on a “global” scale), the emotional reaction comes from the ego-state of the Inner Child. This is my dream - it very clearly reflected this.

Much has been said and written about the Inner Child. A little theory, for those who are not familiar with this term. The concept of the Inner Child (IR) came to us from the theory of transactional analysis by E. Berne.

Each person at any moment of time is in the state of the Parent, Adult or Child, and this is how he manifests himself in relation to other people. But the Inner Child is what kind of child a person is to himself. It is not visible to others, but expresses the most important problems of the self-attitude of the individual. BP is happy or unhappy depending on how the person relates to him, and how he relates to the person as a whole, as well as to himself. It is the emotional state of the Inner Child that determines the basic emotional tone of the individual, the feeling of immediate happiness or, conversely, depression, self-confidence, or one's own worthlessness. VR can take revenge for something on the person himself, give him good luck or defeat, lead him to a certain lifestyle and predetermine the choice of work, friends, life partner or attitude towards his own children.

The state of VR is created by certain conditions of life in childhood, primarily by how the child was treated by his parents, what verbal and non-verbal "instructions" he received from them, how he understood them, and what decisions he made based on them.

Once created states are stored in the adult state "by default", as life attitudes and an adult usually does not realize how they generate his chronic emotions, behaviors and life strategies. The Inner Child retains the basic adaptations chosen in childhood and is responsible for basic goals and motives.

It is the Inner Child that is the source of psychic energy, desires, drives and needs. Here joy, intuition, creativity, fantasy, curiosity, spontaneous activity. But the Injured Inner Child, instead of joy, gives us childish fears and resentments, whims and discontent, which makes the whole life seem like hard labor. You can hide, reject, ignore your inner Child as much as you like - its needs, but it will still make itself felt.

All sorts of people come to me for therapy. With various difficulties in your present life. With different destinies and different childhoods.

So this is what all of my clients have in common - trauma from childhood.

Surprisingly, but in almost all of us lives a small traumatized child. It is a great happiness if a person had a truly happy and free childhood. If he was loved, accepted, allowed to be himself. They didn’t involve him in psychological games (he didn’t see them at all), they didn’t hang him with the functions of a parent (if there were brothers and sisters), they didn’t use him as a tool of manipulation.

His needs were not ignored. Or they did not suppress them with over-concern.

Unfortunately, I do not know such people.

My childhood, for all its "goodness", was also not one of the happy ones.

I had psychotherapy for my Inner Child in a group. And these were very strong impressions and discoveries. Discovery for yourself.

Working to heal your Inner Child is a process that takes time. But it's worth it. The inner child is our true self. When we learn to understand it, we will learn to understand ourselves.

The Inner Free Child is a resource for an already adult person. If an adult person has established contact with his Inner Child, then from living life he experiences many joyful moments. Such a person has a desire to live and the energy to move forward, he looks into the future with a smile and hope. It is easier for such a person to answer the question “what does he want”, “what pleases him”. For those people whose connection with the Inner Child is broken, even such a seemingly simple question causes difficulty. It is difficult for them to orient themselves in their own desires. Or in the worst case scenario - they "have not wanted anything for a long time."

As a summary, I want to summarize: most of life's problems are the result of a broken connection with the Inner Child.

Reconnecting with your Inner Child and healing from childhood trauma is best done with a mental health professional. It can be both individual and group psychotherapy. From a psychotherapist, in addition to the skill of working with your Inner Child, you will receive emotional and personal support, which is so necessary in this difficult period of conscious growing up.

Once again I want to emphasize that the process is not quick and sometimes quite painful. During these Inner Child therapy sessions, everyone weeps—men, women, successful businessmen, and tough leaders. But these are tears of relief, releasing from tension, sometimes kept for decades inside.

What is Inner Child Therapy?

If in a few words, then feeling the joy of life.

That childish perception of delight from the fact that “I am” and “Life is” is returning.

There are many techniques for reconnecting with the Inner Child. On my own, I suggest that you begin your acquaintance with the system of healing procedures for the Inner Child with the psychotechnology “Spring Greenery” by L. Bonds from the book “Magic of Color”. Here is how it is described in the book by S.V. Kovalev. “We come from a terrible childhood or How to become the master of your past, present and future”

I quote an excerpt:

"one. Take your jacket and roll it up. It is important that the jacket is yours.

2. With your folded jacket next to you, take a stable position in a chair, press your feet firmly to the floor.

3. Take the jacket with both hands and, holding it firmly, place it on top of your knees.

4. Take a look at the bundle, clearly imagining that for the first time you took yourself, a small child, in your arms.

5. Now talk to the baby who has never been. heard your voice. For example, repeat the following words: "I will never leave you again." Pause. "Never. You will be with me. Can you hear me?" Pause. "I will never leave you again." Pause. "Never. You will always be with me now." Pause. "Is always".

6. Repeat this until you are absolutely sure that the "child" can hear you.

7. In conclusion, take a small bundle in your arms, press it to your chest and shake it like a child.

L. Bonds notes that you may need to repeat this exercise once a day for several days, until your Inner Child finally believes you, since "he" or "she" still lived in constant fear because were abandoned, and all "their" experience suggests that we, adults, do not pay due attention to our children.
A further development of your work with your own Traumatized Child may be the psycho-technique “Peel the Child You Were” by J. Reinwater (“It's in Your Power”). This procedure, which is very similar to the above, is done as follows.

Take a comfortable position for you, relax, close your eyes, enter a relaxed, receptive state of consciousness.

Choose some difficult period of your childhood. Imagine what you were then. How do you see yourself as a child? Is he sitting, lying or walking?

Contact him. Tell him some warm words of approval and support. Give him some advice. Be his parent (protector, friend, guardian) as you yourself wanted to have. Pick up a soft toy that will depict the child you were, caress, lull it.

When you have completed this exercise, be sure to write down the feelings and thoughts that come into your mind. For many people, this is a very powerful experience, and sometimes a breakthrough.

However, it is very possible that your Inner Child was traumatized, as they say, immediately - from the moment of birth. If so, it would be better if you use psychotechnology. “Become a parent to yourself”, the description of which I made according to the proposed by J. Graham (“How to become a parent to yourself. A happy neurotic”) options for procedures.

Imagine that you are present at your own birth. As soon as you are born, turn all your feelings to the newborn baby, take him in your arms, wrap him in your arms and just caress him, at the same time gently looking into the eyes of your newly born baby. When you notice that your newborn self is returning that look to you or simply seeing you, reach out to that Inner Child of yours and tell them that you love and understand them and that you will help them grow into adults. Reassure your Child that he/she has come to a safe world where you will provide him/her with the necessary protection and assistance. Reassure your Inner Child that he will never feel alone or resentful, that he can become whoever he wants and how he wants; that he will no longer need to fight for victory and suffer defeat, because you, his adult consciousness, will help your Child to go through any trials. Explain to your Inner Child that he does not know feelings of loneliness or fear, because you will reward him with such attention that he (you) will grow up in an atmosphere of love and security. Reassure your Child that he will not need to resort to desperate attempts to get attention (which are reinforced in the form of neurotic and psychosomatic symptoms), because you will listen and hear him. And obey wherever it is really needed.

And another one of my favorites :)

Think about and write down your 25 favorite activities (blow bubbles/airplanes/kite; draw; bake cookies; knit; swim/dive; play football/hockey/checkers/chess/bingo/hide and seek; sing; dance; ice skate/ skiing / sledding / cycling; climb trees / rocks / fences 😉; sculpt from plasticine; etc.)

What from this list did you really enjoy in early childhood?

What on this list do you really enjoy now? When was the last time you allowed yourself to do any of the things you listed?

Put the date next to each class. And don't be surprised if it turns out that it was many years ago.

Pick something you haven't done in a very, very long time and... do it!

Find a moment for yourself every day. Do not postpone and do not put off "for later" - from Monday, from the New Year, from vacation.

Hello my dear.

Today I will describe to you a very powerful psychological technique, which was introduced to me several years ago by a professional psychologist and tarologist Lyubov Yachnaya.

It helps when joy and bright colors leave your life, when resentment, impotence and confusion torment your soul more and more often. When you are BAD more often than WELL. When your state approaches depression. Very well, this technique helps those of us who have not received parental love (from mom or dad).

Just do it no matter how old you are. And don't tell anyone about it, do it FOR YOURSELF. At the very least, don't tell anyone until positive changes happen in your life and until your happy state is stable.

Once I did this technique for almost a year and a half. In combination with other exercises and constant work on oneself, this brought fantastic results.

Buy a nice notebook. The prettiest you can find, with butterflies, birds, something beautiful on the cover.

I bought this notebook for myself in the fall of 2012 for correspondence with my Inner Child

Having opened the notebook, try to remember yourself at the age of 5-6 years. And to that little girl - to herself, on the page on the right, write a letter with your right hand. To begin with, a short one, about the fact that you remember Her, love her and ask for forgiveness for not remembering her for so long. Ask her how she feels, write that you are an adult, you want to help her - a child, and will do everything possible to make her happy.

Right there, on the page on the left, with your LEFT HAND, you answer from the state of your Inner Child, on behalf of that little girl.

When I started doing this technique, I was 49 years old and my Inner Child was half dead. The girl was in a deep coma. And at first her answers were in the form of fragmentary phrases.

This is what my half-dead Inner Child wrote at the very beginning of our correspondence.

But I continued to write and respond on her behalf. In the very first days of this correspondence, ask what your Inner Child wants. These will be simple desires.

I kept writing every day

For example, I took my Girl to a cafe on the Arbat and fed her delicious ice cream. Then I bought her a beautiful dress. The one she saw and asked for. Then I took her to places where my adult subpersonality was never going to.

Then my girl came to life, the handwriting became better

Two years of correspondence. The girl didn't just live. After I took Her to the Atlantic Ocean, to Africa, she even loosened her belt a little.

Promise your Inner Child only what you will do exactly and talk about how much you love Her more often.

My Inner Child began to enjoy life. I began to open for Her all the doors that I had not noticed before and began to allow Her to do many things that I would have been ashamed of before.

My girl recovered and I began to consult with her, she helped me survive a toxic relationship with one man

From the state of the Inner Child, this video was made about the archetype of the goddess Aphrodite, just in time for the very trip to Africa that was promised to my Girl.

I, who had already become fifty, myself, like a child, enjoyed every drop of the ocean, every breath ... And I regained my body, my sensuality, and love for myself through love for my Inner Child.

What can the Inner Child ask for?
- doll or other toy
- yummy
- Kinoshka
- dress
- Take to the zoo
- Take a boat ride
- Get a talking parrot, kitten or puppy...

And much more

Give absolutely everything that your inner child asks for and talk about how much you love Her as often as possible.

I love.

PS: contraindication. - pregnancy.

In each of us there is an emotional, irrational part, which is called the "Inner Child".

The "inner child" is an emotional and behavioral experience that we carry with us from childhood.

Have you ever been in emotionally neutral situations when incomprehensible strong and irrational feelings suddenly came to life inside?

For example, fears, self-doubt, anger, jealousy, or you suddenly just start crying.

At such moments, from the depths of your "I" comes the voice of the Inner Child.
And this voice - whether we realize it or not - sounds daily in our daily life:

• "I want to be the best"
• "He leaves me alone"
• "I need to defend myself to survive."

As a result, already in adulthood, we cannot recognize the achievements of other people, or we are afraid to enter into relationships because of the fear of rejection, or we react to a person from the present in the same way as we would react to someone from childhood.

As children, we encounter various traumatic situations. For example, a child whose parents are divorced may not express their feelings openly. He seems to conserve and archive them for many years. And after many years, he becomes very attached to his partner and experiences a strong fear of losing him. As strong as when he lost one of his parents. We can say that here, in this fear, the voice of the Inner Child sounds.

And there are two options here.

1. to hear this voice, this fear and this pain of rejection and process these feelings. This is a long and sometimes painful process - but it leads to greater integrity, harmony and fullness of our lives. On this path, you stop being a prisoner of the past and open the doors to the present moment of your life.
2. There is another option - to remain deaf to your own feelings and fears. But then you remain deaf to yourself - your needs and desires. There is a chance that in this case you will, one way or another, unconsciously reproduce the traumatic situation and experience these feelings again and again in real time.

K.G. Jung has a wonderful expression about this:

Depression is like a lady in black. If she comes, do not drive her away, but invite her to the table as a guest, and listen to what she intends to say.

The voice you hear inside of you (emotions, obsessive thoughts, behavioral patterns, dreams) tells you a lot about what you really want and who you really are. The main thing is to learn to hear this voice, to accept and understand it.

How to find this voice in yourself. Try to imagine it in your imagination. Try to draw it. What does he look like? What does he feel? Is he cheerful? Scared? Angry? Crying? He ashamed? Jealous? What would he like to tell adults? What does he want to hear? What does he dream and fantasize about? Is there someone next to him? Someone to protect him or comfort him.

Try to remember your childhood - what did you want? What did you dream about? Have these dreams come true? Try to fantasize about it, just follow your fantasies. Where are they taking you? Perhaps over time you will begin to better understand your deepest needs and how they are embodied in your adult life.

Connecting with the Inner Child is not always easy.. It can be very difficult to discern this inner voice. Most often, it comes to us in the form of emotions - crying, fear, anxiety, resentment. And at first it seems that these emotions are simply never-ending. And this is natural - they have been hiding inside you for years and decades. But if you have patience and listen, wait, try to understand - one day you will hear what your Inner Child is really crying about.

And over time, the Inner Child will stop drowning in their emotions, survive and integrate them. Over time, he will overcome his fears, leave them behind and go out into a new world.

You wouldn't expect a real baby to tell you exactly why he's crying, would you? I think you will just give him space to experience these feelings and integrate them. Then, when the emotions subside, he will find a way to tell you about what is happening to him and what he is going through. The main thing is to remain an attentive listener to your inner voice. Maybe you should do something similar with your Inner Child?

How can I take care of the "Inner Child"?

• Be patient. This is not a one-time activity, it is a process that can take quite a long time.
• Try to embrace these feelings. Sometimes they are very much in conflict with ideas about themselves. An adult, independent, woman who is used to controlling everything suddenly begins to feel her dependence on a man. These feelings are completely unacceptable to her rational part. But, at the same time, these are her emotions, desires and needs. And they are very natural for her emotional part. What your Inner Child feels is your feelings; it is part of you.
• Try to trust this voice. Try to follow the needs that this voice tells you. What does he ask of you? Try to take care of yourself the way you would take care of a real child.
• Consider going into therapy if you feel that the cause of the problem is deep and long-standing.

Remember that psychological trauma is an episode of life, not a sentence.