How to reset a relationship if it's falling apart. The first crisis in a relationship. Reboot or divorce
In a relationship with a man, do you not feel the same emotions and feelings? Then we suggest you do... 5 steps to improve relationships.
- First step. Getting rid of the past. If the couple wants to move on, you need to remove the burden of past grievances. Look at each other with new eyes - like a stranger. They say that absolutely all cells are renewed in seven years. It turns out that if you and your partner have been together for more than seven years, then you have a new person with whom you need to build relationships again. Are you sure you know each other well?
Many couples have the same problem - the inability to forgive. To live happily together, you need to let go of even such a difficult situation as betrayal.
If a couple wants to experience a miracle - a reset of relationships - then both should start living as if from scratch. Otherwise, after some time, the relationship will slide into the same plane where it was before.
Try to get to know each other again. For fun, tell each other about yourself as if you just met for the first time. Ask each other questions about hobbies, values. What new did you learn about your partner, what did you feel in the process of "acquaintance"?
At this stage, it is very important to learn to constantly realize the value of another, the value of his attention and care.
Focus on what you gain when you are with each other, not on what you lack.
Usually, after such open discussions, amazing, even somewhere comical things come to the surface. For example, a husband and wife both hate oatmeal, but eat it for breakfast, believing that the other likes it. Or the husband does not like how his wife parodies his mother ... Such household trifles have tremendous destructive power. At the same time, other little things can work wonders. Let's say it will be a huge gift for a wife if her husband starts making coffee for her on Sundays. Or buy flowers once a month. Or she will sometimes buy him beer, which he likes. Or he will wear skirts because he likes it. Or kiss him on the lips goodbye... At this stage, we learn to be more sensitive, attentive, caring towards each other. We learn to give, not just take.
- Fifth step. Organization of meetings". Are there many moments in your life when you are truly close? A lack of soulful encounters is one of the main causes of emotional hunger and longing, feelings that many couples experience as the years go by. To feel in love with each other again, create as many situations in your life as possible in which you experience strong, vivid emotions together.
It is very important to break out of the usual daily circle. Organize your life so that you have the opportunity once a week to go somewhere together, without children: to the theater, cinema, museum, concert or walk around the city.
Be alone with each other. Remember what pleases the other - make him such a surprise.
Watch the movie together and share your impressions. Read the same book - find out what the other thinks about it. Organize a short trip or rent a hotel for one night, as if you were dating. And try to relive it all over again. Such moments give a very strong charge.
“Last year, my husband and I went on vacation on our own for the first time in 10 years, leaving the children with their grandmothers. We were in no hurry, we didn’t quarrel, we could walk and see the sights for a long time, having a bite to eat on the go, not rushing to discuss our impressions, savor every minute. After a week of such rest, we returned home as a completely different couple,” says 35-year-old teacher Maria.
“My wife complained that I spend a lot of time with friends, and I suggested that she go fishing together. Surprisingly, she showed such excitement that now we often go fishing together,” says 30-year-old manager Vladimir.
Each couple manages to find something different - and experience their own unique experience. A family crisis is an indicator that living together has become a habit, has lost its sharp taste. And it is worth thinking about a new meaning and experience that will re-open you for each other.
Photo in text: Shutterstock.com
I am personally against comebacks. I never had the desire to return to anyone. I usually leave on that note, when the relationship has completely exhausted itself and "there is nothing more to do here." But some happy ending stories of my acquaintances got me interested in how and why it sometimes works.
And here is the result of my observations and research.
So, how to turn the end of a relationship into a new stage.
First, no way. Practice has shown that only when people (at least one of the partners) parted forever, without thinking about returning, after a while (long!), There is a chance to try again. When you know you've paused, your brain doesn't allow you to completely reset. Parting is a small death. Yes, the old must die - habits, claims, resentments. Otherwise, this heap will be a heavy burden on your mind every time you think about returning. “Schmumer died, if only he was healthy,” as they say in my beloved Odessa.
Following. Time. It heals and wipes out these same grievances-habits from memory, polishes the scars from past wounds inflicted by relationships. Therefore, it must be long lasting. From the practice of friends - at least six months. It takes three months to update the information in the cage. scientific fact. And if we are talking about remnants of resentment and mental trauma, then psychologists say that recovery takes from six months to two years. FROM! half a year.
Thirdly. Awareness of their mistakes and role in breaking up relationships. Not “the fool himself”, but a real understanding of what my actions, character traits hurt a partner, were wrong in general or in these respects. Why I focus on "given" relationships. Because this particular partner may not suit you, and "what is good for a Russian, death for a German." This particular partner and his behavior-psychology may not suit you. And the question is not in the wrong behavior then, but in the mismatch. Then there is nothing to talk about - not yours, forget it.
If you understand through time that it was with this person that you felt good, sincere, warm and comfortable, it makes sense to analyze what led to the breakup, and what was the reason for this in your behavior. Can you change something in yourself? Wouldn't such a restructuring be a loss of oneself? This process of rethinking is time-consuming and energy-intensive. But development and growth will always benefit you, no matter if you get your ex back as a result.
Farther. In my opinion, other relationships are important. For contrast, to compare their behavior in previous and new relationships, to reflect their feelings and feelings. A person is so arranged that it is difficult for him to realize a partner otherwise than "everything is known in comparison." The main thing here is that the factor that “each next one is worse than the previous one” does not play. This is already an indicator that you as a person are not developing, but regressing. And not that the former / former were better. It is not the partner that should win in comparison, but your feelings and the nature of the previous relationship. You should qualitatively lack that warmth and comfort. Then maybe that person was yours. Or not. Life will show. But you need to try.
And the last. Relations with the former should be qualitatively new. From scratch. No mention of past grievances, "you don't change." No, no, no one is holding back. Maybe yes?)
Love to you and ease of being. Regardless of who ;-)
When a girl (wife) leaves a guy (husband), most often this indicates that he did something wrong, made weakness. You don’t need to look for excuses, you need to act in order to renew the relationship and return love to them.
You don't have to be a psychologist, you just need to know a few things. How to get a girl back forever and ever?
Don't talk for a while
You will need this time to correct your mistakes, to become a different person, otherwise you will not be able to return the former. Of course, during this time she can fall in love with another man, but after a couple of days, coming to visit and declaring that you have become a completely different person is not an option. The girl won't believe you.
flirt
It is not only possible, but necessary, to communicate with other representatives of the weaker sex. And with them you need flirt a little, especially if it happens in front of your beloved. She will be jealous, even if it is imperceptible in appearance.
Live an active life
Do not show outwardly that you are suffering, attend friendly parties, go for a walk, do your favorite hobby - let the girl see that you are not broken and made her decision without trying to withdraw into yourself.
Make an appointment
Now that you have changed get in touch with a girl, go to friendly communication. She is still interesting to you, and you are also probably interesting to her, only as a friend. You know a lot about each other - use this to set up a meeting in a calm and pleasant place. There should not be any rush, guess the time so that both you and the girl are absolutely free from any business.
Your goal is sex
If you make the girl give herself to you, then you have practically returned her, all that remains is to consolidate the result with romantic dates and gifts. Focus on what is happening here and now Forgive all the mistakes of the girl, do not remind about them. However the girl must think that you are meeting with her under the pretext of purely friendly communication.
Has she got a new man
To get the ex back, for starters take an interest in her life, find out if she has someone- it is very important. If she is well brought up and with a man, she will not let you get close just like that, then you will need to be friends for some time and make rapprochement imperceptibly, gradually. Also, if she still has some grievances, she behaves tensely next to you, it will also take some time.
Pull her towards you
You need to go all out pull a woman towards you, seduce in the same way as you once did it with her. Don't think it will be easy because you've already been in a serious relationship. This fact rather prevents rapprochement. Give your beloved vivid emotions, and you will be able to return the girl. Please her with romantic surprises, do not show your shyness, if any. You must be self-confident, strong and determined - this is immediately noticeable.
The relationship of a woman with her beloved husband is not a lake, but a dynamic river: it can be calm, fast, and aggressive. But with a long stagnation and love that has become a habit, any woman wonders how to refresh her relationship with her husband. Agree, because your knees are trembling when you remember your first dates and so you want to feel yourself as loved again as then. We need a reboot of love.
Why Romance Leaves
Everything seems to be clear: over time, the family turns into a kind of enterprise, where one day copies the previous one cleanly: life, work, problems with children, etc. and there is simply no place for the romance with which the relationship began. But not everything is so simple, because there are deeper reasons:
- Obsession with household rules. It's good that you care about the order in your home, but if your spouse has a habit of leaving the dishes on the table after dinner, is this critical? Is this really supposed to ruin the relationship?
- The thought "Where is he going to get away from me." Most often men think this way, but it is typical for women as well. Maybe you won’t get away from each other, but the relationship will turn into cohabitation of two different universes, and over time, a new passion and love can take over your husband;
- Life without trust. Petty deceptions, betrayal, hiding the truth... all this destroys trust, and with it, love.
So, married life is a very serious job. Moreover, your love is worth it to carry out this work. In order for the relationship not to be refreshed, you first need to see in your man a person with a great inner world and life problems. In addition, you need to be able to hear and understand each other. Say everything that does not suit you, and let your husband do it. Silence kills a marriage more actively than scandals and quarrels, so don't be silent if something is wrong. In addition, in marriage, many people like to flaunt their shortcomings: they say love is evil, so love me for who I am. But this is not so. For a beloved spouse, you always need to be the best, and this applies to both partners.
If the relationship has finally turned into a routine, it's time to shake it up. What are we going to do. Here are some options.
Just change your image
Appear before your husband in an unexpected way. This is trite, but it works, because a man is a collector, and even if the marriage is happy, he is still interested in other women. So be a different woman. Now he has a new wife. A new image can be supplemented with an unusual action. For example, appear in the form of an oriental beauty and dance a belly dance for him.
romantic dinner
Also from simple ways, but it works, because men love to eat. Here it is not even necessary to cook delicacies (a man will not understand) or set the table with candles. No, this is also a good option. But you can come up with something more original, for example, a romantic dinner on the highest roof of the city. Or you can make a familiar dish and put a surprise inside. For example, bake a note with a declaration of love in a pie. Or bake as many pies as your life together lasts and put a note in each with a question about each year you have lived. In general, bring maximum romance into the life of your family.
Scandal
Some non-conflict wives prefer not to make scandals or even silently swallow everything that they don’t like, inventing compromises for themselves. But this is fundamentally wrong.
The “correct” scandal will bring a positive charge to the relationship. But the claims should be frivolous, so as not to cause real anger in each other and not provoke a serious quarrel with her husband. Dissatisfaction can be caused by an uncleaned table after dinner, a spouse snoring at night, or other little things. You can even break a plate (just choose the one that is cheaper and that you don’t feel sorry for). You can even cry. Having found out the relationship, you will fall into each other's arms and end the conflict with passionate sex.
Romantic letter to a loved one
The epistolary genre is in crisis today, but you shouldn't worry about that. Just put a note in your pocket with a declaration of love.
Or you can write a love letter from an unknown mailbox. Let it be passionate and tender, but such that it is difficult to guess who it is from. It will lead. And in the middle of the letter, you can describe those details of the relationship that are known only to you. A declaration of love from a wife with whom you have lived together for so many years? It turns on!
Important! Such surprises should be done regularly, otherwise the husband may unreasonably suspect you of something bad, or simply be puzzled.
More Ways to Refresh Relationships
You can come up with other surprises. For example, send him an original gift to work, preferably inexpensive and cool. But in the case of a husband devoid of a sense of humor, this is not entirely appropriate. Just like if you're jealous.
There are many other ways to reset a relationship. For example, a date with your husband in the same cafe where your relationship began, walking around the places where your romance began. If this cafe is no longer there, then the dress in which the husband saw you on the first date must have remained.
If returning to the past is not very interesting, then you can come up with a new hobby for both. But so that it was really interesting for both halves.
They will help to reboot family relationships and psychological trainings. Do not miss the opportunity to reveal your loved one again, and after all, trainings contribute to this.
You can also make a photo collage from your photos with your husband. It is advisable to take photos in secret. Using a simple computer program, mount a video from them.
Well, don't forget about the bedding. Being new and different about sex will help freshen up any relationship, so games in bed, new places to make love, and an unusual new position will do. Something, and making a bed not boring is quite simple.
After the birth of a child
For all families, a crisis after the birth of a child is the norm. It is almost impossible to be a mother and wife at the same time, especially if the child is a newborn. How to reset a relationship after having a baby? First of all, it is necessary to find time for each other. It’s good if there is a grandmother to whom you can give the baby for a while and just have dinner together or even go somewhere together. Do not forget to always be interested in how your spouse's day went and what's new happened today. He shouldn't feel left out. As far as possible, try to be beautiful at home with your baby and buy a beautiful home kit. To reset your relationship with your soul mate, don't be afraid to ask him to help with the baby. This will bring you closer after his appearance, and there will definitely not be a routine - the baby will definitely not allow it to enter your life.
And if the children have grown up, they will also help you refresh the relationship. They, too, can remind parents that there is love between them. Children can (with the help of their mother) cook their father's favorite dish or write poems about their father and mother. There are many options here too.
You need to reload and refresh your relationship with your husband regularly. This is also a job and one of the keys to family happiness. If you want to be loved all the time, learn to constantly be different and new.
If for some time you had a relationship with a man, and what you think is a good relationship, but they suddenly became nothing, then in fact this is a matter of resuming the relationship. It's not that the man is in a stupor, your relationship simply did not develop, that is, at some certain moment they simply ended in nothing.
Initially, you need to understand for yourself whether you are ready to invest in these relationships, that is, to continue these relationships, whether to develop them. Because if from the beginning they were good, that doesn't mean anything. They seemed good to you, but they might not seem good to your man. You need to analyze all stages of your relationship, from dating to the moment when they began to fade. It is necessary to identify all negative factors and eliminate them. After that, if you still decide to reanimate the relationship, then for this you will have to work hard.
The times when a woman was supposed to wait for a man to take the initiative first, call, etc. passed. Of course, there are eternal values, and Turgenev and Pushkin women still like men, but waiting for the first man to call, in fact, today, is not entirely true. Surely, your mothers and especially grandmothers have formed a stereotype of such behavior in you.
My advice to you is don't listen! Why? Because that's what the phone was made for. Invented in order to communicate, if you want to hear a person, chat with him, why not dial his number, and ask how he is doing, it's so simple! One of your calls can already bring your man out of the "stupor". Especially if you've never called first before. This will break the pattern, and in itself will add some positive points to you in the eyes of a man. If you doubt the attitude of a man towards you, all the more so! Just call and you will understand everything almost immediately.
If a man does not call you, there may be reasons for this, both subjective and objective. Most often there are two reasons:
First reason, a man may not be too confident in himself, and could decide that he is not worthy or has offended you in some way. If a man refers to the fact that he is busy, this is from another story.
And the second- you have become uninteresting to him, that is, you have become uninteresting for some reason, you should not look for it, most likely interest in you will not resume, you need to take a break, change a lot, eliminate negative factors, and then maybe you will return these relationships. I have a special training, it is called "Secrets of taming and keeping men", it has detailed instructions on how to return a man. And at any stage, even if you have not had a relationship for a year or more.
The fact is that a man can be returned. You can always return a man, especially if you write that you had a good relationship before. But you have to accept a certain pattern of behavior. I will explain this behavior model with examples, so that it is more clear.
First Behavior Model when you say: “I feel bad without you ... how I suffer without you ..., we loved each other so much ..., etc.” This is a flawed model that will not work.
And the second behavior when you call and don’t cry into the phone, telling how bad it is for you without him, you don’t play a tragedy where your main role is an unfortunate abandoned woman, but on the contrary, with the happy voice of a successful woman, you are simply interested in how he is there without you. The meaning of the second model is to show a man his relevance and self-sufficiency, while showing concern for his fate: “How are you without me? I'm so worried about you..."
Think for yourself which of the models of your behavior will bring you more benefit.
Remember, don't judge men by yourself. It is difficult to break through a man with emotions, we are much less compassionate than you, and in the case of the first model, you are more likely to push the man away from you even further. Think about it, does a man need an unfortunate and abandoned woman who suffers and dries for him?
On the other hand, a successful and self-sufficient woman who is in demand, who has enough male attention, who does not belittle him to return because she feels bad (we do not think about him in the first model of behavior), but at the same time shows interest in his person, broadcasts positive and does not clings to him, on the contrary, demonstrates his independence, is likely to arouse genuine interest in a man, and perhaps the thought that you are not as simple as he thought before, and should you pay more attention to you.
In any case, the choice is yours.