Why does a man become aggressive. Causes of aggression in men. Aggressive man - what is he

If a man is able to make decisions, take responsibility in a difficult situation - of course, this characterizes him on the positive side. However, a despot is often hidden behind the firmness of character.

How to behave with an aggressive husband: endure his attacks or break off relations once and for all? What to do if you did not recognize these tendencies in the chosen one even before the wedding? Let's first understand what aggression is.

It is destructive, motivated behavior that results in harm to people, objects, and the environment. It's not always physical abuse. Victims of aggression experience moral discomfort, fear and negative emotions and from negative moral impact.

Signs of a domestic tyrant

It is not easy to recognize an aggressor husband in a happy groom. Unfortunately, there is a type of men who do not tolerate objections and, at the slightest provocation, burst into abuse or begin to loose their hands.

The one who recently swore eternal love to you can “treat” you with a savory slap in the face or even beat you up. In fact, recognizing an aggressive person is not difficult. It's just that a woman blinded by love acts like a Pushkin hero: "I myself am glad to be deceived."

The following signs will help to recognize a potential tyrant:

• drug abuse or drunkenness with a poorly developed intellect. The state of intoxication contributes to aggression: this is a truism;
• tendency to resolve disputes with fists. Be sure that your chosen one will transfer such a behavioral stereotype to family relationships;
• upbringing. If a potential spouse grew up in a family where everything is run by an authoritarian father, then most likely he will behave the same way with you. Pay attention to his statements about women. Constant criticism and talk about "lower beings who are obliged to obey" betrays the future abuser;
• men who served in hot spots are also at risk. It is impossible to endure what they had to endure without damage to the psyche.

Forms of aggression in the family

There are several forms of manifestation of aggression.

Verbal

Verbal aggression is swearing, threats, cruel jokes and remarks, statements in a derogatory form. Of course, words, no matter how angry and offensive they may be, are not capable of causing physical harm.

However, listening to them is insulting and unpleasant. Moral suffering is no better than physical. Even "affectionate" and "harmless" household nicknames can carry offensive connotations.

For example, if a man calls his wife “Donut”, “Piglet” or “Puffy”, then the wife often takes it personally, thinking that her husband stopped loving her because she lost her former harmony. Any "Rat", "Snake", "Nutria", "Piggy" or "Hippo" is no better.

As a rule, a man sincerely does not understand that his wife has an unpleasant aftertaste from his statements. Moreover, evil and stupid jokes come from the closest person.

Physical

It cannot be said that a fight in the family is a common occurrence, but, to be honest, they sometimes happen. The victims of physical violence are not only wives and children, but also husbands. According to statistics, more than half of women in one way or another faced physical aggression in the family.

form of protection

Sometimes a husband attacks his wife with his fists, and she defends herself from him with what has turned up under her arm. For example, the same rolling pin or pan. It is difficult to condemn her, although this looks, to put it mildly, not very beautiful.

Indeed, in this case, the woman protects herself, and, possibly, her own life. As you can see, aggression can manifest itself in different ways and with certain nuances, adjusted for a particular family.

In any case, the aggressor has a number of common features:

• considers the surrounding people as enemies and waits for the moment to attack. In their opinion, the best defense against the enemy is an attack;
• low self-esteem. The aggressor believes that by humiliating other people, especially close ones, he asserts himself, increases his own significance and seems stronger to others;
• the tendency to blame others for their failures and troubles. For example, the “couch genius” believes that if it were not for the family, he would have been able to achieve much more in life. This is an elementary attempt to justify one's own laziness, lack of abilities and character. At the same time, he completely refuses to take responsibility for his own actions, and he is not able to calculate the consequences of them;
• short temper, the ability to demonstrate anger and displeasure at the slightest provocation. This is where his extreme egocentricity comes into play. The tyrant very rarely agrees to compromise.

Perhaps this suggests that coexistence with such an unpleasant personality under one roof is not an easy task. This behavior can destroy any relationship.

First of all, you need to be aware of the following. If a man has shown aggression at least once, it is at least naive to assume that nothing like this will ever happen again. All his apologies and repentance are 99% false, if only because the destructive mechanism has already been launched.

Let's leave one percent for those rare cases when a man had the intelligence and character to analyze his own behavior and curb himself on his own, without the intervention of other people and a professional psychologist.

Here are some tips for women, as they are often the victims in these situations:

• in no case do not tolerate and do not hope that sooner or later your spouse will "take up his mind." Moreover, seeing his impunity, the aggressor spouse will consider his behavior acceptable;
• . They shouldn't see anything like this. Most often it is useless to explain this to the aggressor husband. In moments of anger, he strives only for self-affirmation and he does not care who is in front of him;
• if you see that attempts to improve relationships and consultations with a psychologist did not lead to a positive result, there is only one way out -. Of course, many women find thousands of reasons why this should not be done, but they gradually come to the conclusion: it is better to put an end to constant humiliation and threats.

What is the behavior pattern with an abusive husband?

Competent tactics of behavior with an abusive husband is based on the following points:

• do not be afraid to point out to a man his shortcomings. Most likely, he himself is far from an oligarch and not an Apollo to demand from his wife model parameters like the notorious 90-60-90. An even wiser decision is a proposal to change for the better, but only together;
• try to analyze why your husband shows the traits of a tyrant. References to "Domostroy" and the wild proverb "He beats means he loves" are in no way suitable here;
• do not allow humiliation and, moreover, assault on your address. At the same time, don't force a man to do something he clearly doesn't want to. Positive results will be brought not by pressure, but by negotiations;
• increase your self-esteem, try to be independent and self-sufficient. You want to show aggression next to such a person less.

Tolerate or file for divorce?

As already mentioned, you do not need to endure. It often happens that divorce is the only way out of a situation that is commonly called "stalemate".

Let's try to figure out the reasons that keep a woman from taking a decisive step, although she herself clearly understands that she cannot continue like this:

• material dependence. Or, more simply, the fear of being left without a livelihood. Try to find a job or ask relatives for temporary financial support. The aggressor will lose his main trump card - submission with the help;
• fear of more aggression. In fact, if you stay in the family, the humiliation will continue. Isn't it better to break off relations and hide from a domestic tyrant so that he has "short hands" to humiliate or beat you;
• complete satisfaction with the situation. Ironically, there are women who enjoy being victims. The only thing that can be advised in this case: think about children if you don’t love yourself like that. They are not to blame for your psychological problems;
• “He beats (as an option - jealous), which means he loves”. This category of wives is so downtrodden and deprived of attention that they perceive even beatings as a sign of care. It would not hurt to know that love and respect are manifested in a slightly different way. In any case, not with the help of fists;
• fear of loneliness. The woman is afraid that she will no longer be able to arrange her life and considers "some kind, but still a man is nearby." If you get rid of toxic relationships, you can gain freedom of action and get a chance to build new relationships in a different way. And the fears are completely groundless;
• hopes that "he will be re-educated". The difficulty is that a man himself must want to change. And this does not always happen.

Dealing with a Divorce from an Aggressive Husband

Practice shows that an abusive husband does not leave his habits even during a divorce. Often he threatens his wife, takes everything,.

Hello. My family is falling apart. Husband is 46 years old. Married for 11 years. For me, the third marriage, for him - the first. He has always been a rather difficult person. But we got along, I smoothed the corners, took into account the peculiarities of his character and did not want to rock our life over trifles. Now it's just unbearable. A continuous scandal with a rare lull. Almost 8 months. Absolutely nothing admits his guilt. Very aggressive and cruel. After so many years, absolutely insurmountable contradictions have come to light. I'm desperate. Any attempt to calmly discuss everything results in a quarrel. Very petty, vindictive, cowardly. There is a daughter, 6 years old. Has a son from his first marriage. 20 years. Question: can a person change like that in six months, or did these qualities lie dormant in him, waiting for an opportunity?

Veronica, Volgograd, Russia, 43 years old

Family Psychologist Answer:

Hello Veronica.

Hello. I want to offer you a different view of what is happening, although you did not ask about it. Looking outside, not inside. And, answering your question - I think, neither one nor the other. I think it accumulated just like in a pressure cooker. It doesn't fit anymore, so it started to come out. And, since it continues to warm up, it does not end. Now about the vision. You both created this situation. And he, and you too. You see yourself as a victim, his aggressor, but this does not happen in a couple - one is bad, the other is good. Relationships are created by two people. And both are responsible for it. I don’t know what exactly you are doing, but I understand that you are definitely making some contribution to the fact that your husband has become so cruel. Although ... I can assume :-) Let's look at the facts - he has a first marriage, you have a third. It is clear that he has little experience in relationships, it is difficult for him to be in a pair, he is used to being alone. So it's not easy for him. What about you? You have a lot of experience, but very monotonous. There have already been two divorces, the third is not far off. What happened there? Former husbands also turned out to be scary monsters after a while? You don't seem to think about it. And why? It looks like you do not know how to share responsibility and admit YOUR mistakes. You are good at seeing the mistakes of others and pointing them out, and you seem to consider yourself sinless. In any case, your letter is 100% like that. There is not a shadow of a doubt that you have done or are doing something wrong. Not a single question to myself and about myself. Or about relationships. The culprit has already been found, the trial will begin soon ... "Victim", as you know, is the best way to manipulate. One is declared a sufferer, the other a tyrant. The first position is the safest and most comfortable. Any "not so" - you can immediately burst into tears, remember all the past mistakes and regret the years spent in vain and the difficult nature of the partner. The second one can only shut up his "steam" and humbly ask for forgiveness, since any other gesture is perceived as "well, I told you ..." But sooner or later the couple has nowhere else to accumulate, and it starts to come out. About the same as in your case. And since this person has nothing to lose - he is "bad", no matter what he does, he was convinced of this, then he behaves accordingly. And all this develops to the point of impossibility. Or has been for years. Psychologists sometimes say in such cases that the second is a split-off aggression of the first. The first has problems with her expression, and he provokes the second to her. And the second has problems with self-esteem. He was convinced that he was bad, a long time ago. Such couples sometimes exist quite successfully, terrorizing everyone around them - one with their aggression, the second with their "unhappiness". With the first, everyone quarreled for a long time, and the second was tired of endlessly regretting. But this doesn't seem to be about you. Personally, yours looks like "all men are bastards and bastards." And the task is to find as much evidence for this as possible. Usually this happens when the father was cruel, and aggression towards him never found a way out. Then you need to find as many examples of the same as possible to confirm the hypothesis. Then dad will look not so terrible, and maybe even beautiful. And aggression will be where to apply. And so on... Sorry, I got carried away, the topic is very interesting and relevant. Back to you, when was the last time you said "I'm sorry"? Sincerely? When they said "I was wrong?". Or "it's not easy for me either"? Or "I'm angry"? When you thought about why two previous marriages failed, what is your responsibility for this, and how is the current marriage and your actions similar to the previous ones? In such stories, you always feel sorry for the children. Parents are adults and play adult games - consciously or unconsciously, it doesn't matter. And children become pawns in this game. Especially if they are being manipulated into taking sides. "Mom is good, dad is bad." For them, it's terrible. They love both. Have pity on your children. Accept your responsibility. It's scarier, but, in fact, simpler: "If I'm responsible for something, I can change something. And if I'm a victim, then I can't do anything." In the first version, there is much more power.

Sincerely, Babievskaya Elena Kirillovna.

Women marry angels, and after a while they can get a demon. Something happens, and after a while, many spouses complain that the husband has become aggressive and irritable. How does such a transformation take place, where and, most importantly, why does an aggressive spouse appear in the family, and can something be done about it so as not to be an eternal victim?

An eternally dissatisfied and angry partner has become commonplace in our country. This condition often causes physical or moral damage. There are people who are able to withstand such outbursts of emotions, and there are those for whom it will be critical. But if a reason appears that makes a partner such, it is quite possible that there is a factor that will return the normal psychological state. First of all, it is worth understanding the reasons for what is happening in order to be able to configure something.

For male behavior, aggression is quite typical.

It allows you to win a social status in society - a leader, a leader. Achieve goals, seek the favor of the ladies. Successfully conduct business, compete with rivals in any field.

So, as we see, in certain doses this condition is even useful, being the core of the male character. So where does an angry and nervous man come from, whose critical excesses interfere with life?

So, why did the husband become irritable, what are the main reasons?

1. Major constant trouble at work. In addition, under stressful conditions, the brain does not have time to move from one mode, work, to another, family relationships, so there is a transfer of the behavior model. A man proves his case to the director by standing in front of his wife. Physical exhaustion, lack of sleep, overwork are also reasons for irritability, and by yourself too, and from here - by those around you.
2. Psychological trauma of childhood. They can become aggravated in certain situations, they can go into the subconscious, stay there for years. It is worth understanding the reasons for their manifestations at certain moments. One cannot do without a specialist in such matters in order to get rid of internal complexes once and for all.
3. Application of the model of behavior in the family, adopted from the parents. If the father and mother were constantly at odds, staged scenes with a showdown, against the backdrop of screaming and scandals, the child takes this as the norm and builds his family relationships in the same way. This is usually noticeable at the very beginning of a relationship.
4. Abuse of alcohol, drugs and other drugs. The psyche is disturbed, the person is no longer able to adequately assess the environment and his behavior, periodically loses control over himself and does not notice this, becomes angry, dissatisfied with everything around and irritable.
5. Male irritability syndrome (SMR) is a recent diagnosis in medical practice. It is typical for that period of the state of a man, a kind of menopause, when the body produces less testosterone - the male hormone. This leads to the fact that the husband has become irritable and aggressive, nervous and tired. So this behavior is not always the result of external factors, but it is due to physiological reasons.

Ways of manifestation

Aggression is sometimes a peculiar way of male self-affirmation. This behavior often occurs in cases where a person experiences a lack of love, attention, warmth. In this way, he begins to fight for them, to prove that he is worthy of attention.

Jealous husbands aggressively express their rights to a woman. For many women, such emotions are mistaken for flashes of passion, according to the principle “hitting means loving.”

It also happens that aggressiveness becomes a way of communication.

Aggressive human behavior is a manifestation of its internal properties, such as:

• weakness;
• self-doubt and self-doubt;
• inner anger;
• various psychological complexes. it is easier for women to cope with them, because it is easier to admit failure in themselves. Men are less flexible;
• diverse fears, especially not being realized, wealthy (in any business), having achieved something.

Often the husband is very quick-tempered and aggressive because such is the response to the prohibition, restriction of rights, infringement of dignity. A way to get what you want, if otherwise it turns out to be impossible. When such behavior receives the partner's approval, it is clearly established as not only normal and productive, but also putting the spouse on a higher level, allowing them to dominate the conflict. However, aggression has a property - it is like fire, it attacks everything around without choosing an object. Therefore, in the next conflict, in the place of a neighbor or a conductor, there will be a spouse who most recently admired her husband, who decides the issue with his fists.

Forms of aggression

Despite all the variety of forms of this emotion, aggression can be:

• verbal
• physical.

It would seem that nothing compares to a physical blow. But a well-placed word sometimes hurts no less. Offensive nicknames, uncontrolled statements, rude attacks, threats, comparisons - all this causes deep psychological trauma, especially if it happens often. Even if the words are not fair and everyone knows about it, they hurt very painfully, and even an apology subsequently does not even out the scratched relationship.

Physical abuse is very common in many families, no matter how many times the hot-tempered and irritable spouse hurt his wife, time passes, and she forgets everything. Either in an effort to save the family, or in a hopeless belief that everything will change in some beautiful way, or out of great love.

Aggressive man - what is he

Almost all aggressive personalities have similar character traits. What exactly?

• Often consider others as their enemies. To protect yourself from a potential blow, strike it first.
• They have low self-esteem. In this case, aggression is perceived as the very way to assert oneself, to prove oneself and one's opponent one's strength.
• They look for the culprit of their mistakes from the outside. Instead of analyzing your own behavior, the easiest way is to identify the person responsible for the failure among the environment and lash out at him with reproaches. Their weaknesses require justification, which is possible only with an external culprit. Such people do not like to take responsibility.
• They allow themselves outbursts of anger, easily and quickly ignite, allowing themselves to be nervous, and sometimes enjoying this state.
• They do not compromise, they are extremely self-centered.

What to do in cases of male aggression

If the husband is aggressive, what should I do first? It is very difficult to restrain your emotions and not succumb to mutual aggression or violent tears, depending on the temperament of the woman. This is possible in conditions of composure and a rational approach. First of all, don't get into conflict. A woman should avoid this by all means: go to the store for shopping, even if you don’t need anything, go for a walk, trying in every possible way to disappear from sight and stop being an annoying factor. When an aggressive husband is alone with his emotions, he will calm down due to the lack of a punching bag.

It is possible to help a man get rid of bouts of anger and irritability only with his consent and readiness. No doctor can heal a sick person who doesn't want to be healed.

How to behave if the husband has become aggressive and irritable, how to stop conflicts? The recommendations of a psychologist in the field of family relations will help.

1. Gently remind your partner of his shortcomings if you feel that attacks and accusations against you are groundless. Offer to improve and develop together - a joint business always unites.
2. Try to find the cause of the outbursts and discontent of your man, to figure out if your contribution to the process of forming negative emotions.
3. Do not allow yourself to be angered, insecure, irritable. Do not take accusations on faith, do not humiliate yourself, adjusting to all the claims and fantasies of your partner.
4. Do not put pressure on a man, forcing him to act against his will, obeying your desires, requirements. Allow your partner to strive and achieve something of their own, even if they themselves do not see value and importance in this. The spouse also has his own desires and goals, do not deprive them. The best method of persuasion is negotiation, use dialogue in conflict resolution.
5. Do not hide your grievances, inform your partner about them, build feedback. Sometimes what happens happens only because the man has no idea that you don't like it.
6. Strengthen your own self-esteem.
7. Remember your dignity in difficult times. Sometimes it is worth pretending that nothing is happening in order to devalue emotions.
8. Manage yourself, this extends to those around you. Self-control often solves problems more than shouting and bright emotions. At the same time, it is also necessary to let off steam, but in more painless ways, their mass (physical activity, beat a pillow, go in for sports, etc.). And then the question why the husband became like this will disappear
9. If this is a manifestation of SMR - male irritability syndrome, then a man more than ever needs female warmth and care. At this time, an attentive attitude from loved ones will help to survive a difficult period. Otherwise, the husband will forever be in this state.

I will describe the situation in great detail, because I myself am completely at a loss. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 2 years, no children. I will say right away that at the moment I want to save my family, because I still love and have something to fight for. Before marriage, everything was very good, after they began to live together, small quarrels began, “grinding in” + we lived with my mother, who constantly climbed with advice. We survived this, but another serious problem appeared.

We have now moved into our own apartment. My husband began to behave aggressively. The first time it happened about half a year ago, back in the old apartment. Because of what exactly I don’t remember, and how I don’t try to remember in order to analyze, it doesn’t work. I remember only a feeling of wild almost animal fear. I was lying on the bed against the wall, he was nearby, at some point he waved, and I put my hands forward, cried and looked into his face. He swung, but did not hit. After that, I did not talk to him for three days, did not touch him and stopped cooking. I didn't want to do anything for him. There was a serious conversation, he apologized, said that something had come over him. He said something else, but I remember only emotions. She said that if it happens again, I will leave. The second time happened already in a new place, in the evening I refused him a petty request, on which he insisted. He grabbed me lightly by the throat, almost immediately released. I cried for the first couple of minutes, then I began to collect things and shout at him, saying nasty things. She said that I would leave in the morning. But she didn't leave. Decided to talk to him. There was a serious conversation, he swore never again. Dismantled the suitcase. I told my friend because I couldn't bear it in myself. And today was the third time. And it was terrible. He was in a good mood, he came from the night shift, then he saw a stain on the stove, asked why he didn’t wipe it, I replied that I didn’t have time yesterday, I was tired. He began to scream that he could have done it in the morning, because he had already got up. I replied that I was busy with other things, but I would do it later. He continued to scream, I could not stand it, I shouted to him to stop yelling. After that, he wiped the stove, and while I was sitting at the computer in the kitchen (doing a part-time job), he came up from behind and lightly hit the back of my head with his fist. I cried, I was in pain. I packed my suitcase, called the ad for a rented apartment, but decided to give him a chance, went up to him and asked if he wanted to tell me something. He said, forgive me, zaya, I overdid it. I replied: “Is that all?” He didn't say anything and went to bed. I left the house, canceled the apartment, and went for a walk and think. Came late in the evening. He came by himself. He said that he did not want to hit me, and then he began to justify his behavior. I listened to a little of his excuse, then interrupted him and said that nothing could justify his behavior like that, she also said that he had fallen a lot in my eyes and I didn’t want anything with him. I am shocked by all this, I see that the situation is not being corrected. What to do? How to behave? I don’t want to leave yet, there is still a faint hope, but I don’t want to be beaten one day either. Yes, and there is nowhere to go, the old apartment has been exchanged, the mother lives in a odnushka and there is also a repair. I can only rent, but this is my apartment as well as my house. There are several things that add up to this. First: the renovation in our apartment has been going on for two years, we moved into it a couple of months ago, and we live practically without it (only the bathroom and partially the kitchen are ready), we live in “field” conditions, I sleep on the floor, about a month ago I began to feel that My back doesn't like this. I do not do repairs, my husband and his mother did. But how can I equip the kitchen and bathroom. For the first year and a half, I supported him, helped him look for information, went with him to hardware stores. Now there is no strength for it. Due to the protracted repair, anger and discontent are accumulating in me, which I have already expressed to my husband several times (both in normal situations and during quarrels). This everyday disorder creeps out when we quarrel, but the husband starts the quarrel. Second: half a year ago I quit my job, now I'm looking for a new one. The husband is unhappy with this.

Third: In his family, his father beat his mother, and severely, for the time being he looked at it, then he began to protect his mother. After he grabbed my neck, I talked to him about it, said that I didn’t want to be like his mother, that I didn’t accept such a model of behavior, since this had never happened in my family, and I didn’t want. That I have seen such families and I would rather live alone than in such a marriage. That if he wants a divorce, then he will get it soon. Give advice on how to behave, what to do.

www.liveexpert.ru

If the husband became aggressive, what to do?

Why does the husband become aggressive?

Most often, aggression in the male half of the population plays a positive role: it allows you to achieve a position in society, successfully compete among your own kind. But there are times when, instead of work and rivals, this type of behavior is transferred to the family.

If the husband has become aggressive and irritable, there may be several reasons.

1. He's in big trouble at work. Under conditions of stress, the brain does not catch the transition from working to family relationships, so the man continues to get angry and prove something at home out of habit.

2. The cause of aggression can be psychological trauma received in childhood. In this case, it is necessary to understand why their consequences began to manifest themselves right now.

3. The husband also behaves aggressively if there was constant tension in the relationship between his parents. Having inherited such a role model, he continues to act according to a pre-programmed scenario.

4. This behavior is also characteristic of people who abuse alcohol and drugs. There is a violation of the psyche, and the person is simply not able to control himself. Having decided on the reasons, you should take action.

The first thing a woman who finds herself in such a situation needs to learn is to behave correctly during outbursts of anger in the second half. There can be two exits.

1. Don't get into conflict. If you see that your husband is close to a new attack, avoid talking to him - go to the store, take a walk, go about your business. The main thing is to let him calm down. Even if the husband is very aggressive, show that his behavior is unacceptable. This needs to be said clearly and calmly, and then a joint strategy should be developed to combat the negative consequences of these emotions. There are fairly easy ways to deal with anger and irritation, the simplest and most useful of which is physical activity.

2. You can also go to anger management courses or visit a psychologist. The main thing is not to gloss over the problem.

Remember, if a husband becomes aggressive, it can result in big trouble for the whole family. The issue must be resolved together and as soon as possible.

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Husband became aggressive what to do

This topic has 1 replies, 0 members, and was last updated by Anonymous 4 years, 7 months. back.

Hello. I am contacting for the first time. In general, I try not to share family problems, especially to write about them on the forum, but I realized that I already simply need advice.

My husband and I have known each other for six and a half years (this time we have loved each other very strongly and tenderly). I got a job a year and a half ago. Signed a year ago. Everything seemed to be going well. Let me clarify right away that my husband does not work. Previously, at least I was looking for, but they offered everything low-paid. Now he's not even looking. We live in three. I am his mother and he. We have a good relationship with his mother. She works too. Over the past 4 months, my husband has changed beyond recognition. He constantly screams, freaks out, demands money, hits the wall with his fists, throws everything at the wall.

Your husband is really behaving strangely and it looks like he has problems and these problems are not of a psychological nature, but, perhaps, of a financial nature. So you can’t just talk to him, because he will answer you with aggression. You need to write him a depreciation letter. In it, you must indicate what worries you about his behavior, but do not demand anything without judgment. Ask your husband for help in writing what you can do to make him less aggressive. Also write in a letter about your feelings that, for example, you are afraid of his aggression or when he does or says something (but indicate specifically what worries you). I can check if you wrote the letter correctly, you can send it to the post office.

After you write a letter, just wait a week at least. And watch his behavior.

I will be waiting for your reply.

Thank you very much for your advice. I'll think about what exactly you need to write in the letter. And I’ll definitely show you. But to be honest, I’m at a loss and my thoughts are somehow poorly collected in a bunch.

With a certain period of time, even in an ideal family, certain problems may arise under the influence of extraneous factors. This can change the attitude of a husband towards his wife. Next, we will take a closer look at why the husband became aggressive and what to do about it.

Every person under the influence of stressful situations becomes angry and aggressive. So a difficult period can come in a man's life. It can be misunderstandings in the team, problems with superiors, job loss or low wages. All these negative factors can lead to a depressive state of a person who simply does not want anything and takes out his anger on a woman. This is a common reason why a husband is aggressive.

In such a difficult period, on the contrary, you need to forget about quarrels and complaints, you just need to support your loved one in any situation. Only a smart woman is able to avoid a conflict situation and treat her husband correctly. Only by joint efforts will it be possible to solve this problem and return the man to a normal lifestyle.

This is another reason why the husband is angry. The appearance of a woman on the side automatically leads to a deterioration in family relationships. A man begins to treat his wife badly, does not pay attention to her and does not fulfill his marital duties. Quite often, men cannot make the right decision and take their anger out on a woman. They don't know what to do. Or stay with his wife, or leave the family. This can explain such inappropriate behavior. In this case, you can try to return the husband to the family or let him go. The decision must be made on a case-by-case basis.

If a woman constantly reproaches a man, then as a result this can lead to a deterioration in his attitude towards her. No one can withstand frequent scandals and quarrels. Therefore, first of all, you need to change your attitude towards your husband so that he becomes kinder. He should not constantly point out his mistakes and reproach him for the slightest trifles. On the contrary, you need to be happy to meet your husband from work, to be kind and gentle with him, so that as a result he gives you his love and tenderness. A woman can correct the situation on her own if she wants to. Also, do not forget about yourself, your appearance, in order to surprise your husband with new sexual images every day.

Husband became angry and aggressive

When a husband drinks and is aggressive, family life becomes unbearable. The nature of an alcoholic is unstable and explosive, any little thing can piss him off and induce him to dissolve his hands. In a state of intoxication, he becomes uncontrollable. All households adjust to the mood of an alcoholic, trying to predict his actions and not fall under a hot hand. Children at the sight of a drunken father hide in the corners so as not to run into screams and beatings. The house is full of fear and anxiety. The situation is aggravated by the progression of alcoholism. The binges are getting longer, and the alcoholic is getting angrier and more intolerant.

The correct behavior of the wife when dealing with an aggressive spouse will help to avoid moral and physical injuries, as well as maintain control over the situation.

At the sight of an angry spouse, you should try not to show your fear to him. Fear is a provocateur of anger and aggression, it feeds the alcoholic. In families where drunkenness and violence are chronic, the woman's personality is deformed. It is almost impossible for her to keep her cool in a critical situation. But you need to make an effort on yourself and hide emotions.

You should not notice his behavior and not show discontent. Despite the screams, nit-picking and provocations, you need to calmly go about your daily business. With such behavior of the wife, the husband will cease to be the center of attention of the family. Sometimes alcoholics behave aggressively, trying to assert themselves. They like that everyone is afraid of them and depends on their mood. There is no need to defiantly ignore the aggressor. This will make him even more furious. You need to talk calmly and peacefully.

You should not argue with a drunken husband and try to convince him of something.

In a state of intoxication, a person is not able to adequately perceive the situation. He will only become more angry, and in the morning he is unlikely to remember the events of yesterday. The wife is just wasting her energy.

Although children often suffer from the aggression of fathers, many alcoholics try not to take out emotions on their offspring, especially young ones. Therefore, it makes sense to move to the children's room if the husband is scandalous. With children, he will behave calmer and will not touch his wife.

To calm an irritated spouse, you need to switch his attention to what is of interest to him. You can invite him to watch a football match or play a computer game with the children.

If the wife is sure that the husband will not use force, he can be stopped by a sharp and categorical answer. For example, to demand not to speak in such a tone or to behave more quietly. You need to speak firmly, confidently, with self-esteem. The non-standard behavior of the wife will puzzle the brawler and stop him for a while. After a cooling phrase, you should pause and continue the conversation in a peaceful, calm tone, transferring it to the everyday mainstream. This will allow the woman to take control of the situation.

The aggressive behavior of a drinking husband is usually caused by exposure to alcoholic beverages. As alcoholism develops, a man's behavior changes. If in the early stages he experiences a surge of strength and euphoria when intoxicated, then after the development of dependence, alcohol causes aggression, rudeness and irritability in an alcoholic. The more a person drinks, the tougher, more ferocious and despotic he becomes. This needs to be understood by the wives of alcoholics who hope for a change for the better. After all, many alcoholics, when sober, become sweet, loving spouses. They sincerely repent of their deeds and swear on their knees that this will not happen again. It is more pleasant for a wife to believe her husband, because she does not want to destroy the family and deprive the children of their father.

Alcoholism is a disease. Ethyl alcohol (a component of alcohol) accumulates in the body and destroys it. Ethyl alcohol has a major effect on the brain and nervous system. If a husband drinks even low-alcohol drinks every day, over time he develops alcoholic psychosis. Under the influence of ethyl alcohol, an alcoholic develops hallucinations, fear, panic and anxiety, as well as hatred and aggression. It seems to him that he is surrounded by enemies and ill-wishers, and his wife is cheating and making cunning plans. The destruction of the psyche will continue as long as the alcoholic drinks. The damage to internal organs that ethyl alcohol causes only accelerates the process of personality degradation. Therefore, it is possible to stop the aggression of a drinking spouse only if he stops drinking.

A drinking spouse usually understands well where and how he can behave. A person can control a lot. The behavior of the husband largely depends on the reaction of his wife. Therefore, the wives of chronic alcoholics are considered codependent. They support the husband's desire to drink, often without realizing it.

For a husband not to drink alcohol, he must understand that his wife will never put up with his addiction. By her behavior, a woman must constantly demonstrate her negative attitude towards alcohol. You can not show weakness and encourage drinking sometimes, "on holidays." You should not reward a glass of alcohol for the work done.

It is advisable not to keep alcoholic beverages at home and to abandon the habit of celebrating various minor events with a drink.

You should not justify the antics of a drinking husband to others and solve his problems. He himself must be responsible for his actions.

It is not necessary to create comfortable conditions for the husband to drink with drinking companions at home. Such "friends" should not hesitate to be driven away. Any contacts of the spouse with drinkers should cause a strong rejection in the wife. If a man values ​​his family, he will begin to avoid them himself.

There is no need to feel sorry for the drinking spouse, hiding from him his "exploits" in a drunken state and downplaying the damage caused to him. Do not keep secret and the state of his health. An alcoholic must know about himself everything impartial.

A man should form a stable association of alcohol consumption with unpleasant events: conflicts in the family, health problems, difficulties at work or quarrels with friends.

You need to find any way to captivate your husband with an interesting activity. If a man has a hobby, it should be encouraged. An enthusiastic person rarely drinks alcohol.

The sooner a spouse begins to fight her husband's addiction, the more likely it is to stop the development of alcoholism, save the family and the health of all its members.

If the husband drinks every day and goes into hard drinking, medical assistance is needed. In this case, you need to convince the alcoholic to see a doctor.

Alcoholic aggression occurs more often in men prone to violence. Such men already in the early stages of alcoholism terrorize their wife. The tendency to aggression is evidenced by the desire of the husband to control his wife in everything. He does not trust her, considers her a weak, weak-willed person, unable to answer for her actions. A despotic husband does not respect his wife and does not consider her wishes. He quickly "explodes", loses his temper. Easily offends his wife, even being in a good mood. The tyrant never admits his guilt and considers others to be guilty, especially his wife. He is aggressive, rude and disrespectful to others. A man does not show sympathy and does not feel sorry for his wife.

To prevent aggressive behavior in an abusive spouse, you need not to allow yourself to be humiliated from the very beginning of their relationship. Husbands treat their wives the way she allows them to. Insults should never be tolerated. A woman must protect her dignity and demand respect. At the first attempts of violence, the wife must be given a tough rebuff: to threaten with a divorce, division of property or calling the police.

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Why did the husband become aggressive? Over a certain period of time, even in an ideal family, certain problems may arise under the influence of extraneous factors. This can change the attitude of a husband towards his wife. Next, we will take a closer look at why the husband became aggressive and what to do about it. Problems at work. Everyone is under the influence of stress

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What to do if the husband drinks and is aggressive? When the husband drinks and is aggressive, family life becomes unbearable. The nature of an alcoholic is unstable and explosive, any little thing can piss him off and induce him to dissolve his hands.

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Psychology of men

Causes of aggression

Aggressive behavior often includes:

• Lack of self-esteem;
• own weakness;
• Anger;
• Psychological complexes;
• Various fears and much more.

Outbreaks of aggression can occur due to any prohibitions and restrictions. For example, a wife says to her husband: “No football and no beer with friends after work! You should be more at home and work with children, and not wander around bars. And as a result - a scandal, because the indignant man is sure that he has the right to his own choice. And no one has the right to dictate to him what to do on Friday evening and how to spend his free time.

They provoke aggression of various kinds of coercion and the inability to get what they want. For example, a wife serves a liver for dinner, which her husband cannot stand, and at the same time says: “Eat what they give! I am not a cook to make pickles. And the man is indignant: “I asked you to put out cabbage and sausages. And in spite of me, you cooked not just another dish, but exactly what I can’t stand. ”

And, please, the conflict flares up at a double speed. And it is not clear how far he will go. It is quite possible that mutual accusations, swearing and breaking dishes will follow as a continuation.

If aggressive behavior is encouraged by one of the spouses, it is possible that later it will be directed to the relationship partner. As a rule, a woman considers her husband the protector of the interests of the family. And when, for example, he violently attacks the residents of the house, he does not stop the conflict that flared up over a parking space, but, on the contrary, provokes his spouse: “Well done, Vasya! So them, these neighbors! They got quite insolent, they put their car in our place. And they will do it again, you pierce their wheels or break the windshield!”

And this short-sighted woman does not think that later her husband can rein her in his usual aggressive manner. And the reason for this attack will become unimportant. After all, the point is not that a woman will do something wrong, but that a man does not consider it necessary to restrain his displeasure.

1. - Aggression can be a way of self-affirmation. "Who is in charge in our family?" - the man rages. And the struggle for superiority in a pair begins, which is accompanied by aggressive manifestations.
2. - It happens that a person behaves aggressively if he lacks love, attention and care. For example, a wife disappears either in a beauty salon, or with relatives, and while at home, she chats for a long time with her girlfriends on the phone or sticks out at the TV, contemplating soap operas with rapture. And then the annoyed husband raises his voice at her and, obviously not in a benevolent manner, demands something and makes claims against her. “Women also play the “evil” if they feel deprived in a love relationship.
3. - Jealousy and possessiveness can cause aggression. Remember, as in the classic, the enraged hero Othello: “So don’t get you to anyone!”?. Of course, jealousy rarely takes such extreme forms. But even in everyday life, a jealous person is rude and unrestrained when he tries to fight for his love, which is being encroached upon. Sometimes suspicion alone is enough for him to lash out in rage at his beloved or the one with whom she allegedly had an affair.
4. - Aggression is a reaction to adverse life situations, experiences and stresses. And since negative energy requires an outlet, loved ones often fall under a hot hand. And now, tired at hard work, the husband at home breaks down on his wife, and she, in turn, takes revenge on the children.
5. - It happens that aggression is a habitual way of communication when communication occurs through conflicts. And loving people themselves provoke and inflate these conflicts. By the way, such couples are not always unhappy. On the contrary, it happens that they are quite pleased with each other. It's just that their passions are running high, and their noisy voices and harsh expressions echo throughout the apartment building.
6. - Can be aggression and a way to get what you want. A man can get a lot of different things from a woman - a piece of cake, a clean shirt, order in the house, sexual intercourse, and so on.

Serious problems begin when aggressive manifestations become too noticeable and harm the relationship.

Types and forms of aggression

Aggression is different.

1. - One of the most frequent and widespread forms is verbal aggression. These are rude remarks, cruel jokes, derogatory remarks, threats, curses and the like. And although words seem to remain words, even if they are unfair and offensive, it is still insulting to hear them. After all, they cause moral suffering and bring mental pain. Therefore, it is not surprising if you react to certain phrases of your man with bitterness. Even inappropriate nicknames and so-called household names can hurt and destroy relationships. And when a husband calls his wife Piglet or Piggy, from which wonderful chops will come out, she thinks that she has become ugly fat and therefore he no longer loves her. Agree, it’s unpleasant to be a Pot, Fat Tot, Rat, Baba Yaga, Cobra and so on. At the same time, men often do not understand that women have an unpleasant aftertaste from their statements. As they say: two worlds - two ways of perception. The stronger sex is unaware that their jokes are especially unpleasant, because they come from a loved one.
2. - Physical aggression is anything that causes physical harm in one way or another to the person being attacked. To be honest, fights often happen in families. Wives, children and even husbands are physically abused. According to statistics, more than 50% of women in our country have experienced domestic violence and become victims of their men.
3. - Can be aggression and a form of defense. The husband throws himself at his wife with his fists, and she throws herself at him with a frying pan or a rolling pin in order to save her health and life.

Portrait of an aggressive personality

Aggressive people have certain traits.

• They often consider those around them as enemies who are just waiting for the moment to attack them. And since the aggressors themselves underestimate their own hostility, they use the best, in their opinion, method of defense - an attack.
• The aggressor often has low self-esteem. Therefore, it seems to him that he will be able to assert himself if he becomes aggressive and demonstrates “life force”, humiliating others, especially close people.
• A potential aggressor tends to blame not himself for his problems, but other people and circumstances. Therefore, aggressors often say to their loved ones: “It is your fault that I have not achieved any success in life! You, like ballast, pull me to the bottom. Then you buy a fur coat, then buy a new TV, then send it to the resort, then fulfill some other whim. And if I were seriously engaged in business, I would long ago have become head and shoulders above everyone. ” So he justifies his own laziness, inaction and the absence of any talents. At the same time, the aggressor does not take responsibility for his actions and his own life. And he does not want to take into account the consequences of his actions.
• The aggressor is explosive and ignites from a tiny spark, willingly demonstrating irritation and anger. In addition, he is self-centered and extremely rarely agrees to compromises.
• Needless to say, coexisting with such a subject under the same roof is unpleasant. After all, his behavior interferes with normal, harmonious relationships.

How to behave?

• If you think that the claims against you are unfounded, then, firstly, offer your man to take off his rose-colored glasses and face the truth (remind about Photoshop and other wonders and tricks of shooting). And secondly, delicately pay attention to its shortcomings. Surely he himself is not Apollo and not an example of a “successful rich and handsome man” to require you to achieve and correspond to his supposedly high level. Better yet, invite your man to improve together. So you will strengthen the relationship, and in some ways you will become better.
• Try to understand what causes aggression and why you or your loved one behaves inappropriately. Do not calm yourself with spells like: "Beats - it means loves!".
• Do not allow yourself to be humiliated, and even more so, do not become a "punching bag" for expressing other people's negative emotions. And even if your loved one later repents and asks for forgiveness, this does not change the essence of the matter. It is not you who must adapt to his whims, but he must learn to manage his emotional - primarily negative - manifestations. Yes, and conversations, explanations and arguments like “You yourself are to blame, you shouldn’t have taken me to extremes” cannot be considered an excuse for his promiscuity and “long arms”. In order not to become a lightning rod for aggressive attacks, do not force a man to perform those actions that he clearly does not want to perform. And do not force him to forget about his own desires too often. If you want to achieve something from him, then act not by force, but by negotiation. This is the only way to reach a compromise without "fighting".
• Do not hold grudges in yourself, but tell your spouse what and why in his actions you are unpleasant. That is, give the man the so-called feedback and tell him about your negative feelings. It is possible that he did not want to offend you, calling, for example, "God's dandelion" and "mouse." It’s just that, in his opinion, these words are affectionate, but in your opinion they are unpleasant.
• Strengthen your self-esteem to feel confident even when aggressive charges lie next to you.
• Do not lose your composure and self-esteem if your loved one is acting aggressively. But don't make an elephant out of a fly yourself. After all, if his emotional outbursts are insignificant, then they can be completely ignored.
• Learn to manage yourself and your emotions using various methods of self-regulation and relaxation. And don't forget to periodically blow off steam in harmless ways. For example, tear paper, hit a pillow, or walk at a fast pace. If you yourself are more calm, then the one who is next to you will quickly feel peace and relax. And, perhaps, from an aggressor will turn into an affectionate cat.