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A child at 10 months is afraid of strangers. The child is afraid of strangers

advises children's teacher-psychologist Tatyana Shishova.

Transitional age

In the first months after birth, children are surprisingly sociable: they walk into the arms of strangers, look at guests with curiosity, and are in crowded places with joyful interest. But at 7–8 months, a sharp turning point occurs: the baby suddenly begins to be afraid of strangers. Only yesterday the child responded with animation and laughter to the smiles of passers-by, but today he suddenly burst into tears at the sight of his grandmother, who had come to visit her granddaughter, and flatly refused to go into her arms. Parents are frightened by such demonstrations, not understanding why their sociable baby suddenly became a timid coward.

Such emotional outbursts are normal for one-year-old babies. Moreover, the fear of strangers is a natural phase of development, which means that the baby began to divide people into “us” and “strangers”. This is a kind of manifestation of the innate instinct of self-preservation.

Research scientists have shown that in the company of strangers or in the absence of a mother in babies from 9 to 12 months, the amount of cortisol (stress hormone) in the blood increases, because in the company of new people the child feels confusion and panic. The protective mechanism turns on, and when the baby is left without a mother, even for a short period of time. In such a situation, the task of parents is to create a sense of security in the baby: to take him in his arms, hug him, caress him, console him with a kind word. In crowded places, it is better to carry a child in a "kangaroo" or a sling - bodily contact with the mother gives peace and comfort. If you are expecting guests, be sure to let them know about the possible negative reactions of the crumbs, explain that in the period from 7–9 months to 2–3 years, children become fearful and timid. The phrase “he is now afraid of everyone” is universal and will immediately eliminate the awkwardness that has arisen.

Advice. Warn a two-three-year-old child about the arrival of guests in advance, describe them, create positive images. When the doorbell rings, remind your child that guests have arrived and wait a few seconds before opening the door. If the baby restrained himself and did not cry at the sight of new faces, be sure to praise the “dared man” for his courage.

Give it time to get comfortable

Try not to send your child to kindergarten until the child is psychologically ready to let you go. An early separation from the mother threatens to aggravate fears and the emergence of various psychological difficulties. Of course, there are situations when a mother is forced to give the baby to a nursery at 1–1.5 years. In this case, it is important to ensure a soft, delicate adaptation to new conditions. Agree with the administration of the kindergarten that the first time you will be with the child. Then, when the baby gets used to it, start leaving the baby: for an hour, then for 2-3, then for half a day, sensitively reacting to the slightest manifestations of fear, insecurity or anxiety. So the baby will slowly get used to the caregivers and children, stop perceiving them as strangers and will treat parting with you more calmly. In the same way, you should behave with the nanny: first be present at her visits, then leave the baby alone with the teacher for 15 minutes, for half an hour, for an hour, and so on incrementally. At each parting, you can use a special ritual: the nanny waves a toy or holds out a certain object to the baby - always the same, to appease and attract the baby. After a couple of weeks, the child will completely get used to the new person, and you will be able to go to work.

Advice. You should not change anything in your lifestyle on those days when you accustom your baby to kindergarten or a nanny. Even the stroller or crib is undesirable to change. Any changes can complicate the adjustment period.

Be tactful

Sometimes fear of strangers arises as a result of experienced stress. For example, in early childhood, the child was in the hospital, where he was without a mother. Such trials can result in pathological fears of adults, especially doctors and nurses. In the company of strangers, the baby can become restless, whiny, or, conversely, inhibited, silent. Persuading or disgracing a child is cruel and pointless, the baby will close, stop trusting his parents, but will not become bolder. Fathers who dream of seeing their baby active, courageous, not realizing that the child’s psyche is extremely vulnerable, especially sin with reproaches of “cowardice”. From contemptuous ridicule or angry statements in the baby, shame for his own “cowardice” is also added to fear. Now the problem will become double - the baby will have to get rid of not only fear, but also prove to himself and others his worth.

You can help in overcoming deep fears only with support, assurances that you understand the fears of the baby, realize how hard it is for the baby, never leave him in a difficult situation and always save the day. The kid should feel that his experiences are taken seriously, sympathize with him and sympathize. Then the child will have confidence that together with his parents he will be able to overcome everything.

Adult stories about their own childhood fears and ways to overcome them are also effective. The kid will receive an important installation: dad (or mom) was also afraid when they were little, but managed to cope, learned to control fear.

Advice. Role-playing games can be of great help, in which, with the help of dolls, you can play everyday situations that are disturbing for preschool cowards. For example, if a five-six-year-old child cannot be alone for a minute, you can show a mini-performance: the Hare was afraid to be alone, but the Hare mother persuaded him and left. When she went away, the hare began to imagine (what? - to speak with the child), but still the Hare figured out what to do with himself and got rid of anxiety. Show how the mother praised the baby for courage upon her return.

In the event that the baby is afraid of strangers, you can play scenes about the “Lost”: The puppy went for a walk with the owner and ... got lost. It is important to fix the child's attention at the moment when the puppy was lost, to say what he felt. Older kids can be asked to depict with facial expressions and gestures how the puppy was frightened, fell into despair. Be sure to discuss the reason why the puppy was lost. Maybe he ran ahead or, on the contrary, lost his mind, lagged behind the owner? Follow Waif's adventures further by telling how the terrified Waif met some kind characters who helped him find his way home. Events should be positive, and the surrounding people or animals, perceived by the puppy at first as a source of threat, should be wonderful and responsive.

by the way

The lack of fear of strangers at the age of one or two may be a sign of autism. Little autistic people without fear go into the arms of strangers, but only because they do not divide people into “relatives” and “outsiders”. Such kids do not notice the absence of their parents, they live, as if in a vacuum, not letting even their relatives into their “world”.

Autism is a serious violation of the mental and emotional development of the child, it is desirable to identify it in the early stages. If a baby at 9–12 months does not respond to the appearance of strangers, does not reach out to his mother, does not look into the eyes of adults, does not show interest in communication, contact a neuropsychiatrist.

Personal opinion

Alexey Lysenkov:

- As an actor, I know: nothing will liberate a child like games, best of all - acting. Give children to acting children's studios: the result will not keep you waiting!

As I encountered this problem, I searched the entire Internet in search of an answer to the questions - is this normal, do I need to do something about it and when will it pass. Found answers. I will briefly write what the essence and the matter is. Might be useful for someone too...

At the age of 7-8 months, babies begin to experience another “crisis”. I deliberately wrote this word in quotation marks, as some psychologists argue that it is wrong to call this stage of development a crisis. This is a completely new stage in the social and intellectual development of the child. It lasts up to 3 years in boys and 2.5 in girls. But, of course, the manner of its manifestation is changing: if at 7-8 months a baby cries at the sight of a stranger, then after a year it will most likely just be shy. Why is this happening? It is at this age that a child either learns to love or not. First of all, he loves his mother or the person who constantly looks after him. The appearance of a stranger, who, as a rule, still does not look like a mother, subconsciously causes fear in the child that he will be separated from his mother, that he will be harmed. Persuasion at this moment will not work - the fear is subconscious.

There is another significant explanation. It is at this age that the child learns to move (crawl, walk). But intellectually, he is not yet developed enough to make his route safe, get far away from his mother and be able to stand up for himself. Therefore, nature has thought of everything - the child is afraid of losing his mother on a subconscious level, hence the fear of being alone in the room, and the fear of strangers.

It turns out that when evaluating the intellectual and social development of a child, it is also taken into account whether the child has a fear of strangers. If there is, then this is a big fat plus. But there are also such children who by nature quickly find a common language with a stranger: it is enough for them to look at a stranger for a short time, hear his voice - and that's it, he is his own. It's really a talent given by nature to be flexible in dealing with other people. This is not the merit of education. But do not confuse this with the lack of fear of strangers. You can check whether this is a talent or a considerable minus in the development of a child if you go into an unfamiliar (namely unfamiliar - this is important!) Office in which a stranger should sit. A person should quickly get up at the sight of a child, come up and take the child from his mother in his arms. All this quickly without saying a word. if a child is afraid of a stranger, then there is fear, of course ...

It is believed that this stage begins to appear at the age of 7-8 months. But the numbers here may vary, as each child is individual. Often such fear begins to manifest itself at 9 and 10 months, for example ...

How to behave? Do not force the child to communicate with those whom he is afraid of. You need to give him a sense of protection, give him the opportunity to watch a new person from the side, then let the child touch the stranger himself (if you see that the child is ready for this). Perhaps it is worth for some period to refuse trips to crowded places. Remember, all this will pass! The very peak of such fear, as a rule, is short-lived! Visiting relatives and friends should be warned in advance so that they are not in a hurry to hug the baby and take him in his arms.

Well, that's all! Sometimes what at first scares or just worries is a huge leap in the development of our children, the main thing is to know about it and understand your baby! Health to your kids! =)

It happens that a previously inquisitive and sociable baby suddenly begins to be afraid of strangers or new places. And some children are fearful and cautious from birth, hard to endure new experiences and do not want to communicate with anyone except their relatives. This is very inconvenient for parents. Especially when there are older children in the family and things that require trips to different places, but there is no nanny with whom you can leave the baby.

Why does this happen, when will it pass and how to live with it?

The fact that the child begins to fear the new and unfamiliar is a completely natural and normal stage of development. Having learned to walk, the baby gains independence and is more exposed to various dangers. Along with growing physical capabilities, there are mental constraints that help to use skills safely. The ability to run fast is normally balanced by caution, and the desire for communication is restrained by the understanding that there are strangers in the world and not all of them can be benevolent.

It is at this age that children often experience painful separation from their mother and do not want to let her go even for a short time. Often it is the anxiety and fear of separation that causes the fear of new people and places. There are other reasons for uncomfortable behavior and reluctance to visit certain places: various fears (for example, a child was once very scared of something and now his fear spreads to all similar places), protest, desire to go to another place. First of all, it is worth knowing the reason - then it will be clearer what to do. But even if the reasons are not clear, there are some general recommendations.

The most important thing is to respect the needs of the child. In our culture, there is an opinion that you need to kick a wedge with a wedge and force you to do what is scary or not desirable. But if a child cries or resists, it means that he has a real need, and our task is to understand and satisfy it.

1. Watch your child

Pay close attention to what exactly scares him, what he doesn’t like, what causes inconvenience. It often happens that we ourselves exacerbate or ignore the problem, which is solved with minimal effort. In my practice, there was a case when a child had a tantrum on a walk when trying to enter the park. This became a great difficulty for my mother, because there was nowhere else to walk. Mom began to watch, and soon found out that the child was afraid of one particular poster that hung next to the entrance. Why he was afraid is another question. But the problem was solved easily and quickly - just go through another entrance.

2. Know it's not forever

Gradually, fears and anxiety will subside. Of course, temperamental features will remain, but children usually outgrow such pathological fearfulness, having gained life experience and strength. Parents can help them by staying calm, reliable and stable.

3. Try to take into account the characteristics of the child

And take care of it whenever possible. If it turns out to stay at home when he does not want to go somewhere, let him stay. Quite often it is a matter of competent planning and distribution of tasks. You should not drag the child to where he feels bad, for educational reasons, "to get used to it." This usually has just the opposite effect. It must be understood that excess stress does not develop character, but anxiety. Development is best done in a calm and comfortable environment - when the child does not need to defend himself and spend strength on resistance, they can be used to grow. You need to give him time and the opportunity to gently adapt to uncomfortable conditions.

But sometimes there are situations when a child has to face a stressful situation. For example, there is no one to leave him with, but you definitely need to go to a terrible place. Here are some suggestions for such a case:

Try not to be nervous and not predict horrors. The calmer you are, the calmer the child, he feels and adopts your state.

- Tell your child in advance where you are going and why. Tell me in detail what will happen there. Even those children who do not yet speak are able to understand the main idea. Uncertainty worries the most, and when a child knows what to expect, he feels more confident.

In the process, comment on what you see, calmly tell what's what. This will help you not to be nervous yourself, and for the child it will be an indicator of your calmness, arouse his interest.

- If possible, let the child gradually get used to the place. Do not rush into the thick of the crowd at once, first look from a distance and approach slowly. Don't drag him to the dentist's office right away, but give him time to play in the lobby and look at the pictures on the walls.

You need to understand that the child needs much more time to get used to the new situation. Try to look at everything through the eyes of a child, as if for the first time. Perhaps you will see something that you did not notice before and will be able to understand it better.

- Look around for something interesting for the child. Pay attention to funny details.

Prepare for the exit - take with you the necessary kit for all occasions, so as not to feel discomfort if you suddenly need something. A small snack, water, wet wipes, diapers, or a few change of clothes will save your nerves in case of surprises.

- Be sure to bring a few favorite toys and books with you. If he becomes scared, there will be something to switch attention to.

All sorts of interesting little things work well - soap bubbles, small balloons, stickers, etc. Watching the bubbles (and doing any other fun and interesting thing), it will be easier for the child to adapt to the place.

In the development of new territories for a child, the most important thing is your support, love and tranquility. Keep this in mind and please be tolerant and patient.

anonymously

Hello. My son is 2.3 years old. From about a year and a half, he began to be very afraid of doctors (even listening with a stethoscope is not given) and generally strangers. If people on the street try to bend down to him and talk, he runs away or hides behind me. If guests come, he does not come out to them and even cries. When I was very young, we went to visit. At first I was afraid, but then I got used to it. He does not want to play with children on the playground and in the sandbox. He likes us to walk with him together. He travels in transport with pleasure, enters large stores where there are a lot of people without problems. But at home and with "personal" contact - problems. Also shy of some cartoon characters or. like talking toys. He speaks very badly. At the little school, I was a little scared, but I sat in my arms until the lesson began, where the teacher played the piano and began to address the children. Everyone was happy, but mine burst into tears so much that I had to leave. What do you think it could be, will it "outgrow" with age or do we have some serious problems with socialization?

Hello. I understand your anxiety and I hasten to reassure you: at this age, the fear of strangers in a child is a common occurrence. This is by no means an indication of problems with socialization. You write: “I don’t want to play with children on the playground and in the sandbox.” As a rule, at this age, some children do not play with each other, but next to each other - this is normal. Many children need to first look at the “stranger” before letting him come closer, and when a stranger bends down and tries to speak, the small child’s fear is quite understandable: he may perceive this as a premature invasion of his personal space. You write: "He speaks very badly." Have you visited a speech therapist with your child in order to determine whether the child's speech development proceeds according to age? You write: “The teacher played the piano and began to address the children. Everyone rejoiced, and mine burst into tears ... ". Perhaps your son is a sensitive, vulnerable child, p. This is not a diagnosis, these are the features of the emotional sphere of the child. With age, this vulnerability and anxiety will decrease. Such children need a friendly atmosphere, a minimum of critical statements and a maximum of support and approval - this is enough so that with age they cease to differ in their emotional reactions from their peers.

anonymously

Thank you very much for your prompt response! We have not yet visited a speech therapist (how can we deal with him if the baby is afraid of everyone?) We were at a neurologist's appointment, who prescribed pantogam with glycine, after which Magne B6. He communicates only with family members and a nanny, to whom we take him for 2 hours every day. He behaves normally with her. I am very worried, because I plan to send him to kindergarten for about 3 years, how will he socialize in a group of unfamiliar adults (caregivers) and children? Surely this is just a case of increased anxiety, plus it is very "home". What would you advise me as an expert? Some say take him as much as possible to development centers, playgrounds, visits (despite even crying), others advise you to wait and not impose on him the company of strangers. I really hope for your answer. Thanks a lot in advance. Sincerely.

You write: “We have not yet visited a speech therapist (how can we deal with him if the baby is afraid of everyone?”. As a rule, speech therapists do not work with such young children, a speech therapist can advise you about the child’s speech development, can determine whether it is sufficient or not, will give you recommendations based on his observations of the child or from your description of how the baby speaks.However, it is not necessary to do this right now, you can wait up to 3 years.The fact that you are seeing the baby at the neurologist is very good. You write: "Some say, take him as much as possible to development centers, playgrounds, visits (despite even crying), others advise you to wait and not impose on him the company of strangers. "I would categorically advise you not to forcibly socialize the baby despite crying. This can injure his psyche. If you are taking drugs from a neurologist (pantogam, glycine, magne B6 are soft drugs), there should be positive dynamics against their background. After drinking the course, visit this neurologist again so that he can correct further treatment, if necessary. Therefore, we must wait with the imposition of communication. Let your baby get used to some place where there are his peers. Do not rush the child, do not push him to contact with others, give him the opportunity to get used to the new environment in your arms or with your protection. Let your baby decide whether he wants to communicate or not. If he does not want to, you must respect his wishes. Most likely, it will be difficult for him to adapt to kindergarten, you need to be ready for this. But this is practically the norm for such a child. With soft, friendly care, such children “outgrow” these problems by the time they are at school.

Sometimes a child avoids contact with other children, in psychology this is called “fear of strangers”. This can happen at any age, starting from 8-9 months, and there are many reasons for this. How to save the baby from the problem and normalize his communication with peers so that he stops being afraid of them?

Why a child aged one year and older may be afraid of other children

There are many reasons why a child may be afraid of peers:

  • offended on the site;
  • hit;
  • fear of uncontrolled actions towards oneself from others;
  • inability to interact with children and find a way out of conflict situations;
  • overprotective adults.

It is necessary to determine whether the child is really afraid of peers or avoids contacts due to shyness.

But speaking of fear of other children, you need to pay attention to the temperament and character of the child. Perhaps your baby is very shy, and therefore avoids contact with peers. In this case, he would rather prefer to communicate with someone he knows well, and not with a big noisy company. But if the baby starts to cry, starts screaming or says that he is afraid, it is worth considering. Observe its behavior to identify the cause of the problem.

Identifying a fearful child is usually not difficult, given the tension and anxiety in behavior, avoidance of the source of the threat, and a positive response to the question of the presence of fear.

What to do to make the baby stop being afraid of peers

Fear of peers has a very strong effect on the child. You can overcome it in different ways. But first of all, it is necessary to determine the situation, to identify negative experiences in kindergarten, school or any other team that influenced the formation of the baby's behavior.

How to play on the playground with a lot of children to overcome fear

At a younger age (from about two years old), parents need to help their child deal with fear, starting small:

  • having come to the site, ask the baby to say hello to the children, draw his attention to those whom he saw earlier;
  • during the game, assign roles: one digs, and the other takes the machine with sand;
  • do not let others offend your little one, he should have only positive emotions from the games, and he needs to be sure that in which case mom and dad will always protect him;
  • in order for the kid to enjoy playing on the playground, in play centers and kindergarten, teach him to share, wait his turn and exchange toys, show him this by your own example.

Two-year-old children have a need for communication, which will help to cope with the problem. Increasing interest in peers will eventually overcome fear.

Now there are a lot of children's centers for the development of children, where they learn to play and do something together. Try to enroll your child in a group with no more than ten people of his age, experienced teachers will also prompt and help you solve this problem.

Collective classes will help overcome fear, sign up for early development groups

Example of adults for three-year-olds

There are certain circumstances that contribute to the emergence of fears. These include features of family education, when parents are too protective or, conversely, practically do not pay attention to the child due to constant employment or unwillingness to caress him.

If the baby is constantly surrounded by his mother or grandmother, he feels that he does not need anyone else. Excessive care can be harmful, because the chick needs to be released little by little from the nest and from under the warm wing, where it will not stay for life. Give your child more freedom - let him choose which toys to take to the sandbox and which playground to go to. Instill in the child a sense of self-confidence so that he grows up as a full-fledged personality.

Give the child warmth, care and love, because the main thing for the baby is to feel your support

A child's fears are often influenced by the words and actions of adults. For example, when a mother or grandmother says that she is afraid of dogs, illnesses, disasters, it will not be surprising if, after some time, the baby also starts talking about these topics and is just as afraid. Watch your words and actions, because they greatly affect the perception of the world by your child.

Before the age of 3, babies often communicate with adults, observe them, learn the rules of behavior and follow the actions with various objects. Everything that happens around the child, he instantly “absorbs” it into himself like a sponge.

If the problem has already appeared, talk to the child. Support the baby, tell him about what you yourself were once afraid of. In more difficult cases, seek the help of a psychologist, he will help get rid of the fear of children.

The positive impact of fairy tales

Fairy tales will help in the fight against fears. While reading them, analyze with the child the situations described and the actions of the characters. Analyze in detail what the characters in the stories are afraid of and how they overcome difficulties. This will help the child to believe in himself.

Reading and analyzing fairy tales will help the child cope with fears.

Correct Behavior Model

Instill in the child the correct model of behavior. To do this, you need to develop sociability. Go to developmental classes, playgrounds, visit, and also invite friends with children to your home. It is important to teach the baby to be cordial and respect the order in a strange family. Introduce him to peers and show that they are great guys and you should not be afraid of them. Convince the baby that it is interesting and exciting to play with him, teach him perseverance in certain situations.

If a person from childhood is calm, confident and sociable, he will easily enter any team.

Help your child take the first step towards a strong friendship

What not to do if the child has fears

  1. Don't focus on an existing problem.
  2. Don't say your baby's "diagnosis" out loud.
  3. Do not discuss the situation with others, so as not to injure the child.
  4. Do not force someone to be friends, do not impose communication.
  5. Protect the child from offensive nicknames and any labels, because it is quite difficult to get rid of them.
  6. Refer to other children as kind and sweet.

Experts point out that moms and dads have a different approach to children's fears. Women react more seriously to this problem, and men are simpler: in one case, they consider it necessary to support the baby, and in the other - to shame. That is why psychologists often have to work with parents (usually mothers and grandmothers), pointing out their mistakes in upbringing and behavior.

It is not necessary to work with fears for those parents who do not have the habit of teaching children to be afraid, and who do not reinforce the cowardly behavior of children.

Encyclopedia of Practical Psychology "Psychologos"

http://lib.komarovskiy.net/rabota-so-straxami-u-detej.html

The easiest way to overcome fear is to distract the child, switch his attention to a secondary problem. Try to ask the kid to draw his fears, to lose the situation with his parents. Children can cope with the problem themselves, it is important to tell them how to do it.

The main technique in working with fears in children is the removal of the child's fear of fear. ... Wordings: “Fear is not scary”, “Fear is normal, everyone is afraid, it’s not shameful to be afraid”, “Fear helps us, fear takes care of us”, “You need to accept your fear” - all these outwardly diverse suggestions have one inner task: a calm, fearless attitude of the child to those psychophysiological processes that are commonly called fear.

Encyclopedia of Practical Psychology "Psychologos"

http://lib.komarovskiy.net/rabota-so-straxami-u-detej.html

Children's fears are normal, but the role of parents is very important in solving this problem. Help the child cope, support him, talk to him and try to gradually get rid of fear. Surround the little person with warmth, care and love. Work on yourself, look at yourself from the outside, because children completely copy adults. Tell us how you deal with your fears. If you cannot solve the problem on your own, contact a child psychologist.