Sayings of the saints about the upbringing of the children of priests. Reverend Abba Theon. Reverend Isaac the Syrian

Elder Jerome gave the following advice to a certain married woman: “Listen to your husband, respect him and put him above yourself. He learned a lot. Don't ask him for anything. God gave you angel children. Let's see how you make them. Parents have a great responsibility for their children. I know a woman who has a naughty son. Day and night she prays for him. I told her: “You will show God either the saved child or the wounds on your knees.”

When parents are non-religious, “the child should not fulfill their evil wishes, but should keep the commandments and fulfill the will of God,” said Elder Eusebius. “Because the first and greatest commandment, as the Holy Scripture teaches, is love for God and obedience to Him, which is higher than love and obedience to parents, relatives, friends and any beloved person or earthly interest.”

Elder Paisios said about the upbringing of children: “Children catch the first spiritual cold thanks to the open doors of their parents’ feelings. Most of all, the mother catches them when she is not dressed in modesty and devastates the children with her behavior. “The holy life of parents informs the souls of children, and they naturally grow up obedient and reverent, without spiritual damage, and children delight their parents, and the parents of children also delight both in this life and in another, eternal, where they will again rejoice together.”

Elder Philotheus taught: “Let parents raise their children from the cradle. Let them teach them the fear of God, stop their evil aspirations and impulses, let them not curry favor with them and satisfy their bad desires and tastes. Just as soft wax, which you mold as you like, accepts any seal, so you can fashion anything you want from a small child. Letters written on clean paper will remain indelible. And what a small child learns will remain indelibly with him until old age.” “If the wind blows on a tree, when it is small, and bends it, and we substitute a post, then it will become straight, but if we do not substitute a post, then it will forever remain crooked. If it grows and takes root well, and we want to level it, then it cracks and breaks. So are our children. When they are small, let us strengthen them in the faith and fear of God. Let us build a fence for them and raise up for them a wall of teachings and good examples until they are rooted in virtue, when they are not afraid of any danger.”

The following advice of Elder Porfiry to a parent raising children is interesting: “Do not put pressure on your children. Whatever you want to say to them, say it prayerfully. Children do not hear with their ears. It is only when Divine grace comes and enlightens them that they hear what we want to tell them. When you want to say something to your children, say it to the Mother of God, and She will arrange everything. This prayer of yours will be like a spiritual caress that will embrace and attract children. Sometimes we caress them, and they resist, while they never resist spiritual caress.” “Parents who have difficult and rude children, let them not blame the children themselves, but the one who stands behind their backs is the devil. We can fight the devil only when we become saints.”

About the upbringing of children, Elder Epiphanius told parents: “Speak more to God about your children than to children about God.” “The soul of a young man yearns for freedom, so he hardly accepts various advice. Instead of constantly giving him advice and censure for any little thing, lay it on Christ, the Mother of God and the saints and ask Them to reason with him. “Treat children like foals, now tightening, then loosening the bridle. When the foal kicks without letting go of the bridle, let us loosen it, otherwise it will break it. And when he is calm, then let us pull the bridle and lead him where we wish. “Parents should love their children as children, not as their idols. That is, let them love the child as he is, and not as they would like to see him - like them. And the elder schemamonk Paisios of Athos said this: “We must help our children up to a certain point. And then, in the future, entrust them to God. Guardian Angel is near.

“Now, when your children are still young, you must help them understand what kindness is. And that is the deepest meaning of life.”

The elder also said: “I see that today's youth do so many atrocities in order to get pleasure, while in the spiritual life they would receive much deeper Divine joys. A person can live in pleasure for a minute, ten minutes, ten days and a whole year. But ever since he has experienced them, he has often asked if there is anything better in heaven than what he experiences here? Young people these days think they're getting something. They resemble hungry children who pick up what the occupying soldiers threw away. They gnaw at it and imagine that they have received something when it is nothing...”.

And about. John (Krestyankin) spoke about the upbringing of children as follows: “Remembering the pious family of Joachim and Anna and the blessed Daughter born by them, will we not look back at ourselves, at our time with its spirit of ruin, and not creation. And let's not ask ourselves the question: what is the reason, where is the root of the cruel and gloomy bad weather that surrounds the world and puts it on the brink of death?

Are we not the destroyers of the home church, are we not the violators of the ancient rules of family order, are we not the ones who gave our children to be raised in a country far away, where they feed them with thistles and thorns and take them away from the Heavenly Father, take them away from earthly parents.

Life is hard work. And it becomes unbearably difficult when God is expelled from it. After all, when God is driven out of the house, the worst spirits come in His place, sowing their deadly tares. Gloom and darkness have long begun to carry out their deadly plans, rebelling against the family, against motherhood, which hides the future of the world - the upbringing of offspring.

And we need to understand this, because this is our present and our future. And this is our responsibility to God. Terrible responsibility!

And how many tears and heartache it cost a mother's heart to see how the little that could be done at home, in the family, was trampled down in the soul of a child at school.

Tears flowed, prayers flowed. Do not think that they are not seen and not heard. People may not hear or understand, but not God. And for God, these are not just tears, this is the way of the cross of a Christian mother, fighting for her child against the whole world, against the devil himself.

It's not even just a cross. This is martyrdom. Martyrdom for Christ. And the grace of God has always strengthened the martyrs, it has strengthened you in your unequal struggle for children, and it will strengthen you now. If only Christian conviction and striving did not weaken - our faith ...

Fathers and mothers! Alone, without your children, you cannot be saved - and this must be remembered! .. "

From the materials of the Siberian Orthodox newspaper

Why are some children obedient and others disobedient?

If a child is conceived from Tuesday to Wednesday or from Thursday to Friday, on Sunday, on a fast or on a big holiday, he will be born with a defect - moral, moral or physical. That's when children become uncontrollable, naughty. Usually, in one family there are both healthy and sick children. Parental sin is reflected in children, they suffer and suffer. And we ourselves are to blame. Unreasonable are those parents who have small children, breastfeed them, and at the same time swear, scandal, take offense, get angry, live only for the flesh. All their passions will surely affect the nervous system of the child. Even if the child is still in the mother's womb, he perceives the state of the mother, therefore he is born sick. If a pregnant woman drinks wine, smokes, lives with her husband according to the flesh, her child will be born passionate, predisposed to these sins, with the beginnings of fornication, drunkenness, anger, all vices and passions. When there are small children in the family, one should not think that they do not understand anything, they do not know anything. They understand everything and know everything. Children are like rubber sponges, absorbing everything from their parents. If a mother beats her daughter, then she should not be surprised if she says to her: "When I grow up, I will beat you too." So it will be if the mother does not begin to restrain herself and raise her daughter with her good example.

If the mother is godly, many things can change in the lives of the children. The mother of the future blessed Augustine came to St. Ambrose of Milan and said: "Holy Father, I weep day and night, shed tears - my son does not know the Lord, he lives in debauchery." The bishop said to that mother: "Remember, mother, the Lord will not forget your tears. He hears your sighs, your son will come to God." And soon this young man came to Mednolany, and at that time the bishop there was preaching a sermon. Blessed Augustine heard him and believed; Saint Ambrose baptized him. The Lord bestowed such great grace on the believer that he developed tremendous theological abilities. He could dictate to ten cursive writers, each individually, a text on theology, and they could not keep up with him - so great was his speed and efficiency. He wrote so much that if you read 8 hours every day, it would take 80 years to live. Through the prayers of his mother, he received such a great gift. When a mother prays for a child, the child does not burn in fire, does not sink in water; the prayer of his mother reaches from the bottom of the sea, it is equal to the prayer of the church. Only you and I are lazy to pray - this is the reason that our children and relatives do not believe in the Lord.

The holy fathers advise as follows: teach children only good things, they themselves learn bad things. There are fairy tales, kind, moral, they are useful for children. In the theatre, they don't understand much. For a Christian, the main thing should not be the theater, but the church. Christians are different. Suppose a person who does not know God goes not to church, but to the theater, and reads not spiritual, but secular books. An Orthodox Christian makes prostrations, and an unbeliever dances and does aerobics. The unbeliever often laughs and the Christian weeps over his sins. Christ said: "Love not the world, nor the things in the world: whoever loves the world, in him is not the love of the Father" (1 John 2:15). If the theater does not carry Christian morality, then you can’t go there and you don’t need to watch performances there either. Through the eyes and ears, the world enters our soul, but it is corrupted and infected with sin. It is very difficult then to survive all this from yourself. When a person begins to pray, the demon begins to resemble what the person has seen and heard before.

We must educate and teach children in such a way that they understand that our head is not a garbage pit where everything is dumped. Not all literature needs to be read, but only that which will benefit the soul.

The mother is responsible before God for the upbringing of her child. And if there is a confessor, does this mean that all responsibility is removed from the mother and falls on the confessor? Or does she continue to be responsible for the child until a certain age?

If the child is born, the mother is responsible for raising the child. She must educate and instruct him with meekness and love. If she raised a child pious, in a Christian spirit until the age of 18, then after this age all responsibility passes to the child itself. If he embarked on a false path, then the mother can only pray for him, and the responsibility lies with him; he is responsible for his own affairs. But if he kept the faith and came to church, then the priest, helping to repent of sins, teaching and instructing, is his confessor and helps to go through life. And if he stopped going to church, to pray, then the responsibility is removed from the confessor. So after 18 years, neither the mother nor the confessor is responsible for the person, only he himself.

How to instill obedience in a child?

You have to start small and build up gradually. We have not only children, but also adults; you tell them something, but they continue to stand their ground and do not obey. And "his will brings to grief." Just not trained to listen.

Do all children believe in God?

The child does not need to be told that God exists. Unless, however, parents or teachers have taught otherwise. The mother begins to pray, gets on her knees, and the child is not surprised: what is she doing? His soul is pure, sinless, it feels God. And children's prayer is such that it immediately reaches God and is fulfilled by Him. We often see such children.

Once, relatives of nun Valentina came to our monastery and brought with them her nieces, seven-year-old Nastya and Katya. The girls went to the courtyard, where we have expanse: a forest, a river.

On Sunday, they cooked fish for dinner, and we don’t have it often. The fish turned out to be delicious, Nastya liked it.

Valya, will there be fish in the evening? she asks.

No, Nastya.

Father Anthony went to the river in the evening, sat down with a fishing rod. The river is shallow, only to wet your feet a little, no one has ever caught anything there, but he threw a fishing rod and suddenly caught it. We cooked fish soup in the evening, everyone ate. It so happened that some of the sisters were called late. They ran - and only the children, sisters Nastya and Katya got it. Nastya then says in her ear:

Valya, I prayed that the Lord would send a fish in the evening.

Here is a child's prayer.

The godson Danya and his brother Kolya came to visit nun Natalya. Dana is ten years old, and Kolya is five, and he loves his brother very much. He forgives everything: both slits and fun over himself. And the godmother, nun Natalya, brings them up:

How many circles? (He didn't pronounce the "s" sound before.)

Come on: "Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!"

Read "Virgin Mary!" - Is reading.

Maybe another circle?

He was small, but already liked to argue:

Grandma, why does everyone love me? BUT! I know because I love everyone.

During Great Lent, Danya fasted in our monastery as an adult, although he was still four years old at the time, Natalia wouldn’t let him eat: mothers don’t eat, and you shouldn’t before communion. Other children got used to it, but Danya did not have time. Natalia will begin to persuade:

Danechka, this is a devil. He whispers in his left ear: "Eat sausages."

Danechka, all round himself, gets angry:

Go away, demon, with your sausage, go away!

In the morning you have to wake up at the temple. Danya cries, does not want to get up.

Danya, Danya, listen to what the Angel is saying. Danya turns her head to the right side, puts her ear out, listens:

He said, always go to the temple, - gets up and dresses.

But now the child grows up, and passions begin to appear in him. Begins, for example, to allow prodigal thoughts in the mind. And there can no longer be pure prayer.

Once, a twelve-year-old girl came to confession. I ask:

Watched pornographic films?

Yes. The neighbor boy and I took cassettes from the folder when he was at work and watched.

And what did you see there?

We saw how the aunt and the uncle made love.

So this is not love! This is depravity, fornication. Fornicators will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Well, how did you take it all? Calmly?

No, I have passions.

Do you know how a fisherman fishes? He takes a fishing rod with fishing line, puts a worm on the hook. Throws a fishing rod into the river and waits for the fish to bite. The fish goes to the worm, grabs it, and along with the worm grabs the hook. So she caught the fisherman!

In the same way, the devil "strings" some naked body on a hook and "throws" it into the TV. The man "bites" on his bait, and the devil catches the man. The poor fellow falls into his clutches and can no longer escape. And the devil torments this man and will continue to torment him until he makes an effort on his passion and breaks free.

There is an destruction of the Russian nation, our people. Certain forces have already drawn a child's soul into a mortal sin with films! All show. There is no ban on anything.

And if there is, it is fictitious, on paper. Always and everywhere you can, if someone needs it, buy both a porno film and a scabrous newspaper. A person begins to sin, still not really understanding what he is doing, what consequences this will lead to.

One boy came to me and confessed that he also watches these films. I told my father: "You can't show him this!" And the father - "raw material", not spiritually strengthened - says: "Let the son see everything, know everything." I say: "It's up to you. The soul of your son is on your conscience."

The son learned everything, understood everything at the age of sixteen, had seen enough of these films to the point that he became a criminal. In the evening he comes home, and in the morning the police take him away. What's the matter? It turns out that they were walking with the guys, and there were girls. They got drunk, engaged in fornication, sinned mortally. The girl is fifteen years old. He took off her dokha, even brought it home and forgot about it because of the booze. She woke up in the morning, her mother asked her:

Where is the coat?

This boy took it from me.

Well, they took it. There was a court. And there, not only for a fur coat - they were awarded for all cases. This is what such freedom leads to.

A five-year-old child wants to learn humility. Is it possible at such an early age?

Humility must be learned from an early age. This is right. The main thing is not to live "as I want", but according to parental orders. What they say must be done, and not with discontent, but with joy, with readiness. Then it will be brought up not external, outward humility, to be praised, but real, deep humility, which is pleasing to God. A humble soul is always light and joyful, bringing light and love to everyone.

When you learn humility, you can not be annoyed, indignant. You can’t cry from resentment that they didn’t take you to go somewhere, didn’t let you go somewhere, didn’t allow something. We must understand it this way: "It means that God did not bless me, He does not like it, but it is not useful for me." And calmly sit down, learn lessons, as mom says.

How to deal with the carnal temptations of adolescence?

We must remember: sweets give birth to passions. If you want to avoid temptations, do not eat anything sweet, do not eat meat, do not have breakfast in the morning. It is necessary to live in such a way that the spirit is awake over the flesh, and not the flesh takes precedence over the spirit. And, of course, one must try to confess sincerely, so that nothing secret remains on the conscience. And pray even more often, constantly read the Jesus Prayer, and the grace of God will keep.

Teenagers often think they are special. Many have become big in stature, they have outgrown their mother-daddy, but in mind they are still small.

I know these kids, fourteen or fifteen years old, they would like to live independently, to escape from the control of their parents. I remember my sister's son graduated from college and brought home ninety rubles. Father says:

I will separate from you, because I am already independent, I can work and I have money.

His father says to him:

Well then, separate yourself. For seventeen years I fed you, watered you, clothed you, you lived in my house. That's when you pay for these seventeen years, then - on all four sides, and now you have to live with us and listen to what they tell you, do not trust your mind.

Now many parents are crying because their children have grown up too much. In one family, a daughter and a friend left home and disappeared. We lived in the attic for a week, ate food taken from the house; ran out of products - came. Many guys and girls wander around the stations, dirty, hungry, they come home, but they lived on their own, without control, and then: "Sorry, dad! Sorry, mom!" Well, if they come to their senses, but it happens that such "freedom" leads to crime, to drugs, to suicide. And all why? Because we live without God, we want to do everything ourselves, without God's help. And we ourselves can only sin and fall ...

How to save children and grandchildren? What if young children do not want to go to church? Is it necessary to use the authority of the elder over them, even physical force, or should everything be left to the will of God?

Recently I was in the same family. There, the husband and wife had not truly repented for several years. Their souls are burdened with sins, stagnant in them. Scandals from morning to evening. Such a trouble! The wife is constantly in hysterics, her hands are shaking, tears, crying, sobbing. And somehow, in the heat of the moment, she grabbed a knife and said to her husband:

Take a knife! Let's go out into the forest, fight - who wins! I will beat you to death! (They both did karate at one time).

This is the state they brought each other to. And they can never give up.

Children, seeing these quarrels, like a rubber sponge, absorb everything into their souls. What to expect from them? They will be exactly like mommy and daddy. That's when a particularly "interesting" life in this family will begin.

There is no order in the family. Even outwardly, their life is not adjusted. If you start cleaning, you can collect buckets of cockroaches and bedbugs. The mother says: "Father, look how the bugs have bitten the child! They do not let him sleep ..."

Everything is littered with rubbish, rubbish all around. And you need to put everything in order, and start with your soul. Let's put things in order in the soul, then life will improve, mutual love and respect will appear. We must go to church, pray, well, and listen to each other. And a wife should listen to her husband more. So God commanded. Otherwise, you can die in evil, in anger, in irritation. When there is no consent, there are prodigal passions on the side, and betrayal. Time passes, the days of life are shortened, and the Lord is waiting for all quarrels to cease.

The Lord calls everyone to faith, to repentance. Often He sends us godly people. Well, if these are our parents, neighbors, grandparents. They are responsible for their children and grandchildren, for what they will grow up to be.

Previously, there was such a custom: on Maundy Thursday, early in the morning, parents raised and bathed their children. I also do this with my children. How does the Church feel about this?

This is the outward preparation of Orthodox Christians for the Last Supper that took place on Thursday, a remembrance of how the Lord washed the feet of His disciples.

The main thing that all Orthodox Christians need to do is to inwardly cleanse their souls through repentance. Before the Bright Sunday of Christ, everyone must repent of their sins.

Remember the life of the ascetics: many lived in the desert, they had nowhere to bathe... Bathing children is the outer side of the Thursday ablution. As usual, we strain out the mosquito and swallow the camel.

It is not necessary to pay special attention to the external, because the Lord needs "a contrite and humble heart." Therefore, it is necessary to prepare not so much physically as spiritually.

Small children are missing. What should their parents do?

It is necessary to open the Psalter and on each "glory" in kathisma pray, ask the Lord, the Mother of God, the saints for help and patronage.

Now the children, who have grown up a little, already consider themselves adults, they want an independent life, leaving their parental home. Usually they wander and return home. We must pray for them. It is good to pray in your own words, because the Lord accepts prayers that come from the heart.

It is no coincidence that these children are missing. Maybe the parents live without God, they don't go to church. Children could leave home because not everything is in order with their parents in life: disputes, quarrels, and the child's soul cannot stand impurity. Looking for truth and justice, love and affection. And what can adults give when their souls, without the grace of God, have been darkened by unrepentant sins? That's why it happened to these guys. Anxiety is needed so that the souls of parents awaken and turn to God: "As anxiety, so to God."

Is it possible to apply for a proskomidia for a son who does not go to church and lives in a civil marriage without a crown?

If he is not against God, then it is possible. Sometimes people live with a hardened soul and can't get ready to come to the temple. Why now many, having children, rarely go to church, children are baptized, and then they are not seen at services? Because, having fallen under the influence of the enemy, they believed in worthless thoughts and did not begin to speak them in confession, to confess to God in their fall. And behind thoughts come prodigal passions, deeds. A person does not repent of this, he is ashamed, and the grace of the Lord departs from him. He ceases to feel the Lord in himself, begins to get used to living without Him, according to his own will. It becomes empty, graceless, and from this begins internal irritation, disobedience to others, perseverance. Such a person has one goal: to nourish, delight the belly, drink, watch something obscene on video. The soul yearns for grace, but where, apart from the temple, can one find it? On TV? They show all sorts of nasty things there in order to corrupt the people and spiritually destroy Russia. When a person leaves the spiritual and goes over to everything carnal, he begins to become like an animal. His life becomes carnal, primitive. What a higher creation of God is here, when a person has trampled on the spark of God in himself - his immortal soul! There are only passionate thoughts in him, not a single thought about the immortal and eternal! Life without prayer, without communion with your Creator - is this life?

How to educate children in the law of God, in the Orthodox spirit, so that peace, silence and tranquility are kept in the family?

One peasant had five children, and all of them were very good and virtuous. The whole village was surprised, looking at them. A neighbor once asked a peasant:

How did you manage to raise such wonderful children?

Very simple. I brought up and taught the first one myself, the second one learned from the first one, the third one from the first two, and the others in the same way. And I learned everything from my father.

The son learned from his father, the father from his father, and the first in the generation learned from the only Father - the Lord.

That family, which constantly abides with the Lord, in prayer, has the blessing of God. Everything in it goes its own way. Although the devil tempts, family members are fighting passions, repenting of sins. And peace and love reign in this family, because there is God's blessing on it.

Now there are many people who did not know the Lord, did not go to church, were in vices, passions, gave freedom to all their feelings and brought themselves to a graceless state. Gloom, darkness began to abide in the soul, there was no love. And we would be glad to live differently, to come to God, but we don’t have enough strength. But the Lord does not leave such people.

It is said, "Where sin abounds, there grace abounds." How to understand it?

If a huge house is destroyed, then a lot of money is needed to restore it. And the restoration of a small destroyed house requires less funds. Therefore, if someone has sinned a lot, he needs a lot of God's grace for salvation. And the Lord gives this grace; the most important thing is to keep it to yourself. Endure everything, and sometimes suffer and suffer.

One woman came from Minsk. He speaks:

Father, help me!

What?

She became insane.

The demon entered her.

Of course, the Lord allowed this disease for salvation. So it is said in the letter of the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians: one man committed a serious mortal sin, therefore his body must be given over to Satan for the salvation of the spirit (1 Cor. 4). Any disease, even demonic possession, is earned by us and sent for our sins. Therefore, if we sin, live without God, there will never be peace and rest in our family. Only in God can we find rest and a source of strength for the upbringing of our children.

How to accustom a child to the spiritual life?

It is necessary from childhood to accustom a child to prayer, to the Church, to services. Many parents bring their young children to church services. Children stand, listen to church prayers, ask God for something, confess their children's sins. Some came to confession and said:

Father, I did not obey my mother and father, I spat, bit, kicked.

Recently, a boy of about two years old said his sins for the first time:

He did not obey his mother, he stomped on her with his foot.

The Lord accepts such a confession.

I remember one family. There parents taught their children kindness. The boy was three years old, still small. He loved the Lord, the Mother of God, Saint Nicholas. Every time his mother said something good to him, he went to the holy corner and prayed. And he could only kiss the icon of St. Nicholas, it was lower than the others.

One day my parents went out to the garden. He played with the door hook in the house. Once, and the hook slammed shut! He then went to the bathroom, unscrewed the faucet, but could not turn it on. The water has already entered the room. Parents saw that water was flowing through the threshold into the street, they began to open the door, but it was locked. They hit through the window. They look, the son is lying dry in bed. Lots of water, up to the knees! Ask:

Son, how did you escape?

He answers:

And my grandfather put me on the bed.

What grandfather?

He pointed to the icon of St. Nicholas.

The son is completely out of hand, does not speak, does not obey. He is seventeen. How can I pray for him?

It is necessary to read the prayer "Theotokos, Virgin, rejoice" 150 times. The Monk Seraphim of Sarov said that one who walks in Diveevo along the groove of the Mother of God and reads “O Virgin Mary, Rejoice” a hundred and fifty times, is under the special protection of the Mother of God. The Holy Fathers constantly talked about the veneration of the Mother of God, about praying to Her for help. The prayer of the Mother of God has great power. Through the prayers of the Most Holy Theotokos, the grace of God will descend on both the mother and the child. Righteous John of Kronstadt says: “If all the angels, saints, all people living on earth gather together and pray, the prayer of the Mother of God surpasses all their prayers in power.

I remember one family. This was while we were serving in the parish. One mother, Natalia, had two girls - Lisa and Katya. Lisa was thirteen or fourteen years old, she was capricious, self-willed. And although she went to church with her mother, she remained very restless. I marveled at my mother's patience. Every morning he gets up and says to his daughter:

Lisa, let's pray!

Everyone, Mom, I read prayers!

Read fast, read slow!

Mom did not pull her up, patiently fulfilled all her requests. At this time, it was useless to beat and beat the daughter. Mother endured. Time passed, my daughter grew up, became calmer. Prayer together did her good.

What to do if parents are non-church people, how can they raise children?

Everyone educates in their own way, and then reaps the rewards. Since our state was non-church, it brought up without God, this upbringing bore fruit: racketeering, murders, violence, robberies. Children do not honor their parents, they do not provide means for life, they are kicked out of the house.

Father and mother are responsible for raising their children. They should instruct, instruct, teach. And to whom how does this enlightenment go. Some need to be stricted, others are better to take caress.

My mother never hit me hard. Sometimes I would like to go for a walk, go swimming in the river, and she makes me graze a cow. We didn't have a rope to tie her to a peg. And if you just let the cow graze, it's dangerous, the railway passed nearby. Often the cows were run over by the train. I had to sit with Belyanka. It's hot outside - 30-40 degrees. I can’t resist, I run to the river, I swim. My mother would find out that I abandoned the cow and used to scold me. He rolls up the towel and leaves with the towel. I laugh: "Here it hasn't hit yet, right here." Mother always respected for this, that she did not get angry, did not get angry.

But in some cases, a twig will not hurt. The wise Solomon says: "Do not spare the whip for your son, so that when he grows up, he will be grateful to you." I know parents who, having learned about some kind of defect in their child, said once, twice, and then apply physical punishment. This is how passion is cut off: the child no longer touches that sin.

My friend Sasha lived next to our dugout. He was also five or six years old. He had an infirmity: either he would pull some money out of his grandmother’s bag, or a watch from his parents. I saw how his mother punished him. Asks:

Sasha, who took the money?

Mom, I didn't take it.

Where is the clock?

Didn't take.

I know you didn't take it, but we're going to find the one who did. Go here.

Leads him into the room.

Put your hands on the table.

He puts.

So you didn't take it?

Didn't take.

Now I know who took it.

And on the hands with a belt.

It's your hands that are to blame. You are very good, but your hands are at fault.

Ai-yay-yay... Oh-yo-yo-yo!

Nothing! Now let's cut off our hands so that they don't take the money.

So, she pushed him away.

I do not obey my mother, but I really want to learn to obey. I can not. What should I do?

Obedience, obedience is the foundation of our salvation. Let me tell you how I learned to obey. When I entered the seminary of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, I began to think: "How can you accustom yourself to obedience? After all, salvation begins with obedience." I decided and told myself this: "Whoever says anything to me, he must obey. Not only seniors, but also fellow seminarians."

And he began to perform. Classes end at half past two. We had lunch. Free time until six o'clock. The inspector comes up and asks:

You are free?

Free.

We must go to unload the car: they brought chairs.

I don’t feel like it inside, but I say to myself: “You will fulfill this obedience. Do you not like it? So, you will carry it until you like it.”

Sometimes, out of obedience, it was necessary to go to the warehouse, pick up potatoes on a stretcher, bring them to the kitchen, and more than once. Inside I don’t feel like it, but I force it: “You must fulfill this obedience!”

And so it is in every case. Train yourself to listen. Do not like to wash floors, clean dishes, go to the store for bread? We must say to ourselves: "I will be obedient to my parents, as to God, until I learn to fulfill any of their instructions with joy." Let us set ourselves up so that we can easily learn obedience.

My sister has a husband, Ivan Ivanovich, he has accustomed himself to work so much that he can no longer be without work. He gets up at six in the morning and immediately begins to work. He goes to the cow, sweeps, cleans, puts things in order; building something in the garage, nailing something on the street...

I served in the parish, he came to me. I immediately found a job. I made birdhouses, cabinets, removed garbage in the barn. Tidy up the closets. On Sunday one cannot work, and he is so accustomed to work that it is torment for him to wait for Monday.

So everything must begin with obedience, and then the Lord will already help.

We give communion to an infant, but for some reason he becomes irritable after communion.

Much depends on the parents. The child is sinless, holy, and the parents are often unrepentant, and their inner state is reflected in the child. It is mentioned in the life of the righteous John of Kronstadt: when babies were brought to him to receive communion, some of them did not want to accept the Holy Gifts - they waved their arms, twisted, spun. And the righteous prophetically said: "These are the future persecutors of the Church." From birth they were opponents of God.

The son, without the blessing of his parents, brought a woman into the house and lives with her. How should parents deal with this?

One man sinned with the sin of the flesh. The angel moved away from him and wept, and the demon approached this man. Angela asks:

Why can't you be there and drive away the demon?

The angel replied:

When a person received holy baptism, God appointed me to keep it. But man, having free will, deviated from purity. Lives in vices, passions. And I can't get down to it, because it has departed from God.

If a person has departed from God, you cannot take him with evil and reproaches, but only with love. The apostles carried the sermon about Christ into the world not with weapons, not with shouting, but with love. Those who were able to receive the word of the Good News accepted the teachings of Christ, and those who were not able did not. This continues to this day. People who are capable of spiritual work humbly listen when they are instructed. Those who are in pride, have a clouded mind, cannot contain what has been said.

The son is in prison and very often gets sick. What do i do? He is baptized.

We have all of Russia baptized. I don't think you need to worry too much. We must pray to the Lord that He would bring the son to faith. The goal of our earthly life is one: to make the soul good, pure, holy. Even if he is sick, it is to his advantage: through illness, the Lord calls to faith, to repentance.

And when we do not recognize God, do not pray, do not repent, we believe that we are baptized and that is enough, we cannot be called believers.

First of all, your son needs to repent, to gain the true faith. Now many come to faith in prison, in isolation.

We have eleven institutions in the region: colonies and pre-trial detention centers. We often visit prisoners. Recently, at Christmas time, we were in cells where teenagers are kept - one hundred and fifty people. They brought them small gifts.

Five of them committed murders. I'm not talking about other sins. The child is fourteen or sixteen years old, he committed a murder and already had twenty women. And the girls are the same. Seen enough movies, read dirty books. What then to expect from them?

Now they are in isolation, deprived of TV, books. There is time to think, to understand that it is necessary to correct, to repent. And repentance is the correction of life, turning it one hundred and eighty degrees, changing the mind.

A fifteen-year-old girl went to a monastery and does not want to return home. Do you think it's serious at her age? Give her the opportunity to stay or take her under your care?

If the girl is spiritually healthy, there is no need to hinder her. Let her be in the monastery and test herself, and there she will continue her studies.

I know from experience that many parents did not let their children into the monastery. One mother said: "Daughter, only over my corpse!" She died four months later. And there are many such cases.

There are not only teenagers, but also children whose path is determined from the very beginning. The Monk Job of Pochaevsky was tonsured a monk at the age of ten.

When a child reaches out to the Lord, there is no need to hinder him. In our monastery, one nun has a granddaughter Marina, she came to the monastery to Christ at two and a half years old. Received the foundation of monastic life. She is currently studying at an Orthodox high school. Came to the day of my Angel, congratulated. I told her in front of all the mothers (and there were more than a hundred people): “Remember, Marina, at the age of two and a half, His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II blessed you to be abbess. You gave him a rose on the steps of the temple and asked for blessings. All this is recorded in the spiritual world. So a blessing has been given to you, and it must be fulfilled. Remember, you received the spiritual foundations here, in the Holy Vvedensky Convent in the city of Ivanovo."

Some of our boys and girls start talking very badly about the monks. How should I deal with them?

These girls and boys themselves are good, only their evil spirit is confusing. He is always opposed to God, because the Lord is Good, Love. He does only one good for everyone, and they also speak badly about Him. Not only did they speak badly, He was crucified! For two thousand years they have been destroying temples, the houses of God. And Orthodox Christians faithful to the Lord are also persecuted. They destroy icons, holy relics and speak badly about monks and parishioners. Why? Because the evil spirit lives in people who do this, it pushes them to sin. Therefore, they scold Christ, priests, monks, because an evil spirit cannot tolerate purity and holiness. Through the tongues of such people, he expresses his thoughts and anger.

The one who has the Holy Spirit in himself lets out only kind words, calm, peaceful, quiet. And that boy or girl who speaks bad words, swears, does not obey his parents, is already acting at the suggestion of the demon. Of course, if there are no good words, it is best to remain silent.

People who come to the monastery can be compared to cream skimmed from milk. Selected people from the world are going to serve God body and soul, the very best. If we talk about cream badly, then what about the remaining water?

How can you help your son? For a long time he was engaged in astrology, palmistry. Erudite, graduated from graduate school, now he has lost everything: family, housing, hates me. It's hard for him, and I endure and pray for him.

A mother is given the opportunity to beg her child out of hell. Maternal prayer is equated with the general church, has great power and can get a child from the bottom of the sea. If you read the Psalter and commemorate his name in "glories", give it to the monasteries for Divine Liturgy, for prayers, then the Lord will not leave your son without help. We do not know how to save a person, to get out of sin, but the Lord knows.

Blessed Augustine did not know God in his youth, but his mother prayed. She came to the bishop, fell at her feet and told her misfortune. The bishop said to her: "Mother, the Lord sees your tears and prayers. The time will come when your wish will come true." And so it happened, her son believed, became a zealous preacher of Christ.

Recall the parable of the "relaxed". One man lay paralyzed for thirty-eight years at the Sheep's pool. Once a year an angel came and disturbed the water in the font. Whoever was the first to go into the water received healing. The relaxed one rushed into the font, but the others were ahead of him. But he did not despair. He waited. And the Lord fulfilled his desire. Just think: he's been waiting thirty-eight years to be healed.

This is a prototype of our Orthodox Church, the Church of Christ, which gives us numerous opportunities for healing: Divine Liturgy, confession, holy water, and prayer. When we pray with all our hearts, we ourselves will get out of the sinful vegetation and free our son from the clutches of demons.

The grandmother, secretly from her parents, communes a small child, she is embarrassed that it is a secret.

There is nothing wrong here. On the contrary, it is very good that someone was found in the family, doing a good deed for the soul of this child. The child must live a spiritual life. If he does not receive communion, his soul may die and the little man will grow up with a dead soul. Subsequently, an evil force can take possession of him, even to mental illness, to demon possession. And if this, by the grace of God, does not happen, a person with an evil character will simply grow up.

A small planted flower requires care and attention. It needs watering, loosening and freeing from weeds. So the child must be communed with the Holy Mysteries - the Blood and Body of Christ. Then his soul lives and develops. She falls under the special protection of the Lord's grace.

We recently baptized a boy. He is now in great temptation, he is nervous and shouts: "There is no God, but there is only the devil." He took off his cross, accuses that he was forced to be baptized. How to pray for him to help?

You need to pray for him. It's still so ... childish with him. Maybe he watched something on TV, and a pernicious, demonic seed was planted in the soul. That's why he says those words.

But about the fact that there is a demon, but there is no God ... But where did He go? How many thousands of years has he been - and suddenly "He is not there"? There were such people about whom the wise David said: "The fool speaks in his heart: there is no God." Only an insane person can say that there is no God.

The soul of such a person is saturated with sin to the last cell. And in it, of course, there is no God - the Lord goes to those who call on Him. And whoever does not remember Him, He watches over those and reminds them of Himself, of His love for the lost through sorrows, illnesses, and all kinds of misfortunes. Someone will say: "Wow, this is love!" And we rarely remember God when we are doing well. But as soon as someone died, got into an accident, went to prison, then immediately to God: "The last hope is in Him!" A popular proverb says: "As anxiety, so to God."

Anyone who says there is no God can be believed. This is true. There is no God in it! In his heart is not the grace of God, but the antichrist's denial of God, the infernal flame of godlessness. How many such people! But today they deny God, and tomorrow the Lord will let them know His existence. And such people come to confession, repent, cry.

On great church holidays I am late for lessons. First I go to the liturgy, and then to school. They ask me: "Where have you been"? Should I answer: lie or tell the truth?

The temple is a school, and the main school. Often at confession, children ask: is it possible not to go to school on the twelfth holiday? We usually advise you to go to the temple where there is an early liturgy, stay there, and then go to school. And if you study in the morning and yet after the Liturgy you are late for your lessons, remember: you should never lie. It is better to say: "I was in the service in the church." And if someone starts to mock, (you have to be ready for this), be patient like a real warrior of Christ, like a real Christian.

Is it possible to watch fairy tale films during fasting, where there is Baba Yaga and Koschei the immortal?

Oh, how terrible it is... We are accustomed to hellish torments in advance, we are introduced to demons. The child's soul will easily imprint these images in the mind, and then suffer. Many in confession say: "I'm tormented by nightmares, ghouls."

We must try to live among the beautiful. Especially in a post.

The Lord created us for beauty, for eternal blessed life. It is necessary to tell a child about it, to prepare his soul for a meeting with God.

Is it possible for an Orthodox Christian (child) to watch cartoons about transformers and play them?

Everything that we do, say, think, does not disappear, all this is imprinted in eternity for all time. God gave us time not to watch cartoons about transformers. There is nothing useful in this, because it tells about the cosmos, and the cosmos is filled with demonic forces, there is no good there. My spiritual father told me: “Try to do everything, look and read only good things, because our memory is not a dump, not a pit into which everything needs to be dumped. We must fill our souls and all our thoughts with only good. good fruits. In life, as in a garden: if you sow both good seeds and weeds, everything will overgrow with weeds. It is not on these cartoons that one should learn to recognize good and evil. It is better to practice in real life, and not in a fictional one; every person has a conscience, she will tell you.

(Venerable Nil of Sinai)

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

From the instruction to teachers “How should they act in the position of their rank”:

• Teachers of students should teach not only literacy, but also an honest life, the fear of God, because literacy without the fear of God is nothing but a sword from a madman.

• Faulty and lazy and self-willed punish with rods, and sometimes with words, but with your hand to the head or otherwise how not to dare.

• Some parents bring up and support their children so tenderly and weakly that they do not want to punish them for their crimes and so fearlessly and willfully let them live; others use immeasurable severity, and do their wrath and fury on them more than they punish them. Both - both those and others - err. Everywhere, for excess is vicious; reckless severity and mercy in every rank is condemned. This in relaxation, self-will, corruption and obvious death leads the young, by nature inclined to every evil; the other creates grief, irritation and despondency in them. Everywhere for moderation and the middle way is boasted. For this reason, pious parents should follow the middle path.

From the position of parents and children:

1. As soon as the children begin to come to their senses and understand the teaching, they should immediately pour the milk of piety into them and bring God and Christ the Son of God into knowledge: who is God, in whom we believe, and we remember His name, and we confess and pray to Him? And who is Christ, and how should He be honored? Why are we all born and baptized into this world, and what do we expect after death? Our current life is nothing but the path we take to eternity, good to prosperous, evil to dysfunctional. We are born into this world not for the sake of honor, wealth, sweet food, beautiful clothes, rich houses and other things, for we leave all this at death. But we are born in order to live piously here, and to please God, and after death to go to Him and abide in His eternal bliss. Otherwise, if we were born to this life, then we would have to stay here forever; but we see the opposite. For we are born into another life, and we enter the path of this world in order to reach it. For this sake we are baptized, and we believe in God and Christ the Son of God, and we call on His name, and we go to church and pray, that we may receive that future blessedness from Him. All this and so on must first be offered to young children, so that, as they grow older, they come to the knowledge of God and the position and hope of Christianity. From here one can look forward to good hope in a young heart, when it begins to be brought up in this way. For both evil and good are firmly rooted in the youthful heart; and what we learn in youth, in that, and having come to perfect age, we remain, like a young tree, to which the side will bow, and stands to the end. For this sake, youth needs such a pious upbringing. And when the parents themselves either cannot, or their rank does not allow them to do so, they need to look for such mentors and teach their children. Many of their children are taught foreign languages ​​and arts, but they are not taught in the matter of piety, which makes it clear that they themselves do not know this, although they are called Christians. It is useful for the sake of society and commerce and to teach foreign languages; but it is necessary to teach the sacraments of faith, and it is necessary without fail, and “there is only one for the need” (). What is in French or any other language, when the language is learned, but the heart is not taught good? The tongue flourishes well and red, but the heart is empty without faith and emits the stench of disbelief, which is distressing for both careless parents and children.

2. Since, according to Scripture, “the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord” (), first, the fear of God should be planted in young hearts; for youth, by nature inclined towards evil, is turned away by nothing more than this fear, like every man. And in order to plant the fear of God in their hearts, they often need to be reminded that God is everywhere, and is present with every person, and that no matter what a person does or thinks, he sees, and whatever he says, he hears, and for every word, deed and a bad thought is angry and will judge, and will betray sinners to eternal torment, as well as righteous and good people will be rewarded for their good deeds, and he can actually show the sinner or the evildoer, as we read about in stories, and now the same thing happens. This they first need to root, so that they not only openly, but also secretly avoid all evil, so that, like children before their parents, servants before their masters, subject to the authorities, do nothing obscene, but reverently act, as if they were before God, all watching, they would act and walk with fear and think that God is with them, and sees all their actions, and can show them when they do bad things. Although it happens that a person does not see a bad deed, but God, greater than all the world and the Judge of all, sees everything. From such a teaching and reasoning about God, the fear of God can be planted in the young, which both the elderly and the old need to remember ...

3. Children who are defective should be punished by their parents. So the word of God commands them: “Do not leave the young man without punishment: if you punish him with a rod, he will not die; you will punish him with a rod and save his soul from hell ”(). We see that God Himself loves His children, but out of love He punishes them: “For the Lord punishes whom He loves; he beats every son whom he accepts ”(). Similarly, carnal parents must follow God and punish their children out of love. For that love of the father is blind, which leaves uncorrected children without punishment; true and wise love is that which humbles their self-will by punishment. “He who pities his rod hates his son; and whoever loves, he punishes him from childhood ”().

4. You should not use immeasurable severity in punishment, as the apostle commands: “Fathers, do not irritate your children, so that they do not lose heart” (), but act in the middle way, as was said above.

5. In the image of good deeds, they represent themselves to them. For youth, and indeed every age, is better instructed to virtue by a good life than by a word; especially young children, as a rule, have the life of their parents; so that they notice in them, they themselves do it, whether it be good or bad, what they see. For the sake of which parents should both beware of temptations, and give an example of a virtuous life to their children when they want to instruct them in virtue. Otherwise, they can't do anything. For they look more at the life of their parents and imagine in their young souls than they listen to their words. Any mentor's word, connected with life, is a fair and powerful instruction, how much more parental instruction.

6. To love children and the very nature of parents attracts and convinces: even the dumb love their offspring. For the sake of it, it is not necessary to mention it, if only there was not reckless love, as was said above.

7. Parents should pray to God for their children, so that He Himself would instruct them in His fear and make them wise for salvation.

8. How harmful is the neglect of the correct upbringing and punishment of children and their parents and their children, from the above, everyone can see, and history testifies about Elijah, the priest of Israel, who, because he did not properly educate and did not punish his sons for their prejudice, and himself and his children were punished by God.

Reverend Seraphim of Sarov

The elder did not allow children to speak against their parents, even those who had undeniable shortcomings. One man came to the old man with his mother, who was betrayed by the vice of drunkenness. The son only wanted to talk about it, as Fr. Seraphim clamped his hand over his mouth and did not allow him to utter a word. Then, turning to his mother, he said: “Open your mouth,” and when she opened her mouth, he breathed on her three times. Letting her go, oh Seraphim said: “Here is my testament to you: do not have in your house not only wine, but even wine dishes, since from now on you will not tolerate wine anymore.”

To the question whether to teach children languages ​​and other sciences, the elder replied: “What is the harm in knowing something?”

George, the recluse of Zadonsky

Parents have a duty to their children ... to exhort and convince them to a blameless and pure life, both married and unmarried by the good will of God, to observe the faith, the commandments of God and piety, and bring prayers for them through the holy Church, and do alms, may the Lord not forsake His mercy, and by them the message of fate will have mercy on those who pray to Him and ask for eternal salvation.

Now I remind you of myself, smiling at your punishment of the free Alyosha. My late mother loved me passionately, pitied and wept for me; but when he finds me in eavesdropping and mischief, then, having made a decent reprimand, he deprives me of affection for the whole day and more. It was painful for her to endure such a punishment of me herself; but she, looking at the end of my life, overcame her tenderness and was guided by the wise rules of Jesus the son of Sirach regarding the upbringing of children and the fear of God that was in her heart. It’s good and your suggestion to Alyosha what he wants: should he drink tea and pray or not pray and not drink? I beg you, do not scold A.F. in front of Alyosha, so that he can read and listen to her.

During pregnancy, it is useful to read the following prayers: “God, be merciful to me, a sinner”, “Lord, who created me, have mercy on me”, “Lord, grant me to be resolved, to glorify Your name: Thy will be done!”, “Do with me in mercy Yours and, as you wish, arrange a thing about me. Amen".

Thanks be to God for giving you children! Your prayer for them will enrich them with good manners. Now, while they are young, you need to instill in their hearts the fear of God, keeping the commandments of God and due respect for their parents; one must also admonish about eternal torment prepared for unrepentant sinners for disobedience and transgression of the commandments of God. In order to bring up children in piety, parents must have vigilant watch and labor. Parents have to give an answer before the Lord about the behavior of their children until their age.

His Grace Anthony, Archbishop of Voronezh and Zadonsk

His Grace Anthony said to the superintendent of the theological school, to whom state pupils were also entrusted: “You have your own children. Just as you take care of their well-being, so take care of the upbringing and happiness of the children entrusted to you by your superiors.

When the director of the gymnasium, with the inspector and teachers, came to Bishop Anthony, the archpastor told them: “You are my assistants: I alone cannot do anything. I am like a man who is placed on a high belfry - I invite, I call, but who hears me? Instill in the children the fear of God, teach them to know God, to love Him and to pray fervently to Him; imprint in their hearts the holy faith, love for our Orthodox Church and its holy statutes, love for the tsar and fatherland. Here is our Christian wealth!”

Saint Ignatius (Bryanchaninov)

Do not let your daughter clap, below with your finger. This is extremely harmful to the morality of both the daughter and the mother. There is the old good, but there is also the old bad; bad is not to be imitated. Get yourself a copy of the book Teachings of the Monk Abba Dorotheus, who was engaged in the education of young monks with excellent success. This book will be an excellent instruction for yourself and for the upbringing of your daughter. Read a book and study it. Know that more than all your instructions with words, your life will be the most powerful instruction for your daughter.

Protect your son from poisonous heretics. Do not be afraid of censures from him for the lack of fatal, excessive secularism; fear that formidable utterance of the Lord, which awaits parents at the Last Judgment of Christ for raising children for eternal perdition; be afraid of those desperate and useless tears and curses on parents, which then will be uttered by children brought up for hell.

Saint Theophan, the recluse Vyshensky

You are embarrassed by the fate of children. What to do? Almost the total tribute of all parents is the same today. The air is bad, and bad. And I have no money to help. Prayer is one, but its acceptability is cut short by the indignation of faith. It would be good if you could arrange the children so that they would say what perplexes them and pushes them away from faith, or if you manage to somehow extort from them what is stuck in their heads and hearts. Then one could gradually lead them to the wrongness of what they heard again and the rightness of what they knew from time immemorial. Every way I think, parents do not interfere with this aspect of touching on the misfortune that threatens their children. May the Lord bless their undertakings!

Whoever lives in a family is saved from family virtues. But the point is not to present everything in an excellent way, but to do everything in your power ...

That in institutions the children are no longer the same - what to do? Time is wise. With all that, one cannot think that everything (good) inspired by him was lost or lost. Everything remains and will bear fruit in due time. You do not leave your own, by what you can, helping to ensure that they do not completely go astray, and success is all from the Lord. Pray more... help the needy more by believing the children in their prayer. This prayer is powerful.

It is the duty of parents to admonish children, so it has become yours. And be afraid of what? The word love never irritates. Commander only does not produce any fruit. In order for the Lord to bless the children to avoid dangers, one must pray day and night. God is merciful! He has many means of preventing which we would not even think of. God rules everything. He is a wise, all-good and all-powerful Ruler. And we belong to His Kingdom. Why be discouraged? He will not let His own be hurt. One thing you need to take care of, so as not to offend Him, and He did not strike you out of His number.

Grieve for children. That's why you are a mother to grieve about children. But attach a prayer to grief ... And the Lord will make the children happy. Remember the mother of Blessed Augustine. I cried, I cried, I prayed, I prayed! And she begged and cried out that Augustine came to his senses - and began to behave as he should.

Don't worry too much about your son. What is the temper, look, and then life will make you cross yourself. That loves possessions is not yet a great misfortune. It will be more gradual. It is impossible not to have, because one must eat, drink, have shelter, and so on. Hope should be placed on God only when you have property, part should be given to the poor. Teach him to give a penny to the poor, even on Sundays only. Start with this and move on.

And do not bother with prayer, you can get bored. Advise him to pray at least a little in the morning and in the evening, without reading any prayers, but in this way, wisely raising his eyes to God. In the evening - thank God for the day, in the morning ask for the day - in your own words, as you know, if only by deed. And that's enough. Bows three to five with such thoughts. And in the daytime, sometimes let him turn to God with a short prayer: “Lord, have mercy; bless, Lord." This is no longer needed. “Is it difficult,” tell him. “Well, give me some consolation…”

The youth wants to live on earth and in an earthly way. After all, it is impossible without it, because we are earthly. Just do not forget that we are on earth for a time, and a short one - it has become, although we are earthly, we have not received existence for the earth.

Alienation of children is wonderful. But see if it's your fault. If you are either reading or doing needlework, but you don’t do much with your children, so that they don’t see affection from you ... then what’s wonderful that they are alienated from you? ..

You cannot save your soul alone. Care for children, affection for them, maternal tenderness, silent admonition also have an urgent part in this.

Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt

When educating youth, what should be the most striving? About how to acquire "the eyes of the heart are enlightened for him" (). Don't you notice that our heart is the first agent in our life, and in almost all our cognitions the vision with the heart of known truths (the idea) precedes mental cognition? It happens like this during knowledge: the heart sees at once, inseparably, instantly; then this single act of vision of the heart is transmitted to the mind and in the mind it is decomposed into parts, divisions appear: the previous, the next; the vision of the heart in the mind receives its analysis. The idea belongs to the heart, not to the mind - to the inner man, not to the outer. Therefore, it is a very important matter to “enlighten the eyes of the heart” in all knowledge, but especially in the knowledge of the truths of faith and the rules of morality.

Parents and teachers! Beware of your children with all care from the whims before you, otherwise the children will soon forget the price of your love, infect their hearts with malice, early lose the holy, sincere, ardent love of the heart, and upon reaching adulthood they will bitterly complain that in their youth there is too much cherished them, pandered to the whims of their hearts. Caprice is the germ of heart corruption, the rust of the heart, the moth of love, the seed of malice, an abomination to the Lord.

Do not leave children unattended regarding the eradication from their hearts of the weeds of sins, bad, crafty and blasphemous thoughts, sinful habits, inclinations and passions; the enemy and sinful flesh do not spare even children, the seeds of all sins are also in children; present to children all the dangers of sins on the path of life, do not hide sins from them, so that, through ignorance and lack of understanding, they do not become established in sinful habits and addictions, which grow and bear corresponding fruits when children come of age.

In education, it is extremely harmful to develop only reason and mind, leaving the heart unattended - the heart should be most of all paid attention to; the heart is life, but a life corrupted by sin; it is necessary to purify this source of life, it is necessary to kindle in it the pure flame of life, so that it burns and does not go out and gives direction to all the thoughts, desires and aspirations of a person, his whole life. Society is corrupted precisely because of a lack of Christian education. It is time for Christians to understand the Lord, what He wants from us - it is He who wants a pure heart: “Blessed are the pure in heart” (). Listen to His sweetest voice in the gospel. And the true life of our heart is Christ (“Christ lives in me”) (). Learn all the wisdom of the apostle, this is our common task - to instill the faith of Christ in the heart.

A person, they say, is free, he cannot or should not be forced either in faith or in teaching. Lord have mercy! What a diabolical opinion! If you do not compel, then what will come out of people after that? Well, what will come of you, the herald of newly invented rules, if you do not force yourself to do anything good, but live as your vicious heart, your proud, short-sighted and blind mind, your sinful flesh disposes you to live? Tell me what will become of you? Are you not forcing yourself to do anything, I do not speak directly to the good, but even though it is proper and useful? How can you do without forcing yourself? How can Christians not be encouraged and not forced to fulfill the precepts of faith and piety? Is it not said in the Holy Scriptures that “the Kingdom of Heaven is in need”, that “the needy women delight e” ()? But how not to force especially boys to study, to pray? What will come of them? Aren't they lazy? Aren't they naughty? Will they not learn all evil?

Venerable Macarius of Optina

God, who is rich in mercy, could enrich everyone if it were useful, but He works otherwise according to the all-wise and incomprehensible fates for us, before which we must humbly revere and submit with thanksgiving. Give children a good moral upbringing, and when they are worthy and useful to them, God is able to enrich them or give them what is necessary and content.

We daily read in prayer: "Our Father", and ask: "... Thy will be done"; it is necessary that not only words be uttered, but that our will and reason agree with them. Childbearing is a blessing of God given to people - how are you going to reject or destroy it? There is no doubt in this that it is tiresome for you to have care for children, but even in this you have the help of God, and labor and fatigue will serve you to salvation, for Scripture says: for the sake of childbearing a woman will be saved (). It is better to surrender to the will of God and consider childbearing a blessing of God, thanking Him for this, and not grumbling - then the Lord will facilitate your work, and if it is His will, then it will stop without any means.

I heard that you intend to send your son ... to B-v for training in trade and for some better education, and so that part of your nephews belongs to you. In my opinion, education is enough for your son - to be a good Christian, a kind person, a respectful son, remember the temple of God, pray to God, honor the servants of the Church of God, pastors, listen to their teachings, work for the benefit of others and your own, offend no one, keep sobriety, chastity, and all of these to be performed with humility. This is true enlightenment for him.

For the preservation of Orthodoxy in your children, try to spread this teaching and pray to God for this. Unfortunately, nowadays people speak and write so freely everywhere about religion, not to creation, but to doubt; sensuality takes possession, and the younger generation is more inclined to freedom, and not to curbing the senses, and the mind gives freedom, although it is darkened. But by the way, there is no need to despair, but to ask God to save their young hearts from freethinking, and try to inspire them yourself, according to the concepts of their age, about the Orthodox Church and piety: what is written in a young heart, then in adulthood it will be more affirmed, like on a young the written words in the ripe fruit are more clearly depicted. When going to church with them, you can slightly say what the church means and Whom they serve in it - the Most High God, our Creator - and that He knows and sees what we not only do and say, but also think. Good deeds are rewarded, and bad deeds are punished. Often or rarely, it is necessary to take them with you to church at the discretion of their location, and sometimes by conviction, and even more so on major holidays you need to take them with you. Your son showed in practice his zeal for our monastery, he established the collection of alms from his relatives, and we will soon receive the three rubles and fifty kopecks of silver sent to him. The Lord bless his young heart to the knowledge of the truth and to the love of God; but love is born from fear: “... by the fear of the Lord everyone turns away from evil” () - and not to dream that we do good from love, and “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (). And on all your children, on N. N. and on you, may the Lord send His blessing and give peace, health, prosperity and salvation.

Precisely, in modern times it is difficult to preserve youth from the stormy stream of freethinking that has spilled over the face of the earth and drowns the human mind, darkened by unbelief, in muddy waters. But with the help of God, sow on their hearts the seeds of the Orthodox faith, water them with the fear of God, which leads to love through the fulfillment of the commandments of the Lord. Their seeds of piety sunk into the young soil of their hearts, perhaps, in time will bear fruit in the holiness of the firmness of the Orthodox faith. Try to prevent them from reading books contrary to the truth; the young mind is capable of receiving all sorts of impressions. And most importantly - pray to the Lord, may He save them from the arrows and temptations of the enemy, and entrust them to the protection of the Mother of God.

A difficult question about children: when they are in the circle of relatives and peers, should they be allowed to play cards and dance? How to solve it - I do not know. What has become the custom of secular appeals is difficult to resist when conferring with the world. You just need to be a confessor, enduring reproach, ridicule and contempt. But to allow from a young age to cards - this can eventually turn into a habit and even a passion; also dances, which one wise preacher called "Herodiadin's art" and which the world considers an innocent pleasure in society, but in essence they are sinful. As much as possible, it is necessary to inspire children that both are harmful to them; but they, looking at other children exercising in these amusements, will either envy them or condemn them, and consider themselves the best of them. And here it is appropriate to have wisdom, but not with your own mind, but to pray to the Lord, may He give you wisdom on how to act in raising children, and may he save them from the corrupting spirit of harmful worldly customs.

Rev. Ambrose of Optina

At present, it seems, more than ever, those who want to live a pious life are surrounded by all sorts of inconveniences and difficulties. It becomes especially difficult to conduct the work of raising children in the Christian spirit and in the rules of the holy Orthodox Church. In the midst of all these difficulties, one thing remains for us: to resort to the Lord God, earnestly ask Him for help and admonition, and then, for our part, do everything that we can, according to our extreme understanding; leave everything else to the will of God and to His providence, not being embarrassed if others do not act as we would like.

You are weighed down by the concern of how to give your children a Christian upbringing, and express this concern in this way: “Every day I see from experience that I do not have sufficient firmness to fulfill my duty according to conscience, and I feel very incapable of molding a person’s soul in the image and likeness of the Divine teaching. ". The last thought is expressed very strongly and relates more to the assistance and help of God, but it will be enough for you if you take care to raise your children in the fear of God, instill in them the Orthodox concept and protect them with well-intentioned instructions from concepts that are alien to the Orthodox Church. Whatever good you sow in the souls of your children in their youth may then vegetate in their hearts when they come to mature courage, after bitter school and modern trials, which often break the branches of a good home Christian upbringing. The experience approved for centuries shows that the sign of the cross has great power on all the actions of a person, throughout his entire life. Therefore, it is necessary to take care to instill in children the habit of making the sign of the cross more often, and especially before eating and drinking, going to bed and getting up, before leaving, before going out, and before entering somewhere, and so that the children make the sign of the cross not carelessly or casually. fashionable, but with accuracy, starting from the brow to the chest, and on both shoulders, so that the cross comes out right.

You write: “I would like my husband and I to avoid that pernicious disagreement in the matter of education, which I see in almost all marriages.” Yes, this thing is really tricky! But you yourself have noticed that it is not useful to argue about this in front of children. Therefore, in case of disagreement, it’s better to either evade and leave, or show as if you didn’t listen, but don’t argue about your different views in front of the children. Advice about this and reasoning should be in private and as calmly as possible, so that it is more real. However, if you manage to instill the fear of God in the hearts of your children, then various human whims cannot act so maliciously on them.

At the end of your letter, you write that you are concerned about the time of a difficult birth, and that it worries and frightens you so much that this prevailing thought prevents you from enjoying every good thing in life, and therefore you want to have some kind of prayer for yourself in support. There is an Orthodox tradition that in these cases they resort to the Mother of God, by the name of the Feodorovskaya icon. Exchange or write yourself this icon, the celebration of which happens twice a year: March 14 and August 16. If you wish, on the eve of these days in the evening you can perform a home vigil, and on the very day - a prayer service with an akathist to the Mother of God. With diligence, you can do this at other times, as you wish. You can daily pray to the Queen of Heaven yourself, reading to Her at least twelve times a day: “O Virgin Mary, rejoice,” even with bows from the waist. Read the kontakion to Her as many times: “Not imams of other help, not imams of other hope, except for You, the Lady. You help us, we hope in You and we boast in You: For we are Your servants: let us not be ashamed.

Write that you notice dryness or little feeling and other shortcomings in your son. But in childhood, in general, not many people have a true, real feeling, but for the most part it manifests itself at a more mature age, already when a person begins to understand more and experiences something in life. Moreover, an excess of inner feeling imperceptibly serves as a reason for secret exaltation and condemnation of others, and a lack of feeling and dryness involuntarily humbles a person when he begins to understand this. Therefore, do not be much upset that you notice this shortcoming in your son: in time, perhaps, the inevitable trials in life will awaken in him the proper feeling; but just take care to convey to him, as far as possible, sound ideas about everything in accordance with the teachings of the Orthodox Church. You write that you yourself have studied with him up to now and gone through the sacred history of the Old Testament with him, and ask how and what to teach him and whom to choose for this. Having gone through the Old Testament with him, you yourself must finish this work, that is, go over to the New Testament, and then begin the catechetical teaching. You are afraid that the dryness of the Catechism will not add warmth to it. The Catechism does not add warmth to anyone, but it is enough that the children have the correct understanding of the dogmas and other subjects of the Orthodox Church. If you want the Orthodox teaching to act on the heart of your son, then read with him the "Orthodox Confession" and "School of Piety", and let the teacher of the law teach him according to the Catechism adopted in educational institutions.

Before confession, you yourself will take care of your son and prepare him for this sacrament as best you can. Make him read the commandments with an explanation before confession. Regarding the correction of his shortcomings, in general, you can sometimes say to him in a half-joking tone: “You are a young prince, do not hit your face in the dirt through such actions.” You write that you are deeply convinced that there is no other source of prosperity for a person on earth and eternal bliss in heaven, except for the Church of Christ, and that everything outside of it is nothing, and you would like to pass on this conviction to your children, so that it would be, as it were, their secret life ; but it seems to you that you have no calling to teach and cannot speak with due force of conviction about this great subject. As a loving mother, pass on information about these subjects to your children as best you can. No one can replace you in this, because you should first explain to others your concepts and desires, and, moreover, others do not know your children and their spiritual disposition and needs; and, moreover, the words of the mother can affect them more than the word of a stranger. The instructions of others act on the mind, and the instructions of the mother act on the heart. If it seems to you that your son knows a lot, understands a lot, but feels little, then, I repeat, do not be upset by this either. And pray about this to God, may he arrange something useful about your son, like a message. You write that he has an excellent memory; use this too. Give him, in addition to instructions, soulful stories and ask him from time to time so that he repeats to you as he remembers and understands. Everything that he hears from you will first be stored in his memory and mind, and then with the help of God, with the help of experiences in life, he can pass into feeling. You complain that your mother distracts you from your studies with your son. You can explain to her directly that the benefit of your son requires that you deal with him, and she, as a reasonable grandmother, of course, should condescend to you in this without chagrin. I repeat: calling on God's help, act on what has been said, as best you can, as the Lord will enlighten you and as you can - without hesitation and without fear.

My opinion regarding reading is such that, first of all, the young mind should be occupied with sacred history and the reading of the lives of the saints, by choice, imperceptibly planting in it the seeds of the fear of God and the Christian life; and it is especially necessary, with the help of God, to be able to impress on him how important it is to keep the commandments of God and what disastrous consequences come from breaking them. All this is to be deduced from the example of our forefathers, who ate from the forbidden tree and were expelled from paradise for that.

Krylov's fables can be left for the time being, but for now, engage the child in learning by heart some prayers. The creed and selected psalms, for example, “Alive in the help of the Most High,” “The Lord is my enlightenment,” and the like. The main thing is that the child should be busy according to his strength and directed towards the fear of God. From this, everything good and good, as well as, on the contrary, idleness and not instilling the fear of God in children are the cause of all evils and misfortunes. Without instilling the fear of God, no matter what you do with children, it will not bring the desired results in terms of good morality and a well-ordered life. When the fear of God is instilled, every occupation is good and useful. Special subtleties and precautions on this subject are not entirely appropriate. It is necessary to conduct business more simply, with the hope of God's help, which we must always ask for the prayers of our blessed father (Macarius).

Now I hear that you grieve beyond measure, seeing the suffering of your sick daughter. Indeed, as a human being, it is impossible not to grieve a mother, seeing her little daughter in such suffering and suffering day and night. Despite this, you must remember that you are a Christian who believes in a future life and a future blessed reward not only for labors, but also for arbitrary and involuntary sufferings, and therefore you must not foolishly faintheartedly and grieve beyond measure, like pagans or unbelievers, who do not recognize either future eternal bliss or future eternal torment. No matter how great the involuntary sufferings of your little daughter S., nevertheless they cannot be compared with the arbitrary sufferings of the martyrs; if they are equal, then she will receive a blissful state in paradise villages equal to them. However, one should not forget the tricky present time, in which even small children receive spiritual damage from what they see and from what they hear, and therefore purification is required, which does not happen without suffering; spiritual purification for the most part occurs through bodily suffering. Let's assume that there was no mental injury. But still, one should know that heavenly bliss is not granted to anyone without suffering. Look: do the smallest babies pass into the next life without illness and suffering? However, I am writing this not because I would wish the death of the suffering little S., but I am writing all this, in fact, to comfort you and for correct admonition and real conviction, so that you do not mourn unreasonably and beyond measure. No matter how much you love your daughter, know that our All-merciful Lord loves her more than you, Who provides for our salvation in every way. Of His love for each of the believers, He Himself testifies in Scripture, saying: "If the wife also forgets her offspring, I will not forget you." Therefore, try to moderate your sorrow for your sick daughter, casting this sorrow on the Lord: as He wills and is pleased, so He will do with us according to His goodness. I advise you to bring your ailing daughter to a preliminary confession. Ask your confessor to question her more prudently during confession.

You are obligated to teach children, and you yourself must learn from children, according to what was said from the Lord Himself: "Unless you are like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven." And the holy Apostle Paul interpreted it like this: minds, then be perfect.

Schiegumen Anthony Optinsky

One day someone came to him in great grief that his only son, in whom he placed all his hope, was expelled from the educational institution. "Do you pray for a son?" the old man suddenly asked him. “Sometimes I pray,” he answered haltingly, “and sometimes I don’t.” “Be sure to pray for your son, pray fervently for him: great is the power of parental prayer for children.” At this word, the inconsolable father, who hitherto was not very zealous in prayer and in the church, began to resort to the Lord with all his heart and pray for his son. And what? After some time, circumstances changed, the boy was admitted to the institution and successfully completed the course there, to the great consolation of his father, who always remembered Fr. Anthony and told, saying that this simple word of the God-wise elder brought him the greatest spiritual benefit for his whole life.

Hegumen Boniface of Theophany

The Apostle Paul writes to parents like this: “Fathers, do not irritate your children, but bring them up in the punishment and teaching of the Lord” (). Here is a reduction of all parental duties: the upbringing of children in punishment, that is, in the instruction and teaching of the Lord.

Noticing the awakening feeling and thought in the child, you need to give him food pleasing to the Christian. This food is predominantly in religious concepts. Let the sweetest name of the Lord Jesus be heard in the first place of the child; let the first ray of consciousness fall on the concept of God, our Creator, Almighty, Provider and Savior; let the tender feeling be shaken by the feeling of love for the Heavenly Father, in whose vast house he and his parents live, from whose right hand they receive not only everything necessary and everything pleasant for life - and at the very beginning of the emerging rational being of the child, that heavenly light will be kindled, which indicates the path of truth and goodness.

To leave whims without correction means to doom those close to your heart to certain misfortune in life. Set limits to the whims of the child, bridle the strivings of his will, accustom him to deprivation, need, patience, and you will develop moral strength, which consists in self-control and with which you can be happy amid the greatest misfortunes in life, firm and invincible amid the most stormy waves of life.

In family life, the necessary and natural teachers of God's blessings are parents. Giving life to their children, they, as it were, continue the action of God's creation and, therefore, bear the stamp of the power and power of God, which gives and maintains the life of all living things. That is why the meaning of parental authority is guarded by God Himself, when among the ten commandments only one about honoring parents contains a clear promise of reward: “Honor your father and your mother, that good be done to you,” it is added: “and you will live long on earth.”

His Grace Ambrose, Archbishop of Kharkov

Stand yourselves, as the prophet says, before the face of God, be the mouth of God - then, through your mediation, God Himself will be the educator of the children entrusted to you ...

Do not limit instruction in the law of God to the study of lessons, but more often with love and reverence, as much as you yourself have, speak to them about God, the Father, the Provider and Judge of men, about God all-seeing, observing every thought and deed of man and blessing all that is good, turning away from all evil. Raise the thoughts of children to God, not only so that they know Him, but so that they remember Him as often as possible and turn their hearts to Him with love and gratitude. This is the science of walking before God and the fear of God, which instills the image of God in the heart of a person and teaches the child to discuss his thoughts and deeds for fear of offending God.

When discussing child misconduct, do not limit your remarks to the words: “How shameful or indecent,” but say more often: “How sinful and terrible.” How much you yourself understand the power of sin, how much you yourself are afraid of it - let it be written on your face. Your sorrow for the misdeed of the child will be reflected in his heart; your suggestion that you are responsible for his offense before God will make him afraid of the same responsibility. Then he will accept your penalty as God's punishment.

… Teach children not only the words of prayer, but acquaint them with the state and experience of prayer. Do not make the prayer too short, do not be afraid for the fatigue of the children, lead them into the work of prayer, explaining to them the science of collecting thoughts and a cheerful stand of the mind before God. Pray yourself in their presence with ardor and zeal: the warmth of your heart will be communicated to their hearts, they will know the consolation found in prayer, and it will be their joy and refuge in all the trials and sorrows of life.

Reveal to them the science of testing thoughts and inner struggle with sinful thoughts and inclinations. Tell them, as they age, the story of the origin of sin in a barely conscious thought, its growth in the excitement of feelings and the inclinations of the heart, its stormy movements in impulses of passions, its extreme manifestations in criminal matters - and then an impure thought will be just as terrible for them as a criminal one. a business.

Point out to them our weakness in the fight against sin, our constant need for God's help, and the invincible power of the name of Jesus. Give them experiences of inner victory over evil by the power of invoking the name of the Lord, and then they will be released into a world filled with moral dangers, with weapons in their hands.

… Whenever possible, read to them the lives of the saints according to the four menaias, not being afraid of the difficulty of the language and the length of the narratives. The child's soul flares up with zeal for God when talking about the labors of ascetics and the sufferings of martyrs, the imagination is filled with bright images of saints, the memory is enriched with the experiences of virtues and wise instructions. Bad partnerships will be repugnant to the soul that has become acquainted in thought and heart with the community of saints.

When not a single member of the family can be left without evening and morning prayers, when the father does not leave the house on his business without praying before the holy icons, and the mother does not begin anything without the sign of the cross, when even a small child is not allowed to touch food until it will not cross itself—do not these children learn to ask for God’s help in everything, and to call on God’s blessing for everything, and to believe that without God’s help there is no security in life, and without His blessing there is no success in human affairs?

The faith of parents cannot remain fruitless for children when, in need and poverty, they say with tears in their eyes: “What to do? Be the will of God"; in danger: "God is merciful"; under difficult circumstances: "God will help"; with success and joy: "Thank God, God sent." Here, always and in everything, God's goodness, God's providence, God's justice are confessed. Isn't this a living teaching about God and His attributes? And since for children there is nothing higher and more precious than their parents, and parents with love and reverence confess that they themselves have everything from God and in everything they hope in God, that He is the common and all-good Benefactor of all: then will the children not feel and not will they understand that “all by God live and move and have their being”, and then will they not love God?

The habit of exerting the will, which is required by feats of goodness, is acquired only from an early age... Where, in what human system of education, will you find so many subjects for the exercise of the will, such closeness of them to any good activity and such adaptation to all ages and conditions, as in the divine school of the Orthodox Church? And it is remarkable that all these exercises are criticized by the majority of enlightened people today.

Why, they say, wake up a child early and force him to stand for whole hours in church without use? This is a futile torture. No, this is necessary in order to gradually accustom him to vigilance, attention, concentration of thoughts, patience in a feat, without which not a single good deed is accomplished.

Why do children in the temple always listen to the same thing? Then, in Orthodox worship, which to a superficial glance seems to be only a repetition of the same thing, there is an inexhaustible abundance of impressions and truths that call and dispose us to spiritual perfection, suggestions and examples that shame our negligence for virtue and our laziness.

Why, to the detriment of health, force children to eat coarse and unnutritious food, or go without food for a long time? Then, in order to teach them to expose themselves to hardships and courageously endure them, without which not a single feat, either Christian or social, can do.

Archpriest Alexei Mechev

The priest did not approve when parents, striving to go to church, left their children alone, without a guardian. He put the upbringing of children above other pious activities. Blessing the mother with the child and pointing to the baby, he told her impressively: “Here is your Kyiv and Jerusalem.”

“The ban, it used to be, our mother, two kids, in the room and went to church,” said one of the spiritual children of the priest. - Passing through the temple with incense and seeing her, the priest immediately strictly sent her home.

One of the issues that Batiushka's conversations touched upon was the question of marriage and the upbringing of children. To those preparing to be fathers and mothers, and to mothers and fathers themselves, he pointed out that the question of Christian marriage and Christian upbringing in our time, the time of denying everything in the world, is the most topical and important: “When entering into marriage, Christian parents should think not only about their own personal happiness, but also about the future of their children, about educating them as Christians who are useful to the Church and society. But unfortunately, many parents do not think at all about raising a Christian in their child. They think about his future in the spheres of external relations, imagine him as a doctor, engineer, writer, send him to the appropriate educational institution and think that this is their only concern for the child. But at the same time, we see how often in the inner, spiritual life children are left either to governesses or to themselves. Not to mention that many children literally grow up on the street; even those to whom the attention of their parents is drawn are subjected to the influence of the environment, bad companions, and gradually deviate from the normal path of development.

Where does this multitude of boys come from, from the age of thirteen or fourteen drinking, smoking, debauchery? Where did these girls come from, barely out of diapers and already made up, rouged, curled? These are the fruits of the careless attitude of parents to education. How disastrously does this respond to the Church, which in every newly born human soul yearns to see its zealous and zealous son?

According to the father, in this complex and difficult matter of upbringing, there should be neither negligence nor excessive strictness and dryness. He supported this opinion with numerous and strong examples, both from the memories of his childhood and his mother, and from personal experience and practice. He constantly said that the creative principle should be the love and sensitivity of a mother to her children. The mother should be the first and true friend of her child; true love will always find the right way to the child's soul, not allowing it to withdraw, but also not indulging bad inclinations.

Education, said the priest, should be Christian, on the one hand, and churchly, on the other. It is not enough to inspire a child with concepts of God and immortality, to try to kindle in him a sense of duty or to talk about the need for love for God and people. All this is very difficult to achieve without the parallel education of the Church. Divine service, leaving deep traces on the impressionable child's soul, gives abstract theological truths a real, vital coloring, makes them closer and more understandable. A child brought up in this way, who has known the Lord almost from the cradle, can set out on the path of life with greater courage and confidence than a child who did not know the Lord in childhood. In the soul of a religiously educated person, evil cannot triumph, and even if in the future he deviates from the right path, sooner or later the seeds of truth, sown in him by the caring love of his parents, will awaken him from the sleep of sin and lead him to lost Eden.

But in order to raise their children properly, parents need to look at their marriage from a purely Christian point of view. What is the failure and short duration of modern marriages? Batiushka argued that in the fact that, looking for marriage rapprochement, people think only about themselves, about their personal happiness. A man sees in his wife only a woman who gives him sensual pleasures, and very often closes his eyes to her as a person, friend, mother. A woman also marries either out of blind passion, which very soon fades away, or out of calculation. This selfishness, which has penetrated all layers of our society, is the reason for such frequent family dramas and divorces. A young man, the father said, who wants to marry, must remember that marriage is a cross, that he is given a weak, infirm vessel - a wife, whom he must protect and keep for his offspring. The purpose of marriage is primarily to bear and raise children. In order to bear the marriage cross, the husband and wife must put aside their selfish scores and live in the name and for their children.

Saint John Chrysostom

Just as no one can count on justification and indulgence in their own sins, so parents can in the sins of their children. Those fathers who do not care about the decency and modesty of their children are child killers, and more cruel than child killers, since here it is a matter of death and death of the soul. Therefore, just as if you see a horse rushing towards an abyss, you throw a bridle over its mouth, rearing it with force, and often beat it - which, it is true, is punishment, but punishment is the mother of salvation - so exactly deal with your children if they sin: bind the sinner until you propitiate God; do not leave him untied so that he is no longer bound by the wrath of God. If you bind, then God will not bind; if you do not bind, then unspeakable chains await him.

"On Vanity and How Parents Should Raise Children":

... As soon as the child is born, the father invents everything that is possible, not in order to streamline his life, but to adorn him and dress him in golden jewelry and clothes. What are you doing, man? Please wear it yourself, why are you bringing up a child who has not yet tasted this madness in it? Why are you putting a piece of jewelry around his neck? We need a conscientious educator who would instruct the child, and not gold. And you let his hair go from behind, in the manner of a girl, making the boy effeminate and weakening his natural strength, from the very beginning turning him into a lover of excesses and convincing him to strive for the unreasonable. Why do you arrange a strong conspiracy against him, why do you force him to be captivated by the bodily?

I will not cease to ask and beg that, before all your affairs, take care of the instruction of the children. For if you are afraid for the child, prove it - and you will not be left without retribution. Listen to what Paul says: "If he continues in faith and love and holiness with chastity" (). And even if you know a thousand evils behind you, know that there is for you from your sins and some consolation. Raise a fighter for Christ! I am not saying that you turn him away from marriage, send him into the wilderness and prepare him for the adoption of the monastic life, I am not saying that. I would like this and I would beg everyone to accept this title, but if it seems burdensome, I do not force it. Raise a fighter for Christ, and from his childhood, who is in the world, teach him to be God-fearing.

If good teachings are imprinted in a soul that is not yet strong, no one will be able to erase them when it hardens, like what happens with a wax seal. You have a being in him that is still timid, trembling, afraid of both the look and the word, everything, anything: use your power over him for what you must. You will be the first to enjoy good fruits if you have a good son, and then God. You work for yourself.

Each of you - fathers and mothers - like artists who decorate images and statues with great care, let them take care of their amazing works. For the painters, every day setting the picture in front of them, cover it with colors, striving for what is due. Stonemasons do the same, removing what is superfluous and adding what is missing. So you, like those who make statues, use all the time we have for this, making statues for God worthy of admiration: remove the excess, and add what is missing, and carefully observe them every day, what a natural talent they have - in order to increase it, what kind of deficiency - in order to eliminate it. And with special diligence banish from them every occasion for licentiousness, for the tendency to this is most harmful to the souls of the young. Best of all, before he has time to experience this, teach him to be sober, to conquer sleep, to be awake in prayer, to mark all his words and deeds with the sign of the Cross.

Consider yourself a king who has a city subordinate to you - the soul of a child, for the soul is really a city. And just as in the city some steal, while others behave honestly, some work, while others do what comes to hand, the mind and thoughts behave in the same way in the soul: some fight against criminals, like warriors in the city, others they take care of everything that relates to the body and to the house, like citizens in cities, while others give orders, like city authorities.

So lay down the laws for this city...and watch them closely. Its limits and gates will be the four senses, let the whole body be like a wall, and the entrances will be eyes, tongue, hearing, smell, if you like - and sensation. For it is through these entrances that the citizens of this city enter and exit, and through these entrances thoughts are corrupted and corrected.

Let us go first to that entrance, which is in the tongue, since it is the most lively, and before all others, let us build doors and locks in it, not of wood and not of iron, but of gold ... that is, from the utterances of God, as the prophet says: the word of God is “sweeter than honey and drops of honeycomb” (, II), “more valuable than gold and many precious stones.” And we will teach them to be on the lips and in circulation all the time: not just occasionally and in between times, but constantly. And not only the shell of the doors must be made of gold, but they themselves must be made of gold and at the same time thick and dense, having precious stones on their outer surface instead of ordinary stones. The lock for these doors may be the Cross of the Lord, made entirely of precious stones and placed in the middle of the doors as a base.

When we have made these thick golden doors and put a lock, we will also prepare worthy citizens. What kind? Serious and pious speeches to which we will accustom the child. Let us also arrange for the complete expulsion of foreigners, so as not to mix any harmful rabble with these citizens: arrogant and swear words, unreasonable and shameful speeches, vulgar and worldly - we will drive them all out. And let no one walk through these gates, except for one King. Let these gates be opened to him alone and to those who are with Him, so that one could say about them: “Behold the gates of the Lord, the righteous will enter them” (). And blessed Paul: “Let no rotten word come out of your mouth, but only good for edification in faith, so that it delivers grace to those who hear” (). Thanksgiving to God let there be words and holy hymns: let them always talk about God and about heavenly philosophy.

How can we achieve this and how do we start educating them? From the fact that we will closely monitor what is happening with them, because the child can easily be attracted to such (behavior). Why? Since he does not fight with others for money and fame, he does not have care for his wife, children and home, since he is still in childhood. What, therefore, is his reason for arrogance and scolding? All the competition is with his peers.

Therefore, immediately establish a law: do not be haughty over anyone, do not insult anyone, do not swear, do not be pugnacious. And if you see that the law is being violated, punish him: when with a stern look, when with a stinging word, when with a reproach, sometimes praise him and promise a reward. Do not abuse blows, so that he does not become accustomed to this method of education - for if he learns that he is constantly brought up with this, learns to neglect it, and when he learns to despise it, then everything is lost. But let him be afraid of beatings all the time, let him not be subjected to them, let them threaten him with a rod, but do not use it. And let the threats not reach the point, but at the same time, let it not be clear to him that everything will end with threats: for the threat is then good when it is believed that it will be carried out, but when the one who committed the offense understands the intention, he will neglect it. But let him think that he will be punished, and not be punished, so that fear does not go out, let him (fear) remain like a growing flame that burns all the thorns, like a wide and sharp hoe that penetrates into the very depths. When you see that fear has done good, put it aside, for our nature needs reassurance.

Teach him to be friendly and kind. Let his mouth be sewn up for every slander. If you see him scolding anyone, silence him and turn the speech to his own misdeeds.

Persuade both the mother, the educator, and the servant to speak to the child in such a way that all together are guards and do not allow any of these bad words to be erupted from the child and from his mouth, that is, from the golden doors.

And don't prove to me that this thing takes a lot of time. For if from the very beginning you deal with it seriously and threaten it and appoint such guards, two months will suffice both to correct everything and to give it the firmness of the natural state.

And in this way, these gates themselves will be worthy of the Lord, so that neither shameful, nor mocking, nor senseless is pronounced, but only what is fitting for the Lord. For if those who educate carnal armies in campaigns teach their children to shoot with a bow, and to wear military clothes, and to mount a horse, and age is not an obstacle to this teaching, how much more those who fight in the height should be clothed in this royal robe.

So let them learn to sing psalms to the glory of God, so as not to waste time in shameful songs and inappropriate stories.

Now let's move on to the second gate. What? To those lying close to the former and having many similarities with them, I speak of hearing. If we do not allow any of the criminals and scoundrels to enter their threshold, they will cause a little uneasiness to the lips - for he who does not listen to the evil and shameful will not utter this.

So, let the children not hear anything inappropriate, either from the servants, or from the tutor, or from the nurses.

Let them not hear the absurd old women's fables: "So-and-so loved such-and-such." Let them not hear any of this, but listen to something else, devoid of any evasiveness and told very simply.

When a child rests from the labors of learning, and the soul willingly spends time listening to stories about the past, then talk to him, turning him away from all childishness, because you are educating a philosopher, a fighter and a citizen of heaven ... and tell him: “In the beginning there were two children from one father , two brothers. Then, after a pause, continue: “Those who came out of the same womb. One of them was older, the other younger. One, the eldest, was a farmer, the other, the youngest, was a shepherd. And he led the herds into the valleys and to the lakes.

Make your presentation pleasant, so that the child finds some pleasure in it and it does not tire his soul. “The other planted and sowed. And he decided to honor God. And the shepherd, taking the best of the flocks, offered it as a sacrifice to God.” Isn't it much better to tell about this than to tell about golden-fleeced rams and magic? Then attract his attention, for the story contains something, and do not introduce anything false, but follow the Scriptures: “When you offered God the best, immediately fire came down from heaven and took everything up into the heavenly altar. The older one did not do this, but retreated from it: leaving the best for himself, he offered another to God. And God did not accept it, but turned away and left it lying on the ground - the same, the first ones, he took to himself. Just as it happens with those who own land: the owner will honor and receive one of those who bring it inside the house, while the other will leave to stand outside - so it was here. What happened after that? The older brother became sad, considering himself dishonored and surpassed in honor, and was gloomy. God said to him: “Why are you upset? Didn't you know what you bring to God? Why insulted me? Why are you displeased? Why did you sacrifice the remnants to Me?” If it seems that simpler language should be used, say: “That one, having nothing to say, calmed down, or rather fell silent. After that, seeing his younger brother, he says to him: "Let's go out to the plain." And having seized him by cunning, he killed him. And I thought that it would hide from God. God comes to him and says to him: “Where is your brother?” He answers: “I don’t know. I am not my brother's keeper." God says to him: "Behold, your brother's blood is crying out to Me from the ground."

Let the mother sit nearby, while the soul of the child is formed by such stories, so that she also helps and praises what is being told.

“So what happened after that? That (brother) God took to heaven, and after death he remains above. Let the child hear about the resurrection in such stories. For if miracles are told in myths, and a child believes, he will be all the more delighted when he hears about the resurrection and that his soul went to heaven. “And He immediately took him upstairs - this same murderer wandered everywhere, suffering misfortunes for many years, living in fear and trembling, and suffered a lot of terrible things and was punished every day. He suffered a punishment not simple, but extraordinary, for he heard from God that you would be on earth in fear and trembling.

The child does not know what it is, but you tell him that just as you, standing in front of the teacher and tormented by the expectation of punishment, tremble and fear, so he feared God everywhere.

It is enough for him to be told up to this point: tell it in one evening at a meal. And let his mother tell him the same thing. Then, when he hears about it many times, ask him also: "Tell me a story" - so that he can express himself. And when he learns the story, then tell him about the benefits of it: “You see, what evil is gluttony, what evil is fratricide, what evil is to think that you can rob God. For He sees everything, and even what is done in secret. And if you can instill this rule alone in the soul of a child, you will not need a teacher, for this fear of God, better than any other fear, will present itself to the child and shake his soul.

Not only that, but also lead him to church, taking him by the hand, and strive to bring him there, especially when this very story is being read. And you see how he has fun, jumps and rejoices that he knows what everyone else does not know, what he anticipates, learns in advance and receives great benefit. And then this matter will be imprinted in the memory for the future.

There are other benefits to this story as well. Let him learn from you that there is no need to grieve when you endure evil. For God showed this to the child himself from the very beginning, when he accepted the one who received blessedness through death into heaven.

When this story has become firmly established in the child's mind, tell him another, for example, again about two brothers, and say: “There were two other brothers, also an older and a younger one. The elder was a hunter, and the younger lived at home. This story will give him more pleasure than the previous one, since there are many adventures in it, and they, the children, are growing older. “These two brothers were also twins. But after they were born, the mother fell in love with the younger, and the father fell in love with the older. The elder spent most of his time in the fields, the younger in the house. And one day the aged father says to the one he loved: “Child, since I am old, go and cook game for me - catch a roe deer or a hare, bring it and cook it so that after eating I will bless you.” He didn't say anything to the younger one. The mother, hearing that the father said this, calls the younger one and says to him: “Child, since the father ordered your brother to get him game, so that after eating he would bless him, listen to me: go to the herd and, taking young and beautiful kids, bring it to me, and I will do what your father loves, and you will bring it to him so that when he eats, he will bless you.

In his old age, his father began to see badly. When the youngest brought the kids, the mother boiled them and, putting them on a dish, gave them to the child, and he brought them to his father. She put goatskins on him so that he would not be exposed, since his skin was smooth, and that of his older brother was hairy, so that he could hide and not see his father, and so she sent him. The father, thinking that this was really the elder, after eating, blessed him. Then, when the blessing is over, the eldest son comes and brings game. Seeing what had happened, he (in despair) screamed and wept.

Watching what a good effect it produces and not telling the whole story to the end, you understand how much you can get from it. First of all, children will feel fear and respect for their fathers, seeing how they are fighting for their father's blessing, and they would rather be subjected to a thousand blows than hear the parent's curse. Then it is clear from this that the womb must be neglected: for it must also be said that he did not receive any benefit from being the firstborn and elder, because because of the intemperance of the womb he sold the superiority of his birthright.

Then, when he has firmly grasped this, on some other evening ask him again: "Tell me the story of those two brothers." And if he starts talking about Cain and Abel, stop him and say: "I'm not asking for this one, but for the other two, where the father blessed." And others, give him instructions, but do not name names yet. When he has told everything, add to this what follows, and say: “Listen to what happened after that. He strove, like the former, and this one to kill his brother and waited for the death of his father. The mother, having recognized and frightened, forced her son to flee. Then follows a deep teaching that surpasses the mind of a child, but with due condescension, it is possible to plant it in a childish, not yet strong mind, if you change the story, let's say this: “This brother came to a certain place, having no one with him - not a slave, no breadwinner, no tutor, no one else. Arriving at this place, he prayed and said: “Lord, give me bread and clothes and save me.” Then, having said this, he fell asleep from sadness. And he saw in a dream a ladder from earth to heaven and the angels of God ascending and descending, and God himself standing on top of it, and said: "Bless me." And he blessed and named him Israel.”

There are other gates, more beautiful than those, but difficult to guard - the gate of the eyes, because through them the soul opens to the sky and has beauty.

Here both the educator and the servant must make especially great efforts. Show him another beauty and raise his eyes there: for example, the sky, the sun, the stars, earthly flowers, meadows, the beauty of books, let him enjoy the view of all this. There are many others that do not carry harm in themselves.

Let him constantly listen to everything about Joseph, let him in general study what belongs to the Kingdom of Heaven, what reward awaits the abstemious.

If he is especially accustomed to not speaking obscene things, he will from the very beginning possess the required modesty. Talk to him about the beauty of the soul.

... There are other gates, not similar to those, but passing through the whole body, which we call sensation and consider closed, but when they are open, they let everything in. Let us not allow him to touch either soft garments or bodies. Let us make them (the gates) firm. After all, we are raising a wrestler, think about it! Therefore, let him not use soft bedding and clothes. And let this be our rule.

Let's move on to the power part - to the will. It should not be completely cut off from a young man, nor should it be allowed to manifest itself in all cases, but let us educate them from an early age so that when they themselves are subjected to injustice, endure it, but if they see someone offended, then bravely come out on help and adequately protect the victim.

When he gets angry, remind him of his own shortcomings. Let him be neither pampered nor wild, but courageous and meek. For often he will need the help of anger, for example, if he himself will have children or become master over slaves. Everywhere anger is useful, and only there it is harmful only where we defend ourselves. Therefore, Paul himself never used it, except in defense of the offended. And Moses, seeing the offended brother, took advantage of anger, and very nobly, being at the same time more humble than all people; he himself, when he was offended, did not defend himself, but fled. Let him listen to stories about this too, because when we were still decorating the gates, we needed those simpler stories, but now, when, having entered inside, we educate citizens, the time has come for these, more sublime (stories). Let him have one rule - being offended or suffering evil, never defend himself and never leave without the help of another subject to this.

The father himself will become much better, while he teaches this, and he will educate himself for no other reason than not to corrupt by his own example; in doing so, he will transcend himself.

Let him (the child) learn to be neglected and contemptible. Let him not demand anything from the slaves, as is characteristic of the free, but in most cases let him serve himself.

Tell him: "If you see that a servant has lost his style or a reed pen is broken, do not be angry and do not scold, but be compassionate and merciful." Starting small, he can then endure even more serious losses when the leather case near the tablet (for writing) or the copper chain is lost. For children can hardly endure such losses and would rather give their soul than leave this loss unpunished. Therefore, let their anger be subdued at this time. After all, you are well aware that one who is calm and meek in these circumstances, becoming an adult, easily endures any loss. And do not buy him what he lost right away, just to extinguish his passion, but when you see that he no longer asks and does not worry, then save him from embarrassment.

This is not trifles, we are talking about the dispensation of the universe! Raise him in such a way that he would give preference to his younger brother, if he has one, and if not, then to his servant - as this also applies to great wisdom.

With this, tame his anger so that good thoughts grow in him, because when he is not upset by anything, suffers a loss, does not need servants, does not become indignant, seeing that honor is being given to another, then what else remains, from which one can become angry. .

There is another thing: let him learn to pray with all diligence and contrition. And don't tell me that the child can't take it. For we see many such examples among the ancients, such as, for example, Daniel, as Joseph. Don't tell me that Joseph was seventeen years old, but think about how he attracted his father to him more than his older brothers. Wasn't Jacob the younger? And Jeremiah? Was not Daniel twelve years old? And Solomon, was he not twelve years old when he said that wonderful prayer; Didn't Samuel educate his teacher while he was still young? So, let's not despair, for the one who is immature in soul and not in age does not accept this. Let him be brought up to pray with great contrition and at night, as far as it is possible for him, to stay awake (in prayer), and in general, let the image of a holy man be imprinted in the child. For he who does not seek to swear, does not repay injustice with injustice, does not swear, does not hate, fasts and prays, receives no small motive for temperance from all this.

There is another thing: we move on to what is most important, on which everything is based. What is this? I mean mind. A lot of work is needed to make him understandable and drive out all kinds of unreason. For this is especially the greatest and most amazing part of wisdom: to know what relates to God, about everything that is there - about Gehenna, about the Kingdom: “The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord” ().

So, let us establish and develop in him such a reasoning that he understands human affairs: what wealth, fame, power mean, and that he knows how to neglect them and strive for the highest. And let us engrave in his memory this advice: “Child, fear God, and besides Him, fear nothing else.”

This will make him a reasonable and pleasant person: for nothing interferes with reason to such an extent as these passions. The fear of God is sufficient for wisdom and for having a proper and correct judgment in human affairs. For the pinnacle of wisdom is not to be carried away by childishness. Let him learn to regard money, human glory, power, death, and this (temporary) life as nothing, and in doing so, be reasonable. If, however, experienced in all this, we introduce him into the bridal chamber, think what a gift he will be for the young wife.

Let the mother also learn to educate her maiden in these rules, turning away from luxury and from ornaments and from everything else that is characteristic of harlots. Let everything be done according to this law: let both the young man and the girl turn away from effeminacy and drunkenness. And this is of great importance for temperance: for young men are annoyed by passion, but by girls, love of dress and vanity. Let us overcome all this and thereby be able to please God by raising such fighters so that both we and our children receive the blessings promised to those who love Him, by the grace and love of mankind of our Lord Jesus Christ, to Him and with Him to the Father and the Holy Spirit, power, honor and glory. now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

Even if everything we have was well-organized, we will be subjected to extreme punishment if we neglect the salvation of children.

The corruption of children comes from nothing else, but from the insane attachment (of the parents) to worldly things. Paying attention only to this one thing and not wanting to consider anything higher than this, they necessarily already neglect children with their souls. Of such parents, I would say that they are even worse than child murderers: they separate the body from the soul, and these both together plunge into the fire of Gehenna.

We have no excuse when our children are depraved.

Parents will be punished not only for their sins, but also for the harmful influence on their children, whether they have time to bring them to a fall or not.

Leaving aside all excuses, let us try to be fathers of valiant children, builders of Christ's temples, trustees of the heavenly warriors, anointing and arousing them, and assisting them in every way for their benefit, so that we too can be partners in their crowns.

This upsets the whole universe that we neglect our own children: we take care of their acquisitions, but we neglect their souls, allowing an extremely crazy deed.

It is not enough only to give or offer admonition, but it must protect with much fear in order to stop the frivolity of youth.

During life and death, let us tell our own children and convince them that great wealth, and an infallible inheritance, and a carefree treasure are the fear of God, and let us try to leave them not money that perishes, but godliness that remains and is not expected.

If fathers carefully (Christianly) brought up their children, then there would be no need for trials, deprivations and punishments, or public murders.

Let us not take care to collect wealth and leave it to children; let us teach them virtue and ask them blessings from God; this, this is the greatest treasure, inexpressible, inexhaustible wealth, bringing more and more gifts every day.

Not one birth makes a father, but a good education; not bearing in the womb makes a mother, but a good upbringing.

If the children born by you receive a proper upbringing and are instructed in virtue by your care, then this will be the beginning and foundation of your salvation, and, in addition to the reward for your own good deeds, you will receive a great reward for their upbringing.

The (children's) age is tender, he soon assimilates what he is told, and, like a seal on wax, what they hear is imprinted in the soul of children. Meanwhile, their life then already begins to incline either to vice or to virtue. Therefore, if at the very beginning and, so to speak, on the eve of turning them away from vice and directing them to a better path, then in the future this will already turn into a habit and, as it were, into nature, and they will no longer so conveniently evade for the worse, because the skill will attract them to good deeds.

Do you want your son to be obedient? From childhood, educate him in the punishment and teaching of the Lord. Do not think that listening to the Divine Scriptures is too much for him.

Strive to teach (son) to despise the glory of present life; from this he will be more glorious and famous.

If you educate your sons, they in turn will educate theirs, and these will again teach theirs; continuing in this way until the coming of Christ, this work will bring all the reward to him who served as the root.

From "A Word on the Education of Children":
I beg and implore you, beloved, let us take great care of our children and take every possible care of the salvation of their souls. Imitate the blessed Job, who, even fearing their transgressions in thought, offered sacrifices for them and showed great concern for them; imitate Abraham, who also bothered not about money and estates, but about divine laws, how to pass on their preservation intact to posterity. And when David was dying, instead of a great inheritance, he called his son, inspired the same and said in detail that if you want, child, to live according to the laws of God, then nothing unexpected will happen to you, all things will flow with you at will and great you will enjoy security; but if you fall away from this help, then there will be no benefit to you from the kingdom and from this great power. For if piety is absent, then even those treasures that exist perish with danger and utter disgrace; if it is present, then those who are not present also come. Therefore, parents should not think about how to make their children rich in silver and gold, but about how they would become richer than all in piety, wisdom and the acquisition of virtue - no matter how much they need in many ways, no matter how they are carried away by worldly and youthful things. wishes. And that many parents endure a lot because of their children is because they do not want to flog, reason with words and grieve their dissolute and illegally living sons, which is why they often have to see how they fall into extreme troubles, are brought to court and are given to the executioners for beheading (heads). Indeed, when you yourself do not educate, when you yourself do not manage, then he, having joined the worthless and corrupt people, joining them in vice, is brought under the action of social laws and is punished in front of everyone; and after the execution comes even greater disgrace How will you finally justify yourself? Have I not left, it will be said to you (God), a child to live with you from the very beginning? I put you over him (the child) as a teacher, mentor, guardian and boss did I not give all power over him into your hands? Didn't I order him, so gentle, to process and arrange? What excuse will you get if you looked at his jumps with nonchalance? What do you say? That he is unbridled and indomitable? But you had to look at all this first bridle him when he was young and available to bridle; carefully teach him, direct him to the proper, tame his spiritual impulses when he was more susceptible to influence; then weeds had to be uprooted when age was more tender and could be uprooted more easily, then the passions left unattended would not intensify and become incorrigible.
Just as no one can count on justification and indulgence in their own sins, so also parents in the sins of their children. Those fathers who do not care about the decency and modesty of their children are child killers, and more cruel than child killers, since here it is a matter of death and death of the soul. Therefore, just as if you see a horse rushing towards an abyss, you throw a bridle over its mouth, raise it on its hind legs with force, and often beat it which, it is true, is a punishment, but punishment is the mother of salvation, so exactly deal with your children if they sin: bind the sinner until you propitiate God; do not leave him untied so that he is no longer bound by the wrath of God. If you bind, then God will not bind; if you do not bind, then unspeakable chains await him.

"On Vanity and How Parents Should Raise Children":
As soon as the child is born, the father invents everything he can, not in order to order his life, but to adorn him and clothe him in golden ornaments and clothes. What are you doing, man? Please wear it yourself, why are you bringing up a child who has not yet tasted this madness in it? Why are you putting a piece of jewelry around his neck? We need a conscientious educator who would instruct the child, and not gold. And you let his hair go from behind, in the manner of a girl, making the boy effeminate and weakening his natural strength, from the very beginning turning him into a lover of excesses and convincing him to strive for the unreasonable. Why do you arrange a strong conspiracy against him, why do you force him to be captivated by the bodily?
Many, perhaps, will laugh at what has been said, as if it were worthless things. These things are not insignificant, but, on the contrary, are very significant. A girl, accustomed in her mother's chambers to be fond of women's jewelry, when she leaves her father's house, will be malicious and difficult for her husband and demanding more than tax collectors. I have already told you that if evil becomes difficult to eradicate, it is because no one takes care of children, no one tells them about virginity, about prudence, about contempt for riches and glory, about what is proclaimed in Scripture.
So, if from the very beginning of childhood children are deprived of teachers, what will they become? For if some, fed from the womb from birth and brought up to old age, have not corrected themselves, then he who has been accustomed to such things from the beginning of his life, what monstrous thing will he not do? Now everyone makes every effort to teach their children crafts, sciences and eloquence, and no one cares about decorating their souls.
I will not cease to ask and beg that, before all your affairs, take care of the instruction of the children. For if you are afraid for the child, prove by this and you will not be left without retribution. Hear what Paul says: "If he continues in faith and love and holiness with a sound mind" (1 Tim. 2:15). And even if you know a thousand evils behind you, know that there is for you from your sins and some consolation. Raise a fighter for Christ! I am not saying that you turn him away from marriage, send him into the wilderness and prepare him for the adoption of the monastic life, I am not saying that. I would like this and I would beg everyone to accept this title, but if it seems burdensome, I do not force it. Raise a fighter for Christ, and from his childhood, who is in the world, teach him to be God-fearing.
If good teachings are imprinted in a soul that is not yet strong, no one will be able to erase them when it hardens, like what happens with a wax seal. You have a being in him that is still timid, trembling, afraid of both the look and the word, everything, anything: use your power over him for what you must. You will be the first to enjoy good fruits if you have a good son, and then God. You work for yourself.
Each of you, fathers and mothers, like artists who decorate images and statues with great care, let them take care of their wonderful works. For the painters, every day setting the picture in front of them, cover it with colors, striving for what is due. Stonemasons do the same, removing what is superfluous and adding what is missing. So you, like those who make statues, use for this all the time we have, making statues for God worthy of admiration: remove the excess, and add what is missing, and carefully observe them every day, what a natural talent they have to multiply it, what a disadvantage to eliminate it. And with special diligence banish from them every occasion for licentiousness, for the tendency to this is most harmful to the souls of the young. Best of all, before he has time to experience this, teach him to be sober, to conquer sleep, to be awake in prayer, to mark all his words and deeds with the sign of the Cross.
Consider yourself a king who has a city subordinate to you - the soul of a child, for the soul is really a city. And just as in the city some steal, while others behave honestly, some work, while others do what comes to hand, the mind and thoughts behave in the same way in the soul: some fight against criminals, like warriors in the city, others they take care of everything that relates to the body and to the house, like citizens in cities, while others give orders, like city authorities.
So lay down the laws for this city and watch closely that they are observed. Its limits and gates will be four senses, let the body be like a wall, and the entrances will be eyes, tongue, hearing, smell, if you like, and sensation. For it is through these entrances that the citizens of this city enter and exit, and through these entrances thoughts are corrupted and corrected.
Let us go first to that entrance, which is in the tongue, since it is the most lively, and before all others, let us erect doors and locks in it, not of wood or iron, but of gold that is, from the utterances of God, as the prophet says: the word God's "sweeter than honey and drops of honeycomb" (Ps. 18, II), "more valuable than gold and many precious stones." And we will teach them to be on the lips and in circulation all the time: not just occasionally and in between times, but constantly. And not only the shell of the doors must be made of gold, but they themselves must be made of gold and at the same time thick and dense, having precious stones on their outer surface instead of ordinary stones. The lock for these doors may be the Cross of the Lord, made entirely of precious stones and placed in the middle of the doors as a base.
When we have made these thick golden doors and put a lock, we will also prepare worthy citizens. What kind? Serious and pious speeches to which we will accustom the child. Let us also arrange for the complete expulsion of foreigners, so as not to mix any harmful rabble with these citizens: arrogant and swear words, unreasonable and shameful speeches, vulgar and worldly we will drive them all out. And let no one walk through these gates, except for one King. To Him alone and to those who are with Him, let these gates be opened, so that one could say about them: “Behold the gates of the Lord, the righteous will enter them” (Ps. 117, 20). And from the blessed Paul: “Let no rotten word come out of your mouth, but only good for edification in faith, so that it delivers grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4, 29). Thanksgiving to God let there be words and holy hymns: let them always talk about God and about heavenly philosophy.
How can we achieve this and how do we start educating them? From the fact that we will closely monitor what is happening with them, because the child can easily be attracted to such (behavior). Why? Since he does not fight with others for money and fame, he does not have care for his wife, children and home, since he is still in childhood. What, therefore, is his reason for arrogance and scolding? All the competition is with his peers.
Therefore, immediately establish a law: do not be haughty over anyone, do not insult anyone, do not swear, do not be pugnacious. And if you see that the law is being violated, punish him: when with a stern look, when with a stinging word, when with a reproach, sometimes praise him and promise a reward. Do not abuse blows, so that he does not become accustomed to this method of education for if he learns that he is constantly brought up with this, he learns to neglect it, and when he learns to despise it, then everything is lost. But let him be afraid of beatings all the time, let him not be subjected to them, let them threaten him with a rod, but do not use it. And let the threats not reach the point, but at the same time, let it not be clear to him that everything will end with threats: for the threat is then good when it is believed that it will be carried out, but when the one who committed the offense understands the intention, he will neglect it. But let him think that he will be punished, and not be punished, so that fear does not go out, let him (fear) remain like a growing flame that burns all the thorns, like a wide and sharp hoe that penetrates into the very depths. When you see that fear has done good, put it aside, for our nature needs reassurance.
Teach him to be friendly and kind. Let his mouth be sewn up for every slander. If you see him scolding anyone, silence him and turn the speech to his own misdeeds.
Persuade both the mother, the educator, and the servant to speak to the child in such a way that all together are guards and do not allow any of these bad words to be erupted from the child and from his mouth, that is, from the golden doors.
And don't prove to me that this thing takes a lot of time. For if from the very beginning you deal with it seriously and threaten it and appoint such guards, two months will suffice both to correct everything and to give it the firmness of the natural state.
And in this way, these gates themselves will be worthy of the Lord, so that neither shameful, nor mocking, nor senseless is pronounced, but only what is fitting for the Lord. For if those who educate carnal armies in campaigns teach their children to shoot with a bow, and to wear military clothes, and to mount a horse, and age is not an obstacle to this teaching, how much more those who fight in the height should be clothed in this royal robe.
So let them learn to sing psalms to the glory of God, so as not to waste time in shameful songs and inappropriate stories.
Now let's move on to the second gate. What? To those who lie near the first and have many similarities with them, I speak of hearing. If we do not allow any of the criminals and scoundrels to enter their threshold, they will cause a little anxiety to the lips for he who does not listen to the evil and shameful will not utter this.
So, let the children not hear anything inappropriate, either from the servants, or from the tutor, or from the nurses.
Let them not hear the absurd old women's fables: "So-and-so loved such-and-such." Let them not hear any of this, but listen to something else, devoid of any evasiveness and told very simply.
When a child rests from the labors of learning, and the soul willingly spends time listening to stories about the past, then speak to him, turning him away from all childishness, because you are educating a philosopher, a fighter and a citizen of heaven and tell him: “In the beginning there were two children from one father, two brothers." Then, after a pause, continue: “Those who came out of the same womb. One of them was older, the other younger. One, the elder, was a farmer, the other, the younger, was a shepherd. And he led the flocks into the valleys and to the lakes.
Make your presentation pleasant, so that the child finds some pleasure in it and it does not tire his soul. The other planted and sowed. And he decided to honor God. And the shepherd, taking the best of the flocks, offered it as a sacrifice to God. Isn't it much better to tell about this than to tell about golden-fleeced rams and magic? Then attract his attention, for the story contains something, and do not introduce anything false, but follow the Scriptures: When you offered God the best, immediately fire came down from heaven and took everything up into the heavenly altar. The older one did not do this, but retreated from it: leaving the best for himself, he offered another to God. And God did not accept it, but turned away and left it lying on the ground the same, the first ones, accepted it. Just as it happens with those who own land: one of the bringers will be honored and received by the owner inside the house, while the other will be left to stand outside so it was here. What happened after that? The older brother became sad, considering himself dishonored and surpassed in honor, and was gloomy. God said to him: Why are you upset? Didn't you know what you bring to God? Why insulted me? Why are you displeased? Why did you sacrifice the leftovers to Me? If it seems that you need to use simpler language, say: He, having nothing to say, calmed down, or rather fell silent. After that, seeing his younger brother, he says to him: Let's go out to the plain. And having seized him by cunning, he killed him. And I thought that it would hide from God. God comes to him and says to him: Where is your brother? He answers: I don't know. I am not my brother's keeper. God says to him, "Behold, your brother's blood is crying out to Me from the ground."
Let the mother sit nearby, while the soul of the child is formed by such stories, so that she also helps and praises what is being told.
So what happened after that? That (brother) God took to heaven, and after death he remains above. Let the child hear about the resurrection in such stories. For if miracles are told in myths, and a child believes, he will be all the more delighted when he hears about the resurrection and that his soul went to heaven. And He immediately took him upstairs this one, the murderer, wandered everywhere, suffering misfortunes for many years, living in fear and trembling, and suffered a lot of terrible things and was punished every day. He suffered not a simple, but an extraordinary punishment, for he heard from God that you would be on earth in fear and trembling.
The child does not know what it is, but you tell him that just as you, standing in front of the teacher and tormented by the expectation of punishment, tremble and fear, so he feared God everywhere.
It is enough for him to be told up to this point: tell it in one evening at a meal. And let his mother tell him the same thing. Then, when he hears about it many times, ask him also: Tell me a story so that he can express himself. And when he learns the story, then tell him about the benefits of it: You see what an evil gluttony, what an evil fratricide, what an evil to think that you can rob God. For He sees everything, and even what is done in secret. And if you can instill this rule alone in the soul of a child, you will not need a teacher, for this fear of God, better than any other fear, will present itself to the child and shake his soul.
Not only that, but also lead him to church, taking him by the hand, and strive to bring him there, especially when this very story is being read. And you see how he has fun, jumps and rejoices that he knows what everyone else does not know, what he anticipates, learns in advance and receives great benefit. And then this matter will be imprinted in the memory for the future.
There are other benefits to this story as well. Let him learn from you that there is no need to grieve when you endure evil. For God showed this to the child himself from the very beginning, when he accepted the one who received blessedness through death into heaven.
When this story is established in the child's mind, tell him another, for example, again about two brothers, and say: There were two other brothers, also older and younger. The older one was a hunter, and the younger one lived at home. This story will give him more pleasure than the previous one, since there are many adventures in it, and they, the children, are growing older. These two brothers were also twins. But after they were born, the mother fell in love with the younger, and the father fell in love with the older. The elder spent most of his time in the fields, the younger in the house. And one day the aged father says to the one he loved: Child, since I am old, go and cook game for me catch a roe deer or a hare, bring it and boil it so that after eating I will bless you . He didn't say anything to the younger one. The mother, hearing that the father said this, calls the younger one and says to him: “Child, since the father ordered your brother to get him game, so that after eating he would bless him, listen to me: go to the herd and, taking young and beautiful kids, bring it to me, and I will do what your father loves, and you will bring it to him so that when he eats, he will bless you.
In his old age, his father began to see badly. When the youngest brought the kids, the mother boiled them and, putting them on a dish, gave them to the child, and he brought them to his father. She put goatskins on him so that he would not be exposed, since his skin was smooth, and that of the elder brother was hairy, so that he could hide and not see his father, and so she sent him. The father, thinking that this was really the elder, after eating, blessed him. Then, when the blessing is over, the eldest son comes and brings game. Seeing what had happened, he (in despair) screamed and wept.
Watching what a good effect it produces and not telling the whole story to the end, you understand how much you can get from it. First of all, children will feel fear and respect for their fathers, seeing how they are fighting for their father's blessing, and they would rather be subjected to a thousand blows than hear the parent's curse. Then it is clear from this that the womb must be neglected: for it must also be said that he did not receive any benefit from being the firstborn and elder, because because of the intemperance of the womb he sold the superiority of his birthright.
Then, when he has firmly grasped this, on some other evening ask him again: "Tell me the story of those two brothers." And if he starts talking about Cain and Abel, stop him and say: Not this one I ask, but the other two, where the father blessed. And others, give him instructions, but do not name names yet. When he has told everything, add to this what follows, and say: Listen to what happened after that. He strove, like the former, and this one to kill his brother and waited for the death of his father. The mother, knowing and frightened, forced her son to flee. This is followed by a deep teaching that surpasses the mind of a child, but with due condescension, it is possible to plant it in a childish mind that has not yet grown strong, if we change the story, let's say this: This brother came to a certain place, having no one with him not a slave, no breadwinner, no tutor, no one else. Arriving at this place, he prayed and said: “Lord, give me bread and clothes and save me.” Then, having said this, he fell asleep from sadness. And he saw in a dream a ladder from earth to heaven, and the angels of God ascending and descending, and God himself standing on top of it, and said: 'Bless me'. And he blessed and named him Israel.
There are other gates, more beautiful than those, but difficult to guard, the gate of the eyes, because through them the soul opens to the sky and has beauty.
Here both the educator and the servant must make especially great efforts. Show him another beauty and raise his eyes there: for example, the sky, the sun, the stars, earthly flowers, meadows, the beauty of books, let him enjoy the view of all this. There are many others that do not carry harm in themselves.
Let him constantly listen to everything about Joseph, let him in general study what belongs to the Kingdom of Heaven, what reward awaits the abstemious.
If he is especially accustomed to not speaking obscene things, he will from the very beginning possess the required modesty. Talk to him about the beauty of the soul.
There are other gates, not similar to those, but passing through the whole body, which we call sensation and consider closed, but when they are open, they let everything in. Let us not allow him to touch either soft garments or bodies. Let us make them (the gates) firm. After all, we are raising a wrestler, think about it! Therefore, let him not use soft bedding and clothes. And let this be our rule.
Let's move on to the power part to the will. It should not be completely cut off from a young man, nor should it be allowed to manifest itself in all cases, but let us educate them from an early age so that when they themselves are subjected to injustice, endure it, but if they see someone offended, then bravely come out on help and adequately protect the victim.
When he gets angry, remind him of his own shortcomings. Let him not be pampered or wild, but courageous and meek. For often he will need the help of anger, for example, if he himself will have children or become master over slaves. Everywhere anger is useful, and only there it is harmful only where we defend ourselves. Therefore, Paul himself never used it, except in defense of the offended. And Moses, seeing the offended brother, took advantage of anger, and very nobly, being at the same time more humble than all people; he himself, when he was offended, did not defend himself, but fled. Let him listen to stories about this too, because when we were still decorating the gates, we needed those simpler stories, but now, when, having entered inside, we educate citizens, the time has come for these, more sublime (stories). Let him have one rule being offended or suffering evil, never defend himself and never leave without the help of another subject to this.
The father himself will become much better, while he teaches this, and he will educate himself for no other reason than not to corrupt by his own example; in doing so, he will transcend himself.
Let him (the child) learn to be neglected and contemptible. Let him not demand anything from the slaves, as is characteristic of the free, but in most cases let him serve himself.
Say to him: "If you see that a servant has lost his style or broken a reed pen, do not be angry and do not scold, but be compassionate and merciful." Starting small, he can then endure even more serious losses when the leather case near the tablet (for writing) or the copper chain is lost. For children can hardly endure such losses and would rather give their soul than leave this loss unpunished. Therefore, let their anger be subdued at this time. After all, you are well aware that one who is calm and meek in these circumstances, becoming an adult, easily endures any loss. And do not buy him what he lost right away, just to extinguish his passion, but when you see that he no longer asks and does not worry, then save him from embarrassment.
This is not trifles, we are talking about the dispensation of the universe! Raise him in such a way that he would give preference to his younger brother, if he has one, and if not, then to his servant, as this also applies to great wisdom.
With this, tame his anger so that good thoughts grow in him, because when he is not upset by anything, suffers a loss, does not need servants, does not become indignant, seeing that honor is given to another, then what else remains, from which one can become angry .
There is another thing: let him learn to pray with all diligence and contrition. And don't tell me that the child can't take it. For we see many such examples among the ancients, such as, for example, Daniel, as Joseph. Don't tell me that Joseph was seventeen years old, but think about how he attracted his father to him more than his older brothers. Wasn't Jacob the younger? And Jeremiah? Was not Daniel twelve years old? And Solomon, was he not twelve years old when he said that wonderful prayer; Didn't Samuel educate his teacher while he was still young? So, let's not despair, for the one who is immature in soul and not in age does not accept this. Let him be brought up to pray with great contrition and at night, as far as it is possible for him, to stay awake (in prayer), and in general, let the image of a holy man be imprinted in the child. For he who does not seek to swear, does not repay injustice with injustice, does not swear, does not hate, fasts and prays, receives no small motive for temperance from all this.
There is another thing: we move on to what is most important, on which everything is based. What is this? I mean mind. A lot of work is needed to make him understandable and drive out all kinds of unreason. For this is especially the greatest and most amazing part of wisdom: to know what relates to God, about everything that is there about hell, about the Kingdom: The beginning of wisdom the fear of the Lord (Prov. 1, 7).
So, let us establish and develop in him such a reasoning that he understands human affairs: what wealth, fame, power mean, and that he knows how to neglect them and strive for the highest. And let us engrave in his mind this advice: “Child, fear God, and besides Him fear nothing else.”
This will make him a reasonable and pleasant person: for nothing interferes with reason to such an extent as these passions. The fear of God is sufficient for wisdom and for having a proper and correct judgment in human affairs. For the pinnacle of wisdom is not to be carried away by childishness. Let him learn to regard money, human glory, power, death, and this (temporary) life as nothing, and in doing so, be reasonable. If, however, experienced in all this, we introduce him into the bridal chamber, think what a gift he will be for the young wife.
Let the mother also learn to educate her maiden in these rules, turning away from luxury and from ornaments and from everything else that is characteristic of harlots. Let everything be done according to this law: let both the young man and the girl turn away from effeminacy and drunkenness. And this is of great importance for temperance: for young men are annoyed by passion, but by girls, love of dress and vanity. Let us overcome all this and thereby be able to please God by raising such fighters so that both we and our children receive the blessings promised to those who love Him, by the grace and love of mankind of our Lord Jesus Christ, to Him and with Him to the Father and the Holy Spirit, power, honor and glory. now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

Even if everything we have was well-organized, we will be subjected to extreme punishment if we neglect the salvation of children.

The corruption of children comes from nothing else, but from the insane attachment (of the parents) to worldly things. Paying attention only to this one thing and not wanting to consider anything higher than this, they necessarily already neglect children with their souls. Of such parents, I would say that they are even worse than child murderers: they separate the body from the soul, and these both together plunge into the fire of Gehenna.

We have no excuse when our children are depraved.

Parents will be punished not only for their sins, but also for the harmful influence on their children, whether they have time to bring them to a fall or not.

Leaving aside all excuses, let us try to be fathers of valiant children, builders of Christ's temples, trustees of the heavenly warriors, anointing and arousing them, and assisting them in every way for their benefit, so that we too can be partners in their crowns.
This upsets the whole universe that we neglect our own children: we take care of their acquisitions, but we neglect their souls, allowing an extremely crazy deed.

It is not enough only to give or offer admonition, but it must protect with much fear in order to stop the frivolity of youth.

During life and death, let us tell our own children and convince them that great wealth, and an infallible inheritance, and a carefree treasure are the fear of God, and let us try to leave them not money that perishes, but godliness that remains and is not expected.

If fathers carefully (Christianly) brought up their children, then there would be no need for trials, deprivations and punishments, or public murders.

Let us not take care to collect wealth and leave it to children; let us teach them virtue and ask them blessings from God; this, precisely this is the greatest treasure, inexpressible, inexhaustible wealth, bringing more and more gifts every day.

Not one birth makes a father, but a good education; not bearing in the womb makes a mother, but a good upbringing.

If the children born by you receive a proper upbringing and are instructed in virtue by your care, then this will be the beginning and foundation of your salvation, and, in addition to the reward for your own good deeds, you will receive a great reward for their upbringing.

The (children's) age is tender, he soon assimilates what he is told, and, like a seal on wax, what they hear is imprinted in the soul of children. Meanwhile, their life then already begins to incline either to vice or to virtue. Therefore, if at the very beginning and, so to speak, on the eve of turning them away from vice and directing them to a better path, then in the future this will already turn into a habit and, as it were, into nature, and they will no longer so conveniently evade for the worse, because the skill will attract them to good deeds.

Do you want your son to be obedient? From childhood, educate him in the punishment and teaching of the Lord. Do not think that listening to the Divine Scriptures is too much for him.

Strive to teach (son) to despise the glory of present life; from this he will be more glorious and famous.

From the instruction to teachers How should they act in the position of their rank:
Teachers of students should teach not only literacy, but also an honest life, the fear of God, because literacy without the fear of God is nothing but a sword from a madman.
Faulty and lazy and self-willed punish with rods, and sometimes with words, but with your hand to the head or otherwise how not to dare.

Some parents bring up and support their children so tenderly and weakly that they do not want to punish them for their crimes and so fearlessly and willfully let them live; others use immeasurable severity, and do their wrath and fury on them more than they punish them. Both and those and others err. Everywhere, for excess is vicious; reckless severity and mercy in every rank is condemned. This in relaxation, self-will, corruption and obvious death leads the young, by nature inclined to every evil; the other creates grief, irritation and despondency in them. Everywhere for moderation and the middle way is boasted. For this reason, pious parents should follow the middle path.

From the position of parents and children:
1. As soon as the children begin to come to their senses and understand the teaching, they should immediately pour the milk of piety into them and bring God and Christ the Son of God into knowledge: who is God, in whom we believe, and we remember His name, and we confess and pray to Him? And who is Christ, and how should He be honored? Why are we all born and baptized into this world, and what do we expect after death? Our current life is nothing but the way we go to eternity, good to prosperous, evil to dysfunctional. We are born into this world not for the sake of honor, wealth, sweet food, beautiful clothes, rich houses and other things, for we leave all this at death. But we are born in order to live piously here, and to please God, and after death to go to Him and abide in His eternal bliss. Otherwise, if we were born to this life, then we would have to stay here forever; but we see the opposite. For we are born into another life, and we enter the path of this world in order to reach it. For this sake we are baptized, and we believe in God and Christ the Son of God, and we call on His name, and we go to church and pray, that we may receive that future blessedness from Him. All this and so on must first be offered to young children, so that, as they grow older, they come to the knowledge of God and the position and hope of Christianity. From here one can look forward to good hope in a young heart, when it begins to be brought up in this way. For both evil and good are firmly rooted in the youthful heart; and what we learn in youth, in that, and having come to perfect age, we remain, like a young tree, to which the side will bow, and stands to the end. For this sake, youth needs such a pious upbringing. And when the parents themselves either cannot, or their rank does not allow them to do so, they need to look for such mentors and teach their children. Many of their children are taught foreign languages ​​and arts, but they are not taught in the matter of piety, which makes it clear that they themselves do not know this, although they are called Christians. It is useful for the sake of society and commerce and to teach foreign languages; but it is necessary to teach the sacraments of the faith, and it is necessary without fail, and “there is only one according to need” (Luke 10:42). What is in French or any other language, when the language is learned, but the heart is not taught good? The tongue flourishes well and red, but the heart is empty without faith and emits the stench of disbelief, which is distressing for both careless parents and children.
2. Since, according to the Scriptures, "the beginning of wisdom" is the fear of the Lord (Ps. 110:10), the fear of God must first be planted in young hearts; for youth, by nature inclined towards evil, is turned away by nothing more than this fear, like every man. And in order to plant the fear of God in their hearts, they often need to be reminded that God is everywhere, and is present with every person, and that no matter what a person does or thinks, he sees, and whatever he says, he hears, and for every word, deed and a bad thought is angry and will judge, and will betray sinners to eternal torment, as well as righteous and good people will be rewarded for their good deeds, and he can actually show the sinner or the evildoer, as we read about in stories, and now the same thing happens. This they first need to root, so that they not only openly, but also secretly avoid all evil, so that, like children before their parents, servants before their masters, subject to the authorities, do nothing obscene, but reverently act, as if they were before God, all watching, they would act and walk with fear and think that God is with them, and sees all their actions, and can show them when they do bad things. Although it happens that a person does not see a bad deed, but God, greater than all the world and the Judge of all, sees everything. From such a teaching and reasoning about God, the fear of God can be planted in the young, which both the elderly and the old need to remember.
3. Children who are defective should be punished by their parents. So the word of God commands them: “Do not leave the young man without punishment: if you punish him with a rod, he will not die; you will punish him with a rod and save his soul from hell” (Prov. 23:13-14). We see that God Himself loves His children, but out of love He punishes them: For the Lord punishes him whom He loves; but he strikes every son whom he receives” (Heb. 12:6). Similarly, carnal parents must follow God and punish their children out of love. For that love of the father is blind, which leaves uncorrected children without punishment; true and wise love is that which humbles their self-will by punishment. He who pities his rod hates his son; but whoever loves punishes him from childhood” (Prov. 13:25).
4. You should not use immeasurable severity in punishment, as the apostle commands: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, lest they become discouraged” (Col. 3, 21), but act in the middle way, as was said above.
5. In the image of good deeds, they represent themselves to them. For youth, and indeed every age, is better instructed to virtue by a good life than by a word; especially young children, as a rule, have the life of their parents; so that they notice in them, they themselves do it, whether it be good or bad, what they see. For the sake of which parents should both beware of temptations, and give an example of a virtuous life to their children when they want to instruct them in virtue. Otherwise, they can't do anything. For they look more at the life of their parents and imagine in their young souls than they listen to their words. Any mentor's word, connected with life, is a fair and powerful instruction, how much more parental instruction.
6. To love children and the very nature of parents attracts and convinces: even the dumb love their offspring. For the sake of it, it is not necessary to mention it, if only there was not reckless love, as was said above.
7. Parents should pray to God for their children, so that He Himself would instruct them in His fear and make them wise for salvation.
8. How harmful is the neglect of the correct upbringing and punishment of children and their parents and their children, from the above, everyone can see, and history testifies about Elijah, the priest of Israel, who, because he did not properly educate and did not punish his sons for their prejudice, and himself and his children were punished by God.

The elder did not allow children to speak against their parents, even those who had undeniable shortcomings. One man came to the old man with his mother, who was betrayed by the vice of drunkenness. The son only wanted to talk about it, as Fr. Seraphim clamped his hand over his mouth and did not allow him to utter a word. Then he, turning to his mother, said: Open your mouth and when she opened her mouth, he blew on her three times. Letting her go, oh Seraphim said: “Here is my testament to you: do not have in your house not only wine, but even wine dishes, since from now on you will not tolerate wine anymore.”
When asked whether to teach children languages ​​and other sciences, the elder replied: “What is the harm in knowing something?”

Parents have a duty to their children to exhort and convince them to a blameless and pure life, both married and unmarried by the good will of God, to observe the faith, the commandments of God and piety, and to bring prayers for them through the holy Church, and to do alms, yes The Lord will not leave His mercy, and by them the message of fate will have mercy on those who pray to Him and ask for eternal salvation.

Now I remind you of myself, smiling at your punishment of the free Alyosha. My late mother loved me passionately, pitied and wept for me; but when he finds me in eavesdropping and mischief, then, having made a decent reprimand, he deprives me of affection for the whole day and more. It was painful for her to endure such a punishment of me herself; but she, looking at the end of my life, overcame her tenderness and was guided by the wise rules of Jesus the son of Sirach regarding the upbringing of children and the fear of God that was in her heart. It’s good and your suggestion to Alyosha what he wants: should he drink tea and pray or not pray and not drink? I beg you, do not scold A.F. in front of Alyosha, so that he can read and listen to her.

In pregnancy, it is useful to read the following prayers: God, be merciful to me, a sinner, Creating me, Lord, have mercy on me, Lord, grant me to be resolved, to glorify Your name: Thy will be done!, Do with me in mercy Yours and, as you wish, arrange a thing about me. Amen.

Thanks be to God for giving you children! Your prayer for them will enrich them with good manners. Now, while they are young, you need to instill in their hearts the fear of God, keeping the commandments of God and due respect for their parents; one must also admonish about eternal torment prepared for unrepentant sinners for disobedience and transgression of the commandments of God. In order to bring up children in piety, parents must have vigilant watch and labor. Parents have to give an answer before the Lord about the behavior of their children until their age.

Do not let your daughter clap, below with your finger. This is extremely harmful to the morality of both the daughter and the mother. There is the old good, but there is also the old bad; bad is not to be imitated. Buy yourself a book "Teachings of the Monk Abba Dorotheus", who was engaged in the education of young monks with excellent success. This book will be an excellent instruction for yourself and for the upbringing of your daughter. Read a book and study it. Know that more than all your instructions with words, your life will be the most powerful instruction for your daughter.

Protect your son from poisonous heretics. Do not be afraid of censures from him for the lack of fatal, excessive secularism; fear that formidable utterance of the Lord, which awaits parents at the Last Judgment of Christ for raising children for eternal perdition; fear those desperate and useless tears and curses on parents that children will then utter, raised for hell.

You are embarrassed by the fate of children. What to do? Almost the total tribute of all parents is the same today. The air is bad, and bad. And I have no money to help. Prayer is one, but its acceptability is cut short by the indignation of faith. It would be good if you could arrange the children so that they would say what perplexes them and pushes them away from faith, or if you manage to somehow extort from them what is stuck in their heads and hearts. Then one could gradually lead them to the wrongness of what they heard again and the rightness of what they knew from time immemorial. Every way I think, parents do not interfere with this aspect of touching on the misfortune that threatens their children. May the Lord bless their undertakings!

Whoever lives in a family is saved from family virtues. But the point is not to present everything in an excellent way, but to do everything in your power
That in institutions children are not the same already what to do? Time is wise. With all that, one cannot think that everything (good) inspired by him was lost or lost. Everything remains and will bear fruit in due time. You do not leave yours, by what you can, helping them not to completely go astray, and success is all from the Lord. Pray more help those in need more by believing their children in their prayer. This prayer is powerful.

To admonish children is the duty of parents, it has become, and yours. And be afraid of what? The word love never irritates. Commander only does not produce any fruit. In order for the Lord to bless the children to avoid dangers, one must pray day and night. God is merciful! He has many means of preventing which we would not even think of. God rules everything. He is a wise, all-good and all-powerful Ruler. And we belong to His Kingdom. Why be discouraged? He will not let His own be hurt. One thing you need to take care of, so as not to offend Him, and He did not strike you out of His number.

Grieve for children. That's why you are a mother to grieve about children. But add prayer to mourning And the Lord will make the children happy. Remember the mother of Blessed Augustine. I cried, I cried, I prayed, I prayed! And she begged and cried that Augustine came to his senses and began to be as he should be.
Don't worry too much about your son. What is the temper, look, and then life will make you cross yourself. What loves acquisitions is not a big trouble. It will be more gradual. It is impossible not to have, because one must eat, drink, have shelter, and so on. Hope should be placed on God only when you have property, part should be given to the poor. Teach him to give a penny to the poor, even on Sundays only. Start with this and move on.
And do not bother with prayer, you can get bored. Advise him to pray at least a little in the morning and in the evening, without reading any prayers, but in this way, wisely raising his eyes to God. In the evening thank God for the day, in the morning ask about the day in your own words, as you know, if only by deed. And that's enough. Bows three to five with such thoughts. And in the daytime, sometimes let him turn to God with a short prayer: “Lord, have mercy; bless, Lord. This is no longer needed. Is it difficult, tell him. Well, then give me comfort
The youth wants to live on earth and in an earthly way. After all, it is impossible without it, because we are earthly. Just do not forget that on earth we are for a time, and a short one, it became, although earthly, but not for the earth received being.

Children's alienation marvelous. But see if it's your fault. If you are either reading or doing needlework, but you do little with your children, so that they do not see affection from you, then what is wonderful that they are alienated from you? ..
You cannot save your soul alone. Care for children, affection for them, maternal tenderness, silent admonition also have an urgent part in this.

God, who is rich in mercy, could enrich everyone if it were useful, but He works otherwise according to the all-wise and incomprehensible fates for us, before which we must humbly revere and submit with thanksgiving. Give children a good moral upbringing, and when they are worthy and useful to them, God is able to enrich them or give them what is necessary and content.

We read daily in prayer: Our Father, and ask: Thy will be done; it is necessary that not only words be uttered, but that our will and reason agree with them. Childbearing is a blessing of God given to people, how are you going to reject or destroy it? In this there is no doubt that it is tiresome for you to have care for children, but even in this you have God's help, and labor and fatigue will serve you for salvation, for Scripture says: A woman for the sake of childbearing will be saved (1 Tim. 2, 15). It is better to surrender to the will of God and consider childbearing a blessing of God, thanking Him for this, and not grumbling, then the Lord will facilitate your work, and if it is His will, then it will stop without any means.

I heard that you intend to send your son to B-v for training in trade and for some better education, and so that part of your nephews belongs to you. In my opinion, for your son, education is enough to be a good Christian, a kind person, a respectful son, remember the temple of God, pray to God, honor the servants of the Church of God, pastors, listen to their teachings, work for the benefit of others and your own, offend no one, keep sobriety, chastity, and all of these to be performed with humility. This is true enlightenment for him.

About the preservation of Orthodoxy in your children try to instill this teaching and pray to God for this. Unfortunately, nowadays people speak and write so freely everywhere about religion, not to creation, but to doubt; sensuality takes possession, and the younger generation is more inclined to freedom, and not to curbing the senses, and the mind gives freedom, although it is darkened. But by the way, there is no need to despair, but to ask God to save their young hearts from freethinking, and try to inspire them yourself, according to the concepts of their age, about the Orthodox Church and piety: what is written in a young heart, then in adulthood it will be more affirmed, like on a young the written words in the ripe fruit are more clearly depicted. When going to church with them, you can slightly say what the church means and Whom they serve in it the Most High God, our Creator and that He knows and sees what we not only do and say, but also think. Good deeds are rewarded, and bad deeds are punished. Often or rarely, it is necessary to take them with you to church at the discretion of their location, and sometimes by conviction, and even more so on major holidays you need to take them with you. Your son showed in practice his zeal for our monastery, he established the collection of alms from his relatives, and we will soon receive the three rubles and fifty kopecks of silver sent to him. The Lord bless his young heart to the knowledge of the truth and to the love of God; but love is born from fear: “by the fear of the Lord everyone turns away from evil” (Prov. 15, 27) and not to dream that we do good from love, and “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Prov. 1, 7). And on all your children, on N. N. and on you, may the Lord send His blessing and give peace, health, prosperity and salvation.

Precisely, in modern times it is difficult to preserve youth from the stormy stream of freethinking that has spilled over the face of the earth and drowns the human mind, darkened by unbelief, in muddy waters. But with the help of God, sow on their hearts the seeds of the Orthodox faith, water them with the fear of God, which leads to love through the fulfillment of the commandments of the Lord. Their seeds of piety sunk into the young soil of their hearts, perhaps, in time will bear fruit in the holiness of the firmness of the Orthodox faith. Try to prevent them from reading books contrary to the truth; the young mind is capable of receiving all sorts of impressions. And most importantly, pray to the Lord that He save them from the arrows and temptations of the enemy, and entrust them to the protection of the Mother of God.

A difficult question about children: when they are in the circle of relatives and peers, should they be allowed to play cards and dance? I don't know how to solve this. What has become the custom of secular appeals is difficult to resist when conferring with the world. You just need to be a confessor, enduring reproach, ridicule and contempt. But to allow from a young age to cards this can eventually turn into a habit and even a passion; also dances, which one wise preacher called "Herodiadin's art" and which the world considers an innocent pleasure in society, but in essence they are sinful. As much as possible, it is necessary to inspire children that both are harmful to them; but they, looking at other children exercising in these amusements, will either envy them or condemn them, and consider themselves the best of them. And here it is appropriate to have wisdom, but not with your mind, but to pray Lord, may He give you wisdom on how to act in the upbringing of children, and may he preserve them from the corrupting spirit of the harmful customs of the world.

At present, it seems, more than ever, those who want to live a pious life are surrounded by all sorts of inconveniences and difficulties. It becomes especially difficult to conduct the work of raising children in the Christian spirit and in the rules of the holy Orthodox Church. In the midst of all these difficulties, one thing remains for us: to resort to the Lord God, earnestly ask Him for help and admonition, and then, for our part, do everything that we can, according to our extreme understanding; leave everything else to the will of God and to His providence, not being embarrassed if others do not act as we would like.

You are burdened by the concern of how to give your children a Christian upbringing, and express this concern as follows: Every day I see from experience that I do not have enough firmness to fulfill my duty in conscience, and I feel very incapable of forming a person’s soul in the image and likeness of the Divine teaching . The last thought is expressed very strongly and relates more to the assistance and help of God, but it will be enough for you if you take care to raise your children in the fear of God, instill in them the Orthodox concept and protect them with well-intentioned instructions from concepts that are alien to the Orthodox Church. Whatever good you sow in the souls of your children in their youth may then vegetate in their hearts when they come to mature courage, after bitter school and modern trials, which often break the branches of a good home Christian upbringing. The experience approved for centuries shows that the sign of the cross has great power on all the actions of a person, throughout his entire life. Therefore, it is necessary to take care to instill in children the habit of making the sign of the cross more often, and especially before eating and drinking, going to bed and getting up, before leaving, before going out, and before entering somewhere, and so that the children make the sign of the cross not carelessly or casually. fashionable, but with accuracy, starting from the brow to the chest, and on both shoulders, so that the cross comes out right.

You write: “I wish my husband and I would avoid that pernicious disagreement in the matter of education, which I see in almost all marriages.” Yes, this thing is really tricky! But you yourself have noticed that it is not useful to argue about this in front of children. Therefore, in case of disagreement, it’s better to either evade and leave, or show as if you didn’t listen, but don’t argue about your different views in front of the children. Advice about this and reasoning should be in private and as calmly as possible, so that it is more real. However, if you manage to instill the fear of God in the hearts of your children, then various human whims cannot act so maliciously on them.
At the end of your letter, you write that you are concerned about the time of a difficult birth, and that it worries and frightens you so much that this prevailing thought prevents you from enjoying every good thing in life, and therefore you want to have some kind of prayer for yourself in support. There is an Orthodox tradition that in these cases they resort to the Mother of God, by the name of the Feodorovskaya icon. Exchange or write yourself this icon, the celebration of which happens twice a year: March 14 and August 16. If you wish, on the eve of these days in the evening you can perform a home vigil, and on the very day, a prayer service with an akathist to the Mother of God. With diligence, you can do this at other times as you wish. You can daily pray to the Queen of Heaven yourself, reading to Her at least twelve times a day: “O Virgin Mary, rejoice,” even with bows from the waist. Read the kontakion to Her as many times: “Not imams of other help, not imams of other hope, except for You, the Lady. Help us, we hope in You and boast in You: For we are Your servants: let us not be put to shame.

Write that you notice dryness or little feeling and other shortcomings in your son. But in childhood, in general, not many people have a true, real feeling, but for the most part it manifests itself at a more mature age, already when a person begins to understand more and experiences something in life. Moreover, an excess of inner feeling imperceptibly serves as a reason for secret exaltation and condemnation of others, and a lack of feeling and dryness involuntarily humbles a person when he begins to understand this. Therefore, do not be much upset that you notice this shortcoming in your son: in time, perhaps, the inevitable trials in life will awaken in him the proper feeling; but just take care to convey to him, as far as possible, sound ideas about everything in accordance with the teachings of the Orthodox Church. You write that you yourself have studied with him up to now and gone through the sacred history of the Old Testament with him, and ask how and what to teach him and whom to choose for this. Having gone through the Old Testament with him, you yourself must finish this work, that is, go over to the New Testament, and then begin the catechetical teaching. You are afraid that the dryness of the Catechism will not add warmth to it. The Catechism does not add warmth to anyone, but it is enough that the children have the correct understanding of the dogmas and other subjects of the Orthodox Church. If you want the Orthodox teaching to act on the heart of your son, then read with him the "Orthodox Confession" and "School of Piety", and let the teacher of the law teach him according to the Catechism adopted in educational institutions.

Before confession, you yourself will take care of your son and prepare him for this sacrament as best you can. Make him read the commandments with an explanation before confession. Regarding the correction of his shortcomings, in general, you can sometimes say to him in a half-joking tone: “You are a young prince, do not hit your face in the dirt through such actions.” You write that you are deeply convinced that there is no other source of prosperity for a person on earth and eternal bliss in heaven, except for the Church of Christ, and that everything outside of it is nothing, and you would like to pass on this conviction to your children, so that it would be, as it were, their secret life ; but it seems to you that you have no calling to teach and cannot speak with due force of conviction about this great subject. As a loving mother, pass on information about these subjects to your children as best you can. No one can replace you in this, because you should first explain to others your concepts and desires, and, moreover, others do not know your children and their spiritual disposition and needs; and, moreover, the words of the mother can affect them more than the word of a stranger. The instructions of others act on the mind, and the instructions of the mother on the heart. If it seems to you that your son knows a lot, understands a lot, but feels little, then, I repeat, do not be upset by this either. And pray about this to God, may he arrange something useful about your son, like a message. You write that he has an excellent memory; use this too. Give him, in addition to instructions, soulful stories and ask him from time to time so that he repeats to you as he remembers and understands. Everything that he hears from you will first be stored in his memory and mind, and then with the help of God, with the help of experiences in life, he can pass into feeling. You complain that your mother distracts you from your studies with your son. You can explain to her directly that the benefit of your son requires that you deal with him, and she, as a reasonable grandmother, of course, should condescend to you in this without chagrin. I repeat: invoking God's help, act on what has been said, as best you can, as the Lord will enlighten you and as you can, without hesitation and without fear.

My opinion regarding reading is such that, first of all, the young mind should be occupied with sacred history and the reading of the lives of the saints, by choice, imperceptibly planting in it the seeds of the fear of God and the Christian life; and it is especially necessary, with the help of God, to be able to impress on him how important it is to keep the commandments of God and what disastrous consequences come from breaking them. All this is to be deduced from the example of our forefathers, who ate from the forbidden tree and were expelled from paradise for that.

Krylov's fables can be left for the time being, but for now, engage the child in learning by heart some prayers. Creed and selected psalms, for example Alive in the help of the Most High, The Lord is my enlightenment, and the like. The main thing is that the child should be busy according to his strength and directed towards the fear of God. From this, everything good and good, as well as, on the contrary, idleness and not instilling the fear of God in children are the cause of all evils and misfortunes. Without instilling the fear of God, no matter what you do with children, it will not bring the desired results in terms of good morality and a well-ordered life. When the fear of God is instilled, every occupation is good and useful. Special subtleties and precautions on this subject are not entirely appropriate. It is necessary to conduct business more simply, with the hope of God's help, which we must always ask for the prayers of our blessed father (Macarius).

Now I hear that you grieve beyond measure, seeing the suffering of your sick daughter. Indeed, as a human being, it is impossible not to grieve a mother, seeing her little daughter in such suffering and suffering day and night. Despite this, you must remember that you are a Christian who believes in a future life and a future blessed reward not only for labors, but also for arbitrary and involuntary sufferings, and therefore you must not foolishly faintheartedly and grieve beyond measure, like pagans or unbelievers, who do not recognize either future eternal bliss or future eternal torment. No matter how great the involuntary sufferings of your little daughter S., nevertheless they cannot be compared with the arbitrary sufferings of the martyrs; if they are equal, then she will receive a blissful state in paradise villages equal to them. However, one should not forget the tricky present time, in which even small children receive spiritual damage from what they see and from what they hear, and therefore purification is required, which does not happen without suffering; spiritual purification for the most part occurs through bodily suffering. Let's assume that there was no mental injury. But still, one should know that heavenly bliss is not granted to anyone without suffering. Look: do the smallest babies pass into the next life without illness and suffering? However, I am writing this not because I would wish the death of the suffering little S., but I am writing all this, in fact, to comfort you and for correct admonition and real conviction, so that you do not mourn unreasonably and beyond measure. No matter how much you love your daughter, know that our All-merciful Lord loves her more than you, Who provides for our salvation in every way. Of His love for each of the believers, He Himself testifies in the Scriptures, saying: “If a woman also forgets her offspring, I will not forget you.” Therefore, try to moderate your sorrow for your sick daughter, casting this sorrow on the Lord: as He wills and is pleased, so He will do with us according to His goodness. I advise you to bring your ailing daughter to a preliminary confession. Ask your confessor to question her more prudently during confession.

You are obliged to teach children, and from children you yourself must learn, according to what was said from the Lord Himself: Unless you are like children, you will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. And the holy Apostle Paul interpreted it this way: Do not be children of intelligence, but be childish in malice; minds be perfect.

One day someone came to him in great grief that his only son, in whom he placed all his hope, was expelled from the educational institution. Are you praying for a son? the elder suddenly asked him. “Sometimes I pray,” he answered haltingly, “and sometimes I don’t.” Be sure to pray for your son, pray fervently for him: great is the power of parental prayer for children. At this word, the inconsolable father, who hitherto was not very zealous in prayer and in the church, began to resort to the Lord with all his heart and pray for his son. And what? After some time, circumstances changed, the boy was admitted to the institution and successfully completed the course there, to the great consolation of his father, who always remembered Fr. Anthony and told him, saying that this simple word of the God-wise elder alone gave him the greatest spiritual benefit for the rest of his life.

Anyone who looks at our modern times from the perspective of the normal life that people led in former times cannot but be struck by how far from the norm life has become now. The concept of authority and obedience, decency and politeness, behavior in society and in private life - everything has changed dramatically, it has become upside down. This abnormal life can be described as spoiled, spoiled. From infancy, a modern child is treated like a family god: his whims are satisfied, desires are fulfilled, he is surrounded by toys, entertainment, comforts, he is not taught and brought up in accordance with the strict principles of Christian behavior, but is allowed to develop in the direction in which he tends wishes It may not happen in all families and not all the time, but it happens often enough to become the rule of modern child-rearing, and even the best-intentioned parents cannot entirely avoid it. If parents try to raise a child in strictness, then relatives and neighbors try to do something different. This must be taken into account when raising a child.
As an adult, such a person will naturally surround himself with the same things he has been accustomed to since childhood: amenities, entertainment, toys for adults. Life becomes filled with a constant search for entertainment that is so devoid of any serious meaning that a visitor from the 19th century, looking at our popular television programs, amusement parks, advertising, movies, music almost every aspect of our modern culture would think that he was in a society of madmen who have lost all contact with everyday reality.
Today, if we are trying to lead a Christian life, it is important for us to realize that the world around us seeks to completely subjugate our soul both in religion (this can be easily seen in the widespread soul-mutilating cults that require submission to a self-proclaimed “saint” ) and in worldly life Today, a person is faced not with individual temptations, but with a constant state of temptation, either in the form of ubiquitous background music, or in the form of signs and advertising on city streets. Even in a family, television often becomes a secret steward, dictating modern values, opinions, and tastes.
The call is heard everywhere: live for today, enjoy, relax, feel good. And the subtext is different, more gloomy: forget about God and any other life except the real one, drive out of your soul all fear of God and reverence for shrines.
What can parents do to help their children resist the temptations of the world?.. Daily we must be ready to overcome the influence of the world with a healthy Christian upbringing. Everything a child learns at school should be checked and corrected at home. It must not be thought that what the teachers give him is simply useful or neutral: for even if he acquires useful knowledge or skills (and most modern schools fail shamefully in this too), he will be taught many wrong points of view and ideas. A child's appreciation of literature, music, history, art, philosophy, science and, of course, life and religion must first of all come not from school, but from home and the Church, otherwise the child will receive an incorrect education.
Parents should watch what their children are taught and correct it at home, taking a frank position and clearly highlighting a moral aspect that is completely absent in public education.
Parents should know what kind of music their children listen to, what films they watch (listening to or watching with them if necessary), what language they hear and what language they speak and give a Christian assessment to all this.
In those homes where there is a lack of courage to throw the TV out the window, it must be strictly controlled, trying to avoid the poisoning effect that this main conductor of anti-Christian ideas and assessments has on young people in the home itself.
The spearhead of the world's blow to Orthodoxy is directed primarily at children. And as soon as a wrong position has been formed in a child, the task of his Christian upbringing becomes doubly difficult.
Imposed on us self-worship, relaxation, spitting, enjoyment, rejection of the slightest thought about the other world this is training in godlessness in various forms. Knowing exactly what the world is trying to do to us, we must actively defend ourselves. Alas, when you watch the life of Orthodox families in the world today and how they pass on their Orthodoxy, one gets the impression that this battle with the world is lost more often than won.
And yet we should not consider the world around us as entirely bad. We must be reasonable enough to use for our own purposes everything that is positive in it. Much of what at first glance does not have a direct relationship to Orthodoxy can be used in the interests of Orthodox education.
A child accustomed from childhood to classical music, who has developed under its influence, is not subject to the temptations of the rough rhythm of rock, modern pseudo-music, to the extent that those who grew up without a musical education are subject to them. A good musical upbringing, according to the Optina elders, purifies the soul and prepares it for receiving spiritual impressions.
A child accustomed to good literature, drama, poetry, who has felt its effect on the soul, who has received true pleasure, will not become a thoughtless adherent of modern television and cheap novels that devastate the soul and lead it away from the Christian path.
A child who has learned to see the beauty of classical painting and sculpture will not be seduced by the easily perverted modern art, will not be drawn to the tasteless products of advertising, much less pornography.
A child who knows something about world history, and especially about Christian history, about how people lived and thought, what traps they fell into, evading God and His commandments, and what a glorious and worthy life they led when they were with Him faithful, will be able to correctly judge the life and philosophy of our time and will not blindly follow the "teachers" of this age.
One of the problems facing school education today is that children are no longer taught a sense of history. It is a dangerous and fatal thing to deprive a child of historical memory. This means that he is deprived of the opportunity to take an example from people who lived in the past. And history, in fact, constantly repeats itself. When you notice this, you want to know how people solved their problems, what happened to those who rebelled against God, and to those who changed their lives, setting us a vivid example.
A sense of history is very important and should be instilled in children.
In general, a person who is well acquainted with the best fruits of secular culture, which in Russia almost always has a certain religious, Christian sound, gets much more opportunities to lead a normal, fruitful life as an Orthodox Christian than someone who converted to Orthodoxy, being familiar only with modern popular culture. culture.
That is why, in our battle against the spirit of this world, we can and must use the best the world has to offer in order to go beyond this best; all the best in the world, if we have the wisdom to see it, points to God and Orthodoxy.

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Whoever wants to zealously educate their children, educates them in great rigor and difficult occupations, so that, having distinguished themselves both in the sciences and in behavior, they could eventually receive the fruits of their labors.

(Venerable Nil of Sinai)

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

From the instruction to teachers "How should they act in the position of their rank":

• Teachers of students should teach not only literacy, but also an honest life, the fear of God, because literacy without the fear of God is nothing but a sword from a madman.

• Faulty and lazy and self-willed punish with rods, and sometimes with words, but with your hand to the head or otherwise how not to dare.

• Some parents bring up and support their children so tenderly and weakly that they do not want to punish them for their crimes and so fearlessly and willfully let them live; others use immeasurable severity, and do their wrath and fury on them more than they punish them. Both - and those, and others - err. Everywhere, for excess is vicious; reckless severity and mercy in every rank is condemned. This in relaxation, self-will, corruption and obvious death leads the young, by nature inclined to every evil; the other creates grief, irritation and despondency in them. Everywhere for moderation and the middle way is boasted. For this reason, pious parents should follow the middle path.

From the position of parents and children:

1. As soon as the children begin to come to their senses and understand the teaching, they should immediately pour the milk of piety into them and bring God and Christ the Son of God into knowledge: who is God, in whom we believe, and we remember His name, and we confess and pray to Him? And who is Christ, and how should He be honored? Why are we all born and baptized into this world, and what do we expect after death? Our current life is nothing but the path that we go to eternity, good - to prosperous, evil - to dysfunctional. We are born into this world not for the sake of honor, wealth, sweet food, beautiful clothes, rich houses and other things, for we leave all this at death. But we are born in order to live piously here, and to please God, and after death to go to Him and abide in His eternal bliss. Otherwise, if we were born to this life, then we would have to stay here forever; but we see the opposite. For we are born into another life, and we enter the path of this world in order to reach it. For this sake we are baptized, and we believe in God and Christ the Son of God, and we call on His name, and we go to church and pray, that we may receive that future blessedness from Him. All this and so on must first be offered to young children, so that, as they grow older, they come to the knowledge of God and the position and hope of Christianity. From here one can look forward to good hope in a young heart, when it begins to be brought up in this way. For both evil and good are firmly rooted in the youthful heart; and what we learn in youth, in that, and having come to perfect age, we remain, like a young tree, to which the side will bow, and stands to the end. For this sake, youth needs such a pious upbringing. And when the parents themselves either cannot, or their rank does not allow them to do so, they need to look for such mentors and teach their children. Many of their children are taught foreign languages ​​and arts, but they are not taught in the matter of piety, which makes it clear that they themselves do not know this, although they are called Christians. It is useful for the sake of society and commerce and to teach foreign languages; but it is necessary to teach the sacraments of the faith, and it is necessary without fail, and "there is one thing for the need" (Luke 10:42). What is in French or any other language, when the language is learned, but the heart is not taught good? The tongue flourishes well and red, but the heart is empty without faith and emits the stench of disbelief, which is distressing for both careless parents and children.

2. Since, according to Scripture, "the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord" (Ps. 110:10), the fear of God must first be planted in young hearts; for youth, by nature inclined towards evil, is turned away by nothing more than this fear, like every man. And in order to plant the fear of God in their hearts, they often need to be reminded that God is everywhere, and is present with every person, and that no matter what a person does or thinks, he sees, and whatever he says, he hears, and for every word, deed and a bad thought is angry and will judge, and will betray sinners to eternal torment, as well as righteous and good people will be rewarded for their good deeds, and he can actually show the sinner or the evildoer, as we read about in stories, and now the same thing happens. This they first need to root, so that they not only openly, but also secretly avoid all evil, so that, like children before their parents, servants before their masters, subject to the authorities, do nothing obscene, but reverently act, as if they were before God, all watching, they would act and walk with fear and think that God is with them, and sees all their actions, and can show them when they do bad things. Although it happens that a person does not see a bad deed, but God, greater than all the world and the Judge of all, sees everything. From such a teaching and reasoning about God, the fear of God can be planted in the young, which both the elderly and the old need to remember ...

3. Children who are defective should be punished by their parents. So the word of God commands them: "Do not leave a young man without punishment: if you punish him with a rod, he will not die; you will punish him with a rod and save his soul from hell" (Prov. 23, 13-14). We see that God Himself loves His children, but out of love He punishes them: "For the Lord punishes whomever He loves; He strikes every son whom He receives" (Heb. 12:6). Similarly, carnal parents must follow God and punish their children out of love. For that love of the father is blind, which leaves uncorrected children without punishment; true and wise love is that which humbles their self-will by punishment. "Whoever pities his rod, he hates his son; and whoever loves, he punishes him from childhood" (Prov. 13, 25).

4. One should not use immeasurable severity in punishment, as the apostle commands: "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they lose heart" (Col. 3, 21), but act in the middle way, as was said above.

5. In the image of good deeds, they represent themselves to them. For youth, and indeed every age, is better instructed to virtue by a good life than by a word; especially young children, as a rule, have the life of their parents; so that they notice in them, they themselves do it, whether it be good or bad, what they see. For the sake of which parents should both beware of temptations, and give an example of a virtuous life to their children when they want to instruct them in virtue. Otherwise, they can't do anything. For they look more at the life of their parents and imagine in their young souls than they listen to their words. Any mentor's word, connected with life, is a fair and strong instruction, how much more parental instruction.

6. To love children and the very nature of parents attracts and convinces: even the dumb love their offspring. For the sake of it, it is not necessary to mention it, if only there was not reckless love, as was said above.

7. Parents should pray to God for their children, so that He Himself would instruct them in His fear and make them wise for salvation.

8. How harmful is the neglect of the correct upbringing and punishment of children and their parents and their children, from the above, everyone can see, and history testifies about Elijah, the priest of Israel, who, because he did not properly educate and did not punish his sons for their prejudice, and himself and his children were punished by God.