How to Prepare Your Child for First Communion. Peculiarities of children's confession. But children's preparation for communion is special, individual.
“Do not leave children unattended regarding the eradication from their hearts of the weeds of sins, bad, crafty and blasphemous thoughts, sinful habits, inclinations and passions; the enemy of the human race and sinful flesh do not spare even children, the seeds of all sins are in children; present to the children everything danger of sins on the path of life, do not hide sins from them, so that, through ignorance and lack of understanding, they are not established in sinful habits and addictions, which grow and bear corresponding fruits when children come of age. St. right John of Kronstadt
Attention parents! Infants are communed during Great Lent only on Saturdays and Sundays, when the Divine Liturgy of Basil the Great or John Chrysostom is served. Infants do not receive communion at the Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts.
Repentance is the sacrament in which the believer confesses (that is, pronounces orally) his sins to God in the presence of a priest and receives forgiveness of sins through the priest from the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. It is very important to prepare children for the first confession.
The confession of children, especially those approaching this saving Sacrament for the first time, is a matter of the greatest importance. Here, in repentance, before the shepherd, the servant of God, the children open their souls and receive from him, by the power given to them from above, not only forgiveness, but also instruction in the moral life. The attitude of children to their first confession often determines their subsequent attitude to this great and saving Sacrament. When preparing children for confession, both pastors and parents should keep in mind:
Preparation for confession should be done in an atmosphere of love, meekness, with warm participation. It is clear that at this time they are coming and confessing not to one priest, but to the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. You can not allow the slightest irritability and impatience.
When preparing for confession, a parent can only talk in general terms with examples about what sin is, but not in any way indicate the sins of the child known to him, or insist on them.
It is important to explain to the child that with a completely sincere, honest, truthful confession of sins, they are completely eliminated from his soul. The Lord washes the heart and soul, and grace-filled purity reigns, and the charitable shrine of the heart is established.
Parents should know that the Church prescribes communion of children without fail with confession from the age of seven, depending on the level of development of the child and the ability to consciously analyze and confess their sins. The day of confession and Holy Communion should be a festive and joyful day for a child. Advise, offer to go to the temple, prepare for confession and communion, but in no case do not force the child. A child cannot be forced to confess. Repentance must be sincere and completely free. Otherwise, just obeying parental authority, the child will fulfill your requirements for some time, but if there is no living faith in him, a sincere desire to be cleansed of the sin committed, sooner or later, there will be a painful gap, a conflict between your parental pressure and his free will. will. If the child is especially worried and lost when approaching the lectern, you can offer him to briefly write down a list at home, so that later he can read it in confession before the priest. However, this is only a temporary aid. The free, living word during confession should not be violated or limited by this. As soon as possible, notes should be discarded.
It is important that each time confession is experienced by the child as a deep awareness of sin, combined with the joy of forgiveness from God, on condition of repentance and renunciation of sin. The mystery of confession is a great mutual shrine. Neither the confessing shepherd nor the penitent himself says anything about what was said in confession. Invading this sacrament is completely unacceptable! Therefore, assistance in preparing for confession does not in any way imply mediation between parents and a priest. When offering questions and advice regarding confession, parents should in no case try to find out the sins of their children or "what did the priest say to you when he confessed?" Even the slightest attempts and questions of this kind can break the confidence in the greatest Sacrament in the child's soul. Parents should not instruct the priest on what to ask the child. Give the confessor and confessor the grace of God, which will make them wise and instruct. If the child wants to tell something from confession, stop him and point out that confession is a sacrament that should be kept in his soul, trusting his soul to God. Everything unclear he will be able to clarify for himself at the next confession.
The following list should not be regarded as an "instruction", but as an aid to a general understanding of what sins and inclinations exist, and from them to feel the attitude to which we are called, having passed the path of repentance.
Preliminary questions:
- Do you believe in God?
- Do you know and believe that the confession made by the priest is listened to and accepted by the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, standing invisibly?
- Do you sincerely regret that by your bad deeds you have sinned before God, violated His holy commandments?
- Have you made peace with everyone, going to confession?
CHILDREN'S CONFESSION PLAN ON THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF GOD
The first commandment of the Law of God: "I am the Lord your God: and you shall not have other gods besides Me."
QUESTIONS TO A CHILD ABOUT THE COMMITMENT OF SINS AGAINST THE FIRST COMMANDMENT:
- Do you pray in the morning and in the evening, before meals and after meals, before and after every work?
- Do you believe that God sees and knows everything, not only your deeds, but also your thoughts, and secret desires, sees you day and night, at home and outside the home, in a word, always?
- Do you build your life in accordance with this faith?
- Do you believe that people were created by God and that the Lord is the Creator of the universe, although many people deny this?
- Do you love God?
- Aren't you ashamed to confess your faith in front of people? Are you giving up your faith for fear of being ridiculed by others?
The second commandment of the Law of God: "Do not make yourself an idol, any image of what is in heaven, above, and what is on the earth below, and what is in the waters under the earth: do not worship them and do not serve them."
By the second commandment, the Lord God forbids idolatry, that is, to make idols for veneration. The worship of holy icons and saints of God is not idolatry. For Christians, idolatry includes serving sins and passions: pride, satiety in eating and drinking, love for earthly riches, etc.
QUESTIONS TO A CHILD ABOUT SINS AGAINST THE SECOND COMMANDMENT:
- Don't you spend money on treats? Do you like to eat a lot without observing moderation?
- Do you violate holy fasts and fast days: Wednesdays and Fridays?
- Aren't you proud of your academic success, the wealth of your parents?
- Do not you achieve superiority among your peers? Don't you want to be considered the smartest and kindest?
- Don't you like to command, to be senior over your comrades?
The third commandment of the law of God is: "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain." The third commandment forbids pronouncing the name of God in vain, without love, reverence and prayer.
Questions to the child about sins against the third commandment.
- Do you pronounce the name of God in vain - in empty conversations and jokes?
- Do you grumble at the hardships of your parents?
- Do you envy children from rich families?
- Do you thank God in illnesses, troubles and life failures?
The fourth commandment of the LAW of God:
"Remember the Sabbath day in order to keep it holy (that is, to keep it holy): work for six days and do all your work in continuation of them, and dedicate the seventh day - the day of rest (Saturday) to the Lord your God."
By the fourth commandment, the Lord God commands us to work six days a week, and to dedicate the seventh day (in the Christian Church this day is Sunday) to serve God, to work pleasing to God. QUESTIONS TO A CHILD ABOUT SINS AGAINST THE 4TH COMMANDMENT:
- Aren't you too lazy to go to Church on Sundays and holidays?
- Do you like to be in the temple of God?
- Don't you run around the temple, don't you leave it during the service. Do you allow yourself to joke, play, laugh, talk in the temple?
- Do you like to read the Holy Gospel, spiritual books?
- Do you know the prayers "Our Father", "Our Mother of God", "I believe" by memory?
- Don't you like to spend time idly?
- Do you have an addiction to TV and movies that destroy faith in God?
- Do you strive to acquire knowledge, to study well? Do you pray that the Lord will help you in your teaching?
- Do you always study your homework with attention and diligence?
- Do you waste time at the computer in games where there is violence or killing of some heroes by others?
The fifth commandment of the LAW OF GOD: - "Honor your father and your mother, so that it will be well for you, and that you will live long on earth."
By the fifth commandment, the Lord God commands us to love our parents, teachers, elders, take care of them and be respectful to them.
QUESTIONS TO A CHILD ABOUT SINS AGAINST THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT:
- Do you honor your parents, do you insult them with rude words and disobedience?
- Do you respect your mentors and teachers? Do you allow insults or disobedience towards them?
- Do you conscientiously fulfill your duties at school and at home?
Do you respect older people? Don't you make fun of them? Don't you mimic and laugh at
crippled, crippled, sick?
Are you trying to change your bad habits?
The sixth commandment of the LAW of God is "Thou shalt not kill." By the sixth commandment, the Lord God forbids murder, and not only physical, but also spiritual, when a person teaches another person to sin. The sins against the sixth commandment include smoking and drug use, leading to the destruction of the human body, that is, to suicide.
The Church does not consider participation in the war a violation of the sixth commandment, because the soldiers defend the Fatherland. QUESTIONS TO A CHILD ABOUT SINS AGAINST THE SIXTH COMMANDMENT:
- Don't you swear with indecent words?
- Don't you hide anger or hatred against someone in your heart?
- Do you try to console your upset, saddened comrade?
- Do you torture animals? Are you killing them for fun?
- Do you love people, as the Lord commanded us?
Do you serve what you can to poor, hungry people?
- Do you quarrel with any person or peer?
- Do not you fight, do not offend, do you children who are weaker than you?
- Don't you smoke?
The seventh commandment of the LAW of God: "Do not commit adultery."
With this commandment, the Lord forbids the destruction of marital fidelity, and the Lord commands the unmarried to observe the purity of thoughts and desires.
QUESTIONS TO A CHILD ABOUT SINS AGAINST THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT:
- Do you allow impure carnal desires in your heart?
- Don't you allow such actions that you are very ashamed to tell anyone about?
- Do you have any interest in "adults only" films? Do you look at magazines and photographs with indecent pictures?
- Do you have friends who would teach you to play cards, smoke, drink alcohol? Was he a participant in these sins?
- Do you retell anecdotes, indecent stories?
THE EIGHTH COMMANDMENT OF THE LAW OF GOD: "Do not steal."
This commandment prohibits not only theft, when someone secretly takes a thing that does not belong to him, but also deceit, parasitism.
QUESTIONS TO A CHILD ABOUT SINS AGAINST THE EIGHTH COMMANDMENT:
- Didn't you secretly, without asking, take someone else's thing?
- Did you appropriate the found money, any lost item, instead of announcing to your loved ones about your find?
- Have you looked into your parents wallet? Did you take money from them without asking?
THE NINTH COMMANDMENT OF THE LAW OF GOD: "Thou shalt not bear false witness against another."
By the ninth commandment, the Lord God forbids telling lies about another person and forbids all lies in general.
QUESTIONS TO A CHILD ABOUT SINS AGAINST THE NINTH COMMANDMENT:
- Don't you have a habit of lying? Are you lying to your parents, brothers, sisters, friends?
Did he break this promise?
- Have you condemned anyone? Have you disclosed other people's shortcomings? Did he ridicule the shortcomings of his comrades?
The tenth commandment of the LAW of God:
"Do not desire your neighbor's wife, do not desire your neighbor's house, nor his field, nor his male servant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any of his cattle, nor all that your neighbor has."
The tenth commandment forbids not only doing something bad to others, but also forbids envy, bad desires and thoughts towards them.
QUESTIONS TO A CHILD ABOUT SINS AGAINST THE TENTH COMMANDMENT:
- Do you follow the purity of your thoughts and desires?
- Do you try to correct those sins that you repented of at the previous confession?
- Are you jealous of anyone?
- Wasn't he dissatisfied when someone was praised in front of you
Final questions
- Do you value time?
- Do you try to use every minute for the benefit of the soul?
- Did you prepare for communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ? Do you believe that the priest will bring out in a golden Cup in order to give you to eat from a golden spoon, (it is incomprehensible by the mind, but comprehensible only by the faith of the heart) the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ?
- Do you repent, that is, sincerely repenting, do you ask God for forgiveness of your sins?
Prayers of parents for children:
"Lord, Son of David!
Have mercy on my children (name names), may they not be carried away by the spirit of the times, worldly temptations, may they not succumb to any passion or vice. Create, Lord, that my children be useful here on earth, so that later they will be rewarded with bliss in Heaven. Amen".
"Lord Lord Almighty, be merciful to my children (name), lead them to faith and salvation, keep them under Your shelter, cover them from every crafty lust, drive away from them every enemy and adversary, open their ears and eyes of the heart, grant tenderness and humility to their hearts. Amen."
No matter how tiresome the confessions of adults are at times, the most difficult confessions for me are those of children and adolescents.
“I didn’t listen to my dad and mom, I didn’t study well, I didn’t clean the room, I had a fight with my brother, I didn’t take out the trash, I watched“ bad ”cartoons ...” - the maximum that at 7-12 years old a child “squeezes out of himself” at confession. And in older years, the content of confession practically does not change. And if he takes communion every Sunday, then every week he has to repeat the same memorized phrases at confession. No one, with rare exceptions, talks about how he behaved unworthily in the church, did not thank God, was inattentive at prayer, that is, about his relationship with God.
The situation is even worse with the confession of children from non-religious families, where there is no home prayer and the Gospel does not sound. They are brought to confession before the school year or “at the same time” during an excursion to the monastery, for educational purposes (“You, father, will enlighten him”). In any case, the motivation for confession has nothing to do with the meaning of the confession itself. As a rule, neither these children nor their parents really understand the essence of the sacrament. The child was told that the “father” needed to be told bad deeds so that “God forgave”. And that's all. Sacraments have nothing to do with real family life. As a rule, at the age of 15 you practically don’t see these children in the temple. And in adult life, only a few of them really turn to the Gospel. But how to explain to aunts, mothers and godparents who bring these children to confession that such an approach is unacceptable, children are not prepared for confession and Communion?
I consider the behavior of infants under the age of three or four years before the Chalice of Communion to be a litmus test of the spiritual atmosphere in the family. In a churched family, where monthly communion for the whole family is the norm, where the Word of God sounds, babies take communion very calmly. But then they bring another - and the "drama" begins. Weeping for the whole temple. The child fights back with both hands, turns his face away, snuggles with a whimper to the mother / aunt / grandmother who brought him: “I don’t want to!” Mom tries to forcibly turn him (her) to the Chalice, the sexton intercepts his little hands, the priest tries to hit the crooked lips with a liar, with the risk that drops of Communion will be splashed around. Persuasion is used: “this is sweet, eat a medic (juice, jam)” (at the same time, adults do not realize the blasphemy of these words). Persuasion does not work, time is delayed, and my mother also begins to get nervous. The atmosphere is heating up. And when there are several such children?.. Finally, the priest and sexton contrived... "Communion" took place! A contented mother or grandmother steps aside. And I think that now the word "communion" is probably fixed in the mind of the child with the association of something very unpleasant. Subsequently, due to age, he will forget about what happened. And the story will remain in the subconscious. And indifference to the sacrament, the perception of it as an incomprehensible, dead, rite, is perhaps provided. An excellent prerequisite for the education of religiously indifferent people, people who frankly do not love Orthodoxy. Child injured"communion", and it is good if this trauma is subsequently overcome by his personal religious experience and meeting with a good priest ... If a child experiences communion as a tragedy - I am against his communion!
But why is he behaving like this? Sometimes I ask my parents when they themselves received communion for the last time. With very rare exceptions, the answer is either "never" or "at least a year ago." What is Communion? "Bread and Wine". "Prosphora". "This is for cleansing", "Well, to be cleansed of sins." "Don't know". And I understand that between going to the temple and real life is not just a gap, but almost complete non-overlapping. But babies take communion, as they are baptized - by the faith of the parents, and by faith we mean active faith, influencing all spheres of life. In the cases described above, there is faith in the "technology of the sacraments." Faith as life in Christ is not. And, since there is no spiritual atmosphere in the family beyond the external, even if it is respectable, the child intuitively perceives the sacrament of Communion as something alien to what he absorbs in the family. And this causes in him - again intuitively - a reaction of rejection!
I know that even many priests will not accept my words, but this is my conviction: if the family is non-religious, I do not see the point in the very baptism of children.
What can be offered specifically for preparing children for confession? To answer this question, I specifically studied the experience of famous confessors. Among them are Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh, priests Maxim Kozlov, Alexei Uminsky, Fyodor Borodin, Vladimir Vorobyov, Vitaly Shinkar, Pavel Gumerov, Alexander Ilyashenko. Based on the studied material, the following recommendations have grown, which, of course, are of a general nature.
1. If the family does not have a confessor with whom there is close contact, then the main work in preparing the child for the first confessions lies with the parents. First of all, it lies in a personal example - when the parents themselves more or less regularly begin the sacraments of Confession and Communion, when the child hears how they pray, sees them fasting, reading the Holy Scriptures and spiritual literature. However, if parents understand that they do not have enough experience, it is quite natural that church godparents can help them.
2. In preparation for confession, it is important to let the child feel that he is already old enough and can evaluate his own actions. The conversation should not resemble a lesson that he must remember. He can sincerely repent only of what he himself is aware of as a wrong and bad deed.
3. It is unacceptable to tell children that God will punish. The idea of God as the Procurator will lead to a distortion of religious experience. Since God is the Father, it is natural that the idea of God is formed in the image of his relationship with his parents. And if relationships in the family are completely harmonious, built on love, respect and trust, then it will be easier to convey to the child that sin is not just a crime of the law, but something that destroys this trust and love, creates a barrier between a person and God. And just as it is natural for a child to love his parents, it is also natural for him to learn to love God.
4. Preparing children for confession is an additional motivation for parents and godparents to take care of themselves more closely.. One of the reasons why children leave the Church at a more mature age is that they are “trained” for prayer and the sacraments, but they do not see in their parents a personal relationship with God, when everything comes down, at best, to the implementation of disciplinary rules (fasting, reading the saints fathers), but there is no joy of life in Christ. Or when parents do not work on their own sins, when there are not enough harmonious, healthy relationships in the family.
5. Children are more imaginative than logical. Therefore, it is more convenient to convey information about what sin is, what sins are, using visual images, pictures, parables. For example, stories for children by Boris Ganago, songs-parables by Svetlana Kopylova, some stories from cartoons and movies that are appropriate for their age can serve as a guide. For example, Ganago has a fairy tale "Transformation", which reveals how greed and envy destroy the soul. You can pre-compile a selection of thematic material on passions (resentment, pride, cruelty) and for several days in a conversation with the child reveal one topic - he himself will then determine to what extent this sin concerns him, or, fortunately, does not concern him at all . In no case should you point out the known sins of the child. To facilitate work on oneself, you can invite the child to write down on a piece of paper what he wants to confess.
6. When preparing for confession, it is important not only to help the child see sins, but also to encourage him to acquire those virtues, without which it is impossible to have a full-blooded spiritual life. Such virtues are: attention to one's inner state, the skill of prayer. Children can perceive God as their Heavenly Parent, so it is easy for them to explain that prayer is a living communication with Him. A child needs both communication with his father and mother, and a prayer appeal to God.
8. Communion and Confession are different sacraments, and their combination depends on the spiritual dispensation of the given little man. As priest Aleksey Uminsky noted, “a child does not have to go to confession before every Communion… With us, unfortunately, a lot depends on the personal disposition of the priest. For example, one priest is set up in such a way that in no case is anyone allowed to take Communion without confession, and he doesn’t care how old the child is - 6, 7 or 15 years old ... Reasonable Christian families should look for those parishes where there is no “factory”, where it's not like no one knows anyone. After all, there are churches where everything turns into a kind of nameless faceless procedure, where parishioners go through certain stages: they came, bought candles, submitted notes, went to confession, then to Communion, that’s all, returned home. This should be avoided. It seems to me, as a priest, that the practice that exists in the local Orthodox Churches, where confession and Communion are not rigidly interconnected, seems much clearer and more useful… Where a parish has developed, where the priest knows each of his parishioners, and the parishioners regularly take communion every Sunday , for every holiday, what's the point of going through the procedure of naming the same things that are already clear? Then you need to confess every day, many times. Everything can be turned into some kind of madness. Of course, man sins every day. To do this, there is an opportunity to check your conscience - during the evening rule there is a prayer in which sins are listed. It is not necessary to name something that does not correspond to your life ... But you can replace this prayer with your own prayer, tell God about what you repent of. Remember your life for this day and sincerely repent before God ... And the child must be told that he could see how he spent today, how he communicated with his parents, with loved ones. And if there is something on the conscience, you need to ask God for forgiveness. And try not to forget it in confession…”
9. It is desirable that the child has a personal, trusting relationship with the priest. This is what communication exists for - from Sunday school to camping trips and pilgrimages.
10. Confession does not have to begin at the age of seven. As Archpriest Maxim Kozlov (Moscow State University Church) noted, “for many, many children today, physiological maturation is so much ahead of spiritual and psychological that most of today's children are not ready to go to confession at the age of seven. Isn't it time to say that this age is set by the confessor and the parent absolutely individually in relation to the child? At the age of seven, and some even a little earlier, they see the difference between good and bad deeds, but it is too early to say that this is conscious repentance ... For the majority, moral consciousness wakes up much later. But let yourself later. Let them come at the age of nine, ten, when they have a greater degree of adulthood and responsibility for their lives... The formalization of confession that occurs in a child in the modern practice of our church life is a rather dangerous thing.”
11. Before the first confession, it is advisable to agree in advance with the priest on the time of confession. The first confession requires especially careful attention. Therefore, you should not put it off for some big holiday or when the priest is loaded with something else.
12. Preparation for confession of a child begins from the time of the formation of his self-awareness. For the first religious experience, including independent prayer, children are quite ready from about the age of three. In other words, the child must learn to listen to himself. And - not to wait for confession, but right here and now to be able to say "I'm sorry." Parents, friends, sister. And most importantly, God. Again, it is important that he has this experience before his eyes from his parents, older brothers and sisters.
13. Confession must not be used as an educational tool. Such a utilitarian approach immediately betrays the "spiritual" state of those who "equipped" the child for confession. To quote the words of C. S. Lewis: “People and nations who think that faith is to bring about improvements in society may just as well use the services of the Powers of Heaven to regulate traffic.” The temptation to use Christianity for ... ( education of patriotic feelings, "obedience" to parents) is great. But a child, when growing up, will not see the main thing in Christianity - the Incarnate God, who is Love. Will he love such "Orthodoxy"? Relatives who lead a child to confession for the “moral and educational purpose” do not themselves realize that by doing so they want nothing less than that Christ “re-educate” this child in accordance with their relatives’ expectations.
14. With frequent communion of children, it is not necessary to introduce a weekly confession. It most of all leads to formalization. Children very quickly learn to say “standard”: they didn’t obey their mother, were rude at school, and got into a fight with their brother. Practically none of the children will say that he prayed and was insincere in prayer, that he has some inner questions or doubts. And after a few years, such a “churched” child will not understand at all what repentance is. Confession from some time may no longer cause any feelings. According to Archpriest Maxim Kozlov, “it would be good, after consulting with the confessor, to confess such a small sinner the first time at seven years old, the second time at eight, the third time at nine years old, somewhat postponing the beginning of frequent, regular confession, so that in no case it didn't become a habit."
15. As they grow older, it is important to convey to children that the Eucharist—this is the Blood and Body of Christ, that this is a Holy Place that cannot be approached just like that. It is very important not to turn the Communion into a weekly procedure, when they frolic in front of the Chalice and approach it, not really thinking about what they are doing. And if you see that your child is capricious before the service, behaves too freely in the temple, it is better not to take him to the Chalice. Let him understand that it is not possible to approach Communion in every state. And it’s better to let him take communion a little less often than you would like, but understand why he comes to church. It is important that parents do not begin to treat the child's communion as some kind of magic, shifting to God what we ourselves must do.
16. It will be pedagogically correct to educate in children the consciousness that service attendance and communion—not something that is forced, but a privilege — to be adopted/adopted by the Heavenly Father through the Flesh and Blood of the Son of God. No galaxy can contain God, but the human heart can contain Him. Only it must be ready to receive God into itself - and for this, work on oneself is needed. We must try to build an intra-family attitude to worship in such a way that we do not drag our youth to take communion, but he himself would want this and prepare for this high sacrament. And, perhaps, it would be better to go to the Sunday Liturgy without him, in case he refuses, if he does not want to get out of bed - so that, upon waking up, he will see that he found himself without parents, and without a church, and without the feast of God. Even though he had only come to the service for half an hour before this, to Communion itself, he still cannot but feel some inconsistency between lying in bed on Sunday and what every Orthodox Christian should do at this time. When you yourself return from the church, do not reproach your child with words. Perhaps your inner grief over his absence from the liturgy will even more effectively echo in him than ten parental urges. Or vice versa, he will see his parents happy after communion, and this will be a striking contrast with his own state, which will prompt him to follow them another time. In any case, the parents of their child at his conscious age may offer, but not force, to go to confession or Communion.
17. It is strongly not recommended to stand with the children for the entire service.. Even adults often find it difficult to maintain prayerful attention throughout a two-hour service, not to mention longer monastic ones. Naturally, this is not within the power of children. As a result, they begin to behave irreverently in the temple - run around the temple, play, act up. And thus lose the sense of the sacred. Such children often then become irreligious. They don't know what reverence is. Therefore, it is better to limit the number and time of attendance at services. It is enough, for example, to be at the service in the evening for about twenty minutes during the polyeleos, and then bring them to Liturgy in the morning, twenty minutes before communion at the age of five, and little by little, every year, this time can be increased. No matter how much a mother would like to be in the service entirely, it is better to sacrifice her desire for the sake of a child. In practice, there is another option, when one of the parents, in turn, comes to the service "for himself", the other with the children pulls himself up to the time of communion. And do not let him behave this short time in the temple freely. Some developed parishes practice a separate liturgy for children.
In many ways, the ability to reverently stand in the temple for prayer depends on the extent to which family prayers have become part of the household.
18. We must not forget that the atmosphere of a churched family is opposed by the completely non-Christian atmosphere of the school, TV, and the Internet. That his peers live with completely different views on life. And our growing little man, if he really has a good religious and moral attitude, does not always have friends and girlfriends of the same spirit with him.
It is possible to protect him from the unhealthy influence of the secular world through the development in him of skills for healthy criticality, a taste for inner freedom. According to Rev. Vitaliy Shinkar, “the task of parents is not to prepare children for confession, but to begin to reveal to them the depth of life, to teach them to understand it correctly. To instill a love for good reading, teach to understand poetry. You need to talk with children - about life, about its content, about the world around it. Do not protect them from this world, do not frighten them with the fact that there is only "satanic" around and everywhere, but give children doses of "spiritual antidote". Start by discussing with the child the meaning of the song he heard, asking: “What do you hear in it? What do you see in this book? And in this film? How do you like this character? In my opinion, he says one thing, but thinks another. Why does an artist, in order to depict evil, draw darkness? And why does light always bring clarity, and darkness hides something?" And then the child begins to see deeper and evaluate his actions precisely from this depth, peers into them. Sin for him becomes the absence of God — that same light.”
And, of course, it is necessary to carry out the feat of prayer for them. Not only with children to talk about God. But also with God - about children.
19. Regarding fasting, a skill should be instilled in it, in accordance with the child's psychology and the characteristics of the body. At first, some restrictions on food will be introduced by the parents themselves. But in general, they should set a goal for themselves, so that, as they grow, the child himself wants to limit himself in some way for the sake of God. Even if it is “just” refusing ice cream or chips, if he does it himself, then this will be a significant step in the development of personal religious experience. Again, the measure of readiness for fasting in children largely depends on the parents. It is very important that fasting is not reduced to banal disciplinary requirements, not perceived as something dull and tasteless - in every sense of the word.
20. It is advisable to celebrate the first confession and Communion in some way so that it is remembered, so that it really is a holiday for children. On this responsible day, you can dress the child and dress yourself smarter. It will not be superfluous to have a festive, although with some modesty (no alcohol for adults, no frills in sweets) table, a visit to a cozy cafeteria or something like that.
Remember that while participating in the development of the child in all its spheres - spiritual, psychological, social - we should not seek to ensure that he meets our expectations, no matter how much we want to. Our task is to prepare him for an independent adult life. And so that he himself could build his personal relationship with God.
Today, parents who bring their children to the temple, for the most part, do not have the experience of confession in their childhood. Wanting to help children gain faith in God, adults do not know how to do it. The process of churching children often turns into a formality: today we have a music circle, tomorrow we have dances, and on Sunday we go to communion. What are the most common problems and what should be avoided in particular? What is most important at the beginning of this journey? We are talking with Archpriest Alexy Uminsky.
– Father Alexy, how to properly prepare a child for confession?
A very important event in the life of a family is the first confession of a child. Therefore, it is necessary to find time and prepare at least a little bit of the child for confession. Parents who go regularly to the temple should ask the priest for a special time for the first conversation with the child.
The work of preparing for confession, even if the child does not yet confess, should be carried out by parents constantly, these are conversations about the child’s bad deeds, about conscience, about how the child should be able to ask for forgiveness in some cases. Parents should instill the skills of confession so that the child feels the moral connection between himself and the event. A child is an event, a child is some kind of sin - all this should be quite obvious in the head of a 7-8-year-old child, as well as the concept of conscience, the concept of sin.
Parents can carry out such work if the child has done some unseemly act. First, parents should explain the whole meaning of this act, call him to conscience and call on the child to ask for forgiveness from the one to whom he caused some damage, if, for example, he quarreled with his parents, neighbors, did not obey them. And then, of course, stand in front of the icon and ask for forgiveness from God.
After that, parents should carefully talk with the child, tell what confession is, what is the meaning of this Sacrament. In simple, accessible words, to say that The Lord always loves you. The child should already know that all his deeds, his actions, thoughts, the Lord sees and patiently waits for the child to want to confess his deed and correct himself.
Of course, here I should warn parents not to frighten the child with God. Often there is such a mistake from parental helplessness, from unwillingness to work hard. Therefore, to frighten a child: “God will punish you, you will receive from God for this,” is not a method. God is not to be feared in any way. I read in Jean Paul Sartre that he was frightened of God as a child. He kept thinking that whatever he did, he was always under the gaze of an unkind God.
But the question is that the gaze of God is a conscience that constantly tells you that God tells you, God guides you, God loves you, God leads you, God wants your change, your repentance. It is worth explaining to a child that God uses everything that happens to a person not to punish a person, but to save a person, to bring a person to the Light, so that a person from this moment on can change for the better.
All these important things should be laid down from childhood at least a little by the parents, and then, if the priest is attentive, he will find an opportunity to talk with the child and draw his special attention to some simple things. It is not worth demanding from a child that he begin serious spiritual work in himself. It is enough that the child will be sincere in confession and will honestly remember his own wrongdoings without hiding or hiding behind them. And the priest should warmly and lovingly receive the child and tell him how to pray, who should be asked for forgiveness, what should be paid attention to. This is the way the child grows and learns to perceive these things.
A child's confession should not be as detailed as that of an adult, although the detail of an adult's confession is also under a big, big question, because such an exhaustive detail often hides some kind of distrust of God. And then God does not know, and then God does not see!
The desire, instead of a sincere confession, to submit a list with sins recorded in detail according to the scheme, is reminiscent of how a completed receipt is submitted to the laundry - dirty linen is handed over, clean linen is received. In no case should this be the case with a child! He should not have papers, even if he writes them with his own hand, and even more so in no case with his parent's hand. It is enough that the child says one or two events from his life in order to come to God with them.
And the child does not have to confess before every communion.
And who should decide this? Priest? So that it would not be a surprise when children come to the sacrament and they are refused ...
This is the problem of families who come to the temple where they are not known.
With us, to the greatest regret, a lot depends on the personal mood of the priest. For example, one priest is set up in such a way that in no case is anyone allowed to take communion without confession, and he doesn’t care how old the child is - 6, 7 or 15 years old. I didn’t receive a pass - I don’t allow communion. Unfortunately, quite often one can run into this in our church situation. Nothing can be done here.
Therefore, reasonable Christian families should look for those parishes where there is no “factory”, where there is no such thing that no one knows anyone. After all, there are churches where everything turns into a kind of nameless faceless procedure, where parishioners go through certain stages: they came, bought candles, submitted notes, went to confession, went to Communion, that’s it, returned home. This should be avoided. We must look for a church where there is a good parish, where there is an attentive priest. If the parents are interested in taking care of the children, then everything is going well in the relationship between the priest and the child.
Here is a concrete example. One mother told me that the priest sometimes does not allow her children to take Communion, because they name few sins in confession. And every time the children begin, one might say, to invent more sins. When mom begins to advise that perhaps it is necessary to talk more about sins, they answer: “Mom, you don’t understand! The priest does not discuss subtleties and details with us, he simply requires a list of sins and that's it. And if there are few sins, then the priest says that we are not ready for Communion.”
And confession turns into a formality, or rather, into some kind of game. The game "Collect more sins." Then Communion turns into such a thing that you need to earn through some strange combination of actions, through some kind of game. This is what can be called imitation. Everything is imitated, nothing is real.
And therefore, as a priest, it seems much clearer and more useful to me that the practice that exists in the local Orthodox Churches, where confession and Communion are not interconnected in such a rigid way as we have in Russia. I understand, of course, all the problems of a huge country, a huge church, an unchurched population, for whom a detailed confession is also some kind of growing into the body of the church, an understanding of important things, confession is simply necessary at the first stage. But where a parish has developed, where the priest knows each of his parishioners, and the parishioners regularly take communion every Sunday, on every feast, then what is the point of leading them through the procedure of naming the same things that are already clear? Then you need to confess every day, many times. Everything can be turned into some kind of madness. If a person has something to say, he will come to confession and sincerely tell about it. Of course, man sins every day. To do this, there is an opportunity to check your conscience - during the evening rule there is a prayer in which sins are listed. It is not necessary to name something that does not correspond to your life, for example, mischief ... You can replace this prayer with your own prayer, tell God about what you repent of. Remember your life for this day and sincerely repent before God.
Can you say that to a child?
And the child must be told to be able to see how he spent today, how he communicated with his parents, with loved ones. And if there is something on the conscience, you need to ask God for forgiveness. And try not to forget it in confession.
Age of confession - 7 years old? Who should determine that a child is ready or, conversely, not yet ready for confession? Parents?
Parents. It all depends on the psychological state of the child. There are some children who lock themselves in confession. So, they don't need to do it yet. Small yet, not ripe.
Is it difficult for a child to admit that he is bad? If you ask a child whether he is good or bad, he will, of course, answer that he is good!
Parents are able to explain to the child: “What kind of good are you? If you did this, this, are you good? Of course, you can’t finish him off in every possible way, how bad he is, but you must say: “You are not always good, every person cannot be only good. Of course, good, but not always.
Have you read the article How to prepare your child for confession? Read also:
When we tell children about prayer, we can do only one thing for them - to teach them to comprehend prayer, that is, to make every word of it understandable to them. There is no need to think that in the lesson they will read these prayers with enthusiasm - we should not even set such a task. Prayer is always sacred.
“Be friends with this! Do not be friends with that!” Children are isolated from society, sent to an Orthodox gymnasium. But even there there are children with whom it is also impossible to be friends. There will always be a person who, in the opinion of parents, will have a bad influence on their child.
HOW TO UNDERSTAND IF A CHILD IS READY TO GO TO THE FIRST CONFESSION?
A child is not ready for confession if he cannot look at himself critically. For a priest, the unpreparedness of the child is immediately visible. If the simplest questions like: “Maybe you didn’t obey your parents?” - the child answers: “No, I always obey”, then it is immediately clear that he is not talking about himself real and sinful, but about what ideas he has about correct behavior. And this is completely normal behavior for a certain age. The child knows that he is generally good, but he still cannot understand that good people can do bad things. At five or six years old, this is a sign of normal development, since the child must live with the feeling that he is good and everyone loves him. It is much worse if the child agrees to all questions about sins and says: “I interfere with my parents, I behave badly.” This will not be a sign of repentance, but of the learned role of a bad child and low self-esteem. A child who is internally ripe for confession will answer the priest’s questions with reason: “I don’t have such a sin, I have one, but this one is very small.”
AT WHAT AGE SHOULD A CHILD GO TO CONFESSION?
Children usually go to confession from the age of seven. Sometimes the first confession of a churched child is made before the age of seven after a serious offense, which the child himself recognizes as a sin. Parents explain to the child that it is impossible to take communion with such a sin without confession, and the child himself decides to confess. In this case, until the child is seven years old, he can continue to receive communion without confession, unless another serious sin is committed. From the age of seven, children usually go to confession before each communion, just as adults do. Of course, there are exceptions - someone even at the age of six confesses very seriously, and someone even at the age of eight cannot look at himself from the outside. It is important that parents do not overdo it in the latter case, forcing the child to confess.
IS IT NECESSARY TO FORCE A CHILD TO GO TO CONFESSION?
A child cannot be forced to confess - repentance must be sincere and completely free. A child can obey parental authority, but at the same time spiritual growth will not occur in him. Having matured, the child will refuse to confess at all. Spiritual growth is much more important than the fact of confession.
HOW TO PREPARE A CHILD FOR THE FIRST CONFESSION?
You can help a child think through his first confession by talking with him about what sins can be, how we can offend God and people. To do this, you can list the main commandments of God, explaining each of them. Do not remind the child of his specific offenses, insisting that he does not forget to confess them. It is also necessary to explain to the child that reciting sins at confession is only the beginning of repentance and it is very important that he does not repeat them. It is better not to use a list of sins compiled for adults, so that what is read does not lead the child's mind ahead of time in the direction where the thought has not yet entered due to its childish purity. An unsuccessfully asked question in confession or a reading of the name of a sin may not only fail to protect the child from it, but, on the contrary, arouse in him an interest in this sin. Therefore, when talking with a child about possible sins, one must be very careful and name only the most common sins. It is possible for a child to explain those sins that he may not consider sins, for example, computer games with all kinds of “shooters”, sitting for a long time at the TV, etc. But it is not necessary for a child to talk about serious sins, hoping for God and His voice in the human soul - conscience.
For a child from seven to ten or eleven years old (before the onset of adolescence), you can use the following list of sins.
SINS IN RELATION TO THE ELDERLY. Didn't listen to parents or teachers. Argued with them. Rude to elders. Taking something without permission. Walked without permission. Cheated on elders. I was capricious. He misbehaved in class. I didn't thank my parents.
SINS AGAINST THE YOUNGER. Hurt the younger ones. Rude them. He abused animals. Didn't care about pets.
SINS AGAINST FRIENDS AND CLASSROOM PARTNERS. Deceived. Fought. Called offensive words or nicknames. Often quarreled. He did not give in, he showed stubbornness. Sneaked out.
RESPONSIBILITIES. Didn't clean the room. Didn't follow orders given by parents. Did not do or did carelessly homework.
BAD HABITS. Watched a lot of TV. Played a lot on the computer.
SINS AGAINST GOD. I forgot to pray morning and evening, before and after meals. He rarely went to confession and communed. I did not thank God for His blessings.
The listed sins are quite enough to give the child the right direction of thought, the rest of the child will be prompted by his conscience.
After the child enters the period of transitional age, the list of possible sins can be somewhat supplemented:
He cursed obscenely. Tried to smoke. Tried alcoholic drinks. Watched obscene pictures or films. There was free treatment of the opposite sex.
This list can also be limited, again hoping that the direction of thought is set, and conscience will not let you forget more serious sins.
Since children often get nervous at confession, especially if they rarely confess, it is better to invite the child to write their sins on a piece of paper, which can be used to read the sins at confession. Let him write them himself, don't take it on you! Do not be curious, do not violate the secrecy of confession, trying to find out the sins of your children, or asking them what the priest said in confession.
WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD CANNOT OVERCOME FEAR AND GO TO THE PRIEST?
Confession is made before the cross and the Gospel, which remind that God accepts confession, and not the priest, who is only a witness to confession. Therefore, one can confess both by addressing a priest and simply listing sins without addressing the priest directly. Explain to the child that the priest at the cross and the Gospel is not a judge who will decide how bad an act you have done. In the doctor's office there is a doctor who treats us, and a nurse who helps the doctor. So it is at confession: we stand at confession before God - the Doctor of our souls - and a priest who, like a nurse, simply helps to confess. Do not be afraid to turn to the priest yourself! Come before the service or after, share that your child is afraid to go to confession! And do not forget that parents should, by their example, accustom the child to frequent confession, resorting to this sacrament themselves.
According to the materials of the magazine Slavyanka.
Features of children's confession
I'll start with a case that happened at confession with a girl of seven or eight years old. She went to confession and, like many children, fell silent. “What are your sins, Mashenka (name changed)?” I asked her. Looking honestly at my face, she answered without a shadow of a doubt: “But I don’t have them.” “Well, maybe there are at least some, Marusya?” I asked. “No,” came the more confident answer than the first time. “Well, at least, Marusenka, do you repent?” “No, I don’t repent,” the girl calmly answered me.
What a joy it is to hear, see, feel the pure, true from the depths of the heart confession of this little man. "Why?" - you ask. Yes, because she told the real truth. She has no sins either in her right pocket, or in her left, or even on the table, and she does not repent of them, because there is nothing. And she does not even understand what it is “must repent”, what is “sin”.
"And what is it?" she then asked about sin. With the permission of the mother and the girl herself, and bearing in mind that someone may be interested in this case, I decided to write about it in this article. The true soul of Mashenka. The little girl said something that many, many adults (including myself, of course, in the first place) do not say because of their pseudo-shyness, forgetfulness, or even ignorance of sins.
Another example. A ten-year-old boy comes to confession, pulls out a neatly folded note from his pocket and begins to read his sins: “Pride, vanity, no love for God… I don’t sit still, I watch TV from morning till night…” Do you feel who is behind this confession? Of course, mom. This mother wrote for her son his sins. By the way, if you look around, you can see the mother herself. She stands nearby, behind his back and enjoys how the child accurately and well proofreads the sins written by her. Of course, the handwriting is childish, but everything is written from her words. After the child finished reading, I asked him for a note and, tearing it up, said: “Your mother wrote all this.” “No, father, I wrote it myself,” the child objected to me. “Of course, you wrote it yourself, but your mother dictated to you.” “Yes, it is true,” he replied. “Now tell me, Sasha (name changed), did you have any bad things? (He understands the meaning of the word “bad”.) What does your little heart tell you? Say what you can say, and if you are shy, say so: “I am embarrassed to say words, but I regret what I did.” And the boy began to list very simple sins: dropped, broke. Pride, vanity, and lack of love for God all at once disappeared somewhere. The boy repented that he did not help his mother, snapped back ... That is why I would like to appeal to the parents of young children: “Dear daddies and mommies, when you are trying to help a child prepare for confession, do not forget that he is simply due to the age of many does not understand".
And after reading a permissive prayer over the child, his mother came up to me and began to complain about her son: “You know, father, he confesses to me every month and still continues to sin. That's what a bad son I have. He cannot refuse one or the other... And he takes communion, and confesses, and still continues to sin. How many times have I told him to get better, but he didn’t.” She also told me that her son confesses insincerely. As if she had a device for measuring the sincerity of confession.
But the peculiarity of a child's confession (if the confession is really childish, and not maternal) lies precisely in the fact that it is direct, sincere and truthful, and if we support this, then the child, confessing, will change. If the truth and spontaneity with which the children speak remain in their souls, then they will correct themselves, but if they repeat, like parrots, what others tell them, the correction will be delayed.
Children are often silent in confession. The priest asks: “Well, do you at least repent?” "I don't know," the child replies. But, I think, even a silent child can be put on an epitrachelion and forgive his sins. And their silence is considered repentance.
It is very important to give the child a sense of freedom. You are free and therefore have the right to choose for yourself whether to do evil or good, and you have the right to confess as you see fit. If the feeling of freedom is suppressed in childhood by instilling in the child what and how he should say in confession, then he will become not better, but more cunning. This in itself is violence against the human spirit. When a mother or a priest, because of pseudo-love, forces children to say “as it should” in confession, not taking into account their age-related psychological and psychiatric characteristics, then at first the child does what is required of him, but then, as a rule, leaves the temple, because that it is not his will.
In my practice, there were a lot of examples of how, growing up, a child moved away from the church, and mother was surprised: “From early childhood, we traveled to monasteries, springs, prayed, and now the child does not even want to hear about the temple.” And why? Because joy was not brought into church life through my mother. The feeling of freedom, especially necessary for a boy, was not introduced. The main canons of the Orthodox Church - love and freedom - were violated. I would even put freedom in the first place today. That is why the child departs from faith, because the spirit is killed by the letter. Then, perhaps, he will return to the Church with the prayers of his mother, his own suffering, temptations. But we must already now work to ensure that the child's soul is filled with the joy of visiting churches, services, to form in the child a sense of freedom and love.
And now the most important thing. Confession is a mystery and secret, my dear parents, this one is great(Eph. 5:32). At confession, the confessor, the priest, and the Lord are present. What exactly the Lord puts into the soul of the confessor, into the heart of the priest, is unknown to anyone. Only one God. Whether the confession went well or badly, whether the confessor repented correctly or incorrectly, no one has the right to judge, because this is a Sacrament, and how it happened and whether it happened, no one knows: neither the priest, nor the one who confesses, but only God. And if we approach the confession of a person, especially a child, remembering that this is a mystery, then we also know that the Sacrament cannot be approached with human standards.
We can prepare a child for confession, tell him what is bad, what is good, what torments the conscience, what does not torment the conscience, why the heart hurts, what does not hurt, but we have no right to teach a child how to repent. Why? Yes, because our own confession is weak. If we had great faith and a strong confession, we could move mountains and not sin after repentance. But we are weak, and it is rather our weakness that speaks to the child about repentance, and therefore we are often like those who, not being a bricklayer, undertake to build a house, not being a sailor, are trying to swim across the raging ocean.
Everything begins with a simple and reverent attitude towards the child: it is a creation of God, and it is necessary to approach it for edification in peace. Answering the child's question: "Why do we confess?" - you can say: "To be closer to God, so that the Lord can help us." Confession is fellowship with God and one should talk about God with a child simply, sincerely, with love and without a sense of superiority.
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