Actual problems of family relations. Family relationship problems

Sometimes the question suddenly arises: when did they actually begin, the problems of family life? Really, when do they start? It seems that crises have always served as a free supplement to marriage. In fact, this is not so, and the new developments of psychologists inspire optimism and hope! Problems can be solved and crises overcome.

It is believed that the critical years of marriage are the third, fifth and seventh. However, as experience shows, family problems often follow immediately after the act of marriage.

As a rule, the first family crises occur almost imperceptibly and seem to stop by themselves. “So it’s natural,” you say. “A tender feeling, passion, a small burden of everyday problems make people more tolerant of each other.” Sociopsychologists explain it this way: in the very early period of marriage, the newlyweds avoid contradictions and criticism, thereby wanting to maintain a friendly atmosphere in the family and not hurt the feelings of the other. As time passes, the hidden tensions grow, and the couple finds themselves on the verge of a fight all the time.

Irritation is growing, there are no constructive ways to resolve this situation. As a result, spouses either constantly quarrel, or one of them sacrifices himself for “well-being”. Often, each of them firmly believes in their own "sacrifice", not noticing the "sacrifice" of their partner.

Mutual indignation grows. On such a “favorable foundation” more and more difficulties are rapidly built up - and then the saving light is no longer visible behind the heap of intricacies of human relations.

What difficulties do spouses face almost immediately after marriage, and how can they be overcome without dramatic consequences?

Domestic difficulties

After the first months of marriage, the newlyweds are faced with the need to form intra-family rules and procedures, primarily the so-called external rules: who is responsible for what in the family, who cleans, who cooks, who earns money, who organizes recreation, etc. It is worth negotiating about such things, not being afraid to express your criticism and disagreement. The reasons for the disagreements: each of the spouses comes to a new family from the parental family, in which all these rules and procedures have long been established and, most importantly, work. Well, if, according to the experience of living in parental families, the spouses differ slightly from each other, then it will be easier for them to agree.

The path to family happiness: if you can’t agree, try playing family rules and roles. For example, you have a certain "point" of family rules, in relation to which you and your spouse adhere to directly opposite points of view. One of the options is to exchange points of view and with all the perseverance and numerous arguments to prove to the opponent that he is right.

Another option is to accept both points of view; only for a week you live “according to your husband”, and a week “according to your wife”. And so for a month. The meaning of this psychological technique lies in the fact that the situation turns from a conflict into a game, thereby reducing tension. At the same time, you have the opportunity to feel the position of the spouse, and not just "stand your ground." And most importantly, thanks to such a game, it will be easier for each of the newlyweds to understand where his position is true, and where the upholding of the rules taken from the parental system, which, in turn, will facilitate the formation of their own rules unique for each family.

Difficulties in sharing power

Often in a married couple, such an essentially non-constructive question arises: “Who is the boss in the house?” It is not constructive for the simple reason that, in fact, for the successful functioning of the family, it is necessary to share responsibilities and priority areas, and, consequently, responsibilities between spouses.

Causes of disagreement: in most cases, the struggle for absolute leadership is characteristic of a man. The main reason is that from time immemorial a stereotype has developed in society: the head of the family is the husband, and the wife must obey him and obey him in absolutely everything. However, modern women (and men too) are often not ready to follow this scenario.

The path to family happiness: family therapy proposes to bring this situation to the point of absurdity, that is, to recognize the power of the husband in everything. Let him make the final decision about what food to buy, how often to clean the floor, what cloth to dust, whether to put parsley in the soup or not, what program to watch, how you cut your hair, what polish to paint your nails, what to wear to work today and when return from it. Feel free to call him at work if you forgot to ask something at home. Believe me: after a while, a man will howl from his absolute power and look at the possibility of a constructive dialogue with different eyes.

Difficulties intimate

However, in family life there are also such essential things about which it is more difficult to agree. For example, the rules of sexual behavior. In fact, this is the second language in which spouses communicate. Often in bed they behave similarly to how they feel in the family. Sometimes in the sexual behavior of a partner it is easy to see an unspoken message about what does not suit him, what is missing, what he is offended by in family life.

The reasons for the disagreement: whether we like it or not, but the mother for a man is, in a certain sense, the archetype of a woman. After all, in fact, the mother of your man was the first woman he saw, next to whom he lived, learned to communicate and formed as a person over the years.

The path to family happiness: it is worth paying close attention to this woman and her relationship with her son. Of course, this does not mean at all that the wife should ideally copy her mother-in-law, abandoning her own individuality, thereby ensuring peace and tranquility in the family for many years. Such thoughtless imitation can also be very dangerous for a marriage. The fact is that each man develops relations with his mother in his own way, and they are far from always cloudless and harmonious. For example, if a man has a lot of conflict with his mother, you can be sure that such conflict interaction with women is likely to be carried over into marital relations. In this case, imitation of the mother-in-law is more likely to aggravate the conflict in marriage. If you analyze the conflict points in the parental family of the husband (wife) and skillfully bypass them in the relationship of the couple, you can really avoid many difficulties in the relationship.

According to studies by sociologists and family counselors, each family goes through several stages of development, and the transition from one to another, as a rule, is accompanied by a crisis.

First, problems in family life can begin when one of the spouses experiences his own psychological crisis, such as a midlife crisis. Reviewing his life, feeling dissatisfied with himself, a person decides to change everything, including his family life.

In addition, the cause of the crisis for spouses is difficulties at work, problems in relationships with relatives, a change in financial situation (both in the direction of its deterioration and in the direction of improvement), the family moving to another city or country. And, of course, more serious stress factors - serious illnesses, deaths, wars, job loss, the birth of handicapped children.

8 dangerous symptoms:

• 1. The desire of spouses for intimacy decreases;
• 2. Spouses no longer strive to please each other;
• 3. All issues related to the upbringing of children provoke quarrels and mutual reproaches;
• 4. Spouses do not have the same opinion about most issues that are significant to them (relations with family and friends, plans for the future, distribution of family income, etc.);
• 5. Husband and wife poorly understand (or do not understand at all) each other's feelings;
• 6. Almost all actions and words of a partner cause irritation;
• 7. One of the spouses believes that he is forced to give in to the desires and opinions of the other all the time;
• 8. There is no need to share your problems and joys with your partner;

Just don't explode!

Psychologists conditionally distinguish several of the most explosive ages of the family. According to statistics, about half of all marriages break up after the first year of marriage. Newly made spouses do not stand the test of "everyday life". Disagreements may relate to the distribution of responsibilities, the unwillingness of partners to change their habits.

The next critical age for a family is the first 3-5 years of marriage. It is at this time that children most often appear in the family, and the spouses are concerned about the arrangement of separate housing and their professional problems, career growth. Physical and nervous tension cause alienation and misunderstanding between husband and wife. During this period, romantic love is reborn into marital friendship - the spouses are now comrades-in-arms, and not ardent lovers.

After 7-9 years of living together, another crisis may occur, associated with such a phenomenon as addiction. Life has more or less stabilized, the children have grown up. It is not uncommon for spouses to experience disappointment when comparing reality with what it seemed a few years ago in dreams. It begins to seem to the spouses that now the whole life will be the same, they want something new, unusual, fresh sensations.

Time passes, and if the husband and wife are still together, after 16-20 years of marriage, another worldly reef is possible. It is exacerbated by the midlife crisis of one of the spouses. There is a frightening feeling that everything has already been achieved, everything has happened, both in the personal and in the professional sphere.

Foreign sociologists during this period call another crisis period in the life of the family: when adult children leave it. Spouses are deprived of their main "leading" activity - raising children. They must learn to live together again. And women who were exclusively concerned with children and the home need to acquire new life tasks. For our culture, this side of the crisis is less relevant: often adult children stay with their parents. In addition, in most cases, parents take an active part in the family life of their children, raising their grandchildren.

There would be no happiness...

Often, what becomes a “stumbling block” for one family, causing a crisis in relationships, on the contrary, unites another family.

The Art of Forgiving

It is important not only to learn to ask for forgiveness, but also to accept apologies. It is dangerous to "sulk" on a partner for several days, making him feel guilty - in the end it will get boring. If you are not ready for a truce, say it directly: "You know, I need time to cool down, calm down."

Nothing happens without communication.

A family crisis is primarily a crisis of communication. More than 80% of couples seeking psychological help complain about difficulties in communicating with each other. While problems with children and their upbringing, sexual or financial difficulties are the cause of family crisis in only 40% of cases.

Looking for a compromise

If a close relationship has developed between the spouses, if they love each other, that is, they respect, appreciate, listen to the opinion of the other, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding.

• Factor #1
  It is known that the birth of a child in order to “keep” a spouse does not contribute to the strength of the relationship, but, on the contrary, rather accelerates its disintegration. However, children are still able to “cement” relationships - by dealing with their problems, spouses can push their own conflicts into the background, conclude a truce. But when the children grow up, become independent, the parents again remain alone with their contradictions, having practically forgotten how to communicate with each other.

  Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for a child in a family that is on the verge of a divorce to suddenly get sick often or get into trouble all the time. Thus, he unconsciously "protests" against the collapse of the marriage of mom and dad, attracting the attention of his parents. This, according to psychologists, is too high a price for a family to get out of the crisis. It happens that, having learned that they will soon become parents, spouses who are on the verge of breaking up decide that this is another chance to improve relations. And many succeed.



• Factor #2
  Among the risk factors for family life are called early marriages. They are considered fragile, because young spouses have to solve too many problems: domestic, professional, material. But marriages between people who are already “firmly on their feet” are predicted to have a long existence. However, for those who have lived a bachelor life for a long time, it may be even more difficult to change their usual way of life, to adapt to someone else. And, on the contrary, in early marriages, adaptation to life changes and mutual “grinding” with a partner is easier due to the psychological flexibility inherent in young people.


• Factor #3
  The majority believes that a family, forced to constantly overcome difficulties, most often “breaks down”, unable to withstand the burden of problems. But for some, the cause of family crises is ... "stagnation", routine, boredom, while difficulties only bring spouses together. Stability and regularity of life provoke a crisis.

Darlings scold, only amuse

A recognizable situation: an offended wife meets her husband with icy silence. She expects him to telepathically read her thoughts, understand the extent of his guilt and pray for her. However, in 98% of cases, she will have to experience the insult alone (the husband will never understand why the wife is offended). And the unspoken resentment will “sting” the worried woman in a scorpion-like way. They say after all that "to be offended is to punish yourself for other people's mistakes."

It is better to quarrel, psychologists advise. But, so that the quarrel does not develop into a banal scandal, conflictologists have developed a number of rules:

Don't insult your partner.

When blaming your spouse for something, avoid generalizations: "You always ...". Instead, say about yourself: “I feel hurt and sad to spend every weekend alone.”

Do not criticize your spouse in public. One of my friends, who grew up in a wonderful family, recalled: “Mom could argue with dad in private to the point of hoarseness, but in public she invariably took his side.”

Be guided by the "golden rule": "Do not tell others what you do not want to be told to you."

Put yourself in your partner's shoes. For example, the husband is in no hurry to go home after work and spends little time with the child. Or maybe you often reproach him? Or do you control your husband’s communication with the baby too strictly, criticizing games and books chosen for reading?

Try to avoid deliberately conflicting topics such as politics, religion, etc., especially if you have different points of view.

And write letters. So we avoid a violent quarrel, better understand our feelings and - most importantly - splash out negative energy on paper.

Your personal space

And at home, each of the spouses should have a zone free from the influence of the other. You don't even have to leave the apartment to do this. It’s just that each of the spouses should have a place where he can retire: with a book, watch his favorite movie, sit in silence at the computer.

See with new eyes

Or maybe it’s worth visiting with your husband where he spent his childhood, chatting with those who love him the way he is? Then there is a chance to see qualities that are new to you and worthy of admiration. One acquaintance said that he fell in love with his wife again when, having called for her at work, he witnessed how masterfully she removed the conflict situation between her subordinates.

Does your husband have a hobby? Show interest. Look at him in a situation where he is successful, passionate. This will help your heart "remember" what made it race a few years ago.

The art of moving away from stereotypes

You and your partner have very different hobbies, but there are no barriers to, for example, going to the pool together or, say, to ballroom dancing classes.

The main thing is to destroy the pattern of behavior that has become boring over the years. Sometimes it is useful for spouses to take a break from each other, to go, for example, with friends to the sea. Do not be afraid of such a desire - this is a completely natural need for a change of impressions. One "but": this opportunity should be available to each of the spouses.

Genre crisis? Welcome!

Do not be afraid of the crisis. Many families bypass them without thinking and not suspecting what it is. They simply overcome the difficulties that have arisen. The successful resolution of the crisis is the key to the further development of the family and a necessary factor in the effective living of the subsequent stages.

Each crisis is a leap forward, going beyond the old relationship. A crisis in a relationship helps spouses to see not only the negative, but also the valuable that connects and binds them. Meanwhile, parting is rather a consequence of an incorrectly passed crisis.

Analyze it!

Another way to deal with a crisis is to contact a family counselor. Many, however, believe that a heart-to-heart conversation with their mother or girlfriend is a completely adequate replacement. However, in relatives and friends, we are more likely to find emotional support, but not a way to solve the problem.

Each individual family is a socio-psychological group, the foundation of which is trusting, deeply intimate relationships, both between spouses and in the system of parent-child relationships.

The foundations of family relationships are made up of the following circumstances

1. The quality and level of education, as well as the culture of family members
2. Financial situation
3. Presence of traditions and values ​​to be followed
4. Social affiliation of spouses

From these phenomena depends on how the psychological atmosphere within the family will develop. The conditions under which the family begins to form also play an important role. All of them leave an imprint on the nature of the relationship, determine the specifics.

When two people begin to live together, two worlds involuntarily collide: different upbringing, different outlook on things, lack of common values ​​and traditions leads to the fact that problems in family relationships involuntarily arise. To understand what is the cause of the difficulties and try to cope with them is possible only if both spouses want to sit down at the negotiating table. In the family, as in other relationships, each person seeks pleasant sensations for himself. The most important factor is the presence of this feeling in relation to your soul mate.

However, when falling in love passes, we understand that a loved one begins to behave differently than we want. Why is this happening? Because the search for one’s own begins, a sea of ​​​​hopes and expectations appears that the spouse should (as it seems to us) give. It is very difficult to realize that two people are equal participants in one situation, who perform an equal amount of spiritual work in relation to each other. The psychology of family relationships can help to understand this.

Conditions for family well-being

In order for the family to work as an integral system, it is necessary to fully implement the basic functions of the family:

• educational (meeting the needs of motherhood and fatherhood)
• household (satisfaction of vital needs for food, society)
• emotional (satisfying the need for psychological protection, support, recognition)
• spiritual (the need for joint leisure)
• sexually - erotic (satisfaction of intimate needs)

Over time, there is a change in the priority of these functions in a single family. However, if any need remains unsatisfied, problems arise in family relationships. At the moment, the family began to perform the function of a psychological refuge, i.e. places where you can relieve tension, which placed an additional burden on the family apparatus.

After the formation of the psychology of family relations, married couples more often began to try with the help of psychologists - consultants or using special literature to look for ways out of crisis situations. Psychologists, in turn, based on the collected empirical experience, determined the criteria without which the development of family relations is not possible:

• Focus on another, the ability to understand your other half, listen and take into account his tastes and opinions
• Confidence and sympathy, to be sure that the marriage is strong
• The presence of a separate house or apartment where you can relax and where each family member has his own personal space
• Normal intimate life

Family forms

The forms of family relations also play an important role in the development of the family life cycle:

• Traditional marriage (civil / church). In it, first of all, the rights of subsequent generations are subject to protection and protection, however, it also contains the greatest number of taboos for spouses.
• unregistered marriage. In this case, people living together run a joint household, but the marriage is not documented
• Alternative forms of family (limited by time, interrupted, dating, Swedish, etc.)

One of the current trends in modern society is the desire for a child-centric orientation of the family. These relationships between spouses can be present in all three forms. It is characterized by the priority of private life, the equality of spouses. This led to the need to plan the birth of a child. In Russia, all parental behavior is conditioned by intimate-emotional attachment. The desire to take care of their offspring, of course, is a positive phenomenon. However, an exaggerated sense of duty to one's child led to a change in the meaning of the parental role, and accordingly the boundaries of the relationship between spouses shifted.
The emergence of alternative marriages and their mass distribution has led to the problem of family identification. Which in turn led to the vagueness of the performance of marital roles, the scope of the rights and obligations of the spouses.

The problem of relationships in the family is especially visible against the background of an unregistered marriage. For a man, such relationships are colored by a sense of freedom, despite the fact that all the advantages of family relationships are preserved. At the same time, in our society, a married woman has a higher status, in this case, the woman herself decides to whom to register the child. Against this background, a certain conflict arises: on the one hand, the freedom of relations, which should satisfy the need of spouses for personal space, leads to the psychological and economic vulnerability of such a marriage. This is especially true for women who strive for stability and confidence in the future.

Thus, models of relations between spouses in the family play an important role in the development of family well-being. Family equality in resolving any issues, the correct distribution of roles, will lead to well-being and mutual understanding. Do not forget that "matrimony" is translated as "running in one team."

According to sociological research in the field of family relations, each family, passing through certain stages of development, as a rule, faces crises. It is believed that the most important complications of family life are domestic difficulties. However, in addition to everyday life, there are other reasons that provoke a crisis in the family at any stage of its existence.

Problems in married life arise, as a rule, when one of the spouses has a psychological crisis, for example, a midlife crisis. A person, reviewing his life, feels self-dissatisfaction, which provokes him to make any changes, including family life. Significant changes in family life can be made by the birth of a child, his admission to school, the transitional age of the child, leaving the parental home, as well as any difficulties at work, problems in relations with relatives, worsening or improving financial situation, moving to another city or country. In addition, serious illness, death, job loss, birth of handicapped children can be serious reasons for changing family relations.

Crisis symptoms:

• a decrease in the desire of spouses for sexual relations;
• lack of desire to please each other;
• questions relating to the upbringing of children lead to quarrels and mutual reproaches;
• too obvious differences of opinion about significant issues;
• misunderstanding between spouses;
• the appearance of irritation at the actions and words of a husband or wife;
• one of the spouses believes that he is forced to regularly give in to the desires and opinions of the other;
• husband and wife stop sharing their problems and joys.

There are usually several dangerous "ages" of the family:
Lived the first married year. Most couples break up during this period of living together, because family relationships do not stand the test of everyday life. In addition, the reasons for disagreement may be the reluctance to distribute responsibilities, change habits, etc., adapt to another person.

The period from 3 to 5 years of married life. During this period, in almost every family, spouses are busy with their professional growth, they solve the housing problem, and it is also during this period that children are born. Constant physical and nervous tension, caring for children alienate the spouses from each other, as a result of which the feeling of falling in love turns into marital friendship.

In the period from 7 to 9 years of marriage, a crisis may also arise, which can be provoked by the spouses getting used to each other. This period is characterized by stability, constancy of relations, the children have grown up, everything goes on as usual. However, couples often experience disappointment in family life, because it is not what they imagined it to be before marriage. During this period, routine and monotony become the main danger of the destruction of family relationships, since both spouses want something new, unusual sensations.

After 16-20 years of marriage, another serious crisis may occur, which in most cases is aggravated by the crisis of the middle age of one of the spouses. The spouses realize that everything in life seems to be done, everything that they wanted has been achieved, and at this moment a feeling of fear appears. What to do next?

Some foreign sociologists single out another crisis period in family life: when adult children leave the parental home. At the moment, the couple is losing their main unifying interest - raising children. Now they are left alone. It is harder for women during this period than for men, since they are more busy with the house and raising children. For our country, this aspect of the crisis is less relevant, since very often children stay with their parents or parents take an active part in their future fate.

Family life risk factors.
Having a baby to save the relationship. As statistics show, everything happens exactly the opposite. However, children can still influence the strengthening of relations between parents, when, while dealing with children's problems, parents forget about their conflicts and reconcile. When the children grow up, the parents are again left alone with their contradictions, moreover, by that time they do not know how to communicate with each other. But it also happens that spouses, being on the verge of breaking up relations, find out that they will become parents, decide to renew and improve relations. Many succeed.

Early marriages. They are considered unstable, because young people have to solve many material, domestic and other problems too early. However, for those who have lived alone for a long time, it can be more difficult to change their usual way of life, as well as adapt to someone else. In early marriages, mutual "grinding" is less painful due to the psychological flexibility inherent in young people.

Stable and measured relations cause a crisis. It is believed that married couples break up due to piled problems. However, some families break up due to routine, boredom, while the problems of a financial, professional nature have already been resolved. Difficulties in many cases only bring the couple closer.

• never insult each other;
• never generalize if you blame your spouse for something: "You always ...". In such cases, it is recommended to talk about yourself, how bad and offended you are;
• in no case do not criticize each other in front of strangers;
• always tell others what you want to hear in your address;
• put yourself in the place of a husband or wife;
• with different points of view on any issues, in order to avoid conflict situations, it is better to avoid topics related to these issues.

How to deal with the emerging crisis?
Very often, what caused a crisis in one family, on the contrary, unites another. The most important thing that can be recommended in all family conflicts and disagreements is the ability to forgive and accept apologies, since it is very dangerous to “sulk” at a partner for several days, it can bother him. If you do not want to put up or are simply not ready for this, you need to say so directly. All family crises are communication crises. Difficulties in communication between couples are the number one problem in family relationships. Let's learn to communicate normally, and not in raised tones or, even worse, to be silent. Try to find compromises, respect and listen to each other's opinions. In addition, show active participation and interest in the life and hobbies of your husband or wife. The most important thing is that you should not be afraid of a crisis, since many couples, without noticing it at all, bypass them, overcoming the difficulties that have arisen.

The further development of the family depends on how successfully the spouses manage to resolve the crisis. A crisis in a relationship reveals not only the negative, but also the valuable that unites and binds a man and a woman.

In addition, a family psychologist will help to cope with the crisis. Most of us believe that we can do without it, sincerely talking with a friend or parents. However, they can only express support for you, and not find a way to solve the root of the problem.

A family crisis is a stressful situation that occurs between loved ones when a measured lifestyle is disrupted due to the excessive demands of one of the partners. Every couple faces this problem at least once in their life, so you need to be able to properly survive the crisis so as not to destroy the relationship. Conflicts are an integral part of family life, but it is one thing when conflicts are quickly resolved, and another thing when they are secretive and protracted.

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Causes of family crises

Psychologists say that family life crises are a normal phenomenon in the union of two people. There are two types of circumstances that affect relationships in a couple. The former destroy the vital activity of the family and can lead to its disintegration. The latter contribute to the elimination of negativity in relationships, strengthen marriage and allow you to take a married couple to a new level.

The most common causes of a crisis in the family include:

• age crisis. A spouse or spouse is experiencing a psychological shock associated with a reassessment of their values, which change with age. At this moment, there is a desire to change both yourself and the whole family.
• The crisis of family development. This period occurs when children appear and care for them (nursery, school, adolescence, university education).
• Job loss. The inability to provide for the family significantly affects the psychological atmosphere in the family. Constant conflicts on this basis can end in divorce.
• Quarrels with relatives. Most often, newlyweds live with their parents for the first time, often living together leads to conflicts between generations, which affects relationships in a couple.
• Changes in the family budget. For example, the spouse began to earn more, as a result of which the man does not feel like a breadwinner, which leads to conflicts.
• Moving. Sometimes it becomes necessary to change the place of residence, which affects the psychological state of both partners.
• A defective child. You will have to live with this all your life, and not all couples are able to survive this situation without reproaching each other.
• Unequal position in the family. For example, the spouse is a housewife, and the spouse reproaches all the time for supporting her.
• One of the spouses devotes a lot of time to work, forgetting about his soulmate.
• Early marriage. Not all young families can cope with domestic problems, which sometimes even leads to divorce.
• different interests and views. Many couples converge for love, and after a while it turns out that they are completely different people and there is nothing in common in their lives. In this case, the crisis is inevitable.

Midlife crisis in men

signs

The main signs of a crisis in family relationships:

• Spouses no longer notice in each other the one and only person. Monotonous and monotonous life, routine lead to the fact that interest and interest in each other disappear.
• Lack of intimacy. Monotony in sexual life is boring, so you need to consult a specialist.
• Lack of common opinion. On many issues (raising children, relationships with relatives, financial problems) disagreements arise, which leads to constant conflicts.
• Unwillingness to give in to each other. When everything that he (she) does or says is perceived with disagreement, irritation.
• Emotional coldness. Partners have no desire to talk to each other, share thoughts, experiences, dreams.
• Eternal scandals or monotonous relationships. Nobody disputes the dictatorship of one of the partners, the appearance of an ideal family is created, but in fact this is a crisis situation. Monotony in relationships leads to a loss of interest in your soulmate, then a crisis sets in.
• Unwillingness to understand each other. In the event of a conflict situation, none of the partners wants to give in.
• All decisions in a couple are made by only one of the spouses.
• No division of family responsibilities. When partners do not realize who is responsible for what, constant quarrels arise.

Only a friendly relationship between spouses will help maintain a happy marriage for many years.

Codependency in relationships

Periods and remedies

According to psychologists, the family is not a “cell of society” that has not frozen in its development, its transition from one stage to another is accompanied by periods of crisis, when the number of quarrels between partners increases. Timely awareness of the crisis situation will avoid disagreements.

Psychologists distinguish between two types of family crises: normative and non-normative. The first ones occur during the transition from one stage of the family to another (after the birth of a child, the baby went to kindergarten, school) or are associated with spouse problems, for example, a decrease in sexual activity in men or menopause in women. The latter appear as a result of an analysis of the circumstances that provoked the crisis.

How to improve relations with a husband on the verge of divorce

Crisis before marriage

Crises in relationships before marriage occur frequently and are characterized by the same causes as during marriage. But it is easier to explain them, since people know little about each other, and the first impression can be deceptive. For example, a couple has been dating for a long time, everything is fine in a relationship with a girl, but they don’t want to get married. A few years later, the question arises of what to do next: meet or marry. In such a situation, it is necessary for partners to discuss what goal each pursues.

It is a crisis in a relationship that allows you to sort out feelings and understand whether it is worth continuing the relationship or not. The timing of the crisis depends on the wisdom, endurance and upbringing of the partners. On average, this period lasts from three weeks to seven months.

1 year

According to statistics, about 50% of young families get divorced without having lived even a year in marriage. The explanation is simple - "stuck" life. Romantic feelings do not have time to settle down and break into a routine. Initially, each of the partners compare their family with the one in which they grew up, as a result of which conflicts may arise. In addition, you need to maintain an overall budget, and opinions on costs can differ significantly.

How to survive:

• From the first day of life together, you should discuss how each of the partners sees marriage, find common solutions. It is necessary to establish procedures and define the responsibilities of each.
• No need to be silent if something does not suit you. This does not mean that you need to saw each other over trifles. In relations with her husband, it is enough to calmly explain the essence of the problem and find ways to solve it.
• Take a separate place for parental advice.

3-5 years

For some families, this is one crisis, and some can experience it both at 3 years old and at 5 years old. This problem occurs after the birth of a child. The family managed to cope with the first crisis, get used to each other, learn to turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of the second half, but the birth of a baby turns life upside down again. It is necessary to build new relationships, to abandon the usual entertainment. As a result, spouses cannot devote enough time to each other, alienation occurs on a psychological level.

How to survive:

• In order to cope with this crisis, you need to tell each other about your feelings. The husband at this moment should not allow the occurrence of postpartum depression in his wife. The wife, in turn, should understand the feelings of her husband and sometimes let go to meet friends.
• If possible, leave the child with the grandmothers, and go for a walk for several hours.

7-9 years of marriage

This is the period when "sobering up" occurs. The time for dreams is gone, and family life looks completely different from what it was before marriage (marriage). Marriage is associated with problems, disagreements, resulting in disappointment in family life.

How to handle:

• no need to cut each other over trifles (especially for women);
• the wife needs to pay attention to herself in order to return the zest;
• make changes in everyday life.

15-25 years old

During this time of family life, the children have matured, but despite this, new problems appear. There is complete silence in the house and the spouses do not know where to move on, because there is work, there is an apartment, the children have grown up. In addition, a woman has a menopause, and a man feels unclaimed. This leads to the fact that the spouse becomes depressed, and the spouse begins to take care of himself and communicate with young women, trying to prove to himself that all is not lost.

How to survive the crisis years:

• the key to successfully overcoming this crisis is significant changes;
• you need to do something together: go to restaurants, relax with friends at sea or in the mountains;
• you should change your hairstyle, wardrobe, improve your figure;
• if there is no house, you can start building it; if there is a living area, you can start a major overhaul.

When spouses are 50 years old

During this period, the children grew up, graduated from school and left the parental home. Now the spouses are forced to manage the free time that has appeared, which was previously spent on caring for children.

Also, a crisis occurs if the child has his own family, but the young continue to live with their parents. A new family member is always stressful, as you need to change the established rhythm of life. Such a crisis can affect not only parents, but also a young couple.

Retirement period

The spouses retire, remain together, as the children have long been living independent lives. The circle of communication of elderly spouses is narrowing, there is a lot of free time that has nothing to do, a crisis of family relations sets in. During this period, you need to learn how to do something together. Taking care of grandchildren will be a great salvation.