Features of family relations. Family relationships
Building good relationships in the family is a difficult and responsible business. It is necessary to learn to give love to loved ones, to accept their advantages and disadvantages. A cozy home, understanding relatives make family relationships comfortable. How to avoid conflicts? How to create a warm atmosphere in the family? Spouses, children, elderly parents work together day after day on relationships. Compromise is sometimes the only way out of difficult life situations.
Subtleties of family relations
A family is a small group of people based on marriage or consanguinity. They are interconnected by a common life, responsibility, moral standards.
Family relationships are warm feelings for parents and other relatives. They have common memories, traditions. Relationships are built on support, help in difficult situations. Common holidays, rest allow the family to meet more often if parents and children live in different places.
The money issue is a feature of family relationships. Elderly parents help their adult children and vice versa. The husband becomes the only breadwinner if the wife takes care of the little child. The subtleties of monetary relations are built on mutual trust, responsibility for one's family. If one of the relatives is sick or is in a difficult life situation, the money issue helps to solve some problems. In this case, only the family can be of great help.
Having children is another aspect of family relationships. Caring for babies, methods of education are passed down from generation to generation. The development of the child, his ability to communicate and contact with other people - all this is laid down in the family. Grandparents take part in the upbringing of their grandchildren. The emotional nature of relationships in the family is manifested in the formation of the character of the child. It is important that trusting and warm feelings bind all relatives.
Each family, with its principles and views, develops its own model of relationships. It is based on education, life experience, professional features. The existing types of family relations are divided into dictate, cooperation, guardianship, non-interference.
- Diktat. The authority of parents suppresses, ignores the interests of children. There is a systematic humiliation by adults of their own dignity of younger relatives. Based on their experience, parents forcibly, in a tough manner, dictate their conditions of life, behavior, morality. Any manifestations of initiative, one's own opinion are extinguished in the bud. Emotional abuse often turns into physical abuse.
- Cooperation. A family united by common interests, mutual assistance. Joint decisions are made in certain situations. The causes of the conflicts that have arisen and ways out of them are discussed. Parents, children are able to overcome their own egoism for the sake of common goals. The ability to compromise, overcoming individualism are the foundations of family relations in this model.
- guardianship. Excessive care of parents makes children in such a family infantile, indifferent. Adults, investing material and moral values in their offspring, protect them from everyday problems. Children, growing up, do not know how to build relationships with peers, colleagues. They cannot act independently, without the consent, encouragement, and help of their parents.
- non-intervention. Independent coexistence of adults and children. The policy of non-intervention in all spheres of life. Usually, the psychology of family relations in this model is passive indifference to the thoughts, actions, and aspirations of their children. This comes from the inability and unwillingness of adults to become wise parents.
Young family
The emergence of a new family is the beginning of a long journey that a husband and wife have to go through. Building relationships with new parents is possible only with mutual respect and patience. It must be understood that the spouse's parents are also a family. With their values, traditions, memories. It should be extremely tactful to join a new family, trying to avoid resentment, conflict situations. Try not to make offensive statements, the memory of which can be preserved for years.
It is convenient to build family relationships when the husband and wife live separately from their parents. Then the entire responsibility for a comfortable life lies only with them. Spouses learn to adapt to each other. They look for compromises, learn habits, put up, make mistakes. Together they create their own model of a family in which it will be convenient for them and their future children.
When young spouses start living together separately from their parents, they quickly master new roles - husband and wife. They are not dominated by older relatives with their marriage patterns. Parents have their own life experience, past mistakes and conflict situations. It is necessary to allow the young family to independently find solutions to certain problems.
New relatives
Most conflict situations arise if a young family begins to coexist with their parents. In this case, the features of family relations are to create harmonious ties with new parents. This is a difficult test that teaches tolerance for other people's views and relationships. Sometimes parents, supporting their child, do not seek to protect the newly acquired relative or relative.
How to avoid conflicts in this situation?
- Treat your spouse's family with respect. Participate in common holidays, maintain (if possible) traditions.
- Tell the truth, don't lie. If inappropriate questions arise, speak in general terms without going into details.
- Don't jump to conclusions. In each unpleasant situation, first find out what motivated people in making certain decisions.
- Do not condemn new parents, avoid a sharp assessment of their behavior, appearance, profession, life.
- Try to be polite, attentive, remember about mutual assistance.
Parents should respect the choice of their child. Try to maintain marriage and family relations, not to provoke quarrels between spouses. Wisely and tactfully suggest a way out of conflict situations that are inevitable in marriage. Refrain from harsh statements, categorical judgments.
The appearance of a child
It is very important for a young family to form comfortable marriage and family relations. The bottom should be comfortable for both spouses. This is a trusting relationship, conflict-free communication, the ability to be understanding and attentive.
The birth of a child is a difficult period in the life of a family. Pregnancy with female whims, irritability, mood swings introduces the first dissonance into the familiar idyll. Understanding, patience will help spouses maintain good family relations.
With the advent of the baby, the whole habitual way of life changes. Night vigils, crying, childhood illnesses - an occasion to acquire new skills and knowledge. The responsibility that has fallen on the husband for material and moral well-being often causes anger and denial in the young spouse, a desire to start a new, calm life. Postpartum depression, fear for the health of the baby make the young wife focused only on the child.
Calmly accepting a new role (mom and dad) will allow young parents to come to a consensus. The distribution of responsibilities, endurance will help to overcome difficulties, preserve family relationships. And children who grow up in love and joy become calm, self-confident adults.
Family traditions
It is important for a family to have common memories and traditions. They promote cohesion and friendship. It can be picnics where the whole family gathers. Or joint annual leave. If parents and their adult children live in different areas or cities, there is a need for such traditions to appear.
General holidays and birthdays are held in high spirits. The whole family gathers together, congratulating the anniversaries, decorating the room for the celebration. Gifts are an excellent occasion to restore shattered family relationships, ask for an apology or forgive relatives. All troubles and misunderstandings are forgotten in the cheerful whirlwind of the holiday.
If parents and adult children live together, having dinner together can become a nightly tradition. Leisurely conversations over a cup of tea, discussion of plans for the future. In this case, the development of family relations, common traditions contribute to the creation of friendly ties between parents, children and grandchildren.
Stages of family development
Almost all families face difficulties. A certain crisis is coming. Both marriage and family relationships are changing, reaching a new level. The main stages of development proceed depending on the level of maturity of the spouses.
- The first year of family life. To be able to find compromises, to yield to each other. Adjust, look for a convenient form of existence together.
- Birth of a child. Develop comfortable ways of interacting with each other and with the child. Awareness of one's parental position.
- 3-5 years of family life. The child grows up, the woman goes to work. Distribution of responsibilities in the family. New forms of interaction, where two working spouses, and the responsibility and care for the child still remain.
- 8-15 years of family life. Habitual, familiar way of life brings boredom. Accumulated problems, mutual grievances. Minor nit-picking and irritation interfere with good relations.
- 20 years of family life. Risk of change. The emergence of a new family and children (usually the husband). Reassessment of values and summing up the first life results. The desire to change everything, to start over.
- Grown up children, retirement. No one to take care of, an empty house, loneliness. Search for new interests. Rebuilding relationships with spouse and adult children.
Overcoming conflict situations
Family conflicts are inevitable. They occur on everyday grounds, due to different worldviews, rejection of any decisions. Conflict can make or break a marriage. It is important to maintain the norms of family relations, to correctly build even unpleasant situations. The culture of communication, tact, respect will help overcome the conflict, understand the reasons for its occurrence and get out of it without infringing on anyone's rights. There are 4 main ways to resolve disagreements:
1. Smoothing out the conflict - nullifying the controversial situation. Quietly waiting for the end of the quarrel. The ability to forget and forgive unpleasant moments.
2. Search for a compromise- the ability to find a way out of the situation. Discuss the cause of the conflict, express your point of view. Find convenient ways to a peaceful life, without infringement of dignity.
3. Confrontation- Each of the parties to the conflict insists on its own point of view. Needs and feelings are ignored. Husband and wife move away from each other.
4. Persuasion- one of the spouses insists on his point of view, motivating with various arguments.
In any case, the psychology of family relations recommends a peaceful solution to the conflict. Do not bring it to physical violence, aggression.
Mutual understanding in the family
If there is no mutual understanding in the family, the spouses begin to move away from each other. The inability to express one's point of view can result in misunderstanding, resentment, quarrels. In order not to bring the family to a scandal or divorce, you should reconsider your habits. Both parties must be involved in this. Spouses must learn to find a common language so as not to bring the relationship to a critical point. Therefore, you need:
- Avoid being categorical.
- Do not consider only your point of view as correct.
- Do not be indifferent to the hobbies (hobbies) of the second half.
- Eliminate suspicion.
- Avoid harsh, harsh language.
Divorce
Problems in relationships, quarrels with children, fear of responsibility bring disappointment. Quite often, modern family relationships end in divorce. Most men and women prefer to live in a guest marriage, not to have children.
There are situations when it is impossible to forgive a soul mate. Disappointment in a loved one can affect the rest of your life. Infidelity, physical or emotional abuse in the family lead to divorce.
Children are the main victims. They love their parents, sometimes in spite of everything. The feeling of uselessness, the feeling that he was rejected, can haunt the child for a long time. You should be very careful. Patiently explain that adult relationships change, but love for the child remains.
Former spouses mistakenly believe that after a divorce, life will change dramatically for the better. Unfortunately, the reasons that provoked a divorce can affect the future life. You should find out what personal habits or attitudes influenced the dissolution of the marriage. Try to avoid similar mistakes in the future.
Secrets of a happy family
A happy family life, relationships are built by both spouses. Both the husband and the wife are to blame for the causes of quarrels and conflicts. Do not build illusions, idealize marriage. Family is always problems, moments of crisis, resentment. It is necessary to learn to forgive each other, to treat habits and beliefs with understanding and patience.
A happy family solves the problems that have arisen together, together. Spouses learn to find compromises. The secret of happiness is not in avoiding conflicts, but in their awareness and peaceful resolution. Do not hold back insults, but talk more and try to understand a different point of view. Quarrel, swear, but always return to peace and harmony in the family.
Only helping each other, patience will help overcome misunderstanding. In a happy family, care and respect come first. This is a daily work for the common good. The warm praise of a spouse, kindness, compassion help people overcome difficult life situations.
Do not overprotect children. They, too, must learn from their own mistakes. Show initiative and independence. Nevertheless, help and mutual assistance will become the guarantor of happy family relationships.
More often walk all together, relax. Get out into nature or have a picnic. The common overcoming of difficulties, joint fun and joy will hold the family together for many years.
INTRODUCTION
The family, a historically emerging phenomenon, initially became the most important structural unit of the social organization of society, performing a formative function in its reproduction and development over many millennia. Due to its specificity, determined by the relations of marriage, parenthood, kinship, etc., it is a kind of micro-society in which appropriate social ties are formed, the norms and principles of human relations are comprehended, and primary socialization occurs.
Social psychologists consider the family as a cell of the social culture of society, acting as a regulator of relations between people. The social norms and cultural patterns that exist in society set certain standards for the idea of what a husband and wife, father and mother should be in relation to children, a daughter and son in relation to their parents. From a socio-psychological point of view, a family is a social group corresponding to the norms and values of a given society, united by a set of interpersonal relations formed in joint activities: spouses among themselves, parents to children and children to parents and among themselves, which manifest themselves in love, affection, intimacy. .
It is the family, being the first and most significant conductor of social influence for the child, that “introduces” him into all the variety of family relationships, domestic life, causing certain feelings, actions, ways of behavior, influencing the formation of habits, character traits, mental properties. The child uses all this “baggage” not only in real life: much of what he learned in childhood will determine his qualities as a future family man.
The question of relationships in the family has always been and is being given considerable attention by mankind at all stages of development: from uncultured savages, who also invest in this matter something accessible to their understanding, to more perfect cultural peoples, among whom this question is posed with greater or lesser breadth and completeness. .
Many writers, philosophers and thinkers in their works addressed the problem of the family as the most vital, most important and burning problem of society, on the solution of which very, very much depends. L.N. Tolstoy said that the family is a miniature state and, in turn, the future of each state is contained in its families, because the future of our planet depends not only on our activities, but also on the work of our successors.
GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS
Relevance of the work:
The relevance of this work is due to the fact that a person lives in a world filled with various value orientations, which sometimes exist peacefully, and sometimes come into conflict with each other. Diversity can be seen in any society: the state, the labor collective, the family. However, each specific individual tends to look at the world through the prism of his own experience, that particular system of culture in the family in which he grew up and formed as a person. The emotional atmosphere and relationships in the family serve as a prerequisite for the formation of the moral world of a developing personality, since individual moral consciousness involves not only the reproduction and understanding of the principles and norms of morality, but also the generalization of emotional experience.
Target:
study of the relationship in the family.
Research objectives:
- analyze the methodological, scientific literature on the problem under study;
to reveal the concept of the family as a system;
identify the characteristics of family relationships.
Subject of study: features of family relationships that affect the emotional well-being of its members.
Hypothesis: relationships in the family affect the emotional well-being of its members in later life, the family can act as both positive and negative factors in education.
Methodological foundations of the study: the methodological basis is the study of a number of works by authors such as A. Adler, E. Fromm, E. Aronson, D. Myers, L.R. Alimova, T.V. Andreeva, E.V. Burenkova, N.N. Obozov, T.M. Mishina, Yu.E. Aleshina, L.Ya. Hoffman, E.M. Dubovskaya, V.P. Levkovich, O.E. Zuskov. Meanwhile, the dependencies and links between the divorce of parents and the personal development of children, their emotional state are not sufficiently considered and traced. Childhood experiences influence the entire future way of life, all the further work of a person, although often they remain in the area of the unconscious. I.F. Dement've, N.V. Zubareva, M.A. Kostenko, L.G. Lunyakova, V.V. Kiss others.
Practical significance of the study is determined by the possibility of using the presented materials in the work of psychologists and teachers with parents.
The structure and scope of the course work: course work consists of content, introduction, two chapters, conclusion, conclusion, list of references, which includes 42 sources, four applications. The volume of the course work is 51 pages of printed text.
- A FAMILY. RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FAMILY
- Family is a social institution
The family is a unique social institution, an intermediary between the individual and society, a transmitter of fundamental values from generation to generation. It contains a powerful potential for influencing the processes of social development, the reproduction of the labor force, and the formation of civil relations. The family has a consolidating value, resists social confrontation and tension. That is why the problem of the family is exacerbated in the current situation of global shifts and changes in the conditions for the functioning of the society-community and its transition to a new state.
A social institution is understood as an organized system of connections and social norms that are united by significant social values of a procedure that satisfies the basic needs of society. In this definition, public values are understood as shared ideas and goals, public procedures are standardized patterns of behavior in group processes, and the system of social ties is the interweaving of roles and statuses through which this behavior is carried out and kept within certain limits.
The institution of the family includes a set of social values (love, attitude towards children, family life), social procedures (care for the upbringing of children, their physical development, family rules and responsibilities); the interweaving of roles and statuses (the status and roles of husband, wife, child, teenager, mother-in-law, mother-in-law, brothers, etc.) through which family life is carried out. Thus, an institution is a peculiar form of human activity based on a clearly developed ideology; a system of rules and norms, as well as developed social control over their implementation. Institutions maintain social structures and order in society.
The separation of the family institution from other institutions of society (the state, business, education, religion, etc.) is not accidental. It is the family that is recognized by all researchers as the main carrier of cultural patterns inherited from generation to generation, as well as a necessary condition for the socialization of the individual. It is in the family that a person learns social roles and receives the basics of education and upbringing.
The most complete functions of the family as a social institution can be distinguished as follows: the function of sexual regulation, reproductive function, socialization function, emotional satisfaction, status function, protective function, economic function.
Due to its reproductive function, the family is the source of the continuation of human life. The family is the social group that initially forms the personality of a person.
The family provides its members with a sense of stability, security, emotional balance. One of the main functions of the family is to create conditions for the development of the personality of all its members. The family promotes mental balance, good mood of its members.
Of the factors of socialization, the most important and influential was and remains the parental family as the primary cell of society, the influence of which a person, as a child, experiences first of all, when he is most receptive. Family conditions, including social status, occupation, material level and level of education of parents, largely determine the life path of the child. In addition to the conscious, purposeful upbringing that parents give him, the whole family atmosphere affects the child, and the effect of this influence accumulates with age, being refracted in the structure of the personality.
There is practically no social or psychological aspect of the behavior of adolescents and young men that would not depend on their family conditions in the present or past. A significant influence on the personality of a teenager is exerted by the style of his relationship with his parents, which is only partly due to their social status.
Family socialization is not limited to the direct "paired" interaction of the child with his parents. The mechanism of psychological counteraction is no less important: a young man whose freedom is severely restricted can develop an increased craving for independence, and one who is allowed everything can grow dependent. Therefore, the specific properties of a child's personality cannot, in principle, be deduced either from the properties of his parents (neither by similarity, nor by contrast), nor from individual methods of upbringing.
At the same time, the emotional tone of family relationships and the type of control and discipline prevailing in the family are very important. Psychologists represent the emotional tone of relations between parents and children in the form of a scale, on one pole of which there are the closest, warmest, benevolent relations (parental love), and on the other - distant, cold and hostile. In the first case, the main means of education are attention and encouragement, in the second - severity and punishment. Many studies prove the advantages of the first approach. The emotional tone of family education does not exist by itself, but in connection with a certain type of control and discipline aimed at the formation of appropriate character traits. Different ways of parental control can also be represented in the form of a scale, on one pole of which there is a high activity, independence and initiative of the child, and on the other - passivity, dependence, blind obedience.
Behind these types of relationships is not only the distribution of power, but also a different direction of intra-family communication: in some cases, communication is directed mainly or exclusively from parents to the child, in others - from the child to parents.
In our country, there are different styles of family education, which largely depend on both national traditions and individual characteristics. On the whole, however, our treatment of children is far more authoritarian and harsh than we are inclined to admit.
No matter how great the influence of parents on the formation of personality, its peak is not in the transitional age, but in the first years of life. By the senior grades, the style of relationships with parents has long been established, and it is impossible to “cancel” the effect of past experience.
At the heart of the child's emotional attachment to parents initially lies dependence on them. As independence grows, especially at a transitional age, such dependence begins to weigh on the child. It is very bad when he lacks parental love. But there is quite reliable psychological evidence that an excess of emotional warmth is also harmful for both boys and girls. It makes it difficult for them to form their internal anatomy and gives rise to a steady need for guardianship, dependence as a character trait. A too cozy parental nest does not stimulate the grown chick to take off into the contradictory and complex adult world.
In the abstract, good parents know much more about their child than anyone else, even more than himself. After all, parents watch day after day throughout his life. But the changes that happen to a teenager are often too fast for the parent's eye. The child has grown up, changed, and loving parents still see him as he was a few years ago, and their own opinion seems infallible to them. The first task of parents is to find a common solution, to convince each other. If it is necessary to compromise, then it is imperative that the basic requirements of the parties be satisfied. When one parent makes a decision, he must remember the position of the second. The second task is to make sure that the child does not see contradictions in the positions of the parents, i.e. discussing these issues is better without him. Parents, when making a decision, should put in the first place not their own views, but what will be more useful for the child.
You can understand another person only if you respect him, accepting him as a kind of autonomous reality. Haste, inability and unwillingness to listen, to understand what is happening in the complex youthful world, to try to look at the problem through the eyes of a son or daughter, self-satisfied confidence in the infallibility of one's life experience - this is what first of all creates a psychological barrier between parents and children.
Each of the parents sees in their children their continuation, the realization of certain attitudes or ideals. Therefore, it is not so easy to step back from them and accept the child as he is in reality, just love and respect him as a valuable person.
- Types of family relationships
Dictatorship in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some members of the family (mainly adults) of the initiative and self-esteem of its other members. Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance turns out to be broken, along with it, many valuable personality traits turn out to be broken: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's capabilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, the systematic deprivation of his right to vote in resolving issues relating to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.
Guardianship in the family is a system of relations where parents, by ensuring the satisfaction of all the needs of the child with their work, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of the active formation of personality fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - meeting the needs of the child and protecting him from difficulties. Parents block the process of seriously preparing their children for a collision with reality beyond the threshold of their home. It is these children who are more unadapted to life in a team. Just these children, who, it would seem, have nothing to complain about, begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If diktat implies violence, orders, rigid authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result largely coincides: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow removed from solving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general family problems.
The system of interpersonal relations in the family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of "non-intervention". This assumes that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus outlined. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.
Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family implies the mediation of interpersonal relations in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.
- Relationships between parents and children in modern society
In domestic psychological and pedagogical research, we find the opinion that the contradiction between generations exists as a moment of their continuity. Establishing the new, we are forced to abandon the old, accepting - to deny, and putting a limit on something - to take the baton, bringing old things to a new round (A.V. Tolstykh, 1988) .
A child as a person is born in a family, but his formation is influenced by the whole way of this historical formation. For each given generation, there is an objectively conditioned, often spontaneously formed “social program”, which reflects the state of material and spiritual culture, the type of social relations, the level of development of production forces, as well as those specific material and ideal relationships through which this generation is formed. .
According to E. Fromm, the main influence on the development of the child will always be provided not by the school, but by the parents. Millions of wonderful people have come out of mediocre educational institutions; consequently, the influence of the school is of a secondary nature, and the primary role is given to parents.
There is a complex, paradoxical problem in the relations between parents, teachers and children. Its complexity lies in the hidden, intimate nature of human relations, the scrupulousness of "external" penetration into them. And the paradox is that, for all its importance, parents and teachers usually do not notice it, because they do not have the necessary psychological and pedagogical information for this.
The main concept that should be the basis for studying interaction in the parent-child dyad should be the concept of personal behavior with the allocation of specific forms of behavior. Moreover, it is necessary to study and analyze both the personal behavior of parents and the personal behavior of children in a situation of interaction between them. By personal behavior, we mean such behavior, which is based, on the one hand, on the appeals of one subject to another, which are direct or indirect claims, and, on the other hand, answers that are their direct or indirect recognition (or non-recognition). When considering the issue of relationships, it is important to analyze the claims of parents to children and children to parents. It is the correlation of claims and confessions that leads to the formation of certain relationships in the family, or to emotional comfort in the interaction between parents and children. In developed forms of consciousness, “I myself” can also act as another interaction. In this case, both the grown-up child and his parents first deal with the claims in relation to himself and the last of their recognition or non-recognition by him. Then even very difficult family problems can be solved at a lower cost.
Relationships between parents and children over the years develop into certain typical variants, regardless of whether they are realized or not. Such variants begin to exist as realities of relationships. Moreover, they can be represented in a certain structure - successive stages of development. Relationships emerge gradually. Parents, on the other hand, turn to a teacher, a psychologist, as a rule, about an alarming conflict situation that arose “yesterday”, “a week ago”. That is, they see not the process of development of relations, not their sequence and logic, but, as it seems to them, a sudden, inexplicable, amazing case.
Conflict in the relationship between parents and children rarely arises accidentally and suddenly. Nature itself took care of the mutual affection of parents and children, giving them a kind of advance in a sense of love, a need for each other. But how parents and children will dispose of this gift is the problem of their communication and relationships. Conflict is a violent clash, emotional aggression, pain syndrome of relationships. And pain in the body, as you know, is a distress signal, a physiological cry for help. It occurs during the development of the disease.
In healthy families, parents and children are connected with natural everyday contacts. The word "contact" in the pedagogical sense can mean worldview, moral, intellectual, emotional, business ties between parents and children, such close communication between them, which results in spiritual unity, consistency of basic life aspirations and actions. The natural basis of such relationships is family ties, feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, which are manifested in parental love and caring affection of children for their parents.
The study of a variety of documents made it possible to identify some of the main trends in the relationship between parents and children in the family. The analysis is based on the modification of the need for communication - one of the fundamental characteristics of interpersonal relationships.
There are the following stages in the relationship between parents and children: parents and children experience a strong need for mutual communication; parents delve into the concerns and interests of children, and children share with them; the sooner parents delve into the interests and concerns of children, the sooner children feel the desire to share with their parents; the behavior of children causes conflicts in the family, and at the same time the parents are right; the behavior of children causes conflicts in the family, and at the same time the children are right; conflicts arise for reasons of mutual wrong; complete mutual alienation and hostility.
In the collective life of the family, it is possible most successfully to create the circumstances of the educational process that reinforce verbal demands. Necessary pedagogical circumstances do not always coincide with life. And they often have to be created in spite of life circumstances. Children expect from their parents a deep, close interest in their inner world, taking into account their age and individual characteristics. Age features are anatomical, physiological and psychological features characteristic of a particular age period. And under the individuality of a person is meant the essential originality of his basic properties and qualities.
Taking into account the age characteristics of children requires a gradual change in educational influences at various stages of personality development. The approach to children requires pedagogical tact from parents, taking into account the life experience of the pupils, their emotional state, a subtle and unhurried analysis of the motives of an act, a sensitive, soft touch to the inner world of a person. Communication, joint affairs, common aspirations become the most natural process of education.
An important side of mutual contacts is participation in the activities and interests of children. If parents can share interests, get carried away with the activities of their children, then they will have an effective means of educational influence in their hands.
Following in the footsteps of children's interests and hobbies also involves involving children in their own activities and hobbies. In some families there is a rule: things a person needs for life, he must be able to do himself. In each family, a diverse system of establishing and strengthening close ties between parents and children can develop: from parents to children, from children to parents.
The instinct of kinship, the “voice of blood”, is intensely manifested when parents and children are humanly close to each other, connected by ties not only of kinship, but also of spiritual closeness. This is an important prerequisite for a successful educational process in the family, penetration into the inner world of children and successful influence on them. Children develop and develop the need to consult with their parents, mentally put them in their place in difficult life situations, equal them, follow their instructions.
This or that negative variant of relations in the family is not at all an insurmountable fatal dominant. If parents can psychologically and pedagogically competently understand the current stage of relations, then it is possible to overcome negative factors.
Deep contacts with parents create a stable state of life in children, a sense of confidence and reliability, and brings a joyful feeling of satisfaction to parents.
When evaluating any human activity, they usually proceed from some ideal, norm. In educational activity, apparently, such an absolute norm does not exist. We learn to be parents, just as we learn to be husbands and wives, as we learn the secrets of mastery and professionalism in any business. In parental work, as in any other, mistakes, and doubts, and temporary failures, defeats that are replaced by victories, are possible. Parenting in a family is the same life, and our behavior and even our feelings towards children are complex, changeable and contradictory. In addition, parents do not resemble each other, just as children do not resemble each other. Relations with a child, as well as with each person, are deeply individual and unique. For example, if parents are perfect in everything, they know the correct answer to any question, then in this case they are unlikely to be able to fulfill the most important parental task - to educate in the child the need for independent search, for learning new things.
Parents constitute the first social environment of the child. Parents' personalities play a significant role in the life of every person. It is no coincidence that we mentally turn to parents, especially mothers, in a difficult moment of life. At the same time, the feelings that color the relationship between the child and parents are special feelings that are different from other emotional ties. The specificity of the feelings that arise between children and parents is determined mainly by the fact that parental care is necessary to maintain the very life of the child. And the need for parental love is truly a vital need for a small human being. The love of every child for his parents is boundless, unconditional, boundless. Moreover, if in the first years of life, love for parents ensures one's own life and safety, then as one grows older, parental love increasingly performs the function of maintaining and protecting the inner, emotional and psychological world of a person. Never, under any circumstances, should a child have doubts about parental love. The most natural and most necessary of all the duties of a parent is to treat a child at any age with love and consideration.
Deep permanent psychological contact with a child is a universal requirement for upbringing, which can be equally recommended to all parents, contact is necessary in the upbringing of every child at any age. It is the feeling and experience of contact with parents that give children the opportunity to feel and realize parental love, affection and care.
The basis for maintaining contact is a sincere interest in everything that happens in a child’s life, sincere curiosity about his childhood, even the most trifling and naive, problems, the desire to understand, the desire to observe all the changes that occur in the soul and consciousness of a growing person. It is useful to think about the general patterns of psychological contact between children and parents in the family. When we talk about mutual understanding, emotional contact between children and parents, we mean a certain dialogue, the interaction of a child and an adult with each other.
The equality of positions in the dialogue consists in the need for parents to constantly learn to see the world in its various forms through the eyes of their children. Contact with a child, as the highest manifestation of love for him, should be built on the basis of a constant, tireless desire to know the originality of his individuality.
Under the adoption of a child is understood the recognition of the child's right to his inherent individuality, dissimilarity to others, including dissimilarity to parents. To accept a child means to affirm the unique existence of this particular person, with all his inherent qualities. The formula of true parental love, the formula of acceptance - "I love because you are, I love the way you are."
The upbringing of a child is not only acceptance, praise or blame, education consists of many other forms of interaction and is born in living together in a family. Literally every day in family education, parents must determine the boundaries of the distance. The solution of this problem, the provision of a certain measure of independence to the child is regulated by the age of the child, the new skills, abilities and opportunities for interaction with the outside world acquired by him in the course of development. At the same time, much depends on the personality of the parents, on the style of their attitude towards the child. It is known that families differ greatly in the degree of freedom and independence afforded to children. In some families, a first-grader goes to the store, takes his younger sister to kindergarten, and travels to classes across the city. In another family, a teenager is accountable for all, even small, actions, he is not allowed to go on hikes and trips with friends, protecting his safety. It must be borne in mind that the established distance is associated with more general factors that determine the process of education, primarily with the motivational structures of the parents' personality. For the correct construction of education, parents need from time to time to determine for themselves those motives that induce their own educational activity, to determine what drives their educational conditions. The distance that has become predominant in the relationship with the child in the family directly depends on what place the activity of education occupies in the entire complex, ambiguous, internally contradictory system of various motives for the behavior of an adult. Therefore, it is worth realizing what place in the parent's own motivational system will take the activity of raising an unborn child.
- The relationship of spouses to themselves and to each other
Since the 1930s, in line with the psychoanalytic direction of psychotherapy, the theory has been developed that married couples have interconnected neuroses that are better amenable to joint therapy. The marker of neuroses was the interconnected actions of the spouses and distorted ideas about their meaning. Complementary marital patterns have been described, characterized by the fact that spouses distort each other's personalities through the prism of their illusions. Along with the psychoanalytic paradigm, the issues of relationships in a married couple were actively studied in line with social psychology. It was shown that sympathy for a partner depends on the coincidence of his opinion with the opinion of the subjects. By the 1980s, the main focus of the study of marital satisfaction in psychology shifted towards the study of social cognition. A longitudinal thirteen-year study of factors influencing marital satisfaction examined the perceptual distortion of idealization of a partner (the tendency to perceive him as more suitable). The result of the study was the conclusion that the idealization of a spouse allows you to be in love with him longer.
A study at the South Florida Institute asked a similar question to the present study: Does marriage satisfaction increase if one partner's self-esteem matches that of the other partner? Is there a connection between a positive vision of the other and the well-being of a marriage? Comparing depressed partners with low self-esteem with well-off couples, the researchers concluded that there is a direct relationship between high marital satisfaction and positive self-esteem in spouses, as well as high overlap between self-esteem and partner assessment.
The rise of interest in marital mutual perception and satisfaction with marriage in domestic psychology occurred in the 80s of the last century. Almost all of the works described below refer to the period 1985–1987.
In the work of N. N. Obozov, data are given that there is a tendency for "greater accuracy of mutual understanding in compatible married couples." In successful couples, there is such a peculiar distortion of perception as an overestimation of the partner’s socially approved personal qualities in comparison with self-esteem, which is a sign of sympathy in interpersonal relationships.
The study by T. M. Mishina showed that in "healthy" marriages, the degree of consistency of the spouses' ideas about each other and about themselves is much higher than in "neurotic" ones. Spouses in "healthy" marriages perceive each other's qualities as close or complementary.
Yu.E. Aleshina, L.Ya. Hoffman and E.M. Dubovskaya approached the problem of marital attention from the point of view of the communicative features of the couple. Deep mutual understanding was seen as an indicator of a successful marital relationship.
In a study by V.P. Levkovich and O.E. Zuskova, the assumption was substantiated that a positive or zero difference between the assessments given by spouses to each other and self-assessments indicates mutual satisfaction with marriage.
Modern marital relations are increasingly determined by a personalized psychotherapeutic function that provides psychological comfort, promotes the restoration of physical and spiritual strength, partners and brings feelings of joy and fullness of life, the possibility of personal growth of spouses. Marriage should form a family, which should become the place where "everyone will find love, understanding and support, even if life outside is not going very well ..., they can relax and gain strength in order to feel more confident in the world around" .
In a favorable situation, marital relations are characterized by the “stability” parameter, which reflects the emotional and psychological satisfaction of the parties who are married. The stability of marital relations is determined by a number of factors. At the same time, according to researchers, such internal factors as personal attachment of family members, a sense of love, responsibility are more significant than external factors such as economic dependence, legal restrictions, public opinion. The qualities of spouses that are favorable for marital relations include such characteristics as: the absence of fear and anxiety, the adequacy of self-esteem; balance; search orientation and moderate risk appetite, which allows emotional relationships to develop rather than stagnate; competence in time (to live "here and now", while seeing the connection of events); a high level of self-acceptance, which is manifested in the naturalness of behavior and openness to experience, in relation to the other as to oneself. The lack of self-acceptance gives rise to an instrumental attitude of a person towards himself and others, which in turn inevitably leads to instability in the emotional relations of the spouses, since there will always be someone who does something better. The stability of the family depends on the level of intra-family cooperation, low level of conflict, orientation towards cooperation in everyday life, mutual satisfaction with marriage.
The emotional structure of the intimate relationships of people connected by marriage is complex and contradictory, and the richer the inner world of a person, the more diverse the spectrum of experiences that characterizes his relationship with his spouse. In family life, love can alternate with hatred, the desire for intimacy - with the need for independence, unity of views - with disagreement on many issues. This interweaving of opposite (but not mutually exclusive) aspects is very characteristic of modern marriage.
- Fundamentals of the formation of harmonious relationships in the family
The psychological climate in the family determines the stability of intra-family relations, has a decisive influence on the development of both children and adults. It is not something fixed, given once and for all. It is created by members of each family, and it depends on their efforts how it will be, favorable or unfavorable, and how long the marriage will last.
Thus, a favorable psychological climate is characterized by the following features: cohesion, the possibility of comprehensive development of the personality of each of its members, high benevolent exactingness of family members to each other, a sense of security and emotional satisfaction, pride in belonging to one's family, responsibility. In a family with a favorable psychological climate, each of its members treats the rest with love, respect and trust, parents - also with reverence for the weaker - with readiness to help at any moment. Important indicators of a favorable psychological climate of the family are the desire of its members to spend their free time in the home circle, talk on topics of interest to everyone, do homework together, emphasize the dignity and good deeds of everyone. Such a climate promotes harmony, reduces the severity of emerging conflicts, relieves stress, increases the assessment of one's own social significance and the realization of the personal potential of each family member. The initial basis of a favorable family climate is marital relations. Living together requires the spouses to be willing to compromise, to be able to reckon with the needs of a partner, to yield to each other, to develop in themselves such qualities as mutual respect, trust, mutual understanding.
When family members experience anxiety, emotional discomfort, alienation, in this case they speak of an unfavorable psychological climate in the family. All this prevents the family from fulfilling one of its main functions - psychotherapeutic, relieving stress and fatigue, and also leads to depression, quarrels, mental tension, and a deficit in positive emotions. If family members do not strive to change this situation for the better, then the very existence of the family becomes problematic.
When evaluating any human activity, they usually proceed from some ideal, norm. In educational activity, apparently, such an absolute norm does not exist. We learn to be parents, just as we learn to be husbands and wives, as we learn the secrets of mastery and professionalism in any business.
In parental work, as in any other, mistakes, and doubts, and temporary failures, defeats that are replaced by victories, are possible.
Parenting in a family is the same life, and our behavior and even our feelings towards children are complex, changeable and contradictory. In addition, parents do not resemble each other, just as children do not resemble each other. Relations with a child, as well as with each person, are deeply individual and unique.
The connection of upbringing with other types of activity, the subordination of upbringing to one or another motive, as well as the place of upbringing in the integral personality of a person - all this gives the upbringing of each parent a special, unique, individual character.
The main thing in the upbringing of a small person is the achievement of spiritual unity, the moral connection of parents with a child. In no case should parents let the process of upbringing take its course even at an older age, leave a grown-up child alone with himself.
That is why future parents who would like to raise their child not spontaneously, but consciously, need to start analyzing their child's upbringing from an analysis of themselves, from an analysis of the characteristics of their own personality.
To achieve educational goals in the family, parents turn to a variety of means of influence: they encourage and punish the child, they strive to become a model for him. As a result of the reasonable use of incentives, the development of children as individuals can be accelerated, made more successful than with the use of prohibitions and punishments. If, nevertheless, there is a need for punishments, then, in order to enhance the educational effect, punishments should, if possible, follow immediately after the misconduct that deserves them. Punishment should be fair, but not cruel. Very severe punishment can cause fear or anger in the child.
Punishment is more effective if the offense for which he is punished is reasonably explained to him. Any physical impact forms the child's belief that he, too, will be able to act by force when something does not suit him.
A very important role in the upbringing of a child is played by dialogue with him and his acceptance as a full-fledged, full-fledged personality.
Dialog. How to build a nurturing dialogue? What are its psychological characteristics? The main thing in the establishment of a dialogue is a joint striving for common goals, a joint vision of situations, a commonality in the direction of joint actions. This is not about the obligatory coincidence of views and assessments. Most often, the point of view of adults and children is different, which is quite natural given the differences in experience. However, the very fact of a joint focus on solving problems is of paramount importance. The child should always understand what goals the parent is guided by in communicating with him. A child, even at a very young age, should not become an object of educational influences, but an ally in the common family life, in a sense, its creator and creator. It is when the child participates in the common life of the family, sharing all its goals and plans, that the usual unanimity of upbringing disappears, giving way to a genuine dialogue.
The most essential characteristic of dialogic educative communication is the establishment of equality between the positions of the child and the adult. It is very difficult to achieve this in everyday family communication with a child. Usually spontaneously arising position of an adult is a position “above” a child.
An adult has strength, experience, independence - a child is physically weak, inexperienced, completely dependent. Despite this, parents need to constantly strive to establish equality.
Equality of positions means recognition of the active role of the child in the process of his upbringing. A person should not be an object of education, he is always an active subject of self-education. Parents can become masters of the soul of their child only to the extent that they succeed in awakening in the child the need for their own achievements, their own improvement.
The demand for equality of positions in the dialogue is based on the indisputable fact that children have an undeniable educational influence on the parents themselves. Under the influence of communication with their own children, engaging in various forms of communication with them, performing special actions to care for the child, parents change their mental qualities to a large extent, their inner spiritual world is noticeably transformed.
On this occasion, addressing parents, J. Korchak wrote: “The opinion is naive that, while supervising, controlling, teaching, instilling, eradicating, shaping children, a parent, mature, formed, unchanging, does not lend itself to the educational influence of the environment, environment and children.”
Equality of positions does not mean at all that parents, building a dialogue, need to descend to the level of a child, no, they have to rise to an understanding of the “subtle truths of childhood”.
The equality of positions in the dialogue consists in the need for parents to constantly learn to see the world in its most diverse forms through the eyes of their children.
Contact with a child, as the highest manifestation of love for him, should be built on the basis of a constant, tireless desire to know the uniqueness of his individuality. Constant tactful peering, feeling into the emotional state, the inner world of the child, into the changes taking place in him, especially his mental structure - all this creates the basis for deep mutual understanding between children and parents at any age.
Adoption. In addition to the dialogue, in order to instill in the child a sense of parental love, one more extremely important rule must be followed. In psychological language, this side of communication between children and parents is called child acceptance. What does it mean? Acceptance is understood as the recognition of the child's right to his inherent individuality, dissimilarity to others, including dissimilarity to his parents. To accept a child means to affirm the unique existence of this particular person, with all his inherent qualities. How can you implement the acceptance of a child in everyday communication with him? First of all, it is necessary to pay special attention to the assessments that parents constantly express when communicating with their children. Negative assessments of the child's personality and inherent qualities of character should be categorically abandoned.
All future and current parents should understand very well that every such statement, no matter how fair, in fact, it may be, no matter what the situation may be, causes serious harm to contact with the child, violates confidence in parental love. It is necessary to develop a rule for yourself not to evaluate the child himself negatively, but to criticize only an incorrectly performed action or an erroneous, thoughtless act.
The child must be confident in parental love, regardless of their current successes and achievements. The formula of true parental love, the formula of acceptance is not “I love you because you are good”, but “I love you because you are, I love you the way you are”.
But if you praise a child for what he has, he will stop in his development, how can you praise if you know how many shortcomings he has? Firstly, it is not only acceptance, praise or censure that educates a child, education consists of many other forms of interaction and is born in living together in a family. Here we are talking about the realization of love, the creation of the right emotional foundation, the right sensual basis for contact between parents and the child. Secondly, the requirement of accepting a child, love for who he is, is based on recognition and faith in the development, and therefore, in the constant improvement of the child, on the understanding of the infinity of human knowledge, even if he is still very small. The ability of parents to communicate without constant condemnation of the personality of the child is helped by faith in all that is good and strong that is in every, even in the most disadvantaged, child. True love will help parents refuse to fix weaknesses, shortcomings and imperfections, direct educational efforts to reinforce all the positive qualities of the child's personality, to support the strengths of the soul, to fight weaknesses and imperfections.
Contact with the child on the basis of acceptance becomes the most creative moment in communication with him. The cliché and stereotyping, operating with borrowed or inspired schemes are gone. The creative, inspirational and every time unpredictable work to create more and more “portraits” of your child comes to the fore. This is the path of more and more new discoveries.
It is important to evaluate not the personality of the child, but his actions and deeds, changing their authorship. Indeed, if you call your child a klutz, lazy or dirty, it is difficult to expect that he will sincerely agree with you, and this is unlikely to make him change his behavior. But if this or that act was discussed with full recognition of the child's personality and the affirmation of love for him, it is much easier to make the child himself evaluate his behavior and draw the right conclusions. He may make a mistake and next time, or due to weakness of will, take an easier path, but sooner or later “the height will be taken”, and your contact with the child will not suffer from this, on the contrary, the joy of achieving victory will become your common joy.
Control over the child's negative parental assessments is also necessary because very often parental condemnation is based on dissatisfaction with one's own behavior, irritability or fatigue that arose for completely different reasons. Behind a negative assessment is always an emotion of condemnation and anger. Acceptance makes it possible to penetrate into the world of deeply personal experiences of children, the emergence of sprouts of "participation of the heart". Sadness, not anger, sympathy, not vindictiveness - these are the emotions of truly loving their child, accepting parents. In the nineties, in the changed political and economic conditions, a certain reassessment of the state policy regarding the family was required, aimed at its comprehensive, comprehensive support.
This reassessment was reflected in the Constitution of the Republic of Belarus, the Law of the Republic of Belarus “On State Benefits for Families Raising Children”, the Presidential Decree “On the Main Directions of the State Family Policy”, and the Presidential Program “Children of Belarus”. The general goal of state policy in this area is to stabilize the situation of the family and create real prerequisites for the positive dynamics of the processes of its life support.
The main directions of the state family policy, approved by Decree of the President of the Republic of Belarus dated January 21, 1998 No. 46, reflect the acute problems of family life. The principles of state family policy are based on the priority of universal human values and affirm the independence and autonomy of the family, the priority of the interests of the child, the equality of men and women in the distribution of family responsibilities, the unity of family policy at the state and regional levels, the partnership of the family and the state, and the protection of the family from poverty.
International Day of the Family was established by the UN General Assembly in 1993. The establishment of this day is intended to draw the attention of the public of different countries to the numerous problems of the family. The family as the main element of society has been and remains the guardian of human values, culture and historical continuity of generations, a factor of stability and development. Thanks to the family, the state grows stronger and develops, the well-being of the people grows. The Council of Ministers of the Republic of Belarus, by its Decree of April 14, 1994 No. 242, ordered the executive committees of local Councils of People's Deputies, ministries and departments, enterprises, institutions and organizations to annually hold events dedicated to this day. By Decree of the President of the Republic of Belarus No. 157 of March 26, 1998 “On public holidays, holidays and memorable dates in the Republic of Belarus”, Family Day was established in Belarus - May 15.
A person's life begins with the family, here he is formed as a citizen. It is a source of love, respect, solidarity and affection, something on which any civilized society is built, without which a person cannot exist. The well-being of the family is a measure of the development and progress of the country. At all times, the development of the country was judged by the attitude of the state to the family, as well as by the position of the family in society. A happy union of the family and the state is a necessary guarantee of the prosperity and well-being of its citizens.
“A strong family is a strong state » is one of the main ideas consolidating modern Belarusian society . Targeted family support is guaranteed by the Laws of the Republic of Belarus “On the Rights of the Child”, “On Health Care”, the Code of the Republic of Belarus on Marriage and Family, the Presidential Program “Children of Belarus”, etc. The state family policy is based on such an important area as the protection of motherhood and childhood . Belarus has created a reliable system of protection for families with children, which includes economic, social, labor guarantees and rights. Much attention is paid to a sustainable increase in the material well-being of the family by creating economic prerequisites for wage growth, prioritizing its increase among low-paid categories of the population, strengthening the protection of the rights of employees, and raising the minimum state guarantees in the field of wages to the level of the subsistence minimum budget. The state seeks to provide favorable opportunities for creating decent living conditions for families and children, giving priority to the protection of motherhood and childhood, assistance to families raising minor children. State support for families with children occupies a special place in the system of social protection of the population. Strengthening such support helps to strengthen the family and its prestige in society. The main forms of state assistance are cash payments to families in connection with the birth, maintenance and upbringing of children (benefits, pensions), as well as material assistance in cash and in kind, labor, tax, housing, medical and other benefits to parents and children, social services for families (provision of medical and social, psychological, pedagogical, social and legal services). There are 156 territorial centers of social services for the population in Belarus. It employs specialists of various specializations and qualifications: psychologists, teachers, lawyers, doctors, social workers. Specialists of the territorial centers of social services for the population identify the needs of specific families and children in various types of social assistance, carry out patronage of socially disadvantaged families and children, provide psychological, pedagogical and legal assistance to families and children in difficult life situations. One of the priority areas of their work is the provision of legal and informational assistance to adolescents, the organization of their leisure activities.
Special attention is paid in Belarus to large families. Support for young families is being improved, which implies, in the event of the birth of a child, the improvement of living conditions, the allocation of gratuitous subsidies, the use of flexible schemes for preferential lending.
Despite the efforts made, there is an increase in the number of conflicts in family relations in the republic, and family values are undergoing cardinal changes. Almost every second family breaks up, the number of parents leading an antisocial lifestyle increases. High divorce and out-of-wedlock birth rates , leads to an increase in the number of incomplete families. Today there are 33 thousand orphans in the country, and 90% of them are social orphans, which means they have parents. There are 55 family-type orphanages, 35 shelters, 9 social and pedagogical centers in Belarus.
In order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative impact of the family on the upbringing of the child, it is necessary to remember intra-family psychological factors that are of educational importance:
be interested in the problems of the child, delve into all the difficulties that arise in his life and help develop his skills and talents;
be able to restrain possessive instincts and treat the child as an equal partner, who simply has less life experience so far;
respect the desire of all other family members to make a career and improve themselves.
CONCLUSIONS
The family is a special social group that plays the main, long-term and most important role in the education of the individual. It is in the family, watching the parents, the child gets his first life experience and learns how to behave in different situations.
"Family relations are a complex phenomenon, a complex mental reality, including both mythological and timely levels of consciousness, and individual and collective, ontogenetic, sociogenetic and phylogenetic" .
The problem of mutual perception in a married couple and the harmony of family relations fell into the field of view of researchers, starting from the birth of marital psychology and psychotherapy as a branch of science (30s of the XX century), and experienced a period of increased interest in domestic psychology in the mid-late 80s years of the last century (studies by Yu. E. Aleshina, L. Ya. Gozman, E. M. Dubovskaya and others). Now that marital therapy has developed and the institution of marriage has changed, there is an urgent need to study marital relationships, and especially those aspects of them that are associated with low marital satisfaction.The psychological climate can be defined as a more or less stable emotional mood characteristic of a particular family, which is a consequence of family communication, that is, it arises as a result of the aggregate mood of family members, their emotional experiences and worries, attitudes towards each other, towards other people, towards work, to surrounding events. It should be noted that the emotional atmosphere of the family is an important factor in the effectiveness of the family's vital functions, the state of its health in general, it determines the stability of the marriage.
- PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPPORT OF THE FAMILY
- Determining the consistency of family values and role settings in a married couple
We offer the following scheme of individual work of a consultant with a married couple:
1) determine the motives of the husband and wife to save the marriage;
2) provide an opportunity for each of the spouses to fully disclose their attitude to the current family situation;
3) develop a positive therapeutic attitude of marriage partners to each other;
4) study the history of marriage and the main characteristics of marital relations;
5) form an idea of the positive and negative character traits of a husband and wife;
6) determine the ability of the husband and wife to empathize and sympathize;
7) Get information about the factors accompanying marital disagreements;
8) study models of interaction and relationships between spouses;
9) get an idea about the sexual life of the spouses;
10) to explain to the husband and wife that in the process of counseling, the spouses should focus all their attention on the present and future of their relationship.
Of particular importance in family counseling is the question of choosing methods for obtaining information about a particular married couple, since the accuracy and completeness of information depends on the diagnosis, the choice of the direction of corrective work and its effectiveness. The nature of marital relations largely depends on the degree of consistency between the family values of the husband and wife and the role ideas about who and to what extent is responsible for the implementation of a certain family sphere. The adequacy of the role behavior of the spouses depends on the correspondence of the role expectations (the attitude of the husband and wife to the partner's active fulfillment of family duties) and the role claims of the spouses (the personal readiness of each of the partners to fulfill family roles).
This technique, developed by A.N. Volkova, is included in a comprehensive program of practical work with a married couple and allows you to determine:
- spouses' ideas about the importance of sexual relations in family life, personal community of husband and wife, parental responsibilities, professional interests of each of the spouses, household services, moral and emotional support, external attractiveness of partners. These indicators, reflecting the main functions of the family, constitute the Family Values Scale (SSC);
spouses' ideas about the desired distribution of roles between husband and wife in the implementation of family functions, united by the scale of role expectations and claims (SHROP).
1. Two sets of 36 thick paper cards (cardboard). Each card is marked with a number and text of judgment (see APPENDIX 1).
2. Two sets of 4 classifier cards with one of the following inscriptions on each: “I completely agree”, “In general, this is true”, “This is not entirely true”, “This is not true”.
How it works: Spouses are invited to review the set of statements appropriate to their gender and the following written instruction:“Dear comrade! The cards offered to you are printed with various statements about marriage, family, relations between husband and wife. In front of you are four cards with printed answer options: “I completely agree”, “In general, this is true”, “This is not entirely true”, “This is not true”. Reading each statement carefully, distribute all the cards according to these four answer options. If you fully agree with the statement, please place it below the “Strongly Agree” card. If you think that the statement is true, but with minor reservations and additions, put it under the “In general, this is true” card. If the statement seems unsuitable for you, but there is something in it with which you agree, put it under the card "It's not quite right." If you strongly disagree with a statement, put it under the "This is not true" card. When dividing cards with statements into four groups, try to express your personal opinion, and not what is accepted among your relatives and friends. Thank you for participating in the psychological examination."
After the spouses have completed the task, the counselor records the responses of the husband and wife in the consultation study protocol (form): Statement assigned to the group
“Strongly agree” is rated 3 points, classified as “In general this is true” - 2 points, assigned to the group “This is not entirely true” - 1 point and assigned to the group “This is not true” - 0 points. Here, in the protocol, the consultant summarizes the scores for each indicator of the Family Values Scale (FSS). For the first two indicators, these results will be final and transferred to the last column of the protocol. The final scores of the remaining indicators are calculated as half the sum of the scores on the "expectation" and "claim" subscales. Before the final conversation, the consultant should ask the spouses which form of obtaining information about the results of the survey is most desirable for them (a conversation with each of the spouses or a joint discussion of the results). For clarity of data on the consistency of family values and the role adequacy of spouses, it is recommended that the consultant illustrate the indicators in diagrams. After psychologically informing the spouses, the consultant should build a conversation in such a way that the husband and wife, based on the ideas received by each of them about the role interaction in the family, make a joint decision on the need for an optimal distribution of family functions with the obligatory consideration of the individual needs and interests of both husband and wife.
- Diagnosis focused on identifying parental attitudes
Parental attitude is understood as a system of various feelings towards the child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communication with him, features of perception and understanding of the nature and personality of the child, his actions.
The validity of the questionnaire was determined by the method of contrast groups. According to the T-criterion, the discrimination of the factors of the experimental group was calculated in all samples. Of the five factors, four turned out to be discriminatory, that is, they significantly distinguished the samples from each other. Thus, it was shown that the proposed questionnaire really takes into account the peculiarities of the parental attitude of persons experiencing difficulties in raising children. In addition, factorization of data on the subjects was carried out, followed by rotation of significant factors. She showed the coincidence of a priori and empirical groups; as a result of factorization, a group of subjectively well-off parents (control group) and a subsample of people who sought help from psychological counseling were identified. These data also confirm the validity of the questionnaire.
- Can divorce be avoided?
In the theoretical part of this work, it was proved that divorce causes strong feelings and mental breakdown in children. M. I. Buyanov points to such consequences of divorce for children as stuttering and mutism (silence), caused by psychological trauma of a shock nature and often observed in children from conflict families. A.I. Zakharov claims that every second child with a neurosis suffered separation from his father due to divorce during his life. The previously indicated behavioral signs of the negative impact of divorce on children can also manifest somatic symptoms: stomach pains, headaches, etc.
As for the long-term psychological and pedagogical consequences of divorce for children, recent studies show that the restriction (absence) of contacts with the father makes it difficult for the child to receive a significant part of the social experience, not only because of the lack of direct influence on him by another educator (with psychological characteristics), but also because of the impossibility of introducing parental, marital interaction into the practice. It is noted that children who grew up in incomplete families, deprived of the opportunity to observe close and harmonious relations between two close people, often repeat the mistakes of their parents; as a result, divorce becomes, as it were, hereditary.
Tseluiko V.M. in the book A FAST Marital Shootout: How to Save a Relationship and Should You Do It, suggests that parents who are thinking about divorce should use the technique "Can Divorce Be Avoided?". This technique is presented in APPENDIX 3, and is a significant help in conducting diagnostic work with parents.
- Parental effectiveness training by A. Aladyina
Although the word “efficiency” is included in the name of the program, the objectives of the training are more modest. There are three of them - the first, to give parents knowledge about the mechanisms of family systems, to show the influence of their parental families on today's life in their own family; second, to give a specific model for building relationships with children and to teach them the various interpersonal skills necessary to implement this model; third, to provide an opportunity to train these skills in practice, gradually improving the level of competence.
Depending on the age of the children, parents participating in the program are introduced to different models of interaction. The difference in the models is that parents of children of preschool and primary school age are taught the principles and methodology of client-centered play therapy, while parents of older children are taught the principles and methodology of behavioral-cognitive therapy. In both cases, the program is designed to strengthen the relationship between parent and child; the parent being the therapeutic agent of change.
A few words about the features of the group acquisition. A typical member of the group is a person who belongs to the category of people with an average income and has at least completed secondary education. It is contraindicated to include in the group psychotic parents, mentally retarded, encroached on their own or someone else's life.
A parent study group usually consists of six to eight parents or married couples. Ten parents in a group is too many to supervise their work, as well as to effectively communicate within the group.
Perhaps the best option is one in which the group includes only individual parents or only married couples.
A few caveats should be made; when a couple is included in a study group, persistent relationship problems may arise in the process of sharing feelings, and the leader may have to make extra efforts to keep the discussion at a level that would be consistent with the learning goals. In addition, it is unacceptable to immerse the study of family characteristics to the detriment of didactic material. It is very important to maintain a delicate balance here.
Since the training is a combination of didactic elements with the study of feelings and emotional reactions in a group, insofar as a specialist intending to conduct such classes, it is necessary to have the skills and experience of working with groups. The family conditionality of the problem, in turn, requires the psychologist to be able to master the techniques of family psychotherapy. The emerging sense of group and group cohesion are important characteristics of the parental therapy process. Therefore, after the second session, the group is closed, and no new members join it. The parents meet for four hours every week for ten weeks; for this type of training, this period is optimal. The minimum period is 2 hours during the same ten weeks. The main form of the session is a live discussion in a group consisting of six to eight parents and a therapist sitting in a circle. Lengthy lectures should be avoided and attention tends to be on the parents. During the conversation, the necessary educational information is gradually introduced in connection with spontaneous statements of parents or information about their children. This, first of all, concerns information about the family system, the conditionality of behavior by the experience of the parental family. Such an interweaving of educational information with problems that concern parents leads to the fact that knowledge is perceived and assimilated by parents more meaningfully. In the group, parents often find solutions to problems and new ways of communicating with their children. After each session, parents receive homework assignments that allow them to maintain a sense of belonging to the group between meetings. Parents are encouraged to take notes during class (see APPENDIX 4).
Thus, within the framework of this work, various areas of psychological support for a married couple were considered. We have given diagnostic methods, examples of correctional and developmental work. Also, much attention was paid to working with parents, who have a huge impact on the child, and this influence can be positive and negative. Therefore, a remedial program has been proposed that allows adults to cope with the critical situation of divorce, as well as help their children survive this traumatic situation.
CONCLUSION
What is a family for a modern person?.. Of course, for different people, the concept of "family" is not the same, but almost always it is associated with the dearest and closest, loved ones and relatives. Family is when you love and love you, not for something, but in spite of everything. Family implies a high degree of trust, a husband or wife is the person you can rely on. No wonder there is such an understanding: a husband is a stone wall, but a wife is also an assistant to her husband. This means that there must be a high degree of trust and responsibility of one person for another. Family is a place where you are accepted for who you are. There is no need to prove anything, try to explain, you will be understood.But why so often in the family there is no mutual understanding? - disputes begin between the older and younger generations ... Parents teach children how to live, give advice and instructions - but the thirst for independence, the spirit of contradiction and the desire to do everything the other way around take over. Love for the family is in the heart of everyone - just some carefully hide it, mask it with a veil of indifference, talk about independence, but everyone keeps a piece of this warmth in the depths of their hearts. Family is support, support, it is kindness, mutual understanding ... But why do we always argue with this? Why are we resisting and trying to wage this fight? Maybe the family doesn’t give enough light, or maybe children’s grievances ... It’s just wrong to idealize - these are not fairy tales, you don’t have to believe in them, it’s enough just to know that ideals exist. And no matter how sad and insulting it was for your family, if something didn’t work out, they didn’t understand each other - just knowing that people are all different and not everyone can give warmth - so someone gets more, and someone less. … All people can love, but not everyone has learned to express their feelings.
Emotional well-being in a family can never arise by itself, it must be built. When we talk about mutual understanding, emotional contact between children and parents, husband and wife, we mean a certain dialogue, the interaction of family members with each other.
In a friendly family, with all the individuality of its members, mutual support and assistance, friendly relations, inseparability of joys and sorrows reign. Children in the family are not the first and not the last, but equal members of it.
In order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative impact of the family on the upbringing of the child, it is necessary to remember intra-family psychological factors that have educational value:
- take an active part in family life;
always find time to talk with the child;
be interested in the problems of the child, delve into all the difficulties that arise in his life and help develop his skills and talents;
do not exert any pressure on the child, thereby helping him to make decisions independently;
have an idea of the different stages in a child's life;
respect the child's right to their own opinion;
be able to restrain possessive instincts and treat the child as an equal partner, who simply has less life experience so far.
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Folk wisdom roams the web: a family is a small country in which PAPA is the president, MAMA is the minister of finance, the minister of health, the minister of culture and emergencies in the family. CHILDREN are people who constantly demand something, are indignant and go on strike. As the saying goes, there is some truth in every joke. Is this formula of family relations really suitable for most people or is it not as general as we think? And what characteristic of relationships in the family in this case will be the reference?
They say that each of the happy families is unhappy in its own way. Indeed, there are some characteristics of family relationships, thanks to which we feel calm and harmonious in the circle of our relatives. However, it may be different. There are times when people who are called to become the closest become the causes of constant stress and dissatisfaction with life.
Various characteristics of relationships in the family, both between spouses and between parents and children, do take place. Having understood the mechanism of their action and having figured out what kind of relationship a single problematic family is in, you can try to find a way out and eliminate the problem.
Characteristics of family relationships
What are the characteristics of family relationships?
We single out 7 main types and consider each of the characteristics separately:
traditional family
This is the ideal type of relationship. It is quite harmonious and its main characteristic is stability. Love, respect and mutual understanding reign here. Spouses are united in their views on life. It cannot be said that there are no disagreements in such families, however, all the roughness and corners here are smoothed out calmly and to mutual pleasure. Such a well-coordinated relationship between husband and wife is the result of their deep respect for each other and care. Such families are most often durable and there are a lot of reasons for this. Home is a positive example of a family in which future spouses grew up. As statistics show, a child who grew up in a full-fledged family, where love and harmony prevail, subconsciously projects such relationships into his future family.
Naturally, the majority wanted the characteristics of relationships in their families to be exactly the same as described above. However, this is not possible for everyone. Unfortunately, the traditional family, as a type of relationship in its purest form, is becoming less and less common.
parent-child
When one of the spouses, no matter the husband or wife, as a rule, is much older than his partner. Moreover, the age interval between husband and wife can be very different from seven to twenty or more years. One of the spouses builds his behavior from the position of a child, irresponsible and capricious, and the other spoils him, takes care of him, cares, but also controls, educates, making all kinds of remarks. One of the couple in the role of an “adult” assumes all the responsibilities for solving most of everyday problems, from financial support to any organizational issues.
As a rule, such a characteristic of relationships is inherent in very young wives and their wealthy husbands of mature age, or, in the case when weak, infantile and dependent youths enter into an alliance with more mature dominant women who are used to "carrying everything on themselves."
Relationships like these can go on for a long time. This idyll will be destroyed only when the spouse - the "child" begins to "grow up". He will gradually become a burden to excessive guardianship and constant control. The dominant partner will only cause irritation. That will lead to the collapse of such relationships.
Classic tyranny
In families of this type, there is only one person - a strong and powerful spouse - a tyrant. The interests and needs of the rest of the family members are not taken into account, the boundaries of their personalities are blurred, as it were, obeying the requirements of the tyrant-dictator.
The dominant spouse will control every step of any of the family members, telling the family how to behave, what to do, how to plan their day. The tyrant methodically and not without pleasure points out to others their shortcomings. He is the only one in charge of the family budget, showing his other half how to earn money.
In such families, assault is quite common. Not everyone can feel comfortable with such a family way of life for a long time. Classical tyranny can normally exist only at the initial stage of mutual love, and how long this type of relationship will last depends on a large number of factors.
Relationships - "dependence on addiction"
They occur when there are alcoholics, drug addicts, gamers and other dependent categories of people in the family. In this case, the dependent person subordinates all members of his family to himself, completely without thinking about their needs and desires. Codependents in this family deal only with solving the problems of the addict. Trying with their last strength to pull him out of the abyss, to save him from pernicious passion, they unconsciously completely deprive themselves of a normal life, sacrifice their well-being.
In such families, assault can also occur, up to a tragic ending. The family in such cases can be preserved only when the dependent person has a serious reason to defeat his passion once and for all. The happy resolution of such stories is rare. Usually, families break up when the patience of a codependent spouse comes to an end.
"Everyone on their own" or a disunited family
Such families sometimes seem to the outsider to be very prosperous. Here, the boundaries between the spouses are very clearly distributed. Each of them, in practice, lives his own separate life, independent of his partner, without encroaching on the interests and freedom of the other. Most often, this is the notorious “civil marriage” or guest marriage, where one partner, rather a woman, considers herself married, and the second, a man, considers himself free. Less often it is the other way around. Husband and wife can live separately from each other, in different cities, even in different countries.
Such families can exist for quite a long time, but these relationships also come to an end. The reasons for the breakup are many. Most often, there is a change in the worldview of one of the partners and on his part the characteristics of their so-called “marriage” change. Of course, this partner will try to convince his half to reconsider his beliefs and look at their family through the prism of his new values. However, this is not always accompanied by the preservation of the family.
Friendships (brother-sister)
It sounds promising, however, such families are no less than others doomed to break. It would seem that a husband and wife have excellent mutual respect, common interests, some kind of common work or goal towards which they are going. They are quite capable of understanding each other without words. But, brotherly-sisterly relations exclude mutual attraction between partners, carnal passion. There is no place for sex here. Therefore, collapse in such a family often occurs when one of the spouses finds a person who causes a storm of emotions in him, a sexual desire that the current partner was not able to evoke.
Relations "Fireworks"
Here both spouses are rather emotional personalities and are not devoid of artistic abilities. Husband and wife constantly compete with each other. This family is the volcano or the Italian la famiglia. In these relationships, no one wants to give in. As Svyatoslav Vakarchuk sings: - I will not give up without a fight! Here all problems and misunderstandings are solved through high-profile scandals. Stormy clarification of relations for show will not surprise them. Any "scenes at the fountain" here become the property of the neighbors and submitted to their strict and not always objective judgment.
However, after a violent quarrel comes the same eccentric reconciliation. Husband and wife got a good emotional release, as they say, they yelled out their negativity. And now, as if nothing had happened, they are ready to live on, until a new quarrel, which will not take long. The most interesting thing is that each of the partners considers his family to be quite prosperous and does not complain about the bitter fate.
How long can such a family last? Yes, quite a long time. Both spouses, as it were, feed each other with their emotions and live quite harmoniously, as it seems to them, however, it’s worth asking the opinions of their neighbors, who just don’t act like: spectators, arbitrators, lightning rods and ambulances combined. Aren't these unfortunate hardy people who are forced to endure all this fireworks of emotions tired? And will they not want one day to no longer get involved in these stormy showdowns, saving one of the spouses from the other, allowing them to either make peace on their own, or kill each other, so that the long-awaited silence would finally come in their house?
Types of relationships and their impact on children
Each of the characteristics of family relationships, of course, leaves its mark on the mental, moral and mental development of a child who grows and develops in families with the above classification.
In families with any disharmonic signs, there is a high probability that these features of your relationship will cause serious harm to the psycho-emotional and moral development of your child. His already fragile children's psyche will be distorted under the influence of unhealthy family relationships, often undergoing irreparable consequences and causing serious mental trauma to your child.
So a child who grew up in a tyrant's family may develop inclinations towards sadism, mental disorders of various classifications. While, in a traditional family, where relationships are close to ideal, as a rule, a calm, balanced child will grow up, with normal self-esteem, who will subsequently develop into a successful self-sufficient person.
Dependence of characters on the environment of education
Among the factors influencing the viability of the family and its prosperous existence, the following stand out: the level of upbringing, education of partners, instilled life guidelines, moral beliefs and principles, that is, those characteristics that a husband and wife receive from their parents, which are an example for them. The ability of the family to move in one direction, to constructively resolve conflict situations, to its harmonious existence and development depends on whether all the above conditions coincide.
As a rule, almost none of the types of family relationships described above is found in nature in a crystal clear form. So brother-sister relationships are often mixed into the characteristics of a traditional family, and co-dependent relationships, it is found that, in addition, are poisoned by manifestations of tyranny. This naturally complicates the task of the psychologist, who has to solve the problem of adjusting the relationship of a single family. Complicates, but does not make impossible. Therefore, for the sake of a harmonious and comfortable existence of your relationship, you can and should contact a competent specialist. As they say, the road will be mastered by the walking one. Therefore, having recognized the disturbing signs of disharmony in your family union, try to give up all your strength to bring your relationship to a happy level. Yes, this is not an easy task, but the game is worth the candle.
Relationships in the family
Material Description: this material can be used to hold a parent-teacher meeting at school or in the classroomRelationships in the family
“You can’t teach a person to be happy, but you can educate him so that he is happy” A.S. Makarenko
Family is the most important thing a child has!
It's hard to raise kids in today's complex world. Workload problems affect parents, and this, in turn, affects children.
All parents raise their children to the best of their ability and understanding of life, rarely thinking about why in certain situations they act this way and not otherwise. At the same time, in every family there are moments when the behavior of a beloved child confuses an adult. And parents make mistakes from time to time.
By the way the family influences the child, we can conclude in what environment he grows up: favorable, contradictory, dysfunctional. The child learns the norms of behavior, the nature of relationships between people, value orientations, first of all, in the family.
If he is loved, considered, talked to, played with, then he is open to communication, energetic, inquisitive, healthy, happy, the development of intellect, feelings, and will is actively taking place. But, unfortunately, this is not always the case, and more often the personality of the child is not formed at all.
In the family, self-consciousness and self-esteem are born in children, the image of “I” is formed, the first social norms and rules are assimilated.
Family relationships is a special kind of human interaction. People interact in different ways. It can be domestic, business, professional, personal, intimate, sexual and other interactions. In the family, they all focus on the “small space” of family relationships. By virtue of proximity and everyday interaction, these relationships are specific and very different from the same nature, but inherent in strangers, relationships that permeate our whole life.
Describing the relationship between family members, let's turn to psychology. In modern social psychology, you can find different types of relationships between people. These are cooperation, competitiveness, parity, antagonism, competition. The very names of the relationships define their essence.
Cooperation- the most productive type of family relationship. In this case, all family members are bound by moral and spiritual ties. Mutual understanding, mutual support, mutual respect - these are the main elements of interaction between its members. As a rule, all generations are interconnected, regardless of whether they live together or separately. Moreover, this connection is primarily spiritual. It is this connection that involves assistance in the upbringing of small family members and moral and material support for elderly family members.
Competition in the family under moral conditions is an excellent type of relationship, since it activates, first of all, the younger generation to master the knowledge and skills necessary for life. The expectation of the results of activities, their comparison, made in a friendly manner, develops the potential of all family members who master new activities.
Competition can also have a positive connotation if its main goal is benevolent rivalry. A person with ambitions, brought up in the moral and spiritual world of the family, cannot turn competition into “survival of the fittest”. But if family members want to dominate, regardless of whether they have the necessary potential for this leadership, such competition leads to the suppression of one family member by another.
Antagonism is seen as a sharp contradiction between family members. As a rule, it leads to misunderstanding and conflicts. Of course, family members who are forced to live together “resign themselves” to the proposed circumstances. But this is only for a while. At any opportunity, the contradiction escalates, and the family moves to a new round of intra-family conflicts.
It is characteristic that there are families in which this or that type of relationship is clearly and distinctly manifested. In other families, these types may be on the transitional line. For example, cooperation may include elements of healthy competition and competition. And parity easily turns into antagonism. Of course, the most favorable for the development of the family is the type of "cooperation", but L.N. Tolstoy, in his famous novel Anna Karenina, said that “all happy families are alike, and unhappy families are unhappy in their own way.” Without arguing with the classic, however, I would like to note that the circumstances that form both happiness and unhappiness are different. So, we can say with full confidence that similar families do not exist. Each family has its own skeleton in the closet, but the difference lies in the fact that some are able to overcome adversity, resist destructive forces, while others fail. Parents can give the world a happy, successful and healthy person who is able to learn, create, act. And they can ruin, limit and not give even a small chance to somehow try, to prove themselves. Raising a baby, perhaps, can be considered a kind of philosophy of a single family. The methods and principles of education have the most significant influence on the formation of the personality of a small person, and therefore on his health and social success in the present and especially in the future.
A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin's parental attitude is understood as a system of various feelings towards the child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with him, features of perception and understanding of the nature and personality of the child, his actions. Their classification consists of five scales.
Acceptance-rejection. The scale reflects the integral emotional attitude towards the child. The content of this pole of the scale: the parent likes the child the way he is. The parent respects the individuality of the child, sympathize with him. The parent seeks to spend a lot of time with the child, approves of his interests and plans. At the other extreme of the scale: the parent perceives his child as bad, unfit, unsuccessful. It seems to him that the child will not succeed in life because of low abilities, mental limitations, bad inclinations. For the most part, the parent experiences anger, annoyance, irritation, resentment towards the child. He does not trust the child and does not respect him.
Cooperation. A socially desirable image of the parental relationship. In terms of content, this scale is revealed as follows: the parent is interested in the affairs and plans of the child, tries to help him in everything, sympathizes with him. The parent highly appreciates the intellectual and creative abilities of the child, feels a sense of pride in him. He encourages the initiative and independence of the child, tries to be equal with him. The parent trusts the child, tries to take his point of view on controversial issues.
Symbiosis. The scale reflects the interpersonal distance in communication with the child. With high scores on this scale, it can be considered that the parent seeks a symbiotic relationship with the child. Substantially, this tendency is described as follows: the parent feels himself a single whole with the child, seeks to satisfy all the needs of the child, to protect him from the difficulties and troubles of life. The parent constantly feels anxiety for the child, the child seems to him small and defenseless. The parent's anxiety rises when the child begins to autonomize due to circumstances, since the parent of his own will never gives the child independence.
Authoritarian hypersocialization. Reflects the form and direction of control of the child's behavior. With a high score on this scale, authoritarianism is clearly visible in the parental attitude of this parent. The parent demands unconditional obedience and discipline from the child. He tries to impose his will on the child in everything, unable to take his point of view. For the manifestation of self-will, the child is severely punished. The parent closely monitors the social achievements of the child, his individual characteristics, habits, thoughts, feelings.
little loser. Reflects the features of perception and understanding of the child by parents. With high values for this school, in the parental attitude of this parent, there is a desire to infantilize the child, to ascribe to him personal and social failure. The parent sees the child as younger than their actual age. The interests, hobbies, thoughts and feelings of the child seem to the parent childish, frivolous. The child appears to him unadapted, unsuccessful, open to bad influences. The parent does not trust his child, is annoyed at his slowness and ineptness. In this regard, the parent tries to protect the child from the difficulties of life and strictly controls his actions.
There is a special relationship between parents and children literally from the first day. And they will never be like any other relationship. A child is always emotionally dependent on his parents, especially on his mother, which means that he is always “under”, while parents are “above”. This situation of submission is natural. Perhaps this is the most natural and logical of all possible hierarchies. But the formation of the child's personality and his physical and psychological health depends on the quality of these relationships, on how comfortable the baby and parents are together.
Families are different well, if only because they are educated by people with their own unique habits, views and experience. All family relationships can be divided into several types.
Parents in the first type of relationship easily and naturally adapt to the needs of the child. They are aware of them and give a certain freedom in the development and knowledge of the surrounding world. Simply put, moms and dads allow more than they forbid, limiting the freedom of their own child only by criteria of safety, appropriateness and morality. Children in such families live, you know, perfectly. As a rule, they develop faster, showing good cognitive abilities and mature behavioral skills. Such kids are brave, active, inquisitive, because they are provided with all the conditions for development. They are not condemned by their parents in vain and literally from the cradle they know how to build trusting and emotionally warm relationships. It is customary to call such children “beloved”, but at the same time, such love does not spoil or spoil.
Parents in family relationships of the second type also easily adapt to the needs of the child, however, due to their own tension and hyper-responsibility, they tend to limit the freedom of the child wherever an opportunity presents itself. In such families, parents do not mind supporting the initiative and independence of the child, but at the same time they do not miss the opportunity to demonstrate their own superiority and experience. “Listen to mom, mom won’t advise bad!” - the dominant and sometimes overwhelming upbringing becomes the principle of relations in such a family. As for children, they also easily get used to such a policy. In fact, they have no other way. They are also open, cheerful and proactive, but mom and dad play a major role in their "independent" behavior. The last word rarely remains with the crumbs, and he is well aware of this.
The third type of family relations is dictated by the parents' exaggerated sense of duty to the child. In other words, it is important for mom to act as if according to instructions. It is supposed to feed three times a day - I will feed three times. High calorie, tasty and right on time. It is supposed to read a fairy tale at night - I will read it. However, in such seemingly “correct” relations with a child, coldness attracts attention. The absence of vivid emotions, a true desire to do something from the heart, and not because it is necessary. Needless to say, the baby feels everything. He tries his best to fit in to be loved. The kid is nervous, emotionally dependent. The main educational technique in such families is strict control. Love? Yes, it most often exists, but it is so suppressed by all sorts of “shoulds” and “so right” that sometimes there is neither time nor energy left for warm manifestations.
Finally, the fourth type of family relationship shows the saddest picture. The immature attitude towards the child of immature and infantile parents is dictated by anything but common sense: mood, the advice of friends, a five-minute snippet from a TV show captured or communication on a forum on the Internet ... Parents, and especially mother, behave inconsistently, as if not understanding the essence own actions and words. The parenting style can literally change daily, moving from absolute connivance and hysterical love to strict total control and prohibitions. Of course, in such a family there is the most unfavorable situation for the child and, of course, he cannot be calm, successful and "childishly" happy.
As you can see, family relationships are very diverse. The upbringing and climate within the family affect not only the formation of the personality of the baby, but also his health. When someone gets sick, the attitude towards that person changes. They pity him, protect him, seek to help. And the degree of this assistance directly depends on the severity of the disease. Accordingly, when a child is sick, this cannot leave his loved ones indifferent. All parents are worried and nervous about even a simple runny nose in their own beloved child.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, I would like to remind everyone of the parable: “Once upon a time there was a family in the world. She was not easy. There were over 100 people in this family. The family was special - peace and harmony reigned in that family. No quarrels, no swearing, no, God forbid, fights and strife. The rumor about this family reached the ruler of the country. And he decided to check if people are telling the truth. He arrived in the village, and his soul rejoiced: all around was cleanliness, beauty, prosperity and peace. Good for children, calm for old people. The lord was surprised. I decided to find out how the villagers achieved such a harmony, came to the head of the family and asked: “Tell me, how do you achieve such harmony and peace in your family?” The head of the family took a sheet of paper and began to write something. Having finished writing, he handed the sheet to Vladyka. He took the paper and began to sort out the old man's scribbles. Dismantled with difficulty and was surprised. Three words were written on paper: LOVE, FORGIVENESS, PATIENCE. And at the end of the sheet: "A hundred times LOVE, a hundred times FORGIVENESS, a hundred times PATIENCE." Vladyka read it, scratched, as usual, behind his ear and asked: - And that's it?
“Yes,” the old man replied, “this is the basis of the life of any good family,” and, after thinking, he added, “and the world too.”
To all parents, we wish love, forgiveness, patience and peace!
Application No. 1.
Tips for parents
1. Love your child, and let him never doubt it.
2. The main goal of education is a happy person.
3. Education without respect - suppression.
4. Accept your child as he is, with all his strengths and weaknesses.
5. Rely on the best in the child, believe in his abilities.
6. Strive to understand your child, put yourself in his place.
7. Create the conditions for the success of the child, give him the opportunity to feel strong, skillful, lucky.
8. Do not try to realize your unfulfilled dreams and desires in your child.
9. Do not look for a magic wand: education should be systemic.
10. Remember that it is not words that bring up, but a personal example.
11. Do not compare the child with other children, especially do not set them as an example.
12. Remember that every child is different and unique.
13. Treasure the trust of your child, take care of his secrets, never betray the child.
14. Children should be better than us, and they should live better.
15. Remember that YOU are responsible for raising your child.
*****
Do not show your child ostentatious politeness and sensitivity. Very soon, he will begin to imitate you and act in this way, first of all, in relation to yourself.
Do not be rude and do not use foul language yourself. Your habit will become your child's habit.
Do not talk about other people badly and disrespectfully. If you set an example in this to your child, expect that very soon he will say the same about you.
Be tactful towards other people. This is a lesson to your child of kindness and humanity.
Don't be afraid to apologize to someone in front of your child. At this point, you do not lose anything, only gain the respect of your child.
Remember that behavior is a mirror that reflects the true appearance of everyone!
*****
Parental power, combined with love, sets certain boundaries that help the child make the right decision, make an independent choice.
Love. Tenderness and affection give children the confidence that they are loved.
Attention. By making time for your children, you show them that you need them.
A responsibility. By your example, you teach children to be responsible, disciplined, to control themselves.
Admiration for girls and pride in boys develops a sense of self-worth.
Unconditional love develops self-confidence and gives a sense of security.
*****
Every child from the first days of life goes through his first, and therefore the most important school: the school of the family. And you are the first, most important and fateful teachers. Do not miss the time when your children believe that their parents know and can do everything. Don't betray their trust!
Help the child, who he is, whose he is, where, how he was born, how he should be as a rational being.
Inspire your child with a word, show by your own example: not to do evil, not to commit a bad deed is quite simple if you live by the principle: treat others the way you would like to be treated you.
With a word and an example, help make sure that everyone is able to perform a miracle - to make someone's life in their environment a little bit lighter, warmer, more comfortable.
Exercise your child in sympathy, in complicity, induce by your example to good deeds. Help to understand and love your home, its way of life, its rules and traditions.
Help your child to love the land on which his house stands, on which his ancestors walked and left it to us as a legacy.
Dear parents! It is difficult to overestimate the role of the family and especially the maternal school in the upbringing of a person. Remember: who is blind at home, he will not see anything beyond its walls.
Modern marriages are increasingly ending in divorce. This is due not only to economic progress, thanks to which the family has ceased to be a way of survival: a girl can provide for herself, and a man can arrange his personal life. The birth of children out of wedlock or an incomplete family is no longer condemned by society, and the divorce procedure is simpler than ever. Therefore, the psychology of family relations as a science that considers the problems of the family, as well as ways to preserve it, has become especially relevant.
Stages of development of family relations between husband and wife
Family relationships are not a static state, but a continuously evolving process. Crises, conflicts are the same component of it as love or respect. Any development is unthinkable without abandoning the old forms and rules, so spouses need to be ready for change. Any couple goes through several stages of a relationship, each of which lasts for several months or years:
- Falling in love or "candy-bouquet" period. This is the time when a man and a woman try to conquer each other and, being under the influence of passion, tend to idealize, have high expectations for family life. The shortcomings of the second half are either not noticed at all, or are perceived biased. A significant role is given to external data, demeanor, social status of the partner.
- Habituation or lapping. The couple has already been living together for some time, and the priorities, life values and interests of each come to the fore. Inconsistencies in these matters put the two in a position of confrontation, quarrels and conflicts - a frequent companion in relationships. If a man or woman is not able to accept and understand each other, divorce is inevitable.
- Compromises. If the couple has successfully overcome the previous stage, the time has come for sustainable family relationships. This does not always guarantee satisfaction for both partners, because. compromise in the family is achieved in different ways (equality, submission, humility, pressure, etc.) - each of the spouses chooses and plays his own role, which suits everyone to one degree or another.
- Ordinary and routine. Gradually, family relationships lose passion, become predictable. Boredom in communication is just as dangerous as an explosion of emotions in the previous ones. Spouses get tired of each other, lose their meaning in continuing family relationships, begin to look for adventures on the side.
- Mature family. If a man and a woman have successfully overcome the first 4 levels, the time comes for conscious family relationships that are not always based on love. Often the cement of such relationships is mutual respect, the experience of jointly overcoming difficulties, common interests (including material ones), as well as the fear of loneliness.
Crises in the family
The crisis of family life is an inevitable transition to a new round of relationships. There is no need to be afraid of this, but it is worth preparing, learning to make concessions and taking responsibility if there is a goal to save the family. Experts distinguish several periods of family relationships:
- The first year of family life is the formation and establishment of the internal and external boundaries of the family, the grinding of the characters and habits of men and women.
- From the 3rd to the 5th year - as a rule, at this time the first child appears, the housing issue is resolved, joint expensive property is acquired. There is a redistribution of roles (spouses-parents), new duties and responsibilities appear. Falling in love develops into friendship or habit.
- From the 7th to the 9th year - the children grew up, everything "settled down". There is fatigue from each other, satiety in sex and joint habits, a sense of routine in everyday life and communication, disappointment in expectations that have not been realized.
- From the 15th to the 20th year - the children grow up and are separated from the parental family, the career reaches a certain peak. There is a feeling that everything has been achieved, it is not clear where to go next. This period often coincides with a midlife crisis in a man or woman (40 years old), which also gives rise to uncertainty about further relationships.
Adultery (Why spouses cheat on each other)
Cheating can happen at any stage of a family relationship. Occasionally, the reason for a man’s spree is a banal physical attraction combined with low moral principles (when the desire to enjoy the “here and now” exceeds a sense of family duty to his wife). However, much more often the prerequisite for treason are factors such as:
- sexual dissatisfaction or boredom in bed;
- self-doubt, the need to recognize their attractiveness in the eyes of the opposite sex;
- lack of spiritual intimacy, mental loneliness, when "there is no one to talk to";
- violation of personal space, the need to feel free;
- tense situation in the family, the need for psychological relaxation, the need to relieve stress;
- need for protection: the family is not the rear, one of the partners does not feel stability (in money or feelings) and tries to find it on the side.
If a person receives everything necessary in family relationships (love, respect, sexual satisfaction, recognition, understanding, care, physical and moral rest, stability), the desire to look for someone on the side does not arise. Not everyone is able to forgive betrayal, but trying to prevent such a turn of events is the task of both spouses.
How to build trusting relationships?
A strong family is always the work of a man and a woman, because in order to build trusting close relationships and save a marriage for many years, love alone is not enough. Respect and the ability to compromise are the main keys to family happiness. Another secret of the psychology of happy relationships is that you should not try to avoid family quarrels, because this is almost unrealistic, it is better to learn how to properly resolve conflicts that arise. Specialists in the psychology of family relations give the following advice for those who want to save a family:
- show your love as often as possible (if not with words, then with deeds);
- do not try to remake your soulmate - this is pressure that will sooner or later be taken with hostility;
- do not compare your spouse with anyone - each person is individual;
- do not be silent about the problems that concern you (your half, most likely, does not know what is in your head, and the game of silence is a dead end).
If it came to a quarrel, psychologists advise to remember:
- no need to generalize and recall old grievances;
- say only what you were going to say (specify);
- restrain emotions (an offensive word spoken in haste is remembered for a long time);
- know how to forgive.
Video: why does conflict appear in marriage?
Understanding the psychology of family conflict is the first step towards its resolution. After watching this video, you will learn about the psychological prerequisites for difficulties in the family. The point of view and advice of specialists will tell you how to understand a partner during a crisis period, what to do to successfully overcome conflicts in family relationships.