Parent meeting "encouragement and punishment of the child in the family" - presentation. Abstract of the parent meeting "encouragement and punishment in the family"
Municipal educational institution
"Ernovskaya basic comprehensive school"
Zaraisky district of the Moscow region
Parent meeting
Encouragement and punishment
children in the family
prepared
primary school teacher
Zaitseva Varvara Ivanovna
Zaraysk 2012
Punishment is harm to the harmer.
Praise is a pedagogical jack.
V. Krotov
Meeting tasks:
Discuss with parents the problem of rewarding and punishing the child in the family.
To form a culture of encouragement and punishment of the child in the family.
Form of the meeting: opinion exchange.
Issues for discussion:
Types of punishments and rewards in family education.
The value of punishment and encouragement of children in the family.
Preparatory work for the meeting:
1. Preparation of pedagogical situations on the problem of the assembly.
Situation 1.
Parents thought for a long time what to give their first-grader daughter by the end of the school year as a reward for good studies.
We bought a book that is needed for the program and an album for summer photos. Having received the gift, the girl was indignant: “I thought you would buy me something else! Lena's parents bought a bicycle!”
Situation 2.
One mother tells another: “We beat and punish our own, and he will do his homework in five minutes and go outside. In the evening he will come, we start checking, and he is already sleeping on the go. The next day comes - again deuce.
Situation 3.
Parents constantly put the boy in a corner for all faults. And once, while still only in the fourth grade, he said to his father: “If you put me in a corner again, I’ll run to my grandmother. I won't live with you anymore."
Situation 4.
A small child was born in the family. The eldest child, a student of the third grade, changed dramatically: he became whiny, more and more often began to show aggressiveness towards his parents, a small child also became the subject of aggression.
Once again, when the mother asked to sit with the baby, the third grader replied: “I didn’t hire a nanny!” Parents would be terribly indignant, followed by punishment for wrongdoing.
Situation 5.
In this family, at the end of the week, the children reported on the results of their studies for the week. If the results were, in the opinion of the parents, good, then the children received encouragement in the form of pocket money. If the parents were not satisfied with the educational results of the children, they had to perform labor duties at home and in the country: do a full cleaning, water the garden, etc. Work could always be found, and the children tried to study in such a way as to avoid punishment in any way. labor.
2. Preparation of questionnaires for parents and students on the problem of the assembly.
Questionnaire for parents.
- Is it possible to raise a child without punishment?
- What can serve as a reason for punishment in your family?
- How does your child react to punishment?
- Is punishment always effective in influencing your child's behavior?
- How do you behave towards the child after you have punished him?
- What measures of influence on a child do you in your family consider punishment?
- Do you make a joint decision about punishing your child, or do you do it alone?
- How long does your child remember punishment?
- What punishments are excluded in your family?
3. Composition of students on the topic of the meeting:
"If I were a magician, I would forbid punishing children..."
Separately, excerpts from the writings of the guys about those punishments that they would like to exclude from the realities of our life today are drawn up. An important indicator of these writings is that children want to exclude those punishments from which they themselves periodically suffer:
“If I were a magician, I would forbid factories from producing belts. When children are beaten with a belt, it hurts a lot. And then the children cry. I feel sorry for them".
“If I were a wizard, I would make houses without corners. Children are often put in a corner. I know it. Because I'm a magician."
“Once I broke a vase. She was very beautiful. I cried a lot, my mother did not talk to me for a long time. I was very offended. It's bad when they don't talk."
“Once I saw a mother hitting a boy in the face. He cried. He was ashamed. If I were a magician, I would change this boy's mother. He would have been fine then, no one would have hit him in the face.
4. Making a poster with the opinion of children about rewards in their home.
Praise me if...
They give me gifts if...
They give me money if...
I'm allowed...if...
5. Making a memo for parents.
Assembly progress.
I. Opening speech of the class teacher.
Dear dads and moms! The theme of our today's parent meeting logically continues the theme of the previous meeting. Very often a child becomes nervous, aggressive and unbalanced because parents ineptly and sometimes rudely use methods of punishment and encouragement towards their child.
Before we move on to an active analysis of this problem, let's turn to the statements that have become today's epigraph of our meeting.
(Parents express their opinion on the statements written on the board).
And now let's see what is the opinion of our children on this issue, what do they pay attention to, what worries them.
Before you see the results of the statistics, I, as a class teacher, would like to note that in those families where parents ineptly use punishment and encouragement in raising a child, the level of anxiety is much higher, and the results of educational activities are much lower. So coercion as a method
education, does not always play a positive role in shaping the personality of the child, although parents willingly use it.
This and much more is what we're talking about today. While the kids are talking...
Acquaintance of parents with statistics of students' opinions on the problem of parent meeting.
Analysis of pedagogical situations (in groups), exchange of opinions of parents on the proposed situations. In the parent diary.
The words “What did I say?”, “Do as you are told”, etc. do not leave the language of some parents. These are not just words. This is a method of education. Parents believe that their business is to order, and the child only needs to obey.
But they forget or do not think at all that a free person cannot be formed in family slavery.
Showing their parental authority, they do not think about their weakness in their strength: it is much more difficult to convince your child, to be demonstrative, than to impose their will on him and force him to obey his parents.
Violence and coercion in education bring only harm. Having outwardly obeyed the order, the child remains with his own opinion, and he treats the instructions of his parents all the more hostilely, the more openly the parents impose their instructions, their opinion.
So in the relationship between children and parents comes estrangement.
Violence and coercion in education affect the character of the child. He becomes insincere, deceitful, hides his true face until a certain time under the mask that he has chosen for himself, gets used to prevaricate.
This leads to the fact that he ceases to be lively and cheerful, he hides from everyone the secret of his existence in his native home, becomes gloomy and secretive, leaves communication with his peers, avoids communication with the teacher, being afraid to say something wrong.
The main method of education is persuasion. And for this, talk to your child, communicate with him, look for examples of positive confirmation of your thoughts, be tactful, convincing him. Only then will your thoughts become his thoughts, your aspirations will become his aspirations.
Memo #1.
How to encourage a child in the family.
Smile approvingly at your child as often as possible:
and when he washes the dishes, and when he does his homework, and when he plays
with your toys.
Encourage your child with gestures: he will always be warm and comfortable if his mother touches his head while preparing homework, and daddy hugs and shakes his hand in approval.
Verbally express approval even with the smallest success of your child, his behavior. Use more often the expression: “you are right”, “we agree with your opinion” - this forms self-esteem in the child, develops introspection and critical thinking.
Give your child gifts, but at the same time teach him to accept gifts.
Create traditions and rituals in your family to reward your child: birthday, New Year, end of school year, September 1, good performance, surprises, congratulations, etc. Teach your child to be grateful for any signs
attention shown to him, regardless of the amount of money spent on the gift.
Give gifts to your child, not only taking into account his desires, but also taking into account the capabilities of your family. To encourage your child, use not only
gifts of a material nature, but also moral encouragement invented by you, which will later become a relic in the archive of your child’s family: letters of your own
crafts, poems, newspapers and friendly cartoons, etc. If you want to use money as an incentive, use this opportunity so that the child learns and manages wisely.
If a child is encouraged with money, you should know how he ordered and discuss it with him.
Let your child have pocket money, but do not leave spending without analysis by the child himself.
If your child is given gifts, never analyze their cost and value with him. This can lead to serious moral problems.
Teach your child to understand and appreciate the encouragement of their parents.
Remember! Your attention, love and caress, friendly participation and location can do more for your child than the most expensive gift!
The wounds of humiliation and bullying do not heal for years, the scars of indifference and ignorance remain for life!
IV. Collection Reflection.
Individual interviews with individual parents at their request and on the recommendation of the psychological service of the school.
Literature to prepare for the meeting:
Astakhov A.I. About school, about land, about bread. M., 1984.
Kabush U.T. Education in the modern school. Mn., 1995.
Malenkova L. I. Education in modern school. M., 1999.
Management of the educational system of the school: problems and solutions. / Ed. V. A. Karakovsky, L. I. Novikova, N. L. Selivanova, E. I. Sokolova. M., 1999.
Ovchinnikova I. G. Paternity. Moscow: Knowledge, 1981.
Hosted by: teacher
primary school
Chernysheva N.E.
MBOU "School No. 15"
Nizhny Novgorod
Targets and goals: 1. Discuss with parents the problem of rewarding and punishing a child in the family.
2. To form a culture of encouragement and punishment of the child in the family among parents.
3. Show the benefits of non-violent parenting methods.
4. Determine the means and techniques for building humane relationships in the family.
Preparatory work:
Questioning of students in order to identify the level of humanity of the relationship between parents and children.
Praise me if...
I get gifts if...
They give me money if...
I am allowed... if...
Parent survey.
Is it possible to raise a child without punishment?
What can serve as a reason for punishment in your family?
How does your child react to punishment?
Is punishment always effective in influencing your child's behavior?
How do you behave towards the child after you have punished him?
What measures of influence in your family do you consider punishment?
Do you make joint decisions about punishing your child, or do you do it alone?
How long does your child remember punishment?
What punishments are excluded in your family?
Setting pedagogical tasks for the meeting.
Development of memos for parents.
Decoration, equipment and supplies.
Reminders - advice for parents. Annex 3
Sheets with pedagogical tasks.
Presentation Attachment 1
multimedia installation.
5) Table of analysis of student surveys. Appendix 4
Members: Teacher, parents.
Conduct form: exchange of opinions, work in microgroups
“Punishment is harm
causing harm.
Praise is a pedagogical jack "
V.Krotov
"Who does not take caress,
will not take strictness either.
folk wisdom
Proceedings of the meeting
Considering situations.
Situation 1.
Parents constantly put the boy in a corner for wrongdoing. Once, while still only in the 4th grade, he told his father: “If you put me in a corner again, I’ll run to my grandmother. I won't live with you anymore."
Situation 2.
One mother tells another: “We beat and punish our own, and he will do his homework in five minutes and go outside. In the evening he will come, we begin to check, and he is already sleeping on the go. The next day comes - again deuce.
Situation 3.
A small child was born in the family. The older child, a student of the third grade, changed dramatically: he became whiny, more and more often began to show aggressiveness towards his parents, a small child also became the subject of aggression. Once again, when the mother asked to sit with the baby, the third grader replied: “I didn’t hire a nanny!” parents were terribly indignant, followed by punishment for wrongdoing.
We, as parents, face such situations very often. How to act in such situations or prevent them? What punishment should be applied so that the bad deeds of our children are not repeated?
These are the questions we have to answer today.
Remember, dear parents, your childhood. Raise your hand, those whom their parents never, under any circumstances, beat, spanked, touched with a finger ...
As you can see, there are only a few.
All the old Russian literature testifies that children were beaten, beaten cruelly, seeing in this, if not a blessing, then an inevitability consecrated by tradition. Oddly enough, but even today the problem of "forceful" influence - to beat or not to beat? - has not been fully resolved.
Many were brought up with a belt. As adults, you wittingly or unwittingly continue this tradition. Why?
The first reason: many parents really believe that nothing good can come out of a child without a belt. As a rule, such parents do not believe in their children, they are afraid of the future, they are afraid to forgive their children: “He will throw something even worse next time, you can’t let it go”
The second reason for the real misfortunes of our children is our intemperance, breakdowns, which are caused not by the mistakes of the children, but by extraneous reasons. How does it happen in life? Trouble at work, I came home - my wife flew up where she was, and this and that, and then her son turned up by the arm, well, he punched or plucked anger "
And the third reason why children are beaten. They beat from emptiness, from the echoing emptiness inside themselves. They beat because they don’t know how to talk to children in a different way, they don’t know the right words.
Meanwhile, beating children is very harmful both for medical reasons and from the point of view of psychology and pedagogy.
On the head is just a crime, it is unlikely that one of the beating parents does not want to see their child smart. Doctors categorically forbid hitting the hands, as there are many nerve endings associated with a variety of organs. A blow to the face is humiliating, it is never forgotten and will never be forgiven.
Physical punishment dulls all the best qualities in children, promotes the development in them of lies and hypocrisy, cowardice and cruelty, arouses malice and hatred for elders. And it is not true that an unbeaten, well-groomed and cherished child is not ready for the vicissitudes of fate, which, as you know, happens and beats. The blows of fate are for him an injustice that can be fought, that must be overcome.
Makarenko was an opponent of physical punishment. In his works, he showed their great harm to the cause of education. Makarenko believed that physical punishment for a child is “a tragedy of pain and resentment, a tragedy of cruelty, childish patience.” There is no real discipline in such families. Children are afraid of their parents and try to stay away from them.
But it is not only the physical punishments used by parents that cause mental trauma to our children.
Words never leave the language of some parents: “What did I say?”, “Do what you are told,” etc. These are not just words. This is a method of education. Parents believe that their business is to order, and the child must obey.
But they forget or do not think at all that a free person cannot be formed in family slavery. Showing their parental authority, they do not think that their strength is their weakness: it is much more difficult to convince a child to be demonstrative than to impose their will on him and force him to obey his parents. Outwardly, having obeyed the order, the child remains with his own opinion, and treats the instructions of his parents all the more hostilely, the more openly the parents impose their instructions, their opinion. Thus, alienation occurs in the relationship between children and parents. The child ceases to be alive and cheerful, hides his secret from everything, becomes gloomy or hidden, afraid to say something wrong.
And what are all the same forms of influence to apply if the child is guilty? After all, one way or another, a perfect misconduct cannot be ignored.
An effective measure of influence on a delinquent child is your temporary neglect of communication with him, deprivation of your trust: “You did this and that, although you knew very well: this is not right, and I have nothing to talk about with you.”
Next comes the exclusion zone. It's like he's not around. Ignore his words, ignore his searching smiles. Let him get ahead. Sometimes it is useful to say to a little person like this: “You disappointed me for this and that, and for this reason, I will have to go alone to visit.” And you need to endure the character, not to take the offender with you. The whole trick here is not depriving the child of something desired, but that you refuse to share the joy with him. Do not respond to pleas for forgiveness. Some children know that the louder they scream, the more quickly they are forgiven. One, two hurry to forgive. And then you see, your quick-witted child, not having time to get out of one misconduct, will boldly make a new one, knowing for sure: you just have to ask for forgiveness, and forgiveness will be received. It is not necessary to demand a verbal apology from the child. You need to atone for guilt by deeds and deeds. Broke - fix it. Didn't do it - do it. Noisy. Interfered with others - show that you have learned to consider the conveniences of others and can talk quietly.
The main method of education is persuasion. Remember this. And for this, talk to your child, communicate with him, look for examples of positive confirmation of your thoughts, be tactful, convincing him. The child should be explained why his act deserves condemnation.
Sometimes the indirect influence has a stronger effect on the child than the direct one. It is sometimes more useful for children to read a story or a fairy tale. In which they talk about such situations and realize what assessment this act deserves.
But it is impossible to abuse not only punishment, but also encouragement. Undeserved encouragement, praising the child harms the common cause of education. It develops self-satisfaction, vanity, arrogance in the child. It is necessary to encourage in moderation so that the encouragement really performs the function of an incentive, so that the child has a desire to study even better, to correct his behavior in some way.
I bring to your attention the results of the survey of our children.
Appendix 2
Problems in education are inexhaustible, like the sea. And it is not given to anyone to foresee all the possible turns, options, subtleties that may arise in our relations with children .. And even if you hold a different opinion about punishment than those I have outlined, I ask you ...
Do not rush to punish. Hotness is a bad assistant to the educator.
Do not delay punishment for too long, otherwise the punishment will turn into revenge. And revenge is never worthy of a person.
There are children whom you will not take with either punishment or kindness, but a generous attitude will save them in the end.
Listen to a mother's story of parental anger “Teach a lesson once and for all” (Yu.B. Gippenreiter “How to communicate with a child?” Moscow AST Astrel 2008, article 116)
And now I propose to work in small groups. Discuss situations that can happen in our families. (Each group is given a situation that is discussed by parents)
Pedagogical situation 1.
The mother returned from a meeting at which they were talking about her daughter's lag in mathematics. And instead of trying to calmly find out the reason for this lag at home, the mother says to her daughter: “Yes, why are you so stupid with us, only you got a deuce for a test in mathematics.” Is she right? What would you do?
Pedagogical situation 2.
The child behaves badly on the street and at a party (that is, at those moments when the eyes of other people are fixed on us). The mother screams: “Oh, you… How dare you! Yes, I’ll tell you ... ”and gives the child a slap on the back of the head. Is she right? What would you do?
Pedagogical situation 3
For all academic success, adults give gifts to the child as a token of gratitude. When the girl won a prize in the Olympiad, as a reward, her grandmother bought her a book about Pushkin and sweets as a gift. And Nadya, unwrapping the gift, made a grimace and announced publicly: “We have books, but we don’t need sweets so cheap!” And turned away.
What are the mistakes in education? What would you do?
Pedagogical situation 4.
The child asks to buy a designer. And the adults promise: “When you finish the academic quarter without triples, then we’ll buy a constructor.”
What mistakes have been made? What would you do?
And at the end of our parenting conversation, I would like to give you REMINDERS that will help you get out of situations where it seems like you need to apply punishment.
Annex 3 Good luck in raising your children!
Annex 3
Memo to parents
"Encouragement and punishment of children in the family"
Listen to your child. Get into his problem. It is not necessary to agree with the child's point of view, but thanks to parental attention, he will feel his importance and feel his human dignity.
Make a decision together with the child, and also give him the right to make independent decisions: the child is more willing to obey the rules that he set himself.
Try to prevent the situation or change it so that the child does not need to misbehave.
Give your child the opportunity to relax, switch from one activity to another.
When you demand something from a child, give him clear and precise instructions.
Do not be indignant if the child, perhaps, did not understand something or forgot. Without irritation, patiently explain to him the essence of your requirements again. The child needs repetition.
Don't make unreasonable demands on your child.
Don't act hastily. Stop and analyze why the child behaves the way he does, and not the other way, as evidenced by his act.
Think about how you can help the child in this situation.
Smile approvingly at your child as often as possible. Encourage him with gestures: he will always be warm and comfortable if mom touches his head, and dad approvingly hugs and shakes hands.
Verbally express your approval of even the smallest successes of the child.
Teach your child to be grateful for any signs of attention shown to him.
If your child is given gifts, never analyze their cost and value with him. This can lead to serious moral problems.
Teach your child to understand and appreciate the encouragement of their parents.
Remember! Your attention, love, caress, friendly participation and location can do more for your child than the most expensive gift!
Good luck dear parents!
Appendix 4
Analysis of student surveys
| Praise me if... | Not praised | Helping at home | good academic progress | I eat well |
| They give me gifts … | For the New Year Birthday | Just | For help at home |
|
| They give me money... | When I ask | Just | For education and help |
|
| I am allowed: Walk, play on a PC, go to visit if ... | I do my homework well | If I help my mother | Just like that when I ask |
Literature:
N.V. Lobodina "Parent meetings in elementary school" Issue 3 Volgograd 2007
N.I. Derekleeva "Parent meetings" grades 1-4 Moscow "Wakko" 2005
Yu.B. Gippenreiter "How to communicate with a child?" Moscow AST "Astrel" 2006
Weekly supplement to the newspaper "First of September" "Primary School" No. 31 2000 Article by V. Kudryashova "To beat or not to beat?"
Parent meeting.
"Reward and punishment in child rearing".
Goals:
1) give a general idea of how children can be brought up without resorting to cruelty and corporal punishment.
2) draw the attention of parents to unused opportunities for encouragement and praise.
Members:class teacher, parents of students, social teacher, teacher - psychologist.
Training:questioning parents during the parent-teacher meeting, questioning children before the parent-teacher meeting.
Decor:equipment and inventory.
1) The topic of the parent meeting and the quote are written on the blackboard: “Every child has the right to attention, to affection, to encouragement.” (E.A. Arkin)
2) Sheets of paper and pens are prepared on the desks for each parent.
Assembly progress.
I Opening speech of the class teacher.
Dear parents, there is no doubt that you love your children and wish them well. But being a parent is a joyful, but also stressful job. And while doing this work, you often come to a dead end, have doubts, trying to find the most suitable system of education for you and your children. Today we will try to answer some questions: should children be punished? When and how should this be done?
Is it possible to spoil a child with praise? What can you praise a child for?
II Individual work of parents.
Now I will ask you to divide a sheet of paper into two parts and write in one of them the words with which you encourage, praise your children, and in the other with which you scold. I ask you to complete this work in three minutes. (Parents do the task)
Dear parents, now look in which column there were more words, and draw conclusions for yourself.
III Analysis of the survey results.
Sociologists have concluded that in the case of undesirable behavior of children, the main methods of education applied to them by parents are “moral reading” and shouting.
How do the parents of our class punish their children? The answers to the questionnaire showed that ... (the data of the questionnaire on the question "How do you punish your child?")
Of course, raising a child is not easy. Myths about angelically pure and meek creatures are far from true. Children are not angels, but little human beings, and therefore, out of all the difficult situations in which children often put their parents, one should try to get out with respect for their human dignity, without the use of physical punishment or verbal abuse.
Corporal punishment and beating of children is absolutely unacceptable.
A child who is beaten feels insulted and humiliated, he feels a deep dislike for himself and others. His subsequent behavior may be dictated by a thirst for revenge. In addition, he is constantly tormented by fear, which can be detrimental to his development. It is difficult for a child to realize that he has been subjected to corporal punishment because of his inappropriate behavior.
It is much more natural for him to believe that such punishment is a manifestation of anger or dislike on the part of the one who punished him. But it should be noted that verbal insults - offensive remarks, rude words, constant nit-picking, ridicule - can be no less humiliating and can cause no less harm than assault.
Therefore, the main principle that we must be guided by should be the following - punishment is permissible and justified if it logically follows from the actions of the child. It must be reasonable and directly related to the content of the act, if we really want to teach the child how to behave.
So, dear parents, punishment will be effective when there is encouragement. Many parents believe that they should pay the main attention to everything imperfect, weak, incorrect in the behavior of their child. This point of view is wrong.
It brings up a child not so much negative (punishment) as positive (encouragement) reinforcement. There are words that support a child and words that destroy his faith in himself. Words of support:
Knowing you, I was sure that you would do everything well;
Do you have some thoughts about this, are you ready to start...;
It's a big challenge, but I'm sure you're ready for it.
IV Analysis of the survey results.
All aspects of a child's behavior can and should be encouraged.
Particular attention should be paid to praise for the effort made by the child. It is very good if the encouragement emphasizes both the child's ability to make efforts to achieve the goal, and the joy of the success achieved.
I propose to return to the answers to the questions of the questionnaire and get acquainted with how often the parents of our class praise their children and encourage them. (Analysis of parents' answers to the question "How do you encourage your child?")
enhancing the joy of the child from overcoming difficulties: “You can! Today you managed to rise above your own weakness, laziness, passivity. You managed, you became even stronger, you overcame, you won!” Here is the formula for truly developmental encouragement. It is necessary to notice any, even the most insignificant successes of the child on the way to self-improvement.
(Introducing parents to children's answers to the questions, "What words did parents use to reward and punish?")
Questionnaire
| What does family mean to you? | |
| How much time do you spend with your parents? | |
| Do your parents often praise you? | |
| Do your parents often encourage you? | |
| Do your parents often punish you? | |
| How do your parents punish you? |
V. The final stage of the meeting.
Dear parents, now I ask you to unite in groups
6 people each for the final stage of our parent meeting. I suggest that you discuss in groups and write down tips for parents on how to encourage their children. (After 5 minutes, each group introduces their advice).
I thank you for your joint work and hope that our parent-teacher meeting was useful for you.
VI The decision of the parent meeting is a memo with advice to parents on how to encourage children, developed during the meeting.
Questionnaire
"Reward and Punishment"
How well do you know your child?
a) yes
b) No
c) very good
2. Do you pay much attention to raising your child?
a) around the clock
b) 5-6 hours a day
c) 1-2 hours a day
G) You don't pay well
3. Do you often praise your child for his progress?
a) Always
b) Sometimes
c) never
4. How do you encourage your child?
a) Rejoice with him in his successes
b) Just praise
c) Buy expensive toys
5. How do you discipline your child?
A) Pretend that you are upset and do not talk to him
b) Do not allow watching TV to play computer
c) Use physical force do not allow to walk
Parent meeting
Tem a: "Reward and punishment in the family."
Target: fostering a culture of reward and punishment among parents.
Tasks:
Educational: to acquaint parents with the methods of building humane relationships in the family.
Educational: to form in parents a competent attitude to the use of methods of encouraging and punishing the child; encourage parents to think about the style of relationships in the family; to promote the formation of ideas about true parental authority and the desire for its manifestation in relations with children.
Informational: find out what methods of encouragement and punishment the parents of students prefer to use.
Special: to provide parents with psychological and pedagogical assistance in solving difficult problems of family education, to prevent the formation of bad habits and offenses.
Conduct form: opinion exchange.
Issues for discussion: types of punishments and rewards in family education; the importance of punishment and encouragement of children in the family.
Preparatory work: presentation, preparation of the situation for analysis; writing an essay “If I were a magician, I would forbid punishing children”; preparation of notes.
Space organization:
In the hall there are 4 tables and chairs around them. Each parent goes to the table where he will be more comfortable working. (Random distribution of parents into groups contributes to the development of communication skills and the establishment of closer contacts between participants)
Assembly progress.
« In a good family, punishment never happens, and this is the most correct way of family education ”A.S. Makarenko.
Meeting progress:
1. Introductory part
Dad knocked over the vase.
Who will punish him?
"It's fortunate
This is fortunate!
The whole family will say.
Well, what if, unfortunately,
I did it.
"You are a brat,
You are a mess"
The family will tell me.
Very often, such situations develop in the family. And we parents sometimes can not find the answer why. Why do we react in this way to the faults of our children.
Dear parents, mothers and fathers! There is no doubt that you love your children and wish them well.
But being a parent is a joyful, but also stressful job. And while doing this work, you often come to a dead end, have doubts, trying to find the most suitable system of education for you and your children. Communicating with your child every day, you constantly resort to certain methods of influencing him. These include rewards and punishments.
The theme of our meeting today is the encouragement and punishment of children in the family. We will talk about education, exchange opinions, draw a definite conclusion.
When raising children, parents daily resort to one or another method of education. Whether it is punishment or encouragement, parents must remember that they must be commensurate with the deeds committed.
In families where parents ineptly use punishment and encouragement in raising a child, the level of anxiety is much higher, and the results of educational activities are much lower. For the parent meeting, we diagnosed the level of personal anxiety. (Attachment 1.)
In general, these are not bad results for the class as a whole. However, do not be complacent. Many children showed anxiety when experiencing failures, which may also be associated with a fear of misunderstanding of their parents, with possible punishment.
2. Practical task
In order to make our conversation more productive, I suggest starting work with a practical task in groups. The first group needs to make a list of acceptable methods of encouragement. The second group needs to make a list of unacceptable methods of encouragement. The third group needs to make a list of acceptable methods of punishment. The fourth group needs to make a list of unacceptable methods of punishment (Appendix 1).
(Participants present their results in groups, a discussion is held.)
3.Information part, analysis of the survey of children
Encouragement is a manifestation of a positive assessment of the child's behavior.
Tell. Why do we encourage the child? (discussion)
Based on the results of the conversation, the following conclusions can be drawn
For study
For homework
For good deeds
For fulfilling orders
For praising the teacher…….
Tell. How can you be encouraged? (Performance of parents from 1.2 groups)
kind word
gift
money
Permission forbidden for this age (computer games)
Can unreasonable parental love be traced here? What can it lead to? (if for all good deeds to encourage not only a kind word)
And what is the most reliable way to encourage? (kind word, approval)
Analysis of the questioning of children
I get praised when I do my homework.
They give me gifts if I have done a good deed.
They give me money if I get a five.
I am allowed to play on the computer for a long time, to walk a lot if I have done my homework.
Domestic and foreign psychologists who deal with behavior problems focus on a positive approach. Psychologists parents are advised to shift attention from the child's misdeeds to his good deeds.
Child psychologist D. Fontenel believes that everything that pleases this child can serve as an encouragement.
Can punishment be a means of education?
Let's start with the historical aspect of the issue.
Severe were the customs of education in medieval Russia. It is no coincidence that until now the idea of "domostroevsky" traditions in education is associated with the use of physical punishment. A kind of transcription of the tradition of the German medieval school, where the student who was flogged had to kiss the rod, saying: "Ah, my beloved rod - you lead me to good."
In Russia, in 1782, a commission of public schools published a collection of school rules, which explicitly stated that all corporal punishment, no matter what kind, was prohibited in general. But they continued to flog and flog the children.
In 1804, the rules prohibiting corporal punishment of schoolchildren were reaffirmed in the charter of schools.
And in 1820, physical punishment in schools was officially allowed.
In 1828 - banned.
Time passed, but the problem of punishment, which had made some progress, also continued to be sharply discussed by teachers.
Tell. Why are we punishing? (Using the results of the discussion, we can draw the following conclusions)
For poor study
For work not completed
For misconduct (hit, smashed, swearing, ....)
You named the main reasons for punishment.
How can you punish? (Performance of parents from 3.4 groups)
Talk strictly
hit (hit)
Something to ban (cartoons, sweets, walking,..)
Put in a corner (thought about his behavior)
Make you go to bed early
Slide 9
Let us now turn to the results of the questionnaires that the children completed.
Questionnaire for children (Appendix 2)
According to psychologists, in families where whipping is a common method of education, children find different ways to adapt to such harsh conditions. Aggression from adults provokes children's aggression
Take a moment to think about how you talk to your son or daughter. How often do you criticize, remind something, threaten, lecture or moralize, interrogate, ridicule, find fault and grumble.
Children of all ages will share with those who know how to listen.
5. Consideration of the problem situation(letter to the magazine "Family and School" No. 1O, 1991)
Forgive me, son!
This is the story of a “dysfunctional” family, as we call it. The mother is raising her son, alone, without a husband, she divorced when her son was not even a year old. And now my son is already 14 years old, she is 34, she works as an accountant in a small institution. Over the past year, life has become hell. If until the fifth grade the son studied well, then there were triples. It gets worse, she only wanted one thing, that Volodya would finish the nine-year school, get at least some kind of specialty! Constant calls to school: in a conversation, the class teacher did not stand on ceremony, reprimanded her in the presence of many teachers, who also did not miss to talk about Volodya's faults and his poor progress. Depressed, irritated, she went home, feeling completely powerless to change anything. He listened to her reproaches and admonitions silently and sullenly. Still didn't teach lessons, didn't help at home.
So today I came home, but the room was not cleaned again. But in the morning, leaving for work, she strictly ordered: “When you come from school, clean up the apartment!”
Putting the kettle on the stove, she wearily and reluctantly began to tidy up. While wiping the dust, she suddenly saw that the vase, the crystal vase that her friends once gave her for her birthday (you can’t buy it yourself!), is not the only value in the house. She froze. Carried away? Sold? Thoughts one more terrible than the other climbed into my head. Yes, just recently she saw him with some suspicious boys. To the question: "Who is this?" the son grunted something indistinct in response, and on his face it was clearly read: “None of your business!”
"These are drug addicts!" pierced her brain. Oh my God! What to do is they forced him! He couldn't! He's not like that! What if he smokes a potion? Or...? She rushed down the stairs. It was already dark in the yard, rare passers-by hurried down the street. She slowly returned home. "You are the one to blame! Herself! In everything! He was long gone from home! I even wake up in the morning with a shout! And in the evenings! I've been yelling at him all night! Son, dear, what kind of mother did you get a good-for-nothing! she cried for a long time. Then she began to carefully clean the apartment - there was no strength to sit just like that.
While wiping behind the refrigerator, she came across some newspaper. I pulled. She heard the clinking of glass, she pulled out fragments of a broken crystal vase wrapped in newspaper...
"Smashed ... Smashed!" she suddenly realized and began to cry again. But these were already tears of joy. It means that he broke the vase and did not take it anywhere - he hid it. And now, Fool, he does not go home, he is afraid! And suddenly she froze again - no, he is not a fool at all! She imagined seeing the broken vase, imagined her fury... she sighed heavily and began to prepare dinner. She laid the table, spread napkins, arranged plates.
The son came at twelve o'clock. He entered and stood silently at the door. She rushed to him: “Volodenka! Where have you been for so long? I was completely exhausted, exhausted! Frozen?" she took his cold hands, warmed them in hers, kissed him on the cheek - and said: “Go, wash your hands. I have prepared your favorite for you." Without understanding anything, he went to wash his hands. Then he went to the kitchen, and she said: “I covered it in the room.” He went into the room, where it was somehow especially clean, neat, beautiful, carefully sat down at the table. "Eat, son!" He heard the gentle voice of his mother. He had already forgotten when his mother used to address him like that. He sat down with his head down, touching nothing.
What are you, son?
I broke the vase.
I know, son, she replied. - Nothing. Everything breaks sometime.
Suddenly, leaning over the table, the son began to cry. She went up to him, put her arms around his shoulders, and wept softly too. When the son calmed down, she said:
Forgive me, son. I scream at you, I swear. It's hard for me, son. You think I don't see that you're dressed differently than your classmates. I'm tired, a lot of work, you see, I even bring it home. Forgive me, I will never hurt you again!
They ate in silence. Quietly they went to sleep. I didn't have to wake him up in the morning. I got up myself. And seeing off to school, for the first time she didn’t say “look at me ...”, but kissed her on the cheek and said: “Well, see you in the evening!”
In the evening, when she came home from work, she saw that the floor had been washed, and her son had cooked dinner - fried potatoes.
Since then, she forbade herself to talk to us at all about school, about grades. If she is painful, even rare visits to school, then what is it for him?
When her son suddenly said that after the ninth grade he would go to the tenth grade, she did not show her doubts. Once I secretly looked into his diary - there were no deuces there.
But the most memorable day for her was the day when, after dinner, she laid out her accounts in the evening, he sat down on the left, said that he would help her count. After an hour's work, she felt him rest his head on her shoulder. She froze. He was small, he often sat near her and, tired, laid his head on her hand and often fell asleep like that. She realized that she had her son back.
…The story I told is true. May be; it will be instructive for someone.
Nina Ivanovna Varakina.
The village of Vinogradsky, Krasnodar Territory.
Discussion of the following questions:
Under what conditions does the need for punishment in the family disappear?
Is it necessary to apologize to the child if it turned out that they were punished unfairly?
Should I be penalized for bad grades?
Can you be punished twice for the same offense?
Which of the following activities should be encouraged? Good study, exemplary behavior, a noble deed.
Should I be punished with hard work?
What is the harm of physical punishment?
So what is the main, most reliable method of education?
6. Summary of the meeting
The main method of education is persuasion.
And for this, talk to your child, communicate with him, look for examples of confirmation of your thoughts, be tactful, convincing him. Then your thoughts become his thoughts, your aspirations become his aspirations.
Love your children. Show them your love as often as possible: with a good word, a smile, a sincere conversation, a hug. It is believed that daily hugs are necessary:
5 hugs for survival
10 - for support,
15 - for the growth and development of the child.
Since rewards and punishments often go hand in hand in parenting, I would like to give you some handouts that can help you in parenting. (Application)
REMEMBER!
Your attention, love and caress, friendly participation and location can do more for your child than the most expensive gift! The wounds of humiliation and bullying do not heal for years, the scars of indifference and ignorance remain for life!
Application
Questionnaire for children
1. Are you punished?
2. If so, how are they punished?
Z. What are they punished for?
4. Do your parents kiss you?
5. How will you punish your child
Reminder for parents
How to encourage a child in a family
Smile approvingly at your child as often as possible: when he washes the dishes, and when he does his homework, and when he plays with his toys.
Encourage your child with gestures: he will always be warm and comfortable if mom touches his head while preparing homework, and dad hugs and shakes hands approvingly.
Use the expression more often: “You are right, we agree with you” - This forms self-esteem in the child, develops introspection and critical thinking.
-Give your child gifts, but at the same time teach him to accept them.
-Teach your child to be grateful for any signs of attention shown to him, regardless of the amount of money spent on the gift.
If you want to use money as a reward, use this opportunity to ensure that the child manages it wisely.
If the child is encouraged with money, you should know how he disposed of them and discuss this with him.
When gifts are given to your child, never analyze their cost and value with him. This can lead to serious moral problems.
Teach your child to understand and appreciate the encouragement of their parents.
Literature
1. A. S. Belkin. Misdemeanors can be prevented, Sverdlovsk, 1967.
2. V. E. Gmurman. Encouragement and punishment at school, M., 1962.
3. A. Yu. Gordin. Formation of friendly relations between the teacher and pupils at school, M., 1970.
4. L. Yu. Gordin. Encouragement and punishment in the upbringing of children, M., 1971.
5. P. F. Kapterev. About fear and courage in the initial education, S.-P., 1957.
6. I. F. Kozlov and other methods of the educational process, M., 1969.
7. N. E. Magarik. About measures of encouragement and punishment at school, L., 1979.
8. I. I. Rydanov. On the encouragement and punishment of children in the family, M., 1980.
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Belyanskaya Vera Evgenievna
MBOU secondary school №118 Samara
Primary school teacher
Parent meeting "Punishment and encouragement in the family."
Children need gentle treatment, because punishments are harsh
them . C. Montesquieu
If physical punishments are repeated often, then they develop
stubborn, and if parents punish their children for their stubbornness, then they
make them even tougher. I.Kant
Punishments must always be administered with caution, so that
children saw that the ultimate goal of punishments was only their correction.
Target : introduce parents to the types of rewards and punishments, how to praise and
to punish the child, remaining in positions of true love; reveal the role
rewards and punishments in the upbringing of children; determine the best position
parents on the topic of the lecture.
1.to form a culture of reward and punishment in the family.
2.Show the benefits of non-violent parenting methods.
3.Determine the means and techniques for building humane relationships in
Meeting progress:
Dad knocked over the vase.
Who will punish him?
“Fortunately,
The whole family will say.
Well, what if, unfortunately,
"You're a brat,
You are a mess"
The family will tell me.
I. Opening speech.
Dear parents! Topic of today's parent meeting
"Encouragement and punishment of children in the family." In raising children, we
Of course, we use all sorts of ways and methods. And the main ones are
etio reward and punishment.
There are several types of parenting:
Parent "Partner" - he seeks to indulge the child in everything. Missing
system in education, the boundaries between what is permitted and what is not permitted have been erased.
Spoiled children often grow up in such a family.
Parent "Dictator" - in such a family, any initiatives are suppressed.
Parents decide everything. A child with such upbringing grows up
lack of initiative, or turns into the same "Dictator".
Parent "Senior Friend" - he respects the interests of the child, the opinion
the child is always taken into account. And the parent guides, helps in
formation of moral values.
The first model of the family contributes precisely to the fact that the child grows up,
not understanding how to behave in a given situation, does not learn to respect others
people, treats everyone around selfishly.
The second model of the family, when the child is disrespected, not listened to, everything
prohibit and decide everything for him, contributes to the fact that the child also does not
learns to respect others, but learns to fear them. When parents
order, but do not explain, do not give the child the right to choose, then he does not learn
be responsible for your actions, control yourself, because they do it for the child
his parents.
Of course, the third family model is the most acceptable. Parents
help the child learn to control himself, recognize the boundaries
permitted.
II . Questionnaire analysis.
Let's see how things are in your families. The guys answered a number of
questions.
1.Are you satisfied with your relationship with your parents?
2.Do your parents understand you?
3.Are your friends at your house?
4.Are you being punished?
5.If so, how are they punished?
6.What are they punished for?
7.How long have you been offended?
8.Do your parents kiss you?
9.Do you go for a walk with your parents?
10.What is your favorite family event?
11.They give me money if...
III. Interview with parents.
By his actions, the child causes satisfaction or
dissatisfaction, joy, sympathy or grief, grief, anger. Parents
affectionately smiled at him, gently touched - they are pleased with him
deed, approve of it: act like this in the future. Discontent on their face
stiffness - they warned the child. In rewards and punishments
wisdom and emotions are closely intertwined, and this is the power of their influence on
child. Misconduct of the child should be warned.
If a child is accustomed to order (permanent rules of behavior), many
his actions will be warned. Before punishing, ask yourself
the question of why the child did this, find out the situation and answer yourself
question: can he be punished for this?
What should be the punishments?
Punishments should be reasonable, measured and not suppress
decisiveness and courage, not to generate fears, pessimism, not to humiliate.
Punishment achieves its goal only when it generates repentance,
not resentment, humiliation or bitterness. The only one who punishes the child
who loves him.
Punishment should not be a quick and therefore unjust judgment.
If a child goes to bed unpunished, then he will start a new day,
feeling forgiven. Must be ordered immediately after
misconduct, otherwise the child will simply forget that he
did and will not understand why you are punishing him.
Punishment must be consistent. It's bad if for the same
Misdemeanor is punished today, but not tomorrow. It's bad if for one and the same
the father praises the deed, and the mother punishes. It's disorienting
child.
What punishment to choose? Some parents believe that the belt is
the best cure for disobedience. However, physical punishment causes
the child's feeling of resentment and embitters him. By hitting a child, you can inflict on him
mental trauma, the consequences of which will not appear immediately, but after many
years. Therefore, try to choose a different method for punishment.
Be sure to talk to the baby, explain that you
upset because of his disobedience. It is important for the child to understand what kind of
actions must be answered. But first, find out if he really understood
who behaved badly. maybe the child committed the offense unknowingly
specially.
Sometimes a very effective method is to ignore the child.
Children need the attention of their parents. Stop talking to
child, and he immediately wants to apologize.
Mo it is necessary to forbid the child to watch his favorite cartoons on this day
or deprive sweet. But, in no case, do not deprive him of a walk, dinner and
etc., that is, what are natural needs.
Try to install in the family symbolic punishment. For example,
sitting in place - a chair or sofa. There is no humiliation in this punishment and
cruelty, but at the same time, for a child, restriction of movement is a serious
Psychologists believe that punishment should have triple value.
It is to correct the harm caused by bad behavior. More
punishment is intended to ensure that such actions no longer
repeated. And the last meaning is the removal of guilt. That is the punishment
should take the blame.
The punishment must be temporary, for example, two days
cannot be played on the computer. Do not remember the child's past misdeeds,
talk only about what you are punishing for right now.
It is necessary to avoid insults, gluing "labels". Rate
it is this act of the child, and not his personality.
Punishment should not cancel rewards. If you have donated something before
child, in no case should it be taken away for bad deeds. And not yet
break previous promises, such as going to the zoo.
Sometimes we punish a child because of our bad mood. it
absolutely unacceptable, since we still do not feel our well-being
improve, but the child suffers.
Who should punish and console the child in the family?
It is better if the father determines the measure of punishment. He is more in the family
suitable for the role of an arbitrator, for he is more objective in his reaction to
misdeed is less than exaltation. It is better if the son is punished by the father, and the daughter -
But the punished, son and daughter, are looking for consolation from their mother. The most dangerous
development of events, when later, already a teenager, they are looking for consolation on
side, in a teenage company. There they will console you with a cigarette, wine and
antisocial protest.
When comforting a child, show empathy and understanding for his feelings,
emphasize the justice of the punishment and, together with the child, sketch
behaviors that will help avoid punishment in the future.
You should not punish a child in public: on the bus, on the street, at
outsiders. This doubles the punishment, adding humiliation to it.
It is not necessary to punish the eldest child in the presence of the youngest, because thereby
older and younger, bitterness is born in the older, in the younger -
gloating that for a long time overshadows their relationship.
Talk more, explain. Build relationships so that
the child did not want to upset you. Those. fear of punishment (shouts, restrictions)
should be in second place.
Punish only on matters of principle, do not destroy
child's self-respect.
For fun, count how many times a day you make comments, and how many
Praise and show tenderness. The ratio should be 20/80. Child
should feel unconditional love.. In general, the theme of punishing a child
very subtle, remember that the use of punishment is a powerful weapon, they
you need to know how to use it.
What should be the praise?
It is weighed, as is the measure of punishment. Excessive praise is disorienting and
leads to an overestimation of opportunities and an underestimation of difficulties, which
naturally leads the child to failure.
When is it wrong to praise?
It is impossible to praise mediocre because it is thrice dangerous: a child
takes mediocre for excellent; accustomed to act
mediocre, and think superficially; praise depreciates and ceases
influence.
You can't praise out of pity. Praise out of pity offends.
When, how and for what to praise children?
According to experienced psychologists, one should praise:
if there is a physical handicap;
with signs of mental deficiencies - a tendency to steal, deceit
or cruelty (praise when a person manages to resist it);
with increased nervousness, anxiety, irritability;
in the position of the persecuted, the "scapegoat";
after what - or loss, failure, unforeseen trouble;
after a failure in a responsible test, in an exam;
with illness;
with unhappy love;
just like that, prophylactically - there are times when praise is only for
the fact that a person lives can save his life.
The main principle is that praise should not be expected. Let the compliment
will sound suddenly, as if by chance, and, of course, will be sincere.
It is advisable, praising the child, to call him by name. Always praise seriously
persuasive and to the point.
Carefully praise proud and conceited children. Praise in these cases
can sow the seeds of pride, selfishness.
The strong are rarely praised. Strong and without praise knows his own worth. But for
a great success is also praised, only reservedly and sparingly.
Restrainedly praised for politeness and cleanliness, emphasizing that this
granted.
Cautiously praised for courage, since a child can be brought in and he will commit
recklessness.
With special satisfaction they praise for kindness, for helping the weak and small,
old and sick, for help in trouble, for moral deeds.
So your baby did what - something good, how can you react
1. Don't say anything. By By nature, a child does not need praise. AT
it contains the desire to know and create, and praise cannot in any way
affect his intrinsic motivation only if the child is no longer
crippled by constant evaluations from parents.
2. Indicate your presence with a look or gesture. sometimes important
3. Tell your child what you see: "What beautiful flowers you are
drew!”, “You put on the shoe yourself!”, “The cat is pleased that you stroked it,
she even sticks her neck out for you!” The child does not need evaluation, it is important for him
know that you see his efforts.
4. Ask the child about his work: “Do you like your drawing?”, “What happened
the most difficult?”, “How did you manage to draw such an even circle?”.
With your questions, you will encourage the child to think about his work and
help you learn to self-assess your results.
5. Express praise through the lens of your feelings. Compare two phrases
ship!". The first one is absolutely impersonal. Who painted what is painted? In
In the second case, you express your attitude to the work of the child, noting
moments that you especially liked.
6. Separate the assessment of the child and the assessment of the action. Try to convert
focus not on the ability of the child, but on what he did and mark it in
his praise: "I see that you have removed all the toys. It's great that in the room
now it’s clean”, instead of “What a neat person you are!”.
7. Praise the effort, not the result. Celebrate your child's efforts .
As you can see, the range of opportunities to express approval to the child
quite wide and certainly not reduced to the standard evaluation
judgments. Does this mean that parents should completely abandon the words