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Is it worth dating? Should you meet your ex love? He can not bear the simple and boring life

What to do if an ex-boyfriend offers to meet? Agree to a date or immediately refuse? In order to correctly approach the solution of the problem, the girl should remember how the relationship developed, and is there any hope for their fruitfulness in the future?

Should a girl date an ex-boyfriend: 6 pros

It is best to put a piece of paper in front of you and try to formulate pros and cons. The undoubted "pros" include:

  • Despite the breakup, the girl still has tender feelings for the young man. Alas, there was no worthy replacement for the former gentleman. All other contenders were a cut below. Surely, thoughts have come to you more than once that the separation was a mistake and you can’t find a better partner. Moreover, the mere thought of him is breathtaking and “goosebumps” begin to run over the skin;
  • This guy is the only candidate. For some reason, it is not possible to arrange a personal life. Perhaps it will be possible to try on his shortcomings and build a really strong relationship. Who knows, a person could have realized his own mistakes during this time and is now sincerely trying to correct the situation, treating the ex-girlfriend with tender awe;
  • A person does not cause much excitement, but general acquaintances and the good attitude of his parents evoke pleasant memories. Maybe you should come to terms with the loss of an imaginary "prince", and renew contact with the former gentleman for the sake of creating a family? Knowing all its advantages and disadvantages, you can build a reliable relationship in which there will be no scandals guaranteed, since the partners have already perfectly studied each other;
  • Mercantile interest should not be excluded either. If during the breakup with a guy he managed to succeed, the desire to increase his status can be overwhelming. For many girls, this factor is decisive. Especially if it was the girl who initiated the breakup, in particular, due to the lack of funds from her lover;
  • The girl is well aware of the guy's shortcomings, but she is sure that now she can correct most of them. After all, past relationships made her an "expert" in the psychology of this particular individual, and it will be much easier to re-educate him. Skillfully correcting the behavior of a young man and gradually changing his habits, you can bring up a model that is almost ideally suited for living together;
  • Just at the moment there is not enough friendly shoulder. The young man offers to meet, why not go on a date? It is still unknown, maybe it does not imply further development, but just the guy also needs to find a person to whom he can open his soul? It is much easier to do this in the company of someone who is well aware of the problems and shortcomings of the former half.

You can meet with an ex-boyfriend just to maintain friendly relations. If not everything worked out in a joint life, it does not mean that people should completely stop communicating. Perhaps they did not make ideal lovers, but real friends can turn out.

Is it worth dating: 6 "against"

What can adversely affect the decision to meet with a former gentleman? There are 6 reasons:


  • Memories do not make a positive impression. To a greater extent, the girl experienced negative emotions from these relationships. Is it worth repeating past mistakes, hoping that this time everything will go differently? As the old saying goes, the hunchbacked grave will fix it. If earlier it was not possible to influence his habits and manners, where is the guarantee that it will turn out now?
  • Often, relationships in a couple go to “no” due to the intervention of relatives. If earlier the parents of a young man did not show delight at the sight of his chosen one, one should not hope that over time their positions have undergone drastic changes. In this case, the resumption of relations will lead to a new round of negativity and, most likely, will quickly fade away again. You should not expect decisiveness from a person who once did not justify trust.
  • The relationship developed perfectly until the girl found out that the now ex-boyfriend was dating her girlfriend. To forgive the fact of betrayal is quite difficult, even if it happened several years ago. The young man claims that he fully realized his mistake? Of course, you can believe sweet speeches, but the heavy sediment will not go anywhere. In addition, the girl will begin to be suspicious of all her acquaintances, subconsciously expecting the gentleman to start a new romance with a friend.
  • The girl wants to continue the meetings, but she really realizes that she cannot correct the shortcomings of the young man, nor can she put up with them. Therefore, an attempt to renew the relationship will lead to a waste of time.
  • If an ex-boyfriend wants to meet, this does not mean at all that he considers the situation as a new round in a relationship. It is possible that he simply has no one to spend this evening with. Of all the suitable candidates, for some reason, an old attachment came to mind.
  • Such a situation is not excluded - at the moment the girl began to meet with a friend of her ex-boyfriend. Upon learning of this, the vengeful young man decided to destroy the couple. Perhaps he has such a harmful character, or he is an owner by nature and believes that the passion with which he has already parted should still not “go to” a friend. Or maybe just afraid of parting with a friend?

We make a decision

Once upon a time, Roman philosophers argued that it was impossible to enter the same river twice. This statement is quite applicable to a similar life situation. You can’t start dating a former boyfriend again, as if there had never been disagreements and parting. But on the other hand, life flowed like water and could lead to some changes in a person. Maybe take a second chance?


Each girl must answer this question on her own. The advice of friends in this case will not help, because they are not familiar with all the vicissitudes of a seemingly completed novel. If a girl meets with an ex, then there is hope for a fruitful relationship.

Question to a psychologist

Hello! My name is Anastasia. I'm 21 years old. I'm dating a guy for 3 years, he is 1 year older. I got very confused in relationships. Since we have been dating for a long time, it seems that I can no longer be without him, addiction has begun - I miss you very much, longingly, very jealously. I used to want to always be with him, but the relationship developed very difficult and now I'm thinking about the future. There were a lot of situations because of which now I worry every day, what's next ... He somehow left me alone when I had a strong tantrum - there were reasons for that, he just left, but I so wanted to press and everything would have gone away, I tried to somehow smooth the situation, but he still left, seeing my tears, I had a breakdown and a problem with hormones began .. to which he told me that I brought myself to ... It happened that he had time for friends, but not for me ... at the same time, he somehow told me, well, be patient, we'll meet soon, as if only I were waiting for a meeting. It's a shame that a loved one does this to me, whom I love more than life, even more than myself, and I expect that mutual. I am a 4th year student at the institute and I understand that I will finish it soon enough and I will need to look for a job. I am very afraid of this, because I know myself very well - I can say that I am poorly oriented in almost everything, I have no quick wit, I am very shy, stupid - I can’t formulate anything else, I’m very kind and therefore I can’t always stand up for myself .. when I ask myself why am I with him..? I understand that I love him very much, but the fear is that no one like me will love more if I part with him, he is present, he is a military man, so he will have a job, but I don’t know if I will get a good one, how will I I don't even know how to live without it. But at the same time, I understand that you should not rely on him, he can betray in a difficult situation. I'm afraid to be alone and don't know what to do.

Hello Anastasia.

It is very hard to depend on someone who does not always understand and can protect. But there is a choice: you can change the qualities that prevent you from getting a good job and being independent. We cannot and want to change all our properties, but we can stand up for ourselves, better navigate and become less shy. I think that you still have low self-esteem, you are too critical of yourself. Self-esteem can also be raised not by success, but by reconsidering your attitude towards yourself.

It may not always be possible to do this on your own, but you can turn to a therapist to help you become more independent. Then you can decide whether you want to continue to be with this person or he is not worthy of you. You have two more years before graduation, which is enough time to work on yourself. Good luck!

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Hello, Anastasia. I feel that there is a lot of fear in you, and that you feel like a small, fledgling sparrow. selfish, but you are afraid to do anything, showing your independence. Since you mistakenly consider yourself an ugly duckling, and he is a gift of fate. In such a relationship, you will have to live his life, pleasing and obeying, but not living your own. And this is bad with from all points of view. You need to start with self-affirmation of yourself. As you know, a girl with any shape and weight attracts men if she loves herself at first. Since her cheerfulness and sparkle are fascinating. And it becomes interesting with her. And, of course, being confident, You will not be offended. Therefore, you are certainly good, but you have cruel self-criticism, and you see yourself through the eyes of self-criticism. And not through the eyes of a queen. And you need to learn to feel better. if you connect a psychologist, it’s even better. And start working on yourself. When you appreciate yourself, then evaluate the qualities of the person who is next to you.

Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist Volgograd

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Important information: those who have read to the end all the recommended materials listed here: - gave up drugs.

Try it too! This works, regardless of the period of use and the type of drug.

There is no definite answer here. It all depends on what kind of person it is and, most importantly, what kind of family does he have.

The last aspect is the most important, because if the family itself is unhealthy, then too big a chance that he will start again after a while and they will not help and contribute to his cure in any way.

In general, the most important thing here is to look at his current affairs. Not in words, deeds! If he sings songs to you about how soon he will earn millions, but in fact, he has no money NOW even for cigarettes, has not closed any of his loans, then it’s better to calm down and take the noodles off your ears.

But let's get it right...

In what cases is it absolutely impossible to start a serious relationship with a former drug addict?

If your young man himself never mentioned drugs, but you accidentally found out, asked, and he began to play up - think about it!

If he doesn't tell you anything about his former use, does not say how he quit, for how long and what he used, then he is STILL A DRUG addict.

Also, in case he talks about the use as if there's nothing wrong with that and does not list the problems that drugs brought him - HE STILL IS A DRUG addict.

No, he may not use anything at this moment, but here his psychology is unhealthy. To this day, he is in captivity of self-deception and simply does not realize how serious it is.

And, if he is now at such a level, then a breakdown is inevitable. I don't recommend it very much try to treat him or somehow bring him to the truth, if you don’t have downright unearthly love.

Better move away from him and find a more predictable guy. Family life with a drug addict is a living hell and not every wife will be able to force him to quit. Therefore, if the relationship has not gone far yet, it is better not to develop it.

Be sure to be careful if his family is silent about the use and in every possible way avoids this topic. So they are also dishonest and in the future you will have big problems if he starts again.

A normal family that helped him quit and stopped using in every possible way will not act like nothing happened, you will be told the details.

And, if you received an inarticulate answer to your question - run! Means, they didn't treat him will not treat and will not help, in which case.

In general, such a family completely unhealthy mentally and this can affect other aspects of life that are not only related to drug addiction.

Also: if a former drug addict has big health problems, for example, Hepatitis C or HIV, then, I don't think it's worth talking about that it is better to break off relations than sooner or later to “catch” a deadly disease.

No love can cost a life!

In addition to these there are NO explicit three, you should be aware of the other downsides that a relationship with a former addict can entail.

All this, of course, may not be, but ... In this case it's better to be overdressed than underdressed. Although, in fairness, you can find not a former drug addict, but he will turn out to be an excellent bastard, a reveler, and further down the list.

1. He may have a lot of outstanding loans.

Be sure to check this point with your young man, since outstanding debts are extremely bad.

If he now pays them hard - this is a good sign, so he has a very serious intention to return to normal life.

If they dangle from him with a “tail”, then keep in mind that this problem will affect you if you start living with a former drug addict. No, you won’t have to pay them, but you won’t be able to take something on credit either.

And this, you see, good help for a young family.

Then, large amounts of unpaid loans put an end to him as a traveler. Are you ready to go nowhere with him? Are you ready to change your free life and travel for a gray existence, but in love?

See for yourself, but as practice shows, love ends quickly when a young family a lot of problems and limitations. The wife will definitely begin to feel discontent and annoyance that she contacted the loser ...

2. He may have no property at all

And here we are not even talking about some kind of real estate and a car. Him may not be at all elementary things: a camera, a power tool for the home, a computer, a normal mobile phone ...

That is, such trifles, that everyone has working people with no past drug problems.

And if he has nothing, like that Latvian, then you will have to earn it all together, because, you will not be full and happy with one love.

But, if it works stably, then you can make everything very quickly. Unless, of course, he breaks...

And if it breaks, then you will not only not make money, he will drag your property to the pawnshop!

3. He may have trouble getting a driver's license

If you want your future husband to drive, then with a former drug addict, this can become problematic.

If he has no rights be sure to ask whether they were at all. If yes, and they were selected, then in 99% of cases - for refusing to examine, which is punishable not only by the removal of rights, but also by a large fine.

That is, to re-acquire rights - must pay this fine.. Think, are you ready for such difficulties?

4. He may have a criminal record

And this means that not for every job he will be accepted, also, you will not be able to participate in many immigration programs, also, your unborn child will not be able to go to serve in the police ...

In general, if you are already planning a life together with a former drug addict, then count everything down to the smallest detail. Maybe you had a dream to win the Green Card Lottery? And with such a person you will have to part with the dream.

5. You won't have a circle of normal friends.

Former drug addicts rarely manage to keep in touch with a normal society, old friends, colleagues.

At the time of use, they communicate in drug addict circles, while, very dishonest with old acquaintances (for example, they borrow and do not give back)

As a result, when they quit drugs, they refuse to communicate with friends - drug addicts, but here They no longer have normal friends..

And this means that in case of any problems, he and will turn to no one. A trifle, to intercept some amount for a couple of days or call someone to transport furniture ... In general, think about it.

6. He may have problems with work

And therefore it may have that he was very spoiled at the time of use and used to throwing everything halfway. It will be incredibly difficult for him to work stably, walk up the career ladder, keep silent once again in front of his superiors ...

Still, former drug addict is quite different from people who have never used and have worked steadily all their lives.

7. He may have health problems

Yes, trite, but he can be physically weak and exhausted. And this means that he will not be able to go to work as a loader in case of emergency, he will not be able to work in the garden, for example. Yes, many things can not ...

Be sure to pay attention to his health, namely, to: heart, liver. Former drug addict and at 30 years old can be, literally, semi-disabled and in endurance - like an old man.

Do you need it?

8. He can't stand simple and boring life.

Well, the most important thing left for a snack. No matter how a former drug addict sings to you that he wants stability and a family, think thrice.

Most likely he just doesn't know what does it mean to live, to make something all the time, it’s boring to spend evenings, regularly clean the apartment and constantly perform some household, routine chores.

Still, former drug addicts generally misunderstand the word "should". You need to be aware of this, because your boyfriend, who will turn into a husband, can very quickly consider your ordinary family life as unbearable boredom and hopeless, gray pastime.

Wives are surprised: how??? How does it make no sense? We lived normally, got a house, gave birth to a child ...

But, for a former drug addict, this is all hard work and not at all the norm. He wants not routine and stability, but thrills and doing nothing, alas...

In general, what can be said? Former drug addict troubled person in every way. But, if your love outweighs all the risks - try it! You never know? Maybe your boyfriend will be the best husband in the world?