We learn to recognize sissies: we learn the characteristic features of “eternal boys. I am a sissy

21.10.2019

Perhaps there is no such woman who would not be fascinated by a man who loves and respects his mother. We all understand that this is the first woman in his life, so the behavior towards her will later be reflected in relation to other representatives of the fair sex. But a man's sissy is a separate (and sad) story. Here are the signs that allow you to understand that it is he who is in front of you.

Courteous and... dangerous

Many men develop a wonderful relationship with their mother, many show care and gratitude to her in the usual ways. At the same time, sissy put her on a pedestal, undeservedly idealize and completely depend on her. It would seem that this is not the biggest male flaw. But why then on the women's forums are full of requests for advice and desperate remarks in the spirit of “My husband is a sissy, an egoist and a rag”, “Mine never listens to me, it feels like this sissy is sleeping with his mother, he does everything what will she say! etc. etc.? Why are so many girls looking for quotes and statuses about mama's sons for social networks in order to express everything that boiled in their hearts?

Yes, a sissy will easily charm you with his kindness, politeness and respect for the fair sex. But to be in the first place in the list of the most important women in his life is almost impossible. Surely this place will forever be staked out for your mother-in-law. Not the most attractive prospect, is it? Fortunately, if a man is a sissy, there are signs by which it is possible, without entering into official relations, to recognize a man who is too dependent on his mother.

We expose those who will hold on to their mother's skirt all their lives

Sign of Mommy's Boy No. 1. He quotes his mother's words too often during your personal conversations.

How often does he start his speech with the phrase "My mother always said that ..."? A man sissy will not surprise you with a romantic quote from some famous person. But he will constantly insert into your conversations the thoughts of his mother, out of place and in place, because she always knows everything better than anyone.

Mommy Sign No. 2. Her name is at the top of the phone call list.

Yes, indeed, men who have a very warm relationship with their mother show more respect and understanding towards the weaker sex. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with a close relationship between mother and son - but only if it is within the normal range! If your chosen one is constantly on the phone, and in most cases his mother is on the other end of the line, then he certainly belongs to the category of mother's sons. The mothers of these men should know everything about him (and not only) and track every step of their sons. Perhaps in the future such a strong connection between them will become an obstacle and a source of irritation for you.

Sign of a little boy No. 3. His mother is privy to the details of your personal and even intimate life.

Between a man and a woman in a love union there are secrets, their little intimate moments. Problems arise when a third party appears in the relationship - the mother. Mom's son has no secrets from her, she knows everything, she knows about your every romantic gesture, any intimate problem. You may not feel it at the beginning of the relationship, but the intervention of a third party slowly destroys the connection.

Mommy Sign No. 4. Even his underwear goes through her hands.

The psychology of mother's sons is such that they never grow up and do not want to. They always count on the fact that the mother will take care of his affairs, of his things, and will not lift a finger when it comes to doing homework. Even washing their own underwear is not included in their duties. It remains only to sympathize with women whose husband is a sissy. If they want to stay with this person until the end of their lives, they will have to be an ideal replacement for a hardworking and caring mother in everything.

Momma's Sign #5 He Always Takes Her Side

A man who has a very close relationship with his mother will never put you first. If he ever has to choose whose feelings to sacrifice, then, undoubtedly, the choice will not be made in your favor with the words "She's my mother." Even if he knows that his mother is wrong, he will still categorically defend her, no matter what: such is the psychology of a sissy.

Sign of a little boy number 6. Compares you to your mother in everything

Does he constantly compare you? Do you often hear from him: “But my mother cooked differently” or “My mother washed it by hand, not in the machine”? A sissy man will compare everything you do to how his mother did it, and you can be sure: from his point of view, you will never do everything as well as she does.

Sign of a little boy number 7. Her wishes are the law for him

A sissy will not hesitate to destroy your joint plans if his mother needs it. Each of her desires will be fulfilled with lightning speed and will never allow you to stand in the way of its realization.

Sign of a little boy number 8. He avoids conflicts and difficult situations

Such a person almost never resists anything. He is afraid of conflicts with you like fire and tries to avoid them at all costs, as he once avoided confrontation with his mother. When you need to solve a problem, a sissy husband is like a child who has done something bad. All his life, a representative of this male breed tries not to anger his mother, so he is used to being prudently silent during a dispute.

Sign of a little boy No. 9. An independent decision is a big problem for him.

A person who has built a healthy relationship with his mother knows how to say no and stand his ground. If the partner next to you blindly follows the advice of the mother only because "she knows better" and her word is the law, unfortunately, you are dealing with a sissy. Such individuals, as a rule, are psychologically immature. They never make independent decisions, and even the simplest problems cannot be solved by them without consulting their mother.

Sign of a little boy No. 10. And at the age of 30 he lives with his mother, financially dependent on her

Mom's pet is in no hurry to grow up, become independent, including financially, even when the age comes, when it's time to create your own family. He cannot even imagine living separately from his mother and, if he lives alone, then, of course, only a few tens of meters from his parent's home. Such people often do not work, because they are always waiting for something else to get a suitable position. They often aim straight for the director's chair, because their mother deserves it!

If you saw these signs of a sissy in your partners, then the choice - to run or stay - is yours. When you build tactics of behavior with such a man, take it for granted: it will not work to reorient him from his mother to himself.

Sissy. Next. You can’t even imagine how hard it was for me to write the title, or rather to realize it. I didn't think it was, but it's time to be realistic.
I will try to describe the situation so that it is clear. I am 19 years old, I entered the university, in honey, in another city. It's hard to study, but that's not the point, and even here the mother managed to "infiltrate".
Dormitories are good and could easily live there, but she insisted on renting an apartment. Okay - I said, not knowing that she was going to live with me. And try to explain to her that I want to live
It's like talking to a stone. This is where you can start talking about control, which is present just everywhere.
Once I said that I would try to describe everything, and so here it is: I live with my brother and mother, and my father left 10 years ago. It just so happened that she completely controls my life. So worried about me that I
I don't even remember if I had a childhood. I didn't even go outside. And everything was very strict. Yes, I helped around the house, and learned a lot, I don’t complain about that.
By the age of 16, something else began, endless calls and “where are you”, “where are you going”, and I’m not saying that this is bad, yes, the mother should know where her son is going and all that, but that’s different. She just
she said: “Wherever you go, you will not go anywhere,” and to the question: will you explain why?, there have never been any arguments and arguments, and so far. This is about the early period.
Naturally, every guy, someday something is tied up with some girl. And then I just went nuts! At first, everything can be normal, she even said that she likes it
a certain girl, but then, for her, all the girls with whom I communicated closer became whores. And she wasn't shy about showing it off. Imagine how they felt. Another
moment about it.
She did not stop there, if I sat up with one of them, she takes it, calls her parents, and puts it in front of them in a way that no one would have thought of. After that, all contacts
are of course lost. And so it was with absolutely everyone.
This applies, as I said, to all aspects of life. They just tell you what to do and how to do it. And then they explain that "as long as you live with me, and you haven't done shit yourself yet, you will do this
as I say" and also "you will provide for yourself, then do what you want, otherwise everything depends on me,"
I understand, many will say - so become independent.
I work part-time when the opportunity arises, I do it both in summer and winter, but those funds are not even visible. At the same time, I study in medicine, and there is very little time left for anything else.
So what, it all comes down to money? And I don't have them. So. I can even say about studying in honey: I'm not sure that I want it as much as my mother wants it FOR me.
It is very difficult to convince her of something, and if sometimes, I repeat SOMETIMES, I manage to do it, then others cannot do it in any way. For it there is no objective reality, but only its own
the truth she lives by.
What I wrote is a very small part of what is happening.
I don't know what to do, what to do. How to get back on your feet. Therefore, I am writing in the hope that SOME OF YOU WHO HAVE LIFE EXPERIENCE will be able to give advice, and simply, from the fact that I
wrote to me will be easier.
Thanks if you've read it!

maze45 , age: 09/19/2015

Responses:

Hello! Slowly, you need to get out of this hyper-custody. You don’t need to tell your mother about girls, it’s better that she doesn’t know who you are talking to at all, if such problems arose. Mother will
protest, but over time you will get used to it. If you do not want to study in medical. university, you feel that it is not yours, you should not study there. There are two options: either you are now out of custody,
you will achieve something yourself, or you will finish your studies in medicine, at the insistence of your mother you will work as a doctor, you will not build a personal life, because all the girls will be sh ... :(, and in the end you will blame your mother,
that she ruined your life. You choose. My mother told me after college: "If you live with me, I won't give you freedom." But I still found a job in another city. Now she's up to it
applies normally.

Sveta, age: 27/03.10.2015

Listen, it's not easy to jump over your head. Perhaps you should take a less radical approach - become independent instantly, and start becoming independent. Try to save money
to have some savings, albeit not large. Maybe you can moonlight as a brother?
The money is small, but still. Try to move to a hostel, by the way. The mother will be unhappy, clearly understandable. But you will have to take on this task, and divide "we" into "I" and "she". Mother can you
almost a traitor to expose, if you're going to the hostel zasobiraeshsya. But this is a provocation, and it is impossible to succumb to it. You have the right to your privacy. Therefore, you are correct in what you say.
becomes independent. But not in one moment to become independent - it is impossible. This is why you need to start slowly. Today you are independent by 10%, then by 50%. And so you will gradually reach
100%. The task is not an easy one. So do it gradually.
By the way, you have the right not to answer all the numerous calls. To cleanse your conscience, you can send an SMS to your mother that everything is in order with you, alive and well.
That's how it is.
You can do it, I'm one of those too)
The most important thing now is to mark your personal boundaries, where you can’t let your mother in !! Something like this

Age: - / 04.10.2015

Hello my young friend. I'll get straight to the point :) First, read articles about codependency, but read without negation. You have already been able to write that sissy, so you want to break out.
the light inside you is glimmering and you want to live your life. Secondly, you must establish boundaries with your mother, she manipulates you, this does not come from great love. This is from limitation and from
own emptiness inside. She ruined her life, and you are trying to fill this void. Believe me. nothing will change if you let her manipulate you. She will grab
for the heart, can offend you, but you hold on and remember that she does this only because there is a deeply unhappy woman inside. I understand you very much, I have such parents. How many years
humiliations I heard, do not count. I was helped only by faith in myself, good people around (by the way, about the environment, since you have such a mother, you will unconsciously let yourself be pushed around - therefore
I say, read about codependency). And work on yourself, work on YOUR mistakes. Your mother does not see her own and it is useless to talk, but you can try it too. Just be sure to read
I'm sure you'll find many answers there and even see your mother's stereotyped behavior and even your own. The first step is to recognize the problem, then the solution. You live, not her. You choose who to be with
(here, too, be careful at the beginning, otherwise you can choose a girl like a mother, in general, if you want a different life, change. And then other people will reach out to you and be interested, because we choose
people like us.) Good luck and love to you :)

Girl Lotus, age: 25 / 07.10.2015

Good afternoon!
I read your story. Your mother does not criticize her behavior, she forgot about respect for you because she knows that you are unsure of yourself in your rightness and at any moment when you hit
give up your point of view! As a rule, parents love their children much more than the children of their parents - use this! When you express your claims to your mother with 100% certainty,
that you are right, she will be ashamed of her behavior. And if you are also offended by her, she will feel guilty for offending you. And for parents, there is nothing more useful sometimes to find
conscience and sound mind.

Julia, age: 03/24/2016

Hello! You are a great fellow that you wrote out. And you understand a lot. You know, there is such a wonderful book by Anatoly Nekrasov - "Mother's Love" read
maybe your mom will read it too. Let me tell you a story that is happening to me right now. My boyfriend and I lived for 1.5 years, promised to get married as soon as he gets
apartment (shared construction was). We lived in an apartment that my dad bought. I'm 30, he's 35. He's a doctor. You perfectly understand that if two adults live together,
love each other - children are obtained. Now I'm 4 months old, as soon as he found out - he said either he was leaving, or an abortion (they say I'll forget about it in a couple of days). And a year later
let's get married and give birth. I couldn't kill the child. These 4 months were hell for me - he constantly humiliated me, accused me of killing both him and his mother with this child. led
himself hysterically. He accused me of separating them from their ex-girlfriend (she cheated on him), that I am now poisoning her life (and she lives in another country). It was
hard, and scary for the baby. I asked him to leave, in a normal way, he kept pulling the cat by the tail, he kept finding excuses. When my parents came, he temporarily went to
relatives, then again on a new one. Yesterday he yelled at me, called me terrible words, and I could not stand it and called at 5 pm and said that my parents were coming,
take your things. He arrived drunk, accused me of being thrown out like a dog and so on. But he is a coward, he was afraid of my parents, he ran away, took his things and ran away. And now
I'll tell you about their relationship with their mother - a typical sissy. She divorced her father when he was 3 years old, then raised by his mother and grandmother. Mother's brother helped
as he could, it was he who took him to Kyiv and gave him an education. His mother and grandmother constantly told him that his mother sacrificed everything for him, and did not remarry and
other. Now he is 35, constantly calls, in the morning - so that he does not oversleep for work, during the day, in the evening - what he ate, washed, what he did, and so on. As a result, he is not taught
independence and being responsible in this life. Everything was decided for him from childhood and under the guise of care they controlled life. When I called his mother for help,
I thought as a mother that she would understand me - she said that my child was a bastard and a puppy, and she would still have an abortion or not. And she screamed that "this is just my son, I
I love the only one. "I decided to give birth, it is the Lord who decides whether a person lives or not. Now the child will have a dash in his testimony, and will not know
biological father. This man deprived himself of fatherhood, deprived himself of joy under the pressure of his mother.
You are still very young now, be wiser than your mother. I left this guardianship at the age of 16. It was hard, just like you, you felt pressure and humiliation. try harder
communicate with real men, maybe they are university teachers, sign up for martial arts, karate, go to the gym. The army can change a lot.
And your mother is afraid of being abandoned and abandoned, tell her that you are his only mother in the world and will always be so, you appreciate and love her, only at the moment I am like
a man will do so, etc. You can get a job as a security guard, even if it’s a small amount of money, but there should be a start. Do more and study specifically men's activities. Try
start communicating with your father, spend time with him. You know, you're already halfway there, realizing there's a problem, you're on the right track. I wrote my story, try to make it
conclusions to which the mother's overprotection can lead, you are a person, not a toy, you are a person! Good luck and believe in yourself I believe in it!

In communicating with a man, every girl expects behavior from him that matches his age. It is all the more difficult if she comes across a “sissy” on her way, who is strongly dependent on the main woman in her life and does not seek to do anything about it.

"Mama's boy" - who is it?

The close relationship between mother and child is due to nature itself: when born, the baby receives food, warmth and care from her. The older he gets, the more he falls under the influence that prescribes the boy to be smart, courageous, independent of his mother. Not every parent is able to draw the line between trust and total affection in time. It turns out that a "sissy" is an adult with the following set of characteristics:

Psychological attachment to mother. Other women pale against her background, without regard to sex appeal and intelligence.
Delayed manifestation of this character trait. It can be recognized if there is regular communication and a certain level of mutual trust is achieved.
Distrust of the institution of marriage. "Mama's son" seriously doubts that it is worth changing the usual life with a loving mother to get out of the comfort zone with another girl, no matter how pleasant she is to him.

"Mama's boy" - psychology

The folk term has a psychological nature, fully studied by doctors. No matter how old the “sissy” is, whose psychological portrait looks like a symbiosis of a phobia of losing a loved one and. The latter was discovered by Sigmund Freud, who believed that:

Everyone suffering from this disease is like King Oedipus, who killed his own father and married his mother Jocasta.
The boy, as his affection grows, becomes jealous of his father.
When attachment develops into sexual desire, the teenager begins to fear that his father will physically abuse him.

"Mama's boy" - reasons

It is unrealistic to determine who suffers from this at an early stage of dating. If a man has at least some minimal experience of communicating with women, deep down he knows about his shortcoming. "Mama's boy" and his mother are well aware that not every girl will decide on a relationship with such a partner. The reasons for the dependence of the boy on his mother are as follows:

lack of communication with peers or their mockery of appearance;
the domineering nature of the parent, who does not tolerate a different opinion in the house;
expressed approval by the mother of any actions of the child, even fundamentally wrong;
the creation by the mother of the illusion of a constant need for her son in all domestic aspects.

"Mama's boy" - signs

For young girls, communication with addicted boyfriends brings moral suffering and new complexes. The older a woman becomes, the more experienced she is and the easier it is for her to figure out who people call "a typical sissy." In contact with the opposite sex, he is given out:

Inability to independently solve serious problems, or even a desire to escape from them.
Bondage and discomfort in everything related to the discussion of family issues.
A huge need for a mother, thanks to which a guy from any topic goes on to discuss the merits of the woman who gave birth to him.

"Mama's boy" - pros and cons

In a man with a similar psychological situation in the family, most girls can only find minuses. The soft character and loyalty to the decisions of the parent are striking. "Mama's boy" in a relationship looks like one big flaw, but you can also find advantages in him:

Romantic nature. Men who have adopted a part of the female nature cannot be insensitive to the subtle mental organization. They are more likely to pick the best perfume or flowers as a gift.
Compliance. This is the easiest way to understand who a "sissy" is, how to recognize him in a man. He easily abandons the point of view that he was convinced a few minutes ago.
Comprehensive care. He will readily come to the rescue if needed.

The other half of the "sissy" should be ready to experience the negative consequences of a man's life with an overbearing mother. These include:

lack of initiative;
demand for increased attention to oneself;
perception of mother's opinion at the level of ultimate truth;
shifting responsibility onto the shoulders of a life partner;
fear of making decisions.

"Mama's boy" - how to deal with it?

Psychologists believe that such boys do not appear in full-fledged families where there is a place for psychological comfort. Among domineering mothers, women who are disillusioned with the opposite sex predominate. If there is a father in this family, then he plays a nominal role in decision-making. "Mama's boy" is a diagnosis of a person who has felt himself the center of the universe since childhood and realizes that no one will ever guess his desires the way his mother does. The basic principles of a girl embarking on the path of fighting this should include:

equanimity when communicating with his family;
prudence in taking every step towards rapprochement with a boyfriend;
unlimited patience for the period of weaning a man from his mother.

Women's glossy magazines unanimously convince readers of the futility of communicating with such a guy. They are absolutely sure that "sissy" is forever. Psychologists are not so categorical: they think that you can stock up on time and cut the tight knot of communication between parent and offspring. To defeat an influential competitor, you need to:

Abandon open war. Husband can not directly show hostility to his mother. He will not tolerate ridicule and insults directed at her and will run away.
Clearly define the boundaries of personal life. In the absence of direct conflict, it is difficult to delicately set a line that a mother should not cross.
Take into account the experience of others' mistakes. "Mama's son" after the divorce has already made a choice in her favor, therefore, she treats women with resentment and wariness.

Unconditional and limitless. But everything is good in a reasonable amount, and also, an overabundance of which negatively affects the formation of the personality of a future adult.

Many girls have come across. Who are these sissies? Most often, such young people can be recognized even before the registry office. Their distinguishing feature: such a man, regardless of his position in space, time of day and company, at the first call will break away and run to his mother.

There are many other situations that will lead to the idea that a man is one of the sissies. But not all girls are so attentive, and for some reason many are sure that after marriage and wedding, they will safely take the place of a mother in her husband's life.

You can describe sissy for a long time and give many examples, but the essence of their behavior boils down to the following: these are men who, in adolescence, could not psychologically separate from their mother. Someone feels sorry for such men, someone, on the contrary, cannot hold back insults and reproaches against them.

Such a type is formed strictly under the influence of the mother, he can even be called an orphan, because in childhood there was no male figure next to him, someone who would show him masculine qualities by personal example.

What happens when such a sissy becomes an adult? He unconsciously looks for a woman who would be like his mother and who could further educate him, teach him life, give advice, make decisions and take responsibility for what is happening.

Tatyana Orlova, a process psychotherapist, body therapist, and geopsychologist, will tell swjournal about who sissies are and how to build relationships with them. Leading business projects "Change Management" and "Natural Flow in Business". Organizational consultant, author and host of the personal growth programs "Territory of Feelings", "PRO Awakening", "Family Values", "Philosophy of Your Family", Leading Trainer of the Anastasia Afinskaya Training Center.

Are sissies weak men?

It's not about weakness at all, it's more about the traumatized psyche of such men. Who among us is not injured? Everyone has their own stories from childhood, regardless of gender, and unfortunately for many, these stories still distort the reality of being.

Just think for a second with the question “And who are the parents for a child?” and “What function do they serve?” Depending on how parents were able to form the space in which the child got to know himself, got to know himself and learned to take responsibility for himself and his actions, at the output we will get a full-fledged adult or an inferior adult child. It is pointless to accuse such an adult child of his inferiority, but how to be close to such a child, if, as such, appeared in your life?

How to raise a real man (for mothers and expectant mothers)?

Any child should be born and raised in a complete family, and the family, as we remember, is a mother and father. But society in our time dictates a different approach, by the way, now we are reaping the benefits of these innovations.

The woman became brave, decisive, independent, omnipotent, omniscient, but unfortunately she began to apply herself in the wrong direction. Yes, we women are capable of many things and live longer and endure more stress, but the only thing we can’t do, with all our resourcefulness, is to combine the role of “mother” and “father” at the same time.

And also, what is the saddest thing, having given birth to a child, especially a boy, and raising him alone, we create from him that very future man for ourselves, whom we keep in our dreams. We are so passionate about raising him and surrounding him with the best, protecting him from influence and pressure, that in the end we raised a generation of infantile and traumatized male boys.

And it is worth noting that it was really difficult for many of us to give birth and raise one child, but our task as mothers consists only in 2 main aspects: the first is to teach the child to trust his inner world, and the second follows from this - to teach him to do without us in the future. We will not scold the mothers of "sissy": they lived as best they could, and they probably did a lot not from evil, just one day they decided to live for the sake of their child, however, they did not take into account that now this child can not grow up in any way.

The Slavs in ancient times had such customs and they had a sacred meaning in which the boy underwent initiation and became a man. For example, one of the rituals, a boy of 7 years old was taken to a deep cave for the night and there he had to sit out the night, without a torch and accompanying.

In complete darkness, he had to overcome all his inner demons, because the biggest victory we have to win is victory over ourselves and our fears. If the boy gets scared and runs out, then he will continue to help women and will no longer belong to the male community. And what kind of mother is now ready to give her son to such a ceremony?

How not to be a second mother to him?

To be in a relationship with a sissy means to step on the warpath, where you will definitely lose at first. And you have to be ready for this, and most importantly, under no circumstances should you condemn or be jealous of your man for his mother.

It's not easy, but first ask yourself a few questions: “Why am I with this man? What is the energy that draws us? What do I feel in our union? And is this really the man from whom I want children?

And then also honestly note for yourself what role do you play in these relationships? If you criticize, teach, deceive, demand, and save, then you are his second mother, congratulations. Here you support your program from childhood, where you took the role of a lifeguard for your man. If this is so, then run away from this relationship, you will destroy yourself, burn a lot of your life energy, and everything will be meaningless. Because in fact, you do not want to save him, but yourself, where you were hurt in childhood.

But, if you do not prevent him from making mistakes, taking responsibility, making independent decisions, taking the first steps in any direction, and you also believe in him, see him as a man in the first place, trust and somewhere even desperately trust, but with all at the same time, you mark your boundaries, say what is important to you, do not settle for illusions, but compare his words with actions, and as a result tell the whole world what a strong and real man you have, and what masculine actions he does, then you have a chance to inspire (not to be confused with “nurture”) your companion to awaken the masculine in him.

True, you will have to face the manipulation of his mother, and here only calmness, composure and courage to tell her “I do not pretend to be your role will help you. I respect you as the mother of my man and am always ready to make contact with you. He remains forever your son, but for me he is a man, and our future joint goal is to create our family with our children and your grandchildren.

By what signs can you understand that a man is a sissy?

By what components can you understand that you have a man in front of you, and not a boy:

The boy believes in miracles, and the Man creates them;

The Boy often feels guilty or looks for someone to blame, while the Man takes responsibility and resolves issues;

The Boy complains and cries, and the Man is angry, but acts;

The boy does not finish what he started and often changes his position, and the Man is firm in his decisions;

The boy is waiting for punishment or praise for what he has done, and the Man just silently decides everything himself;

The boy deceives and promises, but the Man does not accept this to himself, and therefore to his loved ones.

The only thing for us is to always be honest with ourselves and carefully follow how not to become a daughter with such a man, but to preserve our feminine, for which only a strong-willed man can go.