A person who tries to be the best. Why does a person want to be "bad"? Boasting the results of individual exams, interviews

Lies and duplicity are considered the main ailments of our time. From the point of view of psychology, lying is a bad habit, a consequence of a bad character, bad upbringing. And what is the spiritual view of this problem?

I think the main reason people lie is fear and self-doubt. A person wants to seem better than he is, afraid to fail. If we add to this personal complexes, ambitions, envy, then lies and pretense become both a tool for achieving goals and a way of life for such a person.

Of course, upbringing, the level of culture, manners instilled by parents play an important role in this problem. It is from the family that we derive the fundamental concepts of life and the “matrix” of behavior. Unfortunately, recently, parents from an early age are trying to teach their children to achieve their goals in any way. This is the so-called psychology of leadership - if you are kind, honest and sentimental, then you will simply be "eaten" by stronger ones. Life is regarded as competition, struggle, and virtuous character traits as weakness. We are already reaping the bitter fruits of this approach to life - the lumpenization of society, the inability to hear and understand the other, disunity and bitterness. As the Scripture says, "The fathers have eaten sour grapes, but the children's teeth are set on edge" (Ezek. 18:2). No wonder, because false priorities lead to false goals. Initially, the deception in this case lies in the fact that a real leader is not the one who knows how to manipulate people and get benefits in everything, but the one who is able to sacrifice himself for the sake of others.

I say this to make it clear that a lie is not only a personal problem of an individual person, but it is something that can globally influence the life of the whole society and even the whole of humanity. And with all the diverse types of human lies, the circumstances of their occurrence, it is obvious that its main cause lies exclusively in the spiritual field. It is no coincidence that the second name of the devil is Liar, Slanderer. This is the primordial cause of that dark energy, which is associated with the slightest lie, any distortion of the truth.

Lying is not just a sin. This is the main "component" of sin, it is the basis of any sinful action or thought. Probably, a person would never sin if he was not deceived by the promises of sin. As St. Basil the Great says, "Hell cannot be made attractive, so the devil makes the road there attractive." Sin always deceives a person, and in each of his falls, the sinner becomes a hostage to lies.

According to the teaching of the Monk Abba Dorotheus, a lie manifests itself in three ways: by thought, by word, and by life itself. If a lie with a thought consists in an unintentional substitution of a genuine self with a certain “role” in which a person would like to see himself, then a lie with a word is already a conscious distortion of reality. Abba Dorotheos refers to the deep sinful depravity of a person who is accustomed to vice, is not afraid of it and is not embarrassed by the concept of “lie by life”. But since public opinion nevertheless condemns vice, but still appreciates virtue, a person considers it profitable to hide under a virtuous mask. This lie lies in the cynical duality of life itself.

Abba Dorotheos names three reasons that encourage people to lie, which are also the basis of all sin. This is, firstly, voluptuousness, that is, the desire to fulfill every desire; secondly, love of money - the desire to acquire material values; and, thirdly, love of glory, which in the case of the monks was expressed in unwillingness to reconcile.

- A lie outside gives rise to a lie to oneself: a person ceases to expose himself, to honestly admit to himself what he has done. This leads to false confession and, consequently, to depression. How to start telling the truth to yourself? And what is fraught with self-deception?

St. Theophan the Recluse teaches that "one must be able to divide oneself into oneself and the enemy hidden in me." The main trick of the devil is that he inspires a person as if his thoughts and feelings are himself. When we begin to separate ourselves from our own emotions, feelings and thoughts, they can no longer control us.

Self-deception is always associated with self-justification, the belief that anyone can be to blame for this or that problem, but not myself. Avoiding problems in this way deprives a person of the opportunity to solve them. Therefore, the Monk Paisios the Holy Mountaineer said: “By justifying yourself, you seem to be building a wall separating you from God, and thus cutting off all connection with him.” We need to learn to be responsible before God and people for our lives, actions and thoughts. Do not hide your head in the sand, but open your heart to God, Who, seeing the sincere aspiration of a person, will always help and guide you on the true path.

The starting point of everyone's spiritual life is an honest look turned inward. Therefore, the holy fathers said that the first sign of the recovery of the soul is the vision of one's sins, countless, like the sand of the sea. Until a person realizes the depth of his fall, sees his weakness and tries to build his life on his own, only disappointment and endless wanderings await him. Passions blind us, manipulate consciousness. Therefore, in order to see the real picture of your situation, you need to shift your own ego from the center of life and look at yourself from a different angle. It is important, in addition to your shortcomings and spiritual illnesses, to see also the One Who can heal them. It is only in the power of the Lord to save us from ourselves, our own passions and sinful habits. Without God, an honest look at oneself can end in despondency and despair. Spiritual illnesses are cured by the grace that a person receives in the Sacraments of the Church, prayer and repentance.

The gospel gives us not only the truth about ourselves, but also the hope of correction. I came across an interesting analogy from a spiritual writer. He compared the sinful fall of a person to exercise on a trampoline: the lower the point of falling, the higher the person "rises" in repentance. Therefore, to know the truth about yourself, to honestly expose your shortcomings, to see them is not self-flagellation or humiliation, but the only way out of a personality crisis.

Interviewed by Natalya Goroshkova

Being born, a person is pure and completely open to the world around him, people, emotions. The baby does not wear masks: his needs are reflected in his face, in his voice, in every movement.

Gradually, learning the world, a person acquires life attitudes, learns the rules of behavior (and in fact: the rules of survival). Asocial personalities - those who reduce contact with others to a minimum - are relatively few among us. And therefore, for most of the world's population, all actions are very closely connected with society: its reaction to this or that action. Everyone wants to take their place in society, their niche. To fulfill the significant life role assigned to him: father, friend, colleague, boss, and just a successful person.

As the famous slogan says, “Faster! Above! Stronger ”- no one likes and not outsiders. To be on, to excel, to show off talent - that's what society requires. In return, a person receives praise, recognition of his status as a member of this large family, and, as a result, positive emotions.

It's easier to "seem" than "to be"

It is much easier to "seem" to be someone than it is to actually "be" one. For example, in order to seem like a virtuoso musician, it is significant enough to listen to the performance of one or another piece of music. Make a happy (or not so) look. But in fact, to be a professional musician, you need to have talent. And plus to this, make tremendous efforts, spend a long time to supplement your “talented” base with technical skill.

Why do many people have a mechanism to “seem better” for a long time? Why is there no disclosure? The answer is quite simple: many of the components of the image that a person puts on themselves are difficult or impossible to verify. Because it’s simply indecent to ask: is it true that your rich aunt gave you a luxurious villa on an exotic island? Or maybe just too lazy to check. Or something third.

When a person feels his impunity, he begins to expand the scope of the self-imagined image. And to put it simply: it starts to lie more and more. He gets used to the positive that he receives in return. Over time, the gap between the personality that actually exists and the one that was invented to go out "into the light" increases. It turns out that a person takes from society what he does not really deserve. The payoff for the bonuses you receive in return is relatively small - it's just the fear of exposure. But do not forget that every day a fictional image is overgrown with new fictional facts. And, consequently, the payment rises - the level of fear rises.

It is quite difficult to catch the fine line when embellishment of the real facts of the biography develops into an undisguised or poorly concealed lie. But one thing is for sure: in doing one way or another, you need to remain honest with yourself. And just ask the question more often: if I do this now, can I not be tormented by remorse for the rest of my life, and live in harmony with my inner self?

But after a while it is completely impossible to understand what is “I”, and what is just another mask that “I” has pulled over itself out of the best intentions.

Man has been collecting these masks all his life. And one day he realized that time was running out, but someone else lived instead of him. After all, the true "I" was never revealed to the world. He was afraid and hid what really mattered. He did not allow himself to manifest himself for what he was born for. He threw a veil of fear of rejection over his soul. And now he suffers, because in fact he has neither friends nor enemies ...

Which is easier: to be or to seem?

What pushes us to invent image after image for ourselves, what makes us give up our essence? A person has only himself, so why and for what does he try to forget it?

They say it's easier to seem than to be. But is it? How much energy do we expend to maintain a certain halo?

An insecure guy tries to hide his insecurity and chooses a mask that is opposite to his quality. However, if there is a vulnerability in a person, trying to solve this problem in this way looks ridiculous and stupid. Our true strengths and weaknesses come from within. People seem to exude confidence, charm, intelligence, success.

When an insecure guy wants to deceive everyone around, he has to grimace in order to support the desired image with external behavior. And he begins to behave frankly rude and defiant. He does not know what real confidence is, because he does not feel it. Then he simply puts on a mask of the other extreme, replaces uncertainty with excessive self-confidence. One asocial quality covers another.

The result of such a substitution, obviously, will not bring good results. After all, this clowning can not look natural. Our insecure guy makes arrogant and impudent statements, trying to arouse fear and respect, but receives aggression and misunderstanding in response.

When a person plays a role, his external behavior contradicts his internal state, and this leads to nervous tension. The subconscious always knows the truth and cannot be deceived or silenced. Thus, when faced with an undesirable reaction from the game of self-confidence, a person receives a double dose of stress. So maybe it's better to be who you are and not try to be better?

How do we convince ourselves of a lie?

Sometimes we flirt so much that we ourselves begin to believe in our image. Then the thread leading to the true cause of our unnatural behavior breaks, and a new complex is formed. Therefore, so often low self-esteem often lives in one person next to a feeling of inflated importance, cruelty next to vulnerability, arrogance next to insecurity.

We can convince ourselves of anything, but only for a while. If the internal conflict is not resolved, it will return sooner or later. And we will have to make a choice again: start unraveling the tangle of our complexes or come up with a few more protective patterns of behavior for ourselves in order to postpone the moment of awareness of our imperfection at least for a while.

Man walks the road of life. When for some reason he gets hurt, he invents an image for himself. And this image helps him to move on. So, when faced with condemnation, he puts on a mask. Perhaps it will be a mask of a rebel, perhaps an indifference, or perhaps a moralist. In any case, this is an attempt to seem, but not to be. A person has come up with an algorithm of behavior that is most suitable for protection from the outside world. But how can a person think through everything? Time will pass and something will remind him of the pain of rejection. Someone will find his morality imperfect, someone will ridicule his rebel nature, and the mask of indifference will be useless when the one who is important to him does not accept and share his views. What can a person do? Hide under another dragon skin? Or maybe still not reject your essence and help yourself?

To be

It seems to us that we are strong and independent, but why do we get depressed from the fact that people do not understand us? We scream our freethinking, but why do we care what others think? We declare our uniqueness and originality, but do we ourselves see any idea in our work?

In a fierce struggle with myself, I have been looking for the answer for years, "who you need to be." And if it is more correct to be yourself, then who is “I”? Sometimes, we are so afraid to show ourselves to the world. We are afraid that we will not be accepted, and this fear makes us distort and deform our own individuality.

When a person accepts himself, he accepts the whole world. And for him there is no more rejection. For the one who chooses to be and not to seem, pride and hatred are alien. Vices do not exist where there is no comparison.

Now I understand that being yourself is easier than being someone else. And now I only do what comes from my soul. There is no point in being ashamed, there is no point in suffering from judgmental looks when you are you. You still can't fool yourself, but there's no reason to. Man is beautiful and unique. And everything that comes from its depths is filled with meaning and beauty. And the one who looks condemningly simply does not understand this, he just did not take off his masks.

People are like wine - if they get better with age, then they are of very high quality.

Many people are afraid to say what they want. And that's why they don't get it.

I think about death more than other people, probably because I love life more than they do.

It is better to keep quiet and seem like a fool than to open your mouth and completely dispel doubts.

Such are the people. The more afraid they are, the more stupid they become. Fear shrinks the brain.

Don't try to be better than you are. Don't try to be worse than you are. After all, those who seem not to exist at all.

They [people] do not want to create their own happiness, they only want to reduce unhappiness.

You lie to seem better than you really are, forgetting that the best thing in a person is honesty.

There is nothing worse than indecision. Better a worse decision than hesitation or inaction. You can't get back a lost moment.

Do not try to seem better to people than you really are - you won’t stand on tiptoe for a long time, but don’t try to seem worse than you are - you won’t sit on your haunches for a long time either. ALWAYS STAY YOURSELF!

You will be surprised to learn that some of the people around you who seem smart to you are actually not so at all.

Intelligence is an important marker in our society. We study people's behavior to gauge how smart they are compared to us and others. As we get older, intelligence is more respected, and we tend to listen more to those we consider smarter than ourselves.

However, there are plenty of ways people can just pretend to be smart to get more attention and speak their mind. To help you see the difference between the really smart and the pretenders to such behavior, we will describe five basic behaviors that many individuals use to make us believe in the power of their intelligence.

Wearing glasses

One of the most common ways to look smarter is to wear glasses. Well, that's probably something you've already heard about. Even psychologists agree that those with glasses look much smarter, and even more correct in the eyes of employers. But why do glasses produce such an effect?

It is actually a tool that we use to correct our eyesight. They are especially important for those who read literature and focus on writing texts for long periods of time. Glasses make people believe that your vision is worse than others, that you need to focus for a long time on certain intellectual tasks. All this together leads to the idea that you have a higher level of intelligence than the average person.

Nowadays, even if you don't need glasses, you can easily buy a pair with a set of false lenses, giving the illusion of having a high level of intelligence. So watch out for those around you. For example, a newcomer to the office may not be as smart as they seem.

Boasting the results of individual exams, interviews

What's a great way to make people think you're smart? Just tell them it's true. Showing off the results of an exam, some kind of achievement, is a great way to get others to congratulate you on this, make you believe that you are smarter than you really are. Watch out for people who constantly say how well they did it.

Pride is not bad, but bragging is completely different. In the latter case, a person deliberately tells someone how smart he is, constantly reminds of this.

Just bragging about random good grades can be another telltale sign that all is not what it seems. Most highly intelligent people get consistently high grades. And they likely won't feel the need to brag, unless they just say so if asked. If a person keeps using the same example to tell you how smart they are, they are probably just pretending to be.

Poor acceptance of habits and interests

Intellectually developed people are inclined towards more "proper" entertainment and interests, such as classical music and advanced literature. Individuals who only want you to believe in their mental abilities are simply trying to show affection for these habits in order to look solid and smart. It's one thing to really get into something, but people who pretend to be smart can't even fully understand what they're talking about.

There is no need to test them on all issues, to find out specifically how well they understand classical music. But pay attention to what they miss when they talk about famous artists and writers, for example. Someone who is really interested in this is more likely to point out not only well-known facts about some abstract artists, he knows a lot about what they liked, what they were fond of, what they were in life.

Constantly complaining about stupid people

A comprehensively developed person, as a rule, is always polite and amiable. Just because someone isn't as smart as you doesn't make you better than them, and it doesn't make them worse than you. Real smart people know and welcome the fact that others can't fully understand some of the concepts that others can understand. People who pretend to be smart don't accept it.

Loud utterances and complaints about trivial mistakes or the stupidity of others are a telltale sign that someone is unsure of their own intelligence. Suppressing others and humiliating them, such individuals feel better, they are sure that others see in them a higher intelligence than they really are.

Don't be fooled if someone fixes trivial bugs. Most likely, this person is just pretending to be smart, and is not really so.

Using unnecessarily long words

Long words are the personification of intelligence. If you use them, it means that you have a good vocabulary, which is replenished through reading and writing. Most people, even smart ones, will not feel the need to use too long and abstruse words in casual or friendly conversations.

People who pretend to be smart tend to throw them where they are not needed. This may be a single event or it may be recurring too often. Watch out for unnecessary long words. Some personalities may seem smart, but this may be a simple ploy.

Conclusion

Intelligence is always a desirable trait, so there are many reasons to pretend that you are smarter than you really are. So to speak, artificially increasing your intelligence can help in interviews and in formal situations. But if someone is constantly pretending, it will be tiresome for others. Hopefully, now you will be able to distinguish a smart person from a pretender.