parenting styles. Styles of parenting: description, types, impact on the child. Parenting styles in the family
The goal of parenting is, of course, the happiness of children. Speaking in the language of pedagogy, the goal of education is the development and formation of a harmonious and holistic, and most importantly, successful personality in the future life. And the most important role in this process is played by the child's family. Parents can evaluate the effectiveness of educational methods by comparing the goals and objectives of family education with currently available indicators.
Parenting styles are divided into four main ones: authoritarian, democratic, he is also influential, liberal - indulgent, conniving, he is indifferent. The four different parenting styles differ from each other in the amount of care and control that parents place on their child. These main factors formed the basis of the main parenting styles. Each of them is characterized by different educational values, behavior, methods, as well as a balance between the requirements of parents and the response of the child. Parenting styles differ not only in their exactingness and responsiveness, but also in the psychological impact that is exerted on the child. Psychological control is an attempt to influence the psychological and emotional development of the offspring using the following educational methods: feelings of guilt, shame and deprivation of care. Thus, authoritarian and influential parenting styles differ only in the scale of psychological control.
The authoritarian parenting style assumes the dominance of parents who occupy a deliberately dominant position, independently making decisions for the child. Parents “know” not only how it will be better for their child, but also demanding, uncompromisingly and categorically impose their own rules on their children. A certain amount of authoritarianism gives an understanding of the boundaries set, disciplines, allowing you to understand what is good and what is bad. But busting with authoritarianism brings up a passive personality and indicates the presence of problems in parents.
The democratic style of parenting involves decision-making through dialogue and interaction. In this case, parents understand how important they are in the process of growing up children, while leaving them the right to self-development. This style of parenting indicates that parents are open to self-development. And this, of course, is important, especially if you take into account the inconstancy of life and its variability.
Adherents of the liberal style highly value the child's right to freedom, forgiving him pranks and various misconduct, easily communicating with the offspring. But those who adhere to this style of parenting can easily miss the acceptable limits of the level of freedom that a child, due to age, may not be able to cope with.
The conniving style does not involve education at all. Children grow up on their own and there is no connection between them and their parents.
The democratic style of education is recognized as the most constructive. The rest, to varying degrees, can supplement it with something, depending on the situation and circumstances. The main thing is that parents consciously choose a specific style of education, guided by the goal. At the same time, this goal should be set in accordance with the general goals that parents adhere to in raising a child, namely, his development as an independent, holistic, harmonious, self-sufficient personality.
You can either write your own.
Chapter 1. Family as a social institution for the formation of a child's personality
1.1. The role of the family in raising a child
1.2. Parenting styles and attitudes.
1.3. Communication between parents and children as a determinant of child development.
1.4. Socio-psychological types of a child's personality that correspond to a certain type of family education
Chapter 2. Psychological and pedagogical work on the study and correction of child-parent relationships
2.1. Diagnosis of child-parent relationships in the family
2.2. Corrective work to overcome anxiety in children in the system of parent-child relationships
Conclusion
Literature
Application No. 1
Doing
The influence of parents on the development of the child is very great. Children growing up in an atmosphere of love and understanding have fewer health problems, difficulties with learning at school, communicating with peers, and vice versa, as a rule, a violation of parent-child relationships leads to the formation of various psychological problems and complexes.
For a small child, a family is a whole world in which he lives, acts, makes discoveries, learns to love, hate, rejoice, sympathize. As a member, the child enters into a certain relationship with his parents, which can have both a positive and a negative influence on him. As a result, the child grows either benevolent, open, sociable, or anxious, rude, hypocritical, deceitful.
It would seem that no one has the right to encroach on the traditional role of parents in the upbringing of their children, in the choice of forms and methods of parental educational influences. However, the numerous facts that children have become victims or faced the threat of death at the hands of their own parents have recently become common and cannot but inspire alarm.
Cruelty towards children today has become a common phenomenon: up to 10% of victims of violence die, the rest have deviations in physical, mental development, in the emotional sphere. This not only causes irreparable harm to the health of the child, injures his psyche, hinders the development of his personality, but also entails other serious social consequences, forms socially maladaptive, infantile people who do not know how to work, are not able to create a healthy family, be good parents. At present, it has become a serious social and universal problem.
The psychological and pedagogical literature contains a large number of works that study the types of parental attitudes towards a child in connection with their influence on the development of his personality, character traits and behavior (Bowlby, 1988; Garbuzov, 1990; Zakharov, 1995; Ainsworth, 1963; and others. ).
They describe the qualities of a mother that contribute to the formation of a strong and fragile attachment of a child; the characteristics of “optimal mother” or “good enough mother” are revealed, various models of parental behavior are considered.
Convincing and demonstrative are observations and studies on the impact of incorrect or disturbed parental relationships, for example, maternal deprivation (I. Landgmeer, Z. Mateichik, 1985; E. T. Sokolova, 1981; D. Bowlby 1953; M. D. Ainsworth, 1964 ).
In domestic science and practice, child-parent relationships were studied by: A. Ya. , what type of parental attitude contributes to the emergence of one or another developmental anomaly (A. E. Lichko, 1979; E. G. Eidemiller, 1980).
A review of the literature clearly shows that a combination of heterogeneous factors leads to a violation of the pace of a child's mental development. These factors are often in various combinations with each other, with the predominance of one or another type of deficiency and psychogenic influences. Isolation of the role of each of them is of practical interest, as it allows you to find more accurate diagnostic criteria for diagnosing the child's mental development. The role of the family factor in comparison with the others, in our opinion, is of the greatest interest. This determined the relevance of the topic of this work.
Object of study- parent-child relationship.
Subject of study- styles of family education.
Purpose of the study- to study the influence of the peculiarities of family education on the development of the child.
Tasks:
Give a theoretical justification for this problem;
Describe parenting styles
Experimentally show the influence of the qualities of parents on the development of the child
Hypothesis of our work lies in the fact that family relationships play a huge role in the development of a child. Parental relationships are a system of various feelings for a child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with him, features of perception and understanding of the nature and personality of the child, his actions. And for the development of positive parent-child relationships adults should have a certain level of knowledge on the problem of education and relationships with the child.
The work consists of introduction, two chapters, conclusion, literature.
Chapter 1. Family as a social institution for the formation of a child's personality
1.1. The role of the family in raising a child
The most important social function of the family is the upbringing of the younger generation. The family in modern society is seen as an institution of primary socialization of the child. Parenthood has a sociocultural nature and is characterized by a system of norms and rules prescribed by culture and society that regulate the distribution of the functions of caring for children and their upbringing in the family among parents: determining the content of roles, models of role behavior. Parents are responsible to society for organizing a system of conditions that correspond to the age characteristics of the child at each stage of ontogenesis and provide optimal opportunities for his personal and mental development. In the history of parenthood, the trend towards an increase in the importance of the institution of the family becomes more and more obvious. Previously, the responsibility for raising a child was assigned to society, while individual parenthood covered only a relatively short period of a child’s childhood before he began to work or began to perform social functions, but with a change in the tasks of the child’s socialization within the framework of family education at each of the age stages of its development, the specific forms and means of educational influences, the nature of the relationship of the child with parents also undergo changes.
The main tasks of the family are the formation of the first social need of the child - the need for social contact, basic trust in the world (E. Erickson) and affection (J. Bowlby, M. Ainsworth) in infancy: Formation of object-tool competence at an early age and social competence in preschool, cooperation and support in the development of the system of scientific concepts and the implementation of independent educational activities in primary school age; creating conditions for the development of autonomy and self-awareness in adolescence and youth. Emotional saturation and emotionally positive nature of interpersonal relationships, stability, duration and stability of interaction with a partner, joint activities and cooperation with an adult as a model of competence, social support and initiation for independent activity make the family a unique structure that provides the most favorable conditions for personal and intellectual development child.
In each family, a certain system of education is objectively formed, which is by no means always conscious of it. Here we have in mind the understanding of the goals of education, and the formulation of its tasks, and the more or less purposeful application of the methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and 4 types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, "non-intervention" and cooperation.
Dictatorship in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some members of the family (mainly adults) of the initiative and self-esteem of its other members.
Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance turns out to be broken, along with it, many valuable personality traits turn out to be broken: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's capabilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, the systematic deprivation of his right to vote in resolving issues relating to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.
Guardianship in the family is a system of relations in which parents, by ensuring the satisfaction of all the needs of the child with their work, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of the active formation of personality fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - the satisfaction of the needs of the child and the protection of his difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for a collision with reality outside the home. It is these children who are more unadapted to life in a team.
Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family implies the mediation of interpersonal relations in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.
Of great importance in the formation of self-esteem is the style of family education, the values accepted in the family.
There are three styles of family education: - democratic - authoritarian - conniving (liberal).
With a democratic style, the interests of the child are taken into account first of all. Consent style.
In the permissive style, the child is left to himself.
The schoolchild sees himself through the eyes of close adults who educate him. If the assessments and expectations in the family do not correspond to the age and individual characteristics of the child, his self-image seems distorted.
M.I. Lisina traced the development of the self-awareness of preschoolers depending on the characteristics of family education. Children with an accurate self-image are brought up in families where parents give them a lot of time; positively evaluate their physical and mental data, but do not consider their level of development higher than that of most peers; predict good school performance. These children are often encouraged, but not with gifts; punished mainly by refusing to communicate. Children with a low self-image grow up in families in which they are not treated, but require obedience; low estimate, often reproached, punished, sometimes - with strangers; they are not expected to succeed at school and make significant achievements later in life.
Adequate and inadequate behavior of the child depends on the conditions of upbringing in the family. Children with low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly blame the child, or set excessive tasks for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of the parents. (Do not tell the child that he is ugly, this causes complexes, which then cannot be got rid of.)
Inadequacy can also manifest itself with inflated self-esteem. This happens in a family where the child is often praised, and gifts are given for little things and achievements (the child gets used to material rewards). The child is punished very rarely, the system of requirements is very soft.
Adequate performance - a flexible system of punishment and praise is needed here. Admiration and praise are excluded from him. Gifts are rarely given for deeds. Extreme harsh punishments are not used. In families where children grow up with high, but not overestimated self-esteem, attention to the child's personality (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) is combined with sufficient demands. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishment and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy more freedom at home, but this freedom, in fact, is lack of control, a consequence of parents' indifference to children and to each other.
Parents also set the initial level of the child's claims - what he claims in educational activities and relationships. Children with a high level of aspirations, inflated self-esteem and prestigious motivation count only on success. Their vision of the future is just as optimistic. Children with a low level of claims and low self-esteem do not apply for much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their abilities, quickly come to terms with the level of progress that develops at the beginning of their studies.
The second option is demonstrativeness - a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention to others. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned in the family, "unloved". But it happens that the child receives sufficient attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the hypertrophied need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are made not by neglected, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even violating the rules of behavior. ("It's better to be scolded than not noticed"). The task of adults is to do without notations and edifications, to make comments as emotionally as possible, not to pay attention to minor misconduct and to punish major ones (say, by refusing a planned trip to the circus). This is much more difficult for an adult than caring for an anxious child.
If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.
The third option is "avoidance of reality". It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness is combined with anxiety in children. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot realize it due to their anxiety. They are hardly noticeable, they are afraid of arousing disapproval with their behavior, they strive to fulfill the requirements of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity, invisibility, which makes it difficult for already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage the activity of children, show attention to the results of their educational activities and search for ways of creative self-realization, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.
The extreme, most unfavorable cases for the development of the child are strict, total control in authoritarian upbringing and the almost complete absence of control, when the child is left to himself, neglected. There are many intermediate options:
Parents regularly tell their children what to do;
The child can express his opinion, but when making a decision, parents do not listen to his voice;
The child can make separate decisions on his own, but must obtain the approval of the parents, parents and the child have almost equal rights when making a decision;
The decision is often made by the child himself;
The child himself decides to obey his parental decisions or not.
Let us dwell on the most common styles of family education, which determine the characteristics of the child's relationship with his parents and his personal development.
Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in their child's behavior. They themselves grant him the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without prejudice to his rights, at the same time demand the fulfillment of duties. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable care is usually not too annoying; he often listens to explanations why one should not do one thing and another should be done. The formation of adulthood in such relationships takes place without any special experiences and conflicts.
Authoritarian parents demand unquestioning obedience from the child and do not consider that they should explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all spheres of life, and they can do it and not quite correctly. Children in such families usually become isolated, and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some children go into conflict, but more often children of authoritarian parents adapt to the style of family relations and become insecure, less independent.
The situation is complicated if high demands and control are combined with an emotionally cold, rejecting attitude towards the child. A complete loss of contact is inevitable here.
An even more difficult case is indifferent and cruel parents. Children from such families rarely treat people with trust, experience difficulties in communication, are often cruel themselves, although they have a strong need for love.
The combination of an indifferent parental attitude with a lack of control - overprotection - is also an unfavorable variant of family relationships. Children are allowed to do whatever they want, no one is interested in their affairs. Behavior becomes out of control. And children, no matter how they sometimes rebel, need their parents as a support, they must see a model of adult, responsible behavior, which could be guided by.
Hyper-custody - excessive concern for the child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact - leads to passivity, lack of independence, difficulties in communicating with peers.
1.2. Parenting styles and attitudes.
Parental attitudes, or attitudes, are one of the most studied aspects of the parent-child relationship. Parental attitudes are understood as a system, or set, of the parent's emotional attitude towards the child, the perception of the child by the parent and ways of behaving with him. The concept of “parenting style” or “parenting style” is often used synonymously with the concept of “attitudes”, although it is more appropriate to retain the term “style” to denote attitudes and corresponding behavior that are not associated specifically with a given child, but characterize the attitude towards children in general.
The style of family education should be understood as the most characteristic ways of parental relations with the child, using certain means and methods of pedagogical influence, which are expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal treatment and interaction.
The clinically oriented literature describes an extensive phenomenology of parental attitudes (positions), parenting styles, as well as their consequences - the formation of individual characterological characteristics of the child within the framework of normal or deviant behavior. Convincing and demonstrative are observations and studies on the impact of incorrect or disturbed parental relationships. An extreme variant of disturbed parental behavior is maternal deprivation. Lack of maternal care occurs as a natural result of living apart from a child, but, in addition, it often exists in the form of hidden deprivation when a child lives in a family, but the mother does not care for him, is rude, emotionally rejects, and indifferent. All this affects the child in the form of general disorders of mental development. Often these disorders are irreversible.
So, children brought up in children's institutions without maternal care and affection are distinguished by a lower intellectual level, emotional immaturity, disinhibition, and flatness. They are also characterized by increased aggressiveness in relations with peers, lack of selectivity and constancy in emotional attachment to adults (“sticky”, quickly attached to any person, but just as quickly weaned). Long-term consequences of maternal deprivation are manifested at the level of personality distortions. In this regard, attention is drawn to the variant of psychopathic development described for the first time by D. Bowlby with the leading radical in the form of emotional insensitivity - inability for emotional attachment and love, lack of a sense of community with other people, global rejection of oneself and the world of social relations. Another variant of distorted development, in its phenomenology, corresponds to the classical type of “neurotic personality” - with low self-esteem, increased anxiety, addiction, and an obsessive fear of losing the object of affection. But not only gross violations of parental behavior affect the course of the child’s mental development. Different styles of care and treatment of a child, starting from the first days of his life, form certain features of his psyche and behavior.
S. Brody identified four types of maternal attitude.
1. Mothers of the first type easily and organically adapted to the needs of the child. They are characterized by supportive, permissive behavior. Interestingly, the most revealing test of this or that maternal style was the reaction of the mother to the toilet training of the child. Mothers of the first type did not set themselves the task of accustoming the child to the habits of neatness by a certain age. They waited for the child to “ripen” itself.
2. Mothers of the second type consciously tried to adapt to the needs of the child. The not always successful realization of this desire introduced tension into their behavior, a lack of immediacy in communicating with the child. They more often dominated rather than conceded.
3. Mothers of the third type did not show much interest in the child. The basis of motherhood was a sense of duty. There was almost no warmth in the relationship with the child and there was no spontaneity at all. As the main instrument of education, such mothers used strict control, for example, they consistently and severely tried to accustom a child of one and a half years to the habits of neatness.
4. Mothers of the fourth type of behavior are characterized by inconsistency. They behaved inappropriately for the age and needs of the child, made many mistakes in their upbringing, and misunderstood their child. Their direct educational influences, as well as the reaction to the same actions of the child, were contradictory.
According to S. Brody, the fourth style of motherhood is the most harmful for a child, since the constant unpredictability of maternal reactions deprives the child of a sense of stability in the world around him and provokes increased anxiety. While a sensitive, accepting mother (of the first type), who responds accurately and in a timely manner to all the requirements of a small child, as if creates an unconscious confidence in him that he can control the actions of others and achieve his goals.
If rejection prevails in the maternal attitude, ignoring the needs of the child due to immersion in their own affairs and experiences, the child develops a sense of danger, unpredictability, uncontrollability of the environment, minimal own responsibility for its changes in the direction of ensuring a comfortable existence. Lack of parental responsiveness to the needs of the child contributes to a sense of "learned helplessness", which subsequently often leads to apathy and even depression, avoidance of new situations and contacts with new people, lack of curiosity and initiative.
The described types of parental (primarily maternal) relationships are largely initiated by the infant himself, namely, the need to satisfy the basic needs for affiliation (attachment) and security. All of them can be located on the continuum "acceptance - rejection". It is possible to single out more complex types of parental relations, addressed to a child of an older age (3-6 years), where the parameter of educational control begins to act as an important socializing moment.
A. Baldwin singled out two styles of parenting practice - democratic and controlling.
Democratic style is determined by the following parameters: a high level of verbal communication between children and parents; the inclusion of children in the discussion of family problems, taking into account their opinions; the willingness of parents to come to the rescue, if necessary, at the same time faith in the success of the child's independent activities; limiting one's own subjectivity in the child's vision.
The controlling style includes significant restrictions on the behavior of children: a clear and clear explanation to the child of the meaning of restrictions, the absence of disagreements between parents and children about disciplinary measures.
It turned out that in families with a democratic style of upbringing, children were characterized by a moderately pronounced ability to lead, aggressiveness, and a desire to control other children, but the children themselves were difficult to external control. Children were also distinguished by good physical development, social activity, ease of making contacts with peers, but they were not characterized by altruism, sensitivity and empathy.
The children of parents with a controlling type of upbringing were obedient, suggestible, fearful, not too persistent in achieving their own goals, and non-aggressive. With a mixed style of upbringing, children are inherent in suggestibility, obedience, emotional sensitivity, non-aggression, lack of curiosity, originality of thinking, and poor imagination.
D. Bowmrin in a series of studies tried to overcome the descriptiveness of previous works by isolating the totality of children's traits associated with the parental control factor. Three groups of children were identified.
Competent - with a consistently good mood, self-confident, with well-developed self-control of their own behavior, the ability to establish friendly relations with peers, striving for research, and not avoiding new situations.
Avoiders - with a predominance of a sad and sad mood, it is difficult to establish contacts with peers, avoiding new and frustrating situations.
Immature - insecure, with poor self-control, with reactions of refusal in frustration situations.
Parental control: with a high score on this parameter, parents prefer to have a great influence on children, are able to insist on the fulfillment of their requirements, and are consistent in them. Controlling actions are aimed at modifying the manifestations of dependence in children, aggressiveness, the development of play behavior, as well as more successful assimilation of parental standards and norms.
The second parameter is parental requirements that encourage the development of maturity in children; parents try to make their children develop their abilities in the intellectual, emotional spheres, interpersonal communication, insist on the need and the right of children to independence and self-sufficiency.
The third parameter is the ways of communicating with children in the course of educational influences: parents with a high score on this indicator tend to use persuasion in order to achieve obedience, justify their point of view and at the same time are ready to discuss it with children, listen to their arguments. Parents with a low score do not clearly and unambiguously express their demands and dissatisfaction or irritation, but more often resort to indirect methods - complaints, shouting, swearing.
The fourth parameter is emotional support: parents are able to express sympathy, love and warm attitude, their actions and emotional attitude are aimed at promoting the physical and spiritual growth of children, they experience satisfaction and pride from the success of children. It turned out that the set of features of competent children corresponds to the presence of all four dimensions in the parental relationship - control, demands for social maturity, communication and emotional support, i.e. the optimal condition for education is a combination of high demands and control with democracy and acceptance. Parents of avoidant and immature children have a lower level of all parameters than parents of competent children. In addition, parents of avoidant children are characterized by a more controlling and demanding attitude, but less warm, than parents of immature children. The parents of the latter turned out to be absolutely incapable of controlling children's behavior due to their own emotional immaturity.
Thus, it follows from the analysis of the literature that the most common mechanism for the formation of the child's character traits responsible for self-control and social competence is the internalization of the means and skills of control used by parents. At the same time, adequate control presupposes a combination of emotional acceptance with a high volume of requirements, their clarity, consistency, and consistency in presenting them to the child. Children with adequate practice of parenting are characterized by good adaptation to the school environment and communication with peers, they are active, independent, initiative, friendly and empathic.
V. I. Garbuzov with co-authors identified three types of improper education practiced by parents of children with neuroses. Type A upbringing (rejection, emotional rejection) - rejection of the individual characteristics of the child, attempts to "improve", "correct" the innate type of response, combined with strict control, regulation of the child's entire life, with the imperative imposition of the only "correct" type of behavior on him. In some cases, rejection can manifest itself in an extreme form - a real rejection of the child, placing him in a boarding school, a psychiatric hospital, etc. was born “accidentally” or “at the wrong time”, during a period of domestic disorder and marital conflicts. Along with strict control of upbringing, type A can be combined with a lack of control, indifference to the child's life routine, and complete connivance.
Type B (hyper-socializing) upbringing is expressed in the anxious and suspicious concentration of parents on the state of the child's health, his social status among his comrades; and especially at school, the expectation of academic success and future professional activities. Such parents strive for multidisciplinary education and development of the child (foreign languages, drawing, music, figure skating, technical and sports clubs, etc.), but do not take into account or underestimate the real psychophysical characteristics and limitations of the child.
Type B (egocentric) upbringing - “family idol”, “small”, “only”, “meaning of life” - cultivating the attention of all family members on a child, sometimes to the detriment of other children or family members.
The most pathogenic is the impact of improper upbringing in adolescence, when the basic needs of this period of development are frustrated - the need for autonomy, respect, self-determination, achievement, along with the continuing, but already more developed need for support and attachment (family "we").
In the domestic literature, a broad classification of styles of family education of adolescents has been proposed; with accentuations of character and psychopathy, and also indicates what type of parental attitude contributes to the occurrence of one or another developmental anomaly.
1. Hypoprotection: lack of guardianship and control over behavior, sometimes reaching complete neglect; more often manifested as a lack of attention and care for the physical and spiritual well-being of a teenager, deeds, interests, anxieties. Hidden hypoprotection is observed with formally present control, a real lack of warmth and care, and exclusion from the child's life. This type of upbringing is especially unfavorable for adolescents with accentuations of unstable and conformal types, provoking antisocial behavior - running away from home, vagrancy, an idle lifestyle. The basis of this type of psychopathic development may be the frustration of the need for love and belonging, the emotional rejection of the adolescent, his non-inclusion in the family community.
2. Dominant hyperprotection: heightened attention and concern for the teenager is combined with petty control, an abundance of restrictions and prohibitions, which enhances lack of independence, lack of initiative, indecision, and inability to stand up for oneself. It is especially pronounced in adolescents with psychasthenic sensitive and asthenoneurotic accentuations. In hyperthymic adolescents, such an attitude of parents causes a feeling of protest against disrespect for his "I", sharply enhances the reactions of emancipation.
3. Indulgent hyper-protection: upbringing like the “family idol”, indulging all the desires of the child, excessive patronage and adoration, resulting in an unreasonably high level of adolescent claims, an unbridled desire for leadership and superiority, combined with insufficient perseverance and relying on one’s own resources. Contributes to the formation of psychopathies of the hysteroid circle.
4. Emotional rejection: ignoring the needs of a teenager, often cruel treatment of him. Hidden emotional rejection is manifested in the global dissatisfaction with the child, the constant feeling of parents that he is not “that”, not “such”, for example, “not courageous enough for his age, forgives everything and everyone, you can walk on him”. Sometimes it is masked by exaggerated care and attention, but it betrays itself by irritation, a lack of sincerity in communication, an unconscious desire to avoid close contacts, and, if necessary, somehow get rid of the burden. Emotional rejection is equally detrimental to all children, but it affects their development in different ways: for example, with hyperthymic and epileptoid accentuations, reactions of protest and emancipation are more pronounced; hysteroids exaggerate children's reactions of the opposition, schizoids withdraw into themselves, go into the world of autistic dreams, unstable ones find an outlet in teenage companies.
5. Increased moral responsibility: requirements of uncompromising honesty, a sense of duty, decency that do not correspond to the age and real capabilities of the child, imposing responsibility on the teenager for the life and well-being of loved ones, persistent expectations of great success in life - all this is naturally combined with ignoring the real needs of the child, his own interests, insufficient attention to his psychophysical features. As our experience of advisory work testifies, under the conditions of such upbringing, the status of the “head of the family” is forcibly attributed to the teenager with all the ensuing demands for the care and guardianship of the “mother-child”. Adolescents with psychasthenic and sensitive accentuations, as a rule, cannot withstand the burden of overwhelming responsibility, which leads to the formation of protracted obsessive-phobic neurotic reactions or decompensation of the psychasthenic type. In adolescents with hysterical accentuation, the object of guardianship soon begins to cause hatred and aggression, for example, an older child to a younger one.
1. The attitude of the mother towards her teenage son as a “substitute” husband: the demand for active attention to herself, care, an obsessive desire to be constantly in the company of her son, to be aware of his intimate life, the desire to limit his contacts with peers. Mothers complain about the lack of contact with their son, his desire to isolate himself from her, his "contempt". In a less rude form, such an attitude, as already indicated, results in the assignment of the status of "head of the family" to the teenager.
2. Hyper-custody and symbiosis: an obsessive desire to keep, tie a child to oneself, deprive him of independence due to fear of a possible misfortune with the child in the future (the “smart Elsa” complex). In this case, the underestimation of the real abilities and potentials of the child leads parents to maximum control and restrictions, the desire to do everything for him, to protect him from the dangers of life, “to live life for the child” (V. I. Zakharov, 1982), which essentially means “crossing out » a real child, stagnation of the child's development, regression and fixation on primitive forms of communication in order to ensure symbiotic bonds with him.
3. Educational control through deliberate deprivation of love: undesirable behavior (for example, disobedience), insufficient school achievements or carelessness in everyday life are punished by showing the child or teenager that “he is not needed like that, his mother does not like this.” At the same time, parents do not directly express dissatisfaction with the child, the inadmissibility of such behavior, do not clearly demonstrate the negative feelings that they experience in connection with the child's bad behavior. They do not talk to him, they ignore him emphatically, speaking of the child in the third person - as if he were absent. In hyperthymic adolescents, such an attitude gives rise to an impotent feeling of rage and anger, outbursts of destructive aggression, behind which is the desire to prove their existence, to infiltrate the family "we" through and through; the parent then goes to the world because of fear of aggression or through retaliatory aggression (slaps, blows) tries to overcome the wall of alienation that he himself created. Such behavior of parents in sensitive children gives rise to a deep sense of their own uselessness, loneliness. In an effort to return parental love, a teenager is forced to superlimit his own individuality, sacrificing his self-esteem, losing his own "I". Obedience is achieved at the cost of devaluing the "I", maintaining a primitive attachment.
4. Educational control by invoking guilt: a child who violates the ban is stigmatized by parents as “ungrateful”, “betraying parental love”, “giving his mother so much grief”, “leading to heart attacks”, etc. (a special case of the described above education in conditions of increased moral responsibility). The development of independence is fettered by the constant fear of a teenager to be to blame for the troubles of his parents, by relationships of dependence.
1.3. Communication between parents and children as a determinant of child development.
We will try to identify and analyze such forms of family communication in which the mutual contribution of both parents and the child to the initiation and maintenance of the style of interaction resulting in the formation of behavior, characterological features and self-awareness of the child is clearly manifested.
A significant contribution to the development of the problem of the influence of the behavior and attitudes of parents on the behavior of the child was made by L. Benjamin. The model of relationships in the parent-child dyad developed by her and well experimentally substantiated makes it possible not only to characterize the behavior of each of them, but also to take into account the existing type of relationship. According to this model, the relationship between parental behavior and child behavior is ambiguous: a child can respond to the same parental behavior in at least two ways. So, he can respond to parental behavior "additionally", i.e., with an initiative to provide independence, flight to persecution, but he can respond to parental behavior and "protectively" - for example, in response to rejection, the child may try to behave with parents as if they love him and are attentive to him, and thereby, as it were, invite parents to change their behavior towards him.
Following the logic of this model, we can assume that the child, growing up, begins to behave towards other people in the same way as the parents behaved towards him. In L. Benjamin's study, he also specifically considers the issue of the relationship between the child's self-awareness (as a form of self-regulation) and the relationship of parents to the child: this connection is revealed as the introjection (transfer inside) of the parental attitude and ways of controlling the child's behavior. So, for example, the shame of a child can be transformed in his self-consciousness into a tendency to self-accusation, the dominance of parents in relations with him is transformed into an orientation to be the master of himself, cruel self-guidance.
According to the method, i.e., according to how the "internalization" of the child's self-consciousness occurs, several types of communication can be distinguished: 1) direct or indirect (through behavior) suggestion by parents of an image or self-attitude; 2) indirect determination of the child's self-relationship through the formation of standards for the performance of certain actions, the formation of the level of claims; 3) control over the behavior of the child, in which the child learns the parameters and methods of self-control; 4) indirect management of the formation of self-consciousness by involving the child in such behavior that can increase or decrease his self-esteem, change his image of himself.
An analysis of the complaints and problems that parents address shows that the most important features highlighted by parents in a child and at the same time acting as an object of their inspiring influence are: 1) the child's volitional qualities, his ability to self-organize and purposefulness; 2) discipline, which in the parental interpretation often turns into obedience, 3) the child's submission to parental authority; 4) interests, first of all, to study; 5) abilities - mind, memory.
The image and self-esteem instilled in a child can be both positive (the child is instilled that he is responsible, kind, smart, capable) and negative (rude, inept, incapable).
R. Langs, analyzing the relationship between parents and children in such families, introduced the concept of "hoax" - suggesting to children what they need, who they are, what they believe. One of the forms of hoax is attribution, which, in turn, is divided into attribution to the child of "weakness" (for example, sickness, inability to find a way out in difficult situations) and "badness" (meanness, immorality). Another form of hoax - invalidation - forced devaluation of the child's points of view, his plans, intentions, interests.
An analysis of the essays “My Child”, written by parents experiencing difficulties in raising children, provides many examples of various attributions and invalidations.
Of course, the negative statements of parents about their children, at least in part, may have a real "ground" in the behavior or character traits of the child, however, translated into his self-consciousness in the form of "calling things by their proper names" parental "sentences", these parental opinions and assessments begin to determine the self-consciousness of the child from the inside. The child either agrees with this opinion (consciously or unconsciously), or begins to fight against it.
Explicit, verbal, inspiring influences sometimes contradict indirect influences. For example, a parent may claim that the child is dear to him and he appreciates him, but demonstrate the opposite by his behavior. In this case, a situation called "double bonding" arises, which has negative consequences for the formation of the child's self-awareness.
Parents and other adults can influence the formation of the "I-image" and self-esteem of the child, not only instilling in him their own image of the child and their attitude towards him, but also "arming" the child with specific assessments and standards for the performance of certain actions, private and more common goals that you should strive for, ideals and standards that you should be equal to, plans that need to be implemented. If these goals, plans, standards and assessments are realistic, then by achieving the goal, implementing the plans, meeting the standards, the child or teenager, as well as the adult later on, increases self-esteem and forms a positive “I-image”, if the plans and goals are unrealistic , standards and requirements are overstated, that is, both exceed the capabilities and strengths of the subject, then failure leads to a loss of faith in oneself, a loss of self-esteem.
1.4. Socio-psychological types of a child's personality that correspond to a certain type of family education
V.M. Miniyarov identifies the following seven main characterological properties of the child's personality, which follow from that deterministic scenario of upbringing, which develops under the influence of social factors and means of pedagogical influence and which E. Bern spoke about in his time.
The typical personality portraits obtained during the diagnostics differ from the options offered in foreign and domestic psychological literature. The diagnostics proposed by Miniyarov studies deviations in the norm from that harmonic type of personality, which has always been the ideal of education.
Table 1. Main types of relationships and their combination with personality type and parenting styles.
| Relationship types | Personality types | |||||
| Conformal | dominant | sensitive | infantile | anxious | introverted | |
| 1. The attitude of parents to the activities of the child | Satisfying the desires of the child through affection, humility, empathy | Encouragement to compete with others | Providing complete freedom of action | Prevention of all independent actions, restriction of initiative | Complete restriction of independent activity | The child is left to himself, has complete freedom of independent activity |
| 2. Attitude of parents to methods of encouragement and punishment | Inconsistent or even simultaneous application of punishments and rewards | Praise and encouragement | No praise, no punishment | Never punish, only praise | The use of violent measures in the form of punishments | No praise and no punishment |
| 3. The attitude of parents to the child | Lack of care for children | With delight, pride | With love and attention, good, simple relationship | Warn all his demands and desires | Tough, demanding | With love |
| 4. The attitude of parents to other people | Lies and hypocrisy, petty calculation and the desire for small gain | Set yourself and your child as an example | Living the life of a child. Help people around | Boasting about his child | Irritability towards other people | Kind patient attitude towards people with sincerity and love |
| 5. Attitude of parents to moral values | Requiring children to observe external rites, the meaning of which is not explained. Observance of external decorum in society | Require formal observance of moral standards | They are taught to act not according to a template, but according to conscience | They try to make them smart and obedient with caresses and persuasion. Respect outward decorum | Unquestioning fulfillment of moral requirements | Strict requirement to follow the rules |
| 6. The attitude of parents to the mental activity of the child | They do not excite the attention of the child, do not encourage reflection. Efforts are made to eliminate such considerations. | Indulging in everything that I did, Just so I could stand out | Observation, the habit of thinking about surrounding phenomena, understanding the connection of their inner | Is not prompted to reflection and mental actions, because he manages his time | It is forbidden to reason, is obliged to immediately carry out orders | Parents talk and talk a lot |
| Family parenting style | conniving | adversarial | Reasonable | warning | controlling | sympathizer |
V.M. Miniyarov singled out the following extreme variants of family education styles and characterized the seven socio-psychological types of the child's personality corresponding to them.
Sympathetic style
The child is left to himself due to the constant employment of the parents. Parents do not use either punishments or rewards. They love the child, but never indulge. They share all the hardships of life with him, but if possible they strive to protect him from overloads, both physical and psychological. They are characterized by a personal example of moral behavior, as well as teaching the child moral behavior on the mistakes of others. They do not read long notations, it is enough for them to look with reproach, to shame, to be upset. They positively relate to the superiority in the actions of the child of rational actions, and not emotions.
Introverted personality type of a child
Sensitive, attentive, truthful, honest, polite, balanced, calm, modest, shy, simple-hearted, easy to communicate with people, patient, diligent, prone to physical labor, responsible, self-critical.
conniving style
The child is given uncontrolled freedom of action. Parents are completely indifferent to the needs and demands of the child and satisfy only those that can be satisfied at the expense of other people. Teaching the implementation of the rules, requirements, parents act situationally, they do not know the measure either in reward or in punishment. Inconsistent in the manifestation of their feelings for the child. In the choice of forms of behavior, the child is free, but in public he must formally observe the rules of decency. The mental activity of the child is mainly associated with the search for and expectation of a possible pleasure.
Conformal type
Dishonest, boastful, cunning, dodgy, lacking sensitivity to people, extracting personal gain from everything, stingy, greedy, demanding only of others, snitching, propensity for gossip, slander, indifference, outward politeness, lust for power, indifference to the immoral acts of others, sycophancy , dishonesty.
Adversarial style
Parents are looking for in the actions of the child unusual, outstanding, distinctive from other children. If successful, the child can be rewarded both with enthusiastic epithets and financially. They are taught not to give up the won positions. Parents care little about the human qualities of the child, the main thing is how he should look in society. Moral norms are only to feel comfortable among people and, if possible, stand out favorably. They monitor the intellectual development of children, accustoming them to demonstrate their intellectual abilities, to search for the moment of their manifestation, and not to deep reflection.
dominant type
Self-confident, arrogant, selfish, exaggerates his capabilities, indifference to the interests of the team, focus on his own protection and all this with a high manifestation of physical activity.
Reasonable style
They give the child complete freedom of action so that the child gains personal experience through independent trial and error. Patiently talk and answer all the questions that the child has. They believe that it is possible to do without external incentives for the activation of children. Relationships are smooth and calm in everything. It is strictly observed that the dignity of the child is never belittled. Parents discuss every action of the child with him. The absence of punishment creates in children not fear, but a desire not to harm others. Parents talk a lot and answer the child's questions, maintain persistent interest and curiosity, present interesting facts for the child to comprehend.
sensitive type
Sensitive, conscientious, sociable. Self-control, self-confidence. It has medium values for qualities: intelligence, risk-taking, anxiety and low values for qualities: excitement, dominance, social courage, tension.
warning style
Parents believe that the child should not act independently. The child is completely deprived of active activity and is passive, constantly entertained by parents. This restriction is associated with the fear of parents for the child. They never punish at preschool age, on the contrary, they feel guilty in front of the child if he is naughty. The immeasurable love of parents for a child pushes them to the most sophisticated path of endless manifestation of love and affection. Permissiveness and indulgence reign, the child is forgiven all pranks.
Infantile type
Not independent, incapable of making decisions, acts only on someone’s instructions, indifferent and cold, indifferent and indifferent to the difficulties and problems of the family, the team, helpless, cautious, restrained in actions and words, executive subject to control, passive, irresponsible, not confident in their abilities, disorganized, undisciplined, lack of initiative.
Controlling style
Parents represent a limited freedom of action, strictly controlling the way the child's actions go beyond parental ideas. Often they are punished for misbehavior, starting with a commanding tone, moving on to shouting, putting in a corner, punishing with a belt, a ban on meeting the needs of the child, believing that for the same offense the punishment should constantly increase. Caress the child very rarely, mostly make high demands on him. “The child is a target”, on which all the bumps are pouring.
alarm type
Hot-tempered, suspicious and cautious in relationships with people, impatient, conscientious, with low self-esteem, strive to help a friend. Protects comrades and loved ones. Focus on personal protection, demanding of others, self-doubt, negative attitude to criticism, lack of initiative.
Harmonious style
It is a synthesis of previous parenting styles, absorbing the best that is described in previous parenting styles.
The emergence and development of a certain type of human behavior throughout life largely depends on the attitude of the father and mother to the child, on the satisfaction of his mental needs.
Therefore, in the life of every person, parents play a large and responsible role. They provide the first examples of behavior. The child imitates and strives to be like the mother and father. When parents understand that the formation of the child's personality largely depends on them, they behave in such a way that all their actions and behavior in general contribute to the formation in the child of those qualities and such an understanding of human values that they want to convey to him. Such a process of education can be considered quite conscious, since
as a constant control over one's behavior, over the attitude towards other people, attention to the organization of family life allows raising children in the most favorable conditions that contribute to their comprehensive and harmonious development.
Chapter 2. Psychological and pedagogical work on the study and correction of child-parent relationships
2.1. Diagnosis of child-parent relationships in the family
Purpose: to study the features of the development of child-parent relationships in the family
1. Determine the level of knowledge and ideas of parents about the tasks, content and methods of raising children.
2. Determine satisfaction with their position in the family of the child himself.
3. Find out the parental attitude towards the child.
The research methodology consisted of two groups of methods. The first group of methods is aimed at studying the position of the child in the family.
When working with children, we used the following methods:
drawing test “Kinetic drawing of a family” (R. Burns and S. Koufman);
technique "Unfinished sentences".
The second group of methods is aimed at identifying parents' knowledge about the child and studying parental relationships with children. When working with parents, we used the following methods:
Questioning;
Testing: “Parental attitude towards children” (A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin).
The study was conducted on the basis of preschool educational institution No. 23 in Maykop. We examined 30 children of senior preschool age and their families.
We started our work by examining children. For this, the test of R. Burns and S. Koufman “Kinetic pattern of the family” was used.
Purpose: - study of interpersonal relationships in the family (through the eyes of a child);
Identification of relationships in the family that cause anxiety in the child.
Methodology:
The child is offered a sheet of paper, pencils. The condition is set: it is necessary to draw your family so that its members are busy with something
Image quality is considered formative features: thoroughness of drawing or carelessness in drawing individual family members, colorfulness of the image, position of objects on the sheet, shading, dimensions.
Analysis of the results of the drawings was carried out according to the following indicators:
1. The presence of anxiety in children about the attitude of adults towards them.
2. Emotional tension and distance.
3. Discomfort.
4. The presence of hostility towards adults.
Based on these indicators, the levels of influence of family relations on the child were revealed.
The high level of parent-child relations includes drawings where the child is comfortable in the family, all family members are present in the drawing, in the center of the drawing is the child himself surrounded by parents; depicts himself and his parents dressed up, carefully draws every line, on the faces of adults and the child - a smile, calm can be traced in poses, movements.
The average level of parent-child relationships: the absence of any of the family members, the presence of anxiety, the child draws himself sad, away from his parents, the presence of hostility towards adults through the shading of details, the absence of some parts of the body (hands, mouth).
Low level of child-parent relationship: the presence of one of the parents with an object that threatens the child (belt), the intimidated expression of the child's face, a feeling of emotional stress through the use of dark colors in the drawing.
The presence of hostility towards parents can be traced through the drawing of such details as divorced hands, spread fingers, a bared mouth, etc.
An analysis of the figures showed that out of 30 families, only 9 families (30%) can be attributed to a high level of parent-child relations.
As an example, let's take a look at some pictures. Nastya S. places herself in the center, surrounded by her father and mother. Depicts himself and his parents cheerful, happy, clearly draws all the lines, there are many colors in the picture. All this indicates well-being in the parent-child relationship.
The drawing by Gali K. shows the whole family at dinner. There are smiles on the faces of adults and the child, the lines are clearly drawn, calmness can be traced in the poses of adults and the child. The picture shows that the girl in this family is comfortable and cozy.
15 families (50%) can be attributed to the average level of parent-child relations. As an example, consider the drawing by Artyom S. The child drew the whole family, all family members are smiling, except for Artyom himself (he has no mouth at all). All hands are spread out to the sides. Everything suggests that the child is not very comfortable in this family.
We attributed 6 families (20%) to the low level of parent-child relations. Consider, as an example, a drawing by Igor R. The boy depicted only himself and his father, they are quite distant from each other, which indicates a feeling of rejection. In addition, dad takes a rather aggressive position: the farts are spread out to the sides, the fingers are long, underlined. The mother is missing from the picture. Analyzing this picture, one can understand that the child is not satisfied with his position in the family and the attitude of his parents towards him.
After the children drew a family, we proposed a series of questions, the answers to which allowed us to identify the causes that cause anxiety in children in the system of child-parent relationships:
physical punishment;
Lack of communication with parents;
Unfavorable situation in the family (alcoholism of one of the parents);
Communication with the child in a raised voice.
The test results are shown in Diagram 1.
Diagram 1.
Legend:
High level of parent-child relations (9 children)
Average level of parent-child relationship (15 children)
Low level of parent-child relations (6 children)
According to the results of this test, we can judge that not all families have an atmosphere of positive parent-child relationships. Basically, they are variable.
So, we have identified 6 children who are not satisfied with their position in the family. 15 children often experience discomfort, although they are satisfied.
As a result of previous diagnostics, we assumed that these children are not satisfied with the relationship with their parents.
Methodology "Unfinished sentences".
Purpose: To obtain additional information about the attitude of parents to children and children to parents, to identify the causes that cause anxiety in children.
Methodology:
Children are invited to complete a series of sentences without prior thought. The survey is conducted at a fast pace so that the child would answer the first thing that comes to mind (Appendix 1).
The results of this survey helped us to identify the relationship of children to their parents. Positive attitudes are observed in 9 children (30%).
So, Sveta V. answered: “My dad is very cheerful”, “My mom and I love to cook”; Seryozha A.: “My mother is kind”, “My father and I play constructor”; Stas V.: "My mother kisses me."
Negative attitudes are experienced by 6 children (20%).
So, Vadim K. answered: “I think that my mother rarely hugs me; Igor R.:
“My mother swears”; Artyom A.: “I feel happy when my dad leaves.”
In 50% of cases, children sometimes experience emotional discomfort in the family. So, Anya S. explained: “My dad and I never play”, “My mom and I love to walk.”
Good relationships developed in 9 families (30%): Nastya S., Denis P., Alyosha K., Polina K., Sveta V., Seryozha A., Stas V., Katya P., Natasha B.
So, Denis P. said: “When mom and dad leave home, I miss”; Katya P.: “I play at home with my mom and dad. They love me."
In 21 families (70%) children are not satisfied with their relationship with both parents or with one of them. Ruslan M.: “When I play noisily, my father yells at me”; Anya K.: “My mother often punishes me for not playing with my brother”; Igor R.: "When mom and dad leave home, I'm afraid to be alone."
According to the results of our study, we have identified the causes that cause anxiety in a child:
Fear of physical punishment;
Fear of being alone at home;
Lack of parental affection;
Screaming parents for misconduct.
These manifestations were observed in the responses of 21 children (70%). Of these, 15 (50%) had some causes of anxiety. In 6 children (20%) all these reasons were noted and only in 9 (30%) cases anxiety was not observed.
Based on the results of this technique, it can be concluded that in many families children experience anxiety in relations with their parents, there is no mutual understanding between them.
To survey parents, a questionnaire of 10 questions was developed (Appendix No. 1).
Purpose: to identify the level of knowledge and ideas of parents about the upbringing of a six-year-old child.
Methodology:
Parents were asked to answer questions that allowed us to identify the level of their knowledge. Processing of the results showed that out of 30 parents, only four (13%) have sufficiently complete knowledge about the upbringing of children of the sixth year of life. For example, mother Gali K. knows how to properly raise a child, what needs to be done for this, how to build relationships with a child, regulate her emotional attitude and behavior.
Twenty people (67%) have insufficient knowledge about the child, single out one or another side in his upbringing.
Three parents (10%) have partial, jerky knowledge about the child and his upbringing. And three parents (10%) completely refused to answer, which indicates their ignorance on this issue.
Thus, we state that most parents do not have a sufficient level of knowledge about the characteristics of the age of their child, about the forms, ways, methods of education.
To identify parental attitudes towards children, a test questionnaire of parental attitudes was proposed by A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin.
Purpose: to study the identification of parental attitudes towards children.
Methodology:
Parents were offered forms with questions (61 questions). Each question had either a positive or negative answer.
The basis for the assessment was the key to the questionnaire, which made it possible to identify the level of parental relationships.
In our opinion, the most optimal level of parental relations is cooperation, which is a socially desirable image of parental behavior. The parent highly appreciates the abilities of his child, feels a sense of pride in him, encourages initiative and independence, tries to be equal with him.
Relationships of the type “symbiosis” and “little loser” can be attributed to the neutral level. The parent sees his child younger than his real age, seeks to satisfy his needs, protect him from the difficulties and troubles of life, does not provide him with independence.
We attributed to the negative level of parental relations such type of parental relations as rejection and “authoritarian hypersocialization”. A parent perceives his child as bad, unfit. Demands from him unconditional obedience and discipline. For the most part, he feels anger, irritation, annoyance towards the child.
After analyzing the answers of parents, we got the following picture of parental attitudes towards children: Optimal parental attitudes towards a child are observed in 10 families (33%). 14 families (47%) can be attributed to the neutral level. Parental relations, which are of a negative nature, are manifested in six families (20%).
According to the results of this technique, we see that most families use ineffective relationships with the child, which leads to an increase in anxiety in children.
Comparing the data on this method and the results of tests aimed at examining children, we found that violations in parental relationships with children affect their emotional state, in particular, the manifestation of anxiety.
Thus, as a result of the study, summing up the results obtained, we identified the levels of child-parent relationships in the family. The criteria for determining the levels of child-parent relationships for us were:
Children's relationship with parents
parents' knowledge of child rearing;
parental relationship with children.
High level - characterized by a sufficient amount of knowledge and ideas of the parent about the upbringing of the child. The child in the family feels comfortable and cozy. Parents respect their child, approve his interests and plans, try to help him in everything, encourage his initiative and independence.
The average level is characterized by an insufficient amount of knowledge and ideas of the parent about the upbringing of the child. Parents violate relationships with children, the child feels lonely, they do not provide him with independence.
Low level - characterized by ignorance of parents about the upbringing of children. The child is not satisfied with his marital status, experiences increased anxiety. Parents perceive their child as bad, unfit, unlucky, experience irritability and resentment towards the child.
The survey results are presented in Diagram 2. Diagram 2.
Legend:
High level (9 children)
Intermediate level (15 children)
Low level (6 children)
The results of our study showed that the average and low levels in the development of child-parent relationships are of particular attention, since certain violations can be traced in the relationship between parents and children that affect the appearance of anxiety in children.
In our opinion, the reasons that led to an increase in anxiety in children are that:
parents do not have a complete understanding of the upbringing of the child;
the child does not feel cozy and comfortable in the family (he is not satisfied with his position in the family);
children grow up in a deficit of kindness, affection, love; afraid of punishment;
in the family - an unfavorable situation; overprotection.
To overcome anxiety in children caused by violations in parent-child relationships, we have compiled a program aimed at their correction.
2.2. Corrective work to overcome anxiety in children in the system of parent-child relationships
The purpose of the correctional program:
creation of psychological and pedagogical conditions for overcoming anxiety in children through the correction of child-parent relationships;
approbation of effective forms of work with parents aimed at improving pedagogical literacy.
Formation of knowledge about the psychological and pedagogical characteristics of a child of the sixth year of life.
Building positive relationships between parents and children.
Correction of anxiety in children in the system of child-parent relationships.
| STAGES | ||
PARENTS |
CHILDREN | |
1. Propaedeutic stage. Removal of anxiety and tension in the relationship between parents and children; increased self-confidence; elimination of negative emotions. (one session). Introductory stage. Purpose: to improve the psychological and pedagogical literacy of parents; to develop skills aimed at communication between children and parents. (three lessons). |
Joint parent-child activities Getting to know parents and children in a circle: All participants stand in a circle and hold hands. The facilitator invites everyone to name themselves and tell about themselves what they consider important so that others know about them (who works, what they like to do, etc.). Psychological games and exercises aimed at relaxation. (“Compliments”, “Magic Ball”). 1. The study of psychological and pedagogical 1. Conducting ethical conversations on the topics: Literature: (Mukhin “Six-year-old “Family holidays”, “How to be polite”). 2. Watching a video: “Six-year-old, what are you like?” 2. Drawings of children, reflecting the family and each parent individually. 3. Parent meeting on the topic: "Composing Family Stories" “We and our parents. Family |
|
The correctional program was aimed at working with parents and children. The content of the work was implemented through a number of stages:
· propaedeutic;
introductory;
developing;
· control and evaluation.
At the formative stage, 20 parents and 20 children took part in the study (the content of the correctional work is indicated in Table 3).
| STAGES | PARENTS | CHILDREN |
3. Developmental stage. Purpose: To develop the ability to communicate with children, build the right relationships, evaluate children according to their abilities. Contribute to the elimination of anxiety in children through joint activities with parents. (4 lessons) |
1. Discussions: 1. Exercise “Tell your fears” “The role of parental expectations. What 2. Drawing on the theme “Tell your they can provoke and create fear.” in children?”, “How do our fears become the fears of our children.” 2. Creation and resolution pedagogical situations. Drawing up characteristics for your child. Joint parent-child activities. Making crafts from natural materials. Psychological games: "Siamese twins", "Blind man and guide". |
|
4. Control and evaluation stage. Purpose: Analysis of relationships, emotional connection between children and their parents. (2 lessons) |
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PROGRAM OF CORRECTION WORK
Progress of corrective work:
The first stage, aimed at establishing friendly relations with parents and children, began with an acquaintance. The host gave his name and told about himself and suggested that the others should do the same. During the games, not all parents and children were relaxed. Igor M.'s mother refused to play at all.
The overall impression of the lesson for parents and children is positive.
At the second stage, the parents were more active, listened with interest to a lecture on the psychological characteristics of children of six years of age. They noted the relevance of this topic. Watching the film caused an emotional response, many parents looked at their children with different eyes.
The parent-teacher meeting helped many parents to understand that they are raising their children in the same way as they once raised them themselves, they realized their mistakes in upbringing.
The children also took an active part in the conversations. Everyone was happy to talk about the holidays that they celebrate with their families. Most children love “New Year” and “Birthday”. Ruslan M. said: “I love Easter most of all, my mother and I paint very beautiful eggs.”
At the third stage, all parents took an active part in the discussion. There was an active discussion in resolving pedagogical situations. Most parents have no problem characterizing their child.
To identify children's fears, to develop the ability to talk about their negative experiences openly with children, they conducted the exercise “Tell your fears”. At first, the children did not dare to say what they were afraid of, but after the presenter told about their childhood fears, the children joined the conversation and told their fears. Only Ruslan M. said: “I don't know what I'm afraid of!”. The children took part in drawing their fears with pleasure.
Many interesting crafts were made at the joint parent-children's lesson. It was clear that the children enjoyed working with their parents very much. A very beautiful bird was made by Vadim K. together with his dad. After the production of handicrafts, an exhibition was organized.
Everyone enjoyed the games too. Only Igor R.'s mother thought that the exercises her son was doing were too difficult, and she refused them, which caused a negative reaction in the child.
Most of the lessons at this stage were held in a warm and friendly atmosphere.
At the fourth stage, parents shared their impressions of the classes. They came to a common opinion that they began to look at their children differently, reconsidered their relationship with them, began to pay attention to their child as a person.
Dad Vadim K. said: “I liked your classes so much, I discovered a lot of new things for myself, I understood where we made mistakes when raising our son. Now we have a favorable atmosphere at home and our family can be called happy.”
Children with great love made gifts in the form of drawings for their parents.
As a result, we held a sports festival for children and parents, which was held in a very cheerful atmosphere.
It all ended with tea. Parents and children shared their positive emotions. Anya K.'s mother said: "We all became one big friendly family."
Thus, remedial classes made it possible to establish a warmer emotional contact between parents and children, and contributed to the consolidation of goodwill and understanding in their relationship.
In our opinion, the most effective forms of work were discussions, since everyone expressed their opinion and the whole group found the most optimal solution to the problem: playing pedagogical situations, because from the outside you can better see and realize the mistakes that you yourself make; joint activities with children - they bring parents and children together, help to better understand each other.
Conclusion
The world practice of psychological assistance to children and their parents shows that even very difficult problems of upbringing are completely solvable if it is possible to restore a favorable style of communication in the family.
The main features of this style are determined by the main provisions of humanistic psychology. K. Rogers called it "Personally centered", that is, putting the personality of the person with whom you are now communicating in the center of attention.
The style of parental relationship is involuntarily imprinted in the psyche of the child. This happens very early, even in preschool age, usually unconsciously. The style of upbringing, as shown by the results of our study, is influenced by the personal qualities of parents.
As an adult, a person reproduces the parenting style as natural. Thus, from generation to generation there is a social inheritance of the style of communication and education. This implies the conclusion that parents should not only be educated, but also taught how to properly communicate with children, correcting the personal qualities of parents, related mainly to the sphere of "I".
I would also like to note that it would be no less interesting to compare the styles of interaction between fathers and mothers, since there are differences in both character traits and styles of attitude towards the child on a heterogeneous basis.
The results of the study showed that it is better to conduct a survey of the father and mother that make up a married couple in order to draw a more objective picture of upbringing in the family, the influence of both parents on the formation of the child's personality, so that family assistance would be more fruitful.
An analysis of the psychological and pedagogical literature showed that anxiety is a serious emotional barrier that complicates the life of a child.
Anxiety affects the mental health of children.
The process of personal formation is carried out at the stage of preschool childhood.
One of the main causes of child anxiety is the violation of parent-child relationships. This is mainly due to the fact that parents do not know enough the psychological characteristics of their child, they use the methods of educating their parents.
The results of the work done proved the reliability of our hypothesis. It was the creation of an atmosphere of emotional comfort and mental well-being in the family, the accumulation of parents' knowledge about the psychological characteristics of a given age, the forms and methods of child upbringing, the complex use of means and methods of psychological and pedagogical correction, which contributed to a significant improvement in parent-child relations and a decrease in the level of child anxiety.
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APPENDIX No. 1
QUESTIONNAIRE FOR PARENTS FOR IDENTIFICATION
LEVEL OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE CHILD
1. What is your child like? (confident, indecisive, etc.)
2. How independent is your child?
3. Does your child close after comments?
4. How close is your child to others?
5. Is your child a “family idol”?
6. What in your child annoys you; how do you deal with it?
7. How do you communicate with your child? Do you answer the endless "Why"?
8. Do you punish the child, and how does the child react to this?
9. Do you give your child the opportunity to speak out, even if the reasoning seems stupid to you?
10. Do you solve his problems with him?
APPENDIX No. 3.
PARENTAL ATTITUDE TEST
(A.Ya. VARGA, V.V. STOLIN)
Instructions: “Read the statements carefully, put the answer “true” against each if it matches your attitude towards your child, or “false” if it does not match.
1. I always sympathize with my child.
2. I consider it my duty to know everything that my child thinks.
3. I respect my child.
4. It seems to me that my child's behavior deviates significantly from the norm.
5. It is necessary to keep the child away from real life problems longer if they injure him.
6. I have a feeling of affection for the child.
7. Good parents protect the child from the difficulties of life.
8. My child is often unpleasant to me.
9. I always try to help my child.
10. There are times when a bullying attitude towards a child is of great benefit to him.
11. I feel annoyed towards my child.
12. My child will not achieve anything in life.
13. It seems to me that children make fun of my child.
14. My child often does things that, apart from contempt, are worth nothing.
15. For his age, my child is a little immature.
16. My child behaves badly on purpose to annoy me.
17. My child absorbs everything bad, like a “sponge”.
18. My child is difficult to teach good manners with all the effort.
19. A child should be kept within strict limits, then a decent person will grow out of him.
20. I love it when my child's friends come to our house.
21. I take part in my child.
22. Everything bad “sticks” to my child.
23. My child will not achieve anything in life.
24. When people talk about children in the company of acquaintances, I am a little ashamed that my child is not as smart and capable as I would like.
25. I feel sorry for my child.
26. When I compare my child with peers, they seem older to me both in behavior and in judgment.
27. I enjoy spending all my free time with my child.
28. I often regret that my child grows and matures, and fondly remember him as a child.
29. I often catch myself in a hostile attitude towards a child.
30. I dream that my child will achieve everything that I did not succeed in life.
31. Parents should adapt to the child, and not just demand it from him.
32. I try to fulfill all the requests of my child.
33. When making family decisions, the opinion of the child should be taken into account.
34. I am very interested in my child's life.
35. In a conflict with a child, I can often admit that he is right in his own way.
36. Children learn early that parents can make mistakes.
37. I always reckon with the child.
38. I have friendly feelings for the child.
39. The main reason for my child's whims is selfishness, stubbornness and laziness.
40. It is impossible to have a normal rest if you spend a vacation with a child.
41. The most important thing is that the child has a calm and carefree childhood.
42. Sometimes it seems to me that my child is not capable of anything good.
43. I share my child's hobbies.
44. My child can piss off anyone.
45. I understand the grief of my child.
46. My child often annoys me.
47. Raising a child is a complete hassle.
48. Strict discipline in childhood develops a strong character.
49. I don't trust my child.
50. Children thank you later for strict upbringing.
51. sometimes it seems to me that I hate my child.
52. My child has more flaws than virtues.
53. I share the interests of my child.
54. My child is not able to do anything on his own, and if he does, then it is definitely wrong.
55. My child will grow up unadapted to life.
56. I like my child the way he is.
57. I carefully monitor the health of my child.
58. I often admire my child.
59. A child should not have secrets from parents.
60. I have a low opinion of the abilities of my child and do not hide this from him.
61. It is very desirable that a child be friends with those children that his parents like.
A high test score is interpreted as:
rejection;
social desirability;
Symbiosis;
Hypersocialization;
Infantilization (disability).
Application №2
The results of the survey to clarify the child-parent relationship
Table #1
| Subjects | mother | father | sister | Brother | family | peers | teachers | school | People in general | fears | health | |||
| 1d | ++ | - | 0 | + | + | + | ++ | Travel, security, to a technical school | ||||||
| 2m | ++ | - | 0 | + | - | 0 | -- | + | - | Dreaming of nothing, work | ||||
| 3m | -0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | +- | 0 | +- | Buy a car | ||||||
| 4d | ++ | +- | + | + | + | 0 | 0 | - | - | +- | For the future to be good | |||
| 5d | +- | - | + | - | +- | -0 | + | +- | about good friendship | |||||
| 6d | ++ | - | +- | - | - | +- | - | + | Happiness | |||||
| 7d | +0 | - | + | +- | 0 | + | +- | + | + | A lot of money, beautician | ||||
| 8m | +0 | - | +- | +- | - | - | - | + | Computer | |||||
| 9m | ++ | + | + | + | 0 | + | _ | car, work | ||||||
| 10m | ++ | - | - | +- | - | + | - | Car | ||||||
| 11d | ++ | - | + | + | + | 0 | +0 | + | + | personal dreams | ||||
| 12m | +0 | +- | 0 | 0 | +0 | + | - | + | - | work, moped, money | ||||
| 13m | +0 | + | 0 | 0 | +0 | - | + | - | Happy family, finish their studies | |||||
| 14m | +0 | - | - | - | Computer, oh good | |||||||||
| 15m | ++ | + | 0 | 0 | + | - | + | + | computer, travel | |||||
| 16d | ++ | + | + | + | + | + | 0 | Nothing concrete | ||||||
| 17d | + | + | + | + | + | + | 0 | + | To be with dad, many children | |||||
| 18d | +0 | - | - | 0 | + | 0 | + | 0 | - | mothers | Bright future | |||
| 19d | + | - | 0 | +- | 0 | - | + | Camera | ||||||
| 20d | + | +- | + | + | + | Bright future | ||||||||
| 21d | ++ | - | 0 | 0 | +- | 0 | - | - | + | be happy, work | ||||
| 22d | ++ | +- | 0 | - | +- | +- | - | To have a family | ||||||
| 23d | ++ | - | 0 | 0 | + | +0 | + | Happiness, love, be a good person | ||||||
Attitude towards the family, in general 18.8%, children put it in the forefront, they want them to have children themselves. 1.4% show concern and care for their loved ones: “So that mom doesn’t get sick”, “Dad works a lot”, “So that dad has a vacation”. 0.9% of teenagers admit that they would like their parents to spend more time with them and communicate.
The relationship between different family members varies: they relate best to the mother - 4.8%, to the father only 2.8%, that is, two times less. This is explained by the fact that the father treats them strictly (scolds, does not understand) or his behavior is inadequate (drinks a lot and often). 3.8% are indifferent to both parents.
Fear and apprehension arise because of the school, children have a feeling of fear before the test, the answer in the subject, the exam. This happens to those who have a positive attitude towards studies, school and teachers.
When analyzing the data on the anxiety of adolescents tested (table 2), it turned out that 86.3% have normal general anxiety, 9% have a slightly increased, and 4.7% have pure calmness. As for the consideration of certain types of anxiety:
1) school anxiety: 72.7% - normal, 22.8% - slightly increased, 4.5% - pure calm.
2) self-esteem: 90.9% - normal, 9.1% - pure calmness.
3) interpersonal: 90.9% - normal, 9.1% - slightly increased.
Psychodiagnostic card (5 A class)
Table number 2
| Test subject | Anxiety | aggression | ||||||
| general | school | self-esteem | interpersonal | hostility | aggressiveness | negativism | guilt | |
| 1 | N P | N P | H | H | POV | H | H | POV |
| 2 | H | H | H | H | POV | H | POV | POV |
| 3 | H | N P | H | H | H | H | BOTTOM | POV |
| 4 | H | N P | H | H | H | H | H | H |
| 5 | H | BOTTOM | H | H | ||||
| 6 | H | H | CH S | H | POV | H | POV | POV |
| 7 | H | H | H | H | POV | H | H | POV |
| 8 | POV | BOTTOM | H | POV | ||||
| 9 | H | H | H | H | POV | BOTTOM | H | POV |
| 10 | H | H | H | N P | POV | H | POV | HIGH |
| 11 | H | H | H | H | POV | POV | POV | POV |
| 12 | H | H | H | H | ||||
| 13 | CH S | CH S | CH S | H | ||||
| 14 | H | H | H | N P | H | H | POV | POV |
| 15 | H | H | H | H | H | BOTTOM | BOTTOM | POV |
| 16 | H | N P | H | H | POV | H | H | HIGH |
| 17 | H | H | H | H | H | BOTTOM | BOTTOM | POV |
| 18 | H | H | H | H | POV | H | H | POV |
| 19 | H | H | H | H | POV | H | POV | POV |
| 20 | H | H | H | H | POV | POV | POV | POV |
| 21 | N P | N P | H | H | POV | H | POV | POV |
| 22 | H | H | H | H | POV | H | H | POV |
| 23 | H | H | H | H | H | H | H | POV |
| 24 | H | H | H | H | HIGH | POV | POV | H |
Hostility is increased in 62.1%, normal in 32.4% and high in 5.5% of all subjects; aggressiveness - increased in 10.9%, normal in 72.9% and low in 16.2%.
negativism - increased in 37.8%, normal in 29.8%, high in 16.2%, low in 16.2%.
sense of guilt - 72.9% increased, 8.1% - normal, 10.8% - high, 5.4% - low and 2.7% - no feeling of guilt.
When determining temperament (table No. 4), the study was aimed at its different properties in relation to work and communication with people. In 17.6% of the subjects, they are not accepted for consideration, since the answers to the control questions in more than three cases coincide with the key ones, which means that the subject tried to embellish himself to the main questions, present himself in a more favorable light, i.e. e. was not sincere.
In general, the following data were obtained:
1) in relation to work: 53.6% show an average temperament, 35.7% - high, and 10.7% low.
2) in dealing with people: 64.2% - medium, 25% - high, 10.7% - low.
After carrying out the technique of the drawing test "My family", the following attitudes of adolescents towards family members were determined:
1) Love for mother - 8.4%
2) Friendly relations with the father - 17.2%
3) Normal family - 21.5%
4) Mother manages the family - 8.5%
5) Does not find mutual understanding with the mother - 13.2%
6) Do not consider parents as their family - 13.2%
7) Do not respect parents - 4.1%
9) Bad relationship with father - 4.1%
10) Close relationship with grandmother - 8.5%
11) Love for brother - 12.8%
12) Love for sister - 4.1%
13) Feel lonely in the family - 4.1%
14) Find love with animals - 12.8%
15) Narcissism - 4.1%
16) Egocentrism - 4.1%
17) Wants family relationships - 12.8%
18) Confidence in the help of parents - 4.1%
To diagnose the personality of a teenager, a projective test "Non-existent animal" was carried out and the following results of personal qualities were obtained:
1) Interest in information about yourself - 4.09%
2) Sensuality - 2.04%
3) Fear - 3.58%
4) Attitude towards appearance - 1.27%
5) Verbal aggression - 1.02%
6) Solidity, deliberation - 0.51%
7) Independence - 0.76%
8) Egocentrism - 1.27%
9) Conformity of judgments and banality - 0.76%
10) Aggressiveness - 2.04%
11) Talkativeness - 1.02%
12) The desire to attract attention - 0.51%
13) Competition - 2.3%
14) The manifestation of schizoid - 0.51%
15) Positively assess their actions - 1.79%
16) Dissatisfaction with yourself - 0.76%
17) Protection from others - 0.51%
When diagnosing a parental relationship using a questionnaire test (A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin), one or another type of relationship is determined on a scale in which the highest percentage rank is scored from the answers for all the answers of the parents (diagram No. 1). According to the general data, you can see that the highest percentage is 65% on the “symbiosis” scale (diagram No. 2).
This suggests that in communicating with the child, the parent maintains an interpersonal distance. He feels like a single whole with the child, seeks to satisfy all the needs of the child, to protect him from the difficulties and troubles of life. The parent constantly feels anxiety for the child, the child seems to him small and defenseless. The parent's anxiety rises when the child begins to autonomize due to circumstances, since the parent of his own will never gives the child independence.
INTRODUCTION | |
| |
2.1. hypercooking | |
2.2. "Napoleonic Plans" | |
2.4. Little time for a child | |
2.5. money mistake | |
CONCLUSION | |
LITERATURE |
INTRODUCTION
Practically from the moment of the birth of the child and until the formation of the personality, it is the family that is the basis of education. It is in the family that certain qualities, values, moral guidelines, the foundations of culture are laid, and the formation of a person’s character takes place.
The baggage that a child acquires in the family in early childhood, he will carry through his whole life. By the time he came to school, he had already partially formed as a person. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters and brothers - this is the main team that plays the most important role in the development of the child, because this is the place where they are infinitely loved and accepted with all the shortcomings.
The positive influence of the family is possible only if it has harmonious and good relations based on mutual love for each other, mutual assistance and mutual assistance.
In connection with the special educational role of the family, it is necessary to strengthen the positive influence on the upbringing of the child and, if any, eliminate the negative aspects of such influence. In this regard, it is necessary to deal with the mistakes of family education.
The purpose of my work is to study the styles (authoritarian, liberal, democratic) and the main mistakes of family education, as well as to understand their consequences that affect the child. After all, knowing the errors, you can try to minimize them or eliminate them.
Chapter 1 Parenting Styles and Their Consequences
Not only the moral values accepted in the family, but also the style of family education play an important role in the development of the child's personality. Not every time parents think about how to properly raise a child and what are the consequences of upbringing: how they affect the development of the child. After all, many errors can be foreseen and prevented by knowing the main characteristics of styles.parenting.
What is meant by parenting style? These are the most common ways of parental relations with the child, in which the means and methods of pedagogical influence are used to encourage and punish the child, expressed in verbal appeals and interactions.
Psychologists have identified three main parenting styles:
- authoritarian
- liberal
- democratic.
- Authoritarian parenting style
This style can be called the most ancient and familiar. It implies the unquestioning obedience of the younger to the elders. Parents clearly know what their child should be and achieve their goal by any means. They are persistent, decisive, uncompromising and categorical in their demands. At the same time, they suppress any initiative on the part of the child, constantly control his words, actions and deeds. For the slightest disobedience, the child is punished, including physically, they can shout, force, prohibit. They want to see their child dutiful and obedient.
Although such parents strive to give their child all the best (clothes, food, leisure, a circle of friends, education, a prosperous life), only they do not give the most important thing - love, care, understanding and affection.
The consequences of this upbringing:
- Children grow up a little nervous, timid and insecure, unable to solve their problems on their own, they hardly adapt to life in society.
- On the contrary, in adolescence, active and strong representatives begin to rebel against strict control, become conflictual and intolerant, and sometimes aggressive and cruel, treat people around them with suspicion and hostility.
- Sometimes a third option is possible - in the presence of parents, such children may seem obedient and executive, outwardly calm, but as soon as control and the threat of punishment disappear, the child's behavior becomes uncontrollable.
- liberal parenting style
Such parents provide the child with complete freedom, they have no rules of conduct, all sorts of prohibitions and, unfortunately, real help and advice. At the same time, there is practically no control, everything is left to chance, the goals of education and development are not set. They believe that by acquiring their own experience, the child becomes independent and responsible.
Parents trust the child, there are easy and warm relationships, all pranks are forgiven. The child has the opportunity to reveal himself, to show his individuality and creative abilities.
The consequences of such upbringing are permissiveness, infantilism, high anxiety, lack of independence, fear of real activity and achievements. The child does not understand the words “no” and “should”, does not fulfill the requirements of adults. At school, such a child may have frequent conflicts due to the fact that he is not accustomed to yield, obey elders, follow laws and rules. He is not able to withstand life's problems, conflicts with those who do not indulge him, can get into bad company, has psychological problems, and is prone to depression. He has no self-esteem, no adequate self-esteem. He is reserved and distrustful of others.
- Democratic parenting style
Parents in many ways encourage initiative and independence on the part of the child, while taking into account his interests and needs. At family councils, children participate in the discussion of problems, their opinion is necessarily listened to and joint decisions are made.
Parents are friendly and interested in their child. But at the same time, they are firm and consistent, requiring discipline. They act by the power of their authority and convince the child to take into account both his and his interests, rights and obligations. But their control is not total.
Gradually, the child learns to make independent decisions and actions that do not affect the interests and desires of other people. Mutual understanding is achieved through persuasion and discussion, as well as compromise. Parents and children cooperate and communicate as equals, but the final word remains with the parent.
The consequences of such upbringing are favorable for the child. He grows inquisitive, with an active lifestyle and self-esteem. The child is able to be independent and responsible for himself and his loved ones. He is practically not subject to negative influence from his peers. In a team, he gets along well with people, makes concessions, builds productive relationships with people and is often a leader. The child becomes proactive, reasonable, self-confident, in the future it is support and support for the whole family.
According to psychologists, the democratic style is the most effective parenting style.
But most often in families there is a combined style, in which there are elements of all three parenting styles.
Chapter 2
In this chapter, I will look at the most common parenting mistakes that occur in families.
2.1. hypercooking
Many parents take care of the child and take care of him, but here it is important not to cross the line that constantly worrying about the fate of the child, they deprive him of independent actions, unconsciously hinder the formation of the child's skills and abilities. They get used to solving all problems, worry too much about his nutrition and health, and impose various restrictions.
As a result of such influence, the child grows dependent, infantile, capricious, unsure of himself. Then he either gets used to the fact that everything is decided for him, or as a teenager he will escape from control and guardianship, learn to cheat and hide. It is hyper-custody that is to blame for the fact that “mother's boys” then grow out of children.
2.2 "Napoleonic plans"
In their child, parents see, first of all, an object for their hopes that have not been realized. They reason something like this: “I don’t want my child to miss his chance”, “I want my child to go in for music (figure skating, ballet, swimming, etc.), so that he achieves the best results, takes first place in competitions” .
It would seem that this is bad? But parents are overly carried away by their plans and dreams, absolutely not thinking about whether the child wants this, he is interested in what he is striving for. After all, you need to live not strictly according to the schedule, but I also leave time for personal desires and deeds.
2.3. The need for emotional contact
This problem is relevant for single mothers, grandmothers who have devoted their time and energy to raising a child. Of course, emotional contact is very important for any person. But the child becomes the only object of this need, the meaning of all life. At the same time, all the personal desires of the mother are suppressed, she completely devotes her life to the child, forgetting about her interests and affairs. Over time, she unconsciously fights for the child as an object of her needs, and prevents the child's emotions and attachments from leaving the family.
2.4. Little time for a child
This error is relevant for modern parents. They spend a lot of time at work, solving their personal affairs and problems. Such dads, as a rule, see their child only sleeping, and on weekends they rush to work again. This also applies to mothers. Arriving home, you still have to have time to cook dinner, and wash, clean, but there is no time left for the child. Parents only have time to ask about academic success. But they forget that if they gave birth to a child, then you need to find time for it. At least half an hour a day to talk heart to heart, sit by the bed, hug a child. After all, the child should feel that, despite being busy, they will listen to him, he feels warmth, help and support.
2.5. money mistake
This error is similar to the previous one. Parents who don't have enough time try to make up for it with expensive clothes and gifts. But you can't smoke love for money. Caress, joint games, a joint trip to the cinema, to a skating rink in a museum for a child are much more important than any gift.
It also happens that parents come up with rewards for the child in the form of gifts for good grades, washed dishes, and done deeds. Here it is important not to go too far, so that the child does not get used to the fact that he will receive a certain fee for everything. It is necessary to instill in him the right attitude towards material values and money. This is as important as teaching him how to behave in society.
2.6. Formation of certain qualities
Parents subordinate the process of upbringing to ensure that the child is endowed with certain qualities that are of particular value to them. But these values of parents may conflict with the age or individual characteristics of the child.
Such parents, for example, believe that a child should grow up athletic, strong and resilient, they send him to various sports sections, not taking into account the desire of the child. And for him, besides the fact that it is not interesting (for example, he is interested in a computer or chess), it is also physically difficult. The child begins to get sick often, feels dissatisfaction, which he does not succeed in, becomes irritable and nervous. And then there are the parents who say that he is weak, so they don’t take him to competitions, he is worse than others. In such children, self-esteem suffers greatly due to unjustified parental expectations.
2.7. Mood Exposure
It happens that the mood of parents is too prone to fluctuations due to their personal problems. The child cannot understand the reason for the irritation or discontent of the parents and thinks that he is to blame. The child may try to please in this situation or cheer up, but if this fails, then he gets upset and worries. In this case, it is best to talk to the child and explain everything to him.
CONCLUSION
In parenting, as in any other work, failures and mistakes are possible, which are sometimes replaced by victories. Education is a complex process that is individual and unique. In addition, parents are not alike, as are their children.
But the main thing in the process of upbringing is not to lose emotional contact and spiritual unity of parents with a child. It cannot be left on its own. First of all, parents need to start this process with self-education, analysis of their actions, desires, activities. When raising a child, parents educate themselves.
Skillful use of the system of rewards and punishments is important. The ability to build a dialogue, emotional contact, demonstration of affection and love, respect for interests, well-deserved praise - all this is an essential component of the educational process.
An important condition for successful education is the authority of parents. The authority of parents should be understood as the influence of father and mother on children, based on love, understanding and respect for parents, trust in their life experience, their words, deeds, and deeds.
Thus, it is necessary to maximize the positive influence of the family on the child and minimize the negative impact, to avoid mistakes in family education.
LITERATURE
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- Kovalev S.V. Psychology of the modern family. – M.: Enlightenment, 1988.
- Kulik L.A., Berestov N.I. Family education. – M.: Enlightenment, 1990.
- Lesgaft P.F. Family education and its importance for the child. Moscow: Pedagogy, 1991.
- Popular psychology for parents / Ed. Bodaleva A.A. - M .: Pedagogy, 1988.
- Psychology. Dictionary / Under the general. ed. A.V. Petrovsky, M.G. Yaroshevsky. 2nd ed., rev. and additional Moscow: Politizdat, 1990.
- Sinyagina N.Yu. Psychological and pedagogical correction of parent-child relations. M., 2001