How to get rid of a despot. How to protect yourself from a tyrant's husband. Psychological features of a tyrant husband

10.05.2019

16 948 0 Hello! In this article we will talk about what to do if the husband is a tyrant. Most women from childhood dream of getting married and building a strong happy family. Unfortunately, not everyone's dreams come true. Some women face a real tyrant on their way of life. What is the essence of the problem and what to do next?

Husband is a tyrant and a despod

A despot husband is a real chameleon and a subtle psychologist. Often a tyrant is not so easy to recognize at the first meeting. Outwardly, he may look like an exemplary family man: courageous, strong, caring, sparing no money for gifts, very appreciating and loving his woman. He hurries to take responsibility for his beloved and calls to marry after only a few months of relationship.

The enchanted girl falls in love with her ardent boyfriend, not noticing the first alarming bells, and falls into a real tyrant's trap, which is not easy to get out of.

Types of despots

Psychologists conditionally divide tyrants into three types:

Everyone is in control.

Where was? What did you do? With whom? How long? And this is not the whole list of questions that a girl should answer every evening to her “caring” husband. And God forbid, you evade an answer or do not get in touch in time! Expect reprimand and scandal.

Such a man torments his wife with jealousy, forbids communicating with any men, including brothers, classmates, colleagues and father. Yes, and friends are blacklisted, with whom a woman should immediately stop communicating.

But this is not enough, in addition to constant interrogations, the husbands of tyrants do not disdain to constantly check the phone, read SMS, check calls, and explore social networks. Nothing must escape his eyes. With maniacal persistence, he checks his wife's outfits, her makeup and hair: there can be no talk of any attractive image.

Constantly humiliates and insults.

This type of tyrant asserts itself due to low female self-esteem. In alliance with such a man, offensive words, caustic remarks, verbal humiliation and insults are a common phenomenon. A tyrant and despot husband will constantly poke his wife at her shortcomings and point out her mistakes. He's hard to please. Whatever a woman does, he will find something to become attached to: the dish is oversalted, put on too bright makeup or, on the contrary, dressed very inconspicuously, tastelessly, did not show herself in bed that way, did not immediately answer his SMS, etc.

Humiliation in such couples does not always occur in an aggressive or pretentious form. The tyrant may well say to his wife with a smile on his face and in a joking manner: “What a stupid thing you are, and who would marry you like that if it weren’t for me?”

Releases his hands.

The third type of tyrants is the most terrible, because such individuals can calmly raise a hand against a woman, often for no apparent reason, relying only on their mood. He never feels guilty, believing that their victim herself asked for it and deserved such treatment by her behavior. Despots of this type like to drink and often suffer from alcoholism, which only contributes to the development of their tendency to physical violence.

Of course, you can meet a bright representative of one type, but more often a tyrant is a mixture of two or three types at once.

Signs of a tyrant husband - 18 signs

You can identify a tyrant in the early stages of a relationship. To do this, you need to communicate with a person for a long time, meet on neutral territory, avoid intimacy, carefully monitor a person’s behavior and the slightest changes in his reactions.

However, women often begin to guess that they are in a relationship with a despot, having already exchanged wedding rings. How does a tyrant husband behave? ?

Total control over all households. Who communicates with whom, where he studies, works and where he goes, the tyrant must know everything about his wife and children. He makes all the major decisions in the life of his family alone, without asking the opinions of other members. Puts everyone before the fact, any attempt to challenge the decision is stopped, there are many prohibitions in the family. Often this sign manifests itself at the stage of courtship, when a man tries to control the social circle and life of a girl.
Excessive confidence in one's own authority, constant attempts to show a woman where her true feminine place is.
Increased control over the main areas of life: finances, property, storage of documents, etc. This approach makes all family members dependent on the tyrant.
The desire to subjugate a woman and put her in a dependent position. This is manifested in the prohibition to work, control of funds. Sometimes it may look like an order, and sometimes it is masked by concern for the health, beauty and psyche of the spouse.
Constant criticism of all family members, nagging from the tyrant. Everything is always done wrong.
Destroys the self-esteem of all family members, while he himself has an overestimated self-esteem.
Eternal questions: Where are you? With whom you are? Why so long? etc. Refusal of a detailed report provokes the manifestation of aggression.
Humiliation and insults: “Who needs you?”, “What would you do without me?”, “What are you capable of?”.
Periodic beatings. At the same time, he believes that the wife herself is to blame, brought him to her wrong behavior, and the victim really often considers himself to be guilty of what is happening.
He loves your tears and tantrums. He feels sincere pleasure from your crying, provokes tantrums, and then feels satisfied and may even ask for forgiveness.
Maniacal jealousy for every pillar, person, passerby.
Does not encourage your successes, treats them intolerantly, belittles merit, considers that it does not matter.
He never asks for anything, never apologizes, only orders, shuts his mouth and accuses.
Next to him, you constantly experience fear.
He speaks badly of other people. He constantly blames someone for his failures, looks for the guilty, asserts himself at the expense of others.
Restricts or prohibits communication with loved ones, relatives, friends.
Often calls, writes SMS, tries to control as much as possible by phone, rolls up scandals if they did not have time to pick up the phone or did not answer SMS.

The active manifestation of at least one point should already make you wonder if everything is in order with your chosen one and the relationship between you.

Causes of tyranny

Most often, the causes of despotic behavior are rooted in childhood. Perhaps the tyrant himself experienced all the charms of life with a despot and simply adopted the model of building a family from his parents or decided to recoup someone for his spoiled childhood. A genetic tendency to despotic manifestations or improper upbringing is also not ruled out, when the boy manipulated his parents, and they, in turn, indulged his whims.

Signs of a tyrant can wake up due to deep self-doubt and a desire to eliminate rivals in this way, excessive love for a woman, strong tension, a hard day at work, a high position in society, financial advantage, etc.

Why is it hard to leave?

So, it became clear that the person with whom you live is a real tyrant. You constantly think about how to get rid of his oppression and what to do. Obviously, the best solution is to walk away and leave the hurting relationship once and for all, but many women are hesitant to do so and live with tyrants for years.

It is very easy to condemn such women for indecision, but in practice the situation can indeed be difficult.

The fact is that the tyrant initially chooses a quiet, not ambitious girl, tuned in to building a family hearth, household chores and marriage as a victim. And he really gives her all this, and at first even more. A despot can beautifully look after, fulfill all desires, give gifts and indulge women's whims. He fits the image of an ideal husband and passionate lover.

Meanwhile, the patriarchal model is already beginning to be established in the family. And this may look quite adequate: a man earns enough money, a woman does housework. Children appear. Gradually, the entire environment of the wife is destroyed: friends, relatives, colleagues and just friends.

And even after the tyrant has shown his true nature, he can occasionally give his wife gifts and care, strengthening her belief that if she behaves correctly, he will improve. The main anchors that do not allow a woman to head for a new happy life are:

Desire and belief that the husband can be remade;
Children;
Subconscious satisfaction from the role of the victim: no need to make decisions, take responsibility for your life, special pleasure from quarrels and subsequent reconciliations;
Lack of work and financial dependence;
There are no friends and relatives to turn to for help;
Bright memories of a beautiful beginning of a relationship and a positive image of a husband;
Feelings of guilt for the fact that the husband has changed;
Lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities.

How to get away from the tyrant?

If life with a tyrant and alcoholic husband has become unbearable, the best way out is to get a divorce and end the relationship.

First of all, wake up healthy egoism in yourself and realize that this man does not love you, you are just a victim for him, on which he can throw out all his negativity, insolvency and insecurity. Think carefully about your future plan, it may be worthwhile to postpone actions and start looking for housing, creating a financial airbag. It would be useful to seek advice from a psychologist. A specialist will help you understand yourself, give recommendations on how to behave with a tyrant, how to stop male cruelty.

Restore ties with friends and relatives, tell about what is happening to you, publicize the problem, so that in case of anything, you have someone to turn to for help.

If there is no assault in the family, you can directly declare your intention to divorce, and if the husband does not give consent, seek help from a lawyer or a crisis center, where you can not only receive legal assistance, but also provide a roof over your head.

Stop wooing your husband and get a job, save up the amount that will be needed for the first time of an independent life. Improve your self-esteem, start talking to people and going out again, this will help you get distracted and acquire new hobbies and interests.

If your husband is hitting, pack when he's not home and move out immediately. You can rent an apartment on your own, ask for help from relatives or friends, to law enforcement agencies. If there are no close people and no opportunity to rent an apartment, you will always be sheltered and protected in a crisis center.

Do not be afraid that a tyrant ex-husband will begin to persecute you. As a rule, such people are very cowardly, and if you make the case public, he will not threaten you. If you are very afraid, you can eventually move to another city and start life from scratch. In any case, you should not endure bullying and beatings, following the lead of your fears.

In addition, do not hold on to the family for the sake of children. Can there be daily debriefing scenes and an atmosphere of fear in the family better than a quiet childhood with a happy mother, albeit a lonely one? Although, who said that you will not marry again, but already happily? Otherwise, your children may repeat the same pattern of behavior in their families or simply grow up insecure, downtrodden and unhappy. Do you want that?

To maintain confidence in the correctness of your choice, talk to women who have survived parting with a tyrant. Among them you will not find those who are dissatisfied with their decision. Many regret only that they did not do it sooner.

How to live with a tyrant husband?

If you see no other choice but to stay in this relationship, or blindly believe that your husband will improve, you have two behaviors:

Submit and obey your spouse in everything;
Reclaim your position and stand up for yourself.

Which option you choose is up to you. There are several recommendations from psychologists that will make life easier with a tyrant, but they are more suitable for girls who decide to fight back.

Consult a specialist (psychologist or psychiatrist). Each case is individual and in the psychologist's office, you can analyze exactly your situation and draw up a plan of action.
Stop violence and demonstrations of superiority in the bud. Tyrants are, in fact, cowards. Fighting back can scare them and reduce the number of attacks in your direction.
Despots are greedy for flattery and love to contradict. Take advantage of this. Do not ask permission to go to a meeting with a friend, say that you have already refused. There is a good chance that he will simply insist that you go to the meeting out of a sense of contradiction.
Do not give up, do not lower your head, do not take a subordinate position. The tyrant is only waiting for the manifestation of weakness in order to go on the offensive.
Become a strong person, love yourself.
Take care of yourself.
Start dressing nicely.
Take a self defense course.
Start working and saving money. In the most advanced cases, you can work from home.
Take care of your self-development.
Do not react to manipulation, but simply leave.
Provide yourself with a room with a strong door and a secure lock so that in case of emergency you can call for help and wait out a flash of anger.
Make the situation public, let everyone know that you are subject to tyranny. Talk to your loved ones, maybe they will agree to help you.
If your husband does not like the way you perform your duties, stop doing them altogether.

All of these rules work well if the tyrant is only verbally bullying you. Some things to avoid if your husband raises his hand to you:

Don't refuse to do your homework;
Don't give reasons for jealousy;
Don't threaten divorce or talk about leaving;
Do not make fun of your spouse's personal qualities.

How to prevent tyranny?

Of course, the best way to prevent tyranny is to build relationships correctly from the very beginning and take a balanced approach to choosing a life partner.

If you notice the first signs of tyranny after marriage, follow these rules:

Stop any attempts of control, pressure, humiliation, insults.
Don't quit your job and keep earning your living.
Don't be afraid to lose a man.
Don't hold on to good memories.

Remember, any positive change in your relationship with a tyrant is only temporary. A tyrant will never be able to re-educate, and a happy relationship will no longer work. So, is it worth it to turn your home into a real battlefield, to sacrifice your happiness and the happiness of children?

Useful articles:

Tyranny in the family is a complex topic in family relationships that a woman herself can change. Being inside the situation, sometimes a woman may not realize that fate has connected a tyrant with her husband. Therefore, you should learn to identify such a man and decide how to proceed. For a tyrant, a wife is a victim to whom he will inspire her to be wrong in all life matters. A tyrant husband feels great if his wife is insecure, which allows him to manipulate her. He will definitely blame his companion for his failures, both large and small.

Often at a psychologist's appointment, when the conversation turns to domestic violence, women mean physical abuse. However, along with the physical, it causes no less trouble, which is hard for women to experience.

Types of behavior of a tyrant's husband

Psychologists note two types of tyrannical behavior:

- the first type includes men who could not realize themselves in the business sphere. Husbands who have failed to find their purpose at work can easily “try on” the role of leader at home. They tell loved ones what to do, while constantly criticizing. Such men want to emphasize their status in every possible way, because they are the head of the family. In turn, they expect total worship from family members;

- the second type includes men with children's complexes. Complexes of this kind are often associated with resentment towards parents and classmates. The remaining child complex inside forces the man to hold on to a dominant position. This is due to the fact that the "child" inside the man is afraid of being offended in advance. This type of men constantly arranges showdowns and scandals, they are present everywhere: at home, at a party, in the supermarket. This is due to the fact that in this state he feels protected.

Signs of a tyrant's husband

Below are the most common signs of a tyrant. So, you can refer your husband to a tyrant if:

- he likes to put his wife in a dependent position, whether emotional or material;

- speaks impolitely about the relatives, friends of the spouse, and also limits her communication with her friends with all her might and wants the wife to give all her time and attention preferably to him;

- loves to criticize the female manner of speaking, dressing, painting, laughing;

- it becomes virtually impossible to please her husband over time, nitpicking is constantly heard against her: she didn’t sit down like that, didn’t get up like that, she didn’t add salt or oversalt her food, she speaks too quietly or loudly;

- the husband likes to play a trick on his wife, and if he hears that his wife is unpleasant, he tries to convince her that there is nothing wrong with his actions, but her perception is already very critical due to increased touchiness and lack of a sense of humor;

- a man allows himself to humiliate, insult a woman with obscene words, forcing her to feel infinitely guilty of everything;

- after any conflict, the husband always blames his wife, and if a man did something wrong, then it is the wife who is to blame for this;

The man is not responsible for his words. He rarely fulfills promises, but from a woman he requires the complete opposite;

- naivety that a husband can be remade;

- the presence of small children;

- subconscious contentment with the role of the victim: no need to take responsibility for the family, make decisions, a woman enjoys scandals with subsequent reconciliation;

- financial dependence on her husband;

- lack of work

- memories of the initial good relationship and the conviction that the spouse will improve, becoming the same;

- lack of friends, relatives who could help;

- a sense of guilt for the fact that the spouse has become different;

- lack of self-confidence;

- to remain alone and misunderstanding what to do next.

If a woman sees a way out in continuing to live with a tyrant, then she has the following options for behavior:

The first is to submit in all things and to submit to your husband.

The second is to win back your position and be able to stand up for yourself.

The choice is only for the woman.

You can make life easier with a tyrant, but if you decide to fight back. To do this, you need to contact a psychologist, with whom to analyze each specific situation, drawing up a specific plan of action.

Psychologists advise not to take a subordinate position in the family, not to lower your head and not to give up slack. As soon as a woman shows weakness, the tyrant will go on the "offensive", so you need to become a strong personality and.

How to get rid of a tyrant husband

If life with a spouse has become unbearable, then the best way out is to end the relationship and get a divorce.

For this you need:

- to awaken selfishness and realize that life is one and to live it with a man who does not love and does not respect is stupid;

- it should be understood that a woman for her husband is just a victim, he does not see a person in her, therefore, without any problems, he splashes out all his negativity, insecurity and insolvency on her;

- you need to seriously consider your future plan and not take serious actions yet, but it will be necessary to create a financial airbag and search for housing. It is advisable for a woman to seek specific advice from a psychologist, since it is the specialist who will help to understand each specific situation, give recommendations on how to behave with her husband, how to stop his male cruelty;

- you will need to restore lost ties with relatives and friends, tell them about what happened, for what reason they stopped communicating with them. To do this, you should announce your problem in case you have to contact them for help;

- if there is no assault in the family, you can declare your intention to part directly. If the spouse does not give his consent, then it would be appropriate to seek help from a lawyer or a crisis center, where they will provide legal assistance and a roof over their heads;

- you should get a job, save up money for a future independent life without a husband;

- it is necessary to start communicating with people again and go out into society in order to escape from home, acquire new interests and acquaintances;

- if the husband is engaged in assault, you should pack your things when he is not at home and move out immediately. You can rent an apartment or seek help from friends, relatives, write a statement to law enforcement agencies;

- if a man has entered the taste of tyranny, then he will not stop, so there is no point in engaging in self-deception, believing that he will improve and be persuaded by such a person;

- when the decision is made, then you should seriously consider how to get away from the tyrant's husband and successfully implement the exit plan without negative consequences;

- if it so happened that a woman does not have the financial means to rent an apartment and relatives, then you can use the help of a crisis center, where they will give shelter and protect;

- do not be afraid that the ex-husband will begin to pursue. Often such people are cowards and are afraid of publicity for their actions. With a strong fear, you can move to another city and start life there. In any case, it will be better than continuing life, following the lead of your fears. You should also not endure beatings and bullying, for the sake of preserving the family for children. In such a family, children grow up unhappy. By staying in a tyrant's family, there is a high probability that children can repeat the behavior pattern of their family;

- to give yourself confidence, you should talk with women who have experienced parting with a tyrant. Among them, it is difficult to find those who are upset by the decision made. Most regret that they did not do this earlier.

The problem is considered a fairly common social phenomenon. Domestic violence is found in absolutely all social strata of society. Therefore, women need to remember that any psychological act of a violent nature is a crime. Various humiliations of the individual, insults, after a little time will only intensify and worsen. Hushing up this problem will not solve the situation favorably. First of all, women need to turn to family law specialists and psychologists for help, and they should also seek support from loved ones. You don't have to stop talking to your loved ones. Even if they can't help, it will give them a chance to talk and get psychological support.

It is often difficult for women suffering from violence to accept help from others. Often they are shy, ashamed and simply afraid to ask for help, so they are left alone with trouble. There are also people who do not know where to turn, suffering from domestic tyranny. If there is a need for an immediate response, then you need to contact the police. But it should be borne in mind that the police will not settle, which require a cardinal position from a woman. First of all, a woman should herself try to get rid of the emotional or physical oppression of her husband. Until a woman makes the final decision on her own that she is no longer a victim, changes in family life will not occur.

There are specialized organizations (crisis centers, social services) that provide assistance to women victims of violence. It is important that the telephone numbers of these organizations are always at hand in case of need.

A woman can give phone numbers to neighbors and children so that they can ask for help themselves if she is unable to do so at a critical moment.

Husbands who commit violence bear civil liability, administrative or criminal. It must be understood that before the tyrant's husband is held accountable, a lot of mental strength and time will be spent, but all these are trifles compared to the tragic consequences that silence on the problem can lead to.

When a woman marries, she is in love and often does not think about the hidden personality traits of her chosen one. And even if the future spouse, even at the stage of courtship, does not behave in the best way, showing the character traits of her husband-tyrant, the girl still hopes for the best, and often justifies her lover or blames herself for his not very respectful attitude. Like, it means she provoked it.

Joint life in marriage is no longer fleeting meetings under the moon. It consists of everyday relationships between two adults with their habits, life principles, character traits and upbringing. So what to do if you suddenly realize that your husband is a real tyrant?

In truth, with an experienced eye, the character traits of the future despot can be discerned in advance, long before the long-awaited march of Mendelssohn. In order to understand that there is a psychological tyrant next to you, it is enough to take a closer look at the chosen one at the very beginning of the relationship: pay attention to the manner of his communication, relationships with parents, work colleagues, and especially his attitude towards women in in general. However, as they say, if you knew where you would fall, you would spread straws ...

So, bright signs that your man is a domestic tyrant.

What is the manifestation of tyranny and despotism in family relationships:

1. The authority of a man is indisputable! A woman should be meek and obedient, as they say, know her place. A similar attitude towards the opposite sex may appear if the father set a “bad example” of disrespect for women in the family, and especially for the mother. Well, if relations with the mother herself did not particularly develop and respect for her was not brought up from childhood, then it is quite possible that such life principles will be transferred to their own family.

2. The despot husband holds the position that he and only he is the master of the house. There can be no question of any joint decision-making in the family. He is authoritarian, decides everything on his own and communicates his decisions in an ultimatum form.

"Quiet!" - I said! Or did I say it quietly?

Any attempts to change the situation or outright disobedience threaten the woman with humiliation and violence in her own family.

3. Another characteristic feature of a domestic tyrant is systematic humiliation. and psychological pressure on all family members, whether wife, children or any relatives living together. The purpose of this behavior is to lower the self-esteem of the household and thereby raise their own self-esteem.

Being strong among the weak and downtrodden is much easier than being strong among the strong.

It is especially difficult for a woman when the husband is the only person in the family who brings money into the house, for example, in a situation where the wife is on maternity leave.

Here the nit-picking comes in an endless stream: it’s not washed here, there are crumbs, there is dust behind the closet, the shirts are not starched, in general, whatever you like, just not the way I want!

Any little thing is a cause for scandal in this situation.

4. Total control. A woman should always report in detail where she was, where she went, who she met and why. Moreover, there are “particularly neglected” cases when a domestic despot requires such reports not only from his wife, but also from all women whom he considers his property (mother-in-law, mother, daughter, etc.). Only in this way does he feel his power and the right to decide for any woman in the family where to go, whom to meet, what to do. Well, and as usual, any attempts to defend their own freedom are met with aggression from a man.

So why does a woman continue to live with a tyrant husband?

Most girls, even at the initial stage of a relationship, are aware of, to put it mildly, not the simple disposition of their chosen one. So why do they still marry tyrants, continue to live with them for many years and endure all sorts of humiliations?

Psychotypes play an important role here. In simple terms, in our world there are both tyrants and, unfortunately, victims. Such relations are a kind of psychological conspiracy of both parties. After all, it is not for nothing that a huge number of women continue to live with tyrant husbands, suffer beatings or psychological abuse for years, but do not leave them.

Go to any women's forum, find a similar topic and you will see for yourself. Yes - bad, yes - scary, yes - it hurts. What to do? Leave your tyrant husband? No, what are you? I can't, because ... and here begins a bunch of reasons that a woman comes up with out of thin air. Strictly speaking, this is the position of the victim.

What to do if you do not want to be a victim or how to get away from a tyrant husband?

Actually, the answer to the question “What to do?” already embedded in the very question of our subheading. The only possible option in this situation, if you do not want to continue to be a victim, is to leave the tyrant's husband with all his psychological “features”.

It is impossible to fight despotism in the family!

No attempts to correct your own behavior will help for one simple reason - it’s not about you, but about him! He is a tyrant not because you look bad, you don’t cook well enough, you don’t clean so often (the list is endless), but simply because that he is a tyrant. And point.

However, do not expect that it will be easy to leave. First, of course, habit, jointly acquired property, children, dogs, etc. And a real tyrant will never let his victim go so easily. Just think, in the words of a classic, how suddenly the “trembling creature” decided that it “has the right”. If you decide to leave the tyrant's husband, then be prepared for threats or, on the contrary, for a complete change in behavior like “I realized everything, I was wrong, I love more than life, this will not happen again.”

By the way, this is where the most common mistake lies. A woman is “led” to imaginary repentance, returns to a domestic despot, but a fairy tale does not happen! Everything turns out exactly the opposite. The tyrant begins to avenge the humiliation he experienced (well, how about, because he begged almost on his knees) and the situation in the family becomes even more unbearable.

In general, dear women, if you are tired of being a victim, then “feet in hand” and forward from your tyrant husband to a brighter future, without fear of anything!

Tyrant Ami at home can be a husband, wife, grandmother, child, rarely grandfather. The main purpose of the family despot a– power over loved ones or one family member. Depending on the role in the kindred clan family tyranny has a number of significant differences. Men- tyrants tend to open dominance, their means: control, submission, violence. For despot personal wives, power in the family is rather not an end, but a means. They actively manipulate their husband and are driven by mercantile interests. The husbands of such women were brought up by an imperious mother and were used to bending under a woman's hand, to yield to her. Child dictators make all relatives "dance to their tune." The domineering grandmother crushes with her authority. She always knows everything, strives to control a young family, does not allow her to live and breathe freely. At the birth of a baby, it terrorizes a young mother, preventing her from fully feeling maternal joy. The oppressive grandfather sincerely believes that if everyone is built in the extended family– the family will flourish.
In this article, we will talk about tyrant ii husband.
Tyranny there is evil in the family, however, how is it that the head of the family becomes tyrant? Of course, an authoritarian man before marriage does not show himself to the bride in all its glory. His courtship can be very beautiful and romantic. The woman is sure that she made the right choice. Only occasionally does his latent aggression spill out, usually on strangers, for example, waiters in a restaurant. In the candy-bouquet period despot will become actively interested in the former boyfriends of his bride, express critical remarks about her appearance, profession, hobby, circle of friends and relatives. Such a person will never take as his wife a strong, self-sufficient person who knows his own worth, who knows how to stand up for himself.
The beginning of family life is quite cloudless, only occasionally reproaches and criticisms are heard. But here's a man tyrant feels that his wife is strongly emotionally and / or financially dependent on him and will not go anywhere from him, especially since a child is expected or has already appeared. Reproaches, criticism, caustic remarks, in order to cause a feeling of guilt in the victim, sound more and more often, economic control appears (sole control of the family budget, a woman must account for every penny spent or a thoughtless waste of common money). In order to limit the autonomy and independence of the husband's wife tyrant contributes to the fact that it does not work, and also in every possible way hinders its creative and professional implementation.

STRATEGIC ACTS OF THE FAMILY DESPOTS

First task tyrant a- make your wife as dependent on yourself as possible:
- mentally, when in all respects she cannot live without him. Pregnant women, as well as women with small children, are prone to mental dependence;
- economically, so that she could not support herself and her children, or manage her income.
Second task despot – completely devalue a woman in her own eyes, and maybe in the eyes of others. In fact, that's what the criticism is about.
Third task– to make the wife become a real victim, to make her feel guilty. Means for this: reproaches, reproaches and manipulation (for example, it was her fault that he fell ill or had trouble at work).
The fourth task– use your wife as a punching bag. Periodically, the dictator's tension accumulates, he splashes it out in the form of aggression, in other words, he beats his wife.
Not every man– tyrant engaged in assault, but, alas, violence in the family, where there is a victim, a wife dependent on her tormentor, and there is a dictator– Not unusual. After the torture, the husband often feels great guilt towards his wife, sincerely assures her that this will not happen again, showers her with gifts or helps her. She believes him, because she is mentally dependent on him and deep down does not want to part with her oppressor or simply loves him. Alas, the widespread belief that if a man once raised his hand to a woman, he will raise it again and is still confirmed in practice.©The author of the article you are reading now, Khramchenko Nadezhda/
Family violence is cyclical. 1 phase "Voltage accumulation". The woman feels that something is going to happen, worries, seeks to restrain her husband, pleases him in order to prevent beatings. But sooner or later comes Phase 2 "Violent Incident". There is direct physical or sexual abuse. Further Phase 3 "Reconciliation". The guilt-ridden husband vows that this will never happen again. The woman forgives him, comes Phase 4 "Honeymoon" When everything settles down, a calm life begins. The woman is happy that everything is fine, and she will not have to part with her beloved. The husband is caring, perhaps even gentle, and is also glad that everything has settled down. This idyll lasts until the time is right to repeat the cycle and start 1 phase "accumulation voltage". And then everything goes around again– followed by discharge on the "whipping bag", his wife.

WHERE DID HE DRAW SUCH

How did it happen that the family blossomed tyranny? Despot – a person with many fears, anxieties and an inferiority complex. He needs power to assert himself and compensate for his complex, on the one hand. On the other hand, despot We adore strength and bow before it. They deny their own weakness, hate the weak, crying, complaining. Such people cause aggression in them and the desire to crush and destroy them.
It is possible that in childhood this person was greatly oppressed, humiliated, mocked at him, lowered, and now he decided to take revenge. Tyrant Explosive psychopaths, people with epileptoid accentuation of character, alcoholics with delusions of jealousy or alcoholic psychosis often become ami in the family.

HOW CAN IT BE TOLERATED

Why doesn't the victim leave?
Perhaps he just loves this person. And perhaps it has a high degree of victimization. Victimization– forensic term. It was noticed that the victims of violence are persons with certain character traits. First of all, with very low self-esteem, with a low level of resistance, shifting the responsibility for what is happening on the shoulders of others, accustomed to suffering and enduring. A woman who endures for a very long time, makes efforts to change the situation, forms a model of learned helplessness. A person who for a long time unsuccessfully resisted violence understands that she does not take action against aggression - nothing will bring results. She feels cornered, a victim. So he lives and endures. Another term often applied to domestic violence– "Stockholm syndrome". In 1973, in Stockholm, the hostages went over to the side of their captors, imbued with compassion for them. Niels Beyerot, who studied this seemingly strange case, came to the conclusion in his research that very often victims identify themselves with their rapists, sympathize with them, take their side. This is the protection of the psyche from a severe traumatic situation.©The author of the article you are reading now, Khramchenko Nadezhda/
Victim does not leave her tormentor because she is mentally dependent on him. Not every person becomes dependent on another, but only those who have a dysfunction of the "I". Simply put, in childhood, a person forms and develops a complex structure of the “I” with many functions. People prone to mental addiction have a weak "I-structure". In order to feel like a full-fledged person, to experience peace of mind, inner peace of such a person, someone else is very necessary, she is like a half of an apple, which needs another such half. And it's a half, not a whole apple. That is, the personality is not complete, but with violations. This is how they live, two halves of personalities, mutually complementing each other. In addition, people prone to mental addiction have blurred boundaries of the “I”, they cannot adequately protect the limits of their personality, they can easily identify themselves with the rapist, take his side, endowing him with non-existent positive character traits.

THE EVIL OF FAMILY TYRANNY

Under the yoke of family despot II, which can be expressed in control, violence, dictatorship, the personality of the victim changes significantly. It either becomes even more dependent, dependent, collapses, or vice versa, its boundaries become stronger, the “I” strengthens, and at one fine moment the person fights back, strikes, crushes his executioner.
sacrifice– this is a form of protection of the psyche in an unbearable situation for a person, and at the same time, a regression of the personality, because the victim is constantly sacrificing his own interests.
Whatever the family despot and I– perversion. The behavior of the aggressor is constantly reinforced by the behavior victims, and at one fine moment, murder cannot be avoided, and the most brutal murders are committed on domestic grounds in the so-called family. Victim is silent, trying to evade responsibility, and she cannot avoid responsibility, because with her passive behavior a woman unties her tormentor's hands, he feels complete impunity, does not realize the boundaries of what is permitted, where the limit is, his psychopathy develops.
in the most destructive way family tyranny affects children. Girls, brought up in such families, in the future will either raise their children without a father, or in adulthood they themselves will begin to live with their husbands. tyrant om, or determine for themselves a non-traditional sexual orientation. The boys who came out tyrant of a married family, most likely they will adopt a female line of behavior, since hardly anyone will want to identify themselves with the father who tormented your mother. Or they will become as cruel as their father. Anyway family happiness these people are not available. Beatings psychologist ical bullying of the mother, sometimes the murder of the father in front of the child, driven to despair by the mother, or the murder of the mother by the father, inevitably deeply psychologist physically traumatizes the child and leaves the heaviest mark on his whole life.
Everything is in the hands of a woman, and all responsibility is on her. The husband is a psychopath or an alcoholic, or close to psychopathy; as a rule, those around him do not actively intervene in such a family. Family in situations tyrant and is socially isolated, closed.

HOW TO SAVE YOUR BODY AND SOUL

RULE 1. Don't be a victim of circumstance. It means taking responsibility for what is happening. Victim feels sorry for herself, wants to be sympathized with, but does nothing to change the situation. Therefore, it is important to start taking active steps. Write statements to the police, under no circumstances take him away. Leave home. Bring the matter of ending domestic violence to an end.
RULE 2. family tyranny It's not always physical or sexual violence. Very often domestic violence psychologist ic or economic. Do not allow under any circumstances to criticize you, manipulate you, control your interests, income, social circle. Make it clear that you will communicate with your husband only on an equal footing, as a partner. Do not like– divorce. Take care of your economic independence. Get a good job, hide your income from your husband, secretly save money for a "rainy day". This will give you confidence.
RULE 3. Raise your self-esteem. See yourself as a person who is full of resources for development and personal growth. Take time for yourself and don't feel guilty about it. Spend money on yourself, take care of your appearance, learn to accept compliments. No money– read Russian classics. There are many characters that you can easily identify with.©The author of the article you are reading now, Khramchenko Nadezhda/
RULE 4. Take care of your state of mind. Lying on your back to pleasant relaxing music, relax each group of tense muscles in turn, dream, believe in good and bright things in your life, take walks in the countryside very often, sleep more, eat healthy food, eat more often and less, do breathing exercises: for 1 deep breath through the nose, at 2,3,4,5– deep long exhalation through the mouth. And so 3 min. 1-5 times every day.

RULE 5. Regain your taste for life. Remember everything that once gave you joy and pleasure. Think about what can bring you joy now and be sure to do it. Take energy from nature at any time of the year. Cross out this tragic side of your life and learn to live again, appreciating and loving life.

Here you can not do without helpers. One of them could be a horse. During hippotherapy classes with a psychologist, you will experience forgotten positive emotions, be filled with beneficial energy, and discover new aspects of your personality.
It's important to understand family tyranny is aimed at destroying the personality of a person, and in fact makes irreparable destructive changes in it. Despot often motivates his actions with good intentions, the desire for family well-being. You can’t give in, you can’t tolerate the slightest disrespect for yourself. Politely but firmly stop insults and humiliation. Leaving everything the same, you contribute to the development of psychopathy in your husband and break the fate of your children. Show that you are not afraid, ask for despot It requires from a person a powerful personal breakthrough from the state of the victim and codependency to a strong mature independent personality, but otherwise you will never find happiness and peace.
Khramchenko Nadezhda
11.06.2014

How does a tyrant husband behave? In our article we will find the answer to this question. We will also give advice to women that will help them in life.

Tyrant

A tyrant husband is not such a rarity in our country. Despite the fact that the days of house building are long gone, some families live according to the scenario of the relationship between their fathers and grandfathers. This type of relationship suggests that a woman in marriage should take a second position and endure various male quirks. For example, in some families it is considered normal that a husband can yell at his soul mate, raise his hand to her. Many women do not even imagine that it could be different. Although, in fact, modern society assumes that there should be equality between people, regardless of their gender. Women should remember that physical violence should not be tolerated in any case.

What can cause a man to turn into a tyrant?

The fair sex needs to remember that a man who is confident in himself will never assert himself through a woman. If a person is confident in himself, then he does not need to humiliate another person.

Do not exclude situations that a man can lose his temper and raise his voice. But he should not raise his hand to a woman. But if a person is a tyrant, then such behavior is considered the norm for him.

Types of tyrannical behavior

Now we will consider the signs of a tyrant husband, we will also give advice to women. There are two types of tyrannical behavior:

1. The first includes representatives of the stronger sex who have not realized themselves in the business sphere. Men who have not found their purpose at work may begin to behave at home in a leadership role. They begin to talk about how close people should behave, tell them. Such a person considers himself the head of the family and wants to emphasize his status in any way. He expects his family members to bow before him.

2. The second type of male tyranny includes those who have any complexes. Usually they come from childhood. Such complexes may be associated with resentment towards parents. It is also possible that a person in childhood was insulted by classmates, he was an outcast, and so on. The essence of the problem lies in the fact that after many years such a man can achieve some success in his career or his own business. It doesn't matter how he did it. Perhaps there was a fortunate combination of circumstances, or he came to the pinnacle of his success through hard work. But the children's complex can remain inside such a person. The behavior of this man boils down to the fact that in any life situation he tries his best to be in a dominant position. This is due to the fact that inside it is a little boy who is afraid of being offended. This type of men will constantly make scandals or showdowns, they will be present everywhere. Namely, at work, at home, in the store, on vacation. The fact is that only in this state he will feel protected.

What behavior of a man indicates that he is a tyrant?

First of all, it is worth knowing that for a tyrant husband, the wife is a victim. Therefore, he will try to convince her that she is wrong in all life situations. Be sure to make her guilty of her failures or for any other reason. He will also be comfortable if his wife feels insecure. Thus, the tyrant husband will be able to manipulate her.

behavioral signs

How to understand that a husband is a tyrant? Behaviors are as follows:

1. Criticism of a woman for any reason. And it is carried out constantly. First of all, the maternal care of a woman about a child is criticized. She is then constantly told that she is a bad housewife. The simplest example of this behavior is the lack of gratitude for the cooked lunch or dinner. A tyrant husband, after eating, instead of the word “thank you”, will say that the dish was undersalted or, conversely, oversalted. Then he may note that the salad needed to be seasoned with another sauce. He will also say that he cooks much better and tastier. In the case when a woman is engaged in labor activities, she will be told that she is completely stupid and does not bring any benefit to the family. It happens that a wife can get carried away by some interesting craft or she will have a hobby, then the tyrant husband will definitely note that her busyness distracts her from household chores, and she spends little time with her children. If a woman goes on about her husband, then she will leave her job and will not have any hobbies. And all her potential will be directed to housekeeping and caring for her husband. In fact, this behavior of the spouse is associated with his self-affirmation. If there is a woman next to him who is not sure of her own rightness, asks permission for any reason, then such a man feels like a king.

2. The tyrant husband strives to control financial expenses. And not theirs, but all. Even if the wife has her own income, the husband will oblige her to report where she spent the money. Will consider everything, up to means of personal hygiene. A man of this type will demand that a woman ask his permission to make any purchase.

3. Psychological attack on a woman. It lies in the fact that a man does not perceive the opinion of his wife. It is known about tyrant husbands that they consider themselves always right. The woman does not have the right to vote. She must obey in any situation. The decisive word in such a scheme of relationships always remains with the man.

4. Restriction of communication in society. The tyrant husband in the family does not allow his woman to go anywhere and maintain friendly or friendly relations with anyone. First of all, friends are excluded from her social circle. Especially if they are not married yet. There is also a restriction on communication with relatives. Prepositions can be of a different nature, but the essence of this does not change. The despot woman sits at home. She does her homework, she doesn't go anywhere. Only for any reason, of which there is also a limited number.

5. Assault. This type of violence may not be used by a despot every day, but it is present. For a husband of this type, it is not a ban to grab a woman, slap her, kick, push, strangle, and so on - there can be a great many options. Girls who are physically abused should understand that if a man allowed himself such behavior once, then in 99 percent of cases, bhd BD. it will repeat again. No need to endure and hope that this will not happen again. If a situation occurred in the family in which a man allowed himself to hit a woman, then she should leave him. Here you should not think about material gain or the loss of some kind of welfare. Therefore, it should be divorced. It must be understood that in no case should such treatment be tolerated. Of course, if the wife is not masochistic. But this is an extreme case, which is associated with a mental disorder.

Many women are faced with a choice, they do not know what to do. It is especially difficult to decide on a divorce if the family has one or more children. For a child, dad will always be dad, and mom will always be mom. He makes no distinction between them. And treats both equally. But raising a child in a tense environment with scandals and physical abuse is not very good. Therefore, each specific situation must be considered taking into account the individual characteristics of a particular family. Below, some recommendations will be given to women on how they should behave if they find signs of a tyrant husband in their spouse.

Now let's give advice to women:

1. A woman should learn to insist on being right. We also need to give in to each other. But when the situation comes to insanity, then you should not tolerate such behavior of a man. You should learn to defend your point of view. A woman should have the right to vote, and her opinion should be taken into account. If a girl agrees to everything, then she will not be perceived as a person not only by her husband, but also by other family members. Also, such a model of dad's behavior in the house can be passed on to his son. It should be remembered that if a man does not enter into a dialogue and does not perceive his wife’s point of view as correct, then with such a person it will not be possible to build normal relations that will be based on trust and mutual understanding.

2. Do not tolerate unreasonable claims from a man. For many women who agree to be patient with such behavior of a spouse, this model of the family existed in their childhood. There are quite a lot of such families in our country. Therefore, for Russian women to endure insults and insults is the norm. But in fact, this is not the norm. If a woman sees such character traits in herself, then she needs to seek professional help in order to stop tolerating her tyrant husband. The advice that a specialist with a psychological education will give will help the girl find strength in herself. Also, recommendations will help to establish a normal, healthy relationship with a man. If the husband does not make contact and does not want to develop, then perhaps you should stop such a relationship and get to know a normal, adequate person of the opposite sex.

3. No need to look for an excuse for physical violence. Often men after assault say that the woman herself is to blame, it was she who provoked them. Actually it is not. The woman is not to blame for the fact that the man did not restrain his emotions and spread his arms. He is an adult who is able to think and make decisions. If he acted like this, then he wanted to do it.

4. A woman should learn to treat herself as a person. If the husband is a tyrant, what to do? A woman should not tolerate insults, insults and the use of physical force. If a man has such an attitude, then you need to leave him. Because in the future it will not lead to anything good. You should not stay with a tyrant for the sake of children. In this situation, you need to make a decision that will ensure safety and get rid of male violence in the family.

Get away from the despot

How to get away from a tyrant husband? Here it is worth mentioning that a woman can be in a depressed psychological state. Therefore, she needs specific advice that she can use in order to get away from the tyrant. It is good if during this period of life the fair sex has support from relatives or close friends.

But often in such a situation the woman is alone. This is due to the fact that she is ashamed to admit to others what a deplorable situation she is in. In addition, a tyrant husband may not agree to a divorce so easily. Therefore, it is worth following a few recommendations.

Get rid of the tyrant

How to get rid of a tyrant husband?

If the relationship with your husband is not going well, then you need to gather your will into a fist and not announce to him your intentions to leave. It is necessary to behave very restrainedly and calmly so that new conflicts do not arise.
You should take care of a reserve of funds or consider a source of income that will help financially.
Care needs to be considered. Namely, where it will be possible to go, where to live and so on. Anything can be expected from an inadequate man. Therefore, it will be better to take care of the living space.
Documents such as a passport, birth certificate, marriage certificate, etc. are very important. It will be better to take them from home and store them elsewhere. It is also recommended to make a copy of the husband's passport. It may be needed to apply to various government agencies. Or to organize a trip for a child.
If there is a threat to life, then do not hesitate. You should contact law enforcement. Practice shows that the police are very reluctant to investigate such incidents. You can contact the prosecutor.
Often there are cases when a husband in anger takes away his wife's keys and phone. As a result, alternate options need to be considered. Make a duplicate of the keys and get a second mobile phone, the existence of which the spouse will not know.

Husband is a tyrant. Psychologist's advice on how to avoid manifestations of aggression

Life situations are different. Therefore, one should not exclude the option that a woman, for some reason, decides to stay with an inadequate man. In this case, you can give her some advice on how to avoid the manifestation of aggression on his part:

You need to understand the reason for the appearance of aggressive behavior of the spouse. As a rule, such situations arise under the influence of alcoholic beverages. Jealousy can also become a reason for a showdown with your wife. Therefore, you do not need to go with your husband to entertainment events. If it is not possible to avoid any celebration, then after its completion it is necessary to avoid communication with this man. You can immediately go to bed or stay longer for guests. You can also walk with children.
Mostly men do not admit that they raised a hand against their wife. But there are cases of regret. If a man apologizes and realizes that he did wrong, then you can give him a second chance. Perhaps you should seek the help of specialists in the field of psychology. A person who admits his guilt has the possibility that in the future he will change his attitude towards a woman.

Conclusion

Now you know the signs of a tyrant husband. The advice of a psychologist discussed in the article should help every woman. Although, unfortunately, in practice everything looks different. Our men are afraid to admit to themselves, and even more so to those around them, that they are doing something wrong.

They consider violence to be normal. And many representatives of the weaker sex allow themselves to be treated this way. This family model is passed down from generation to generation. People who strive for development, read books, visit cultural places, will never behave in this way. And those who do not strive for self-improvement in spiritual and mental development can afford physical violence against the weaker sex. A woman by nature is much weaker than a man physically. She can't fight back or defend herself. The law enforcement system works in such a way that you can count on it only in the most extreme case. Now in many large cities there are special centers that help the fair sex in difficult situations. In addition to their internal experiences and pain, a woman has to take care of children. But there is always a way out. Therefore, it is better to overcome yourself once than to endure humiliation and fear all your life.

We hope that now you understand how to get away from a tyrant husband. The tips given in the article will help you. Therefore, do not be afraid to defend your interests.