How to raise your child's self-esteem and self-confidence. How to raise your child's self-esteem: a psychologist's opinion Treat yourself gently

One of the most striking differences between humans and any other species on earth is self-awareness. We understand who we are and what we are.

In addition to being able to recognize ourselves in the mirror and make decisions based on our interests, self-awareness allows us to compare ourselves with others.

Of course, in evaluating yourself, it is better to stick to the golden mean, which not everyone succeeds in. Therefore, often instead of adequate, we see in people overestimated or underestimated.

We are who our parents raised us to be.

Low or high self-esteem is formed in a person in the first 5 years of his life.

During this time, the child is aware of the concepts "I am good" or "I am bad" mainly from the words of the parents and only slightly focuses on external factors.

After 5 years and before adolescence, the perception of children is increasingly aggravated in the direction of communication with friends, personal achievements in school or sports, and other factors that are not dependent on parents.

From the age of 12-13, a child is especially susceptible to all factors that affect his character and especially self-esteem.

Girls and boys are as open as possible to everything new, but they are also vulnerable and sensitive to the rash words and actions of their parents.

We do not always have the opportunity to find out where and what exactly our children are doing, but sooner or later guardianship must be replaced by moderate care and support for a growing personality.

Little boys become men and little girls become women.

Self-esteem plays one of the most important roles in shaping personality. That is why you need to get rid of all delusions and learn how to properly encourage and motivate your children.

The Art of Being a Parent

The actions of parents are always well-intentioned. Even using physical force, unrestrained father or mother wish not to hurt the child.

They want to help, to convey to their children that they are guilty and that this should not be done.

You yourself know where the road of good intentions leads, so be prepared to see very familiar parenting methods in the list of parenting mistakes.

1. Don't compare your child to others

Self-esteem is formed in relation to the achievements of others - I am stronger than this girl, I am weaker than this boy. Let us examine these two examples and follow their development in the child's consciousness.

"I'm stronger than this girl." Self-esteem rises, because the child is better than someone else. But if it is better, then it gives some opportunities and privileges.

You can offend the weak and not get back, you can take away a toy from him, you can laugh at him and increase your authority due to this.

"I'm weaker than this boy." Self-esteem decreases, because the child has been surpassed in some way. A strong boy is not perceived by a child as an ordinary child who has become strong.

"Strong" and "this boy" are combined into one image. This manifests itself even years later, when school hooligans can dominate the actually more successful "nerds" and "nerds" at the reunion of graduates.

Don't start comparing your child to other children, rather keep track of their personal progress and compare it to past results.

Did your son get a bad grade? Look at his past scores in the same subject.

If they were worse - the child, though slowly, but develops. If it's better, your son will have no one to compare himself with, except himself. This breeds motivation.

2. Do not evaluate the child, evaluate his act

“You are a bad boy”, “you are a naughty daughter” - exclude such expressions from your conversations with children.

By the age of 5, children learn to distinguish between their personality and their actions. Does a broken vase make you a villain or a bad person?

So why would you label a child for the most harmless pranks or random misdemeanors?

“You are harmful, naughty, lazy!” are not the best words for a child. “You are lazy, irresponsible, lack of initiative” - and these phrases can kill any motivation in children.

“You are dumb. You're a fool. You can't do anything right. You are not a man ”- words that are remembered for a lifetime and become the cause of complexes.

If you respect yourself, never say something like that to your loved one.

A completely different effect will be if all these qualities are attributed not to the child himself, but to his actions. Agree, “you are stupid” and “you acted stupidly” evoke completely different emotions.

Just do not forget the most important rule of criticism - after the remark, be ready to offer the correct course of action.

3. Don't close your eyes to your kids' school conflicts

When a child is bullied at school, parents either do not intervene, considering it childish play, or publicly scold the bully, dooming the child to isolation and even greater insults and insults.

They give their children absolutely no advice. None of these options leads to a resolution of the conflict. In the first situation, you do not influence, you put all the responsibility on the child, even though he has no idea what to do and how to act.

In the second situation, you solve all the problems for the child, preventing him from expressing himself.

Have you already figured out what to do? Stick to the golden mean and clearly control your participation in the school conflict. Take any movie with Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan as an example to follow.

It is there that the line of the student and the teacher, who teaches the young man martial arts, is most often found. The master does not send the young man into battle without preparation, but he does not solve all the problems for him.

He instructs and prepares him to overcome obstacles. Only this approach turns the student into a real hero.

Become a wise teacher for your child. Take it to a whole new level - study the psychology of children's conflicts, school hierarchy and how to deal with it.

Teach this knowledge to the child and send him to the "fight". Although not the first time, children quickly learn to cope with their problems on their own, without forgetting the one who taught them this.

4. Don't be perfect

Many parents are terrified of showing their weakness or defenselessness in front of their child. This really needs to be done when the child is small and can't stop seeing their parents as their superheroes, but after 3-4 years, kids are quite ready for a more real look at mom and dad.

A child's low self-esteem can rise if you reveal a little truth. Mom can oversalt the soup, set the washing machine wrong, accidentally break the plate.

A dad may not know how to remove a virus from a computer, he may accidentally hit his finger with a hammer, or he may buy expired milk at the supermarket.

Nobody is perfect - that's what a child needs to understand in order to develop adequate self-esteem. If someone is always to blame for the troubles of mom and dad, except for themselves, then in “ideal” conditions they are never wrong and always right.

Why isn't the child like this? Maybe he was born that way - wrong? Do not let children think that they are by default worse than others, especially their parents.

If you made a mistake, draw your child's attention to this and at the end give a moral: “Oh, I didn’t look at the recipe and put regular sugar instead of powdered sugar.

You need to be more careful, then next time the cake will turn out perfect!

5. Don't discount

Children are not good or bad. But sometimes we forget about it. If you don’t know how to increase your child’s self-esteem, then the phrase “You are constantly late!

How long can you wait?" These words can really offend, because you simply devalued those cases when a child, on purpose or not, did everything on time.

When your children have “permanent” problems, you need to take their assessment more seriously.

Periodic remarks will induce a desire in the child to improve, for example, if you scolded your daughter for scattered dresses, then next time she will put them back in place and will wait for your reaction.

It’s a pity, but we are used to taking everything good for granted, because the efforts of your daughter, most likely, will not cause a drop of emotion on your part.

This will disappoint her and the next time she will listen to your lamentations with less enthusiasm.

How to raise a child's self-esteem? Try not only to scold, but also to praise. Especially if the praise is about correcting your misdeeds. This is the attention your kids need.

A child's self-esteem is not only the result of your upbringing.

Remember that a child develops self-esteem by absorbing parental criticism, compliments from the opposite sex, insults from peers, and many other manifestations of human communication.

It is possible to impose self-esteem on a teenager on his own only if he is educated at home and completely isolated from the outside world.

Such an approach is fraught with many terrible consequences, and therefore the integral role of the environment will have to come to terms.

It is better to focus your attention on preparing the child for external contacts.Whether they are 7 years old or 15, teach your children to properly respond to teachers' remarks, insults from bullies and ridicule from enemies.

Explain that you need to react to the assessment of others only if they wish him well. The teacher’s remark: “From now on, be more careful when writing a dictation” is a message that will help the child become better and next time write better work.

But certainly the remark of the neighbor's boy: “You have a huge nose” was made only with the aim of offending, and therefore you should not pay attention to such a statement.

In this way, you will teach your child to distinguish between objective criticism from empty, meaningless words and develop adequate self-esteem.

Whether a child will achieve success in life in the future or not directly depends on the level of his self-esteem, which is laid down in early childhood. Parents and the environment in the family as a whole play a key role in its formation, and at a later age, the perception of oneself is influenced by the environment of the child. What is self-esteem? This awareness of the importance of oneself, the ability to adequately assess one's own qualities, achievements, advantages and disadvantages. How to develop in children the right attitude towards themselves and why is it important?

Healthy self-esteem is the key to success

Achieving a balance between low and high self-esteem when raising a child is not easy. A child develops a healthy perception of himself gradually if he grows up in a favorable atmosphere. A strong family, where everyone treats each other with respect, provides support, sincerely shows their feelings, where the baby feels protected - these are the right conditions for the development of healthy self-esteem in a child.

Children with inflated self-perception often aggressive, prone to manipulating others. They consider themselves and their interests above others. It is difficult for them to come to terms with defeat or accept the refusal of their parents to comply with their demand.

Low self-esteem in children it manifests itself differently - such kids tend to retire, they are not confident in themselves, in the correctness of their actions and in achieving goals. They are constantly in anticipation of the worst - that they will not be noticed, offended, not listened to, not accepted. These children do not notice their own successes or consider them insignificant.

A child with both low and high self-esteem will have to face difficulties that will certainly manifest themselves in finding friends, a marriage partner, work and other areas of life. That is why it is important from an early age to teach a son or daughter to correctly evaluate and perceive himself as a person.

Adequate self-esteem will allow the child to become honest, fair towards himself and others, responsible, sympathetic and loving. Such a person knows how to admit his mistakes, as well as forgive the mistakes of others. He is able to bring the matter to the end, take responsibility for the decisions made.

How important are praise and encouragement?

The importance of approval was mentioned in the Bible, where it is said that praise inspires. These words are still relevant today - for the development of an adequate self-perception of a child, one must praise and encourage. Noticing that the baby has coped with some task, has received a new skill, immediately praise him for his success. A kind word said in time will encourage the baby to strive to win even more approval from adults.

The reverse rule also applies here. a child who has not received praise for a good deed or achievement may lose interest in good deeds. If parents constantly ignore or take the child's success for granted, the baby will begin to attract their attention to himself in a different way - pampering and aggression.

It is important to learn how to properly encourage children without going too far. Exaggerated or far-fetched praise can harm the baby - why make an effort if mom and dad will still express their approval? When is praise inappropriate?

• Out of pity for the baby;
• If the child appropriated other people's achievements;
• Out of a desire to ingratiate the baby;
• Not praised for natural beauty and health.

Each person has different abilities and talents that can manifest unexpectedly. To identify them and be able to develop, it is necessary to encourage the crumbs to make attempts to try themselves in different activities.

Let the baby sing, draw, dance or build, do not pull him, but encourage him. Never tell children that they cannot become a great dancer or musician. By doing this, you will only achieve that the child will stop even trying something new, and his self-esteem will decrease.

Several ways to increase children's self-esteem

The belief that parents believe in your strengths and abilities will help the child overcome fears and achieve goals. Praise the baby in advance showing and proving that you do not doubt him. How to do it? Tell him that he will definitely be able to recite a poem without hesitation, he will be able to do a certain job. Say these words without a shadow of a doubt, it will inspire the child and give him strength.

Praising a child in the morning is an advance for the whole long and difficult day. Praise him for what will happen, inspire him to believe in yourself and your strengths: “You will tell the rule!”, “You will win the competition”, “You will try”, “I believe in you”, etc.

Another way to increase children's self-esteem is to ask for their opinion and ask for advice. in some business. When you receive a recommendation from your son or daughter, follow it, even if you think otherwise. This is important, as it will allow you to achieve the goal - it will help children assert themselves. Do not be afraid to show your weakness, do not hide your own failures, but admit them, then the children will understand that adults do not always succeed the first time. Ask your child for help- such a technique is especially good in the relationship between mother and son, it will create fertile ground for the upbringing of masculine qualities in a boy.

Should children be punished?

Punishment and censure is an important part of educational work, without which it is impossible to develop a healthy self-esteem. It makes it possible to realize one's own mistakes, to learn how to correct mistakes. What do parents need to know when using reprimands?

• Punishment should not be accompanied by physical or psychological harm to the child (We also read: why children should not be beaten -);
• Reprimand is a loving measure, do not deprive the baby of affection and care when he is guilty (We also read:);
• You can’t take gifts from children - this is a forbidden technique;
• When in doubt as to whether a wrongdoing should be punished, don't do it;
• Forgive old mistakes and misdeeds, forget them, do not reproach children with them and do not remind them of them;
• Punishment should not be humiliating.

It is worth mentioning the cases when educational measures should be postponed or the punishment of the child should be abandoned altogether:

1. When the baby is sick.
2. If the daughter or son is afraid.
3. After a recent psychological trauma.
4. If the baby makes an effort, but he fails to achieve a result.
5. When you are overjoyed or very annoyed.

To normalize inflated self-esteem, teach your child:

• Listen to the opinions and advice of others;
• Respect the feelings and desires of others;
• Be respectful of criticism.

How can you help kids learn how to self-assess?

The judicious use of punishment and encouragement will help the father and mother find that golden mean in raising children and develop an adequate attitude towards themselves. The example of parents will become the cornerstone in the formation of a harmonious personality of children. Both kids and teenagers should understand that mom and dad are ordinary people who are not immune from mistakes. If you can't bake a cake or secure a cornice straight, admit it. Such behavior will form an adequate self-esteem in the younger generation.

To develop adequate self-esteem:

1. Do not protect the child from everyday activities. Do not solve all the problems for him, but do not overload him. Set feasible tasks so that he can feel skillful and useful.
2. Do not overpraise the child, but do not forget to encourage when he deserves it.
3. Praise any initiative.
4. Show by your example an adequate attitude to successes and failures: “I didn’t get a pie ... well, nothing, I know what the reason is! Next time I'll add more flour."
5. Never compare with other children. Compare with yourself: who he was yesterday and who he has become today.
6. Scold only for specific offenses, and not in general.
7. Analyze failures together, drawing the right conclusions. Tell him a similar example from your life and how you dealt with it.

Common interests, joint games and activities, sincere communication - this is what children need to feel their importance and learn to appreciate and respect themselves and others.

Personal experience

If your child is not self-confident, shy, afraid to approach strangers, afraid to meet other children, anxious. This video gives recommendations on how to raise a child's self-esteem, methods for raising self-confidence, games to overcome shyness:

: Reading time:

How to teach a child to adequately evaluate himself so that he can be critical of the assessments of peers, teachers - and then colleagues and boss. Tells family psychologist Maria Samotsvetova.

Self-esteem, self-representation, self-criticism, self-image. These characteristics are inherent in all people, and therefore, children too. Comparison, evaluation is the basis of self-representation of children and adults about themselves. Analyzing ourselves and others, we can conclude: we are better, worse, on a par.

And here it is worth immediately and strongly making a reservation: comparing yourself with others is useful only if your self-esteem and self-image are adequate and real. In this case, the comparison will provoke changes in the desired direction.

Compare the child only with himself (with his previous results)

In children, self-image and self-esteem have not yet been formed, therefore the most important rule: do not intentionally compare your children with others, only with yourself! I used to write a dictation for two, but now for three - well done, clever, success! Because he grew above himself, and did not grow up to Petya, Katya or Tanya. Children need to form an attitude: they should not reach out to others, but to the best version of themselves. Perhaps the "best version" of a child can write a dictation for a four with a minus, and never a five. Then citing excellent students as an example will be fatal.

A fish will not become a bird, no matter how you motivate it to do so. A turnip will not grow from a sown carrot. But you can care for and watch a carrot so much that carrots grow out of it - the champion of the agricultural exhibition, the best carrot! So, every child is a unique fruit of love (whether a vegetable or a fruit), and the task of parents is to make him the best in his unique kind, and not to make him different, like someone else.

In most cases, low self-esteem in a child is a consequence of frequent comparison, citing other children as an example.

The lack of comparison in early and school childhood contributes to the emergence of adequate self-esteem in the child. Underestimated, as well as overestimated self-esteem, are not adequate. Yes, we are all different, and someone is better than another in something, but this does not mean that this someone is better than you as a person.

If we are talking about increasing self-esteem in children, then we mean that it is underestimated (that is, inadequate), and it must be returned to its previous, adequate level. In most cases, low self-esteem in a child is a consequence of frequent comparison, citing other children as an example. The child in this hears not “reach out to Petya, I know you can” (which, I hope, parents mean), but “Petya is good, and you are so-so”, “how lucky Petya’s parents were that he was born to them , and I ... well ... this is my cross and carry it to me. Such conclusions have never spurred anyone to become better. And in general, the idea of ​​“to become better, to be loved and not abandoned” is destructive and dysfunctional in itself.

Assess the child's ability

Suppose you stopped comparing your child with Petya and citing Katya as an example, and he has not yet received an Olympic medal and a Nobel Prize in one year, what should I do? Get to know your child better! Perhaps he is neither an athlete nor a scientist. Yes, all parents want smart, funny, perky (best!) children. But it will be much better for the child, and for you, and for your relationship if you accept the uniqueness and its imperfection.

Get to know the child, take a closer look at him, reduce the requirements for at least a week and notice his individual characteristics: something is easier, something more difficult, something he will never master. And that's okay! Recognizing your child's characteristics will allow you to be a more flexible parent in terms of requirements and expectations. For example, your child has never been an athlete (and then you can already lag behind him with sports achievements, and enjoy the top three in physical fitness), but he is a sensitive musician (and then you can push with the requirements in music).

Rejoice in small successes

To increase self-esteem in children, it is very important to sincerely rejoice at their, even minimal, successes. Sincerely! To see, to note the slightest changes for the better, to show the child how his work (both purposeful and not very) brings results: “Look, you have been cycling all summer, and now you ran the fastest cross-country in the class.”

And if before school he was sure that he was the best, then by the end of the first quarter he would understand that this was most likely not the case.

The child may not be aware of such subtle logical consequences, the task of the parent is to unobtrusively show them to him: “Now we are skating with you, and all your classmates are reading Snowstorm to prepare for the essay. And you read it in the summer, and how you resisted, how you didn’t want to! But the deed is done, and now they are free. So parents need to encourage not only the result itself, but also the efforts made to achieve it.

Praise for specific deeds, then “overpraise” will not work

An obligatory point in the formation of adequate self-esteem in children is praise. Some parents are afraid to praise their children; suddenly they become arrogant, and suddenly we overpraise them. It is impossible to overpraise if you praise the child for something real, concrete, for deeds, achievements, work. Not just “you are my smartest”, but “you memorize poems and songs so well!”.

The child does not grow up in a vacuum, the social environment very quickly confronts him with reality. And if before school he was sure that he was the best, then by the end of the first quarter he would understand that this was most likely not the case. This can be a painful experience that hurts self-esteem, so you need to praise, but for something, and not just like that.

Take into account age: the baby's self-esteem may be overestimated, the teenager needs to be supported

It is important to note the various stages in the development of self-esteem in relation to age, to know them and take them into account.

The only child in the family before the age of three has no concept of self-assessment at all - he is the center of the universe of a large family. At the age of three, he goes to the garden, and then he realizes that in some ways he is better, and in some ways worse than other children. The task of parents at this stage is to tell the child that all people are different, and yes, they differ from each other in different ways, this is normal! Apples on one apple tree are also all different. Inflated self-esteem in childhood is adequate, that is, it is normal if the child thinks of himself better than he is.

In adolescence, adequate self-esteem is very unstable and unstable: today I am a “beauty queen”, and tomorrow I “feel ugly”. The task of parents at this stage is to be a model of stability, and repeat to such a teenager every day that “you are very attractive, sweet, natural, and simply beautiful when you smile, and in general, I always like you and anyone.” For a teenager to form adequate self-esteem, it is important to know that his parents love him, even when he does not love himself.

Check your self-esteem with an exercise

An example of a completed exercise

Look at the scale of happiness - how the child feels. You can ask: “What should happen in order for there to be more happiness, at least by one division? What is going to happen?". If the child answers this question “to buy a prefix or tablet”, then everything is fine, you can sleep peacefully. If the child answers “so that mom and dad stop swearing,” then I am waiting for you at the reception.

A PHOTO Getty Images

In adolescence, the dependence on self-esteem is extremely high, much more than adults think. Today, girls and boys are under a lot of pressure to meet media standards of beauty and physical perfection. Dove brand research has revealed this pattern: while only 19% of teenage girls are overweight, 67% believe they need to lose weight. And there are real problems behind these numbers.

Girls use unhealthy methods to lose weight (pills, fasting), and boys take drugs to help build muscle mass. Because of the complexes, adolescents behave in society constrained, insecure and try to avoid communication even with their peers. Children who hear ridicule addressed to them, transfer anger to themselves and their physical "shortcomings", become embittered, secretive.

Do not wait for the child to outgrow these complexes. Better try to help.

Talk frankly

To talk to a teenager, you need to understand his experiences. Remember yourself at his age and your experiences. You were shy, and maybe even hated yourself, considered yourself clumsy, fat, ugly. Looking back at our childhood, we are used to remembering solid joys, forgetting about difficulties and troubles. And the child feels that in comparison with his parents he lives wrong.

Praise out loud

Mention in the conversation how you see the child in everyday life, emphasizing his best sides. This will give the teenager the support he needs so much. If the child is ridiculed, he becomes withdrawn, and if the child is encouraged, he learns to believe in himself.

Praise not only for appearance! In addition to compliments on appearance, it is useful for a child to hear praise from parents for their actions. Appreciate the effort that the child makes to achieve the goal, not the result. Explain that not everything always works out the way you want. But if you focus on every failure, it will not bring you closer to success.

Treat yourself gently

Mothers should not criticize their reflection in the mirror in the presence of their teenage daughter, complain about circles under their eyes, overweight. It is better to talk with her about how the girl's body is changing, what a beautiful walk and smile she has. Share with your daughter a story about how you were unhappy with yourself at her age. Tell us how you were able to survive the influence from the outside or how someone significant to you was able to cope with the complexes. Another important point is modeling: give your child the opportunity to observe that you treat yourself well, value yourself, take care of yourself.

Form a value system

Explain to your child that judging a person by their appearance is superficial. Do not criticize others in the presence of the child, he should not take part in such conversations or be a witness to them. The child's mind is very receptive, and the teenager will project onto himself criticism directed at others.

Explain that we are defined not so much by appearance as by personal qualities and inner world.

Discussing external features, we fall into a certain system of stereotypes and become dependent on them. And it turns out that not “I live”, but “I live”. "I live" - ​​imposed dimensions, parameters and ideas about how I should look.

Find the virtues

Teenagers, on the one hand, want to be like everyone else, and on the other hand, they want to be different and stand out. Teach your child to be proud of their skills, features and virtues. Ask him what is unique about each of his family members or friends. Let him name his virtues and figure out how to emphasize them.

Explain that it is not so much our appearance that defines us, but our personal qualities and inner world, character traits, our skills, talents, hobbies and interests. Theater, music, dance, sports - any hobby will help you stand out from the crowd and help develop a sense of confidence.

Cultivate media literacy

Help your child develop a critical eye which will help not to take everything for granted. Discuss whether it's fair to compare real people to artificial images, and be sure to emphasize the importance of respecting and appreciating what makes us unique.

Let's have a say

Encourage your child to have an opinion and express it. Ask more often what your son or daughter wants, allow them to make their own choices, and help bring ideas to life. This gives you a chance to believe in yourself and grow into a self-confident person in the future.

About the expert

Larisa Anatolyevna Karnatskaya- Psychologist, Associate Professor of the Moscow Socio-Pedagogical Institute, Dove brand expert on self-confidence among teenage girls, member of the Global Advisory Board of the Dove Self-Esteem Foundation. As part of the Dove Self-esteem "For True Beauty" program, professional psychologists and brand experts conduct a series of lessons to increase self-esteem and increase self-confidence. In 2016, the geography of classes will expand, and this time they will be held in 39 cities of Russia.

As a child and family psychologist, I am often approached by adults who cannot build their lives the way they want.

- They feel embarrassed when they are complimented and justified: "C'mon, nothing like that".
- They are embarrassed to once again express their opinion and are silent, although they have something to say.
– They cannot stand up for themselves and protect their interests when they are treated unfairly.
- They allow themselves to be offended, and sometimes even humiliated.
- Can't speak "Not".
– They cannot ask for help and do not care about their mental and physical health.

And do you know what is the reason? In their low self-esteem!
After all, if a person is unsure of himself, it is easy to manage and manipulate him, to use him in his own interests.

It is known that the attitude towards oneself is formed in childhood and then, in adulthood, it is quite difficult to change it.

What do children often think about themselves?

For 20 years of practical work, I had to work with children of different ages and with completely different problems. In this work, it is always important to know what the child's attitude towards himself is: what he thinks about himself, how he perceives himself.

Here is a typical dialogue:

Tell me about yourself, what is your personality?
- Sloppy.
- And what else?
- I do not know.
- And if you think more?
- Inattentive.
- And what else?
- Stubborn, stupid.
– What do you like about yourself? What are you?
– Normal. Don't know.

A sad conversation ... It is easier for a child to talk badly about himself than well!

“Dumb, slob, inattentive, stupid, lazy, fool, fighter, you only cause problems, you are not capable of anything”- the child constantly hears these words addressed to him from adults and begins to believe in them himself: ((

I recommend that parents pay great attention to the self-esteem of the child - this is the key to his psychological and mental health now and in the future

5 Reasons Your Child Has Low Self-Esteem

Some words and actions of parents can have a very negative impact on a child's self-esteem.

1. Unconstructive criticism of the child

This is when parents only talk about his shortcomings, not noticing what he did well. And also, if they do not explain HOW specifically the child can correct and improve their result / work, etc.

2. "Look how Vasya did well"

Do not set the child as an example of other children! This does not motivate him at all, but only offends and makes him doubt your love.

3. Overprotective

Do not do for the child what he can already do for himself and do not interfere unnecessarily when he is trying to master something on his own.
Being overprotective and controlling makes children feel like they can't do anything and shouldn't even try.

4. Public remarks

If you want to reprimand a child, do it privately, without witnesses. There is no need to shame and criticize him “in public” - this is humiliating and “hit” hard on his self-esteem.

5. Pay attention to label words

Labels are sometimes “sticky” to a child in a family: “Caprizulya”, “Roar-Koreva”, “Cry-baby”, “Angry”, “Brawler”, “Slob”, etc.
All of them negatively affect the child's self-esteem and have undesirable long-term consequences.

How to tell if your child has low self-esteem

Read the phrases that suggest that the child has low self-esteem and is NOT confident in himself:

• I still can't do anything.
• It's useless.
• I won't even try.
• I'm afraid to do something wrong.
• Let others decide.
• What difference does it make what I think.
• I am worse than others.
• I'm not pretty / I'm not smart / I'm not interesting.
• I'm ugly / I'm stupid / I'm stupid ...

Here are some other situations that show that the child lacks confidence in himself and his abilities:

• Doesn't know how to lose, "crazes" when others win.
• Quickly abandons undertakings.
• Cries if something doesn't work out for him;
• Afraid and unwilling to try new things.
• He is very worried about mistakes, reproaches himself.
• Shy and shy when communicating with adults or children.

If you recognize your child in these examples, it will be useful for you to attend my webinar

Simple Ways to Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem

The child forms an opinion about himself and his self-esteem, relying on what mom and dad say about him.

It is important that he hears not only comments and criticism, but also other, positive words addressed to him.

Examples of positive messages to a child:

1. Tell him adjectives that describe the strengths of his character:

2. Periodically tell your child just like that, for no reason, words expressing unconditional acceptance:

“I love you”, “I am happy that I have you”, “You are wonderful, “We have been waiting for you for so long”, “I understand you”, “I am so glad to see you”, etc.;

3. Say thanks to him:

“I thank you for…”, “Thank you for…”;

4. Praise by naming specific actions of the child:

“It’s nice that you cleaned up after yourself”, “Well done, that you yourself collected a briefcase without reminders”, “I see that you dressed yourself, well done.”

It would seem - such simple simple things, right?

But many adults forget about it ((

Why does a child have good self-esteem?

Good, adequate self-esteem is important for a child to:

- Learn new things
- Communicate with peers;
- Be successful in school
- protect yourself;
— Defend your rights and interests;
- Build relationships with the opposite sex when you grow up;
- Choose your favorite thing to do.

After the webinar you will know:

– How to raise a child as a self-confident person with good, adequate self-esteem;
How to teach not to give up in the face of difficulties;
– How to help him to believe in his strengths and abilities;

– How to teach how to lose and not “go crazy” because of a loss;
– How to boldly take on new things and learn from mistakes, and not be afraid of them;
– Be persistent, purposeful and maximize your potential.

The material is suitable for parents of children of ALL ages. You will find many practical recommendations that you can.