Would you agree to marry a believing girl? How to get married according to the will of God

15.05.2019

PhD in Theology

The book by E. Bogushcheva "Already Married ..." was published by the Blago publishing house in 2002, but the controversy around this publication is still ongoing. The reason is that the problem - to marry or not to marry an unbeliever - is very acute and relevant for many of our Orthodox contemporaries. Is there an unequivocal opinion of the Church and the holy fathers regarding such marriages? Priest Daniil Sysoev, Ph.D. in Theology, shares his thoughts on the brochure "Already in Marriage ..."

The revival of the Church after persecution gave rise to a number of problems not only of a spiritual, but also of a practical nature. It is a fact that many more young women than men came to the temples, and therefore the question of whom to marry has become acute. It is not surprising, therefore, that a book that answers the question: "Should I marry an unbeliever?" aroused genuine interest among female readers and readers. But, nevertheless, the quite unconventional approach to such an important issue presented in this work is surprising. We will try to analyze this work from the point of view of patristic theology and canon law.

So, the plot of this work is that a certain young lady fell in love with an unbeliever (who is endowed with all conceivable virtues) and really wants to marry him, motivating this by the fact that from childhood all girls strive to become a wife and mother. Tormented by doubts, and not knowing what to do, she turns to her confessor with the question: "Is it possible to marry your beloved, and will it not be fornication?" The whole book consists of a lengthy answer of the confessor, from which it becomes clear that this union will not be any sin, and even more so, fornication, for, firstly, the Apostle Paul allowed Christians to marry an unbeliever, and secondly, if this the union will be based on chaste love, it is a gracious and even an image of the union of Christ and the Church. For a long time, the confessor talks about what love is, by which he means a certain feeling, emotion, and claims that it is quite possible in such a kind of "marriage". He emphasizes that the wedding in itself is not a guarantee of the strength of the family (especially since now the occult attitude towards this Sacrament often prevails), and says that even a spouse should not lead to divorce, but only to the manifestation of patience in the believer. Having listened to the priest, the young lady, elated, comes home, enters into a "marriage" with an atheist, convinced that her act is quite good, and only after the painting does she tell her bewildered husband about her faith. They have an almost ideal family, but the young wife, taught by her confessor, only prays for the conversion of her “husband,” because he is not interested in talking about this topic.

This is such a wonderful role model that the publishers of this brochure offer us! But, unfortunately, the reality that the priest has to face is sharply different from the described idyll. Most often, wives and husbands who have entered into such cohabitation very quickly become secularized, zeal for salvation is replaced by opportunism, and often outright apostasy occurs. How many girls have already converted to Islam, having married a Muslim, but we practically do not know the opposite examples! Instead of Sunday services, such spouses start going to theaters and fashionable "parties", just to please their "half". Children of such parents grow up cynics who do not believe in anything. Which, however, is understandable, because a living example of hypocrisy is before their eyes! Do not think that this is only the result of the present depraved time. The same was the case with the Russian nobles, who gave their children for noble heretics, as a result of which a generation of bazaars grew up. The same was the case in the countries of Islam, where girls who were forcibly taken into the harem gave birth to janissaries who killed their fellow tribesmen. The same thing was noticed back in the 3rd century by the UMF. when he wrote in his book "On the Fallen" that the reason for the large number of apostates was that "they enter into marital alliances with infidels; the members of Christ offer to the Gentiles. "

So why is this happening? Is the Orthodox faith weaker than unbelief or some kind of false religion, if a marriage concluded with an infidel leads to such deplorable results? The answer is that God does not help those who directly violate His will.

If we look at the Holy Scriptures, we will see that practically throughout the entire sacred history, God warns against mixing up people faithful to Him with those who do not do His will. Already at the dawn of the world, the greatest catastrophe of the Flood occurred, caused by the fact that “the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were beautiful, and took them as their wives, whatever they chose. And the Lord God said, My Spirit will not forever be despised by these men; because they are flesh "(). The traditional interpretation says that the sons of God are the descendants of Seth, faithful to the Lord, and the daughters of men are Cainites, and the mixing of these two genera led to the destruction of the ancient world. Remembering this terrible event, St. Abraham made his servant swear to God that he would not take Isaac a wife from the daughters of Canaan (). Likewise, one of the reasons for Esau's rejection was that he took Hittite women as his wives. “And it was a burden to Isaac and Rebekah” (), so the latter said that she “was not happy with life because of the Hittite daughters” (). The law of God fixed this norm in writing: “Do not take from the daughters of their wives to your sons and your daughters, do not give them in marriage, so that their daughters, having fornicated after their gods, would not lead your sons into wandering after their gods” () And “then they will be inflamed the wrath of the Lord is on you, and He will soon consume you ”(). And, indeed, this threat overtook those who violated the covenant of the Lord. Starting with the terrible defeat in Baal Fegor, when only the blow of Phinehas's spear ended the defeat, which killed 24,000 people (), and during the reign of the judges, when Samson died because of the Philistine Delilah (), and until the terrible fall of the wisest king Solomon, whose heart was corrupted by his wives (), the struggle continues for the fulfillment of this commandment. And God immediately punished those who violated His command. Moreover, this commandment was in no way connected with the idea of the purity of blood. Rahab the harlot, Zipporah the wife of Moses, Ruth the Moabite, who abandoned their false gods, entered the people of God. This commandment became especially important for Sts. Ezra and Nehemiah, who fought the mixing of the chosen people with foreigners (;). The Word of God calls mixed marriages "a great evil, a sin before God" (), "an iniquity that exceeds the head, and a guilt that has grown to heaven" (). Prophet. Malachi proclaims: “Judah acts treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judas humbled the holy thing of the Lord, which he loved, and married the daughter of a strange god. From the one who does this, the Lord will destroy from the tents of Jacob who is on guard and who answers and sacrifices to the Lord of hosts ”(). Is it not in fulfillment of this curse of God that the children of such criminals and criminals become atheists, and often perish?

When the New Testament came and the law of Moses was surpassed by the grace of the gospel, nevertheless this command of the Lord remained in force. The Apostolic Council in Jerusalem commanded the Gentile converts to refrain from fornication (), by which the interpreters mean the effectiveness of all marriage prohibitions in the Old Testament for Christians. Further, the Apostle Paul, allowing his wife to marry a second time, adds “only in the Lord” (). For Christians, it was always obvious that it was impossible to marry unbelievers, and this was strictly followed, despite the fact that the Christian communities were very small. So shmch. writes: “Tell my sisters to love the Lord and be pleased with their husbands in flesh and spirit. In the same way, instruct my brothers in the name of Jesus Christ to "love their wives as the Lord Jesus Christ loves" ... It is good for men and women who marry to do this with the blessing of the bishop, so that the marriage is according to the Lord, and not according to lust. " The other holy fathers thought the same way. For example, saint. says: "if marriage itself is to be sanctified with a cover and a priestly blessing: then how can there be marriage where there is no consent of faith." This teaching is directly expressed by the Orthodox Church through the lips of the Ecumenical Councils. Rule 14 of the IV Ecumenical Council impose penance on those readers and singers who marry other believers or send their children into such a marriage. In accordance with the interpretation of Bishop. punishment is deposition. Even more vividly and without the possibility of any reinterpretation, the attitude of the Church to this issue is set forth in Canon 72 of the VI Ecumenical Council. It reads: “It is not worthy for an Orthodox husband with a heretical marriage to mate, nor for an Orthodox wife to marry a heretic husband. If, however, there will be something like that, done by someone: consider marriage unsteady, and dissolve illegal living. For it is not proper to mix the immiscible, below the copulation with the sheep of the wolf, and with the part of Christ the lot of sinners. If anyone transgresses what we have decided, let him be excommunicated. But even if some, while still in unbelief, and not being numbered among the Orthodox herd, were combined with one another by lawful marriage: then one of them, choosing the good, resorted to the light of truth, and the other remained in the chains of delusion, not wanting to gaze at the divine rays, and if, moreover, an unfaithful wife desires to cohabit with a faithful husband, or, on the contrary, an unfaithful husband with a faithful wife: then let not be parted, according to the divine apostle: blessed be the unfaithful husband about his wife, and blessed the unfaithful woman about the faithful husband (). " After such an obvious expression of the frank teaching of the Church (and besides this, the following canons also read on this matter: Carp. 21 (30); Laod. 10, 31), the position of the author of the book being analyzed simply outrages. If it is true that such views are held by her confessor, then, in accordance with 1 rule of the VII Ecumenical Council, he should be defrocked.

But now is the time to move on to an analysis of the arguments put forward in defense of the possibility of this lawless coexistence. So, to the question of his spiritual daughter whether her marriage will be fornication, the confessor answers: “No, not at all. respects a marriage in which only one of the spouses belongs to the Orthodox faith, for St. ap. Paul: “An unbelieving husband is sanctified by a believing wife, and an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband” (), and further: “For why do you know a wife. Will you save your husband, or why do you know your husband, will you save your wife? " (). After all, you remember what the Lord said: husband and wife are one flesh. So it was from ancient times, and so it is now - a marriage between a believer and an unbelieving spouse is not considered by the Church to be a prodigal cohabitation ”(pp. 9-10). This is the most common argument put forward in defense of marriage with infidels. Moreover, it is not new. It was put forward even in the II century by those who tried to refuse to fulfill the words of the Lord. Here is how he answers it: "It is absolutely clear that this text means those Christians who believed, already married, which is proved by the words:" if any brother is married to an unbeliever. " He does not say, "He took an unbeliever to wife." He wants to say that married to an unbeliever and just converted himself, he should stay with his wife; in other words, new converts should not feel obligated to part with wives who have become alien to them in the faith. He even adds justification, saying that “the Lord has called us in the world” and that “the believer can save the unbeliever through marriage” (). Finally, this interpretation is confirmed by the ending: “whoever has been called by the Lord, let him remain so (). And they call, I suppose, pagans, not Christians. If he were talking about those who became Christians before marriage, he would have allowed the latter to marry anyone, but his following words would contradict this: “The wife after the death of her husband is free, and can marry whoever she wants, but only a Christian (). The meaning of these words leaves no doubt: so that we do not abuse the words "let him marry whoever he wants," he adds: "only for a Christian" ... This is the only condition that he puts forward. “Only for the Christian,” he says, and the word “only” gives great power to the law, making it absolutely obligatory. This word commands and convinces, commands and exhorts, obliges and threatens. The apostle's opinion is as clear as it is eloquent in its brevity, as is any Divine word requiring obedience. " Thus, the analysis of this sacred text, so brilliantly carried out by the famous apologist, shows how far-fetched this argument is.

If we turn to the interpretation of the fathers (and the 19th rule of the VI Ecumenical Council prohibits understanding Scripture in spite of the saints), we will see that their consensual opinion confirms the understanding of this sacred text as referring only to those married couples where one of spouses converted to Christ after marriage. I will give only one interpretation of the Holy Father, so as not to be unfounded. Blessed. writes in the interpretation to this place: “The considered commandment of the apostle refers only to the case if the husband and wife were united by marriage, when both were still in unbelief, but after that one or the other side turned to faith. For if before only one husband was unfaithful, or only one wife; then the faithful half was not at all allowed to marry the unfaithful one: this is evident from the words of the apostle; for he did not say: if anyone wishes to take the unfaithful one, but if anyone has it. Again, he does not simply prescribe to live with the faithful half with the unfaithful, but only if the latter wishes it; for it means "favors," that is, if he wishes. " A similar thought is expressed by blessed. Theodorite of Kirr, who says: "Marry the faithful, pious, chaste, lawful." And as we have already seen above, it is precisely this interpretation that the Church herself expressed through the mouth of Canon 72 of the VI Ecumenical Council. And who after that would dare to refute the teaching expressed by such a great authority?

But the author of this book does not stop even after such a manipulation. The hero of this brochure claims that "in accordance with the ancient canonical prescriptions, the Church today does not sanctify marriages between Orthodox and non-Christians by wedding, at the same time recognizing them as legitimate and not counting spouses in such a marriage who are in prodigal cohabitation" ( p. 11). What the ancient canons actually say, we have already seen above, but here it is worth citing the rules that operated in the Russian Church before the revolution. Contrary to the author's opinion, "marriage with non-Christians is completely prohibited for Russian subjects of the Orthodox confession," and such marriage was not recognized as "legal and valid." Consequently, the children were recognized as illegitimate, had no rights to inheritance and title, and the relationship itself was recognized as adulterous, and therefore a Christian who entered into it, even at that time, was supposed to be excommunicated from Communion for 4 years. In the same case, when one of the non-believing spouses converted to Christianity, from the one who remained outside the Church, a subscription was immediately taken that the children who would be born to them after that would be baptized in the Orthodox Church, and the non-believer would not be in any way lead them to their faith, and his faithful half will not be deprived of monogamous cohabitation throughout her life and will not force her to return to her former delusion. If the unfaithful spouse gave such a signature and followed it, then the marriage was recognized as legal, but if a refusal or violation of these obligations followed, then the marriage was immediately dissolved, and the convert had the right to a new marriage with an Orthodox Christian. Great dogmatists of the 19th century, such as Met. they also considered it impossible to marry a faithful with a Gentile. Thus, the author of this work is a real modernist and renovator, rejecting both the canons, and the Scriptures, and the fathers, and the tradition of our Church.

But let's look at other absurdities in this essay. We do this not only because of the large circulation (15,000) of this opus in our times, but also because in the minds of many there are similar distortions in the understanding of the Holy Tradition, the essence of which we will talk about at the end of our work.

The “confessor” asserts that there may be difficulties in a marriage with a heretic, but this is quite acceptable, since that's how often it happened in history. Indeed, it happened so, but the canons (Carp. 21 (30); Laod. 10, 31) consider it unacceptable. And this practice has always been considered a manifestation of (most often unjustified) economy. But the wildest opinion of the author is that marriage with a representative of another religion (Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism) is permissible, although this is much more complicated than with heretics. “It’s good if the question of renouncing Christ does not arise,” says the “shepherd,” “and the spouses will be wise enough to respect each other's religious views. It is no secret that the subject of faith often becomes a pretext for ridicule, conflicts and aggression on the part of a husband or wife who profess different religions, becomes the cause of many disputes on the topic of who believes “more correctly” and whose faith is more salvific ”(p. 12). Here, every word is a delightful pearl of apostasy! What does it turn out, a wife who reads in the Psalter (): “All Bozi's language is the essence of demons”, will begin to respect the faith of her, if I may say so, “husband” bowing to these same demons? The one who glorifies the martyrs in the temple will at home approve of what the martyrs fought against? Would he treat jihad with "wise respect", or the worship of wooden and stone idols? This "father" will probably severely condemn for "intolerance" and biblical prophets, and holy apostles, and saints, and martyrs who burned temples and condemned the abomination of worshiping false gods! It is shocking that the author quotes the expression "more correct" and considers it senseless to argue about which religion is more salvific. It turns out that for this would-be shepherd, as for many of our contemporaries, "all the saints are good for the salvation of the soul!" No one will ever be saved without Christ and His Church, and therefore, if a wife loves her husband (in that case, of course, if the marriage took place before her conversion), then she should take care that he is convinced of this most important truth. Of course, it does not follow from this that the house of a convert (or a new convert) should resemble a branch of the Duma and be filled with constant disputes, but, on the other hand, the unbelieving spouse should know that his faith is not at all approved by the Orthodox, but, on the contrary, is considered a delusion. and only wait "with clenched teeth." If it comes to a choice between God and a husband, contrary to the opinion of the "confessor", there can be no talk of patience (and the words of the Apostle (;) do not at all refer to the Gentiles), but a divorce is necessary. As St. : “If an unfaithful husband does not want to live with a faithful wife, but invites her to either return to the previous wickedness, or leave him, then it is obvious that he should leave such a husband; for one should not even think about changing the faith, and to remain with the husband with the faith, in spite of him, would mean deliberately introducing discord and quarrels into the family. So, he says: for the sake of peace, forsake such husbands and wives; in this case you are free from the yoke of marriage, you are not part-time workers for him. " Chrysostom also says: “if the unbeliever commands you to make sacrifices and participate in his wickedness by the right of marriage, or to leave it, then it is better to leave marriage than piety. If the unbeliever insults and quarrels every day, then it is better to part. " And again this "priest" teaches contrary to the Fathers!

Even more touching is the attempt to substantiate the "grace" of this coexistence. The “shepherd” says to his unfortunate “sheep”: “If you decide to unite your fate with an unbelieving person, then through you, through your prayers, godly deeds and virtuous deeds, you will, I hope, be able to acquire grace for your family” (p.16) ... Thus, we are encouraged to accept the purely Pelagian doctrine that grace is attained by one's own efforts. But, as the canons of the Carthaginian Council say, without the help of grace it is absolutely impossible to fulfill any commandments (127 Ave.), and it gives us both strength and love for fulfilling the commandments (126 Ave.), and the one who rejects this is anathema. Therefore, all attempts to earn grace on their own are senseless, and whoever hopes for this is a heretic. God not only cleanses us from sin Himself and shows the beauty of virtue, but He Himself does good together with us by His own power. All the same, attempts to “earn” grace are a return to the law and a rejection of Christ (;). God has given us sources of grace - these are the Holy Sacraments, one of which is the Wedding, but the author understands that in her case this is impossible, and therefore her “confessor” is forced to resort to self-made sources, about which Revelation says nothing. And the words of the prophet were fulfilled over them: "My people have done two evils: They have left me, the fountain of living water, and hewed out broken cisterns for themselves, which cannot hold water" (). We have already examined the first of them - this is an attempt to replace the Sacrament of God with human deeds. Here we digress a little aside, and notice the author's strange tendency in all possible ways to diminish the significance of the Sacrament of Marriage. This is also an indication that the occult approach to the sacrament is unacceptable (pp. 13-14), that guile when answering the question: "Do you love him (her)" is unacceptable during the sacrament? (p. 16). By the way, the ritual of the Wedding does not contain such a question, and there is a deep reason for this, which we will talk about a little later. At the same time, the priest did not say a word about the fact that the wedding gives "the grace of pure unanimity, blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children" (Holy Catechism). For him, the only thing that distinguishes a crowned marriage from an unmarried one is only the fact that Christ is his witness (p. 15). The blessed powers given in this sacred rite are only briefly mentioned at the very end (p. 52). And this is not surprising, because then the whole Pelagian picture of replacing grace with one's own efforts, set out in this work, would have collapsed. There is a completely heretical tendency to reject the sacramental nature of this Sacrament, which brings the author closer to Roman Catholics, who also believe that the spouses themselves are the perpetrators of marriage, and the priest is only a witness of its canonicity.

But, realizing that such an approach would leave his ward in a state of uncertainty about the grace of her union, the “confessor” invents a second sign of the presence of grace (or a way of receiving it): “And besides, if your union is based on chaste love, then how can you say that he is extra-gracious? For what is love if not the blessing of God sent to man and woman? " (p. 16). So, the criterion of grace is the presence of chaste love. Yes, indeed holy. writes: "God Himself sows love in husbands and wives." But how He does it, and what “Love” is, in this the views of the Church and the author differ. The first believes, together with Chrysostom, that in the sacrament “the love of the groom will increase and the chastity of the bride will be preserved, the virtues will enter the house and the devil's deceit will be driven out, so that the spouses united by the grace of God lead a pleasant life”, and the second believes that in itself “chaste love ”Is a guarantee of the presence of grace. But already in the "Orthodox Confession" it is said that mutual "consent will not be enough for entering into a true marriage, if they themselves do not testify to the priest of their mutual promise." And precisely because in the Wedding, true love is given, they do not ask about it before the Sacrament, otherwise it would turn out that all those who entered into Marriage for obedience to their parents were in fact deprived of the opportunity to build a Christian family.

That is why it is wild for us to say that "the apostle insisted that the marriage union (even half non-Christian), the union of a husband and wife, is a symbol of the union of Christ and the Church" (p. 18). The words of the Epistle to Ephesians (5, 22-32), to which the author refers, are obviously addressed to Christians (after all, verse 32 directly calls this union a sacrament, and the content itself, addressed equally to husbands and wives, shows that it is only about Christian families). It is surprising how an unchrist can love his wife “how did Christ love the Church? () "All these statements are possible only with an incorrect understanding of the very concept of" love ". It is no longer necessary to say that here again the uniqueness of the sacrament of the Wedding is rejected, in which "the conjugal union is blessed in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church."

But what is “chaste love”, which, according to the author, can replace the grace of a wedding? And here we come to the most important mistake inherent in both E. Bogusheva and very many Orthodox Christians. From her point of view, love is a special feeling (p. 33). Here we see the influence of love stories and, in general, classical literature on our consciousness. For the Bible and for the holy fathers, this is a state of will, and therefore it can be a commandment. So the "Orthodox Confession" says that "love contains the Divine Decalogue", and the Catechism asserts that "true love naturally manifests itself through good deeds." Rev. says that “love in its quality is likeness to God, as much as people can achieve; in its action, it is the ecstasy of the soul; and by nature it is a source of faith, an abyss of longsuffering, a sea of humility. Love, in fact, is the deposition of all contrary thoughts, for any one does not think evil. Love, dispassion and filial disposition differ from each other only by names. " Thus, it is obvious for Christians that true love is impossible without the Orthodox faith. For, as the same reverend writes, “in my understanding, faith is like a ray, hope is like light, and love is like the circle of the sun. Yet they are one radiance and one lordship. " Thus, for us it is absurd to think that "chaste love" can give grace to a knowingly forbidden union, because there simply will not be such a thing between "spouses". For us, the very possibility of passionless love seems completely inconceivable where the lover does not believe in God. All these feelings, called love, are, according to the Ladder, the so-called. "Natural love" inherent, including, and animals. This state is not gracious, and therefore "fornication is mixed with it, as sometimes we see lice lurking in the dove." It is impossible to build a Christian family on this feeling, and it does not lead a person to holiness.

Thus, after examining the book "Already in Marriage," we see that its main idea - the possibility of a Christian to marry an unbeliever, directly contradicts the teaching of the Church, based on Divine Revelation. Those who listen to the author of this composition and violate the command of the Lord will commit a grave sin and risk falling away from the Church. Their union will not be legal marriage, but adultery. In this work, we also see a radical revision of Orthodox morality, hidden under the beautiful words about love.

But the question arises: "What is the reason for such a terrible distortion of faith, which, as mentioned above, is characteristic not only of this book, but also of the consciousness of many Orthodox Christians?" The answer is the word "peacefulness." Modern people, even when they come to the Church, do not want to truly change their consciousness. They do not want to truly repent (“for“ repentance ”in the biblical sense is a change of mind). They need to be both Orthodox and their own for this world at the same time. People really do not want to make this choice, and there is a desire to "sanctify everything." Thus, new virtues arise, unknown to St. fathers (such as "tolerance for delusion"). And the old terms take on a completely new meaning (eg love, marriage). And there are ideas that non-church people can be “good, kind,” and therefore, in general, they do not particularly need Christianity. This is something desirable but optional. Moreover, the life goals of both are often identical - this is the search for comfort at any cost, and the deification of culture. And even the same attitude towards childbirth. Is it not known that for so many imaginary "Christians" the news of pregnancy is perceived almost as an oncological diagnosis. And despite the fact that they go to church and at every service they hear the commemoration of "the Godfather Joachim and Anna", in reality their main god will be comfort and money. So is it really surprising, given such a similarity of worldviews, the desire to become completely your own for the atheists? How often do people say: “Well, you can't be such a fanatic in our time ?! (As if time means something in the life of one who serves the eternal Lord?) You cannot be a “black sheep”. It is not humble, not Christian. Do not condemn the actions of other people. We must accept everyone as they are, and not show our superiority in anything. (For this, even the special term "triumphalism" was invented). We must be more tolerant. And you yourself should try not to offend with your behavior. We must try to be like everyone else, otherwise we will alienate people from the Church (however, then it’s not clear why anyone should be called in It at all, if She must fully identify with civilization?) ”. Here it is worth breaking all the rules of political correctness and quoting the words of ap. Jacob: “Adulters and adulterers! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity against God? So, whoever wants to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think that it is in vain that Scripture says: "The spirit that dwells in us loves to jealousy?" ()

And behind this is the lack of consciousness of his fall and the monstrous abyss of evil that has taken over this world. Therefore, such people do not see the need for salvation, which only the Creator can accomplish. Only when a person feels the strong hand of God on himself, he realizes what an abyss separates the members of the Church from the best gentiles and atheists. Indeed, according to the just word of Chrysostom, the unfaithful “is alien to the faithful. He does not have the same head with him, not the same father, not the same city, not food, not clothes, not a house; but they all are separate. One has everything on earth, the other - in heaven. This one has Christ the king; that one has sin and the devil. This food has Christ; that one has rot and decay. And the clothes of this one are the Lord of the angels; in that - the case of worms. This city has the sky; that one has land. And if we have nothing in common with the infidels, then tell me, in what way can we have communication with them? Did we also happen through the same birth pains and come from the same womb? But this is not enough for the closest relationship. So, let's try to become citizens of the mountain city. " And he sees that true love will never only allow the members of the body of Christ to be given up for reproach to the unbeliever, but also will never accept the fact that people live far from the Creator. A person who has tasted her life-giving streams will never calm down, seeing that the one with whom he lives is hostile against our God. Only the one who is called by That Love, which moves the sun and the luminaries, can overcome the petrification of someone else's heart, but the first condition of this is the fulfillment of the command: “Get out of their midst and separate yourself, says the Lord, and do not touch the unclean; and I will receive you "(). Those who are called to be married, get out of the pagan life, remaining in bodily union, if the unfaithful does not blaspheme the faith; whether you are called celibate - or be a virgin, or marry an Orthodox Christian; whether you have fallen into fornication, get up, reject the lawless coexistence, or make it, through mutual Repentance and Wedding, legal. And then you will be able to become partakers of that Love that leads to Himself, and the merciful Creator Himself will teach you and give you eternal salvation, and a Christian family on Earth and everything necessary for life and piety.

Publishing house of the temple of the prophet Daniel on Kantemirovskaya, 2007

Good afternoon, our dear visitors!

Every girl dreams of getting married. Some are obsessed with this idea, others are quietly waiting. The question is, does a girl need to worry about not being married? And is it worth getting married just for show?

You and I live in society, among people. Therefore, one way or another, but we become unwitting witnesses to different women's destinies. One way or another, but we communicate with women and see the development of their destinies, be it: our sisters, close and distant relatives, work colleagues, classmates, classmates, or just acquaintances strangers.

The Lord endowed man with a mind, and it is sinful not to use it. Therefore, any vital issues should be approached wisely and judiciously.

In the old days there was no such thing as divorce. And not at all because in the old days the spouses loved each other so much, but because they approached marriage with all responsibility, realizing that they would have to live their whole lives with their future husband. It doesn't matter if he drinks or hits you; whether he will be a poor man or just a failure; whether you will love him or not.

Marriage, in those days, was perceived as the will of God, to which one should obey, for in that submission there is salvation and eternal life. Accordingly, the girls did not look for suitors for themselves, but prayed to God that He Himself would send them that groom with whom they would find true family happiness for themselves.

There were no divorces in those distant times also because in difficult life situations wives always turned to God for help, and the Lord certainly helped them, gave them patience and strength to endure certain life hardships and troubles encountered in family life.

It is in our time that they have forgotten about God, and if something in family life is not to a woman's liking, then she immediately files for divorce. But if she would ask God for help, sincerely, relentlessly, with humility and contrition, then the Lord would certainly give her the strength to survive this or that difficult life circumstance.

The Lord is always with us, always ready to help us, you just need to want to accept His Divine help, open your heart to Him, entrust your life to Him.

And if you want the Lord to keep you on all the paths of your life, to protect you, to give you strength and patience, strength and courage, then you should entrust your life to God as early as possible, even before your marriage, that is, to give God the opportunity to give you the bridegroom with whom you will live in God's blessed union and inherit eternal life!

This is the guarantee of family happiness - to build your future life together with God, for the sake of God and for God.

Repeatedly we become witnesses of how girls, obsessed with the desire to get married as soon as possible - do get married - to the first person they meet, for show, to brag to their friends, and for fear of being left alone.

In most cases, such a marriage lasts no more than two to three years. Then - a divorce. And then - the lonely life of a "stale" lonely woman, which no one looks at anymore. Is it worth whipping a fever over two or three years of family life?

Our holy Church gives every girl the opportunity to pray for the granting of family happiness, it is called so: "The Maiden's Prayer for an Honest Marriage." And every girl who wants to become a faithful wife and caring mother should read this prayer every day.

And the Lord, through sincere and unrelenting prayer, will surely give the girl a good groom, who, in consequence, will become a kind family man and an exemplary father. The only secret is that it is advisable not to have someone specifically in mind, for example, say, I want Vasya or Petya. And you only need to want the one whom God will give, relying in everything on the will of God.

Many girls worry that they don't even have a place to meet a young man, since they themselves don't go anywhere - and it doesn't matter! There is a known case where young people just met on the subway, began to meet, and then created a strong Orthodox family.

Many Orthodox girls lead a modest lifestyle, and from this they worry that they simply have nowhere to meet their future potential husband - but what about the Temple? Again, the case is well-known when a girl and a young man met in the Temple: after the evening service, the young man invited the girl to take her home - and this was how an acquaintance began, and then a happy marriage, a consecrated blessing from God. After all, not only one main thing is to get to know someone as soon as possible, but the main thing is where to get acquainted!

When a girl relies on the will of God in everything, the groom will find her everywhere, for the Lord will show him where his future wife is. I also remember a case when a seminarian was looking for a kind Orthodox girl to create a strong family. He prayed daily and often went to the holy relics venerated in his city, asking the saint's prayers in search of his future wife.

Approaching the relics themselves, he caught up with one girl standing next to him in line, and also praying before the holy relics of the saint of God that he would help her, a simple modest girl who wants to marry according to the will of the Lord, to find quiet family happiness. So they met, next to the relics of the saint. And very soon, after their first meeting, they got married.

So the Lord gives us happiness if we ask Him for it! The only thing that a girl who has a desire to get married needs to do is to pray daily a prayer diligent to the Lord for the granting of a pious spouse to her. And wherever she is, whatever she does, her future husband will definitely find her!

Let's remember the Old Testament righteous women: Rachel, whom Jacob met while still approaching Haran, at the well where Rachel brought the sheep to water; or the Old Testament Ruth, who, because of the feeling of hunger, once went to his fields to gather ears.

They found a family hearth by the will of God, for they did not specifically look for suitors for themselves - well, not in smart clothes, they watered the sheep or gathered ears!

This is how you and I do not know and do not know when a fateful meeting will take place with us. But, as experience shows, exactly at that moment when we least of all hope for a miracle - it is then that it happens to us!

The girl's prayer for an honest marriage

O All-good Lord, I know that my great happiness depends on my love for You with all my soul and with all my heart and that I fulfill Your holy will in everything. So rule, O my God, my soul and fill my heart: I want to please You alone, for You are the Creator and my God. Save me from pride and pride: let reason, modesty and chastity adorn me. Idleness is disgusting to You and gives rise to vices, give me the desire for hard work and bless my labors. Your law commands people to live in an honest marriage, bring me, Holy Father, to this title consecrated by You, not to please my desire, but to fulfill Your destiny, for You Yourself said: It is not good for a man to be alone and, having created a wife for him as a helper, blessed them to grow, multiply and populate the earth. Hear my humble prayer, which is sent to You from the depths of a girl's heart: give me an honest and pious spouse, so that in love with him and in harmony we glorify You, the merciful God the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and forever and ever. Amen.

Discussion: 4 comments

And what about the Greek Catholic guy?
I met a good young man, at first I saw a cross, I decided to myself that I was Orthodox. As it turned out later, he was a Greek Catholic.
And another question, do the Masons pose a danger to us?

To answer

Hello, Natalia!
Confessions are a serious problem in relationships. Therefore, assess your spiritual strength, how much you can cope with all the difficulties that will surely stand in your way. This is also associated with a visit to the temple, wedding, baptism of children. The spouses should have only one faith. Therefore, before marriage, decide this issue with him.
Freemasons, to put it mildly, dislike Christians. But a person with sincere faith and firm trust in the will of God should not be afraid of any of their influence. With God!

To answer

What should be done in the case of a young man and is there a special prayer for the gift of a spouse?

To answer

Prayer of a young man for the granting of a godly bride.
Prayer to Archangel Raphael.
“O holy great Archangel Raphael, stand before the throne of God! You, by grace from the almighty physician of our souls and bodies, given to you, the righteous husband Tobit, you healed from bodily blindness, and you saved his son Tobias, traveling with him, from the evil of the spirit. I earnestly pray to you, wake me a guide in my life, save enemies from all visible and invisible, heal my mental and physical illnesses, direct my life to repentance in sins and to the creation of good deeds. O great holy Raphael the Archangel! hear me (name), a sinner praying to you, and grant in this and future life to thank and praise our common Creator for the endless ages of the ages. "

To answer

So, the plot of this work is that a certain young lady fell in love with an unbeliever (who is endowed with all conceivable virtues) and really wants to marry him, motivating this by the fact that from childhood all girls strive to become a wife and mother. Tormented by doubts, and not knowing what to do, she turns to her confessor with the question: "Is it possible to marry your beloved, and will it not be fornication?" The whole book consists of a lengthy answer of the confessor, from which it becomes clear that this union will not be any sin, and even more so, fornication, for, firstly, the Apostle Paul allowed Christians to marry an unbeliever, and secondly, if this the union will be based on chaste love, it is a gracious and even an image of the union of Christ and the Church. For a long time, the confessor talks about what love is, according to which he implies a certain feeling, emotion, and claims that it is quite possible in such a kind of "marriage". He emphasizes that the wedding in itself is not a guarantee of the strength of the family (especially since now the occult attitude towards this Sacrament often prevails), and says that even the blasphemy of the spouse should not lead to divorce, but only to the manifestation of patience in the believer. Having listened to the priest, the young lady, elated, comes home, enters into a "marriage" with an atheist, convinced that her act is quite good, and only after the painting does she inform the bewildered husband of her faith. They have an almost ideal family, but the young wife, taught by her confessor, only prays for the conversion of her "husband", because he is not interested in talking about this topic.

This is such a wonderful role model that the publishers of this brochure offer us! But, unfortunately, the reality that the priest has to face is sharply different from the described idyll. Most often, wives and husbands who have entered into such cohabitation very quickly become secularized, zeal for salvation is replaced by opportunism, and often outright apostasy occurs. How many girls have already converted to Islam, having married a Muslim, but we practically do not know the opposite examples! Instead of Sunday services, such spouses start going to theaters and fashionable "parties" just to please their "half". Children of such parents grow up cynics who do not believe in anything. Which, however, is understandable, because a living example of hypocrisy is before their eyes! Do not think that this is only the result of the present depraved time. The same was the case with the Russian nobles, who gave their children for noble heretics, as a result of which a generation of bazaars grew up. The same was the case in the countries of Islam, where girls who were forcibly taken into the harem gave birth to janissaries who killed their fellow tribesmen. The same thing was noticed back in the 3rd century by the UMF. Cyprian of Carthage, when in his book "On the Fallen" he wrote that the reason for the large number of apostates was that "they enter into marital alliance with the unbelievers; the members of Christ offer the Gentiles."

If we look at the Holy Scriptures, we will see that practically throughout the entire sacred history, God warns against mixing up people faithful to Him with those who do not do His will. Already at the dawn of the world, the greatest catastrophe of the Flood took place, caused by the fact that “the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were beautiful, and took them as wives, whatever they chose. And the Lord God said: it is not forever for my Spirit to be neglected by these people; because they are flesh "(Genesis 6: 2-3). The traditional interpretation says that the sons of God are the descendants of Seth, faithful to the Lord, and the daughters of men are Cainites, and the mixing of these two genera led to the destruction of the ancient world. Remembering this terrible event, St. Abraham made his servant swear to God that he would not take Isaac a wife from the daughters of Canaan (Gen. 24: 3). Likewise, one of the reasons for Esau's rejection was that he took Hittite women as his wives. "And it was a burden to Isaac and Rebekah" (Gen. 26, 35), so that the latter said that she "was not happy with life because of the Hittite daughters" (Gen. 27, 46). The law of God fixed this norm in writing: "Do not take from the daughters of their wives to your sons and your daughters, do not give them in marriage, so that their daughters, who have committed fornication after their gods, lead your sons into wandering after their gods" (Ex. 34, 16 ) And "then the anger of the Lord will be kindled on you, and He will soon consume you" (Deut. 7, 4). And, indeed, this threat overtook those who violated the covenant of the Lord. Starting with the terrible defeat in Baal Fegor, when only the blow of Phinehas' spear ended the defeat, which killed 24,000 people (Num. 25), and during the reign of the judges, when Samson died because of the Philistine Delilah (Judgment 16), and until the terrible fall of the wisest king Solomon, whose heart was corrupted by his wives (1 Kings 11: 3), the struggle for the fulfillment of this commandment continues. And God immediately punished those who violated His command. Moreover, this commandment was in no way connected with the idea of the purity of blood. Rahab the harlot, Zipporah the wife of Moses, Ruth the Moabite, who abandoned their false gods, entered the people of God. This commandment became especially important for Sts. Ezra and Nehemiah, who fought against the mixing of the chosen people with foreigners (1 Ezra 9-10; Neh.13, 23-29). The Word of God calls mixed marriages "a great evil, a sin before God" (Neh. 13:27), "an iniquity that exceeds the head, and a guilt that has grown to heaven" (1 Ezra 9, 6). Prophet. Malachi proclaims: “Judas acts treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judas humiliated the holy object of the Lord, which he loved, and married the daughter of a strange god. From the one who does this, the Lord will destroy from the tents of Jacob the one vigilant and answering and offering sacrifice to the Lord of hosts "(Mal. 2: 11-12). Is it not in fulfillment of this curse of God that the children of such criminals and criminals become atheists, and do they often die?

When the New Testament came and the law of Moses was surpassed by the grace of the gospel, nevertheless this command of the Lord remained in force. The Apostolic Council in Jerusalem commanded the Gentile converts to refrain from fornication (Acts 15:29), by which the interpreters mean the effectiveness of all the marriage prohibitions of the Old Testament for Christians. Further, the Apostle Paul, allowing his wife to marry a second time, adds “only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39). For Christians, it was always obvious that it was impossible to marry unbelievers, and this was strictly followed, despite the fact that the Christian communities were very small. So shmch. Ignatius the God-bearer writes: "Tell my sisters to love the Lord and be pleased with their husbands in the flesh and in spirit. In the same way, prescribe to my brothers in the name of Jesus Christ" to love their wives as the Lord Jesus Christ loves the Church "... It's good for men and women who marry should do so with the blessing of the bishop, so that the marriage is according to the Lord, and not according to lust. " The other holy fathers thought the same way. For example, saint. Ambrose of Mediolansky says: "If marriage itself is to be sanctified with a priestly veil and blessing: then how can there be marriage where there is no consent of faith." This teaching is directly expressed by the Orthodox Church through the lips of the Ecumenical Councils. Rule 14 of the IV Ecumenical Council impose penance on those readers and singers who marry other believers or send their children into such a marriage. In accordance with the interpretation of Bishop. Nicodemus (Milasha) punishment is deposition. Even more vividly and without the possibility of any reinterpretation, the attitude of the Church to this issue is set forth in Canon 72 of the VI Ecumenical Council. It reads: "It is not worthy for an Orthodox husband with a heretical marriage to mate, nor for an Orthodox wife to mate with a heretic husband. If something of that kind will be seen, done by someone: to consider marriage unsteady, and to dissolve illegal cohabitation. For it is not appropriate to mix the immiscible, below. with the sheep of a wolf, and with a part of Christ, the lot of sinners. If anyone transgresses what we have decreed: let him be excommunicated. But even though some, still in disbelief, and not being numbered among the Orthodox herd, were united by legal marriage: then one of them is one, choosing the good, he resorted to the light of truth, while the other remained in the chains of error, not wanting to gaze at the divine rays, and if, moreover, the unfaithful wife wants to cohabit with a faithful husband, or, on the contrary, an unfaithful husband with a faithful wife: then let them not be parted, according to the divine apostle: sanctified is the unfaithful husband about the wife, and the unfaithful woman is sanctified about the faithful husband (1 Cor. 7, 14) ". After such an obvious expression of the frank teaching of the Church (and besides this, the following canons also read on this matter: Carp. 21 (30); Laod. 10, 31), the position of the author of the book under discussion simply outrages. the fact that such views are adhered to by her confessor, then, in accordance with 1 rule of the VII Ecumenical Council, he should be defrocked.

But now is the time to move on to an analysis of the arguments put forward in defense of the possibility of this lawless coexistence. So, to the question of his spiritual daughter whether her marriage will be fornication, the confessor answers: "No, not at all. The Church respects a marriage in which only one of the spouses belongs to the Orthodox faith, for St. Paul said: “The unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband” (1 Cor. 7:14), and further: “For why do you know the wife. Will you save your husband, or why do you know the husband, will you save your wife? " (1 Cor. 7, 16). After all, you remember that the Lord said: husband and wife are one flesh. So it was from ancient times, so it is now - a marriage between a believer and an unbelieving spouse is not considered by the Church to be a prodigal cohabitation "(p. 9 -ten). This is the most common argument put forward in defense of marriage with infidels. Moreover, it is not new. It was put forward even in the II century by those who tried to refuse to fulfill the words of the Lord. Here is how Tertullian answers it: “It is absolutely clear that this text means those Christians who believed, already married, which is proved by the words:“ if any brother is married to an unbeliever. ”He does not say:“ he married an unbeliever. ”He wants to say that someone who is married to an unbeliever and has just been converted himself should stay with his wife; in other words, new converts should not think that they have to part with their wives who have become alien to them in the faith. that “the Lord has called us in the world”, and that “the believer can save through marriage the unbeliever” (1 Cor. 7, 15-16). Finally, this interpretation is confirmed by the ending: “whom as the Lord has called, let him remain so ( 1 Cor. 7:17). And they call, I suppose, pagans, not Christians. If he were talking about those who became Christians before marriage, then he would have allowed the latter to marry anyone, but his following words would contradict this: “After the death of her husband, a wife is free, and can marry anyone she wants, but only a Christian (1 Cor. 7:39) The meaning of these words leaves no doubt: so that we do not abuse the words "let him marry whoever he wants," he adds: "only for a Christian" ... This is the only condition that he puts forward. "Only for a Christian. "- he says, and the word" only "gives great power to the law, making it absolutely obligatory. This word commands and convinces, commands and exhorts, obliges and threatens. The apostle's opinion is as clear as it is eloquent in its brevity, as it is every Divine word requiring obedience. " Thus, the analysis of this sacred text, so brilliantly carried out by the famous apologist, shows how far-fetched this argument is.

If we turn to the interpretation of the fathers (and the 19th rule of the VI Ecumenical Council prohibits understanding Scripture in spite of the saints), we will see that their consensual opinion confirms the understanding of this sacred text as referring only to those married couples where one of spouses converted to Christ after marriage. I will give only one interpretation of the Holy Father, so as not to be unfounded. Blessed. Theophylact of Bulgaria writes in the interpretation of this place: "The apostle's commandment under consideration refers only to the case if the husband and wife were united in marriage, when both were still in unbelief, but after that one or the other side turned to faith. For if before only one husband was unfaithful, or only one wife; then the faithful half was not at all allowed to marry the unfaithful one: this is evident from the words of the apostle; for he did not say: if anyone wishes to take the unfaithful one, but “if anyone has.” Again, he does not simply prescribe to live the faithful half with the unfaithful, but only if the latter wishes it; for this means "favors," that is, if he wishes. " A similar thought is expressed by blessed. Theodoret of Kirr, saying: "Marry the faithful, pious, chaste, lawful." And as we have already seen above, it is precisely this interpretation that the Church herself expressed through the mouth of Canon 72 of the VI Ecumenical Council. And who after that would dare to refute the teaching expressed by such a great authority?

But the author of this book does not stop even after such a manipulation. The hero of this brochure claims that "in accordance with the ancient canonical precepts, the Church today does not sanctify marriages concluded between Orthodox and non-Christians by wedding, at the same time recognizing them as legitimate and not counting spouses in such a marriage who are in prodigal cohabitation" ( p. 11). What the ancient canons actually say, we have already seen above, but here it is worth citing the rules that operated in the Russian Church before the revolution. Contrary to the author's opinion, "Russian subjects of the Orthodox confession are completely prohibited from marrying non-Christians," and such conjugation was not recognized as "legal and valid." Consequently, the children were recognized as illegitimate, had no rights to inheritance and title, and the relationship itself was recognized as adulterous, and therefore a Christian who entered into it, even at that time, was supposed to be excommunicated from Communion for 4 years. In the same case, when one of the non-believing spouses converted to Christianity, from the one who remained outside the Church, a subscription was immediately taken that the children who would be born to them after that would be baptized in the Orthodox Church, and the non-believer would not be in any way lead them to their faith, and with his faithful half will not be deprived of monogamous cohabitation throughout her life and will not force her to return to her former delusion. If the unfaithful spouse gave such a signature and followed it, then the marriage was recognized as legal, but if a refusal or violation of these obligations followed, then the marriage was immediately dissolved, and the convert had the right to a new marriage with an Orthodox Christian. Great dogmatists of the 19th century, such as Met. Makarii (Bulgakov) also considered it impossible to marry a faithful with a Gentile. Thus, the author of this work is a real modernist and renovator, rejecting both the canons, and the Scriptures, and the fathers, and the tradition of our Church.

The "confessor" claims that there may be difficulties in a marriage with a heretic, but this is quite acceptable, since that's how often it happened in history. Indeed, it happened so, but the canons (Carp. 21 (30); Laod. 10, 31) consider it unacceptable. And this practice has always been considered a manifestation of (most often unjustified) economy. But the wildest opinion of the author is that marriage with a representative of another religion (Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism) is permissible, although this is much more complicated than with heretics. “It’s good if the question of renouncing Christ does not arise,” says the “shepherd,” “and the spouses will be wise enough to respect each other’s religious views. It’s no secret that the subject of faith often becomes a cause for ridicule and conflicts and aggression on the part of a husband or wife, professing different religions, becomes the cause of many disputes on the topic of who is "more correct" to believe and whose faith is more salvific "(p. 12). Here, every word is a delightful pearl of apostasy! What does it mean, a wife who reads in the Psalter (Psalm 95): "All the language of demons is the essence", will begin to respect the faith of her, if I may say so, "husband" bowing to these same demons? The one who glorifies the martyrs in the temple will at home approve of what the martyrs fought against? Would he treat jihad with "wise respect", or the worship of wooden and stone idols? This "father", probably, will severely condemn for "intolerance" and biblical prophets, and holy apostles, and saints, and martyrs who burned temples and condemned the abomination of worshiping false gods! It is shocking that the author quotes the expression "more correct" and considers it senseless to argue about which religion is more salvific. It turns out that for this would-be shepherd, as for many of our contemporaries, "all the saints are good for the salvation of the soul!" No one will ever be saved without Christ and His Church, and therefore, if a wife loves her husband (in that case, of course, if the marriage took place before her conversion), then she should take care that he is convinced of this most important truth. Of course, it does not follow from this that the house of a new convert (or new convert) should resemble a branch of the Duma and be filled with constant disputes, but, on the other hand, the unbelieving spouse should know that his faith is not at all approved by the Orthodox, but, on the contrary, is considered a delusion. and only wait "with clenched teeth." If it comes to the choice between God and a husband, contrary to the opinion of the "confessor", there can be no talk of patience (and the words of the apostle (Rom. 14: 1; Rom. 15, 1) do not at all belong to the Gentiles), but a divorce is necessary. As St. Theophan the Recluse: "If an unfaithful husband does not want to live with a faithful wife, but invites her to either return to her previous wickedness, or leave him, then it is obvious that he should leave such a husband; for one should not think about changing the faith, but stay with a husband in faith, in spite of him, would mean to deliberately introduce discord and quarrels into the family. So, he says: for the sake of peace, leave such husbands and wives; in this case, you are free from the yoke of marriage, not part-time for him. " Chrysostom also says: "If the unbeliever commands you to make sacrifices and participate in his wickedness by the right of marriage, or leave it, then it is better to leave marriage than piety. If the unfaithful daily insults and starts quarrels, then it is better to part." And again this "priest" teaches contrary to the Fathers!

Even more touching is the attempt to substantiate the "grace" of this coexistence. The "shepherd" says to his unfortunate "sheep": "If you decide to unite your fate with an unbelieving person, then through you, through your prayers, godly deeds and virtuous deeds, you will be able, I hope, to acquire grace for your family" (p.16) ... Thus, we are encouraged to accept the purely Pelagian doctrine that grace is attained by one's own efforts. But, as the canons of the Carthaginian Council say, without the help of grace it is absolutely impossible to fulfill any commandments (127 Ave.), and it gives us both strength and love for fulfilling the commandments (126 Ave.), and the one who rejects this is anathema. Therefore, all attempts to earn grace on their own are senseless, and whoever hopes for this is a heretic. God not only cleanses us from sin Himself and shows the beauty of virtue, but He Himself does good together with us by His own power. Yet attempts to "earn" grace are a return to the law and a rejection of Christ (Eph. 2: 8-10; Gal. 2:21). God has given us sources of grace - these are the Holy Sacraments, one of which is the Wedding, but the author understands that this is impossible in her case, and therefore her "confessor" is forced to resort to self-made sources, about which Revelation says nothing. And the words of the prophet were fulfilled over them: "My people have done two evils: They have forsaken me, the fountain of living water, and hewed out broken cisterns for themselves, which cannot hold water" (Jer. 2:13). We have already examined the first of them - this is an attempt to replace the Sacrament of God with human deeds. Here we digress a little aside, and notice the author's strange tendency in all possible ways to diminish the significance of the Sacrament of Marriage. This is also an indication that the occult approach to the sacrament is unacceptable (pp. 13-14), that cunning is unacceptable when answering the question: "Do you love him (her)"? (p. 16). By the way, the ritual of the Wedding does not contain such a question, and there is a deep reason for this, which we will talk about a little later. At the same time, the priest did not say a word about the fact that the wedding gives "the grace of pure unanimity, blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children" (Catechism of St. Philaret of Moscow). For him, the only thing that distinguishes a crowned marriage from an unmarried one is only the fact that Christ is his witness (p. 15). The blessed powers given in this sacred rite are only briefly mentioned at the very end (p. 52). And this is not surprising, because then the whole Pelagian picture of replacing grace with one's own efforts, set out in this work, would have collapsed. There is a completely heretical tendency to reject the sacramental nature of this Sacrament, which brings the author closer to the Roman Catholics, who also believe that the spouses themselves are the perpetrators of marriage, and the priest is only a witness to its canonicity.

But, realizing that such an approach would leave his ward in a state of uncertainty about the grace of her union, the "confessor" invents a second sign of the presence of grace (or a method of receiving it): "And besides, if your union is based on chaste love, then how can you say that he is beyond grace? For what is love if not the blessing of God sent to man and woman? " (p. 16). So, the criterion of grace is the presence of chaste love. Yes, indeed holy. John Chrysostom writes: “God Himself sows love in husbands and wives.” But how He does it, and what is “Love”, in this the views of the Church and the author differ. The first believes, together with Chrysostom, that in the sacrament “the love of the groom will increase and the chastity of the bride will be preserved, virtues will enter the house and the deceit of the devil will be driven out, so that the spouses united by the grace of God lead a pleasant life, "and the second believes that" chaste love "itself is a guarantee of the presence of grace. But already in the" Orthodox Confession " it is said that mutual "consent will not be enough for entering into a true marriage if they themselves do not testify to the priest of their mutual promise." all those who entered into marriage for obedience to their parents were in fact deprived of the opportunity to build a Christian family.

And therefore, it is wild for us to assert that "the apostle insisted that the marriage union (even half non-Christian), the union of a husband and wife, is a symbol of the union of Christ and the Church" (p. 18). The words of the Epistle to Ephesians (5, 22-32), to which the author refers, are obviously addressed to Christians (after all, verse 32 directly calls this union a sacrament, and the content itself, addressed equally to husbands and wives, shows that it is only about Christian families). It is surprising how infidelity can love his wife "how did Christ love the Church? (Eph. 5:25)" All these statements are possible only with a wrong understanding of the very concept of "love". It is no longer necessary to say that here again the uniqueness of the sacrament of the Wedding is rejected, in which "the conjugal union is blessed, in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church."

But what is “chaste love”, which, according to the author, can replace the grace of the wedding? And here we come to the most important mistake inherent in both E. Bogusheva and very many Orthodox Christians. From her point of view, love is a special feeling (p. 33). Here we see the influence of love stories and, in general, classical literature on our consciousness. For the Bible and for the holy fathers, this is a state of will, and therefore it can be a commandment. Thus, the "Orthodox Confession" says that "love contains the Divine Decalogue," and the Catechism asserts that "true love naturally manifests itself through good deeds." Rev. John Climacus says that "love in its quality is likeness to God, as much as people can achieve; in its action, it is the ecstasy of the soul; and in its quality, it is a source of faith, an abyss of longsuffering, a sea of humility. Love, in fact, is the deposition of every opposite. thoughts, for any one does not think evil. Love, dispassion and sonhood differ from one another only by names. " Thus, it is obvious for Christians that true love is impossible without the Orthodox faith. For, as the same reverend writes, "in my understanding, faith is like a ray, hope is like light, and love is like the circle of the sun. Yet they make up one radiance and one lightness." Thus, it is absurd for us to think that "chaste love" can give grace to a knowingly forbidden union, because there simply will not be such a thing between "spouses." For us, the very possibility of passionless love seems completely inconceivable where the lover does not believe in God. All these feelings, called love, are, according to the Ladder, the so-called. "natural love", inherent, including, and animals. This state is not gracious, and therefore "fornication mingles with it, as we sometimes see lice lurking in the dove." It is impossible to build a Christian family on this feeling, and it does not lead a person to holiness.

But the question arises: "What is the reason for such a terrible distortion of faith, characteristic, as already mentioned above, not only of this book, but also of the consciousness of many Orthodox Christians?" The answer will be the word: "peacefulness". Modern people, even when they come to the Church, do not want to truly change their consciousness. They do not want to truly repent ("for" repentance "in the biblical sense is a change of thoughts.) They need to be both Orthodox and their own for this world at the same time. People really do not want to make this choice, and there is a desire to" sanctify everything. " This is how new virtues arise that are unknown to the Holy Fathers (such as "tolerance for error"). And old terms acquire a completely new meaning (for example, love, marriage). And ideas appear that non-church people can be "good, good ", and, therefore, in general, they do not particularly need Christianity. This is something desirable, but optional. Moreover, the life goals of both are often identical - this is the search for comfort at any cost, and the deification of culture. And even the same attitude to childbirth. Is it not known that for so many imaginary "Christians" the news of pregnancy is perceived almost as an oncological diagnosis. And this despite the fact that they go to church and at every service hear the commemoration "Godfather Io Akim and Anna ", really their main god will be comfort and money. So is it really surprising, given such a similarity of worldviews, the desire to become completely your own for the atheists? How often do people say: “Well, you can't be such a fanatic in our time ?! (As if time means something in the life of one who serves the eternal Lord?) We must not condemn the actions of other people. We must accept everyone as they are, and in no way show our superiority. (For this, even a special term "triumphalism" was coined.) We must be more tolerant. And you yourself must try not to We must try to be like everyone else, otherwise we will alienate people from the Church (however, then it’s not clear why anyone should be called in It at all, if She must fully identify with civilization?). ” Here it is worth breaking all the rules of political correctness and quoting the words of ap. James: "Adulters and adulterers! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity against God? So, whoever wants to be a friend to the world, he becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think that it is in vain that Scripture says:" The spirit that lives in us "?" (James 4: 4-5)

And behind this is the lack of consciousness of his fall and the monstrous abyss of evil that has taken over this world. Therefore, such people do not see the need for salvation, which only the Creator can accomplish. Only when a person feels the strong hand of God on himself, he realizes what an abyss will separate the members of the Church from the best gentiles and atheists. Indeed, according to the just word of Chrysostom, the unfaithful "is alien to the faithful. He does not have the same head with him, but the same father, neither the same, nor the same city, nor food, nor clothes, nor a house; but They have everything separately. One has everything on earth, the other is in heaven. This one has Christ the king; this one has sin and the devil. This one has food - Christ; the other one has rot and decay. And this one has the Lord of the angels. ; for that - the work of worms. For this city - heaven; for that - earth. And if we have nothing in common with the infidels, then tell me, in what way can we have communication with them? came from one womb? But even this is not enough for the closest relationship. So, let's try to become citizens of the mountain city. " And he sees that true love will never only allow the members of the body of Christ to be given up for reproach to the unbeliever, but also will never accept the fact that people live far from the Creator. A person who has tasted her life-giving streams will never calm down, seeing that the one with whom he lives is hostile against our God. Only the one who is called by That Love, which moves the sun and the luminaries, can overcome the petrification of someone else's heart, but the first condition of this is the fulfillment of the command: "Get out of their midst and separate yourself, says the Lord, and do not touch the unclean; and I will receive you." (2 Cor. 6:17). Those who are called to be married, get out of the pagan life, remaining in bodily union, if the unfaithful does not blaspheme the faith; whether you are called celibate - or be a virgin, or marry an Orthodox Christian; whether you have fallen into fornication, get up, reject the lawless coexistence, or make it, through mutual Repentance and Wedding, legal. And then you will be able to become partakers of that Love that leads to Himself, and the merciful Creator Himself will teach you and give you eternal salvation, and a Christian family on Earth and everything necessary for life and piety.

Moreover, in the Russian Union of Evangelical Christians-Baptists, about 70-80 percent are women ... Whom to marry? .. What to do if you have been in the ministry and in prayer for many years, and there is still no husband from God? .. Why many ministers of Baptist churches prefer not to talk about the issue of marriage or marriage? also unmarried and unmarried.

We invited the Deputy Chairman of the Russian Union of Evangelical Christians-Baptists Reuben Voloshin, pastor of the church Semyon Borodin, leader of the women's ministry of the Baptist Union Diana Kondratyeva, head of the Biblical Education Center, editor-in-chief of the Sestra magazine Galina Obrovets, press secretary Moscow Association of Churches ECB Zoya Bardin and minister Vitaly Zanin. The conversation was moderated by Oleg Askalenok.

Oleg Askalenok - How to get married? The Baptist ministers we interviewed agree that there is a problem, but how can we solve it? How significant does this question seem to you?

Semyon Borodin - It is impossible to start a conversation with the word “problem”. Because if we say that this is a problem, then it becomes such a painful point. This topic can be viewed as a question, as a task, as a perspective. There is one biblical view that there is a spiritual gift called celibacy. And this applies to both men and women. If we are talking about the gift of God, about God's calling to life outside of marriage, then this position does not in the least belittle a man or woman, but exalts them. I look at it from the positive side. Just as there is the gift of evangelism. This gift is not given to everyone, but to those who have it, they gladly accept it. If, for example, we talk about having many children as a problem, then it will really become a problem, and a large number of children will cause difficulties, suffering, sorrow, and each new child will seem like grief, not a blessing. This approach is wrong. If we look at having many children, celibacy and other gifts as a blessing, then we will have many other, positive, factors: why God called, what God intended, what accompanies this, how a person finds his fullness or fullness in Christ, how he views himself, regardless of whether he has many children or few ... That is, in this way, you can discover other aspects of grace, other aspects of life in Christ. And this gives full value, meaning to life and, let's say in a human way, great happiness. That is, being unmarried can be a blessing. Let me make a reservation right away that living outside of marriage is not a gift for everyone.

You can talk about us, about believers, as a part of society. The church cannot be excluded from the life of the country. The institution of the family is being destroyed in society. Accordingly, this is reflected in the church, especially if people come to us from the world. Everything that they have experienced in the world is brought into the communities. We must We must admit that their problems are not private, their difficulties are already our questions ...

Vitaly Zanin - There is a problem at the same time, and it is not. We can agree with Semyon Alekseevich that in fact everything depends on the person. For example, I know many sisters of different ages, and for none of them such a problem as getting married does not exist. On the contrary, they do not want to get married, because they are self-sufficient, they have everything - service, work, apartment. And they don't need a family. Communicating with young people from different regions, at the same time I see how some sisters really want to get married. And they often behave in an ugly manner in this regard. Others want to get married, but do not make it their # 1 priority. The question of marriage or marriage is a matter of trusting sisters or brothers in God. And this is the only way to solve this problem. But pastors and church leaders should not ignore this issue. For me, an example is the wisdom of the apostles, when the widows were neglected, when there was no person who would take care of them, then the apostles got together and began to decide what to do. That is, they saw the problem and came up with a solution. The same should be done in our lives and in our churches. If there is a problem, you have to sit down and work out a solution to that problem. I recall the example of one Ukrainian church, in which there were many sisters and few brothers. The pastors of the church began to think about what to do. And they came up with - the deacons were sent to the nearest disco to preach the gospel to the guys. As a result of their evangelism, young men began to come to the church, and the acuteness of the issue was removed. Regardless of what the church leadership will do, it all depends on the faith and godly trust in God of each single single sister. Perhaps this will be the determining factor for her future husband.

Reuben Voloshin - Is this a problem? Depends on who and how this issue is considered. If we are, first of all, believers, then we must remember in Whom we trust, in Whom we belong, on Whom we depend, to Whom we obey. And then our circumstances will not be burdensome, but will become conditions in which God will use us in the best way, if we obey Him. Some have tried to solve this problem themselves. I know of many cases when people said that if time could be turned back, they would never have married an unbeliever. There is a unique remedy that the Lord has identified for us as a panacea for our difficulties - this is prayer. When we pray, we find comfort in God and receive clarity from Him, each at his own time. Because as there are those sisters who cannot get married, in the same way there are brothers who have received a harbor many times (a pumpkin is a custom in Ukraine; instead of a refusal, a pumpkin is given to a marriage proposal). This suggests that each of us has a time determined by God. We just have to learn to accept from God any decision about our destiny for the work of building His Kingdom. I understand that it is easy for us to reason and philosophize, having families. And the issue of unmarriage and expectation is very painful. I would recommend considering each case individually. I remember the example of a church, where they noticed that they have not had any weddings lately. People began to simply pray. No one was engaged in mediation, there were no matchmakers and pimps. And that year, seven weddings were played in this church. When God reveals a problem to us, he considers us as co-workers, co-workers. He wants to bless us. And if we know that He wants to bless us, then we should just take part in it.

Zoya Bardina - The question of how to get married, I believe, is timely. For me, in principle, this is a problem. Before becoming a Christian, I did not have this problem. There were offers of marriage, but they were incompatible with my beliefs. I made a choice in favor of Jesus Christ. But I am sure that God has not endowed me with the gift of celibacy. I just always obeyed the Lord, which I do not regret. On the path of following Jesus Christ for 16 years, I have not received a single offer to start a family from our Christian brothers. In what I see the hand of God and how God perfects me in other areas of service for the good of the Kingdom of Heaven. And I'm happy about that. The problem arises for those Christian women who only focus on marriage. In this case, being unmarried becomes a torment, a burden that very seriously affects daily life. In this regard, the issue of counseling and the creation of prayer groups is very important. For what? To set priorities in life, to remain a full-fledged person, despite the absence of a family.

By and large, the problem of unmarriage exists, but we overcome all difficulties by the power of the Lord who loved us. And hope always remains. Because as a human being, it seems like I should not have any hope, but I gave everything into the hands of the Lord and, as it is written in the 22nd Psalm: “The Lord is my Shepherd, and I will not need anything. He leads me to still waters and feeds us in His pastures ... ”We need complete trust in God. Some sisters, barely 19 years old, put this problem first. There are many who dream of marriage in adulthood. Constant reflection on the family leads Christians to isolation. But, if we not only believe, but also trust God, He will provide our long-term happiness. One should not live for the sake of marriage. Unfortunately, there are families who consider unmarried sisters to be frustrated in some way. This is not true! The Lord gives us strength, He builds us up as complete personalities.

Diana Kondratyeva - I want to say that the issue we are discussing has always been and will remain relevant for a long time to come. Because it is inherent in the essence of man, and man is the creation of God. When we read Solomon's parables, we see that two are better than one. And, reflecting on these words, I thought that when God created Eve, Adam was already created. And when she appeared on this earth, from the first moments she was not alone. And this is our feminine essence - not to be alone. It is not good for a person to be alone. Two are better. Therefore, the question here is, rather, in another - "what to do"? We must seek the will of God. In practice, it turns out that we are looking for a husband and thus neglect the will of God. And often with the appearance in our life of a person who was not given by God, but chosen of his own free will, difficulties also come. That is why, unfortunately, there are so many problem families in our churches today. It seems to me that such an expression as "strong family - strong church" is very relevant.

Galina Obrovets - I agree with all the speakers before me. I want to say that those sisters who write in the questionnaires that they have problems with marriage are not the Christians whom God blessed with the gift of celibacy and complete dedication to service. Most of our sisters are not theologians, not ministers, but women who want simple human happiness. It seems to me that we should not be silent about the fact that there are unspoken rules and unwritten laws in our churches: every sister who wants to get married is interviewed by a pastor. And if only he hears that her chosen one is an unbeliever, then this marriage will be taboo. Is that so or not? Or, brothers, tell me that we already have complete freedom in this matter? I would like to understand what texts from Scripture we take for guidance when we say that a Christian woman should not marry an unbeliever under any pretext?

Oleg Askalenok - Let's not go into the side of discussing the question of whether a sister can marry an unbeliever or not. This is the topic of another big conversation. Let's return to the conversation about the problem of unmarriage in our churches and in the second part of the discussion we will give an answer to the question of what to do and how to solve this problem.

Galina Obrovets - This problem, in my opinion, affects the interests of 90% of Christian women in churches. In Russia, there are 10 million more women than men. Considering that a million men are in prison, millions more are alcoholics, drug addicts, etc., then the chances of finding an adequate man to create a family and have children are minimal. The country's 10 million women are slightly less than 10% of the population. And in our churches, 90% of women have a problem finding an adequate match. And, to be honest, the men in the church, if you look at them with an honest look, are not always suitable for the family. I witnessed how a Christian woman came for an interview before baptism. The minister asked her: “If an unbeliever proposes to you to marry, what should you answer to him? You must answer "no" based on the biblical text "do not be yoked with the unbelievers." I have carefully studied this text. There is no question of marriage at all. And we put these verses at the forefront. We need to find the basis on which we have the right to forbid a woman to create a family, to be loved, just like that. Each of us wants to be loved. The Lord has laid this desire in us. It turns out that our evangelical churches often do not give women the right to love and be loved. Of course, I am not for the sisters to go down the aisle in columns and link their fate with unbelievers. But we can say that there are unspoken laws and rules. These are laws of non-freedom, and we should revise them. If the church, parents forbid a person to do something, and this is not his choice, then this is called violence. I wanted us to think to what extent we can use our freedom in Christ. I repeat once again that I do not call for marrying unbelievers, but I know examples of how Christian women are happy in marriage with unbelievers, they have children who become Christians. But I also know examples when marriages with believers end for wives with bruises under the eyes, etc. Prayer is the most important recipe for finding a spouse. And each person before God must decide with whom to connect his life.

Oleg Askalenok - We have already outlined one of the ways to solve this problem - marriage with an unbeliever. What other options are there for answering the question "How to get married?"

Semyon Borodin - We are talking not just about unmarriage, but about the state of marriages, about divorces. These are the challenges we face when we start working on church planting. You just gave an example of a baptized woman who is asked such questions. Each situation is unique. Sometimes we refuse to baptize people. I repeat, in some cases, but not indiscriminately. When the pastor knows the situation for sure, something worse must be avoided. But that doesn't mean it's a standard that can be applied to everyone. My friends from Kiev held a service at the House of Cinema. Then many artists became Christians. The meetings were attended by former spouses who now have their own families. They are all reconciled to the Lord, are members of the church and now attend services together. The grace of God changed the hearts of these people. They truly became God's children. But if my friends came to the solution of their question according to a template, I think that half of these people would not be in the church. There is one universal answer to this question, which was given by the apostle Paul. When he talks about the marriage of a believer and an unbeliever, about an alleged divorce, about consent and disagreement to continue the Christian life, he concludes: “Only each act as God has appointed him, and each as the Lord called. Thus I command in all the churches ”(1 Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 17). And he adds that if you are called in such a position, do not try to turn life back. Well, you say, but if they are now in a civil marriage, and God was pleased to call them in this position. And we say that you cannot be baptized until the issue is resolved. In this regard, I would again quote Paul: "Everyone do as the Lord commanded him, so the Lord called." And this requires the sensitivity of the pastor who works with this couple or with this person. The pastor must have sensitivity to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the person must have sensitivity, to which God is now calling him. You said that in Russia there is a large percentage of women compared to men. And in churches this problem is even more pressing. Let me ask you a question: "Do we consider the problem of marriage separately from evangelism?" If separately, then we are in a hopeless position. We sometimes think about how we could happily live in the community. And here it is impossible to live, because our survival is in development and expansion, in reaching new people with the Gospel. And when I commit myself to missionary work, God suits my life. When I am engaged in saving others, God saves me. When I make others happy, He makes me happy. And to the question "How to get married?" the answer is through missionary work. Then men will be found and families will be created. Your question, "Is it okay to marry an unbeliever?" I would reformulate a little: "To what edge in relationships can a sister reach when evangelizing a sinner?" There is one answer - don't even look that way. The second option is to tell him the Gospel and quickly run away from him. The third option is you can give him a little attention, but look - be careful. Here is the problem of unscientificness, non-disclosure, and our lack of freedom in order to reach people through evangelism and get as close to them as possible. Yes, but you can get burned. Who said we should be in a protected area? Tell me, how far can you go in evangelism for lost men and women? ..

Vitaly Zanin - I agree with Semyon Borodin. I want to read a text from the Bible, which seems to me very important in our question - from 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 29: “I tell you, brethren: the time is short, so those who have wives should having ". It is interesting that Paul here does not put the question of marriage in the first place, he pushes it to the background, and maybe even further. Because the time is short and this time is to serve God and serve as much as possible. In preparation for last year's Baptist Brotherhood Congress, we made a cartoon at the Youth Department. Our hero Vasya turned to God, came to church, and now he had a choice: - go to the seminary, get married or go somewhere as a missionary, that is, choose the path of service. And we offered three directions for the plot development. Firstly, Vasya graduated from seminary, went into theology and stopped doing practical ministry for the salvation of sinners. The second option, when he got married, had many children, he was seized by vanity, and he retired from active ministry in the church. The third way - when he chose the path of ministry in the church for God, then God blessed him with a wife and everything necessary. I am sure that this is the way God has prepared for every person. When a person takes an active position in the ministry, in life, then God blesses him. The Lord is able to meet all needs and problems, but, of course, in due time.

Ruvim Voloshin - Galina Aleksandrovna raised an interesting question: "To marry an unbeliever - where are the grounds that the brothers forbid?" The basis in the Bible - 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 39 - a woman is free to marry whoever she wants, but only in the Lord. We need to be very careful in our efforts today to solve the problem of marriage by trying to somehow edit the Scriptures. I confess to you that I am a maximalist by nature. We are all very much influenced by the clichés or traditions of the society in which we grow up. I grew up in a community where it was instilled that you must have a car, a house, a family, and only then maybe you will be entrusted with the ministry. And when I looked at such a prospect, I didn't really like it, because serving God was a priority for me since my teenage years. In my destiny, God literally turned everything upside down, because I got the car last. Five times I proposed to the girls. And, thank God, they all got married before I got married. And I'm happy about it, I just didn’t claim my own. Then I saw that God was leading me in such a way to educate and humble, and not at all in the area where I imagined. The institution of the family was approved by the Lord. And when we today encourage people to register a marriage, we often do it not because it is written in the Bible, but because it is a rule. In fact, a woman feels comfortable, if there is this squiggle in her passport, it's honest. All other options for marriage are a tribute to modern fashion, this is what people will condemn tomorrow. We know from history that traditions and customs are changing, that the structure of society, whatever it may be, still remains the way God envisioned it - the institution of the family, children, relationships between relatives and then all other social priorities. Even if there are churches where there are no brothers at all, then, thank God, we do not live on an island. And those who devote themselves to the ministry, and I met sisters who, after 10 years of ministry, said that God does not solve this issue, I took it to heart and prayed with them. And today, if we do not have an answer to the solution of the problem "How to get married?", Then we are talking in vain. We have the answer - this is prayer and a calling, which the Lord reveals to everyone. With all my compassion for single sisters, I would not want to change Scripture to solve this problem. Because then we will cry together. But when we entrust this issue to God, and He Himself solves this problem of ours, we will not be late. Christ is not too late yet.

Zoya Bardina - In my journalistic ministry, I have encountered situations when unmarried brothers over 40 suddenly began to think about getting married. The question is, what were they thinking about before? .. It turns out that they were so taught that first - service, and then someday a family, and maybe a family is not needed at all. And they were tormented internally, which negatively affected their ministry. While in Vladivostok, I led the Lonely Sisters Club (KOS) in order to spiritually strengthen Christian women and prepare them for marriage. Our trustee was a pastor from a missionary church who had a vision that the church grows stronger when more Christian families appear. We do not have unmarried pastors, but there are deacons, and they lead the churches somehow one-sidedly in relation to widows, orphans, lonely people, to women's ministry. These ministers believe that God should be glorified in songs, through participation in some projects, but to take care of widows, lonely, orphans is not ours. I am against such ministers who do not understand what family happiness is. This is the first thing. Second, I'm 99% sure that Christian women need to marry believing men. If the head of the family is a Christian, there is a community of interest. My wish is to seek the will of God in order to marry a believer.

Diana Kondratyeva - I would like to return to the problem "what to do?" In this regard, I will quote three words: "ask, be, and believe." We can ask a husband to want to be married. We can believe in ourselves: "I got married, I will be happy, I will have everything the way I want." And this is the mistake of many of us women. The other side of the medal of these three words "ask, be and believe" - ask for wisdom, which we all - from young to old - are so lacking. To ask: "Here I am, Lord, send me to the service that You and people need," and not: "Here I am, send me, which is called unbearable marriage." The second is to be what you would like to see the people around you. In the 21st century, it seems to me, we do not have enough attention to near and far. I see how selectively attentive young people are, attentive to those to whom they want and inattentive, sometimes even cynical and rude to everyone else. I advise girls and sisters: "Be equally attentive to everyone - to adults, to the average and to the young, to the rich and to the poor, to the educated and the uneducated ...". Because an attentive person is a caring person. And this is impossible not to notice. And the third is to believe. I want us not to believe the situation, not, as it seems to us, a hopeless situation, when there are many sisters, but no brothers, but trust God. In response to the question "What to do?" - ask for wisdom, be attentive to God and to the people around you and trust the Lord. And He will definitely provide, because God never makes mistakes.

Reuben Voloshin - It is very important that the correct teaching be heard in our churches, which will help solve the problems of even misdirection, for that matter. You must always understand and remember that marrying a Christian is not a panacea, because family life is a huge, incredible work. Family is better, but not easier. Only when I got married did I know what a scoundrel I am. Not because my wife told me about it, she did not even suspect how deeply disappointed I was in myself. In fact, solving one question, we immediately come across many others. Therefore, if we want to solve the problem of marriage, then it is better at a time when God facilitates this. I would like to wish everyone, first of all, blessings, and not marriage. Although the marriage is happy, but at the time that the Lord will determine.

Oleg Askalenok - In Primorye, where I served as a pastor, there was a sister Vera Zhitnik in one of the churches. She was in her 40s. She prayed for marriage, but did not dwell on this issue. Faith served the Lord. She could be compared with Tabitha - invisible, but helping people so much. At 42, she fell ill and died without ever getting married. Of all the property that she had left - the bed, which the brothers gave her during her illness, and many books. To be buried in Ukraine, the coffin with the body was taken through Moscow. And along with the coffin, they handed over a notebook in which people wrote their memoirs about her. When I read them, I cried. She had a great influence on my wife, and, it would seem, they met only twice. From the point of view of human happiness, Vera Zhitnik was unsuccessful: she did not have a family, property, she died very early. But she left a huge mark after herself - in the hearts and fates of many hundreds of unbelievers. Other story. Once I was preaching in a small church in the military garrison. After the sermon, an elderly sister came up to me and shared her pain: "Brother, look, we have only sisters, what should we do?" I made an appointment with her, and the next morning she came at the appointed place and time. I pointed out to her 3 thousand men who were dispersed to military units: "Here are your brothers, pray." Six months later, they already had five believing officers in their church. For those sisters whom I met and for whom non-marriage was an arch-tragedy, I saw the following problem - they put themselves as the center not God, but themselves - their self-improvement, their self-realization: "May my will be done, not yours." God calls them not to solve their own problems, but to fulfill His plan. When we do not see the Lord in resolving the issue of marriage, we drown, and when we look at Him, the water for us turns into asphalt.

Semyon Borodin - We are now discussing the issue from the perspective of those in need - unmarried men and unmarried women. Let's look at the other side - parents who care and bless their children. I have seven children, four of them are already married, two are in the process of solving this issue, one is still small. I say to my wife: "Are you internally ready for the fact that someone will have difficulties?" If you are ready, give others the credit for the experience and be ready yourself to survive the difficulties. How can we help our growing children join their families? Through prayer, assistance and participation in their lives. The second approach is pastoral: how can we make up for the shortcomings of unmarried or unmarried people in our churches to get married if they have not received the proper upbringing from their parents? The third approach is the approach of a specialist working in rehabilitation, how we are able to help people in crisis return to normal life. You need to be filled with grace to condescend to any situation.

Diana Kondratyeva - There is such an expression: if you want to be happy - be her. I really want people to be happy from God, so trust God and everything will be fine.

Zoya Bardina - I want to wish unmarried girls, women, that they feel full in God, because the Lord fills us every day with Himself, regardless of whether we are married or not. Pray for this question, giving the decision to the Lord, because only then can happiness be real, and you will not regret the choice you made.

Vitaly Zanin - I would like to wish the girls a passage from the Holy Scriptures, which is very valuable to me - this is the principle that I am trying to practice in my life - the principle of the widow. This principle is recorded in the Gospel of Luke, chapter 18. Everyone remembers how the widow asked the judge to protect her from her opponent. The judge resisted, but then decided: "Although I am not afraid of God and I am not ashamed of people, as this widow does not give me peace, I will protect her so that she does not come to bother me anymore." And further the apostle Luke writes: "Will not God protect his chosen ones, crying to him day and night, although he hesitates to protect them?" Let these words become urgent for you girls. Trust God completely, bring your problems to Him. I myself am still an unmarried person and I want to tell the sisters that we value in sisters not the external, but what you have in your heart, so practice good deeds, your humility before God and people, so that the brothers see you as a Christian who with all your heart loves the Lord.

Oleg Askalenok - I would like to thank all the participants of the round table. As is obvious from the conversation, the topic was not easy. It is clear that you cannot discuss everything in one discussion, so we do not put an end to this. And we ask our readers to send their feedback, feel free to speak out on the designated topic "How to get married?"

Goodnight! I strongly disagree with the fact that a Christian girl should not marry a worldly guy or a man in no "century", since any girl, in childhood in roller games, plays "mothers and daughters" by the very beginning, the foundation is laid - a family, a raging family of a girl, even a one-year-old girl, caresses her doll in gentle embraces, shakes it - putting it to bed, kisses, and much more, and all these manipulations are performed by a one-year-old child (I am writing for my own daughter's example, she is one year old) ... Thus, each, I emphasize each sister, no matter how she says, my "I don't want to get married yet, she just simply deceives herself and others" in the depths of her soul asks and begs for marriage ... there is nothing wrong with that, sisters expensive. Well, the years go by, but they don’t marry, a year has passed, 2, there are 5 years, and 10 years, and the sisters, lovely, beautiful, humble, it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that the sisters blessed by the Lord do not marry ... Whoever has families, husbands and wives, it is easy and simple for you to say "I would not marry or marry the unclean (s) for the unclean (s), because you did not feel the pain that the lonely one feels. sister or brother. Honestly, no offense, sarcastically and pose as "and here I am" "and here I am" that's exactly what "I" ie "you" look better at your leg, otherwise God forbid you will fall and if you do not rise, it’s not for you to judge who and with whom to be and live. God forbid, if you become a widower or a widow, you will immediately start making excuses, they say it’s hard for me, I have children, household and all that, maybe then you will feel pain , imagine just for a moment that your beloved half is not there, this is how a lonely sister or brother feels. feel the pain of your wife or husband at a distance, substitute your shoulder, comfort, numb, caress, you are called mom and dad, you write off home, yes, I don’t argue, in the family of St. oi difficulties, but you decide together, together with a sweet (oh) and loved one (oh). And the lonely, inexplicable melancholy, sadness and sadness, there is no spark in their eyes, everything seems to be there, but nothing pleases, you look at children and miss your unborn, you, not all, of course, hit sore spots "when at least you will marry "instead of taking up the posts, praying for your sister, and not gloating maliciously, in fact, there are such people as Christians. I'm not saying that everyone ran to marry a worldly man right now, but what if a sister met and fell in love with a worldly man, why not start a family, because sympathy is mutual, because he also needs Salvation and God's love and presence, it happens that a man is disappointed in everything and no longer believes in anything, is rude and cruel, or an alcoholic and everything in this spirit, met and fell in love with a girl, and she is a believer, at first, of course, it is difficult for everyone, but sooner or later , The Lord works in his heart, fills him with love, he already thinks differently, and looks at the world with different eyes, what he was pleased with in the world becomes disgusting to him, not all at once, of course, but since time has already been a blessed brother, and testifies to I don’t argue with the sisters how the Lord found him, sleepless nights, tears, for that Blessed brother in Christ, blessed family and children. No, of course, I am not saying that I am going against the Word of God, but if you carefully read and reason, you can find a way out of the current situation, and marry the worldly (yu), of course there will be consequences in spiritual life, but the ways of the Lord inscrutable ... Sorry, I didn't want to offend anyone, I expressed my subjective opinion.