How to live if you are a single mother. How to live a social life as a single mother What to live for a single mother

Who are single mothers?

A few decades ago, the conscious choice of a woman to become a single mother seemed absurd. Now this is no longer a rarity. In big cities, where life follows its own rules, where the boundaries between masculine and feminine are almost erased, many women decide to have a child, regardless of whether a suitable partner is found or not. As a rule, these are quite mature women who can give a child not only a roof over his head, but are also ready to be fully responsible for his well-being. These women do not need alimony or state support, they rely only on themselves.

Another category of women who are often left alone with children are young girls who had children too early, not being ready for this. Often they give birth to children out of wedlock, or the marriage quickly falls apart because the children were not planned or desired by both parents. This happens when a girl begins to live an adult life too quickly and early, but cannot take full responsibility for her actions. Which leads to early pregnancies.

Well, the most common category is single mothers who were left alone after a divorce. Unfortunately, no one is immune to trouble and disappointment. When people start a family, they hope for the best, but over time, people themselves and life values ​​change, spouses are not on the way. It doesn't matter who initiates the breakup, because whatever the reason, the fact that the child is left out is much more important. The mother also has to take on the role of the father in raising the child.

Difficulties

Single mothers almost always need help. And it's not just about money, since most women still have the opportunity to earn enough to support themselves and their child. Society is much more difficult.
Firstly, often a woman who brings up a child alone bears double responsibility for him. Voluntarily or involuntarily, but more stringent requirements are put forward to her, to the point that people look askance at any attempts to arrange their personal life, dating is interpreted as depraved actions that traumatize the child's psyche, even if the woman behaves strictly within the bounds of decency. It turns out that a single mother pays for the right to have a private life and be happy with open condemnation.
Secondly, a woman is faced with many situations in which the participation of both parents is provided, which also does not have a very positive effect on her emotional state. When married women can count on the help and support of their husbands, single mothers are forced to cope on their own. In the absence of such help, women often withdraw into themselves, in their lives there is rarely a place for something other than a child and work.
Third, it is no secret that single mothers are subject to emotional pressure from others. This manifests itself in different ways. Married friends treat them condescendingly, often condemning them, because in our society it is widely believed that the responsibility for preserving the family entirely lies with the woman. If a woman could not find a man or keep him, then the blame is added to her. Often there are problems at work related to hospital care for children, there are often cases when relatives do not intervene very correctly in the upbringing of the child, believing that the mother alone will not be able to cope with this.

There are other problems that single mothers know firsthand. It is especially difficult to explain to grown-up children where their dad is, why he does not live with them.

Solution

It would seem that there is nothing easier - it is enough to find a good husband and father for your children in order to solve all the problems of single mothers at once. But, sad as these may be, if children are not needed by their own father, someone else's uncle needs them even less. A woman is not always ready for a serious relationship, it is psychologically difficult for her to believe another man. In addition, mothers worry about how their children's future relationship with their stepfather will develop, because in any conflict they will feel guilty. Some women are lucky, they meet a man who becomes a real father for their children and support for themselves, but this is not always the case.

If there is no suitable man, then you need to learn to solve your problems on your own. Do not forget that male upbringing is very important for children, regardless of their gender. Both girls and boys need a man's hand. It's great if your own father maintains relationships with children after a divorce, if not, you need to look for a way out. Of course. a stranger cannot raise children, but the influence of loved ones is necessary. It can be a grandfather, an uncle, a good acquaintance who could deal with children from time to time, walk with them, communicate. Even rare but regular meetings will be very useful and help children cope with the lack of a father.

It is very important for a woman to work on her self-esteem. Under the influence of public opinion and a difficult life situation, she very often suffers. The need to feel like a full-fledged person worthy of happiness cannot be denied. Therefore, it is important to try to find something in life beyond past failures, difficulties with children and daily routines. It is enough to try to find something that helps maintain mental comfort in order to get rid of guilt and other negative emotions. Your children also need this, since a happy mother is much better than an unhappy mother.

Another mistake that single mothers often make is overprotecting children. It is not surprising that children become the most important people in life for them, at least for a while. But overprotection is harmful to the child's psyche. A kid in such an environment will grow up anxious, dependent and infantile. The mother should think that the time will come when her child will grow up and will be ready for an independent life. Therefore, she must make sure that he is happy not only in childhood, that is, to work for the future. Therefore, no matter how great the temptation is, in no case should a child be told that people cannot be trusted, even if a woman has recently experienced betrayal. Often this is the sin of single mothers who have daughters, they literally teach them that all men are sure to betray and deceive. That distorts the real picture of the child's world and affects further relationships with the opposite sex.

Single mothers live a difficult life, but often complicate it even more themselves. It would be a mistake to think that having a child or divorce casts doubt on the possibility of further happiness. It is important to keep in yourself those qualities that allow you to believe in the best, to be open and benevolent. In the life of such women, the interests of themselves and their children should be in the first place. With such an attitude towards life, there will be no place for worries about someone's caustic phrases or difficulties with self-esteem. Every mother has enough opportunities to make her child happy and to be happy herself. You just need to use them.

A happy mother gives her child immeasurably more than an unhappy one

Every single mother has her own story of loss: widowhood, failed or ruined marriage. However, this is not at all lonely loneliness, because the key word here is "mother", which means that somewhere nearby there is a second precious being - a child (children). Realization of this removes the feeling of hopelessness, but does not eliminate the main problem - the feeling of guilt that your child is growing up in an incomplete, which means, in a somewhat incomplete family ...

Guilty without guilt

Condemnation of others is based mainly on the false belief that a single mother has not done enough to ensure that her child lives in a complete family. Believe me, every woman will think a hundred times before deciding on such an unenviable fate. Those giving birth “for themselves” are considered to be proud, unable to sacrifice freedom for the sake of providing a child with an indispensable attribute of happiness called “dad in the house”. And if the alleged dad is a complete egoist, who does not know how to love anyone but himself? Or is a potential alcoholic a “wonderful” example for a child? Or is he still a child who, despite his forty-something, is not going to grow up? What is the use of this for the child? Just don't ask rhetorically: "Where were her eyes before?"

Unfortunately, such qualities as an excellent boyfriend and a caring dad of future children are not always included in the list of virtues of a lover. And the best thing that a woman who is faced with the choice of “married status - a bad father of a child” or “a single mother” can do is to listen to her intuition and not be led by public opinion. Moreover, marriages that are concluded on the fly, without the special desire of both parties, are still doomed ...

The divorced woman, too, does not particularly regret: she did not bend enough for her husband, did not tolerate as much as it should be for the house building, that is, until the last day of her life. Or to the madhouse, where such angelic patience of beatings, humiliation, betrayal and the eternal damnation of Russian women - alcoholism, very often leads. Others forgive, even running for a beer for a hungover husband in the morning, covering the bruises with a scarf. For the sake of the children, for the sake of the family. And ask the child: how does it feel for him to see his mother beaten by his own dad? Scandals have never benefited the state of mind of children. And it's better for such dads to become Sunday - maybe, at least having lost their wife and children, they will understand what a full-fledged family is.

Getting rid of guilt — in front of society and before her children first — is what a single mother must do. It is clear that the destroyed union is the fault of both partners. But wasting mental strength on self-flagellation is an extremely harmful occupation. If the relationship has already been settled, turn the page and start looking for the pluses in your freedom. There will probably be a lot of them. What is it worth, for example, the prospect of falling in love again - but with the mind, that is, with a worthy contender. Deserves to be a wonderful father to your children.

One more chance

Whatever one may say, but in order to bring up a harmonious personality, both maternal and paternal efforts are required. If the child does not have an example of daily relationships in front of his eyes, it will be very difficult for him to create and maintain his own family in the future. Therefore, the best thing a single mother can do for her child is to marry successfully. Moreover, taking into account the existing experience, it is quite realistic. There would be a desire. Fortunately, a single mother with a child is no longer of particular interest to all sorts of egoists, swindlers and infantile personalities. Therefore, such unpromising comrades in terms of marriage automatically disappear. Men from the real breed come to the fore: not afraid of difficulties, independent, successful. And if before the birth of children a woman preferred to see a partner with a bright appearance, witty and companionable next to her, now beautiful boobies are of the last interest to her.

The most important thing is the search for the father of the child. And if a man has enough intelligence and heartfelt sensitivity on the very first date to ask a single mother at least a few questions about her beloved child, he is guaranteed a second date. Moreover, his age, appearance and financial situation will not play any role. After all, even in quite prosperous families, fathers are not always interested in their own offspring - what can we expect from a stranger uncle?

To paraphrase a well-known saying, it can be argued that the way to the heart of a single mother is through love for her child. However, it is very important not to be deceived and not accept gratitude for love. After all, you have to live with this man - you are not getting a nanny for a child, but a husband for yourself. Do not try to sacrifice yourself, you will not be able to stand it for a long time. How do you explain to a child the disappearance of this dad, to whom he has already become attached?

Understand. Forgive

Nobody will yell under the windows of the hospital: "Thank you, darling!" All this is very difficult to forgive the failed dad. However, you will have to forgive, because hatred and condemnation will destroy you from the inside, and you need mental strength. The easiest way to do this is through pity. After all, in fact, it is your ex who was left completely alone, and you - already forever! - with the most dear and beloved person together. And it was the man who deprived himself of such great happiness - to watch his child grow up, hear his first words, help him take the first step. Have pity on the poor egoist and lend him a helping hand (if, of course, he is not completely hopeless).

An intelligent mother will not forbid the father to see the child, will not interfere with their relationship. Of course, there is a great temptation to tell children the cruel truth about their indifferent father, but by doing this, you primarily injure the children themselves. How will it be for them to live with the thought that their own dad did not want them to be born? They are unlikely to be happier if they find out that he does not love them. The child must necessarily feel desired, loved, and by both parents. And who knows, maybe in the future this monster will be re-educated and something else will be useful to your children.

The right to happiness

Unfortunately, most often single mothers, disappointed in men, put an end to their personal lives and completely immerse themselves in caring for children. They live someone else's life, bringing an unnecessary sacrifice - their right to happiness, for which they will certainly reproach grown children, taking credit for what their son or daughter could do without: overprotection, dissolution of their own personality in children, dependence on their thanks.

But all psychologists unanimously assert that a happy mother will give her child immeasurably more than an unhappy one. After all, children are very sensitive, and the internal state of the mother is transmitted to them in ways unknown by science, as if an invisible umbilical cord continues to tie them. And the most useful thing to teach your child is to be happy. Naturally, by example. If you have the opportunity to realize yourself both as a woman and in your career, do not miss this chance! Of course, it is very important that the child is not abandoned, but this usually does not happen with the children of single mothers. After all, they are loved for two - for themselves and for that guy.

There is no need to sacrifice yourself - no one will appreciate it. Unless it develops a sense of guilt in your children, and this very much destroys the relationship. And, most likely, sooner or later they will simply run away so as not to see your unfortunate eyes. If you do not develop as a person, if you do not start to respect yourself, will you have the right to demand respect from others? And love, and even more so, no sacrifices can be deserved. Therefore, learn to be happy, because the most important thing for this you already have is your children.

What are the benefits of single mothers

An employer does not have the right, on its own initiative, to fire a single mother with a child under the age of 14 (except in cases where a woman violates labor discipline and labor duties without good reason, if she has disciplinary penalties, truancy, or in the event of the liquidation of the enterprise, when dismissal is allowed with the obligatory employment of a woman). The employer's responsibilities include her mandatory employment in the event of dismissal at the end of a fixed-term employment contract. For this period, her average wage is retained for a period not exceeding three months from the date of termination of the fixed-term employment contract.

According to Art. 183 of the Labor Code, for single mothers, sick leave for caring for a child up to 14 years old is paid 100% and for a longer period than other women. In order for a single mother to have the opportunity to spend more time with her child, she is provided with additional leave without pay of up to 14 days, which can be added to the main leave or separate from it, at a time convenient for the single mother.

Without the consent of a single mother, she cannot be attracted to work at night, to overtime work and to work on weekends and holidays (Article 259 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation). For single mothers with children under 14 years of age, part-time work may be established at their request. This right is granted to them by Art. 254 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation. The employer has no right to refuse to hire or reduce the wages of such mothers because they have children (Article 64 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation). If a single mother raising a child under the age of 14 is refused employment, the employer must provide her in writing with an explanation of the reason for the refusal. This document can be appealed to the courts.

The other day a girl wrote me a letter who asked me to help solve her problem - to understand what to do in her seemingly hopeless situation.

The situation is as follows: a young girl was thrown by a guy in a position and asked to deal with his "problems" on his own and forget about him forever.

And so I get a cry for help from a girl who wants to know " Is it hard to be a single mother?«

The situation is certainly not easy. And I know it firsthand. That is why I would like to develop this topic for young girls who faced the question "To be or not to be?"

parents and children

Once upon a time, 7 years ago, I myself was in a similar situation. Left alone with the baby in the tummy. The situation was aggravated by the fact that I no longer had my parents and, accordingly, there was nowhere to consult with them and wait for support. Plus, I was worried about the work, which brought meager income. Of course, a very young me, the question arises: What to do?

And the ensuing questions that followed fell on my green head like a waterfall: “How can I raise a child alone? How will I feed him? How will I provide it? Am I ready for the role of motherhood? Do I have the right to condemn a child to an incomprehensible existence in my situation? Is it hard to be a single mother? " And a lot of questions that poured on me as if I was being poured with ice water.

And no matter how they tell me that everything will be fine. “Every child comes with his goodness into this world” - I was scared.

Probably only now I understand that the worst thing at that moment was to take responsibility not only for myself, but also for the life of a little man who will be born.

Questions haunted me, fear and despair were in my soul. And youth probably played its time. Frankly, I was afraid! I was afraid that I would not be able to take on such a responsibility and become a good mom.

Although this child was undoubtedly welcome and very long-awaited.

But when in an instant your whole world collapses and you remain completely 1, and the closest and once beloved person betrays you, then fears appear.

The main thing here is to pull myself together in time, throw off all fears and, despite the blurry future, decide for myself - I can!

So it was with me.

What happened next?

No matter how hard it is in life, I can firmly and confidently say that I overcame it thanks to my golden baby.

All my achievements that were, are and will be - all thanks to her.

It was my baby who became my inspiration and generator of all my ideas and actions.

Nobody says that everything was smooth and smooth. Nobody sat in the bosom of Christ.

Yes, there were sidelong glances from strangers and fear of being left without money, sleepless nights and tears in the pillow, trials and rewards. There was a lot, but we got through it together.

All difficulties and hardships were forgotten when I hugged my daughter and leaned against my blood.

Therefore, my dear girls, if you are faced with the question: "Will I be able to carry the burden of a single mother?" soul.

I understand that you may be gnawing at the question of the financial component of the development of events. But it can be solved even while sitting on maternity leave -

It is possible to be socially active if you are a single mother. Many women have overcome difficulties on the road to success for themselves and their children. Regardless of whether you are suffering from lack of time for social life, not meeting other people's expectations, or simply afraid of the unknown, you can overcome it all and start living for yourself again if you follow the further instructions.

Steps

Feel like you can start living a social life. You need to stop thinking that taking some time for yourself means being selfish, irresponsible, and unfaithful. It is completely normal and natural to want to socialize with others or have certain interests and enjoy free time without being surrounded by children. If you are still in doubt, consider the benefits such as feeling that you have the strength to live as a single mother and have time to remember pleasant and long-forgotten moments from your past social life. Working and raising children all the time does not mean living a balanced life; your life and your role as a mother will improve a hundredfold if you spend a little more time on yourself.

• But try not to excuse yourself by the fact that it is much more pleasant for you to spend all the time with your children than to do something alone. You may have convinced yourself that you are living this out of necessity, but it can also hurt you as children if they see you as the main support and source of friendship in their own lives. It will be best if your children spend some time with other people during their free time from school. And you, in turn, will learn to communicate with adults again!
• Are you familiar with the situation when a woman convinces herself that the forbidden desire to devote time to herself and the desire to meet a new partner is a manifestation of selfishness, because children come first? Do you think so too? Do not include their names in the list of your regular interlocutors! Of course, this is your family, but you shouldn't put it first. Making responsible choices will make your family happier. You can do this without negativity, pressure, or judgment from other people.

1. Look at everything from a logical point of view. For many single mothers, it is too difficult to organize time for social life, because for this you need to rely on others. Given that single mothers tend to carry everything on their own shoulders, asking someone for help beyond “all obligations” can mean crossing borders. But it's very important to accept that helping other people can help you take care of the children while you spend time with someone else. And there is nothing wrong with that. This does not mean that you are bad; it also doesn't mean that you can't do it alone. There are always people willing to help if you ask them - don't be afraid to ask for help if you need to take a break. In practice, this includes the following:

   • Consider someone who can take care of your children while you are away. Do you have family or friends you can rely on? Are your neighbors suitable for these purposes? Do you know women with children? If it suits your situation, your children can also spend time with their own father.
   • If not, consider professional babysitting services. This can save you any anxiety about asking someone to sit with the kids or if you really don't have anyone you can rely on.
   • Consider taking turns with children with other single mothers or a group of single mothers. You can share responsibilities and have someone take care of your children while you are away; so you can be sure that each of you can have time for yourself. This can relieve stress about bothering someone, and it can also be a good way to introduce your children to other children. It is also a way to build good relationships with other mothers who can help you out in emergencies, for example, if you need to go to the hospital with one of the children, so that someone will take care of the second child. Establishing good relationships with other mothers for social reasons can also be beneficial.

2. Choose a time. It may sound corny, but you won't have a social life if you don't want to, which includes planning and permission taking time for herself for something other than caring for the children. Sit down and think about when it is more convenient for you to attend social events; you may be able to do this once a week, once a month, or once every three months. It all depends on you and what you yourself want in this situation. But at the same time, one should not think that everything is too complicated, postponing social life for the next year; planning allows you to set a goal, choose a caregiver, arrange a meeting with other people, and save the right amount of money. As soon as you allow yourself think in this way, everything will fall into place.

3. Choose activities that you can afford. It is possible that you are worried about wasting money on entertainment instead of paying your rent, paying for the needs of your children, or buying something for your home. But with careful planning and the right choice of activities, you can have a great time with your friends without wasting too much. Naturally, everything should suit your interests, but here are some ideas for beginners:

   • Visit a museum or art gallery. Depending on where you live, there are special days with discounted admissions or even free admission.
   • Go to the park. Have a picnic or have lunch with friends you haven't seen in ages. The park may also host street performances, or you can simply observe people. You can also play sports, such as jogging in the park or the sports field. And finally, and not a little important, if you go to the park, you can relax lying on the grass under a tree and daydream to escape from the chores around the house.
   • Go dancing. Dancing is an affordable and enjoyable way to spend time with friends or meet new people. But try not to drink too much; so you will save money and have fun.
   • Have a snack somewhere. Stop by a local café, check out the cheap menu options, or use restaurant vouchers to save money. You can enjoy your favorite meals in the café or have a picnic in the park.
   • Go study. Attending night school once a week to learn something new will be beneficial both for gaining new knowledge and for communicating with people. Not all students go to night school for the sake of socializing, but this way you will meet new people and share your interests, as well as improve your knowledge in a particular area! And not all areas of knowledge require continuous study from textbooks. Can you, for example, enroll in a cooking class to learn how to prepare different dishes, or a wine tasting course?
   • Start exercising. The idea here is to go to the gym regularly or play team games. It is a great way to relax and relieve stress, and to spend time with people who also enjoy your chosen sport.
   • Go to the theater or cinema. Look for discounted tickets for more expensive shows, or save money for a really worthwhile show or movie you "must" see.
   • Go to the bookstore and just take a leisurely look at the books that remind you of the days before you were burdened with caring for children. Sip your coffee while reading the latest news and just enjoy the process.
   • Go shopping at your favorite clothing store. You may even find something at a discount.

4. Take your children with you. This may seem counterintuitive at first, but living a social life doesn't necessarily mean dating or attending adult events, but it also means interacting with your kids during social activities that may be of interest to both you and your kids. If you do not have the opportunity to leave your children with someone, then take them with you. There are many places that suit your interests and still bring joy to your children, unless it happens late at night. Consider showing them that you love music, art, and history in the hope that someday they will also be interested in all of this. Although now they may not be entirely interested in it, this or that information will still be deposited in their heads.

   • Connect with friends who also have children to introduce your children to other children. Children can play together while the adults communicate.
   • Take the kids for a bike ride or hike or picnic. Calculate travel times based on your child's age, but don't make excuses that your kids are too young for these activities. Spending time outdoors is good for both you and your kids.
   • Go on a trip together, even if it means just throwing things in the car and driving to another city in a family motel. A change of scenery will benefit all of you. You will be able to freshen up and show yourself in front of your children from a new side! Traveling is a great way to socialize and experience with the whole family without spending a lot of money on it (for example, go hiking on the weekend).

5. Meet new people. If you find the strength to relate to someone again, don't hesitate. With the help of the Internet, you can find the right person and meet him for a cup of coffee after you have a little virtual chat. Not only people with children prefer online dating. This method of communication is preferable for many people, and although not all of your acquaintances can turn into mutual interest, it can still happen.

   • See things realistically and be honest. If you are in a relationship with someone, tell your new friend that you are a single mother. If this option does not suit him, he may not even spend time developing a relationship with you. This is also how you can get to know a person who also has children; they "understand" your situation and will treat you with understanding.
   • If you do not intend to start a relationship with someone, be prepared for the fact that this can destroy the relationship. If it soon becomes clear that you shouldn't meet so often, most likely your partner has lost all interest, so you should consider this point and not exclude the possibility that you may not work out!
   • Avoid socializing your casual partner with your children. Only introduce children to your partner if both of you are serious about each other.
   • Be careful. When you first meet a person in reality, always make an appointment in a public place and do not be alone until you get to know each other better. May your meeting bring you joy and pleasure, because you do not know where your relationship will lead.
6. • Sites such as Meetup.com contain information on events for single mothers in your area, and if you can't find one where you live, you can organize one yourself. An “event” can be just a meeting with other single mothers at a local café, or something more complicated, like taking turns with the kids, going to a restaurant, going to the movies, or any other fun activity for you.
   • Other opportunities to come together can be found with the help of church workers, community centers, or any other organization that runs activities for children where mothers can talk to each other.
   • The mobile phone is something that single mothers did without in the old days. But the phone will help you find out if everything is okay with your child in your absence, or if you need to immediately run back home. Let the mobile phone be responsible for "what if ..."!
   • If you have friends who are still throwing parties, chances are they haven't become parents yet. Whether they are single or married, the parties end instantly when the kids show up. If you feel like you are the only single mom missing out on the opportunity to have some fun at the party, put those thoughts aside. Chat with other mothers, single or not, and work together to help each other find time to socialize.
   • Ask for some free time for your birthday or other holidays. This can be a great way to find a caregiver for your child.
   • Use creativity to incorporate social life into your daily routine and to embody whatever you want out of social life. There are no rules you must follow.

   Warnings

   • Be careful when meeting people and never let anyone come to your home if you don't know the person well enough. Especially if you have children at home. Be smart and think about safety; you can even ask your neighbor to "suddenly" drop in on your date, just to check that everything is in order.

The described trend has continued for several years, and all the measures taken by the government at the present time, sadly, do not lead to the desired result. And this means that every year, again and again, many children find themselves in an incomplete family, and their mothers, finding themselves alone, sooner or later face a choice: to raise their child exclusively on their own (or with the help of their own parents) or try to arrange a personal life, find a foster father for the child. However, the very word "stepfather" can scare even the most courageous and strong-willed woman. Many stories about the failed relationship of new gentlemen of mothers and children, up to torture, rape and murder, cannot but terrify. Obviously, a young mother should have special rules according to which her personal life should be organized, so as not to harm the babies.

Post navigation

So, talk about your motherhood immediately, directly and without hesitation. Even proudly. And if you use the services of a dating site, feel free to indicate in the questionnaire the presence of "successors of the clan", their number, gender and age.
In order not to harm, not to inflict psychological trauma on the child, you must trust him, inform about the events of your life. And this applies to all its aspects. When you come home from work, tell us about your day.

Attention

Even if your "button" is only five years old. Find words that are understandable at this age. And then ask about your child's day. As for your matrimonial intentions, explain to the child that the appearance of a man in your life does not mean depriving the child of love, attention and care.

On the contrary, a person will appear in the house who will help with the housework, take care of the baby, play with him, love, and give toys.

How to survive a single mother

Info

I, probably, like many mothers who raise children alone without dads, from the phrase single mom becomes somehow uncomfortable. Now there are many women who have acquired this status. Some got married, gave birth to a child and were soon left without a husband.

Others were left without a beloved man, after a positive pregnancy test. There are many stories, the ending is one. You are a single mother. One of the main axioms says - "Only a woman needs a child", therefore, when you give birth and have a husband, do not reassure yourself that this is forever.

Alimony, in the future, as an argument is very unconvincing. Unfortunately, in our country the law is on the side of men.

And therefore, if your ex-husband once a month transferred you a ridiculous amount of alimony, no one will persecute him. He listed something. And it doesn't matter what his child will eat, how to dress, what to buy medicine for, and learn this kid.

The life of a single mother

Important

The last, seventh rule says that you need to acquaint children and parents with a loved one only when you are already sure that your relationship is serious. Psychologists recommend first presenting it separately to the older generation.

Organize a meeting with the younger family members outside your or his home, but within four walls (in any building, a person almost always feels more confident and comfortable than in an open space). A children's cafe is ideal. It is better to carry out preliminary preparation with the child without making surprises.

And, of course, your knight himself must be ready to meet, able to cope with the excitement. Otherwise, the rules are the same as the general recommendations for a conscientious, decent and reasonable woman.

With a slight amendment to the fact that now you are responsible not only for yourself, but also for the dearest person - your child. Let us briefly recall that: 1.

Single mom - a cross on your personal life?

In the list, by the way, the other day, Jada Pinkett-Smith, whom the tabloids prematurely recorded as an abandoned wife, almost hit the list. Also, a single mother is entitled to the following benefits: A single mother cannot be fired until her child reaches 14 years old on the initiative of the management (even for non-compliance with the position held).
In cases of liquidation of an enterprise or termination of an employee's employment contract, it is assumed that she will be dismissed with mandatory subsequent employment. At the same time, during employment, but not longer than 3 months, the mother has the right to receive an average wage. A single mother has the right to pay sick leave of any length for caring for a sick child until he reaches school age or sick leave for 15 days for children from 7 to 15 years old.

Single mother - how to be happy?

Otherwise, the word - Love sounds for you. You will learn a new real meaning of this concept. Love is the ability to give everything you have without expecting anything in return.

Letting go, even knowing that it is likely that they will not return to you. You forgive all hurtful words, sleepless nights, whims.

You are learning to forgive. The world is acquiring other, more saturated colors. In men, you will learn to value reliability, the willingness to come to the rescue.

You will learn to see the real dignity of a man. And where you have seen shortcomings before, you will see advantages. There is a misconception that a lonely mommy will throw herself on anyone's neck.

It is quite difficult for a woman who is left alone with a child to find a mate again. Having created our little family (me and the child), we carefully look at who to let in there and who not. And very often we are not in a hurry to find a husband. After all, we already know the difference between promises, words and deeds.

You will always be under the close supervision of neighbors, kindergarten teachers, other parents, teachers at school. Very often they will discuss you behind your back. How you are dressed, how your child is dressed. Don't buy into the smiles of others. In 90% of cases, they are deceitful. You will be angry with the child's father. Get angry, it's okay, just don't dump your rage on your child. A quarrel with a child will lead to even more depression, and it will only make him worse. Do not take out your resentment on the little man. He is definitely not to blame for this, even if outwardly he is a complete copy of his dad and in character too.

This will not help you one hundred percent, and will lead to the alienation of the child from you. The child will begin to strive to find a "good" father.

And one fine day, God forbid, will go to look for him. Therefore, let the child know better who his own father is.

Single mother: how to live?

Meanwhile, numerous studies in this area have proved that there is no connection between the well-being of children and the number of parents as such. Because the more myths you dispel for yourself, the freer and more independent of the opinions of others you will become.

A single mother must avoid two big dangers. Mistakes of mothers In most cases, these parents want to realize their personal dreams through the child, thereby limiting his freedom of choice.

The child will never feel happy. Do not limit your circle of friends, communicate with people, not just with your only child. In the event of life turmoil, single mothers often seek help from their young children. This is a very big emotional harm to the little man.

Personal account of single mothers living

It is highly desirable to meet not only for the first time, but in general for the first time "on neutral territory", in a crowded place. It's best on the weekend so that none of you is in a hurry.

Your relatives, friends, friends should know with whom and where you went, how long you are going to spend in the company of a new acquaintance. 5. It is good with each new meeting to learn as much as possible about the chosen one, his work, hobbies, hobbies, family, life, childhood, principles, culinary preferences and so on.

At the same time, until a certain time, it is best to try not to get attached to him, not to rush with psychological and physical rapprochement, until it becomes clear to you that it is with this person that you would like a long and serious relationship.

How to arrange the life of a single mother

As a rule, this happens at the age of 12-13, when it is no longer a child, but a teenager, begins to strive to walk more, attend discos, concerts, excursions, and go on vacation with friends. On the part of the parent, such tendencies result in excessive anxiety, overprotection and increased control. And the further, the more difficult it becomes for both of them to coexist. Many children who grew up with single mothers admit that they were literally “strangled with love”.

Thus, if you are not an enemy of your own children, find another object on which you will pour out love and tenderness. The second rule of the personal life of any adult states categorically that personal life is the life of an individual! If here and now you have not worked out with your partner, and the man is not with you, this does not mean that you cannot enjoy yourself and your company.