Registration of marriage between a Muslim and a Christian - is such a union possible? Is it possible to have a happy marriage between a Muslim and a Christian?

16.08.2019

At a time when the interpenetration of cultures cannot be avoided, the question of how religions and traditions that are radically different from each other can coexist peacefully becomes relevant. When it comes to society as a whole, it would seem that everything is relatively simple and clear: in big cities there are both Jewish synagogues and Muslim mosques, if you wish, you can even find a Hindu ashram. But everything becomes much more complicated when it comes to a family, especially when children appear in it, and you have to decide in what faith to bring them up. Therefore, today we will figure out whether it is possible for a Muslim to marry a Christian, what the future of such a marriage could be.

General rules and religious canons

Any of the world's religions believes that changing one's religion is a sin. Therefore, many believing Christians and Jews are not ready to go for it so easily even for the sake of a loved one. But at the same time, compulsion to believe is considered immoral and unpleasing.

Men who profess Islam have at all times married women of other faiths, so there is no ban on such marriages. Another thing is the attitude towards this union of other members of the family and society as a whole. Raising children can also be a problem. A Muslim man, brought up in Islamic traditions from childhood, believes that it is he, as the head of the family, who is responsible for this on the Day of Judgment. It is logical that he will want to protect himself and his loved ones from punishment for sins.

Marriage with a woman of a different faith is not condemned, in which:

the status of a man is maintained according to Islamic canons;
in the future, the wife will agree to convert to Islam (highly desirable, but not necessary);
joint children are brought up in Muslim traditions.

It may seem surprising, but many Muslims see some advantages in marriage with women of other faiths: by marrying a non-Muslim woman, a man can convert her to his faith. Any religion needs followers to continue its existence, so the growth of their number through the conversion of non-Christians is highly desirable. But it is worth considering that in this case it is forbidden to impose faith, to force a person to convert to Islam by force, to manipulate him. A husband should become an example of piety, kindness and justice for his wife, so that she herself wants to learn more about his faith, and later accept it.

However, many more Muslims see such a marriage as a danger, especially if the family does not live in a Muslim society. In countries where the majority of believers are Christians, it is so difficult to follow all Muslim traditions (for example, not always and not everyone has the opportunity to pray on time). If a Muslim marries a Christian woman, the risk of her influence on her husband, which is undesirable from the point of view of Islam, increases, a man can go astray, betray his faith (especially if he is surrounded by a non-Muslim society).

In a family in which the father and mother profess different religions, radically different from each other, sooner or later there may be a problem with raising children. You can’t instill in a child two faiths at once, you have to choose. In this case, it all depends on how the spouses settle this problem among themselves. More often than not, you have to follow the faith of your husband.

The situation is completely different with the marriage of a Muslim woman and a Christian. Despite the fact that there is no direct prohibition on such a union in the Koran, indirect evidence of its inadmissibility is found in the sacred texts. The reason is that, according to the Muslim worldview, the main thing in a relationship is a man, and a woman only follows him. Therefore, Muslims believe that sooner or later a Muslim wife will still have to give up her religious beliefs and values, adopting the beliefs and values of her husband. However, if a man agrees to convert to Islam before marriage, then such a union will be quite acceptable and positively perceived by the Muslim society.

Islam and atheism

If marriage with a Jew or Christian is still considered acceptable, then the relationship of a Muslim with an atheist is highly undesirable from the point of view of Islam. The fact is that both Christianity and Judaism require a woman to be modest, submissive and remain innocent until marriage. An atheist herself is free to choose for herself a way of life, principles and values. Naturally, most women live the way they like themselves, and a man who is guided only by his own convictions does not fit into any religious canons. Accordingly, a woman who does not profess any religion does not have to remain chaste before marriage, and for an unmarried Muslim woman, the loss of innocence is a shame for the whole family.

However, a Muslim can marry a woman who has lost her virginity (for example, she was already married). If he is warned about this, then he is free to decide whether such a marriage suits him. If, after the marriage, it turns out that the bride has lost her virginity, the husband has the right immediately.

We can say that there is no unequivocal answer to the question of whether it is possible for a Muslim to marry a Christian woman. The Qur'an does not prohibit this, but there are many nuances that should be taken into account for each person individually.

Marriage, where spouses belong to different faiths, has two aspects, everyday and spiritual. And if from the point of view of everyday life everything may look good, then from the point of view of religion, many questions arise. Muslim and Christian - the opinions of Orthodox priests.

Like in Turkish TV series

A popular query on the Internet is: Muslim husband sad stories. Alas, the marriage of an Orthodox Christian and a Muslim is the most unfortunate example of interfaith cohabitation. Especially if the husband is a foreigner. Read women's forums. Events develop according to a typical scenario, approximately as in this story:

Katya met Fatih on vacation in Turkey. She was captivated at first sight by this swarthy, slender guy with a white-toothed smile. Prior to that, she twice reviewed the series "Magnificent Century" and was fascinated by Turkish culture. The heroine of the series, a Slav who fell into the Sultan's harem and became the mistress of the world, seemed to Katya like herself. She even dyed her hair golden-red, fell in love with catchy jewelry and bright dresses, bought oriental sweets for coffee, she also wanted to say the mysterious words “Inshallah” and “Mashallah” and, of course, love the powerful and noble man of other faith.

Each of us has his own fairy tale, his own temptation, seductive through monotonous everyday life.

From the first minutes of her stay in Istanbul, Katya was waiting for a miracle - not just meeting a man, but insane passion, like in a movie. And Fatih appeared. His profession was prosaic - a hotel employee. But what beautiful roses he gave and complimented in good Russian - Katya believed that work helped him master Russian. She also liked that he wasn't a beach bum. Katya herself was finishing her studies as a pharmacist and dreamed of her own pharmacy in her native city near Moscow, and later on of a whole pharmacy chain. The father, a wealthy man, had not lived with his family for a long time, but supported his daughter financially, promised to help with the business.

Russian and Ukrainian neighbors in the hotel also met with the Turks. Many took this lightly - a holiday romance. Katya was warned that the Turks did not take white women seriously, but she did not believe, and indeed, before leaving, Fatih proposed to her and gave her a ring. Now she had someone to say "ashkym" - beloved, as in the series.

“I will open a pharmacy in Turkey,” Katya dreamed. At home, she threw a large silk scarf over her head and turned in front of the mirror, assessing whether the hijab would suit her face?

The girl was baptized, but Islam attracted her as the religion of her beloved man.

Russians are religiously illiterate, although 70% consider themselves Orthodox.

I have met educated older people who only know about Christianity because of a children's Bible bought for their grandson. A weak understanding of one's religion is not conducive to piety. And Katya ran into the church when she was in the mood - because it was beautiful there. She did not understand the meaning of the prayers; it did not occur to her to study Church Slavonic. But because of Fatih, she began to visit Muslim sites. Some articles caused her rejection, but she humbled herself in order to feel and think like an invaluable "ashkim".

Her parents were suspicious of her fiancé, but Katya fought back, persistently asked her father for the promised money, and when he transferred the amount to the card, she went to Turkey to build a family life.

Young people got married and even performed nikah - a marriage according to the Muslim rite. There were problems with the purchase of a pharmacy - a lot of documents were required, besides, Katya did not yet have Turkish citizenship. Fatih said that with this money he could open a cafe in his native village. The couple left the Turkish capital.

The house in the mountain village was two-story, but poorly furnished and dilapidated. The young people were given a room on the second floor above the goat pen, and Katya woke up to the bleating of cattle, and not to the song of a nightingale in love with a rose.

The mother-in-law and the wives of the two Fatih brothers met Katya unfriendly, and gradually shifted all household chores onto her shoulders. What was she waiting for? This is the share of the youngest daughter-in-law in a Turkish family, if the young ones live with older relatives.

Gradually, she learned that Fatih met with a dozen visiting girls, looking for a more profitable party.

Local Turkish women did not covet him - because of poverty. And something did not stick with the visitors - either the girl was not eager to get married, or she seemed not rich. Unless he studied Russian. Katya's willingness to dissolve in Turkish culture, to convert to Islam, plus money for a pharmacy, played a role.

Fatih's cafe, which he gave to his father, attracted visitors. The family made a profit, but Katya did not see a penny. But Fatih's mother began to say that the son should take a second wife - from the locals, because according to Islam he had the right to do so. Apparently, this is how the mother-in-law hoped to get rid of her Russian daughter-in-law. In the kitchen, teaching Katya, she could roughly push her, and the poor thing heard barbs every day.

Fatih quickly lost interest in his wife and often went to Istanbul. As Katya suspected, to have fun with anxious tourists. Sometimes she found time to go on the Internet, where she complained to her friends about her fate, gaining the determination to get a divorce. I tried to pray, but someone else's faith did not give consolation, and Katya, in fact, did not know her own, Orthodox.

From the luxury of the Turkish series, she got only the exclamations “Mashallah” and “Inshallah” and a scarf, which, as usual, covers golden-red curls. Favorite series now caused irritation, like a bait that lured me to a foreign country.

But maybe Katya misunderstood him? After all, the “Magnificent Age” showed both the endless squabbles of the harem, and the oblivion of the heroine of faith, and the rejection of the Orthodox name, and her blind love for the sultan, who devastated Christian lands ...

In fairness, it should be noted that not all "Turkish wives" from Russia have a sad fate. The closer the husband is to European civilization, the less problems complicate the life of the visiting wife.

One Turk, lo and behold, was even baptized for the sake of his wife, but in other cases, wives converted to Islam.

In Arab countries, the life of a European is more dangerous - there, traditions entangle women like heavy chains. There are also successful marriages and even Arab wives who were baptized in rows, which have to be hidden from relatives - for example, in Saudi Arabia. But where is the guarantee that your chosen one will be like that?

Russian women have been suing children with Eastern men for years - in Islamic culture, it is customary to leave heirs with the father during a divorce.

Of course, opponents can say: the character of a husband does not depend on nationality, how many Russian women are tyrannized by men of the same kind-tribe with them. I personally suffered so much with the “true Aryans” that I would rather be interested in an oriental man. But their perception of women is complicated by centuries-old traditions, the requirements of relatives and the orders of their historical homeland - if we talk about a foreigner.

What is interesting about an oriental man for a European woman? Because he thinks and acts differently. Determined, courageous, ardent. But in this difference, along with attractiveness, danger lurks. It is easy to admire an authoritarian movie character, but it is difficult to share a home with such a gentleman and raise children. Especially in his home country. There he is the boss, the laws are on his side, and even the police will look through their fingers at the aggression against the visiting wife.

The problem is that we, Slavs, are ready to dissolve in the culture of a loved one, accept it and betray our own, which seems of little interest. This is the negative side of our sacrifice.

But most men do not appreciate it. They are self-confident and believe: it should be so. Giving birth to children, an apostate gives them to a foreign people, another religion. Thinks least of all about the soul. But it is not a fact that having lost herself as a person for the sake of physiology, the lady will receive respect in return.

Infidels and non-Orthodox

The Orthodox Church divides representatives of other religions into heterodox and non-Orthodox.

Non-believers include Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and sectarians. To the non-Orthodox - Catholics, Lutherans, Protestants, Armenian-Gregorians and some others - they also glorify Christ, but in a different way.

Before Peter the Great, marriages between Orthodox and non-Orthodox were prohibited. But the tsar headed for Europe and invited scientists and craftsmen from there to Russia. Of course, families of Russians with foreigners began to be created.

And the church, for political reasons, was forced to allow marriages with heterodox, but not with non-believers. However, the children of the spouses had to grow up in the Orthodox faith.

The issue of children is fundamental for all faiths. No religion wants to yield the younger generation to another religion. Here is the Imam's view of interfaith marriage: Marriage of a Muslim man to a chaste and virtuous woman of Christian culture is permitted, but must be taken into account:

maintaining the husband's status in the family according to the canons of Islam;
the desirability of the spouse adopting the Islamic faith;
- the obligatory nature of raising children in the spirit of morality and religiosity, commanded by the Holy Quran.

Occasionally, democratically minded parents leave the choice of faith at the discretion of the child - he will grow up, decide for himself. Does this seem reasonable? But the clergy do not approve of this approach, believing that religious education should begin from the first years of a baby's life. From birth, a person needs the protection and help of the Almighty. It turns out that the parents themselves cry out to God for support, and the child is left to the mercy of fate. Isn't that cruel?

The marriage of an Orthodox and a Catholic also has its own characteristics. Of course, the difference between mentalities and religions is not as strong as in the case of Islam. But still, someone must sacrifice their faith, or everyone alone performs their rituals, but then the family loses cohesion and spiritual closeness.

From the point of view of Orthodoxy, the family is a small church. There are many similarities:

the family, like the church, consists of believers, but in addition to the common faith, it is united by ties of kinship;
as in the church, in the family they perform common prayers and celebrate religious holidays;
see the main goal of the transformation of the soul, deliverance from sins, unity with God.

The Orthodox rite of weddings reflects such an approach in prayers, where the Creator is asked for "the unanimity of souls and bodies", their union "in unanimity" and preservation "in peace and unanimity".

But one can only dream of a family idyll where dad goes to church, mom goes to church, grandma goes to the synagogue, grandpa goes to the mosque, and the children have not yet made their choice, and adults are trying to change them to their side.

In Russia, there are such families where a lamb is slaughtered on Eid al-Adha, and Easter cake shines, it seems that the friendship of peoples is an echo of Soviet internationalism, but it’s hard for me to imagine what is going on in the minds of such people, what kind of porridge is there, sorry.

And even after death, such families are divided. An Orthodox spouse does not have the right to bury a non-Orthodox according to his own rite, serve a memorial service for him, or commemorate him at the liturgy. Orthodox cemeteries, as well as Muslim ones, should not be buried in Catholic cemeteries, and vice versa.

The problem of the posthumous fate of the soul arises, since most of the holy fathers affirm that its salvation is only in Orthodoxy.

But this is a separate complex topic.

Opinions of Orthodox clergy

I asked the Orthodox priests:

– What advice would you give to a girl, your parishioner, who fell in love with a Catholic or a Muslim and marries him? Our readers will be interested in your opinion, because in Russia marriages with non-Christians are made all the time.

Archpriest Mikhail Nikitin, St. Nicholas Church (Aleksin).

Archpriest Mikhail Antipov, Church of St. George the Victorious (village Khryashchevka).

“There is only one advice: do not seduce respected men of a different faith and ruin their lives. The fact is that a man, like a male, sooner or later will persuade his family to live according to the rules of his faith. And what could be next? Please refer to the statistics of such marriages. Personally, I am against such unions, since in the future great patience will be required and even experienced love will have to be forgotten, And family life without love is already some kind of public organization.

But not all priests are skeptical of interfaith marriages. According to some observations, a mixed family in Russia comes to that faith, the representative of which is stronger in his convictions. If an Orthodox wife or husband behaves with dignity, appreciates and knows his faith, observes rituals, then he involves the other half in his spiritual life.

Acquaintance, flirting, love, family - all couples in love try to adhere to such a scenario. But often prejudices, such as a different nationality or religion of one of the spouses, interfere with marriage. Is it really possible for a Muslim to marry a Christian? Or is it a taboo that has been imposed on us for many centuries? We will try to understand for certain the possibility of concluding an alliance between people who belong to different faiths, and, using an example, we will consider what can prevent them from being legally married.

Differences and controversies in religion

One of the first and most important obstacles on the way to family happiness in marriage with a Muslim can be disagreements in religion, since Islam and Christianity, despite some of their similarities, still sometimes preach opposite things, for example:

Christians are supposed to have one spouse. A Muslim can marry up to 4 wives at the same time.
Christianity forbids beating a wife for disobedience, while Islam advises: hit them for wrongdoing.
Christianity preaches the equality of men and women before God. Islam, on the contrary, believes that a woman is a lower being compared to a man.
Christianity teaches to be patient with other religions, while Islam preaches the fight against non-believers. “When you meet those who do not believe-ro-va-li, then - a blow with a sword on the neck” (47.4). “Fight the infidels and face-me-ra-mi. Be cruel to them!" (9.73).

This is only a small part of the disagreements between the two world confessions. But they, in turn, can turn the marriage of a Muslim with a Christian or Jew into a living hell if the husband strictly adheres to the Holy Scripture (Quran). In such a marriage, the husband will constantly humiliate and beat his wife for the slightest oversight.

Love and marriage are not the same

Yes, all ages and religions are submissive to love. Although for a Muslim and a Christian, marriage and love are sometimes incompatible concepts. And if Christianity encourages strong marriages and rejects causeless divorces between married and unmarried spouses, then in Islam they are more loyal to divorce, for example, a husband can give his wife a divorce just like that, for example, for the slightest offense or if he is tired of her. But even in the event that Christians nevertheless decide to divorce, it will not be easy to do this, it will be necessary to go through a long series of conversations with a spiritual mentor and prove to the church that divorce is not a whim, but a necessity. A Muslim can say certain words to his wife, after which they are considered divorced.

Of course, you can take a risk, but what if you get lucky ... Well, what if you get unlucky, and at best a woman will have to humbly endure polygamy of her husband, and at worst - to remain in an unfamiliar country without a livelihood.

Leadership in the family

It is worth noting that the leading role in the marriage of a Muslim and a Christian woman is always given to her husband. And it makes no difference whether the wife has a rich dowry or not. Immediately after the wedding, the wife comes under the guardianship of her husband, who decides everything for her. She has no right not only to work without her husband's permission, but even to visit her relatives and friends. By the way, all questions about the improvement of housing, up to the choice of decor, furniture and utensils, will also be decided by the husband. And if before the wedding you visited beauty salons and wore fashionable clothes, forget about it. Now you will wear what your husband chooses, and you will look the way he wants.

Religious customs as a reason to think

Each religion has its own customs, which sometimes have some indulgences, but it is not customary to violate Muslim customs under any pretext, for example:

It is forbidden to marry and marry non-Christians.
You can not make decisions without the consent of the groom's parents.
It is forbidden to plan the number of children.
A woman is forbidden to go anywhere without the permission of her husband or his relatives.
The wife is forbidden to communicate with other men.
It is not permissible for a woman to bare her head, arms and legs in the presence of strange men.

The list can be very long. Violation of any of these points can lead to an unplanned divorce. Therefore, before looking for an answer to the question of whether marriage with a Muslim is possible for great love, think about it, but do you need it? Do you need a marriage where there are no guarantees, where a woman has no rights, only duties, where a woman is treated like a thing that can be easily replaced with another? If at least one of the points seemed wild and unacceptable to you, then you should think about the appropriateness of such a relationship.

Features of dating the parents of the bride and groom

If, despite all the warnings, you think that a marriage of great love with a Muslim is possible, then do not rush to legitimize your relationship. Trust me, it won't be easy. To begin with, his relatives must allow your man to marry you, and this is very often an impossible task for a number of reasons.

They already have in mind a Muslim girl from a good family, more often a relative.
You have different religions, and marrying an "infidel" is a great sin.
You have different views on the family, life, etc. You will have to live in a large family, with parents, brothers and sisters and a bunch of your husband's nephews. Doesn't this arrangement suit you? Here they are too, they do not want to tear their son away from the family for the sake of marriage with the "infidel".

And even if the groom persuades the parents to agree to marry a Christian, then in this case you will at least have to change your religion.

Change of religion as a way out

Well, the most difficult thing is over, and you were allowed to get married, but that's not all. In order to be legally married according to all the canons of Islam, the bride and groom must be of the same faith. That is, you will definitely have to change your Orthodoxy. By the way, this is very easy to do. It is enough to repeat this quote from the Koran after the spiritual person, and you are already a Muslim: "Ashkhadu an la il'yaha `illa Ll'ahu wa 'ashhadu 'anna Muh'ammadan ra`sulu Allah."

But for those who are interested in the answer to the question of whether it is possible to live in a marriage with a Muslim, while remaining a Christian, there is no definite answer. After all, if you follow the traditions, then not a single clergyman will conduct a marriage ceremony between persons of different faiths. If it is decided not to carry out this ceremony, which is unlikely (the groom's parents will not allow it), then you can not change your religion.

Muslim and Christian wedding ceremonies

The wedding ceremonies of representatives of the two world religions do not differ much from each other, however, there are some nuances here. For example:

In the Christian wedding ceremony, the wedding in the church takes the leading place, then there is registration in the registry office, and only after that comes the time for the wedding banquet.
Muslims first arrange a banquet, where all the numerous relatives of the bride and groom, as well as neighbors, colleagues and even just acquaintances, take part. Then, after the banquet, the spiritual person conducts the rite "nikah" (wedding). But registration in the registry office may be completely absent.

If you are satisfied with such a "marriage" without a stamp in your passport and guarantees, then go for it.

registry office or nikah?

Behind all the difficulties and misunderstandings due to religious differences. Parents met and approved of your choice. The only thing left is to choose how you will legitimize your relationship: whether you will have registration in the registry office or you will have nicknames (Muslim wedding), or maybe both. Many people wonder if marriage between a Muslim and a Christian is valid? It is impossible to give a definite answer here. Yes, it is valid if it was registered in the registry office or if the bride converted to Islam and the nikah ceremony was performed. If there is no registration or nikah was performed without a change of religion, then in this case such a marriage is considered invalid.

Religion is not a hindrance to love

Despite the large number of differences, both from a national and religious point of view, it happens that the marriage of a Muslim and a Christian can become not only happy, but also a role model. This will primarily be the merit of the spouses. After all, if you discard all prejudices and look at things soberly, one thing becomes clear that both people worship the same God, although each in his own way.

In today's world, and at all, many discard traditions, remaining only in words "Muslims" or "Christians". In fact, everything is completely different: the younger generation not only does not go to religious institutions (mosque, church), but also does not observe traditions, as prescribed by their religions. And only by national predisposition do they attribute themselves to one or another faith. Maybe this is for the best ... In this case, there will be no religious differences in this union, and two loving hearts will not only not look for a reason for quarrels, but will also be more tolerant of each other, and this, in turn, will be the key to strong family happiness.

In an emancipated society, the question of how to please a husband is not very relevant. The vast majority of modern women will tell you that you don’t need to please anyone, because you are an independent, integral person, and you should, first of all, be loved, and not exploited in your own interests.

Marrying a Muslim: Aspects of Future Marriage

It's not a secret for anyone that in Islam there are centuries-old traditions that cannot be violated. And if you decide to connect your life with a representative of this religion, you must be fully prepared to learn to obey your spouse.

Suppose that your romance is developing so rapidly that Mendelssohn's solemn march is already sounding in your head, and you almost imagined a portrait of the future joint child. But everything is complicated by the fact that your chosen one lives according to the Koran. If you gave your heart to a Muslim, you will have to learn to live according to other people's traditions and observe other people's laws.

It's no secret how zealously representatives of this culture honor its commandments. Allah is sacred to them, and they can live only according to his laws. Of course, if we are talking about real Muslims, and not about Europeanized representatives of Eastern countries.

What is your role?

So, if you seriously fell in love with a Muslim, you should know what you should do next to build a family and marry him.

In the near future you should do the following:

Get to know his parents and be sure to please them. True, even in the second case, no one can guarantee that they will be ready to give up their principles and allow a Christian woman to stay in their home. It's no secret that Muslims try to choose representatives of the same faith for their children as life companions. And if they are categorically against you purely out of religious beliefs, you can forever forget about your Eastern prince. People who live according to the laws of the Koran respect and honor their parents more than anyone else in the world. And their opinion is guaranteed to be decisive for them, even if the man himself loves you. until your heart stops". How to please the future husband and his mother? First, you need to look modest. Going for the first acquaintance, forget about the existence of mini-skirts and bodysuits with a deep neckline in your wardrobe. However, this rule is relevant for meeting with any parents. Secondly, immediately indicate that you see your future in their son, for which you are ready to live. Third, be discreet, listen more than you talk. Show them that you respect them no less than your own son;
Accept another faith. If you manage to please the mother of your beloved and charm his father, you should be ready for the next step - the adoption of Islam. According to Muslim laws, you must renounce the Christian faith and convert to Islam. As a rule, this happens either immediately or over time. But keep in mind - until you have entered into a legal marriage, you can think about it and refuse. If your lawful husband orders you, there will be no more ways to retreat (only divorce). In principle, according to the Qur'an, a Muslim is allowed to marry an "infidel" (non-believer) only in order to convert her to Islam. Therefore, think hundreds of times whether you are ready for such a step;
Live according to the laws of the Koran. Naturally, your religious "adventures" do not end with the adoption of Islam. Now you must live exclusively according to the laws of the holy book of Muslims. And wearing a hijab in this case is not the worst thing that you have to practice. By the way, according to the laws of the Koran, some marriages between a Muslim and a Christian are a priori impossible. If you are his teacher or pupil, were previously married to a Muslim, are in equal relationship with him, were the wife of his father, brother or son - you can not dream of an alliance with him. The ban on marriage is also relevant if you are a pagan;
Conduct yourself according to the Quran. In continuation of the previous paragraph, there are a few more specific nuances. From now on, you will have to lower your eyes when meeting any man, hide your body and jewelry under your clothes, cover your hair with a scarf, move silently, and not visit someone else's home without the consent of your husband. You also have no right to leave your house alone. A loving mother-in-law will immediately tell you about all these rules. By the way, now you should please her no less than your husband. You must obey the new “mother” in everything, and turn a blind eye to injustice, and even meanness on her part. If you dare to complain to your husband, he is guaranteed to take the side of your mother, and you can also “get it” hard. In fact, a woman in Islam is a creature almost completely without rights. The purpose of her existence is to please her husband and run the household. Are you ready for such a fate?;
Be completely obedient. This point applies not only to domestic, but also to the sexual aspects of marriage. How to please a new husband in bed? Listen and do whatever he wants. By the way, you have no right to refuse him the most sexual contact. The ban is lifted only during religious holidays, your menstruation and in the postpartum period. In married life with a Muslim, you must endure even violence if your spouse wants it. However, usually representatives of this religion are quite "courteous" in bed with their chosen ones;
Tolerate polygamy. The Qur'an says that a man should marry women who are dear to his heart. A Muslim can have up to four wives, as well as concubines. Nobody will ask your advice and approval in this matter. But everything will be extremely honest in terms of material support - all income is distributed evenly to each of them. If your fiancé is not rich, you will probably be " the one and only". However, no one can guarantee that your husband's caring parents will not look for other wives. Moreover, you will have to nod approvingly, and perhaps even help your mother-in-law with a choice. And do not even try to enter into disputes - these are the prescribed laws of Islam;
Endure punishment. Perhaps this point is the most sensitive of all. The Koran says that a man can use physical force against his woman in case of her disobedience, or simply "in order to improve character." At the same time, he can hit you, but not in the face or other vulnerable places. There should also be no marks of beatings on your body. And beatings themselves, according to the Koran, should not cause suffering to a woman. A man does not have the right to beat a woman "inaudible" and for minor offenses. If all this happens - you can demand a divorce in the Sharia court;
Remember about divorce according to the Quran. Divorce in Muslim countries, like everything else, is one-sided. Usually the initiative belongs to the man. At the same time, it is enough for him to repeat in front of witnesses three times "You are no longer my wife.", and your union is automatically terminated. The Christian woman herself remains completely powerless in this case. Please note that you will not be able to pick up the children, just as you will not be able to defend your rights in court. But there are pleasant exceptions;
reproduce offspring. One of the main goals of Muslim men is to reproduce, so childlessness can be a significant reason for a break. You must also be prepared to give birth as much as is required of you.

A wedding according to the Quran can take place both at home and in a mosque. And, interestingly, even without the participation of a couple. It is enough to ask the witnesses to go to the mosque for the wedding ceremony.

12:51 2018

What awaits us? What will the parents say? Can a Muslim marry a Christian? What rights do brides have? How about polygamy? Can we be happy? And if so, how long? But what about our children? And many more similar questions, the answers to which, in my opinion, are overgrown with myths. Therefore, I will try to tell you what you should really prepare for.

To begin with, let's put a bullet in the answer to the question: "Is it possible marriage between a Christian and a Muslim? Yes. A Muslim man is allowed to marry women from the People of the Book - Christians, Jews. To do this, you do not have to renounce your faith, wear a hijab and so on. The Quran clearly states that there is no compulsion in religion. But, of course, it is desirable for a girl to still accept Islam and profess the same faith with her husband. When you get married, it’s like you get into the same boat, and if everyone rows in their own direction, how far will you sail?

In the first case a christian is about to get married per so-called "nominal" or ethnic Muslim. That is, a person considers himself a Muslim, but has no inclination towards Islam and religious practice. Throughout life, such couples are guided by the usual moral principles and values. It is possible that the husband will go to the mosque twice a year on major holidays or observe the traditions of his people. Especially enterprising wives, and I know such cases, husbands even go to church on Sundays and do not mind icons in the house. There are actually a lot of such marriages. You can hear: “Over there, a neighbor has a Muslim husband, and he allows her everything - both to put on makeup and walk without a scarf.” Yes, it allows, but at the same time, the man himself is not averse to drinking and stares at the girls. And this is exactly the case when it is necessary to separate the "flies from cutlets." It must be understood that being called a Muslim and being one are two different things. Such families are considered Muslim, as a rule, because of the place of residence or the eastern surname, but not because of the way of life. Their longevity falls into the statistics of secular marriages.

In the second case marriage of a muslim and a christian not limited to the registry office. If you find that your faithful one turned out to be also orthodox, then you have a direct road to the mosque to legalize marriage not only before society, but also with the Almighty. Often, during nikah, a woman will still be asked to pronounce the shahada (evidence of Monotheism). Many do this not nominally and in fact convert to Islam over time. But there are also reverse cases. So, for example, one of my friends went out marry a Turk and divorced 5 years later. Since after the birth of a child, all the differences that are possible between Muslim and Christian. When the husband wanted to teach his son namaz, the wife continued to memorize "Our Father" at night. Think about whether you are ready for compromises in such vital issues, and agree on everything “on the shore”. And if you do not plan to raise a child in the Muslim faith, then why associate life with a person of other principles? The strongest families are those where the wife literally “follows her husband”: she completely accepts his way of life, she herself observes religion and helps her husband when everyone is in his place and fulfills his duties.

The third option is nikah without a registry office. Good news: Muslim can marry Christian simply by making a nikah in the nearest mosque. Two witnesses are enough, which are usually friends, and the imam acts as the guardian of the girl. The bad news is that almost all such marriages fail within the first two years, and the children born into such families grow up without a father. Remember, and better write in bold letters: never agree to such adventures! Despite the fact that polygamy is allowed in Islam and is supported at the state level in some countries of Asia and Africa, the proportion of such marriages in these countries is very low. But for some reason, young beauties are in a hurry to fill up the sad statistics and get entangled in stories about which television and the Internet then make noise. Dear girls, before you leave marry an arab or another eastern prince, understand: men love what they invest in. A marriage concluded in 5 minutes in a mosque, even with a decent gift, is nothing more than a way to quickly and legally access intimate relationships. Do not rush to become the second, third, fourth, because the world is full of divorced and even widowers. Why deliberately put yourself in a disadvantageous and obviously losing situation? But even if you are the first and only, and your betrothed only speaks of love and is in no hurry to collect the necessary certificates for the embassy and marriage, run away from him. Most likely, this person is not distinguished by decency and responsibility for loved ones.

So, what is the first thing you should pay attention to before leaving marry a Muslim. We list the main points for a happy and long marriage:

1. Start. As the proverb says: “A good start is half the battle pumped out.” It matters where and under what circumstances you met. It is doubtful that a marriage in which the future spouses met at a disco or on the beach will be blessed. If you are still in search, then be sure that the phrase "I want to get married" clearly visible to the opposite sex. Unfortunately, even among Muslims there are people with bad intentions, so be especially careful in public places if you are alone or with a girlfriend. Choose a spouse from your environment or on the recommendations of friends.

2. Time. Never rush out early marriage. To protect your interests in Islam there is a wonderful custom - engagement (al-hitab). In this case, before marriage, the young people have time to get to know each other and make a well-considered, balanced decision. It is better to spend months clarifying all the issues before the wedding than to suffer all your life with a stranger or get a divorce in six months. In my experience, most hasty marriages end up extremely unsuccessful and unhappy. Don't make hasty decisions, don't burn bridges, and don't follow your feelings. The hadith says that slowness is from Allah, and haste is from Shaitan. If you are going to create a strong and durable family for life, then arm yourself with this wisdom.

3. Family. Be sure to meet the groom's close relatives. May your future husband receive a parental blessing. Also take a close look at the lifestyle in his family. How religious are the mother and father of the chosen one, what kind of relationship do they have. In 99% of cases, a man copies the behavior of his parents. Be wary if he hides you from everyone or is silent about the facts of his biography. Some peoples, especially in the Caucasus, highly discourage marriages with women of other nationalities. And if the groom's family is categorically against your joint future and sees you as a stranger, you should seriously think about it. It is equally important what position your future husband takes in a difficult situation. Whose side is he on: does he support you or is the opinion of his parents more important to him? You will also enlist the support and understanding of loved ones before you go out. marry a muslim. And realistically assess your chances - whether you can fight for happiness all your life with your husband or alone, and also think about the consequences for children.

4. Customs. A very important point, since not all Muslims are guided only by the Koran. In many nations, traditions are so firmly rooted in everyday life that it is simply stupid to discount them. Study the customs of the people of your chosen one and try to try on yourself whether it suits or not. If something confuses you in the behavior of a young man, then ask yourself the question: would he treat me like this if I were ... (for example, an Arab, Ingush, Tatar, etc.). If the answer is no, then you should be on the lookout. For example, in the East it is customary to give women a lot of gold for a wedding and organize magnificent ceremonies, and your gentleman suggests limiting yourself to a table in a cafe and instead of teaching mahr Surah of the Qur'an. Or if it is customary for the daughter-in-law to clean and cook for the whole family, and the man says that there will be no problems in everyday life. Get ready to adopt other people's traditions, learn the language, live in an unusual environment, adapt to a different culture. Are you aware that you will have to change, and not your husband?

5. Language. At first, a few phrases may be enough for you, but for living together in an interethnic marriage, be prepared to learn the language of your spouse, especially if you go to his homeland. It is ideal to attend language courses, but you can use tutorials and lessons, which are now abundant on the Internet. It should also be taken into account that languages will have to be taught to their children. Over time, you will master all the subtleties and rules of bilingual families, but to maintain literacy and a good level of two languages, you will have to work hard.

6. Documents. If the Muslim groom is not a citizen of the Russian Federation, then you will also have to comprehend the intricacies of international law. It doesn’t matter where you live, the rule “you’re an insect without a piece of paper” applies everywhere. Keep in mind that you need to complete all the documents for marriage, take care of the timely extension of visas and obtain a residence permit for yourself or your future spouse. Often this process requires not only money and time, but also nerves.

7. Social status. Everyone probably knows the joke: “How to marry a millionaire?” - Marry a billionaire. In real life, unfortunately, the opposite is often the case. Women fall in love with unmercenaries and mold them into millionaires. They are ready to sell apartments, to give away their savings only for them to be sworn in eternal love. Why this scheme works well with an Egyptian animator or a Tajik guest worker, but does not work with a Russian janitor or a waiter - I do not understand. But the fact remains. Unfortunately, even among my friends there are such victims. Problems can be avoided if you initially look for a spouse of equal status. In fairness, it should be noted that many couples start from scratch. But even if the chosen one is from a poor family, he must have the potential, the desire to develop and improve, and not live at someone else's expense. There is no "dowry" in Islam, but there is the concept of " mahr"- a wedding gift for a woman, and the responsibility for material support after marriage is entrusted entirely to men.

But the most important thing is religion. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “Indeed, each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for the flock. A man is a shepherd for his family and is responsible for his flock.”(Muslim, "The Book of Government", 5, 1213).

Is Nikah done for those who, being non-Muslims, got married in the registry office or got married in a church, and then converted to Islam

The opinions of the majority of Islamic scholars, based on the source (Quran and Sunnah):

If your faith with your wife was Christian and you both converted to Islam, then your marriage is valid and the children are born in marriage (legal), the past marriage is recognized, and there is no need to perform nikah again. And if they were ethnic Muslims, then all the more it is believed that they had Nikah.

Because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not renew his marriage with Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) after Islam, and did not require his companions to re-read Nikah after accepting Islam.

Providing for wife and child after divorce

1 - Divorced by a non-final divorce with the right to return her, material support and housing are due, and this is the responsibility of the husband until the deadline for divorce ('iddah) expires, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ إِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاء فَطَلِّقُوهُنَّ لِعِدَّتِهِنَّ وَأَحْصُوا الْعِدَّةَ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ رَبَّكُمْ لاَ تُخْرِجُوهُنَّ مِن بُيُوتِهِنَّ وَ لاَ يَخْرُجْنَ

“O Prophet! When you give wives a divorce, then divorce within the prescribed period, keep track of this period and fear Allah, your Lord. Do not drive them out of their homes, and let them not leave them” (65:1).

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَ لاَ تُضَارُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ

« Settle them where you live yourself - according to your income. Don't harm them by wanting to embarrass them"(65:6).

2 - Divorced by a final divorce, neither material support nor housing is required. The reason for this is the decision of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), when Fatima bint Qais (may Allah be pleased with her) turned to him after her husband divorced her with a final divorce, with the question: does she rely on him for maintenance, on what The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: You are not entitled to any maintenance or housing "Muslim 1480. The version given by Abu Dawud says:" You are not entitled to maintenance unless you are pregnant. » Sahih Abu Dawud 2/433.

3 - A pregnant divorcee, even if she is divorced by a final divorce, according to the unanimous opinion of scientists, is entitled to maintenance and housing until she gives birth. The proof of this is the words of the Almighty:

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَ لا تُضَارُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ وَإِن كُنَّ أُولاَتِ حَمْلٍ فَأَنفِقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ حَتَّى يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّ

“Settle them where you live yourself - according to your income. Do not harm them by wishing to embarrass them. If they are pregnant, then support them until they are relieved of their burden ”(65:6).

4 - The obligation to bear the cost of the children rests with their father, whether they are married or divorced, rich or poor. A woman is not required to bear the cost of them, with their living father. And on this issue, all scientists agree.

Ibn Qudamah (may Allah have mercy on him) in al-Mughni 8/169-170 narrated the words of Ibn Mundhir (may Allah have mercy on him): “ All the possessors of knowledge, from whom we adopted knowledge, unanimously agreed that a man is obliged to support children who do not have their own property.».

5 - If, after a divorce, the children are in the care and upbringing of the mother, then she can demand payment from her ex-husband for the custody and upbringing of the children. See Mawsu'a al-Fiqhiya 17/311 and also Sharh Muntaha al-Iradat 3/249.

6 - If a woman breastfeeds a child, then she has the right to demand payment from her ex-husband for this, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

فَإِنْ أَرْضَعْنَ لَكُمْ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ وَأْتَمِرُوا بَيْنَكُمْ بِمَعْرُوفٍ

« If they breastfeed for you, then pay them a reward and consult among yourselves in a good way."(65:6).

This verse refers to divorced women.

Abu Hanifa (may Allah have mercy on him) was of this opinion, the same opinion is the most common and well-known in the madhhab of Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him). Sheikh al-Islam ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) preferred this opinion, see al-Ikhtiyarat 412-413, and from modern scholars this opinion was held by Sheikh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him), see below. "ash-Sharh al-Mumti'" 13/515-516. See also al-Mughni 11/431 and al-Fataawa al-Kubra 3/347.

7 - Material provision includes: housing, food and drink, clothing, education, and other things that children will need.

8 - The amount of material support, as well as payment for breastfeeding, and payment for the care and upbringing of children, is determined by the customs of their locality and time. At the same time, taking into account the condition and position of the ex-husband, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

لِيُنْفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِنْ سَعَتِهِ وَمَنْ قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنْفِقْ مِمَّا آتَاهُ اللَّهُ لا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلا مَا آتَاهَا سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا

“Let the one who has wealth spend according to his wealth. And the one who is constrained in means, let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden a person beyond what He has given him. After hardship, Allah creates relief” (65:7).

The rich must bear material costs in accordance with their position and condition. Having an average income, in accordance with his position, is also poor. Or the parents themselves can agree on a certain fee, small or large. If the parents cannot agree on the amount, then the Shariah judge must determine the amount of material expenses for the child.

But still, it is better for them to come to a mutual agreement and appoint a certain amount that will allow the child and his guardian mother to live without need.