Open relationships - pros and cons. Do we really need a partner? Pros and cons of relationships You have a person who can support you in difficult situations

17.10.2023

10.07.2012 - 08:30

_____________
Everything will be fine, -
I know this for sure.
I received a message from God
Marked "Urgent".
Let it be difficult
The main thing is that you believe:
Through the Steps you will open
Luckily the door!

10.07.2012 - 08:49

Cons of relationships.
1. Fear of rejection, not accepting me as I am, i.e. with shortcomings
2. High expectations
3. Fear of not coping with difficulties, and, as a result, the collapse of relationships
4. Fear of aggression (it often manifests itself with loved ones)
5. Fear of husband's binge drinking
6. Fear of old age, and changes in attitude towards me
7. Fear of ridicule and hitting sore spots
8. Fear of betrayal
9. Fear of being alone in old age and weakness
10. Fear of boredom, loss of interest in me, and my

I won’t talk about loneliness, there is no experience that I have anything to talk about.

Regarding “solving other people’s problems,” I am convinced that, outside of force majeure, everyone should solve problems themselves. The same goes for “providing for the family”: when there are no children, or they have already grown up

_____________
It doesn't matter who is right. It matters who is the lion.

10.07.2012 - 09:42

I wanted it too. What came to mind first:
pros
1. Growth, cultivation of such qualities as loyalty, commitment (humility and patience, of course, too - but this is not only in the family)
2. Harmonize my energy flows “give and take” - learn.
3. Hugs ^___^ in large quantities (hmm... also a subject of manipulation...)
4. I have a mirror - the person next to me wonderfully reflects all my shortcomings - if something in him begins to irritate me - this is my next step for working with myself.
5. Sense of community, belonging to a family
6. My son needs a family for full development (and my inner child also enjoys being in a family)
7. There is always someone to call, no matter what happens.
8. I am learning to share responsibility with another person equally (not to take someone else’s and not to give up my own)
9. I (most of the time, not counting periods of conflict) have a person for the fifth step

Minuses:
1. Aggression in response to creative and spontaneous expression of myself, insecurity
2. Fear of physical violence
3. Susceptibility to manipulation through acceptance-rejection, manipulation in general (but the positive pole - I am learning to be resistant to manipulation)
4. Illusions that are very difficult to resist, i.e. expectations blocking reality, I’m still powerless in the face of it

10.07.2012 - 09:52

Vadim N., it's like theory instead of practice.
(For example, study to become a doctor in absentia, using books)
I would do it this way (and I hee.. actually did it).

I wrote in great detail what kind of person I want next to me.
I prayed to God - if it is His will - to send me one like this.
Wait and listen carefully - when - boom - in my head - here I sent it to you, catch it.
Dive headfirst into it and study, study and study.
As a teaching aid, I recommend the film “Fireproof” (it is also an antidote to all the fears described above) and, if the need arises, I will provide a link to the book mentioned in the film. But it is not recommended to read it before entering into a relationship.

10.07.2012 - 17:18

It seems to me that a person needs a soul mate, and loneliness is unnatural. You just need to find a person with whom you will complement each other, then there will be no thoughts about the disadvantages of the relationship.

10.07.2012 - 17:34

With my sick head I will only find someone who is as sick as I am.
I have been praying for many years for God to grant me selfless love and I am moving towards this little by little: last year I divorced my unloved wife and left my hated job.
This year I realized my calling - I am a photo artist and poet, now I am learning computer layout
He posted his photographs and funny captions to photographs on the websites “Odnoklassniki”, “My World”, “In the Circle of Friends”, “In Contact, FACEBOOK.
Anyone who wants to watch it, send a request to my email address (nonin.vadim@yandex/ru) and I will give you a link.

10.07.2012 - 18:15

Thanks for the topic, I was wondering...

minuses:
to be liked you need to please, and be someone other than yourself (combines with point 1 of the “pluses” 50/50)
fear cannot be contained
pain from his deliberate desire to inflict it on me

Why? if you realize this, then everything is completely different, this is experience, and experience already protects against mistakes

_____________
Do not be afraid, Lord, I am with You! Andrey, 1st class.
You know, even though it seems to me that I don’t have a soul, sometimes it still hurts. Roman, 2nd grade.
Lord, when I die, I don’t want to go to heaven or hell. I want to you. Vera, 3rd grade.

10.07.2012 - 18:26

Rainbow, still haven’t saved any of the people I know.
Halves attract.

10.07.2012 - 18:29

By the way, the path to accepting another person is indicated in the ACA - if you accept yourself with all the pros and cons, then you will be attracted to a loving person.
Hint: where does non-acceptance lie - shame.

But the opposite is also true - even if you transform during the process of a relationship, there is a high probability that your partner will also transform. Or he will leave, because... he will no longer be attracted to a “dissimilar” partner.

10.07.2012 - 19:10

Vadim N.

And how do you want? so that you are sick and the person is healthy?

It seems to me that if I myself have such shortcomings and a sore head, then I communicate with such men, but even in this I find huge advantages, I try to learn to accept a person’s illness, I learn to accept this particular real person with his shortcomings, I learn to build boundaries, I’m learning to respect men for what they are, and not because they owe me something, because... they are men. I'm learning to distance myself, etc.
Relationships are also a lot of work, and only in relationship with a man can I understand what problems I have in relationships with men and correct them, pray to the Sun.

And if I sit back and don’t communicate with men and believe that the Sun will send me a man and then everything will be fine with us, then nothing will happen

You need to work on yourself in a relationship just as you work on yourself in the ACA.
In communicating with men, I see my shortcomings and change and ask the Sun to take them away, but without a relationship I would not have learned anything about myself, what I am like in a relationship and what I should ask the Sun to take away.

I don’t have a permanent relationship yet, but I go on dates, learn to communicate and take a closer look, and also immediately work on my shortcomings.

I am grateful to these men; if it weren’t for them, I would not have learned anything at all about my shortcomings in communicating with men.

_____________
I don't want to be strong
I don't want to be wise!
... rescue station
I don't want to be...

10.07.2012 - 19:16

Oh yes, every man, whether he’s sick or not, taught me a lot)
Namely, he mirrored me, and I saw how I sometimes behave when communicating with men.
For me, growing above myself as a woman is only possible through communication with men.
When I sat and didn’t go anywhere, I didn’t know what serious problems I had with men. I was just guessing, it was just a purely theory, and I needed real practice to remove all my illusions, expectations and fears of men.

True, I still go to LAA - addicted to love and relationships, because... I have this problem)

_____________
I don't want to be strong
I don't want to be wise!
... rescue station
I don't want to be...
I want to wake up carefree in the morning,
bask in Hope, Believe and Love...

10.07.2012 - 20:11

Thanks to everyone who responded to my message!
In gratitude, I am placing here my poem dedicated to you, my dear women!
I once thought, about the reflex,
That God created women for one thing only - sex.
And it was written on my forehead,
They all rejected me, I didn’t understand why.
I lived alone for a long time, biting my elbow,
And a year later the Lord took away the excitement and lust.
I saw - there are many other topics,
And I don't need women at all.
I can cook and do laundry myself,
And have fun and clean the apartment.
But surprise matured like a burr,
Did God create women to have children?
And I was sad at the thought of this,
Yes, I wouldn’t want such a fate for myself!
But recently I fell in love with a girl,
And everything in the world became different, friends.
I didn’t expect such a flurry of inspiration,
Poems poured out of me like water in a flood.
And I guessed (as I couldn’t understand before),
That a woman is needed to inspire a man.
For creativity, for achievement, for spiritual growth.
This is the answer, and it is extremely simple!
And I will tell God, I am preoccupied with love:
I really, really need such a woman!
What about sex? What, sex? I'll tell you straight away:
Perhaps he really
Only for having children!

Guest_Brandy

10.07.2012 - 20:21

About relationships. I am recovering well in “sterile conditions”, that is, alone. As soon as a man appears, recovery says goodbye to us.))) And it’s not about the man, but about me, about my choice and sticking to certain types. And I agree with the thought expressed above that as long as you don’t love yourself, don’t accept yourself, then men will come the same way.

I also wrote about + and -

pros of relationships
There is a close person with whom you can talk a lot
There is an opportunity to know another and oneself in another
Making everything more fun together
You can ask someone for help
You can take care
Sleep better together
Sex is very good in a long-term relationship
Other people's relatives and friends become family
You can have children and see, together, what comes of it.

Cons of relationships
I'm afraid that next to me no one can be happy
I'm afraid of pain
I'm afraid that I'll quickly fall out of love
I often feel cramped in relationships
I'm not ready for the traditional role of a housewife
I'm afraid of losing myself
I'm afraid of violence
I'm afraid of rejection

Loneliness
I spend a lot of time with myself
I find out who I really am, what I like and what I don’t.
Lots of peace and joy
You can not think about the feelings of another person, say and do what you want
No responsibility to others

A relationship with a junior partner is less controversial than before and has many benefits. But there are also disadvantages. Dating a young man or guy - is it worth undertaking such a life adventure?

A relationship with a young man ceases to be something exotic. Couples in which the woman is older are gaining popularity. Especially among twenty-year-old guys, you can notice a kind of infatuation with older women. But beautiful ladies are not far behind (society chronicles only confirm this trend). And they can be understood! Dating is interesting, the partner is already splashing with hormones and, moreover, does not yet have ingrained bad habits...

Divide your age by 2 and then add 7 to the result. How much is it? This is exactly what, by Western standards, should be the lower limit of your partner’s age.

Of course, there are reasons for this state of affairs: a relationship with a young man has many advantages. However, there is also a “dark side” - we will consider all of this.

Dating a younger, older woman: the benefits of a relationship

Sex, sex, sex

Men reach their sexual peak in their twenties, when testosterone production is highest. In turn, women experience their best moments in their thirties and forties.

The younger partner generally has more energy and desire to experiment and try some new things in life (not only in bed, but there too). Trying out all sorts of new products increases the production of dopamine, and this increases the desire to spend time with you

Variety of dates

Young men, as mentioned above, love to try new things. Therefore, dates with them often become not classic romantic dinners, but “savoring” life in different ways. When dating a young man, be prepared for the fact that one day he will take you for a walk, and the next he will drag you out on a bungee. Thanks to creative dates, you won't be bored in each other's company for a long time.

Inspiration

The younger guy is a volcano of energy that at the same time inspires and helps to experience a second youth. When your partner is active, works, strives to realize his dreams, and you begin to do the same.

Appearance

Young men take care of themselves, their appearance and attractiveness. Their appearance is important to them, but also to their partner, because it ignites passion in the relationship.

Desire to learn

People say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. This may not be a pretty comparison, but it is a very true one. An older partner or peer already has his own habits (including harmful ones), addictions that will be difficult to get rid of, and this is even under the optimistic condition that the other person will show the will to cooperate. The younger man will want to learn himself and will be attentive to your suggestions.

Less life baggage

It is quite natural that the older we get, the more experience we have. Young man means less experienced. Most likely, he has had fewer disappointments in the past, and because of this, he will be more frank and open with you. He hasn't had time to get burned many times yet. Plus, less experience also means he had fewer exes to compare you to. He also probably doesn't have children from a previous relationship.

Is it worth dating a young man: cons

Difference in lifestyle and mentality

Don’t be surprised if from time to time he wants to take a “vacation from the relationship” and spend time with friends whom he perceives as his brothers. In addition (probably, this will not be very easy for you to bear), say, 10 years is actually not just an age difference, but a change of generations. Your childhood and youth were completely different - it is not surprising that it will be difficult for you to find a common language. You were still climbing trees, but he was born with a phone under his arm and taking selfies for Instagram at every step? Of course, everything can work out for you, but you need to immediately understand that there will be problems.

Pressure

A younger man may feel backed into a corner because he does not feel that his time has come to make serious statements and decisions. Dating a guy or a younger man can be difficult because he is not ready to take responsibility for his partner, for example, by deciding to get married. He may be much more impressed by simply being a couple and acting as a boyfriend rather than a groom or husband. And this may be perceived by you as a lack of real feelings.

Even more pressure is felt due to the ticking of the biological clock: perhaps yours is already ticking with all its might, but his is not necessarily ticking. Women feel a special need to start a family between 20 and 30 years of age. In men it appears after a few years. So, if, on top of everything else, your boyfriend is younger than you, you can only hope that he will become the exception that confirms the rule, or patiently wait for the awakening of the paternal instinct.

The need to conform

By deciding to date a younger gentleman than you, you are dooming yourself to worry about your attractiveness and constant comparison with younger potential rivals. Of course, this is a powerful incentive that brings a lot of positive results. However, the struggle for unfading beauty, slimness and youth can turn into an exhausting marathon with an unpredictable finish.

Money

The matter is prosaic, but over time it becomes more and more important. A younger man will most likely have a lower social and financial position than you because he has less experience. Or perhaps he is still studying and is not yet a free bird, but a student who lives on a scholarship and receives money from his parents.

In the beginning, this may not bother you. But if your relationship turns into something more serious and lasting, it may be a burden for you in the long run.

Social condemnation

If you enter into a relationship with a younger person and begin to actively date in public, you need to prepare for the fact that people may look at you askance. Some may think that you want to prove something to yourself with this connection, others may think that your partner needs a mother, and not a partner in you. People can be angry and sarcastic, so prepare for this in advance and... live your life. Bitter comments shouldn't affect your happiness.

Whether it is worth dating a young man - every woman must decide for herself, weighing all the pros and cons. However, it is important to understand that all relationships - with a younger or older man - go through certain crises and face many difficulties. Don't despair: if you truly value your relationship, you can certainly find ways to solve problems with your partner, no matter what your age difference is.

We are all designed in such a way that we try in every possible way to avoid loneliness and certainly find a company of people with similar interests and mindsets. Attraction to one's own kind is nature, and it is extremely difficult to go against it. And is it worth it?

Should a lonely guy look for a soul mate? What will a relationship with a girl give a young man and what should he be prepared for?

Specifics of romantic relationships

What does this phrase even mean – “start dating someone”? Perhaps even a person who has never entered into a relationship with anyone can answer this question.

From works of popular culture - books and films - we know well that dating someone means spending almost all of your time and closely connecting your life with the person for whom you feel physical and emotional attraction. The other half, as a rule, has similar thinking, interests and passions to ours. We like to be close to this person, and he is pleased and comfortable to be near us.

But relationships are not just about spending time together. Any relationship imposes certain obligations; So, when we start dating someone, we give an unspoken agreement to take care of our passion and be with her in sorrow and in joy. Failure to understand this simple fact often leads to breakups or misunderstandings and quarrels in relationships.

Often, under social pressure, we begin to date someone, although in fact we do not feel such a desire at all. Therefore, it is extremely important to understand yourself and answer the question as honestly as possible: do I really need to start a romantic relationship with this person? Is this really what I want, or is this what society dictates to me?

For those who are still trying to answer the difficult question of “should I have a girlfriend,” here is a short list of the main pros and cons of being romantically involved with someone.

Relationships with a girl - cons

Unfortunately, romantic relationships do not always bring happiness and joy to life - if it did, most problems would not exist.

Yes, there is always a risk make a mistake in choosing a partner. It may seem to you that your significant other is perfect, but then suddenly a moment comes when you break up and start hating each other. Or a girl may leave you, betray you, or simply act ugly. No one is immune from this - and this must be accepted and taken into account if you are going to have a girlfriend.
The bouquet and candy period, as a rule, requires certain cash investments: to please the girl, you will strive to buy her expensive gifts, flowers and goodies, take her to the cinema or to a concert. Of course, happiness does not always depend on money, but gifts and pleasantries help create strong relationships.
You may find yourself not psychologically ready to getting a girl. Psychological immaturity manifests itself as follows: instead of the euphoria of being next to your beloved, you experience constant anxiety, doubt and fear of doing something wrong. In this case, you need to carefully think about what exactly made you start dating a girl and whether you really want this relationship.

takes a lot of effort and time

Conclusion

Having a romantic relationship with someone is certainly exciting and wonderful, but it very complex process, containing both a bunch of advantages and significant disadvantages. Before you get a girl, you should understand yourself and think ten times whether you need a soul mate or just self-affirmation.

Often people strive to build relationships in such a way that both feel comfortable. But not all relationships develop into a family; often relationships collapse and the reason for this is jealousy, unmet expectations and betrayal of a partner.

You can try to maintain the relationship, fight for your happiness, or you can simply leave the chosen one who disappointed you and start looking for a more worthy one. However, after a failed relationship, not everyone strives to build new ones, fearing repeated disappointment.

In such cases, both men and women increasingly begin open relationships.

What are the characteristics of an open relationship? without obligations

If you ask a person what exactly he means by the concept of “open relationship,” then most often in response you will hear that in such relationships the partners are not faithful to each other, in other words, everyone can sleep with whomever they want. However, this statement will be largely incorrect. An open relationship is much more complicated and also has its own rules and prohibitions.

An open relationship is a relationship in which respect for the freedom of the partner is at the forefront. When offering your chosen one this form of relationship, you must understand that you will have to say goodbye to the habit of controlling your man and demanding that he account for his actions. You must remember that there is love between you, and not a desire to sleep with as many people as possible.

Of course, in an open relationship there is no ban on cheating, but do not forget that it is your partner who comes first, and not the mysterious stranger in the club. If your partner needs you, then you should push aside all your lovers and give your attention to your partner.

Also remember that the issue of permitted cheating cuts both ways. Your partner has the same rights to a third-party lover as you do. Are you ready to deal with this?

Pros of an open relationship

Any relationship format has its pros and cons, so before making a final decision, you should seriously weigh the pros and cons.

Open relationships also have their advantages, among which it is recommended to note the following:

Cons of an open relationship

In addition to the obvious advantages, open relationships also have a number of disadvantages that may serve as a reason for abandoning this type of relationship.

Feelings or sex? Permissiveness in sexual terms can be not only a plus, but also a clear minus. In addition to physical pleasure, having sex should bring emotional and moral satisfaction. Sex with a partner you don’t know well is rarely able to satisfy you completely. Some couples who have ceased to enjoy classic relationships try to transform them into a free form precisely because they no longer receive physiological pleasure from sex. Unfortunately, most often in such cases, relationships do not become free, but simply collapse, and jealousy will be the reason for this.
Stereotypes and judgment. No matter how others convince you of their tolerance and loyal attitude towards open relationships, this will not protect you from misunderstanding and condemnation. Even if your friends support you, the prevailing part of society will consider such relationships to be defective. It is very difficult to talk about the need for open relationships in a society that conducts massive propaganda of family values, fidelity and support for traditional families.
Fragility. Open relationships most often do not last long. Even if both partners agreed with their form at the very beginning of the relationship, after some time one of the partners will want more stability. It is also possible that, despite some permissiveness in sexual terms, the partner will begin to experience jealousy and begin to demand fidelity from his chosen one or chosen one. If the second partner is not ready to take on such obligations, then the relationship will be doomed to break.

Don't rush headlong into an open relationship unless you're absolutely sure it's right for you.

If you expect that your relationship will eventually become classic or that your chosen one will “come to his senses” and insist on a traditional relationship, then it is better not to hope in vain, but to start looking for a more suitable partner.

This month marks 2 years since I lived with my girlfriend and exactly the same time since I stopped writing on LJ. Well, it's okay, I'll fix it...

Having lived two long happy years with a girl, I decided to remember my dark, prodigal past, relate it to the bright, righteous one, and sketched out for you, guys, the advantages of the relationship that you are trying so hard to escape. So, 10 reasons to live with a girl:

1. You no longer cook for yourself.
Of course, it starts with the fact that the girl is trying to demonstrate all her culinary talents, and you are trying to demonstrate your gastronomic fantasies. And now you’ve tried leg of lamb, chopped cutlets, Ukrainian borscht, and it would seem... But you really begin to appreciate her talents during the periods of your fitness diet. When for dinner you receive dishes in accordance with the glycemic index table of foods. And the morning begins with oatmeal porridge and a bowl of peeled pomegranate, which you can eat with a spoon.

2. The house is always clean.
When I lived alone, I remember I didn’t want to go back to my apartment. Because she made me depressed because of the constant shitting in her. Now, no teahouse can compare in atmosphere with a clean and cozy home environment, and the smell of my own, soulfully prepared hookah.

3. You always have something to wear.
This doesn't just apply to clean, ironed shirts and T-shirts, not to mention sorted socks in your dresser - that's really cool. But, among other things, a painful issue for a man’s mind is shopping. You no longer rack your brain about how your jeans fit, whether your blue shirt matches them, and whether it would be too tacky if I undone the top two buttons. The main thing is not to miss the moment when she secretly tries to throw away your old favorite T-shirts, in which, in her opinion, you look like a homeless person.

4. People around you begin to seem reliable.
Unlike fleeting connections, you finally have an official girlfriend whom you can introduce to your parents and relatives. Married friends and couples begin to treat you with greater confidence. At work you don't look like such a slob anymore. In the eyes of society, you are no longer a sociopath, so it is easier for you to pretend to be a normal person. Whatever one may say, based on personal experience, the “busy” status is still valued more highly by society.

5. You no longer need to worry about the little things.
There are a lot of little things that a loving girl will gladly take upon herself, in my case: replenishing money on time for her home Internet, mobile account, fines at the traffic police, taxes and other bureaucratic routine that brings a gray melancholy. Of course, not for my own money - that would be completely rude on my part. Well, and all sorts of care, like a reminder to get tested, go to the dentist, charge your iPhone... Since my head is always busy with thoughts of great things, of course, such care is always pleasant.

6. You have someone to go crazy with.
Finally, you have a person who, reluctantly, is ready to share the romance with you by watching all the parts of “Terminator” and “Back to the Future”. And he doesn’t run away from you with the phrase “That was Rocky 1, then we’ll watch Rocky 2,3,4,5,6, and then we’ll watch them again and again until death do us part.” Of course, after all this, armed with red wine and popcorn, you should be ready to watch Bridget Jones's Diary 1,2. Gradually you mutate, and you have your own themes. You can spend hours watching programs on the investigation of plane crashes, studying the biography of serial killers,... You are interested in all this secretly, only occasionally shocking the unprepared public with your knowledge.

7. You receive gifts.
Who said this is a woman's trick? In fact, girls also like to give gifts, just as men like to receive them. In addition to pleasant small surprises, it’s very cool to receive as a gift something that, of course, you could buy for yourself, but would never (because you just feel sorry for the money), although you’ve always secretly dreamed of it. So one day I received a Playstation 4 as a gift, I remembered my childhood, and burst into tears of happiness. She also received the Trinity de Cartier and posted it on Instagram.

8. You discover the delights of the SPA.
Girls know a lot about spa treatments, and therefore for them this is another way to make us better, and at the same time pleasant: a joint bath with foam, which ends with joint mud face masks; relaxing massage; and, believe it or not, a manicure - now this procedure is carried out at home while watching the next episode of "Breaking Bad" with a glass of gin and tonic in my free hand.

9. Sex and other pranks.
I remember my prodigal past; personally, I was never particularly delighted with the “first time” with another girl, since both are usually uptight, especially the girl, or, well, drunk as hell, especially me.
After 2 years, I can say that the best thing about sex in a relationship is that you are confident that you will both come, because in the process, each of you can allow yourself to think about your own pleasure - no pink snot. And now, watching the next episode of "Dexter" means that it's time for fuck-fuck. Therefore, it’s no surprise that now even when I’m alone, the “Dexter” screensaver gives me an erection.

10. Oddly enough, you are loved.
At least one person in the world recognizes you as “the sexiest man alive”, your shortcomings touch her, your small successes are recognized as heroic victories... The funny thing is, you really start to believe in all this, and it gives you confidence and strength.

You may get the impression that relationships are a complete holiday, the main thing is to relax and have fun. This is partly true. Of course, there is no escape from costs and restrictions, but as practice shows, and this is all bullshit, everything can be solved. I'll write a post about this someday...

P.S. I wonder, in addition to what I listed above, what other good things are there in relationships with girls? maybe I missed something? :)

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