We touched on the topic of self-esteem a little. Surely this is not the first time you hear that you need to respect and appreciate yourself. And you probably think that you respect yourself enough, although this is not always the case. Disrespect has many manifestations - it is overweight, and uncomfortable living conditions, and endless debts, and thankless work in which you cannot realize your talents.

Respect is due recognition. Imagine a vertical scale that has a major division in the middle and 10 marks on each side. The central mark will be respect, everything that is higher with gradation - reverence and adoration, and everything that is lower - neglect and even contempt. In a given situation, we can judge ourselves and others on this scale. We can even give a general assessment of respect for another person based on our subjective judgment. And of course we rate ourselves. Try to give an overall rating of respect now.

If you find that your own self-esteem is well below the average, for example -7, in fact, neglect, then think about why you deserve this attitude towards yourself?

• I am a little man.
• I haven't achieved anything yet.
• I'm not worth anything.
• I cannot support myself.
• I cannot take care of the cleanliness of my home and my body.
• I cannot take care of my health.

The list can be continued as long as necessary. You judge yourself by accepted standards. You draw conclusions that you have not achieved anything yet, which means that you do not deserve recognition. Earlier it was a widespread practice to consider oneself unworthy, despicable. It was actually synonymous with humility. And one was allowed to be proud of oneself only when there was already some weight, some achievements. But the basic principles of modern self-development say something completely different.

The problem is that seeing your “shortcomings” and treating yourself with disdain, it is impossible to achieve anything at all. This is a vicious circle: I feel unworthy - I see manifestations of unworthiness outside - and this makes me feel unworthy even more. Break the vicious circle, start with a general feeling of self-esteem, no need to take any specific actions yet, just mentally raise the bar on the scale to the "respect" division.

Why should you respect yourself? For a naturally beautiful body, for positive character traits, for good deeds. In your arsenal you will surely find something to respect yourself for, you are just so used to scolding yourself that you no longer see the merits. And this always happens: by directing attention to something, we increase its size, leaving everything else behind, and if only your shortcomings are in your epicenter of attention, then you will not remember the merits.

Some may hesitate: will I not be inflamed by myself? If you stick to the "respect" mark, you will not be in danger. On the contrary, you are more susceptible to bragging and narcissism if you are disrespectful to yourself. When a person in his soul constantly feels worthless and empty, then any proof of this from the outside (from other people) always hurts him painfully, so he puts on the mask of a narcissistic and proud person to hide his disrespect for himself and does not show anyone how low he values by myself.

How can you learn self-esteem?

1. As soon as you start to devalue yourself, immediately imagine the scale, as you raise the mark to the point "respect".
2. Focus on your virtues and thank yourself for them.
3. Observe people and yourself. If those around you began to be rude to you and all doors are closing in front of you, it means that you unconsciously slipped into self-flagellation.
4. Don't ask others and life itself to respect yourself. Feel this respect within and people will intuitively begin to show it to you.
5. While you are just rebuilding to live with respect for yourself, devote a lot of time to this. It's like a new exercise that you will soon be able to automate.

Self-esteem is essential to your success. If you are respectful of yourself, your desires will become more fulfilled, and the whole world will become more benevolent to you.

The topic of abuse, or cruel treatment, has become increasingly common and causes a lot of discussion in society. There are often puzzled comments about how women can tolerate such treatment at all.

Many people get the impression that the victims of abuse are simply weak-willed creatures, devoid of self-respect, and who, for this very reason, endure bullying by their partners. Such an opinion is expressed by women who are absolutely sure that nothing like this will definitely ever happen to them.

Unfortunately, not everything is as simple and unambiguous as it seems from the outside, and each of those who now condemn "these strange masochists" can join their ranks at any time. Strong and confident women often fall prey to destructive relationships. The reason is that most of them do not assume how such a relationship will develop. They firmly believe that violence can be recognized at a glance. But this is far from the case.

Violence has many faces. It's easy to understand that your partner is cruel when he hits you. But beatings are far from the only sign of abuse; moreover, in most cases, beatings do not come at all. And this is the main danger - the victim for a long time simply cannot identify what is happening to him as "cruel treatment."

Becoming a victim of manipulation, she simply does not understand why such a wonderful, kind and considerate person, like her partner just recently, suddenly begins to show irritation or discontent, and is lost in guessing what she is doing wrong.

You need to know that the beginning of a relationship with an abuser is, as a rule, just a "fairy tale". Finally, you have met "your" person, with whom you feel so good, and you are already anticipating what happiness awaits you ahead. Such a period can last for several months, and sometimes even a year. This is enough for the victim to form a stable emotional dependence on the partner, and she completely confides in him.

And then, out of nowhere, conflict situations suddenly begin to appear, provoked, of course, by the victim. Relationships begin to resemble a "roller coaster" - it is not clear where the violent conflicts and reconciliation come from alternating with periods of former bliss.

These "roller coasters" at the hormonal level create addiction in the victim, similar to drug addiction. And the longer she is in such an environment, the more difficult it is for her to realize that something abnormal is happening. It can be compared to a person caught in a wave of the surf, which twists the victim, taking it under the water. In such waves people drown due to the fact that they lose their orientation in space and do not understand in which direction to swim to the surface.

Gradually, the victim of a destructive relationship breaks down self-esteem and it becomes more and more difficult for her to see that the root of the problem lies not in her. The resulting traumatic bond between the victim and the abuser is very strong, and the longer the relationship lasts, the more difficult it is to break it. In addition, once it has begun, abuse tends to gradually take on more serious forms.

That is why it is so important to know those "bells" that can warn that the person with whom you are planning a serious relationship is prone to abuse.

Signs that should alert you in the behavior of your partner:

1. A pronounced negative attitude towards the former partner.

Basically, it's okay to have negative feelings about your ex. But it's all about the degree of this offense. If a person literally from the first dates begins to describe how his "ex" acted unworthily with him, this is a bad symptom.

It’s even worse if his words contain blatant contempt for her. And it's really bad if a man claims that she has falsely accused him of abuse. The fact is that most of the allegations of violence are true.

And if your lover does not hide that he showed violence towards his former companion, justifying it with various "good" reasons: her behavior, his own infantilism or the fact that he did it in a state of intoxication, you definitely need to stay away from him.

Notice if he is inclined to accept responsibility for the collapse of a past relationship. If not, you can rest assured that very soon you will be blamed for all the problems in your current relationship.

Also note if your beloved says that you are "one in a million", are completely different from other women and that you are the first who truly understands him. Without noticing it, you will begin to diligently prove to him that you are really not like "others" - and you will be trapped. After all, very soon you will hear from him that you are "the same as everyone else."

2. Disrespectful attitude towards you.

Disrespect is what abuse is based on. Pay attention to how your beloved communicates with you - how he relates to your opinion, whether he is polite. If your opinion means little to him, if he allows himself to be rude or sarcasm in communicating with you, these are clear signs of disrespect.

If he behaves this way, despite your remarks, and especially if he defends such behavior, claiming that you are oversensitive and "blowing an elephant out of a fly", this is a clear sign that very soon you will become a victim abuse.

Another very important point should be noted here - disrespect can also be expressed in the form of idealization. A man can literally idolize you, claiming that you are the perfect woman. But the danger lies in the fact that at the same time the man sees not you, but his fantasy. As soon as he realizes that you cannot correspond to his imaginary image in everything, his attitude towards you will dramatically change for the worse.

Thus, there is almost no difference between a man who speaks down to you and one who idealizes you... Both are incapable of seeing you as a real person, and there is nothing good about that.

3. Imposing help you didn't ask for or a show of generosity that embarrasses you.

These actions of your lover may mean that he is trying to make you feel like you owe him something. If you refuse his services, and he still does what he sees fit, but at the same time you feel an invasion of your personal space, this is a bad sign.

4. Control.

At first, you may be very pleased that your friend has thought out all the plans in advance for the evening or weekend. But then you notice that he gets annoyed if you don't want to follow these plans in some way. And then you suddenly realize that he doesn't even think about what you want.

At first, the control is not conspicuous. You hear a few comments made in passing about your clothes, makeup, or hairstyle. Then minor claims are added to your relatives or friends, he advises to communicate less with one of them.

Then your beloved begins to insist that you spend more time with him. Later, he strongly recommends that you find another job where they pay more, or, conversely, leave your job. Then he begins to interfere in your life on trifles, dictating what and how best to do. And if he sees that you did not listen to his advice, he starts to get angry. He can also get very worried if he sees that you do not share his tastes in everything. All of the above are clear signs of control.

5. Jealousy.

Active display of jealousy is also one of the strongest markers of your partner's tendency to abuse. Your lover may say: "Forgive me - I'm just going crazy with love for you, that's why I lost my temper when I saw you in the company of your ex. I just can't stand to see other men next to you!"

He may pester you with calls throughout the day, checking what you are doing, or insist that you need to meet every day. The truth is that he really has strong feelings for you, but they are not based on love, but a sense of possessiveness.

Jealousy and jealous behavior are not the same... Deep down, a man may be jealous of you, that's okay. If your lover is unsure of himself, he may feel anxious when you interact with other men.

But jealous behavior is different. If, by his behavior, he forces you to give up the right to choose who to communicate with - just so that he is not jealous of you, this means that the position of control in relation to you is the norm for him. Remember, you don't have to give him control over your life.

6. He is never guilty of anything.

If, when problems arise, a man always looks for the guilty and never admits his mistakes, this very clearly characterizes him. Know that it will not be long before his accusations will be heard more and more in your address.

A partner of such a warehouse also chronically fails to fulfill its promises. He will always find an explanation for why he upset you or was irresponsible. It is likely that over time he will try to live at your expense.

7. He is self-centered.

In the early stages of a relationship, the abuser's self-centeredness is not always obvious, but there are symptoms that you should pay attention to. You should be wary if he talks too much and all this talk is mainly about him. Egocentrism generally does not lend itself well to correction. And for people prone to abuse, it has its roots in a deep belief that they have a right to behave this way.

8. He is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Be especially careful if your lover is persuading you to use alcohol or drugs together. Neither alcohol nor drug addiction usually acts as an independent cause of abuse, but they often accompany it.

Your partner may try to convince you that you are the only one who can help him tie. Be aware that it is typical for alcoholics and drug addicts to always be in a state of "I'm about to quit drinking / using drugs."

9. He puts pressure on you to have sex.

If your lover ignores your desire not to rush things before moving on to an intimate relationship, and puts pressure on you in this matter, this indicates his tendency to exploit. And exploitation, as a rule, is accompanied by abuse.

This is also a clear sign that a man sees in a woman not a person, but only an object of satisfying his sexual desires.

10. He tries to quickly turn the relationship into a serious channel.

Since too many men avoid serious relationships, a woman can be glad that her new lover literally immediately starts talking about starting a family. But be careful - if he too quickly starts talking about a joint future, not getting to know you better, this may mean that he wants to "get his hands on you" as soon as possible.

Slow down the development of the relationship. If he insists on his own, not showing respect for your position on this issue, problems await you in the future.

11. He behaves in a threatening manner when angry.

Bullying is itself a sign of emotional abuse. And there it is not far from physical violence. Any of the actions below should make you sound the alarm.

When irritated and angry, your partner:

• He comes close to you, touches your face with his hands, pushes you, does not let you go, blocking the path or holding you.

• Yelling at you, arguing that otherwise you simply do not hear what he wants to tell you.

• Waving his fists, screaming over you, or doing something else that scares you.

• Expresses verbal threats, such as: "Better not to anger me" or "You do not understand with whom you contacted."

• Increases speed or makes risky driving maneuvers.

• Bangs his fists on the wall or kicks the door.

• Throws things even if they don't hit you.

The closer your relationship with the bullying man, the harder it will be for you to end it. Unfortunately, many women are unaware of this. They think: "Let's see what happens next: if it gets worse, I'll give it up." But abandoning someone who uses such means of influence is much more difficult than it might seem. Don't expect the worst - leave right away.

12. Existence of a system of double standards.

Be wary of men who believe that you and his behavior must obey different systems of rules. Basically, this manifests itself in the fact that he is allowed and not allowed for you - for example, raise his voice, express disagreement, etc. Double standards are the hallmark of an abuser partner.

13. His attitude towards women is poor.

In the first stage of a relationship, your lover may convince you that he treats you differently than other women, but this difference will not last long. Why would you build a relationship with a man who treats women as second-class beings?

Stereotypical attitudes about the role of women in the family also increase the risk of abuse. If your partner thinks that you should stay at home and not work, or that his job and career is more important than yours, this can cause serious problems. If you refuse to live by his rules, it is quite possible that he will put pressure on you.

14. He treats you differently in the presence of other people.

Abusers love to put on a show that is idyllic in your relationship when you are in society. But their attitude changes dramatically when there are no spectators nearby.

15. He is attracted by vulnerability.

One of the manifestations of this sign is when a man is attracted to girls who are much younger than him. The reason is that he likes to feel power over a woman. He is looking for a girlfriend who will look at him from the bottom up, and for whom his opinion will be the highest authority.

Other abusers are attracted to traumatized women who have recently suffered some kind of tragedy. Sometimes they start by helping the woman to end her relationship with her former abuser, and then begin to abuse her themselves. Some choose women who are mentally traumatized in childhood, in poor health, or have recently suffered some kind of loss, positioning themselves as a savior.

At the same time, there are abusers who are looking not for vulnerable and helpless women, but, on the contrary, for strong, confident, successful ones. Men of this kind, charming a confident woman, experience the pleasure of hunting for big prey. And even greater pleasure - from the subsequent awareness of power over her.

It is worth noting that none of the above signs, except intimidation, in itself does not give one hundred percent guarantee that a man is an abuser.

What can a woman do to further check?

Your best bet is to choose a strategy like this:

1. At the first sign of unacceptable behavior, make it clear to the man that you will not allow him to behave this way, and that you will end the relationship with him if something like this happens again.

2. If, despite the warning, your lover again behaves abusively, part with him for a while. You should not threaten him with a break, stating that this is the last warning, and then continue to communicate with him. In this case, he will decide that you do not have the courage to fulfill the promise.

3. If he continues to behave in the same way as before or switches to other behavior, which is also an unfavorable signal, it is very likely that he is really prone to violence. You can get into a very difficult situation by continuing this relationship and hoping that your partner's behavior will change in the future.

You also need to know that, starting to show cruelty in a relationship, the abuser is in complete confidence that it is not his attitude towards you that changes, but your behavior.

This is how his consciousness works - he believes that his actions are absolutely justified, and cannot even admit the thought that the problem is in fact in him. He only notices that over time you no longer correspond to his ideas about the ideal woman who is always ready to give and show deep respect to him.

Therefore, if you notice at least some of the above signs in your relationship, take it seriously. Remember that the sooner you break off this relationship, the more chance you have to get out of it without dire consequences. Appreciate yourself and be firm in making your decision for a life free from any form of violence!

* When writing this article, material from the book by Lundy Bancroft "

To find out about the feelings of a lover, you can ask him the right question. For example, “what do you appreciate in me?”, “Why do you like me?”, “Do you really love me?”.

But it is very difficult to ask: "Do you respect me?" It sounds like a drunken glass, as if you are thinking for three. But there is no need to ask: look at his behavior and you will understand everything. And now you will read how to understand this.

Trust in loyalty

Unfortunately, things don't always go so smoothly. Suppose a woman shamelessly gave herself up to a man immediately after meeting, and the fame of her turbulent past is very bad. But it just so happened that the man fell in love. Maybe he won't respect her, but he will try with might and main. In any case, his behavior will speak for itself:

He will bravely defend his beloved from the attacks of gossips, forcing them to at least shut up.

He will say only good things about her, even to his friends, who dissuade him from such a relationship.

He would rather quarrel with all relatives, friends and acquaintances than abandon his beloved woman.

In his soul, he will sacredly believe that his beloved will change and will not allow any more debauchery. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, but the guy still forgives his gulen and looks for an excuse for her, shutting his mouth to gossips. And this is also, oddly enough, respect. True, it is somehow pitiful, insignificant and humiliating.

Respect for interests

Men's and women's hobbies often differ. It is not so often that you see a girl sitting over a fishing rod for hours, and it is difficult to imagine a man who embroiders patterns on the hoop.

And yet it is a shame if a man does not take women's hobbies seriously. This is her life, her "sedative medicine", her joy. Well, let's take the simplest option: a girl spends a lot of time embroidering with beads, and this is how disrespect from a man about her hobby is expressed:

What the hell are you suffering from? What is the use of these dust collectors? The whole wall is already tastelessly hung. Have you tried to sell? No? And then what is the point? Who's going to buy this stuff, who needs it?

What a mess on your table - beads, threads, rags? Why litter everything around you? Creative chaos? And why do you need it if your hands are still growing from the wrong place?

Now this hobby is no longer relevant. You sit like an old grandmother over this rubbish. I have already served my fat sides, it would be better to go to the gym, there is more benefit, and the hobby for the gym is much more modern.

But here are clear signs for you when a man fully respects your interests, and therefore you along with them:

Listen, how cool you do it! Super! Of course, I don't understand anything about this, but in my opinion your talent is unsurpassed.

Why can't you come on a date today? Have you got the inspiration for work? Okay, I understand everything, then don't be late tomorrow.

Look what I brought you as a gift! This is the frame for your new painting. I think you will like its shape, and it matches in color.

Top of respect and respect to the man himself for his understanding and attentiveness. And the frame as a gift is the pinnacle of his attentiveness, because men so rarely can choose a worthy gift. You can even read about it in the article.

But this applies not only to hobbies and hobbies. Interests can be different:

• purpose in life,
• vision of your future,
• choice of profession,
• clothing style.

Mocking criticism in these things is inappropriate. If a man is imbued with your ideas, takes it seriously, and develops this thought even more, trying to find advantages and disadvantages in them, then this is a clear sign of his respect for you.

What his actions "speak" about

Even if a man is inherently not so attentive to gifts and is not always talkative, he can prove by his deeds and his behavior that he respects you very much. What signs indicate this?

He listens to your opinion

It's not that he's trying to get under the heel of you - he just sees in you a woman with a lively mind, and not a dummy. He does not dismiss your proposals, he seriously thinks about them.

If he doesn't quite believe in the success of your ideas, he still takes them into development, consulting with you. If everything works out, then he will never assign all the merits to himself personally, he will divide them into two.

He will not give rise to jealousy.

He understands how painful this feeling is. Therefore, women, except you, do not exist for him at all.

Courtship for other ladies does not manifest itself in any way in an intimate sense. He can invite some girl to dance, help her put on a coat, and the like. But this is just a demonstration of his gallantry, nothing more.

He will always come to the rescue

In his lexicon there are no words "I can not", "I do not want", "I have no time" if you have a serious problem. He will rush at the first call when some trouble threatens you.

It even happens that he senses a serious threat in advance by your voice. He will drop everything and immediately rush to save you, even if this may affect his reputation or health.

He respects your freedom and time

He will never make a sudden date if it is uncomfortable for you, but he suddenly "really needs it." He will coordinate everything in advance and will not be capricious even if you simply are not in the mood.

He himself will never be late for a date, making you wait alone. The exception is some kind of force majeure. And then, he will warn you about the problem with a message or by phone.

Be mutually polite

All male respect can evaporate if you start to use his attitude towards you in a brazen way. Whims, perseverance, conditions set, demands to come for different trifles - all this quickly begins to strain.

Afraid of losing your attentive boyfriend? Then do not repeat the mistakes that are listed in the article. Reciprocity is expensive. Not financially, of course, but morally. Where is the guarantee that you will find another one like that: a friend and loved one who respects you? Nowhere!

Complete collection of materials on the topic: signs of disrespect of a man to a woman from experts in their field.

What kind of woman is she who is respected by men? Is male respect for a woman connected with her dignity, intelligence, beauty, wealth, character and success in life?

In this article, we will discuss which women are respected by men. And let's start with the three most common myths that are circulating among women regarding this issue.

Myths about respect for a woman:

MYTH: in our time, men have ceased to respect women.

Nope, didn't stop. And it's easy to guess that such things are said by women who do not feel respect from men.

At the same time, in a wonderful and incomprehensible way for me, instead of asking myself a natural question " maybe if they don't respect me, then the problem is in me? ..“, A woman (out of habit, probably) lays the blame on all the men of the world.

But what actually happens?

In fact, there really are (and quite a few) such men who are poorly brought up, brought up by * udacks, brought up by people with mental trauma, brought up by those who, in general, should not be trusted with raising children in an amicable way, brought up by a low-level environment.

This is how men appear who are not inferior at least to pregnant women in public transport, men who call women "women", "skins", "holes" and even worse, men who humiliate women at any opportunity, and so on.

I went to the gym one Saturday morning. And I heard a piece of conversation between two men drinking beer on a bench. And one of them said to the other something like:

-… this mop needs to be put on the stove. (pause) All of them belong there, for some reason they climb into high positions ...

I don't know who he was talking about, but! Feel the situation: man. Looks bad. Obviously very poor. Suppresses beer on the bench. Saturday morning. And at the same time, he feels himself superior to women who have achieved some success in their careers.

So, what am I for ... Such men were, are and will be, as long as there are irresponsible parents, ill-mannered parents, people with a traumatized psyche, people who traumatize the psyche, as well as girls who, with their behavior, paint a black spot on all women in general.

And if you, as a woman, are not respected by men of this sort, you need to ask yourself not the question “what can you do to be respected?”, But the question “what am I still doing among this rotten environment?”

Because there are also a huge number of good men.... Smart, well-mannered, decent, adequate.

And if such men do not completely respect some woman, then she should think hard about herself as the source of the problem, and not complain that men have ceased to respect women.

MYTH: a man respects the woman he loves!

A bit wrong. Love follows respect, not respect follows love.

Many couples split up because one partner has lost respect for the other. And without respect, there is no love.

Therefore, the logic “well, he loves me - I can do now what I want, respect is a bonus to love” is incorrect.

By the way, the expression “a man loves a woman he respects” is also not entirely true, because one can respect without love.

MYTH: a man should respect any woman because she is a woman!

No, it shouldn't. Just like you should not respect any man, any old man or any parent.

Because men are * assholes and weaklings. Because old people are not always experienced bearers of knowledge. Sometimes these are just unpleasant evil people who do not bring any benefit to the world or their family, and did not bring them, being young. Because parents can be terrible alcoholics, they can beat children, throw them out into the street. And to respect them only for the fact that they “gave life” (aha, accidentally, drunk, flying) is strange.

So, women are different too.

Tell, for example, is it possible to respect the one who married a good man for the sake of money, sleeps behind his back with his friend, does not seek to develop and scores on raising children, leaving them to themselves?

Is it possible to respect a grandmother who sits on a bench, throws stones at a cat, yells at children and adolescents, unmotivatedly calling them drug addicts and prostitutes, despite the fact that in her youth she was about the same - she did not bring any benefit to the world, only spat poison , washed the bones of people and mowed with an unkind eye?

Not only you and me, but also men have the right not to respect such women.

Watch a short video with an interesting opinion on why men stop respecting women:

But at the same time, it is important to understand that you can lose respect for a woman (or not have it initially) for other reasons. What are these reasons?

It's hard to respect a woman without dignity

Many girls put their relationship and their man's happiness above all else. even above dignity.

Panthermedia, Scanpix

A healthy relationship in a couple is built primarily on love and respect for each other. Psychologist Irina Chesnova shows with specific examples how this respect can be shown, writes Lady.mail.ru.

1. Respect for needs and desires

A need is a need for something very good for oneself. The need for external good. Anyone needs food, safety, rest, companionship, acceptance, love. Needs are always good and natural. There is nothing shameful about needing support, for example. Or in recognition. Feeling good and needed. And in being in silence and loneliness.

Needs should not be judged critically, nor should they be considered “wrong” or stupid for the other person (or for you). They are always correct! And you need to treat them with attention and care. Because of the fulfilled needs, the general satisfaction with life and the feeling of happiness are formed.

I am very tired, I need half an hour to rest.
What is your answer to this?
- What was there to get tired of? Weighed not bags!

There is no respect for the other person's need in this phrase.

Of course, rest, you need to recover.

And this one is. Now about desires.
- I really want pizza with bacon!
- Where else with your weight pizza?

People who respect each other will never take a position “above” in communication. Respect is, first of all, the recognition that your human value is equal.

I really want bacon pizza! - And I want ice cream! Although very harmful. Well, shall we go all out or show willpower? - this is a conversation between two people who do not put themselves either higher or lower than the other.

2. Respect for specialties

Your life together will be the more comfortable and happy, the better you can see and take into account which person is next to you, what are his mental properties and character traits, what he is capable of, and what are his limitations.

I cannot do it / solve it so quickly, I need more time!
- You’re always slowing down! We need to think faster!

Here we see irritation and rejection that the other person is less quick and quick-witted.

Okay, I'll wait when you're done. And tell me if I can help you with something? - a calm and respectful phrase, in which there is no confrontation, but there is an offer of cooperation.

3. Respect for feelings and experiences

We are all living people, not robots. Sometimes we are very upset, angry, angry.

I get very upset when you say that ...
- What we are gentle! Doesn't it hurt your eyes?

This is neglect and the desire to hit harder.

I regret. This whole situation is very frustrating for me too.
So you show: I admit your feelings, we are with you in the same boat. And there are no cracks in your relationship.

4. Respect for interests and tastes

Examples of disrespect:
- Than to go fishing (picking with flowers), it would be better if I read some clever book!
- Only narrow-minded women watch such serials.
- How can you even eat this? Looks awful!

The tastes and range of interests of any person is a personal, completely inviolable for others (even the closest ones) territory. If you do not like that your loved one pays too much attention to their addictions, this can and should be discussed. But criticizing, making fun of his hobbies “in general” is a blow below the belt and absolutely unacceptable things in a respectful relationship.

5. Respect for values

Values ​​are what is of great importance to us, what we truly believe in, what we stand on. This is our attitude to the fundamental things in life, our ideas about acceptable behavior, our internal obligations to ourselves.

Instead of going to my parents to dig a garden, he could take me to the sea! - disrespect for what is important for a man is shown here - to help elderly parents, to be a good son.

I know I need to help your parents. But I also want to go to the sea. Let's think about how we can combine this so that everyone is happy.

By recognizing your partner's values, you can expect them to be attentive to what is dear to you.

6. Respect for point of view / vision / picture of the world

Read more

Only people who are lagging behind life can reason like that!
- You do not understand anything and haven’t smelled life.

Is it nice to hear that in conversation when you express your point of view? Of course, it’s unpleasant. Nobody likes it. How can you respectfully express your own vision, which is different from that of another? Very simply - with the words “I have a different opinion” (followed by an opinion starting with the words “I believe that”, “I believe that”, “my experience says that”) or “I disagree / I do not agree".

7. Respect for plans and aspirations

- Are you out of your mind? So much time and money to spend on it! You do not need it!

“You have no right to your development and your own life, I will decide what to do and what is good for you” - as this phrase says. Here the partner is perceived not as a separate person with his own free will and the right to dispose of himself, but as the property of another.

I want to get a second education.
- I'm not sure if now is the right time for this, but if this is your decision, I will support him.

You do not have to enthusiastically accept all the intentions of your spouse, you may doubt their feasibility and prospects. But in any case, your loved one is an adult, and he himself is able to make life choices and be responsible for them.

8. Respect for the social circle

What can you have in common with these strange people with whom you hang out? They are not worth your time!

The social circle, like tastes, like a circle of interests, like outlook on life, is yours personally. No one can invade this area with their opinion and advice, if this advice is not asked. We are friends, we communicate with someone, because we are interested in them, we are connected by some kind of our own, unique story and emotional attachment. Respecting these stories and the emotional attachments of your loved one means respecting him, his personal space.

You know, I'm not very comfortable with your friends, but you feel good with them. Well, great, meet, communicate.
Friendship is great. Respect for your social circle is another thread that will strengthen your union, make it strong and safe.