Mother's Day: what mothers with many children are talking about. The story of the Vlasov family with many children: we don't listen to anyone, we live and raise children
After the most touching and tender holiday - Mother's Day - we met with mothers, to whose affectionate title we would like to add the prefix "SUPER". After all, they are not just mothers - they are LARGE mothers. And besides, they are very successful women and real beauties. Thanks to them for taking the time to talk in their extremely busy schedule, even though it was not easy at all. And for filling this text with a feeling of real maternal happiness!
MOTHER: Olga Zhadeeva, editor-in-chief of the media project about Belarusian fashion Rretaportal. by, partner of the Kantsept-Krama store, finalist of the competition "Mrs. Belarus-2014".
DAD: Alexander Zhadeev, businessman.
CHILDREN: Arina (14), Andrey (10), Magdalena (8), Stephanie (4), Nikita (3 months).
The older I get, the more acutely I understand how lucky I am, what wealth my husband and I have. Find out that she is pregnant, expect, counting weeks and days, see the baby for the first time, feed the baby, carry it in your arms, kiss the fluffy top of the head and tiny fingers, see how children love each other, how they play, how they miss, observe, how a beloved man becomes a caring dad - all these are incredible, incomparable emotions! And the fact that I have been given to experience them so many times is happiness for which I am infinitely grateful to fate and the universe.
With the birth of each child, the family is born again, new habits and new traditions appear. We are just getting used to our new line-up as the "Seven I".
We have three schoolchildren, so the holidays are a holiday for the whole family. We celebrate their arrival with tea and cake, we think over an entertainment program: a cinema, a zoo, a water park, a pizzeria.
In fine weather we like to have an outdoor dinner. The husband is a great barbecue. We are happy to host guests, including those with children. I like it when there are many children in the house. Friends joke that I can throw my own people on the sly - the difference will not be noticeable anyway.
Last year we got a dog of the Akita Inu breed, a universal favorite named Yakuza. And this is a great excuse to go for a walk together - with bicycles, scooters, strollers and dogs!
Children go in for judo, on weekends they go to the pool with their dad. Against their sports background, I am still a rather weak link, but I plan to catch up.
We are raising children, and children, meanwhile, are raising us. Unbelievable, but true: I have become much more tolerant, calmer, despite the fact that the number of stress factors seems to be directly proportional to the number of children. Children mirror our emotional background, read our mood, what you send them is what you get in return. We try to educate with love and notice how her children then broadcast to the outside world. At the same time, we set boundaries so that it is clear: this is possible, this is no longer. In a large family, rules, orders and subordination are especially important, this greatly simplifies communication between parents and children.
With punishments, everything is individual.
Each child has its own approach, depending on age and character. It is enough for kids to restrict freedom for a period of 5, 10, 20 minutes - to stand in the corner, sit on a high chair in another room. For older children, occupational therapy over and above the usual duties or depriving them of some pleasures like ice cream for a week is effective. Well, and with the elders - just talk.
Everyday life of a mother with many children
Children are pushing our boundaries a lot. Although if someone else is in my place, from the habit of the load - both physical and emotional - may seem excessive. There are really a lot of things to do, each of the children needs to take time: talk, listen, play. On the one hand, children take a lot, on the other hand they give a lot. They are very recharging.
Children and career
One of my classmates was from a family with three children - a rarity at that time. She said that her mother often reproaches her and her brothers for sacrificing a career for them, but they, ungrateful, did not appreciate it. The family is not an altar to be sacrificed. My opinion is this: if you want to work and make a career, find opportunities and ways for this. If it's fun, great. If you still manage to make money, it's generally wonderful!
I manage the online fashion project pretaportal.by, write and edit articles, give lectures at the university several times a week, study together
with a partner "Kantsept-Kramai" - a store of clothes and accessories of Belarusian designers. I don't sit in an office from 9 am to 6 pm, but I often end up sacrificing a few hours of sleep or doing business on a day off.
I know women who are creative in doing household chores and raising children. This is their talent, their self-realization, and this is no worse than conquering career heights.
Children and figure
I remember how I was worried after the birth of my first child that it would not be possible to return to its former harmony. 3 months after giving birth, I ran to fitness classes and quickly regained shape. After the birth of her second child, she resumed her studies a month later - I wanted so much to lose weight! After the third, there was no time left for fitness, the purchased annual subscription practically lay idle. But it turned out that household chores and caring for three children are slimmer than any fitness. After the fourth, she returned to form after a couple of months. Now my fifth child is 3 months old, and the tightest skirts are already buttoned on me. True, I monitor my diet and do a number of simple exercises at home: squats, push-ups, lunges, etc. So from my own experience I can say that children do not spoil their figure - they temporarily change it.
We have fun
I used to blog on LiveJournal, thanks to which stories have been preserved, sad and funny, but mostly very touching, childish statements and photos. They would be enough for a whole collection on the topic “Everyday life of a mother with many children”. Sometimes I re-read and think: God, and how did I survive this ?! For example, when Andryusha was doing Magdochka's hair and styling it with ... glue. They were 3 years old and 1 year old. Or how we came to rest, and while checking into the room, Andrey ran away. They looked for him throughout the hotel - it turned out, he went to the sea for a swim. One. At 5 years old. He says, well, we arrived at the sea, and you went to the room. It's funny now, but then we were very scared.
Dad about mom
Firstly, Olya is a very cool wife: kind, gentle, ready to give all of herself without a trace. Secondly, she cooks great: I have not yet met anyone who cooks better. Thirdly, she has great taste, this is some kind of natural gift. She is also a loving mother, children simply adore her. The youngest, Stefanka, follows Olya with her tail and imitates everything. Andryusha periodically promises to give a sports Mercedes or Ferrari when he grows up.
MOTHER: Natalya Nadolskaya (economic observer, leading the "Economics" column on STV).
DAD: Vitaly Nekrashevich, businessman.
CHILDREN: Ilya (6 years old), twins Ulyana and Polina (2.5 years old).
About the happiness of being a mother of many children
I once said to my husband: "Oh, late I married you, otherwise I would give birth every year!" We got married when we were both over 30. Although, by modern standards, this is the best time for first marriages. Both me and my husband are the only children in the family. Before marriage, they managed to realize themselves in a career: I - in journalism, Vitaly - in business. Both were firmly on their feet, were financially independent.
We never discussed whether we want children. It was somehow implied by itself. But we definitely discussed before marriage that I do not like cats, and my husband - dogs, so there will be no pets in our house.
Firstborn Ilya was born 2 years after the wedding. Of course we were happy. The child is welcome, long-awaited, and, accordingly, all forces were thrown into his development. Everything, as they say in smart books for mothers: breastfeeding up to one and a half years, the best complementary foods, developmental courses, swimming. So 3 years passed.
Once, walking around the mall, I looked longingly at the department of clothes for newborns and told my husband: “Oh, it's a pity that Ilya grew up so quickly. Such happiness to buy small bodysuits! " Thought is material - and in a couple of months I was already pregnant. Although, as is often the case with second children, it all happened "almost by accident." And the more complete surprise for everyone was the news that there will be twins. We never even joked about this. No one in the family had twins. The husband could not come to his senses for a long time. From happiness, of course. But I, on the contrary, was disgusted: how are we going to cope? And he told me: “Don't drift. Just think - we won't sleep for 3 years! " And so it happened ...
Family traditions, family charter
Dad is the head of the family, its president and also the minister of finance. All the rest are cultural workers: we live, we sing, we dance.
In our now large family - like in the army: the most valuable thing is sleep. At first I did not sleep at night because I was breastfeeding the girls. Each - on demand. This is not easy. Then my husband went to work in Moscow. And then the grandmothers and nannies had to be called for help.
There are no rules in our family. But there is no particular chaos. Although there is one family tradition. Italian, one might say. We all talk very loudly. "Family of the Deaf", as I jokingly call us. This is hereditary: the husband's father - Honored Artist of the Republic of Belarus Leonid Nekrashevich - is a singer. The husband also sings loudly. As a presenter in life and on television, I always spoke very loudly. And our children are screamers. And now, when we moved to our country house, they began to shout even louder. Because you have to talk to each other from different floors.
"Crime and Punishment": Views on Education
I believe that couples break up because of different views on the parenting process. My husband and I often argue about whether the children should be punished. He accuses me of allowing them too much. In response, I reproach that he works a lot and can be strict. At first I thought that the main difficulty of upbringing is to meet the needs of children, primarily physiological. Now I am inclined to think that the most difficult thing is to educate a Human. Personality. With an inner core, with principles, with your own opinion. Sometimes it seems to me that being an example, taking time, loving and inspiring is too much of a responsibility. It is much easier to feed, dress and pay for educational clubs.
Everyday life of a mother with many children
The washing machine practically does not turn off. So does the iron. I cook only one compote 5 liters daily. I professionally remove stains from children's clothes. Its repair and purchase of products is also on me. And also - children's sections, meetings in the garden, clinics and document management. I work not only as a leading column on television, but also as a driver, psychologist, cook, doctor, cleaner.
Children and career
I have been working on TV for almost 20 years. I love my job very much and am immensely grateful to the management of the channel, which always supported me in any endeavors, initiatives and was not afraid to allow a mother of many children to work even before the expiration of the maternity leave. I do not remain in debt: over the past year, for example, I have never taken sick leave. Our grandmothers and the godmother of the girls insured me when my children were sick.
Often a large country house and a large family force women to give up work and devote themselves entirely to their husband and children. I am glad that so far I have succeeded
to combine home and work thanks to the help of her husband and relatives.
Children and beauty
I have to look good. Manicure-pedicure-depilation, hair care has not been canceled. Being a working mom with many children is not easy. I am inspired by the successes of my children, the admiring looks of my husband and the envious (in an amicable way) of those around me.
We have fun
I remember a couple of years ago, my son in the kindergarten drew a postcard for Mother's Day. He comes home with his dad in the evening - flowers and a postcard in his hands - and says loudly: "Beloved mommy, I wish you a Happy New Year!" I have a dumb question in my eyes. He: "Oh, no - happy birthday!" Then I listed a couple more holidays, but I never remembered Mother's Day. We, of course, wiped away a tear of emotion. What difference does it make which holiday your children congratulate you on - but even with all of them put together! The main words here are "beloved mommy ..."
Dad about mom
When we didn’t have three children, I didn’t understand very well how much work and responsibility it was. Natasha is our strong rear in this matter. As a wife, she closes all issues related to children, home, everyday life. In my family, I am rather a breadwinner who brings a mammoth from the hunt. There is such a moment in modern parents: they do not devote much time to their children, they try to attach them to their grandmothers, nannies. My Natasha is not like that. She finds time to play and work out, and talk with each child (for example, I do not always have the patience for this). A woman who, with such work as Natasha's, would pay so much attention and care to children, still needs to be looked for. And she does it great. We love her very much and are proud of her!
MOTHER: Anna Anisimova-Sarmont, executive producer, television administrator.
DAD: Dmitry Sarmont, director of a private enterprise.
CHILDREN: Plato (4.5 years), Tikhon (3.5 years), Eremey (2 years); waiting for the fourth baby.
About the happiness of being a mother of many children
It so happened that the first pregnancy fell like a snow on his head. I was only 22, I worked actively and did not think about children. But, probably, I chose this fate for myself. Let me explain. At the age of 16, she was terribly, unrequitedly in love with one young man, wrote tons of poems, songs, even started scribbling a book about him. Over time, the fire of my passions subsided, but at the age of 18 I asked his permission to take his last name as my creative pseudonym. I wanted to make a career as a singer. So I lived with two surnames - most of the entourage knew me exactly as Sarmont. And a few years later we met again. And they immediately began to live together. After 2 months, I became pregnant with Plato. Soon we got married - and already officially, according to my passport, I became Anisimova-Sarmont.
In fact, immediately after the birth of the first child, she became pregnant with the second, and after the third. The environment, of course, was divided into "sane" and those who were happy for us. No, we are not fanatics, not crazy - we just love children, we get them, we are ready to work and put them on their feet. Moreover, observing situations with friends and acquaintances, when loving couples so want children, but cannot get pregnant or bear, we appreciate the happiness given to us with interest even more.
Although, probably, for good reason, my body would not hurt to rest - after all, not only did I become pregnant almost without a break, but I also breastfed everyone. But fate decreed otherwise: now we
waiting for the fourth baby.
"Crime and Punishment": Views on Education
We are a kind of cross between the elements of the best Soviet upbringing (respect for adults, strictness) and "Western permissiveness." If you said “no”, then it’s always “no” - this is probably the main rule of our pedagogy. It is important not only to prohibit, but to explain why. Then there will be no hysterics. However, children are all different - maybe it doesn't work with someone. You don't have to have a bunch of toys or a tablet to distract your child. You can play with him, cheer up. The main thing is patience and self-control. Well, and the understanding that these are children, they are interested in everything, they all want to try, get in everywhere. It is important to explain to them how to exist in this world, how to use its benefits and what to beware of.
You can always negotiate with children, and with experience comes skill and skills that are useful in upbringing. We spend a lot of time together. We are happy to travel with children, go anywhere, go shopping, restaurants, cafes. Children learn, and the more often we introduce them to the culture of behavior in different places, the sooner they begin to behave there adequately, without annoying other visitors and without creating discomfort for my husband and me.
Everyday life of a mother with many children
Neither we nor our children are perfect. There are breakdowns, unbridled emotions, and fatigue. In such situations, my husband urgently sends me to the shops, to the gym, solarium or to his girlfriends. So that she could gain strength, exhale and resume her duties as a mother. For which many thanks to him. He was not afraid to be alone with children, even when they were babies. I just expressed milk, and he fed himself. And during this pregnancy, I had to be in the hospital twice, and all this time he coped alone, managing to go to work with the younger, and take the elders to a speech therapist. I cooked and cleaned - I did everything myself. Pah-pah-pah, golden!
We do not expect help from outside, we rely on our own strength. By the way, we also don't have grandmothers, nannies who constantly sit with children. We cope on our own, only occasionally connecting one of our friends or relatives in order to shake things up and spend time together, which is also extremely important for a harmonious atmosphere in the family. And all the helpers are immensely grateful!
Children and beauty
Manicure, depilation, hair coloring,
wraps, etc. - all this helps to feel beautiful, well-groomed. I carry out almost all the self-care manipulations myself, without spending big money on it. There would be a desire, but there will be an opportunity. You can look good at a minimum cost.
Children and career
Whenever possible, I try not to abandon the profession. I work on television and a little in the organization of events: individual filming, events, concerts. Well, or wherever they call you! I am very glad that the specifics of the work allows you to realize yourself remotely or selectively. The leadership of the STV channel always meets halfway, supports - I am ready to thank heaven for these people, honestly! Probably, she did not receive more support from anyone - except perhaps from her husband! Children with age require more and more investments, including financial ones. But this factor only spurs to new heights, to work.
We have fun
I am often asked how I deal with three babies. I always answer the same: three is easier than one! Especially now, when everyone is already eating, going to the pots, getting dressed. It was not so easy before. But now they don't really need you: they have fun together, they have the same interests. It is only important to teach them to play together, so as not to kill each other! Therefore, I have more time for household chores and for myself. Speaking of everyday life, children are very functional people and are happy to help with housework, cooking or cleaning.
Dad about mom
Anya is a great mom and a great wife! She manages everything and everywhere, she is great!
MOTHER: Marina Gritsuk, TV presenter.
DAD: Akim Tyshko, soloist of the vocal group "Pure Voice".
CHILDREN: Danila (11 years old), Vsevolod (8 years old), Akim (6 years old), Mark (4 months old).
About the happiness of being a mother of many children
Only mothers with many children can understand what the happiness of a mother with many children is. The rest, at best, will sympathize. Well, how to explain that you can look your next baby in the eyes for an infinitely long time, listen to children's laughter, kiss a small dimple in your neck and rejoice at small successes - the first steps or the first exams? How to explain that without a little man it becomes boring in the house? Who will believe that I have learned to expand the time and live instead of one life - four more? I learned to enjoy life acutely and every second! Being a mother is happiness of a completely different depth, it is a feeling of the inner sun that illuminates and warms its "sunflowers".
Family traditions, family charter.
I In our house we rejoice
and we create and we thank for everything.
II Drink green tea,
and we dance and we sing.
III We smile, we play,
hug, dream!
IV We always know how to forgive,
and appreciate and respect!
In general, in our family it is like this: as my mother said, so it will be in my father's way!
"Crime and Punishment": Views on Education
One wise man said: everyone knows how to raise children, except for those who have them. The more children I have, the more often I come to the conclusion that all conflicts are due to a lack of understanding of each other. Children cannot be the same, each has its own nature, and it can be very different from the nature of the parents. But, as they say, from every good apple tree, parents persistently try to grow a decent pear. Should a child be punished if, instead of getting dressed for school, he spends 15 minutes opening and closing the cabinet door, because today it “squeaks in a special way”? How can you be punished for a poor math grade if it’s in the nature of a child to deftly cut with a jigsaw or be an athlete? The most important thing, perhaps, what we can teach our children is to love ourselves for who they are.
Everyday life of a mother with many children ...
… These are daily crash courses in a variety of subjects. A course in psychology, a course in finding a compromise and defending one's rights, a course in negotiating, attentiveness and composure. We learn how to say and hear the word "no", and in general, how to speak so that we are heard. We are taking a course of tenderness, love, patience, strength and good mood. We learn and teach - ask and give in, be happy and open. This is not to mention the cooking, ordering, medical and memorization courses of football clubs and their players. And another important subject is the ability to make plans so that you are always ready that the child will break them.
Children and career
A career is attached to a person depending on his abilities - and a family is given from above. Therefore, the family, perhaps, is always a priority. But not to such an extent that I go to my boss and say: you know, I won't come to work tomorrow - my husband asked me to go to the cinema with him. The other extreme is to work so that there is no mental strength left for the family. After all, it is difficult to give love when all aspirations are aimed at climbing the career ladder. I was very lucky with work: I go there with great pleasure and return home the same way.
Children and figure
I guess these two concepts are quite
compatible. The main thing is to find an incentive. When I finish breastfeeding, I will have to seriously address this issue so as not to remain unfounded.
We have fun
After half an hour of persuading little Akim to insert an antipyretic candle for him, he finally agrees: "Okay ... Just don't set it on fire!"
Dad about mom
If there is any maternal ideal, an ideal of femininity, it is Marina. I have a feeling that the role of a mother is destined for her by nature. I am very glad that next to me is a woman who is as obsessed with children and love for them as I am. We found each other and found the meaning of life. She is the perfect mom! If she still took the right notes when she sings lullabies, there would be no price for her! (Smiling)
Photo by Alexander BUSHMA
Makeup & Hairstyle Natasha BUR
The Ziyatdinovs Ziyatdinovs family in the Karadugan village of the Baltasinsky district of Tatarstan is raising four sons and one daughter. Firaya Ziatdinova met her husband Bulat at a wedding with friends, and after nine days of dating, the young guy proposed to her.
Firaya Ziyatdinova considers herself a happy woman and mother. Photo: AiF / Aliya Sharafutdinova
“The oldest, Samat, is 13 years old. He is inquisitive, - says proudly mother of many children about her children. - Calm and attentive Vakhit 12. Nine-year-old Gaziz is straightforward. My daughter Gulsem is in the first grade. She is hyperactive, but three-year-old Fatykh is the most capricious. "
The grown up sons and daughter help their mother around the house. “Children can do almost everything: the elders mow hay for the calves, take care of the cattle, the younger ones look after the chickens and ducks, in the winter they all shove the snow out of the yard together,” explains Firaya.
Four brothers and a sister Ziyatdinov. Photo: AiF / Aliya Sharafutdinova
In the evening she gathers for dinner to try my mother's pastries (triangles, whites) manti, and pancakes cooked in the oven.
The Ziyatdinovs also go on vacation with the whole family: they make forays into the forest for berries and mushrooms, and in winter they go skiing and sledging. Together with their father Bulat, the boys play hockey. Recently, even three-year-old Fatykh started skating.
The Ziyatdinov family lives in a large house. Photo: AiF / Aliya Sharafutdinova
Firaya Ziyatdinova works as the director of the Musa Jalil Museum. She often participates in republican contests: in 2012 she reached the final of the “Nechkebil” contest, in 2008 she won the regional contest “I am for mother's milk” (she breastfed all four boys for a year, and her daughter up to two years old). In the summer of 2013, at the "Successful Volga Region" competition, the Ziyatdinovs were the best among 25 families.
An experienced mother also gives advice to young people on the local radio and in the Syuyumbike magazine.
A mother with many children admits that it is difficult to raise five children in Russia: “We are a loving husband and wife, and therefore we solve all problems and hardships together,” says Firaya Ziyatdinova. She teaches her sons and daughter, first of all, to be attentive to others, responsive and benevolent.
Father of many children
You go into the apartment of one of the high-rise buildings on Ibragimov Street and it becomes clear: a big family lives here. There are about ten pairs of shoes on the floor.
“Come in,” the father of this large family, Sergei Kozeev, invites and carefully puts the guest's coat into the closet.
Darina is the long-awaited daughter of Sergei Kozeev. Photo: AiF / Aliya Sharafutdinova
The Kozeevs' house is a little messy, but clean. Two guys are having dinner, one is feeding goldfish in an aquarium, a little girl is sitting in front of a computer and leafing through photos on a social network.
Sergey Kozeev was left with five children in his arms two years ago. The woman with whom he lived for 11 years in a civil marriage went to another man. 14-year-old Misha (he is not the son of Sergei Kozeev), 12-year-old Ilya, 11-year-old Igor, 9-year-old Pavel and 4-year-old Darina are now raised by their father alone.
Sergei with his sons Ilya, Igor and Pavel. Photo: AiF / Aliya Sharafutdinova
Now in the family, Sergei plays the role of father and mother alone. He not only protects and provides for the family, but also manages to cook food, clean, wash and prepare the children for lessons.
Daily care of children
Every day at the Kozeevs' house starts at 7.00. The father of the family wakes up his children, prepares breakfast for them, gets his little daughter to kindergarten. After the children leave for school at 8:00, they begin to get ready for work.
During the day, Sergei calls one or the other son every hour: he finds out how they are doing, reminds them that it's time for dinner, that it's getting cold outside, and you need to dress warmly. Darina can dial dad's number at any time and start talking to him: about the pussy she saw on the street, about the Easter cakes that she sculpted on the sandbox. The father always listens carefully.
Sergey Kozeev bought fish for children. Photo: AiF / Aliya Sharafutdinova
“I spent my whole life in Kazan, graduated from school here, I work as a mechanic, sometimes I earn extra money in my specialty,” Sergei tells about himself, occasionally glancing at Darina, who draws herself on an album sheet with her father. - Before, when my wife had just left, and my daughter was only two years old, it was difficult. Pasha, who at that time did not go to school yet, looked after his sister, and I worked to feed everyone. "
For two years, the mother of five children has never visited them. She continues to enjoy the benefits of a large family and demands that Sergei buy out part of the apartment from her, according to documents belonging to her. From time to time, the mother writes to the children on the social network that she loves them, but she does not appear at home.
Four-year-old Darina often draws herself with her father. Photo: AiF / Aliya Sharafutdinova
Sergei returns from work at about 20.00 and immediately begins to cook food for the children: soup (cabbage soup, borsch, pickle), pilaf, buckwheat porridge with stewed meat, naval pasta.
In all other respects, the father of many children also takes into account the opinion of the children: he gives only the necessary gifts and does not scold the boys when someone accuses them of hooliganism.
“We have no secrets from each other. I believe my children, and if the boys say that they didn’t do it, it means that it is so, ”the father sums up.
"I want to become people"
He teaches four boys to be independent and love work, and Darina, like a princess, never gets away with her father.
14-year-old Misha goes to a boarding school and therefore only appears at home on weekends.
“We have a distribution of responsibilities at home,” says 12-year-old Ilya, smiling. When the father is not at home, he stays with the elder and looks after the brothers and sister. - We clean every day: everyone washes the floors in their room. If I take Darina to kindergarten, Igor takes her away, Pasha takes care of the fish. My father taught me how to bake pancakes, cook soup, pilaf, pasta. "
Pavel Kozeev is in the second grade. Photo: AiF / Aliya Sharafutdinova
Ilya dreams of becoming an actor in the future and wants to enter the theater department. The father plans to enroll him in the football section. “I love my father very much,” thinks Ilya. "For everything he does for us."
Misha, Ilya, Igor and Pavel help their father around the house. Photo: from the personal archive of Sergei Kozeev / Aliya Sharafutdinova
On the sidelines on the couch, Sergei Kozeev is already checking Pavel's lessons. My father is concerned that while in the second grade, he still reads syllables. Igor's father enrolled in a fencing school, and Pavel also in an art school.
Sergei Kozeev does not drink or smoke and has completely forgotten about his personal life. The man says: the main thing is that the children grow up to be good people. His most cherished dream is for each of them to receive higher education.
He reads fairy tales to his daughter and puts the children to bed.
On the last Sunday of November, Sergei Kozeev and the Ziyatdinov family are going to congratulate the closest people on Mother's Day.
Natalia Pavlova
Large family: the Nikolaev family, parishioners of c. Boris and Gleb (magazine "Kryny Sel'nye", 2007, No. 1.).
The history of each individual family is a piece of that common history, which can be named in different ways, but has its undeniable epigraph of the words:
“The story of how people put together what is sometimes so scattered, aimlessly hovering in the modern world, looking for its material use. This is undoubtedly love, trust, friendship, warmth, complicity, support, patience. "
The family, of course, is worthy of many praiseworthy words, and we will consider it not as a certain instance of social relations, a social institution, but as a stronghold of kindness and love, as a combination of worries, hopes, little troubles, common memories and common joy.
We are sure that family history simply cannot be uninteresting. We hope that the story about families will become a good tradition of this magazine.
We will tell you about an ordinary ... large family, which is unanimously convinced that there are never too many children! She is not afraid of the difficulties associated with their upbringing and provision! It is easy for them to live, because they do not complain about life, but simply by joint efforts are trying to overcome difficulties, and they succeed. Because they are used to helping each other.
Meet the young family of Nikolaevs, three children are growing up in it!
Let's get acquainted!
Dad, Nikolayev Sergey Valerievich, who recently served under a contract in the armed forces, now works as a driver and is studying - he is going to become a civil engineer. Mom, Nikolaeva Irina Yurievna, works as a pediatrician in a children's clinic. Their eldest 15-year-old daughter Alina graduated from art school and is fond of drawing. The second daughter, Anya, at the age of 12, is a candidate for master of sports in rhythmic gymnastics. Anya also writes poetry, stories, fairy tales. The youngest child, Yurochka, is five years old. The character of the boy's hobbies is already gradually influenced by the professional preferences of his father, the future civil engineer: Yurochka loves to build from a designer, and prefers a tractor to all machines.
Family history is a long story.
Mom Irina and dad Sergei studied in the same class. After seven years of friendship, they decided to sign. Exactly 9 months later, their first daughter Alina was born. Very little time passed, and a second daughter, Anya, was born. Being pregnant with Alina, Irina Yurievna studied at the institute, and with Anya she passed state exams. It was very difficult. And after the birth of the third child, the son of Yura, the family became large. The grandfather was waiting for the appearance of the grandson in the Nikolaev family. In the morning after giving birth, I was already kneeling by my daughter's bed. It was very effective in the third pregnancy and dad's help - in the prenatal, the most difficult time, he was constantly there.
Both mom and dad were never afraid of having many children, on the contrary, even in their youth they dreamed that they would have many children. However, such a problem as means invariably invades the life of a young and large family. In terms of money, the parents of Irina and Sergei helped a lot. Grandmothers and grandfathers did not think too long, having learned about the possible appearance of a third grandson, they immediately said: “We will help!”.
Family support, family unity in the face of the difficulties that have arisen are very important, they are a kind of guarantee that as few sad pages as possible, less grief and disappointment will go down in family history. Naturally, it is difficult for the large family of the Nikolaevs. But they are in no hurry to complain about the state and social disorder. They just help each other within their family.
Surprisingly, there are very few difficulties with raising three children - understanding and family harmony are doing their job! I have enough strength for everything. And the guys themselves do not disappoint mom and dad, I never had to blush for them. Girls now delight their parents with their independence. Mom is not worried about her smart and sensible daughters, she knows that their time is allocated, classes are scheduled. They themselves learned to successfully combine a regular school and their hobbies, Alina - drawing, Anya - sports. Little Yurochka is also good for parents from all sides, rejoices, the family will not be happy with such a child - not spoiled, obedient! And my mother makes a joyful conclusion: "To give birth to such children and to give birth again!"
This is probably the most important thing for parents - to be calm for their children, believe in them and be proud of them. A man and a woman, becoming a dad and a mom, begin to live not only with their own problems and their life plans, they plunge into the affairs of their child, get sick of his failures, rejoice at his successes, as if these failures and successes are their own.
Dad Sergei Valerievich admits that the main, and sometimes almost the only problem in raising children is the TV. And in this, the Nikolaev family is not alone - many families face the problem of the harmful influence of TV on children. And worst of all, most parents do not recognize the danger. This is how TV has become part of our life. And there really is a cause for concern. Take at least the fact that the TV teaches us to rest incorrectly - in fact, sitting in front of the screen, we do not rest - a huge flow of information, often unnecessary and even harmful, purely automatically does not give us rest! In addition, by accustoming ourselves to getting comfortable in front of the screen, we get used to a lazy, simplistic perception of reality. We will not go into all the psychological and other subtleties of the influence of TV on children, we just wish parents to be extremely frank, caring and benevolent so that children, God forbid, do not look for a substitute for parental warmth and attention!
The family's path to the temple.
The family's turn towards the temple is a very important turn. Naturally, it is impossible to deduce any regularity of the way the family approaches the church, as it is difficult to describe and comprehend the path to faith of an individual person. One thing is certain - the process of churching changes the family's lifestyle: along with the everyday level, life is completely different, it requires both additional time and additional organization.
In the Nikolaev family, it all started with the grandmother Nina Mikhailovna. She says: “My grandmother was a believer. We were small then, we had a room for three with my sister and grandmother. And the grandmother prayed every time both at night and in the morning. My sister and I naturally laughed at her:
“- Grandma, how is it? They flew into space, and you say there is a God.
- Well, let's fly.
- So there is no God?
- Well, no, - and begins to pray.
- Why are you praying?
“Well, you don’t, but I do.”
So she never argued, of all my relatives, my grandmother was the most religious. He will never scold, never raise his voice. For six months we went with her to the Don, to her farm. She nursed me there. She defended her from my mother, defended her from my dad ”.
When grandmother Nina Mikhailovna studied at the university, she began to go to churches not by faith, but by beauty - she was then very interested in architecture. True, I didn’t go often. I constantly began to visit the church of Boris and Gleb almost from the very opening - it is both cozy here and not far from it. Nina Mikhailovna believes that both the church and the cemetery should be walked - not by car, not by bus. He cannot pinpoint any turning point on his way to the temple - somehow everything gradually, by itself, happened.
The grandmother showed the family the path to the temple. Mom Irina Yuryevna says that in the beginning it was hard to stand up for long services, it was unusual. Later, daughters Alina and Anya began to study at Sunday school. And over time, it began to pull into the temple. Grandmother and mother felt the power of prayer on themselves: Nina Mikhailovna, reading "Our Father", coped with the insomnia typical of her age, and Irina Yurievna with prayer endured contractions, and her third birth was surprisingly easy.
Girls Alina and Anya go to services with their younger brother Yura, receive communion. Alina's many friends go to church. And Ani has some difficulties with her coach: trainings on Sunday, unfortunately, are the norm in a sports environment, and they cannot be missed, especially if they are preparing for a competition. At first, Anya did not tell her parents about problems in training. Then somehow she comes in tears and says: "Mom, they put me before a choice: either practice, or go to church."
The grandfather in the Nikolaev family does not go to church at all. And they treat him with understanding. The grandmother believes that it is not worthwhile to forcefully bring either children or adults to church - this is not an easy matter.
The secret of a strong family.
The Nikolaev family is friendly and cheerful. They have a very welcoming home. Both children and adults love to visit them. The family of relatives welcomes them. When mom is asked: “You already have three children. How is it possible to receive so many guests? "
Mom and Dad unanimously consider love to be the most important thing for maintaining a strong family!
To young families who are still thinking about how many children to have, the Nikolaevs advise not to be afraid and give birth. Three children - it's not scary if the family has unanimity and respect for each other!
Advice to young families from grandmother Nina Mikhailovna:
“My grandmother brought up her six children and the same number of those who remained in her care after the death of her sister. So she believed that it was always possible to feed children, no matter how many of them there were, and that you would never regret having them. But if they are not there or have passed away early - you regret about that until the end of your days! "
Tatyana and Ivan Vlasov from the Buryat village of Tamir have five of their own and seven adopted children. The four older children of the Vlasovs already live separately: they have families and their own children.
Valeria and Alexey with the Vlasovs' nephews and grandchildren. © / All photos from the personal archive of the Vlasov family
Photo in the newspaper
The history of the adoptive family began in 2009, when Vlasov saw in the regional newspaper a photograph of an eight-year-old Anton- a boy from a local orphanage. Tatiana recalls that until that moment she and her husband had not thought about adopted children at all and had not even discussed this topic. And then suddenly they decided to take the boy together. True, at first Ivan brought Antoshka to stay. “We were afraid of the children's reaction,” says Tatiana. “But the kids immediately supported us and said: let's leave Anton.”
Anton tried to please: he behaved calmly and obediently, helped everyone. He called Tatiana and Ivan mom and dad. True, he did not always succeed in being obedient, especially at school: in the classroom he did not know how to control himself, so the boy constantly had problems with behavior and study. It was necessary to study with him a lot, besides, the Vlasovs were often summoned to school and even to the commission on juvenile affairs. “But we overcame it all,” says Tatiana. - Anton has been living with us for 6 years, he is fond of sports: skiing, athletics ... ".
Four years later, the Vlasovs "matured" to take another adopted child into the family. And they found two at once. “The specialists of the service for the support of foster families in our region invited us to the“ Open Day ”at the orphanage, - Tatyana recalls. "We went with pleasure." There was a concert at the party, and most of all potential parents were "hooked" by two girls performing together: Vika and Rita... They were 11 and 12 years old. “They immediately sunk into our souls,” says Tatiana. “At home, we consulted with the children and decided that the girls would live with us.”
The girls got accustomed somehow easily, quickly found a common language with the rest of the family. Rita loves animals, especially dogs and horses, she is very caring, although sometimes she does not have the patience to bring something to the end. Vika is a needlewoman: she embroiders with a cross, loves to do hairstyles.
And the girls' love for singing, dancing and performing at concerts remained, only now concerts are arranged in a home circle, attracting other relatives to participate. Fortunately, the Vlasov family has enough children to make up a small concert troupe! Indeed, a year after the appearance of Vika and Rita, it was decided to take another boy and a girl into the family.
Three to seven
This time, the Vlasovs' own daughter found a new adoptive sister Valya... At the Russian language Olympiad, she met her age-old 14-year-old Natasha from the orphanage. The parents listened to stories about Natasha and followed her to the orphanage.
“While we were sitting and talking with Natasha in the office, a little boy constantly dropped in to us and asked:“ Did they come for me? ”Tatyana recalls. In the end, eight-year-old Alyosha just ran up to the woman and hugged her, calling her "mom." Alyosha was so small and defenseless - they simply could not leave him in the orphanage. And they decided to pick it up.
Alyosha is a very bright, joyful child: he loves to sing, is always positive, no matter what happens. “He has such a really funny smile that we all want to smile at him,” says Tatiana. And Natasha is very fond of managing with her mother, helping her in everything, being around: cooking together, milking the cows. In general, she succeeds in cooking well: she has got herself a notebook with recipes and collects interesting and tasty dishes.
New "replenishments" in the Vlasov family took place according to a familiar pattern: in 2014, they went to an orphanage for Mother's Day and saw a 12-year-old Yuru... He sang the song "Mom's Heart". “At this holiday everyone cried: both children and parents,” Tatyana recalls. Yura was invited to visit, he made friends with Anton and, like that, remained "visiting" for good.
And in 2015, a whole delegation went to the orphanage for an open day: Tatyana and Ivan, along with Vika, Natasha and Anton. This time they met the youngest daughter, Valeria.
Anything can be dealt with
Foster parents are often looking for babies - it seems to many that they cannot cope with older children, and even more so with adolescents. But Tatyana says that there were no special difficulties with the children, although all seven adopted children with difficult stories and their own tragedies in the past. “It seems to me that any child can be brought up, only you need to choose an approach. One of our girls had a long tongue: she liked to lie a little and dream up. We immediately warned her that there would be nothing good from this, and my older children scolded her for this. Well, all the children had difficulties with their studies: they came to us weak, they did not even know the multiplication table, and the program in our school is a little more complicated than in an orphanage. Otherwise, everything was fine, ”says Tatiana.
Another fear, because of which sometimes they are afraid to take grown children into the family, is the fear that “that old” family will take up a lot of space in their lives, that blood parents and other relatives will appear. But in this family, the children know practically nothing about blood parents. Unless Rita's mother called recently: the girl received a passport, and it was necessary to sign documents for the apartment. Yura also has a grandmother who sometimes calls him and once sent him a birthday present. And Natasha is in correspondence with her sister on the Internet, but she does not meet with her “live”. But in the new family they are not divided into adoptive and relatives - all are equal.
Not everyone understands why the Vlasovs again and again went to the orphanage for their next adopted son or daughter. “In our village, people are still sharpening their tongues, they say, how can we take other people's children, we could not,” admits Tatiana. According to her, the idea was not even approved by all relatives. But she is not upset: “But we do not listen to anyone, we live and raise children. If they had allowed more, we would have taken more, but in the guardianship they say that we have had enough already ”.
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We have somehow got used to the fact that a story about a family, especially a family with many children, is a ceremonial portrait (and sometimes a popular print), in which all the advantages are emphasized and the disadvantages are smoothed out. It should be full of helpful advice regarding husband-wife relationships and unsurpassed life hacks for raising wonderful children - obedient, intelligent and talented in every way. For some reason, not a single dear editorial board doubts that the large children who deserve mention in the press are creatures of another world, sent to a sinful earth to correct everything that is wrong and improve everything that is bad. Successful business women, actresses and writers, and at the same time wonderful wives and loving mothers, who became their husbands for oligarchs and businessmen who are not devoid of a creative streak - this is a summary of these wonderful tales.
I am not saying that we are being deceived. I perfectly understand where the legs grow from. We are presented with this fairy tale not because many children want to hide some terrible secret from the world and society. This happens because the good is easier and more pleasant to remember, while the bad is quickly forgotten. And since there is more and more bad in our sinful world, defense mechanisms work at an accelerated rate. I also hate to remember some of the events in my life. But today I will still try to reveal the whole truth. I offer you a story about my own family - honest and unvarnished. Well, maybe just a little. But I promise to curb fantasy and imagination.
A quarter of a century in search of yourself
So, our family will soon be 25. We are the same age as the collapse of the Soviet Union, or rather, our firstborn: our pioneer was born on December 2 exactly. And my husband and I are still Soviet children who have gone through a banal path from a regular school to a university, which we graduated almost at the same time, but I managed to "distribute", but my husband had to look for work on his own. It so happened that the beginning of family life coincided not only with the search for work and housing, but also with the youthful search for the meaning of life and truth. Therefore, we also found God together and gradually entered the thousand-year history of Russian Orthodoxy with our small Church.
On this path, the most global discoveries awaited us. The attitude towards children, towards women and men, towards the role of God and man in the family is very peculiar in Orthodoxy, especially in its Russian version. We learned with interest about the most simple and clear things like "let the wife be afraid of her husband" and vigorously discussed this among ourselves and with friends - as young in all respects as ourselves. The discovery about Eve's guilt in the Fall was especially offensive for the female half of our company. It always seemed to me that both are to blame for any bad deed ...
Under the sign of love (or was it not a very skillful attempt to understand each other?) All our quarrels and showdowns took place. I can't say that we quarreled with my husband so often, but it happened, and the less often, the more grandiose. Probably, everyone expects from an ideal family confessions like “we have never raised our voices against each other,” but our family is not ideal. We are screaming. Sometimes. Still. Once, in a fit of anger - and here only the remoteness of the events justifies me - I even smashed a plastic cup on my husband's head. It's good that it was empty (not a head, but a cup, of course). I hope this confession will not force anyone to repeat my feat. Because I'm not proud of it at all. I am ashamed. But at that particular moment, I really felt better. And the husband, we must give him his due, passed this test with honor. He showed angelic patience and showed a real masculine character. And when I hear that a wife should always give in, humble herself and repent, for some reason it doesn't feel very good for me. Because I understand that this is not true. In family life, both spouses have to do this periodically, otherwise nothing will come of it.
Obedience is not a burden, but a relief
It is impossible to be holy all the time. It is impossible not to make sudden movements. You cannot be perfect, even if you try very hard, even if you really want to. Yes, we are called to strive for excellence. But everyone in life has moments that are unpleasant and embarrassing to remember. It is these moments that change us, give us the opportunity to grow above ourselves. In a way, our mistakes are better than our right actions. Because it is impossible not to notice mistakes, and a good deed looks just normal, ordinary, you cannot learn anything from it. And if at no time in your life have you allowed yourself to go beyond your usual behavior, you will not see your shortcomings. I remember someone compared our soul to a swamp: it is covered with green grass, here and there a cranberry reddens on hummocks - babble, but st O it stumbles as a fetid ooze rises from within and draws in to the depths. It is useful to stumble if you want to see, realize and fight with the very slurry inside yourself.
When the husband takes full responsibility for the family, it is a wonderful state of serenity for the wife and mother.
Yes, “let the wife be afraid,” but not because she will receive it in the forehead. If you do not get out of obedience to your husband, you will not be able to understand that obedience is not a burden, but a relief. When the husband takes full responsibility for the family and for what happens to her and to her, this is a wonderful state of serenity for the wife and mother. We women carry an incredible amount of all kinds of worries, so why bother about what so reasonably fell on your shoulders? Therefore, I am sincerely glad that I am not the head of our family, that I am not the one who makes important decisions, that I am not the one who settles financial and other problems. And I listen to my husband with pleasure. And if sometimes I don’t listen, then the consequences are, as a rule, sad - everything will definitely go awry, no matter how wonderful I come up with. I do not know why. But this is my personal experience. Today I trust my husband. I obey him - in any case, I try, although sometimes I really want to do it my own way. We consult, we discuss everything, but we do not always come to a consensus, and someone alone must make a choice and put an end to it. And it's good when it's not me.
I am often told that I am very calm. It's not natural. In fact, I am a southern and hot person. But life in a large family taught me not to pay attention to trifles, not to get hung up on the secondary, not to make a tragedy out of working moments. We have lived together for almost a quarter of a century, and it doesn't always work out smoothly. Sometimes it doesn't work out at all. Sometimes fatigue and irritation come, sometimes apathy and melancholy. Sometimes there is a real crisis of the love genre, sometimes - passion. There are days when everything falls apart. But everything can be survived except death. When I think about these words, I understand that this is the truth about us. A person can really experience a lot of terrible and rough, sad and terrible, alarming and painful. Our whole life consists of periods of overcoming all kinds of troubles of various scales.
Joy and love - anxiety and worry
We have six children, and each child brings not only additional joy and love, but also additional anxiety and anxiety. I would not like to admit, but more than once I was on the verge of despair from grief, more than once I grumbled: “Why should I experience all this again, why did my child receive 2nd and 3rd degree burns and needs a skin transplant, why my little daughter has poisoning and dehydration, why did my son need to sew up a through wound, and the doctor refused, why is my daughter undergoing surgery after a complex fracture, and after her a whole “epidemic” of fractures broke out in the family? .. ”And these black nights in the hospital, hateful dressings, gray-gray days and bleak dull sunrises, when is your child sick? No mother can be an "iron felix" and never panic, cry, or want to: let it not be with me, not with us! And - it would be better not to give birth!
In an ordinary family, a child caught a virus, got sick and forgot, but here viruses settle seriously and for a long time
If we talk about diseases, then what we have not experienced on ourselves, including AED, mononucleosis, Gilbert's syndrome and thyroiditis! .. A large family is a big risk. In an ordinary family, the child caught the virus, got sick and forgot. And here these same viruses settle seriously and for a long time. And you don’t need to tell me about the prevention of the healthy and the isolation of the sick. From prevention, only hardening works, and even then until the first serious sore. And isolating a loving baby from his comrades is practically a task at the level of special services: he seeps into any crack, rushes into any room not covered by the virus. Because it is during the period of illness that he suddenly realizes how much he needs his family and friends - those whom he did not give a damn about in an ordinary painless life.
Large = poor and disadvantaged?
By the way, this is a fairly frequent case: an ordinary non-stellar large family is still, in the eyes of our society, a dysfunctional, needy and poor family. You will be very surprised, but, in fact, we receive benefits not for having many children, but depending on the degree of “low income,” that is, every time the state needs to prove that no matter how much dad earns, your family does not have enough of it.
This also applies to housing. It's not so easy to get a free large apartment. Personally, we bought our three rubles. At a reduced price, like those with many children, but not for free: I had to sell my kopeck piece, purchased on a “shared participation” basis, that is, paid for by us (and our parents) during the construction of the house in installments. It's good that this money was enough. We were lucky, if we speak in a secular language (I prefer to think that the Lord ruled this way): it was during this period that the prices for the purchase of housing increased, and we had a fixed cost of a new apartment. So the price scissors have played into our hands. But by that time there were already four children, and I was expecting the fifth. Treshka - this was again not a solution to the problem, but a small reprieve. We no longer expected any benefits or assistance from the state.
Planning in our family is impossible
And as a result, we came to the conclusion that we can only hope with God's help on ourselves. "Do not rely on the princes and on the sons of man." And as soon as they decided on this, they began to build a large spacious house. There were already five children then. We immediately planned a separate room for each. And again they missed - another daughter was born soon. Then I clearly understood that planning in our family is impossible. And it is not necessary. No matter how hard we tried to predict the course of events in advance and insure ourselves, reality presented surprises and ruined all our wonderful plans. We have gone through and experienced all the delights of the 1990s, defaults and crises, and more than once. My husband took on everything, including soldering caller IDs and installing intercoms, lost and found work, but there was never really a lot of money. More precisely, incomes grew, but not as fast as our cheerful family. Interestingly, this did not evoke discouragement or a desire to "stop producing poverty." This caused excitement and a desire to overcome difficulties together.
And then my husband and I decided that we need to live only for today and find joy in the little things. Let us not have the opportunity to give up the whole family to the Canary Islands, but we can go for a weekend in nature. Beauty - you can find it everywhere. New experiences do not always depend on the amount of money invested in the event. Although the latter increase the possibilities, I do not argue here. But you cannot build a family solely on material wealth. Now older children remember the hungry and cold (in every sense) 1990s of their childhood as the happiest time: we went by bus to Arkhangelskoe and by metro to the Kremlin, we rode down the mountains on old heavy sledges and ironed boarding on wooden skis, we they burned fires in the nearest forest and lived in a real village. It wasn't just fun. It was great O rovo!
Forev teen riots
Large families - constant movement, growth and change
Having many children in addition to everything else is a constant movement, constant growth, constant change. And constant insecurity, yes. Uncertainty about the future. Just tell yourself: this is happiness! As soon as you try to stop the moment, everything changes, everything multiplies and divides, splits into parts and details. Everything seems to be repeated, but in different interiors and in a different composition. And it evokes completely different feelings. Having many children confirms the thesis about the variability of this world, about the impossibility of entering the same river. Now my husband and I recall with nostalgia the insanely difficult, but also unusually beautiful times when we were young, the children were small, and their trees were big. Now even the youngest son is taller than me, and teenage riots have been "battering" our family for the past ten (!) Years almost continuously. In an ordinary family, this natural disaster is experienced acutely, but quickly. In ours - "pleasure" is delayed to the point of indecency. I will not be original if I recall one old truth: do not expect gratitude from children, then you will not have to be disappointed and suffer. No matter how good parents you are, children will always have something to reproach you with. And that's okay. Remember yourself. Surely you, too, rebelled against parental authority, and at that moment it seemed to you the most fair. As one mother said: "I tried very hard to be perfect, but ... My son has something to tell the therapist!" Or maybe this is precisely because she tried hard?
In adolescence, it is generally very difficult to please children. Parents and teachers are the main enemies of the teenager. We sometimes think such behavior of a son (or daughter) is blasphemy, rudeness and betrayal, but our children are relentlessly and decisively breaking free from our care, from under our love, and sometimes they do it quite rudely and mercilessly. Our love crushes their freedom, it strangles them in its arms. And we have no choice but to let go. But how do you not want your child to "get caught" in something unpleasant: he fell under the influence of a dishonest manipulator, got in touch with a bad company, heaped up unsightly deeds. It seems to us that we can still influence the course of events, but this is an illusion. Everything that you gave to your child, he has already received. Now it's his turn and his choice.
About self-pity
I very much hope that sooner or later they will all return to us, but at the very moment of the transition it does not seem so. At this moment, you think that you have blundered in something, made a mistake somewhere, missed something. In place of the departed child, there is such a terrible black hole that you involuntarily wonder: why was all this? All these inevitable sacrifices, all this excruciating lack of sleep, all these pregnancies and childbirth? Yes, yes, that's exactly what you think - in the most bitterness. And you understand that you are ready to call it black ingratitude, swinishness and something even worse, but you cannot find strong enough words. So you raised this child and hoped that over time he would be your support and help, and he, at best, stays with you in good relations and builds his own family. And at worst? Builds his own family and doesn't remember you. And at worst, he remembers with an unkind word.
And all these quarter of a century, all your bright youth, you denied yourself something, never belonged to yourself, did not experience healing loneliness for a minute. You were always on the alert, ready to lend your shoulder in time, support, cure, teach and regret. Pity ... Becomes sorry for himself, sorry to the point of tears.
We are not ideal parents, but it is to us that the Lord entrusted these very children
But this is what I will say - not to justify myself and not to console anyone. We are really not ideal parents, but it is to us that the Lord entrusted these very children, it is we who are the parents for them who can give them the necessary portion of love and freedom. Having released two elders into independent life, I already have the right to say this. And if you, like me sometimes, it seems that you didn’t give the child something, then most likely you gave him too much, which is why he wants more and more.
Today I am sure of only one thing: we can give our children exactly as much as we have. We cannot provide each of the six with big money, but we can help them find their place in life. We cannot give everyone all our love, but only the portion that remains for him, if divided among all. Yes, this is not so much at first glance, but one must take into account that the same simple law applies in large families as in small ones: the love given multiplies, and if everyone multiplies his portion by at least two and gives it to a neighbor, then the result can impress the most dull skeptic mathematician.
We have nothing to be proud of. I do not like to hear: what a fine fellow you are that you have given birth to so many children. But I don’t like to hear the opposite: why did you give birth? This is such a personal matter that it does not depend at all on the approval or condemnation of others. As my mother joked in the famous film about large families "Cheaper by the Dozen": "After the sixth, we just overclocked!"
Yes, we gave birth to six children. Because we liked it, because we wanted to, because for us it was a full-fledged family life. I have no rational explanation. I also have no recipes: how to want or not want to. I think that at the moment of conception, two are included in some kind of heavenly program, which is responsible for the consequences. I do not place my burden on the shoulders of heaven. I say that in this delicate matter we are creators, co-workers with God. And here everything depends not so much on material security as on boldness and pressure. And from love, of course.
And if this self-portrait lacks colors and details, then I leave you the opportunity to finish painting it. But let it still not be ideal, let it be vital - with all the failures, failures, doubts and mistakes. But let there still be truth in him: the joy of new lives, trust in God, sensitivity, forgiveness and love. Because all this is in our life, and because we are grateful to each other for our life and would not want another for ourselves.