The child is very naughty about what to do. The child became very capricious: what was missed in education? The child wants to stand his ground

Children in every family act up in its own way: someone screaming, some begin to roll up immediately tantrum, tipping over on the floor, throwing small objects located at hand. This, of course, depends on temperament and emotional state of the child, but the overall situation in the family also has a significant effect.

Why is the child naughty

The reasons may be different. By the way, there can be several of them at the same time, for example, the baby did not get enough sleep, and even at home mom and dad constantly quarrel. All this leaves an imprint on the state of the baby, gradually loosening his nervous system. Therefore, before trying to get the child out of the negative, let's take note that you will notice the following states behind him for some time:

• The child is capricious and very whiny. A little something - immediately in tears.
• Do you want to name it the most capricious child years very often.
• Child may be lethargic and moody over a long period of time.
• Manifestation disobedience also says about the capriciousness of the child.
• Capricious spoiled child will behave accordingly, you only need to catch and fix this fact, and also find the reason.
• Child very nervous and wherein capricious.

Each state, like a brick house, is laid from the foundation, and various factors precede the whims. Their action is enhanced by the fact that they accumulate and, like a snowball, fall on the parent, like snow on the head. Where to look for the causes of children's whims? Let's figure it out.

Capricious child and reasons

First, you need to understand reason any manifestation whim. If suddenly in the store the child requires any sweets or toys, then you should not buy and try to indulge him in this. Even if he fell to the floor.

But if the baby wants to take the initiative in something, for example, walk next to you in the store, and not sit in the shopping cart, tie his shoelaces or comb his hair himself, and the parents are in a hurry, then in this case the patience of an adult is required. No need to limit the child in an effort to do something himself. Otherwise cause of whim it can become a banal desire of a child to do something without a parent, testing his strength and believing in himself!

The formation of whims can begin with ordinary situations. The child is capricious:

• After illness;
• After vaccination;
• After not sleeping well at night;
• After Kindergarten.

Nervous naughty child after visits kindergarten can bring his parents to white-hot, he himself does not understand what he wants. In this case, you can just hug the baby and kiss. Your hugs will act better than all words and moralizing. As a rule, after the garden, he feels insecure and requires your attention to him only for the sake of hugs and a sense of elbow. But he can't explain it himself. Your task is to create a favorable environment.

How to raise a naughty child

In the event that the baby is only going prank, no need to dwell on this and try to distract him, while showing him a beautiful bird on a tree, or a picture on a billboard, offer him something tasty. Try to give him his favorite toy in his hands, which it is advisable to take with you on the road so that the child is distracted and no longer remembers his persistent desires.

If you can’t switch it to something else, then you can temporarily don't react to his scenes try to focus less on it. 'Cause some kids love to roll scenes of whims to the public, and when no attention is paid to them around, they subside. In any case, do not worry about what others think, the main goal is to establish relationships with the child.

On the advice of psychologists correctly apply certain tactics to the child and stick to it from the very first whims, do not allow yourself to say “no” today, and tomorrow, therefore, about “yes”. Otherwise, the child will often roll scenes with the help of parents to fulfill his request.

If suddenly there was a tantrum, it is important at this moment to talk with the child quiet, without sudden movements and raising your voice, calm him down with hugs and warm words. The depressed emotional state of the parents also affects the child negatively. Remember that you have no right to demand joy on the baby's face if you yourself radiate only negativity.

Unlike an adult the child cannot control his emotions. Even a newborn baby reacts by crying if his mother is emotionally disturbed. So when growing up, children feel parental anxiety, see behavior, hear rudeness, tactlessness, and the baby can because of this even longer act up, or even worse - throw tantrums. The fact that his parents start scolding him will be even worse. In this case, it is better to remain silent or calmly tell the child that he is very upsetting his parents.

It happens that children regularly behave badly from lack of adult attention to them. Try to allocate time for your children, take your mind off gadgets, play active games with your children, read books with your child, and do interesting crafts. Undoubtedly, the manifestation of love, attention, affection and care by parents for their child makes him calmer, more self-confident. Indeed, very often in dysfunctional families, children feel unnecessary, they are wild, not well-mannered, due to the lack of attention and care for their relatives.

Also, do not blackmail your children. In no case should you tell them: "If you do not shut up, I will not love you" and so on. In this case, the child may begin to deceive. Some parents make the mistake of constantly remarking, "Don't sit like this... don't do that, don't talk like that." You need to use a more positive method: "Let's try to sit like this ..., and this can be done differently, for example, like this ..." and stuff like that.

When the child stops acting up, you need to calmly explain that his behavior has upset you very much. You should assure the child that you love him very much and hope that he will behave well in the future.

How to raise a spoiled child? The question is a mystery, one might say. Look how and who spoiled him. In any case, here one cannot do without persistent resistance on his part. You should be patient and bend your line. If he was spoiled by a long sleep at his grandmother's dacha or a bunch of sweets, or maybe he was not allowed to perform the duties recommended by his mother for washing dishes - of course, when he comes home, he will not want to do anything. Because it's so convenient. And you will need to change this opinion in terms of the need and importance of his help for the home. And to reprimand the grandmother and give an example of how her “help” turned out to be “by the way” in the end.

Before you start raising your baby by using force or loudly discussing his behavior with friends on the court, calm down. If possible, read books on child psychology. You should not delve into the jungle of science, there are popular books in which everything is clearly and clearly described.

Useful video

Famous Dr. Komarovsky in his program will tell about children's tantrums and handling capricious child. Will prompt, what to do and how to respond correctly:

Results

Whims are like a litmus test of your relationship. They appear when something goes wrong. Your task is to determine the changes, find the cause and the necessary measures.

Photo and video: free Internet sources

Every child, even the most obedient, from time to time turns from an angel into a little monster. He gets irritated, nervous, constantly repeats: “I don’t want to! I won't! I do not like! Don't…” And each new “not” raises the degree of heat, and your nervous system gradually begins to boil.

With your mind, you understand that an explosion of emotions will not lead to anything good, but another whim works as a catalyst, and, like Mentos thrown into a glass of Coca-Cola, it turns a smooth surface into a splashing fountain. This makes it bad for both children and adults.

What to do? Where to get patience? How to prevent conflicts with such dear and beloved ones, with our children?

You can't scold, you can't understand

When you feel like you're running out of patience, say "stop" to yourself. Take a few deep breaths (preferably holding your breath for a few seconds). And then try to determine the cause of the nervous state of the baby. And then eliminate it. In most cases, you can easily prevent conflict.

As a rule, the child does not behave as you expect, not because he wants to harm, but because he has a reason for this. No need to scold him. It is possible that he refuses to do what you want because of the high temperature. Or he is thirsty. Or he was frightened by the shadows on the wall.

Causes of children's irritability

1. Too much unused energy accumulated

If a child has been without active movement for a long time, for example, watching a performance or sitting motionless while moving in a car, he definitely needs to throw out everything that has gathered during this time. It is unnatural for a child to be in a static position for a long time. He is like a river that churns and must be in motion.

What to do. Give him the opportunity to run, jump, climb. Any physical exercise will help relieve this type of tension.

2. The child is excited and experiences unpleasant emotions.

The baby may be scared, and you won't even notice it. Or angry, or worried about something. And, of course, all these emotions will break out in the form of a bad mood. Not every adult is able to control their feelings and not splash out the negative on others. What can we say about children.

Despite the fact that children's reasons for frustration often seem frivolous to adults, you need to be careful and respectful about them. Do not convince the child that this is a trifle. Since the cause caused such a reaction, then it deserves attention.

What to do. Say you understand him. That you, too, would be scared (angry) and maybe even more. And then try to switch his attention to something positive.

3. The child is hungry or thirsty

It would seem that it could be easier to understand that your baby is hungry. But the main difficulty is that not all children are aware of the desire to eat or drink. They feel uncomfortable, but do not understand why.

What to do. Regularly ask, offer, and sometimes insist. Especially it concerns .

4. The child is tired

There are many reasons for fatigue in children. In addition to physical ones (long walks or long active games), there are also emotional ones. The child gets tired if he is not interested in what is happening or if the action lasts a very long time. Also, the child can get tired of an excess of positive emotions. Often parents are at a loss if, after visiting the amusement park, ice cream and all kinds of entertainment, the child grumbles and gets angry. And the answer is simple: a lot of good is also bad.

What to do. It is necessary to give the child the opportunity to rest or switch from one type of activity to another.

5. The child got sick

Sometimes it happens that in the morning the baby is cheerful, sociable. And then suddenly everything changes, as if a toggle switch has been abruptly switched. He begins to act up, cry, resist.

What to do. Take a look at the baby. Feel your forehead, take your temperature and, if there is any reason, see a doctor.

6. The child wants to stand his ground

Everyone wants to feel important, including children. Even the smallest ones are already individuals with their own opinions and views. Children want to manage the situation at least occasionally and make their own decisions. Where to go, what to wear, what toys to take with you, which route to take, what to order in a cafe. This boosts their self-esteem.

What to do. Agree with the child if this is not important for you. If what the child insists on you cannot accept, explain why.

7. The child copies adults

Each person is unique, with their own set of qualities, and no two people are the same. But the environment corrects us like sea water stones. Unconsciously, we imitate each other and become similar.

Once I heard about an experiment conducted by American psychologists. Two people were invited to an isolated room in a good mood. They met and started talking. A third entered the room - in a bad mood. He silently sat down on a free chair and did not show himself in any way. He did not move, did not speak, did not take part in the conversation. However, the mood of the other two participants in the experiment soon deteriorated.

For children, the family and close environment are like such a room. If mom and dad are annoyed, nervous or angry, then the child will very soon do the same. Children are sensitive to our moods, they absorb everything.

What to do. Take care of yourself and control your emotions.

Sometimes it happens that children require constant attention to themselves, pester and do not allow a step to be taken without them.

Here are the most common reasons for this behavior:

It is important to distinguish between a legitimate demand and a whim and act accordingly. If the child selfishly demands that the world revolve only around him, explain that he is wrong. He must take into account the interests of all family members in the same way as they do.

In a conflict situation, always start with an explanation and, if possible, give a choice. Only then can the child be forced. Sometimes you have to scold, but it should be done as a last resort.

When you explain something to children, it is important to make sure that they understand you correctly and that you mean the same thing.

One day we were going to go to the sea. Decided in the evening and left in the morning. The three-year-old son was told about the trip already in the car, as they did not want to upset if something breaks.

Hearing that we were going to the sea for four days, the son began to cry and shout: “I don’t want to! Turn back! We're going home!" We stopped in confusion near a roadside cafe. He ate a cake, ran around, calmed down a bit. Then we agreed that we would drive to the sea and just look at it. If he doesn’t like it there, we immediately turn back.

And when we arrived at the place and settled in the apartment, the mood of the child changed dramatically. He began to have fun, sing, took out toys from his backpack and began to lay them out. And then it turned out that the son decided that we would live near the sea on the sand, like the characters in the cartoon that he had recently watched. And that scared him a lot. And we settled in a house with beds, and such a rest suits him quite well. For us, this case was a good lesson: we must always clarify whether we understand each other correctly.

If the situation is heating up and patience is about to burst, try to pause before scolding the child. Count to ten. Ask yourself: “Why? Who will benefit from this?

And learn. Do this rarely, but firmly. Say that you understand his desire, and then explain briefly and clearly why you cannot do what he wants now. The child will understand. If he continues to insist (which children often do), use his own techniques. Just repeat: "No, no, no."

Your baby is naughty: he is sick, wants to attract your attention or achieve something, protests against excessive guardianship, or is simply tired ... After reading this book by practicing child psychologist Alevtina Lugovskaya, you will find out the reasons for your child's whims, get the necessary recommendations on how to learn how to prevent them appearance, whether to indulge children's whims, how to behave during a child's tantrum. In the book you will also find games, riddles and nursery rhymes that will help distract the baby from the whims.

Chapter I

1. Introduction

Dear my parents! If you have taken on this hard work - being parents, you will have to learn all the subtleties of one of the greatest sciences in the world - the science of raising children. And this is oh so difficult, not to mention the fact that it is even more difficult to apply the theory of education in practice, and even to your own child.

Imagine that you are going to work, in a hurry, and your beloved child starts to act up, cry, and even fight in hysterics for no reason at all. You grab your head and don't know what to do. Or at the table, the baby suddenly refuses to eat, screams, throws a spoon, and by no means manages to calm him down and feed him. Sometimes the baby refuses to sleep. In the middle of the night, he suddenly starts calling you loudly, not thinking about sleep. He seems to be testing your patience, and you, with half-closed eyes, struggling with sleep, sit by his bed and tell him the same tale for the third time. What happens to him?

It turns out that at the age of one to three to five years, the child goes through a restructuring, during which he gains new experience, begins to understand more, and more acutely experience emotional conflicts. It was at this time that the baby begins to act up, having learned that in the world, in addition to the word “yes”, there is also the word “no”.

Some pediatricians refer to this age as the "first age of stubbornness" (the second refers to 12-14 years). So unexpectedly, your seemingly docile son or daughter becomes capricious and obstinate, stubbornly refuses to fulfill any requirements, while they can behave very ugly: stomp their feet, cry, scream, throw everything that comes to hand, rushing on the floor, trying in this way to achieve the desired.

The causes of such hysterical fits are usually very simple, but the adult does not always manage to recognize them immediately.

So why is the child naughty? There are several answers to this question.

Option one. The child is naughty, cries, if something bothers him, he is sick, but he does not understand this. After all, small children cannot feel what is happening in their body, the way adults feel and understand it.

Option two. The kid wants to get attention. He chose this way to communicate with you either for purely selfish reasons, since he is better off with his parents than alone, or he really lacks attention. If the latter is true, it is worth seriously considering it.

Option three. Being naughty, the child wants to achieve something very desirable, namely: a gift, permission to walk, or something else that the parents forbid from some motives incomprehensible to the baby.

Option four. The child protests against overprotection and demonstrates a desire to be independent. This is quite natural if you adhere to an authoritarian parenting style, because he wants to be independent, and you constantly lead him: “You will wear this shirt!”, “You can’t do this!”, “Stop looking around!” etc.

Option five. There is no reason that could cause a tantrum. It is simply an expression of the child's internal conflict with himself. Or maybe he just didn't get enough sleep today? Or was he very tired during the day and therefore became capricious? Your family quarrels, scandals can also affect his mood. Think, analyze everything. As Janusz Korczak said, “A child is undisciplined and angry because he suffers.” In the causes of his suffering lies the answer to the question of why he is capricious.

And now we will consider each option in more detail and try to understand the reasons for this or that behavior of the child and how to help him cope with himself.

2. The baby got sick

The whims of the child may be evidence that he is ill, but he cannot say about it, because he himself does not understand what is happening to him.

One of the signs of illness is a change in behavior. At the same time, appetite usually decreases, the baby is easily excited, cries for no reason, then lies down on the sofa, then sits with an indifferent look. Attentive parents will immediately notice these changes and proceed to further examination.

Touch his forehead. For greater certainty, measure the temperature, since an increase in temperature is the result of an infection in the body. It is sometimes difficult to tell by eye. There are children who play even at a temperature of 38–39.5 ° C, without realizing that they are ill.

The first manifestation of a viral cold can be a runny nose. In this way, the body usually tries to stop the infection. Coughing can also indicate the onset of the disease. Runny nose, cough and shortness of breath occur, for example, in diseases of the respiratory system, as well as in acute infectious diseases.

Ask your child if his ears hurt. It is during otitis that children are especially restless and capricious.

Often, preschool children experience abdominal pain, and not necessarily as a sign of some kind of disease. Sometimes pain in the abdomen is noted in nervous children, with increased excitability.

Another sure signal of illness is a headache, since it rarely bothers healthy children.

Look at the child's stool and urine, if there is any vomiting. Frequent urination can be one of the symptoms of a cold of the bladder and urinary tract, less often - kidney disease. Diarrhea indicates a digestive disorder, both infectious and non-infectious. Nervous children, on the contrary, are prone to constipation. Vomiting can also be the first sign of many diseases.

Examine the child's body for a rash. The cause of its occurrence is infectious diseases and allergies. Moreover, the rash appears before such signs of infection as fever, lethargy, refusal to eat, etc. The specific color of the skin indicates the presence of some kind of disease, for example, cyanosis indicates a sick heart, yellowness indicates jaundice, etc. .

So, there are a lot of ways to find out if the baby is sick. This is an examination, and a conversation with the child, and observation of him. In any case, if you come to the conclusion that he is sick, he should be shown to the pediatrician as soon as possible. I do not advise self-medication, it is very dangerous, especially if the baby cannot yet understand and correctly explain what hurts him.

Be prepared for the fact that sick children are very capricious. Everyone knows that getting sick is bad. The patient cannot run, play, he lies in bed and suffers. And it often turns out that for sick children, relatives try to do everything possible to make them feel good. They immediately find themselves in the center of attention, they get and buy any toys, sweets, fruits, indulge their whims. Is it necessary? After all, the baby, realizing that when he is sick, everything in this house is done for him, he can later resort to simulating the disease.

I do not call to deprive the child of parental care and attention. But you should consider whether your efforts are not excessive. The main thing is not to overdo it.

3. A call to fellowship

From the very beginning of life, a child needs parental love. However, if he is surrounded by excessive care and attention, he unconsciously begins to abuse them. So, already at the end of the first year of life, his cry, crying can mean not only that he wants to eat or drink. Crying becomes a way for him to call his parents to him, to attract their attention. Of course, he needs communication. But at the same time, you can’t run to him at every cry and fulfill all his desires. Otherwise, then he will have only one goal - to attract the attention of adults.

I will give an example from my practice.

Lena is 11 months old. Parents noticed that recently the girl has become very tearful. As soon as the mother leaves the room and begins to do household chores, she begins to cry, and if the mother does not return, she screams. Worried parents went to the doctor to find out if something hurts their daughter. But if they were a little more attentive, they would understand for themselves that Lenochka is naughty, feeling uncomfortable without her mother. There is only one way out: firstly, parents need to pay more attention to her, and secondly, not to indulge the girl's whims and not follow her lead. Gradually, she must learn to play alone, because her mother also has housework to do.

An increased demand for attention to oneself can manifest itself in different ways. For example, a child is naughty and demands to approach him, or turn on the light, or fasten a button. Usually, parents try to influence him with such words: “Finally stop whining!”, “If you continue, I will lock you in the room,” etc. As a rule, swearing and threats do not have an effect. After a while, the child begins to do the same, and often even more naughty.

If you want to avoid whims, nervous breakdowns, try to spend more time with your baby together. The child feels more confident in the presence of parents, this creates a sense of security in him. You have probably seen such a picture: when visiting strangers, the baby clings to his mother all the time, hiding behind her. But gradually he begins to look around and from time to time makes “walks” from her to the guests he likes, constantly returning to his mother.

Many parents at the reception and in letters complain that they do not have enough time to communicate with their children. But the main thing is not how much time you spend, but how you spend it. It is necessary to use all the opportunities that you have: evenings, weekends, etc. At the same time, you can not give up household chores, but communicate with the child in the process of doing them. Just pay attention to the baby, talk to him, and he will be very happy about this.

It is very important when communicating with a child to be sincere and natural. The child will immediately feel false. Therefore, to communicate with him, you need to tune in, remove irritation, forget about your worries. And then the time spent with the baby will bring joy to both of you.

Organize more family holidays. It is very good on such days, in addition to the traditional feast, to come up with some surprises, entertainment for the whole family. You can go to the theater or take a country walk. There are many ways to spend family time. It would be a wish!

4. Reaction to parental prohibition

Sometimes a child's tears can be caused by an unexpected rejection of something he really likes. Reasons for rejection on your part may vary. For example, too frequent consumption of sweets led to diathesis, and the doctor advised to refrain from this at least for a while. But how to explain this to a small child? Or you noticed that your concessions and constant connivance led to the fact that the child became simply uncontrollable and stopped understanding you.

It is difficult for a kid to understand what is “possible” and what is “not”, and you must help him with this. Do not forget about the peculiarities of the psyche and physiology of the baby at different periods of its development.

At the age of one, the child reacts very strongly to bright and catchy objects. It is quite natural that with screams and tears he will demand to give him the subject of interest to him. For example, the baby saw a crystal glass that shimmers so beautifully, but you are afraid that with one careless movement the child will smash it to smithereens and even cut his hands. In this case, you should switch the baby's attention to a safer toy.

Very often, parents love their child so much that they buy too many toys. But after a while, they all get bored. And then the child strives for something new and often forbidden. To prevent this from happening, do not give him all the toys at once, but simply change them from time to time.

Do not forget that at the age of one year, the child has a need to take every thing in his mouth. This is due to the fact that he is teething. Make sure that among the toys there are no toys that are made of fragile and fragile material. If you buy a bright rubber toy, be sure to ask the seller what material it is made of. Recently, cases of poisoning by young children with paint, which are covered with toys, to attract the attention of buyers, have become more frequent.

One mother told a story at the reception. She loved her daughter so much that every day she tried to surprise her. The baby had a lot of toys, but she was already bored with them, and she did not pay any attention to them. And then the resourceful mom wrapped some of the toys in foil. In this way, she wanted to make them more noticeable. Naturally, my daughter was very happy, but soon discovered that the foil can be unrolled. Immediately there was a need to taste it. She accidentally choked on a small piece of foil, and her mother had to call a doctor.

Closer to three years, the child seeks to get to know the world around him. If at an early age visual and taste impressions played a big role, now he is striving to become a full member of the family. He wants to participate in all household chores and realize his importance.

At this age, parents often fall from one extreme to another. I know one family that clearly divided the world into "adult" and "children's". Parents gave their child a separate room and limited his access to other places, such as the kitchen. This was not due to educational goals, it was just that the parents loved the baby so much that they were terribly afraid for him. It seemed to them that in the kitchen a pan with hot compote might fall on him, in the living room he might be exposed to TV radiation. They even forbade him to run, because he could fall and hit the battery.

But the curious child did not accept the situation and sought to forbidden places whenever mom or dad was distracted from his person. He was afraid of being noticed, so he tried to do everything quickly. Every time something fell, beat and broke. His parents tried to divert his attention from dangerous objects with sweets. Every time a child became interested in an object, access to which, according to the parents, children are strictly forbidden, they gave him a candy or something tasty.

The son learned this very soon and created such situations constantly and deliberately. Only each time his demands increased and he cried harder, and shouted louder. Parents, concerned about the state of his psyche, turned to me for help.

With great difficulty, I managed to convince them of their original wrong. After all, a child at this age tends to copy the world of adults, and you must help him in this. Let him become an assistant in all household chores. Just present it in the form of a game. Do you erase? Give him a small bowl and let him wash his socks. Do you cook in the kitchen? Let him do the same and feed his toys. There are several benefits to doing household chores together. Firstly, the child is always nearby and you avoid unpleasant surprises. Secondly, you have a great opportunity to explain to the baby the purpose of some objects and show which ones are dangerous for him.

You think that the child is very small and does not understand anything. This is the most common misconception. He understands much more than you think. Whims, and sometimes even tantrums, are a kind of way to test your reaction. In such cases, you must be firm and consistent. Let the child be alone with himself and soon he will realize that he was wrong and change his behavior.

You will have to face certain difficulties when it is time for the baby to go to kindergarten. If you have spent a lot of time talking with your child, and he has already learned what is possible and what is not, that's good. It will be enough for you to talk to him again and explain that it is impossible to buy everything at the same time. One boy has a car, another has a locomotive, a third has a gun… It is clear that he wants everything at once and now. Explain that this does not happen, so you need to share.

If this does not help, play a game called "Shop". Give him toy money and ask him to make the necessary purchases. Very soon the money will run out, and the baby will understand that sooner or later everything comes to an end and not always what you want is available.

You will find the way to your child's heart by talking to him as an equal. If the baby understands that you want to figure out this or that issue with him, many whims and troubles can be avoided. And the baby at the same time will grow calm and unspoiled.

5. Self-affirmation

As already noted, an immoderately enthusiastic attitude towards children, in which they feel excessive parental love, forms egoism and selfishness in them. The child has hypertrophied self-esteem, that is, he is undemanding to himself, but he is intolerant and over-demanding to others. At the same time, some children get so tired of parental love that they experience emotional overstrain, which is expressed in tears, whims, stubbornness, in opposition to everything that comes from adults.

The child perceives the care of parents in different ways: sometimes as a manifestation of love, sometimes as a hindrance and suppression of his "I". Numerous studies by psychologists show that a child needs a certain balance of guardianship and freedom from an early age for harmonious development. He must feel that he is not only taken care of and surrounded by care, but also given the right to make an independent choice, understand and respect him. For example, the baby begins to misbehave at the table. He refuses some dishes, asks for other food, demands a pacifier, although he has not used it for a long time. If in this case openly put pressure on him, he will continue his whims and become even more stubborn. It is necessary to agree that he has become independent and can choose his own dishes and eat as much as he wants. Believe me, he will not die of hunger, his life instinct will not let him die. Treat what is happening with patience and humor.

Many parents believe that they adhere to a democratic parenting style, but in reality this is not the case. “Caring” mothers literally don’t let some children take a step: “Don’t go there! Don't take it in hand! Don't play here! These are just some of the replicas that can be heard on the playground from morning to evening. Yes, parents should protect their kids from trouble, help them live in a difficult world, but is it always so necessary? Still, a child is not a doll, not a piece of clay, and in many ways he creates himself, whether we like it or not. He needs to learn everything and try everything himself, and without stuffing bumps this will not work. It is better if you explain to the child how to act in a given situation, and not be overprotective and prohibit everything in a row. Otherwise, he will never gain independence and self-confidence, he will always act on your orders and remain infantile (and there are plenty of examples of this).

Pull yourself together, be patient and act like one wonderful mother, who told her son when he came from the street: “I didn’t walk well, since I came clean!”

To give the child the right to independence, it is necessary to distinguish his desire from his own interests. I will give an example from my practice.

Dad really wanted to give his five-year-old son a gift. He took him to the toy store. There the boy began to ask for a wonderful, in his opinion, blue typewriter. But dad, having examined her, said that the machine was fragile and would quickly break down. And he offered to buy another, much more expensive. “But it’s nice to look at her!” He said admiringly. The purchase took place. The father was pleased, and the child, barely holding back tears, secretly looked at the car he liked. “Why don’t you thank me, son?” asked the father in surprise. He did not understand that he did what he wanted, and his son only succumbed to his pressure. This gift brought neither joy nor satisfaction to the boy, because he was not chosen by him. In this case, the egoism of the father towards his son was manifested. The child was given to understand that he was still small and could not do anything on his own. By the way, the father also broke his promise to his son. After all, he took the boy to the store so that he himself chose a toy.

Sometimes in many families excessive strictness, drill is dictated by the interests not of the child, but of the parents, to whom an obedient child causes less trouble. After all, it is always more convenient if the child is quiet, calm, sits in a corner and does not interfere with anyone, does not distract adults with questions and requests to play. But how will such a baby grow up? Will he be a harmoniously developed, creative person or will he remain “downtrodden” and limited for the rest of his life?

6. Invisible causes of whims

At the age of five, due to insufficient life experience and the impossibility of critical reflection on what is happening, any situation can become a super-strong irritant for the baby. This is the wrong behavior of parents (quarrels and conflicts between them, fights, aggressiveness towards the child, other family members or pets), and some street impressions.

It is known that people are born with different types of nervous system. Those who have a strong type of nervous system are calm, do not get upset over trifles, and are resistant to all sorts of troubles. People with a weak nervous system are more sensitive, vulnerable, they are more acutely experiencing everyday difficulties.

Children with a weak nervous system are overly excitable, they have an increased response to various external and internal stimuli. For example, some children react very strongly to even minor pain: it makes them hysterical. A lump in porridge can cause vomiting, a scary movie watched at night can deprive you of sleep. Such a child is difficult to stop if he is naughty. Try to calm him down, distract him, and if you notice that the stressful state does not go away for a long time, contact a neurologist or psychologist.

Chapter II. What to do if the baby is naughty?

1. Whether to indulge his whims

In order to raise and educate a child, parents often have to sacrifice personal affairs, work, and finances. But we must distinguish which sacrifices are necessary and which are harmful, since one of the troubles of "home pedagogy" is precisely that parents make unnecessary sacrifices. Trying to give a child a treat that is emphatically intended only for him, to buy an expensive toy, another new thing to the detriment of yourself, you pamper him and give him a reason to feel "the one and only." And this can lead to the development of selfishness. If a kid from an early age is accustomed to being the center of attention, not being denied anything, this gradually becomes a life norm for him. He no longer understands or does not want to understand that the fulfillment of his desires infringes on the interests of other people - he is still capricious and insists on his own, regardless of anyone.

Of course, in middle-income families (and especially in low-income families), all the best is given to children, because there is no way to equally provide for all family members. But it is worth doing it in such a way that the child does not notice that he is given preference. Give him the most delicious pieces discreetly, buy new clothes without focusing on it. So that the child does not grow up greedy, from a very young age it is necessary to teach him to share toys with his comrades, to rejoice in their successes, to talk not only about himself, but also about them. Raise him so that he is not selfish. The situation is worse if your baby is the only child in the family. He often becomes spoiled, from the cradle getting used to being the center of attention. And if he is also the only grandson of grandparents, the danger of raising him selfish and capricious increases.

As a rule, such a child develops in greenhouse conditions. Adults deprive him of independence, and he grows up unadapted to life. And it all starts, in general, innocently, with such conversations: “Whom do we love more than anyone else in the world? Of course, Vanechka (Kolenka, Dima, etc.)! Who is our best? Of course he is!” Several years pass, and it turns out that for Vanechka, only he is the most beloved and dear.

In an atmosphere of overprotectiveness, only children get used to taking the service, the help of their parents, for granted. They begin to feel strength in their weakness, abuse the attention of their parents and make excessive demands on them, becoming "little despots." They cannot be denied anything, otherwise they fall into hysterics.

All this can be avoided if it is reasonable to build a system of education.

Firstly, parents should take into account that love should be expressed not only in tenderness and affection, but also in exactingness.

Demanding is an indispensable element of proper education. The understanding that in life there is not only “I want” and “I don’t want”, but also “I must”, should be instilled in the baby from a very young age. He should be guided not only by his own desires, but also by the need for this or that for other family members. If a child is accustomed from childhood to fulfill the reasonable requirements placed on him, he will quickly get used to the conditions of the kindergarten, to study at school, he will grow strong-willed, organized and disciplined.

When children's "give" and "I want" begin to go beyond the reasonable, they must collide with your "no", "no", "I do not allow", and the success of your entire upbringing system will depend on these first forbidding words.

I advise you to express your demands in a persistent, but calm and friendly manner. If you only scream at the child and constantly pull him up with the words: “Don’t you dare!”, “Don’t run!”, “Don’t touch!” - nothing good will come of it. Shouts only unnerve and annoy the baby, but they do not teach him anything.

Secondly, we must remember that a necessary condition for proper upbringing is the unity of requirements for the child. It is impossible for one parent to allow what the other forbids. For example, mom did not let the baby go for a walk, but dad allowed it. Parents, having learned about the inconsistency of their requirements, begin to swear and pull the child: “you will go”, “you won’t go”, etc. The discrepancy in the requirements prevents the baby from firmly learning the need to obey his parents and makes him capricious. Sometimes inconsistency in requirements can lead to opportunism. The child will quickly understand which of the relatives can be moved to pity, from whom to achieve the fulfillment of their desires, and with whom one must be quiet and obedient. With a strict dad, he will behave in a disciplined manner, and with a kind mother, he will begin to “get out” and achieve his own.

It is very bad if adults in the presence of the baby begin to argue about the correctness and incorrectness of his upbringing, accuse each other of pedagogical errors, excessive kindness or severity. In this case, on the one hand, parental authority is undermined, and on the other hand, the child suffers because of the quarrel between father and mother. But the authority of parents should always be high, otherwise successful education is unthinkable. Your child believes that his mom and dad are the best. Do not destroy his faith with senseless quarrels and mutual reproaches! It is painful for a child to hear something bad about a father or mother, to see them scolding each other.

If you set an example for your child with your lifestyle, and your requirements for him are the same and you always keep your promises, then your authority will be recognized and this will help you avoid many problems.

2. How to respond to tantrums

We have already considered the possible actions of parents in situations where the baby is naughty.

But a child can also have a real tantrum with fits of rage, during which he throws everything that comes to hand. From strong tears, with which the baby literally chokes, he may even faint. Such fainting does not cause serious harm to the health of the child, but still it is better not to allow them: tantrums should be stopped as soon as possible, without bringing the baby to a critical state, while remembering: such attacks are a signal that the child is experiencing a strong internal conflict.

The behavior of parents during whims and tantrums should be based on three principles: try to understand, indicate the limits of acceptable behavior, and show sympathy.

For example, you already know that the baby really wants to be independent and at the same time is afraid of losing the care of his parents. Contradictions torment him, and this results in a violent refusal of everything that is offered to him, in whims or tantrums, even in fits of rage when the child throws toys, pushes you, fights. In no case do not yield to the baby, but also do not answer rudeness with rudeness. Staying calm, talk to him like an adult, don't think he won't understand. Ask what happened, and based on his story, try to figure out the situation with him and find a compromise.

Explain to the child that you cannot agree with his demands, that there are limits to everything, and you are not going to indulge him. At the same time, show that you love him very much and sympathize with his experiences. Tell them that adults can't always do what they want either. Promise that now you will play some interesting game with him.

I will give one example. When four-year-old Maxim was put to bed, he always violently resisted: he got up, walked around the room, played. His parents made him go to bed again. It ended in swearing and beatings. Why was the boy behaving like this? He just tried in such a strange way to attract the attention of dad and mom. After the punishment, he calmed down, but the next day the situation repeated itself. Parents became more and more angry and annoyed, constantly scolded and punished the boy. It turned out a vicious circle: the more the child was capricious, the more he was punished, the more he was punished, the more he was stubborn. There was a real domestic war. Moreover, usually in such a war children win, while spending much less effort than their parents. Toddlers quickly understand how to "bring" adults, and skillfully use it.

Some parents believe that a capricious child should be kept in check, otherwise he will do God knows what. At the same time, they do not take into account that often the whims of the child are due to the fact that he lacks understanding and warmth.

If the child refuses to sleep, this may be due to the increased excitability of his nervous system. Invite the baby to go to bed with his favorite toy or tell him a story, sing a lullaby.

The internal conflicts of the child can be expressed in a kind of "regression". He suddenly begins to speak badly, asks for a pacifier, demands feeding from a spoon. Don't be scared. This is a typical reaction of preschool children to the contradictions that torment them. In this way, the child, as it were, is protected from difficult and incomprehensible situations for him. Take note of these conditions, but don't be horrified by them. Over time, the regressive phenomena will pass. If they remain for a long time, seek help from a qualified specialist.

Try to communicate with your baby with humor. Teach him to love jokes and entertainment. In some situations, you can gently tease him or laugh at yourself. Laughter can help you cope with the whims of the child, avoid conflict situations.

3. About parental love

Don't be afraid to show your baby that you love him. Some parents think that it is impossible to openly express their feelings for a child, otherwise a minion and a sissy will grow out of it. Everything is good in moderation. There is a difference between the constant exaggerated admiration for your child: “Oh, you are our beloved, you are our dear!” – and a true, natural expression of love for him. It is unlikely that a woman will believe in a man's love if she does not hear the words of recognition. Why are we so afraid to tell our children that we love them? After all, they themselves often exclaim: “Mommy, how I love you!” - not ashamed of their feelings. For a baby, confirmation that he is loved is very important, especially when, for some reason, he is separated from his parents. In numerous experiments, scientists have proven that children who end up in the hospital tolerate separation from their parents better and recover faster when they are sure that they are loved, and do not think that their parents left them there as punishment for bad behavior.

One can give such an example.

Five-year-old Olesya was capricious and screamed loudly every time she didn’t like something. At the same time, she stamped her feet and threw toys. The adults could neither calm nor persuade her. In the end, the parents decided to do this: let the girl cry alone. But so that she does not feel rejected, abandoned, her mother will affectionately talk to her and try to explain that everyone in the family loves her and it is very unpleasant for them to hear her crying. Parents achieved their goal: Olesya believed in parental love, became less capricious and eventually calmed down completely.

A few words about ways of expressing warm feelings. They can be verbal and non-verbal. The verbal way is verbal expressions, the non-verbal way is facial expressions and gestures. Both of them are very important. Some parents believe that when the baby grows up, he no longer needs physical contact with his parents. However, experimental data show that at the age of up to five years, it is precisely such contact that is necessary not only for the emotional, but also for the mental development of the child.

Chapter III. How to distract a child from whims

One way to recover from childhood whims and tantrums is to turn the child's attention to something else. For example: “Oh, what big tears disappear! Let's put them in a bottle!" Or: “Look, a whim sits on your shoulder and cries. Let's get her out!" You can distract the baby's attention with some new bright object or offer him an interesting activity. For example, watch a filmstrip, a cartoon or read your favorite fairy tale with him.

You can invite your child to participate in an activity of your choice (cleaning the apartment, cooking, etc.), or decide together what you will do. Or you can join your child's activities. Stop being a strict parent for a while, become an equal participant in some children's game.

For example, play as a family. Take on the role of a child, and let your baby be a father or mother. Playing the role of an adult, he will use the experience gained in the family, and you will see yourself as if from the outside. And this is sometimes very useful!

All three communication options are very important. When a child connects to your affairs, he feels his need, joins the world of adults. If you decide together what to do, he learns to democratic communication: he learns ways to choose what everyone likes, and not just him. By playing a children's game, you yourself learn to understand the baby, and the child feels his importance (after all, in games he is always the main one, and the parent is only a timid student). But the most important thing, of course, is that in all cases the child enjoys sharing, feels parental love and becomes more understanding and gentle.

1. Nursery rhymes

You can distract and amuse the baby with folk rhymes.

Finger boy, where have you been?
With this brother I went to the forest,
I cooked cabbage soup with this brother,
I ate porridge with this brother,
I sang songs with this brother.

At these words, the adult goes through the fingers of the child: first the big one, then the rest.
Take some soft toy, for example, a cat, and, turning to it, jokingly shaking your finger, say:

pussy pussy
Pussy, get out!
To the track
Don't sit down!
Our baby
Will go
Through the pussy will fall!

At the last words, the adult hugs the baby and presses the cat to him.
A child may also be interested in a poem about a bunny.

Once upon a time there was a bunny
Long ears.
Frostbitten bunny
Ears on the edge.
Frostbitten nose,
Frostbite ponytail
And went to warm up
Visit the kids.

Try to beat this poem about a bird:

The bird sat on the window
Stay with us for a while!
Sit down, don't fly away
Flew away. - Ai!

At the beginning of the poem, a toy is shown, and at the end (at the word "Ai!") - she hides. You can show a live bird sitting outside the window.
Depict a steam locomotive and this will cheer up the child. The content of the poem "Locomotive" includes his baby in an active game, motor and onomatopoeic.

Steam locomotive buzzed
And he brought wagons.
Choo-choo, choo-choo!
I will go far!

The poem must be read in a clear rhythm, singing the last line lingering, imitating the locomotive whistle. You can stand up, holding each other, and moving around the room to the beat of the words, repeat together: “Choh-choh, choo-choo! choo-choo, choo-choo!"
An adult can portray a horse that stands shaking its head, and then go on a journey with a baby on its back.

Hop! Hop! The horse is alive
And with a tail and a mane,
He shakes his head -
That's how beautiful!
You get on a horse
And hold on with your hands.
Look at us -
We're leaving for mom.

You can, as it were, “wrestle” with a child and make him laugh with a nursery rhyme:

I will tie the goat
To the white birch.
I will bind the horned
To the white birch:
Stop my goat
Stop, don't be afraid
white birch,
Stop, don't swing.

If there is a cat in the house, bring it to the child and sing this joke:

Like our cat
The coat is very good.
Like a cat mustache
amazing beauty,
Bold eyes, white teeth.
The cat went to the street
Bought a bun for a cat
Do you eat yourself?
Or should Borenka (Petenka, Vanechka, etc.) be demolished?
I'll bite myself
And I'll take down Borenka.

2. Riddles

Ask your child riddles about animals, maybe they will interest him, and he will forget about his whims.

You will find her
Summer in the swamp.
green frog,
Who is this? (Frog.)

cunning cheat,
Red head.
Fluffy tail - beauty!
And her name is ... (Fox.)

Gets up early
Singing in the yard.
Scallop on the head
Who is this? (Cockerel.)

She usually takes her time
He wears a strong shield on his back.
Under it, not knowing fear,
Walking ... (Turtle.)

Who's on the tree, on the bitch
Everyone screams: “Coo-coo, coo-coo?”

(Cuckoo.)

shakes his beard,
Wandering across the lawn
"Give me herbs,
Me-e-her.

I don't understand
I don't understand
Who is mooing all the time: "Moo"?

3. Games

A very good distraction for a child who is naughty is joint games. Some of them I want to offer you. These games are not only entertaining, but also educational.

Sun and rain

Game for kids 2-3 years old. She teaches children to designate one object with the help of another. So, a chair or table in this game will be a house in which you need to hide. You can use a circle outlined in chalk as a house, or a corner of a room. The driver says: "The sun is in the sky, you can go for a walk." Players jump, run, dance. At the words of the driver: “The rain starts, hurry home!” The children should run to their houses. The driver praises those who did it faster and more dexterously.

Duck

The adult in this game takes on the role of a duck, and the children take on the role of ducklings that follow the duck with its tail. The duck calls the ducklings with a tongue twister:

Faster, faster ducks
Faster, faster, wild feathers.

The duckling (or several ducklings) line up one after another after the duck and follow it around the room, overcoming various obstacles - crawling under chairs, climbing over the sofa, etc. At the same time, you can offer the kids to imitate the quacking of ducklings for greater reliability.

Geese are flying

The adult in this game is the driver. He names various birds that fly: “ducks are flying”, “geese are flying”, etc. After these words, children should raise their hands and wave their “wings” if the named bird really flies. But when the driver says, for example, “pikes are flying,” the players stand without raising their hands. The one who makes a mistake gives the driver a phantom (the thing belonging to him), and then, at the request of the driver, performs some task. In this game, the driver names only those animals and birds that are known to children, that is, tasks must correspond to the age of the kids.

hide and seek

You can play hide and seek if there is enough space in the apartment for this. Children love to hide, and this game will quickly amuse a naughty toddler. Everyone knows the rules of the game, I will not repeat them, I will only note that you should not try to hide so that the child cannot find you, and you should not find him very quickly either. Look for him, intrigue, then, having found him, make a very surprised look, they say, how did you manage to hide like that, I barely found you (found)!

Chepen

A fun game, reminiscent of the famous collective game "If life is fun, do it ...". The players stand in a circle, the driver is in the middle. If you are playing alone with your baby, stand opposite each other. You will be a chepena - the leader of the game. The child must repeat all your words and movements. And the words are:

Left foot, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(The players repeat the words and bounce on their left foot.)

Right foot, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(All the same, just bounce on the right foot.)

Let's go ahead, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(Children repeat the same.)

Let's go back, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(Players repeat.)

Movements can be invented ad infinitum. You can finish everything with a dance:

Let's dance, chepena,
Goy, goy chepena.

Handkerchief

A game of skill and attention. Recommended for two or more participants. The players become in a circle and lead a round dance (it is possible to the music). At the end of the music, or just at some point, the driver throws up a handkerchief. The task of the other players is to catch him. Whoever catches the scarf first wins!

silent

Before the start of the game, the participants pronounce a rhyme, for example:

An apple rolled in the garden
And fell right into the water...
Boole!

After that, everyone should be silent. The host tries to make the players laugh with different movements, words, facial expressions. Whoever laughs, he lost. He gives the leader a phantom, and then performs some task.

Land and water

Reaction game. She will laugh and distract the child from the whims. The leader is in charge of the game. It can be you and your baby. You can also involve other family members in the game, for example, a grandmother or a baby's brother (sister).

At the word of the leader "land", the player or players jump forward, at the word "water" - back.

Tasks can be changed at will. For example, do not jump if not everyone likes it, but raise your hands, squat, say something. The leader’s words can also be changed: “shore-river”, “sea-land”, etc.

treasure hunt

Hide some sweets or toys in the room. Interest the child in the fact that the “treasure” is very tasty or very pleasant for him. Then outline the place where you need to look for it. The degree of difficulty of the task depends on the age of the child. You should not hide the "treasure" so that the baby, exhausted, simply stops looking for it. He must find what is hidden, and the joy of knowing that he was able to do this will be great.

What is your name

The host gives the player or players names: Button, Broom, Bubble, etc. After that, he asks the player questions to which he must answer in one word - his game name. If the participant makes a mistake or hesitates, he loses.

Bodywork

For this game, you can take a basket or present it. The players should, as it were, put different items in a basket in turn. Condition: Item names must start with one letter. For example, we put in the basket all the items with “a”: orange, alphabet, watercolor, watermelon, etc.

What's this? For this game you will need a scarf, toys or various small items. The participants in the game take turns blindfolding and trying to determine by touch what kind of object they were given. The objects must be familiar to the child so that he can guess them without much effort. Your task, on the contrary, is to think longer, to pretend that you are at a loss with an answer. The consciousness of one's superiority will greatly delight and amuse the child.

The sea is worried…

This game can be played alone with a child or in a company. The driver pronounces the words: “The sea worries - one, the sea worries - two, the sea worries - three ...” And then the task sounds: what figure should the player portray, and in conclusion: “Freeze the marine figure!” After that, the driver should try to make the players laugh. The one who laughs becomes the leader. Children love this game very much: they are happy to invent tasks and depict various figures.

Guess

This game distracts the baby from his problems, entertains, and also develops attention and visual memory. An adult shows the child several items, for example, toys (no more than 6-8, depending on age). Then he discreetly removes one or two of them. The child must remember what toys are missing. Instead of toys or objects, you can use pictures with images.

What did I think

The driver thinks of an object in the room. His task is to describe this item to another player, without naming it, but in a way that is understandable. The player must guess what the driver guessed. After that, they change places.

Zhmurki

This game is known to everyone and does not need a detailed explanation. One of those present (adult or child) is blindfolded and looks for the other, trying to grab him. Usually children like to be in the role of those they are looking for, they are amused by the helplessness of adults who find themselves in such a situation.

Snowball

The game trains memory well and develops attention. The players take turns saying any words that come to their mind. The main thing is that these are the names of objects or animals (nouns). When the first player calls a word, for example "house", the second player must first repeat it, and then say his word. The next player repeats all the previous words and calls his own. This continues until someone fails. Then you can repeat the game.

magic words

An adult acts as a driver who gives simple commands to other players: “Please raise your hands! Get up on your toes, please!" The players must repeat his commands, but on the condition that they sound with the word "please." Whoever makes a mistake is out of the game.

Games with improvised means

If there is a hoop in the house, you can compete with the child who will quickly crawl into it or jump in it from wall to wall.

You can come up with many games with a children's jump rope. For example, "harness" dad and play "horse". The kid happily runs around the apartment, holding on to the "reins".

If there is a ball, you can play football. In order not to break the dishes, change the conditions of the game: blindfolded, you need to make one hit on the ball. This will not be an easy task, because first the player is blindfolded, then they circle him in one place, and only after that he is given the opportunity to find the ball and hit it. If you don't find it, you lose!

You can arrange a competition with skittles. For example, who will collect them faster blindfolded. Or knock them out with a small ball - who will bring down more.

Interesting competition games can also be arranged with other items: tennis balls, toys, balloons, pencils, ropes, etc.

mini games

If at the most crucial moment you, unfortunately, cannot remember a single game or joke, try to invent them, because everything ingenious is very simple!

For example, invite the child to go for a walk and arrange a competition “Who will get dressed faster” or “Who will run to the hallway faster”. You can organize the game "Dress me." Let the child dress you for a walk, and you dress him. You have to play the role of an inept child and put on everything wrong. Let the baby laugh at you, the main thing is to calm him down, relieve nervous tension.

Game rules

Even the best game should not be long, only then it will interest and amuse the child.

Play with your child willingly. If you only pretend that you are playing, and your head is busy with other things, he will immediately understand this, because children are very sensitive to falsehood.

4. The kid draws

A capricious baby can be distracted by an offer to draw together. Indeed, at the age of 1 to 5 years, all children love this activity very much. It promotes mental and creative development, accustoms to independence.

Invite your child to draw with anything: pencils, felt-tip pens, paints, inks. Put a large sheet of paper in front of him and draw something yourself. I'm sure he won't resist and will start drawing after you. In no case do not treat his art condescendingly-mockingly, cheer and praise him. And he will be interested in this interesting business.

IV. Conclusion

If you, dear parents, really want to help the baby get rid of whims, support him on the difficult path of becoming a person, then look at the world through his eyes more often in order to understand how he sees the family around him, you, himself. And many of the unresolved problems will become more understandable, you will get rid of the difficulties in education.

Remember that a child's good or bad behavior is the result of his inner activity. And in order for this result to be only good, you must help him.

The whims of children are an unpleasant thing, but natural, at least in our time and in our conditions. Children are more likely to be naughty when they feel bad and when they feel that they can be naughty. It often happens that a child is naughty with his mother, but not with his father, because you get hurt from the father, and the mother only threatens.

What to do with whims? It is clear that there is no single recipe, but with experienced parents, children really are less likely to be naughty.

Looking at whims, think about the future

Caprice to caprice - strife. It's one thing - the habit of revenge for what they did not according to her, another - a test of strength, research activity: "how can I already do it my own way? Can I be stronger than my mother or grandmother somewhere?" The habit of revenge is a bad acquisition from the point of view of an unborn child, and trying your hand is normal for a growing little man. A test of strength can be treated with humor and positively: “Wow, you want it in your own way, like an adult!”, But vindictiveness should not be encouraged. Looking at the vagaries, think about the future.

Attention to physical well-being!

I slept badly during the day, ran across in the evening, waited a long time in line or on the road, too many new experiences, just got sick - poor physical health usually sets the stage for whims. Healthy children act up less often - take care of your child's healthy lifestyle. If your child has not been capricious before, but today he seems to have been replaced - pay attention, did he get sick? This is really important. Unfortunately, not everything is simple here either: most of all, anxious mothers care about the physical well-being of children, and it is just anxious mothers who most often have capricious children. What is the clue? There is no need to worry about the health of children - the health of children must be taken care of. Did you feel the difference? We must not worry, but think and do everything according to the mind. For example, small children really do not like being dressed and undressed: if your child is hardened, this procedure will be easier and less frequent, and the life of the child and yours will be happier.

Freedom in order

If everything is impossible for a child, but no one is watching this, and dad and mom share power between themselves and sort things out, whims will be sure. The best educational model for preventing whims is a spacious house, a world of reasonable restrictions. If you forbid a child everything in the world, then the child is not capricious, but you are short-sighted. If you allow a child anything, he will grow up not capricious, but a psychopath.

Total Yes to what is reasonable in a whim

Try not to treat the whims of the child as another attempt to torment you. Imagine an alien who has a poor command of the earth language and is trying to convey something to your consciousness. Remember that the situation of a child is further complicated by the fact that, unlike an alien, he does not have a “native language” that he would be completely fluent in. Try to understand what the child really wants from you, and look for opportunities to agree with what he is right about. Give him what you can give him. He wants independence - give him independence, only so that she is his height.

After reading the message, clearly tell the child exactly how you understood it and what you are going to do about it.

The classic "Me!" He does not know how to eat cleanly, but reaches for a spoon. He tries to tie his shoelaces himself, then we unravel for half an hour with the whole family. He stubbornly puts his pants on backwards and so tries to go to the kindergarten. When you try to correct the situation - angry, screaming. This is also not whims. In these cases, it makes sense to first praise the child for striving for independence and note his obvious achievements, and then inform him that in order to complete the situation and to make it more harmonious, it is necessary to do something else. As a rule, children at this age demand precisely the recognition of their attempts, because it is too early to talk about any real autonomy, and they really understand this very well.

If you are not going to do anything, then be sure to report this too and explain the reason. For example: “I perfectly understand that you are tired, and I sympathize with you very much. But it's still two blocks to the bus stop, and we don't have a stroller. So you have to go as you go. I'm quite sure you can make it."

If the child, interrupting the whining, wants to correct you or make some additions, listen carefully to him and be sure to praise him for his constructivism. For example: “Well done, that explained. It's much clearer to me now what exactly is bothering you. Now it will be easier for us to deal with it.”

Never object to a child if he talks about his condition. He knows best what he is experiencing. Do not replace his own sensitivity with yours. In the future, this can lead to very unpleasant consequences, when an already grown child will be guided by parents or peers in search of an answer to the question “what do I feel now?”. You yourself understand that the answer you receive will have nothing to do with the true feelings of the child.

A common mistake of parents is the selection of options for a capricious child, when he can only literally poke his finger at the list item he likes:

- Vanechka, are you tired? Maybe you have a headache? Or maybe a tummy? Or maybe your grandmother hurt you? Grandma hurt you, didn't she? Or do you want a cookie?

It is clear that in this case it will not be about the actual message of the child, but about the most advantageous offer.

So, after analyzing the situation, in an affirmative tone, tell the child the fruit of your thoughts and give him the opportunity to agree with you or object to you.

Teach your child to express his feelings with words, not whims.

There is only one way to do this - the parents themselves must talk about their feelings in the presence of the child. Already a three-year-old child, accustomed to listen to himself and not met with objections in describing his feelings, may well say:

- I'm angry now! I'm terribly angry right now! The cat made me angry because I wanted to play, and she scratches. You all move away from me now, I'll be angry in the kitchen. And then I will come, and you will pity me (the direct speech is genuine, recorded by one attentive mother from the words of her three-year-old son).

For the prevention of children's whims and the fight against already developed emotional instability, a single educational position of all family members involved in caring for a child is of great importance.

In both strict and democratic families, children easily adapt to existing rules if these rules are the same and supported by all family members. And where no one dares to take a spoon until grandfather starts eating, and where everyone eats with their hands at any time from a large pot that always stands on the stove, a calm, emotionally stable child may well grow up.

But if mom allows something, and dad categorically forbids the same thing, and for grandmother it all depends on the mood, and for grandfather - on the state of health, and for uncle - on the marks that the child received at school ... And that's all it refers to one thing, for example, to whether it is possible to jump on the couch ... It is against this "pluralism" that children often, capriciously, protest.

In a family where there are a lot of people and several educational positions, it makes sense to arrange a kind of “round table”, where a single style of education is developed through compromises and once and for all it is decided whether it is possible to jump on the couch, eat sausages with your hands and kick the cat. Sometimes, in order to avoid further discrepancies, on the basis of the agreements reached, it even makes sense to draw up a final written document in which anyone can, if necessary, clarify how to proceed in a particular case.

Consistency in the statements and demands made to the child by the same family member is essential.

No matter how your mood and circumstances change, but if you have forbidden something to a small child, then let it be “impossible”. If you have already allowed, then endure all the consequences to the end.

If you said when you went for a walk that today you will not buy anything in a stall, then stick to this position. Despite all the whims. Your only concession is also a message. From you to the child. And the text of this message is as follows: “Sometimes, under some (not entirely clear) circumstances, by whims you can get what you want from me.” Having received such a message, the child will inevitably try. And he does not hold perseverance.

How can a specialist help?

First of all, parents of children suffering from one or another somatic or neurological disease should consult with a specialist about children's whims. It is precisely such children who especially need a correct and consistently applied method of education, which in this case, of course, must be developed individually and take into account the capabilities of the child. This is especially true for children suffering from prenatal encephalopathy and children with minimal brain dysfunction (MMD). Here, a properly selected mode of life and upbringing of a child can largely weaken the manifestations of the disease, prevent deterioration of the condition and such terrible complications as cerebral palsy (ICP).

In addition, a specialist can help parents determine the causes of the child's moodiness and develop tactics for the behavior of family members that will correct the child's undesirable behavior.

If the cause of the child's capriciousness is intra-family conflicts, then it makes sense to turn to a method such as family psychotherapy. Even short-term positive family therapy, conducted by a qualified specialist, can often significantly improve the child's behavior and at the same time improve family relationships.

Crybaby. An example of the work of a psychologist

It is clear that in the family of Larisa and Gali, whims stemmed from the inability of the mother to clearly convey her educational position to her daughter.

The mobile, intelligent girl is already studying the world around her (including the personality of her mother), and Galya still perceives her as her physical extension. At the same time, it seems to be implied that for Larisa “it goes without saying” everything that is obvious for Galya. See →

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn't be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.

All parents face challenges in raising their children. Someone has naughty children, someone is capricious, and someone is hysterical. In any case, the problem must be solved. It depends on what age the baby is. A capricious child should be brought up at a young age, when only. What to do and how to cope with whims, experts of the site of psychotherapeutic assistance psymedcare.ru will tell.

No one will say that it will be easy with a capricious child. The problem cannot be fixed in one day. However, if your child has become capricious, then you definitely need to find out the causes of this phenomenon, and then eliminate them.

First, parents are advised to make sure that the child is really naughty. He screams, gets irritated, cries not because something hurts and bothers him, but only for subjective reasons. It is necessary to be sure that the child is absolutely healthy, he is not hungry, not tired, he is not cold and not hot. In other words, it is necessary to exclude all those physiological causes that he cannot tell about, but points to them in various ways.

Secondly, if the parents cannot cope with the whims, which are really excessive desires and the desire to do everything in their own way, then you can seek advice from a child psychologist. He will tell you how you can act specifically in your case, so as not to harm the psyche of the baby, while doing everything right.

Who is a naughty child?

Almost all parents face the whims of their children. Who is a naughty child? This is a baby who cries, sobs, does not obey, demands something from his parents, while not wanting to calm down until he gets his own. On the one hand, it seems quite logical that the child insists on his point of view if he wants something. He is a fine fellow who defends his desires, demands their fulfillment.

On the other hand, the ways in which he wants to realize his desires are not consistent with the realities of life in which people live. The child is impatient, demands the realization of the desired from other people, does nothing himself. Moreover, his whims may not be associated with desires at all, but rather with a general emotional state, needs, and even health.

A child can be capricious for various reasons:

1. Wrong education of parents who do not pay attention to the baby, do not educate him, he knows no boundaries, what is possible and what is not. On the other hand, the baby may resist overprotection of himself, when even a step cannot be taken without parental consent.
2. Physical health, which may disturb the baby with pain or disorders. If the parents do not yet know about the disease, then it may be difficult for the baby to say that he has it.
3. Momentary mood, temperament. It should also be borne in mind that the child may simply be prone to capriciousness. This is allowed to him in the parental family, where all members are emotional, impulsive and categorical.
4. Three year crisis. It will be discussed further. This is when a child psychologically desires to separate from their parents. He gradually begins to realize his own self, for which he begins to fight if the parents do not understand that it is necessary to promote his independence.
5. The microclimate in the family, which is called unfavorable. It should also be taken into account in which family the baby grows up. If parents constantly quarrel and conflict with each other, this can affect the behavior of the child. Also, the baby can simply copy the behavior of his parents, if they themselves are capricious enough. Misunderstanding between adults and children also leads to capriciousness.

Psychologists treat whims as a completely normal phenomenon that all children go through. Caprice is a way to express your desires. Someone quickly realizes that this method does not work, so they stop being capricious, and someone else tries to influence their parents through whims for a long time.

Another fact should be noted: if parents are led to the whims of the child, then the baby continues to be capricious, because it is in this way that he gets what he wants. Accordingly, parents will have to change their behavior and develop endurance in order to act in such a way that the baby understands that his seizures will not bring the desired result at the moment of a whim.

Naughty child at 2 years old

At each age, whims arise for separate reasons. To understand how to behave with a capricious child who is 2 years old, you should know approximately what reasons can contribute to this:

1. Physical conditions, illness, discomfort. If something bothers the child, then he can begin to endure, then want something in various ways (“I want one, no, I want another”), and then start crying. Parents naturally perceive this as a whim.
2. Body discomfort. For example, crushing shoes, a sweaty head or a stomach ache. All the sensations in the body can also lead to moodiness.
3. Attention. If the baby at some point receives more attention than at another, then with his whims he can achieve what he wants. If he is naughty, which is why his parents rush to him, then he continues to act up further.

What should parents do with a naughty 2-year-old child?

• Set rules and restrictions. If you once forbade doing something, then continue to forbid it in the future. Moreover, this prohibition must be supported not only by one parent, but also by the second.
• Leave whim unattended. Often the child just plays for the audience, that is, he is naughty when the parents are nearby or look at him. If you deprive him of the audience, then the whim will pass by itself.

Naughty child at 3 years old

At the age of three, children become especially capricious. What is it connected with? With an age crisis, when the child begins to separate from the mother, which leads him to the desire to defend his position, to be independent. Parents may notice that the child seems to start doing everything out of spite. In this case, you need to act wisely.

What should parents do with a naughty 3-year-old child?

• Give him some freedom. If he doesn't want to do something, don't force him.
• Don't fight. You won't achieve much with bans and threats. If, for example, the baby does not want to go swimming, then you can tell him that daddy will go to swim in the bath instead of him and play with his toys.
• Switch your attention. When the baby is naughty, just switch his attention to something else that is not related to the subject of the whim.
• Pay no attention to his whim. In other words, show that you do not react at all to his behavior, respectively, he does not get his own.

Naughty child at 4 years old

At the age of four, the baby becomes independent enough to have his own desires and favorite activities. He is already able to talk about what he wants, and not be capricious. What can lead to the capriciousness of a baby at this age?

1. Copying parents. If the kid sees that his parents are naughty themselves while they are solving some controversial issues, then he will simply copy them.
2. established pattern of behavior. If the kid used to be capricious and got his own, then at the age of 4 he will simply continue to achieve his own in this way.
3. Getting attention. The kid can get used to the fact that through whims everyone pays attention to him. If the child is constantly experiencing attention to himself, then he can be capricious due to fatigue.

Parents should continue to show what the child is forbidden to do, ignore his whims, give some measure of freedom, and also not give what he wants while he is capricious.

Naughty child at 5 years old

If at the age of 5 the child continues to be capricious, this indicates the pedagogical neglect of the situation by the parents. In previous age periods, they were unable to properly build their educational methodology, which is why it led to the capriciousness of the baby at an age when this quality could already be absent.

Why is a baby capricious at 5 years old?

1. He's already used to it. If in previous years he got what he wanted through whims, then he will simply continue to get his own with such behavior.
2. Conflicts between parents and children. If the parents do not understand the child, then he can be capricious.
3. Spoiled. If parents indulge the whims of the baby, then he himself will not get rid of them.
4. Compensation for lack of attention with material gifts. Since parents can work hard, they will cajole their children with various gifts, which will further develop their spoiledness and capriciousness.

Parents should clearly and firmly say "no" to the baby at the age of 5, while clearly explaining the reasons for their refusal. It is necessary to explain to the baby that his capriciousness does not give the desired, what to demonstrate in practice, so that the child really sees that his behavior is ineffective.

Parents should, both at the age of 5 and at younger years, teach the baby to correctly declare his desires. How can a baby talk about what he wants, instead of whims, so that at the same time he remains heard and, perhaps, his desire is fulfilled? Parents should show how he can state his "want" so that it is acceptable.

What to do with a naughty child?

If capriciousness and tearfulness are not the result of a child’s physical ill health, then this behavior indicates that educational measures are being carried out incorrectly. Relations between the child and parents are built a little wrong. What to do?

1. You should not shout and scold the child, because he will not be able to understand his wrong behavior.
2. Communicate with a capricious child on an equal footing, while explaining the inadmissibility of his behavior.
3. You can give in to the child in small things in order to prohibit something more significant.
4. Negotiate, don't push.
5. Find out the motives of the child's behavior, and not just punish.
6. Let the baby be independent in some situations.
7. Distinguish whim from research.
8. Argument your prohibitions so that the baby understands why you put them in front of him.

How do you end up dealing with a naughty child?

Capriciousness is inherent in all children. However, it depends only on parental behavior whether the child will continue to act up or quickly stop doing it. If the moodiness of the baby is delayed, then it is quite normal for parents to turn to a child psychologist. It will help to eliminate the problem at an early age so that the child's moodiness does not remain for the rest of his life.