Wedding in Turkey: ancient traditions and unique flavor of the East. Turkish wedding - traditions and customs
Turkey is one of the most popular resorts among Russians. This country is famous for its unique traditions and customs. From generation to generation, the inhabitants of Turkey pass on wedding customs. Therefore, a Turkish wedding is quite an interesting event.
How matchmaking takes place in Turkey
Of course, in large cities, young people are less and less likely to observe the ancient customs of matchmaking, preferring to do without parental blessing. But in the villages, matchmaking is quite common. Here, the choice is still made by the parents, and the young people agree with them.
Matchmakers from the groom come to the house where the bride and her parents live. They get to know the girl, her family, home, talk about the groom, and confirm the seriousness of his intentions. If the bride accepts the offer, this does not mean that she is obliged to get married immediately. No, she is given time to get to know the groom and his family. It is better when people who are well known to the girl's relatives, respected people act as matchmakers.
Let's say the young people liked each other. Then the guy gives the girl a handkerchief, a wedding ring and officially asks for her hand in marriage. Young people kiss the hands of their parents. Future relatives on the part of both young people discuss what gifts the mother-in-law and the bride will receive, treat everyone present with sweets. It is no longer required to pay kalym, but the groom's family is obliged to present the bride's mother with expensive gifts.
Betrothal
According to custom, a Turkish wedding is preceded by an engagement ceremony. It is held in the house of a young girl, but the male side takes care of the costs. All invited guests gather first at the groom's house, then go to the bride. A girl is waiting for them, dressed in a smart dress. It comes with special Taki decorations.
In some parts of Turkey, betrothal takes place in special Happiness Houses. The ring on the girl's finger is usually worn by the elder.
Hen Party, or Henna Night
A couple of days before the celebration, a bachelorette party is held in the girl's house, or, as it is called in Turkey, Henna Night. Only women are invited to this event. One of them is stirring the henna sent by the groom in a silver or copper basin. As a rule, this procedure is entrusted to a woman who is happy in family life, whose parents are still alive. The rest of those present greet the bride with wedding songs. Divorced henna is laid out on a plate, candles are lit and carried past the betrothed. 
The heroine of the celebration comes out in a veil, patterns are applied to her arms and legs. The girl's mother is crying, parting with her daughter. By the end of the evening, only close friends remain in the house, ready to share her happiness with the bride.
Wedding celebration
The spouses are happy to keep photos of the Turkish wedding, from the beginning of the celebration, when the groom's relatives pick up the bride from the house, to the wedding feast. More often the girl is taken from the hairdresser. At this time, the groom goes with his friends to tidy himself up. The brother ties the virginity belt on the girl, then she puts on the veil. In some places, it is customary in front of the groom's house to place a tied ram on the road so that the girl throws it aside, demonstrating her physical strength and dexterity. And in the boy's house they raise a special, Wedding Banner. An apple or onion usually flaunts at its top.
The guests and the hero of the occasion herself are met by the mother-in-law with rich gifts. After the evening prayer, the marriage is sealed by a mullah or an employee of the Marriage Registration Office. The hands of the young are joined by an old woman.
During the holiday, the girl is smeared with honey on her forehead, wishing a sweet family life.
What gifts are customary to give to young people? Of course, these are most often gold jewelry, watches, rings, necklaces. You can simply hand over an impressive amount of money.
Now you can start the banquet. At wedding feasts it used to be customary to shoot from a weapon, but today almost no one observes this tradition: the risk of injury is high. At the wedding, torchlight processions are often held, young people perform national dances, and hold equestrian competitions. And the video of a Turkish wedding, held according to an ancient custom, becomes a real masterpiece.
The celebration comes to an end, the young people are left together for their wedding night. And the next morning, at the Duvak holiday, relatives are shown a sheet with traces of virgin blood.
The cultural and everyday traditions and customs of Turkey are very diverse, because this multinational country was formed on the basis of the powerful Ottoman Empire, which existed for more than 600 years and subjugated parts of Europe, Asia and Africa. Only on July 24, 1923, when the aggressive empire collapsed, began the formation of Turkey as a state in which, in fact, there was no Turkish nation as such.
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The ethnic composition of the population inherited from the empire had representatives of many peoples: Kurds, Circassians, Arabs, Meskhetians, Syrians, Lazes, Balkars, Circassians. Each of them strove to preserve their religious, cultural and everyday traditions. And although now their descendants consider themselves Turks, they continue to preserve their national canons, which gave rise to the extraordinary diversity of Turkish customs.
The popular novel by the Turkish writer Güntekin “Kinglet - a songbird,” written by him in 1922, became widely known in our country in the late 80s of the last century, as did the film of the same name based on it. All strata of Turkish society, social inequality of the very rich and the very poor are reflected in the work of love; oppression and oppression of Turkish women and, of course, folk traditions.
Now everything has changed since the writing of the novel: there is no striking social contrast in society; basically, many are striving to get a good education, master foreign languages, get the prestigious profession of a doctor, lawyer, economist, journalist. The rural population is becoming more civilized and wealthy thanks to modern communications and connections. But still everyone is united by traditions and customs developed by ancestors and revered by modern descendants.
Wedding customs
Marriage is of great paramount importance here, therefore, the traditions and customs of the wedding are sacredly honored. It is customary here to marry and get married at a fairly early age, while striving to observe the principle of social equality: a low-income man should not marry a girl from a wealthy family, so as not to infringe on her needs in the future and not to worsen his financial situation.
Although there are exceptions: not all modern young businessmen and politicians choose a financially secured life partner. The most common family unions within religious and ethnic groups, but also interethnic are not prohibited by law.
The family code is based on the Swiss civil code, which provides for the mutual consent of the newlyweds, the conclusion of a marriage contract and the principle of monogamy.
Wedding ceremony rituals
Family discussion is held after the boy and girl decide to marry, when each of them consults with their family members, discussing all the details of the upcoming celebration.
A visit of the groom's close relatives to the bride's family to obtain consent to the marriage.
Engagement, which consists in presenting the bride with gold jewelry: rings, earrings, bracelets after cutting the red thread connecting the rings of the bride and groom into 2 parts.
Wedding preparations
Henna Night is a kind of bachelorette party held two days before the wedding, in which only women participate. The traditional dress of the bride on this night should be a lilac velvet dress, she (the bride) is seated in the center of the room, a plate of henna, diluted with water is placed, where a lighted candle is placed. Those present, performing ritual songs, dance around the bride, and she weeps with her mother as a sign of sadness from the imminent separation from the parental home.
wedding ceremony
The wedding ceremony, where 200-300 guests are invited, begins with a storm of fun, accompanied by bravura music and graceful dances. Before the end of the celebration, it is the turn of presenting gifts according to the related hierarchy: first, the closest are given, then the farthest, and so on in descending order.
The wedding night
"Gerdek" - the first wedding night - is a very important and crucial stage when the virgin purity of the bride is checked, which is still of great importance in Turkey. Until now, in the morning, the bride must demonstrate to everyone on the sheet the traces of the loss of innocence. With a mutual desire, the young can deceive the vigilance of relatives if they already had intimate intimacy before the wedding.
Traditions of etiquette
Hospitality rules
Turkish hospitality is akin to Caucasian hospitality; Turks willingly invite guests to their place, using a special set of phrases and sentences that emphasize the desire of the hosts to see those invited. The guests who have come, traditionally placed on the floor on unfolded pillows and mats, are supposed to be offered the best and most delicious. Meals are served on a nice roomy tray, which is placed on a low table. But now, in most city houses, the feast is held according to European standards: at a large table, served with a full set of food tools.
Table etiquette
It must be remembered that pieces from a common dish should be taken only with the right hand; you can speak at the table with the permission of the owner. It is considered indecent to swallow food quickly and greedily, to be at a party for a long time, to smoke without permission; dancing and singing are encouraged. The houses of the Turks are divided into a guest and a host half, so guests can enter only their own half, taking off their shoes before entering.
In Turkish families, it is not customary to eat alone; they strictly ensure that everyone living in the same house is present at the table during meals. Turks eat a lot of greens and vegetable salads, which are served with every dish; can drink at lunch anise liqueur or beer, which are not considered alcoholic drinks for them, although they are strictly prohibited to be drunk in public places. Pork is never used in cooking either in home or public catering.
Common gestures
Residents of Turkey use specific gestures, sometimes understandable only to them: flicking fingers means approval; tongue click - on the contrary, disapproval or denial. Misunderstanding is expressed by a quick shake of the head from side to side or a surprised lift of the eyebrows. A sign of agreement is indicated by tilting the head to one side. When dealing with Turks, foreigners need to be more careful with their gestures, as they may be perceived by them in a completely different way.
Wearing traditions
Turkey's conservative residents, both men and women, prefer to wear traditional clothing, especially in rural areas. An obligatory attribute of Turkish national clothing is wide trousers, which are worn by representatives of both sexes. Men are sewn from denser fabrics, and women are made of thin transparent fabrics with ornaments in the form of intricate patterns.
Over the wide trousers women wear long dresses and robes made of satin, brocade, taffeta, muslin, and men - long shirts tucked into wide trousers. Until now, many men wear a traditional headdress - a fezu - a low cap made of red wool intertwined with a blue, black or blue cord with a tassel.
Women wear bright, beautiful scarves on top. Most business men now wear European suits, shirts and ties. Young urban women are more committed to traditional dresses, complementing them with modern accessories and footwear, while older women strictly follow the customs of national dress.
Turks are intolerant of foreign tourists who appear off the beach in too revealing clothes: short shorts, strongly low-cut tops or blouses. When going to a public place, you need to dress more modestly, choosing a dress or skirt below the knee and with a small neckline; preferably with a hat or sleek hairstyle. Visiting mosques and temples requires great care from tourists: men should not appear there in shorts, women should wear a long dress that covers their arms and legs; and cover your head with a scarf or handkerchief.
Childbearing customs
All close relatives, coming to congratulate the family on the birth of a child, should give the mother gold and silver jewelry and coins. The choice of a name is also discussed by the family clan, the approved name is pronounced aloud three times, one of the grandmothers reads a prayer in the ear of the newborn in a whisper. On the fortieth day of a newborn's life, prayers for his health are also read, before bathing, the baby's body is rubbed with salt so that in the future a bad smell does not come from him.
Great importance is attached to the appearance of the first tooth in children: different objects are laid out in front of the baby and, according to what the child takes first, they make an assumption who he (she) will become.
An important stage in the formation of a boy is the circumcision rite, for which he is prepared from an early age. This is a magnificent celebration, when a boy, dressed like a king, is driven in an elegantly decorated car, accompanied by a motorcade, accompanied by musical accompaniment. The boy is presented with gold coins as a sign that he has become a man that day and should have money.
In Turkey, young people usually become a full-fledged social unit at the age of 22. The most suitable age for marriage for girls is 17 - 20 years. And some regions of Turkey still have preserved the ancient custom, which consists in giving children in marriage according to their age. Those. until the eldest daughter is married, the youngest cannot marry.
The woman in Turkey remained in a passive state. His family and relatives are looking for a future wife for their son. At the same time, in the first place, the determining criterion for marriage is the material and social situation. It is better if the girl is from the circle of the groom, or even better above him in position in society. It is believed that this is a more successful marriage.
When a single man, having chosen a girl for himself, comes to marry, the family decides to bless them or refuse to marry.
Although more families are created by chance acquaintances due to the promotion of European behavior and urbanization of cities, matchmaking is still common.
In Turkey he is called "Dunur Gezme" and everything happens like this: matchmakers come to the bride's house and talk about their intentions, talk about the groom and ask about the bride. If at this stage there is no disagreement, then the next to the bride's house is the groom and asks for the girl's hand officially.
After the matchmaking follows "Sez Kisimi" - the conclusion of the marriage contract. It's kind of an engagement. Relatives gather from both sides, and the young people kiss their parents' hands and distribute oriental sweets. Confirmation of the seriousness of his intentions is a silk scarf and a gold wedding ring presented to the bride at the end of the evening. From this moment, the contract is considered concluded.
Even earlier, a serious kalym had to be paid for the bride, but in our time they get by with gifts for the bride and her mother.
During the betrothal, the bride is given a symbolic adornment by the groom's relatives - "Taki", and after that the elder puts on wedding rings and wishes the young people happiness.
But before the wedding, still a period must pass and it depends on the traditions of the area and the agreement of the parties. If during this period the bride's side gives its refusal, then they must return all the gifts to the groom. If the groom refuses, the gifts will not be returned.
The wedding itself lasts several days and is paid by the groom's side. Guests are sent invitations in advance, and a special Wedding Banner is hung out in the courtyard of the groom.
"Henna Night" takes place at the bride's house on the night before the wedding. In our opinion, it can be called a bachelorette party. Dry henna is brought from the groom's house and soaked in a basin, after which the bride's legs and arms are rubbed while the invited girls sing. A bride in a veil comes out to the guests invited from the groom's side, who put money in her hands for a happy and rich life.
The wedding begins the next morning. All invited guests follow the bride. They follow from the groom's house and carry the Wedding Banner with them. When they come to the bride, they take her and go back to the groom's house, where the mother-in-law gives the bride the first gift.
After the religious ceremony, the bride and groom go to the marriage room.
The first wedding night or "Gardek" begins in this room, where an old woman is with them, who gives the girl's hand to the boy's hand. Then, in exchange for showing the face, the groom gives the bride a wedding gift and removes the veil from her. Here they have dinner together.
And the next morning there is another ceremony where only women participate - "Dufak", translated as veil. There are oriental dances and show everyone the sheet after the first wedding night.
| Refined France. Wedding traditions | Wedding at Mayendorf castle in Russia |
Olga
Henna painting is not only an Indian tradition, Turkey does have a "Henna Night". But, to be honest, I don't like these painted hands. If I did this to myself (by the way, I want to try it), I would do it somewhere between the shoulder blades and in the form of a bindweed from the chest, through the stomach along the thigh and leg to the ankle.
Vit, well, in all honesty - this is not so much a Turkish wedding as a Kurdish one. About age - yes, it WAS, but for a long time, guys mostly get married after 25-30 years. And the photo with the Iranian is somehow out of topic, albeit also a wedding one. Turkey is very different from more eastern countries, even in relation to women. True, there is still discrimination in Anatolia (and this is still poorly said), however, there, again, there are many Kurds.
As for me, the Turks are more fair to women, although Muslims too. But what I don't really like about their traditional weddings is that, according to tradition, "boys" and "girls" have fun separately, but this has long been in the past. Well, there are no food as such - just a cake. Basically - dancing, and even then, only men could dance before (but they do it - they just can't take their eyes off, plastic by nature), now everyone is dancing together.
I personally witnessed a bachelorette party))). And where do you think? At a party in a gay club))). So Turkey has long been more like a European country, although it carefully preserves some of its customs. There are a lot of patriots there.
Wow! How many Contradictory comments. I have never been to Turkey. But I lived in Uzbekistan for many years. I don’t think that these people are very different from each other. And in general ... to be honest ... They are all kind of ... hmm. ...
How could I put it mildly .. Mysterious!
girls, you have written so much about a Turkish wedding in our time that an article could be written)
Girls! so many interesting things have been written! I somehow always had no interest in Turkey, and then my eyes opened!
Come on, what are you attacking! Nice post, the person described how it was before, we were given an excursion into history! Moreover, Vita writes that it was like this before, but now they do without it. And for the sheet I am also outraged, I never understood this. Although at one time, it was accepted by all peoples!
In fact, what you wrote, if it was, it was like that 70 years ago. I have two friends living there now. Everywhere today, even in Arab countries, people do not get married earlier than after college for girls and after getting a job and having an apartment for boys. That is, for girls. usually from 23 years old, and more often from 25, and for boys - closer to 30. No one will marry his daughter for a guy who has no apartment and constant stable job. And this is even in Arab countries.
It is also extremely rare to celebrate separately. For a long time now, no one has shown the sheet anywhere, the exceptions are individual ethnic groups, and even then not all. And by seniority no one gets married for a long time, starting with my mother-in-law's mother. Henna drawings are also considered an Arab tradition. So, everything described by you is already so outdated that it doesn't matter what to pass off as Russian wedding traditions those that were in Tsarist Russia.
To be honest, I thought henna painting was an Indian tradition, but not a Turkish one. This surprised me.
Well, what the sheet shows - I was always simply amazed. And if there was nothing? What if a girl is menstruating? Or, due to physiological characteristics, there was no bleeding during defloration? What then?
Dear readers and blog readers who have courageously joined them! Eastern mudflows for you and just hello!
Symbolically, today's jubilee, hundredth in a row, article on my blog turned out to be about the customs of a Turkish wedding.
“What is the symbolism?” You might be surprised. - And fig knows, that's how it seemed to me. Maybe, as in the joke "it's time for you to marry, sir" :)
Putting jokes aside, let's approach our topic as seriously as possible, because a wedding in Turkey is very, very serious. What you are now in all clarity and see.
So, even having a good idea of how things are going in Turkey, I decided to play it safe and talk to an expert in wedding ceremonies Tuce Khanum - a clever and beautiful woman who works for the benefit of one of the most famous hotel chains, not only in the country, but and beyond.
"Khanym", of course, is not a surname, but a respectful prefix when addressing a woman or a girl in Turkey. And for men, accordingly, there will be "Bey". Well, like "Ivan Bey" :)
Let's make a reservation right away that Turkey is, of course, not our 1/8 part of the land, but it is also a very large country, let's say by average European standards. And it is inhabited by very different people and even peoples - if not Kurds, then, as a rule, collectively referred to as "Turks", each with its own foundations, traditions and rules.
In general, we are talking about an average picture of fairly general traditions, keeping in mind that it is simply impossible to write them all into the top ten.
Therefore, our TOP-10 is a kind of cornerstones of Turkish wedding traditions.
1. Dowry or in Turkish "çeyiz" ("cheiz") ...
Families of girls in Turkey begin to gather very, very ahead of time, almost from childhood. Towels, bed linen, dishes, household and kitchen appliances - what you will not find there. However, there is an option for lazy people - ready-made chests (in the literal sense) with a dowry, which can be bought in online stores. Progress, however, is not necessary "acquired over the years by overwork" ...
If someone thinks that the girl's family can easily jump off this topic, getting off with a "New Year's set of sweets", then he is mistaken. Especially, the families of the grooms on the Black Sea coast, after the wedding, are very fond of visiting the house of the young, and the girl must lay out in front of them what she came to the groom's house with. They'll discuss it, they'll discuss it ...
2. Rings
Earlier in Turkey everything was like the "people", that is, only ordinary wedding rings. But then the Westerners came and, as always, ruined everything for everyone :)
First of all, to the grooms - by introducing into fashion rings made of gold with one diamond, the so-called "tek taşlı yüzük" ("tek tashly yuzük", that is, a ring with one stone and it is clear with which ...).
And when now the guy proposes to the girl, in a romantic setting and standing on one knee (if rheumatism does not torment :)), and if he is at a certain level of well-being, then the Turkish lady will be waiting for this ring in a velvet box.
Well, he can count on the fact that she will accept the offer and put the ring on the ring finger of her right hand (do not confuse girls).
In addition, there are also wedding rings of the usual kind for us, which are worn during engagement, over the first ring, on the same ring finger of the right hand.
After the wedding, the girl begins to wear both rings on the ring finger of her left hand.
Also, sometimes special pre-wedding thin gold wedding rings or, say, bracelets are used instead of the usual wedding rings, which are worn later.
3. Matchmaking or in Turkish "isteme ve söz"
The groom's family, as complete as possible, goes to match the bride with flowers (roses, as a rule) and with a special box of chocolates, as well as with a special silver tray.
Which is then stored for many years as an important family heirloom. Not in the sense that "do you remember how I somehow cracked you on the head with this tray?" :)
The father of the groom woo the father of the bride, and the groom's business is to drink, without frowning, coffee, which by tradition will be salty. He didn’t frown - it means that the “fighter” is ready for family difficulties.
Maybe there and the future mother-in-law come to the rescue: they say, enough, everyone saw that you are "ready" :) But such mother-in-law is worth its weight in gold ...
It's up to the bride to blush and be embarrassed, and not rub her pretty hands :)
4. Betrothal or in Turkish "nişan" ("nishan")
The next step on the road to getting married may or may not be. It all depends on how young the "pipes are burning" to formalize their relationship. If they are in a hurry, then immediately after the matchmaking they can appoint a date for the wedding.
The event can be organized both in a wide audience and in a narrow circle, both outside the home and at home. But in the latter case, this, in the traditional way, will be the bride's house and all the costs associated with the engagement are paid by the bride's family.
This is not altruism - the groom's family will "take the rap" for the wedding, that is, an order of magnitude more serious.
5. Photo album
Needless to say, all stages of the thorny path of newlyweds to becoming a full-fledged unit of society are recorded by professional photographers - matchmaking, betrothal and the climax - the wedding itself.
In order to later release, in several copies for both families, photo albums, capturing young people in a variety of interiors and exteriors, at home and in the open air. Both the full version and the "pocketbook".
6. Wedding shopping
A very curious event, during which the groom's family takes the bride, and the bride's family takes the groom to the shops and buy literally everything that catches the eye, and not only the essentials.
Dresses, jewelry and various cosmetics are bought for brides. They should also buy underwear, but not all girls are ready for such a test - to acquire something lacy for themselves under the curious gaze of the relatives of their betrothed, especially since there may be males among them. Cousins there or brothers.
By the way, few foreign brides know about such a tradition, and their Turkish mother-in-law can even "squeeze" :)
For the grooms, the bride's family also buys a long list of everything, but the main accessory is, without fail, a good brand watch. So that they "tick" all my life.
7. Night of henna or "kına gecesi"
If it came to the night of henna, then - "khana": the wedding is not something that is not far off, but most likely the next day.
Henna night is a kind of bachelorette party in the oriental manner, which is traditionally held at home. It is understandable, the girl says goodbye to her home and goes to the groom.
However, in recent years, this event from home has been increasingly moved outside of it, and its organization is entrusted to professionals. They will explain that the girl should cry louder if she gets caught, and also that she needs to keep her hands clenched into fists and only when the future mother-in-law gives her a gold coin - unclench it in order to apply the traditional henna pattern on both palms.
The groom and the "kunaki of the enamored horseman", in principle, do not participate in the holiday. They have their own "carols". But lately there has been a fashion for the male half to join the female by the end of the evening.
8. "Rings and bracelets, skirts and jackets ..." (C)
Investment gold in Turkey is sold in the form of gold coins of a certain mass and is called "republican gold" ("cumhuriyet altını" or "cumhuriyet altyny").
It is sold in any jewelry store and can be sold back there without question, according to current prices per gram of precious metal.
It is "republican gold" and gold bracelets that are a must-have gift at a Turkish wedding. Bracelets are put on the bride's hands, and coins are folded into a purse to turn the "unfortunate" girl into a collector by the end of the evening.
The only thing that should console her is that the gold is hers, and not the groom's "reserve fund" or "national welfare fund."
9. SPA treatments
These include a joint trip of the bride and her bridesmaids to the Turkish bath - hamam, where they not only take a steam bath, wash and pill themselves, but also have fun in all ways available to the fair sex.
And, of course, a joint trip to the hairdresser on the wedding day. And here the groom will pay for everything - for the bride, mother-in-law and all the girlfriends. Haircuts, styling, manicures and pedicures - everything your heart desires for the entire female team.
He is shaved solemnly and with special care.
All this solemn action, of course, is recorded on photo and video cameras to become an important part of the wedding album.
10. Who is knocking on my door?
Many different beliefs have accumulated around the doors in the wedding cultures of all peoples, including Turkish.
For example, when the bridegroom comes to pick up the bride on the wedding day, then a child will surely open for him and begin to gipsy money. And without this, the groom will not be allowed inside.
Again, let us sympathize with the groom, who these days should have a very fat "shovel".
And after the wedding, when the young people come to their home, a glass breaks on the threshold of their house so that all quarrels can be left on the doorstep. A little bit of oil is applied to the doorframe so that everything goes like clockwork for the young. And bread is also broken over the bride's head - so that there is prosperity in the family.
In general, while you enter the apartment, you will have to "stomp" pretty much on the doorstep :)
I caught myself thinking that I was already ready to write about what was happening next. But since further events unfold, at least individually, but traditionally for lovers of all countries of the world, this is where I end my top ten :)
Have a good mood and love each other! If you have clarifying questions, please contact :)
Until next time on the blog pages and do not forget to subscribe to it!
It is now, under the influence of Western traditions, the attitude towards customs in modern cities of Turkey has become a little easier. In the villages, everything is still strict and decorous. For example, it is unthinkable to imagine that the bride and groom will live before the wedding and even before the betrothal. "Ayıp!"("It's indecent!"). Options are not excluded when the choice for a girl or a young man is made by the parents, based on their own motives. Calculation is a common thing, but love is a profitable business. Sound familiar? After all, in Russia, all this also happened. But unlike modern Russia, in Turkey, many traditions and ceremonies are still an integral part of the wedding script. And rarely will anyone go against the family to break these rules.
Bride and matchmaking
It all starts with smotrin, or, as they say in Turkey, "kyz bakma". Usually, familiar gossips can keep an eye on the future bride in advance and draw the attention of the groom, who is still unaware of anything. Usually, the average Turk is more concerned with how to make money to support a future wife than finding this very wife. In addition, do not forget that in the same villages and even small towns it is not so easy for young people to get to know each other and spend time together, so as not to cause rumors and gossip from neighbors. So sometimes the bridegroom is the only opportunity for a potential couple to see each other a little closer, but certainly - under the supervision of relatives. Usually the groom comes accompanied by several women from his family. Although in the old days it happened that relatives coped with this task on their own, assessing whether a girl was suitable or not.
Turks are so arranged that it is extremely inconvenient for them to say "no" directly, to offend other people, especially the whole family. Therefore, everything goes so that in case of refusal, no one will be left offended. We drank tea and coffee, exchanged social pleasantries, ate sweets, and dispersed. But if the intentions become more serious, then the second action comes - "Matchmaking", "Çöpçatanlık"("Chopchatanlyk"), where all the conditions of the "agreement" are already discussed in detail, if the parties come to an agreement.
The bride is not particularly binding. And if the wedding is a decided affair, such a "first meeting" can be to some extent only a ritual and is combined with matchmaking. Then not only women are connected, but also men. The bride must, of course, show herself in all her glory. And this applies not only to the appearance. She prepares homemade baklava in advance. And I must say, making a real baklava, rolling it onto the thinnest sheets of dough, making the filling correctly is a real art. Of course, experienced relatives can also connect here, but still it is necessary for the girl to cope with this test herself.
Usually guests come to the bride's house and sit in the spacious living room. In any Turkish house, there are certainly small matryoshka tables, which are placed next to the guests. It will be possible to put coffee, tea and sweets on them. Of course, no alcohol, food, except sweets, is also usually not provided at this meeting.
The bride serves the guests, brings tea and coffee to everyone, always starting with the older guests. The groom can also face a test - for him the bride can add salt to the coffee. Previously, this could serve as a silent symbol of refusal to go down the aisle, but now it has often become a test of the groom's feelings and endurance. If he drinks without frowning, it means that for the sake of this girl he will be able to endure a lot and is ready to marry.
Everyone can have abstract small talk for a long time, and only then move on to more specific discussions of the details of the wedding.
It just seems like matchmaking is a thing of the past. In fact, this meeting is of great practical importance. Families can agree on how, where, and most importantly, at whose expense to hold the wedding, who to invite, where the young people will live, what gifts they can give them. Taking into account the fact that at a Turkish, even quite "modest" wedding, several hundred guests can gather - families have something to discuss. In addition, in addition to the wedding in Turkey, it is also customary to massively and widely celebrate the engagement. Earlier, of course, was actively discussed and "kalym" for the bride. In some villages and regions this has been preserved, but now it can be replaced by another custom - "the mother's right". For the mother's daughter raised by her, a gift is presented - a certain amount of money.
When all the agreements are determined, and the parents' blessing is received, the groom gives the girl a ring and a small scarf, beautifully embroidered in gold or silver. Parental approval is still taken very seriously in Turkey. Even if the groom is 40 years old and he is a successful and independent businessman, for example, from Istanbul, if his family is against marriage with this particular girl, in 90% of cases he will obey their will. Because a family for any Turk is sacred, all customs and traditions are built around this, and rarely will anyone become enemies of their own parents for the sake of a girl they like. It is hard to believe in this, but even now there are cases when a father may not talk to his son for several years, because, against the will of his parents, he married an “unapproved” girl.
Engagement
"Nishan"("Nişan") is a Turkish engagement, this is already a serious step and a different level of responsibility. Of course, not every engagement ends with a wedding, especially since in Turkey two months or two years can pass between these two events. During this time, of course, a lot can change. Although this is usually the time that the future family needs to equip its life, it is possible to choose a future home, to make repairs.
You can see that Turks rarely marry too early, as happens here in Russia. And most often the reason is material status. In Turkey, which largely lives according to Muslim traditions, it is customary for a man to provide for his family so that his wife may not work. And a Turkish man understands perfectly well that it is unlikely that any Turkish woman will agree to "paradise in a hut", believing in the prospects of a young man who, in a distant and vague future, may suddenly become rich. Moreover, her father would hardly believe in it.
Healthy calculation? Perhaps. But there is some wisdom in this, which helps to avoid conflicts in the future, at least on this topic. It is obvious that a man who is firmly on his feet is more ready for marriage and to take responsibility for his future wife.
An engagement is, in fact, a public recognition of the groom in his intention to marry this particular girl. The girl's status changes to "Nishanli"("Betrothed"), and in the eyes of the public, especially other single men, this is almost as serious as "evli" ("evli", "married"). This status has a very practical meaning. As you know, even now in Turkey it is still considered indecent if a girl lives with a man before marriage. Yes, virginity is also treated with reverence and scrupulousness here, so everything is easy to explain. But even if families are aware of all the intimate relationships of the couple, they are unlikely to be left, for example, to spend the night in the same room. "Ayıp!" And in ancient times it was indecent even to be alone.
The status of "nishanla" simplifies all this and allows the couple to express their feelings more openly, if desired and possible, even live together. Although usually before the wedding, the betrothed bride still continues to live with her parents.
How is engagement celebrated in Turkey? Of course, it all depends on the capabilities and desires. Someone arranges a small romantic evening in a restaurant, others invite close relatives home, someone rent entire salons or hotels to invite half the city. If so, it may feel like a wedding rehearsal. Also, invitations are sent out in advance, the bride dresses up in a beautiful dress, guests bring gifts - usually gold and money. Often the engagement is organized and paid for by the bride's relatives, and the wedding is by the groom's side.
Everything goes on very decorously and ceremoniously, without wide festivities, songs, dances and feasts. On the tables, there can usually be sweets, nuts, tea, coffee. Sometimes, of course, an engagement can turn into a buffet table in some fashionable hotel, but not everyone can afford such a holiday. If families are traditional, Muslim, then most likely, women will sit separately from men.
The usual engagement looks like a formal statement by the couple publicly that they are deciding to get married. Words are held together with a small ritual.
Rings tied with a red ribbon appear on a silver tray. In such a knitted form, the bride and groom put each other's rings on the ring finger of their right hand. It is better if the girl's ring is decorated with cubic zirconia or a diamond. This is also a clear indicator of the material status of the groom.
After that, the oldest and most respected person present says congratulations to the couple and cuts the ribbon in two places. This piece will be kept by the young family. The rest of the tape is cut into small pieces, presented to unmarried girls so that they can also quickly and happily get married.
After that, the parents and relatives first congratulate the couple, then the guests. If the date has already been set, then at the engagement they announce when and where the wedding will be.
Henna night
Before the wedding in Turkey, one of the most interesting and spectacular ceremonies is arranged for the bride - Henna Night, or "Kina Gejesi"("Kina gecesi"). To some extent, this is a bachelorette party in an oriental way, only with a deeper meaning.
In the old days, on Tuesday, the bride went to the hammam, the Turkish bath, and on Wednesday evening, “Henna Night” was waiting for her, which symbolized parting with her stepfather's house. For many girls then it was a sad evening, because there was complete uncertainty ahead, they could, at best, see the groom once, without realizing what kind of person he is and what kind of life awaits her with him. The brides cried quite sincerely, and a chorus of girlfriends joined them.
True, even now, girls often cannot restrain themselves from crying, under the influence of music and a little mysterious atmosphere, which is skillfully supported by more experienced women who organize this evening.
The bride's dress - bindalli - deserves special attention at Henna Night. This is a luxurious dress richly decorated with embroidery, most often red or burgundy, made of expensive fabrics. Depending on the traditions of the region, the dress may include certain patterns, ornaments. Often such a dress becomes a family heirloom and is inherited.
The bride's face is hidden by a red veil, decorated with sequins and beads. It turns out that the bride can see everything that is happening around, but those around her cannot see the bride. It is in this form that the bride appears in front of the assembled guests, sometimes there may be candles in her hands. The girls begin to sing folk songs, with candles in their hands, they move in a circle, bypassing the guests.
The future mother-in-law becomes one of the main characters of the evening. In front of the bride, she rolls out a roll of silk fabric as a gift, along which the girl walks, approaching the groom's mother. Sometimes this may be their first close meeting. At this time, the guests shower the girl with coins - as a symbol of fertility and prosperity. Coming closer, the bride respectfully bowed before her mother-in-law, kissed her hand and then applied it to her forehead. This is how people usually greet and express respect to elders in Turkey.
The bride is seated in the most honorable place in the center of the hall, it can be a beautiful chair, like a throne, or huge pillows. Any girl can feel like a real oriental princess from the fairy tale "1001 Nights".
After that, trays with sweets, tea and coffee are brought out to the guests so that the holiday does not go dry. These can be fruits, nuts, cakes, traditional Turkish sweets like Turkish delight and baklava.
And at this time the main rite of the evening is played out. The girls continue to sing sad songs, to which the bride grieves under her red veil. The mother-in-law approaches the girl and asks her to open her palms. According to the rules of the “game”, the bride opens her palms only when the mother-in-law and other relatives of the groom are ready to put gold coins on her palms or put on gold bracelets. Here dry henna with burning candles is brought into the hall on a tray. This symbolizes a kindled heart, in which love for the future husband was kindled like fire. After all, before the girl could not have any feelings for the groom at all, and it was believed that this ceremony helps to melt the girl's heart.
The girl's palms and feet were painted with henna. This is a whole art called "mehendi", which has its origins either in ancient India or in ancient Egypt. The Turks have successfully adopted this tradition, preserving it from generation to generation.
Not only the most skillful woman, but also the one who was still happily married and whose parents were still alive, had to act as the "artist". It was she who began to conjure over the bride, slowly dissolving henna with water, displaying interesting ornaments and patterns. Among the ornate design, it was necessary to "hide" the groom's initials. A kind of surprise and another test. If the groom cannot find the first letters of his name, then he was obliged to present the bride with a good gift. As a compensation. After the dyeing ritual is over, the girl puts on red mittens on her hands so as not to spoil the pattern. The main action of Henna Night is over. The bachelorette party continues with songs, sweets and conversations, and sometimes it can drag on until late at night.
Now, of course, the art of "mehendi" can be simplified to the usual coloring of the fingertips, palms and feet without any fancy. But, to be honest, the real "mehendi" looks bewitching and beautiful. But at the same time, the use of henna also has a sacred meaning. Since ancient times, henna has been considered not only a natural coloring agent, but also a cure for many diseases, a talisman, a symbol of good luck and prosperity. By the way, henna was also applied to the palms of a young man who went to the army to protect him from death.
During the Henna Night, taking advantage of the moment, unmarried girlfriends could also apply henna on their hands, believing that this would also help them get married. Sometimes for guests they prepare small elegant bags of henna as a gift - to take it home as a keepsake.
Henna Night in Turkey is still an important part of wedding rituals, although in modern cities and families it can take place in more free formats. For example, a separate room may be rented for a holiday, the presence of the groom and his friends is quite acceptable and desirable, although this erases the original meaning of this exclusively female rite. For many, this is just another reason to have fun, and not be sad about their bachelor youth and father's house, brightening up the fun with champagne and cocktails. But in any case, the red veil, henna remain indispensable attributes of this Turkish tradition, rooted in the past.
Turkish wedding
Of course, as in any country, the scenario of a wedding in Turkey may differ depending on the region and on the well-being of the couple. But if we turn to the average Turkish wedding somewhere on the coast, then everything happens as follows.
They usually try to schedule the official ceremony in the late afternoon, so that all guests who may work during the day can gather. The most popular days are Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Although sometimes the ceremony can take place in the afternoon, and the festivities in the restaurant in the evening. In addition, there are two types of marriage registration in Turkey - secular and religious. Religious is held in a mosque with all the rigor of Islamic traditions. After the bride and groom perform namaz, pray, the imam conducts a small ceremony, without any magnificent rituals.
Secular marriage registration can take place in an official institution, the Turkish registry office, and on the road, for example, in a restaurant. The ceremony itself is called nikah("Nikah"), and the wedding itself - düğün("Dyune").
The morning is spent preparing. The bride is given makeup, her hair, and she is dressed up in a dress. The eldest man in the family, if the girl is still innocent, ties a red belt on her to demonstrate this to other people.
The groom picks up the bride with friends either from her home, or from the beauty salon. This is how their first meeting takes place. True, in some regions, the groom cannot pick up the bride himself, for the first time that day they must see each other at an official ceremony.
The wedding procession is usually accompanied by noisy music, cars are decorated in advance. The sounds of zurna, davul and drums are an indispensable attribute of a traditional Turkish wedding. The bride and groom continue their journey together.
Then everything depends on the wedding scenario. Often young people go straight to registration - to a mosque, registry office or restaurant. Long-term outdoor photo sessions in Turkey are not so popular. Here you will not see wedding receptions right on the street with champagne and sandwiches. The entire program takes place in the evening.
The assembled guests enthusiastically welcome the appearance of the couple. Often it gets dark by this time and the groom appears arm in arm with the bride under the fireworks gushing along their path. By this time, the wedding venue is already filled with gift flower wreaths on the legs. They can also be sent by those who could not get out to the wedding. Names and company names are usually shown on the ribbons.
A presidium has already been prepared in the hall or in the open area for the bride and groom. Usually it is at least a long table decorated with flowers and chairs with high backs, similar to a throne. Guests are seated at tables. In most cases, food is not provided, the maximum is snacks like nuts, chips and soft drinks, for example, the cola so beloved by the Turks. True, there are also luxurious Turkish weddings, even for several hundred guests, with dinner and alcohol. For such a holiday, a restaurant or hotel can be rented entirely, although not everyone can afford it. In the villages, they can also walk hearty and wide. The food can be simple and uncomplicated, but there will be enough of it to be enough for everyone who wants to come and congratulate. Sweets, in particular Turkish honey baklava, are usually also an indispensable attribute of a wedding.
The ceremony does not last long, but it is rather solemn. An employee of the Turkish registry office puts on a red robe, pronounces the necessary words, asks consent from both parties in the presence of two witnesses, and, having heard the cherished "Evet!"("Yes!") Announces husband and wife, issuing a beautiful official certificate.
They are more relaxed about the exchange of rings, it is more important to do this during the engagement. Kisses are also discreet and chaste, and during a traditional Turkish wedding, it would never occur to anyone that the bride and groom kiss openly in public.
After that, the parents congratulate the couple, music and dances begin, which now continue until the night. The holiday program can rarely please with variety. An ensemble performing live Turkish folk music is usually the focus of the festival. Sometimes dancing dervishes are invited to private Muslim weddings, belly dances are ordered to more "modern" ones. There is no toastmaster in our usual sense. Often one of the musicians can take on this role.
It is customary to give gifts only at the end of the holiday - all guests are looking forward to this moment with great impatience, because congratulations when 400, 500, 1000 people come to the wedding can take a long time.
Sometimes, to speed up the process, the couple themselves go around all the guests with a special basket or box where you can put gold and money. But often a couple, standing in a place of honor, each with a red or white ribbon thrown over their necks, personally accepts congratulations and gifts from each guest. In this case, gold and banknotes are attached to ribbons with pins. This is also one of the typical Turkish rites.
In the finale, the bride throws a wedding bouquet, which is caught by one of the unmarried girlfriends. According to international beliefs, it is her wedding that will be the next.
The wedding ends with a cake, which, now the husband and wife, are solemnly cut or pretend to be cut if the cake is not real, but plastic, which is not uncommon at Turkish weddings.
The couple leaves the wedding, their wedding night begins for them, which for many couples in Turkey really becomes the first.