Manipulation in the relationship between men and women. Steals psychic energy. Who is the manipulator
Ecology of life. Psychology: Any co-dependent behavior comes down to one simple question - this is a question of a person's personal boundaries. How we were taught to feel and recognize them determines our future life, and how we build relationships.
Any codependent behavior comes down to one simple question - it is a question of a person's personal boundaries. How we were taught to feel and recognize them determines our future life, and how we build relationships.
If in our family the boundaries of personality were violated in every possible way - both openly and covertly, we will also behave in any other relationship. After all, we had no other example.
I want to talk about processes in a relationship that may be hidden and little recognized, but which together greatly influence how we feel when approaching another.
If physical violence, rudeness, rudeness, open conflict can be seen a mile away (and everything is clear here: there is some kind of crisis in the relationship, an abscess, it is important to do something with it), then there are manipulations that are not visible, and from this we can suffer much more.
We are talking about co-dependent relationships, which assume in their base the relationship of two very vulnerable and immature personalities who can only survive in a clutch with each other.
If we are talking about a healthy, holistic personality (as far as it is possible for a person, because we all have our wounds), then such a personality will be sensitive to any breaking of borders - both bright, apparently, and illegal - hidden.
So, those ways in which we can manipulate each other if we feel bad about ourselves and our boundaries:
1. When another feels bad, you need to urgently help him
You may want to do it yourself or feel like you are being treated this way by others. And if at this moment you are somehow emotionally vulnerable, not in a resource and need support - this kind of intervention can be very pleasing. Yes Yes. After all, it's so nice to relieve someone's suffering, or vice versa - to be the one to whom they are relieved. Moreover, without a request or appeal, and so - of course, like magic!
However, there is a catch here.
The one who helps begins to feel undivided power over the one he helps. According to the law of additions, the one who is helped begins to feel deep gratitude and, in a way, the feeling that he is in captivity. Although sweet captivity ...
Naturally, none of this couple makes it clear what exactly the other needs, whether this other wants this or that. Everything is just done, without clarification. But inevitably (yes, it's inevitable!) after some time, some heaviness appears - both in one and in the second. The first partner gets bored (you need to control it all the time so that everything is fine with the other, and this is very burdensome), the second is scared and even terrible (after all, they can leave him at any moment, not stand it and move away, leaving him alone. But he already got used to it!).
If people have impaired sensitivity, they will not be able to recognize these aspects and notice their own boundaries and responsibilities in time. For your life, first of all. And leave responsibility for the partner's life to him.
How not to fall into this trap
Here the most effective way is your feelings. All you can recognize is even a headache, even a feeling that "something is wrong", even just a slight intoxication in the head. Sometimes - a sharp desire to drink, smoke or eat (when, in general, full). Usually, people with codependent patterns have dulled feelings, they poorly recognize them.
Therefore, you should focus on bodily sensations. If you find a protracted confusion (or that "something is wrong") - immediately stop all processes. Don't accept help, don't give it. Pause. And ask yourself: what am I experiencing right now? What annoys me? What do I want it to be? What do I want not to be? It is important to return yourself to yourself - by any means.
2. We were so close to each other - as one. And suddenly everything was gone!
Counterdependent people are the same dependent, only counter. That is, with a minus sign. They do not "stick" to the object of addiction, they are abruptly "pulled" out of contact with the other, as soon as they learn that they are losing their sense of themselves. This has nothing to do with personal freedom, but only with an attempt to get rid of the fear of absorption by running back to the required distance.
But inside, affection and intimacy are just as important to them, as to all people. Even rather, it is very important. They aspire to it with all their hearts, and they are frightened of it with all their souls. They are so contradictory...
Therefore, on the one hand, they are desperately looking for someone warm, gentle and accepting, on the other hand, they desperately run away from him as soon as they begin to receive the long-awaited tenderness and love.
Paradoxical, sad, sad. But it's a fact.
If there is a person nearby with a tendency to co-dependent forms of behavior (an addict of persecution), then the abrupt disappearance of the counter-dependent partner will cause severe pain. And the codependent will desperately catch up and return his “running half” (namely, half, because in such relationships, personalities are a priori not holistic). The process will be cyclical. The counter-addict will run to a safe distance, take a break, and begin to miss the one with whom it was so good! He will try to return, but again he will “jump out” in the horror of absorption. And the codependent will again feel the strongest pain.
What you need to pay attention to here
If they do this to you or you do this, try to notice those experiences that arise during a sharp rapprochement and a sharp break. Try to notice your motives when you "with all your heart" are drawn to, in fact, an unfamiliar person. Try to notice the feelings that you experience when the connection is abruptly cut off - pain, rage, resentment? Or - a strong relief, but also a deep loneliness?
In any case, if your experiences are charged, the amplitude of energy in the body is high (that is, you are emotionally wildly agitated - it doesn’t matter from “drunk with another” or rage) - this means that the “codependent program” has begun to work. This means that your personality is psychologically very hungry and is forced to work at high speed, because it needs it very much, its needs have been frustrated for a long time.
3. Provoking competition for a partner
How can I bind to myself a person with a weak sense of self-worth, whom I have already “saved” many times from many adversities, treated him very well and sincerely, impressed and admired him, and thus had very great power over him? I also rejected him sharply several times - avoiding intimacy.
Very simple. Add a "zest" to this wonderful cocktail - a provocation of competition!
I will tell you a lot about my relationships with others - women, men. I will do it "as if I'm just telling, sharing my experience." But, I will put in a "barrel of honey - a fly in the ointment." Inadvertently, I will compare our and that relationship. Or the people you're mad at, I'll justify.
I will provoke in every possible way so that you feel the need to fight for me. And no matter with whom.
I will casually hint to you that “you are not the only one with me” and even more ruthlessly ... that you can easily be replaced! And at the same time, non-verbally, provide such signs of attention that will say the opposite: that you are everything to me!
What to pay attention to
When you eat a delicious and sweet cake, and you are very hungry, or maybe you just haven’t eaten sweets for a long time and soooo want such a cake! And then some kind of wormhole comes across ... I don’t know, a piece of peppercorns or red hot. Or maybe something just very bitter and disgusting ... And the psyche, which was so inspired by this long-awaited cake, will want to ignore this unpleasant event - this pepper ... Well, how - it was so good, and then ... Maybe , it seemed to me?
Here is what is important to pay attention to: the thought that arises in the head: it seemed to me! Perhaps it will not be a thought, but simply tears will appear in the eyes - and it will seem that "I just got upset, it is not known why." Or some unknown annoyance or feeling of being out of place, which the brain will attribute to "my personal cockroaches." This is all very important to pay attention to. It is these "signs" that are the keys that open manipulations. Thanks to them, there is a chance to change the codependent pattern. If you notice something like this - again - pause the conversation. Increase your distance. And discuss in detail your feelings with your psychotherapist.
You ask, how will a conditionally “healthy person” react to such an illegal hacking of borders?
I will say this. First, a conditionally healthy person will be alarmed by everything! From the very beginning! Especially - an attempt by the other to sharply and quickly enter into confidential contact, telling many details about his personal history, asking about the history of the other, actively caring for the other, or vice versa - not noticing him much and ignoring him (or both). And so on through the script.
This will be of interest to you:
Alertness and, accordingly, maintaining a safe distance, healthy irritation at attempts to break boundaries - these are the feelings that a conditionally healthy person experiences (I say conditionally - since absolutely healthy, as you know, does not happen) when meeting a person who demonstrates codependent or counter-dependent patterns of behavior. You can also feel tenderness, sadness, sadness, regret, powerlessness. Medium intensity range.
No affects such as boundless tenderness, mind-blowing sexual arousal or wild rage! Affective reactions always mark the already accomplished “coupling” of two vulnerable and needy people. published
Love relationships seem to be devoid of the hardships and bad behavior commonly seen among people. If a person loves, then he must save his beloved partner from his attacks, bad mood and manipulation. However, all these representations are illusions, which often lead to disappointment.
Usually, guys are guided only by bright ideas about what awaits them in relationships with girls. However, later disappointments come when, and the partners begin to manipulate each other. How unpleasant it is to hear the words from the girl you love when she is blackmailing or threatening to leave, which are also methods of manipulation. However, the guys themselves manipulate their loved ones without noticing it.
One thought should be remembered by every reader: everyone is being manipulated and everyone is being manipulated. Just as girls manipulate guys, guys manipulate girls, and they all do it. Only the methods of manipulation and the motives pursued by the manipulator differ.
Even the most conscientious and decent guy manipulates other people. It's just that his motives may not be as selfish and selfish as those of other manipulators. From this we can conclude: do not expect a utopia from a love relationship, any girl you meet will manipulate you.
What is manipulation? This is a person’s desire to influence you so that you accept his point of view, change your opinion or behavior to one that is beneficial to him. Manipulations are different for each person. However, if we take the most common, then we can highlight some techniques.
How do manipulators work?
Blackmailers believe that disputes arise due to the delusions of other people, and they present themselves as wise people with good intentions. In other words, you are a bad person and they are good. Manipulators are political technologists, masters who create a halo around their behavior, and yours is questioned and even condemned.
Like other political technologists, the blackmailer interprets his own views in positive terms, and the resistance of other people in negative terms. In this way, he demonstrates that he must win, because if he wins, you will become more open and mature. All this is done as if for your benefit. But at the same time, the blackmailer calls you a selfish, ungrateful, notorious, immature, stupid, weak person. Any resistance on your part in the eyes of the manipulator is transformed from your needs into disadvantages.
Emotional blackmailers-demagogues love to put negative labels on the people around them. If their influence is successful, then it leads partners to doubt their own rightness. They believe in demagogy, because they consider acquaintances, bosses and loved ones to be good people. A person seeks to trust, rather than admit, that others manipulate him, forcing him to be ashamed or feel inadequate.
In addition to labeling, manipulators cause people to doubt their desires and positive qualities. This tactic is used in quarrels when there is a desire to maintain control over a partner. Respect and love for the manipulator is equated with absolute submission, and the absence of this is presented as a betrayal.
Manipulators can convince you that you are resisting them because you are inferior in some way. In psychotherapy, this phenomenon is called pathologization - a method of turning a person into a patient if he does not agree with the conditions of the interlocutor. You may be called a neurotic or hysterical person, a pervert. The manipulator collects any unfortunate situations from your life to demonstrate that this happened to you because you are a psychological cripple.
Abusive words are often spoken between lovers when there is an imbalance of desires and needs. One partner wants more than the other. When one partner does not get what they want, they question the love of the other.
The accusation of inferiority has an effective effect if it comes from an authoritative person or professional. Relations with this category of people are constantly based on trust, a person endows experts with wisdom. They assure you that they are acting in your best interests, but if you resist, this is proof of how stubborn and poorly informed you are.
It is easier for a person to cope with shortcomings. But when he is told that he is mentally deficient, he is ready to accept the blackmailer's opinion as a rational judgment, because he knows that he is not always right. And manipulators take advantage of it.
How do girls manipulate guys?
It doesn’t hurt to look at the most common manipulation techniques that girls use to control and influence the behavior of guys:
- "Aren't you a guy/man!?" In other words, the guy must change his behavior and demonstrate the qualities that are expected of him in order to prove his belonging to the stronger sex.
- "Real men don't do that." Here again there is a reference to the fact that there is some behavior that "real" men exhibit. And everything that does not correspond to him does not allow the guy to be called a “real man”. Instead of the word "real", "strong", "successful", "self-confident" can be used.
- "Aren't you ashamed?" Here the girl refers to the conscience of the guy, which should manifest itself in the situation where, in her opinion, the guy did wrong. If the guy's conscience has not awakened, then the girl begins to react negatively to him, intensifying her manipulation.
- "You behave childish". Since the young man has only recently begun to be considered an adult, he may be characterized by childish acts that revolt the girl. However, she wants to humiliate them by rejecting the guy's adulthood, calling him a child.
- "You're a loser/fool" and other offensive labels. So the girl wants to humiliate the guy in order to show his insolvency, unreasonableness. In order to fix everything, he must obey her.
Manipulation is a way of influencing another person when he, against his will, agrees to do what you want from him. You are being manipulated, you are being manipulated. Many manipulations have become so accustomed to the everyday world that people do not even notice how they are pulled by the strings.
And here only a small part of how you or you are being manipulated will be considered.
- Double teams. “You don’t love me because you don’t pay attention,” but when a man stops working to make time for a woman, she says to him: “Why are you spending so much time with me? And who will earn money? This is a childish manipulation that people learn when, when they are little, their mothers or fathers give them double commands like: “Stay there, come here!”. It is not clear what to do: whether to stand or go. And as a result, a feeling of guilt arises in the person with whom they are dissatisfied. After all, the one who gives double commands in the end remains dissatisfied, because the one to whom he gave them did not do what was actually expected of him.
- Comparisons. “You are not the same as my ex”, “You are not the same as Ninka from the sales department”, “You cook differently than my mother”, etc. This is also child manipulation when a person’s parents constantly someone compared: “But Misha is better at drawing”, “Don’t be like dad”, “Irina has better grades than you”, etc. Here there is a feeling of imperfection, which lowers self-esteem. That is, the one who compares, underestimates the self-esteem of the one he compares with other people.
- “You must…” and why you must is not clear. “A man must pay for a woman”, “A woman must know the psychology of men”, “You are a citizen of the country, therefore you must protect her”, etc. In childhood, people also face the fact that they have to do something. Having received this skill from their parents, they then go into the adult world, saying that everyone owes something to someone. This is manipulation for profit. If it was not possible to agree with another person, then you need to remind him of his duty. If you must, then do it! A person is deprived of willpower, freedom and self-esteem, which leads to self-doubt, lack of self-worth and value.
- "Be like everyone else." This is the most common manipulation, since almost all people use it without even noticing how they are manipulating. A person must be like everyone else: he must, like everyone else, be trained at school, dress as is customary in society, strive for wealth, create a family (that is, have a loved one and give birth to children) ... In other words, it is not a person who decides how he should be and how to live, and he is told what he should do at this or that stage of his life. Any disobedience is punishable by criticism, resentment, censure, rupture of relations, etc. This manipulation operates at the level of the individual: either you will be free and individual, but lonely, or you will be, like everyone else, a gray mass, but you will have friends, support and sweet praise.
What manipulations exist, you can enumerate and enumerate. Here you read only a small drop of how you are influenced and how you influence other people. There is no need to resist it, just be aware of it. This will allow you to make your own decisions at least sometimes, and not be led by manipulations.
Results
The most skillful manipulators are always close people - relatives, friends and a loved one. Everyone you bring closer to you affects you more than other people. In the same way, you manipulate those with whom you communicate often and a lot, because sometimes you also want them to behave the way you want.
Manipulation is a natural way of interaction between people, where everyone has their own desires and needs. Everyone wants to achieve their goal and live comfortably, and for this, manipulations are always used that allow a person to subordinate the decisions and behavior of others to his will.
Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!
“My favorite is a manipulator. It's always easy for him to get me to do what he wants. I notice more and more manipulations on his part. I began to doubt whether I would be happy with him. My married friends have completely different relationships with their husbands, they discuss problems together, meet each other halfway. I tried to explain this to my friend, but he managed to talk me through and turn everything inside out. I feel empty and sick from being with him.” Maria writes.
« ... my ex won't let me go and makes me feel guilty all the time. We meet with him at work, and every time I feel overwhelmed by such meetings, I begin to doubt myself as a specialist and as a woman. Already colleagues at work have noticed this and tell me that I should be careful with him. I think he is a manipulative man. Can I somehow protect myself from his negative influence on me. Before, before the relationship with him, I was a cheerful and happy person, now I am overwhelmed with pain, doubts and do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, ” writes Svetlana.
In previous issues, we analyzed the behavior of a man capable of aggression, see more in detail →. And in this article, we will touch on another dangerous behavior that can be encountered in a relationship - manipulation.
It can be argued that all people consciously or unconsciously, to one degree or another, use manipulation. Sometimes manipulation is necessary for survival and is beneficial. But often the use of manipulation suppresses our true nature, the ability to express ourselves directly and directly is lost.
The manipulator uses and controls other people with the help of certain techniques.
When you are being manipulated:
- You are not doing what you really want.
- You lose energy and feel drained and exhausted.
Why We Use Manipulation
Manipulative strategies of behavior are adopted from the parental family and close circle. The child screams, cries, is naughty in order to achieve what he wants, and if his parents encourage him in this, he begins to learn manipulation techniques. The behavior of loved ones also becomes a role model. If manipulations were often used in relations between parents and relatives, the child begins to imitate them.
The child unconsciously develops the ability to manipulate others in order to avoid trouble, to achieve what he wants.
Psychological reasons for manipulation
1. A manipulator gains confidence through control over others.
The reason for manipulation can be defined as a conflict between the desires to be independent and to receive support in one's environment (F. Perls).
A person does not believe in his own strength and wants to find support in others. But he does not trust others either, so he tries to control them through manipulation. It is typical for him to treat another person as an employee who must do what he is told. We can say that the manipulator solves his internal conflict at the expense of other people.
2. Fear of close emotional connections with other people - fear of involvement
Another possible reason for manipulative behavior is given in the works of psychologist Eric Berne. He suggested that people start playing games with each other in order to better manage their emotions and avoid closeness. There is a hypothesis by psychologist William Glasser that one of the main human fears is the fear of involvement. If a person experiences fear of involvement and intimacy, he begins to use manipulation.
3. Steals psychic energy
The manipulator uses other people's energy to make up for their lack of self-esteem. Since recently I most often had to deal with this type of manipulation in my work, I decided to pay special attention to it.
Emptiness and emotional exhaustion in relationships
In practice, I often encountered cases when, from a relationship with a man, women felt emptiness, emotional exhaustion, lost energy, both physical and mental. It is not always immediately clear where the reason for the energy overspending is. At first it seems that the matter is in everyday stress, workload. A woman perceives her condition as a given, and they do not understand that the reason is in the closest environment.
You also have to deal with cases when women, after, against the background of ordinary experiences that are more or less characteristic of people, feel a strong breakdown. They literally do not have enough energy for ordinary everyday activities, they do not want anything. When we begin to compare their state before the relationship, the picture comes out diametrically opposite: they were full of energy, cheerful, active. We begin to analyze traumatic events for the period of the relationship, and we do not find real reasons for overexpenditure of energy. It turns out that all this time they were in a relationship with a man to whom they gave more energy than they received from him.
psychovampires
People who steal energy from us are called "psycho-vampires". They use other people's energy to make up for their lack of self-esteem. Psychovampires take advantage of the vulnerability of some people with mental wounds.
Psychovampirism has been studied in detail in the framework of positive psychotherapy H. Peseschkian who in his book "Psychovampires. On positive communication with those who steal our energy" analyzes this phenomenon in detail.
Psychovampires recognize their victims, guided by the sixth sense, reacting to phrases in conversation, signs and hidden signals. The main signal is a temporary or chronic low self-esteem of the victim.
There are psycho-vampires that are constantly present in our lives, sucking energy out of us, and there are episodically attacking us when we are weakened. The hardest thing is to be in a relationship with a psycho-vampire man. To better understand this phenomenon, let's look at what types of psycho-vampires we can meet in life.
Classification of psychovampires and methods of "antidote" according to H. Pezeshkian
Vampire setting traps
He needs to devalue others in order to feel good about himself. He is a narcissistic person who is impossible to please.
Victim needs recognition from others, he seeks the reasons for failures only in himself.
Antidote– remember your strengths and stick to your line.
Vampire "Yes, but"
This type sees only problems in opportunities and chances, he is afraid of not coping in advance.
Victim- a goal-oriented person, configured to actively solve problems. As a rule, the victim wants to stimulate and inspire his partner to overcome problems, gives away part of his energy, but the psycho-vampire does not appreciate this, he only whines and builds new “yes, but ...” schemes.
Antidote- give up trying to change a person and his doomed attitude to problems, put your plans into practice, ignoring his whining.
Depressed Vampire
This is constantly bad and others are to blame for this in his interpretation, he is fixated on himself, he believes that others intentionally harm him. Incapable of realizing and admitting their mistakes. A person with low self-esteem, full of fear and envy, sucks energy from others.
Victim- can be anyone, a depressed vampire can ruin anyone's mood.
Antidote– analyze what this vampire is worried about. The most constructive way to neutralize this type of psycho-vampire is to gain his trust and help.
Conservative Vampire
Feels afraid to turn off the usual path and try other ways. Not able to let go of the situation, very stubborn. In a relationship, this is a person who does not like to leave his comfort zone. He does not want to change anything, and if the partner has already chosen him as his wife, he must accept him as he is.
For example, a man, having married, does not want to change his way of life with an eye to the needs of his wife. When she tries to offer alternatives to his lifestyle, suggests trying something new, he feels offended.
Victim– a person who is able to take certain risks, try new opportunities, open to new ideas and projects.
Antidote- unfortunately, if you are not satisfied with the lifestyle of a conservative vampire, his usual methods, then the conflict here is pre-programmed and there is little you can do. Give him some time to change and if he doesn't want to get out of his comfort zone, move on.
Vampire cold heart and ignoring vampire
These are emotionally cold people who carefully dose their courtesy, are more focused on things and things than relationships, overly rational. Unable to understand the feelings of another person.
Victim- emotional, relationship-oriented person.
Antidote- do not open yourself too much to rational people, communicate rationally and clearly, and satisfy your emotional needs through communication with friends. This will ease the tension in the relationship.
Himalayan vampire
A person constantly striving for new heights, who is impossible to please. He believes that the most important thing in life is success and achievement. In a relationship with a Himalayan vampire, everything is fine as long as there are no complications.
Victim- a person who is highly dependent on the opinions and influence of other people, striving to gain approval and please the Himalayan vampire, as a result of which he only depletes his emotional resources.
Antidote- Increasing self-esteem. A conscious decision not to give others power over you. Find people who really care about you and discuss your business with them, regardless of how others evaluate you.
Vampire Expert
Rational, selfish people, with a low sense of self-worth. They believe that their world can be transferred to the life of another person. They are not able to look at the situation with different eyes. They love to criticize their partner. In close relationships, they have a devastating effect on a partner, literally drive him crazy.
Victim- a sensitive person, insecure and doubting, emotionally weakened, in a stressful situation. The vampire expert reinforces the victim's doubts.
Antidote– to analyze whether criticism of a vampire expert can be qualified?
For someone to become an expert for you, you need two conditions:
- a person must be a real expert,
- you have to contact him yourself.
Summing up
Unconsciously, we ourselves give a certain person power over ourselves. Each of us has several sore spots. We often do not realize them, thinking that everything is long behind us. Psychovampires find our sore spots and press the right button.
It is impossible to keep psycho-vampires if you are not aware of your weaknesses from the past.
To protect yourself from manipulation, to avoid the role of the victim, you must:
- Recognize your own vulnerabilities, as they say, know yourself well.
- Work them out and learn to control them.
- Increase self-esteem and self-confidence.
How to become a confident woman, see →. Read about how to recycle negative past experiences and heal old wounds in the next blog posts. Good luck and see you soon on the pages of Samprosvetbulletin!
It is so accepted that intrigues and manipulations are attributed mainly to women, while the weak half of humanity suffers from psychological pressure from men no less. Men's manipulations are often much more insidious than women's and are rarely used in the interests of a couple.
A confident and self-sufficient person will try to establish contact with the subject of interest through confidential conversations, revealing his soul and getting to know a woman. That is why a man will never seriously admit that he manipulates his girlfriend, wife, mistress. Indeed, in the understanding of the stronger sex, it is an instrument of changeable women: sometimes exalted, sometimes hysterical.
However, manipulation in the relationship between a man and a woman occurs both in the "candy period" and during marriage. But the most interesting thing is that sometimes controlling a woman can bring harmony to a relationship if a man does not start playing in building a cunning plan to conquer the body and soul of a woman completely and completely.
Manipulation of a woman - is it always bad?
It is believed that male manipulation is bad and unworthy. And if a man is driven not at all by the goal of asserting himself, humiliating a defenseless girl? And if it is love, affection, the desire to be with her, how then to “attach” the object of adoration to yourself, is it even worth doing? Manipulating a woman without humiliating her dignity will help a man, as it were, spur a girlfriend of life, letting her know that she should cherish a man and her relationship with him.
Some ladies believe that a man owes them by definition. He must earn good money, he must spend all his free time next to her, he must anticipate all the desires and dreams of his chosen one, and he owes a lot of other things.
This approach is unfair - a man is not obliged to play by the rules just because "a real man must ...". Only by giving and receiving in return, you can count on a long and spiritual union. In some cases, manipulating a woman helps to rein her in and make her more accommodating, but only when there is no malicious intent in the methods of influence on the part of the man.
Male ways to control a woman
What types of manipulations do men choose, what strings of the female soul are pulled in order to subdue her? How to manage a woman? The main methods are:
Humiliation.
This type of manipulation is very insidious and sneaky in nature. It consists in allusions to the unattractiveness of a woman (comparison with others, emphasizing shortcomings), her lack of such a sharp mind as that of the most “beautiful and ideal” man. As a result of such manipulations, a man gets a notorious life partner, the lady will even be afraid that the man will leave her. If you want the friend of life to start taking care of herself, to increase the level of her knowledge, then you should spur her on in a different way, without killing her belief that she is the best. For example, go in for sports together, and not blame her for extra pounds, lying on the couch with a bottle of beer.
Attempts to convince a woman that she is not worthy of a man.
Male manipulations are something like this: “A woman should stay at home and raise children”, “What can you do without me”, “Who needs you”. This is true for family people, where a man has a larger (sometimes the only) income, and a woman is a housewife. Unemployed (or penniless), not as attractive as others, a woman will begin to doubt herself, pleasing her husband even more. Often men do not appreciate when they are taken care of when they come to a clean and comfortable home. But manipulations in relationships in the form of reproaches will lead to the fact that both the husband and the household, and she herself, will become hateful to the woman.
A man "does not notice" how his chosen one tries to please him.
This is a subtle psychological move so that the girl does not think that she has won the heart of a man forever. This method of manipulation can be good and beneficial for both the man and the relationship. A friend of a “cold” person will not let herself relax, she will direct her efforts towards self-improvement, education, and strengthening of relationships. Just do not be too blind to the lady's attractiveness, because there will certainly be those who will appreciate her beauty, generously showering her with admiration. Often, young people ignore the stories of a companion, saying an offensive phrase, like: “Oh, I'm sorry, I was thinking about my own.” It is important to know the measure in everything - it doesn’t matter if a woman is being manipulated or done unconsciously.
Promises to get a star from the sky before intimacy and ignoring after sex.
Such manipulation is used by young people who are not in the mood for a serious relationship. The girl, who has lost her vigilance from romantic words, gifts, is already coming up with names for future children. Such is female psychology. What a disappointment awaits her when interest in her suddenly disappears. And this happens more often, of course, with still young and gullible creatures. But deception on the part of a man will haunt a girl for a long time. The next time, the one that was used for comfort will not believe the truth. Male manipulations of this kind are dangerous for vulnerable girls.
Refusal of intimacy by a man.
What do the strong representatives of humanity want? Perhaps they are tired of ordinary sex, they want something new, but the man does not know how to say it correctly. Another reason may be problems in relationships, lack of personal space, conflicts at work, depression of the man himself. The woman, offended by inattention (and even refusal), believes that the problem is exclusively in her (has become undesirable). It's great if the couple is able to sit down at the negotiating table and find out the reason for the silence in bed.
Manipulation of a woman in the form of accusations of all sins.
In order not to admit their mistakes and mistakes, men shift the blame for their failures to their companions. For example, a woman is indignant that her husband does not devote time to a child. But in response, he hears from the manipulator that he is already tired, that he has no strength at all, and also his wife, who gnaws for no reason, and the upbringing of the child is lame. Fatigue is a good reason, you can only give the baby 15 minutes of time by asking about the past day, telling a fairy tale, even without getting up from your favorite sofa. The main idea of such manipulation is “it's all your fault”. In the presented example, the wife is to blame for the fact that the husband works so much, because she and the child are sitting at home, they do not bring money. But creating a family, the man understood what awaited him in the future. On this, you can build protection against manipulation.
A call to conflict from a man.
This is how energy vampires familiar to everyone and people who prefer to expose their lady of the heart in front of all the special with an unstable psyche do. Deliberately bringing the woman to scream, tears and hysteria, the man immediately changes his anger to mercy, his tone becomes calm. A woman, in the end, begins to believe that she really lives with a person with truly angelic patience, and not with a tyrant who says nasty things to throw out his inner negativity. Hence - a number of psychological problems associated with the fact that she is not worthy of him, and.
How to resist manipulation in a relationship with a man?
Do not think that all men sleep and see how to control a woman. Often a thoughtless word breaks out of the mouth of a man not from evil. In addition, a boyfriend, husband or lover is an ordinary person. Sometimes he “breaks down” due to poor health, troubles at work.
How to resist manipulation? Consider whether there is truth in his words. Do not accumulate resentment by crying into the pillow at night. Talk to your beloved heart to heart, after listening to his position in response. Only the conversation should not take the format of a scandal or a one-sided game when a woman speaks and a man is silent. By searching for a compromise, by cultivating mutual respect for each other in a relationship, a peace agreement can be reached.
The main rule of how to resist manipulation by a man is not to dissolve in him without a trace, to go a little to the side after hearing an offensive phrase from him, to try to figure out the situation on your own, putting everything on the shelves in your head. Management from the outside can even help a woman, spur her to self-improvement. If a man’s manipulations have long outgrown the “for good” level, and from a caring partner he has turned into a selfish manipulator pursuing only his own goals, do not hold on to him so tightly. Think about where such a relationship will lead you.
What to do if you are "caught"
In the hands of a manipulator, you cease to be yourself, act in a way unusual for you, justify it and your behavior to your friends. Go against yourself, thinking it's "for" something. And you don't see any other way. To avoid male manipulation, first, figure out why you are allowing it.