Politeness, tact and respect for elders - sincere and formal
Hearing once again from an older woman the phrase that her child does not respect parents, the young mother is internally proud that something like this will never happen to her, because her baby is so gentle, affectionate and, in general, the best. And indeed it is. But - for now. While you are the child's best friend, with whom he shares the child's simple sorrows and joys. And so it will be in the future, if in response he hears not “mom is busy!”, “Come on later” and “what nonsense ?!”. Otherwise, the child will understand that you are not particularly interested in his life. Respect him, and the child will answer you in kind! And then you do not have to think about why children do not respect their parents and who is to blame for this.
Respect is part of lifeIn order for a child to feel respect for the older generation, the rules of such an attitude must be instilled literally from birth. Remember, respect for your elders is a trait that is not formed overnight or with words. Toddlers copy the model of behavior that parents demonstrate, so your words about respect for elders and appropriate etiquette will not be perceived if the child sees the opposite in life. Using the example of the people most dear to him, he sees why and why it is necessary to respect the elders, and as he grows up, he no longer thinks about it.
Simple and important rulesWe will not dwell on how to make a child respect their parents, since it is obvious that coercion can only generate fear or rebellion on the part of a child. Both options for the parents and the baby are not very good. But understanding how to teach a child to respect parents, adults and himself is much more important.
First, the baby should always know that he will never be humiliated by loved ones. This is especially true of punishments for any offense in front of strangers. Secondly, the relationship between the parents is an indicator of how the child will behave with adults. If mom and dad allow themselves loud showdowns, insults and humiliation in front of children, then for the latter this is a guide to action.
Spend more time reading not only interesting but also instructive books. Children learn life on the example of the heroes of fairy tales, so the choice of appropriate literature must be taken seriously.
Attention and care for elders is manifested in such pleasant little things as a do-it-yourself greeting card for the holiday, a phone call or a letter. After all, your grandmothers also keep the first letter, written in the illegible large handwriting of the first-grade grandson?
Family is a fortressA family, whose members always take care of each other, is the main thing to strive for. A baby from the cradle should be aware that the most precious treasure he has is his parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents.
In the formation of respect for elders, not the last 
the role is played by the child's ability to empathize, share anything, sympathize. Therefore, together with kisses heal abrasions and small bruises on mom, stroke dad's head when he comes tired from work. By the way, the emphasis on respect for older people is not at all necessary - younger brothers and sisters deserve it too.
The most effective way to teach a child to respect elders is through your parents. Do not hesitate to be children again when they come. Participation in the life of older people, taking care of them is the most striking and impressive example of a child. Plus, it's not difficult at all.
Do not forget that instilling in a child a sense of respect for elders, you will not only not blush in the minibus when he does not give way to a grandmother, but will ensure yourself a reliable and happy old age.
Unfortunately, adolescent disrespect for adults is a common occurrence. And this is not necessarily open rudeness: they simply ignore the words addressed to them, demonstrate their superiority in the ability to use gadgets, and so on.
So how do you instill in children respect for adults?
Is it possible to convey this to the mind of a teenager if time in childhood has already been lost?
And is it necessary to demand respect for ALL adults, because we know perfectly well examples when an adult behaves unworthily?
It is difficult to respect a child: he is clumsy, muddled, delivers a lot of unpleasant moments. And the older he gets, the more difficult it is with him. "Small children are small problems. Big children are big problems."
Parents can show the model of behavior of children in the society of older people and adults. In a family where family, genealogical traditions and customs are honored, where the memory of valiant national heroes is honored, children absorb the culture and heritage of their people! In such families, children grow up attentive, well-mannered, they never have a desire to contradict, and even more so to be insolent to adults! Examples of such peoples in whom respect for elders is passed on with mother's milk are Georgia, Armenia, Kazakhstan and the countries of Central Asia, and many others.
It is necessary for adults to be sensitive and responsive to the problems of the younger generation. You should talk with children in an even calm voice, without shouting and even more so yelling! Children imitate in everything those around them. In this way, they learn to behave in society.
Many peoples have a belief: if you want to know how you look from the outside, look at the behavior of your children and listen to what and how children are talking about! Then think and take the right steps to correct your behavior. And the child, looking at you, will change himself!
Children are our everything! Our present and future! It depends on us adults - what they will be like when they grow up!
There is no transitional rebellious adolescence if understanding and respect for all family members and for him reigns in the family. It is a myth! A teenager resists only injustice and neglect of himself and his age! In adolescent periodization, it is only said about his puberty and defining himself as a person!
I urge to see in our children of any age our future professionals in their field, our pilots and cosmonauts, educators and teachers, doctors and psychologists. And most importantly, just good people! And the children will answer us the same when we can no longer be useful to society. They will never leave us, if now we show them respect and the best interest! After all, the best are our children!
Well, what is just a teenager, a teenager again? Yes, he is impudent, demonstrative and boorish. Checks the world for strength, the boundaries of what is permitted and its place in the world. At the same time, he demands adult rights and freedoms while maintaining a childish position in terms of responsibility and protection.
And adults are often forced to agree with this. Because the laws of the adult world do not apply to children. To be held accountable for their actions, a teenager needs to commit a serious offense.
Do the school, the teacher have many rights? No.
Do adults around? Moreover, no.
Parents have the right to influence, and they are responsible for their child. But they are afraid. Yes, they are.
Speaking in an adult way with your son or daughter means being ready to hear about your mistakes and omissions.
This is to be ready to change something in your usual life, to waste time and energy.
This is to admit your ignorance and misunderstanding of something new in the world, about which your child has an idea, and you do not.
It is to renegotiate and move forward about power.
This is to show him your doubts, sometimes powerlessness in the face of the complexity of life's problems.
And also the lack of confidence in their actions, supported by an endless stream of horror stories broadcast by the media. Continuous "as if something did not come out." What if, in response to restrictions or punishment, he leaves home, contacts bad company, or even commits suicide?
Parents are silent: somehow rudeness and impudence will grow by themselves over time. By inaction, they confirm that for all the years before his 13-14-15-16 birthday, they could not instill in him any moral and ethical qualities necessary for well-being and success in society.
They doubt their child and themselves as educators so much that they do not rebuff anything. And permissiveness is not a child's best friend.
Yes, of course, every family has its own principles and methods of education. But it is one of the main tasks of parents to show the child a short and clear list of unacceptable in your family.
For example, that someone who slammed the door and did not spend the night at home without permission will find this door closed when he wants to return. That the one who offends the grandmother no longer sits down with us at the same table and does not join in general conversations.
Perhaps the position is tough. But how else can a teenager grow up and really feel like an adult, which means - right, wrong, with actions that are noticed and appreciated. Sometimes - like this. But more often than not - with good adult deeds, with decisions that the parents agreed with.
How to cultivate respect for adults in your children?
First, to respect adults (if we are talking about this category) people, well, or to accept them as they are. You will say that, they say, oh, how trite it is ... In fact, it is simple, but the way it is.
If you yourself have not learned to respect adults, then, accordingly, teaching your child to do what you yourself cannot do ... is impossible! If you are annoyed by older people, you find it a burden to communicate with them, you are afraid that after some time you will also become an elderly person (you are already an adult!), Then your attitude by your children ... is copied.
Secondly (or maybe, by the way, in the first place!), Respect your children! Then the child grows up as a person, a person whose opinion is considered, who is loved and respected. Regardless of whether he spills borscht on himself, gets "pairs" in mathematics, loses things, gets scolded by teachers, falls in love with "the wrong ones", chooses an educational institution contrary to his mother's dreams, and so on ...
When members of the clan respect, accept each other without criticism and reproaches, then the younger generation learns to build relationships in a similar way!
"Should we demand respect for ALL adults?" Well, the word SHOULD be combined with the word DEMAND ... it is important to use it less often! Violence evokes natural opposition. The child (and not only) will defend his views on the situation in all known ways. He has his own reasons for not respecting, for example, a person you highly respect.
Respect for people is an important personal principle of social work, which assumes that all people deserve respect. According to this principle, a person should not be deprived of respect because of his role in society or character traits.
(from Wikipedia).
It is important to "try on" the feelings and feelings that a person who is disrespectful may have ... Imagine that to you, a teenager, someone says: "Well, you suck, you don't know how to use gadgets, like me, you are like an uncouth pterodactyl! " It’s unpleasant, probably :) That’s unpleasant for others too!
To teach an already formed personality to respect adults .. I don’t know ... The task is very difficult, practically impossible. Except for those cases when the person himself realizes or begins to feel the need for himself - to change his attitude towards others ... After all, as we are to the world - so the world is to us. Balance!
What is respect?
In order to find the definition that I like the most, I dug pretty much in the relevant literature. I liked the definition from Carol Oyster's book Effective Work with People (Social Group Psychology). He gives this definition:
Respect is one type of leadership identified in a study at Ohio State University. This style is characterized by the fact that the leader considers each of the group members as a person with their own feelings..
I would reformulate it like this: "Respect is a character trait that manifests itself in the fact that a person views other people as a person with their own feelings."
But what will the philosophers say to this?
According to Kant, “ respect sets the standard for human relationships, even more so than sympathy. Only on the basis of respect can mutual understanding emerge. ".
On this side, I would highlight mutual understanding.
Every person must be respected, no matter how pathetic and funny.
(A. Schopenhauer)
This expression, for example, suits me entirely.
It's hard to love someone who is not respected at all
(La Rochefoucauld)
This expression will help me formulate my definition.
For the term, Nietzsche's thoughts about man and superman are also close to me.
He considers a person to be someone who in his thoughts, feelings, deeds, desires, actions conforms to the existing rules, values, instructions, morality, the requirements of authorities, which often oppose the nature of man, against his essence, and he considers such a person as superhuman lives according to the requirements of his nature.
For myself, I put both human qualities and superhuman qualities in the term respect in this sense of the word.
I will also add, as soon as I read the title of the round table, my thoughts began to spin: “respect, what is this?”. And in my reflections I inevitably came across the concept of the internal boundaries of the personality, the close relationship of these two concepts - respect and border - and their mutual influence.
For me, respect is a character trait conditioned by the observance of the boundaries of another person (and my own as well), as a person with his own feelings, his own opinion and his intentions. No matter how funny or pathetic, persistent or rude. By boundaries, I mean how the existing rules, values, guidelines, morals and requirements adopted by this person in this society, this country and this city are taken into account. At the same time, not losing sight of your own needs.
In short, respect is the ability to respect other people's boundaries not to the detriment of one's own.
An example with a child.
If in Japan it is customary to treat a child up to 5 years "like a king", at 5-15 years old "like a slave", from 15 years old "like an equal", then I will adhere to their rules and customs when I am in their guests. Up to 5 years old, they can at least tear their hair, and the Japanese will not do anything with the baby. This is their religion, this is their customs.
And what do you think will happen if I go into their family with my upbringing? At best, they won't understand me, at worst, they'll jail me or even worse ...
The same applies to our children - we instill our own family model (or write them a script - see my article for more details), the one that has been instilled in us since childhood. And if in our family it was not customary to respect ourselves and others, in the understanding that I put above, then there is one option - to start with yourself.
Study our morals, religion, customs. Ours - that is, typical for the territory of residence and habitat - region, city, country. Take into account the difference between the "familiar" in my family and the family of a neighbor, in kindergarten, in a particular school, etc. Morals and customs of the time - what gadgets they use now and how they are now looking for information, for example, learn to type quickly, improve user skills in working with a computer, tablet, and household appliances. By doing this, you can grow yourself and be an example for the future generation, be closer to young people, be able to communicate in the same language and learn from each other.
How to build respect for adults?
As far as I understand, what is meant here is how to cultivate respect for others in our children. And upbringing ends by the age of 5, then, in my opinion, it is already necessary to switch to management.
The strategy of M.E. is close to me. Litvak, and I adhere to it as the basic rules in raising my children. This formula sounds simple: "Not to educate, but to grow: from a cucumber - a cucumber, from a tomato - a tomato, and not vice versa".
And if the parents do not have respect for themselves and for the world around them, where does it come from a child? Accordingly, if there is respect, the child will grow and absorb it, and there is no need to strain. But if you suddenly notice that there is no respect, then start with yourself, and do not jerk the child. It will have the opposite effect.
For example, parents smoke, but they tell their child: “smoking is bad”. What do you think is going on in his head? Quite right, he thinks, "since it is impossible now, I will grow up like mom and dad, then it will be possible." And no matter how you persuade, subconsciously it will be in the head. So the conclusion - if it is not inherent in us, then lay and set an example. If parents have respect for themselves and others, there is no need to strain - the child will absorb it himself, "like a sponge."
Is it possible to convey to the mind of a teenager if time has already been lost?
Yes, this is more complicated. Double work has to happen. On the one hand, you need to cultivate respect in yourself, on the other, you need to somehow make the child "absorb this respect." By force, especially to a teenager, in my opinion, it is useless to inform that he would respect you and other people. There must be a strategic task here. I will share my experience. Small rules on how to do this:
- Speak from yourself(for more details, see the end of my article - I-statements). For example: “When you ignore me, I feel uncomfortable. I understand that you may be uncomfortable, but this will only increase the tension between us. If you are ready, come, we will discuss it with you. "
- Propose once and talk about yours readiness to listen at any time... The wait can take several hours, or even days. But if you adhere to this rule, then the mechanism will be fixed and will pass more quickly next time.
- If you're on your own, first deal with your "troubles", then already express your dissatisfaction with the teenager. In a different situation, it may turn out that the son "earned" 5 rubles, and the father scolded for 10 rubles, because there was a conflict with the boss and he did not express his emotions.
- Be more in places where respect is instilled, culture: for example, museums, parks, theaters. Each suits his own. And to do it is not that "I bought tickets to the circus, tomorrow we are going." And go yourself and tell with enthusiasm - "what the performance was, there it was, and how the actors played" - and add: "by the way, if you want, we can go together next time." And nothing more. On this, forget and wait.
Should all adults be respected in general?
It depends on what is meant by respect? If by respect we mean: to give way to an elderly person on the tram, to help a young mother get the stroller out of the bus, to behave calmly in class when the teacher is leading a lesson, to behave at home according to family customs - this is what I wrote about above.
And it was not in vain that I gave my understanding of respect at the beginning of the article. I understand respect as a kind of balance between respecting the boundaries of another person and without compromising your boundaries.
For example, in the same bus, some people begin to be rude, prematurely generalizing, they say, "you need to respect any elder, without reservations, no matter what he does." For example, an elderly man says: "Here is a boor, he is sitting and does not give up his seat, but now he got up quickly!" In this case, in my opinion, adolescent boundaries come first. Yes, perhaps he will give up his place, but indignation against the “senior in age” will also be righteous, as he violated his limits of decency and was rude.
Conclusions.
I tried to touch upon all 3 issues on the agenda of the round table. And he showed how I understand the process of instilling in a child respect for himself and the world. However, this is my personal opinion, and I could be wrong.
When children from dysfunctional families show disrespect for elders, in particular, for parents, then from the side of the reason it is obvious: "the apple of the apple tree is not far from falling."
Much more misunderstanding is caused by situations when mothers and fathers, who literally idolized their parents, have children who behave with them simply disgusting. It is about them that I want to write today.
As a psychologist, I often have to work with clients who were "Cinderellas" in their family. And not because they grew up with a stepfather or stepmother (although this is not uncommon), but because they felt like number two in their family compared to a brother or sister. At the same time, the feeling of their inferiority for the parents largely existed only in the perception of the child. Parents, on the other hand, most often love all their children, not dividing them into 1, 2, 3 and so on, their love is simply expressed in different ways and older children are often used as helpers in caring for the younger ones.
In general, the thought that I want to convey is that parental pampering, getting rid of labor is not a blessing, but a terrible punishment for a child and his parents. What is the reason for the fact that spoiled children rarely reach a psychologist? And with the fact that everyone else is bad for them, and they are always not responsible for anything. For example, a son kicked out his parents with their own child from a 3-room apartment to a one-room apartment - well, he also needs more space to live with a new passion. What kind of respect for the elders can be discussed here at all.
What should those who find themselves in the situation of the parents of a child do who, figuratively speaking, wipe their feet on them? Roughly the same thing that is recommended for codependent people - to stop saving.
Does your daughter want to go to university? Let her do what she wants, but stop helping her. After all, by the fact that you are trying to encourage your already grown daughter to do something, you are showing an example of disrespect for yourself. Stop humiliating yourself, and you will feel like a separate person, busy with your own business, living a life full of your own interests. The best thing you can do in a situation like this is to empower your grown-up child to learn from his mistakes.
For a spoiled person, only his rights exist, and everyone else has no rights and owes him by definition. This is where disrespect for others comes from. By continuing to be overly responsible for our children, we, as parents, are creating for ourselves the basis for our children to disrespect us. About the fact that, taking on someone else's responsibility, a person loses the opportunity to be responsible for himself, I will not write in more detail here, since this topic deserves a separate discussion.
What about parents so that their children have respect for them?
Stop doing for children everything that infringes on your interests, everything that you do for their alleged good to the detriment of yourself. Don't forget about yourself!
It is so simple and so difficult at the same time, and it is so necessary for both you and your child, no matter how old he is. Remember that if it is difficult for you to find your happy life path, then you always have the opportunity to turn to the guides who understand different routes on the life map - to psychologists.
First,
what is worth understanding and accepting: the child always demonstrates what the parents have invested in him. And this means that when we demand respect (although it is not required - it is given, like any other attitude), parents should watch themselves, how they show respect, and not only to the elders, but also to the teenager. Do they knock on the door when they want to go to his room, do they ask him for his willingness to dialogue when they want to talk.
Very often, parents want certain qualities to be manifested in a teenager, but they do not always actively demonstrate this quality themselves. And it all starts with the parent.
Second,
is it to clarify in a dialogue on an equal footing, what is respect for an adult and for a teenager? What is the significance of this relationship? That is, when the parent does not teach from the top, namely explores with the teenager.
Third,
share your feelings and desires, be sincere using the magic "I-message". For example, "I am very happy and proud of you when I see how respectfully you behaved towards ...".
To take something, you first have to give it!
Give respect to the teenager, he will begin to share it with others!
What kind of person the child will become depends on the parents. The time you spend raising your son or daughter, being tolerant of the baby and then the teenager, your behavior and attitude towards others are the factors that will teach your child to show respect for the older generation.
Many parents and grandparents are perplexed: we invest so much in our child, we do not deny him anything, but he (she) shows, is daring. Let's help the older generation to understand such an important question: how to teach a child to respect adults?
The natural desire of parents is to provide for their daughter or son financially, to give her (him) all the best: an expensive toy, a prestigious education, fashionable clothes, etc. But often this leads to the fact that adults focus on the acquisition of these benefits, and there is very little time left for communication with the child. What childhood memories does your memory hold? Most adults remember the hours they spent with their father, the love and care of the mother, the stories told by the grandparents. So what does your child need first of all? Yes, the time you devote to him, your conversations, games together, walks, common interests, intimacy and trust.
And remember, a child does not respect his parents just because no one teaches him to do so. Below we will give some recommendations on how to instill respect for elders.
- Set a personal example of respect for your elders. The life of a child from the very first day is shaped by the family atmosphere. Everything that happens to him, what he sees and hears, forms their emotional heritage, attitude towards others. Therefore, the first important piece of advice to parents: teach children by example. Demonstrate your respect for your older relatives: call your parents and grandparents more often, take an interest in their affairs, and visit them regularly. Time will pass - and your child will definitely do the same with you.
- Encourage children to do good deeds. To teach a child to respect adults, give him hints: ask him how his grandmother is, make tea for his grandfather, wish his father a good day, etc. Do not leave any manifestations of your child's care and love unnoticed.
- Teach children to show respect for elders through etiquette. Remind your child that he should behave differently in an older company than with his peers. Teach him the basic rules of etiquette:
- do not interrupt elders;
- contact them only on "you";
- not talking loudly in front of adults;
- in transport to give way to elders;
- use "golden" words in communication, for example, "thank you", "please", "be kind", "sorry";
- sit at the dinner table with everyone, wish everyone bon appetit, etc.
Respectful attitude towards elders, of course, is not limited to the listed forms of behavior, but it will help the child to treat adults in a special way.
To develop the necessary qualities in a child, after watching or reading a fairy tale, you need to discuss the plot and actions of the characters with him.In the article, we tried to explain why children often do not respect their parents, and gave some advice on what to do to prevent a child from growing up as a heartless person. It is not right to ask the question: how to make a child respect his parents? It is impossible to force respect for someone. Raise your daughter or son with love and patience.
Respect for elders is one of the oldest customs of the Kabardians and Balkars, observed to this day.
Back in 1784, P.S. Potemkin wrote about the Kabardians: "The age of years between them, like Spartak, is in the utmost respect, and no young man dares to do the slightest impolite in front of an old man."
German naturalist Karl Koch. who visited the Circassians in the 30s of the XIX century, wrote about this: “While our state very rarely takes the old people under its protection, and they are completely dependent on the younger generation, the Circassians enjoy universal respect. then he insulted an old man or an old woman, is subjected not only to general contempt, but his act is discussed by the people's assembly, and he pesetas for this punishment, depending on the magnitude of the offense. "
All authors (foreign, Russian and local) of the 16th - early 20th centuries. were unanimous that among the Kabardians and Balkars, the younger generation was brought up in a spirit of respectful attitude towards the elders. This was explained not only by their age, not only by the fact that they gave birth to these young people, brought up, put a lot of work, their soul and life in them, but also by the fact that they had traveled a long way of life, have a great mind and wisdom, know the customs well and the traditions of their people, are the keepers of the collective experience of the community and clan, have extensive experience associated with agriculture and cattle breeding, are the keepers of the ancestor cult.
And it is not by chance that during the Middle Ages the most important issues of the clan and tribe were decided by the council of elders, some cult religious functions were performed by the elders, the elders sat in the judiciary, and respected wise old men were elected as mediators (mediators in solving grave cases). The elders were the head of the family, and for the most part they made wise and just decisions. They by their personal example: behavior in the family, in society, attitude to work, exactingness and fairness to the younger ones, caring, attentiveness and delicacy, patience and restraint towards them have won honor and respect. This is what the folk pedagogy of Kabardians and Balkars taught.
The influence of the elders on the younger was determined by their moral authority. The elder could not allow the slightest abuse of his power, his influence, his right in relation to family members, fellow villagers. The greatest caution and discretion was required of him. Abuse of them would cause a drop in his authority.
The Kabardians and Balkars developed the etiquette of honoring elders by the younger to the smallest detail. It included the following norms of behavior: the son did not sit down in the presence of his father, and the younger brother did the same with the older one: they did not enter into a conversation in the presence of strangers; young people in the presence of their elders did not speak loudly, did not swear, did not use foul language, much less did they fight, they also did not laugh loudly; if the elders asked them a question, they answered modestly and respectfully; the duty of the younger was to be always modest, not to allow boasting, bragging and, in general, not to talk about his person - all this was considered a gross violation of etiquette.
The young man, by his appearance, had to express attention and respect for the elder, readiness to fulfill any of his orders.
At the same time, it was unacceptable to keep your hands in your pockets, stand bent, sit sprawled, fidget in a chair, turn your back to others, scratch your head, dig in your nose, chew, be casually dressed, prop your cheek or forehead with your hand, smoke. It was considered unacceptable to neglect the opinion, advice of an elder, to deny him a request, a service. The elder, surrounded by the younger, spoke with almost complete confidence that his words would be listened to with attention and respect, and that certain lessons would be learned from them.
According to the custom of the Kabardians and Balkars, age was placed above rank and position. Therefore, a young man of the highest origin was obliged to stand in front of each elder and standing respectfully greet him without asking his name, give him a seat, not sit down without his permission, be silent in front of him, meekly and respectfully answer his questions. "Every service rendered to gray hair," wrote an officer of the Russian army F. Thornau in J836-183S, "is given to a young man in honor. Even an old slave is not entirely excluded from this rule."
According to the customs of the Kabardins and Balkars, it was supposed to get up when the elders drank water, sneezed when in their absence they pronounced their name, especially if they were no longer alive.
In any house, the elder had his own special place, on which he sat, his bed. This place of honor was located against the wall, opposite the entrance to the room. In the place of the elder, no one sat down, not even someone else's hat was supposed to be put on his bed. Only the thamada himself could seat a respected and close guest who had arrived.
The young man walking along the road had to keep to the left, symbolically yielding the right, honorable, side to the elder.
If there were three of them, then the eldest walked in the middle, the next oldest kept to the left side of the elder, and the younger kept his right side. If a young man met an elder in the field, on the way, he was obliged, after greeting, to ask permission to be his companion, having received him, turn around and accompany the elder to the end of his journey. He could continue on his way only with the permission of the elder. In such and other cases, the younger could not use the words: "I have no time", "I am in a hurry", "Now, today I can not", etc. If the elder he met on the way was on foot, then the rider was obliged to dismount and walk to see him off.
It was considered a violation of etiquette to overtake the elder on the way, cross his path, call out to him. The elder had to catch up, at the same time apologize, ask permission and apply on the existing case.
The younger generation of Kabardians and Balkars was brought up so that they did not strive to occupy a place of honor in the room, they remembered that an older one might come, who should give up this place. That is why the people said: "Adygel1 zhant1a-k1uekyym" (The Adyg man does not climb to the place of honor). This is due to the fact that the Kabardians had a strictly observed order of seating at the table. Each had to occupy a place appropriate for their age and rank. Violation of this principle could cause displeasure among those present, even offense. Therefore, each convinced the other that the given place should not be taken by him, but by another. This custom was so strictly observed that with the advent of new invitees, it was necessary to change seats several times, making way for an older and worthy one.
It is not by chance that they say that "Adygem tysyn dmyuhyure k1uezhygyuer kyos" (We, the Circassians, did not have time to sit down, the time is coming to disperse). Nevertheless, this desire to give up their place to an older and worthy person was evidence of good breeding, politeness and modesty. On the other hand, these examples emphasized that if you were invited to visit, then you should not be late.
Respect for elders, as shown above, is also prominent in avoidance customs.
A respectful attitude towards elders was brought up among the younger generation of Kabardians and Balkars as the highest principle, by observing which one can achieve success in life and respect of fellow villagers. This is evidenced by a number of Kabardian proverbs: "Neh'yzh winter1em, nekhysh1i i1ek'ym" (He who does not have elders, does not have younger ones); "Neh'yzh'm psh1e huepsch1me, ueri psh1e bgyuetyzhynsh" (If you honor the elder, you will be honored yourself); "Zi nekhyzh food1ue and 1uehur mek1uate" (who listens to the elder, his affairs are moving); "Nekhyzhym zhant1er eisch" (the Elder has a place of honor), etc.
Progress in the cultural development of any people to a greater extent consists in reverence and respect for the older generation. Whatever path a person chooses in his life, his indispensable success can be wisdom, which is presented by elderly people as a life edification.
After all, it is their experience that can sometimes become a factor in the ability to choose a clearly developed life position. Any story from life, any instructive story, any timely admission of one's own and others' mistakes, any attempt to show mercy, etc. - all this can become a stimulating impetus for spiritual progress and, of course, obtaining the desired result. Degradation of culture, religion, morals, social principles can occur due to neglect of the wisdom of the older generation. In history, you can also see that ignoring this unique quality led to the death of entire nations. But this negative of past generations is also a lesson for all those who seek to build a society with a rich heritage of spiritual and cultural values.
Among the Crimean Tatars, honor and respect for the elderly have become a national tradition. This moral approach has a rich historical practice. Even before the annexation at the end of the 18th century, many scientists and travelers noted this quality in the life of the Crimean Tatars, who were also distinguished by their special hospitality and tolerant attitude towards other nationalities and confessional groups. Respect for elders is directly related to the religious practice of not only Crimean Muslims, but also all those who wish to preserve their traditions and religious principles for many years or centuries. It is worth noting that in many respects this quality comes from the intra-family situation, that is, from the way in which relations between family members of different ages are formed, the attitude towards others will be approximately the same. This highlights the unique essence of human nature, which in relation to itself accepts only noble and at the same time beneficial to his spiritual order of feelings. From here, tolerance can also form, since some families are created with representatives of other nationalities, where culture and traditions can be combined, and to some extent even a tolerant and relaxed attitude to religious principles.
Respect for elders is one of the religious principles of Muslims. In the future, this can indicate that morality, which is spiritually expressed in the intrafamily and social perspective. If some religious obligations, such as namaz, fasting, hajj, etc., are more related to the individual himself, then respect for elders, as a moral foundation, can become a prerequisite for fulfilling the obligations prescribed by Islam. Again, the experience and wisdom of the older generation can play a colossal role here. The practiced practice of religious principles and prescriptions on the part of the older generation can become a significant impetus for the formation of thinking and the ability to choose the right life position. In some cases, visiting relatives and friends is preferable to performing any kind of worship, but this does not mean that one should abandon the obligations prescribed by Allah Almighty. Although visiting relatives is also a specific divine service. And this, by the way, clearly denotes the Koran, affirming their position immediately after faith in Allah (Women, 1), regardless of their religion and life views.
A good attitude towards relatives and people of the older generation is fraught with special grace. First of all, this is due to the presentation of their religious principles and life views, according to the actions that are committed in their relation. Even the presence of the likelihood that one of them will change their thinking at least a little allows an understanding person to be tolerant everywhere and always, especially towards people of advanced age, who, over time, may develop certain diseases, sometimes associated with old age. Grace lies in the fact that gradually, while maintaining such relationships, wisdom is formed, which is most valuable in correcting or not committing the mistakes of one's ancestors. From here comes the religious postulate, which in one way or another allows you to become even closer to the satisfaction of Allah Almighty. Such adherence to principles can become an indicator in the choice of friends, that is, once visiting and looking at at least a cursory glance at the family relations of a future friend, you can form a definite opinion on the subject of trust and building closer relationships.
Unfortunately, in recent years, the impression is that the more developed civilization and technology, the less attention is paid to family relations and caring for the elderly. Perhaps someone will say that they call up almost every day, inquire about business and health, but being constantly busy or solving everyday problems does not allow you to be around for a long time. Some may have other reasons. But here it is worth paying attention not only to health and business, but also to how you can adopt the wisdom of a revered grandfather or grandmother during an interval of an absentee conversation. Those who live in the same house with them enjoy a colossal advantage. Although, unfortunately, many are used to seeing this as a kind of burden, rather than life wisdom. Of course, some old people may repeat the same stories or advice over and over again, which may annoy the younger generation, but if you are a little careful, you can draw some wisdom from this. It lies in the fact that advice, and sometimes any criticism, can be associated with various situations where it is the intervention of elderly people that is useful in resolving problems. For example, many nationalities have centuries-old proverbs and sayings, some of which are repeated depending on the situation, where the same phrase can be repeated more than once. After all, this is a centuries-old life experience that has been passed down from generation to generation.
As long as humanity and human relations exist, the issue of respect for the older generation will always be relevant, regardless of the development of civilization and technology. After all, if some material aspects can sink into oblivion, then the acquisition of wisdom and experience will never lose power, rather, on the contrary, it will gain more and more momentum for spiritual perfection. A respectful attitude towards elderly people and a patient attitude towards some of their actions - these are the prerequisites that will become the basis for any success in life. And if this is also done by a religious principle, then the well-being of this and the subsequent world, one might say, is guaranteed, provided there is sincerity and the absence of any external hint of a favor. Anyone who neglects such a unique principle as respect for elders can lose a lot, namely strong support and worthy support from the older generation radiating wisdom and experience. Sometimes even a negative experience can become a life's edification, which will further give confidence to those who know how to value relationships with elderly people. This will teach you to be patient not only with them, but also with those who are indifferent to this unique prescription. After all, tolerance is exactly what allows you to overcome many obstacles and with it life success will be ensured.