Early marriages in the Tajik city of Garm are not uncommon. During the years of the armed conflict, armed detachments of the Tajik opposition were stationed here, in the Rasht Valley.

According to official figures, more than 26 thousand women were widowed during the war, and many of them do not even have a secondary education. Young widows and divorced people cannot feed themselves on their own and voluntarily become second wives.
It is impossible to pass unnoticed through the narrow streets of the old mahala in Garm. I'm wearing pants and no headdress. This is not quite the usual clothes for the woman here.
For a long time they refused to show me Rukhshona's house. Almost all neighbors in the makhala know that she is the second wife, but they are afraid to speak openly. Moreover, Rukhshona's husband, according to residents, is some very important person "from the organs."
She greeted me cordially. Rukhshona is 33, she is a widow. She left two sons in her husband's family: it is difficult for a woman who graduated from only four grades of high school and does not have any specialty to feed her children.
"Good wife"
She lived in her father's house in Garm for several months and agreed to the proposal of her current husband. “I had to agree to get married,” Rukhshona recalls. “It became unbearable in my father's house. I did not work and felt like a burden. the second wife is definitely not a wife. Always wait for him and be afraid that the day will come, and he will leave you, and you will again be left without a livelihood. "

Rukhshona is one of 26 thousand women in Tajikistan who lost their husbands during the civil war in the country. In the Rasht Valley in the east of the republic, in a region with strong Islamic traditions, girls often drop out of school after graduating from primary school. It is customary here to marry daughters early. If parents have financial difficulties, and they are thinking about which of the children to continue their education, preference is usually given to boys.

A good wife, according to Rukhshona, should keep the household and take care of her husband. It is a man's responsibility to make money and study.
Now Rukhshona regrets very much that she cannot read and write. She does not like to talk about her husband's first wife. "Personally, I do not know her. He suggested that I go and visit her, but I am afraid of this meeting," she says.
I ask what she will do if a third wife appears.
“This is impossible,” she replies. “I believe that he loves only us. I will not quarrel with my third wife, and neither will I. Perhaps I will. After all, in this case, he is the master of the situation. I depend on him financially.”
Rukhshona didn’t seem to like my question: she fell into thought and began to rush me. Dinner time was approaching, and Rukhshona's husband had to come home any minute. He himself is from a distant village, but he works in the regional center, and it is very convenient to have a wife here.

"What is he missing?"

Rukhshona's neighbor, 60-year-old Samad-aka, told me about this. He is a widower. She dreams of getting married, but the children are against it. She hopes to convince them. He treats bigamy as a useful business: "My children do not understand anything about the benefits of polygamy. Now, if a wife is pregnant, what should a man do? You have to marry a second woman to wait until the first gives birth."
His young sister came to visit Samad-aka. What if her husband had got himself a second wife? My question angered my interlocutor: she clearly did not like this prospect. "Why on earth, what is he missing? There is always hot food in the house, clothes are washed. No, I trust my husband. He will not do that."
The number of women in the district exceeds the male population. The wives of labor migrants are also left without husbands; they go to Russia and often forget about old families, creating new ones.
For another of my interlocutors, Kamol, his second wife is a real pride. She works, according to him, in a good place and holds an important post. Which one, refused to report. But the men themselves, who have second and sometimes third wives - are wealthy people, often work in government structures.
A poor man without the necessary connections will not dare to do anything, Kamol shared with me: “The second wife is good. Their husbands are always clean and well-fed. I come to the second wife, she asks: what did the first cook for you? runs to the kitchen and cooks fried meat. My wives know each other. There have never been any quarrels. They even lived together at one time. In general, I am satisfied. "

"I've only seen her once."

In the local council, hukumat, I asked a question about bigamy to Davlatpocho Mirzoev, deputy chairman of the council of Garm. The question seemed to take her by surprise: Mirzoyeva only said that they had not received such complaints.

Polygamy in Tajikistan is criminally punishable, but so far such cases have not been considered in the country's courts.
Proving a second wife isn't easy, lawyers say. Women tend to hide this by protecting men.
"Early marriages are also not uncommon in Rasht," says Mayram, a resident of the city. Her son recently married a girl who just turned 17 years old.
“In Garm, it is customary to marry at the age of 17 or 18,” she says. “We don’t care if she has an education, it’s easier with a young woman: there is a chance to educate her the way we want. 20-year-old brides run the risk of being left without a husband. "
Young Iskandar is pleased with his choice. He is not embarrassed that the girl is uneducated. Most likely, she will remain so, since Iskandar against educated wives: "I do not want her to work. It will be unpleasant for me if other people's men look at my wife. She has to stay at home. Housekeeping is her main job."

I ask Iskandar if they knew each other before the wedding, if they met. " I saw her only once, we said hello - that's all, - he replies. - I told my parents about my choice, they married a bride. But, of course, we did not have any meetings, what are you talking about! In Garm it is impossible: gossip about the girl can go, and she will be dishonored. No movies or ice cream. "

News from Russia

01.09.2016

"During these four years I have turned gray"

Lena - 15, Sasha - 14, Mila - 11, Aziz - 4.

Tajik families are filled with children. There are as many of them as God gives. Sadiridin Ermatov (everyone calls him Sabir) God gave four. True, the two elders are not relatives, but adoptive ones. These are the children of his Russian wife Marina. So Sabir became a father of many children.

Marina died in childbirth when she gave birth to the youngest - their common son Aziz.

For the sake of stepchildren with him, Sabir gave everything.

Five-story building without an elevator. The apartment is at the very top. I go up the stairs and think: how many kilometers of steps did Sabir measure, endlessly going up and down with baby carriages?

He was born in Tajikistan, in the city of Tursunzade, into a large family. He has five brothers and sisters. Then, in Soviet times, about which he recalls with nostalgia, their house was full: "Parents kept cows, rams, geese, chickens - everyone except piglets. Religion does not allow. My father is a mullah. Holy man!"

In ninetieth, he was drafted into the army. He served in the Far Eastern Military District. In the ninety-second, Sabir mobilized, but did not even reach his house: there was a war going on there.

People ran in all directions. And Sabir also ran. First to Uzbekistan, then to Turkmenistan. His diploma as an agronomist at home was no longer needed. And then he boarded a train on which thousands of his compatriots were traveling to Russia. Sabir got off in Krasnogorsk.

He did not sit without work - he plowed at a construction site, renovated apartments. I worked hard without days off. He sent money to his family every month. We need to support the family - that's how it goes.

He met Marina by chance. On that day, he was taken to the police station - a routine case for a guest worker with a non-Slavic appearance. An hour later, they released me: the documents were in perfect order.

Sabir walked along the evening Mira Avenue and saw a blonde girl who smiled back at him. He did not yet know that this meeting would change his whole destiny.

He spoke, she answered. We exchanged phone numbers, began dating. She is 26, he is 28. Marina was married, but family life did not work out. The husband drank and did not appear at home.

Sabir went to Tajikistan for a while. When he returned, Marina gave birth to Lena. And soon she admitted that she was expecting another child. Not from Sabir.

The biological father of Sasha and Lena will give them his last name and disappear from the life of the family forever. Sabir will meet Marina from the maternity hospital. He will pick up a bundle tied with ribbons. Children from birth will call Sabir dad.

Marina lived at the Lenin State Farm, just outside the district. When Sabir first came to her home, he was speechless: he had never seen such devastation. Torn wallpaper, cracked frames, broken doors. There are three families in two rooms: Marina with children, her parents, brother with a partner. Utilities, of course, were not paid. The debt was cosmic - 204 thousand rubles. They lived poorly, but cheerfully: alcohol was not translated.

In 2004, Sabir married Marina, and two years later they had a common daughter, Milya.

He still plowed at construction sites: he had to support a large family. When the opportunity arose, I made repairs, changing everything that was possible. I pasted new wallpaper, installed double-glazed windows, insulated the balcony. The "killed" apartment shone.

In small villages, life is in sight. Everyone here knows each other. The neighbors, who at first greeted Sabir warily, now repeated: "Lucky Marina, what kind of husband I found! Doesn't drink, does not smoke, everyone is in the house!"

We all fell in love with him, - says Nadezhda Petrovna, whom the children of Sabir call Baba Nadya. - Modest, neat, polite, greets everyone, with respect to everyone. We need to fix something, take someone to the city - everything to him. Doesn't refuse anyone. When Marina's parents died one after another, he buried them properly. He still goes to the cemetery, looks after the grave, paints the fence ...

We have never had such! - echoes her another neighbor at the entrance, Natalya Nikolaevna. - What else can you say about him? She comes home from work and always goes for a walk with the children. They love him.

... In 2012 Marina became pregnant again. When Sabir found out that they would have a fourth child, he was confused: in fact, there was nowhere to live, there was little money, his job was temporary. But since Allah has given, his father taught him, one must be grateful and accept the child with joy.

"God gave - God took," they say in Russia. What happened there, in the hospital, Sabir does not know, no one really explained anything to him. They only said that the birth was very difficult, Marina's blood pressure was off scale. Aziz was born prematurely, seven months old.

My wife died in the evening, I was informed only in the morning, - Sabir looks away. - At nine o'clock, representatives of the administration have already come to the apartment: "You are nobody here! The children are not yours, they have a different surname. You have no citizenship, no registration. We are taking the children!" It went dark in my eyes. These are my children, I raised them from birth. They call me dad. How can I give them away? ..

Heartbroken father rushed to the hospital. He was told that his wife was in the morgue and the child was in the incubator. He has increased intracranial pressure. The boy is premature, very weak, weighing only 1600 grams. It is necessary to nurture.

In the maternity hospital, Sabir was immediately offered to write a refusal from the child. He said: "I just lost my wife - do you want to take my child away from me ?! I am still alive."

They said to him: "You don't have enough money to treat him." "You name the amount - I'm ready!" - answered Sabir. "They won't give you a birth certificate!" - "Why won't they? My mother is a citizen of Russia, we are registered."

From the hospital, he immediately went to the registry office and received Aziz's birth certificate. Then Sabir found out that they wanted to adopt his child. The kid, in whose veins Russian and Tajik blood was mixed, turned out to be a feast for the eyes: soft blonde hair, Persian eyes ...

Then a call at three o'clock in the morning from the hospital: "Come, we called a specialist doctor for your son. You have to pay 4 thousand." I gave 4 and a half, ”he adds after a pause.

He buried his Marina and hid the grief very deep, to the very bottom. It was impossible to suffer and cry, it was necessary to act, because at any moment his older children could be taken away.

When Aziz was finally discharged home, he weighed only 1,800 grams. So small, he fit on a tiny mattress and cried incessantly. Looking at his son, Sabir felt his helplessness. He has golden hands, he knows everything in the world and is not afraid of any work, but can he leave this creature?

He called his younger sister Bibi from Tajikistan: "Save me!" And then all the neighbors rushed to the rescue, the entire entrance. Someone brought children's things, someone helped to bathe the child, someone ironed the diapers ... Ordinary Russian women came and were on duty in turns, and Sabir does not remember the day that he was left alone with trouble. He understood: he can handle it!

All this time, he constantly thought about Sasha and Lena, who at any moment could be taken to the orphanage. Sabir did not yet have Russian citizenship, only a residence permit, and he would never have been allowed to become the foster father of children who, moreover, had a nominal dad.

Sabir found Marina's ex-husband and bluntly suggested: "Let's solve the problem with the children. You don't need them anyway!" He promised to come in a week and write a refusal from the children. He promised and disappeared. I did not answer the phone, I did not call myself. Sabir filed a lawsuit, which deprived the negligent father of parental rights.

Sabir took the children to Maloyaroslavets, to the family of Olesya, Marina's cousin, who got temporary guardianship. He was torn between children - family and foster. Every week he went to visit Sasha and Lena and returned with a heavy heart: they felt bad there.

My brother and I slept together on an air mattress on the floor, - Lena recalls. - Our things were removed to the barn, and we ran to fetch clothes in the cold every day. Our relatives also separated us from their children. They all sit at the table, and they give us a plate, and we eat while standing. Once my dad brought us home for the weekend, and we put five tablespoons of sugar in our tea. Dad asked: "Are you not fed there? .." And once Aunt Olesya said to me: "Lena, there is a woman in Odessa, she has two boys, they are already adults, and she really wants a girl. Will you go there?" In tears, I call my dad: "I am given to another family! Take us out of here!" We were put out the door with our things ...

On the same day, Sabir took his elders home. I immediately took their documents to school so that they would not miss classes.

During the three months that the children lived in Maloyaroslavets, the guardianship never asked about them. But as soon as I brought them home and they went to school, representatives of the department appeared. They came to pick up Sasha and Lena - everything is still bubbling with him. - I rushed to my neighbor Natalya Nikolaevna: "Take temporary guardianship while I make Russian citizenship!"

Registration of guardianship is not an easy process, it takes time to collect documents, examine the health of the guardian, his living conditions. If the future guardian is not a close relative, he must also undergo training at the School for adoptive parents. This has become a mandatory requirement since the fall of 2012.

Probably, not everyone would agree to shoulder such a burden. But Natalya Nikolaevna did not hesitate for a minute. Without further ado, she began to collect the necessary documents and enrolled in the School of Foster Parents. The nearest one was in Podolsk.

Sabir abandoned all business, if only the children lived with him. Twice a week I took the future adoptive mother to classes in Podolsk and was engaged in the registration of a Russian passport.

During these four years I have turned gray. They chased me like a soccer ball. It's scary to remember what I went through. They tortured me a little, ”he adds after a pause. - As soon as I became a citizen of Russia, I immediately formalized guardianship for the older children. Marina's parents did not pay for the apartment, I had to pay off the debt for utilities - 204 thousand rubles. If I had not found the money, the apartment would have been taken away, and the children would have been sent to an orphanage.

He gave away all his savings for twelve years. His family owes nothing to anyone else.

He recently took Lena and Milya to his homeland in Tajikistan. Two sisters, one fair, the other dark, daughters.

Lena shows me photographs. Here she is in the national Tajik dress.

In Tajikistan, we were received as family! - the girl admires. - My grandmother hugged me: "My beloved, my golden one!" They showed the city, treated them to national food. I understand the Tajik language, but it didn't take a lot of words to feel surrounded by native people ...

Lena herself learned how to cook Tajik pilaf. Almost as tasty and picturesque as Daddy.

Recently, Aunt Bibi showed me how to bake their traditional flatbread. Dad does not have a wife, but female support should be, - says the fifteen-year-old daughter in an adult way.

While my sister cooks for everyone. I made so many preparations for the winter! - he points to the rows of cans with adjika, eggplant caviar, pickles and tomatoes. “But if Bibishka goes home, Lena will have to cook,” laughs Sabir. - And I will help her.

He is not registered in this apartment. If the apartment had been privatized, he would have inherited the share after his wife died. You need to know Sabir: it was embarrassing for him to ask Marina to register him in the populous parental living space. He lived for himself with a temporary registration, which he renewed every six months.

Now the situation has changed, but the department of guardianship and trusteeship in the Leninsky district of the Moscow region is not on the side of the father with many children. Sabir lives on bird rights. Permanent registration is stubbornly denied to him, because formally he will infringe on the rights of his children. They ask him: "What is your intention?"

What is my intent? - Sabir grins bitterly. - I have been living here with children for sixteen years. I cannot buy a new apartment, it costs millions. And I need to feed my family. I am one of them.

I look at Sabir. He is only forty-three. Not an age for a man. It has been four years since he was widowed. All the terms of mourning have long passed, and, probably, he could arrange his life.

I thought about it, ”he says honestly. - You can find a woman, but for me the most important thing is that she loves my children, and then me.

Tajikistan / Society / Seven Habits of Tajik Wives That Will Love Any Man

To be a real oriental woman is not enough to be born in this side of the world and have a characteristic appearance; to live up to this definition, a woman is expected to follow strict rules of conduct.

Partner "Asia Plus" "Open Asia Online" collected some habits of Tajik women, who traditionally have oriental wives in our region.

Appeals to her husband as "you"

Almost all Tajik women, with rare exceptions, address their spouses with “you,” and call their husbands not by name, but “master,” “father of my children,” and so on. However, in the north of Tajikistan, both men and women turn to "you" to everyone, without exception, even to their young children.

Any Tajik woman knows how to cook well

A Tajik woman who does not know how to cook, and not just cook, but create real culinary masterpieces, this is nonsense. Any Tajik woman does an excellent job with the dough and can cook delicious pilaf. Since childhood, mothers instill in their daughters a love of cooking, because if a young girl comes to her husband's house without these skills, then shame will fall on her entire family.

By the way, Tajik women also masterfully cope with other household duties, be it ironing the clothes or cleaning the house.

The bride's family buys clothes for the groom

Buying an attire for the groom for the wedding ceremony is the responsibility of the bride's family. Moreover, all household belongings necessary for family life, including furniture, are also purchased at the expense of the bride's parents; only housing is required from the groom. Therefore, often before the wedding, the girl's relatives, inviting guests to the ceremony, order them gifts. For example: the Iskandarov family - a carpet, the Ismoilov family - a food processor, etc.

Never alone with another man

Even if this man is a relative. A Tajik wife will only let a man into the house if she is not alone. Otherwise, even the husband's brother is not allowed to enter the apartment: "wait for the owner." And until now, at any event, women and men in Tajikistan traditionally sit at different dastarkhans, in different rooms. And men are engaged in serving the male dastarkhan (serving dishes, cleaning up dirty dishes).

After the birth of the child, he lives with the mother for 40 days

From the hospital, a Tajik wife goes home to her mother, especially if her first child is born. Here she will live exactly 40 days, during which the mother will teach her daughter all the intricacies of handling the baby; in addition, the woman's family will acquire everything necessary for the first-born at their own expense. After such a master class, the husband will never see his wife's helplessness in communicating with the baby, because looking after the child is the direct responsibility of the woman.

Does nothing without the consent of her husband

DUSHANBE, 17 Aug - Sputnik, Izzat Sharif. The law in Tajikistan prohibits having two wives. But this stops few people.

In the country, high- and middle-income men - from officials to businessmen - have second wives.

For a strong half of Tajikistan, a second wife is prestigious, but for women this status most often means a road to nowhere. The woman does not have an official marriage registration in her hands (the blessing of the mullah with nikah does not count), which means she has no rights, and her children are considered illegitimate.

In Tajikistan, girls and women become second wives for different life circumstances: for love, for the sake of status, out of despair or fear.

Sputnik Tajikistan talked to Tajiks, who became second wives, and found out how they live in this status.

Polygamy is officially prohibited in Tajikistan, but daredevils are

In Tajikistan, according to the law, polygamy is punishable by a large fine or 2 years of correctional labor. Imams should carry out the wedding ceremony only after presenting a marriage certificate from the registry office.

Nevertheless, polygamy does take place in Tajikistan. Such a union takes place only according to religious Islamic laws, that is, an official marriage paper is not issued. In such Muslim marriages, a man is always in an advantageous position, but not a woman.

Usually, in such families, husbands fully support their second wives. Basically, a man lives with his first wife and brings up children, he comes to the second from time to time. Usually a separate house is bought for the second wife or an apartment is rented.

If the man decides to end this relationship, the woman cannot claim alimony, division of property, and so on, since she does not have marriage documents.

In the first years of independence, second wives caused complete misunderstanding in society. Now, unfortunately, this has become more common and does not surprise anyone. For many girls, being a second wife to a rich and eminent man is considered prestigious.

Such a husband gives care and love, and all the everyday life goes to the first wife, as well as the duties to serve his relatives.

In remote villages, men can take a widowed neighbor as a second wife out of good intentions in order to help her financially.

He took me as his second wife so that I could look after his parents.

One of the reasons for polygamy in Tajikistan is migration. Men leaving to work have two wives - one in Tajikistan, the other in Russia. In Russia, lovers know their rights and insist on registering the relationship. In Tajikistan, girls are also satisfied with nikah.

Samira is not yet 30, she has two sons. The parents gave the girl in marriage to Khodjumar when she was 17 years old. He came home from Russia, gave money for kalym for the bride. The local mullah performed the nikah ceremony, and they did without official marriage registration. There was a magnificent wedding in the village.

After living with his wife for a month, Khojiumar returned to work. A year later, the neighbors told Samira that her husband had another, official wife in Russia. The husband did not deny this and admitted everything. He said that his wife (it turns out, the first, as the official one) is Russian and they married for love, raising two kids.

Then Samira realized that he had married her only so that someone would live with his parents and serve them.

"I would leave, but my parents will not accept me back. For them it is a shame, the return of their daughter. Yes, and the children need to be raised. He sends me some money. He comes to visit once a year, and the children love him. My mother-in-law consoles me, that he will return to old age. But I don't care, "she admits.

I was threatened to become a second wife

It often happens that a wealthy man in his declining years can forcibly take a young girl as his second wife, who suits him as a daughter. Such brides are easily manipulative and suggestible.

Khadichi's story is dramatic. She was a fragile 15-year-old girl when she was noticed by a famous person in Tajikistan, she does not give his name. He was inflamed with a passion for her, almost a child, although his children were older than her, and began to care, but she immediately rejected all his claims.

"He was disgusting to me. The mere fact that he could touch me terrified me. When he sent matchmakers, my father refused them, because he did not represent me as a second wife. But he was a powerful man, he began to threaten that from the world will kill us, and the parents agreed, "- recalls Khadicha.

For some time they lived together, she bore him children, but she could not fall in love.

"Now he is already quite old and lives with his main wife in the family of his eldest son. My children have the status of illegitimate children, because there was no official marriage. Stepbrothers and sisters keep away from their first wife. Children go to school, the money that I have my husband gives it away, I don't even have enough for the essentials. I have no education, and even if I did, I can't work. I can't even go out into the street without his permission, "she sighs heavily.

He used me and left me

In Tajikistan, girls appreciate the outer gloss of the chosen one, beautiful appearance, and an expensive car. They accept the courtship of men who have money. But very often this choice ends in failure. Such macho, spoiled by the attention of women, change their second wives like gloves.

Sarvinoz comes from an intelligent family, her parents are teachers. She met Sobir when she was in school. He was persistent, promised her mountains of gold, drove a luxurious car, and the girl was carried away by him. Immediately after graduation, she was going to marry him. She was not even stopped by the fact that he was already married to another.

After 2 years, Sobir left her with a child in his arms, and she returned to her parents. After a long depression, the girl entered university, received an education and now owns her own organization that helps women in trouble.

"Do not believe me, there are a lot of second wives in Tajikistan. But there are no official statistics. Women today are satisfied to be second wives and have at least some means of subsistence, because life is very difficult. There are many like me. But unlike them, I have an education, and I can feed myself and my child, and my parents help me, they are kind. they have no education, and many of them go to the panel to survive, "she says.

The second wife is happiness

There are also families in Tajikistan where the first and second wives live with their husbands under the same roof. The man takes care of them and loves all sons and daughters.

Ozoda is the second wife, she has been married for 20 years. She fell in love with her Himat immediately. According to her, he was very handsome and looked after her with dignity.

“Yes, I knew that he was married, but when he offered to become a second wife, I agreed. After much persuasion, his wife Marhabo also agreed,” she tells her simple story.

They live in the same house, Ozoda with children on the second floor, Markhabo with children on the third, live as one family. For the wives, Himat has drawn up a visit schedule, which he strictly adheres to. Of course, there are no excesses, sometimes sons can fight, but he and Marhabo regulate the situation, and the elders help, take care of the younger ones.

"We receive guests together. My husband does not divide us into beloved and unloved, does not distinguish us. At first it was difficult and unusual, but gradually I got used to it," she says.

Took a second wife to help

There are also such cases: in order to help financially and to protect a young widow or an abandoned girl from annoying questions and condemnation, men offer them to become a second wife.

This phenomenon is common in villages, where not only household chores but also household farming and making money fall on the shoulders of a single woman.

This is the story of Sabohat, whose husband tragically died in an accident. She was left alone with 4 children.

"Already a rather elderly man offered me to become a second wife. He had no intentions in relation to me. He knew our family and saw how it was financially difficult for me to raise children alone," she says.

I wish I was dissuaded when I was young

Men themselves are ambivalent about bigamy in Tajikistan. The majority are positive, secretly dreaming of having second or even third wives and so on incrementally. But as they get older, they realize the gravity of such marriages.

Hasan has his own business. He owns a furniture store. In the beginning, the business flourished and went uphill. It was during this period that he, a husband and father of two children, met a beautiful girl. He liked her so much that he took her as his second wife, despite the prohibitions of the first.

"After my second marriage, I already went into a rage and could not stop. There are a lot of beautiful girls. Now I have 4 wives and 20 children. The older ones have to be married and given in marriage. But the strength is not the same, and the business too," - divorces he hands.

According to him, now, due to the economic crisis, the store is doing poorly.

"I am like that sultan from the song, but I am not surrounded by care, but by frequent scandals and clarifications of relations with my wives. I regret that no one then dissuaded me from taking this step. Why I needed it, now I myself do not know. such a large family is very difficult, "he laments.

According to human rights activist Sarvinoz, getting married a second or third time is already a reality of today for Tajikistan, and other countries as well. The punishment for this is very mild - a large fine or two years of correctional labor. Therefore, prohibitive measures do not stop anyone.

“Perhaps the law should be revised to help women in this matter. Unlike men, second wives and their children are a vulnerable category. There is no official status of a wife, because there is no registration of marriage, women have no right to demand security, housing, alimony. In order to protect them, the only thing that can be done is to legalize polygamy, "the legal protector said.

Where is polygamy officially allowed?

Today, polygamy is allowed in Brunei, Afghanistan, Algeria, UAE, Congo, Myanmar, Morocco, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia, Tanzania, Senegal, Swaziland and other countries.

In Great Britain and Norway, polygamy is officially recognized only when a man has registered a marriage with his second and / or subsequent wives in these countries.

Sweden recognizes foreign marriage of polygamists, but only the first wife has the right to reside and receive social benefits. At the same time, marriage unions of a citizen of Sweden with no more than four wives are recognized.

Residents of most large cities meet daily with Tajiks who work in our country at various construction sites, in minibuses, markets and other places. However, few people know how these people live in their homeland in Tajikistan. This post will tell you about the life of Tajiks in their native lands.

Here it is worth making a clarification that the case took place in October 2014, when the ruble was already depreciating, but not so rapidly.

We were running out of water supplies. Nearby, the Pyanj River was noisy and seething, but its waters were too muddy. And besides, we were told that it is better not to approach the river - after all, the border with Afghanistan.

In a small village, we stopped at an inconspicuous and only store in the hope of finding at least some water on sale. But the store sold everything wrong - carpets, mattresses and kurpachi. They also sold washing powder and toothpaste, but there was no water. Behind the counter stood and was embarrassed, lowering her black eyes, a girl of about thirteen, who spoke very bad Russian.

We had something like the following dialogue:
- Where can you buy drinking water in your village?
- Water is possible, a stream - and the girl pointed with her hand somewhere to the northeast.
It is quite logical. Water is not for sale because there are mountain streams. What did we not guess right away?
- Do you have a canteen or cafe where you can eat?
- Eat? Can! Dad will come to eat you can!

The girl confidently led me out the gate into the yard. She walked and looked around all the time, smiled shyly and seemed afraid that I would stop following. We passed some vegetable gardens, a field of potatoes, a large parking lot with a ditch and an old UAZ car under a tree. At the end of a large plot, which was larger than a standard football field, was a white one-story building.

The girl went into the house and called the father of the family - Davladbek Bayrambekov. Davladbek spoke Russian well, so our conversation began traditionally:
- Where are you from Moscow, what area? I went to Red Square, I remember it was cold.
It is worth noting here that all adult Tajik men with whom we talked anywhere - all of them have been to Moscow at least once and everyone has worked somewhere. Everything! The statistics are one hundred percent. That is, they were our guests, even if we are not famous for their hospitality. And they don't have us.

We got to know each other, began to talk about our trip, and about the fact that we were looking for water in the store in the village. Davladbek laughed, invited us into the house for tea and explained that we no longer needed to go on that day, because his wife was already preparing dinner, and after lunch the weather would turn bad and it would rain. And that sleeping in tents in the rain is a dubious pleasure.

We, of course, agreed to tea, but we politely refused to stay overnight, citing a strong delay in the travel schedule.

After our trip, I can responsibly declare that Tajiks are a very hospitable people. In Russia they are completely different from at home. In Moscow, these quiet and sometimes downtrodden guys behave quieter than water, lower than grass, but at home everything is different - a guest for them is always a great joy. Any owner of the house considers it his duty to accept and treat a guest deliciously.

Each house has a large room called "Mehmonhona" specially designed for receiving guests. Family parties and weddings are also celebrated here.

A tablecloth called "dostarkhan" is laid on the floor. Tea plays an important role in feasts. The youngest man pours it. They drink, as is customary, from a bowl, which you need to take only with your right hand, and hold your left on the right side of your chest.

An interesting fact - the first bowl of any drink is poured not to someone, but to himself. All this is just a custom, so that others are convinced that there is no poison in the drink. In ordinary everyday life, the eldest of the family is the first to take food, but when there is a guest in the house, this honor is given to the guest.

Tajiks sit on the floor covered with beautiful carpets and mattresses stuffed with cotton or cotton, which are called kurpachi. According to their rules, you cannot sit with your legs extended forward or to the side. Lying is also indecent.

Portrait of a young Davladbek during his service in the Soviet army.

The main forming cell of a person is the family. Tajiks have large families, on average five to six or more people. Children develop unquestioning obedience and respect for their elders and parents.

In rural areas, girls do not complete more than eight grades. Indeed, according to tradition, a woman does not need to be educated at all. Her destiny is to be a wife and a mother. For Tajik girls, it is very scary and shameful to be "overseat". Not getting married on time is worse than the worst nightmare.

Only women are engaged in housekeeping. It is shameful for a man to do this kind of work. According to the established tradition, for the first six months, a young wife cannot leave her husband's house, and cannot visit her parents.

We got into conversation over tea. Davladbek said that Tajiks love Russians, and Russians also treat them well. Then we asked about work. It turns out that in the mountainous villages of Tajikistan there is no work at all for money. Well, except for doctors and teachers, although their salaries are ridiculous. Each doctor and teacher has his own vegetable garden and keeps livestock to feed his family - there is no other way. In order to somehow live, all adult men go to work on the "mainland".

So we smoothly moved on to the mechanism of delivering guest workers to Russia. After all, the entire male population of a sunny country cannot take and go to work with us when they do not even have money for a ticket ...

Davladbek told us about the "company". Representatives of large "companies" (which we did not understand) regularly come to all villages, even the most distant ones, who recruit representatives of various professions to work in Russia. Each candidate signs a contract. Then these same “companies” send Tajiks to Russia for their money and arrange them to work. But at the same time, for the first month, each guest worker does not receive any money - he gives the entire salary to the very “company” for his journey to Russia.

Tajiks spend their wages for the last month of their work on a ticket home to their families. Because of this, it turns out that it makes no sense to travel for less than a year.

Davladbek is a professional welder. He officially works at a construction site in Yekaterinburg, has all the necessary documents, registration, permits and certificates. In 2014, his salary was 25,000 rubles, of which about 19,000 were spent on housing, food and travel. Davladbek sent about $ 200 a month to his family in Tajikistan, and this was enough for his family to buy everything they need that is not possible to produce on their own in the village.

After enjoying tea and refreshments, we were about to drive on, but Davladbek offered to go to the water mill, which he built himself. It became interesting to us, and we went somewhere up the mountain stream.

The metal structure in the photo is part of an irrigation ditch that encircles the hills and goes through the villages downstream of the Pyanj. A fragment of a huge irrigation system, built in the days of the Union and still working today. Excess water from the ditch system is discharged into mountain streams using manual metal gates.

And here is the mill. It may not be as beautiful as we imagined, but it is a real museum of technology. The design of the mill is the same as it was a thousand years ago!

Water from a mountain stream enters the mill through turbine water conduits, a wooden channel.

The water transfers hydropower to the water wheel and spins it up. Thus, a large round stone is unwound, into the center of which grain is fed through a mechanical separator. The grain falls under the stone and is ground, and the centrifugal force pushes the finished product to the consumer - flour.

Residents from neighboring villages come to the mill of Davladbek. They bring their own grain and also make flour from which they then bake bread. Davladbek does not take money for this. Residents themselves, as they see fit, leave a small amount of flour in gratitude. The door to the mill is always open.

Here it is, an ingenious hydraulic engineering structure of the XXI century!

Davladbek was right. Heavy, gray clouds loomed from the gorge, and soon we were driven away by the gathering rain. The fog fell almost as far as the village itself, it became chilly and chilly. The thought of spending the night in a tent set off a chain reaction of pimples all over my body.
- Don't stop, go through the house. My wife is ready for dinner, - said Davladbek - spend the night at home today. Get some sleep. Tomorrow morning with sun, you will go well.

Davladbek was right again. We stayed overnight. I would like to say a huge thank you to Davladbek and all his family for giving us shelter! It froze well in the morning, and until the sun rose, it was completely chilly. I was able to feel it well, running in a T-shirt to the toilet, which was in the far corner of a huge area.

We had breakfast. Davladbek's children said goodbye to us and ran away to school. The school was in a neighboring village.

Upstream of the river, fifteen kilometers from Ishkoshim, there were the ruins of an old fortress dating back to the 3rd century. Until recently, there was a border guard in the ruins of an old fortress.

On the left, behind a narrow river gorge, one can see Afghan houses and fields.

Outwardly, the life of the Afghans is no different from the Tajik side. Unless there are no paved roads. Previously, these lands belonged to one people.

Do not assume that all Tajiks live like the heroes of our report. We lived in the house of the Pamirs, a hundred meters from the border, far from the big cities. In the modern world, the inhabitants of Tajikistan began to build their lives in the image of the West. However, there are still many families that value their traditions.

Recently I called Davladbek and wished him a Happy New Year. I asked him how his health and family were, when he was going to visit us in Russia in Yekaterinburg again. I thought to visit him there, bring photographs from the Pamirs, see how he lives with us in Russia, compare. Davladbek said that now the visa to Russia has become even more expensive, and the work has become cheaper, and so far he cannot say when he will come again. But he promised that he will definitely return)

Tajiks come to us not because of a good life. It seems to me that no Pamirian would ever trade their mountains for dusty Moscow. Going to work, they do not see their relatives, their children for months and sometimes years.

Now I often pay attention to Tajiks in Moscow. I immediately remember Davladbek, his house, his family, his hospitality and his mill. I talk to my janitors and shop assistants in the tent. At first, they look away incredulously, as they are used to the fact that only the police pay attention to them, but then they are very happy when they find out that I have been to their homeland, that I really liked it there. And then it’s my turn to ask:
- Where are you from, what area?