Alpha type. How to take your relationship to the next level. Turning casual dating into a serious relationship

16.06.2019

Analyze your friendship. Do you often communicate and spend your free time together, or do you just know each other through third parties? There are no “correct” starting points for a successful transition to a romantic relationship, but it is still necessary to analyze the current situation and then make a decision. Strong friendships are often a good way to build a strong relationship, when people know each other well and are happy to spend time together. Here are some good signs for building a relationship:

Get the opinion of a mutual friend. Get an outside opinion on how much your feelings are mutual. Often, an outsider is able to notice aspects that you overlook due to heightened feelings. Ask directly and specifically. The question "Do you think he likes someone?" will not allow you to get the same exact answer as the question "In your opinion, we could become a good couple with him?"

Make sure that the person can be trusted and that rumors about your feelings don't spread with the speed of the wind.

You don't have to constantly talk about past relationships and current loves. Of course, you can't completely get away from talking about past relationships, since there is no other healthy way to find out a person's romantic preferences. However, you do not need to constantly complain about your ex or reiterate how ideal your relationship was, as the person may feel that the feelings have not yet died out.
- You should also understand that if the object of your sympathy constantly talks about feelings for others, recent dates or ex-partners, then he is not ready for a relationship with you.
A romantic relationship isn't just about physical intimacy. Hack this on your nose, because a relationship with a friend is not at all like the possible periodic manifestations of intimacy between you. Relationships aren't limited to sex. Partners need to match each other in all aspects - emotional, social and physical. If it's enough for you to have a friend with whom you can sometimes sleep, then you don't need a relationship. Don't start a relationship if you are not ready for a mutual commitment.

Evaluate how you spend your time alone. Quite often, sympathy arises between people in large friendly companies. This is completely normal, only that relationships are built on the ability to spend time alone with a person, and not in a team. It is not necessary to arrange a date; it is enough to spend time alone with a friend sometimes to assess the chances of success in a potential relationship. Here are some ideas:

Take the first step
1. Consider if you are willing to potentially lose your friendship for the sake of a possible relationship. Usually, after a step towards a relationship, you won't be able to become "just friends" again. Here sympathy comes into play and a person begins to think how everything could have turned out, loneliness begins to burden. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to give up the opportunity to take risks. It is important to come to the conclusion that the likelihood of building a relationship is more important than the danger of losing a friend.
  
  Show your attention through open, romantic gestures and facial expressions. Often people forget that body language is an important part of flirting, but it is he who allows you to directly show your interest and appreciate how mutual feelings are. All people are different, but there are a number of universal signs of respect and sympathy:
  
  Use light flirting to "test the waters." Before taking the first step, you should evaluate your friend's feelings. You do not need to go to extremes, it is enough to indicate your interest with subtle hints and a lot will become clear. Watch the person's reaction to your flirting - is he shyly looking away or joking? In that case, you better stay friends. If he doesn't shy away from hints, maintains eye contact, or allows himself romantic gestures, then your chances are extremely high. Here's how to start flirting:
  
  Offer to meet. The thought that you need to ask a friend out on a date is very important to a potential relationship, so put aside any doubts or awkwardness. Do not hesitate if you have made a decision. You don't have to invent anything sublime or romantic, just be sincere. Any answer is better than ignorance. Keep this in mind as you try to find the courage to ask a question. Take a friend to the side or invite to a meeting and ask:
  - "I really enjoy being friends with you, but it seems that something more is possible between us. Maybe we can try to arrange a few dates?"
  - "We are good friends, but my feelings for you no longer fit into the framework of friendship. I really want to ask you out on a date."
  - Sometimes even a simple “How about a date next Thursday?” Is enough.
  - Any time is fine for a date if the person is not going through a personal tragedy or a turning point in life. Take action and don't wait for the right time!
2. Avoid loud declarations of love, but be sincere and polite. Regardless of the strength of your feelings, you should not say that you are "made for each other" and "will become an ideal couple", otherwise you risk simply scaring the person off with such haste. Be honest, but calm and respectful. Here are some examples:
  - "I really appreciate you and our friendship. I think we can be a good couple."
  - "I'm glad we know you. Now I want to get to know you even better."
  - "You're just a wonderful person. I'm glad I can call you my friend."
3. Accept any answer. If the feelings are mutual, then nothing will stop you from starting a romantic relationship. In case of refusal, you need to move on. Strong offers to meet, requests for a second chance, or ostentatious indifference will only prevent you from returning your friendship.
Strengthen relationships
1. Take your time, even if you are ready for rapid change. Friends are often in a rush to move into physical intimacy even before the "formal" relationship begins. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as you do not forget to slow down and discuss everything later. There is no need to hide the desire for closeness and craving for a partner. Use these impulses correctly to show your feelings. Trying to get away from intermittent intimacy or kissing will lead to relationship problems, when friends are confused by the rapid development of events.
  - If everything happens too quickly, then try to gently remind: "Do not forget about our friendship, and we still have time to make up for the rest."
  - Once you're in a relationship, you don't have to spend every minute with each other. Save space and take your time.
  - Remember: a strong friendship is the key to a strong relationship.
2. Spend time with mutual friends. No one likes couples who disappear from their friends' sight and stop paying attention to others. This is unfair to your friends and it also creates tension in the relationship. Friends will think that you only needed them to find a partner. If the relationship ends, you will be left without a partner and without friends.
  - Spend time with your friends in the same way you did before starting a relationship.
  - Don't overlook your relationship, but also don't let it take away other aspects of your life. Find opportunities to be alone with friends and give everyone equal attention while spending time in the community.
  - Show restraint. You don't need to let your friends know all the details of the relationship. They are not interested in this, and the partner is not always pleasant.
3. Find hobbies and activities for two. It is important not only to remember old friends, but also to pay attention to new relationships. Try to find common ground. Socialize regularly and spend time alone so that friendships can grow into something more. If a friend wants to date, but is not ready to put in the effort, then it is better to just be friends.
- Leaving a romantic relationship is not the end of a friendship. Keep your head high and don't be discouraged. This happens to everyone.
- Do not hurry. If you are confident, then go for it. The main thing to remember is that your partner may not share your confidence.
- The phrase "I do not want to destroy our friendship" often means that you are interesting to a person only as a friend. Whether it's true or not, you need to be truly close friends in order to maintain a friendship in the event of a romance failure.
- Try not to look too closely at your friendships when looking for clues. Some hints may turn out to be irresponsible habits or random phrases, rather than secret declarations of love.
Warnings
- Don't be discouraged if a friend doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Move on, no matter how it hurts.

1. Your husband is comfortable with your parents.

Sooner or later, but one day you will catch yourself thinking that having sex with your loved one no longer gives the proper pleasure. In such a situation, everyone behaves differently: someone is looking for thrills on the side, and someone is trying to deal with the problem within the couple. For the latter, sexologists suggest trying to practice karezza, a special technique in sex that can strengthen your relationship.

That is, he does not feel embarrassment either in clothing or in behavior. Katya (38): “I remember how at the very beginning of our relationship, Styopa talked to my father only about stock promotions and about his work. He dressed appropriately: almost always a shirt and a tie. It seemed to me that he never rests in their presence, even if we were at the dacha. Now I suddenly realized that my husband is more relaxed in their presence, says what he thinks, or even just keeps silent, thinking about his own. Parents, by the way, also became much easier with him. "

2. It turns out that the legs may not be perfectly smooth.

Veronica (32): “I was so tired of using a razor every day in winter, the skin on my legs grew rough, and the hairs grew faster and faster. Now I don't use the machine very often, and my husband sometimes makes cute jokes about fur for the winter, but it seems that both of us are more comfortable. "

3. You care about each other ... even when you quarrel.

Natalia (35): “The other day we seriously argued with Andrey about our accumulated debts. In the midst of our "battle", he suddenly offered ... to eat. You look too haggard, he says. Needless to say, we finally found a compromise over the food. ”

4. Your husband told a story you've never heard before.

Phenomenal, but it happens! Karina (39): “Last week my husband and I were called to school because of our son. He had a fight with a high school student. We met after work and went to the director together. On the way, Misha's story is not how at 15 he also became the instigator of a fight at school, how he defended a girl from his class from unfair persecution. We have been together for almost 17 years, but I think I have never felt so much love and respect for my husband. "

5. You no longer try to change it.

Lisa (34): “I realized that we are a family when I stopped nagging my husband about the tea bags scattered all over the house. First, I came up with special containers in each room - so that he would throw them there. But cups still had to be collected all over the house. And after a while, I suddenly realized: he helped me pass my license, defended my doctorate with me and was present at the birth of our daughter ... Can't I really spend 2 minutes a day collecting garbage in the house, and just hug your husband? "

6. Beautiful linen lies at the bottom of the box.

It may seem asexual at first. In fact, often truly loving people simply do not need additional attributes to confirm feelings. Sexologists agree with this. And you?

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Over time, interest in each other fades away, all conversations have been spoken, problems have been resolved, and madness is in the past. The proposed solution may be somewhat old-fashioned, but on the other hand, it is a timeless classic: reading together can improve relationships. Books are a treasure trove of conversation topics. You can discuss the plot, admire the language of presentation, and temperamental ones will always find a topic for a quarrel. We spend a lot more time reading a book than watching a movie, so be prepared for a heated debate. Choose books for shared read

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Psychologists told how to survive cheating

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Manual on a quarrel with her husband

If you have been living with your husband for several years and have never quarreled, then it’s time for you to get divorced. This is, of course, a joke, but like any joke, there is some truth in it. Family conflict is an opportunity to manifest individuality in each of the partners and bring relationships to a new level. But you need to quarrel correctly. Conflicts in a pair arise when one of the partners or both find it difficult to tolerate the difference. Here you and your husband live in perfect harmony and are sure that he, like you, loves to fall asleep to classical music and happily eats the celery salad you have prepared.

How to understand that a man is in love with you

Not every woman decides to ask a man about his feelings. Moreover, words can be at odds with deeds. But by the behavior of a man, one can accurately determine whether Cupid's arrow hit his heart. 1. He has time for you. Even when he is extremely busy, a man will let you know what he thinks of you. He comes to your office for lunch or for a half-hour walk. But not a day goes by without you seeing each other! And also - calls every day and asks how your day went. 2.

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You have been together for a long time: you have adopted each other's habits, intonations and gestures, you have a common dream, and on weekends you invariably have breakfast in the same restaurant. Friends call you an ideal couple, and it seems that this is really so, only now the constant scenario of your cloudless romance begins to bore you. Then you are looking for ways to dilute the boring routine, which often results in ridiculous provocations and quarrels from scratch.

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Become Colleagues for a Time

Let him be himself

Relax and learn to accept it in any way, let it be itself. Remember how at the beginning of the relationship you saw only positive aspects in him? Respect your differences. If we are trying to force our partner to be who we wanted him to be, it means that we only love our own reflection.

Swap roles

Each of you has specific responsibilities: for example, you do the dishes and do the laundry, and he pays the bills and vacuums. Try to switch roles for at least a week - this is another reason to feel respect for your beloved and change the pattern of behavior.

Find a common hobby

Find out what you like and what he likes, but which you have never tried. Then compare it and think about what you could start doing together. The point is not even whether you like it or not, whether you will continue, - trying something new together is always interesting, and if you get to the point, fun is guaranteed.

Exchange letters

Today it sounds ridiculous, but in the past, letters expressed what was impossible to say out loud. In our age of instant messengers, of course, you can write him a huge message on emotions, but it is unlikely to be meaningful. A letter is, firstly, touching and romantic, and secondly, it will allow you not only to describe the ineffable, but also to inform in a gentle way about your desires, while learning something new about yourself. Such a kind of psychoanalysis. And do not forget to mention that you are expecting a response from him.

Make a to-do list

Bungee jumping, go to a costume party, travel to Iceland, explore all of the city's trendiest bars in one night, buy a book on the Kamasutra - the list goes on and on. This kind of entertainment will suit your taste, moreover, it can be constantly supplemented. The point is to overcome fears and try something new together, at least once changing the traditional breakfast in your favorite restaurant.

Do spontaneous actions more often.

There is no need to agree on anything. Just meet him near the office and take him to a picnic, theater or circus. Instead of Italian food, try Indian food, and instead of a weekend with your parents (you can move it once), go to another city - what's stopping you from taking tickets an hour before the train leaves?

Stop controlling each other too much

Remember, you liked each other because you carried something individual in yourself. Often, when we dive headlong into relationships, we involuntarily abandon our old world, filling it with love for another person. And thus we lose the attractiveness and shine in the eyes. Do not limit each other in the desire to meet old friends, go to an art lesson or just walk alone: it is important for each person to have their own personal space.

Do not impose your desires

A romantic candlelit dinner on weekdays, his favorite perfume or a ticket to a match of his favorite team. Such sudden presentations will definitely not remain unanswered. Down with occasions like birthdays, anniversaries or professional holidays. Just give each other nice presents for no reason.

1. Be sure to get to know the environment of your significant other. Then you will definitely understand what a person is, and besides, such friendship can sometimes play into your hands. After all, if you win over the environment of your loved one, then in difficult moments or the moment of a quarrel, this environment will be able to convince your soul mate that you are a good person.

2. It is very important for a man to come to the level of intimacy. Women can abstain from intimacy for years. You should not force your soul mate by force if she does not want to. Talk to her in a cozy environment. Who knows, perhaps the girl wants this, but to the extent of her shyness or important reasons, she is silent. In general, in this case it is necessary to act, but carefully and tactfully. 3. You can simply offer to live together. Try to spend the weekend together first, then live together for a week. And there it is already possible and you will want to be there every second. Living together, you will not only see what a person is like in everyday life, but also open up your relationship in a new direction.

4. How often people get tired of being consistent. People who have been in a relationship for a long time know everything inside and out about their partner. Therefore, sometimes you need to surprise your beloved with something. It should be surprising and interesting. However, you also need to react to surprises in the right way. Be surprised and delighted, otherwise, with your indifference, you can completely discourage the desire to surprise your soulmate. And if your loved one doesn't act, don't be offended. Just take action, and there may be a good response.

5. Remember how at the beginning of the relationship you noticed in a favorite manner that you really liked. But now time has passed, and this zest can start to annoy. It is advised, of course, to simply bypass this stage, but, unfortunately, dissatisfaction can accumulate. Therefore, it is more desirable to either get rid of this habit for the sake of a loved one, or just talk without turning to insults.

6. Don't be intrusive. Thinking that the person belongs only to you, you show your disrespect for him. Let your loved one go for a walk with friends or for shopping, give a little freedom, while respecting the interests of your partner. If you, for example, want to go to football, then let the girl go for a walk with your friends. You will relax and miss each other. And this is a big plus.

7. The most important thing in the transition to another level is understanding. You need to learn not to be jealous of trifles, to be able to hear a person, to leave him alone when he wants it. Learn to understand, and your soul mate will learn this on their own from you.

8. Another level is the proposal to become a family. There is an opinion that women only dream about this, but now not everyone will rush down the aisle. Therefore, if you see your soul mate next to you and want to be with her all your life, then you should not think about it. A man only has to make an offer, and a woman should express and tell about her desire.

It so happens that you don't want to end a fleeting acquaintance in a club after one or two times, in a dummy, apart from appearance and forms, you find a rich inner world and the incredible happens. You find that one, and the desire to look for more someone else disappears.

How to turn from a macho and a reveler into a reliable and correct man, conquer that one of yours and achieve the very serious relationship that all alpha males secretly dream of?

We will analyze the detailed instructions for the smooth transition of your fleeting relationship into a solid as granite "we are all serious."

1. First, clearly know what you want.

Most likely there will be no way back, realize this and chop off all your "options" and outlines for the future. Without rudeness and hidden triumph, hint to your former passions and those who sympathize with you that now you shouldn't write sentimental SMS - you have a "unique" one. Let your chosen one, too, without too much pretense, make it clear that you have serious plans for her, so that she does not have doubts that everything remains at the same level.

2. Second, be single-minded

You met her at the club and won her over with your breathtaking movements? Did you help with the gym machine and delight you with your impeccable abs? For one night it will pull, but it is unlikely further. Club gatherings and demonstrations of biceps cannot keep a serious girl for a long time.
Get a job, show that you are a "man" think about the future - let her see in you not a windbag, but a ripening, active and active individual who will take care of her if something happens and has clearly set goals in life, and not the only task to increase bituhu by the summer by another 5 cm.

3. Third, start living together

No, one should not assume that this step is just a stone's throw from marriage. But it is very necessary to check how it will all be in everyday life. In addition, this step, like no other, will tell about the complete seriousness of your intentions - the girl will appreciate it very much.
You should not start abruptly and shock her mother by transporting all her things to her - you can start gradually, maybe go on a week's vacation together, if the financial situation allows. When your toothbrushes stand together in one glass in the bathroom and you can't throw your socks in the nearest corner, by the way, you yourself will understand if you are ready to move to a new level.

4. Fourth, leave her space.

Serious relationships involve spending a lot of time together, but don't be annoying. Do not be intrusive, do not fall asleep with SMS about how you and her are now doing well, and what we have for dinner today. Do not overdo it, because the girl can be frightened by an avalanche of events, and she can easily not pull such a quick zeal.

Give her time for herself, for her hobbies that she was engaged in before, let her go to her parents and show flexibility in every possible way if she wants to sit with her friends.

5. Fifth, don't forget about romance.

Unfortunately, after the transition to the next phase, most of the guys believe that they have already achieved everything and have conquered to the fullest. Romantic dates and flowers stop for no reason, the girl begins to miss those carefree days and your "serious relationship" takes on a negative color for her. Show her that the new phase of the relationship will only get better. Stay on top, be even more romantic and finally cement your heightened feelings.

6. Sixth, get to know her environment

Strictly speaking, parents are also included, but if you consider this to be too important a step and a clear harbinger of a wedding, you can postpone it. But you should definitely get to know her friends. Even if you don't like them. Even if you don't like it very much.

After all, for them you are a thief who stole one of their friends, so get a good reputation and make them think positively about your union. After all, the regular singing of friends in the ears of your chosen one that she moved to you too early, when that handsome man is staring at her, sooner or later may have its effect.

Take the first step

Strengthen relationships

Warnings