"Little Teachers", or What children teach their parents. What Good Parents Should Teach Their Children
You can spend a lot of time lecturing on good behavior, the benefits of being kind, how to communicate with people, forgive them and love them. But in fact, children receive most of the information by observing the actions and interactions of their parents. Thus, children become our mirror images. It is your actions, not your words, that simulate a new personality.
What is a healthy marriage
The newlyweds carry the “family” model from their families. The healthier your own marriage is, the more chances your child will have for family happiness in the future.
What does it mean to respect
Respect is hard to teach, respect can only be learned. The child must "feel" this attitude. The best thing you can do for your child and family is to respect your spouse.
What are responsibilities
The child should know that each member of the family has certain responsibilities. Since he is still small and his duties are small - to eat and go to bed on time, then parents can show what real duties are and how they should be performed. In addition, on your example, the child learns what is the responsibility of a woman and a man, a mother and a father - "correct" models of behavior will begin to form in his mind.
Equality and Compromise
In childhood, a child barely understands what equality and compromise are, because parents always act according to the principle “all the best is for children”. Looking at mom and dad, he sees a small social group, relationships in it. He will copy patterns of behavior and apply them in “his” environment - on the playground, in preschool institutions.
The joy of family life
Only with happy and loving parents can a child become happy too. Thus, he will understand that the family is the most valuable thing we have.
How to deal with conflicts
It is impossible to make a scandal in front of a child, but it is necessary to show how to peacefully and reasonably bypass and resolve conflict situations.
What is unconditional love
Only by living in an environment of pure and unconditional love, the child will be able to understand what it is. Without knowing this feeling in a timely manner, he is unlikely to be able to feel and manifest it in adulthood.
How to apologize
Everyone has the right to make mistakes. It is not scary if someone stumbled, flared up or forgot to do something, scary if he did not apologize to loved ones for this. Ask each other for forgiveness in front of the child, let the children see and hear it.
How to show your feelings
It often happens that people find it difficult to show their feelings - they are shy, hide them and avoid them. But how can you be ashamed of yourself and be so insincere? Such problems come from childhood. Do not hesitate to tell your husband in front of your child that you love him, etc.
What does it mean to share
Show your child that everything needs to be shared with a loved one - from bread crumbs to feelings and emotions.
Dispute on the topic: "What can childrenteach your parents. "
"Happy is he who is happy at home."
L.N. Tolstoy
The structure of the lesson.
We all realize that our relationship with our parents sometimes leaves a lot to be desired. It is probably not easy to find a person who would be completely satisfied with their family relationships. We believe that we have already grown up, that we have rights to many "adult things", that we know life better than our parents, because everything has already changed.
But, wanting to live as we want, we completely ignore the feelings and opinions of our parents. They, in turn, control us more and more, dictate their own rules, direct our lives. All this develops into family conflicts. What if you just try to understand each other?
Imagine the situation :
What will it be?
What will your parents (yours) say?
What emotions will be expressed on the faces?
What would you like to hear from them?
Creative block:
Discussion club:
Do not make a child out of it: when he grows up, he will require many sacrifices (P. Buast)
The teacher of children is a bad one who does not remember his childhood. (Ebner-Eschenbach).
Swearing is achieved only one third, love and concessions - everything. (Jean Paul).
Situations: "children through the eyes of parents" (see appendix)
Analyze them, draw conclusions.
5. Conclusion: There are no parents who would not be worried about their children, who would not suffer from the misunderstanding and alienation that arise in family relationships. It unites everyone, both parents and children, that everyone wants to be happy, to be loved and understood. Your parents want you well, they love you when you suffer, they suffer too, they want to help you. It may not be visible externally, but they hope for your understanding and support. In a little while, you too will become adults. You will have children, and you will also look for ways to their hearts, remember this, maybe then it will be easier for you to understand your parents?
Appendix
Mother Katya (15 years old): “In the last two years, there have been changes in our relationship with my daughter, which do not please me at all. I can feel my daughter gradually moving away from me. In my opinion, our children are beginning to leave us in some kind of their own world, with their own laws. And there is no longer any way for us to go there.
Egor's dad (13 years old): “My son has withdrawn in his own interests, it seems that he considers my mother and me incorrigibly outdated. Of course, when we were in school, there was not much that they have now, but this is not a reason to consider yourself smarter than everyone in the world and treat us with open disdain. So you feel that behind every dropped phrase hides: “Well, what's the point of talking to you about this. You won't understand anyway ”!
Viti's mother (16 years old): “Mine says:“ I am an adult. I can go out late, do what I want, I need freedom! " But, excuse me, we dress them, feed them, pay for them, he meets a girl, I give her money for gifts, courtship. I understand that I will provide financial content for a long time. And when they call me to school, then go, mom ... Either he skipped lessons, then he was rude to the teacher ... If he is such an adult, let him make sure that his mother does not have to answer for his actions and blush. "
Nadia's father (14 years old): “Before, Nadya was aggressive, she threw out all her emotions: she slammed the door, threw books ... And now she became indifferent, indifferent. All my words are like peas against a wall. "
Natasha's mother (15 years old): “And I alone grow Natasha. I run from one job to another, so that she has everything, no worse, so that others grow. In the evening I come home, and at home - a mountain of dishes, a mess, Natasha sits, listening to music. He will see me, make a displeased face (they say he will start scolding again now) and leaves for a walk. How not to break loose. Doesn't she see how hard it is for me? Who will understand me if not she? She leaves, and I sit in the kitchen and roar. "
Roma's mother (15 years old): “Roma believes that my mother and I are obliged to fulfill all his whims. We bought the wrong jacket, not fashionable, we give little pocket money. All this with a scandal. "
7. Lena's mother (14 years old): “And my daughter flips from novel to novel. She believes that the worst thing is to remain a "blue stocking", wants to take everything from life, smokes, the skirt is nowhere shorter, everything is painted. He says: “Leave me alone, I want to live beautifully, I’ll figure out who I live with, and I’ll get married at 30”. I am afraid that my daughter will exchange herself in this way, and she will not have any family, because a man needs a decent woman ... "
Moms and dads teach their children to be kind and responsible, attentive and obedient. Parents pass on their knowledge and skills. But this learning process is reciprocal! The child, in turn, becomes a teacher for adults. Let's try to figure out exactly what you can learn from our little ones.
Children get upset very easily over little things. But the bad mood disappears almost
instantly. And now the reason for the tears has been forgotten, and the child is once again having fun and playing joyfully. Adults should, first of all, learn from the child's ability to quickly forget about their problems. Do not rip up wounds by sprinkling them with salt, but simply forget.
Children are great fighters against boredom. They don't get tired of repeating the same actions, they just enjoy everything they do. Let it be building and destroying a castle from cubes, or watching the same cartoon. What adults hate as a "routine" kids do not notice.
Children can even teach their parents to rest properly and on time. After all, no child, deprived of strength, will swallow coffee or energy drinks in order to complete some business. The child simply allows himself to fall asleep, and he does not care if the place and time are right for this. It is difficult for an adult to admit his tiredness and immediately go to rest.
Many parents literally stuff healthy foods into their kids. But a child, if he doesn't want broccoli or spinach, will never agree to eat it. Adults may take pride in their ability to diet, but it doesn't benefit them. Sooner or later, the greens get bored, giving way to hamburgers and cakes. Let's learn from the little ones: there is only what they like.
Adults are constantly afraid of being late somewhere, so they urge the baby on and don't let him do everything calmly. This struggle is hard for both the child and the parents. But where is the rush, if there is really no rush? Why force a child to live according to a schedule if it is more pleasant and rewarding to have time to pay attention to the world around? Spending time on little things helps the child, so he gets to know the world and himself.
The kid turns any uninteresting business into a game. He fantasizes, sets goals and objectives for himself, plays his favorite character. This approach greatly helps the child to concentrate on what he is doing. Many adults would benefit from introducing this approach to their daily chores.
The child's curiosity should be passed on to the parents as well. After all, we have never really thought about why the world is arranged this way and not otherwise. The kid, asking questions, makes us look for answers to them. And this, you see, significantly expands both vocabulary and horizons.
Children don't need psychologists and expensive stress management training. They do not accumulate it anyway, because the child dumps all the negative during the day. Children play, frolic, rejoice. This is what adults should definitely learn: not to accumulate negative emotions in themselves, but to play with the child.
For many adults, children's activity will not hurt either. Then, instead of extra pounds and nervous breakdowns, they will have health and energy.
Children are able to breathe life into even the most depressed and apathetic parent. They simply appeal to the childlike spontaneity that each of us deeply hides in ourselves.
We are made up of many habits. Some came to us from childhood - these are the rituals that we no longer remember how they appeared: say "be healthy" to a sneezed person, cross the road to the green light, turn off the light when leaving home. Others have grown over the course of their lives - an unchanged cup of coffee in the morning, pizza day on Saturdays, 25% of the salary, deposited ...
Right now, before our very eyes, our children are acquiring habits. We will not participate in the origin of some of them, they will be dictated by nature and the environment surrounding the child. But there are things we can teach children at an early age so that these useful skills in the future will help them interact with other people and make life easier.
To be polite. Never before has the use of the words "thank you," "please," and the ability to say a good evening has done any harm. On the contrary, good manners and benevolent behavior simplify relationships between strangers, brighten any conversation, and open doors that do not seem to lend at first glance.
Be able to say no. A stranger on the way from school, who offers to go with him in an unknown direction. A classmate who constantly lends things and does not give them away without a reminder. A peer offering a cocktail at the school disco. A child should understand that politeness is a great quality, but they need to be able to sacrifice for their own safety, self-respect and respect for their personal time.
Observe hygiene. If from a young age you teach a child to take care of the cleanliness of his body: wash his hands after the street, brush his teeth twice a day, regularly cut his nails, take a shower and use hygiene products, this habit will serve well in the future. Everyone loves to deal with tidy people.
Don't be late. Lack of punctuality is one of the biggest irritants. She can let down both the student at school and the office worker, therefore, with slow children, it is worthwhile from an early age to make it a rule to leave the house ten minutes earlier, prepare clothes and textbooks in the evening to avoid the morning rush, and set an example for parents themselves. by the appointed time for birthdays, friendships or a doctor.
Observe safety rules. Vital rules must be worked out to automatism, while the children are still young and, if necessary, repeat them hundreds of times until they are imprinted in memory: do not cross the road at a red light, do not play on the roadway, use electrical appliances according to the instructions, handle fire carefully ...
Be able to listen. This is one of the most important skills that will come in handy at school (to perceive information), and at work (to be interviewed, to negotiate), and in interpersonal relationships. Therefore, it is important for parents to listen carefully to their children themselves. And also teach them to wait in line to speak, not interrupt elders and be attentive.
Concentrate. Procrastination is now talked about with some defiance and bravado. Meanwhile, both modern children and adults are losing the ability to be assiduous, concentrate on one task and get to the bottom. We can teach children to cut off unnecessary things, not to be distracted by trifles, to focus on one thing, and upon its completion, take on another.
Putting things in place. Teaching your child to clean up after them toys and hang the clothes in which they came from school in place can reduce the entropy of the scattered things now and in the future.
Apologize. It is important not to treat mistakes as something shameful, not to develop in the child a sense of shame for any mistake. But it is necessary to introduce into the lexicon the simple word "sorry" when he stepped on someone's foot, accidentally pushed or offended. A child should also hear this word from parents. The ability to ask forgiveness from someone you hurt can help not only build relationships, but also take a heavy burden off your soul when you feel you are wrong.
Eat right. Children adopt food habits from their parents, so if you want kids to eat healthy food, you should start with yourself and with what we put on the table. Picky children will make a list of exceptions from the correct food set, but still, if the parent's diet contains only semi-finished products and sweets, it is difficult to imagine that a child would want to eat a vegetable salad or a piece of fish.
Meet. Starting in kindergarten, you can teach your child to approach other children and ask if they can play together. At first, a parent can take on the function of a leader and ask the child who is playing next to him on the playground what his name is, so that the children hear and remember how to make new acquaintances and friends.
Respect personal space. Some tactile children need nothing to get to know a person and sit on his lap in five minutes. But not many people are ready to joyfully accept such a trusting attitude towards themselves. Therefore, open, tactile children should also be gently taught the concept of personal space, prompting how close you can approach during a conversation with a stranger, whom you can safely embrace and touch, and who can be frightened at first.
Express your feelings. In stressful situations, it is important for both parents and children to indicate what is happening to them. And when quarrels occur, it is imperative to talk about your feelings and teach children to say that they are hurt, offended, unpleasant or scared. The ability to express feelings will help you not to close and not keep your feelings inside.
To ask questions. At the age of why, it is necessary to encourage children's questions and be sure to satisfy curiosity. Then, in the future, the children will not be afraid to ask the teacher questions, they will want to learn the nature of thousands of important things and thus will show their indifference to the world around them.
Be able to be compassionate and empathic. Helping a sick kitten, buying food for a lonely neighbor, a charitable donation will allow the child to understand that he is not alone in this world. Honest talking about difficult life situations and other people's pain will help you learn to put yourself in the shoes of other people and understand how circumstances can develop in different ways.
Keep things in order. The ability to organize school supplies, neatly lay out clothes in the closet, sort out your creative materials greatly simplifies life. Parents themselves can decide at what age to entrust their children with cleaning their territory, but before this issue is finally put under the responsibility of children, helping around the house should become a habit.
To cook. Children who know how to make a sandwich and a simple salad can easily get used to hiking, can help at family picnics, and they just do not feel helpless if the parent is busy or does not feel well.
Do exercises. It's great when sports from childhood are a part of life. But if your child is more drawn not to the sections and the pool, but to books and modeling, then even a simple habit of doing exercises in the morning will help to wake up, tone the muscles and be with sports, if not on a friendly, then at least on a friendly foot.
Performing in public. No matter how some parents opposed the drill at kindergarten matinees, naive quatrains about bunnies and a fluffy Christmas tree are the first experience of public speaking that will be practiced at school and institute, and in many cases at work. Psychologists devote volumes of books to the ability to cope with the fear of performances, but we can encourage and rejoice at first with rhymes for Santa Claus, and during school years - help think over the concept of performances and set children up for success.
Understand the nature of money. The child will get the first idea of money by playing in the store, but he will not find out the real price of what he earned soon. The parental task is to teach them financial literacy before the children enter independent life. Everyone decides for himself what exactly you need to know: how to keep a budget, pay bills, save money, save some of your income or invest it. It is important that, starting to make money, children understand how to skillfully dispose of them.
Believe in the best. Optimists still find it easier to live, there is always light at the end of their tunnel. We cannot influence what kind of temperament our children will get, but we can instill confidence in sad melancholic people, set them up for the best, believe in our children and demonstrate a positive attitude towards life by our own example.
To carry it through to the end. Perseverance and unwillingness to give up halfway through what does not work out is not the most common childhood quality. But it is still worth developing, because in the future you will have to meet with tasks that cannot be abandoned like an unfinished tower. In order for the child to learn to achieve the set goal, you need to give him simple tasks and gradually increase their complexity. And when difficulties arise, show how you can ask for help, how to look for a way to solve problems and bring what you started to the end. And be sure to make you feel the satisfaction of a job well done and completed.
Share. Now it is often said that you should not force a child to share things if he does not want to. And, in general, it is difficult to disagree with this, it is enough just to project onto ourselves a situation when we, adults, are asked to give someone a thing that we need ourselves. Still, there is great human meaning in being able to share what you have with another person. Even Jack London wrote that mercy is a bone shared with a dog when you are as hungry as it is.
Take care of loved ones. Seeing that someone needs care and participation (living one grandmother, a sick aunt, a friend who broke his arm), and just offering his help is very important for friendship, and for future family life, and in order to become a parent himself, to be able to unconditionally give his love, time and energy to children, without thinking about what you will get in return.
The older generation is being replaced by the younger. And so I want to teach "future adults" everything that we know ourselves, that the eyes run wide before the most important moments of life. And the experience accumulated is not enough. And here you sit over a cup of tea and think about what you need to teach the children as soon as it is ready, and then an article from the site catches your eye and the question is immediately removed from the agenda. We are always by your side!
The most important!
Of course, it is the parents who lay the foundation for the child's behavior, habits and actions in the future. But there is little desire and attempts to teach him the right things. An example is also needed. Otherwise, how the child will understand that this is correct if mom and dad do the opposite. It is necessary to show how and what to do when there is a desire to teach young children.
It is also very important to be patient, because sometimes it is more difficult to convey a thought to a child than to an accomplished personality. Mothers and fathers should first agree on what they consider to be the most important in raising a child, and then put certain knowledge into it, while leaving freedom for self-development (at the age of up to 10 years, most often it is not conscious). In the meantime, we have prepared our list of important things to teach young children:
Ability to ask questions
Children are small. As soon as they have learned to speak, they immediately use the skill according to the maxim and are interested in everything in a row: why the cow mooes, why the grass is green, why the plane flies, and the water is wet. But parents are not always ready to answer them, and this is wrong. You need to either answer the child, or teach him to find the answers to the questions himself. One has only to remember that sometimes children ask questions out of a desire to spend time together. Think about whether the child has enough attention, if so, then rather teach him to read books, soon he will know something that you may not know about. With the answers to the questions, the child broadens his horizons and trains his memory. This is an important quality.
The ability to negotiate
One of the best ways to learn in our time is the ability to negotiate with the child. And what prevents him from learning to negotiate with others? The ability to interact with peers, find compromises, resolve conflicts and use a form of cooperation in communication is an excellent quality for your child's future.
Politeness
A respectful attitude towards people will definitely not harm, rather, on the contrary, it will help the child quickly find friends and enlist the support of adults. A polite person brightens up a conversation in the company of unfamiliar people, and also helps to win over to himself and his opinion.
Ability to refuse
Very often, the habit of agreeing with everything can be harmful, so you need to know in which cases it is better. For example, a stranger who offers to go with him or try an unknown "goodie", smoking guys who offer a cigarette, etc. A person who knows when to say no, knows how important his own safety is and knows how to defend his desires / unwillingness.
Purity
Everyone loves neat kids, and adults too. Therefore, from an early age, a child should be taught to brush his teeth twice a day, wash his hands, swim before bed and after sports activities. The appearance of a person creates the first impression of him. It is unlikely that peers will want to communicate with those who always have "black soil" under their nails, and those who smell bad.
Punctuality
Constant tardiness will not play a good role in life. Whether at school, at university, or at work - a person who is late is, as a rule, less valued than someone who comes on time. This quality should be established from childhood, especially in slow children and real "sleepyheads", such lazy seals.
Compliance with the rules of safe life
Repeat the rules a thousand times, as it is difficult for children to learn them. BUT there are things that are fixed in execution: “red light - no road”, “don't play on the road”, “matches are not toys for children”, etc.
Ability not only to listen, but also to hear
Such a skill is needed in life at almost every step. Advice, schooling, job interviews. But if you teach a child this quality, then you yourself deign to listen to your children. It is also worth teaching your child not to interrupt and be attentive.
Ability to focus
If you don't know what it is, then it's time to fix it. Since not everyone has the ability to sit still and concentrate on tasks. But the skill to filter out unnecessary information, not to be distracted by everything and bring the matter to the end - not everyone can. So why not learn this with your child.
The ability to ask for forgiveness
It is a very difficult skill, but no less important. Mistakes should not be treated as something overwhelming. But to say "I'm sorry" when I collided with someone, hurt or offended a person unpleasantly, the quality is good. It helps you admit you were wrong and improve your relationship.
Ability to read
It is useful, it helps to get rid of boredom, develops imagination and replenishes vocabulary, literacy, horizons. Books enrich a person's life and make him a good conversationalist.
Cooking and cleaning
No, it is not at all necessary to teach a child to scrub the house and borscht. However, the ability to quickly "bungle", a simple salad and porridge, as well as wipe the table, and arrange things according to dreams will teach a child independence from an early age. And you will not worry that you are late at work for dinner.
Exercise or run
Sports should be taught from a young age. However, not every child likes "serious" sports. It will be replaced by regular exercises, which will help the child wake up, feel more invigorated and keep the body in good shape. This will strengthen the health of the baby and his mood will always be at its best.
Public speaking
It would seem that such a skill is not so important if you do not want to send the child into politics. But it’s actually a very good skill that will serve you well as an adult. You don't know for sure how your child's life will turn out. Oratory skills will help him in everyday communication, in school life and university, as well as in future work.
The first idea of money
Teaching a child to handle money is not difficult, but the real message of "securities", he learns, oh, how long it takes. It is important to teach your child exactly how to manage money correctly. And understand how difficult it is for him to earn money for another bar.
Be optimistic
It is easier to look at many problems and situations. Attitude for the best will help them cope with sadness and apathy. At the same time, while teaching the child positive thinking, by will, not by will, you can begin to see the good in everything, and this is a very useful quality.
Caring for others
Teaching a child to help others is very helpful. Especially when it comes to loved ones and those who need help. Sometimes it is enough just to offer it, but this is already a sign of care. The ability to take care will help the baby in relationships with friends, in the future for the family. It is important to teach your child not to think that he should get something in return.
These are the things that answer the question - what should be taught to young children. Having told them such elementary things, it will be easier for him in the future.