Baby behavior after childbirth. Postpartum depression. Sex after childbirth

From the moment the placenta is born, the postpartum period begins, which is no less important for a woman than pregnancy and childbirth. What awaits a young mother on the first day after giving birth?

The first few days after giving birth, the most important, a woman spends in the maternity hospital, under the supervision of medical personnel. On average, the time of her stay in the hospital fits into 4-7 days, depending on a number of circumstances: the method of delivery (operative or spontaneous delivery), the severity of labor, the presence of complications in the mother and the newborn, etc.

As a rule, the first day is the most difficult (except for cases when postpartum complications develop). And of course, for all puerperas, the first day after childbirth proceeds differently.

The first hours

After a spontaneous birth through the vaginal birth canal, the postpartum woman is in the maternity ward for the first 2 hours under the close supervision of medical personnel. This is due to the fact that in the early postpartum period there is a high probability of various complications (bleeding, rise in blood pressure, etc.). A heating pad with ice is placed on the lower abdomen for postpartum women for better contraction of the uterus. Periodically, the doctor on duty and the midwife approach the woman, ask about her general health, the presence of complaints, measure blood pressure, pulse, check the nature and amount of discharge from the genital tract, and massage the uterus through the anterior abdominal wall.

After 2 hours, the parturient woman with the newborn, in the absence of deviations during the early postpartum period, is transferred to the postpartum department on a gurney. Before the transfer, the woman's well-being and condition are checked again, body temperature and blood pressure are measured.

In the postpartum department, the postpartum woman is received by a duty midwife, who once again checks the woman's condition, measures the pulse, blood pressure, determines the condition of the skin and mucous membranes, the height of the uterine fundus, uterine soreness and the nature of the discharge from the genital tract. Then the postpartum woman is placed in the ward. After being transferred to the postpartum department, a young mother is recommended to lie on her stomach for 2 hours - this way the postpartum discharge from the uterus goes away better and the uterus contracts.

Now, in many maternity hospitals, a joint stay in the postnatal ward of the mother and the child is encouraged, therefore, if both are in a satisfactory condition and there are no contraindications from the newborn, after the nurse receives and examines him, the baby is immediately placed in the same ward with the postpartum woman. In some maternity hospitals, the baby is first placed in the children's ward for several hours, after which they are brought to the mother when both are feeling satisfactory.

Possible problems

During the first hours after childbirth, a woman may experience drowsiness, fatigue, which is associated with great psycho-emotional and physical stress during childbirth. On the other hand, many women after childbirth experience excitement, the inability to fall asleep.

Sometimes after childbirth, in the first hours and even a day, urinary retention is possible as a result of spasm (contraction) of the sphincter of the bladder or (decreased tone) of the pelvic organs (intestines, bladder), etc. In some cases, the postpartum woman feels the urge, but cannot empty herself bladder, in others she does not even feel the urge to urinate. Therefore, after childbirth (preferably no later than 6 hours), you need to try to urinate. If urination is delayed, it is necessary to try to induce it reflexively. To help yourself, you can create a sound reflex: for example, open a tap with water or "persuade" yourself, as a child is persuaded to urinate. The sound of pouring water or a voice will help you get the job done. Also, in such cases, it is good to water the genitals with warm water. If you cannot cope with the problem in these ways, be sure to tell the midwife about it - she will put the catheter. Empty your bladder as early as possible, as an overflowing bladder prevents the uterus from contracting normally.

There may be no stool on the first day after childbirth, and if there are stitches on the perineum (which a woman is warned about immediately after childbirth), it is desirable that there is no stool for three days. The tension of the pelvic floor muscles during bowel movements can lead to divergence of the seams, which threatens in the future with their defective functioning and, as a consequence, prolapse of the internal genital organs. It is possible to achieve stool retention with the help of a special diet, which the attending physician will tell about during the morning round (foods rich in plant fiber are excluded from the diet: raw fruits, vegetables, juices, black bread, bran, etc.). First courses, cereals, dairy products in small quantities are recommended.

In the postpartum period, an active regimen is recommended. Its essence boils down to getting up early after childbirth (2 hours after transfer to the ward) and self-performance of hygienic procedures. You need to get out of bed gently, calmly, rise smoothly. If there is a seam on the crotch, in no case should you sit down. You need to get up from a lying position on your side. If you feel dizzy, it’s better to lie down again and ask the midwife to measure your blood pressure. If you feel normal, you can go to the toilet, take a shower. Active behavior after childbirth (if there are no contraindications) contributes to a better contraction of the uterus (and thus prevents the retention of secretions in the uterine cavity), rapid restoration of the intestines and bladder.

After each act of defecation and urination, it is imperative to wash yourself, you can use a weak solution of potassium permanganate (this helps to prevent the occurrence of infectious complications, since the blood released from the genital tract is a good medium for the development of pathogens, which is especially dangerous if there are stitches on the perineum). After using the external genital organs, it is imperative to change the padding.

On the first day after childbirth, due to the fact that large blood vessels remain in place of the separated placenta, a rather large amount of blood discharge from the uterus is noted (as with heavy menstruation). They may contain small clumps. If the amount of bleeding seems to be excessive, then it is imperative to call a midwife or doctor who will be able to assess the situation and, if necessary, take medical measures. In the first hours after childbirth, for a more correct assessment of the amount of bloody discharge from the genital tract, the puerperas use sterile fabric lining diapers (in some maternity hospitals they insist on using diapers for several days). In the future, the use of disposable pads is allowed (now special postpartum pads are produced, they can be bought in pharmacies and stores for expectant mothers, but ordinary ones are also suitable - the main thing is that they are "super absorbent" and "breathable"). These days, special disposable mesh panties will be very useful, it is better not to use your underwear (especially synthetic and dense ones): it is less breathable, in addition, it is unlikely that there will be conditions in the hospital to wash and disinfect it with an iron. To improve the outflow of lochia, it is better to lie on your stomach and periodically place a heating pad with ice on your stomach through a diaper (3 times a day for 15-20 minutes).

The nutrition of a woman (if she is healthy) on the first day after childbirth should take into account breastfeeding: it is necessary to exclude from the diet foods that cause increased gas production, as well as allergens.

If the amount of bleeding seems to be excessive, then it is imperative to call a midwife or doctor.

Discomfort in the first days after childbirth is painful in the lower abdomen. They are associated with postpartum uterine contractions and intensify during breastfeeding, expressing milk, and after injections of contraceptives, if any. In the perineum, a woman may also be disturbed by discomfort, pain, numbness. Tissue incisions and tears are, of course, painful and take time to heal (usually 7-10 days). But even if there were no tears and cuts during childbirth, there may be unpleasant sensations that should not be scared. After all, the tissues of the birth canal during childbirth are subjected to strong stretching, pressure, and, of course, the larger the fetus and the more difficult the process of its movement along the birth canal, the more pronounced the pain after childbirth. To reduce pain, you need to apply a heating pad with ice through the diaper to the perineum for 10 minutes 3-4 times during the day. And in order to be completely calm that you do not have any complications, in the morning on the round it is better to tell the doctor about your complaints.

Sometimes in the first 2-3 days after childbirth, some women experience excessive sweating. This is one of the body's main ways to remove fluid accumulated during pregnancy. This condition can last from 2-3 days to 2 weeks, sometimes longer, until hormonal regulation is fully restored.

The volume of consumed liquid should be up to 0.8 liters per day, no more, otherwise it will then be difficult to cope with the "arrived" milk. Spicy dishes, canned food are contraindicated.

We start to breastfeed

The newborn is applied to the breast for the first time in the delivery room immediately after childbirth. As soon as the baby is born, it is laid out on the mother's belly. While the midwife squeezes and then cuts the umbilical cord, the baby actively searches for mother's breast, crawls towards it and tries to suckle. Under the influence of the baby's sucking movements, the mother's uterus begins to actively contract, which accelerates the birth of the placenta. It is very important to attach the newborn to the breast immediately after childbirth: the first drops of colostrum contain the vitamins, antibodies and nutrients necessary for the baby. In addition, early feeding helps the baby to cope with the stress of birth.

Despite the fact that the first 2-3 days, small amounts of colostrum are excreted from the breast, the baby must be applied to the breast from the first day (in the absence of contraindications). Colostrum is invaluable in its composition, and even a few drops are needed for a baby.

The skin of a woman's nipples is very delicate. When breastfeeding, the nipples gradually harden, but cracks may form in the first days. To prevent this from happening, you need to apply the baby to the breast for no more than 5-7 minutes in the first 2-3 days after childbirth, then give another breast, also for 5-7 minutes.

There is no need to wash your breasts before each feeding (it is enough to wash it while taking a shower), because this leads to overdrying of the skin and thus contributes to the appearance of cracked nipples.

Feeding is carried out at the first request of the newborn, without interruptions at night. The baby should be placed on an oilcloth or sterile diaper so that it does not come into contact with the mother's bed during feeding.

It is very important that both mother and baby are in comfortable positions during feeding. For the mother, this is usually a "lying on its side" position (especially recommended for women with sutures in the perineum) or sitting, so that the baby can be held close to the breast for a relatively long time. In a seated position, under the arm on which the newborn will lie, you can put a pillow to relieve tension from it (the arm will quickly get tired by weight). The baby must grasp the nipple and areola. With the correct grip of the breast, the child's mouth is wide open, the tongue is located deep below the mouth, the lower lip is completely inverted (it is pushed out by the front edge of the tongue, which lies on the lower jaw). The areola is fully inserted into the baby's mouth if it is small. If the areola is large, then its capture is almost complete, asymmetrical. From below, the child captures the areola more than from above.

After operation

The course of the first day of postpartum women after cesarean section has its own differences. After the operation, the woman is transferred to the intensive care unit, where in the first 12-24 hours the medical staff monitors her general condition, blood pressure, pulse, respiratory rate, size and quantity of discharge from the genital tract, and bladder function. An ice pack is placed on the lower abdomen for 1.5-2 hours, which contributes to better contraction of the uterus and a decrease in blood loss.

Solutions that improve the condition of the blood are injected intravenously, depending on the amount of blood loss (for an uncomplicated operation, it is 500-800 ml). If necessary, the mother is transfused with blood components - erythrocyte mass, fresh frozen plasma. The need for this is determined by the woman's condition - the hemoglobin level before and after the operation, the amount of blood loss, etc.

Pain relievers are prescribed. The frequency of their administration depends on the intensity of pain. Pain relief is usually needed within the first 1–3 days after surgery.

To prevent infectious complications, antibiotics are administered to a woman: during the operation, 12 and 24 hours after the operation. In cases of high risk of infectious complications (in the presence of chronic infectious diseases, tonsillitis, sinusitis, etc., poor results of vaginal smears), antibiotics are administered for 5-7 days.

After modern operations, after a few hours, it is recommended to turn around in bed, move your arms and legs. Already 6 hours after the cesarean section, it is recommended to start doing breathing exercises, and after 10-12 hours - to get up and walk under the supervision of medical personnel, as far as strength allows, with a gradual increase in the load. Before getting up, it is recommended to put on or tighten the abdomen with a flannel diaper: this helps to reduce the pain symptoms when walking and to have a good contraction of the uterus.

Approximately 5-7 hours after the operation, it is allowed to drink water without gas (it is possible with lemon). Then, starting from the second day, the diet begins to gradually expand (low-fat broth with rolled meat, then low-fat milk yoghurts, baked apples, steamed cutlets, mashed potatoes, cereals, etc.). It is impossible to abruptly return to good nutrition: this can lead to problems in the work of the intestines.

The child begins to be applied to the breast, as a rule, also after the woman leaves the state of anesthesia, 5-6 hours after the operation, if there was general anesthesia, and immediately after the end of the operation, if it was used. Then the newborn is transferred to the children's department.

12-24 hours after the operation, the woman is transferred to the postpartum department. The question of the joint stay of the mother and the newborn in each case is decided individually, depending on their condition.

Madina Esaulova, obstetrician-gynecologist,
maternity hospital of Clinical Infectious Diseases Hospital No. 1 in Moscow

How often, when reading fairy tales to my child, I catch myself thinking that they end at the most interesting ... All fairy tales about handsome princes and princesses end in an extremely monotonous manner. "They got married, had children and began to live happily ever after." Great, what's next? After all, all the fun is just beginning, especially after the birth of children 🙂

In real life, everything is very similar to these fairy tales. The dream has come true - the wedding has been played, the future parents are in great anticipation of their first child, the pink thoughts in my head that now we will live happily ever after. I believe that such a state is wonderful, it is resourceful and gives a lot of energy and positive. If not for one "but". The lack of information about what processes begin in the family after the birth of children can subsequently play a cruel joke with young parents and lead them to the diametrically opposite conclusion - that after the birth of children, relations irrevocably change, love leaves, the family collapses, etc.

Now, in a huge abundance on the market, there are a variety of courses on preparation for pregnancy and childbirth, on proper breathing and behavior during childbirth, seminars on partner childbirth, psychological preparation of future dads to attend childbirth, alternative obstetrics techniques, etc. This is all very important and necessary. But I have a question - as in the aforementioned fairy tales - what next? After all, everything does not end at childbirth. Moreover, all the most interesting and exciting is just beginning, and for both parents ...

Why is there not an abundance of courses for expectant mothers, telling what will happen to them after giving birth, what unknown miracles hormones or postnatal depression can do to them. Why is it not said that temporary isolation from people and forced round-the-clock "attachment" to a child can become a difficult test for many young mothers? Why are there no courses that will tell the expectant mother that motherhood is really hard work, physically and psychologically, and that, from time to time, she will want to slam the door and run away in an unknown direction? And that these periodic outbursts of aggression or despair are a NORMAL reaction of the psyche to overstrain and fatigue, and not an indicator of its failure as a mother?

Or why we don't have courses that tell the future father what happens to a woman after giving birth. Explaining to him on the fingers that her temporary coldness and detachment, or her fixation on the child, is just a temporary measure caused by a global restructuring of her physiological and psychological state. And that the point is not at all that she stopped loving her husband - but that many women after childbirth simply do not have the strength to maintain the same energy level in the relationship. There is love, but there is no strength. Everything is very simple. And her coldness or, conversely, irritability is the result of the fact that she herself did not expect that it could be so hard. And why are there no courses that would explain to future fathers - that all these metamorphoses in relationships are only a temporary measure and very soon everything will fall into place if you just wait it out and surround the woman with calmness and support.

Why is it not customary for us to talk about the shadow side of family relationships after the birth of a child? Would it be that less children will be born from this? No. Will people become more afraid of childbirth? No. Will there be more divorces? I'm sure not. According to current statistics, more than 70% of all divorces occur in the first year after the birth of a child ... much worse.

In my opinion, forewarned is forearmed. And to know about the shadow side of life after childbirth is important and necessary, because it will save more families from disappointment. Knowing about the negative consequences is just as important as knowing about the positive changes in life after the birth of a family. Positive changes are broadcasted in modern society very actively. And this is good! This suggests that society is becoming more mature, more oriented towards the future generation. The bad news is that negative changes are hushed up and not given due attention in preparation for childbirth.

I in no way claim that absolutely all families "shake" after the birth of children. From my psychological practice, I know examples where families quite calmly and harmoniously passed into the status of parents. But such families were mature enough, both partners were in dominant Adult ego states. Such an idyll does not happen often. In most cases, young families still feel some kind of "turbulence" after the birth of children, especially the first child. Someone shakes more, someone shakes less. But it is precisely the competent preparation for turbulence, familiarization with all the "life jackets" and "oxygen masks" - often allows you to avoid the search for "emergency exits".

Psychological preparation for the POST-partum period will save a huge number of women from the feelings of guilt that they may experience after childbirth. After all, from all sides the woman is being told - “Well, what are you? after all, children are happiness !!! ". Happy young families with clean and obedient children eating yoghurts on their own look at her from TV screens, social networks daily throw them pictures of happy, beautiful and successful young mothers who have an ideal hairstyle, fitness and their own business on the Internet, friends assure that there is no greater happiness than children - but she sits and does not understand why she does not experience this happiness! And right now she wants to sob and cry, as never before in her life. And she did not sleep for many, many nights, and the child is capricious around the clock, and her husband began to come home late from work, because “at home you are unhappy with everything” ... And a woman often draws the following conclusion: since she does not feel happiness, then she is a useless mother ... Her tension grows even more - family relationships deteriorate even more. The circle is closed.

And it's enough just to know what happens to you after childbirth, what processes are triggered, what ego states begin to dominate. Know and understand - where do the fears, apathy, irritation at the husband come from. Know and understand - what to do with all this "non-fairy" baggage.

For men, preparation for the postnatal period is no less important than for women. After all, it is the man who in most cases makes the decision to divorce, unable to withstand the abrupt and unreasonable (as it seems to him) change in the climate in the family. And this is also understandable - at one point, his whole habitual way of life changes. Absolutely everything changes - the rhythm and way of life, the schedule of the day, the mood of the spouse, the level of noise in the house, in the end. Indeed, in the first days of a baby's life, a woman has many worries: feed the baby, take a walk, calm down, change clothes, feed again, and so on. And such an intensive work on caring for the baby can continue for a fairly long period, during which the newly made dad grows and multiplies resentment that his wife is always busy with the child and does not pay him the attention he received before the baby was born. As a result, a man can conclude that he is no longer loved and that he is "the third - superfluous". Plus, a huge number of new and previously unknown “papal” duties “fall” on a man. Taken together, all these "innovations" introduce a man into severe stress. Experiencing stress, a man seeks comfort from his wife, who, as it turned out, is already busy with a child and does not need a “second child” ... The circle is closed again. Tension, mixed with stress and accumulated resentment, creates an explosive mixture that boils more and more as the atmosphere in the family heats up. Therefore, it is so important even before the birth of the baby to work with the future dad all possible scenarios for the development of relations in the family, talk about the pitfalls, explain the reasons for possible climate change in the family - that is, create a strong basis on which the whole family will hold in the postnatal period.

Another important point that young parents need to remember is that after childbirth, both partners move into a dominant “parental state”. It is important to understand here that the ego-state of the Parent contains attitudes and behavior adopted from the outside, primarily from the parents. Outwardly, they are often expressed in prejudice, critical behavior towards others. The parental state is characterized by patterns learned from parents, stereotypes of social behavior, rules and prohibitions. Hence, a huge amount of criticism against each other, and accusations of each other, and moralizing. Realizing your ego state and adjusting it can also help relieve the tension in relationships.

Awareness of the processes that trigger childbirth, awareness of one's own and partner's ego states and the characteristics of each ego state after childbirth is the key to preventing conflict situations and a calm transition to a parenting role. Therefore, it is so important to timely prevent conflicts, to prevent them even before the moment when the boiling point turns into a point of no return.

When British mom Becky Pope gave birth to her baby, she decided she had to warn other mothers-to-be about something. Her post on Fb "20 Things You Need to Know When You Just Pushed Your Child Out" went viral and garnered over 114,000 likes and 80,000 shares.

Why did he become so popular? Probably because he is brutally honest. So, what future mothers should be ready for (we removed 2 points due to the inconsistency of Western realities with ours):

1. Pain. After childbirth. Who knew? As soon as you have experienced labor pain, no less, and some even more, sufferings await you - especially when the midwife massages your uterus so that all blood clots and placenta come out of it.

2. First urination. Take a ladle of warm water and pour it over your lower abdomen and crotch for a little help.

3. And the first bowel movement. Do not panic. You are not giving birth to another child. Although it feels like that. You will not get anything superfluous from there. Although it can. Rectal prolapse is quite common, especially if you have had lacerations. And you most likely had them ...

4. Your child looks strange. Really weird. They will tell you how cute he is, and you will accept it. But in fact, this is a small, wrinkled old man, covered with a strange white gruel and light fur.

5. Boys' genitals look pretty funny. The testicles are just huge as for a baby, with a small "piptic" on top. Do not be alarmed, most likely this is a swelling that will soon subside.

6. His first poop is special too. This is not poop at all, but some kind of tar. The midwife will definitely come to see how you deal with it the first time.

7. Your first shower ... At first it will be hard for you, you will think that now all your life you will walk with your legs wide apart like a cowboy. But then ... you seem to wash away all sins from yourself and become a human again.

8. Most midwives love children. They can come and take your baby without asking, massage his tummy to make him poop, squeeze his testicles ...

9. Your child hates you. This is not just crying, this is communication with your mother, as if he is warning that he is going to ruin your life.

Seriously, of course not. But it seems that he is crying only in your arms, that he deliberately harasses you all night ...

10. You will say the word "suck" more often than ever before in your life. And the idea of ​​a little man casually sucking on your nipples will become a reality. And at this moment you will feel like a real mother. Cow :)

11. There will be people in the hospital who feel your vulnerability. They can take pictures of your baby, and then try to charge you big money for it. They will show dozens of identical photos of the child in one position and make you choose. And if you entrust this to your spouse, then get ready to mortgage your apartment in order to redeem these photos ...

12. He farts. He spits up. He hiccups. He makes strange sounds during sleep, so you are afraid to wake up and see Chukki laughing ominously in his place. You hope people understand that the child is doing it, not you. Although you are now also having problems with gas control.

13. Everyone you have ever known will want to come to your hospital. People really enjoy visiting someone in hospitals. They feel like VIPs when they go to the ward. But you are not in your best shape and not your best, so only accept those closest to you.

14. Your belly resembles a balloon that gradually deflates. What remains is a stretched fold of skin, which you just want to cut off with a knife (why not remove it right away, if, for example, a cesarean is done?).

15. Everyone will immediately start telling you about the need for contraception. Midwives constantly say that after giving birth you are in the most fertile state, so you can easily get pregnant. The only thing they fail to take into account is that you’re sure you’ll never have sex again. You don't want to see men's personal belongings. At least for the next few weeks.

16. Midwives constantly ask you if there is more milk in your breast. Some will come and literally squeeze him out - and it hurts incredibly. And within three days, your breasts fill up and even begin to flow, or even spray at the slightest touch like a garden sprinkler.

17. Everyone wants to send you home as soon as possible. If everything is in order with the child, then it will be so. But don't be in a hurry. At home, your child will act like you know what to do. Appreciate the time at the hospital to learn everything you need to know.

18. Stop worrying. You are not a superwoman. There is no such thing as normal or perfect. You are normal and ideal for your child. He does not judge you, but completely relies on you. Yes, you are responsible for another human life. But you can do it. And it will be easier every day. Breathe.

You have just given birth to your child. There is nothing that you cannot do now.

Except for sleep.

You cannot sleep now.

anonymously

Hello! We have concerns in our family about my niece's behavior. She gave birth on April 28th. I was really looking forward to the child. Everyone thought that he would shake over the child, love him very much. But after giving birth, everything changed. Even in the hospital, the doctor said that she was a very indifferent mom. A child can scream for hours. and she does not pay attention, does not even approach her. At the same time, we observe sharp changes in mood. Either he speaks normally, then abruptly turns to screams. She does not speak to the child at all, only hisses at her. Recently we watched the scene: (the girl is feeding, there is not enough milk) for almost 3 hours in the morning she tried to breastfeed, the child refused, yelled until he was hoarse, to which the niece said to the baby, “Oh, you don’t want to, well, I won’t give you a bottle. farther". They tried to intervene shouting "all go away, I want to feed my baby, I want not." Later I ask what is wrong with you. in response to me, "I want to breastfeed and that's it," they tried to explain that there is not enough milk, and it is liquid, it doesn’t eat. in response - I'm fine. I tell her "your desires do not matter, you have to do what is best for the child" in response No, I will do what I want. Sometimes the impression is that she hates the child. Her look from the underhead is very frightening. What is it? We heard about depression after childbirth, but no one in the family had it. A month has passed, nothing has changed. Tell me where to go, what should we do?

Hello. There can be many reasons for such behavior of a woman after childbirth: postpartum, psychological difficulties associated with changing the role of a woman, with the need to take care of another person almost around the clock, difficulties associated with problems in a woman's family relationships, etc. It may be very difficult for your niece to get used to the fact that now "her desires do not play a role." She may have stopped receiving the support from loved ones that she received when she was pregnant. Very often, young mothers suffer from the fact that after childbirth they suddenly lose the support of loved ones, all attention is paid to the newborn baby, and his mother, while bathing in the love and care of loved ones, overnight turns into a caregiver, feeds, washes, etc. In order to help your niece, it is necessary that she herself be willing to accept help. Try to persuade your niece to contact a child psychologist at the children's clinic where the baby is being monitored - there she will receive psychological support and the necessary information about caring for the child. It is not clear from your letter whether the child's father has any help in taking care of the child, whether your niece has a loving husband. If it is not there, or if the relationship with the child's father is conflicting, then you can turn to a psychologist who works with adults or with married couples - in a number of regions there are various psychological centers or helplines. If your niece categorically refuses to communicate with a psychologist, then you can use the communication on forums where issues of caring for newborns are discussed - there are many young mothers on these forums, to whom she can anonymously turn for advice, discuss a difficult situation.

I believe that motherhood is a direct purpose of every girl. Just like each of us should be a good housewife, loving wife, daughter, sister. But I will not condemn those who spend time with marriage and motherhood. Everyone has their own life, and everyone decides for himself when to get married and have children.

This can happen at 20 or 40. But still, motherhood is the happiness that each of us deserves and deserves. Alas, not everyone copes with their maternal responsibilities. One friend of mine refused to raise her child. It struck me so much that I could not come to my senses for a long time.

And the answer was simple and commonplace for her: a child prevents her from feeling like a woman. Doesn't give fullness of life and other things. Of course, it is much easier to shift everything onto the shoulders of old people: grandparents. You should not dwell on other people's mistakes, it is better not to allow your own, I thought.

For example, only after becoming a mother, I began to look at the world through the eyes of a full-fledged person. Much before that was not interesting to me. And with my daughter I managed to finish my studies at the university, and work, and even have a rest. And I never thought about the fact that children interfere.

However, my daughter is visiting my mother, her grandmother on weekends. She is almost 5 years old, she solves many things on her own and I do not mind her visiting my grandmother. But in 2-3 days I miss her so much that I can't wait to see her again. I can't imagine how you can leave your children for a long time.

Attitude towards yourself after childbirth

As soon as my baby was born, I literally did not leave her. I was tired of the visits of relatives, I wanted to get home as soon as possible and be alone with the baby. Then it turned out that the daughter became tame, and in the literal sense of the word she could not be left alone.

Of course, full-fledged self-care was out of the question. But I'm a girl, and I need to look good ... I came across an interesting article that talked about the behavior of a woman after childbirth. Someone has depression, someone else has some problems.

How to stay a woman

Of course, both before and after childbirth, you need to pay attention to yourself: do exercises, eat right. But chasing the ideal appearance, as in 16-18 years old, is not worth it. We need to look fresh and beautiful at the age we are.

You can't run yourself, I know that perfectly well. Therefore, I try to do light gymnastics, make-up, walk down the street without frightening people. In order not to go crazy with household chores and household chores, we go with my husband to the cinema, theater (such dates go out). And chasing an ideal figure, pretending not to give birth, is absurd. Maybe hide your child so that no one would guess?

You have to be yourself, I think. Be natural, real. The world is full of everything: amazing, incomprehensible. I get to know myself, my facets, the world together with the child. And I can't imagine what I would be like now if my 2 kids were not next to me.

What can you say about this?

To get the best articles, subscribe to Alimero's pages at