Parted with the girl on her initiative. We constantly part with the girl on her initiative. Personal experience in breaking up with girls

It happens that you meet a girl, everything is fine, and then something goes wrong. She grows cold towards you for some unknown reason, and you eventually part. Moreover, if this happens on her initiative, then it is doubly insulting. And you ask yourself the question "How to get her back after breaking up?"

What can be done in such a situation? If a girl dumped you, then you should not call her, confess your love and do other actions in relation to her. There is a very important point here. After the breakup, do nothing, just disappear from her life, no matter how hard it is for you.

Because this is the only correct option, which gives, albeit not a great, but opportunity, in the future.

Imagine being thrown by a girl. You are very restrained about this. This already puzzles her: why is it so? When you don't do stupid things to get her back, you immediately increase your value in her eyes.

You are a self-sufficient, smart man who. There are billions of other women in the world.

And as soon as she feels that her value for you is not as high as she thought, then this thought will immediately pull back to you.

How to get a girl back in 3 steps?

Of course, there are different situations. The main thing is that you understand that the light on one girl is not reduced, no matter how beautiful she may seem to you. And that there is no guarantee that you will return it - there is no.

But there is a sequence of actions, performing which, will increase the chances of her return.

Step # 1 - Cool Down

As we said, do nothing immediately after breaking up. Distract yourself with other things, put your brains in order. Yes, it is difficult enough to refrain from ill-considered actions due to strong emotions. But you should show coolness.

Step # 2 - Stand for a certain amount of time

Pause. Depending on the situation, this period of time can vary from a week to a month. Let her and you cool off. Adapt to new realities. And here is the most important point. She can come to her senses, and understand that she sucks without you. And that you are not there. And that you do not even show yourself in any way either by calls or sms.

Step # 3 - Take the initiative

If she herself does not appear, which would be the best scenario, then you can remind yourself of yourself. But don't call and say how much you miss her. No. You can dial it in a couple of weeks and say that you forgot some of your trinkets at her house, and you want to pick it up. This can be any excuse that does not apply to your relationship, but which will facilitate short communication.

And during this meeting, you can understand whether there is an opportunity to improve relations, or everything is gone forever. A girl may not even state this directly, but such a desire will manifest itself in her views, movements, intonation. If you feel that she wants to tell you something, then in this case she can start the conversation herself.

If you see a completely indifferent attitude towards yourself at this meeting, then you can score. Seriously. Because there is no point in taking any action in this case.

Personal experience in breaking up with girls

If in my life it comes to parting, then not once in my life have I wanted to return the girl. Because this was preceded by either unpleasant situations that did not contribute to the desire for further communication, or a banal loss of interest.

Moreover, in almost all cases, I was the initiator of the separation. A man should be the leader in a relationship. And especially in such matters. If you feel that something is going wrong, be proactive.

If a girl leaves a guy on her own initiative, then this guy should think about it. Something is wrong with him. Usually this happens with soft-natured and lack of initiative guys who let everything go by themselves. If you have such traits, get rid of them urgently. And take everything that happens in your life under, so that this does not happen in the future.

But in no case should you humiliate yourself and take ineffective actions. And remember: there are 3 billion more women in the world. Good luck!

Question to the psychologist:

We parted with the girl almost like the second month on her initiative. She is 24 years old, and I am 33. They are familiar as 10 months. She has a son who became my family. He loves me, misses when I'm not around. At first he was afraid of me, because the previous guy beat him.

But the girl who did not understand during this time that it turns out that she did not have love,

but attachment, it turns out, did not suit everything. Before that, there was a quarrel, but we agreed to discuss what does not suit whom. Although I invested more help in this relationship (she lives with her mother and son) and care, love for them, soul, efforts. At the same time, we discussed, made plans for the future, wanted to get married. I am now sorry that I agreed to an abortion. Yes, the circumstances so developed, we had no place to live, and we were familiar only for the second month. For about a month she offered to rent an apartment for 3 months to live together (it did not work, because they were moving and the hostess did not renew it, although I had suggested before that - she refused). She also said that I was not her type. Although I know what I did for, for her and

son was not done by all her exes. This is my 2 love. Before that there was a quarrel, but we agreed to discuss everything, but I asked her if everything suits her in our relationship. And it also turned out that she doesn't really need me, but her family needs me as an assistant. I love her very much, addicted or something. I know that I did not give it up so this intimacy. I wanted to let her go, but I can't, I often think about her. I can not emotionally let go of this relationship, there was an understatement. I wanted to leave, to let her go, but I could not. I didn't see it for 3 weeks, then I decided to find out from her personally, she freaked out and ran, I didn't catch up with her. She also said that I was also selfish, but I wanted a little more attention to myself and not indifference. I felt this attitude towards myself.

I myself am not walking all these days. There is pain and emptiness in my soul, frequent insomnia. We used to talk on vatsap and I often go there. I get the feeling that we are waiting for messages from each other. And the last time she asked to leave her alone.

The question is answered by the psychologist Grechina Kristina Valerievna.

Hello Vladimir! You are now very bad because you are powerless to change the girl's attitude towards you! You can't bring yourself to love, but you can change your attitude towards parting. This is your life and experience. Write yourself that love is second, so there will be a third ... BEFORE that you need to understand yourself in order to make the right choice for your future wife!

The last days you feel bad because You initiated a meeting after 3 weeks of parting and received confirmation of her indifference to you, lost hope! Your situation looks as if the real reason for the separation is not at all that you are bad for her. And YOU feel it, so you suffer from innuendo. You write that: "I get the feeling as if we are waiting for messages from each other." - this is your interpretation, wishful thinking, attribute your feelings and thoughts to your ex-girlfriend.

It's not that you are bad, but that you just don't want to admit that love was not mutual! You yourself did not want to see this, tk. probably underestimated the personality of the girl, and considered their help and attention to her child a sufficient manifestation of their feelings, especially since YOU all the time refer to the fact that her previous boyfriends were worse. Any girl is guided not by who was, but by who can meet her dreams, the idea of ​​how she wants to see her family. 10 months is not enough time to reduce physical attraction, so the reason for your separation is rather multifactorial and the main one is that you were considered as a sponsor!

Go to a face-to-face consultation, sort out your internal conflicts. Why did you not want to notice that people were indifferent to you? Clarify your understanding of family and the responsibilities of a spouse. What qualities of a person are most valuable to you? What interests do you want to share with your future wife?

She recently went to visit her parents in Astrakhan. From where she said via SMS that she no longer sees us together. I was hysterical and prayed that she would leave me in at least as a friend, brother, .. it doesn't matter !! After all, she invited me there. On the third day I came home with an aspiration. And she said - "Today I'm going on a date, for the night. We talked about it! I ran away .. She shone the evening for me. We walked along the Volga embankment. From where she was going to go on a date. An hour has passed. We are walking. I am flowing, roaring. , I ask her not to go. She is not inclined. "I don't know what to tell you" - she says. I leave on a minibus to her on a minibus. I can't find a place for myself. I call her - "Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to you?
- "I'll come closer to twelve"
Arrived. Sorry! I didn't mean to offend you! Crying.
You see, I could not influence her! I couldn't afford to restrict her by acting against her will! It was a test! I acted like a good person! And you had to act like a man. Do not let her in and that's it. It was she who later kind of hinted to me. I HAVE HUGE, DONKEY EARS! After that I did not have the courage to exchange a ticket and fly to St. Petersburg earlier. And I spent a whole month with her. Revel went crazy. She passed her license, her parents and I went on a picnic several times. (they still thought I was their father-in-law) Her stepfather had a birthday. I was among the invitees. For which I had to change the ticket at a later date. I was offered, I could not refuse .. Now I am back. And for a month he flooded her with tears in contact, sms, called a couple of times. She answered. She said that she was very worried about me and that she was suffering very much herself. At some point, I again became a good person and wrote her SMS that she was free, I let her go and happiness to her, etc. etc. A day later, I realized that I was on the brink. There was an explosion. I bombarded her with messages that I wouldn’t let her nifiga go. I will strive for it! I will build my house (figuratively speaking) for us! I'll get better, better and ... She almost ignores me. He rarely answers very coldly. I think if I ask if my messages annoy her, she will answer that everything is fine with her.
I try not to bother her, sometimes it works.
In a word, I did everything that could not be done! Everything seems hopeless and a rainy day. Every day. Soon she is returning to St. Petersburg for permanent residence and how should I behave? What to do? I ruined everything. But I was madly in love with her even before parting. And now I'm going crazy, I've grown a lot, I've changed a lot, just a breakthrough! I'm getting better ....
THIS IS THE END? NO CHANCE? Please, advise what to do?

Ilya, there are very good chances, too. the girl does not want to delete you from her life. But you rightly noticed that you did a lot of absurdities, namely: you tried and are trying to make the girl feel sorry for you. The girl, of course, will regret it like a homeless kitten, but she will never perceive a weak, aching and crying person as a man. You talk a lot and, most likely, only about how much you suffer - she continues to regret and move away. Way out: build a home not figuratively - stop writing / calling, take care of yourself, develop, become interesting to her again. So far, she has you at a glance, she knows everything about you and sees that you are only capable of compassionate conversations. But this is not so! After all, you can pause your relationship - stop thinking about the girl and start thinking about business, for example, whether you can provide her with a heavenly life when she returns to you, will you take her to restaurants, are you pumped up enough and tucked up to look like a man and not a twig boy. It is important for a girl to feel that your world is not limited only to her. Most likely, she loves you, but has lost all interest in your words and your way of life. Return!

Elena Pavlovna Davydyuk, psychologist in St. Petersburg

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Marina Stolyarova

Psychologist Saint-Petersburg Was online: Today

Answers on the site: Conducts trainings: Publications.

She herself sought me at the beginning and this relationship, I was absolutely indifferent to her, then all the same I saw something in her over time. I warned her that I was deprived of my license for 1.5 years and I probably won’t find a job during this time and that I would be without money. She agreed to everything. There were misunderstandings of litigation, they reconciled, changed then with the former, she was ready to say goodbye to me, I then asked, begged for forgiveness. All is well, as time went on, I began to show feelings for her, deprived her of her virginity. Then she left me, because he was rude to her, he was a "tyrant" and called me names really jokingly, but she did not understand this, she apologized for anything, ran - achieved it. Time passed. Everything was too good, they themselves did not believe it. Well, it went, of course, everything was gross, everyday abuse, again misunderstandings, I began to communicate poorly with her friend, he sometimes made a mistake but apologized for everything. he told everything - all right, he apologized and forgot himself, but the fool was disappointed, he defended his girlfriend from me, and so on, although the friend was the first to start. But they tried to solve everything, they came to me and discussed, they tried to solve the problems. Why am I a fool still a girl a pancake included ... rarely true but included. Well, it seems to have settled down, but the relationship cooled down a bit. Good night, they wished each other sluggishly like that, well, as is usually the case after quarrels. And one day she was dragging heavy bags home, instead of calling me to ask for help, she brought them and called me complaining - how hard it is for her to go here, no one who helps her on the street will offer help, she drags 40 kg in her arms ... And I, instead of verbally supporting her or regretting, I did not believe that she was carrying 40 kg, and asked me to show how she was carrying 40 kg and started swearing together. After that, I wrote that we'd better leave. He says they would have parted anyway sooner or later, and she had been preparing for this for a long time half a year somewhere. After the 2nd week of parting, a drunk called, but in a conscious state, she apologized and cried and said that she loves but will try to stifle the feeling in herself, but still we cannot be together says. I tried to persuade and that I would make any concessions, she says you will find a better girl than me, these consolations irritate her. well, something like this. she 17 me 21 and a half with a dashing year were together. according to her, we cannot be together, we are different and that I will not change, and if I change, then it will not be me. She also says that I put a lot of prohibitions and restrictions, do not drink or smoke there, come home at 10, etc. ... and if I come home for her, she will call a cop)

Hello!
I am 26 years old my girlfriend is 24. Together for three years. We met at my sister's wedding, we are from the same village, but she is studying in another city and wants to stay there, I don’t want this, I have my own apartment, work. It turned out that each of these years we parted for the first time in September at the initiative of the girl, referring to the fact that I was not her person, that I had no goals, that I was jealous, etc. After the first parting, we met two months later on her own initiative. After that we met again, but already until August, and again parted. Even though I loved her, I let her go. In half a year I will go again on her own initiative. They agreed, said that she loved and could not live without me, apologized for not appreciating, etc. We met for half a year and now she is again thinking about parting because I don’t move to her city where she is to study! She says that she thinks either we are together and she moves to me, or we part and she stays in the city! How can I be, love her?

We constantly part with the girl on her initiative

Hello Andrey,

Your girlfriend sometimes breaks up in you, then comes back. And every time you agree with her decision.

Why you agree to converge is understandable - you love her and want to be together. Why then "let go"? Do you agree with her reasons (no goals, jealous)? Not ready to compromise? Or is it all about the fact that each of you fundamentally defends the position of the place of residence?

now she again thinks about parting because I am not moving to a city where she is studying! She says that she thinks, either we are together and she moves to me, we spread out and she stays in the city

Perhaps I did not understand the last phrase, but it sounds like a solution - "we are together and she moves to me." But it somehow does not fit with this phrase:

she again thinks about parting because I am not moving to a city where she is studying

Judging by what you write, it is important for her to study and live in the city. You have already arranged life in the village - a job, an apartment. In this moment, a conflict arises and it is most likely that it will not work to resolve it so as not to change anything and to be together. That is, some of you will have to choose what is more important - where to live or with whom to live.

So far, it seems to me, each of you hopes that the other will make this choice. This generates both hope and doubt. But you still have to make a choice. The main thing is that it does not turn into a sacrifice and an eternal blame for the partner.

Respectfully yours, psychologist,
Marina Abramova