I am a former drug addict. Permanent quarrels with his wife. Permanent quarrels and disruptions with a guy

14.08.2019

Your life is a series of incessant quarrels? Have you already forgotten when you thought about something good about each other? You are tired of such a lifetime, but are not ready to divorce? So time to solve this problem ..

Who is guilty?

Do you remember that it served as an apple of discord? Do you remember the moment when the world ended and war began and eternal jannake? Not? Then it is obvious that both are to blame. From the position of an adult, even if your husband is wrong, you can always be smarter and solve the problem. But did not do it. Accordingly, too to blame.

And if you include the mechanism of "Fool himself": "He did not come on time, I would not prepare dinner," she did not prepare dinner, I ... ", then seek to blame just meaningless.

If we did not convince you, then take advantage of the simple wisdom, which stars that you do not change the other person. Only a person himself can change, and it never happens through violence (read - reproaches, claims, quarrels). Thus, you have only two options: to abandon this person or inspire him to change its behavior, to become the initiator of the truce.

What to do?

Permanent quarrels between spouses have completely different reasons. They can be associated with big family events: the appearance of the child , moving, changing work, loan, etc. They generally have one - the reasons still lick not in what happened, but that both partners cease to feel happiness, once united them in a couple. And they refund it in their own ways. You can get out of the "vicious circle" you can, only having worked on yourself and attitude to the partner:

Get rid of habit

Over time, quarrels can get into the habit. We get used to certain events, we start thinking that "everyone lives" and no longer trying to do anything. Infinite complaints They accumulate, entail more complaints, and then it all stops into a huge ball, to carry that, it turns out to be easier than to unravel. If you understand what is tired of this, then it's time to designate the problem and enlist his desire to change something in a relationship.

Admit that both are to blame

You can start solving problems only from the position "We both were equally wrong." In addition, forbid yourself to build logic chains and blame the other in what was: "I stopped cooking you, because because of your meager salary I work more, and I have no time."

Disassemble

This is the most dangerous part of a reconciliation plan with her husband. Some psychologists advise you to write a list of what you do not like in relationships, as a preparation for a conversation. Some advise concentrate on desires . The second method impresses more, because Claims sharing has the risk of developing into another rewritten.

How to prepare and talk

Write what you would like. Of course, all this will be based on what is not now, and because of what the claims arise. In order to eradicate egoism phrase "I want to" We will replace on the phrase "I would like to".

TOTAL, instead "Throw bags from tea in the trash, and not leave them on the table; Do not go into the dirty shoe in the room and in the kitchen » you write "I want the houses to be clean with us, so that we both keep cleanliness in our apartment, and you respected my work on cleaning". The meaning is the same, and the attitude is born differently, right?

Both prepare this list in advance. At the beginning of the conversation, clarify your intention again: to stop quarrel and demanding happiness from each other, learn about the real desires and needs of each other and begin to perform them together. Accordingly, the most important conversation rule is to find together. way to meet the needs each other. Even if you don't like it, there is no opportunity now, you think together how to implement the desired thing to be satisfied with.

Permanent quarrels with her husband: who is to blame and what to do?

In this conversation, occupy an adult position "Let's see what we can do with it", not a child's position "And I want it all!".

Ideal quarrel: Install the rules for conversation

only one says;
do not justify
talk only about desires (and not to repeat claims and reproaches);
questions can only be asked clarifying ("What do you want me to do about cleanliness?" In this case, you are responsible for bags and dirty shoes);
speak calmly
all needs are equally important.

Permanent quarrels with her husband: who is to blame and what to do?

Such a conversation, as well as compliance with the agreements after it, will help you tune in to the right wave - the wave of the world and solving problems. Even if it is difficult, the goal achieved will justify all efforts.

Reset the counter

It is impossible to begin to observe an agreement from conversation on the basis of yesterday's quarrels and reproaches. Therefore, zero all the counters, sorry each other for everything that was "yesterday": for the unbearable garbage, for a small salary, for a non-dinner, etc. Imagine that you are just starting to build your relationship, you do not know how your behalf spouse. He knows your desires, you know his desire. The game started, the score is 0: 0. Not a game, of course, but according to the rules and with a zero account.

Talk and do only good

Have you noticed what you are talking about your husband to your girlfriends, colleagues? Surely a little good. And try at all do not include the society in your life in such a difficult period for the relationship.

Close the eye on the fact that "I love you" Before bedtime, it will be said through the teeth, gentle words will not be from the heart, and the flowers will be bought as a company to the anniversary of professional activities. See what happens with time.

We fight with constant quarrels alone

Permanent quarrels are often based on the fact that everyone dismands its territory and with words "And I want you to ..." Climbing the barricade, breaking everything in its path. And the method of conducting a conversation that we suggested, just based on both raising the white flag and find out the other needs of the other.

Psychology 9

Greetings you, my dear! Yesterday, I performed a stretching for the whole body before bedtime, I love it this thing at night looking, morning wake-up then such a light, even if I didn't sleep at midnight because of crying or whims of children. But the essence is not in this, along the way you will understand why I made an emphasis on stretching.

After classes, I had a great inspiration for writing the article, the theme of which, in principle, was already planned. I just ripen even more recommendations for you that will help prevent permanent quarrels with your husband, and if they arise, you can stand before the conflict in a completely new, very visible image.

Be prepared for the fact that my ways to solve conflicts in the family may seem unusual, but I assure you, they act, tested on their own experience with a person who is extremely hotbed and not bending.

Why arise quarrels between loving people?

Modern fashion dictates a woman to be independent and to make decisions. Many ladies are confident that they have the same rights as men, moreover, they want to manage everyone and all. Under the distribution, not only husband, but also children, suffer from all the family, including a woman itself. Endless quarrels with her husband lead to the fact that each family of family dreams to escape from this, to put it mildly, an unpleasant place.

The quarrel itself, it does not matter with whom, deprives a person of energy, which is why immediately after it is felt the strongest decline of strength, the bombability and absolute inability to make the right decisions.

Go away from a quarrel, to close the eyes on what annoys you is a nebody of the situation. Well, if you understand that parting can also not solve the problem, because if your behavior has become the cause of the permanent quarrels with her husband, the same fate will suffer with a new partner.

Do you have a proceedings about the fact that the partner is not ideal or refuses to fulfill its obligations? So you originally knew who they got married. I know, before he was not so, and in general, now you need the key to solving the problem. Keep reading…

What behavior of a woman makes a break in relationship?

All herself. Accustomed in life to seek everything herself, she takes on himself and trying to manage households. Of course, a woman should ask the whole rhythm. Like a clock, early climb, children attend all sorts of circles, the husband is dressed with a needle, for everyone a healthy food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, on weekends, joint trips. Ideally, such a way will be considered if the decision to keep one or another lifestyle was adopted unanimously on the Family Council.

However, if she decided to play the role of the Queen and distribute to all the instructions in an orderly tone, will certainly meet resistance, and first of all from her husband, if.

Want to listen to you? So that the husband does not perceive all your suggestions in the bayonets, helped and support you? Remind him that you are a woman, beautiful, but weak creature. We often ask for help, emphasizing the significance of its actions. Men are very pant on praise, but do not tolerate them to report, as a guilty child. Praise it as much as possible, especially in the presence of other people. Then, in the future, he will strive to keep the brand, as it pumps it well, gives energy and the feeling of great importance and in demand.

Does not closes the mouth. There is a type of women who are just doing that shouting a man in the ear for all days. This is the eternal bu-bu-bu, which in the end makes him go somewhere or turning on the TV is pogromic. For example, you are annoyed what the husband does: Opens the refrigerator often, throws pieces of candies to the sofa, spreads things around the chairs, leaves in the sink dirty dishes and so on. Perhaps the reasons for your irritability are different: the beloved does not want to look for work, he does not engage in children, drinks, does not follow himself and wears terrible clothes, does not spend time with his family, disappears at work ...

To quarrel with a man due to the fact that he lives in your opinion somehow not, will not help resolve the conflict. The approach should be soft. First, it is necessary to close the eyes on the little things, like an unbearable dish. Clean the imperfections of your faithful. But always let's understand what it would be good if he rinsed a glass after drunk coffee. Do it with a smile, joke, because no tragedy happened.

To solve more serious problems, it is necessary to prepare accordingly, a plan and a suitable moment. And if you walk and tackle, you will bloom for aggression. The man needs to motivate, he must inspire from the beautifully presented ideie you. For example, why should he hurry to look for a job if you fully provide a family or are there still enough savings? So far, tell us why it is advantageous to work for him, that he will like it, because it can not work only in order for you well. In men, too, there are dreams, and if everything is pulled out to a penny, then you have to forget about dreams.

Does not specify rhythm. A woman can want a lot, but at the same time the finger of his finger does not hit. Imagine the situation, it does not work, does not have hobbies, spends all his time before the TV or the clock hangs on the phone. But at the same time considers something right to demand something from her husband. She complains about boring life, for the lack of support and misunderstanding from the man.

What's wrong? And the fact that a woman is this that nourishes a man with energy, the one that inspires it to positive actions. And what can make a lady that complains of life? We all worth understanding that negative energy is also attractive, as well as positive. Do not expect someone to come to you and give, go, and yourself, take what you need. Start moving, show your example, how to live, you yourself build your existence, and the necessary people will follow you if you become an inspirational or, as some women love to call the goddess.

She is mommy. You forgot that your man already lived with Mom, he came out of that age when he was baked behind him. Close the scarf of the throat, do not drink cold, put warm socks - he already had it all, and he definitely does not want to repeat. Adult boy requires an adult relationship. In principle, he himself knows what and how to do it. The task of the wife is to inspire, give ideas, praise and create conditions for a pleasant stay together.

How to express your discontent with her husband?

First, learn how to pay attention to the little things, let him get used to the fact that without a serious reason you do not yell in your ear. About your desires, express clearly, as a rare man understands hints.

What happened something that led you to rabies? Do not hold in yourself, do not take offense, but when accumulated, you will give him out such that mother is dear, he will fall into a stupor, or will move it well, and maybe it will just hide far and for a long time.

It makes no sense angry to yell on him, humiliate, blame and throw. Try to act as follows. Imagine that you are a little girl and start bitterly crying. Such, before, strong and confident in herself, and suddenly crying. Comeize and leave, the next step will do it, and it will be a beautiful step.

The ancient Vedic Scriptures say that success in family life depends on women. Nothing will prevent her. A woman is endowed with more energy than a man in order to continue the genus and raise offspring. If she devotes fully only a career, then sooner or later discovers no fill in the emptiness inside.

The true woman is gentle, soft, sensitive, she is well familiar with a sense of gratitude. Male leader, and a woman behind him is always obedient. If she opposes to obey a man, then life will teach her her own, but it will be a painful process.

The inspirationant for a man that cares for himself has elegant speech and even unpleasant truth expresses, sincerely loving. Here you can bring a simple example, as a mother loves a son, no matter how much he is, he still will remain the best for her. The man needs to be respected, glorify and believe in it.

You ask, but how can you praise a complete loser? If it does not fit your requests, it means it is not your half.

How to behave during a quarrel?

Remember, at the beginning of the article, I mentioned about a stretching before bedtime? So, my man after work has some more things, and then he falls on the sofa and watches the transfers that I am absolutely not interesting. But I have other interests, and setting the children to sleep, I completely dive with them, I have no time to scandal with my husband that he does not pay attention to me. After training, I am so completely relaxed and happy that I can enjoy it for some time already being in bed.

So it turns out that in general we do not have time for quarrels, I even feel sorry to spend it on this ungrateful matter.

But I live in the real world, and misunderstandings between us still happen. We used to be for hours. Now I have one funny way that helps instantly stop the quarrel. In my articles, I have repeatedly spoke about the importance of doing exercises for intimate muscles. So, when the next time there is a quarrel with a loved one, start working in the crotch. Reduce the muscles, your mouth will automatically close. You are silent, squeeze the muscles, the man expresses discontent.

A quarrel will quickly end, since men are usually a few. You have the blood from my head and get to another place, you will restrain the smile so that it does not seem to be that you laugh at him.

Do you know the family in which there is no quarrel? Maybe your family is free from clarifying relationships, disputes, quarrels and conflicts? This is something from the area of \u200b\u200bfiction. When we fall in love, we are captivated to dislike our chosen one on others, his uniqueness. But in family life, we do not intend to put up with his personal opinions, with his special looks at a particular issue. So there are disagreements, which are often the causes of any quarrel in the family.

Causes of quarrels

So, disagreements are an ordinary phenomenon of married relations. Arriving often from scratch, they lead to fierce disputes, and then to a stormy quarrels in the family. Spouses suddenly forget about gentle feelings and pour into each other streams of reproaches, accusations, complaints, offend, doubt and disappointment. The origins of disagreements lie in our parental families: everything is good and all the bad we learned from our parents. Including ways to communicate and behavior in conflict situations. Therefore, the disagreements were and will be, and the task is to learn how to overcome them or at least in their own words and actions not to destroy, but to maintain normal.

Listen to what your spouse says. Listen and hear not the same thing. We are listening to him, but at this moment we think about your arguments, build our objections, a line of defense. And we do not hear the arguments of your partner.
Objective to your partner, remember that any careless word can lead to misunderstanding and quarrel. It is known that words have a truly magical force: they can make a person the happiest in the world, and they can break him fate. Constant use of some words with spouses ( please thank you, I'm sorry, sorry) It has a positive effect on emotional relations in the family.
If the partner begins to warmly, and offended you with a word, do not rush to apply a retaliatory blow. So you will move away from the essence of the problem, and the dialogue will turn into a quarrel. Try to keep the subject of the dispute in your head, discuss the facts, and not give the characteristics of each other.
Show Empathy towards your partner. Demonstrate interest, attention, respect for it, understanding its feelings and emotional states.

What do not need to do the communication of the spouses to become infinite quarrels?

Never proceed to discussing the problem if you are irritating, you will not notice how the discussion will turn into a banal family quarrel.
Do not overestimate your advantages and abilities. Do not consider yourself competent in any matter. Excessive self-confidence and unwillingness to reckon with the opinion of his wife (husband) are a manifestation of egoism.
Avoid demonstrating your superiority in the dialog over a partner: threats, comments, negative assessments, accusations, mockery and ridicule. Such generalizations as " how many Can I talk to you? "," You always insist "," You again You start up. "Immediately put a partner to the position of the guilty teenager and cause resentment and unconscious resistance.
Do not give negative assessments to the statements of your partner. Such phrases like: "Well, how did you think up before that?", "And how could it come to mind?" Express by and large doubts in the mental abilities of the partner, offend. There is a desire to answer: "look at yourself!" Even worse if the estimation affects behavior or appearance: "Look at yourself! How do you now look from the side! "
Do not allow accusations against your half, if she has objections and his opinion. During disputes, there are often charges: "You never agree with me, you don't want to understand anything! You are always like this (such)! ".
Do not demonstrate an indulgent attitude towards the spouse (spouse). You can praise and so tone that the "compliment" will be remembered for life.
Do not raise your voice, do not interrupt and do not strive to distribute tips on any occasion: "It would be better ...". It is difficult to restrain the response when the husband accompanies each step or an action of his wife with detailed instructions. And the man, especially, does not accept mentor comments from his wife. In such situations, a sense of humor and techniques of psychological aikido will help. "Yes, yes, cute! Certainly cute!".
Do not remind of past mistakes, failures, missing, if the argument threatens to go to the quarrel. Communication will go to the spread. It's like throwing firewood into a fire.
It is not worth sharing the spicy details of a quarrel with outsiders, especially with friends, girlfriends. With this, women often sin, as the negative emotions experienced by them require exit.
Do not let yourself quarrel in the eyes of strangers and close people (especially children). The greatest stupidity is to discuss the subject of the dispute with relatives in the presence of your spouse (spouse). You will safely come up, and relatives will discuss and experience quarrel circumstances for a long time.
Do not go from solving the problem, shifting it on your spouse, if he or she has a different opinion, and it offended you. "So do it yourself (herself) what you want. I no longer woven your finger ... "
Do not show aggression when discussing a controversial issue. The above mentioned superiority is also the form of aggressive communication. Remember that an aggressively tuned person will turn into an universal conflict into an universal conflict. He will be able to restrain yourself and cyclically discharge negative emotions.

A few words about domestic trifles

It is known that big problems are easier to avoid than quarrels for trifles. All of the fault is our irritation. For example, a husband, going to work, cannot find tie (socks, glasses, gloves, keys, and so on). To the neutral question of the spouse: "You have not seen where my tie is?". An irritated wife at this moment can give so much information about him: and will generalize, and his mental and mental abilities will appreciate, and accuses and an indulgent tone will advise himself how best to live him. The wife, draining his irritation, calms down. And husband? If I did not have time to answer now, will answer later. Will find a reason, will play it. It will also be appreciated, summarizes, remember everything that was, there will be. And you need it?

Remember, life is too short to spend it on a permanent quarrel on trifles. Do not take them seriously, treat your humor, the actions of your own partner.

We, men and women, very different, and misunderstanding this leads to frequent quarrels in the family. To blame for this, both spouses, and then the question arises, which of them will first stop and stop the verbal overhang. Man? Proving his right point, he manifests his factories, direct and even aggressiveness. With his rigidity, he offends his partner with his tone, if she disagrees with something. He, with his traditional male positions, is not able to give up in a quarrel and first come out of the conflict. After all, he is a fighter, winner. But he easily accepts his wife's apologies, and then he will do everything possible to sway his guilt. The female ability to give up, forgive, tolerate and be wise allows you to keep a happy relationship in the family. Despite the higher level of emotionality, it is a woman who needs to be able to slow down their negative reactions in time and know. After all, she is not only a wife, but also the mother. Without these skills, children do not raise up.

Relastic history of life: "Quarrels in life"

Valentine could not even assume that life with Boris would become for her such a heavy test. It all started like everyone else: a meeting, love, separation in three years, the beginning of a ride life, the birth of a daughter. It seemed that happiness in the family would always be. The difference at the age of five was not an obstacle to their love. But a year later, something began to occur inexplicable in their relationship: increasingly displeasted with each other, all sorts of little things caused more and more irritations. Frequent quarrels in the family became an ordinary phenomenon in their communication. Boris more and more often began to come home drunk. Dissatisfaction with each other accumulated. And one day there was a noisy scandal; Boris, collecting minimum things, left, as he thought, forever. But a month passed, he calmed down, anger and desire to take revenge disappeared. He squeezed so that he did not find a place. And Valentine waited for him every minute. And he returned. It seemed that the love of peace and happiness returned to them again. But everything happened and began to repeat with enviable regularity: the passion passed, love was faded, quarrels about and no longer kept everyone in the family in tension. Valentine started Torzal him with his notations, finding time for each little thing. Boris was silent, feeling a guilty teenager. To drown out insult, drank, and then leaving his parents.

And then he met Galina. It happened in one of the crisis moments of his relationship with Valentina. Since then, she took him, without requiring nothing, he understood, supported how she could, literally returned to life. But he again returned home to his wife. Life walked as a woman, the children left the parent nest. And the world did not reign in the family. Boris still went to Galina once a year. Naught He noted the fiftieth anniversary with her. But ... it was time to go back to his wife. Especially he felt ailment. Returning, he suddenly realized that there was nothing more relative to his house on Earth. And he accepted the final decision: "I will never leave home anymore. I feel so good with you! " Three days later, Boris died. There will be no more love, will not be empty quarrels and worthless offensive.

Let's note that the quarrels are generally a completely natural process that results in communication between themselves. Quarrels between parents and children, between colleagues, neighbors, fellow trains.

Quarrels are of great importance for the development and formation of interpersonal relationships. Often it was during such a verbal confrontation that controversial moments are confused, which did not give relations to get further development.

A good quarrel is like a broom to shaken the rug of relationships.

Why there are quarrels in the family

Reasons for a quarrel People living under the same roof can find a huge set: Non-leated dishes scattered around the house socks, colleague, small salary, lack of help in house, etc.

But now the reasons for the sorry in the family are much less - those true reasons that pushing people to raise the voice, grieve, pour insults and reproach on the first convenient occasion, often fiscal. And it is precisely an unresolved, the inexplicity of these reasons is a particular danger for family relations.

A quarrel naturally interrupts the silence and in the family union of two people disappointed in each other acts as an opening of the journey - relieves pain, letting the healing process.
Yanush Vishnevsky

Let us give an example (quarrel because of money):
Wife annoys laziness husband. He often and for a long time lying on the sofa with a smartphone or laptop in his hands, while his wife is doing homemade. At the same time, since the salary of his wife is less than her husband, she does not want to edit it for idleness. But it also gradually boring her all one, because she also gets tired at work.

Irritation accumulates, there are frequent quarrels in the family on the reasons, which in fact, a little wife is worried. For example, it suits scandals for the unlucky tube of toothpaste, scattered through the paper sofa, left light included on the night, etc. A husband who does not suspect the true reason for the discontent of his wife, gradually comes to the conclusion that he married a psychopath and hysterical. The family gives a crack. Only a conversation in souls can save it, during which the wife finally will express his real claims to her husband.

The above example of behavior is most typical for women. Men are usually more straightforward, and therefore causes and reasons for the quarrels they most often either coincide, or stand very close. For example, when the husband rises scandals because of the short skirts of his wife (the reason of the quarrel), he most likely is very much jealous of her (the cause of a quarrel).

For what purpose the spouse quarrel

In addition to reasons and reasons, the family quarrels exist goals:

The first goal is to prove your superiority in anything. This is a special case, but still it is often found in families. The reasons for such behavior lies not in the behavior of the spouse / spouse, but in that man who climbs the quarrel. A certain warehouse of the personality, the unresolved personal psychological problems pushing the quarrel instigator on her provoking.
The goal of the second is to force a partner to change your point of view. (position, plans, behavior style). As a rule, such quarrels are based on some materialistic factors. Buy a sofa or not, go on the weekend to the park or to the mother-in-law, hang in the living room chandelier or walk the walls wall. Such quarrels are more constructive than those described above if the spouses find a common language in them.
Third purpose - interrupt family relationships. When one person is unhappy in marriage, not satisfied with his partner, his appearance, character, behavior, he (with a certain warehouse of character) will do everything to part with him. But if there are children in the family, or there are other factors that do not allow simply to disperse in different directions, the quarrels will arise again and again until the joint life becomes a nightmare, the only way out of which is the divorce.

Quarrel after the birth of a child

The birth of a child for many married couples means hitting a long-term stressful situation. How successful they will be allowed to have a strong impact on the existence of their marriage as such.
Conventionally, all quarrels because of the child in the family can be divided into two large groups.

1. Quarrels not related to the child directly

In this case, the root of all the quarrels will be walking in the changed lifestyle of the family. Both her husband, and his wife had new duties, there was less free time, new spending and worries emerged, roles were redistributed. The woman now became a mom and a housewife, a man - dad and the main miner in the family.

Constantly accumulating fatigue, irritation, concern about the health of the newborn, too sooner or later will be allowed to know about themselves. So, quarrels are inevitable.

How to minimize them?

Universal Council We can give one: be tolerant to each other. You are already not easy for both, but this difficult period after the birth of the child will soon pass and replace the joy of awareness of himself with the parents of a small miracle, in which there is a particle of both of them.

2. Quarrels because of the child

How often to bathe how to put sleep, walk or not walk, call the mother-in-law or mother-in-law, what toys to buy, what to wear ...

In most families, such questions solve the mother. But sometimes dad, often with the active support of her mother-in-law, trying to interfere with everything, glowing the situation and bringing the confusion in the already complex life of the new Mom. If the grandmother-mother-in-law intervene in the conflict, then the full-scale conflict can not be avoided.

How to solve this situation?

To begin with, if you have the opportunity, send your grandmothers at home and call an experienced nanny or pediatrician instead. If you wish, you can do it and on your own - rely on your mind and instincts, and they will tell the answers to most questions. On the Internet also full forums and sites where you can learn information. The main thing is to remember that the husband and his wife in this situation on one side of the barricades.

Let the child care for the child, and will not say. Do not argue on trifles, more often go for concessions, do not listen to the tips of others, if you feel that because of them, your family gives a crack. Only you are responsible for the future of your marriage, in whose well-being is now sharply needed by another little man - your child.

How to solve a quarrel in the family

To resolve the quarrel, you need to find out its deep reason. The best option for this is a conversation for souls. If the family is constantly quarrel and it came to an open conflict, do not do without a third party, which will help to take a look at the situation from the part and offer the options for its constructive permission. Best of all, if a family psychologist will appear in the role of this third party, not parents or friends. This will provide a professional approach and impartiality, which is difficult to wait from friends and relatives.

Neladdes in the family - exactly rainwater on a flat roof.
One shower, another, sort of and imperceptibly, and the water will be completely copied and copied; And one day the roof will collapse your head.
Salman Rushdi

If the quarrels are single and not much damage to family relationships, then there may be several options for their solution. See below.

1. Ask for a partner

There are such people who themselves are quite conflict, although not with evil intent. So they have a warehouse of character. As psychologists say, excitation mechanisms prevail over braking mechanisms. Usually this . Short on a partner because of some little things - quite in the spirit of such people. At the same time, they can sincerely love their half. If this is just your case, you will have to come to terms with the bad character of the spouse and stop paying attention to the differences in his mood.

2. Find out the true cause of quarrels

As we have already spoken in the first part of the article, you need to distinguish the reasons and causes of the quarrel. If you feel that something is constantly annoying your partner, but you can not understand what exactly, find out this, by all means. Sometimes you can try to go around the circumference - to talk to friends or friends of your midnight, his or her parents, brothers or sisters. In short, those people with whom he trusts and tells about his difficulties. They are usually aware of things and can reveal your eyes to the true causes of discontent.

3. Give repos

Empty people usually remain those in marriage. As the relationship is cooled, they are increasingly grumbling, whining, scandaling. The only chance to keep the world in such a family is to understand the spouse that this number will not pass with you. That you will not tolerate it (her) whining, quit, endless comments. Firmly defend your position. Intruting this behavior on your part, Nikatik and Ground will leave you alone and go to look for another object for attacks.

4. Do not get involved in a quarrel

This option is good if the partner loves you and everything in you, by and large, suits, but at the same time it cannot be from the quarrel. The true reason for this behavior will lie outside the family relationships. For example, nervous work, heavy schedule, the presence of patients with parents, inappropriate climate, etc. That is, the reason and the reasons of the quarrel will also be different, but the reason will not be in you.

If you can't influence it, the best way to keep the world in the family is not to get involved in a quarrel:

Do you express for the fact that the scet is cooled? Silently warm it.
Are reproached with dirty windows? Wash them.
Winn in idleness? Do something.

Of course, such behavior requires great effort, and only you decide whether it is worth it or not.

How to save relationships after a quarrel

First of all, answer yourself to the question, do you want to save such relationships? If the permanent quarrels in the family have long become a habit, and you can communicate with my spouse only at elevated colors, you need to change something. Divorce can become one of the wrong ways from this situation.

How to establish relations in the family after a quarrel on your own?

There are three options for the resolution of such a situation.

Recognition of your wrong with one of the partners.
The mutual refusal of their claims (in fact, both partners recognize that they were wrong).
"Freezing" problem. You, together with a partner, temporarily refuse to discuss the cause of a quarrel, continuing to communicate on other topics. Over time, the problem is either resolved itself, or one of you will change your point of view on it.

Outcome

The main problem in quarrels usually becomes the reluctance of both partners to go for reconciliation first, as it formally means to recognize your wrong. But, if you are soberly weighing everything "for" and "against", then you will understand: the quarrel does not apply to the examples of constructive behavior in marriage. And if this is the most marriage of you roads, like a partner, take the first step. Perhaps your half will appreciate this and next time will make the first step to reconciliation instead.

Frequent quarrels in the relationship are forced to suffer both sides of the pair. And the thought does not rack everything to quit, so that it finally ended. But it does not make sense to change the boat, if you do not know how to control oars. So, learn to avoid conflicts and make your life happier!

High expectations

Often, one of the partners of love relationship thinks that later will cope with the lack of beloved / beloved. However, after unsuccessful attempts, it starts straining both.

Sometimes it's just enough to start taking a person as it is, and stop changing it.

Fatigue from each other

It starts when people spend a lot of time together. Then all interesting topics minimize are minimized, there are more silence, disagreements, irritation, etc. That is why psychologists sometimes advise relaxing apart from each other.

Jealousy

Justice everything seems suspicious: the second half is returned for a long time from work, call unfamiliar numbers, too frank outfit, etc.

Often eradicated this allows a large openness with such a person and the exception of those moments that are so annoyed:

stop communicating with the opposite sex;
together call back unfamiliar numbers;
talk on the way home on the phone, if you hold back, etc.

Stress

They may arise in connection with Avral at work, poor well-being, misunderstanding with parents, fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. In such cases, often unreasonable criticism appears and more acute reaction to everything that happens around.

Living with such a person, you just need to gain patience and begin to take action: give more time to rest, send to treatment, help with matters.

Influence of third-party people

It happens that others are not delighted with your choice, so they try to open your eyes every way. " While you protect your beloved person in front of them, you still unconsciously start paying attention to what they were so diligently spoke. There appears irritation and frequent quarrels.

It is possible to exclude it by prohibiting the discussion of your partner, or minimize communication with unauthorized people.

What to do

Frequent quarrels are, in principle, the norm. This means that people are not indifferent to each other. And if your partner still stays with you, despite the systematic swearings, it says a lot.

Do not steal past

If you have already tried to do this, I guess you noticed how you started to react to moments, one way or another connected with the past, although they used to live and did not think about anything.

Right say: you know less - sleep hard. Forget about what was before you and do not interest it, and there will be no jealousy, nor "problems" or other "headaches." This man is already so with you. What else is needed?

Do not leave questions unresolved

It would seem that sometimes it is better to simply finish a quarrel, bringing it to "no" silence or giveaway. Indeed, this can be done, and life is much calmer. However, this applies only to those cases when you will not return to these situations.

If you would like to subsequently eliminate such actions of your partner, it is worth talking. But it should be done correctly:

tell me about what was forced to be nervous: "I was unpleasant when you ...";
ask for the opportunity to do not do it anymore: "Do not do so more, please, do not make me nervous";
offer an alternative (as a person should be done, so that it does not cause any negative emotions from you).

Important!
Do not forget the proverb "Love to ride - love and sosochos to carry." This means that it is impossible to constantly ask, not giving something in return. It can be expressed in gratitude, pleasant words, care, manifestation of tenderness and willingness in response to fulfill the requests of the partner.

Forget the words "You must / should!"

No one is obliged to you. You have a man with hands, legs and brains. Even your own parents should not. Take it as proper. A person helps - well, no - well, and well, it means, cope with yourself.

A very simple solution - to replace the words "You must / should" on "I would be nice if you ...". Believe me, the effect will be completely different! A person who did not even want to do something, most likely, will go to meet you.

And do not forget about the elementary rules of ethics - consume the word "please".

Reduce the standby of expectations and requirements

Most often, the cause of frequent quarrels in the relationship becomes the fact that one of the parters requires too much, and the second cannot give it. In this case, it is worth remembering that ideal people do not happen. Therefore, it is not necessary to strive to remake a person under that it is convenient for you. It's a lot of egoist.

You know why in calm pairs quarrels much less than you? Because they do not require the boots constantly interfere with the hallway - the one who does not like it, just silently removes them; They think: if after dinner was not removed the dishes - it means that a person did not have time or mood to do it, well, or he does not bother at all.

Do not stop taking each other

Here are examples of how the worldview of a person changes with time:

Guy - "Soul" of the company. He knows a lot of jokes, is always in a good mood, support any conversation. At first, for the girl, he is an attractive and charismatic young man who does not want to reveal his problems in humans. Then, when a couple lives together for a long time, the capricious lady begins to perceive his behavior as "shifting" and disadvantaged, which is expressed in the fact that a man does not care about everything. As a result, he begins to annoy it, so it begins to "saw".
Girl is able to fight back, she is bright and raining. Its partner attracts it, he considers this line special, he says: "Damn it, my kitty again produces claws!". After a couple of years of living together, she becomes "a bitch, which so and wants to tame him."

So what we are ... You need to periodically return to those feelings and sensations that have arose before - at the first stage of the relationship. At a time, when all these flaws, you considered the advantages that make you smile and saying: "Well, yes, this is what he is my favorite person."

Important!
If you don't like something in a person - this is not his drawback, but your whim. What annoys you can be attractive to other people.

Learn to quarrel right

So, the quarrel begins. What often does each of the interlocutors? Begins to defend its right. And not in the very benevolent tone. Such a conversation almost never leads to anything.

There are ways to make conflict more fruitful. For this you need:

speak only calmly;
if you see that the interlocutor is tricked, tell me that you will not talk to him in such a tone, it is better to wait for you when you "go away";
no need to prove your opinion, but you need to voice it and back up with the facts, arguments;
you can not interrupt the partner, as it often annoys, which leads to a bad reaction;
remember: it is better to be more silent than yelling and offended by the interlocutor.

Control the said

Love during a quarrel with a girl or a guy to rug and repulse a bunch of nasty? Then do not be surprised that your relationship is spoiled.

The fact is that as if you were not further on, that, they say, it was told with evil, your second half will remember all those hindy words for a long time.

After that, it is often cooling to a person, because we all want us to be guarded, and not humiliated.

Head ask

This item is very important, since, most often, it is here "the dog buried". Take a look at yourself. How you communicate? Would you like, if you were talking to you too? Not the fact that you will satisfy the answers to these questions.

Head to admit yourself, if, indeed, on your part there are claims, instructions, etc.

If this is your case, then remember:

Start communicating with the second half as you would like to communicate with you. You will see how your relationship will change! And almost immediately, as soon as you start to get it!

Most importantly - be softer. I will not like anyone when there are claims, dins, direct criticism, etc. in the conversation.

Let us give examples of the one and the same in meaning, but different words:

- Bad:"How do you cook? Well, salts are always a lot! It is impossible! "

Okay:Can I ask you next time to salute smaller? Salts, please, smaller - so, it seems to me, will be more tastier! "

- Bad:"You are so lazy that you can not even sit with the child!"

Okay:"Would you be able to sit with a child? And I would have done some things yet. And in the evening I'm not so tired, well, you understand what I am ... ".

Speak to make failures. If you got "no" in response to your request, try to understand a person why he did it. Perhaps he feels bad, promised to meet / help a friend, just tired or even thinks that this is not his duty - all this is normal explanations.

If they do not suit you, or give up, or try to act cunning. For example:

If the wife stopped to care, Tell her how beautiful it was before, especially in the same way, and with such a hairstyle, and as soon as she "goes out", admire her appearance, make a lot of compliments.
Also in the case of a man: Not everyone considers it to be normal to help his wife in the house. However, you can attract it to it. For example, rolling the dough for dumplings, ask him to help you. Its requests to be found on the fact that you have so badly, and you are a bit hard, and he is so strong and "sleeves" - it will definitely help to make perfect dumplings!

At the end, I would like to wish every reader to start applying these tips in your life. No need to be afraid to make concessions, because it is not weakness, but power, talent that can buy everyone!

And yet: before collecting things after the next quarrel, think about whether you really will be fine without this person? Is the reason why a quarrel occurs? Does she deserve your nerves?