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How love is different from sex drive. How to define love by human behavior. good or bad

The present love passes the test of difficulties in understanding each other, the test of time, overcomes doubts about the uniqueness of the choice of this particular person among all possible applicants for heart and a place in life next to you.

The famous American psychologist Robert Sternberg, after his many years of research, came to the conclusion that this love three components are inherent. By the way, his triangular model of love withstood all possible and impossible criticisms and was recognized as the closest to reality. So, the three essential components of true love are:

  • Frankness or, as this component is also called, sincerity, trust, understanding, closeness, desire to help each other, community of feelings, mutual sympathy. This is the ability and desire to show your true face to your partner without fear and fear of being misunderstood, rejected, ridiculed, condemned. At the same time, it is not necessary that you approve of every thought and action of a loved one. You know him well and understand why he thinks and acts this way. Or at least you want to understand. Feeling closeness is the emotional component of love.
  • Physical attraction, desire, or subjective attractiveness of a partner of the opposite sex. This is exactly the form of communication that can only be between these two a man and a woman. It is not inherent in either friendship or other forms of love, for example, relatives. Physical attraction fuels romantic feelings, stimulates relationship and is a source of pleasure. This is the motivational component of love.
  • Loyalty, dedication, commitment to be together, the desire to share the present and the future with a loved one. This includes a conscious intention and a conscious decision to remain faithful to your chosen one, despite the emerging difficulties in the relationship. To love this particular person, despite the existence of other attractive objects of the opposite sex. This is the cognitive component of love.

So, real love includes frankness, physical attraction and loyalty.

How to tell true love from falling in love? Falling in love is of two kinds - infatuation and romantic love. The first is more inherent in physical attraction and to a lesser extent - frankness, sincerity, mutual trust. Romantic love includes both physical attraction and trust, understanding, and shared feelings. Will it outgrow love in true love depends on the desire and willingness of the two to jointly solve emerging problems, overcome difficulties, find mutual understanding, remain faithful to each other. As a rule, over time, physical attraction, albeit slightly, but decreases, and frankness, mutual understanding, common feelings increase.

How to distinguish love from passion? Everything is clear here: there is only desire, physical attraction, external, even if only subjective, attractiveness of a partner.

How to distinguish love from friendship? In friendship, there is sympathy, frankness, understanding, trust, loyalty, devotion, but there is no physical attraction, desire.

What is love? What is real love between a man and a woman?

How to understand if this is love, or something else - attraction, falling in love, friendship, just a habit, or even a painful addiction?

Which love is stronger, based on friendship or mutual physical attraction?

What is inherent in true love?

Such questions have long been asked by poets, scientists and, at least once in a lifetime, each of us.

The real difficulties in understanding each other, the test of time, overcomes doubts about the unambiguity of the choice of this particular person among all possible applicants for the heart and place in life next to you.

The famous American psychologist Robert Sternberg, after his many years of research, came to the conclusion that three components are inherent in true love. By the way, his triangular model of love withstood all possible and impossible criticisms and was recognized as the closest to reality. So three obligatory components of true love are:

- Frankness, or, as this component is also called, sincerity, trust, understanding, closeness, desire to help each other, community of feelings, mutual sympathy. This is the ability and desire to show your true face to your partner without fear and fear of being misunderstood, rejected, ridiculed, condemned. At the same time, it is not necessary that you approve of every thought and action of a loved one. You know him well and understand why he thinks and acts this way. Or at least you want to understand. Feeling closeness is the emotional component of love.

Physical attraction, desire, or subjective attractiveness of a partner of the opposite sex. This is exactly the form of communication that can only be between these two man and woman. It is not inherent in either friendship or other forms of love, for example, relatives. Physical attraction fuels romantic feelings, stimulates relationships, and is a source of pleasure. This is the motivational component of love.

Loyalty, dedication, commitment to be together, the desire to share the present and the future with a loved one. This includes a conscious intention and a conscious decision to remain faithful to your chosen one, despite the emerging difficulties in the relationship. To love this particular person, despite the existence of other attractive objects of the opposite sex. This is the cognitive component of love.

So, true love includes candor, physical attraction, and loyalty.

How to tell true love from falling in love? Falling in love is of two kinds - infatuation and romantic love. The first is more inherent in physical attraction and to a lesser extent - frankness, sincerity, mutual trust. Romantic love includes both physical attraction and trust, understanding, and shared feelings. Whether falling in love will grow into true love depends on the desire and willingness of the two to jointly solve emerging problems, overcome difficulties, find mutual understanding, and remain faithful to each other. As a rule, over time, physical attraction, albeit slightly, but decreases, and frankness, mutual understanding, common feelings increase.

How to distinguish love from passion? Everything is clear here: there is only desire, physical attraction, external, even if only subjective, attractiveness of a partner.

How to distinguishlove fromfriendship ? In friendship, there is sympathy, frankness, understanding, trust, loyalty, devotion, but there is no physical attraction, desire.

How to distinguish love from sympathy? Everything is the same with regard to friendship, except for loyalty and devotion.

How to distinguish love from affection (the habit of being together)? In this case, there is no frankness, sincerity, understanding, trust, sympathy and, as a result, there is no real intimacy between partners. Perhaps all this was once, but at the moment and for the last time there is no community of feelings, open communication. There is no physical attraction, desire. All that remained was inertial attachment, loyalty to the old habit.

How to distinguish love from addiction? In the first months after meeting, at the peak of emotions and dominated by an all-consuming passion, falling in love can be mistaken for addiction. Falling in love caused by a hormonal surge cannot last more than six months - one and a half years. Addiction can last for years and even get stronger over time.

Love addiction presupposes emotional helplessness and "physical uncoordinatedness" of a person's actions without his object of love. This includes:

  • feeling of joy and getting pleasure from life only (!) in the presence of a partner,
  • the closedness of the circle of interests only on the object of love,
  • moreover, the latter must live for the sake of the addicted person in love, to satisfy his emotional and other needs,
  • inability to independently influence one's emotional state,
  • inability to independently satisfy their emotional needs,
  • complete dependence of the mood on the actions or inaction of the object of love,
  • inability to receive help and support from others, relatives and friends,
  • complete lack of confidence in yourself and your actions without the approval of the "beloved",
  • lack of self-confidence, being alone or in another company.

There are two types of love addiction, and although at first glance there is little similarity between them, these are two sides of the same coin. Either a person clings to the object of his love, or deliberately pushes him away for fear of losing his autonomy and falling into the very addiction. And the stronger the risk of attachment, of losing control over his emotions, the fear of losing a loved one, the more desperate he will avoid what he calls "love."

But back to true love. Does it exist, this perfect, ideal love? Someone without hesitation will say "yes", and someone will think that it is very difficult to find, and it is more correct to achieve such love, it is almost impossible.

Anything you can imagine and for which you are ready to fight is possible. Love is a dynamic process, and how your love will be largely depends on your efforts. And true love begins with the desire to give love and the willingness to be loved.

Love and be loved!


How to distinguish love from falling in love, addiction, attachment. What is true love?

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The emergence of new and strong feelings for the opposite sex inspires a person, gives him strength and joy. But at the same time, it can bring a lot of pain and suffering. To avoid unnecessary disappointment, you should sort out your feelings instead of denying them.

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True love is not always easy to recognize. To do this, you need to conduct an honest introspection and show diligence in order to understand your feelings and understand the sympathies of your chosen one.

    Show all

    Love or being in love?

    Before you completely plunge headlong into a romantic relationship, you need to understand three main facets:

    • sympathy;
    • love;
    • love.

    Understanding these points will help you avoid mistakes and, over time, find true happiness.

    Falling in love can often be confused with love. Both of these concepts imply romantic feelings. However, they have different bases. If falling in love turns a blind eye to shortcomings and rests only on an external and superficial foundation, then love knows about the strengths and weaknesses of a partner, it is constantly growing and getting stronger, no matter what.

    To decide, you need to study 10 differences between love and falling in love.

    How to tell love from affection

    What do you like about a person?

    A passionate person most of all pays attention to physical data - a beautiful figure, a cute face, an athletic physique, etc. Although there is nothing wrong with looking at beautiful people, appearance is only a beautiful wrapper that does not have the appropriate content. Having met a person of a more attractive appearance, sympathy can easily pass, and thoughts will already be occupied by a new acquaintance.

    • Unlike sympathy, true love is interested in the personality of a loved one. Physical attraction is present, but it only complements the personality traits and attractiveness of the partner.

      How to get rid of falling in love

      Assessment of merits

      When in love, a person pays attention only to some of the qualities of the chosen one. He turns a blind eye to flaws and exaggerates strengths.

      But when you truly love a person, you know about all his shortcomings, accept them and try to focus more on his actions, strengths and admire them.

      How love is different from falling in love

      Immutability in feelings

      Constancy is not characteristic of falling in love. Therefore, the feelings of a man or a woman can flare up and then subside for a certain period. The reason is that it is a superficial feeling. It does not have deep roots that constantly fuel interest in a person.

      Male love does not calm down. Thoughts about the beloved, the desire to constantly see the person, to be near and to hear her voice do not let go for a single day. If a keen person can easily endure separation, then with real feelings, it becomes an unbearable pain.

      How did feelings affect personality?

      Psychology notes that a fleeting attraction to another person leads to disorganization. A person becomes absent-minded, relaxed, ceases to think sensibly. In addition, falling in love encourages spontaneous and thoughtless actions.

      Deep feelings are always creative. They encourage the lover to develop, improve, work on their qualities, give a surge of new strength and energy, with which you can move mountains.

      Important elements of love

      To distinguish love from falling in love, an analysis of the main components of true love will help.

      Deep and genuine feelings are based on:

      • frankness, trust and understanding;
      • loyalty;
      • passion.

      In sympathy there is only physical attraction and loyalty, but there is no open communication and mutual understanding. Falling in love includes passion and frankness, but if partners do not make efforts to overcome difficulties, remain faithful to each other, then over time it will pass.

      The basis of the senses

      To find out if this is real love, you should think about what is the purpose of the desire to have a loved one. If a girl thinks that a guy can make her happy, will provide for her and thinks only about her own interests, then this is a hobby, but not love.

      True love is different in that it does not seek its own benefit. Love encourages disinterested, devotedly caring for the interests of another and doing everything possible for his happiness.

      Opinion of others

      An important test for true feelings is the opinion of loved ones about the chosen one. A passionate person tends to idealize the other, not paying attention to serious flaws. Friends or family members may not approve of the choice made because they see things realistically and see dangerous signals.

      When a girl really loves, then more often parents and friends do not go against such a relationship. They will see the same good qualities and actions for which she fell in love with a man, they will be able to make sure that she knows about his shortcomings and is ready to put up with them all her life.

      Time is the best indicator of feelings

      Distance is the best way to define and test your feelings. Sympathy rests only on physical attractiveness. If people are simply passionate about each other, then under the influence of time and distance, interest in a person disappears and the relationship ends.

      To completely forget a man, a woman in love needs 1-3 months. Then she starts thinking about the hopelessness of relationships, and she begins to pay attention to nice guys.

      Unlike passion for deep feelings, nothing can stop you. For those who truly love each other, the thread of love only grows stronger, despite thousands of kilometers and years of parting. Lovers will find opportunities to maintain their relationship, since they can no longer exist without each other. No other person of the opposite sex can replace and fill the void in the heart.

      Therefore, the upcoming separation should be treated calmly and not worried. If the feeling is just a fleeting hobby and it will not stand the test, then it is better to find out in advance.

      How often do disagreements occur?

      Attraction is characterized by frequent quarrels and romantic reconciliation. They can arise from any trifles or imaginary insults, jealousy.

      When you love a person, disagreements become less frequent and widespread. Everyone learns to resolve conflicts, openly and honestly discuss problems.

      Phases of love

      To deal with your feelings, you need to consider the phases of love through which each person goes:

      • infant phase - focused only on meeting their needs;
      • parental love - feelings for parents;
      • the phase of friendly love - the appearance of friends, the desire to communicate with other people, to be a member of society;
      • the phase of youthful love - the manifestation of interest in the opposite sex, the formation of personality and life principles;
      • mature love - a person sees not only the external appearance, but also the inner world of another, ceases to show selfish qualities and thinks about the interests of the chosen one.

      True love is a dynamic phenomenon. It requires constant commitment, compromise, and effort. Deep feelings stem from the desire to give joy to others and the willingness to sacrifice.

      And a little about secrets ...

      The story of one of our readers Irina Volodina:

      I was especially depressed by the eyes, surrounded by large wrinkles plus dark circles and swelling. How to remove wrinkles and bags under the eyes completely? How to deal with swelling and redness?But nothing makes a person look older or younger than his eyes.

      But how to rejuvenate them? Plastic surgery? Recognized - at least 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - photorejuvenation, gas-liquid pilling, radiolifting, laser facelift? Slightly more affordable - the course costs 1.5-2 thousand dollars. And when to find all this time? And it's still expensive. Especially now. Therefore, for myself, I chose a different way ...

It happens that love strikes us like a thunderbolt, and there is no turning back, and everything is immediately clear. This is crazy love at first sight, even if such a passion is destined to burn brightly and for a short time, like a flame on a straw. But it happens that love arises gradually, and it takes time to grow and get stronger.

Slow love does not necessarily have less hope for the future. But its manifestations are ambiguous, and sometimes we are lost in conjectures: is it really there, or did it just seem to us?

This uncertainty does not diminish the strength of feelings at all, but reflects the struggle that develops within us. “We are attracted by many things: recognition, trust, passion, joy,” says family psychotherapist Elena Ulitova. “And almost as many things prevent us from getting closer: the fear of being addicted, the fear of being rejected, the fear that we are not ready yet.”

Hence this waltz-doubt: a step forward, a step to the side, a step back - often this is how we demonstrate our heightened interest! Let's try to decipher the signs of this nascent love that is taking its first steps.

Blush

Often, our body is the first to tell us about love, even if we do not pay attention to the "symptoms." “We feel anxious, and our body releases adrenaline, which speeds up the heartbeat and increases sweating,” explains sexologist Ghislaine Paris. “At the same time, we experience attraction, and in our body dopamine, serotonin and endorphins are released - hormones that have an effect opposite to adrenaline.

These love hormones cause our blood vessels to dilate, which is why our cheeks and, less known, our neck turn pink. Independently of us, this "coloring" attracts our eyes. It should be noted that the neck is a vulnerable part of our body. And when we are in love with someone, then, as in ancient times, we involuntarily tilt our head to the side, opening our defenseless neck as a sign of trust. "

What we cannot express in words, we express with our whole being

Awkwardness

We want to be interesting, but we're talking platitudes. We try to impress, but instead we knock over the glass ...

“One evening I went to dinner in a Lebanese restaurant with a man I liked very much,” recalls Marina, 40, a decorator. - On the table among the vegetables was a chili pepper, which I mistook for a sweet pepper. I bit it off and my tongue was swollen so I couldn't speak. "

What we cannot express in words, we express with our whole being.

“When we fall in love, both our interlocutor and the situation as a whole acquire great significance for us,” explains Elena Ulitova, “and we begin to fear that we will not be able to correspond to her, and here you go: our unconscious agrees with us, forcing us to do awkwardness and misses. "

It seems that this behavior is contrary to our goal - because we hope to please another. “However, the witness of our mistakes most often understands them correctly,” continues Elena Ulitova, “that is, as a signal:“ I am not indifferent to you, your assessment is important to me! ” And if we are even a little interesting to him, then his sympathy for us will most likely increase. "

Pretense

Nascent love is full of doubts. And sometimes he tries to hide with the help of funny tricks. We pretend that we did not notice the call or that the evening is already busy, although in reality we are completely free, and as a result we are moping alone. What is behind these oddities?

“The fear that our feelings will be recognized, the fear of being rejected,” replies sexologist Alain Eril. “Our self-love is at stake. These signs are often indicative of low self-esteem. "

Add to this that we are entering unknown territory, trying to imagine ourselves in the place of another and behaving as we think he would like him, while trying to pretend that we are indifferent to him ... What could be further from natural !

Fortunately, psychoanalyst Sophie Kadalen convinces us: “There is no strategy that can oppose love. It’s possible to pretend to be indifferent only if we don’t actually have strong feelings. ”

Embellishment

When we meet someone we like, we turn a blind eye to disagreement and exaggerate coincidences. We are surprised at how much we have in common: “Do you have a grandmother from Pskov? “And they took me there as a child ...” - and we see this as a sign of fate.

If we feel defeated and it's not a matter of reason or a situation, then there should be no doubt - we are in love

“Love makes beautiful our relationship, and ourselves,” notes Sophie Kadalen, “because thanks to it we idealize ourselves. It's a side effect, but it can blind us. "

We get lost in a romantic impulse, sometimes sacrificing a connection with reality for it. “The girls tell me that their partner doesn’t tell them“ I love you, ”but only because he doesn’t think about it. And blinding must have boundaries! " - the psychoanalyst strictly emphasizes.

Some believe that they have fallen in love, but they are not in love with another person, but with the very idea of ​​love. And in this case, meeting with someone becomes just a way to satisfy your expectation, your need. But how to understand when - really love? This is when we do not create our feelings, but our feelings create us anew.

“If we feel defeated and the point is not in the mind, and not in the situation, and not in ourselves, then there should be no doubt - we are in love! - Sophie Kadalen concludes. - Love is the most interesting experience of our life. So let's stop resisting and let it take over us. "

Resistance

“No, it’s impossible, he’s not my type! And besides, now is too early, too late, too ... ”Resistance is almost always a sign of nascent love.

“When it comes to a partner who does not meet our conscious criteria, but worries about our unconscious, we lose ground under our feet,” reflects Alain Eril. “Confused, we try to come to our senses and at any cost return to the correct (familiar) path.”

In addition to this, we may be intimidated by our own, but such an unusual desire - and we are trying to escape from it. This dizziness is accompanied by a quiet panic - an inner voice whispers to us: “Of course, this is great, but how long will it last? It is better to prevent possible sadness and give up happiness out of fear that it will not last long, and it will hurt to lose it. "

Fantasies about the future

Another sign of nascent love is the tendency to paint scenes of a happy future for oneself, even the most mundane ...

Love is the willingness to give someone else a place in your life, not just on the couch.

“When I first met Philip, I immediately imagined how I was curled up on the couch, huddled against him, and watching my favorite TV series,” smiles 45-year-old Lyudmila. These kinds of projections help us to more calmly accept possible changes in our life.

“Scrolling through a movie in which the other person loves and wants us, we jump over the uncertainty that always accompanies the beginning of a novel,” notes Sophie Kadalen, warning us also against too hasty projections that reflect the desire for love rather than love itself.

“I don’t trust scenarios in which another person is present in the frame without taking up a lot of space. Love is a willingness to give another place in your life, and not just on the couch! "

In this article, we will look at the difference between love and being in love.

Love, sympathy or falling in love, and sometimes just passion - these are the feelings that are familiar to each of us. Well, this is how we are arranged - we will definitely be drawn to another person and we will always have a desire to be attached to someone. Love and falling in love, as well as friendship and affection, go in pairs. Yes, they stand so close and go toe-to-toe that many of us confuse them or do not even know about the presence of any feeling.

How to distinguish love from falling in love: comparison, signs, psychology, test

Love and falling in love are very closely related, they are similar and cannot exist without each other. More precisely, how to say, love does not arise without sympathy and previous love. After all, love takes time. Therefore, these feelings are often confused. Perhaps this is due to the fact that each of us wants to find that very true love. By the way, much still depends on the character. There are individuals who fall in love with a new partner every week. Naturally, in this case we are talking about falling in love.

What are the signs of falling in love. Everyone is familiar with these rampages of hormones, butterflies in the stomach, sensations of elevation - all this is a side of the emotional aspect of falling in love.

  • As they say, "love at first sight" is a myth. Only love can arise. So she will take you by surprise. And we, unfortunately, cannot choose who and when this will happen.
  • Falling in love begins in a person like the flu. Yes exactly. Some scholars even attribute this feeling to the status of a disease. A person in love has mood swings, pressure surges and insomnia, and some even have headaches.
  • The desire to always and more be close to the person you like. Yes, now the conversation is about those "chance" meetings.
  • Lovers want to communicate, talk, act and learn something new about each other every day. And most importantly, there should be no boredom and monotony.
  • But a person in love often feels absent-mindedness, confusion in thoughts (from this, delusional first speeches are obtained). And what kind of rash acts love pushes. If you look at your life in the past, you become ashamed of yourself. Yes, this point applies more to adolescents, but a person in love is susceptible to them at any age.
  • And how you want to expose yourself in the best quality and light. That is, a person in love, as if making it clear that he is the one.

IMPORTANT: Falling in love is more selfish, because a person in this state, first of all, thinks about himself. He wants to look, touch and be near so that he feels good. A man in love rarely asks the question, but what is the soul mate. Even if such thoughts arise (purely out of common sense), personal interests and benefits always outweigh the scales.

  • You cannot be 100% sure of a passion (no, for example, girls often have thoughts about a future wedding and children), but external data (smile, eyes, gait) can cause feelings.
  • By the way, when interests come into contact, each other's shortcomings begin to appear, which we may not accept. Some even manage to start a family or create a civil marriage. And then, a whole bunch of discontent blooms.
  • If you cannot be near, then look with your eyes. Yes, a man in love will most often (almost constantly) look for his passion with his eyes. Therefore, so often lovers meet with their eyes.
  • And yet, when we start talking with a person we like, the timbre of the voice involuntarily softens and becomes quieter.

But love already has slightly different characteristics:

  • The first thing I would like to highlight is time. Love does not arise quickly and spontaneously. It takes time and work on yourself (for both partners). But on the other hand, you can be sure of the duration of such a feeling for many years.
  • We mentioned that in a person in love, feelings are caused only by external data, and flaws can be wildly annoying. Then, in a state of love, we perceive a person as he is. That is, they love him not for his eyes or expensive gifts, but simply because he is, he is the best and only one.
  • There should be no one else. That is, a person becomes everything to you. For example, a girl walks by and looks at a nice guy, but thinks to herself: “The jacket is beautiful, my husband should buy it!”. You do not pay attention to others and do not even notice their positive qualities.
  • No, we keep in touch with friends or relatives. Even more than during the period of love. This means that no one else arouses such sympathy.
  • With a loved one, you can just keep quiet. Yes, loving people know how to communicate, as if with a glance or at a telepathic level. And with such a person you feel calm, safe and comfortable. After all, you are in your place.
  • In love, there are no thoughts of separation (divorce). Even during a period of quarrels (they happen to everyone - this is also a natural and normal process), a loving person understands that they will make peace, find a compromise and move on. And what else! After all, now they have become halves of one whole.
  • By the way, lovers do not have "mine" or "yours", but "ours" comes to replace it. Moreover, both partners develop not only common interests, but even common habits and even character traits become a bit similar.
  • The main thing is that there is always work on yourself. Both partners. This also includes the feeling of forgiveness. Yes, you always need to discuss the problem and look for a compromise.

IMPORTANT: A loving person is always more concerned about the state of his half. That is, he does not think about his own benefit or convenience, but so that the beloved is good and comfortable.

And now let's touch on the psychological side of them.

Love:

  1. We all want to continue our kind. This is inherent in nature and not only in man, but also in any living creature on the planet. Therefore, there is such a feeling as falling in love. Therefore, one thing can be said - the human body itself induces the feeling of being in love.
  2. By the way, falling in love is often deceiving. The person was attracted by external data, and everything else has already been done by the mind and imagination. And then, when we have to face reality, we are disappointed. In other words, we idealize our partner.
  3. Under the influence of hormones, a person rises, becomes joyful and cheerful. Moreover, the feeling of being in love is also reflected in our luck. After all, with a positive personality, things go much higher than others. Therefore, being in love is even beneficial for our body.
  4. And one cannot but touch upon such an aspect as parents. No, now we are not talking about the love of parents and children. Probably, many have heard that on an unconscious level we choose as partners a person who is similar (if positive aspects are associated with parents) or, conversely, opposite (when parents are associated with negative memories) with our parents.

Now let's talk about love:

  1. Love arises over the years - this is a fact. But there are also some types of love, for example, maternal or brotherly, and there is also love for a neighbor, for the Motherland or work. And, of course, there is sexual love, that is, between a man and a woman, between spouses.
  2. Love is often confused with feelings of attachment or fear of being alone. But more on that later. I just wanted to say a few words about love - a loving one will not suppress a partner or create unsuitable living conditions for him, and he will not try to assert himself by any means.
  3. And one cannot fail to note the stages of love. Yes, they exist:
    • Sympathy or falling in love is a period when hormones are dancing a waltz, and pink glasses are in front of our eyes.
    • Oversaturation or tipping point is the period when all flaws begin to be noticed. Moreover, the glasses are off, and we really don't like these habits of the partner. And he (or she) does not want to refuse or change them.
    • Denial or the desire to give up everything arises after rose-colored glasses. It is difficult to find a compromise, the partner has many complaints, and he himself does nothing for the sake of the relationship (and this is what each of the partners thinks). And then there are thoughts that parting would be the ideal option. Unfortunately, this is the longest period and most couples end up breaking up.
    • The beginning or inception of love occurs when partners dare to stay together and begin to work on themselves. Again, don't confuse it with hopelessness or feelings of attachment. In love, in the first place, care and tenderness for a loved one.
    • And true love, as the final stage. Unfortunately, it can only be achieved by mature partners who have really experienced both joys and sorrows. Friendship, passion, interest and emotional closeness should also go with love. Of course, partners should be able to get along in a team, be responsible and devoted to each other.


To finally establish the final verdict, we offer you a small test:

  1. Pay attention to your appearance.
    • A person in love becomes prettier and tries to attract as much attention to himself as possible. There is a blush on the cheeks, a radiance in the eyes, and a smile on the face.
    • Love does not like loud and flashy outfits. She is generally more invisible, and changes in appearance are minor.
  2. Character and conversation.
    • During the period of falling in love, we try to be with our chosen one more often, and conversations can only be about him. Constantly tormented by the questions: "Do you like me?", "Do I look good?", "Did you notice my outfit?"
    • In love, there is a desire to make your soul mate only better, so that he feels good. And not only, people around fall under the distribution of happiness and help.
  3. What emotions are overwhelming.
    • Jumps and mood swings are characteristic of falling in love. Cry because you didn't call on time, or didn't meet at the first break, and then, at the sight of a passion, it all changes with loud laughter and uplifting mood.
    • The weak point of lovers is their views. There are no longer those leaps (now quietly, now loudly), feelings are more stable and calm.
  4. And what is the difference between the behaviors.
    • When in love, some can blush sharply, others become silent or, conversely, begin to communicate loudly and fervently. And there are cases when shy representatives just run away.
    • In love, everything is different - with family (in love he becomes so) he feels easy and at ease. There is no desire or need to show oneself from another, unnatural side.

How to distinguish love from affection: comparison, signs, psychology, test

We have indicated above the symptoms and signs of such a feeling as love. Therefore, we will not go deep again. Let's talk about affection, which is also often confused with love. Falling in love is more related to schoolchildren and adolescents, but affection is more characteristic of those partners who have managed to live together.

  • In general, attachment is a feeling of closeness, which is based on sympathy or the same love. As you can see, all these feelings are very closely interconnected.
  • In a couple where attachment is present, one always gives and the other receives. That is, one loves, and the second turns his cheek.
  • Attacks of jealousy are also more related to attachment. The desire to control and completely personally possess a partner does not say love at all. Therefore, excessive control appears. There is always room for trust in love!
  • Fear. An important indicator, because the attached person is afraid of losing a partner. Moreover, they are more concerned with material qualities. From here and unnecessary attention.
  • Also, it is worth noting that there is no development of partners as individuals. That is, loving people can develop not only together, everyone can have their own hobby or hobby.
  • And yet, attachment, like falling in love, is based on external qualities.
  • And also let's talk about distances. Attachment can first lead to melancholy, and then, on the contrary, cause a feeling of lightness and freedom.


Therefore, you can easily pass a small test:

  1. Again, notice that you like your partner.
  2. How do you feel after a week off
  3. You put your interests higher than your partner. Or vice versa?
  4. Now think about your partner's shortcomings and how you feel about them.

Answer only honestly, and the conclusion can be drawn from the above signs.

How to distinguish love from feelings of passion: comparison, signs, psychology, test

The Kamasutra interprets love in its own way. Each person has three drives: mind, soul and body. In the first case, respect arises, in the second - friendship, in the third - desire (aka passion). Love is the combination of all three qualities together. We will not go around in circles for a long time and will repeat ourselves, so we will immediately move on to passion.

  • Again, it is based only on physical sympathy.
  • It breaks out like a fire in a forest. But just as quickly it goes out.
  • Passion often forces you to solve any conflict with bed. Pay attention to how you resolve your conflicts. In love, there is always a place for calm conversations, while passion overshadows the mind.
  • A loving person will never insult his partner, while passion allows barbs and rudeness towards the other half.
  • And an important criterion! Passion can relate to several. Love is monogamous (we already mentioned this above).


If we talk about the test, then it is enough to answer the questions from the previous paragraph. Answer honestly and quickly, and also remember (we already mentioned) aspects such as conflict resolution and flirting on the side.

How to distinguish love from feelings of infatuation: comparison, signs, psychology, test

To distinguish the feeling of passion from love, and to understand what kind of feeling overwhelms you, it is enough just to give answers to the following questions. The feeling of infatuation is very similar to falling in love, but it can even be called the initial stage.

  • Naturally, answer honestly what attracts you to your partner. Hobby can only be called a few points. And only external or physical aspects.
  • How often and for how long is interest shown. The hobby is so fleeting (yes, falling in love is even more constant in this matter) that a person very quickly switches to another object. Moreover, the person goes out very quickly. He is engaged in other matters, only when reminded can he remember his passion.


  • Again, the topic is how conflicts are resolved. With passion, of course, all roads lead to bed, but attraction is expressed by too emotional perception. Yes, a person begins to react very sharply to any comments. And any quarrel turns into a world-class conflict.
  • Do you care for your soulmate. This point plays an important role. Yes, love arises gradually and, naturally, people get to know each other in detail. Passion is selfish in nature and is aimed only at personal gain.
  • And such an aspect should be noted - earthly or supermundane feeling. The fact is that with passion, only earthly needs are of interest, which are expressed by thoughts, pleasures and banal actions. Love has no barriers, and for lovers, intimacy is in the first place.

How to distinguish love from feelings of friendship: comparison, signs, psychology, test

They say that there is never a feeling of friendship between a man and a woman. We will not delve too deeply into this issue, since it is a "sore" and eternal topic of controversy. Perhaps friendship for someone develops into love. Or maybe the feeling of sympathy in someone, on the contrary, will destroy friendship in a few years. We will consider an example when there is only spiritual closeness (that is, friendship) or the desire for the body (love) already appears.

  1. How you behave. If it is easy and natural, you are not afraid to put yourself on the funny side, then there is only friendship between you. No, in love, too, no one experiences tension, but it comes over the years. Communication moves to another level, and it differs from all other friendships.
  2. There should be no place for jealousy in friendship. You easily communicate with the passion of a friend (girlfriend), or you can simply discuss the person you like. And no negativity. That is, a person deliberately does not want to put a passion in a bad light. Of course, if circumstances do not really require it.
  3. Care. No, friends also care about each other, but lovers do it differently. You will not be able to allow your loved one to snack on dry water or junk food (or drink a lot of alcohol), but a friend will sit down for such a meal with you.
  4. Analyze the time apart. How often do you think about your friend, but think about who and what you are doing. Friends do not have such a question. They live their own lives.
  5. And how do you feel about criticizing a friend in your address. As a rule, a loving person wants to show his best side. Of course, it's too early to talk about deep love, but its initial stage will not allow you to listen to reproaches or even comic taunts addressed to you. The words of a friend are perceived easier, moreover, you can even laugh at them together.


Of course, you can endlessly consider examples of love and friendship, but to understand your feelings, the above five points are enough.

How to distinguish love from the feeling that a person just likes: comparison, signs, psychology, test

We will not beat around the bush. Since we looked at several options, simple sympathy is similar to ordinary falling in love or infatuation. The only difference is that we can like many representatives. One person who likes it has beautiful eyes, while the other has a smile, and the third one jokes well. But! They all have negative sides, which we immediately notice.

  • That is, in a simply sympathetic person, we single out only one or two qualities that we like.
  • And this is necessarily either external data, or just some kind of demeanor.
  • There is no desire to be around all the time. You can have your own life, and remember about your passion only if necessary.
  • We always feel embarrassed and uncomfortable with the person we like.
  • And sympathy can very quickly fade away, and in general is characterized by its inconstancy. If someone with more beautiful eyes appears, attention will turn to him.

How true love differs from other feelings: psychology

We have indicated what are the main features of each of the feelings and how to recognize them. Therefore, we will not repeat ourselves, but simply summarize the information.

  • Love is a feeling that arises gradually and over time.
  • A person is loved in the big picture, yes, for his soul (as they often say). No, external data is also important, but not put in the first place.
  • Love includes friendship, passion, and spiritual closeness.
  • Love is not idealizing like other feelings. A person is perceived with all the pros and cons. And they love him because he just is there.
  • Love does not require constant presence (like falling in love), control (like affection), and at a distance or through time it does not pass and does not go out (like hobby).


  • In love, they always put their soul mate above their hobbies, convenience and even happiness. More precisely, for a loving person, it consists in making the partner feel good.
  • You can have your own entertainment, hobbies, and even different friends. But this does not become a reason for jealousy and conflicts on this basis. This is what love is.
  • We also do not forget to pay attention to those around us. Love has enough time and attention for everyone, and even a piece of your happiness. Other feelings are simply fixated on one person until they go out. Or until they grow into something bigger and higher.
  • And once again, let's touch on the topic of conflicts. In love, quarrels become rare over time. Yes, the reason for this is that you perceive your partner completely and completely, and with all the shortcomings. Moreover, solving them is also easier. Conversations are calmer, and a compromise is easier.

Can there be love without falling in love?

No, he can not. A lover must go through all these stages of sympathy. Moreover, love also requires friendship and mutual respect. The fact is that nature has thought out everything to the smallest detail.

  • If not for the hormones and the euphoria of falling in love, then no couple would have lived together for more than a week.
    • Recall that conflicts are normal. After all, two different people are on the scales. If everyone does not begin to adjust the scales from their side, then they will continue to outweigh and fluctuate.
  • Then the habit turns on. Yes, her role is also important. You don't need to live only by habit or attachment, just at that turning point, when you want to give up everything and run away, it is just attachment that slows down.


  • And only then, when you go through the "seven circles of family problems", learn to put up and accept your partner as he is, then love will begin to generate.
  • And then, for its development, you need to constantly work on yourself and your relationship.

How long does love and being in love last and can falling in love turn into love?

They say "love lasts 3 years." This is both true and wrong at the same time. This is the period of being in love. When the butterflies from the belly are gone, and you begin to look at the world with a sober look. By the way, for some, this period develops in different ways - from 6 months to 4 years. Love is born for a long time and does not have a specific time. It is said to be eternal. Yes, love can really last a lifetime.

Love and Falling in love: a parable

There is a very informative, instructive and touching parable. The essence of the parable is that Love will forgive and endure much, except for Indifference.