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How to survive betrayal and keep the family. "My revenge will be terrible!" Cheating is the worst stressful situation.

This article is a quick course, a collection of tips designed to give you a foothold in life after a shock. In more detail, clearly and in detail, I described everything in the book. "How to survive the betrayal of her husband?"

I warn you right away - this article is dry, like the steppes of Kazakhstan. You will not find empathy or help in dealing with your emotions here. Only logic and analysis.

Coping with Cheating: An Outline of Events

The fact of treason is the point of no return. After everything has happened, it will definitely be bad for everyone. To everyone - both the traitor, and the one to whom they betrayed, and to the one with whom they betrayed. This article is for those who have fallen victim to betrayal.

There are many options for the development of events. What do you have? You may think that cheating is everywhere and always cheating, but no. How events unfold will determine what to do with you. Answer the questions to understand where you are now.

  • Do you have evidence of treason, or just suspicion?
  • Did your husband confess to you in treason or did you find out about it yourself?
  • Does your husband know that you know about cheating?
  • Has the relationship ended on the side or is it still ongoing?
  • What intentions does the husband express?

What will happen after her husband's betrayal?

As a result, there are four options for the situation.

  1. The husband left both you and his mistress.
  2. Does not leave, but does not interrupt the relationship on the side
  3. The husband leaves you for his mistress.
  4. The husband broke up with his mistress, asks to forgive him.

The first option - he left both his wife and his mistress - is just like a meteorite falling to Earth. Rarely and enchanting.

The second option is a little more common. The situation is agonizing for all three. In terms of the level of neurotization, it is perhaps the most harmful.

The third - the husband went to his mistress - the option is terrible in fact. But it is much easier to survive it than when the husband "has not decided". Yes, a new life has begun for you - a life in which there are no more lies.

The fourth option - the husband left his mistress for you - is one of the most difficult. Everything sounds very good, but you understand that it will not be the same as before. This means that we need to build new relationships, taking into account past mistakes.

Coping with a Cheating Husband: Three Stages

These stages have been highlighted by me when consulting women who have gone through to face the adultery of their husbands. This means that at each of these stages, I build counseling in a different way. Now I will briefly tell you about all three stages, and then we will look at each in more detail. Knowing these stages, you can predict what awaits you next. And how to behave so that everything ends as soon as possible.

Stage 1 - shock

Shock from the news. Either a complete stupor or hysteria. Very sharp pain, emotions are going through the roof. The world collapsed overnight.

The shock passed like a thunderstorm. Thunder rumbles are still heard, but they are already in the distance. Now you must examine the destruction and understand how bad it is.

Stage 3 - recovery

The pain is no longer acute, it is lingering. Presses, presses ... Gradually less and less, but very slowly, if you do not help her to leave. It's time to get used to a new life.

Now let's take a closer look at each stage. They are the same for each of the 4 situations. But in the event that you and your husband still broke up, just replace "Advice 2" with "Advice 2+"

The first batch of tips focuses on your actions in the first days after you hear the terrible news.

Period description: unstable mood - now rage, now despair, now hatred, now love.

Period duration: 1-2 weeks.

The main goal: survive the shock.

Tip 1... Forbid yourself to make decisions. Because they will be taken exclusively under the influence of the stress hormone. And don't tell me: " I thought and decided!“At this time you simply physically cannot think objectively. Recall the multiplication table.

Tip 2. Start collecting information about such a phenomenon as cheating. Articles, forums, books, communication. What for? Then, to regain the ability to think. Now it seems to you that this is "horror-horror". But after reading articles, hearing other people's stories, you will understand that “yes, horror. But not horror-horror-horror. " Cleverly, this is called reducing dramatization.

Tip 3. Don't be alone. Constantly with someone nearby. You can be silent. Because you are a little energy vampire right now. Yes, I'm sorry, but it's true. And there is nothing selfish about getting strength from somewhere. In the end, every person wants to be needed by someone. Let your loved ones, friends and even just friends be needed. There is no need to discuss your misfortune with everyone. You just need someone whose company is not disgusting to you, to be in the room.

Tip 4. Find a trusted person who will listen to your stories and wipe away your tears.

Here it will be necessary to talk already. Better that it was a psychologist. As a last resort, a girlfriend. So that you can cry out your sorrow, your grief. Cry it out as many times as your soul needs.

The most common mistakes: get hung up on your trouble and pain. Blame one person for everything: yourself or him.

The most painful and responsible stage. It is here that it is decided what will happen next. It is here that it passes from the acute phase to the chronic one. This

Period description: emotional swings are good and bad.

Period duration: according to my observations, from a month to six months. If it takes longer, it means that someone is deliberately delaying it.

Advice 1. Instead of self-flagellation, write down every thought that comes to mind in the form of a thesis. You will think a lot about your mistakes. Do not exaggerate them in your head, but write down: “ You can't do this, you have to do this ... "

Tip 2. Focusing on your man. Try to understand his behavior. I know what it sounds like: “Guess what the frog is thinking". And I know that you always want to show him your feelings and pain. But now the main thing is to figure out whether he is ready to work on the situation, to correct mistakes. It is at this stage that women usually come to me and together we figure out what the traitor now means when he says certain words. And how to convey to him what he wants.

Tip 2+... There is no man next to you yet. It is also simpler. You don’t have to carry anything to anyone. You will pay out your pain to the psychologist, and becoming wiser and more beautiful, you will go to build new relationships!

Tip 3. The greatest torrent of pain that can occur after infidelity occurs during this period. Get rid of the pain. Use the entire arsenal of tools, do not disdain anything. Neither esotericism, nor meditation, nor logic.

Tip 4. Remember that you are building the world for two. With this man or with another, but in your soul and in life there should be a place for a man and his interests. And yours too! Necessarily!

The most common mistakes are: overdo it with "tightening the screws" with a husband who has admitted his guilt; believe your pride and refuse to give a chance to someone who really deserves it; to be sure that "the man has shrunk now, there are no more reliable ones."

Coping with Cheating: Stage 3. Recovery

The wounds begin to heal. Or do not start, if you keep interfering all the time.

Period description: you are like a stretched spring. If you are not touched, then everything can be fine. If provoked, there will be a storm.

Period duration: from a week to several years. Depends on how much effort you put in and your life partner, if you have one now.

The main goal: see yourself in a new world.

Tip 1... Ignore information about cheating. Do not read articles, do not discuss with friends, do not watch thematic films.

Tip 2. The focus is on your self-esteem. Now is the time to assert your new place in the sun.

Tip 3. We need to change. New habits, a new way of communication, a new hairstyle, clothes, new routes, new scenarios. It is desirable, in accordance with the errors that you identified during the second stage.

Tip 4. By an effort of will to block the "chewing" of memories of treason. Yes, I know it's difficult. But there are special exercises that can help you. It is possible.

Tip 5. Live in small sections. Let's say you got up in the morning and the main task is to keep a good mood for the whole day. Don't think about tomorrow, next month, or fall.

Psychologist's advice on how a woman can survive her husband's betrayal: Do not allow yourself the most common mistakes: regularly slide into the past; disappointed in men.

Remember that everything that happened is just one episode in your life. Yes, he's terrible. But your life consists not only of him. What else is there in your life? You can move on and be happy.

And for more detailed information, ways to restore energy, solving complex emotional issues, new scenarios for communicating with a man - look for all this in the book. "How to survive betrayal?"

Cheating on a loved one is a terrible blow... In its strength, it is comparable to the loss of a loved one, resentment and pain gnaws at a person from the inside. You lost the man you love because he did what you couldn't expect from him. He just betrayed you - vile, unexpected and so unpleasant. Depression, heaviness, humiliation and betrayal are felt by a woman who has learned about the betrayal of a loved one. All of these senses are the body's defenses against the effects of destructive stress. But it should be remembered that a person is naturally strong, especially a woman, so she must try to maintain her dignity and survive betrayal - this unhappy streak in life. This can be effectively helped by various tips and tricks that are suitable for almost every woman.

First steps how to survive cheating

Allow yourself to suffer for some time, but without scandals, mutual insults and tantrums. Suffer on your own. You need to evaluate everything that happened, and most importantly, come to terms with it. This has already happened, and nothing can be fixed. Now your task is to prevent unfavorable developments for you in the future. Don't make any impulsive decisions, much less make them. Pull yourself together, even with strength.

Try not to make hasty statements and harsh actions. If you have been thinking about leaving the family for a long time, then cheating is just an excellent reason for you to do it less painful, but you will not worry about it so hard, but your pride will be hurt. But if everything was fine with you up to this moment and you simply did not notice anything, you will have to show all your iron will to survive what happened.

First, you need to understand - is this a casual relationship, or your husband has had a relationship with another woman for a very long time. Can there be more serious consequences after you have learned about everything? If the husband has a constant mistress, but you want to keep the family, then silence is the best solution. Do not tell him anything, and if he himself confessed this to you, do not bring up this topic in further communication. Now your task is to bring back the old sense of passion in your relationship and eliminate the emergence of any future rivals. Do not give your husband a reason to leave the family with your own, albeit well-grounded claims, better keep silent. If this is a casual relationship, then you should not be afraid of his leaving, but in order to prevent this in the future, you will also have to return his love. Indeed, only because of the cooling of feelings, a man is able to change a truly beloved woman. Therefore, you need to understand what exactly caused the cooling between you and fix it.

Why do men cheat

There are only a few reasons that prompted a man to commit adultery. This is his character and upbringing, once he decided that victories over women would be proof of his masculinity, irresistibility and relevance. Dissatisfaction with the relationship with his wife, latent or has already passed into the open stage, even worse, there are only a few steps left before the breakup. Or love that could break out suddenly, no one is immune from this. Depending on which of these reasons became the main one for your husband, you need to eliminate it. But here you should immediately pay attention to the fact that the first and third reasons for treason can be eliminated only with exceptional efforts on your part. The second reason is the easiest of all to eliminate.


If you stopped paying attention to him, often refuse intimacy, behave with him in any way with a man, but as a friend, you should not be surprised that he wanted to feel again love, affection and admiration from a woman. If you stopped giving him these feelings, he will surely find them sooner or later in the arms of another woman. Of course, if a man has fallen in love, you can only do here so that he falls in love with you again, or simply forgive him, let go of this pain and him, and start creating a new relationship. The choice is only yours, but resentment and pain must be removed from your soul, otherwise they will destroy you from the inside.

Take a close look at your husband, how he behaves, worries, feels guilty or doesn't care. If you can see that he is feeling bad, does not know how to behave with you, this is good. So, you can calm down, he is not going to leave you, despite the fact that he cheated on you with his mistress, and not with the first woman he liked. If he behaves completely calmly, then you need to prepare for decisive action in order to attract his attention again. But do not show your pain, behave absolutely calmly, even slightly indifferent.

It is best if you show negligence towards your husband as it will make him nervous. All men appreciate only what they have won with difficulty. Once he already conquered you, but over time these feelings dulled slightly, he relaxed and forgot how dear you are to him. Your task is to make him conquer you again, as on the first day of meeting. Study him again, what he loves, what he lives, what he wants to get out of life, find out his character by the horoscope. All this will help you to re-know your man and what he values ​​in a woman and apply this knowledge in relation to yourself.

What not to do

Don't think about cheating all the time. Engage in any other business, immerse yourself in them, if the thought arises again, drive it away. Think about the good things in your life. But do not think about happy moments with your husband, this can provoke new experiences and even more painful sensations. Learn to cope with your emotions, which now simply prevent you from soberly assessing what happened. If you think this is a tragedy in your life, change your attitude.


This is a very difficult situation, but you are able to show your strength and look at what happened from a different angle. Imagine you just met, saw your man for the first time. Treat him like a complete stranger, nothing else between you just happened. No matter how unpleasant it may sound now, when you are already in pain, but his cooling arose for a reason. There is also some of your fault here. If your husband tries to talk to you, discuss your life together further, do not refuse. Take a deep breath and control yourself. Speak sincerely, find the most acceptable option, do not humiliate or insult him, behave impeccably, let him start admiring you again.

  • The most correct thing in this situation is to forgive. Just take and forgive, no matter how hard it is. Pass the pain through yourself, go through it and that's it - make the final decision and follow it, without retreating a single step. You will not be able to forgive the first time, try again and again. It is more necessary for you, it is very difficult to live with resentment in your soul. Whether you want to divorce or keep the relationship, resentment will prevent you from building new relationships that will start from scratch, even with your husband, because you will start to recognize him again.
  • Let go of the anger and stress that gnaws at you from the inside. It will be easier for you when you give vent to tears. If you feel better after exercising, go for a swim, go for a run, or just dance.
  • Take paints, a canvas of paper and try to depict on it all the emotions that overwhelm you. Splash them out onto the paper.
  • pen, paper and write on it everything that you have experienced and how you want to feel now. After you put all your emotions on paper, burn it and develop it. This, like nothing else, can quickly improve a person's state of mind.
  • Do not blame only yourself for cheating. There is a type of men who suffer from an inferiority complex, and the next victory over a woman is for him another proof of his I.

If your man is not the first time noticed in infidelity, maybe you should just find yourself a more suitable gentleman. Such men cheat just like that, they have not learned to appreciate a woman, so you should not expose yourself to unnecessary experiences next to him. If your husband is worthy of admiration, and you want to stay with him, then do not react to what happened. You have something to fight for, and true love can survive anything. You are a true woman and you should overcome the pain of cheating with your head held high.

A woman who talks about the fact that a loved one is cheating on her will not surprise anyone today. Cheating, unfortunately, in the relationship between a man and a woman has become a common, even banal phenomenon. And only those who have experienced the betrayal of a loved one know at what cost it is worth going through.

Why are you being cheated on?

So, you are faced with the betrayal of your closest and beloved person - your husband. How to continue to be? What to do? Forgive or part? Surely, these questions torment the wife of the traitor. Each woman will have her own answer, it depends on many circumstances. Before making a decision, it is important to understand why this happened, what prompted the man to commit adultery.

As banal is the very fact of treason, so are its reasons. For thousands of years, people have been cheating on each other for the same reasons:

  • love has passed, and maybe it never was - cooled feelings do not hold;
  • quarrels, scandals, constant conflicts for various reasons: everyday life, finances, raising children, relatives;
  • problems in intimate life, sexual dissatisfaction;
  • the husband met a new love, fell in love for real;
  • an accident is an outburst of passion, a drunken passion.

You may know the reason why your loved one cheated. If you are at a loss, then you need to find out the reason. The best way is to ask your husband directly. It shouldn't be a scandal, a scene of jealousy, hysteria. It is clear that it is difficult to maintain self-control in such a situation. Therefore, you do not need to cut from the shoulder, give in to emotions. It's best to give yourself some time to cool down and put your feelings and thoughts in order. But after the reason for the betrayal is known, you already need to think about making a decision.

Beloved husband has changed - what to do?

Forgiving betrayal or breaking off a relationship - every woman has the right to her own decision. In most cases, a woman in such situations thinks not about herself and her feelings, wounded pride, but about her family and children. She feels sorry for the children who can be brought up in an incomplete family. A woman is afraid of condemnation from neighbors, friends, colleagues, relatives. In the end, she is simply afraid of being alone, living on her own. And if a woman does not have her own place to live and work, then she is unlikely to leave her husband. But the wisest thing is to think about yourself. Children will not say thank you to their mother in the future for a family in which there were only quarrels and scandals. Children need a happy, energized mother. Before deciding on the future fate of the traitor, answer yourself the following questions:

  • how much do you love him and do you love him at all?
  • does it matter to you the reason why he changed?
  • are you ready to let him go to your rival?
  • can you live without a husband in household and financial terms?
  • how do you imagine your future life?

By seriously answering these questions to yourself, you can already decide how you will arrange your life - with or without a husband. If he sincerely regrets and feels guilty, then maybe it is worth forgiving. Every person can make mistakes, the main thing is to realize this mistake in time.

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one

But even having forgiven betrayal, it is not always possible to forget about it. The following recommendations of psychologists will help to cope with the betrayal of a loved one:

  • realize the truth, you do not need to entertain yourself with illusions and come up with excuses for a man - he cheated, which means he is to blame;
  • it is undesirable to tell other people about what happened, even the closest ones - if there is a need to speak out, do it on thematic forums;
  • you do not need to neglect the help of a psychologist, a specialist will help you to recover after parting, and strengthen relationships in case of forgiveness of the traitor;
  • no need to blame yourself, whatever the reason for cheating, you don't deserve to be treated.

If you have forgiven your husband's betrayal and continue to live with him, then a lot of work should be done on the relationship, because it is not easy to trust a person who has already failed and deceived. Think about why your spouse cheated, what exactly did not suit him in you, and try to change something in yourself. This does not mean that the fault of male infidelity lies entirely with the woman, but a lot depends on her behavior.

  • you need to change your character - to become softer, gentle, compliant;
  • stop nagging your husband for every reason;
  • with the difficulties of the husband, you need to support and encourage;
  • not to complain about him to relatives or friends;
  • it is necessary to praise a man more often, to thank for good deeds;
  • let the man make his own decisions, not put pressure on him;
  • become liberated in sex;
  • be a good housewife;
  • give a man freedom in his personal space, not oppose his separate vacation with friends;
  • find yourself a hobby that will allow you to abstract yourself from the problem;
  • devote more time to your appearance, self-development;
  • to be separated from her husband for a short while at least once a month;
  • spending more time together;
  • sometimes arrange pleasant surprises.

You don't need to do a lot - just create a reliable rear for a man, an atmosphere where he will feel safe and calm.

Treason in religion

Priests of different denominations talk a lot about betrayal and how to survive them. They offer to forgive the misdeeds of others, because forgiveness is always based on love and peace. You need to try to understand a man, because the temptation is difficult to resist an ordinary person. Think if you could not be mistaken in a similar situation. A person is imperfect and imperfect, it is difficult to force him to act according to the rules. But if he sincerely repents, it means that he realized his mistake, he feels guilty. This can be understood by his behavior. A man who loves a man will go out of his way to earn the forgiveness of his wife, he will feel guilty. He will never tell his wife: "It's your fault, you pushed me to treason." He fully admits his guilt, sever all ties with another woman, and will work to preserve the family and love of his wife.

Forgiving and repenting are the main signs of sincere sacrificial love. Married couples who were able to withstand the test of betrayal with dignity and treat the situation with patience and understanding only grow stronger, and in the future there are no temptations on their way.

But the priests also say that if a man does not repent, he believes that there is nothing terrible in treason, there is no need to forgive and live with such a person. Such a man will cheat more than once, thereby showing disrespect for his wife and family. Many men believe that their gender gives such a right, are justified by polygamy, masculine nature. This is wrong and selfish. No man, man or woman, deserves to be betrayed and hurt.

As you can see, the cases of betrayal are all individual. And each person makes the decision that he considers correct. Only sincere love and deep patience can help to survive betrayal.

All the most relevant information in the article on the topic: "How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, advice from a psychologist?" We have collected a complete description of all your problems.

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A year and a half has passed since the day I learned about my husband's infidelity. It looks like everything is fine with us now, but I catch myself that I can no longer believe him. I don’t know how to continue to live with this. We worked on the relationship for a long time after his love affair, and everything seemed to be fine with us again. And here again the discord. Sometimes it seems to me that I have ceased to love him. I'm already tired of thinking about what happened every day, but I can't help myself. Is there any way out?

Anna, 42 years old

“Recording and analyzing your thoughts and emotions will help you manage them.” Andrew J. Marshall, Family Therapist

Do not despair. This situation is familiar to me because most of my clients struggle with this same dilemma. In short, I can summarize my approach to five simple tricks.

Embrace your feelings

Please do not reproach yourself for the fact that you cannot magically leave all this in the past and live on as if nothing had happened. Perhaps your husband's infidelity has been the biggest shock in your life so far, and it poses a serious threat to your well-being, so I'm not surprised that the pain keeps coming back and the same thoughts spinning in my head. And you still cannot understand how this monstrous betrayal could have happened at all.

Reception 1 A: Saying your feelings out loud instead of letting them bubble up endlessly somewhere inside - it really helps. Tell yourself, "I feel angry, I am worried, I am confused," or something else. You don’t have to do anything about these feelings — you just need to acknowledge them. Sometimes I ask my clients to start keeping a diary of feelings, where they record the time, feeling and the reason that caused it at the moment (some event or thought). Lead it for several days or weeks, and you will find certain patterns. Believe me, if you notice your feelings, observe them, and do not suppress them, they will gradually weaken and become more manageable over time.

Work on your thoughts

Many feelings arise as a result of our thoughts. We tend to believe everything that our inner voice is broadcasting as the ultimate truth. However, he often exaggerates or combines events from different life situations to provide us with irrefutable evidence that life is over. (I call this "catastrophic thinking.")

Trick 2: Don't let bad thoughts poison your life, but write them down. Write as if your inner voice dictates to you. And when you write everything, word by word, you will see that there is nothing particularly frightening there. Go back to the beginning of the text and look for exaggerations. For example, you wrote, "I am so exhausted thinking about cheating every day." I would be hooked on the phrase "every day." I think the word "often" reflects the reality more accurately.

I know this is a very minor change, but the new word is no longer perceived as helpless, right? And then you might want to add some clarifications. And write: "I often think about cheating and sometimes feel exhausted after that, although it also happens that after that I feel better." I guess that the last option is not only softer, but also more accurate. Re-read the text again and pay attention to "always", "never", "must", "must" and other words from the category of black and white vocabulary.

Think about what these memories want to tell you.

You remember your husband's infidelity for a reason. Not because you are a bad person and unable to forgive your partner or because you don’t want to save your marriage. Most likely, your feelings are trying to tell you that some issues remain unresolved and that your relationship needs to be given more attention. For example, your sex life has become too insipid, or your husband is in continuous conflict with your daughter, and you are forced to be torn between them, as if between two fires. If you continue to ignore these alarming signals, your unconscious will send them over and over.

Trick 3: Go back to the diary entries that your inner voice dictated to you. Once you've filtered out the exaggeration, you're left with a few fairly straightforward tasks. For example, balancing work and home life; go out somewhere together, because you have not done this even once in the last couple of months. Once you've guessed what the memories tell you, it makes sense to take practical steps to solve these problems. For example, turn off your phone after 9 pm or book a table at your favorite restaurant.

Stop waiting for the impossible from your partner

If someone works as a receptionist, you are unlikely to rely on the fact that he will balance the right balance or conduct business negotiations well. But I sometimes meet pioneers who expect from their partner some kind of special spiritual subtlety, the ability to be aware of their own and other people's feelings, which in no way corresponds to his upbringing and character traits.

In particular, to the question "Why did you need this novel?" in many cases the answers will be unintelligible, simply because no one has asked the person up to this point about motivation. Perhaps you expect that your partner will listen to you and sympathize with you even when you are angry, criticize or shame him, while he or she needs most of all now to work with a therapist who can reach through the shell to the person seeking support.

Trick 4: We tend to see our partners as we like to see them, and not as they really are. And for some reason we are also sure that they think exactly the same as we do. Although girls are usually raised a little differently than boys, the appearance of children affects women and men in different ways. Try to accept in your partner not only his strengths, but also his weaknesses. Realize that there is something impossible and unbearable for him.

Get rid of perfectionism

The most destructive of all emotions is shame. You will feel embarrassed for a recent tantrum or outburst of anger, and even more ashamed that you have been cheated on and that you seem to be not good enough. Since this feeling is unpleasant to us, we try desperately to avoid it. The most typical way is to try to be perfect in everything and hope that this will protect us from possible suffering in the future. We try to be the best for our partner and hope that he too will be the perfect repentant sinner. And I often meet people who paint their relationship before infidelity as ideal and then doubly angry with their spouse, who destroyed this whole idyll.

Trick 5: I like the phrase of the German philosopher Immanuel Kant: "You can't cut anything straight out of such a crooked log like a man." In other words, we cannot be perfect because we are human. And when we make mistakes or fail to achieve the impossible, we are still ashamed of it. Returning to the first point, accept this feeling in yourself and analyze the thoughts that arise about this. It is certainly worth aiming to be the best version of yourself and your marriage to be the best version of yourself, but please, let's not strive for absolute perfection.

About the expert

Andrew J. Marshall- family psychotherapist, author of the book I Love You But I’m Not in Love With You (Bloomsbury, 2007).

Betrayal is always hard to survive. Life has split into "before" and "after". The illusion of a happy family is scattered into small pieces, giving rise to many questions. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, if there are so many years of marriage behind you, a lot has been experienced? It is especially difficult to reconcile when you are a little over 60 years old. It seems that the pain of betrayal knocks the earth out from under my feet. Fortunately, it only seems so. It takes time, a deep analysis of the situation, a revision of life values.

Table of contents [Show]

Step 1 - breaking stereotypes

How to deal with cheating and not lose yourself? In modern society, there is a widespread erroneous stereotype that they are cheating exclusively on spouses, that, solving everyday family problems, they have lost themselves, sacrificed their own interests. A typical picture on the pages of women's magazines: a lady in a washed dressing gown, a dirty apron and an unshaven man in family shorts, a stretched T-shirt, slippers, with a beer belly, an always displeased expression on his face. Sound familiar? There is some truth in this template, but not great.

A common mistake is looking for reasons in your own appearance. Psychologists call this defense mechanism rationalization. Family union is voluntary. People stay together as long as they want to be around. If feelings have died out, have not turned into deep emotional attachment, a person cannot be held back by a sense of duty, an appeal to honor, morality, and conscience. He will not be stopped by the common house, household, crying children, even the soreness of his spouse.

If a loving person wants to be there, your shortcomings are not a hindrance. He sees them as features that distinguish the object of adoration from the crowd, a highlight. A partner that intends to leave cannot be held back by any virtues, beauty, talents or skills.

Experience shows that they cheat even on celebrity beauties, successful ladies, culinary masters and sexy bombs. Marital betrayal also happens in the young, young, mature, regardless of race, hair color, style of clothing. To understand how to survive betrayal and separation, you need to realize that the fact of betrayal of your spouse does not make you worse, weaker. You remain a complete person with every right to happiness.

A story about two halves, eternal love - a beautiful, but naive fairy tale. Remember the wonderful aphorism of the unique Faina Ranevskaya:

Only the pill, the nut and the brain have a second half. I was originally whole! - Faina Ranevskaya

The second common mistake is comparing yourself to your opponent. A person destroying a family is rarely ruled by pure love. More often a deep neurosis, fear of loneliness pushes to fill the spiritual emptiness at any cost. She is not better than you, just different.

The third common stereotype is about an unhappy abandoned wife or an aging bachelor who is too late to start a new life. Utterly nonsense, invented, apparently, notorious teenagers. Living under one roof is addictive, conditioned by habit, the need to give in, sacrifice interests, and seek compromises. This is a necessary condition for cohabitation, but now the restrictions have been lifted. This is not loneliness, but freedom, a chance to realize your dreams. It is difficult to change the usual way of life, but it is possible and necessary.

Step two - analyze the situation

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one? The cause of painful experiences is naivety, blind faith in a partner. We did not consider such a situation as probable. There is anger, a feeling of self-pity, resentment, even a desire for revenge or powerlessness, apathy. Cheating, like all life events, has a reason. If a marriage lasts a long time without qualitative changes, monotonous and boring, discomfort arises. Family life goes through certain stages, tests for the power of attraction, devotion. Stability is not always a good thing.

Every man, like the literary knight Don Quixote, needs a periodic "fight against windmills", the opportunity to feel like a hero, a savior. Agree, everyday garbage disposal, exercise with a vacuum cleaner is difficult to call a feat or an interesting pastime. Women who have fallen under the heavy pressure of everyday life, lack of attention, admiration, compliments also lose their enjoyment of life. Everyday routine duties slowly hide the sparkle of her beautiful eyes under a tired, thoughtful, a little sad expression on her face.

An explosive connection for family relations is the hyperresponsibility of one and the irresponsibility, immaturity, infantilism of the second spouse. The role of a “caring mother for an unreasonable child” is ungrateful. In essence, this is the encouragement of the partner's irresponsibility. We forget the harsh, but irreplaceable centuries-old laws of life: sacrificing our own interests for the good of another individual, we lose ourselves. The bottom line is sad: interest in you disappears. A person becomes a shadow or a comfortable, somewhat grumpy roommate, nanny, but ruins the aura of attractiveness, intimacy. Boredom replaces passion, creating favorable circumstances for finding connections on the side.

But how to deal with cheating, how to cope with pain and be happy? You need to get rid of feelings of guilt, thoughts of your own inferiority. These are common companions of shattered illusions, but it is dangerous to remain in such a state for a long time. They block the path to development, movement forward. Make an informed decision. It is necessary to rebuild the relationship, try to “repair the crack in the family union,” or walk away with a proud posture. Reconsider the relationship, find out the reasons that prompted the violation of marriage promises.

There is no guarantee that there will be no betrayal in the future, but in any case you will gain useful experience, become wiser. Often, complexes and low self-esteem create fertile ground for adultery. She pushes on attempts to prove her own significance, attractiveness, success in a way that is so painful for her spouse. Then you should start at the origins of the problem. If you decide to stay with your partner, you need to work to restore the broken trust.

Don't confuse forgiveness with mercy, humility, reconciliation. These are not interchangeable concepts. Forgiveness helps to get rid of anger, resentment, and humility only hides negative feelings, drives them deeper, hides a demonstrative acceptance of the situation behind a beautiful picture. True forgiveness requires internal emotional release, the restoration of peace of mind.

It is necessary to make it clear that trust can only be earned through dedication, loyalty on an ongoing basis, and working together on family crises. There won't be a second chance. If he does not appreciate it, he will lose your love, warmth, the ability to keep the family together.

If you want flowers to bloom in the garden, and the dishes turn out tastier every time, you need to pay due attention to this. In marriage too. Our requirements, needs are constantly changing. A true strong family union is based on the efforts of both partners for the common good. -Psychologist Kosenko Angelina. “Psychology of relationships: the whole truth about marriage. Exposing the prevailing myths "

How to survive betrayal and separation? Do not take responsibility for yourself. The person leaves - he has made a choice, let him be responsible for the decisions made. Make the right conclusions, learn useful lessons from the past, so as not to repeat mistakes and move on, change for the better.

Step three - we develop, confidently start life from a new sheet

The past is an abandoned alley in the park, on which no one has walked for a long time. Perhaps her lanterns in the gray dust of cobwebs cause a certain nostalgia, but constantly returning, you miss the main thing - development, perspective, future joy, new pleasures. There are many paths in the park. Choose yours.

Remember the sensational story of adultery sex - the symbol of Hollywood blockbusters by actor Arnold Schwarzenegger. After numerous betrayals to his wife with an aged lady, her own housekeeper Mildred Baena, who gave birth to an illegitimate son from a celebrity, Arnold repented, swore to his beautiful wife that she was “an ideal woman”, “he still worries”. Later, giving an interview to radio host Howard Stern, Schwarzenegger said that divorce after 25 years of a happy marriage is his main mistake.

Does sweet Maria Shriver, the actor's wife, need to blame herself for what happened to the end of her days? Safeguarding anger, resentment, limiting your own capabilities, spending your life “preserving trauma”? Mary acted wiser. She became free, ceased to be the shadow of a star spouse. She managed to change her train of thought and her own life. She is a successful journalist, Peabody and Emmy award winner and just a beautiful self-sufficient woman.

Focusing on the role of the deceived victim, constantly complaining to friends, neighbors, relatives, we gain energy through self-pity. But this is a hopeless path. On the contrary, you need to focus on your favorite hobby, which fills you with joy, inspires, gives strength to live, create and develop. Achievements, successes, implementation depend on our efforts, aspirations.

Legend has it that an apple fell on Isaac Newton's head, prompting him to think about the force of gravity. The biography of the scientist claims that the tempting fruit just landed nearby. But such an ordinary event gave rise to the development of physical thought. Perhaps going beyond the boundaries of your usual relationships will become the "magic pendel" mentioned by psychologists for your self-realization.

Magic pendel - gracefully conducted tough customer support. A graceful motivational kick that sends a person into a high flight of thought, energetic useful actions. - Internet resource psychologos.ru

And instead of the usual route "bedroom - kitchen - garden", or "fishing - garage-TV", you will write an interesting book, become the author of fascinating articles of a local newspaper on economic topics, start an Instagram page with photo reports about the beauty of your city, open a small hand-made workshop. Start making funny felt toys for sale and save up money for a trip that you have long wanted, but did not dare to. Turn your hobby into an exciting life adventure. As they say, if there was a goal, the means will be found.

Spend more time for yourself, playing with your grandchildren, and self-education. Remember, life is counted not in days, months, years, but in bright memorable moments that evoke a feeling of satisfaction, pride in oneself, harmony with the world.

Engage your thoughts in interesting things that inspire, bring positive emotions, vivid impressions. Find new friends who share your value system and expand your social circle. Do not be afraid to seek help from a psychotherapist if necessary.

Psychologist's advice will tactfully guide you in the right direction, help you deal with emotions, recognize hidden desires, become more confident, and restore trust in the world around you and in yourself.

Betrayal by a loved one is a very difficult situation for family relationships. After all, a spouse or spouse is the most valuable thing we have. We trust them with our body, soul, emotions and feelings, we tell them about our innermost. Self-esteem also suffers. The stranger claims rights to what is rightfully ours: the love and devotion of a spouse. This is why it is so difficult to recover when faced with cheating. A person who has been betrayed is faced with a difficult choice: to try to forgive and live on, or to leave, having lost his usual way of life, having lost love and lost faith in people.

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one: the advice of a psychologist will help to sort out feelings, understand the reasons for the betrayal and decide on further actions.

First of all, it is worthwhile to understand the reasons for the betrayal. And in cases of male and female infidelity, they are different.

Reasons for cheating on a spouse:

  • Characteristic features of the personality. As they grow up, looking at the examples of the behavior of the men around him, your spouse may decide that the indicator of his masculinity, uniqueness and attractiveness is the victory over women.
  • Dissatisfaction with the quality of the marriage relationship. Over time, as you get used to each other, it's easy to stop appreciating the relationship. Household problems, work, children, lack of money and other aspects of life together alienate spouses. There is simply no time, energy and desire left for love.
  • Love. Nobody is immune from Cupid's arrows. If your spouse really has strong feelings for the other, it will take a lot of effort to get him back into the family.
  • Comparison. In this case, a man, tired of being responsible for his family, may think: “What if you try a relationship with someone else? What if it's easier there? " The imagination helpfully throws up beautiful pictures from films and books about a happy, unencumbered family life, which, in fact, is a myth. But history is silent about this! Later, having compared several options, the man clearly understands that the spouse is the very correct option, the best woman who accepted his shortcomings and discovered her merits.
  • Personal crisis. Any person during his life, faced with various situations and circumstances, gains experience that invariably affects the quality of relationships in the family. It may happen that a man goes forward, he has new ideas, suggestions, but there is no support from his wife. In this case, the spouse begins to look for someone who will appreciate his efforts and a new point of view.

Reasons for betrayal of a spouse:

  • Lack of attention from her husband. It's no secret that a man and a woman are fundamentally different from each other. If heart-to-heart conversations, a long discussion of the problem in all details and the manifestation of feelings are important for the beautiful half of humanity, then the spouse continually strives to make a ready-made decision, not realizing that this is not required. As a result, when faced with the above-described seemingly insoluble contradiction, a woman moves away more and more, ceases to trust her spouse with her problems and feelings. Finds someone who listens and hears.
  • Dream collapse. This reason is typical for young families. During the period of falling in love, a woman embellishes the merits of the chosen one, trying not to notice or ignore his shortcomings. A little later, being married, she ceases to understand where all these thorns in the character of her husband came from. She can be attracted in a new partner by the same thing as in a spouse during the period of falling in love: the absence of rough edges on the path to love.
  • Duties. For a woman, the participation of her husband in her life is very important. Even if he just simply wipes the dishes or reads a bedtime story to the child, she is ready to do much more in return. If such, even the most insignificant, signs of attention to her needs are absent, she will begin to notice those men in her environment who make her life a little easier.
  • Laziness. Every person is constantly changing. Today she loved tea with milk, and tomorrow she cannot stand it. Starting with such little things, the lump of differences increases with each month we live together. Waking up one morning, a woman may realize that her spouse is not at all the one she needs at this stage of her life.
  • Sexual dissatisfaction. This, as they say, is already from the men's opera. Pure physiological need, no feelings whatsoever. In this case, the woman is happy with the relationship in marriage, she lacks sharpness, new sensations.
  • Revenge. Response to the betrayal of her husband. Not having forgiven or seeing the absence of changes in the spouse after the forgiven infidelity, a woman herself can start looking for a new partner.

Knowing the motivating reasons for male and female infidelity, it is much easier to build a figurative plan of action in this situation. There are several tips from a psychologist to help you survive the betrayal of a loved one:

  • Give yourself time. While thinking about what happened, it is sometimes worth leaving somewhere: to your parents, friends, on vacation. There, where you can calm down and calmly come to terms with what is happening, make a decision.
  • Understand. It is worth understanding how far the betrayal has gone. Was it one-off or systematic? The answer to this question will seriously affect your decision.
  • Track your spouse's reaction. Does he / she feel guilty? Are you worried? Want to come back?
  • Re-examine the wife / husband. Get his / her attention. Explore character, habits. Such a detached, as if the first acquaintance will help to look at a person in a new way, to discern what was imperceptible before.
  • Get busy. Having found a new occupation, you will not constantly think about betrayal.
  • Decide to have a conversation. Imagine that you are playing silent. Just listen. Everything. Every word. Don't interrupt. This will make it easier to understand your loved one.
  • Sorry. Whether you stay or leave, you must forgive. For your health and future relationships.
  • Unleash your feelings. Exercising, dancing, painting - all of these activities can help express emotions without harming yourself and others.
  • Keep a diary. Express on paper all those feelings, thoughts and experiences that haunt you. It will become much easier.
  • Don't just blame yourself. Your share may be negligible or absent altogether.
  • Analysis of previous relationships. If the situation repeats, it is important to find the trigger and correct the situation.

Taking into account the reasons for the betrayal, sorting out your feelings and starting a new life, you can survive the betrayal of a loved one without unnecessary losses.

How can a man survive the betrayal of his wife or girlfriend?

Should treason be regarded as a betrayal, or can this act be forgiven?

True, if your loved one cheated on you, the question is "to forgive or not to forgive?" not in charge at first. Everyone understands that over time it will be necessary to forgive treason. A month later. In a year. Or ten years.

After all, right now it is unbearably difficult for you! It was as if the soul was squeezed in a vice, you do not know where to go from pain, from tears, disappointment and fear. Fear for your future. Fear of losing a loved one. Or the fear of rejecting him out of anger and hatred. It can be different. You can do a lot from jealousy. You can become paranoid, search things and watch out for a traitor. Or you can close in pain and withdraw into yourself for many months. Everyone copes as best they can.

Cheating is the most stressful situation!

Especially when she falls on you unexpectedly. When, it would seem, nothing foreshadowed trouble ... I myself had to go through a similar thing when I was not yet familiar with psychology. So you are not alone (or alone) in your grief.

Modern psychology is sure that adultery is an inevitable scenario for the development of relationships in almost every family. No matter how hard it is to read about it.

Cheating is a crisis that takes a relationship to another level. Down, to destruction, or up, to new development (this often happens).

But that’s all later. Then it will be easier, easier. And now, when it's hard, do you need good advice from a psychologist on how to forgive treason?

The first thing I advise is to listen to yourself right now. Treat yourself very carefully. Do not be isolated, give free rein to your feelings!

You definitely need experience cheating with full amplitude of emotions.

What for? Because then you can let go of the pain, and not carry it in yourself for many years to come. After all, such a lingering pain almost always turns into serious illnesses, tumors, depression. Or an unfinished situation with betrayal and mistrust can be played over and over again in a new relationship.

You ask, “What does it mean to experience? How to do it when it hurts so much? "

I would like to dwell on this in more detail.

1. It is very important not to immediately begin to sort things out with a partner and understand the reasons for treason!

Don't figure out why and who is to blame - leave it for later. First, give free rein to your feelings. HONESTLY FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOUR BODY. Your body is wise, it will tell you what to do over time. The main thing is not to rush! Understand that you have the right to experience any feelings for as long as you need.

2. Do not judge yourself, do not blame what happened, do not look for the reason in yourself!

And even more so - do not share the problem with those who can condemn you. At this stage, it is very important to speak out, to express everything that lies in your heart. The ideal option is to find a competent family psychologist. But if there is no such possibility, share the pain with a friend (friend). Just warn him in advance that advice is not needed. Let him just be there and listen to you.

3. Speak out! Once, ten, one hundred - as many times as you need!

What happens at this moment? You, like a jug, are filled with painful emotions, feelings. And your task is to allow yourself to pour them out (cry out, shout out, get angry, fight back, burn out - it can be anything). After such a dialogue (one or many), the upper layer of feelings will leave, and under it other experiences and emotions will be found, which will give a hint of what to do next.

For example, if you feel anger, indignation, indignation, rage - give your feelings free rein, express everything that is sore! Most likely, accusations, claims, reproaches will follow - it is important to speak out about everything.

Perhaps it will be an encounter with pain, fear, or shame. Fatigue from relationships, coldness, detachment, loss of interest between you will manifest. And it turns out that this is no longer a relationship at all - it's just a habit of being around.

Or, on the contrary, you will understand that you still love, that there is still a place for warmth and tenderness between you. And in this you can draw strength for forgiveness or building new, more meaningful relationships.

It often happens that only after betrayal do you understand how dear and valuable this person is to you. That in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, you both simply forgot about it. Without crying out the first emotions after betrayal, you cannot understand your real feelings!

4. Almost always, after betrayal, trust in a partner is lost. And it will not reappear on its own until you talk to him about your feelings. But only after you throw out all your emotions to other people!

It is about feelings, and not about thoughts, that you will need to talk with your partner. No accusations and no assessment of his actions or himself.

I'll try to show with examples what I mean (the vocabulary is not entirely normative, but this is life after betrayal):

“Bitch, you've ruined my whole life! I wanted a young body ... ". There is a score + accusation + reproach.

"Bastard! You bastard! How could you? I believed you! Creature! How can I live after this? " (appraisal + accusation + reproach).

What happens at this moment? Put yourself in your partner's shoes. What are these words doing to you? How do you feel?

I will answer for you: words make you feel worthless. As if you are a freak, not subject to rehabilitation, unworthy of justification and forgiveness! The feeling of guilt is off the charts! The shame is overwhelming!

Listen to yourself, experiment ... Would you be able to sincerely ask for forgiveness while experiencing such feelings? Express regret? Would you like to make amends? Is there a desire to sincerely understand the feelings of a partner? Hug him and say: "Sorry, dear (dear)!".

What do you really want to do in such a situation?

Again I will answer: make excuses. Or attack yourself, blame in return. Or just run away.

Strong emotions will be visible behind your harsh words. But not a word will be said about them! And it’s very important to talk about feelings, not thoughts. After all, only by risking to open up, voicing your feelings, you can expect that your partner will dare to tell you about his own. At this moment, you give yourself a chance for further happiness (although not necessarily with the same partner).

5. In fact, it is the repentance of a loved one that you need! THIS is the CURE for pain after infidelity!

Your partner's sincere remorse and regret about what happened will allow you to forgive. Repentance can revive those feelings between you that may still remain.

It is after repentance that love and trust in each other can be reborn with renewed vigor. It is at this moment that true intimacy will arise. And then the decision of what to do will come by itself.

Here are some examples of how you can convey to a partner who has cheated on you, his feelings instead of thoughts. Real examples, taken from practice, they really work!

“You hurt me! My soul is torn, I am seized with rage towards you! ".

"Resentment and pain prevents me from living."

“I am dumbfounded and confused. I can’t trust you anymore. ”

"I feel very bad, everything is burning inside."

"Everything stopped for me, I'm in a panic."

What happens when you say that? You accurately convey your feelings. You talk about what is happening to you now. Your partner in such a dialogue will be able to sincerely respond and begin to empathize. He will feel your pain and share it.

And then the pain becomes bearable. Then it will not return to your heart again and again.

6. Do not be guided by the advice of others on what to do - they are unlikely to help you.

The advice of even the closest people will only confuse everything even more, or even shame you, plunge you into even greater trauma. They can give rise to your wrong actions or inaction. Your experience and your case are individual and unique. And advice is the "frozen" beliefs of others, you don't need them! Walk your way with your partner!

"How to survive betrayal?", "Is it possible to forgive betrayal?", "Is it worth forgiving betrayal?" Perhaps he already has a ready-made answer with which you cannot do anything.

I want to forgive treason! What to do?

If you want to forgive with all your soul, then do so, it's your decision. Forgiving is not easy. But very wise.

If you want to proudly leave or kick your partner out - do it! The main thing is that it should be YOUR CHOICE. Do not part with him just because pride does not allow you to act differently, or because you will be ashamed in front of your family.

Do not listen to anyone! Do as you see fit, as you feel in your soul. Do as it happens in your situation.

What will change in your life after the betrayal? Much. Perhaps the family will collapse, or perhaps a new, truly close relationship with a loved one will be created.

Real love relationships are unpredictable. And when deciding whether to forgive treason or not to forgive, one must not forget about this reality!

One of the sayings of the famous French writer François de La Rochefoucauld says:

There are no women who have changed once - there are those who have never changed.

And qualified psychologists say that men endure adultery much harder than women. What if an inexhaustible source of jokes and anecdotes knocked on the door? How to survive the betrayal of your wife and forget about the betrayal of your beloved? A man is a hunter, he is used to being a breadwinner, and a woman who is next to him must dutifully wait for her husband and keep the hearth. If suddenly someone superfluous intervenes in a family idyll, this deals a serious blow to male pride.

In such a difficult situation, professional advice from a psychologist is required. Men in the heat of resentment can do many stupid things and commit rash acts, the consequences of which will sooner or later have to be regretted. According to statistics, 90% of adultery comes to light, but only 30% of them lead to divorce. In other cases, husbands show nobility and benevolence, preferring to forgive the cheater and save the family.

It can be very difficult for a person to deal with banal family troubles on their own. And when it comes to betrayal and infidelity, the advice of a psychologist is invaluable and irreplaceable. Men do not need to ignore the professional advice of a specialist.

  • Stop blaming yourself!

Most of the men who find out about adultery blame themselves for what happened. This is a misconception. Even if the husband is far from ideal, he lies on the couch all day, does not do household chores and pays too little attention to his wife, it is still not his fault. Cheating was a deliberate choice of a woman, due to her character and personal preferences. It is wrong to take responsibility for other people's actions on your shoulders. As well as it is wrong to blame the unfaithful spouse for everything. You should get rid of painful thoughts and stop driving yourself into a psychological hole in the difficult search for the guilty. This system has proven itself very well for liberation from painful thoughts.

  • Pause

Don't be in a hurry or get excited. In the heat of passion, people make many mistakes. Give yourself time to calm down and get your feelings in order. Stay alone with your thoughts, think about whether you want to forgive your spouse, or advice on how to survive the betrayal of your wife is inappropriate.

It is worth noting that you need forgiveness for yourself. Unforgiveness is a poison for the soul and carrying it is not only humiliating (for oneself), but also extremely harmful. Naturally, forgiveness does not exclude divorce, because the situation of the situation is different.

It doesn't matter what decision is made, the main thing is to restore emotional balance. Subsequently, you will have to return to important issues more than once. But at that moment, time will pass, the feelings will cool down, the pain will subside and you will look at the situation from a different angle. In any case, when making the final verdict, remember the dictum of the Indian politician Mahatma Gandhi: “The ability to forgive is a property of the strong. The weak never forgive. "

  • Don't avoid conversations with your spouse

Talk to your wife and find out the reasons for her behavior. As a rule, women do not dare to commit adultery out of sporting interest. They don't just cheat. Most likely, she was pushed to this act by mental anguish and emotional dissatisfaction. Try to calm your anger and ask your significant other for reasons for cheating. It is important to do this even if the man has made a decision for himself not to forgive his wife. Be sure to go to a frank conversation.

The couple will disperse to different apartments, and the feeling of resentment and pain from the betrayal of the beloved will remain. Therefore, dialogue is simply necessary for a normal life in the future. But you can't turn the conversation into another quarrel about unwashed dishes and scattered socks. If the atmosphere heats up and the conversation turns into another channel, you should stop and postpone the conversation for a certain time. Psychologists believe that it may take 3-4 conversations to resolve the situation with adultery, and the time it takes to forget the adultery is 2-3 years. Therefore, men who want to keep their family together should be patient.

  • Change your wife, change yourself

Try to put yourself in the shoes of a lover. How is it better? What is there in him that you do not have? Why did she choose him? Take a step towards your wife, change your behavior, clear your mind. Psychologically, women are arranged in such a way that first they cheat with their souls and only then with their bodies. Opening up to another man with her heart, the spouse gets out of the control of her husband and completely immerses her mind and consciousness in the power of her lover. A man should try to understand and feel his woman. It is necessary to give her exactly what has been lacking for many years. It is important to open your feelings, to show your wife that she is still desired and loved. The woman who is kindly and adored is unlikely to want to look for new sensations on the side.

Many men, after marriage, stop paying attention to their wives: compliments, flowers, signs of attention. And in the meantime, no matter how old the woman is, they all madly love and appreciate it. Isn't that what they like in a new relationship with a lover?

  • Think of cheating as a disease.

Only the disease is not physical, but spiritual. A lover is a virus, a husband is a medicine. The more hugs and kisses the legal spouse gives, the sooner the impostor's spell will weaken. But don't do it compulsively or out of necessity. This should come from the heart - women feel very well. To do this, start looking for what you like in it. If everything is done correctly, the woman will “dissolve” in her husband and forget about her lover. Continuous bodily contact will continue with the union of souls. And then, when the couple feels themselves as one, mutual understanding will come. But in order to awaken faded feelings and return love, you need to gain strength and be patient, learn to trust each other and start living in a new way.

  • Imagine your life without a wife

Imagine that after returning home you did not find your beloved woman there. Common joys and little things have disappeared somewhere. There are no more family traditions and holidays. Imagine what hurts the most: a blow to male pride or the loss of a loved one. Psychologists say that it is easier for many of their patients to experience resentment and pain than to part with a loved one forever. But do not persuade the woman, do not ask her to return. Do not lure your wife with beautiful promises and in no case bribe with gifts. Do not forget that they love for nothing, but just like that. A wife should love her husband, not feel sorry for him. Acting discreetly, without threats or coercion - this in itself is attractive.

  • Dmitry, 28 years old, co-author of the site

At one time, it helped me a lot. The invaluable recommendations of the author, this system, on writing and processing according to this system, all the pop-up mental material, gave not only relief, but also the situation turned in a completely unexpected way (positively) ... In general, we build our reality with our thoughts and very often, resolution on the mental level, solves the problem at the household level.

But this system is for a complex cleansing of the mind and it is worth starting only if you want to get rid of: negative emotions, complexes, limiting ideas and beliefs, negative attitudes and other mental garbage. By the way, in the process of elaboration, the face was transformed - there is a connection between the inner world and the person's face.

  • Konstantin, 35 years old, programmer

It seems to me that betrayal does not hurt so much, if you are mentally prepared for it. Of course, it's much easier to blindly trust your wife and not boggle your head with obsessive thoughts. But life is a complicated thing, anything can happen in it. It is necessary to calculate the moves in advance and think over all possible scenarios for the development of events. In general, everyone has the right to make mistakes.

  • Igor, 47 years old, individual entrepreneur

In the modern world, marriages often fall apart due to the infidelity of one of the spouses. The institution of the family has lost its value. I think it is wrong to dissolve a marriage because of one ridiculous act. I was sorry to destroy what had been under construction for many years. I was not going to give my wife to some lover who came from nowhere, who did absolutely nothing for my woman. Men, do not cut at the root and do not burn bridges behind you, no matter how painful and offensive it may be. My family has recovered, and yours will surely be reborn from the ashes.

  • Andrey, 29 years old, manager

I didn’t know how to survive my wife’s betrayal. Life turned upside down. I could not find a place for myself, could neither drink nor eat. But after a few weeks, my attitude towards the situation changed. I realized that what happened was also my fault. After eight years of marriage, it began to seem to me that no one needed a spouse except me. I stopped giving my wife gifts and making compliments, and in the evenings in the bosom of my family I preferred friendly gatherings at the bar.

My woman found the missing emotions in the arms of another man. Oddly enough, but to some extent I am grateful to my opponent. After all, if it were not for treason, my wife and I would simply divorce and forget about each other. And so, our feelings got a good shake-up. All of this was a great lesson for both of us. We prefer not to think about cheating anymore, spend a lot of time together and try not to forget about concepts such as love, loyalty and understanding.

A feminine perspective on male problems

Despite the fact that the symbol of male horns is a woman, one cannot do without a female gaze in this situation. Representatives of the fair sex know firsthand what actions forgotten wives expect from their husbands. Their advice on how to cope with a cheating wife may be more useful than advice from experienced psychologists:

  • Valeria, 28 years old, sales assistant

I have been cheating on my husband for several years. Almost from the first days of marriage, quarrels, reproaches, scandals began. We dispersed and converged again, ran in circles, tortured ourselves and the children. The lover was my outlet. But after some time I realized that I love my husband and do not want to leave. After long and difficult conversations, we decided to continue living together. It took a lot of effort and effort to believe in the sincerity of our feelings and establish a good relationship, but now understanding reigns in our family.

  • Natalia, 42 years old, notary

I am a successful woman who knows her own worth. Recently, my husband not only stopped paying attention to me, but began to assure me of the bankruptcy and unattractiveness. Surprisingly, my husband found someone who appreciated my beauty. Our family happiness was saved by pangs of conscience on my part and recognition of mistakes on the part of my husband. I advise men to value their woman and appreciate the time spent with her.

  • Christina, 34, housewife

In family relationships, I did not dare to commit adultery, but I was in the balance of it. I don’t know what saved me, but it was unpleasant for my husband to learn that I was one step away from betrayal. Despite the contradictory situation, our family life began to improve. In order for wives not to have a desire to pay attention to other men, spouses should do unexpected things for women, give gifts for no reason and say compliments. You need to admire your wife, and then she will idolize her husband.

If the betrayal did happen, you need to come to terms with what happened. You need to understand that time will not turn back and that what happened will remain what happened. All that can be done is to correct the errors. And how to live further: to return lost love or to start from scratch, it is up to each deceived husband to decide on his own.