Secrets of a happy family life. Happy family life
Probably any girl, woman wants not only to get married, but also to be happy in marriage. It is a delusion to think that your husband will make you happy. He, of course, will try, but without your help he is unlikely to be able to cope. It's up to both of you to create a happy union. Therefore, this time I want to open the secrets of a happy marriage not only to women, but also to men.
What are the secrets to a happy marriage?
So, the first secret is that you need to treat each other especially. To begin with, it is important to understand that your chosen one is not as ideal as you might think, and you can immediately start preparing for the fact that soon you will recognize him from the other side. Perhaps not the best. And here, attention, you need to calm down and exhale. It takes time to accept a partner, so you don't have to whip up a fever and say that you made a mistake in your choice or that you want to break up. All families go through this, you are not special. Accepting your soul mate is difficult, but possible. It is from this moment that a real family begins without Rose-colored glasses, with real feelings.
The third secret is to be beautiful to your husband. Do your makeup not when you go "to people", but in the morning after waking up. Wearing beautiful clothes not for the occasion, but at home. After all, think for yourself, for whom we dress up? Why are we accustomed to directing a marafet for strangers, and in front of our husband we allow ourselves to walk in an old dressing gown without makeup and hair? This is somehow not logical, as for me.
The next secret of a happy marriage is: "The husband is in charge, but not the center of the universe." Your world should not be limited to or revolve around your husband. Develop, be interested, improve. Remember, a man never loses interest in a woman who grows with him. And together - this does not mean that she should be interested in the same thing that he is. Together means synchronously. After all, if one of the couple slows down in their development, then they can no longer walk side by side, hand in hand. Someone in front, someone behind. Soon, interest in each other in such a couple will fade away and they will either live as neighbors in the same house, or disperse.
And the last, fifth secret: doing for your husband what you would like him to do for you is wrong. Man and woman are too different to be equal to each other. Therefore, if you want to please him, then study what exactly will be pleasant for him. For example, women love to talk heart to heart, men retire and think it over alone. It is important for women to have a feeling of security, for a man to understand that you need him and believe in him. In short, for a happy family relationship, it is not enough to act at random or as you think is right. It is important to study the psychology of a man and understand what exactly will bring your husband the greatest happiness.
We often expect that family happiness will come with the purchase of an apartment, a car, a new good job or additional education. No. We must be happy now and with what we have.
2. Be grateful and talk about it to your loved one.
Generates happiness. Find reasons for gratitude even in the most ordinary things. And most importantly, don't forget to express it. That magic word "thank you" actually works wonders and should be used more often in marriage. “Thank you for what you are doing for me”, “Thank you for fixing the faucet”, “Thank you for being so cute”, “Thank you for a delicious dinner” - look for reasons to thank, and you will find them.
3. Trust each other
A jealousy marriage won't last long. Trust your spouse and do not give reasons not to trust you.
4. Avoid quarrels
Quarrels over little things are the biggest pitfall of a marriage. Feel the approach of a quarrel - cool down: take a walk, take a shower, take a break. When the emotions subside a little, you can talk calmly.
5. Show your love physically.
Touch each other, hug, hold hands. Healthy sexual relationships are very important, but you shouldn't focus on them alone. Any abuse does not lead to good. It destroys romantic love and the natural beauty of intimacy in marriage.
6. Be honest when it comes to finances
Family happiness is impossible if there is misunderstanding, especially when it comes to money.
7. Surprise each other
Do something unexpected: leave a note in your pants pocket; give a flower when you meet her from work; make a small gift; arrange an unexpected romantic dinner or send SMS with a declaration of love.
8. Compliment each other.
Tell us how you like the smile, character, voice, eyes, hair of a loved one. That you value him as a wonderful parent for your child or as a professional at work. Your loved one should know that you admire him.
9. Support each other
Support each other in personal and professional projects, during days of illness, sadness or weakness. Help. A marriage is like a long journey in a fragile boat: if one passenger starts rocking it, the other must keep it afloat, otherwise both will drown.
10. Move in one direction
Happiness in marriage is possible only if the spouses have the same outlook on life, similar values and interests, behavior and goals.
11. Remain who you were when you met
At the beginning of a relationship, we are all amazing, attractive and do thousands of things to show our partner our best qualities. After a while, an understanding comes of what kind of person is actually next to us, what his shortcomings are, how he behaves in various situations. It is natural for a mature relationship to develop into marriage.
But after the wedding, some calm down and do not consider it necessary to try to please their loved one. Suddenly they feel like they can look unkempt, rude and grumpy most of the time. Of course, it is difficult to keep the body and face the same as in youth: age and gravity are merciless. However, there is much that can be done to stay in good physical, moral and emotional health. A good marriage is a perpetual motion.
12. Have a conversation
Conversation solves problems.
13. Forget selfishness
Caring for your partner's well-being is one of the most important things in achieving family happiness. Put selfishness aside and try to take care of your partner the same way you care for yourself.
14. Be faithful in thought, word and action.
Happiness is a subtle matter. How often marriages fell apart due to the fact that one of the spouses fell in love with someone and could not get it out of my head. And in the end it ended with a serious mistake. If you sense danger, run away from temptation.
There are always three fooled people in treason.
Carlos Drummond de Andrade (Aeroporto Carlos Drummond de Andrade), poet
15. Ask forgiveness and goodbye
We are all imperfect. If you make a mistake, do not waste time; as soon as possible, sincerely ask for forgiveness. And when a loved one hurts your feelings - forgive him. For both spouses to have a fulfilling life, it is important to be able to ask for forgiveness and forgive.
In other words, the main secret of a happy marriage is doing good, being wise in words, actions and thoughts. Treat your partner the way you want him to treat you. And if you want to understand how a word or decision will affect your marriage, imagine yourself in the place of your partner, and you will understand how to act.
Little Mashenka offers Vovochka:
- Let's play with the family.
First we will be friends, and then we will not get along in characters.
We want to tell you about the secrets of a happy marriage.
Each person has such a specificity as the need for love. We want to love and be loved. For this reason, we are drawn to each other, we meet, fall in love, get married ...
But there is a cruel truth - not every marriage is "once and for all, until death do us part." For the most part, falling from a fabulous falling in love with a premium into the real world of family life, we get lost, irritated and give up ... According to statistics, every second marriage ends in divorce. Hence the expression: “A good deed is not a marriage"! But oddly enough, the problem is not so much a bad thing as the complexity of family life.
Yes, there are a lot of socks in the middle of the room, and stinking during the wash, a lot of open cabinet doors, and a lot of toilet chairs that have not been lifted. Here, jackets and raincoats do not find hangers, and toilet paper does not unfold on one side. In this reality, a glance can inflict merciless pain, and a word can kill!
But why is it so? Is it all about routine?
Oddly enough, not quite. The main problem lies in the fact that people often confuse falling in love and love. Even for a second, without thinking that not every love is capable of developing into love. In true love, about which so much has been written, said, removed.
Love Is a kind of temporary obsession that on average lasts about two years. Love is discipline and work, effort and struggle, compromises and support ... Only true love is able to overcome all obstacles, make seas knee-deep, go through fire, water and copper pipes!
In order to more easily cope with the problems of family life, learn to understand each other and truly love, we suggest learning the languages of love. According to the calculation of psychologists, there are only five of them in nature, the rest are considered dialects:words of encouragement,time, gifts, help, touch.
Words of encouragement
Let's start with the words. Even if there is a prejudice that only women love with their ears, this is not entirely true! Everyone loves praise to one degree or another. Not everyone really appreciates her, but everyone loves her.
"I can eat with a kind word for two months",- Mark Twain.
Honestly, it is not enough to believe that only six kind words would really be enough for this person in a year, but the essence can be traced clearly. The problem is that when you start scolding, scolding, criticizing a person, he hears that he is bad, you can't, fu! And at one point he begins to believe in it himself, to be sad, to suffer, to degrade, and of course to think that he is definitely not loved so bad. Prove the opposite to your soulmate, remember what you said in the euphoria of falling in love, in the end, make a list of positive and negative traits on a separate piece of paper and mark at least one positive quality every evening ... Fortunately, everyone has them anyway. For example, one American psychologist suggested that a married couple make such lists. See how simple everything is ingenious:
Betty's list:
· For 12 years, he has not missed a single working day. He is very active and persistent in his work.
· He has received several promotions over the years. He is always thinking about how to improve his productivity.
· He pays the rent every month.
· He also pays electricity, water and gas bills.
· 3 years ago he bought equipment for rest in our house.
· Every week in the spring and summer, he mows the grass or hires someone to do it.
· When leaves fall, he rakes them or hires someone to do this.
· He earns and gives a lot of money to buy food and clothing for the whole family.
· He takes out the trash about once a month.
· He makes money and gives me money to give the whole family for Christmas.
· He allows me to spend the money I earn as I please.
Bill's list:
· She makes the beds every day.
· She vacuums the whole house every week.
· She sends the children to school every morning with a good breakfast.
· She prepares meals about 3 times a week.
· She buys groceries. She helps the children do their homework.
· She takes the children to school and church activities.
· She teaches first grade Sunday School.
· She takes my things to the dry cleaner.
· She washes and ironing clothes.
Just do not forget that not only the words should be affectionate, but also the intonation is soft and gentle. That is, if you say thank you in the affirmative, then you should not put intonation with a question mark at the end. Otherwise, the meaning will be lost and then it will definitely result not in words of encouragement, but in another quarrel.
P.S.love asks, but does not demand, begs, but does not indicate!
TIME.
How often do you hear from your partner that he misses you? What are you spending a little time on?
Ask yourself how much time you actually devote to each other ... After all, even 20 minutes spent together in everyday conversation about pressing problems or incidents at work will be presented strictly to your loved one, because they cannot be returned - this is 20 minutes of your life. And you must admit, in fact, not so much. But in fact they play a significant role! Because this is precisely where your love manifests itself.
Just keep in mind, TIME should be exclusively his. No TVs, newspapers, eye to eye, tet-a-tet. Take a walk, travel, talk.
Just do not forget that in this case you need to be able to listen! Since a person telling you certain events, to a greater extent to share his emotions, showing his “I”, seeks support, and does not count on criticism.
P.S. Unfortunately, the auditory attention of a person lasts no more than 17 seconds, after which there is an interruption and an independent statement ... Learn to listen, and not just speak!
PRESENT
"- That's for me?…
- You!
- For what?
- Just!"
To love is to give. To give is to give. Gifts are essentially symbols of love. After putting the ring on your finger, you will still smile and remember that your husband gave it to you. And at the same time, brag to your friends about how wonderful, attentive and loving you have.
Men have similar behavior. He, too, will definitely tell a friend about the attention from the perspective of the presented watch.
And the point is not even about gifts, in fact. That is, it is not for nothing that there is a bearded saying: “They don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”. In fact, the fact of attention itself is important. After choosing this or that gift, you think about the person, try for him, so that he felt pleasant and pleased. At the same time, for all that, even if you donate yourself, you will return to the second paragraph of the article - TIME... And it is very valuable!
HELP
... We have a bed for two.
We have a spoon for two.
We have skin for two
Lips and a little days.
We have rivers for two ...
And a speech for two,
And gray dawn through the eyelids,
And the strange word "protect«…
Help means doing something for another with all your heart. Help takes your own time and effort. It just expresses love directly.
That is, if you came home from work earlier than your wife, what is it worth meeting her with a ready-made dinner !? Not so much effort, but a lot of positive emotions. Or you both have a day off, you watch TV and do crosswords, while your wife vacuums, washes, washes, cleans up, cooks, wipes ... Believe me, if you offer her help in at least one thing, and most importantly, after all help, start to be surprised - the wife is delighted, shines and warms. She is good, and you are pleased.
At the same time, mind you, it’s not the essence of how you will do it, the factor of the fact that you did it will play in the overall result. True, it is also not worth exaggerating and getting carried away with philony.
P.S. Remember Chernyshevsky with his moderate egoism more often, and you will be rewarded as you deserve!
TOUCH
A person has several types of perception: smell, sagging, visual perception ...
And what is pleasant in all this, love can be felt by all of them. But let's stop at the sinking.
Did you know that some people just need to be kissed, hugged, held by the hand, otherwise they do not feel the love of their partner? Fortunately, it is really nice to feel the warmth of your beloved body, literally with the tip of your nose. But it is worth noting that sex is only a dialect of the language of TOUCH. But kissing even reduces the stress harmonic in the body - cortisol, and increases the charge of positive emotions.
These are, in our opinion, the main secrets of a happy marriage.
What are your secrets of a happy marriage?
P.S. Iron, caress, understand, love and just be happy!
Many married couples, and especially newlyweds, think that their married life will be easy and cloudless, and the feeling of falling in love will not leave them until the very end. In fact, a long and happy life is obtained only if both spouses work hard on it.
There are many examples of unhappy marriages. Someone divorces immediately after the wedding, and someone - after twenty years of marriage. After reading the statistics, you can become a real cynic. But there are also happy couples who live and grow old together. Why did they succeed? Below we will tell you about 35 secrets of family happiness.
1. Share with each other
Especially with what you feel at the moment. Many believe that this is the main secret of a happy family relationship. After all, it is very difficult to achieve mutual understanding and harmony if the spouses keep everything inside.
2. Remember, this will pass
Many people know this phrase from the parable of King Solomon. Whatever happens in your life, always remember that this too will pass.
3. Show More Passion
Greet each other every morning with a kiss and have sex more often (even in old age). After all, as experience shows, passion is a habit and can easily fade away if not maintained. Well, physical affection helps you not to lose touch with your partner.
4. Do not scold children
Children can be a lot of hassle and stress. But over time, they will grow and leave you, starting a life of their own.
5. Forget about small problems
It is worth thinking on a bigger scale. Think if you remember 10 years later which of you forgot to turn on the dishwasher. Such problems are so insignificant over a long period of time that they should not affect the marital relationship in any way.
6. Fill the refrigerator
You should not deny yourself such small pleasures. So be sure to fill the refrigerator with your favorite foods.
7. Take time for yourself
It is very important that the husband and wife have time for their own hobby. After all, a hobby that makes a person happy and gives a lot of energy. Life shows that the most harmonious relationships are in those couples where the husband and wife have equal opportunities for self-realization.
8. Don't hold back your emotions.
Immediately share with your partner the things you are concerned about. Do not allow negative emotions to build up, as this can lead to a nervous breakdown.
9. Don't take everything to heart
Well, things that are very annoying should be avoided altogether.
10. Make a compromise
For many, this means giving up their own principles. In fact, compromise is a powerful impetus for the development of a relationship. And he does not have to violate the principles of one of the spouses. The main thing is to discuss everything in detail and find a solution that would suit both.
11. Don't take your relationship for granted.
They constantly need to be worked on.
12. Be spontaneous
This is necessary so that family life does not turn into a routine. For example, you can change the place of your vacation at the last moment. Or for no reason to give your partner a gift.
13. Be courteous
Treat your partner with understanding and kindness. After all, you yourself have chosen him as a life partner.
14. Be patient
The developmental level of a husband and wife can vary greatly. Therefore, it is worth showing patience with a partner who is not very advanced in any of the areas.
15. Celebrate
Be sure to celebrate all holidays and memorable dates together.
16. Find common hobbies
This can be cycling, swimming in the pool, cooking classes, and so on. Activities together build relationships.
17. Spend time together
It is worth getting married only with a partner with whom you like to spend time.
18. Express your wishes out loud
19. Go to parties together.
Be sure to make time to visit them. This is especially important when children have already appeared in the marriage and the family routine begins to delay. And it doesn't take a lot of time and money to go to a party.
20. Maintain a joint budget.
At the same time, you can discuss your plans for the future and dreams. Competent family budget planning will help you achieve your plans as soon as possible.
21. Surprise each other
Remember how at the beginning of your relationship you planned to spend the weekend together, gave each other small gifts, exchanged touching messages. These things are worth doing in marriage as well, because it shows your partner that you love him.
22. Show Appreciation
Especially when your significant other does something for you. Of course, you can read gratitude on the face, but it's always nice to hear it out loud.
23. Help and support
This applies to both household and work issues.
24. Don't criticize
Before judging your partner for something, try to put yourself in his place and understand the reason for his actions. And superficial criticism will only cause negative.
25. Laugh at each other.
Treat all life events with humor. It closely borders on such a state as happiness.
26. Communicate more often
If the relationship is at an impasse, then you should talk with your partner and find out how serious everything is. It may turn out that this is just a short black stripe, immediately followed by a white one.
27. Make friends
Moreover, it will be quite normal to have a situation when the wife and husband have different friends. Well, it doesn't hurt to have general ones either.
28. Be generous
This is especially true for two things - time and money.
29. Be happy
If this state disappears, then make every effort to return it.
30. Don't get defensive
Don't feel like your partner's main goal is to pressure you to accept their point of view. Any controversial point can be discussed from the position of love and kindness.
31. Trust and Earn Trust
Mutual openness is very important in marriage.
32. Remember the reasons for falling in love
Never forget why you fell in love with your partner. It doesn't matter if it is humor or ambition. It is important to always remember this.
33. Compliment
Talk to your significant other about your love more often and compliment them.
34. Make an effort
Remember that marriage can be very fragile. And to keep it, you need to make a lot of effort.
35. Enjoy Your Marriage
Over time, new housing, children, household problems, etc. will appear. Everything will only get more complicated. So hug your partner right now and enjoy the moment.
For some people, the realization of happiness comes like an accidental discovery. Usually a person is happy when he is in love. But in matters of the heart, nothing happens just like that. For example, in order to experience family happiness, you have to work on it. Many people want to know the secrets of a happy marriage. At the same time, many believe that happiness in the family is either given or not given. Both are partly right. But in most cases, the saying "Our happiness is in our hands" is fully justified.
The basics of strong family ties
A happy marriage doesn't come out of nowhere. Even in cases when people fall in love at first sight, in the family they will have to show maximum tolerance in order to make the happiness of lovers family happiness. When Mendelssohn's march loses, the bride and groom will say “we agree,” and the couple will merge in a magic kiss, people think that they are already happy. But sad statistics show that approximately 43% of marriages end in divorce. It is impossible to create a prosperous family with passionate desires, high feelings and tender words alone.
to the table of contentsIn order not to experience the bitterness of the collapse of fabulous dreams, in order to achieve the bright goal of a successful marriage, you need to work hard and painstakingly improving family relationships.
Communicate more sincerely with each other. Openness in relationships is very important, especially at a time when family affairs are not going well. After all, there are many things that can directly or indirectly affect family relationships - friends, hobbies, work, education, religion, relatives. If you cannot spend time together, or if you have disagreements over finances, it is very important to speak directly about the reason for your discussion and possible ways to eliminate this reason.- Another secret to a happy marriage is creating your own family rituals and traditions. Almost all couples who describe their marriage as happy talk about family rituals. It doesn't matter what it is: a candle on the table, lit at a festive family dinner, going to a cafe once a month, traveling with the whole family, or dating in important places in your city. Or maybe a special touch that means "I love you." Sometime in the future, these rituals will be the best part of the memories of yours and yours.
- Learn to listen. After all, oddly enough, people are more polite with strangers than with their loved ones. Is your spouse trying to talk to you? Don't interrupt. Listen politely and tactfully, no matter how busy you are. Listen as politely as you would listen to your boss. After all, decency and patience are integral parts of a happy marriage.
- Spending time alone with your loved one can help you renew the feelings that made you love each other. It doesn't matter where you will be spending your time - in a fancy restaurant or in a movie theater at inexpensive kissing spots. Time devoted to each other is an essential component of a happy marriage. Remember this!
Solve the money issue! It's amazing how many marriages fall apart over money. Or because of their absence - it doesn't matter. It is important that many couples simply do not discuss serious money issues, living for today and not thinking about tomorrow. Discuss each of you’s preferences for money. Agree on how you will pay large sums, who will manage the family budget and keep the family bookkeeping. What? Do you think that accounting is necessary only for reporting to the authorities? Nothing like this. All people who have achieved a lot in life analyze their income and expenses. Remember that the issue of money can cause a lot of big and small disagreements between husband and wife. And I don't want your happy marriage to fail over money.- Respect each other. There are some simple rules for those looking to make their marriage happy. First, never go to family bed in a bad mood. Say thank you and please. Kiss every day and say "I love you." Congratulate each other as often as possible (it doesn't matter with what, even Happy Energy Day - you are energetic, or Happy Builder's Day - you both are building a happy family).
- Do not break your agreement. And the agreement of all spouses who are in a happy marriage sounds like this: "Family is above all." Do not sacrifice the interests of your family for the sake of your career, entertainment, hobbies.
- Maintain a relationship with your spouse's family. Both of you owe a lot to your parents. Not according to the law of the country (already at the age of 18 a person is independent by law and has the right to completely separate from his family), but according to the law of conscience. “Honor your father and your mother,” the Bible says. But in the same book it is written that when a person starts a family, his devotion belongs primarily to his spouse: "A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife." Maintaining relationships with parents does not mean running to them for advice in a relatively simple everyday situation, and even more so, complaining about your spouse. The correct attitude towards relatives is to visit them from time to time, choosing activities that are interesting for everyone. And spend as much time with her husband's parents as with his wife's relatives. It is imperative for a married couple who wants to be happy to take into account the feelings and needs of the parents. But at the same time, the family must remain independent.
- When relatives visit you, try to be polite to them. Make your parents' visit enjoyable and make them feel at home. Even if you have grown up, you are still children for your parents. And adult children need to remember that parents will not always be with them. Therefore, one should enjoy their company while there is such a possibility.
The area of personal discrepancy should be minimized. Cliff Albirton, a researcher of family relations, understands the defiant behavior of spouses and differences in personal habits, differences in attitudes and temperaments by the area of personal differences. Violation of the norms and rules accepted in society is defiant behavior. It can annoy your spouse so much that you will have to forget about a happy marriage. Personal habits (the banal throwing of socks around the apartment or the table not wiped off after dinner) can also become a strong irritant. Psychologists say that 28% of marriages break up precisely because of personal disagreements. One spouse is pedantic, the other is sloppy. One loves hard rock, the other - classical music. What to do in this case? For this, there is the so-called "candy-bouquet period". It is necessary so that people get to know each other better and make the decision to marry consciously.- Do not try to change anything in your spouse, the only person in the marriage that you can improve endlessly is yourself. Lifestyle refers to the totality of all human habits. Where does he go? How do you feel about smoking and alcohol? Do you use drugs? What are your hobbies? The more in common you have, the easier you will adjust to each other, the more likely your marriage is to be happy. The value system of each of you is also very important. If he appreciates the same qualities in people that you do, your marriage has every chance of being happy.