The stages of true love in a relationship and their characteristics. Five stages of love But that's a big mistake
More often than not, we take early relationship difficulties as the beginning of an irreversible end. Although in fact this is one of the stages of the development of love, which you just need to take and experience together.
Even the strangest at first glance relationships are inexorably approaching the culmination of their development. There comes a time when the ideal woman or man of dreams no longer seems so ideal and special, there is a crisis in bed, there are a lot of stop factors in relationships, and romance has come to naught.
Usually, it is this stage in the development of relationships that is perceived by many as the end of the whole love story. For different couples, it comes in different ways - for someone earlier, for someone later, it is a fact: it comes, moreover, decisively and irrevocably. Many abandon everything they have acquired through joint labor and go, naturally, alone, in search of "the very one", unaware that this tale has no end. After a difficult parting, there is always another parting with a more severe degree of tragedy. This is how we ride this vicious circle "from admiration to disappointment" again and again.
The reason for the breakup
Family psychologists are sure that what we accept as a point of no return is, in fact, nothing more than the next stage in the development of relationships, and in most cases the beginning of true love. Until you learn to distinguish it and control your emotions, you risk dancing on your rake for the rest of your life.
According to psychologists, there are five main stages in the development of love, in which the third is the most difficult and contradictory. If you and your partner manage to survive it, in the final you will be able to move mountains together and give similar advice to novice seekers of true and pure love. So let's get started:
Stage one: falling in love
More specifically, falling in love is an evolutionary ploy that brings two people together to continue the human race. Whether we like it or not, in our instincts we act blindly, give in to animal urges and get the result - a spark, fascination with some other person. Hormones at this moment form an explosive cocktail - the cardiogram of the heart exceeds the indicators, breathing becomes more frequent, and lightness appears in the body.
In fact, the feeling of inspiration only aggravates the state of affairs, we begin to project on the new satellite all our unfulfilled desires and aspirations. We begin to actively think about a happy joint future and that this person will turn the world upside down and give us happiness. It may sound cynical now, but it is hormones that block our sober and rational views on a person and our relationship with him. But enjoying this feeling is not forbidden.
Stage two: pairing
So, you are together, you are in love, isn't this a reason to create the perfect couple that will show everything how to love each other. At this stage, the feelings of lovers become deeper, they already have common goals, hobbies, friends, victories. To form a strong couple, they lack only one thing - a stamp in their passport. Many couples at this stage have children, a car, loans, mortgages, an apartment. Henceforth and forever - they are a single unit of society.
This stage is a period of happiness and joy from the fact that you began to live together, and nothing, live and do not quarrel. The hormones have slowed down, but you have already acquired a spiritual attachment to each other. Intimacy has become less passionate, but more stable and satisfying. There was a sense of security. Right now, many begin to miss the past flurry of emotions, but still they like stability more.
Stage three: frustration
Naturally, you knew that relationships are not easy, but you were clearly not ready for such a blow. Strong irritation, emotional and physical rejection in your couple arose literally from scratch. And that's not empty, but you do not care. Now rose-colored glasses have fallen off you and you see how your love has been blackened, and already a long time ago. Is love really a fairy tale for adults?
Calm down, disappointment is normal, all couples go through this, although most at this stage part and burn all the bridges. All couples are different, so someone decides to break up immediately, while someone accumulates dissatisfaction and emotional devastation for years. It was during this period that partners begin to avoid each other, stay late at work, take the children to their mother, quarrel and mutilate with words. The tense situation in the family affects work, leads to stress, decreased performance, absolute depression and other emotional disturbances. It is clear that lovers do not try to heal their love - their despair makes them look for ways to escape.
Why? Many people believe that being unhappy in a relationship is illogical and destructive. There is some common sense in this, but the judgment is still completely wrong. As with any system based on the relationship of two different people, system failures are common. The main thing here is to repair the breakdown, and not let everything take its course. People who have experienced two divorces took this for granted and advise not to leave the person if you are sure that this is your person, but to start working on the relationship, looking for ways out of this situation.
Psychologists have compared this stage in a relationship to a viral program that cannot be allowed to demoralize you. Be prepared: you will no longer see each other as an "ideal", you will be faced with an ordinary, nothing unremarkable person, whom you will now have to love without the help of hormones and illusions. It is not easy, but possible. It is by accepting all of its shortcomings, and perhaps by falling in love with them, that you will begin to build true love.
Stage four: true love
After all passions have subsided, a new stage of deep reflection begins. Now there are two of you, and not every man for himself, and together you begin to carefully analyze everything that shook your love boat. It is at this stage that you get to know a friend of a friend, get acquainted with the internal problems that stretch from childhood.
In the fourth stage of the development of love, you are not so much loving as a psychoanalyst for each other. And this is a way out of the abyss of anxiety and excitement that your parents and other childhood traumas left you. It is the past shocks we experience in childhood that affect our adult and conscious life.
At this stage, selfishness goes behind the scenes: you help each other to heal all past wounds and grow stronger. Naturally, love intimacy becomes so deep that it supplants all selfish intentions. Any conflict of interest disappears, you already know how to avoid it.
Stage five: love that can change the world
At this stage, love reaches its absolute. Not many people reach this stage, because most people who survived the crisis prefer to stay in fourth. For some, even this is a huge breakthrough, so no one intends to judge. But if, nevertheless, your love is so strong that it is able to inspire the world - do not hide it.
This has its own logic: you and your partner have overcome so many obstacles on the way to happiness and have not broken. So what's stopping you from helping others catch up with you? At this stage, wisdom is developed that you can pass on to your children, then to other people, and a little later to charitable associations. Your feelings are so mature that you don't have to constantly feed them - which is why she can help change the world.
A relationship is a matter of two, a joint project that you enter into for the long term. And only if there is a desire and desire to bring their love to the absolute, two, holding hands, are able to reach the end. We wish you healthy relationships, strength and perseverance. We are confident that you will be able to change this world by making it happier. Good luck, and don't forget to press the buttons and
More and more people are ending relationships that are no longer fun. But what if this is due to the fact that we idealize love? Why is there such confidence that everything in a relationship should be perfect? Modern society and culture make us think that there are no problems in love, and if something went wrong, then we should quickly tie it up.
As a result, we pay a very high price and we have to pay with our own relationships. But they can be saved if you understand in time that you are just going through a difficult stage. Remember that in life there is a place for routine, everyday difficulties, alienation, disappointment and a lot of other things. Realizing this will allow you to grow true feelings and build perfect love.
Stage one: falling in love
Falling in love always comes into our life unexpectedly and unconsciously. It arises on its own, it cannot be prevented or drowned out by force. When people talk about falling in love, they mean that which arises between two souls. Falling in love is not a conscious choice, but a manifestation of instinct. At the same time, she really satisfies our need for love, but only temporarily.
When we are in love, we feel that we are needed by someone, we see that we are appreciated and admired. Falling in love does not tolerate criticism and objections. You don't listen to anyone, because you yourself know who suits you. You are ready to devote all your time and energy to a partner who becomes the best person on earth for you.
Unfortunately, sooner or later, falling in love disappears, and we inevitably return to the real world.
Stage two: pairing
Love is already a conscious choice. You can continue to love even when the love is gone. You begin to feel a strong bond with your partner and feel like a couple. You are comfortable and calm together, you are confident in each other. You grow and develop together with your partner and begin to understand what the person really needs by your side.
It is at this stage that many people make important decisions such as starting, getting married or having a child. You know that your union is based on shared values and mutual respect. The second half becomes a full-fledged part of your life, and you understand that the world revolves around you two as a whole.
Stage Three: Disappointment and Alienation
Frustration and alienation is a difficult stage that many couples go through. However, not everyone can overcome this phase. The largest number of partings and divorces occurs during this period.
The frustration stage is a bit like a hangover. You are sad and painful that the party is over, and its consequences are unpleasant.
Feelings vanished, hopes for a bright future collapsed. It seems like things are going wrong in your relationship for some inexplicable reason. You wonder where the person with whom you were originally in love has gone.
During the period of falling in love, we consider our partner as if under a magnifying glass. Jokes seem doubly funny, natural sarcasm is perceived as proof of a sharp mind, and everything connected with this person seems ideal. But when the stage of disappointment comes, we see a different picture: jokes seem primitive, sarcasm turns into arrogance, and any comments out loud begin to irritate at all.
Inevitably, we ask ourselves the question: did we make the right choice? Don't panic, you are not alone with this problem. Getting through this stage is difficult, but if you succeed, it will only get better.
Fourth stage: working on love
Don't be discouraged if you feel like your feelings are gone. You can continue to love even when you stop looking at your partner through rose-colored glasses. You will save the day if you change your way of thinking. Anyone who wants to love will find a suitable way. And for you will receive an unexpected reward: your feelings will become more mature and stronger.
Recognize that the person next to you cannot and should not be perfect.
We all have disadvantages, problems, complexes, but in each of us there is also something wonderful. You have to fall in love not with the merits, but with the demerits of your partner. Remember that relationships are work, so make sure you keep your union together. Be patient, because true love takes time.
Fifth stage: love that can change the world
Our life is a difficult thing, which has difficult times. It is possible to cope with all the problems alone, but it is difficult. When you build true love and go through inevitable difficulties, then in the person of your soulmate you will acquire a strong ally and main like-minded person.
The most powerful force in this world is the power of two people united into a single whole. In the last stage, a whole new level of mutual respect and acceptance emerges. You are not hiding anything, you know the strengths and weaknesses of each other and love your partner as he is.
That kind of love really changes everything. It allows you to forget old grievances, gives you self-confidence and helps you feel your importance and the significance of the person next to you. Remember, love is a choice. And you can choose it today.
They say that love lives for three years, it is controversial, but the fact that over time relationships are transformed and reach a new level is beyond doubt. What are the 5 stages of love and why do most couples break up at the third?
Often people confuse passion with love, which is at the beginning of a relationship, but over time it transforms into other feelings, when we get to know our partner better, we begin to trust him. Even in the happiest relationships, there is no constant lull, although from the outside it may seem different. It is on the fact, and mutual feelings, whether you go through all 5 stages or stumble already at the third stage.
First stage: Time for emotions. Many couples remember this magical time with trepidation. The first acquaintance, the first touch, the first kiss, the first sex ... The degree of emotion and passion at the beginning of a relationship is simply off scale, you are ready for reckless actions, strive to show your best qualities in order to please your partner and look forward to the development of the relationship. This period is similar to an exciting game, where each of the partners goes through certain tasks, acquires dignity on the way to the cherished goal. This is a carefree time, when you are full of strength, energy and desire, you often laugh and experience emotions of joy and happiness, every phone call makes your heart flutter.
Second stage: Love time. The second stage begins when you realize that you love the person, officially decide on a serious relationship, and become a couple. You start living together, sex is still vibrant and even more meaningful, but it becomes part of your daily routine. Relationships become stronger, you completely trust your partner - it is at this stage and have a child. From that time on, spontaneity is replaced by everyday life and routine, everyone has responsibilities and obligations that you must comply with for the sake of family well-being. It seems to you that you know perfectly well who is next to you, masks are no longer needed, you are who you really are.
Third stage: Reality time. This is the time when people take off their rose-colored glasses and find themselves in harsh reality. This is the most difficult time, the time of reassessing values and changing priorities, alas, this is the stage that many couples cannot overcome. When everyday life takes the place of romance and passion, children’s work, when the daily groundhog day does not give an opportunity to breathe, many begin to ask questions: “Did I want this?”, “Did I make the right choice?”, “Am I wasting time with by this person? " At this time, all those things that you used to put up with become naked and become intolerant, your partner annoys you, sometimes you feel disgust for him and dream of another life in which everything will be "as before." It is these reflections and intolerance that push people to search for new bright emotions and relationships that seem to have cooled down in their family.
Stage four: Harmony time ... If the couple goes through the storm of the third stage, the relationship becomes tolerant and understanding. After all, you already knew about all the shortcomings of your partner and put up with them. You are no longer annoyed, do not make claims, but look for a way out of this situation and solve problems. This is the time of wisdom, you are not who you were before, you are different. Since the beginning of the relationship, everything has changed, perhaps you have experienced a lot, but now you understand that it is better to talk and explain everything to such a dear and familiar spouse than to start all over again.
Fifth stage: Love time. At this stage, the couple will receive a reward for all the suffering and efforts of the previous stages. When you realize and accept the fact that you are both imperfect, you remember what you loved each other for and feelings come to life again. You understand that it was not your partner who caused hatred, irritation and disappointment, but unfulfilled dreams, unfulfilled desires and unjustified hopes. It was you who built castles in the air, which collapsed at one moment, exposing all the grayness of the world. But next to you is a person whom you truly loved, with whom you experienced real feelings and common interests, a common cause, time spent together, can fix everything. This is a time of love and support, a time when people, helping each other, flourish and grow on their own.
Do not rush to destroy everything, there is no easy and carefree path, sometimes you need to go through these tests in order to find love and happiness.
Also, be sure to find out about
Love is romantically beautiful and endless, only poems and novels draw love, in life all the stages of love in psychology have long been studied, clearly demarcated and "put on the shelves."
Do you want to know what will happen after the rose-colored glasses fall off your eyes, and you find in your angel-like lover quite human (and sometimes not very pleasant) qualities? Let's try, following psychologists, to "dissect" love.
How to know what you love
Do you wake up at dawn with a smile on your lips just thinking that you will see Him today?
It is not so important for you whether He will speak to you, whether He will invite you somewhere, and indeed whether He will deign with a glance, the main thing is that you will contemplate the object of your dreams even in passing (for example, at a morning planning meeting in the boss's office or in the common dining room for lunch ).
You can be congratulated - you are in love! Signs of a "pathological condition" are:
- an inexplicable need to admire the object of sighing again and again;
- trembling knees at his approach;
- sudden shyness when trying to contact him.
Let's remember Pushkin - it would seem that it is difficult to find a more experienced heartthrob! And he confessed to his friends that he was instantly lost and could not find words for conversation as soon as he met in society with his
"Madonna" - Natalie Goncharova. It is even more difficult for an ordinary, ordinary person in such a situation! But the matter is not limited to one love.
Everything just begins with her. 7 or 5 stages of love in psychology are highlighted for today. Why are the numbers different? It's just that sometimes scientists combine the last three stages into one, so instead of seven, it turns out five.
Each period in a couple's relationship has its own characteristics. Let's see what they are.
What stages of love do we go through in psychology
If one of your friends or relatives celebrates a golden wedding, it means that the spouses have successfully overcome the temptations of all 7 stages and are now happily reaping the benefits - they are experiencing the 7th stage, which is called "love".
Meanwhile, this word is often mistakenly used to describe the first stage - falling in love.
Falling in love (aka: candy-bouquet period, aka: chocolate period)
Falling in love occurs under the influence of hormones. A person feels real euphoria when he has the opportunity to look at a potential partner and talk to him. When the feeling becomes mutual, the joy increases many times over.
Photo: diagram of the cycle in a relationship
The members of the couple seem to have no shortcomings: they seem to be the perfect halves of the whole. They are everywhere together, holding hands, at times so absorbed in each other that they literally do not notice those around them.
It was at this time that most of the amazingly beautiful poems, portraits were created, various feats were performed in the name of the beloved (beloved). The stage is beautiful, but, unfortunately, not eternal: it lasts about a year and a half. What's next?
Satiation
"Chemistry" stops working, the rampage of hormones stops. The couple are still cooing. Issues are resolved jointly, the desire to give in to another is still present.
But understanding comes: the partner, it turns out, is not an angel, but just a person. He has not only advantages, but also character traits, in other words, disadvantages.
At this stage, the husband finds out that the wife is not always sweet and compliant, and the wife suddenly realizes that the spouse has other interests besides her.
Friends and relatives are again important for both, partners seem to return from the clouds to the sinful earth.
Rejection
The period of rejection (disgust) is the first dangerous time for a marital union. Psychologists note a large number quarrels and disagreements at the stage of rejection.
Someone experiences disgust after a year of family life, someone - after 3 years. The timing is individual. But not a single couple will pass this stage.
"Comes out" to the fore selfishness: partners start show yourself as they really are.
The husband buys himself some expensive electronic toy, despite the previous agreement to save money for the trip together.
The wife leaves at midnight in a cafe with her friends, "forgetting" to cook dinner. Each lives by his own interests, taking little account of the needs of the other. Here it is - the first trap for love! At this stage many get divorced before realizing the value of the relationship.
Patience
If both partners understand that the union is valuable to them, sooner or later they will moderate the demands on the partner. Realization comes: you cannot "reshape" your spouse in your own way, so that you are comfortable with him.
You can only find common ground and build relationships on this basis. And you need to change yourself: if you want to achieve something from a partner, you must take into account his interests.
Service
During this period, partners learn to accept each other as a whole, without emphasizing the positive or negative sides. Requirements disappear: for a spouse, you just want to do something, without asking for anything in return.
There is a trap here, especially for women: due to some behavioral characteristics of their gender, they can turn into some kind of sacrificial creatures.
Remember the classic cry from the soul of your wife during a violent quarrel: “I gave you better 15 years of my life! I did everything for you! " If you really want to “do everything” and “give the best,” stop: don't sacrifice yourself. Fortunately, this will not lead - only disappointment.
Respect
The sixth stage of love is also called "friendship". Relationships are built on a reasonable principle: "You - me, I - you." Each of the partners knows how to give and receive.
The amount of "given" and "returned" is no longer weighed: there is no need, the spouses just know that everyone will always put up a strong shoulder in case of trouble.
Love
So we got to the bottom line: only the last stage in the development of relations has every right to be called love. Each member of the couple accepts the other as he really is.
Nobody is trying to "fix" or "improve" anything in a partner. In quarrels, first of all, everyone pays attention to their mistakes.
Admitting guilt is the norm, not a sign of weakness of character, and both partners now understand this. The main goal is not to assert your superiority, but to save the family.
What can be the stages of love in psychology by years
It is unlikely that couples who managed to overcome the temptations of all stages and come to the final one will remember how many months (years) one stage or another lasted.
Video: 7 stages of development of love between a man and a woman
This is very individual - some in 5-7 years become a full-fledged family, while others may take a quarter of a century.
It is not for nothing that folk wisdom only calls the date of the 50th anniversary of marriage "golden": a huge time period must pass for the spouses to become, as they say, "inseparable."
Many note that by this time they even outwardly become similar to each other.
Why do we need knowledge of the stages of love? It's simple: possessing this information, every young family will come up prepared for the difficulties of the first years of marriage.
Crises will not end in divorce: they, on the contrary, will push the couple to a new round of relations.
The spouses, knowing that the highest reward - love - awaits them - will overcome all difficulties together, and their love boat will never run aground.
The beginning of a new relationship is accompanied by a storm of emotions. We feel passion. We feel like we are on an exciting journey.
In general, relationships go through 5 stages, and most often fail in the third stage.
If your love is strong enough to successfully pass Stage Three, the relationship will only grow stronger. You will become more confident in each other and more open.
It is important to know the five stages of love. This knowledge will help you successfully overcome various difficulties that arise at one stage or another.
« Strong love for someone gives strength, and strong love for someone gives courage ",–
Lao Tzu.
First stage: Everything is new. Everything is amazing and wonderful.
You met someone. Each meeting with this person makes you thrill with happiness! Each touch seems to send a discharge of current through your body, and kisses are filled with passion, excitement and desire for more.
Throughout the day, you constantly check your messages on your phone. You want to know what this person thinks of you every minute. You are anxiously counting the seconds until your next meeting.
You communicate and reveal different sides of your personality to your beloved. You are trying to determine the best communication style with him. This is a kind of game full of unexpected twists and turns and discoveries. You flirt and (probably) have a lot of sex.
Maybe this person helps you express your sense of humor more often. You laugh more often than usual around him. He may be fueling the urge to act recklessly in you. You do things that you would never have dared to do before. You enjoy the emotions that you experience with this person. You want this to go on forever.
Stage Two: You are in love. You have a joint routine.
The second stage begins when you and your partner officially become a couple. You have already realized that you love this person. You have decided that you want to be with each other.
You are most likely still making love a lot. However, sex has now become part of the daily routine. At the same time, it has become more significant. The bond between you has become stronger. It is at this stage that, as a rule, people get married and have children.
Spontaneity in relationships is replaced by routine. You and your partner are as close as ever. With each other, you can be who you really are. Each of you has responsibilities. You are trying to define your role in family life.
Stage Three: You are faced with the harsh reality of life.
Unfortunately, most couples break up at the third stage. Even though you still love the person, things are different now.
Romance has sunk into oblivion. Her place was taken by everyday life. Children and a career are now at the forefront. You begin to wonder what happened to those relationships that once literally lifted you to heaven.
Maybe it's because you and your significant other haven’t been on a romantic date for a thousand years. All your "romance" comes down to watching TV and eating sweets in bed. Maybe you even feel disgusted. Moreover, to yourself for all those chances in life that you missed. It seems to you that these opportunities will never be presented to you again.
All those little things that you used to put up with now seem like huge, extremely annoying flaws (in the behavior / character of your significant other). It is possible that you are dreaming of a different life. You think about all the things you could do. You feel as if you are tied hand and foot.
It is at this stage that you start asking yourself, "Did I really make the right choice then?" It is at this stage that couples break up more often than others.
Stage Four: Your couple reaches a deeper understanding.
If you and your significant other manage to get past Stage Three, you will begin to look at each other differently. You see and perceive your partner as he really is.
It is possible that you both have changed. These changes may have affected your career and your kids. You could have moved to another city or even to another country. Since the beginning of your life together, a lot could have happened.
You no longer expect the impossible from each other. You have become much better at understanding and explaining your needs and desires. At this stage, you honestly admit to yourself that before (in the third stage of the relationship) you felt unhappy.
You are looking for ways to solve all the existing problems, come to a compromise and keep moving on in life, despite all your (and his) shortcomings.
Fifth stage: You love each other again and move on in life.
You and your significant other have admitted that you are both imperfect. You remember that you love each other so much.
The feeling of disgust does not arise at all due to the fact that we are extremely enraged by something in our soul mate. It arises because we are disappointed in ourselves. This disappointment stems from the fact that we did not keep the promises we made to ourselves. We didn't become who we wanted to be. Didn't achieve what they wanted.
But life is unpredictable. Maybe you both have similar dreams that neither of you has ever fully realized.
Maybe you will make a joint decision to travel more. Maybe you decide that you need to spend more time together. The best way to bring romance back into a relationship is to combine personal development and spending time together.
« New love is the brightest feeling on this planet. Strong love is the greatest feeling. Revived love is the most tender feeling ",-
Thomas Hardy.