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The importance of independence from the husband and its achievement. How to be a strong and independent woman

Many young girls dream of marrying a rich man so that they can never work, swim in luxury and spend any amount of money on their whims. At the same time, they do not attach importance to the fact that they are losing their freedom, and that over time everyone will be tormented by the question - how to become independent from her husband?

But to think that it looks like a beautiful fairy tale is, to say the least, naive. Being fully supported by her husband, a woman inevitably falls into not only financial, but also psychological dependence on him, which is fraught with various unpleasant moments.

What does a woman who is dependent on her spouse have to endure?

Constant fear that the spouse will suddenly decide to divorce Such fear can become a source of constant stress for a woman and even provoke a nervous breakdown. To get rid of such experiences will help the awareness of what is happening and the desire to achieve financial independence. The need to obey her husband in everything Fearing to lose good relations with her husband, a woman tries to contradict him less and more often to please in everything, thus gradually turning into a slave. A strong desire to get rid of the state of slavery forces a woman to reconsider her views on family life and try to gain independence from her husband. The Need to Endure Maltreatment from Her Husband Many men, realizing that their spouse is not going anywhere anyway, begin to indulge in, to put it mildly, an incorrect attitude towards her. Financially dependent women often have to pretend that they do not notice either her husband's betrayals, or open rudeness, or despotism. Losing yourself as a person

Being completely subordinate to her husband, a woman begins to live only by his interests, desires and needs, gradually completely forgetting about her own. Over time, this state of affairs begins to irritate a woman, forcing her to make every effort to achieve material independence from her husband.

At the same time, it is not a fact that a woman dependent on a rich spouse will, like cheese in butter, skate and not deny herself anything. Even if a man is rich like Abramovich, this does not mean that he is generous. It happens that well-to-do men demand an account from their wives for every ruble spent and are constantly accused of squandering. And what could be more humiliating for a woman than begging her husband for money for the most necessary things for herself and her children?

It should be noted that even if a woman, for the sake of children or out of fear of being abandoned and left without a livelihood, endures all the antics of her husband, forgiving him everything and hastily fulfilling any of his whims is not a guarantee that her marriage will not fall apart.

The fact is that although many wealthy men themselves do everything in order to make their wife dependent on themselves, over time, the wife who has lost her personality simply bothers them, and they begin to cheat on her. And if one "fine" day on the way of a strong, self-sufficient and wealthy man comes across a bright, independent, self-sufficient and interesting woman, clearly winning against the background of his faceless wife, then it remains to be seen whom he will choose.

So, as we can see, the dependent life of a rich spouse is actually not so fabulously beautiful as it might seem from the outside. Therefore, a woman should know how not to fall into financial and psychological dependence on her husband.

What to do to become a free person?

Respect for yourself and believe in your own strength As a rule, women with low self-esteem, who consider themselves capable of little and do not even strive to achieve something in life on their own, fall into dependence on their husbands. To understand that there is nothing wrong with healthy egoism. Some women consider it their duty to completely dissolve in their beloved husband, completely forgetting about their own desires and needs. Meanwhile, such a sacrifice is not always appreciated by a man and evokes in him a reciprocal feeling of gratitude. Have your own earnings In order to be a free person and not depend on her husband, even before the start of family life, a woman must inform the man of her intention not to quit her job. If a man treats his future wife with respect, he will have nothing against her decision. Do not forget about self-education Even if a woman for some reason does not work and is supported by her husband, for example, sitting at home to care for a child, she may well engage in self-education: learn foreign languages ​​or read literature related to her main profession. This will help a woman become a sought-after specialist and, if necessary, quickly find herself a prestigious high-paying job. Make your husband respect himself The husband should initially bear in mind that his wife has her own interests, her own opinions and her convictions.

Well, what about women who have already fallen into monetary and psychological dependence on their spouse? It all depends on many circumstances: the presence of common children, the relationship between spouses, the woman's education and profession, and the woman's very desire to get personal financial freedom.

In any case, no matter how the situation develops, it is never too late to change your lifestyle and start building your future from scratch. Nowadays, a woman at any age can get an education, find a profession, start her own business, or get at least some kind of job, thus becoming completely independent person. The main thing is not to be afraid of difficulties and believe in yourself!

Hello! We have been married with my husband for 15 years, we have a common daughter for 4 years. The problem is that my husband in every possible way protects his brother and mother when they show disrespect to me when they visit us. In any case, he is always on their side.

I also really do not like the fact that he talks too frankly with them about our family life, even when this should not be done. I have not worked for many years, after the birth of my daughter I noticed that my husband began to use my dependent position not in the best way. I often feel moral pressure, material dependence. Moreover, if I tell him an unpleasant thing, then he can punish me for it, the last time he canceled our trip, which we had been planning together for a long time.

Together we went through the most difficult times in our family, and now my husband makes me understand that he can do everything himself, as he earns good money. Sometimes I do not even dare to raise a problem, otherwise he accuses me of a scandal. Please help me how to behave correctly in this situation. Thanks, Claire.

The answer to the question

Hello Claire!

You probably know that most family problems can (and should!) Be solved together, in conversations about your own desires, needs, about what you and he like and dislike. After all, a person cannot get into our skin and find out for sure, so we have to speak directly. According to your description, your situation is more complicated, because your husband accuses you of scandals when you try to raise a problem, which means that you cannot do with talking about your own feelings.

It turns out that now he has taken a dominant position and behaves this way, realizing that you are dependent on him materially. He is not going to change this, it is so convenient for him, he feels that he can do what he wants. Besides, you yourself perceive his behavior as "punishment". But you have grown up a long time ago, no one can punish you except yourself. The fact that he canceled the trip can be perceived in other ways: for example, as his wounded pride or difficult character. When you perceive this precisely as a punishment, then you yourself support the painful system that has developed in your family: he is the boss, you are the subordinate; he is dominant, you are dependent.

But in fact, your husband himself depends on you. Yes, yes, it is, do not be surprised. He depends on your reactions, your perception of the situation, he feels "on horseback" only when you unconsciously agree to submission, and as soon as you start to change something, he will not feel so good. But this can be the first step to change in your situation. Only when a dependent person in a couple becomes independent, the second can begin to respect his opinion, listen to him, and behave fairly. Therefore, if you want to be listened to, respected by your husband, you will have to become independent, both materially and mentally.

Where to begin? In difficult situations, imagine how an independent Claire would behave in your place, and do the same as she does. The husband can do everything himself? You can too! Find other sources of income (for example, work), do not ask your husband for anything - do whatever you need yourself. And this is true: you must admit that this is exactly what you need, and not someone else. But I want to warn you: be prepared for the fact that your husband can start "blackmailing" you in a variety of ways in order to preserve the system that you have now. After all, it is much more profitable for him - moreover, they may not even be aware of it.

You should also be prepared for resistance to become independent. And I really want to find some other way out. Remember the real reason for this: your benefits from material dependence. After all, it is very tempting to be provided and do nothing for this. Think about what will be healthier for you and your personality:

  • be dependent but financially secure OR
  • to be independent, listened to, more confident and respected by others.

Just do not confuse, please, independence with coldness, no one cancels affection and tenderness, caring for her husband, pleasant words and attention. The love of two independent individuals is the healthiest love in the world.

Good day to you, Claire!

Your psychologist Maria Minakova

It just so happened that from time immemorial in the family it was the man who was considered the head, support, breadwinner, protector, and I really don't know who else is there. But life cannot stand still, the house-building rules have long lost their authority, and more and more often women began to ask themselves the question: "How to become independent from your husband?" Today it is already difficult to find that woman who would not be burdened by the constant expectations of the next financial "investment" from her husband to buy clothes, cosmetics or entertainment with her friends. In addition, it is not a secret for any of us women that almost all men consider these expenses completely useless!

Yes, children, order and comfort in the house are sacred. But in no case should you allow the rest of life to pass by, flashing through the windows of the kitchen and nursery! For the sake of a man to hide his dignity and talents deeper, completely obeying him? No way! Today we will tell you how to become independent from your husband and show all your best qualities as a unique person.

Female dependence on husbands

Usually, as soon as the two begin a life together, and it does not matter if it is a legal marriage or just living together, women's "girlish" interests go to secondary roles. Career? Why is she needed, a woman doesn’t suit it at all, better support me on the way to my professional heights! Hobby? Don't you know that now your main hobby is me? Personal time? Honey, your personal time will now be occupied by me personally!

Indeed, housekeeping, caring for children (including the most important child - the husband) imposes on the shoulders of a woman, already fragile, new "job" responsibilities. Trying to fulfill them as best as possible, a woman pushes her own life, her own interests further and further, in order to maintain a good relationship with her husband and raise good children.

Increasingly, she neglects her hobbies for the sake of her husband's hobbies, prepares his favorite dishes, watches films that he likes, and even uses cosmetics approved by her husband (in especially neglected cases, he also bought it). To dissolve in the life of a man - well, which of us women dreamed of this in our youth? Each of us wanted to reveal our abilities, to take a worthy place in a prestigious company with a solid position and no less solid salary. What instead? "A woman's place is in the kitchen!" - and now the children have grown up and fled to youth parties, and the new dress in the closet went out of fashion, never having seen the light of day.

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Why should a woman become independent?

A critical mass of female discontent gradually grows and periodically spills over the edge with short-term scandals, quarrels and almost constant depression - after all, a woman thinks that her life has been wasted! The husband is increasingly "delayed at work" (of course, it is unpleasant for him to contemplate the eternally dissatisfied face), the relationship is getting worse, and then the children are getting out of control - and this is not surprising, it is hardly an eternally grumbling mother who has ceased to follow themselves, now for them the authority. Is there a way out of this seemingly vicious circle? Of course have! Stop sacrificing yourself and living the lives of others. Remember that there is such a wonderful, unique personality - you yourself and become independent from your husband!

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Psychological techniques for problem solving

The origins of subconscious dependence on a man are largely determined by our childhood, when we were drawn to a stronger - usually a father - and looked for support, approval and support in him. And if “psychological blackmail” was practiced in the family, when the parents alone and together encouraged action with phrases like “If you really love me, you won't go to the disco today”, a real altar can easily grow out of a girl. For the sake of love, she was deprived of something in childhood, in her youth, for the sake of love, she is ready to give up a lot in adult life.

"Is it possible to fix this situation and stop making endless sacrifices?" - such a question, like a plea for help, often sounds from women suffering from psychological problems that have arisen. Have you asked this question too? Of course, this can be done. Moreover, in order to raise your own assessment, it is simply necessary to do it!

Are you ready to take the first steps towards being worthy of the proud title of "independent woman"? Then let's get started.

  1. Choose a comfortable location, calm, quiet environment. Sit back and relax. Close your eyes. Now try to imagine that there is a road in front of you - your life. Perhaps, for some it will be a country track, and for some it will be a winding mountain trail. Look at it as if from the outside and imagine the places where your childhood, the time when you were a teenager, youth and your present life are located. Try to recall the events and situations that you remember most vividly, where you acted with dignity and can be proud of yourself. Was there a time in your life when you did what you really liked, what you were passionate about?
  2. Take a blank sheet of paper and write your answers to the following questions as honestly as possible.
  • With what words would I describe my relationship with my parents, how they developed, and how would I rate the independence that I had in my personal life in the parental home?
  • How often in my real life can I do what I want?
  • Am I afraid of losing my husband as a source of reliability, stability and financial well-being?
  • What can happen to me if I am left alone, without a husband?

A real strong marriage should not imply a "boss-subordinate" relationship; all the joys and failures, responsibilities and privileges of the spouse should be divided fairly - in half.

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Video about right and wrong addiction

Undoubtedly, at first it will be difficult for you not to sacrifice yourself constantly - after all, for so many years it has been your usual state! But it is imperative to make it clear to all relatives that you will now have your own time and your own interests. You yourself will see that when an outlet appears in your life, for example, in the form of a forgotten hobby or a long-awaited job, voids from nowhere will be filled in your soul. And in a completely incomprehensible way, this will not make your soul harder, on the contrary, it will become much easier. You are in demand, you can realize your abilities and talents - that's great!

As soon as your inner peace comes into harmony, your family life will become stronger, more stable and much calmer. Remember that your personal life is your independent space, where you should not depend on anyone! Good luck!

A man pays little attention, and you suffer from this, you always agree with the opinion of a man, even when you internally disagree with his position or the most extreme option - the man is cheating, and you suffer, continuing to love him, not knowing how to cope with your emotional addiction ...


Why, more often than not, it is a woman who becomes emotionally dependent on a man, and not vice versa?

The answer lies in our upbringing psychology. From early childhood, girls are taught that the most important thing in life is love, family, children. It is in this sequence. For some, instead of love, a successful marriage is offered, again to create a good family, the well-being of children and possibly personal comfort.

And for this, while we dream of love ...

Young men are offered a different scale of values

Their personal achievements are always in the first place, be it a career, sports, any skills in which a future man must succeed in order to feel happy and be able to provide for his family. Are boys being told that in order to be happy, he needs to fall in love? Or: "Will you be successful and happy if you create a good family?"


Rather, he will be told, "You will be successful and happy, if you achieve this and that, then you can ensure the well-being of your family." In second place in the scale of values, men have their pleasures. Not all the same forces are thrown at the achievement of goals, and you need to be able to relax. Hunting, fishing, football, computer games or other male pleasures.

Family hearth, children, love are the prerogative of women. Of course, men also need love, warm family relationships, communication with children. But these values, as a rule, fade into the background in the minds of men.

Before marriage, a girl's circle of interests can be varied: girlfriends, clubs, sports sections, etc. Often, some of these interests are again aimed at achieving the girl's main mission - to get married! And after the main goal has been achieved, most of us set other equally worthy goals - creating comfort in the home and raising children, completely giving ourselves both physically and emotionally for the implementation of these missions.

After creating a family, women often abandon their purely personal pleasures, from communicating with friends, trying to devote themselves as much as possible to their beloved husband and children. More often than not, family responsibilities turn into needs.

A man at this time puts his efforts into work, and his emotions into pleasure. After all, everything is in order in the family, everything is under the close supervision of a woman.

Therefore, while we suffer from a lack of attention from a man, he thinks about how to win the next peak in his career, achieve results in his hobby, or dreams of an adventure with a new woman.


And here we fall into the trap of our own illusions, becoming emotionally dependent on men. This dependence is especially pronounced among women who decide to become housewives. They express themselves when they see the result of their labors. Cleanliness in the house, delicious lunch on the table, smart and well-mannered children. And there is a natural need for this result to be appreciated by the beloved man. And the husband most often does not consider this an achievement, but a fact taken for granted.

How can you avoid this?

How to learn to be emotionally free from a man?

As we can see, the answer lies on the surface. You don't need to direct all your emotions in one direction! Redistribute them. Of course, we will not be able to completely change our feminine essence. The need to take care of children, husband, home is not going anywhere and that's good!

But if you want to become emotionally free from a man, you must understand what brings you pleasure beyond caring for your children and husband. Channel a significant part of your emotions into this pleasant and fruitful channel. Do not sacrifice communication with friends who are really interesting to you for the sake of a family hearth, because your man allows himself purely male meetings. Set a goal to boost your self-esteem!


Find yourself a hobby that will bring you real joy! Receiving vivid positive feelings, the best key to emotional freedom. This can be a sports section, dances, a hobby club. If in the circle of your hobbies there are interesting people who are not connected with your family, this is only for the best! Your horizons will expand and there will always be topics for discussion with your husband.


The more you receive positive emotions, outside the zone of influence of your man, the more valuable will be those that you give him, and the more often he will have a desire to reciprocate you.

A man has long been considered the main thing in everything. Whether it's a profession, family or lifestyle. But in the modern world, homebuilding has already lost its authority, and more and more often from the lips of a woman one can hear the question: "How to become independent?" Do not wait for your husband to allocate money for shopping, let him go for a walk with his friends, or decide whether to go in for sports or try another hobby. Children, diapers and household are, of course, the things that hold on to the fragile shoulders of a woman. But life should not pass by! Burying your personality and talents for the sake of a man? Who told you such nonsense! In this article, we will dispel all your doubts and explain how to become independent.

Addiction to a man - how to get rid of it?

How does it all start? Usually this is either the beginning of a joint residence, or a marriage and, again, a joint residence. Career, personal time and space, which was filled with life before meeting a man, are gradually fading into the background. New roles and responsibilities are opening up for a woman - housekeeping and household management, the birth of children and their upbringing. Gradually, the woman begins to sacrifice herself for the sake of good relations in the family, and begins to dissolve in the man and his life. This is where dependence on her husband begins. It carries the character of a sacrifice. Refusal of development and career in favor of children, husband and family - after all, a woman is sure that such a sacrifice will certainly be appreciated. But time passes, and emotional dependence gradually becomes material. After all, the career went down the drain! Scandals are gradually brewing: she is bored to stay at home, she does not like that he comes home late and does not pay attention to her, she does not like that he gives her little money, etc. At the same time, an addicted woman begins to be afraid of losing a man, who already begins to look around, depressions, relationship problems, dissatisfaction with her life and much more begin. But it all started with a banal sacrifice, albeit with good intentions. The only way out of this situation is to become independent!

The reasons for a woman to become dependent on her spouse have their origins in childhood. The mistakes of the parents in this case consisted in restricting freedom and the manifestation of initiative. Children become addicted to whom their parents often said: "If you love me, you will do as I said." Or vice versa: "if you love me, then you will not do it." Given the fact that women subconsciously seek support and support in a man, a woman will automatically begin to sacrifice herself for his love. How to fix the situation and become the one that bears the proud title of "independent woman"? Of course, you need to solve your psychological problems once and for all. This can be done as follows:

1. Start with a little exercise: close your eyes and imagine that you are sitting on a high mountain with a long path in front of you below. She is your life. Look at it carefully, and try to analyze your behavior in some situations that you especially remember. Think about moments when you were proud of yourself, then situations when you did what you like. Then ask yourself a few questions and answer them honestly:

  • What kind of relationship did I have with my parents?
  • how often do I do what I want?
  • Why am I afraid of losing my spouse?
  • what will happen if I am left without a man?

2. Think of childhood situations in which you were afraid to do something contrary to the wishes of your parents. Reassure yourself that as an adult you have the right to do as you please.

3. Think about what you want from your life? What goals and plans you can and want to set for yourself. Try to start implementing them without looking back at other people's opinions or disapproval.

4. Remember that the best relationships are only in those families where both spouses know their worth, do not depend on each other, do not try to remake each other, but live in mutual respect, love and harmony.

Any family should not have strengths and weaknesses. All responsibilities of the spouse must be divided in half. Let it be difficult at first for you to step out of the victim role. Make it clear to your household that you have a right to personal time and personal interests. As soon as you start doing your own business in addition to household chores, you will feel how easy it becomes in your soul, and you will see how quickly your family life will improve. Remember that only love and mutual respect in this world can work miracles. And personal space is your world, where you can no longer depend on anyone.