What if my husband is jealous? Psychologist's advice. Jealous husband, how to deal with it
Jealousy is not a person's best quality. Both the jealous person and the one to whom they are jealous suffers from it. Jealousy often prevents a person from seeing the truth, treating things calmly and balanced. It causes bouts of anger, causing the person to use force and make trouble. Psychologists say that both women and men are susceptible to jealousy, but they behave differently when jealousy is manifested. Women are more restrained, they tend to take offense at a mistress or a girl who pays attention to a man. While a man almost always blames his partner at first, he can take his anger out on her, he forbids her a lot.
A jealous man can use physical force, sometimes without explanation. Both partners often scandal because of jealousy, find fault with every little thing and inflate a huge quarrel out of it. At the same time, women often begin to cry, but since men cannot afford this even in jealousy, they simply shout at their partner, accusing her of all sins. So a man releases all the negative feelings that have accumulated in him during the time of latent jealousy. Both partners, with manifestations of jealousy, can be silent until the last, say nothing and not express even the slightest dissatisfaction. But at the same time, a jealous person will not talk with a partner about everyday topics. So, a wife can ask her husband what happened, and he will give her only cold silence. If a woman at the same time does not even suspect about jealousy, then she will not understand what she was guilty of. Very often, after several such cases, one or the second partner breaks off the relationship, since they cannot achieve mutual understanding and honesty, because such silence is sometimes even worse than screams and scandals.
Quite an aggressive form of behavior is the numerous prohibitions against jealousy of partners. For example, a husband does not allow his wife to leave the house without his knowledge or even just without him, he does not allow meeting with friends, starts constantly calling and finding out where the woman is, scolds her for being late even for 15 minutes. In general, he behaves like a real tyrant. This behavior is accompanied by constant reproaches: she painted her lips too brightly, put on a revealing blouse, talked too nicely with a neighbor, cooked dinner in the wrong way. A partner can find any excuse to hurt his soul mate, make her feel guilty, and weaken her self-confidence. This type of jealousy is associated with the weakness of the jealous person himself, his lack of confidence in his own strengths.
If you live with a jealous person, you need to explain to him that you don't need anyone else, show calmness and respect first, so that the person feels your love and care. It is imperative to talk about the reasons for jealousy, let the person speak out. But if this attitude does not help, it is better not to suffer and get away from the jealous person if his behavior prevents you from living and expressing yourself.
Every person has a feeling of jealousy for their other half, the main thing is that a little anxiety does not develop into uncontrollable paranoia.
What if the husband's jealousy goes beyond reasonable limits?
Jealousy of a man: if I find out, I will kill. Jealousy of a woman: even kill, but I will find out.
author unknown
Where does this feeling come from?
First, let's consider the main reasons for the occurrence of excessively strong jealousy:- At first, lack of self-confidence affects. Such a man subconsciously considers himself unworthy of his chosen one, and therefore has constant doubts about whether she really loves him, will not suddenly turn her attention to a more successful, wealthy or young competitor?
- Secondly, the provocateur of jealousy can be the past experience of a person who is already familiar with the fact of treason. In this case, he unwittingly projects the experience into the next relationship.
Can the situation be corrected?
Suspicion and even aggressiveness, quarrels from scratch, lack of mutual trust - all this can destroy even the most durable relationship. But in addition to the obvious minus in the form of disintegration, the chosen ones of malicious jealous people expect more terrible consequences than just loneliness and a broken heart.On the basis of excessive jealousy, about a thousand murders are committed annually in Russia. All this suggests that it is not only possible, but also necessary to actively fight against jealousy. Moreover, the use of proven in practice techniques recommended by professional family counselors are quite capable of rectifying the situation.
How to get rid of the obsessive jealousy of a loved one?
Correct your behavior first. Pay more attention to your chosen one, praise more often, talk about how you value him and your relationship. Show tenderness and care in practice - any man will definitely appreciate it.
In no case do not compare your partner with other men, get rid of the temptation to put him in the example of your friend's spouse, who gave her a new fur coat or a chic ring.
If a jealous husband bothers you with constant questions about where you have been and what you did during the day, be patient and do not be annoyed. On the contrary, describe in detail your pastime, tell us about your impressions - being aware of your actions will make your spouse more calm.
If you are late at work or on your way home you are stuck in a serious traffic jam, take a moment to warn your loved one that you will be a little later, and he will not have to worry about you again.
Don't let your spouse know about past relationships. Do not talk about your ex, especially do not set them up as an example for the current chosen one - this will certainly hurt his pride.
Often men are jealous of their loved ones for male friends. If you sometimes spend time with old friends, for example, with former classmates or classmates, it might be worth introducing your husband to them as well? Uncertainty is always scary, and meeting your past life buddies will help your spouse feel safe and will probably bring you closer together.
These tips are all very simple, but they really work! Try to adjust your behavior a little and you will soon notice that your relationship has become calmer and more trusting.
Getting to the root cause
If you analyzed your behavior and did not find anything prejudicial in your actions, think about it, maybe it’s not you at all, but your spouse’s past? Could his fear be based on memories from childhood, when a parent's betrayal destroyed a strong family? It is possible that your chosen one had to face the fact of betrayal in a previous relationship.In this case, it is also possible to correct the situation. Talk to your husband frankly, and if it is precisely the trauma of the past, assure him of your loyalty and reliability and tune in to a positive scenario of a joint future. Tell your husband that you love and appreciate him and will never betray him.
However, in the event that the trauma of the past has had a serious impact on the person and prevents him from building a healthy relationship, be prepared that your family may need to consult a psychologist. In our country, this practice is not as widespread as, for example, in the United States, but you should not be afraid of contacting a specialist and be ashamed of it. Sometimes just a few sessions help to truly "reformat" consciousness and tune it to a positive scenario.
Manic jealousy
Unfortunately, there are also pathological jealous people. If your partner is jealous of you absolutely for every member of your gender, controls your every step, prohibits wearing clothes that seem overly provocative to him, and even raises his hands on you, then most likely this is the case when the situation cannot be corrected.
This does not make sense if you want a relationship based on equality of parties, and do not want to constantly feel like a victim and make excuses every day in your actions. If the practical application of the advice of a psychologist and a visit to a specialist did not help, then it makes sense to end the painful relationship, because such a man's behavior can be dangerous for you.
Outcomes
Patience and practical use of the advice of family relations counselors in most cases solves the problem of excessive jealousy of the spouse.
Show care and attention to a man more often, talk openly with him about what exactly does not suit you in your relationship and how you would like to fix it.
If a person is not inherent in truly manic jealousy, which does not allow him to build a healthy relationship, which is based on trust in a partner, then he will certainly take your opinion into account and draw attention to his shortcoming.
Jealous husband…. How often this happens even in our seemingly free from conventions time! What to do, free morals or not free, and jealousy is an ineradicable quality inherent in almost every person. No, someone even likes it: if a loved one is jealous or a loved one, it means that he loves. But when jealousy crosses all boundaries and a stormy stream of emotions may well turn into assault, there is no time for joy. And the frightened aggression of the wife's spouse involuntarily arises the question: I have a jealous husband, how to deal with it?
And really, how to fight and is it possible to fight at all? Let's take a look at what the nature of male jealousy is based on and what can be done to minimize it.
The nature of male jealousy
There is an opinion that men are jealous because they are very afraid of losing their beloved woman. This is partly true. We are all a little jealous, and we are all afraid of losing a loved one. Only someone is able to control their emotions and be jealous in secret, while someone openly declares their (often completely unfounded) suspicions. In principle, jealousy is genetically inherent in a person, and it is completely impossible to destroy it. At the same time, female and male jealousy has a different nature. We will not talk about female jealousy now. It's about the nature of male jealousy.
In general, jealous men can be divided into two types. The first is people with a sense of their own inferiority, the second is jealous people with a sense of loss of power over property. In the first case, men need a constant feeling that you are recognized, desired, and therefore quite valuable in themselves. They can get such a feeling only with a stable sex life with a woman who preferred this particular man to others. In the second, these are male leaders, winners, for whom loss is unacceptable.
Why are they jealous even in cases where a woman's loyalty is obvious? Often, jealous people themselves can change and are inclined to attribute the same behavior to their beloved. Often, jealousy arises from the fear that a woman might find herself a man younger, prettier, stronger, richer, and so on. Such men are not sure of their social and physiological viability. As for the male leaders, they consider the woman their trophy, which they do not intend to give to anyone.
“Well, good,” one of the women will say, “All this is understandable. But my husband is very jealous. How to live with him? "
Living with a jealous husband
Male jealousy in normal dosages is even pleasant. However, an overly jealous husband is a big problem for a woman. It usually starts with little things. At first, the spouse seems to be casually interested in what his dearest half was doing today, where and with whom they were, and so on. Then he would, as it were, accidentally meet her from work. Finds out if there are male employees, who are single, who are more or less attractive, who are sociable, who are not. Everything. Enough. One can already expect from this man uncontrollable bouts of jealousy. Especially if we had the imprudence to tell him about our past connections.
If the spouse cannot cope with his jealousy, the wife has a hard time. Not only does her husband follow her every step and make scandals because of every little thing, he also comes up with various reasons for the scandal. And here, no matter how you behave, there will still be no peace. Even if the wife stays in the four walls, the overly jealous husband will become jealous of her cat. Such is the unenviable fate ...
It would seem, what could be easier - to divorce a jealous person. And the point. Divorce is not a problem today. However, this task is not always so easy to solve. Often, a wife still loves her jealous faithful, and there are children in the family who adore dad. Sometimes a woman is financially dependent on her husband and is afraid to remain destitute. And sometimes she is afraid of him too, because jealous people who lose the object of their jealousy can become uncontrollable.
The most unpleasant thing about this issue is that often wives who have been under constant psychological pressure from a jealous husband for a long time lose self-confidence and the ability to act independently. They become indecisive, distrustful, notorious, oppression and wariness are guessed in their appearance. The unfounded suspicions of the husband, his insults and the desire to humiliate instill in such a woman the conviction that she really is not needed by anyone and will disappear without him. It is sad that the poor thing is often in fact especially attractive, intelligent and, if desired, quite in demand among the stronger sex.
There are also women who try to take revenge on their husband for unfounded suspicions and insults with the help of real betrayal. Like, in vain I endure all this, I suppose! Now at least it will be, for what! I must say that this technique is quite dangerous. The spouse may find out about the real betrayal of his wife, and it is not known how it will turn out for her then. In addition, a relationship on the side for a woman is often associated with other troubles. Unwanted pregnancy, for example, or a sexually transmitted disease, if the relationship is casual. Yes, and having a permanent lover is risky. A man can become attached to a woman and lay claim to her. And it's good if she doesn't mind linking her life with him. And if not?
In a word, problems, problems, problems ... So how to be?
A very jealous husband. How to behave
Yes, a very jealous husband is a huge problem. From a loving and gentle man, he can instantly turn into a hating and very dangerous person. Moreover, the strength of jealousy often does not depend on the strength of love or on the presence of real rivals. In a man, it can arise simply from a feeling of envy for another man, because of dissatisfaction in intimate life, because of unfulfillment in life, from a sense of ownership, and so on. After all, they are often jealous of wives not only of other men, but also of girlfriends, children, parents, even pets. The wife should only belong to him, period!
Jealousy is dangerous in that it can deprive a person of reason, sweep away everything in its path and push on completely inappropriate actions. Therefore, if the husband is too jealous, the best way out is still to part with him. Otherwise, one day trouble may happen. However, as we have already said, it is not always possible to part. And you don't always want to, because jealous people can have a lot of advantages. But now, being jealous, they lose their heads, stop thinking and carry things that in their right mind they would never allow themselves. Well, what to do then ... Just adapt!
How? How to live with a jealous husband? To begin with, just try to calmly talk to him at the first sign of aggressive manifestation of jealousy. It can be explained that we, too, are often jealous of him, but we do not allow ourselves such tricks. And in general, he is the most golden, the nicest, and we belong only to him. However, sometimes, if the spouse is quick-tempered and emotional, and conversations are not required. He walks away, realizes what he has done and reproaches himself for what he did. In this case, a jealous believer can simply be fondled and turned into a joke.
In general, to sort things out with your husband and try to prove something at a time when a volcano of jealousy is raging inside him, in no case is it. Even a calm and self-possessed person in such a state can overstep boundaries. At such moments, people lose their sense of conscience, compassion, and justice. Therefore, if the husband suddenly exploded, overwhelmed by jealousy, it is better to keep silent or just try to approach, hug, calm down. Often times, weasel helps a lot more than trying to make excuses.
Spouses of jealous husbands are always on a powder keg. It can explode for the slightest reason, and for no reason either. Therefore, there can be no talk of any flirting with other men, of any conversations about them or of their past adventures, even in a joking tone. Even if the spouse initially restrains his emotions, he will wind himself up, and the rage will sooner or later break out. Her outburst may not be similar to jealousy - the husband will begin to find fault with unwashed dishes, not sewn on a button, unsalted soup, and so on. Should he object, the faithful will go berserk, and then just hold on. So caution, caution and more caution.
In general, trying to deal with the excessive jealousy of the husband is useless. You can spend a lot of effort and energy on this, but there will be no result. Even if a woman becomes a saint, a jealous husband will always find a reason for jealousy. There is only one way out - he himself must have a sincere desire to change. And for this it is necessary to determine the reason for such unbridled jealousy. We will not talk about unfaithful wives. In relation to them, jealousy is justified. If the wife is faithful, but the husband still cannot control himself, then the reason is in him. What is it? Self-doubt? A sense of ownership, a desire for power? Fear of losing a woman, feeling worthless, useless? It is enough to find this reason, and the knot will be untied.
If, with outbursts of jealousy, a person's actions go beyond all boundaries, you should be on your guard. It is highly likely that a man has mental problems. And he needs appropriate treatment. Because he cannot cope with his outbursts of rage on his own, even realizing in a calm state that he is becoming dangerous for loved ones. The help of a psychotherapist is already needed here.
Feelings of jealousy are generally illogical. When we really love a person, why do we get annoyed, make him scandals and inflict pain on him? And if we do not love, then why be jealous of someone else at all? Yes, in the event that we are talking about real betrayal in the family, it is very difficult not to be jealous. Because it hurts. Because it’s unnatural. But jealousy is not a cure. She only reopens the wounds, forcing not only to remember the details of the betrayal for the hundredth time, but also to come up with new ones. How to deal with it? Try to hate your own jealousy, because it destroys us and prevents us from living. Let it clean up and leave alone our soul and our family well-being!
You don't want your enemy to live with a jealous husband. But you can smooth out the unsightly character traits of the betrothed if you behave psychologically correctly. The article provides specific advice to women who have married jealous people.
There is an opinion that if a husband is jealous of his wife, it is from strong love. An all-consuming feeling, sung by poets, fogs the mind of a man. In each of the representatives of his gender, he sees a potential rival. Moreover, age, social status, external data often do not play any role. Torn apart by emotional throwing, a spouse may be jealous of his half of a seller in the market, a student, a colleague at work, or a neighbor of retirement age.
Perhaps every person burdened by family ties will agree that a feeling of jealousy should be present in the relationship between spouses. Everything depends only on quantity. Some wives are pleased when their husbands are mildly anxious and anxious. The strong half also likes to tickle their nerves, noticing that other men are looking with interest at their property enshrined in marriage certificate.
But everything is fine within reasonable limits. When jealousy begins to grow to incredible proportions and takes on obsessive forms, then there is no time for pleasant excitement. A jealous husband can spy on his wife, wiretap her telephone conversations, suspect of sexual interest in everyone he meets.
Why do some men behave this way?
Psychologists believe that jealousy is a derivative of feelings of insecurity. A husband, possessing a number of complexes, is afraid of losing control over his wife, becoming "horned", and looking like a laughing stock in the eyes of others.
For example, a man is not prone to beautiful speeches and smart conversations. Coming with his wife to any company, he will feel uncomfortable if a fluff appears in it, capable of attracting everyone's attention. The situation will be aggravated if the spouse looks at the brisk speaker with obvious sympathy. All this can cause not only jealousy, but also a scandal when the couple returns home.
Sometimes verbal skirmishes develop into assault. Here, too, there is an opinion that if the strong half hits the weak, then this is from an all-consuming feeling of love. And if suddenly it doesn’t hit, then it turns out that it doesn’t like it at all? But it can kill, and there are such cases. Here, what yardsticks can be used to measure the wonderful property of the soul, praised since the time of Homer?
It seems that if a husband beats his wife mercilessly, then this is not at all out of love. Rather, he is trying to once again emphasize his power, to make it clear that he is the full owner of the house. Hands can also be dispersed from pull to fight. Well, a person likes to inflict physical pain on others. The most suitable object for this is the wife. She is always close and weaker. Living with a jealous person is like living in a house with a powder keg under the floor. An explosion with the most tragic consequences can occur at any moment.
How can a woman protect herself from constant suspicions and unpleasant scenes exhausting her psyche?
You can, of course, get a divorce, but this will be the simplest and most primitive solution. In addition, the breakdown of family relations often results in a rather painful procedure. Children, common property and many other factors. Therefore, it is much wiser to learn how to handle homebrew Othello correctly.
If we proceed from the fact that jealousy is directly related to low self-esteem, then this very raise self-esteem... Therefore, it is necessary to praise your husband as often as possible, admire him, confess your love to him. You should not, while watching TV together, speak favorably about the actors on the screen. Especially about the young and the beautiful. It is better to comment on women and always ask for the opinion of a loved one.
It is advisable to talk every evening about your plans for the next day and discuss the past day in detail. You should not stay somewhere for a long time, and in case of being late, you should definitely call and warn.
It is strongly discouraged to remember your former husbands or lovers. And especially to share intimate details that took place in a long-gone relationship. All this will backfire in the most unpleasant way in the future. Therefore, do not be a simpleton, but behave reasonably, forward-looking and restrained.
Always speak well and respectfully of your husband among friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. Someone will definitely give it to him. The effect will be the most benevolent, and family relationships will acquire a trusting character.
If there was a sin, then never confess it. There is only one way out - to confidently lie. At the same time, one should look into the eyes of the interrogator with a clean and sincere look. Thoughts need to be expressed clearly, do not blush and express noble indignation with all your appearance.
And, of course, we must not forget about the attack, which is the best way of defense. Themselves arrange violent scenes of jealousy for your husband. Check his phone regularly and inquire in detail about all the entries that it contains. Roll up a scandal at the slightest delay. Call your cell phone every hour and ask what your betrothed is doing. All this will give the desired effect, since the man's energy will be spent on excuses, and not on suspicions.
If you are trying to maintain a family relationship with a jealous person, then strictly follow the above recommendations. But remember, such a person cannot be corrected. You can only smooth out unsightly character traits, which requires a certain skill and nervous tension.
Are you ready for this? Then go for it, and may good luck be with you.
In any relationship there should be a "spark" when lovers feel the chemistry, and the feelings they feel slightly give way. In the candy-bouquet period, when love is just emerging between two people, there is a place for doubts, worries and fear of losing your beloved.
When a man and a woman have already secured their marriage bonds, it officially seems that now the idyll should definitely come to a common house. However, the sad statistics of divorces and cases of domestic violence motivated by jealousy are our everyday reality, which cannot be denied.
Jealousy can manifest itself in different ways: a small lament from the husband, recommendations about who should not be "friends" with, what can be worn / what is categorically not allowed, how to paint, or even total control with the use of violence. In any of the above manifestations, there is a problem. And it is worth confessing that not yours, but your husband's! We spoke with an experienced psychologist and director Center of psychological literacy "Insight" by Dilyara Galieva about what is the root of all men's experiences, how to react to all this and what to do if jealousy has gone too far?
The psychologist answers common questions:
1. Where does jealousy come from in men?
Jealousy is, first of all, mistrust combined with self-doubt and a sense of ownership. Jealousy is not a sign of love, but rather of possession. A jealous man is one who believes that his partner belongs only to him, but there is a threat that he may belong to someone else. The reasons for feeling jealous are many: low self-esteem, betrayal or a painful past, uncertainty about how you look, and many other factors. The tenth commandment of "Deuteronomy": "Do not covet your neighbor's wife and do not covet your neighbor's house, neither his field, nor his servant, ... nor everything that your neighbor has” - is relevant now, and not only in the times of the Old Testament ... This commandment reflects almost all the secret thoughts of a man, based on human envy…. Jealousy is a combination of fear and anger: fear of losing something, anger that someone is approaching something that you think belongs to you.
Classical psychoanalysis believes that jealousy arises in childhood: in girls - dad to mom, in boys - mom to dad. That is, jealousy blooms brightly at 3-5 years old and is accompanied by romantic feelings towards the parent of the opposite sex and hostility towards the parent of the same sex. After Freud, the more generally accepted idea is that children from infancy are jealous of their mother for their father, regardless of gender, since an exclusive, special relationship with the mother is important for the child from the very beginning of his development - a person who feeds, warms, protects and protects.
If the child has enough warmth, care and attention from the mother, then he outgrows jealousy.
2. Is it true that women themselves provoke men?
If a woman grew up in a family where she observed the betrayal of her father and the constant suffering of her mother, then on a subconscious level she remembers all the bitterness and resentment of a devoted woman. But, unfortunately, what we fear most is what we stumble upon. Therefore, such a woman begins to see and notice in her man the habits and steps that her dad took. And naturally, only one thought comes to her mind: “Soon they will cheat on me. I have to do my best to stop this. " This again provokes jealousy, suspicion, reproaches and similar feminine tricks that we are so often used to listening to. Sometimes women often resort to jealousy as a means of seduction. They take pleasure in making their husband jealous because they think that he will love more. Ladies leave false signs of infidelity, notes with unfamiliar handwriting, other people's photographs. Partly true. But this is a dangerous game, and the effect can be reversed.
3. What if the husband controls his wife's appearance (does not allow her to paint brightly or wear a short one)?
Already in the first days, when you just started growing the flower of your love together, and your husband is trying to control you, this is the first swallow. Therefore, here you need to be especially sensitive, to feel the difference between control and natural curiosity, taking into account that the relationship itself provides for a certain control over each other's actions. Ideally, however, this control should be more like unobtrusive observation. You are aware of each other's affairs. This is fine.
It is not normal when one of the partners begins to dictate their own rules of conduct: “don’t go there,” “don’t talk to that one,” “you don’t dress properly,” “why did you put on so much makeup,” and other unfounded statements that smell of despotism. Therefore, it is necessary:
- Listen to yourself: how comfortable is your husband for you? Does he respect your opinion on this or that issue, does he listen to him?
- Ask openly what his attitude is to jealousy. If you ask this question directly, then you can discuss this question, find out what doubts your husband has in you and give him a full detailed answer.
- Tell your husband that there should be a golden mean in everything and everywhere. Control in a relationship should be like light but reliable support "under the elbow" to keep you from falling, and not be the tenacious grip of a policeman to keep you from breaking free. Do you feel the difference?
- If you have not achieved the "golden mean", then you can ask a psychologist on family relations for advice.
4. When can jealousy turn into danger (beatings, jealous killings)?
Each person expresses his jealousy, like many other emotions, in his own way. Someone makes a grandiose scandal, in a rage destroys the surrounding objects, and another person, on the contrary, quietly accumulates anger in himself in order to explode at one fine moment, like a volcano. If you look at the problem from this side, the reasons that seem initially noble become not so pure. However, in the modern environment, the level of expression of the feeling of possessiveness ends precisely where the social norms of society, the inviolability of the personal space of each person and other ethical barriers come into force. This includes the third type of jealousy, bordering on meanness. In this type, not only social norms of behavior are violated, but also the boundaries of the partner's personal space. This is the installation of spying on a partner, a thorough examination of personal belongings, pockets, SMS, the log of incoming / outgoing calls, the requirement for strict accountability for spending the day, accurate to the minute, and other actions that bring the partner to a state of white heat.
This kind of jealousy is a serious psychological dependence that prevails over the jealous person. Even if we omit the fact that the object of jealousy is somewhat humiliated by such total control of his life, there remains one more problem: the jealous himself. A jealous person experiences severe psychological stress, a kind of obsession that leads to nervous breakdowns and breakdowns, which, to put it mildly, does not have a very favorable effect on harmony in relationships. In the most extreme versions of jealousy, turning into paranoid experiences (delusional), is jealousy, which over the years is overgrown with "an absurd evidence base for betrayal of one of the spouses." Prognostically unfavorable signs are: domestic violence in the form of beatings, long "night interrogations", constant drunken "showdowns" ending in inappropriate forms of behavior. It is impossible to ignore all these forms of behavior and call them "jealous, that means he loves ...". In such cases, it is necessary to ring all the bells, contact law enforcement agencies, contact psychotherapists. In our society, there is still an opinion that turning to psychotherapists means admitting that you have a mental illness, which is a shame. Beating, humiliation, constant stress as a result of jealousy in our society is recognized as a fact, most often at the stage of illegal actions that have taken on a socially dangerous nature.
5. And finally, how to deal with all this?
What if you feel something more than the usual jealous joke about your partner's stinging question? Do not take any hasty action. Wait for the moment when you are alone so that you can calmly think about everything.
Analyze your actions in the two to three weeks preceding the appearance of a disgruntled wrinkle on your partner's forehead. Haven't you done something that could push the half into a double understanding of what is happening? Try to evaluate your actions objectively (easy to say!) And assume the nature of the assessment of your actions from the point of view of your partner. You have been together for a long time, so it will not be difficult.
If introspection has not shown, in your opinion, anything remarkable, it makes sense to talk to your partner. Calmly sit on the sofa, opposite each other and discuss exciting topics. Don't make a scandal - there is no reason yet. Just find out specifically from the person what is bothering him. Give full, detailed answers to all his questions.
If there are no questions and the partner closes in himself, says that “everything is fine and nothing bothers you,” draw his attention to a specific moment in which you felt that something was wrong. Ask for clarification about what is bothering your spouse.
The main thing is to remain calm throughout the conversation. Do not put pressure on your partner under any circumstances. Remember that your task is to understand the situation and return harmony to the relationship, and not reproach your beloved half for being too vigilant.
After the cause of the impending conflict is found, go to the search for a solution that suits both sides, to a compromise.
If jealousy has become similar to open guerrilla warfare (the third type of jealousy), the conversation should be more specific. Feel free to talk about things that don't suit you: assert your right to comfort. Remember that one person’s rights end exactly where another’s rights begin. No one has the right to violate your personal comfort zone without your permission. Place dots over the i. And avoid talking in the style of "if you do this, then I will do this." This is a utopian policy, which, as a rule, does not lead to anything good.
Psychological position: treat other people the way you would like to be treated. If you want not to be cheated on - do not cheat, do not want to listen to scenes of jealousy - do not arrange them yourself, otherwise the boomerang will return. What to do? First you need to answer the question: who is to blame? Maybe you really are giving a reason? Of course, staying up late without a plausible reason, smiling at his friends, praising colleagues (especially if they surpassed her husband in some way), comparing with more successful rivals is not a crime, but if he did this in relation to you, it was would it be nice? So you have to start with yourself, your beloved.
The best treatment is prevention ... You can try to praise your husband more often, especially in the presence of his relatives, colleagues and friends, pay attention to his dignity and emphasize that you have never seen a better man than him. Praise only real merit. Agree, if a man sees that his wife is happy with him and only praises him, it is difficult to make a scandal because of some kind of smile at another person. Try to boil it down to a joke. Vladimir Levy advised married couples suffering from jealousy of one of the spouses to put jealousy on stream, to make it a daily duty, for example, obligatory clarification of the relationship for 20-30 minutes every evening. At the same time, it is impossible to repeat, it is necessary to bring more and more new arguments and confirmations of the spouse's infidelity, to do this in a variety of ways, with inspiration and regularly. After a few weeks or months, the very process of "jealousy" gets bored, the reserves of arguments are depleted, and jealousy "by duty" no longer causes so many emotions and does not lead to grandiose quarrels.