When a man is silent, a woman plagues herself with anxiety. I don’t talk to my husband for a month and a half. Husband left and is silent for 3 months.

More and more women have recently been complaining that their other half is constantly silent.

And not for some reason, not after a scandal, not because he is in an offended state. But he is simply silent. My friend talks about her beloved one, with whom she lived for only three years. “I don’t understand, we just stopped talking. We do not swear, I cannot say that I began to treat me badly. We just stopped talking altogether. He comes home from work, kisses me on the cheek, sits down to supper in silence. Sometimes he doesn't even ask how my day went. I try to stir him up with questions, but only monosyllabic words in response. Then he sits down at the TV or at the computer, before going to bed he says "good night". Tomorrow is the same as today. I do not understand what's going on. I ask if he has any problems at work. The answer is no. But it seems to me that even if they were, he would not tell me. Why are we moving away? " - my friend laments. And I can understand her, since this is not the first time I have heard such a story.

This could have been avoided if we had known one characteristic of men. He's just different and arranged differently. He does not need our sympathy, our words. Sometimes it's easier for him to get nasty than to open up (although I don’t understand this for the life of me!). But fact is fact. A man does not need to share problems left and right. He needs to think over everything, grind, figure out what to do, and alone or with his friends. He closes in on himself, this is a necessary state for him. In such moments of silence, it is better not to touch him, not to ask him a bunch of leading questions, not to sulk, not to accuse him of being cold, but just to wait it out. In a couple of days, he himself will tell about everything, the main thing is to wait for this.

At this time, calmly go about your business, go to the salon, play with children, communicate with relatives - just do not touch your beloved. He will digest his problems and come to you himself. And when he returns to reality and begins to share with you his conclusions about life and solving problems, do not rush to weed out and criticize everything at once. First, listen to the end and only then start discussing something. Wise women begin to speak out only after the complete "outpouring" of their man. Moreover, they never say that all the decisions of the second half are complete nonsense. They carefully say: “Yes, dear, you are right, so you can really solve this issue. Let’s do this and that ”. The main thing for a man is that he was not in vain silent for three days, that his brainstorming during this time was a success.

Of course, there are different men, some never stop talking at all and talk more than women - we don't take such people into account. Some are silent as a woman, as they sulk, and they can do it for weeks. And there are simply pathological silent people, from whom you can never get a word out. But, I think, you knew about such abilities of your man even before the wedding. We are talking about those males who become silent occasionally, but for a long time.

Today I will tell you about one feature of male psychology, which if you know and apply in life, you can safely avoid 20-30% of conflicts in relationships. This is a lot - to reduce the number of conflicts by 20%, if for this you need to read a couple of pages of text about male psychology and practice a little.

In total, one of the main features of male psychology is that when a man faces a problem or a conflict, he needs to keep quiet, think about the problem alone, or calm down after the conflict. But many women think that if a man is silent, then he is angry or offended. Yes, he is not angry and not offended, but THINKS)). And since a man is so arranged that he cannot do two things at the same time, he is silent, since the speech apparatus does not work for him while thinking.

Well, it's very simple, you might say. I've already read about it in some book ... That's how it is. Only from reading to practical application is a very, very long distance.

At least that's the case for me. It seems like I’ll read something about women, and more than once, then my wife will explain 10 times ... well, or 110)) how to behave. However, as it comes to practice, then again everything "flies out" somewhere, as if he had not read anything. I begin to argue on the most insignificant reasons (read about how to wean a man from arguing in the article at the link). Or I am silent instead of calming my beloved or something else so "brilliant". Then, of course, little by little progress comes, but much slower than you want.

In total, in order for something to work out in practice, in addition to training, you need a more detailed description of the rules and principles with examples about male psychology. This is at least. What we are going to do now. And so you can still read a couple of articles, "Why a man is silent" and "What to do when a man is silent."

Well, what of this? What are the conclusions for living together? The conclusions are as follows:

- If you rightly shouted at your man and after that he is silent, then this does not mean at all that he is silent, because he is offended. This is just closer to female behavior. If a woman is silent, then she is offended. Most likely, the man will simply "leave" after a while and return calmed down. After all, when a man is silent, he calms down. Then he can easily ask for forgiveness, etc.

Total. If a woman has a quarrel with a man, then it is better not to let her go far, and if possible, calm her down. And if you let go, then she may be even more offended and then, it happens, it is very difficult to make peace.

But with men, as a rule, the opposite is true. If a man offended and wants to go to another room or even take a walk, then let him walk until he calms down. It is better not to touch him at this moment, otherwise the quarrel may flare up with renewed vigor.

In addition, if your reproaches and remarks were true, he needs to think over and think over your words, and this takes time and, of course, silence.

What if you “shouted unfairly” at a man?

It just doesn't happen. Even if it is “unfair” now, at this particular moment, it means “got it” with all his previous behavior.

- If a man has a difficult problem, then he just needs to be silent. Your presence and your attempt to talk to him and calm him down act on a man as a strong irritant, only aggravating the problem. To put it even simpler, the presence of any person (not necessarily you) can simply infuriate him. Better leave him alone. A man will only be grateful to you for your understanding or, at least, will not throw out his irritation on you.

Women usually need to discuss their problems. It is possible with a husband or relatives, or better with a friend, but they must be “talked over”. If the problem is not "spoken", then the woman is bad.

A man does not need to "pronounce" anything, he needs to "solve" it, that is, find money, a new job, etc. And if you even know how to find this money or where exactly you can get a job, since your friend or relative said that an employee of similar qualifications is needed there, then even in this case it is not at all necessary to immediately and directly help him. A man must learn to solve his problems himself.

And another question, for how long should a man be left alone? It all depends on the man and the size of the problem. If the problem is large, such as being laid off with ruin, then the lonely period can be up to several weeks or even months. If not very large, then usually from one hour to 2-3 days is enough.

In theory, women are very quick to grasp this difference between a man and a woman. But when it comes to practice, then ...

A small example from the movie "Ask Cindy", in which the relationship between a man and a woman is described fairly truthfully. The main character of the film is fired from his job, and he goes broke. After such a stroke of fate, he stupidly sits in front of the TV, drinks beer and does nothing, apparently, for several days. His girlfriend is trying to stir him up and talk to him like this: "You can do something", "Let's do something," "Let's talk a plan of action", "Let's take a walk, go to friends" and something else in this kind. After a few days, the girl gets tired of the man's indifference and leaves. After some time, the man comes to his senses and begins to act, gradually again achieves success, even more than before. Only, however, already with another girl.

Therefore, once again. If you have a problem in life, then immediately discuss and talk it over with your friends, husband, etc. Even if they do not help you in any way, it will become easier for you only from one "speaking", that is, this will help you. But you know this without me. But if a man has a problem, then give him some time to do nothing and be silent, do not try to "talk" anything with him, at least immediately. In general, study male psychology and communication with a man will become much easier and more pleasant. If you do not understand something about the behavior of a man, contact for, I will be glad to help.

Again, do not bring everything to the point of absurdity, in this article I did not talk about if a man does nothing for a year, two, three, and so on, and you need to endure all this. This is already another case, and it needs to be addressed more radically. For example, to find yourself another, but this is up to you and your self-esteem.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.

16.08.2003, 02:05

I ask for advice. I am at a dead end, what to do - I do not know, mentally I rush from one extreme to another. The situation is as follows - at the beginning of June, they quarreled with my husband. Immediately, without leaving the checkout, I asked for his forgiveness, as she was guilty. The result is a silence that has been going on for 2 months. In my opinion, this is deeply abnormal. Sometimes you want to pack your things and leave, fortunately, there is where. What should I do? Please advise.

16.08.2003, 08:02

Some kind of childhood, honestly ...

16.08.2003, 10:57

So I would have left ... As I understand it, when they ask for forgiveness, they either forgive or part. He apparently likes that you are tormented. Deprive him of this pleasure.

Have you asked for forgiveness in a sincerely repentant tone? And then mine sometimes does not forgive me right away, pauses: he needs me to realize and feel the guilt :-)
But 2 months is, excuse me, a clinic.

16.08.2003, 11:23

what the author did. Maybe it’s something out of the ordinary in his (or everyone’s) opinion, or a trifle for which there was no need to apologize.
And leaving is not always a solution. Why should she leave her family nest? He needs to, let him roll.
I would tell him, or we live as we lived, normally, or move out nafig, not a corn of the eye.

16.08.2003, 11:25

its purpose is to induce unreasonable feelings of guilt in you. do not fall for provocation. Let him solve his problems himself, everything that you could, you did, you apologized and thought that this would be enough, but it’s not your fault. only his problems remained.

16.08.2003, 11:57

Perhaps yes ... But all the same, one raspberry: it will go away or he ...

I always for explanations and in general such tactics of clarification of relations as silence I NEVER take. Like a fight. Because nothing is clear from the silence, except that someone is not happy with something. In my family, I categorically do not allow my husband to behave like that all the way. Immediately I go somewhere, at least I will go to bed, but bang my head against the wall: "speak!" I won't, because I know - she won't speak. Therefore, she would simply disappear from his field of vision at once - let him look for me when he decides to explain himself. Nerves are dearer to me, I am proud (???) :-)

16.08.2003, 13:51

16.08.2003, 14:01

You know, I guess that at least it may seem frivolous, but for me it is very difficult. If you do not have any constructive suggestions, please pass by. I myself know how to give definitions.

16.08.2003, 14:08

In a repentant tone? I went further :-). He loves all kinds of bureaucracy - memos, reports, reports, etc. I made an explanatory letter for him, in writing (it's good that not in triplicate!). Despite the fact that I myself can not stand any such bureaucracy. I went to meet him, apparently in vain. It was necessary to solve the issue using traditional methods.
I can imagine how it looks from the outside, yeah ...

16.08.2003, 14:14

I tend to leave already. The son will come from his grandmother, I will talk to him, and collect things, perhaps. The apartment where we live now is large, a very good place - you can let the children go for a walk alone and not be afraid that something will happen to them (well, not counting the fact that they will fall off a hill or something like that) , it was bought in marriage, that is, I cannot say that this is only his apartment, although, of course, for the money of my contribution there is no - from my salary you can only buy a carrier for a dog, and that is inexpensive. But how to live like that. I have such apathy that I cannot do anything - neither clean nor cook. Physically, I simply cannot, I have no appetite, and my husband dines at work, I cook when his father arrives, so that he does not get upset and to feed him.

trawling

16.08.2003, 14:59

just a shock. Well, really, if he is so offended and does not intend to forgive you, he would have already started talking about divorce. It seems that I agree with the girls, he revels in your condition and he likes the process itself. And most importantly, when you get out of this, where is the guarantee that the next episode will end differently?

It is necessary either to speak, or to be silent forever.
Well, I do not know how this is at all possible, but purely speculatively, if he does not speak or listen at all, send him a letter with a notification, where you tell him that you can’t stand it anymore, and you will change something, or with him, or without him. And determine the period during which you expect reciprocal actions from him: a constructive conversation, a change in behavior or a decision about future life. preferably before the child returns.

Yes, an ultimatum is a stupid way to solve problems, but IMHO, stupid problems must be solved accordingly.

16.08.2003, 15:50

If everything has gone so far in terms of notes, etc. - then I would have gone that way - I wrote the same that I do not deny my guilt, but I also endure some kind of humiliation in the form of silence, etc. I don't intend to - either I forgot everything and just started to communicate and everything in family life as before - because I was sorry, or this notification of the upcoming divorce and the division of the apartment - do not care the court that you just earned a piece from her in real life, because marriage section is 50/50% + the interest of children .. so we need to decide and not suffer, but to leave - no, I would have sucked that day with divorce and an apartment - if a person does not understand sincere excuses but only somehow takes revenge on him ... also in response ... it’s not the case when the wife, for the sake of her husband’s priot, will leave the house with the child ...

16.08.2003, 17:35

I sincerely sympathize. He probably didn't seriously think that you could leave? For some reason, does he think that you will hold on to him tightly? What do you think? Isn't it a tactic to keep you out of the house?

Provoke him.

Maybe he wanted to assert himself in this way? Maybe he is a demonstrative person in life?

16.08.2003, 20:22

No, of course, he doesn't get me out of the house this way. And I think that he does not believe that I can leave, all the more so now - there are two children. The oldest is with my grandmother, and the youngest is a year and 3 months old. Men also believe that a woman can be tied up by children, and she will not go anywhere. The second apartment is now disassembled, so he is sure that I will not go anywhere.
With self-affirmation everything is fine with him. A demonstrative personality - I don't know. To be honest, I didn't really understand what it was. Explain, please, Dekabrin.

16.08.2003, 20:28

Yes, you are right. Too much. So I came here for advice. Previously, there were no such situations, they somehow sorted it out. Everyone has some difficulties in the family, well, sometimes there are happy exceptions who live peacefully year after year and never quarrel, I have never met such families, but everyone also solves problems out loud. And here ... It is even more complicated by the fact that I feel that I am right - I apologized and explained why I did this. And now I really don't want to get a face on the table for the second time. I expected him to explain what he wanted from me at least. And now the edge has come.

16.08.2003, 21:15

I had an acquaintance who, shortly after they met, arranged for me a very expressive boycott ... I read you, and I wondered if this was the same type.
http://www.naritsyn.ru/iso/test12.shtml

16.08.2003, 21:22

He doesn't have to copy this description, but can there be grain? I meant the demonstrativeness of his feelings of resentment, because it is based on personality traits, there must be some kind of ground, so I thought ... But in general, this is probably not the main thing, but his attitude towards you.

17.08.2003, 00:27

I read it, thanks for the link. Still, no, although after we had a quarrel, a day or two later, he told the neighbors that we were in a quarrel and therefore I could not take part in a get-together. Maybe he told his friends, most likely yes. He informs, but playing "ah, I feel so bad, everyone is cruel to me" will not. Although there is some grain all the same.
The attitude towards me used to be "I love you SO". But I've been looking for 2 months, where did this love go?

17.08.2003, 22:37

in general, your husband's behavior is similar to manipulation. He must have played such games before. Usually, such resentful ones get a lot of pleasure watching the suffering of a partner.
if so, don't play his game, break the script!

But if this is the first time, then it is strange, perhaps you have done something out of the ordinary

Elena D-ova

18.08.2003, 06:59

Hmmm ... Well, and you chose the form for the apology ... It can offend more than anything else.

In short, stop playing your childhood games, sit down opposite your husband and explain everything to him in words.

superMEN

18.08.2003, 08:14

Everything is clear, you are an energy vampire, he understood this and does not want to feed you anymore :-) Take money

18.08.2003, 09:11

Have you tried to have a serious talk with him? Or is he silent and you do not break the silence?

18.08.2003, 20:54

But no - I'm just a donor :-(. So, in principle, energetically, so to speak, I'm now resting - it's easy and calm for me. But cats scratch their souls - my husband, married for 12 years, two years right back, the second honeymoon began, which ended so absurdly and threatens to end in divorce. I regain consciousness, although they did nothing - they just drank tea (not vodka, and not even beer) and just talked.

18.08.2003, 21:02

Talk on the phone in a happy voice, and, having smartened up, sneak out of the house, you can take the baby with you or leave with the nanny (if you basically leave it and he is used to it). And in no case explain why and where. Yes, and let him hear the call, too, they should call you, not you.
Of course, if your disagreement was not due to his jealousy and suspicions of your infidelity, it may work.

18.08.2003, 23:00

Sshchas I will explain why it is silent !!!
when you said that the second honeymoon began, I immediately understood everything
this happened to me recently
as if a new love woke up
such a relationship is just heaven
and suddenly a day later he said something offensive to me, sorry I don’t remember right now, I’m not vindictive
so I was so offended I 2 days I can’t forgive him
although this has not happened before - at most half a day and everything is in its place
so in the heat of love all the insults 10 times more seem to be just that he hasn’t forgiven you yet, and your apology turned out to be not enough for him
the way out is - you need to try to understand how he perceived this situation and try to explain to him again that it was your mistake that you did not want this - in short, you need to save him - otherwise he may already have a dipression

19.08.2003, 00:18

If you don't want to come back, then you shouldn't leave. After all, you do not know how he will react to your leaving, and whether it will be easier for you away from him, so at least everything is in plain sight. Try to just get over the situation. Maybe you are just tired, and he too, because a small child takes a lot of strength and energy. Switch your attention to yourself, to the child, to the improvement of the apartment, just not out of spite, but as a lifestyle, without showing off. Maybe if he feels like a bedside table in your world, he will change his mind. Good luck to you.

19.08.2003, 09:03

I think you both show your character, who will be silent, who is more stubborn than whom ... It's unwise to play on the feeling of jealousy, does it make sense at all? He can cook dinner, buy a bottle of good wine and in the evening, when her husband comes home from work, say like let's finish with stupid things, let's go to dinner ... Maybe he is waiting for this current ... Well, not every man can be the first to take a step towards meeting reconciliation , take the initiative, be wiser)

19.08.2003, 16:12

I think to ask - what do you yourself want from the situation? How would you like your husband to behave? This is the first thing. And the second - after all, it is your husband who does not talk to you, and not you to him. I decided for such a long time about such situations - when someone is offended and is silent, I am not offended by this person and continue to talk to him. especially after the apology. So why write scraps and support this game? all the more so about the whims you can always excuse - did not read. and if they speak out loud and loudly in front of you, it is difficult to say that you have not heard. Behave as you decide - loudly informing your husband about it. This is his gadget - silence, but you seem to be normal ... So tell him - since you ignore me and I have to make decisions about our life together and the lives of our children myself, then this and that. Yes, all of the above is my monologue, but as an example. It seems to me that if a person close, loved and loving suddenly falls silent for 2 months ... This is somehow very scary, in my opinion. And I would just be horrified at not understanding what is happening. This is ... Brrr ... just creepy. I really sympathize with you. And when the husband - the support - suddenly ceases to be it - bam and fall ... And he had nothing like this before?

I read the post about family relationships and decided to write too. We haven’t talked with my husband for a month and a half ((Reb is a year and a half and we are 30. Married in great love yomayo and we are all so exalted of ourselves, therefore we do not have scandals, we just keep silent .. for months. I’m on the verge of breakdown already on the trail . week I will go to the doctor for antidepressants (((
My husband is not a vile bastard at all, he helps me a lot, he deals with the child every free minute, he is not picky in everyday life, I am an unearthly beauty for him. But he has a wonderful Ukrainian family (((WESTERN-Ukrainian (((and I’m a Russian, and for this reason they took out my whole brain ((let's become Ukrainian, speak Ukrainian, etc.) husband dripping on the brain, he is angry and silent .. months.
The second jamb is that his father is a priest and the whole family is hyper religious. Well, at least in front of parents and relatives. The husband and his brother and sister grew up in Italy and therefore are very liberated))) And my sister had sex before marriage !!)))) She burns in hell mlyn))) And his brother smokes weed)))) But the parents of all this do not know and bring up not their children, but me (((I have to go to church, pray, etc.) I often snap back and my husband immediately withdraws into himself for weeks or months.
My biggest problem is that I am disappointed in him. You see, I got out at the age of 30 because there were ordinary men around, egsitic and mean. And he was so different, kind and real, ready to help everyone. And now he has changed a lot and became cruel and callous, especially towards me. He sees that I drink motherwort several times a day and often cry in the bathroom but is silent further. Of course, I am not an angel either, I sometimes break down, bark and do not sleep with him for weeks. He does not understand how you can be as terrible as me, how you can shout at a child or respond impolitely to a cashier in a store! He's trying to educate me, you know. She begins to scold me for not smiling at my neighbor or congratulating my classmate with others. How infuriates me! Yes, I'm an evil bitch, but I don't pretend to be a heavenly angel, as everyone in his family does.
I don’t know how I’ll live with him further. I understand that for many of you my problems will seem like a trifle. Just think, does not talk for months, does not drink, does not hit, does not walk. I do not see a difference in the reasons for the destruction of relations, the main thing is the result and precisely the fact that we live as neighbors.
I can't imagine how I can sleep with him, he chews me physically disgusting ((Before, when his pimple jumps up, I rushed and clucked, but now I don't care. In general, we were very disappointed in each other and his family added fuel to the fire I don’t know what to do, pretend that everything is fine, bend over and try to make peace with him? Or keep silent? I don’t know which is easier for me ..
Sorry for the confusion, I'm writing and shaking my hands ((