Loser husband: your actions. My man is a loser! or a man always has the potential for growth and development. How does a man feel like a loser to a woman?

In her thirst for love, a Russian woman is so docile and optimistic that she agrees to consider any option and enter into a relationship according to the principle: "I blinded him from what was, and then what happened, I fell in love." But is it always "what happened", in principle, worthy of our attention, and even more of plans for life? After all, in order to be happy, we must first of all love and appreciate ourselves; any women's website is dedicated to this. Alas, in search of personal happiness, sometimes there are types with whom it is better not to get involved, and one of the most joyless is a chronic loser, that is, a loser.

At the first acquaintance, you should not make your verdict recklessly, and even more so on the basis of external signs of success (they are deceptive). However, there are signs that quite clearly indicate that you are in front of a hardened loser.

A loser is a person who tends to constantly justify himself by attributing his failures to whatever circumstances. Reasons for feeling sorry for himself are always at the ready, it is easy to guess that he begins to form this list as early as childhood. Not the country, not the family, not the environment in which I grew up, not the degree of giftedness and, of course, the lack of love. Be sure that he will blame you for all your sins on occasion as well (if you manage to contact him). The expressed claims to his own fate, which did not help him to satisfy, also give rise to such a quality as envy. Unable to change the circumstances of his life, a loser man envies those who succeed.

Loser focuses on the bad. A successful person will not waste their energy on boring monologues about their own and other people's problems. Only a loser can constantly be indignant at something and "load" others. He easily finds problems and creates them himself from scratch, so that there is something to compel and complain about. Naturally, in communication he is distrustful, skeptical, but at the same time possesses an ambition that helps him, on occasion, to develop a discussion in the style of “all the goats”.

Loser doesn't like to spend money. This applies to both money and emotional and energy costs. He is stingy in everything. And, naturally, he loves freebies more than anything else. Successful people (with the help of the right women) manage to overcome their redneck habits and emotional deficiencies. But stinginess is a disease that cannot be cured. She goes hand in hand with inferiority: if this tandem has developed, there is nothing for a woman to do there.

Loser does not value time, neither his own nor someone else's. He does not even understand what time is spent with benefit, and why they need to cherish, and not "kill". That is why he can hang around without leaving forums, chats and dating sites (the efficiency of such a pastime, as a rule, is zero). That is why he prefers sitting in front of a TV monitor or computer with a bottle to any kind of leisure. That is why it is problematic to build business relations with him ... After all, he can take not only time, but also the energy of other people.

A distinctive feature of a loser is his unwillingness to commit acts that characterize an independent adult personality. It is not for nothing that American women make a categorical verdict: if a person after 25 continues to live with his parents, he is a loser. And this has its own sermyaga. With a close acquaintance with a person, one has only to ask himself the question of what he did in order to live a full-fledged independent life, how the answer begins to emerge, whether he has prospects and whether he is worthy of them.

Another distinguishing feature is the lack of desire to progress. As a rule, everything that a loser does, he does it forcibly. He lives where he happens and with whom he happens, works in an unloved job, communicates not with those with whom he would like, but with those who agree to communicate with him, etc. At the same time, any attempt to start the flywheel of his mental work is wasted: with the same success, one can expect personal changes from a guinea pig. But he himself does not agree with this statement (see the paragraph on self-justification).

The most important value for a loser is his personal comfort zone. If a successful, thinking and creative person needs personal space for recovery and creation, then the loser only wants to be left alone and allowed to dull unhindered, experience his petty joys and cherish pipe dreams. He may even have some hobbies, but their result has no artistic value and practical use. After all, he was not used to making serious demands on himself.

And finally. Americans have a saying: "use it or lose it", which can be translated as: "use it or lose it." A loser is a person who not only cannot, but stubbornly refuses to use all the chances that are offered to him, because fate offers each of us something. One of those chances is love. The tragedy is that a loser will definitely lose this chance. I hope that you never want to be convinced of this on your own experience.

Valentina Movillo

The natural desire of every woman is to have a husband who will always be a support, a reliable guarantor of a stable future for the family. However, it does not always work out the way you want. And some of us are faced with the understanding that their husband is a failure. What are the reasons for this and what can a wife do in such a situation?

Why is my husband a failure?

First, it should be noted that the very concept of "loser" is very subjective. One wife may consider her husband a loser, who is unable to achieve the desired heights because of his laziness and ability to get into various unpleasant situations. In another couple, the spouse is considered a failure if he failed to achieve career heights, although he showed great promise in his youth.

In the modern world, a man's financial solvency is becoming the main criterion for his luck. And this is not surprising. Material wealth indicates the ability to overcome life difficulties, the desire to improve living conditions. A man who is childish, passive, avoids making decisions on important issues can hardly provide a reliable rear for the family.

Why does a husband become a failure? Psychologists note that, as a rule, such a man is an introvert. He is usually non-contentious, with a gentle character, rather closed. The main sign of a loser is passivity, and in everything: in career, personal relationships, everyday problems. Huge self-doubt translates into a fear of mistakes, constant doubts.

What if your husband is a loser? First you need to understand the reasons for this phenomenon and then choose the tactics of behavior.

Born to be a failure

Some men are born losers. They have neither pride, nor any abilities, nor desires, nor vitality. It is interesting that all these qualities are clearly visible even in adolescence. But some women are sure that by getting married, they will be able to make a man out of such a man. Others choose the loser as their husband out of a feeling of pity. Both those and others expect that with age a man will become more active, he will have a desire to achieve wealth and well-being. However, as a rule, neither the birth of a child, nor material problems can inspire such a person to labor exploits.

What can be done? It is absolutely wrong to believe that a natural failure can be changed. A woman living in such a marriage can expect only two possible scenarios: either to put up with poverty, or to constantly kick her husband, however, without much success. Naturally, the best thing would be to part. In addition, if there are children in the marriage, such a father will not be a good example for them to follow.

Temporary loser

None of us are immune to bad times in our lives. A man may not fit into the new realities of the world around him, lose his job. And it happens that it is difficult for a person to master new technologies. In this case, he needs time to adapt to the emerging conditions of life or work.

What can be done? It's okay if you work for a while and your husband takes over the household. Let the spouse learn the basics of cooking, vacuum in the apartment, take the children to workouts or other activities. Plus, homework is so monotonous and boring so quickly that anyone will want to get rid of it as soon as possible. Isn't it an incentive to find a new job?

Increasing needs

Another fairly common reason that we consider our husband to be a failure is the ever-increasing needs of life. You see that your acquaintances' standard of living is growing rapidly. And you have a desire to achieve the same. Then there is dissatisfaction with the earnings of her husband, who until recently seemed quite acceptable. You set your acquaintances as an example for your husband, constantly reproach him that he is not able to earn money for a new car or modern renovation of the apartment. Often in such a situation, the spouse begins to think that you only need money from him. As a result - subconscious or conscious inhibition of career advancement.

What can be done? First of all, you need to get rid of the feeling of envy. You should remind yourself that, despite the purchase of, for example, a new car, friends have enough of their own problems. If you really want to push your husband to develop a career, it is better to try to interest him. For example, you might dream together about the opportunity to spend a vacation in an exotic country and think about how much you need to save each month for that. Having calculated the required amount, the spouse can himself come to the conclusion that more earnings are needed.

If a woman is not ready to put up with her loser husband, but also does not intend to be separated from him, every effort should be made to change the situation for the better. In addition to the above recommendations, we suggest using the advice of psychologists that will help eliminate this problem:

• Don't lower men's self-esteem. You should not constantly blame your spouse for failures, tell how clumsy and lazy he is. Better cultivate self-esteem in him, for example, entrust things in which he can show his best side, and praise them for doing them;
• Let your husband solve his problems on his own. There is no need to run to the rescue of your spouse when necessary. The male destiny is to act and be responsible for one's actions;
• Don't sacrifice everything to keep the relationship alive. Remember that you are a weak woman in need of care. Remind yourself of this often, especially when you feel like doing something instead of your spouse;
• Realize as a person. Develop your career, look for new ideas, expand your life horizons. Quite often, the husband begins to reach for such a wife, after all, male pride is a great engine for the development of personality.

A loser husband is not a sentence for a woman. You should try to change the situation, help your spouse get out of the vicious circle of failures. But if all your efforts are unsuccessful, consider whether you need this man.

Why a man is a loser and how to live with a loser husband: advice from a psychologist

1. How to recognize a loser?
2. Originally from childhood
3. In the same team with a loser
4. Rules of conduct

How do you recognize a loser?

No matter what they undertake, nothing comes of it. They can look for work for months, go through dozens of interviews - and get rejected everywhere. At the same time, other men manage to move up the career ladder, go to the sea and buy a car. Are they just lucky, or is the root of the problem deeper than it seems?

To understand why a man is a failure, a superficial analysis and frank conversation with him is not enough. He himself may not know the true reason for his endless bad luck. Or he knows - but carefully hides: it's easier for him to live this way.

Psychologists distinguish several types of losers.

"Victim". Such men tend to immerse themselves in their problems, "cherish" them - and not solve them in any way. Gradually, they get used to their state, programming themselves to be negative. “Victims” look for dirty tricks in everything, reject any opportunities, and sincerely feel sorry for themselves.
"Hedgehog in the Fog". Today is good - tomorrow is how it will turn out. This is how losers argue, who do not see their goals, do not make plans for the future. Trying to impose motivation on them or to gently push them towards it is pointless.
"Dreamer". A beautiful house, a nice car, a successful career - all this is more than a dreamer. True, only in global plans. Such a man sincerely believes that all the benefits will someday be - however, there is no time to achieve goals, and the opportunities, as it turns out, are limited.
"The hoarder". His collection contains all the advanced techniques. The hoarder does not recognize traditional ways of achieving goals, he constantly finds "magic" seminars, attends them, spending a lot of money on it. Bottom line: time is running out, methods do not work. And nothing has changed…

Originally from childhood?

Losers are not born, but there are effective "programs" that trigger the mechanism of bad luck.

First story. Nina always dreamed of a son, and when her boy was born, she felt like the happiest woman in the world. From the first day of the child's life, Nina decided: he will grow up to be the smartest and strongest. As soon as the baby learned to walk, endless study circles began: swimming, wrestling, English ... By the age of 5, the boy unexpectedly showed dancing abilities for everyone, but his mother categorically rejected them. Say, this is not a man's occupation! Attempts to break his son were crowned with success: the son stopped asking for dancing, but he became absolutely indifferent to other activities. He honestly attended all the circles, constantly being under the gun of the word "must". Result: instead of a strong, self-confident man, an absolute loser grew up, in no way adapted to life.

The second story. Anton is the only son of Natalia and Vitaly. From childhood, he grew up in an absolutely democratic family, where freedom of action was encouraged. Everything was allowed for the boy - this is how the parents wanted to bring up a harmonious personality. What went wrong and at what point - it became clear after many years. However, in early childhood, Anton quickly realized that he was the center of the Universe. Freedom manifested itself not in initiative, but in laziness, which overwhelmingly possessed the male teenage boy.

Psychology indicates many reasons for the emergence of a failure in a man. Sometimes it takes many months to find them, and without the participation of a competent specialist, they rarely lead to the desired result.

In a team with a loser

What is it like to live under the same roof with a person who is failing? Can a bad whiner become a successful man and how long will it take? To begin with, a woman must firmly decide whether she wants to maintain a relationship with a loser. If the desire not to break the bonds is driven solely by pity, and the man himself denies all attempts to help him, the end is unlikely to justify the means. It’s not worth it just because there are no other men on the horizon.

It is quite another matter when a woman loves her husband and sees prospects in him. Of course, you won't be able to radically change everything overnight. There are many known cases when, next to one woman, a man was a hopeless loser, on the other, he made a dizzying career in a short time.

Behavior rules

A loser is a subtle nature that does not tolerate pressure or, conversely, excessive softness. It takes patience and wisdom to help a man get out of the pool of bad luck. You should not fully rely on your own strengths: they are effective only when they are directed in the right direction at the right angle.

Dealing with losers has its own subtleties. Here are some rules to help a man get through his bad luck streak faster.

1. Do not remind at every opportunity about the "status" of the satellite. Most men perceive such reproaches as an admission of their inadequacy, which hurts painfully through pride.
2. Support - but don't overdo it. Remind you of successful times, hint that black bars happen to everyone. Don't be sorry!
3. Actively trying to pursue a husband's career is a poor help. The satellite must analyze the situation itself and come to the necessary conclusions.
4. Pay more attention to your man. Don't let him get hung up on his problems. Positive thinking works wonders!