The wife came home after a long business trip. The husband, leaving for work in the morning, told her…. Why doesn't the wife want to go to work after the maternity leave? When my wife gets off work

Until recently, the position was popular among men that a wife should stay at home, do housework and raise children. This is how men who have achieved a position in society and who have built a career argue. They have a stable income that allows them to support a large family. This model still exists, but more and more women housewives are eager to go to work. However, the opposite problem also occurs when the wife does not want to work. The husbands of such women want them to start working. The problem is multifaceted, requiring an integrated approach.

Women are not always eager to go to work.

Family hierarchy problems

The problem that the woman is not currently working may be that earlier her husband wanted her to stay at home. This position can be explained by the following reasons:

• the established family hierarchy, in which a man is the head of the family, who provides means for food, and a woman is an assistant, who must brilliantly perform her household duties; if the hierarchy breaks down when the wife starts making a career, then family values ​​may collapse;
• a husband who is not too confident in himself tries to assert himself due to the fact that his wife will stay at home, and he will work in a low-paid position;
• Another category of men who want to see their spouse at home, but who are engaged in useful activities, are businessmen, politicians, public figures who, according to their status, are supposed to have an unemployed wife.

Many men view their wife as a potential housewife.

Reasons for reluctance

If the wife does not want to work, then there are certain reasons for this, which the husband must find in order to avoid serious conflicts up to divorce. Common reasons include:

• the model of the parental family, in which it was believed that the man fully provides for the family, the wife does not work, but is engaged in household chores and is subordinate to the spouse;
• she doesn't want to do anything, because she's used to getting everything ready, she's just lazy; such a model may come from the family of parents due to being spoiled in childhood;
• there is no education, and a woman does not seek to get a profession in order to get a job;
• there is no physical ability, for medical reasons, some women cannot perform even the simplest work;
• a woman is entirely concerned with her family and believes that professional activity will take her time and energy, and her relatives will be deprived; this is an argument often made by mothers with many children.

Solution

There are two sides to the problem if the wife is not working. This state of affairs has its advantages that a man trying to get his wife to go to work should see. And having realized them, come to terms with the situation, this will bring him peace and restore peace in the family. Nothing will have to be done to change the situation.

The unequivocal advantages of a non-working wife include:

• the spouse receives good food and is never hungry;
• the husband is not engaged in household chores, the wife is completely in charge of life, turning to him only in serious cases;
• a woman takes full care of children, brings them up;
• a man manages to rest better, which increases labor productivity;
• if the spouse can transfer budget management to the second half, then he will be exempted from financial issues;
• a man has more free time, which he can usefully spend.

If a man is still convinced that both spouses should work in their family, then certain measures should be taken. The best way is to challenge the wife to a frank conversation and let her express what she thinks about her employment.

A unemployed wife provides her husband with nutritious food

The arguments that a husband can give in favor of his wife's employment include the following:

• increasing the material well-being of the family, this is especially important for those families whose incomes are low;
• while the wife is at home, her whole life passes by her, working, she will be aware of all events;
• a woman will be able to constantly improve her intellectual level, the spouses will have something to talk about;
• a woman will have external and internal self-confidence, she will acquire a certain status;
• she will have financial independence.

If all these arguments do not work, and the wife is still at home, then you can get advice on how to behave in this situation from a psychologist.

It is good if the spouses visit a specialist together, in the course of a general conversation, previously hidden circumstances may appear. After visiting a psychologist, a couple can come to a decision whether to work for their wife or not. But they must remember that the family is more important than any job.

- I will take care of you!

- You really try. There is not much of me in this world!

Two cute pussu lived with a grandmother. We ate sushi, drank smoothies. Jesus Christ.

- Is there a simpler choice of phones?

- Here, this device has an intuitive interface.

- Any fool can figure it out.

- Rebbe, I'm going to Odessa. They say that the girls there dress completely differently from ours in Berdichev. Tell me, rabbi, can I look at a girl if she is wearing a mini-skirt or a blouse with a neckline?

- And if she sunbathes on the beach in a bikini?

- And if topless?

- Rebbe, are there such things that a Jew cannot look at?

- Which for example?

- For example, electric welding.

“I’m thinking, what would I take with me to the sea so that I would go to the beach and everyone around would be stunned? - Skis!

A man comes to the law office "Rabinovich-Brecher-Weinstein-Lidman-Katz and Ivanov" and asks that Ivanov handle his cases.

- But why not one of the other partners of the firm? - asks his secretary.

- You know, the man says, - I somehow more trust the business acumen of a person who managed to get into such a tight company.

- I shouldn't go?

- “No, don't go” or “No, go”?

Do you know when it's time to ask if he loves you or not? At night. Here he is sleeping, but you cannot sleep, but he is sleeping, and you are tormented by the melancholy of the universe and your legs are freezing. That means everything. The moment has come. Wake up and ask. And God forbid him to choose the wrong intonation ...

- Will you marry me?

- Of course expensive! I've been waiting for this for so long!

- Then tomorrow at 8.00. Special dress at Mikhalych's storehouse.

Why didn't anyone tell me that conciliatory sex should be with the guy with whom you had a falling out?

The wife came home after a long business trip. The husband, leaving for work in the morning, told her:

- Don't turn on my computer. What you see there may not please you.

The husband came home in the evening, the wife is angry.

- What's happened?

- Well, I turned on your computer. I climbed all day, I thought there was porn or correspondence with my mistress. And there is nothing!

- And you didn't like it?

- But I warned ...

- Hi, you can talk.

- Hey. Yes, from 3 years old ...

A son, 8 years old, in the village of his grandmother is attentively watching how a cow is given water to drink. Then he says condemningly: "So this is how milk is diluted with water!"

Dear Men!
I am the mother of a 3 year old son. Despite all the metamorphoses of my body after pregnancy, I weigh 50 kg and look 23 years old (actually 30).
After the decree, I went to work + caring for the house + pick up the child from the kindergarten (my husband works geographically further), we have the same salary. While I took the child from the kindergarten, drove into the grocery store, returned home and quickly cook dinner, so that I could walk with the child on the street (and then buy and put him to bed), the husband comes to sit at the computer and says “what are you from You want me, I'm tired. "
So, tell me dear ones, why do I need a husband, if I can handle everything myself? It turns out he just sits on my neck with an additional weight?
Men, is this what you want your wife to be responsible for? So why do you need a wife then? Live with your mothers, they will feed, and clothe, and strip, and give money to your beloved son!
A wife is a partner, she is a support and assistant, she is support, she is like your personal safe, with her you can share any difficulties, problems, happiness, changes in life, BUT! Of course, there is a BUT in order to maintain this balance, it is necessary that both partners equally invest in the relationship! Of course, my husband brings home money, a breadwinner, so forgive me, I also bring, not only + house + child + food, but also to calculate the budget so that there is enough for a komunan, for a kindergarten, for travel, for clothes, etc.
Do you want your wife to work? Okay, no question, but now sit down and think over the menu for a week / two and a shopping list YOURSELF (do not forget about household chemicals, hygiene products, torn socks for which you scared your wife), in parallel, dear men, you forgot that there is not a single clean shirt or pants, so put the wash on, just not on Sunday at 12 at night, but on Friday after work!
And this is only a small fraction of what women take responsibility for. Are you ready to share this responsibility completely? Are you ready to sit down to write a menu, and then another list of products and bring them home? Oh, I forgot to cook dinner after that! Well, it's so little things, you can handle it in an hour))))) Oh, how cheerful you are, but where is the enthusiasm? Even with a child, go for a walk, what a nafig computer, not everything is done yet!
And so from day to day. A week - you still hold on, two - still hold on, but not so tightly, a month - your nerves begin to fail, and then a breakdown, stress, depression, constant dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction, lack of strength and time. You are not so quick to figure out what you need to do, the cooking increases by 5 minutes a day, and then day X has come. You are standing in the kitchen, on a pile of dishes, on an uncut salad, and you think I want to go to a desert island.
What is your opinion, gentlemen?

And today we have a rare letter. And not because it is from a man)

"Hello Kate!
I didn’t quite understand from your blog whether men often write to you - maybe it’s not a format, scandal and anguish is not enough, but still decided to ask your opinion - you are very cleverly laying out family "problems" on the shelves.

In our family, judging by the situations discussed in your blog, everything is just perfect - both are in their 30s, two children, an apartment, cars, a country house (St. on the other hand, there is not even a hint, we live in perfect harmony)
But, of course, there are also quirks - maybe your readers will find them like a storm in a glass, but we need to come up with some problems)

In short, I make good money, not brilliantly, but I have more than enough to live on, so a joint decision was made with my wife that after she went on maternity leave with her first child (6 years ago), she may no longer go to work.
Moreover, she did not particularly like the work (deputy director for labor, secretary in fact), and although she earned good money, we did not particularly feel the absence of her salary.

And if the wife was not happy with the first child - how cool, you don't have to get up at 7 in the morning for work (she is an owl), there are no reports, deadlines, intrigues in the team, how good it is to stay at home and take care of the child, especially since she really likes it ...

But with the second, she gave a cry. those. I understand everything, I read fashionable books on psychology, and my father told me that you must come home from work - you take all the children from your wife, give money and let go for shopping, I try to do this as much as possible - but my wife started talking about not Is it time for her to go to work (second child - six months).

Moreover, she does not see any specific work for herself, and it is clear that she just wants to escape from the apartment, she is tired of sitting.
Although before the birth of the child, she did not even stutter about work, she said that I would never go anywhere.

If earlier she was simply absorbed by the child and did not need anything for her, and I was pleased that the person was carried away, and the child developed by leaps and bounds, unlike kindergarten friends, then with the second it is clear that it became harder, although the elder helps her, in the measure of their capabilities.
In general, my parents had a similar situation - they put their soul into my older brother, as they say, and I was already brought up on a leftover principle - my strength ran out) and my parents' story (pah-pah) almost led to a divorce in the end, because they just had no opportunity to leave their mothers. But not about that, let's continue.

Actually, the question is - what to do?
An important reservation here is that we have a classic patriarchal family, i.e. until I tell my wife what to do, it is unlikely that she will do anything.
I don’t know whether it’s good or bad, but I even forced her to write her diploma at the university, i.e. she herself, most likely, would not have coped - despite the fact that the girl is very smart, but extremely unstable. those. the decision will still be mine, as well as the responsibility.

I see options:
- let it be as it is. I think it will only get worse, the wife will sew up more. we try to somehow diversify our leisure time, go to theaters, parties, bars, intimate life again (with two children and a nursing mother - ha ha), but it seems to me that this is a drop in the ocean. or maybe it’s me already too driven?
- hire a nanny / bring your grandmother. here it is difficult to understand whether a stranger will fit into the "collective", whether his wife, children will get along with her), the wife definitely does not get along with her grandmother (her mother).
- send her to work - but here, again, the chance of losing it is very great, because neither I nor she know which one she likes (there is no question of money), and at the same time the children did not suffer from the absence attention (especially the older one, who is already accustomed to the fact that his mother is always and everywhere with him)

I understand that the question is not quite according to your profile - you, as I understand it, were not burdened with family life at all, but suddenly what sensible can you advise?

P.S. More introductory notes for a more accurate diagnosis - my wife has 2 educations, the first is a theater critic, the second is a culturologist. In principle, I liked both. "

Hi.
Well, let's say you don't have a "classic patriarchal family")
Classic patriarchal is when, you know, a man pushes his fist on the table, a woman sits near her feet and does not shine, and it does not matter what she thinks about this.
And here's a diploma, you know, add it, and aren't you bored at home, darling.

Do you really know what?
It's you with the "daddy-yazhmuzhik" firmware, and she's happy to hide behind her back, while someone thinks about everything and takes responsibility for it, that's what you have.
All she needs in order for you to take on all the worries is to be a little amorphous and seem indecisive, but grateful.

In fact, you probably found each other very well.
You are ready to stand up with your chest and close your back, she happily hides behind this back.
Amen and most importantly, everyone is happy.

Well, now as I see it, since you asked me.
And do not care that I am ... like I have no experience of family life. We're not even here about family life, but about human types and their behavior.
And when we understand what a type is, we will somehow figure out what to do with him in family life.

So this is how I see it.
And I see it so that I can stroke my wife on the head with ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Listen to your wife half-heartedly, pretend that you are penetrating, and then do nothing about it.
Why half-heartedly? And so as not to rush into battle.
Because she really doesn't fucking need any job. She's so fine)

She is an amorphous girl with an open beak who happily agreed to stay at home as soon as the opportunity presented itself.
I know a bunch of women: they work - they can't stop.
"Call me back tomorrow, now I am giving birth" - this is not at all an anecdote. This is a real type.
There is also the "I can dig - I can not dig" type. These sometimes stop, but then they still find themselves adventurous jobs. Just because they have it by itself somehow, such karma)

And yours, judging by what you wrote ... well, in short, you start to think a lot, try to decide something for her, "until I tell my wife what to do, it is unlikely that she will do anything", and already so ready to tell her what to do, but ...
... that wait a little longer, as soon as she really will have to do, she will find a way to turn her head on both you and herself.
Not on purpose, no. Unconsciously even. The type is such).
Yes, yes, yes, something needs to be done, and then something completely ... oh, but what, it's time, right? nnuu ...
And if he does, then ... yes, it’s you who are responsible)

Look at this soberly.
When she comes to work - and what, she will be right there work? And what, straight for a long time?
Yes, my friend, this work of her will take out half of her brain.
And it will end with the fact that you, "yazhmuzhik", will take it from there yourself.
But not because the way of life is patriarchal, but because the girl is tired, the girl does not like it, the girl must be taken care of.
And the girl will get tired, do not hesitate. That's as soon as necessary work- and gets tired)
... and which employer needs such a miracle.

Because talking about some obscure job is one thing. And yet to take on this job to go is quite another.
And so that you do not even take a steam bath - and now "I will never go anywhere." And everything else is so, but talk.
I just played enough with the children, everything is the same, 30-plus and the status of a housewife, the entertainment is the same - theaters, parties, bars, intimacy ... well, boredom, yes, it's interesting to see, we can, where else is life. More precisely, I don't even think what to look at - just to look with one eye.
If you didn't really need it before, do you think you need it now? No, people don't change.

It is just pleasant for her to dream that she will go to work like this and start doing something there. Such an abstract work in my head, ideal, pleasant and stress-free work, even if it is not work in the sense of Work, but nothing else is invented.
But this is not about work at all.
Rather, it's about going somewhere else for a couple of hours a day, walking a dress, raising self-esteem (not a housewife, but a working woman!) And have a drink with the girls.

Do not run ahead of the locomotive - it never justifies itself.
"Moreover, she does not see any specific work for herself, and it is clear that she just wants to escape from the apartment, she is tired of sitting."- if she sees it herself, then you will think about it seriously.
In the meantime, even your head is not worth hammering in. It's just that the girl toils from boredom.

Now let's listen to the women. At the same time, they can tell you what to do with it.
Although now others will tell you that you are a man, how hard it is to sit at home with children, your wife is tired, your wife needs to be supported, helped, resolved ...
But this is all bullshit. Decisions can only be made by those who really want solutions.
And this is not your case, buddy. At least for now.
Now, if she herself says: "Okay, that's it, that's enough for sure" - and she comes up with something (or at least starts thinking about something more or less concrete, or at least asks for help with specific clear words) - then ok, you can and should help and support in any way you can.

Until then, don’t rock the boat and decide for the person who doesn’t need it.
Do not spoil my wife with raspberries, in general)

P.S.
But in reality, of course, you will not listen to me, because the basis of firmware like yours "you need to think about everything and predict everything" (as well as the option "sympathetic mommy") is a sense of guilt.
And such people simply cannot sit still and not rush to solve even those problems that are not asked to solve them, they just glimpsed them in the air.
For what? They think that they are responsible for everything, they really want to be good and, in principle, work out their existence. And that's why you have this wife, it's like a puzzle.
I bet that your older brother, in whom you "put your heart" and because of whom your parents had no problems, is not at all like that.
________

© Ekaterina Bezymyannaya