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What is love: briefly and clearly in your own words about the most important thing. Love: definition of love, scientific explanation, opinion of philosophers and quotes about love. What is love

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Love is a word that has flashed through the head of every person at least once. It is either joyful, frightening, or motivating.

The existence of love and its meaning has been debated for centuries. So what is love?

Poets and scientists tried to find an answer to this question. And we can say for sure that the answer to this question IS - love is ... in fact, it all depends on which side to approach this issue.


Different definitions of love

From the point of view of a romantic: love is perfection


What is love to you? Do you think that love is worth without disagreement? Do you think that partners should always understand each other? If you can explain love in this way, then you are a true romantic.

You may open up, but it's worth noting that love at first sight does not exist. In fact, to find love you have to work hard. According to Sally Connolly, a 30-year-old psychotherapist, insisting on the idea of ​​ideal love will only hurt the relationship.

From a scientist's point of view: the essence of love is the sense of smell



If you love to analyze, then perhaps for you love is associated with biology. There is even scientific evidence for the existence of love. Scientists from the University of Bern in Switzerland have conducted a study based on the connection between our sense of smell and attraction to another person. They found that major histocompatibility complex(MHC) in human DNA (a region of the genome that plays a large role in the immune system and the development of immunity) induces love for another person.

From a realist point of view: love is like an ocean



For the realist, love is comparable to the ocean with its constant waves, ebb and flow. This is the most correct explanation of love. It is difficult to give a precise definition of love. It takes work to love and hold love, but the rewards are healthier, more fulfilling, and lasting relationships.

What is not love

While the definition of love depends on which side you look at it, there are a few specific things that definitely shouldn't be confused with love.

Falling in love and love

Falling in love is a feeling that arises at the very beginning of a relationship. The love that prevents us from falling asleep at night, distracts us during the day and constantly invigorates us, is not really love, but falling in love, which is very easy to confuse with love. Many of us fall into this trap. Are you asking yourself "what is love?" and then you convince yourself that the feeling that you experience at the beginning of the relationship is love. If you think so, then your relationship will not last long, but true love lasts for a long time.

Passion and love


Many also confuse the two. What is the difference? If you pay more attention to your partner's appearance, if you often think about "sleeping companionship", then this is more passion than love. This is another easy trap to fall into, as we always hope for the best and convince ourselves of the existence of something that doesn't really exist.

Ignoring obvious gaps in a relationship is pretty easy, as it can be very difficult to part with someone you care about. If you confuse the concepts of passion and love, then you will be stuck in fantasies, instead of sinking to earth and finding true love.

Friendship and love


These feelings can be very similar, and it can be confusing. This is because we can fall in love with a boyfriend and girlfriend, or feel that your romantic partner is your friend. We spend a lot of time with friends, so it's hard to imagine life without them.

A similar feeling arises in relation to our soul mates and the boundaries, at times, become blurred.

If you are confused in a relationship with someone, try paying attention to the chemistry and intensity of your feelings. In general, the stronger the feelings for the other person, the more likely it is that it is love rather than friendship.

Emotional addiction and love


Sometimes it seems to us that we are in love, however, in fact, this is an emotional addiction. How to understand this? There are a few questions to ask yourself.

Are you seeking to idealize your partner? Are you very afraid of losing him or her? Is the relationship more important to you than your partner? If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you are in an emotionally dependent relationship, and this is not love. But do not reproach yourself for this. It is quite easy to become emotionally dependent, as the fear of losing a partner, as well as the desire to idealize him, are quite normal things.


These feelings can be experienced by people who are in romantic relationships, but sometimes we can go too far. Remember, you belong to yourself as much as your partner. Love allows us to be ourselves.

Hello people are humans. Finally I got to this topic. In fact, it would be much more correct to understand for yourself, and at the same time tell your readers What is love in the very first week of the blog. But then I did not do it, so today I will rehabilitate myself in front of the readers and the blog.

I prepared for today's topic very, very responsibly, because in this article a good half of my blog is revealed, which means that even in a nightmare I cannot imagine going to the issue carelessly. I am not interested in what is love for the motherland, children, parents, friends or relatives. Today I want to understand what love is between a guy and a girl, between a man and a woman. It is precisely classic heterosexual love, in the most literal sense of the word. I started with the standard action in my case, I turned to the search engines: "Ok Google, what is love?" - I began a dialogue with the means of modern communications.

For two days I surfed the Internet, outlined the most important and significant points, studied the works of psychologists, philosophers, poets and even physicians on this issue. And today, after hard work, I can confidently say that I am ready to fully and completely answer this question of interest to all of us. Immediately there will be a request to all of you: if the article turns out to be really worthwhile from your point of view, please share it with your friends on social networks, for me as an author this will be the best gratitude. There, under the article, there are special buttons for social networks, you will figure it out in general.

Love - what is it

What is love in your own words

In my mind love is those feelings that can change a person and his attitude to everything in the world, change values, change priorities, attitude towards life, towards yourself, and even more so towards the object of love. Love is a kind of need, a need for a person, for his presence in life. At times love is able to motivate a person to feats, or vice versa, equalize with shit.

In my life I have seen one most interesting case when one of my friends, because of unrequited love, in a short time turned into a complete schmuck. For several years he led the lifestyle of a houseplant, drank, dull, grew long, due to a vegetable lifestyle, always dirty hair. He was boring, boring and generally negative such an individual. But after a few years he fell in love with another girl, and the person became unrecognizable. He started amateur bodybuilding, cut his hair, freshened up, became a constantly positive dude, the life of the company. If I had not watched this story for several years, I would not have believed that there is such a wonderful reincarnation in the name of love.

It seems to me that the feeling of love has incredible power, which can be both positive and crushing. As the ancient legends say, Troy also fell because of love. But you know what is the main idea that I once assimilated with my heart: you cannot love “for something”. For some actions, you can respect, appreciate, cherish, but not love. Love is such a thing that happens contrary to all human laws, which is absolutely not friendly with either logic or common sense. The most appropriate words that can be applied to true love: “ no matter what"! Love cannot be planned, you can never fall in love because you wanted to fall in love. It is not for nothing that they say that love overtakes suddenly, and as a rule, unplanned.

But again, these are just my thoughts, which were written even before the study of the issue of love on the World Wide Web.

How to know what love is

To answer the question of what love is, first of all I looked at Wikipedia, where I found this term:

"Love is a feeling inherent in a person, a deep affection for another person or object, a feeling of deep sympathy."

In principle, a fairly good answer to the question of what love is, is short and clear. But is it really so simple to answer this question? It seems brief, it seems laconic, but still something is not right. After all, if you look at it, the answer to the question of what love is for a person has been sought from the very beginning of the existence of mankind. And Wikipedia once, and answered. I do not believe.

In general, it is interesting, if you ask the question what love is to ten different people, at least one of them will answer the same way? Unlikely. And although there are a bunch of theories and terms of love in literature, psychology, chemistry, culture and other layers of science and art, it has not yet been possible to find a specific answer that will fit in one paragraph. After all, love for each of us is different things. For some, this is just suffering and sacrifice, for others, interesting adventures and never before seen madness, for still others it is a quiet family haven, and still others have never thought about the question of what is their love at all.

How many people, so many stories, experiences and emotions. So forgive me for such a long article, but in order to answer the question of what kind of beast is called love as much as possible, I will have to give different points of view from different sources.

What is love at first sight

There is a lot of controversy about the very existence of the term "love at first sight". Many skeptics are in a hurry to argue that there can be no such definition, that this is nothing more than a surge of hormones in the cerebral cortex. However, as an author, I am ready to argue with any such skeptic, because on myself I was able to feel all the power and cruelty of love at first sight. Sorry, I won't tell the story now, firstly, it is long, and secondly, censorship will not pass. 😳

In life, it happens like this: once you see a person, you fall in love with him to the ends of your consciousness, and already no one and nothing can erase the imprint of this look from your life. asserts that the fatal glance at the moment when this very "love at first sight" occurs always lingers on the object for a little longer than our gaze lingers on a casual passer-by, or even on a very nice-looking person. Why people fall in love at first sight, science has not yet answered, but it can be proven!

What is love at first sight? On this topic, I really liked the works of the famous Italian psychologist Francesco Alberoni, who claims that we are ready to fall in love at first sight when our unconscious seeks to change our world. Love at first sight according to Francesco, comes into our lives at that moment, When we completely dissatisfied with what is happening in her... Moreover, they are not satisfied at the mental level, but at the psychological level. When our life energy goes off scale, we are ready to disown what happened to us before, and at the same time we have enough strength to change our way of life and make new experiences.

Love at first sight occurs when deep in our souls we would like to receive new opportunities, activate previously unused resources, explore unexplored worlds, and realize unrealized dreams and desires.

As a striking example of this moment, Francesco Alberoni cites the experience of graduation at school. When the old life is over, when there is a lot of strength in the body and soul for experiencing something new, exploring something unknown. To create and build a new life. When we are ready to free ourselves from old shackles, habits and all past lives.

And it is at this moment, at the sight of a pretty individual of the opposite sex, a toggle switch in the head can work, in mythology this tumbler was called cupids, who pierce the hearts of previously free people with their arrows, driving their minds crazy with love. The main task of the cupids was to get into the heart precisely at the moment of looking eye to eye. Again, the most interesting moment, according to Mr. Alberoni, just one glance is not enough. For the effect to take hold, our brain would be great to hear at this moment the voice of a person with whom we are about to fall in love. The voice becomes a control shot, powerful chemical reactions take place in the cerebral cortex and that's it, we are already ready to throw off the old shackles and start a new life.

But alas, love at first sight is realized in a very small percentage of cases... In most cases, it becomes a heavy torment, because in order to start a new life and say goodbye to the old one, only inner desire is not enough, you also need the courage to give up everything that was your life before.

The most successful version of love at first sight is when two people of the opposite sex are in approximately the same psychological state of dissatisfaction, and Cupids enter their hearts at the same time. It will hardly be possible to stop such "doves". But this happens extremely rarely, the variant of chance is too incredible.

In most cases of cupid hits, the fear of changing something prevails, and only a feeling of emptiness and sorrow for unsatisfied love remains in the soul.

It is impossible to explain what love is ...

But what wonderful poems by Ani De-Arselyan about love I found on the proza.ru project:

“It is impossible to explain what love is.
What is love? it is simple and difficult
This is bitterness and tears, dreams and partings,
These are tender encounters and sweet torments.
What is love? cannot be explained.
To understand this, you just have to LOVE! "

As for me, these lines contain the deepest understanding of love. After all, love is far from always pure and brings joy to people. I think that the feeling of love brought torment to humanity much more than pleasant and joyful minutes. Indeed, it often happens that in order to understand what we really loved, we need to lose forever the person to whom our love was directed. It's absurd, stupid, but this is the whole nature of human love.

An excerpt from the bible about love

The Bible in Corinthians 13: 4-8 explains the word "love"

“Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, not boastful, it does not boast, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own, does not get irritated, does not keep track of offenses, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth, endures everything, believes everything, hopes for everything, endures everything steadfastly. Love never fails. "

What is love, the meaning of the word love

According to the large Russian dictionary of explanatory language:

“Love is a Feeling of attachment based on sex drive; the relationship of two persons mutually connected by this feeling. "

What is love - scientific explanation

I wonder how scientists in different fields explain what is called love. What is love scientifically:

What is love in medicine

On the Internet, you can find many sources that claim that the World Health Organization (WHO) has included love in the list of diseases, and even assigned it the international font F63.9. These sources claim that love has entered the category of disease "Disorder of habits and desires, unspecified," and even a whole list of symptoms of this disease has been published:

  • obsessive thoughts about another person;
  • sudden mood swings;
  • self-pity;
  • overestimated self-esteem;
  • intermittent sleep and insomnia;
  • rash and impulsive actions;
  • headache;
  • pressure drops and obsessions.

But after these publications, Ria Novosti published a refutation, with comments from specialists - researchers who all as one claim that this is nothing more than a duck that has successfully spread across the network. So take it personally, let's go further down the list.

What is love - chemical definition

From the point of view of chemistry, love is a physiological rather than a spiritual process. Those sensations "in the soul" that we experience during "bouts of love", as studies of the brain show, are displayed in our brain.

Turns out, when we are in love, there is a real hormonal explosion in some parts of our brain... In certain parts of the brain, the substances 2-phenylethylamine are synthesized (by the way, it belongs to the group of amphetamines) and dopamine. It is during the production of these substances that we feel the "symptoms of love": the heartbeat quickens, the blood rushes to the face, we are overwhelmed with a feeling of euphoria and other acute feelings.

But these are not all the chemical reactions of the manifestation of love. In the female brain during the "outburst of love" a substance is produced oxytocin, which is most directly related to female orgasms, and in the man's head, love produces nitric oxide, which oh, how great it affects the male erection.

What is love in psychology

In the psychological dictionary, love is denoted by the following term:

“Love is an intense, tense and relatively stable feeling of the subject, physiologically conditioned by sexual needs and expressed in a socially formed desire to be his personally significant traits with maximum completeness presented in the life of another in such a way as to awaken in him the need for a reciprocal feeling of the same intensity , tension and stability ".

In another source, love is denoted by the following term:

"LOVE is a moral and aesthetic feeling, which is expressed in a selfless and unselfish striving for a certain personality with its individual uniqueness."

To be honest, even to me, a person who at one time received a degree in psychology, the above texts are problematic to read. What conclusions can we draw from them?

In psychology, love is seen as the desire to be with another person, to be disinterested, and at the same time to evoke reciprocal feelings in this person with its presence. Moreover, it is very desirable that the reciprocal feelings were of the same strength. And of course, all this parsley is backed up by our sexual needs for this person.

What can you add here? Dry, laconic, but at the same time correct.

What is love according to Freud

You can't talk about the psychology of love without mentioning Sigmund Freud. Freud was an interesting person, on the one hand, he was well versed in human psychology and managed to leave a memory of himself in the history of psychology as the greatest psychologist and psychotherapist of all times and peoples (although modern psychology has already managed to refute many of his theories). But on the other hand, they say that Freud was a latent homosexual who liked men, but because of the mores of that time, he was forced to suppress his desires in himself, forcing them into the sphere of the unconscious. Can such a person adequately explain to you and me what love is? Let everyone decide for themselves, but personally I consider it my duty to add his ideas to the text of today's article.

According to Freud, love excludes any spiritual principle in itself... Male love for a woman in his theories is analogous to childhood love for a mother. That is, love is nothing more than true gratitude, which manifests itself in devotion and loyalty to a woman for feeding him. Thank you for your concern. According to Freud, love is generally inaccessible to women, since these are "narcissistic" beings who find only love for themselves in a man.

What is love from the point of view of philosophy

Of course, philosophers throughout history have also tried to understand what love is. Socrates, Plato, Augustine, Aristotle, Pascal, and many others also touched love in their philosophical works. Excuse me kindly, but I am not going to present their works here. Firstly, an already long article will become extremely long, and secondly, it is boring and uninteresting. The only thing I will allow myself is to briefly describe the conclusions reached by the outstanding minds of history.

Have Socrates love was seen as a kind of special state of the soul of a person and his relationship.

Plato considered love as a relationship of two unequal: one loves, and the other beloved. In the teachings of Plato, there is one very interesting thought: in his opinion, love in the human body has two principles that live in a person at the same time, constantly stirring up internal conflicts. The first is the drive for pleasure - an absolutely immoral beginning, incapable of high experiences. The second is sublime love, which Plato admired without hiding it. According to Plato, love is something ideal that makes a loving person much more genius than one who has not known love.

Aristotle in his works he assures that a person's confidence is manifested in love, unheard of before.

Epicurus considers love exclusively in terms of amorous pleasures.

Augustine in love, he considered a certain mystical ability to cognize the world. He argued that we can know the world to the extent that we love.

Pascal continued the thought of Augustine, considering love as a driving force to the knowledge of God. Moreover, according to his teachings, to love God certainly means to hate yourself.

Decar and Spinoza viewed love solely as a physical passion.

Feuerbach teaches that love is such a sensual and passionate relationship between a man and a woman, in which the beloved constantly complement each other.

Soloviev considered love to be a constant exchange between loved ones who asserted themselves in another. According to his teachings, the main goal of love is to overcome selfishness.

How love is different from falling in love

Great question! Very often, falling in love is confused with love, and vice versa. In general, these two feelings are very similar to each other, with one major difference - falling in love is a quickly passing, fleeting feeling that comes quickly, but also quickly goes away. Falling in love is associated with infantilism, with the desire to do stupid things, with sensuality, passion and intolerance.

Love is a peaceful, calm feeling.... This is giving, giving yourself to a person without demanding something in return. This is trust, this is the desire to help a loved one, this is the desire for goodness and happiness. Love is associated with efforts on oneself, with self-discipline, with the ability to endure.

What is love video

Summing up: is there love

Well, we sort of got to the conclusions. Considered love from almost all possible angles, it's time to put a thick point under the exclamation point. So, I think I'm ready to answer the question: what is love and is it.

What is love, the answer to the question

Love is the desire of a person to be close to another person.... It exists, and there is no need to doubt it. But at the same time love is something that cannot be understood and touched. You cannot measure it with some kind of scale, you cannot deduce it in magnitude or determine the degree. Love is the highest gift of humanity, at the same time as the most terrible curse... The power of love is phenomenal. It can carry both a creating effect and a destructive one. All ages and all peoples are submissive to love, but not every person succeeds in knowing the true, highest feelings of love in his life. You cannot plan love, you cannot predict it. Love is directly related to the physiological processes of our body, causing chemical reactions in the cerebral cortex. Love at first sight usually “shoots” at people dissatisfied with the course of life who are full of vitality and in the depths of their souls dream of changing something. Love can be both extraordinarily beautiful and ruthlessly cruel.

Epilogue

Perhaps you can't say better about love:

Love each other, experience this higher feeling and do not let your heart forget what love is.

With love, Vitaly Okhrimenko !

sources:

99 comments on ““ What is love for the opposite sex? Arguments of Science and Life ""

    Vitaly, well, you've done a great job on the article!
    No matter how many people are looking for an answer to this question, it is difficult to find. More precisely, everyone has their own answer. This is the kind of love she is.

    Yes, oh, this love. Indeed, a question that humanity has not yet figured out, and all the arguments are more likely guesses and assumptions.

    The article just blows away, to be honest, I have not seen an article on this topic better. Everything to the point and to the point, my wife and I were interested in reading. Thanks!

    Indeed, Vitaly, we have seriously worked on the article, tried to consider all sides.
    As for your story about a friend. If a person ceases to take care of himself, becomes a "chm", then this does not mean that he loves - most likely, he is addicted. Not love, but addiction. Such feelings may well be attributed to illness. But most likely, a person just in life feels like a Victim (as a psychologist, I think, you know what I mean). And he needs to work on himself and work. Because otherwise, even a new love will not save: very soon, when the euphoria passes, it can develop into a new addiction.

    Many thanks to Roman for such a flattering review. I really hope that Yandex and Google will also appreciate my work and will throw the article into the top

    Hello Svetlana!
    No, you are wrong. Many years have passed since the moment of his "rebirth". Since then, a lot of water has flowed under the bridge, he is married to another girl (there was no mention of her in the described story), he moved to live in Moscow, he is quite an adequate and successful guy. So please forgive me generously, your theory turned out to be wrong.

    Here is this article, here is this! Well done Vitaly, he did his best!

    I really liked it, although the topic is very complex, but the author managed to reveal it from different sides, I think everyone who reads in the article has found himself.

    I don't care, I don't recognize love! For me, she is just feelings that flare up between people by accident and eventually subside and develop into a simple attachment!

    I completely agree that these are only guesses and assumptions. For me, love, for example, is something intimate that must be protected and protected.

    I also read the article aloud to my husband (my throat was already dry). We agree with many points described in the article. There was something to discuss.

    Well, maybe he did a tremendous job on himself and his new love helped him in this.

    I agree that over time, love grows into a habit. Common responsibilities appear, children, maybe business and people already live together by inertia. But love nonetheless exists.

    I think this happens in 93% of cases out of 100. But still, I believe that there is a place in life and 7% of love to the grave. At least I have seen two such examples in my life. Who knows, maybe if you dig deeper, then everything is not so smooth there, but I want to believe that everything is really smooth after all!

    And for the sake of what you need to constantly work on yourself!

    I am very glad that I helped your family to while away half an hour of their life.

    Whatever it was, she changed him for the better, and this is good!

    Hi Ksyusha! Thank you for your feedback, really worked "for quality", sorry Yandex and Google have not yet appreciated my work.

    My husband and I often discuss your articles. Somewhere our views coincide, but it happens that opinions are absolutely polarized. But if the articles are discussed, then this is a big plus for the blog.

    Why not rated? Is your attendance growing very well or am I wrong?

    I agree with Sergei that no matter how much they write about love, don't sing songs about it, don't try to open its laws - no one will succeed.
    But Love is so good because it will always remain a secret of human relations.

    Yes, it is immediately clear that Vitaly did a very great job by writing an article about Love. I read with pleasure, remembered something, experienced it again.
    Thank you for the article touching subtle emotional feelings.

    Attendance is growing (pah-pah). But as for what love is, I am very far from human attention in the search results.

    Why not! Love cannot be seen or felt, it can only be felt, and when you feel it, you will never forget this feeling.

    Just blogging about love wagon and little cart. But there is an incentive to strive forward and overtake all the blogs that sit in the TOP.

    I have never met such a complete study of love. There are many interesting things.

    Thanks for the flattering review. Thanks to such comments, I want to work!

    I tried to reveal the theme of love in its fullest form!

    I also believe in love to the grave. And even a person can be at a distance. And you just cherish this feeling deep in your heart.

    And I really liked how you wrote about love at first sight. It seems to me that your explanation of why it comes to the very point. I, too, have been thinking for a long time about the question of when and why love comes to a person, and I had similar thoughts. Love, it seems to me, arises when a person needs it emotionally, when he is ready for it, and then it is not even necessary to meet a suitable person. It's just that someone touches you with something, and away we go ...

    I agree that the article is written in an accessible and understandable way for a wide range of readers.

    It is rightly said that love comes unexpectedly. This is dangerous for casual relationships, do not think, but fall in love with another person.

    Many people feel love, and what love is they cannot express, and if they do, they will not express it fully.

    The article provides a large retrospective of views from ancient times. The author is more inclined to the point of view of Aristotle that love is capable of pushing a person to exploits.

    A stranger did work on himself on his own, but love made him spend it.

    There is an incentive to write a second article about love, and then a third. You will get a cycle of articles about love and you can go to the top.

    Love exists to the grave, I myself have seen such couples. But love to the grave does not visit all people.

    Love exists, but does not live long. What determines the lifespan of love, I do not know.

    Love lives inside a person and it is impossible to describe it in any words. They have not yet invented such expressions with which it would be possible to express real feelings.

    Rather, love visits a few couples from all over the world. And I want to be equal to such couples.

    For me, casual connections have enough dangers and others, love is the least evil, if at all evil.

    It seems to me that it depends on how much they try to keep it.

    Yes, Yaroslav, I believe and know that love is able to motivate for deeds. But along with this I believe and know that she is capable of bringing a lot of grief into life, destroying life, destroying a personality. But it's still better to live with love than without it!

    What for? I think that the article is over, and I see no point in sucking the second or third part out of my finger.

    This is true, this is not forgotten. And here is another pun of life: if sincere love remained unfulfilled, then you will remember it until your last days, and if you realize it, then your loved one will eventually become familiar, sometimes boring, sometimes meticulous. Over the years, the number of mutual claims increases, and those feelings that were once are already being transformed into something else ... different

    Who knows how to know. Not only is love itself evil, but in this world you can also remember a lot of stories when something collapsed because of love, someone was killed, even entire civilizations were erased from the face of the Earth (we remember about Troy). So evil in the name of love takes place in our lives. ALAS.

    Irina, whether love is evil or not, everyone decides for himself and gives his own assessment of love.

    Vitali, Othello loved Desdemona very much and what he did in the name of love. He killed his beloved. Evil in the name of love.

    If love is unrequited, then it brings destruction. Someone commits suicide from unrequited love.

    I think the claims arise from the initial ignorance of the partner's habits; over time, the claims will decrease.

What is love? Each of us asked this question more than once - and each time he could not express it in words. Why does this feeling visit a person, what is the secret of his power over us, how to determine that what we feel for another person is that very love?

What does love mean?

This is perhaps the most intimate feeling that a person can experience in relation to another person. Love is an irresistible attraction to another person, the desire to be with him, to take care and protect, to sacrifice oneself for the sake of a loved one - and at the same time not to feel dependent, to be internally free, to remain oneself. Love is impossible without mutual respect, care, loyalty, responsibility.

True love is not given to every one of us to know - after all, only a few are ready for a deep knowledge of love and constant work to preserve its strength for many years. As a rule, a person treats love to one degree or another selfishly, enjoying only positive emotions from this feeling, and when love encounters inevitable obstacles, he rejects it.

What is the meaning of love? It is believed that only a loving person is able to understand another person and accept him as he is, with all the advantages and disadvantages. Love is considered one of the components of human socialization and is characteristic exclusively of homo sapiens - it is likely that it was the ability to love, and not to work, that made “man out of a monkey”. Without love, a person cannot understand others and himself, find a place for himself in this world, get pleasure from life. This is an unhappy person, deprived of the main joy of life. And only a loving person will be able to cognize life in all its glory, to feel the fullness of feelings that can be experienced in relation to another person.

It is difficult to answer unequivocally the question of what is the essence of love. Despite the existing definitions, love is individual for each person and is able to induce completely different actions, actions, emotions. For some, it is a source of inspiration, a stimulus for creativity. For others, it is a destructive force, exhausting and not bringing joy (in most cases, this concerns unrequited love). For others, it is simply bliss and complete dissolution in another person.

Love stands apart from other human feelings, differing from them in its spirituality, sublimity, motivation for creation and self-improvement. One of the main "symptoms" of love is when a person gets more pleasure from what he gives than from what he receives, while not demanding anything in return. We are not talking about material things, but about spiritual things - roughly speaking, loving, we give our life to a person, because from now on all thoughts, all joys and sorrows are associated with a loved one. That is why a person cannot be called loving who refers to love only from a consumer point of view, seeking only to receive his attention and care from another person.

Typology of love

In search of an answer to the question "What is love?" people have been there for a long time. Even the ancient Greeks brought out a whole classification of types of love, which is quite reasonable and has not lost its relevance in our time. According to this typology, love is of the following types:

- "eros" - love-passion, the invariable companions of which are the predominance of the sensual side, the physiological need for each other, pretentiousness, jealousy, complete dedication and sacrifice, in which a person loses his own "I", completely dissolving in the object of love;

- "filia" - love-friendship, based on the spiritual component of the relationship. This is love-sympathy that arose as a result of communication between two people who were tied by common interests, outlook on life, mutual understanding and mutual respect;

- "storge" - love, which is based on family ties. It is love between husband and wife, parents and children, brother and sister. Storge - gentle and calm love, based on mutual trust;

"Agape" - reasonable love, based on an objective assessment of the merits and demerits of a loved one. In this love there is no place for feelings and emotions - the mind gets down to business. Intelligent love may not be as poetic as passionate eros, but it is more durable and creative.

What is the essence of love - the opinion of scientists

Scientists have their own view of what love means. According to the latest research by anthropologists, love is just a chemical and biological process in the human body.

So, during passionate love, the brain produces dopamine - a substance that increases arousal, giving a feeling of emotional uplift. The production of this substance is unstable, it lasts from 6 months to 3 years, and this time is usually enough for the lovers to link their lives to reproduce offspring.

Subsequently, the production of dopamine stops, the passion dulls, and the spouses sigh, saying that "life is stuck and love is gone." In fact, everything is not so sad - dopamine can be produced in the brain as a result of new sensations. To do this, you need to remember to bring romance to relationships throughout your life together.

The meaning of love for each of us lies in something of our own, intimate and inexpressible in words. Love is multifaceted like no other human feeling. A person who knows true love is happy, but even more happy is the one who was able to keep it after many years.

a high degree of emotionally positive attitude that distinguishes one's object from others and places it at the center of the subject's vital needs and interests (love for the homeland, mother, children, music, etc.). L. between the sexes, between people differs in shades of experience: asexual attraction (agape) - a strong interest in another person with elements of self-denial; love-friendship is the tenderness that we feel for the person whose life is closely intertwined with our own;

Excellent definition

Incomplete definition ↓

LOVE

the highest feeling, manifested in a deep emotional attachment of a person to another person or a personalized object. L. as an intimate deep feeling can be directed to another person, human community or idea (L. to children, parents, homeland, life, etc.). The most striking form of L. - individual sexual L. L. is self-legal, free. Hence its tragedy, generated by the conflict of the "absoluteness" of the prevailing moral requirements and their relativity within the framework of L. its essence and substantiation of the value of a real person discovered in it, but also as raising to the rank of absolute value of L. herself. In Christianity, L. is regarded as a new divine covenant, a principle that surpasses all other features of a person. L. is a free manifestation of human nature; it cannot be prescribed or forcibly overcome. In L., a person's striving for integrity and the attainment of peace in all its wealth is manifested. Psychology and other sciences about man are considered L. analytically, highlighting the individual elements of love feelings. The word "L." denotes at the same time two different, albeit interrelated phenomena: the affective state experienced by the subject (feeling, attraction) and the interpersonal relationship based on it. Human L. is not so much a biological as a sociocultural phenomenon, the result of the historical development of man. Already in animals, the choice of a sexual partner presupposes certain individual preferences. In humans, this is complemented by a system of social prohibitions and prescriptions that make the relationship between the sexes dependent on a number of ethical and aesthetic criteria. Any philosophical or everyday definition of L. presupposes a specific opposition to her other feelings and attitudes. The opposition "love - lust" describes the relationship between the spiritual and sensory-bodily principles; the opposition "love - infatuation" opposes a deep and long-term feeling to a superficial and short-term one, and so on. In fact, it is possible to distinguish L. from enthusiasm only as a result of a test of time. Modern social psychology (D. Lee) distinguishes several different styles or "colors" of L.: eros - stormy, exclusive L.-passion; ludus - hedonistic L.-game; storge - calm, reliable L.-friendship; pragma - rational, amenable to the conscious self-control of L. by calculation; mania - irrational L. - contentment, complete dependence on the object of attraction; agape - selfless L.-self-giving. These models can be combined in one person, targeting different partners. For pedagogy, the age parameters of L. are of the greatest practical importance. Although a person's sexual life and his love experiences (the age of first hobbies, their strength and erotic coloration, the degree of falling in love, etc.) have their own psychophysiological foundations, they are much more dependent on communicative personality traits. The very need for L. among different people is ambiguous both in strength and in content. Some are looking for their likeness in a loved one, others - an addition. Mutual expectations and roles of partners change significantly with age and at different stages of the relationship. The first childhood crush, already observed among preschoolers, is usually devoid of erotic coloring and does not know age and gender restrictions. With puberty and under the influence of the environment, almost all interpersonal relationships and attachments of children are eroticized, and interest in the opposite sex sharply intensifies. The youthful dream of L. expresses, first of all, the need for spiritual closeness, understanding, emotional warmth; sexual motives are almost not expressed in it. Adolescents and young men sometimes have L. or sexual attraction to persons of their own sex. For parents and teachers, this usually causes panic and anger, which makes the already excruciating experience of such adolescents extremely difficult. This phenomenon must be treated calmly and with understanding. For most adolescents, these hobbies disappear with age. For those with whom they remain forever, this is often the only possible type of L. To persecute her is cruel and useless. In this case, parents need to understand and support their children. In his youth, L. becomes more complex, acquires an adult character, and often develops into intimate intimacy. The possibility of early sexual intercourse, pregnancy, infection with sexually transmitted diseases, etc. cause concern of teachers and parents and a hostile and wary attitude towards youthful L. Such an attitude often leads to opposite results. Youthful feelings require a careful and tactful attitude. A truly moral education and preparation of schoolchildren for marriage is needed, including sexual scientific education as a necessary element. It is necessary to appeal not to dubious arguments (“look, don’t harm your health!”), But to an adult's sense of moral and social responsibility, helping the young man to weigh the seriousness of his own feelings and the measure of his social maturity, the difficulties of early motherhood, the specific problems of early marriages. See also Sex Education, Sex Education

"Love is unknown what, which comes from nowhere and ends unknown when." This definition was given by the French writer Madeleine de Scudery.

In her own way, she was right: for a person who goes crazy for someone, it is easy to mistake his own torment for a mystical obsession.

And yet it is worth arguing with her ...

Is there love or not?

But I don’t know what love is. Why do you even think it happens? It all comes down to bed first, and then to a banal habit.

But everything begins with love! If it weren't for her, the world would not exist ...

How many such empty discussions we had as freshmen! They made noise, took offense at each other. And all because they talked about different things.

The concept of "love" is ambiguous. On the one hand, it is freely used when distributing subjective assessments that do not imply rejection or disgust (I love Vasya Pupkin / Tchaikovsky's First Piano Concerto / fish salad). On the other hand, it has been turned into a fetish.

You yourself will instantly remember a couple of films and books in which the attraction of the heroes to each other helps to save humanity from the great and terrible Forces of Evil. I hardly believe in the reality of love destroying the Dark Lords. Equating it with a primitive gastronomic addiction is also ridiculous.

It would be more correct to talk about a special relationship between a man and a woman, which is a complex combination of physical conditions, behavior patterns and, of course, feelings. Which ones?

Everyday representations

Doctor of Biological Sciences Yuri Shcherbatykh conducted a survey in 2002. Medical Academy students had to give definition love. The answers of some survey participants clearly contradicted the versions of others - it turned out that in love, “egoism” and “self-sacrifice”, “delight” and “spiritual comfort”, “pleasure” and “need for another person”, “madness” and “ meaning of life".

Other scientists also tried to find some key points in their ideas about the main thing - for example, E.V. Varaksin and L.D. Demina (see the article “On the problem of psychological research of the meaning of love: methodology, hypotheses, methods, results (“ Izvestia of the Altai State University, 2007).

They worked with two age groups - with high school students and with students from several faculties. The children were asked to speculate on the topic "Why do a man and a woman love each other?" Content analysis of the responses made it possible to identify five main functions of love from the point of view of young people:

  1. “To find a loved one and not be lonely”;
  2. to give and receive “care, understanding, tenderness, support, trust”;
  3. experience a "feeling of happiness";
  4. “Create a family and have children”.

Oh, yes - there was also a fifth option, very much in the spirit of the above-mentioned Madeleine de Scudery - "we love in order to love."

  • “Happy” (oriented towards mutual support and respect, serving as the foundation for a friendly family);
  • “Like everyone else” (relationships in which people enter only for fear of being alone);
  • "For the sake of sex" (a connection that allows you to have power over a partner; often gives a chance to increase social status and receive material benefits).

I did not find an article that dealt with the understanding of special feelings by people over the age of thirty. I think the point is that by the beginning of the fourth decade the question "What is love?" often ceases to arouse ardent interest.

Unless, of course, it is asked not by a psychologist, for whom the topic of interpersonal relations is the main strong point.

The psychology of falling in love and affection

The methodology of classical science did not allow the study of phenomena of this kind. Scientists said:

  • about positive reactions, initially arising in the form of a child's reaction to the touch of a caring mother (D.B. Watson);
  • about sexual attraction (libido) as the primary source of all attachments (Z. Freud);
  • on the selective search for a suitable marriage partner for procreation (S. Samygin).

However, since about the middle of the 20th century, a humanistic approach has been in trend. Freedom, responsibility, creativity have become acceptable topics for dissertations and monographs.

The founding father of humanistic psychology, Abraham Maslow, declared that love is vital - that is, it is vital.

Even neo-Freudians have ceased to prioritize the notorious libido: in particular, Karen Horney refused to recognize the sexual etiology of the need for love.

Here is an example of the definition of love from a modern source ("The Psychology of Interpersonal Communication", Belarusian-Russian University, Mogilev, 2014):

Love is a type of interpersonal relationship that is expressed in a high degree of emotionally positive attitude towards a partner, distinguishing him from others and placing him at the center of vital interests.

Dry, inelegant from the point of view of Romeo and Juliet, but generally true.

What does love consist of and what is it like?

Psychologists, following R. Stenberg, usually call her three component:

  • emotional - intimacy;
  • motivational - passion;
  • mental - devotion.

Intimacy implies a feeling of warmth and participation, a community of interests, a willingness to trust. Passion is understood as an ardent desire for unity (physical and not only), and by devotion - a conscious decision to maintain feelings for a person.

The formula of love, which Count Cagliostro was looking for in the film of the same name, does not exist. For some, kinship of souls is in the foreground, for others, the relationship is based on joint working out of poses from the "Kamasutra".

Scientists can only describe the most common combinations of "ingredients".

J.A. Lee. highlights the following styles of love (we bet, now you start looking for your own?):

  • storge - strong love-friendship based on trust and mutual understanding;
  • agape - selfless patient adoration, strong spiritual passion;
  • eros - a stable feeling with a pronounced sexual beginning; the lover is attracted by the bodily beauty of the chosen one or chosen one;
  • mania - unstable, contradictory and violent love-jealousy;
  • pragma - a calm and largely rational attachment, dictated partly by sympathy, partly by sober calculation;
  • ludus is a superficial hedonistic game, almost devoid of intimacy; a person just wants to please himself.

For the sake of order, I will add that love is often subdivided into platonic and sensual: they say, there are high souls who serve a beautiful lady, and there are mere mortals ruled by an animal instinct.

I don’t know, I don’t know ... The poets who showed the world examples of platonic ministry, in fact, were also people of flesh and blood. For example, Francesco Petrarca disinterestedly adored his married beloved Laura all his life, but did not deny himself earthly pleasures - he cohabited with commoners, started novels with free noble ladies.

Biochemistry of tender feelings

Love is not in vain compared to illness. You catch His or Her glance - and even call an ambulance: your head is spinning, your palms are sweating, your cheeks are red, your heart is pounding ... The lover forgets to eat and is tormented by insomnia.

Who's about what, and I'm all about science.

There was Arthur Aron, a student at the University of California. Once a young man fell head over heels in love with a classmate Helen and experienced all the symptoms of passion on himself. As a future psychologist, Aron decided to find out what caused these peculiar sensations. There was enough material for work for years. Subsequently, the young scientist involved other specialists - physicians and biologists - in the research.

Together they observed what changes occur in the human brain when looking at a photo of a loved one or loved one and "scrolling" in memory of romantic moments. The reaction was typical: the ventral region and the caudate nucleus became more active. Both zones are links in the "reward system". They also "turn on" when they expect some kind of pleasure - a favorite dish, a nice gift.

Hormonal storm

Love is at first close to euphoria thanks to dopamine... Excess amounts of it contribute to loss of appetite and impairment of sleep.

Dopamine gives the feeling of high - which, however, from time to time gives way to a deep blues. The lover is able to suddenly burst into tears because of sheer nonsense. Why? Another important pleasure hormone, serotonin, is in short supply.

He contributes his five cents and epinephrine.

Epinephrine is usually produced in response to stress. Its function is to prepare the body for an extreme situation. It helps the muscles get more oxygen and increases the heart rate. It is he who should say "thank you" for the palms sweating at the most delicate moment.

These hormones are raging for a limited time - up to 2-3 years. Then the passions subside. Stop, how is that? If a guy and a girl have been dating for more than two years, does their love expire?

Calm after the storm

Relationships just move to another level. They help support oxytocin and vasopressin.

Oxytocin evens out blood pressure, soothes breathing, slows down the heart rate. Its release occurs when shaking hands, when hugging - and even friendly. The hormone beeps: “Relax! This person is yours! "

Vasopressin is in many ways akin to oxytocin. It is very likely that it works somewhat differently in women and in men.

Experiments show that this hormone promotes the tendency towards monogamy. In 2004, American scientists Young and Lim conducted a two-stage experiment with voles. Female mice tried to form stable bonds with males at the first stage - after the introduction of oxytocin. At the same time, the males did not seek to keep in touch with one female. However, after the introduction of vasopressin, they immediately began to behave as if they had taken an oath of love until the grave.

How and for what to love a person?

The question "For what to love?" sounds cynical - you can't get a great feeling according to preliminary calculations! It is forbidden. But even blind love is not good enough.

Women consider the following traits of men to be the main:

  • mind (35%);
  • loyalty to the family (17%);
  • ability to earn (14%);
  • loyalty (11%);
  • good character (6%);
  • the ability not to lose tender feelings (6%);
  • ability to do everything around the house (3%).

External attractiveness means almost nothing - only 0.2% of the women surveyed believed that it was significant. There is no need for men to complex due to the lack of relief muscles. I would postpone other conclusions.

Have you noticed - the women answered much less unanimously? Yes, we are. Try to please us.

Ideal relationship

In Soviet times, a song was in vogue with the words: "If I invented you, become what I want." The worst attitude towards love, perhaps, cannot be imagined.
Attempts to remake a partner will inevitably lead to quarrels. What will happen next depends on his upbringing and character. Your loved one will either leave or stop being sincere with you.
We must respect each other's decisions, even if they seem stupid (note: without fanaticism; otherwise there is a risk of falling into a partner).

Love is an active interest in the life and development of what we love. Where there is no active interest, there is no love.

The quote above is from the book Erich Fromm "The Art of Love"... Fromm understands high feelings not so much as a source of heavenly pleasures, but as hard work. For the composer to be able to write a masterpiece opera, he will have to learn the language of music, and then pore over music paper for more than one month. So it is in relationships.

Relationships are harmonious when partners consciously learn to meet each other's needs.

G. Chapman argues curiously about love languages ​​- albeit in a slightly narrower sense.

Chapman is a practitioner with over twenty years of experience in counseling on marriage and family issues.
He notes that it is helpful for couples to speak the following "languages" more often:

  • physical touch - even after ten years of marriage, it is very appropriate to hug, kiss, walk by the hand;
  • acts of service - the intentional performance of actions that are pleasant for a loved one (watch football with him, help her with cooking, etc.);
  • quality time - the ability of lovers at some moments to fully focus on communicating with a partner, not just automatically respond to remarks, but ponder over them;
  • approval of each other's actions and deeds - the ability to support, praise;
  • receiving gifts - we mean symbolic gifts, signs of attention (gladiolus from grandmother's garden in this sense is not much inferior to a diamond necklace from a jewelry boutique).

Chapman's theory is not very coherent, but in practice it works.
So, you've read almost two thousand words, learned (or - remembered) scientific facts. Maybe this data helped you understand yourself better.

But - do not rush to state them when it will be necessary to briefly and clearly explain to a girl or boy what love is. Carry any romantic nonsense that comes to mind in a gentle voice. For "the type of interpersonal relationships, expressed in a high degree of emotionally positive attitude towards a partner," you can get it from the victim of Cupid and on the ears. 🙂

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