Deflorator rejection. Defloration: myths and reality. The main thing is to leave beautifully

When a woman chooses a life partner for herself, she is guided by her own, purely individual considerations. Some like young boys, others like mature men.

Show business stars, both domestic and foreign, actors, singers and other creative personalities are increasingly abandoning the stereotype of "equal" marriage, where a man and a woman are supposed to be approximately close in age. The age difference - two, or even three times - no longer surprises anyone.

For example, actor Michael Douglas is 25 years older than his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones. Actress Mena Suvari (American Beauty) is 17 years younger than husband Robert Brinkman. The scandalous union of Pugacheva and Kirkorov broke up with a difference of 17 years, but Oleg Tabakov with the young actress Marina Zudina (the age difference is 30 years), Andrei Konchalovsky and Yulia Vysotskaya (the difference is 36 years) continue to live a happy family life.

To some, such a life may seem ridiculous, someone considers such unions to be marriages of convenience. However, such relationships are also found among ordinary, non-"creative" people. Why do young girls need men suitable for their fathers? What are adult women guided by when choosing immature youths?

Leadership skills

In general, all marriages (both of different ages and between peers) are very similar to each other, regardless of who is older and who is younger.

In every union there is a proactive person and a reactive person - a leader who makes decisions and a laggard, one who follows a husband or wife. In the event that two leaders or two passive people collide, the roles will still have to be assigned.

In an "unequal" marriage, the principle of "who is older is right" is almost always observed; in fact, this is precisely why adult men and women are looking for meetings with representatives of another generation.

If you choose older men, you are a "woman-daughter" seeking protection and patronage, but if you are attracted to young boys, you are a "woman-mother" who wants to patronize your partner.

Your halves are looking for the same, exactly the opposite

However, there is one piquant moment here. Living together with a man much older than you is not only protection and patronage, it is also decisions made for you, conditions and even prohibitions. The status of a "male father" gives him the right to do so. Just as the status of a "man-son", dependent and indecisive, allows him not only to admire your talents and allow himself to be patronized, but also to be passive in matters where you still expect him to be active.

Psychological age

Many feel younger or older than what is written on their passport. Others, fearing old age, try to appear young. Forty-year-old ladies are keenly interested in modern fashion and music, trying to keep up with their young friends. Communication of a forty-year-old man with a twenty-year-old girl brings him back to the past when he was young, fresh and sexy. The enthusiastic expression in the eyes of the young beauty makes the gray-haired and battered eagle spread its feathers and bloom before our eyes.

Often, the "first time" for both men and women happens with an older partner, sometimes much. This is easy to explain. Experienced people inspire confidence with their knowledge and confidence. By the way, American sexologists based on psychological tests and interviews with young girls made up "portrait of the ideal deflorator". This is by no means a timid 17-year-old boy. He is a man of about 32 years old, experienced, independent, restrained and caring. He knows how to please a woman and belongs to the sexual-psychological type" male father ".

At 40, both sexes undergo major physiological changes. However, they do not in the least interfere with either one or the other to indulge in love pleasures. According to experts, menopause does not kill sexuality, but on the contrary, it can even enhance it. The woman is liberated, she ceases to be afraid of pregnancy, while the orgasm manifests itself brighter than before.

In older men, arousal is slower, and they are more prone to love games and caresses. They are not threatened with premature ejaculation, from which young men sometimes suffer. The "man-father" has sex, as they say, with a soul, paying attention primarily to the desires of his partner.

The ability to conceive

From the point of view of evolutionary psychology, we are attracted to members of the opposite sex, who look like they are capable of producing offspring. By the age of forty, fertile
spine in women decreases, while men at this age are still very much nothing - they are able to continue the race. A young, healthy female body inspires a man to feats, and a sensitive, experienced partner inspires trust - he will be a caring father, he has a stable financial situation, etc. Often, the theory of evolutionary psychology is confirmed in practice: Charlie Chaplin's last child was born when his father was in his 70s.

Not every man is ready to have a child at the age of 20-25. Either he is not earning enough, or he is not yet mentally ripe for such a responsible step. An "adult" 40-year-old woman is just a godsend for him, she is unlikely to itch that she urgently needs a child (most likely, she already has one). In addition, recently more and more women by this age have become independent, Oleg Tabakov and Marina Zudina achieve a high social status and are financially secure.

According to statistics, the most fragile marriage is where the husband is much older than his wife. In 60% of cases, such a union ends in divorce. What is the reason? Different expectations from marriage, different life values.

When a young spouse (or spouse) "grows up", reaches psychological maturity, guardianship is no longer needed. In search of equal partnerships, she can leave the "parental" nest.

But by the way ... Do statistics have anything to do with love? None. Therefore, love who you like and be happy!

Sinned, worked as a deflorator on a voluntary basis. From the point of view of ancient shamans, the act of deprivation of virginity is a self-sacrifice of oneself to higher powers, a gift of the most valuable thing that a woman has. From my point of view, this is a wild hassle for a man, and millions of nerve cells killed in a stupid fuss.

How does defloration usually take place? The young lady shows you all sorts of signs of attention, on a date on the fifth she is ready to go to your house, on a date on the eighth you realize that something is wrong here, and finally the show starts at midnight at your house.

It’s hard for me to imagine a worse picture than an overexcited man who is trying to persuade a girl for the third hour who has long been all ready for what she came for. And when she puts on a condom, and now it's time, and the girl already understands - that's it, now there will be sex, she, for some inhuman reason, suddenly crawls to another corner of the room, so that in half an hour everything will start all over again. Defloration is a tricky thing.

"And I want to, and injections." Tragedy in a single intercourse.

But the pinnacle of women's stupidity, I consider a connection based on the principle "I gave him the most valuable, now he owes me the grave of his life." And the relationship game begins. The outcome will be tragic.

I gave him the most valuable thing, now he owes me the grave of his life.

The most unpleasant thing in the life of such a couple is that the young lady will definitely cheat on the guy. Sooner or later. This is the same unshakable law of the universe, like the rising of the sun. This is because sooner or later, after hearing enough of her friends' conversations about sexual adventures, she naturally wants to know if her boyfriend is really the best, the most handsome owner of the best mmm ... intellect. And it's good if she gets a bad lover. And if good?

And so long-term relationships are destroyed. My observations say that the young lady who "gave away the valuable" holds on well for a couple of years. What happened next? Well, nothing ... at best, people remain friends.

So for men, relationships with virgins are an act of self-sacrifice, spending a long time learning and getting rid of complexes, learning the basics of sex. For example, do you know what it is to teach a girl to do a blowjob? It is not so easy.

What do we get as a result? Nothing. Is that the feeling of satisfaction from the fact that he was the first. But, in my opinion, what happened can only be regarded as a means to improve karma - that is, as pure charity.

Appreciate your first boyfriends. Such people do not lie on the road. Most men, when they realize that they are a virgin, say to themselves: "Why do I need so many problems?" They are somewhat right.

Dealing with virgins is an act of self-sacrifice.

I believe that only one scenario is correct. You warn the guy, and with his consent, you have a tumultuous training week. Courses for young women. During this time, you can rub his penis into the blood, learning to have sex in all possible ways. And as a result, with a feeling of deep gratitude to enter adulthood.

And this guy can be called to be the godfather of your first child with your husband. If this is a normal man (husband), he will understand. Why do you need the dull ones?

We used to think that every man dreams of marrying a "pure and innocent girl." But statistics say something else: more than thirty percent of modern men shy away from virgins, and one in five has serious problems during defloration.
The right to the wedding night

In 1507, the city council of the French town of Amiens passed a new law: "A husband has no right to share a bed with his wife on his wedding night without the permission of his lord, before the lord himself deigns to share a bed with his vassal's wife." If such an order had been issued today, or even a hundred or two hundred years ago, human rights activists and newly minted husbands would certainly have staged a protest march. But at the beginning of the 16th century, ordinary townspeople greeted the above legal act: a storm of joy! Moreover, the husband-vassal also tried to financially thank his lord for his "pioneering". How can this phenomenon be explained?

Alberto Gomez, a researcher of the Middle Ages, claims: it's all about the superstitions that existed at that time among the common people. In ancient times, when shamanistic cults flourished in Europe, only "specialists" were involved in defloration. It was believed that only a sorcerer is able to deprive a girl of her innocence without "side effects" such as the wrath of spirits and gods.

For example, the ancient Scandinavian tribes had such a custom. With the onset of darkness before the first wedding night, the sorcerer took the virgin into the forest, kindled a fire and brought a sacrifice to the goddess Frija - an elk or a wild boar. And only after that did he perform ritual intercourse with the girl. If intercourse was not accompanied by rupture of the hymen and bleeding, the victim was recognized as not accepted. True, a second attempt was allowed. Well, if the second "approach" ended in failure, the girl was declared rejected by the gods and thereby doomed to eternal loneliness. The marriage in such cases was dissolved, and the failed husband was looking for a new spouse.

In the Middle Ages, the role of the sorcerer was inherited by the feudal lord, and the defloration of serf girls was not only his right, but also a sacred duty. French ethnographer Pierre Gordon writes that the sovereign counts and dukes had to deflow up to a hundred virgins a year. Well, if the senior could no longer perform such feats by age, one of the sons or servants took over his functions.

The right to the first wedding night extended to the monks. For example, the canons of the Lyon Cathedral were invited as deflorators by their serfs. History knows a case when the monks of a monastery in Piedmont appealed to the local bishop with a request to relieve them of such a procedure. The hierarch went to meet them and replaced the right of the first night with the payment of monetary compensation:

Defloration "out of friendship"

In the Papuan tribe of Arunto, there were no feudal lords and monks at all. The whole burden of deflowering fell on the shoulders of her husband's friends. Shortly before the wedding, the groom asked two or three friends to kidnap the bride and pluck the red flower of her innocence. They fulfilled the wishes of a comrade: they took the girl into the forest thicket, deflowered with a stone knife, then performed ritual copulation and returned the bride to her parents. From that moment on, all the men of the tribe could come to her house and "test" the new woman. As soon as the flow of those wishing to be exhausted, the newlyweds played a wedding.

Similar altruism flourished in other parts of the world. French researcher Jacques Marciro describes the marriage custom of the Marquesas Islands as follows: "A young wife lies down, puts her head on her husband's lap. He gives the guests a special sign. All men invited to the wedding line up in a chain, singing and dancing, and take turns, in order of seniority having sexual intercourse with a newlywed. " A similar rite existed among the Australian aborigines. And the Dani tribe living in Papua, and in Central Africa.

But among some peoples of Siberia and the Far North, it was customary to invite a "stranger" - a representative of another nationality - to the defloration. Moreover, such hospitality had purely selfish reasons: it was believed that along with the blood of a virgin, the anger of ancestors was poured out on a man. And if the ceremony is performed by a foreigner, then he takes the fire on himself!

Women deflorators

For many peoples, women deflorated - as a rule, the oldest representatives of the family, healers and sorceresses. They used a variety of improvised means. For example, healers from the Central African tribe Mbotu deprived the "victim" of innocence with a sharp needle made from the bone of some animal.

Interestingly, in the Philippines, parents invited "deflorators" when their daughter was not even ten. And among the African tribe of Mazai, girls often said goodbye to innocence at the age of four or five.

Sometimes the parents of the virgin acted as deflorators. One and a half hundred years ago in Peru there was a custom when a mother publicly deprived her daughter of her virginity. And among the Malay tribe of Zakaev and Batts living on the island of Sumatra, the right of the first wedding night belonged to the father.

I must say that not always and not everywhere the girl needed defloration. The Polish sexologist S. Kinessa writes that in some social and religious strata of India, Brazil and Chile, the concept of "virginity" did not exist at all. Mothers washed their daughters so thoroughly that the hymen was destroyed at an early age. And if a girl kept her virginity before marriage and a man had to perform defloration, it was believed that the bride was poorly brought up: she, they say, did not observe the rules of personal hygiene and grew up dirty.

Fear of virginity

Why do many men choose not to mess with virgins? Sexologists and psychoanalysts believe that the reason for this is the historical fear of overstepping a taboo, which is "entrenched" in the subconscious. Indeed, among primitive peoples, defloration rituals took place strictly according to the rules, with a bunch of all sorts of precautions. The father of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud believed that such "cerimoniality" is explained by the fear of blood: ancient people believed that the human soul was in the blood, and any bloodletting was perceived as a partial loss of the soul. Therefore, there was a taboo on blood - a kind of protective measure against primitive bloodlust. And when a modern man experiences fear of the first wedding night, the genes of distant ancestors, who avoided defloration because of the ban on bloodletting, speak in him.

Another reason for virgophobia (fear of a virgin) is a subconscious fear of the unknown. According to psychoanalysis, everything new and unknown causes a person to fear for his health. And the defloration procedure, according to Freud, is the quintessence of new beginnings. Naturally, she instills a certain fear in the "pioneer".

But the main reason for fear of virginity is a man's fear of hurting a girl and causing hostility. According to Freud, the man is afraid that the girl will want to take revenge on him for the "offense". Here, the representatives of the stronger sex speaks of a subconscious fear of being castrated for "wrong" behavior. Obeying these fears, our ancestors shifted defloration onto the powerful shoulders of shamans, priestesses and loyal friends - and only then they themselves went the beaten path. In our time, this "division of duties" does not exist. So you have to act on your own:

Competent defloration

Following the precepts of your ancestors, take your wedding night seriously and responsibly. To do this, remember a few simple rules:

1. Sexual intercourse with a virgin can only begin after a long foreplay. During defloration, weasels are a kind of "anesthesia", and the more effective they are, the more painless the "procedure" will be. Well, and the best anesthesia, of course, will be an orgasm. To bring your partner to him, you must pay the most direct attention to her clitoris. On their wedding night, most women do not experience a vaginal orgasm - but the clitoral one will leave your partner with an overall pleasant impression of the first sexual experience.

2. During lovemaking, gently spread the hymen with your finger - this will facilitate the "operation".

3. Start deflowering only after your partner's vagina is moisturized and enlarged. Enter it with a quick, confident push - but by no means abrupt.

4. During the first intercourse, the girl should bend her knees. If you keep your legs outstretched, the tearing of the hymen will be sharp and painful.

5. Be extremely gentle with the girl, tell her something affectionate, pleasant. It is useful to include light, melodic music. All this will help your partner to relax, dispel her fears. Your affectionate attitude is also important because any rudeness or indifference can cause serious trauma to her psyche, cause a persistent aversion to sex and even make her frigid. Having decided on defloration, remember: you are directly responsible for the fate of a woman, even if your paths diverge after this night.

6. Act very confidently and decisively: hesitation and fussiness will turn your girlfriend's wedding night into a real torture. And this threatens her with a whole complex of sexual neuroses. Therefore, defloration can only be carried out by an experienced, and most importantly, a self-confident man. If you are afraid or in doubt, it is better to give up the "procedure".

7. After completing your "mission", hug your friend, caress, say her gentle words. At this moment, your attention and care is vital to her. It is a wise step to have a festive dinner in bed immediately after a significant event.

Portrait of the perfect deflorator

It was compiled by American sexologists on the basis of many psychological tests and surveys.

This is a man of about 32 years old;
quite experienced and sophisticated in the field of sex;
independent in life;
belonging to the sexual-psychological type "male-father";
well-mannered, of high intellectual ability, humble and caring in dealing with a woman;
sexual altruist: his primary task is to please a woman, and only then to experience sexual satisfaction himself;
well built;
paying great attention to oral-genital caresses in bed;
calm, restrained and laconic;
able to resolve the conflict;
devotee;
with a good sense of humor.

Until recently, parents did their best to protect their daughters, urging them to become women as late as possible and preferably out of love. Now, in wealthy families, a new fad has appeared - to deprive their daughters of innocence, resorting to the help of a professional deflorator. By the way, such specialists get more than just pleasure from their work. Their delicate services are paid fairly generously by the "caring" parents of young clients.

Demand creates supply
When a former classmate told me that one of her acquaintances was professionally engaged in ... defloration, at first I simply did not believe it. Life, of course, overtakes the dream, but not to the same extent! Imagine my surprise when Olga introduced me to a “specialist”. Konstantin turned out to be a 35-year-old man who was not at all vicious, but rather attractive in appearance, was dressed quite respectably. He talked about his "work" simply: without pride, but without any hesitation, as if it were a matter of the most ordinary profession.

It all started three years ago. My first love called me and asked to "help" her 16-year-old daughter. Honestly, the request shocked me. I am a normal man, but going to bed with the daughter of my ex-lover is too much. Marina tried to persuade me for about a month: “Kostya, you must understand, I cannot entrust my daughter to just anyone. Some freak will come across, and the girl will remain frigid for the rest of her life. And I know you, you are gentle and affectionate, you will do everything right. " In the end I gave up. The decisive argument was that gynecologists also invade the holy of holies of necessity, but at the same time their services are very much appreciated.

How do you find your "patients", do you really advertise in the newspapers?

I do not give announcements in the press, because not all people are able to adequately perceive what I am doing. Clients find me themselves. As a rule, these are close friends or business partners of my former clients. They call and say: "I am from Ivan Ivanovich so-and-so, he advised me to contact you." We negotiate all the details with the customer at a personal meeting, and only then the girls get to me "for an appointment."

And how much do you estimate your services?

The services are very delicate, and therefore they are not cheap. Thousand dollars plus all expenses. However, the size of the fee does not bother the parents of my clients. All of them are very wealthy people and can afford it.

I suppose many men could cope with such a task no worse than you, and completely disinterestedly ?!

Many men "completely disinterestedly" can ruin the girl's whole future life. And not only leave unpleasant impressions of the most intimate intimacy, but also make you pregnant, reward you with illness, and so on. Parents, on the other hand, want their beloved daughter to become a woman easily and beautifully, and most importantly, so that this happens as safely as possible for her health and psyche. I give my clients a guarantee that the defloration will be excellent.

Where does such confidence in their own "professional" abilities come from?

Confidence did not appear immediately, it was instilled in me by the clients in the process of work. None of them, after communicating with me, had any psychological trauma and complexes associated with sex. Needless to say, there is no risk of getting a venous disease or getting pregnant: I always use condoms.

The main thing is to leave beautifully
- Don't you think that any girl dreams of becoming a woman only with her beloved man?

Perhaps, but young people are extremely curious and amorous. By the way, most of them do not dream of a peer at all, but of an experienced adult lover. And suddenly, quite by accident, a girl meets such a man. He looks good, smartly dressed, gallant. He compliments her, says that she is the smartest and most beautiful. Then, allegedly secretly from the parents, he invites you on dates. Of course, all this romance is paid for by the girl's relatives. They also rent a room in some decent hotel, where the "sacrament" takes place. In a word, all my clients become women with the most beloved and only man.

After finishing your professional activity, how do you explain to your “beloved” that you will have to leave?

I try to present the gap as tactfully as possible so that the girl does not feel abandoned. For example: "Sorry, dear, you are a magnificent woman who can only dream of, but I am not worthy of you, I am too old for you, and finally, I will have to return to my wife who is expecting a child." The girl remains fully confident that this gap is necessary, because I am a decent person. At the same time, she does not lose confidence in herself as a woman.

How many clients did you have during this time?

For three years - about 40 girls. We parted with most of them as good friends. There have been punctures in my practice, albeit of a completely different kind. A couple of times I have come across "clients" who have parted with innocence even before meeting me. In these cases, I took money from my parents without informing them about these nuances. I just didn't want to expose the lovely young ladies.

The rich have their quirks
- By the way, how does your wife relate to your, to put it mildly, unusual activity?

We divorced my ex-wife about a year ago. She accidentally found out what I was doing in my free time from work, and threw a terrible scandal. All my attempts to explain anything to this woman did not lead to anything good. She packed her things and left, calling me a pedophile goodbye.

I think there are not many women who will be happy in such a situation!

I don't hold a grudge against her either, and then, for about a year now, I have been dating a girl who is aware of my work, and we have completely normal relations. She not only does not condemn, but sometimes gives advice on how to make the "process" thinner so that the girl does not receive psychological trauma. By the way, this is one of my former clients.

Given the mores of today's youth, very soon you may be out of work!

Firstly, even if I am unemployed, it will not be as soon as it seems. According to my observations, there is a certain fashion for the services that I provide. As long as for a part of our society professional defloration remains a matter of prestige, I will have enough clients. Secondly, I'm not going to do this all my life. I definitely want to have my own family. I dream of having a woman next to me who would understand me. And most importantly, I really want to have my own children, otherwise there is no point in living on.

Konstantin, could you take your own daughter to such a specialist?

To be honest, I don’t know yet. When I have a girl, then I will think.

Nowadays there is a lot of all kinds of know-how, the appearance of which until quite recently seemed simply unthinkable. However, even in a very diverse market of modern services, the exotic labor activity of a "deflorator on call" looks, you see, more than strange. Too all this is not neat, or something ... No doubt, the happiness of our women is an important thing, but it is not entirely clear why some modern parents did not like the "classic" version of parting young ladies with innocence. Perhaps today he looks a little old-fashioned, but, I want to believe, it's not so scary the first time a girl does THIS with a loved one. By the way, sexual innocence is not such a heavy burden. It is necessary to part with it, but I think it is not worth rushing with it. And even more so to involve such "specialists" in the process!

Our reference
In modern society, the provision of such "specific" services looks, to put it mildly, strange. Meanwhile, in ancient times, only "specialists" were involved in defloration. It was believed that only a sorcerer is able to deprive a girl of her innocence without "side effects" such as the wrath of spirits and gods. Then the feudal lords owned the right of the first wedding night. Earls and dukes had to deflow up to a hundred virgins a year. In the Marquesas Islands, the brunt of the initiation ritual fell on the shoulders of the groom's friends. Men invited to the wedding lined up in a chain, singing and dancing, and in turn, in order of seniority, performed sexual intercourse with the newlywed. But among some peoples of Siberia and the Far North it was customary to invite a "stranger" to defloration. It was believed that along with the blood of a virgin, the anger of ancestors was poured out on a man. The foreigner who performed the ceremony took all the fire on himself. In some tribal cultures, defloration was performed by women, usually healers and sorceresses. For example, healers from the Central African Mbotu tribe deflowered girls with a sharp needle. In Peru one and a half hundred years ago, a mother publicly deprived her daughter of her virginity. And among the Malay tribe of Zakaev and Batts living on the island of Sumatra, the right of the first wedding night belonged to the father.
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