Seven fatal mistakes women make when starting a relationship. Fatal mistakes at the beginning of a relationship Man's behavior at the beginning
At the beginning of a relationship, the feeling of falling in love does not allow you to objectively look at the world and everything seems so beautiful, and the man next door is the best on the whole Earth. In the behavior of men, you can quite often catch moments that a woman who more realistically evaluates the situation would consider alarming, but you are so happy and intoxicated with love that you simply do not notice some of the nuances, without attaching special importance to them. And it would be worth it!
It is because of the unwillingness to notice these situations that are important for your joint future, over time, you can find yourself in the position of a hostage of your temporary blindness. Remember how often you have heard from friends whose relationship has failed that the man was not like this before, and everything was fine. People rarely change and all the characteristics can be seen even when a man tries to hide his negative qualities and shortcomings.
Let us draw your attention to some points that you may already be familiar with, but you tried to just forget about them and not dwell on such small troubles.
Ignorance and disrespect
Take this simple situation when your new friend is late for a date. Circumstances can really develop in such a way that a man is late for a good reason and feels extremely guilty, scattering in sincere apologies and promising to make amends for his offense. If the young man does not see anything terrible in this and absolutely does not believe that his lateness is a manifestation of disrespect for you, then such his behavior suggests that he is either by nature a frivolous and irresponsible nature, or does not think that meeting with you are such an important event for him, which already speaks volumes.
With this outcome of events, the girl should not smile sweetly and pretend that you do not care, and you are not at all offended. It is nevertheless necessary, without hysterics and special emotionality, to make it clear to the companion that you are extremely unpleasant to be late. If he allows a repetition of such behavior, then it is still better to end the relationship immediately, since you hardly want to connect your fate with a windbag and an ignoramus, who, moreover, does not have the proper respect for you.
Signs of a gigolo
Modern customs and the desire of some women to appear completely independent and self-sufficient has led to the practice when, when going to a restaurant together, each party pays its own bill. If you are not a supporter of such measures, but at the same time your companion expresses a reluctance to pay for dinner, then such a date is hardly worth developing until the next stage. Otherwise, you may find yourself close to a loser or gigolo, who would prefer to hide behind your fragile back in a difficult situation. This behavior will not please any woman. Real and will never allow a woman to pay for him and her dating expenses.
Obscene expressions
It is extremely common for a man to behave in which he allows himself to speak obscenely in your presence. If you are not ready to abruptly cut off communication, then try to explain to the young man first that such expressions are unacceptable for you. Perhaps he will apologize and will no longer allow such behavior, but if the outcome is different, you should still stop communicating with someone who, for your sake, is not even capable of giving up swear words.
Male selfishness
Many false illusions are nourished by women and to such a monster as male egoism. Not feeling a timely rebuff on your part, this creature begins to grow at an alarming rate and will require daily replenishment. If your plans do not include spending your life caring for and serving a man who has been taught from childhood that he is just a king and a god, then do not delay with a break, free yourself from the impartial role of a concubine and service staff.
In the event that your relationship with a man has already stepped over the barrier of courtship and moved to a more intimate level, but suddenly it turned out that his behavior is unacceptable and that you are not at all suitable for each other as partners, then why continue what is all the same over time collapse. Do not deprive each other of the opportunity to create a more harmonious relationship with another person who may become your soul mate.
And remember the simple truth that parents often tell their adult children starting an independent life. It consists in the fact that the main basis of relations between the sexes should be, first of all, obligatory mutual respect. Without it, any, even the most ardent, feelings are doomed to dry out and end in parting. Do not neglect this advice and take it into account when studying the object of your attention!
The main mistake is that we, women, are inclined to speculate, finish drawing what is not there and wishful thinking.
That is why our hopes are often not justified, we ourselves become attached to someone who has not even entered into a relationship with us, we experience pain, cry, and then we leave for years and recover.
The fear of loneliness forces us to enter into an unpromising relationship in advance. We always feel what kind of man he is and whether he suits us, but we hope that we will change and remake him. You should not base your life on illusions, disappointments are inevitable, because illusions end, and people do not change.
Why do women speculate and finish drawing, instead of finding out information that is not enough, to talk, to find out what they want to know. Many are afraid to do this. They are afraid to "frighten off". They go on dates, enter into a relationship ... And when to talk about the main thing, if not at the beginning?
If a man says that he is not ready for a serious relationship, you do not need to think that he is shy or modest, he simply is not in love and does not take you seriously. A man's interest in a woman, as a chosen one, arises immediately, and usually he does not change his opinion.
There is no need to speculate on your context, if a man says that he does not want to marry, then he does not want to marry YOU. What do we think? "I will try and he will want."
If he does not call, then he does not care about you, and not because he is busy or there is no way to call.
“If he doesn't call, you just have to stop thinking about him. That's all you have to do. It's that simple. " J. Berg.
Doesn't introduce friends, parents, which means that he doesn't take you seriously.
Or a man disappears, does not appear for weeks, practically does not show initiative for the development of relations, but we sit and wait, "something must have happened to him, now he will sort things out and everything will be fine." Will it get better?
Of course not.
If the initiative comes only from you, then this means that the relationship has no prospects and will not be. And don't wait.
If he cancels appointments, is busy all the time, you rarely see each other, then he is not interested in you. Do not justify it and deceive yourself.
Sometimes a man can directly say: "Find yourself another, I am not worthy of you." So what? The woman immediately begins to think that she is too good for him, and he feels insecure. No, he feels that you do not suit him or he has another woman, he just does not know how to say it to you gently.
Sexual relationships also do not mean that you are serious. Especially if sex is at the core of your relationship.
As I already wrote: You need to very clearly distinguish between male passion and the desire to be with you. A woman always confuses the two. And if a man wants you, this does not mean that the man is in love. Do not rush to intimacy, give yourself and your man time to figure out if he has an interest in you besides sex?
If you have been communicating for a long time, and the man does not tell you about his feelings, words of love, this means that he has no love for you, and not because he is afraid to confess and cannot find words.
Don't invent feelings that don't exist. After all, then you yourself begin to believe in it, make plans for a life together, and the man does not even know about it, he only spends time. When fruitless hopes are dashed, it always hurts.
It is also important to honestly answer your questions:
- What place do I occupy in this man's life?
- Is this a really serious relationship?
- Or did I invent them for myself?
And notice if you are serious about your relationship? Does a man talk about the future? Do you feel warmth, or some distance and coldness?
Relationships must develop if they develop sluggishly or froze, it means that the man, unfortunately, does not take you seriously. There is no need to justify him.
And if you understand, you feel that the man does not love you, you do not need to try to earn his love, beg, demand, stubbornly trying to do something to advance the relationship. And even if a man marries (this also happens), nothing good will come of it. He will still go to his beloved woman sooner or later.
If you recently met a man, give up naivety, try to hear what your partner is telling you, and not what you want to hear.
Men ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH... Only women prefer not to hear her.
Enter a relationship without illusions or fantasies. Why should you invent something for yourself?
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Tatiana Dzutseva
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For some reason, the notorious difference in the psychology of men and women is remembered only when the relationship has not worked out and it is necessary to somehow explain the reason for the failure.
However, you can learn the simple secrets of male psychology and use them before you finally ruin all the delights of the first stage of the relationship. It's much better than grieving over a broken heart and blaming your ex for not understanding anything.
The mechanism of male love
It is much easier for women to give an emotional assessment of what is happening, therefore, with the right approach, male psychology in relationships ceases to be a secret behind seven seals and becomes an indispensable assistant in working on creating strong relationships in a couple.
Male psychology dictates the obligation to learn the inner world of a partner, but in modern society, the prerogative has long passed to women.
The stronger sex in the same way needs to be understood, and now a girl who wants to get married successfully must, with the skill of a real psychologist, understand the “anatomy of passion” of her lover.
What do men look for in the first place when meeting women?
The biggest and most closely guarded secret is that they choose a friend based on their external data, based on their own ideas about beauty.
All statements about the value of internal content and family prospects are nothing more than an attempt by the stronger sex to protect their tendency to judge a person by their appearance.
Male and female psychology differ in the type of information perception. Scientists confirm that almost all representatives of the strong half are visuals, that is, information reaches them mainly through the visual channel of perception.
At the same time, verbal expression fades into the background, while women, who are naturally inclined to intuitive knowledge of the world around them, tend to rely primarily on hearing in their impressions. Hence the old proverb arose that "a man loves with his eyes, and a woman with his ears."
Naturally, if everything were so simple, then excellent appearance would always be enough to win over any man on earth. However, a beautiful face, figure, neatness and mannerisms play a role only in the first stage of a relationship.
External attractiveness can be used only to attract attention, to start rapprochement with a man.
What does psychology say about the danger of scaring away your chosen one at the very beginning of a relationship? Jealousy, deception, disappointment? As it turned out, the most common male fear is associated with the fact that beauty is deceiving and transient.
The average man is always afraid of possible changes in the appearance of his chosen one. How often are you heard reproaches towards women who ceased to take care of themselves, as soon as the relationship was strengthened. So, men rely on appearance, but they are also afraid of its deceit at the same time.
A man makes a choice in favor of an attractive hostess
As soon as a man ascertained for himself the fact of falling in love, he begins to wonder whether this woman is suitable for the role of his wife and mother of his children. And this stimulus makes completely different parts of the brain move.
Do not be mistaken in thinking that only women after several dates already imagine who the children will be more like - him or her.
Feeling the incentive to start a family, the man abandons physical attraction and begins to observe the behavior of his companion.
Right now, it is important for him to find in his girlfriend such qualities as consistency, the ability to consistently maintain the bar, including in appearance, which he has already managed to highly appreciate during the candy-bouquet period of meetings.
Purely everyday skills - the ability to run a household, save money, maintain cleanliness and order - suddenly become desirable. Demonstrating all these feminine qualities immediately after meeting, when a man is trying to figure out whether he likes this person or not, was not worth it. But now is the time.
The male scheme, or the main conclusion that every real man wants to make about his woman is “her good appearance (always in his presence) + very economic (as it turned out)”.
Exactly in this sequence.
A few signs of true male love
The peculiarity of male psychology does not allow directly expressing emotions in order to assure a woman of the seriousness of her intentions. But it doesn't smell cold here either, if a man gives certain signals in his speech and behavior - "I love you."
True signs of male love:
- he says "we", meaning himself and his girlfriend;
- spends every free minute with his beloved, which causes the indignation of fishing comrades; but at the same time, a real man will be deeply disappointed if he has to choose between work and a girlfriend, so such ultimatums cannot be presented;
- shares his personal belongings: he will never refuse a woman to let him use his mobile, watch, laptop, car;
- tries to end every quarrel with reconciliation, without avoiding a showdown;
- helps to cope with problems - to fix something or get what you need;
- agrees to a common life and respects the special requirements of a woman for comfort and order.
What kind of support a man can expect when he is stressed
Male psychology in love manifests itself in times of crisis. For example, when a man, seeking protection from stress, withdraws into himself, the woman regards it very seriously - he has stopped loving her. In such a situation, it is important to remember that outwardly detached, a man inside can experience a storm of all kinds of emotions, but he is not able to show them.
It is impossible to demand from him in such moments a direct expression of sympathy, warmth and participation. The emotional range of the stronger sex is designed to conserve energy in a stressful situation, and a woman's attempts to achieve communication can irritate him and increase stress.
The ideal behavior of a woman from the point of view of a stressed man is tacit support, as well as the ability to shift his attention to something else, less stressful than the problem that occupies him at the moment.
Elena Kuznetsova, a family psychologist, a consultant on interpersonal relations, director of the dating agency "Me and You", tells about what women often do wrong.
Consider that everything is decided
This is an option. The situation is classic. The girl meets the guy and decides: "Mine." And almost from the first dates, he begins, without asking the young man, to plan a serious relationship, a wedding and further life together. And the gentleman, as they say, neither sleep nor spirit: he just likes the girl, and he simply would not mind, but not to go down the aisle with the young lady.
“On the part of the girl, the behavior turns out to be aggressive and demonstrative. She openly voices her idea of a wedding, and a man who is not satisfied with this state of affairs either quietly “sheds” from such a young lady, or begins to snap, ”says Kuznetsova.
She reminds that partners, especially at the beginning of a relationship, should respect each other's freedom.
Interference with privacy
This is perhaps the most common type of misbehavior in women. The couple had only two or, and the lady is already starting to "play wife" and arrange for the man to be interrogated with passion: "Why didn't you call?", "What time did you come home from work?", "Why were you seen at the bar?" etc. That is, total control is established over the personal life of the representative of the stronger sex.
Some of the girls like to plan for the guy's time. She tries to decide whether to go out with friends, go to the movies or go for a walk. “We are not going anywhere,” it happens, these young ladies declare to their partner, without even asking whether he wants to stay at home or not. Or they say: "Tomorrow we are going to visit my mother." The form of communication is always an ultimatum.
Also, attempts to interfere with a man's personal life include weaning from any habits: “Why do you drink?”, “Why do you smoke?”, “You need to lose weight,” and so on.
Competition with a man
A typical situation for many women who are constantly trying to prove to their new man that they are smarter and cooler than him. Such ladies constantly "climb" in conversations on male territory. For example, a woman versed in cars criticizes her boyfriend's car, or discusses suspensions and tire changes.
Some of the girls like to argue with a man about football, or begin to teach a gentleman: "You don't understand this issue, I understand better." And here, in the conversation, there is already a competition, because a man is in his own field - in men's matters, in men's topics, says Kuznetsova. She strongly advises ladies not to argue with the opposite sex.
“And the dispute is the lot of men. A woman's wisdom lies in her complaisance and tolerance, and in what she can listen to. If a man starts an argument, the woman should say, "Yes, you're right." Or: "Perhaps there is such an option." Do not infringe on your manhood. This is ethics, a matter of respect for a partner, ”explains the psychologist.
Parity relations are welcomed only when it comes to sports passion, when a girl plays chess or bowling well and can become a worthy opponent in the game.
Question: "Do you love me?"
This one, because it is usually asked very early, when there is still no love, only sympathy. But even when there are really strong feelings, men still react negatively to such a question, because they consider it stupid. Representatives of the stronger sex usually reason like this: "You must see and understand what, why voice it?"
Asking your partner about his feelings for you is worth it only as a love game and only when you have a really serious relationship.
Public play
Some girls like to provoke their young people when they are in the company. The young ladies flirt with other guys, trying to compete, which is why the gentleman is clearly not happy. Be careful not to play with fire.
"Promotion" for money
The mistakes often made by ladies include “promotion” for money. Almost on the second date, the young lady drags the gentleman to the store and asks him to buy her shoes or a dress. This approach makes everyone angry, because everything has its time.
“When I personally asked self-sufficient men:“ Are you ready for material things, ”they all answered the same thing:“ If she deserves it. ” That is, a normal man himself determines whether he wants to give a woman a gift or not. And if he really is a real man, he will buy everything when he sees fit. If he is a miser, then a woman has nothing to count on ”, - the consultant on interpersonal relations is sure.
Kuznetsova categorically insists that at the beginning of a love relationship, you cannot ask a man for anything. This should be done later, when at least a few months have passed and when it becomes clear that you are indeed a couple.
Imposing
There are not very smart women who are active. After the meeting, they themselves write, they themselves call, as they say, a rod like a tank. This is not a woman's line of behavior.
Useful information
Elena Kuznetsova, director of the dating agency "Me and you", family psychologist. Phone 8-920-909-62-35.Some men can follow the lead of an active woman, but only if she really really liked. But it's better not to risk it.
“Even if you are a woman, and you are" right "to the call, be careful and look at the man's reaction. If he happily responded, then the initiative had an effect, but still do not overdo it. I still do not recommend pulling a man out on a date every time, otherwise the gentleman will treat you like a consumer, ”warns Elena Kuznetsova. She is sure that the ladies should be reminded that it is a man who should conquer a woman, but not vice versa.
If you have questions to psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the address of the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .
At the beginning of a relationship, a girl often doubts that she correctly understands the intentions of a man. How to understand a man correctly? How to understand a man's behavior?
There are seven levels of family harmony. In short, they can be listed as follows:
- Level one: attraction
- Second level: romance
- Third level: family
- Fourth level: deep friends
- Fifth level: quivering love
- Sixth Level: Spiritual Practice
- Seventh Level: Spiritual Relationships
That is, there is a misunderstanding of the concept of family life.
According to the Vedas, the most ancient texts, love arises only as a result of living together. It cannot come out of nowhere. It is physical attraction that is mistaken for love.
But this does not mean at all that there is no place for romance in the family, on the contrary, it will be in the event that a woman and a man cultivate certain character traits in themselves.
A well-known aphorism says: "The family is a daily compromise." You can paraphrase it a little and say that a family is a daily struggle with your character.
We think everyone owes me. And here he or she too. Let him do what I want. It doesn't work in family life. It is because of this that conflicts and quarrels arise, everyone wants to do everything at his behest!
But then no family harmony can be expected. Then you will stop at the third level and that's it. You cannot even be friends.
You can argue about this for a long time and almost endlessly. Let's take a look at the first few levels of harmony.
The first level is attraction. Here we mean, not only physical attraction, but also emotional. Physical attraction is more of a male hypostasis. A man is attracted by a woman's body, that is a fact. In women, the psyche is arranged differently, in a man, at first, a woman is attracted by his mind and intellect, his character. This is how it works. At first, a woman does not look at what body a man has; she is interested in something else.
The second stage of a relationship is uncertainty. This is when a man begins to doubt whether this is the same woman? It seems that I wanted to meet with her, and I have already met a couple of times, and somehow nothing ... First - wow, what a beauty. And now nothing ... And the man begins to disappear. And the girl immediately starts to get nervous, he disappeared! She starts calling him and demanding an answer from him, why he disappeared, how he treats her.
And the man cannot answer, because he DOES NOT KNOW. The stage of the relationship is such - uncertainty. He cannot understand what he wants. He needs time to figure it out, but here, oops, some answers are also required from him.
The more the girl begins to hysteria, the more the man is from her further, further, and soon, disappears. It just disappears.
The most important thing is to endure this stage. The girl must wait calmly. Because in the psychology of a man there is a rule: the more a man moves away about his business, the more forcefully he is then attracted to the girl, he becomes closer to her.
That is, if the girl behaved correctly and did not discourage the man with her calls and sms, then the man has a desire to build a relationship further with this woman.
A woman doesn't have to do anything. Literally, nothing, you need to give time for doubts. And when the man calls, do not let all the dogs fall on him, but start exactly from the point at which they stopped. That is, continue to build relationships.
It's only your choice. You may say that this is nonsense, but no one bothers you to test it in practice.