Arabs and women from Russia are incompatible (letter from Mila). How to get married in an Arab country in decent families

"People meet, people fall in love, get married." All kinds of people meet and, being nothing to each other, they become two halves of one whole.

It happens that there are people who are different not only by their inner worlds, but also by the country of residence, religion, traditions.

Let's talk about Russian-Arab marriages. How do such couples meet, what are the difficulties in their relationship, how to understand a person with a different mentality?

In our country, in different cities, according to statistics, about 15 thousand people live from Arab countries. And quite a few of them are married to Russian women.

Most often, such couples meet while studying at the same university, less often in a cafe or cinema, on the streets, at parties with mutual friends, or by texting on the Internet. Russian women also get to know Arabs while on vacation in Arab countries.

What attracts oriental youths to Russian girls? Usually Arabs have a bright, memorable appearance, are extremely polite, and create a very pleasant impression of themselves. They know how to look after a girl very nicely, give expensive gifts, are very attentive. And a woman, as you know, loves with ears and eyes.

But what awaits such a couple, after they realize that there is love between them? After all, there is so much between them ... First of all, it is religion.

Most Arabs are Muslims, and many are fairly strict with Islam. Relatives and friends of a young man are often against the Russian bride, especially of another religion. And public opinion in the East plays an important role. There are couples whose marriage was never approved by the husband's parents. Such families often live on the territory of our country, the husband visits his homeland alone, and there are cases when he has another family there. That is, his parents, not approving the marriage with a Russian woman, forced their son to marry "their own" one more time. And since Islam allows a Muslim to have up to four wives, he lives in Russia with one wife, and a second is waiting for him in his homeland. Sometimes a Russian bride accepts Islam for the sake of her beloved. These Arab relatives are more loyal, especially if the girl has really sincerely become a Muslim, studies the religion of her husband, makes the obligatory prayer, dresses in accordance with Sharia norms. But, nevertheless, this is not the last difficulty in the relationship.

Of course, in any marriage there are problems, people begin to live together, the habits of one can contradict the habits of the other, people adjust to each other. And in a marriage with an Arab, all this is aggravated by the fact that from childhood he was brought up on the following principle: a man is the head of the family, his word is the law for his wife. And this cannot be eradicated. The wife of an Arab must either take it for granted, or, most likely, the marriage will fall apart sooner or later. We have to step over ourselves, through the way we were brought up, through our habits. But for the love of her husband, anything is possible.

Difficulties also arise if the husband takes his wife to his homeland. Not every Russian woman will be able to settle down and fall in love with a foreign country. Someone gradually gets used to it and lives, but someone just runs away or dreams of running away from her husband and all his Arab relatives, but remains married in a foreign land for fear that the spouse will not give up the children.

It is a well-known fact that his family will have a great influence on the husband, therefore it is very important that the mother-in-law's attitude towards the Russian daughter-in-law is not bad and even more hostile.

The support of the husband is very important, especially in the first year of the life of a Russian wife in a foreign country. Arabs, like many other eastern nations, often live in the same home with their parents so that children can take care of elderly parents. And the daughter-in-law, of course, has a hard time, and the foreign daughter-in-law is even more difficult.

If family life continues on the wife's territory, then problems arise, for example, after the birth of children. A man from the East is most often a very attentive father. This, undoubtedly, is a big plus, but there are also some nuances from which quarrels in the family follow, for example, on religious grounds, especially if the spouses belong to different confessions. So, there are often cases when a Christian wife would like to baptize a child, but a Muslim husband will undoubtedly be against it, because according to Islam, a child whose father is a Muslim is also a Muslim and must be brought up according to Islamic traditions. Surely it will be the husband who will decide how the child will be called, how to bring him up, how to dress him, and so on. Not every mother will unconditionally agree to entrust her husband with important aspects of raising her baby. Disagreements can be caused by the child's clothes, feeding - when and what to feed the baby, parenting issues and much more.

It happens that troubles arise because of the holidays. Of course, many of us are used to celebrating birthdays, New Years, and not everyone in Arab countries celebrates this. There are only two major holidays in Islam, and both of them are related to religion. Many Muslims do not mark anything else. Many Arab husbands forbid Russian wives to celebrate non-Islamic events and teach their children to do so.

What is important in order to, after going through all the difficulties, maintain love and go hand in hand through life? Probably the most important thing is mutual respect, mutual assistance, mutual understanding. It is necessary to realize that the Arab man is from a completely different environment, and it is also difficult for him. But husband and wife are still one whole, and this whole must be preserved, no matter how difficult it may be. And then love will not break on family life and all those warm and bright feelings for each other will remain, which were sparks at the very beginning of our acquaintance.

Many of us believe that an Arab wedding is a closed and boring event, since religion does not allow for luxurious feasts. However, this is not at all the case. Of course, obedience to Islam plays almost the most important role in the life of a Muslim. He imposes many prohibitions, and everyone considers it their duty to obey the laws of Islam. With regards to the conduct, there are a number of restrictions. But Arabs celebrate weddings so grandly that many Europeans would envy. In this article, we will tell you about how a wedding is celebrated in the United Arab Emirates.

Matchmaking

The decision to enter into marriage is traditionally made by the head of the family - the father. Very often these people are not guided by the idea of ​​a happy family life for their child. For example, if this very head of the family owes someone a large sum, then he, without any remorse, can give his beautiful daughter in marriage to the debtor in order to later write off the debt. Or, not looking for profit, give up a daughter or son for the first successful passion that comes along, just to "shake off" them as soon as possible into adulthood.

Women in the UAE live completely separately from men, communicating only with their closest relatives, therefore it is not strange that parents are engaged in the selection of a pair. The Arabs are accustomed to such customs, no matter how oppressive they may seem to the adherent of other religions.

Muslims often adhere to the old custom, when a girl should not see her future husband before the wedding, much less talk to him. All she can count on is to accidentally see him from the window, and then she shouldn't tell anyone about it.

How do the bride and groom know about each other?

All the information that is available to a girl before the wedding is that which she will receive from the groom's relatives: his mother, sisters or aunts. Sometimes the groom is judged by the impressions that were made in early childhood. Girls and boys under nine years old can play together according to Arab law. Each father of the bride considers it his duty to ask the groom if he had the opportunity to see her. He, in turn, must say that he did not see the girl, he only had the honor of hearing about her.

Fathers of brides have one little "trick". If a parent is not indifferent to the opinion of his daughter and wants to make sure that she will marry a certain chosen one of her own free will, he acts as follows: communicates with the girl's mother and herself, while, as if by chance, he stipulates that he wants to arrange a men's evening, lists the guests , calling the name of the one who wooed, and observing the reaction of women. If she is positive, he directly burns to his daughter, who got married, and asks her opinion about it. Only when it gets approved does it begin

Practiced in other cases and communication between the groom and the bride before the wedding. First, women from two families meet to discuss the upcoming marriage, then men. And after that, the groom can talk with his future wife to make a firm decision.

Sometimes parents agree on an engagement when the children are still very young. They may be less than ten years old when the marriage talks begin.

Pre-wedding preparations

An event like a wedding can have a budget of millions of dollars. Even if the groom is not a sheikh, the average wedding in the UAE costs 80-100 thousand dollars. But this is mainly due to the fact that almost every 13 people in the United Arab Emirates are a millionaire.

So the engagement was successful. What happens next? Next, relatives and friends are notified. This is done by servants dressed in smart clothes. They go from house to house, serving sweets and other treats, and handing out wedding invitations. All preparations usually take no more than a month, and during this time a lot needs to be done.

Days before the wedding

During this period, the bride herself is given many gifts and dowry, which remains strictly her personal property. Not only the groom, but his entire family is in a hurry to present the future daughter-in-law with the best jewelry, outfits or materials for his tailoring.

In contrast to European customs, the ring on the ring finger of the bride is not worn by the groom, but by his close relative.

Formally, the marriage is concluded after the signing of the marriage contract, where the groom himself and representatives of the bride are present. There are also cases when a girl can be present herself, but there must be male relatives with her. After which the union is considered concluded, but in fact everyone recognizes it only after the wedding ceremony.

Arab wedding traditions

The wedding preparations don't end there. The last week before the celebration, the bride should stay in a secluded little room and be dressed in simple clothes. The Arabs believe that this will make her look even more beautiful on her wedding day. The groom should not spend the whole week in a dark room, but the last three days before the ceremony he must spend at home, surrounded only by his closest relatives and friends.

An Arab wedding is a grand event. The wedding ceremony is traditionally held after sunset. This event may be celebrated for more than one day. On such wedding days, the families of the bride and groom have different goals. For example, the groom's family considers it their duty to surprise relatives, friends and other ordinary residents of the UAE with a variety of treats and gourmet foods. Tents are even displayed on the street, where any passer-by can taste the wedding food. The girl's family will "brag" about the decoration of the premises of their house. And this is no coincidence, because the ceremony takes place in the bride's house, and not in the mosque, as some tend to mistakenly believe.

How is the wedding celebrated?

And that's not all that Arab wedding is all about. The customs are quite original. Newlyweds can celebrate together or separately. Often the bride and groom practice the latter. Accordingly, the bride celebrates with the women and the groom with the men. Even if these two holidays are held in adjacent halls, their guests do not collide with each other at all.

Women in their hall may not cover their heads, pleasant music is pouring from everywhere, dances are going on, the treats do not end, and all the girls on this day can walk wonderfully. The most beautiful and elegant of all is the bride. In the middle of the hall stands her throne, which really looks like a royal one.

The groom's party is no less fun. With only one prerequisite - no alcohol. In the United Emirates, the Abadis do not even smoke tobacco. But nevertheless, the promenade is luxurious, and the guests do not deny themselves anything. This is an Arabic style wedding.

If men and women celebrate this celebration separately, at the end of the evening the groom with his father and a witness comes to the women's hall. Ladies of his arrival are notified in advance, as they must have time to cover their heads. The festivities continue. At their end, the groom takes the bride to his place.

First and tradition after the wedding

The Arab wedding has been played, and now it is time for the first wedding night. Close relatives should present expensive gifts to the bride. Then the newlyweds are seen off to their wedding night.

According to the Koran, before entering into an intimate relationship, a newly-made husband and wife are required to perform a series of prayers. On this night, they may even just talk to get to know each other better.

After the first wedding night

The next morning the table is set and guests are invited again. The first weeks after the holiday, the spouses hardly appear in public. After this period, friends begin to visit them to congratulate them on the wedding again. This concludes the Arab wedding.

A logical question arises: who are the "Muslim princes" who write to our women? These can be: gigolos trying to obtain citizenship of a more developed country (including Russia) by marrying a foreigner; rich residents of the Gulf countries looking for a cheap white mistress for a while; pimps and slavers who lure our women abroad and sell them to brothels. Turkey and the UAE are centers of the slave trade, and Russian women are in incredible demand there. I do not dare to call all these types "Muslims". Like a Muslim woman. Such scum, I believe, should not be called people. Perhaps someone found his happiness in marriage with an Arab via the Internet, but personally I am not aware of such cases.

Our women meet Arabs in real life, usually at an institute where foreign students study. In my experience, most of the mixed marriages are from the student environment. Such marriages are concluded quite often, but also often break up. The main reason is the difference in mentality and cultural traditions. These traditions are usually called "Muslim", and the carriers of the traditions themselves are called "Muslims". Is it so?

Let me tell you a little about myself. I converted to Islam about 7 years ago. I had no thoughts of getting married and leaving. Together with me, two more Russian girls came to Islam: both are not married. I do not want to explain the reasons for my choice, the path to God is a personal matter, I just want to say that for any believer of any confession it is necessary to communicate with fellow believers. My friends lived in a hostel, since they were students from other cities. Arab students lived in the same hostel. Theoretically, they were my fellow believers, but I would not communicate with most of them, let alone marry, even more so, as a Muslim believer. The fact is that a real Muslim is one who observes the precepts of his religion. In our hostel, out of 150 Arabs, there were three observers. The rest were drinking and having fun with the girls. They were ethnic Muslims. The fact is that if we ask an ordinary Russian how Orthodox he is, we will hear several options in response: an atheist, sometimes I go to church, I believe in God, but I don’t follow the instructions of the church, and so on. If we ask the same question to a Muslim about his religion, we will hear something different: even the most drinking and depraved Arab will beat himself with the heel in the chest, claiming that he is a Muslim, even if he does not observe anything. And in general, Islam is not like that, do not look at me, I am not an example to follow. Sentences like these are misleading to non-Muslims. Especially in the case of the above-described hostel, where a pitiful bunch of believers: 3 Russians, 3 Arabs and two Tatar grandmothers (the watchmen, we taught them to pray, since under Soviet rule they did not have knowledge of their religion) - there was a contrasting spectacle in comparison with drunken crowds of Arabs and their drunk girlfriends.

By the way, about the girlfriends. Many girls, meeting with Arabs, hoped for a serious relationship, but I knew that in most cases this is impossible: someone is already waiting for a bride at home, someone just has a Russian girl for fun. I had no moral right to interfere in someone else's private life and "open the eyes" of our girls. I wore a headscarf, and this already distinguished me: none of the Arabs slept with me, on the contrary, when I walked by, my "brothers" shyly lowered their eyes, hiding vodka in their pants pockets. Our girls could not fail to see this when meeting with Arabs. Usually they just ignored me, they didn't ask questions, they didn't ask for advice: well, there was some strange girl in strange clothes walking around, so what? In a word, I felt some kind of barrier between me and these girls, although I was terribly sorry for them. When some of the Arabs left for their homeland, having thrown their beloved ones, there was smoke in the dormitory like a rocker. The most furious girls almost threw themselves at me, accusing me, my headscarf and my Islam, they say, they did not do this to me, no one used me. Of course, there were few particularly aggressive ones, most of them suffered quietly alone: ​​no joke, losing 3-5 years per person and wasted.

Of course, not everyone is like Masha and Nina. Most unhappy Arab marriages are love marriages. Marriages with Europeanized Arabs, allegedly cut off from their roots. In Russia, these guys are no different from Russians, except that they look after more beautifully, but when they take their wife home, everything changes. A former shirt-guy can grow a beard and suddenly become a "faithful", demanding the same from his wife: since you love me, obey. Most of these Arabs are childishly naive, they sincerely believe that thanks to love, their wives will also be imbued with the spirit of their traditions and will be "like everyone else." This is especially true for the change of faith. All Muslims are confident in the truth of their faith. (As well as believing Catholics or Orthodox). Only believing Muslims understand that faith is an intimate matter, and, believing in the truth of their religion, they do not expect that everyone around them will also adhere to the same views. And a true believer Muslim marries only a Muslim woman, and he will get to know her not at a disco, but through friends or relatives. A believer of any denomination will observe his religion everywhere: both at home and in a foreign land, no matter how difficult it may be. Agree, this clearly does not apply to the above-described walking comrades. That is why the ex-wives of such Arabs denounce Muslims and Islam for nothing, although we obviously have nothing to do with it. It is easier to label, blame creeds and abstract people than dig into the heart of the problem. And the bottom line is that there is no smell of religion here: the husband was never a religious person, a change of faith is just a requirement to follow traditions, and the wife did not have the slightest idea about the religion and traditions of her husband's country. And she didn’t want to know and understand, she would have known - I would have thought a hundred times.

I am more than sure that Russian women, planning to marry an Arab, were warned more than once by their parents, friends and acquaintances. I'm also sure they've read a lot of different stories. But they get married, go to their beloved. What awaits them? A sharp change in lifestyle: long clothes, reverence for the elders and relatives of the husband, the inability to make a career, obedience to the husband. What does all this mean?

First, the relationship with her husband's relatives. If they accepted a daughter-in-law, the marriage can already be considered half happy, support and protection are guaranteed, if something goes wrong, you can complain to your father-in-law, they will make a suggestion to your son: Arabs obey their father and mother. If the father-in-law is against such a marriage, it is better to divorce. Especially if the husband obeys his relatives.

Secondly, it is the relationship with the husband itself. In Muslim countries, women communicate with women separately from men. It will be normal for a Muslim woman to ask her husband not to go to the market: hustle and bustle, annoying merchants, heavy bags. Usually men buy provisions for the family. It will also be normal for a Muslim woman to give preference to home and child-rearing; the husband's task is to provide for the family. An Arab would prefer to live with a family-oriented woman rather than a career-oriented woman, but he would never dare to tell his wife that she was sitting on his neck. Of course, there are working women, but preference is given to work in a purely female team (beauty salons, ateliers, etc.), or with children: kindergartens, schools. Often women work in the family business of their fathers-in-law and husbands: shops, clinics (if both spouses are doctors). However, in all cases, Muslim men believe that raising a child and doing housework is also hard work. Muslim women themselves are of the same opinion.

Now a few words about the character of her husband. Usually it manifests itself in the first year or two of life together. As a rule, young people spend this time together, living in Russia. The husband may not require wearing a long one, but he may already begin to show himself. An intelligent woman will immediately notice whether a man is greedy, kind, demanding, strong in character, or a rag. Arriving at home, such husbands are unlikely to change dramatically: weak-willed will obey their relatives, strong and authoritarian men will try to control their wives even more. If a husband beats his wife, he usually beats her everywhere: both in Russia and abroad. Conclusion: it is necessary to decide whether it is worth living with such a person or not before leaving Russia. If there are children in the marriage, then they need to become Russian citizens. After leaving for an Arab country, Russian citizenship cannot be changed either: our diplomatic services will only provide assistance to their citizens abroad, Russian legislation does not recognize dual citizenship.

At one time I came across an article "Why do you girls love the Syrians." I don’t remember which newspaper. The bottom line is that these Syrians married Russians, got registered, lived at their expense, and even beat their wives. I just could not understand how you can endure a parasite, prescribe him, and even allow yourself to be beaten! Note that it was in Russia, these women could get divorced, they could not get married at all, but live in a civil marriage. They could just leave - they are all Muscovites, they have a job and a residence permit. We could stop at this. However, these women went further: they gave birth to children from their husbands, but in twos. And then, having divorced, they raised a fuss: the fathers took the children to Syria. There was even a TV program, where the mufti from the Spiritual Directorate of Muslims of Russia publicly said what I am writing about: why was it necessary to give birth to children from them, and where are these Syrians - Muslims? Personally, I know that an Arab will not abandon his children, but I also saw various examples of divorces, where children remained with both their mother and father - in my experience, everything depends on a person. If, in the case of these Syrians, it is immediately clear what kind of people they are, no good can be expected from them.

In fairness, it should be noted that sometimes the most decent of the Arabs, before talking about marriage, talk about their country and faith. This initially puts potential brides in a state of shock, but, having recovered, they realistically look at the prospect of marriage with such a person, and in my experience, marriages are happy. You can also search for information about the husband's country on the Internet, read reference books, notes of travelers who have visited these countries, read something from fiction written by Arab authors. It is better to take contemporary writers, they paint a picture of life in their countries without embellishment and objectively, without avoiding problems and dark sides. I personally really like the Syrian writer Ulfat Ul Idlibi.

Also, in fairness, it should be noted that most happy marriages with Arabs were concluded with Russian Muslim women, Tatar women, and residents of the North Caucasus. And the Arabs themselves were believers. In addition to professional education, the women also had a religious education, they spoke Arabic. Before marriage, the families of the husbands already accepted the daughter-in-law in absentia, and the families of the wives - the son-in-law. Agree, common spiritual values, parental support on both sides, fluency in Arabic - all this is a very good foundation for building relationships. However, these happy couples did not all leave for their husbands' homeland. The reasons are different. For example, there is a civil war in Sudan and Algeria. In the UAE, the Russian diploma received by husbands is not quoted, and they cannot find a job in their specialty. Egypt - low living standards, poor health care and education systems. Only a few couples settled in Syria and Morocco, but in this case the fathers-in-law are rich people, which means that you can live in your home, in a clean and calm area, and often visit your parents in Russia. The downside is that you can't scold the ruler out loud, you can go to jail for this: there is no freedom of speech.

Most of my friends, happily married, returned to Russia from Sudan, Algeria and Egypt. It’s not sweet in Russia either: those of my Sudanese acquaintances who opened their own business in Russia (a confectionery shop) lost their money during the 1998 financial crisis. Therefore, those who could, left for the USA or Canada. Not sugar either: life from scratch with one suitcase. Those who stayed in Russia work in their specialty. Usually these are doctors (most of the Arabs educated in Russia are doctors). How doctors in Russia are paid is not for me to tell you, so wives also work, sometimes in the same hospital, to make ends meet.

You can ask me personally: would I marry an Arab? It is difficult for me to unequivocally answer this question. I would marry a good and religious person, and all my friends, the Arabs, did not want to go home, it was better for them in Russia ... I would gladly marry a Russian Muslim, but they were all dismantled. And among those Arabs who wanted to live in Russia, almost all drank and did not observe anything. I must say that there were good people among these guys, they helped me with my work and generally helped in life, but I would not marry them. Moreover, I would not register anyone in my apartment: neither an Arab nor a Russian. But to obtain Russian citizenship, a residence permit is required, so no matter how wonderful an Arab is, I would not register it.

Again, for the sake of justice, I must say that among my acquaintances Algerians there were guys who were successful in business. They bought housing with their own money, registered there, and honestly, through their labor they earned Russian citizenship, and then they got married, registering their wives in their apartments. But this is an exceptional case.

Everything I wrote about here has one goal: when another letter comes from another girl who is in love with an Arab and is going to see him for permanent residence, remember my letter too. Trust me: I saw a huge number of mixed marriages, and for the most part, women with closed eyes rushed into the pool with their heads, not thinking about anything but their love. How many times have I tried to talk to these girls - it's useless, they heard nothing but the call of their hearts, and then many cried bitterly.

About Arabs and Russian girls:

I would like to say a few words in defense of our girls ... You never know how someone dresses, if a girl has beautiful legs why not wear a mini skirt, this is not a reason to think that she is a prostitute or some kind of frivolous.

Yes, in our country it is perceived as normal, but in Arab or the same Turkey you are a prostitute just because you were born in Ukraine or Russia and you are treated like that. I was in Turkey and noticed that there is no elementary respect for our girls from the side of these Turks.

Impudent, stubborn, lustful animals, what else to say about them. I was at a disco in Kemer and watched a picture of how two Turks were sitting and our girls were with them, so they did this there ... they brazenly climbed under the dresses of the girls without any hesitation, in general, some kind of orgies were staged in front of everyone. How many here I have not visited nightlife, I have never seen anything like this. I would drive them all these Turks away behave like wild animals!

Somehow, during one of my visits to a nightclub in my native Kharkov, I met one foreign friend, from which lands I did not yet understand, I had a birthday at that time, he took the initiative and paid the bill (we were alone with a friend), and then he insistently began to invite him to his place.

And then ... they found out that he was a Turk, although not very much like him outwardly. Well, we naturally politely sent him to hell, then after a while we saw him in the same institution a couple of times and all with new ladies.

Yes, these Turks will not do anything just so disinterestedly.
And advice to our girls is not to be fooled by their fairy tales !!!

Mila, letter to the site editor.

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Website administration commentary. Alexandra, editor-in-chief, is in charge.

Mila, thank you very much for your letter! However, it is very difficult to agree with you.

The difference in mentality (Slavs and Turks) is huge. Absolutely normal and ordinary things for us are completely unacceptable in Muslim countries. And guests, including vacationers, should have at least elementary respect for their culture.

Nobody talks about the need to wear a burqa, hijab, abaya and other things that I learned about over the years of working on this site, but flaunting in front of Muslim (!) Men in short shorts and tops is not worth it. It is as if you are waving a red rag in front of a bull; men subconsciously trigger the reflex that a girl is looking for adventure. For a trip to Arab countries, it is better to buy a light long skirt, which, by the way, will end up being more comfortable in 50-degree heat.

As for marriages with Turks, Arabs, from experience I can say that this is possible!

If a woman learns to behave in an Islamic society, shows herself as a hospitable hostess, a wise wife and a loving mother, and her husband becomes a reliable support and protection for the whole family (even in front of relatives), then the result will be a lasting, happy marriage (there are many such examples on our website).

And, believe me, it will not matter who is of what nationality and religion.