When is the best time to do matchmaking. Matchmaking customs from ancestors. You need to translate useful information about yourself into a comic-playful form.

19.06.2019

The customs and ritual of matchmaking have ancient roots. Matchmaking is an act that precedes the sacrament of marriage, when relatives from the groom's side come to the bride's house to obtain consent to the wedding ceremony. Nowadays, this custom has changed somewhat, basically it carries either the function of acquaintance of relatives, or at this event the issues of organizing a wedding celebration are resolved. Basically, it has lost its former brilliance, although its meaning remains the same.

A bit of history

The matchmaking rite has been around for several hundred years. For a long time, it was carried out so that the relatives of the parties to the marriage could agree on all kinds of property issues. Very often, before the matchmaking, the bride's bride was arranged. If the young man liked his future wife, then the next visit was usually a matchmaking. Although, a lot of time could pass between these two events. After all, after a man expressed a desire to marry a particular girl, his relatives, including parents, tried to find out who their future daughter-in-law was. Is everything good in her family? What is the well-being of her parents. If all the information was positive, then the godfather, uncle or elder brother of the groom called the matchmakers and sent them to the bride's house to conduct matchmaking.

Usually, the role of matchmaker was played by the godfather, uncle or cousin, elder brother of the groom. The boy's own mother or godmother could act as a matchmaker. But the customs allowed to take outside women as a matchmaker, for example, the most respected married woman in the village, who was a good wife, could set an example and knew about this rite. It was believed that she could easily and cheerfully negotiate with the bride's relatives. Over the years, the concept of a matchmaker has changed its meaning. They began to call her a wise and experienced woman, who had young unmarried girls from good families on her note.

Before going to the bride's house, matchmakers performed their own rituals. For example, before going to matchmaking, the matchmaker would come up to the stove, put her hands on it and turn to God to bless her. And the matchmaker crossed the threshold of the bride's house only with his right foot, it was believed that this brings good luck. In the old days, matchmaking was taken very seriously. After all, the bride's parents did not always welcome matchmakers with pleasure. If their daughter was beautiful and smart, and, moreover, was famous for a good housewife, then many people came knocking on their door, and they, wishing happiness, wanted to choose a good party for their daughter.

How it was?

The old Russian rite of matchmaking usually took place on Saturday evening, as soon as the sun went down. Matchmakers came to the girl's parents' house, asked permission to enter, announced the young man's desire to marry their beautiful daughter. At the same time, no one asked the consent of the future bride herself, everything was traditionally decided by the father and mother. But usually the first time matchmakers were refused. It was considered bad form to pass off a girl as the first one who wooed her or the one who came for the first time. Perseverance was required for the bride's parents to give a positive answer.

The matchmaking usually took place in two stages. For the first time it was considered informal, so to speak, matchmakers probed the soil. They found out what the relatives wanted in exchange for the girl. If the groom and his family were able to meet their requirements, and the bride's parents did not strongly oppose, then a second, official matchmaking was appointed. The second time usually came not only matchmakers, but also the parents of the young man, sometimes he himself. If after that the bride's side was not against it, then they proceeded to discuss the details. They set a date, divided the costs of the wedding, agreed on the dowry and the place of its holding. Moreover, the groom had to pay a ransom for the bride, it was obligatory. Bargaining was not prohibited. When all business issues were resolved, matchmakers and parents of both parties sealed the future union with a joint prayer.

The girl's dowry was collected from a young age. It usually included fabrics, bed linens, textiles, tableware, jewelry, gold, and money. In the husband's family, it was considered the property of the wife. If she died, then her dowry passed by inheritance to her children, usually girls, if there were no children, then according to the rules, it had to be returned to the girl's family.

How is matchmaking going today?

The modern rite is much simpler. The future husband and wife, as a rule, know and love each other, and most often live together, and matchmaking is only formal. On the appointed day at the appointed place (not necessarily at the bride's house), the groom, possibly with his family, sometimes with matchmakers, meets with the parents of his future wife, presents flowers to the women and, according to tradition, asks the bride's father or brother for permission to marry his beloved.

Nowadays, matchmaking is timed to some kind of family event. Often on it, future relatives are introduced to each other, and if everyone is satisfied, then they agree on the date of the celebration. If the father or brother of the bride agrees, then, according to tradition, he gives his daughter's hand to her future husband, and seals the contract with a handshake and a toast "To the young!"

Modern couples very often want this moment to be remembered for them. Therefore, referring to the traditions of their ancestors, they ask their matchmakers to write a script according to which the present ceremony will be carried out. Very often matchmaking turns into a real holiday, congratulations in verses, jokes and ditties sound.

In ancient times, most marriages took place by prior arrangement between the parents. Matchmaking was an interesting and beautiful custom in which the groom was introduced to the bride, describing her merits and best qualities. Now young people choose their own mate, but the tradition of wooing their parents has remained. Study the bride's matchmaking ritual: a detailed scenario of fun games, contests, rituals, this will help you have a fun holiday.

The groom informs the parents about the desire to marry

Previously, the noisy rite of matchmaking took place like this: matchmakers with the groom came to the gates of the bride's house, they opened the doors and invited them to the room where the girl's parents and closest relatives (sister, brother, grandmother and grandfather) were sitting. The task of the matchmakers was to present the man in the best possible light. If he was rich, it was necessary to praise his merchants and financial capabilities, and when a man was hard-working, they "presented" his golden hands. The ceremony itself began with the words that the matchmakers said: "You have goods - we have a merchant."

After that, the bride came out, dressed in her most beautiful dress, and the matchmakers asked the question: "Is the girl a skillful girl?" The girl took a broom, pretended to sweep the floor, then gave a homemade thing to her future spouse. Everything took place in a half-joking manner. The matchmaking also negotiated a dowry, discussed a wedding. Despite the attitude of the parents towards the betrothed, during the first matchmaking, as a rule, he was refused.

The modern rite of matchmaking is the arrival of the betrothed to the bride's house with a bouquet of flowers for the future mother-in-law and expensive alcohol for the father-in-law. There he announces his desire to marry, asks for a blessing to marry their daughter. As a rule, the visit is official, but nothing prevents you from making a fun performance out of matchmaking, where you can invite other relatives and friends.

Choosing a matchmaker or matchmaker

The matchmaker and matchmaker who will participate in the ceremony must be on the side of the betrothed, although this rule is often violated. If someone from the bride's relatives (for example, brother, uncle, sister) is well acquainted with the future son-in-law, they can represent the man themselves. It's good if everyone has similar costumes that match the concept of the script.

Requisites for the ceremony

The props depend on what kind of matchmaking scenario is carried out. These can be musical instruments, various gifts for the bride's mother and father, towels, balls of thread, feathers, trees, a hammer, pillows. Matchmakers, as a sign of generosity, financial solvency of the betrothed, can roll in a keg of overseas wine, which will be immediately opened for a feast.

Sending matchmakers

This is where the rite of matchmaking begins - “for the matchmaker, the first cup and the first stick”. They bow before entering. Only after crossing the threshold, matchmakers should, with the help of hints, sayings, approach the main topic of the conversation - the future engagement. Further, the matchmaking scenario provides for songs, games, praise of the betrothed. Then the owners set the table, treat the guests with bread and salt, have dinner, when a certain hour comes - they give their answer.

For an illustrative example of how the matchmaking rite is carried out, see the video:

Bargaining for a bride

Before the feast, bargaining was always held in Russia. Usually, the bride was not present at this stage of the matchmaking in order to avoid delicate moments: discussing the dowry, the groom's money, the distribution of the costs of the wedding. We could casually touch on the question of the possible date of the event. Only after the bargaining was the bride summoned. As part of a modern celebration, bargaining can also be carried out, but playfully.

Feast

The feast is not only the consumption of food, the drinking of vodka, wine, but also the time when fun games, contests, and rituals are held according to the script. During it, the mother and father of the bride, as a rule, agree to an alliance, after which the groom puts a gold ring on the girl's finger and the engagement is considered valid. Then relatives kiss the young, and guests open champagne to celebrate the beginning of the new family.

Trials of the bride

The tests for the bride are comic in nature. She needs to show her economic abilities. The groom's side asks the girl to give her a taste of the dish she has prepared, to demonstrate the embroidery, to sweep the floor.

Cutting a loaf

According to the old Russian matchmaking scenario, the betrothed must bring a loaf to the bride. By accepting this gift, she consents to the engagement. Then the future spouses take a knife and cut the product in half - if they manage to cut the loaf the first time, without taking away the tool, it becomes a sign that their life together will be happy. Instead of loaf, the modern version allows the use of a delicious cake. What a loaf looks like for a matchmaking rite, see the photo below.

The groom's speech

The matchmaking scenario necessarily provides for the groom's speech. After friends or relatives have presented the man in the best light, it is time for the betrothed to "give" his voice. He must tell the bride's parents about his love for their daughter, talk about how he will protect her, respect, appreciate.

Giving gifts, what to give for matchmaking

Gifts for matchmaking can be different: flowers, fruit baskets, chocolate cake, jewelry for the girl and her mother (the future mother-in-law can give the bride beads or a chain), alcohol, souvenirs. The main gift is a wedding ring.

Honey drinking

To prove his love for the bride, according to the script, the following ceremony is carried out: the betrothed to the bottom must drink a glass of honey.

Marriage conspiracy

Previously, this part of the scenario involved a discussion of financial issues - the amount of dowry, the cost of the celebration, the material security of the groom as a whole. The modern rite allows you to skip this stage.

Contests for the ceremony

Funny contests will be a great addition to the noisy matchmaking rite scenario. Here are some examples of rite contests.

Question answer

This game will show how well the future spouse knows the bride. Several questions are being prepared for him, which must be answered correctly (favorite dish of the future wife, color, date of birth, angel's day).

For parents

To make matchmaking fun not only for young people, but also for parents, a competitive scenario is used.

The fathers of the lovers leave the room, and the presenter asks the mothers questions: how long was their braid during the wedding, how many guests were present, where they met.

Then the men are called to answer the same questions.

The pair that matches all or most of the answers wins.

Wedding song

The scenario for this competition is as follows: guests humming excerpts from wedding songs. The winner is the member who sings more songs than the rest.

Signs

The holiday was held after sunset so that evil forces could not enter the house. It was believed that the marriage would be happy if, after the departure of the groom, all sharp objects were connected. After the guests left the house, the bride needed to cry a lot in order to lead a tearless life after the wedding.

Matchmaking is an old tradition and a real theatrical performance. The ritual can be an interesting stage in preparing for a wedding, an opportunity for bringing two families closer together.

Will you be celebrating matchmaking? What ideas did you like? Let us know in the comments.

Matchmaking is an ancient rite, the purpose of which is to ask the girl's hand from her close relatives. Most often these are the girl's parents. The role of matchmaker from a man can be his parents, godparents, uncles, older brothers or grandfathers. Sometimes the groom's close friends take part in the matchmaking.

In contact with

In Russia, before matchmaking, there was a family council in the groom's house, after which matchmakers were sent to the bride. They came to the house with songs and dances, jokes and jokes, and only in this way the girl could find out that they wanted to marry her.

Today, the rituals are no longer of the same importance with which they were previously treated. However, even now matchmaking is a sign of respect for the bride's parents, because the whole life of the young will depend on what kind of relationship is initially established between relatives.

How matchmaking works

if the father and mother did not mind giving their daughter to the groom, then they regaled the guests with a pie, and often met them with a loaf.
Sharing a meal meant an engagement was coming soon.
if they wanted to refuse the guy, they returned him a whole loaf.
the most successful day for matchmaking is Pokrov (October 14).
wooing is not accepted on Wednesday, Friday or on the 13th day of the month.
the negotiations were carried out standing, as if on the move, so that the marriage was accomplished as soon as possible.
on the way to the bride's house, they kept silence, and left after sunset, fearing the evil eye.

There are no clear rules for conducting matchmaking on the part of the groom, but it can take place in two versions: the first, when only matchmakers come from the groom, and the second, when the groom participates in the ceremony. The bride's parents are pleased with the attention of the groom; it is customary for them to give small gifts. It is imperative for the groom to bring flowers to the mother of the bride and the girl herself. It is customary for the father to give expensive cigars, tobacco or alcohol. If he has no bad habits at all, it is better to clarify the gift options with his beloved. And she may well ask her father directly. It will not be considered shameful.

The choice of clothes for the future groom also needs to be taken seriously. Preference should be given to a strict suit. This will impress the girl's relatives and add seriousness to her intentions. In the case of the participation of matchmakers in folk costumes, the groom must also match.

Both old and modern versions of matchmaking by the groom imply that the match is being conducted by the matchmakers. The groom, on the other hand, must be silent and answer the questions of the bride's parents. By tradition, matchmaking begins with the words: "We have goods, you have a merchant ...", that is, guests from the doorstep inform about the purpose of arrival. When they have already entered the house, matchmakers praise the groom, talk about his qualities, education, skills, success and prosperity. Then the bride's parents talk about her. The young man is asked questions about his plans for life, for the bride, about the attitude towards children, religion, if this is a critical question. Very often such topics are discussed that the bride and groom did not even touch on. And if all is well, the matchmaking ends with a positive decision of the parents.

Then they already agree on the bride, when the bride and her parents come to the groom's house. And there is already a discussion of issues directly related to the wedding day: budget, guests, date and much more.

If you still want matchmaking to be in the folk style, then do not forget that matchmakers must be incendiary, talkative and without complexes, so that the tradition does not turn into a boring duty. It can go through something like this:

Today matchmaking remains only a tribute to tradition. But this ceremony is very important from the point of view, which allows you to clarify many issues in advance. Indeed, at this moment, the elders seem to be sharing their experience with the young, finding out those details that the young may not think about due to their age. And it is much better if the life together begins with the consent of all parties.

In the modern world, a guy and a girl often make a decision on their own to tie the knot. Nevertheless, many want to conduct a classic matchmaking by the groom. How is the ceremony going today? What should be the traditional Russian bridegrooming? We answer all questions.

Matchmaking traditions

In Russia, matchmaking was preceded by a bridegroom, during which the groom and his relatives - the elder brother, uncle or godfather - came to the bride's house. The purpose of this visit was to evaluate the girl and her talents. If she was to the liking of the groom, soon matchmakers were sent to her house.

We were very attentive to the choice of the day for matchmaking. We did not go to the bride's house on the thirteenth, on Wednesdays and Fridays. Most often they wooed to the Protection of the Most Holy Theotokos - October 14.

The groom should rush to the girl's house as soon as possible in order to avoid damage and the evil eye, but the matchmakers entered the house only after the third invitation. The guests were seated in the house in a special way, which demonstrated their intentions. At first, the conversation started about something distant and only gradually got down to business.

According to the rules of matchmaking, the girl should be silent and, turning her back to the guests, rake the ash out of the oven. In order to demonstrate the wealth of the family and her beauty, she could change her outfit about five times.

Matchmakers
could be very meticulous about the girl in order to find flaws and reduce the ransom. If the groom did not like the bride, he only put the glass presented to him to his lips and left it full. If the girl was to his liking, he drank the glass to the bottom. The girl, in turn, could carry a pumpkin to the unwelcoming groom.

The bride's parents were bargaining, and the father made a decision whether to marry her to this groom or not. Matchmakers could come to the house more than once, being refused. At this time, the girl's father was choosing the most suitable party for his daughter.

Modern matchmaking

It differs significantly from the rite that took place earlier. Nowadays, few people prepare texts in verse, and the visit itself in most cases ends with the consent of the parties.

You can go to marry the groom's parents both independently and by inviting relatives or professional matchmakers for this. Male matchmakers must be married, and women are allowed to be unmarried.

What is the right way to woo the bride to the groom's parents?

First, you need to discuss in advance the date and time of the visit convenient for the bride's parents.
The guy should definitely give the girl, her mother and sisters flowers.
The boy's parents are preparing a gift for the girl's father and mother. Most often, they give cigars, wine, elite alcohol, a book, beautiful dishes, decor items, sweets. There is nothing wrong if the guy asks the girl in advance what gift to present to her parents.

The groom's mother can give the future daughter-in-law some expensive gift. For example, jewelry.

Matchmaking by the bride

The parents of the bride should meet the matchmakers by carefully cleaning the house and tidying up the courtyard. Home is the face of the bride, so it is important to create the most comfortable atmosphere possible. They try to place the dowry in a conspicuous place to demonstrate the wealth of the family.

Young woman
should be directly involved in the preparation of treats for matchmakers. Most often they prepare traditional dishes of national cuisine. The bride's job is to showcase her culinary talents and skills. It is advisable to bake a cake or cake yourself.

The modern matchmaking scenario allows you to answer all the guests' questions impromptu, without preparing words and poems in advance.

It is also customary to make return gifts for matchmaking to the groom's parents. A basket with fruits or sweets, wine, an icon, a home amulet, a book, a beautiful indoor flower will do.

A girl should dress modestly, not very flashy:

The matchmaking of the bride takes place with the active participation of the girl herself, because her task is to show herself from her best side:

First of all, the girl needs to monitor the cleanliness and empty plates on the table: remove excess dishes, dirty napkins on time, pour the guests into glasses and bring dishes.
During the conversation, it is customary for her to be silent, not to enter into disputes and discussions.
You should not toast, ask questions, praise or criticize yourself and others.
It is not customary to hug and kiss the groom in front of the parents, even if the young have been together for a long time.
Avoid drinking a lot or eating too much.

It is better for a girl to discuss some questions with her parents in advance so as not to get into an awkward situation.

How is matchmaking going today?

You can marry a bride both to the groom's parents or close relatives (godfathers, older brothers, uncles), and to the guy on his own. The meeting of matchmakers traditionally takes place in the bride's house, but today matchmaking is also allowed on neutral territory - in a restaurant, at a recreation center, etc.

The matchmaker and the matchmaker from the groom's side are usually tied up with embroidered towels. They are the first to enter the house, bow and start a conversation.

Can
also hire professional matchmakers who know exactly how to match and can help turn the ceremony into a relaxed and fun holiday.

The matchmaking of the bride takes place in an allegorical form, no one directly names the purpose of the visit. Matchmakers present everything in the form of jokes and entertainment between the relatives of the future bride and groom.

The matchmaking ceremony does not necessarily imply the presence of alcohol on the table, but often the future father-in-law wants to have a drink with the future son-in-law. The groom can refuse if it is normally perceived by the girl's father.

Modern matchmaking scenario

If you wish, you can prepare a matchmaking scenario in advance. If the ceremony is planned to be traditional, then everything may look something like this:

The bride does not need to show herself to the guests for the first time - this will help to maintain intrigue and remind a little of traditional matchmaking, when a girl could have been locked up all the time.

Matchmaking nowadays can be organized in a more non-standard way by preparing a cool scenario in advance:

The groom's matchmakers begin to speak, twisting traditional phrases in a modern way.
Then they may start asking the girl tricky questions, for example, what kind of instant noodles she will brew, what is the borscht made of.
To make it fun, you can prepare a bag of leaves in advance, on which there will be funny answer options.
The girl, having received a question, without looking takes out her own answer. So, when asked about borscht, you can pull out a set of ingredients such as an ax, a banana and a diaper. When asked what she will swaddle the child in, the answer may be "cabbage". It turns out to be very fun and easy.
Relatives of the bride can ask the groom to perform a comic task: hammer a crooked nail into a plank or open a jar with the help of improvised means. Another option is tricky questions about salary, housework, and helping your future spouse.

The words
for matchmaking they prepare in advance, but the texts are all purely individual and depend on the nature and habits of matchmakers, young people and their parents. It is very important to take into account the peculiarities of the parents, perhaps some of them are very restrained and conservative. You can't embarrass anyone. Better not to use vulgar or sexually suggestive jokes.

What do they say in matchmaking?

You should also prepare toasts for matchmaking. Usually glasses are raised for the bride and groom, their parents and wish these people love, health and prosperity.

Parents wish young healthy and strong children, a happy married life, give good advice. The boy and the girl thank their parents for the blessing.

The mother-in-law and father-in-law promise to love the future daughter-in-law like her own daughter, and she, in turn, will call them mom and dad. The same promises are given by the guy with his mother-in-law and father-in-law.

You can prepare toasts in verse:

No, it’s not easy, it’s very difficult to link two destinies into one.

And today you can already congratulate you on your engagement.

Now you need to solve a very difficult problem -

Love each other every day in order to keep happiness,

Well, if it’s tight, you don’t run to your mother right away!

If the groom goes to matchmaking alone, then he should prepare all kinds of praises for himself.

You need to translate useful information about yourself into a comic-playful form:

where he was born and lived;
who are the parents, what do they do and what they earn;
where did you study;
what achievements does he have (in sports, business, what does he do besides work);
where and by whom he works;
how much he earns and how he plans to provide for his future wife;
where the young family will live;
how many children does he want.

The girl should be praised, making sincere and open compliments, as well as promising to love, carry in her arms, help around the house, etc.

You can start with something like: “Dear parents, take it out of the way! I am here for you on an urgent matter. I heard that your daughter is beautiful, which has never been seen in this world. I am the most suitable groom for her. I ask you to give me the floor - I will tell you why you better not find my son-in-law ”.

After
With these words, the guy gives the girl and the mother flowers, and the girl's father invites the guy into the house. Parents, in response to the groom's words, praise their daughter, talking about her beauty, intelligence and thriftiness, ask the guy about his attitude to family and children, to household chores.

The matchmaking ends with a decision - whether the girl's parents give their daughter in marriage to the groom. After their consent, the date of the review is agreed. On this day, the girl's parents go to the groom's house. Often, the bride-show is not carried out, being limited only to matchmaking. In this case, the wedding, the number of guests on each side, the distribution of costs are already discussed at the table.

The bridegroom's matchmaking is a very interesting and colorful ceremony. If a guy and a girl decide to observe this tradition, it is worthwhile to prepare well and be sure to shoot a video for the family archive. Folk costumes - embroidered shirts, sundresses, traditional scarves - will look especially beautiful during matchmaking.

Matchmaking is one of the most interesting customs, especially revered by our ancestors, which came from the distant past. Over time, many of the subtleties of this ritual have been forgotten, some have changed, but the basic principles have remained the same, and every year matchmaking is gaining more and more popularity. Each ethnic group has its own characteristics, traditions and individuality of the matchmaking ceremony.

Russian customs

Russian matchmaking is the initial ceremony of a wedding conspiracy, during which the groom (or his relatives), through the matchmaker, offered the girl (more often her parents) marriage. The main goal of any matchmaking is to obtain consent to the marriage..

Matchmaker (matchmaker or matchmakers) is the most important person in matchmaking. In Russia, he enjoyed special honor, since the marriage agreement depended mainly on him.

Close relatives of the groom or people specially trained for this became matchmakers. who were hired for such an important event. The matchmaker was sometimes even obliged to look for a suitable bride for a particular groom.... But usually he was only looking for information about a particular girl: what is her appearance, character, skills, as well as what dowry for her and what is given. It also happened that the groom could see the bride only on their wedding day, therefore, such information at times turned out to be extremely important for him. Many signs were associated with the ritual of matchmaking, since any superstitions had some real basis and were always taken into account in any important matter. Matchmaking in Russia was carried out only on auspicious days, especially on the 3rd, 5th, 7th and 9th... It was impossible to schedule this event for fasting days (Wednesday and Friday), on the 13th of any month, as well as Maslenitsa week, since this promised disaster and various troubles. We went to get married after sunset so that no one could jinx it. It was forbidden to meet or talk to anyone on the way. And after the matchmakers left, the women in the groom's house tied the hooks and pokers together, which was supposed to bring good luck in the business they had planned. Entering the house, the matchmaker baptized himself on the icon and sat under the ceiling beam (matitsa). Negotiations were conducted with the bride's father, if he was not there - with her brother or mother. The dialogue began allegorically, the main topic was not immediately touched upon... They talked about the weather, mowing, and other matters, and in the end they indicated the purpose of their visit: “We did not come to visit, but to raise a feast. If you have a product, and we have a merchant, we will start kinship. " There was almost no rush to answer, negotiated deeds and asked the matchmakers to come in another time.

For the time required for reflection, the bride's parents learned everything about the groom and made conclusions whether he would be suitable for their daughter or not.

When the matchmakers came a second time, they thanked for the honor, treated them to drinks that the girl herself, to whom they were wooing, poured out, which gave the matchmakers the opportunity to carefully examine her. During the evening, the bride could change outfits several times, showing herself in the most pleasant light. Sometimes the girl showed her skills, talents, skill in weaving lace, sewing, embroidery. Having admired the beauty and her handicrafts, the matchmakers began to praise the groom, talked about his house, economy, prosperity, tried to bargain for more dowry. There was also "official matchmaking", when everything was already decided and it remained to discuss the main organizational and financial issues related to the wedding. Such matchmaking could be either the first (when the parties knew each other well and were sure of the answer), and the third (not only matchmakers, but also the groom's parents, often with him, went to it). The bride in Russia was not given much will, and often she did not have the right to vote in matchmaking.... The groom also could not always influence the decision of the parents. However, sometimes he could show his desire and refuse to marry. It is also interesting that in Russia, in the old days, not only guys were wooed, but also girls... However, this did not take root among the people, and therefore, basically, they always talk about the customs of matchmaking on the part of the groom.

Matchmaking according to Kazakh customs

Kazakh holidays were distinguished by their brightness, rich semantic content and most fully reflected the essence of the character of this people - hospitable, open, free. All these beautiful features are reflected in their wedding ceremonies. Matchmaking among the Kazakhs began with an advance agreement, special attention was paid to the relatives of the bride - it is important that the girl does not turn out to be a blood relative, crossing the genealogical branches of the couple up to the seventh generation is not allowed. After clarifying the relationship and other important aspects related to the bride herself, her relatives and the general position of their family, the groom's father sent a matchmaker to the bride's father. They were a relative or a person respected by people who was sent to the bride's relatives in the role of a jarsha (herald, messenger). Sometimes a whole delegation of several people was sent.

The one who got the honorary position of matchmaker, sitting on a horse, tucked the trouser leg over the boot shaft on one leg, and let it out onto the boot on the other.

This action was supposed to help in gaining the condescension of the bride's father towards the young man. It also made it clear to the girl's family why this man came to their house. Matchmaking was organized exclusively on "happy day": usually Wednesday and Thursday were considered as such. however, there were also personal "lucky" numbers. The first visit should not be long, since it is, first of all, the consent to the forthcoming marriage that is clarified. If the parties are satisfied with everything, the day of the next official matchmaking is agreed, and then a feast is organized (according to tradition, the obligatory dish on the table of the bride's relatives is lamb shurpa or sorpa), as a result of which all the nuances of the upcoming wedding are discussed. Special attention is paid to kalym -(today this custom is often considered an anachronism and includes money for the purchase of furniture or directly for it). During official matchmaking, according to Kazakh customs, relatives from the sides of the bride and groom exchanged gifts. Gifts from the groom were:

kalym- 47 heads of cattle (kalym-mal), which was transformed into the custom of placing gifts from 47 small items in the korzhun (bag decorated with ribbons and coins), among which sweets, dried fruits, meat are popular;
fabric on(or money to buy it - as a more modern version);
headscarf(currently usually limited to a veil);
wedding ring.

Gifts from the bride included:

svatu - nail-robe(shege shapan), which was supposed to help seal the preliminary agreement;
the whole household utensils for arranging the everyday life of a young family, including dishes, bed linen, carpets etc.

The girl's parents also presented matchmakers, which ended the matchmaking. After the parties agree, a live ram is brought in, and the guests give a blessing to slaughter it - bata. A traditional Kazakh treat is prepared from lamb - em (Kazakh meat)... Matchmakers are treated to kuyryk baur (fat-tailed lard liver), which establishes the fact of family relations. At the end of the matchmaking, women from the bride's side shower the matchmakers with shashu - sweets, coins, cookies, grain and similar trifles. The end of the matchmaking is formalized by common rituals, for example, placing the bride's hand in the groom's hand and blessing them.

Bride matchmaking customs in Ukraine

Matchmaking in Ukraine began in a standard manner: matchmakers were selected and sent to the house of the alleged bride. The matchmaking was carried out secretly and after sunset (so as not to be jinxed). Matchmakers with a loaf of bread, wrapped in a towel, went to the bride's house, remained silent on the way. Arriving at the house, the conversation was carried on allegorically, without specifically mentioning the purpose of their visit. Usually they said, "You have a product, we have a merchant." From the first time, in most cases, consent to marriage was not given. As a result, when the offer was accepted, the loaf of bread remained in the bride's house, if refused, they took it with them... With a successful matchmaking, the matchmakers agreed on the day of the show, the engagement and the wedding. The marriage contract was also discussed. The groom was supposed to be able to provide a comfortable existence for his bride, for her he received a dowry. Successful negotiations ended in a hand-to-hand relationship. A feature of matchmaking in Ukraine (unlike, for example, Russia) was that the bride was given a special freedom of choice: she could decide for herself whether to marry her or not.

In case of refusal, the matchmakers were given a garbuz (pumpkin), and the matchmakers or a disgraced young man in this case could close the door to the girl's house with their backs, which foreshadowed her unmarried life.

If the guy did not like the bride, he did not drink from a glass of water, which, according to tradition, was brought to him by the girl's parents. When he liked her, he drank the water in one gulp and completely. The matchmaking ended with the fact that the guests from the groom's side were tied up with towels, which were embroidered by the bride with her own hands, and sat down at the table to celebrate. Another interesting historical fact from the life of the Cossacks. The girl herself could woo the guy, she was even able to save the life of a Cossack condemned to execution. It was enough for her to say: "He will marry me, let him go." It was a sin for her to refuse this.

Matchmaking according to Tatar customs

Tatar matchmaking began with a traditional conspiracy between the groom's relatives and the matchmaker (yauchi). They carried kurendek (gifts) with them to the celebration, and the bride's mother laid out gold jewelry in response. The family of the bride-to-be was certainly brought a pie (nugay byalisch), in addition, the matchmakers carried with them a tray with sweets, nuts, raisins and sugar cubes. After the guests left, all these sweets were shared between the bride's relatives, which served as a kind of notification of her matchmaking. With the consent of the bride's parents to the marriage, negotiations were held on all organizational issues, the bride's dowry, the size of the kalym. After the parties had settled all the nuances, the bride was considered to be married (yarashylgan kyz), and preparations for the wedding took place within a month. The groom collected kalym, prepared gifts for the bride and her relatives, as well as household items. The bride put in order her dowry, which she began to collect somewhere from the age of 12... Basically, these were clothes, sewn and embroidered by her with her own hand for herself and her future husband. Relatives on both sides were preparing for the wedding itself.

What actions are implied in the matchmaking. This is discussed in detail in our article. The next one has a short video with a cool wedding contest. By clicking on this link, you will read the basic principles of drafting a cool bride buyback scenario.

Today, many traditions have gone into oblivion or have undergone changes, and it is already very rare to find matchmaking that takes place according to the primordial Russian, Kazakh, Ukrainian or Tatar customs, but nevertheless, very many try to preserve the traditions of our ancestors, and this is worthy of special respect. ! And if you try hard, then modern matchmaking can be beaten according to ancient customs, well, or as close to those as possible. How - watch the following video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbpSqcpYCBM