Why past relationships don't let go. How to forget about a failed relationship
Almost every one of us experienced a breakup. Breakup, divorce - words that are known to many firsthand. And, in the overwhelming majority of cases, they are associated with heavy feelings that you do not want to remember and reopen old wounds.
But, according to the law of meanness, these feelings haunt us and sometimes surface at the most inopportune moment. A chance meeting at a bus stop or in the subway, an inopportunely recalled incident from a past life, a call six months later with the innocent question "How are you?" - and away we go ...
How to let go of past relationships? How to behave when you again find yourself in endless accusations against your ex? What needs to be changed, if already from this endless and soul-exhausting soap opera?
There is an exit.
Recognize the feelings you have
If you are periodically "covered", then this is the first sign that there are still strong feelings that were not lived through at the time of parting. It may seem that everything is fine: you are calm, you do not specifically think about your ex, you have even learned to enjoy life without him. However, the suppressed anger and resentment did not go away. They appear, like ghosts, out of nowhere and throw you off balance.
Take some time, be on your own, and take an honest look at your relationship with your ex. What's there left unfinished? What words did you not say? What feelings did they keep silent about when they parted? What are you still offended, or what can you never forgive and under no circumstances?
Write a letter (maybe more than one) to your “ex” and describe everything that is in your soul there, without being embarrassed in expressions and without softening the wording. The letter does not need to be sent later - this is for your internal use.
It is necessary in order for you to clearly see what is really happening to you. You will be able to see what you are unconsciously spending a huge amount of internal energy on. Write 10 of these letters, if necessary, and say everything that is required in them. And please burn them some time later - that helps a lot too :)
Make a firm decision
Without an internal decision to improve the situation for the better, nothing will change. Seeing a "black hole" into which forces are flowing, make the decision to live a little differently from now on. Start creating a little more joy, confidence, and calmness in your life.
Have the courage and courage to be happy! And as a confirmation of this decision, inspire yourself: jump on one leg, clap your hands, smile at yourself in the mirror, have sex - do something that will turn on the "generator of joy" in you and give your body energy. It will understand that, in addition to melancholy and apathy, there is another way of life - cheerful and light.
Fill with gratitude
This is the most important part. it is much easier with it, and the effect will be the most favorable.
Make two simple lists:
- What good things have you learned from your past relationship?
- The qualities that you most valued (and may still value) in your ex.
To begin with, add three to five points to these lists, and then over the course of several days in the morning or evening, look through them and add one or two more. I recommend that you take your time and treat yourself carefully. One point a day is enough. Consistency and rhythm are much more important here.
Before adding to the list, each time inspire yourself and consciously tune in to a light wave. This will allow you to let go of past relationships. It will be much easier to work this way :)
P.S. Gratitude, like any other feeling, can be created. Sometimes it takes a while. The excitement and determination to be happy will help you not to give up.
It is sad to realize, but sooner or later everything ends. So is the relationship between two people. True, for some they end with a wedding, but if you are looking for an answer to the question of how to forget your love, this is clearly not your case. Of course, it is sad to realize this, but one should face the harsh reality.
How to forget love and past relationships
To begin with, soberly and not biased assess the feeling that actually owns you. Usually, suffering is not caused by love, but by those feelings that are trying to disguise themselves as it. This can be a feeling of dissatisfied possessiveness, painful pride, fear of loneliness, low self-esteem, a feeling of inner devastation, and others like that. If you truly want to be cured of suffering, then acknowledge the other person's right to freedom of choice. And you better think about your own shortcomings and ways to eliminate them.
Take a blank sheet of paper, write on it a detailed story about how your love began, and what suffering it brought you. Under this story, sign at least seven times - it was all. This paper should then be torn and discarded.
Take another sheet of paper and write down everything on it, what you came to as a result of your internal analysis. Write down all those weaknesses. Which you managed to find in yourself and which led to the fact that you became psychologically dependent on another person. This list should be kept until you overcome your own shortcomings.
And now we will heal the wounds we have received, we will try to forget love. If, waking up in the morning, you feel that a blues have fallen on you, you should not lie in bed for a long time; if, on the contrary, you feel comfortable and calm, allow yourself to relax for a while. Get a soothing medicinal herbal from the pharmacy, brew it overnight and drink it instead of tea. Don't watch sentimental melodramas or read romantic books. Better watch an action movie or a comedy.
Go to school or work. Surely, during the time that you have suffered, you have formed a lot of gaps. Now is the time to fix them. And the achieved result will help you to significantly increase your self-esteem. Try not to meet with the subject of your passion and not communicate with him, even over the phone. It was all there. And a new love awaits you ahead.
How to forget past love and start living anew
Goodbyes, goodbyes, parting, promises, all this is in the past and now you are tormented by only one thought - how to forget your former love. Unfortunately, this happens and no matter how much time has passed since your last kiss and bright evening, all this has passed and will not happen again. Of course, you can try to turn the time to take and return a loved one, but this will not be the best solution, since the relationship has actually ended. It is best to let go and not try to deprive the bird of its freedom.
The feelings that now overwhelm you are quite understandable. Usually you want to fall asleep and not wake up anymore, resentment and hatred burns the soul. So, first of all, in order to forget love, you need to calm down and live on, no matter how hard it is.
Beware of throwing yourself into the abyss of casual and now unnecessary connections in revenge on your former beloved. Of course, you will definitely meet love again on your way, but it will be later. Now your soul is simply not ready to accept a new relationship. And you will constantly compare your new partner with the past. If you stop for a minute, you will notice. That in all new acquaintances you are looking for your favorite traits. It is important for you that he was exactly the same as the one, and this, unfortunately, is impossible. So why do we need new disappointments for a tormented soul?
So, we return to the first advice and try to calm down and forget love. For this, you can use soothing tinctures or herbal teas. Green tea, not black tea with the addition of a teaspoon of honey, also helps very well. Take care of your health, which can be severely damaged by stress.
Transform outwardly. Dye your hair, radically change your hairstyle, completely replace your wardrobe. The most important thing is that the reflection that you see in the mirror does not remind you in the least of your old happy days of love. If you need and have such an opportunity, you can turn to professional stylists who will help you choose a new look.
And now you are ready to forget your former love to take care of your inner state. Remember how long you dreamed of going abroad on vacation, but just couldn't find the right moment. Well, that moment has come. Most suitable.
A little rest and a change of impressions will bring you clear benefits and help you forget love. And after you return from there, you can do something you love, for example, enroll in a driving course. It doesn't matter that you don't have a car right now. It will definitely appear as soon as you learn to drive it. Make all your dreams come true, and you will definitely meet your person. No matter how old you are.
First of all, you should break all ties and strings that connect you with the object of past love. Delete your phone number, address, preferably change your cell number. Get rid of things that bring back a lot of memories: take away photos, gifts, buy new bedding, etc.
Things, slippers, photographs, notes, gifts, his favorite cup and cologne - all of this should immediately go to the trash can, which you will take to the nearest trash heap. And don't think that this is too drastic. From this moment on, nothing should remind you that he was once present in your life.
If your hand does not rise in order to ruthlessly throw all this away, at least remove them to the farthest corner of the mezzanine so that they do not endlessly catch your eye. Perhaps, over time, they will cause you less pain, but now it is better not to see them.
Now, when you want to forget love, you should take care of yourself. Try to radically change, Completely change your own image so that your own mother does not recognize you. Some psychologists also advise changing the music; it is undesirable to watch those programs that your chosen one preferred. Change your hairstyle and ... change your perfume! Yes, yes, find yourself another favorite scent!
When you see another woman in the mirror, your subconscious mind convinces itself that everything that happened before happened to someone else, and not to you - the one that is now reflected in the glass. This new woman may well afford to go to a party with friends and make new, non-binding acquaintances.
For some period, try not to visit those places (cafes, parks, clubs, friends' houses) that were important to you - those where you were happy. There are a lot of interesting places in your city where you have not been, which are visited by other people. Look at them. After all, they had everything in life, but they did not stop, but live on, discover and learn "their world." Nobody took this opportunity from you, take advantage of it;
To forget love, do not become isolated in your feelings - on the contrary, try to distract yourself from them, go out into the world, meet with friends, try to fill your time to the limit, so that you do not have the opportunity to indulge in depression.
If you cannot cope with your problem on your own, find the therapist's phone number on the Internet and make an appointment with him. Do not hesitate to contact a specialist with your problem, they are created for this. The psychotherapist will not only carry out the necessary recovery course with you, but will also tell you what techniques you can use on your own.
Of course, the best way to finally forget your past love is to meet a new one. But there is no need to rush. The fact is that now you are not yet ready for a new relationship and can easily attract into the howling life of the person you do not need at all. However, a little light flirting will only do you good.
Don't try to see or call your ex. Firstly, it will get you nowhere, and secondly, as time passes, you will be painfully embarrassed to remember how you completely lost your pride. Even if your computer suddenly breaks down completely unexpectedly, and he is a real genius in this area. Remember - this door is closed for you forever. As much as you want to hear his voice again. Everything that is connected with him will inevitably cause you a heap of memories you do not need now, and you will inevitably fall into depression.
Think about how much time you spent on a person who, in general, did not know how to appreciate it. But now you can, with a clear conscience, devote all the time to someone who will undoubtedly appreciate it, namely, your beloved. Take up self-improvement, finally learn a foreign language or master horse riding. Go to the movies and watch only comedies, not tearful melodramas.
How to forget past love? For some, this painful process can last for years, being depressed all the time. And after the lapse of time, they begin to regret that a lot of time was wasted in vain, that they missed so many unique things and refused a lot. It is clear that the pain will not go away immediately, especially if you are constantly alone. Therefore, spending time with benefit is simply vital: find a new hobby, plan a route to visit interesting places, meet with your parents more often!
It is impossible to forget true love. Is it worth it? After all, she gave you so much joy. You can put the question a little differently - how to quickly forget the person with whom you were so close until recently, to get rid of the psychological dependence on him. And here's where you can do something. However, this cannot be done right away, it will take some time.
At the very end of the article, I would like to remind you of Asadov's amazing words that there are no abandoned people in the world, but there are still not found ones. Say thank you to fate that everything ended this way and nothing else, and enjoy life. She will make you even the most valuable gift!
We hope this article will help you forget love.
Many people lose themselves after breaking the bond with a partner, and this is not surprising. Yesterday you dreamed of a happy future in a beautiful house, but today you feel overwhelmed. The trick is to start a new life by letting go of past relationships. You might think this is easier said than done. Of course, the first time will be difficult, but then a surge of strength will begin, because there will be hope for the best. We have put together an effective collection of psychological techniques, taking into account possible difficulties.
Method number 1. Don't blame your own self
There are frequent cases when ladies accuse themselves of all mortal sins after separation from their beloved man. Do not be like them, two are always to blame for a break, this is a scientifically proven fact. If you know for sure that you have "screwed up", step back from the situation, look at it from the other side. You are a living person with your pluses and minuses, everyone has the right to make mistakes.
Did the above recommendation fail? Start blaming your ex for the breakup, but don't call or text him. Scroll in your head what kind of a goat he is, do not stoop to pouring mud in the open.
The essence of this method is to forgive yourself. Otherwise, you will not be able to go forward, the past will be relentlessly slowing down. A new life will present a worthy gentleman who does not want to be with a girl who is regularly engaged in self-flagellation.
Method number 2. Don't regret the past
You can often hear phrases like "Sorry for the time spent" or "I spent the best years of my life on you." In fact, such statements do not carry any meaning at all. Since you were with a partner, then you wanted it.Do not dwell on the past, otherwise you risk missing memorable events taking place in the present. Focus not on your personal life, but on relationships with family and friends. Try to build a career, strive for more.
An emphasis on the positive aspects of life will help you to forget the past or temporarily move away from it. In addition, it is important to remember forever that people around do not like girls who constantly pretend to be victims.
Method number 3. Focus on yourself
At this stage, you need to take care of your own psycho-emotional state. Stop thinking about what the former companion is doing now, with whom he communicates, how he is doing in general. Become selfish for a while, defend yourself, stop scrolling into your heads dialogues that will never take place.
A visit to a beauty salon will not be superfluous. Tidy up your appearance: change your hairstyle, get a manicure and pedicure, pamper yourself with spa treatments.
Go shopping with your friends, buy beautiful underwear, high heels, seductive dresses. In short, change your image drastically, because shopping is the best medicine.
Method number 4. Think back to past experiences
If you do not belong to the category of girls jumping from one relationship to another, then this recommendation will be quite appropriate. Think back to how you were before the relationship. Call your friends, go bowling, nightclub or cinema, have fun.
If there is no desire to break out "to the masses" arrange cozy get-togethers at home with your loved ones. Play a funny comedy, order a beer, buy a bottle of good wine. Try to behave as before, do not discuss your past relationship with anyone.
There are often cases when a girl forgets about herself, being with a guy. It's time to rectify the situation. Remember past interests, do something that you have not dared to do for a long time. Ignite the spark that you possessed before meeting the man.
Method number 5. Break the bond
Throw away or send physical memories to the back shelf of the closet. These can be frames with joint photos, donated earrings or a teddy bear. Trash your ex-boyfriend's T-shirts, shaving accessories, and other trinkets.
Now it is necessary to create a cozy female nest, which will not remind of the past connection. If necessary, re-paste the wallpaper, change the curtains, rearrange. In the case of a rented apartment, it is recommended to change it to another one.
Method number 6. Don't try to forget
Don't make the common mistake of trying to forget. The more you think, the more clearly you remember. Allow yourself to remember good and bad moments, do not try to turn what is happening into drama.
It is important to understand that you were with the person for certain reasons. This means only one thing - he was an integral part of life. Mentally thank the man for the given happiness and release the sadness resulting from his possible mistakes.
After a certain period of time, you will notice that the memories have ceased to be painful. That which was torn to pieces, now passes by, without touching the hidden corners of the soul.
Method number 7. Show your feelings
Allow yourself to feel if the situation calls for it. Agree with reason that when a worthy (!) Gentleman appears, you will not give him a turn from the gate. It is not necessary to immediately have sex, quite an interesting pastime together.Do not close yourself off from the opposite sex, not all men are goats. The time of bitterness and self-flagellation is over, look for positive moments in everything. Accept invitations, go on dates, and don't tell new friends about your old relationship.
The gap has come, it's time to move on. Do not blame yourself for all mortal sins, do not regret the time spent, do not try to arouse pity in others. Do not try to forget your ex, do not hesitate to show feelings, enjoy freedom.
Video: how to let go of past relationships
For whatever reason a break occurs, it always hurts painfully and tangibly. And even if partners part by mutual agreement and remain friends, this does not exclude mental anguish and torment. How to let go of old relationships and stop worrying will be explained in this article.
Psychologically, how to let go of past relationships?
First of all, you need to stop blaming yourself, reproaching yourself for mistakes and what could have been done. By cultivating guilt and pain in oneself, one can only prolong the agony. And if you look at the situation from the position of a free and self-sufficient person, then you can understand that these relationships brought rich experience, they taught a lot and, in general, it is good that they were, because not everyone is given to experience real happiness in life.
When wondering how to let go of past relationships, you need to stop clinging to them. Living in the past, we close the door to the future. Everything that reminds of a loved one must be removed from sight, for this very reason you should not agree to friendship if it is difficult to see the ex or the ex. It is better to leave somewhere for a while, and in some cases it is worth considering the option of moving to another city or area. When thinking about how to let go of the relationship and stop worrying, you shouldn't prevent yourself from feeling. All experienced emotions, such as anger, depression, depression must be overcome in order to get rid of them, and meditation and new hobbies will help to minimize this period.
Interested in how to let go of old relationships, you need to occupy your thoughts and time with something else: enroll in foreign language courses, start going to, etc. And even if the memories of old relationships don't go away, over time they will become a part of themselves. A person will get along with them, and when he is reconciled, peace will come.
As a child, I dreamed that I had such a switch, turning which, I could quickly fall asleep, get rid of pain, forget an unpleasant event…. These dreams remained in childhood, and having matured, I realized how an adult copes with such desires, sometimes, not to please his body.
The breakup of love relationships, one of the most traumatic topics, the experiences of which are accompanied by severe mental pain and a reassessment of life values. Then, in order not to experience strong, sometimes unbearable emotions, you want to forget, forget, fall asleep and wake up without pain. At such moments, I want only one thing - so that it does not hurt.
Various fantasies come to mind, sometimes very insane, from which goosebumps run, just to forget the breakup of love relationships. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, strong sedatives, excessive workaholism, can only muffle the mental pain. In some cases, this is quite enough at first, so as not to simply "go off the rails." But what about the rest of the time? Not to use chemicals all my life?
There is also the question that many people are left alone with their experiences after breaking up. In some cases, a person is able to discuss his experiences with other people, but in search of relief, a person is inclined to look for the causes of his pain. As often happens, the search for excuses and accusations does not bring the desired spiritual consolation, and only vice versa - strengthen it.
Imagine a situation in which a guy has love feelings for a girl, but their relationship broke up for some reason. In this case, the guy wants to forget these feelings so as not to feel emotional pain, and uses the tactics of rejection, accusation, justification of himself .... In this case, an intrapersonal conflict arises in which feelings of love collide with rejection (you cannot love her - she is disgusting, but I love her, etc.).
It is simply not possible to forget the ex-girlfriend. Negative obtrusion only makes the experience weaker, and the conflict of conflicting feelings only exacerbates the whole essence of what is happening. Strange as it may seem, but such a conflict can continue throughout life, carrying a high risk of developing neurosis and psychosomatic diseases.
In order to avoid such a conflict, first you need to separate: "flies separately, cutlets separately." If you translate this metaphor, then it will mean that the feeling of love is a feeling of love, and the feeling of anger is a feeling of anger, and it is useless to mix them up.
It’s okay to love and be angry, but some people confuse the two together. For example, a person may feel anger towards a love object, but suppresses this feeling in himself, since he is often simply afraid of being rejected because of the manifestation of his anger.
In search of a solution to emotional pain, a person often tends to enter into other relationships in order to forget the previous ones. Such relationships carry the risk of projecting their experiences onto another person. In this case, the partner seeks to unconsciously complete the past relationship with the new partner, and transfers to him a range of feelings, from love to hatred and contempt. It is not uncommon that such relationships are similar to acting out those events that (From relationships - into trauma, from trauma - into relationships).
And yet, how to forget the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend you love, with whom the relationship is over? I believe that suppression of feelings will not lead to anything good, and they can be talked about (but not in an accusatory form). You can experience your feelings, admit their presence, but not resist them. There is what is, and by avoiding your feelings, you can only increase mental pain and suffering, which will be accompanied by disturbing memories.
Cases are not uncommon when, after breaking up a relationship, feelings of love are displaced, "overshadowed" by feelings of anger and anger. If you manage to live the feelings of anger, then there is a high probability that the unlived feeling of love will again remind you of yourself, i.e. will come out. In this case, the person will again begin to feel the need for intimacy with those with whom the relationship has already been physically completed.
It was not for nothing that I mentioned the physical end of the relationship, since there is also an emotional relationship. Their differences are that you can arrive at a physical distance from the object of love, while experiencing emotional closeness, the relationship in which is not completed. Not infrequently, such a disagreement can significantly impair mental balance.
If after some time (one or two months) the mental pain has not been resolved, and it seems that everything is only getting worse, it is more expedient to seek help from a psychologist. A psychologist will help you get through an unfinished relationship, understand and accept the situation as it is, and find a way out of this situation. The article was written on 08/09/2013.